HELP ME!!

Wow.

You really, really need to back off with all the texts and emails. The hard reality is that you’re creaping ever so near to “Death’s Door” which is the point where your ex is trying to get read you through dramatic means. You’ll get a restraining order or something if you keep going.

What both of you seriously need is time and space, possibly a couple of months.

I think you need to take some serious time for yourself and get yourself together, strong and independent and to be the beautiful you that you are. You do not at this point seem to realize that this constant contacting him and even if you say I just sent one message is driving him away and will continue to do so. No one can say do you have a chance with him again or do you have a hope getting back together.Only time will tell. Instead of asking how do I get him back and will he come back to me if I do no contact etc ask yourself how will I be okay regardless does he come back to me? What kind of relationship I want and need? What are my boundaries in a relationship that should not be crossed and what are boundaries what I should not cross. Work on being best and self confident you where you know that no matter what happens in time you will be just fine. Trust me even though it feels now that you won’t you will be fine in time. If you are okay in your own skin, others including him will see it too but right now to him you come across clingy and stalker kind of person with this constant contact and I think he needs space to figure out where he is at and how he feels. Not all people can give us the answers why someone dumps us and why did it that way. Some people just do not like confrontation and drama and maybe he was worried about it too besides being angry. Time apart is what you need right now and once you work on you and feel good as who you are then if it is meant to be you will end up together but there is no guarantees in life about it and none of us can give it to you. You are great person but like all of us in some point of our lives you need some time to heal you and work on your personal stuff to feel good and only then can you actually give something in a relationship if you just get back together now you would break up again. He obviously does care about your well being that is part of why else would he say he wants to be friends in future. He wants to have a solid base with you and after working on yourself friendship can be great way to get back to someones life and maybe it can develop to relationship again but this is too soon for you to be friends with him. Like others NC is the answer and working on dealing with problems. You can do it even though it won’t be easy.You are stronger than you think.

I have been there too The man I was with two years broke it off via email and that was crushing especially as his email was cruel in a way that he acted like nothing the last two and half years had never happened oops apparently he had fooled me and himself for past two years. I have had to break relationship too and it is not fun to be the one who ends it but I have always been honest and therefore it is better to face it and the person and give them the chance to ask questions but not everyone is like that. And it is possible that your boyfriend does not have those answers for you at the moment so even if you would ask them he most likely does not know himself what he wants right now and this where the time comes in. He needs time to figure out what he needs, wants and who he wants and also deal with stuff just like you. Yes you love him now with all your heart, you are in shock and you are hurting but the worst thing you could do for any potential future chance is to contact him. DO NOT email him, text him or call him no matter how much you want to. That will blow any chance out of the window. Neither o you sound like you are in the right mind frame to be together and what you need is the time to figure out who you are without him and only when you know who you are and more importantly like yourself only then are you ready to commit to anyone. I don’t know you but I am sure you a great person and you just are feeling hurt, lost and betrayed in a way and it does not help that you have other issues that you re trying to deal with but what you gotta do is stop listening people who say you will be together or who say you wont. That is not something they know for sure. Time will show that. I really recommend that you just take it one moment at time. If you feel desperately sad have a cry, if you feel lonely this is the moment to rely on your friends and family for support (even if they dont get it but they care about you and that is what you need) and remember what you do have. You have the possibility to work on your issues and become fabulous, you can work on things so you know that you will be fine without him and yes you will have days when you miss him so much or you wish he was with you or random things will remind you of him and then you feel down but this is not a race it just takes time. Time does help and heal. The feeling of hopelesness does not last forever, when you start working on yourself and you get one of those good days in there others will see that and he will get the message fro others. I do believe based on what you told me that he cares about you and it was not wrong to trust him. People just simply do not always do and behave the way we want and hope and that we can’t change. Do the NC full 30 days at least and do not break it even if he contacts you because you need to show him that you are not dependent on him and that is also a way to start breaking those old habits. He needs time and if you give him that space, it does not automatically mean he moves on with someone else, since he has fought so long to be with you so for your sake stop worrying about that for now. What you need to do is work on breaking those habits and letting a person have space even when together with you. Anything in this life is possible but first you both need to be in better frame of mind not to repeat the same mistakes and patterns. So instead of trying to find ways to talk to him now no matter how much you need it take this nc time give it him and yourself and then see if you can talk once you have better perspective to things you both did wrong in the relationship and you feel stronger and look fabulous and confident. That is attractive so try to concentrate on yourself and when you feel sad, desperate, hopeless on those moment rely on others to support you through them (just not him this time) and then see what happens. I know it is hard but chin up you are not alone. The positive thing you can do is work on you. He needs to sort himself out and there is always bit of hope when there are feelings there and I am sure there is from him, he is just angry and feels pushed and cornered with those messages, let him cool down and when he gets to thinking mode then he can work on himself.