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Yeah I am working on that (doing a write up which i will post here).
I look forward to it.
I’m in NC. I texted and called my ex once. When we broke up, I called her and texted her for a day then stopper. Called once last week and texted 2 weeks ago. Since then, she hasn’t called or attempted to make contact. After a year, loved each other to the ends of the earth. Her daughter calls me dad sometimes. I really doubt she even thinks or misses me. Idk if it my mind or my instinct but I don’t even think she will call let alone repond to me after NC
Wow man you’re still trying to get the ex back? It’s been a year!
As for me I’ve moved on and couldn’t be happier.
Everyone that’s going through a fresh break up you must listen and trust what I’m about to say..
1. You can not for any reason continue pursuing your exes if they have decided to end the relationship. This only will push them away and quickly change their perception of you into someone who’s needy, annoying, can’t take a hint etc. basically any and all positive emotions associated with you will quickly be replaced for negative ones and you never want someone especially an ex you’d like back to get the shivers whenever you come to mind.. So please just stop!
2. The ONLY way to have a chance of a reconciliation is to to walk away and leave the door open. This means, the last interaction you have with them about the breakup and listening to the reasons for it (no matter if they’re lies) you simply have to say something along the lines of “ok I see your side but I’m not interested in anything other than a romantic relationship with you. No friends sorry I see you as more. But hey if you change your mind get in touch and if I’m still available by then we can take it from there”
That’s it!! Something along those lines basically stating you don’t want the breakup but accept their decision and politely walk away and never contact them ever again for anything unless they contact you first.
You have to do this whether you want to or not. Do not follow movies where the dumpee pursues and tries over and over again to convince the dumper they made a mistake. People do not operate like the fantasy of movies.
3. Remember this statement “rejection breeds obsession” your ego has taken a hit and this causes you to think the dumper is the most fabulous person on the planet, “the one” even. Your mind is simply in a state of needing that person’s validation. The person who once loved and cared for you deeply, you crave their validation that once seemed so easily available. You must look at things objectively in this emotional state of hurt and rejection.
I do not advocate the advice on this site. You must follow my #2 recommendation and move on with your life. Do not do NC for a set amount of time and then reach out. I promise this only validates the dumper and makes them feel even better about their decision rather than second guessing it by never hearing from you again.
Good luck to all! I made it and I’ve learned from it and you all will too
Bonjour! Comment va tu? Je suis bien.
Lol anyways eh my ex contacts me all the time, rolls are reversed now that 9 months has passed. He’s with another but still says he loves me and wants to be near me. It’s whatever at this point. Anyways I have a new man ;p someone I totally adore. He was my best friend while I was with this other guy and even closer after.
We kinda hit it off! I hope you all figure out what you want. Me? I’ve found something better than a man who will cheat and lie to me. Best of luck to you all!
I greatly enjoyed reading this post. It made me feel not so alone and is inspiring. You may not ever see this but I wonder how you are doing currently and want to know more about the perspective you have now on this when you look back to when you wrote this. It’s well written. I hope to know rather than feel so much someday. Thanks for sharing.
Hello everyone,
this is my first post on the site. It was great to find a place where to share experiences, feelings and especially not to feel alone in this situation.I’m on my 5th day of NC and my girlfriend dumped me on 12th October. She stopped any contact just a few days after. As you can guess, I’m at Death’s Door stage because she has been pretty drastic: she has changed her number, she’s blocked me definitively on any social network site, IM etc..
She’s been living in another country (where she was born) since the beginning of September, to spend time with her mother and concentrate on preparing her final thesis. She’s coming back supposedly between next Febraury-March because of her graduation.
On 27th November, we would have celebrated our 4 year anniversary. Our relationship hasn’t been easy, it’s mainly my fault, because I’ve made several mistakes I regret every day of my life but we have always worked things out to improve, we have always relied on eachothers no matter what, because our love was true and deep.
We have been so happy together, I have been in other long term relationships before her but I had never been as much optimistic about future as I’ve been with her instead, I was really convinced we would have settled down forever.
The previous relationship I had before my ex came, had been really devastating on me, on my psychological balance and it had left multiple scars inside that have changed me. I’ve seeked professional help in fact, but results has been debatable. This has influenced in fact my relationship with my ex, I’ve tried to make her understand why I’ve had specific behaviours that I was working on overcoming, she did until she’s got tired of it I guess. Angry of it too, because in the end, she just became utterly bitter and mean toward me, toward the whole relationship we’ve had.
