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I’ll keep this focused on the complicated situation that relates to the NC.
It’s been 45 days since she broke up, ~20 days since I found out she was in a rebound* with a guy at work before she even ended it. We where together for 7 years. Our relationship was great (and we both agree about that to this day.)
*I say rebound because according to her very best friend, she isn’t serious about him and she isn’t “in love”. Also it makes me feel better.
After I found out there was another guy I got out of town ASAP, visited friends in other cities and drank my life away for two weeks. We still had contact during this time. Next comes the holidays. Both of us went back to our hometown and even met three times with common friends.
Now, the problem; We live together. In a town where we don’t know anyone. She for work and I for my studies. We’re both looking for a new place but it takes time.
She went back two days ago, and yesterday after she nearly stopped answering texts I found this site and figured a “no contact” would be worth a shot.
Her last text didn’t really ask a question or anything, so I’ve just stopped communication right there. She hasn’t said anything all day so.It’s about two weeks until I get back there. And I don’t really have a choice but to meet her then, since we live together. Neither of us can kick out the other. (And we’re not that type of people really, we still haven’t had more than 3 fights in 7 years, even after all this.)
I could tell her she should stay at the rebounds place (It isn’t even his, it’s their jobs “we worked late and stay until tomorrow apartment or something.) but obviously I’d rather not.Any ideas/thoughts? A no contact of two weeks is probably not enough, and I’ll have to start all over again once I find my own place I guess.
Looks like I’m going back sooner than later, should I break the “no contact” and tell her that it’d be better if she wasn’t home when I get there or should I tell her in person?
Well I got home last week, told her when I was almost there over text. She wasn’t home that night but got home after work the day after. Told her I wanted to be alone and she agreed, talked for a bit and everything went very smoothly but maybe a bit too friendly. So now she’s basically living with the guy she cheated on me with (Or the “premature-rebound” as I like to call him.)
It feels alright, pretty sure he’s a typical douchebag and won’t like living together for the longrun and break it off. But it’s hard not to think that maybe I’ve just made it easier for them, like maybe they’ll love living together and live happily ever after. Oh well worrying just makes it worse.
I’m making great changes in my personal life, I work out everyday and eat really healthy. Sleep like a baby at night. Feels great.
Next step is quit smoking.
Found out my ex is doing the pretty much the opposite (When we talked about alone time/no contact.) which at least shows that she isn’t that happy. I take that as a small win!@exone – Glad you’re feeling better. You say she’s “basically” living with the guy which I take to mean she’s sleeping over at his place, but still have most of her stuff at your apartment and rarely comes home. If this is the case, she’s probably thinking if it doesn’t work out with the other guy, she has a simple escape plan of returning to the apartment. She cheated on you and you shouldn’t make it easy for her. If you haven’t moved out yet, it would be a good idea to do so as soon as possible. It’s hard to comprehend that she would chose to cheat on you and live with this guy if your relationship was so great.
@patricia12 Thanks, me too.
Yeah pretty much. Only it’s not his place, it’s their “workplaces overnight apartment” or something. (For when people work late and can’t get home or so. And last time I heard there’s another person living there as well.)
It was the best I could do for the no contact period. Since it’s legally our apartment I can’t actually kick her out and just told her that I thought that was for the best.Had to break no contact today, she texted earlier saying she’s coming over tomorrow to pick up some things and was wondering when I’m out of the apartment. No real conversation though, I just replied.
I’m looking for another place to live, but so far no luck.
(It’s really hard getting a place here, was really lucky with this one.)Still can’t see what was/went wrong, it bothers me. I’ll get it eventually I guess.
Something I’ve been thinking about; A year ago she gave me this jar filled with “100 notes of reasons why she loves me”. I’ve only been opening them when I’ve missed her a lot when she’s been out of town or so, so I got a bunch left.
Reading them would probably break me for awhile, but it’s also a goldmine if you get what I mean?
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