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Hi all,
Thought I’d share what’s been happening with me, maybe it’ll give you some confidence that the process might actually work for you. I didn’t follow Kevin’s process to a T, but used the general principles (mixed and matched with a couple of other resources I found – different specifics but they all say NC, some advocate for the letter others don’t, etc)
I went NC for about a month, though I did talk to my ex girlfriend on the phone once when she blew it up…otherwise, I ignored the two times she texted me (just light hearted memes). During this time I improved myself, mainly by working on confidence issues and getting better at the guitar (good conversation starter too). I broke it about a week ago, we texted back and forth, I intentionally and subtly referenced positive aspects of our relationship like how fun that boat ride we took was, time with her family who adored me, etc.
I recently asked her to a low key non-date, grab a cup of coffee. Just to catch up: I intentionally kept it short and upbeat. We didn’t talk about our relationship, breakup, or future together. But we flirted, and she was obviously into me. After about an hour, we parted ways and hugged. I didn’t ask her out again then and there, my plan was to call her on the phone later and do it then.
But, she beat me to the punch and called me, saying how much she enjoyed seeing me and really missed me. She asked me if the coffee was a date, I honestly said it wasn’t…but would you like to go on an actual date? She enthusiastically agreed. We’re going out Saturday.
I know one date in a few days doesn’t mean we’ll get back together, but it’s a wonderful sign, and I think we have a good shot now…this isn’t a first date between strangers, and I doubt she’d say yes given our past if she weren’t feeling it.
Part of this post is admittedly bragging, but I’ve seen a lot of negative posts here saying their situation is hopeless. Granted, you have an uphill climb and there are no guarantees, but this system can work. You ex liked you before and still has romantic feelings tucked away deep down inside…with the right approach, you might be able to dig them out. Just be sure to work on yourself during NC, and accept that even if you don’t get him or her back, you’re now a stronger person for your next relationship.
I’m glad you are happy mate but some situations are different my ex has changed her number and block s me of everything and I’m 3 weeks in to nc and don’t stand a chance I don’t think how bad was your situation before tgis
@send_me_your_memes thank you. i was kinda wondering where the good successful stories are. I do think it is good and important posting these too. It is our all goal, isn’t it? and i guess everyone is happy for people where it works out!
@Braveheart1 Sorry pal – I wasn’t implying that following the steps here guarantee success, but possibly to cheer up the spirits of some people with fairly normal situations who don’t have any hope whatsoever and insist on breaking NC almost immediately. This stuff can work, doesn’t mean it always will.
My situation before this was okay…on one hand, it’s not like cheating, violence, or constant fighting led to the breakup. Her friends and family like me too. But on the other hand, we only dated a few months (only just started saying I love you, which was a desperation play on my part since I could tell this was going downhill…think she said it too just to be polite) so we didn’t have the strongest history together. And there was a period of time I was pretty convinced she’d dump me for her ex; even if she won’t ever admit it to me, I’m sure she at least contemplated it on some level.
But hey man, even if this doesn’t work out, you live and you learn. Plus it’ll give you closure – nothing worse than obsessing over somebody you might have a chance with but don’t know, stopping you from dating other people.
That’s awesome that it’s working in your favor. Tell us how it goes from here!
Really hoping that I have a shot with my ex. You and I both were dumped without any totally negative feelings (fighting, cheating, etc.). Can’t help but feel a little bit more hopeful. ?
Now this makes me feel happy and hopeful, my relationship didn’t ended badly either. There was some issues after the breakup but things kinda went well and then it again went downhill because of my stupidity but this does give me lot of hope. Thank you for sharing.
Hey all…update on my update (which may itself have been an update on another update).
As you see above, we were supposed to go on an actual date tomorrow night. But, our situation was quite complicated to begin with, and looking back at it my relationship shouldn’t have lasted as long as it did. You can read my history for more info, but basically I was my ex-girlfriend’s rebound after a very short period of time, she still had feelings for her ex, and he tried to win her back. She told him no, but learning this made me more pessimistic, I noticed she acted colder to me, we quickly became more distant and broke up two or three weeks after he came back into her life.
Anyways, I work from home and she gave me a call a bit ago, knowing I’d be able to talk freely. She basically admitted to me that I’m the perfect guy for her, but she’s still not over her (other) ex and the reason things went so fast with us initially is that she was forcing herself to fall for me, but you can’t logic and argue into love. Instead, it just made her more confused, and the more she forced it, the less she actually cared for me. Seeing her ex just made the problem worse and probably sped things up. But because I was her rebound and she still had feelings for him, we weren’t built to last and had a shelf life anyways. She admitted she probably has feelings for me buried deep down, but also has feelings for him… basically, she needs some time as a single woman to get her psyche squared away, she’s not really ready to date anyone right now. Seeing me made her happy since we get along and I make her laugh, but she realized she was doing the same thing again – talking herself into loving me even though she’s not mentally able to be with anyone right now. So, my date tomorrow is canceled.
I wasn’t thrilled to hear this but knew the whole getting my ex back plan, especially since I was the rebound and those almost never work, was an uphill climb to begin with. So I’m not taking it too hard. I suppose there’s a slim chance she’ll change her mind in the future, but I’m not counting on it and it has to be her coming to me with no prodding from me. I’m not gonna repeat NC, and a letter, and reaching out, and going for a date, and her rejecting me rinse and repeat over and over until she takes me back or one of us dies…I’m 99.9% confident we have no future, and I accept this. I’m still glad I went through the plan, since now I’m not holding onto the glimmer of hope that we have a future together and can healthily move on.
I know this might dishearten some of you that viewed my story as a model of what you should try to, and can, accomplish sticking to the plan. And I know we all have our own individual circumstances, but: the fact that I was her rebound, and even today several months later she still has feelings for her ex before me, means we were doomed. Period. I still had some luck with the plan – got her to text me back, got her to meet me in person, got her to flirt, and hell I probably did rebuild some attraction. But I couldn’t overcome the circumstances, and even if we never broke up and were dating today our romance would be going downhill. If you were also the rebound, yourself, and trying to win your ex back I wish you the very best of luck but if your ex isn’t over whoever (s)he rebounded from, the odds are not in your favor.
The takeaway of my story is that if you truly want your ex back, go for it. This plan can work depending on circumstances, but it might not. Still, whether it fails or succeeds, you’ll have improved yourself and either gotten with your ex or gotten closure. I’d much rather have closure, knowing the door with my ex is shut, so I can devote all my time to finding and dating new women. Versus going on dates my heart’s not into and pining for my ex, hoping she texts me asking for me back…now that I know it’s almost definitely not going to happen, I’m in a much better mental state.
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