As I’ve mentioned in the guide on how to get your ex back, there are some deadly mistakes that people make after a breakup. The reason why most people make these mistakes is because they panic and in their chaotic mind, begging, pleading and being needy seem like the most logical thing to do.
But there is more to this than that. In most cases, the reason people want to get back together is because in many ways, they are dependent on their ex. They are dependent on their ex for their security, for love, for their self-worth and for happiness. And when their ex decides to leave them, they see it as a threat to their happiness, to their security, to their self-worth and to their happiness.
It’s a natural reaction for the mind to panic when you see a threat to your security. And when your mind panics, it tries to do all it can to get your ex to stay. Based on your past experiences, your mind will try to use everything to try to get your ex to stay. Begging, manipulation, stalking, smothering them with affection, jealousy and sometimes even anger and abuse.
In most cases, people who want to win an ex back, were in a co-dependent relationship. This co-dependency makes them more vulnerable to making these mistakes. The co-dependent person in a relationship is usually the one who takes steps to fix the relationship and make it work. The co-dependent person finds a sense of control in doing the work to make the relationship work. And when a partner decides to leave, they feel they’ve lost control and they want to do anything to get them back.
Your Insecurity And Low Self-Esteem
Everyone has some insecurities and low self-esteem is more common than think. There is no shame in admitting you have insecurities or low self-esteem. The problem arises when you don’t acknowledge them and your insecurities and your low self-esteem determine your actions and your major life decisions.
If you’ve made any of the mistakes mentioned in this article, then they were probably a result of low self-esteem and insecurities. Being in a relationship is comforting and convenient. But for many people, it’s also a source of self-worth and security. If you are getting your self-worth and security from a relationship or from another person’s approval of you, then you are doing yourself injustice. And if that person leaves you, you will probably become miserable and do a lot of embarrassing things to get them back, which you probably did.
The Difference Between Love and Co-dependent relationship
There is a simple difference between love and being in a co-dependent relationship. If you are in a co-dependent relationship “you put your relationship before yourself”. By doing so, you are making something else more important than yourself, and thus creating the illusion that you must really love that person. Unless you really love them, you wouldn’t be putting them before yourself.
However, this is not really love as much as it is a mask for your inner insecurities and low self-esteem. If after a breakup, you act desperate, needy and stalky, then most probably you were putting your ex before yourself. And that means you were not doing all those things because you love your ex, but because you were miserable without them.
You have to understand the fine line between love and being miserable without something in your life. If I am addicted to crack, I will be miserable without it. But that doesn’t mean that I am in love with crack. I might actually hate crack and the fact that it’s making my life miserable. But still, I will be miserable immediately after I quit it. And when I do, I will have the illusion that I actually liked crack or maybe even loved it. Why else will I feel miserable without it?
It’s because the mind is in pain when you leave something you are addicted to (in this case your ex), and it wants to convince you that you should do everything you can to get it back.
Realizing There is Life Beyond this Misery
Fortunately, time heals everything. If I stay away from my addiction for some time, I will realize that I don’t need it and I can live my life without it. The same will happen when you stay away from your ex. When you realize you don’t need your ex to be happy, you will understand how futile and needless your attempts to get them back were.
When you stay away from your ex, you slowly realize that your happiness and self-worth is not dependent on them. If you start making positive changes in your life without your ex, you start realizing that your life will be great and you will move on, no matter what. You will slowly start realizing that you don’t need your ex anymore. Maybe you still want them; maybe you still feel like you love them and it will be good if you get them back. But you don’t need them. And whatever happens, you will live a fulfilling life.