Winning your ex back isn’t really the hard part. The hard part is keeping them.

After all, they left you once, what is to stop them from leaving you again?

What is the point of getting your ex back if you can’t keep them PERMANENTLY?

My name is Kevin, and I am here to help you through this painful breakup and hopefully get your ex back. I say hopefully because I can’t guarantee you that you will get your ex back. I can, however, guarantee that if you follow this plan, your chances of getting your ex back will increase significantly.

Who this article is for?

This article is for anyone looking to get an ex back. May it be your ex girlfriend, ex boyfriend, ex wife, ex husband or an ex fiancé. May it be a straight relationship or a gay relationship. If you just broke up, and are thinking about winning your ex back, you will find this article helpful and enlightening.

However, if you are looking to get your ex girlfriend back or your ex wife back, I recommend you check out this article with a game plan more focused on winning a girl back after a breakup and it comes with objectives and actionable tips. Click here to read it; I am sure you will love it.

What This Article Is About?

This article is divided into 5 Steps. I have done so because this way you have a step by step plan that you can follow to get your ex back.

It’s important to have a plan to follow, because after a breakup you are hurt, emotionally drained and most of all, confused. And during this state of confusion, you are bound to make a lot of mistakes that will actually hurt your chances of getting back together.

I have seen people make these mistakes over and over again (in my two three four five years of experience helping people with breakups).

Having a plan gives you a sense of direction and removes all the confusion. A plan will give you something to look forward to when you are feeling down and unsure about yourself. A plan will give you hope. This article is that plan.

This article is quite long. I highly recommend you read the entire article because it will not only help you understand what you should do but also why you should do it.

But what are these mistakes you keep talking about?

I am glad you asked because the first part of this guide is precisely about these mistakes.

STEP #1. The Instincts aka The Deadly Mistakes

I call this part “The Instincts” because all these mistakes are a direct result of people following their instincts. Most of the advice in this 5 Step Plan is counter-intuitive, but it works. When you read it, you will understand why and it will all start to make sense. So let’s start by going over the deadly mistakes that you should avoid at any cost.

Deadly Mistake #1: Calling And Texting Them All The Time

Kevin, we broke up 8 days ago. Since then, I have messaged him everyday constantly and he barely replies. I have to text him a hundred times before he replies just once. I really love him and want to be with him, but I don’t understand why he is acting like this. He said he loved me and then suddenly this.

That’s the story of around 80% of the people who are desperate to get their ex back. It’s a huge mistake to text and call your ex all the time. In fact, it’s a huge mistake to call them even once. Your instincts tell you that if you stay in contact with your ex, they will not forget about you and hopefully come back.

ex calling

Even the calls that might seem casual to you, look needy and desperate to your ex.

But it doesn’t really work that way. In fact, every time you call or text your ex, you are showing them you are a needy person and you are miserable without them. This neediness is unattractive and pushes your ex further away.

You should be extremely careful whenever you go out drinking. You might end up calling your ex and making a fool of yourself. So whenever you go out drinking, have a friend with you who can stop you from making this mistake.

But if I don’t call or text my ex, how can I get them back?

You should contact them in a certain way that will make them feel attracted to you again. I explain exactly how to do this below in Step 4.

Deadly Mistake #2: Begging And Trying To Use Pity

If begging worked after a breakup, no one will ever break up with anybody. They decided to leave you and they are prepared to go through your begging and pleading. Whatever the reason for breakup was, it’s not going to change with your begging. The only thing that begging will do is make you look like a weak and insecure person.

cat begging

Unfortunately, humans don’t look as cute as cats while begging.

Similarly, your instincts will also make you believe that if you just show your ex that you can’t live without them, they will take you back.  Your thought pattern becomes something like

  1. If he knows how miserable I am without him, he will come back.
  2. If only he knows that I can’t continue my life without him, he’ll take me back.

Again, your instincts are screwing with you. Trust me, no one takes their ex back out of pity. No one is attracted to someone who is miserable. And even if your ex came back because of this, do you really want your ex to be with you just because of pity? Or do you want them to respect and love you?