On the first week after we broke up, I was confused and still was trying to realize if it was really over or not. Of course I acted like many of us spontaneously do: trying to call her all the time, sending her pathetic and needy emails,I did what I could with my limited options because she’s far away and unreachable. I even offered to visit on December to talk face to face but she said she didn’t want to see me at all.
As desperate as I was, one night I got myself totally wasted and drove drunk back home. I did want to just speed up and crash into a wall, but fortunately a friend dissuaded me from doing such an idiotic thing. The next day, terrorist attacks happened in Paris and I was totally shocked and moved by it. I’ve read and heard so many stories that have made me ponder on my situation and how my problem and my pain are insignificant compared to the victim’s relatives and friends. I tried to imagine how it must feel to lose a wife, a girlfriend that way, how your life is suddenly broken and you couldn’t do anything to prevent it. That night I decided to write her a long email, it was different, it was a declaration of love and care, inspired by the sentiments for that tragedy. Her life is more precious than anything else in the world, whether we are together or not, I would always like her to be safe. And I wondered if she felt the same way thinking of these events, I am sure she has watched what happened. If she hasn’t replied or sent an email, it really means she does not feel the same, that my existence, my well being is not relevant anymore. This hit me hard.
On Sunday I wrote my final email, where I said I would not attempt at making contact anymore and left a door open if she wanted to return, but if that won’t be the case, I will move on. Then I started my NC period and damn it’s so so. I am very unstable right now, my mood is totally unpredictable. In some moments I feel fine and positive, I don’t think about her, but in others I find myself on the verge of crying, like in the shower, or at night where all thoughts gather and it’s diffucult to fall asleep.
I miss her like hell, it’s a void you can’t fill up. Believe me, I’m busy enough with my work, I go out with friends and I go to the gym, I haven’t stopped living but it’s not the same, I don’t seem to enjoy anything anymore, and if I don’t it’s just temporary.
I know there are girls who want to date me, I am not really interested in sleeping around right now, I do feel lonely but one night stands or short flings don’t relieve the sorrow trust me.
My ex is a person who needs attention constantly and this makes me seriously suspicious that she’s not seeing anyone else. I suspect she kept a guy in line before she broke up with me and there are some elements to consider. I am not a Facebook fan but she has a profile, I used to check it just a few times, never really cared much. After we split, I admitted I’ve been doing it more frequently and I’ve noticed this one guy (a good friend of her) he’s been posting motivational stuff about happiness and all, she has been writing quotes referring to him as well. Her relationship status is hidden but what a coincidence! The status on his Facebook page changed into “in a relationship” just on 13th October which is exactly the day after she dumped me. Is it a big coincidence uh?
Anyway, even if she has an affair with this guy, I keep being cool, because he’s not me. Of course I am jealous but nothing I can do now, if it’s a rebound relationship or not, we will see in time.
What I wish the most, is for me to be happy again, with or without her. After the 30 days of NC, I will decide where to head to. I won’t lie saying I want her back more than anything, but I gotta find closure, I gotta live my life.
I end my long entry with a Gibrain’s quote: “If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were”.Good luck to everyone and let’s be strong.
I’m on day two on another no contact- I broke no contact after 5 days, through texting. Found out why he broke up with me- he was cheating, she’s two months pregnant, he moved her in. He says he doesn’t know if he loves her, but feels obligation to her due to the pregnancy, he says he’s happy with her, sometimes it gets bad though.
During the texting he begged me not to leave him, that I have treated the best he had ever been treated. That he misses me & loves me.
I was a mess, I gave him an ultimatum, her or me. He said he didn’t want to hurt anyone, that he loves me so much.
After a week of texting back and forth, me not eating or sleeping and falling in a deep depression, I a decision, I let him go.
I explained I will always love him, but I have come to realize that he already made his decision & I must accept that.
He wrote back,
“I will always love you too babe. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are not good enough. You have done nothing but good on my life. I miss you so much. Everything is so hard. ”
That’s it, I felt relieved walking away, still hurts, but dat two no contact, he still passes through my mind, but I have gotten my appetite back, I have gotten out of bed and starting to live again. I would do anything to have him back, but he made a choice, he cheated and his love for me wasn’t a consideration. I’ve kept the texts, I’ll delete them eventually, I’m just not ready yet.
