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Boards No Contact Rule What should I do? I need some help

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  • #72104

    Mikes
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 10

    So last Tues my gf broke up with me. I am 38 she is 32. It was a shock cause we had such a great relationship. I don’t understand what happened. We were dating for a month and together for a month. Everything was amazing and it felt like we were really connecting. We would spend a ton of time together after work and weekends. We always had a lot of fun whatever we did. The conversations were amazing we were always very affectionate to each other.The sex and forplay was really good she would always compliment me on it. We never once argued or fought.

    Finally we planned a trip for New Years that was 5 days 4 nights. The first few days were great we had a ton of fun as usual and the last two the dynamic changed and I was getting the vibe from her that something wasn’t right. She was a little withdrawn and not as fun and playful with me. We still kissed and cuddled at night but something was wrong.

    Had we spent too much time together I thought? Did I mess up by making a trip this long cause we were so new? We had both agreed to the trip length. I am just mind blown. The way I felt and the way she told me she was feeling I had a really good intuition about her and thought that this relationship was going to last for a very long time. My mom really liked her and told me she was a keeper. Something she has never said. My friends saw how happy I was and they were suprised to hear the news we broke up. When we would go out people would compliment us on how cute we were together and how happy we looked. I was busting on the inside and outside with happiness. In fact, I felt this one could eventually lead to marriage. We both have no kids and we’re never married. In my past relationships I have NEVER felt like I saw marriage in any of them. This one is different and I really want to pursue it due to that fact.

    My question is I’ve been through break ups in the past as we all have and this one I did not do the usual calling and texting and asking to see her. When we broke up last Tuesday we spoke on the phone for 2 hrs and when the call ended I haven’t called her since. (1 week ago) I wanted to give her time to think and I needed time myself. But how long should I wait? A few of my friends said wait a week but I still think it’s too soon. I really want to text her and say hi and see how she’s doing but I want to be strategic as well and not let on to the fact I miss her like crazy. I don’t want to push her to soon. And I want things to progress naturally. Also, she still hasn’t changed her Facebook relationship status, so it says we are still in a relationship together. Ugh I’m so confused please help!

    #72146

    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1925

    @mikes

    Sounds like you had a great connection. But what reason did she give you for the breakup?? Usually the start of a new relationship is filled with passion and excitement, but it seems there was too much togetherness as you described several dinners per week, lots of texting, phone calls, and then the trip; all within only 2 months. The degree to which you interacted with her probably felt like smothering to her. Feelings of love develop slowly over time. I’m sure she cares deeply for you, but it seems you acted too needy and she probably felt it. Since she’s the one who broke up with you, it would be best not to contact her for at least a month to give her breathing room and a chance to think about everything. If she contacts you in the meantime, answer appropriately and politely. At the end of no contact, reach out through a simple text to ask how she’s doing. Hopefully whatever it was that caused her to break up with you can be fixed and you can work through it together. Best wishes..

    #72154

    Mikes
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 10

    @patricia

    We did! That’s why I’m so confused about everything. It makes no sense. She did give me a reason and said she didn’t have the same feelings for me anymore. Which was confusing to me since the entire time we had nothing but a great connection. I think there was too much togetherness which probably caused her to back away and lose the connection. But I think the relationship can be saved if I give her time and space and leave her be. We were both needy she was always asking to see me too. It wasn’t just a one sided thing. We didn’t spend 7 days a week together but at least 4-5. I’ve honestly never spent that much time with a new gf before usually I would see someone a lot less but we had such a great connection it felt right and I wanted to see her all the time. You think I should really wait a month before contacting her? I was going to give it two weeks. I was hoping she would reach out to me first but I miss her and would really like to talk to her. I would always be nice and polite to her she means a lot and I could really see us together for the long run. I’ll try and do whatever it takes to get her back. I hope whatever it was that cause us to break up can be fixed. I want her in my life and she said we could be friends when we broke up. So at least that’s a start to working things out I guess. Thanks for your thoughts and help Patricia!! Anymore advice would be totally appreciated.

    #72175

    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1925

    @mikes – My suggestion of waiting a month or more still stands. This will give her time to rethink her feelings. I understand you miss her and that you’re anxious to get back in touch sooner than that, but it will seem very desperate and needy on your part. She chose to breakup with you knowing how you feel and now she knows you didn’t want the break up. If she has a change of heart, she will contact you, and then you two can have a dialog at that time.

    #72179

    Mikes
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 10

    @patricia

    Thanks for your advice I appreciate it. I haven’t contacted her but wanted to update you and let you know she contacted me last night and we had a few texts back and forth. I didn’t mention anything about the breakup or wanting to work things out. We just had a regular catching up convo. She asked me how I’ve been and what I’ve been up to. And she told me what she’s been doing. It was really good to hear from her. Makes me feel like I did something right. I also left the ball in her court and told her to text me if she felt like talking today. So we will see if she texts me. If not I’ll just wait until I hear from her again and go from there. I’m guessing by her reaching out to me she misses me or at the very least was thinking about me so it lifeted a huge weight off my shoulders. I’ve been stressed over this whole deal. I really hope there’s a chance and we can work through this and get back together.

    #72180

    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1925

    @mikes – Wow, that’s great news:) Even if she hadn’t contacted you this soon, pleased know that she would have been missing you and thinking of you! Next time she texts or calls, keep it rather short. I think there’s a good chance you two can work through this, but if you get back together, take it very slowly and don’t text, call, or see each other as often as you did before.. then later, both of you can build up the momentum to where it feels comfortable for both of you.
    Good luck!

    #72183

    Mikes
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 10

    @patricia

    Thank you so much!! We have been texting tonight also. She wanted to finish the convo from yesterday. I still don’t know if she’s missing me or not but it’s nice to talk to her. She said she wanted to reach out to see if I was doing well. And she’s glad I am. So I don’t know what that means if she just wanted to know that or actually misses me. I hope there’s a good chance to get back with her. I really want this to work out. I hope she feels the same. And Yes! If we do get back together I will pull the seeing each other,calling and texting back and let each other have space and let things progress slowly. Then we can both feel comfortable and build up the momentum together.

    #72185

    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1925

    @mikes – Glad you had a good conversation today:) Yes, of course she misses you and thinks about you and knows you love her, and maybe she felt badly about breaking up with you, and wanted to check to see if you’re okay and catch up, but it doesn’t mean she wants to get back together. Ah, but maybe it does. Only time will tell. Don’t say or text anything like get in touch if you want to etc.. and don’t contact her first. Let her contact you first the next time. But DO NOT drag the conversation. You will get a feeling whether or not to contact her first after that, but DO NOT do it everyday from your end. Yes, go very slowly!
    Good luck:)

    #72200

    Mikes
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 10

    @patricia

    Thanks! 🙂 it was really good talking to her. We even talked on the phone a little bit too. Im sure she knows I miss her like crazy. But unfortunately I don’t think she misses me like crazy. I think she just wanted to check on me and see how I was doing. She told me I still don’t have any intimate feelings for you. And said I don’t know what the future will bring and I am open to it but right now I don’t feel that way. So the only thing I can do is to just keep her in my life and see how things develop. I won’t be calling or texting her everyday. I will wait for her to do it. And sometimes I will put a text out I want to keep it like a partnership with some give and take. But I will go very slowly. 🙂

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