Deadly Mistake #3: Let Them Walk All Over You

Your instincts will tell you that if you just agree to everything your ex wants, they will come back. Your instincts will tell you that your needs, your values, your desires, your goals don’t matter. Your instincts will tell you that the only thing that matters is to get your ex back. And for that, you can sacrifice everything.
You let your ex walk all over you. You become a doormat. You agree to the most ridiculous demands your ex has. But your instincts tell you, it’s OK. Because having your ex in your life is the only thing that matters.

doormat in relationships

Well, guess what?

Agreeing to everything your ex says is not going to bring them back. In fact, it’s only going to make your ex respect you less. Nobody wants to be with someone they don’t respect. And even if they do come back, they will leave shortly realizing they have no respect for you as a person.

Deadly Mistake #4: Showering Them with Affection

Your instincts tell you that if your ex just realizes how much you love them and how much you care about them, they will come back. You just need to make them believe that no one in the world will ever love them the way you do. How can they reject you once they realize how much you love them, Right?
smothering your ex
The truth is, they already know that you love them, how much you adore them and how much you care about them. But they still decided to breakup. Showering them with affection is not going to help you. In fact, the more you smother them, the more trapped they’ll feel. And that will just make them want to get away from you as soon as possible.

Deadly Mistake #5: Freaking Out When Your Ex Starts Dating

The thought of your ex being with someone else is a gut wrenching one. But in reality, it’s not as bad as we make it out to be. We will get into that later, but first, let’s take a look at how your instincts react when you find out your ex is dating someone else.

If I don’t do anything right now, they’ll fall in love with this new person and forget about me forever. I better go over there and do everything that this article has told me not to do. Including begging, using pity, telling them how much I love them, agreeing to all their conditions (be a doormat). And if they don’t open the door, I’ll just stand outside and call and text them all day. It will be even better to tell my ex how this new person is totally wrong for them and what a big mistake they are making by being in a relationship with this _______(INSERT DEROGATORY REMARK).

If you didn’t realize it by now, your instincts and your mind go into panic mode when you find out your ex is dating someone new. In most cases, you freak out and make all the mistakes mentioned above.

The truth is, your ex is most probably in a rebound relationship (Read: Is Your Ex In a Rebound Relationship? Find Out With These Telltale Signs). And almost all of the rebound relationships end sooner rather than later. It sucks, but rebound relationships are a way for many people to deal with breakups. Fortunately for you, it’s one of the most ineffective way to move on. So, just because they are in a rebound relationship doesn’t mean they will forget about you and move on. In fact, it just means the opposite. It means that they are having a hard time moving on and as long as they are in this rebound relationship, they are avoiding grief. And that means it will take them longer to get over you.

rebound relationship

A rebound relationship is like a cigarette. It’s unhealthy. It provides a false sense of calmness. And it ends when the flame is over. (the faster you smoke the faster it ends)

The most important thing for you to do while your ex is in a rebound relationship is be cool about it. Whatever happens, do not tell your ex to break up with their rebound partners. Let it be their idea. They have a huge hole in their life after breaking up with you which they are trying to fill with someone new. They will soon realize that a rebound relationship can not fill the emptiness and they will end the relationship. (Do you think his relationship is not just a rebound? Read How To Get Your Ex Back When He Has Moved On To a New Girlfriend. or Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back When She Has Moved On To a New Boyfriend)

What If I’ve Already Made These Mistakes?

Chances are, you’ve already made at least one of these mistakes after the breakup. Don’t worry, even the wisest monks in the Himalayas and masters of psychology from Harvard usually end up making these mistakes after a breakup. It’s just in the nature of human beings to try and hold on to something that is precious to them. So don’t beat yourself over it. The most important thing for you to do right now is to realize that these mistakes will not help you get him back and stop doing them right away. Move on to the next step of the plan which is going to repair all the damage you’ve caused till now.

 

STEP #2. No Contact aka Give Yourself Time And Space

If you’ve been searching about breakups and getting your ex back online, you’d know that there is a thing called no contact rule. It’s simple and very effective. All you have to do is stop all the communication with your ex for a short period of time. This includes

  • No Calling
  • No Texting
  • No Facebook Messaging
  • No Online Contact Of Any Kind (IM, Twitter)
  • No “accidentally” bumping into him (you know what that means)
  • No hanging out with common friends in hopes of meeting your ex

Why do no contact?