It’s great that you are finally moving on and you can live your life. This is possible now because you had to face the sad truth that he slept with somebody else and he’s having a baby now. You really have to accept that.
Honestly I think that in most cases these kind of news are the trigger that makes you move on, you don’t have choice.
I suggest you to delete the messages as soon as you can though. But watch out that he might come back to you again in the future if things with his girl don’t go well. For the fact that you told him you will love him forever, he will take for granted that he can turn to you anytime and welcome him with open arms.My personal aim is to be able to live again and be happy, but the main one is to get her back PERMANENTLY like the site says. I know I can live without my ex, I know I will eventually stop believing it if it doesn’t happen, but hey I think I am entitled to fight for my cause right? At the same time, I am with both feet on the ground. Some things are just worth to fight for.
Day 8 of NC.
Last weekend was very emotional and I had a big breakdown in front of my best friend, she got worried. I am not a believer and yesterday I found myself praying, asking for help, asking for her to come back to me. But it doesn’t work like that.
So I slept on it and this morning I felt truly inspired in positive. I listed down things I wanna change/improve in my life, included my career and I mean to pursue them.
This week is going to be very challenging with all these new goals to start and with my ex anniversary appraoching. I will stay as strong as possible. Let’s see how it goes.Day 9 of NC
This morning I am experiencing a new feeling, I am not sure if it’s normal at this stage.
Anger. I am angry with myself, I am angry with her.
I am mad with myself because I am in this limbo between hell and salvation and I don’t know how long I will be in there. I admitted my faults in the relationship, I started actions to change myself and yes I should be happy because I am doing it for me, but…that’s not enough.
I am mad with her because denying that the person you’ve been together for almost 4 years doesn’t exist, is beyond cruelty. It’s been 35 days since I’ve heard from her and not a single word, not a single one.
I hate these mood swings, I hate to feel fine in a moment and like crap in the next one.
If you ask me what you think of her coming back to me, well I’d tell you she’s never coming back to me, because she doesn’t care, she is enjoying her life and laughing at how ridiculous she was for even being with me. With a new fabulous, wonderful guy.Day 10 of NC (-20!(?))
Hello again,I was wondering how you guys are doing, haven’t seen any update in the last day from others, it’s my monologue lol.
Anyway yesterday I got good news from work: they let me take a day off to fly over San Salvador on Friday to finally see my adopted kid and I am so excited! Couldn’t be better timing than Friday (4th anniversary), that will take my mind off my ex and pain.
I don’t have family here where I live and I don’t feel like going over my friend’s houses, where they are all with their partners, so I am gonna spend Thanksgiving at the homeless shelter here, serving meals and being with people who are suffering for biggest problems than mine.
Today I feel better and more motivated. I am not thinking about my ex writing me for (ex) anniversary like the weeks before, perhaps because I accepted that she just won’t.
I would like to be surprised but heh…only in the movies.Anyway good luck everybody and chin up, Happy Turkey day tomorrow!
Sorry for posting here because I some advice and may I know how a guy will fell.
My story is here, I make it short, me and my ex know each other while we are in 14 years old and we couple in 15 years old for one year. The reason for breaking up was he is too playful. After highschool, In between we got 2 years didn’t see each other, didn’t even contact. But we bump to each other three year ago in university and so keep on contact after that. 2 years more ago we couple again and just break almost 2 month.
The reason that he wanted to break up is that he said I was too cuddle and sticky and controlling. I admit sometime I really over control. And he told his friend that he just need sometime to think and will find me back.
After break up I beg him for one month and now I keep the 1st NC but break in 7 days. 2nd NC break again in 12 days.
Because I figure out from someone that the main reason he break up with me is because he got another girl outside and they couple after our break up and the girl also just break up with his bf.
I texted my ex saying that
*Hey, hope things are well. Heard something and I jus wan to let u know that u are right. The breakup are definitely for the best. Wanted to say thanks for the all great time we spend together and I’ve learnt a lot in this relationship.
Your things I pack few week edy. See this two day when u are free come out for awhile and I pass it to you*
But four days after now he still haven replied.
I’m damn angry and sad right now. Should I call him and ask why he lie me and scold him up? How can I still win him back?
I’m in 3RD NC 4TH DAYS T-T
Can I get some advice how to do and how would a guy think ?Thanks with appreciate
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