For three reasons

1. Your ex needs some space and time to remove all the negative associations from the breakup and start missing you. People have a common misconception that if you don’t contact your ex, they will forget about you. But in reality, if you don’t contact your ex, you will give him time to miss you more and he will be wondering all the time why you are not contacting him. Remember all the mistakes in Part #1 of this guide. Every one of them made your ex think of you as a needy person. By not contacting him, you immediately become not needy in his mind.

2. You also need some space and time. You need to get a hold of yourself and gain some perspective. The fact is, you are a mess after the breakup. And you need to calm down and analyze your relationship thoroughly to realize whether or not being with your ex is in your best interest. It could be that you are just missing your ex. You need to learn to enjoy your life without your ex. You need to prove to yourself that you can be happy without your ex. You will eventually realize that you DON’T NEED YOUR EX to be happy. Maybe you’ll still WANT them, but there is a big difference between needing something and wanting something.

happiness comes from inside

3. You must become an attractive, happy person during this time. You need to take a step back and reevaluate your life. You should make a lot of positive changes in your life. When you meet your ex after the no contact period, you want them to be attracted to you. And the best way to do it is to start enjoying life and becoming an overall happy person. Don’t take this point lightly. This could be the difference between getting your ex back or losing them forever. (If you’d like to read more about why you should do this, read this article.)

How long is the no contact period?

stay no contact for 30 days

Basically, the no contact period should be as long as it takes you to get yourself together and feel great about your life without your ex. In my experience, it can take up to 30 days. However, in extreme cases, it could range from anywhere from 2 months to 6 months.

Your ex during No Contact Period

At this point, you might start wondering how no contact is going to effect your ex and what you should do about it. This section covers most of the doubts you may have regarding no contact. If you still need more information, read this article.

Should I tell my ex that I am doing no contact?

Ideally no. You want them to wonder what happened to you and why you are not contacting them. You want to be on your ex’s mind as much as you can. And telling them you are not contacting for some time will defeat this purpose.

However, if your ex is currently calling you everyday or texting you everyday, then yes you should let them know that you don’t want them to contact you for a short period of time. Don’t give them any specifics. Just tell them to not contact you until you decide to contact them. Let them know you need some space and time right now.

Wouldn’t it be rude if I don’t contact my ex?

Wasn’t it rude of your ex to break your heart and leave you begging them to take you back? And yet, you’ll still do anything to be with them. Sometimes, rudeness is not as bad as you think it is.

Besides, you are doing no contact for your own mental peace and well-being. There is nothing rude about taking care of yourself.

Should I answer my ex’s text during no contact?

NO. Absolutely not. Whatever happens, don’t answer their text.

Should I answer my ex’s call during no contact?

No. You shouldn’t answer your ex’s call. The only exception to this is if you are close to ending your no contact and you are already feeling great about your life. If you think that talking to your ex will have you obsessing about them again, don’t answer their call.

  • What if my ex moves on during no contact?
  • What if my ex meets someone and get married during no contact?
  • What if my ex forgets about me during no contact?

Good questions. And the answer to all of them is NO, THEY WON’T.

If you and your ex were in any type of serious relationship, then they will not be able to move on so quickly. In fact, no contact is only going to make them miss you more and remember the good things about you. You have to take a leap of faith over here. The alternative to no contact is being a creep and texting and stalking your ex all the time, which will probably lead to a restraining order against you. You really don’t have much of an option.

Can’t I make the no contact shorter? Like a week or a few days?

So, you want to give your ex a couple days break from your avalanche of texts and then bombard them again after a couple of days? No.

It takes time for people to remove negative association after a breakup and start missing their ex. You have to give it to them. Besides, you have to prove to yourself that you can live without your ex for at least 30 days. And more importantly, you have to work on yourself and become a more confident and happy person.  Unless you make a positive change in yourself, your ex will not be able to convince themselves to get back together with you.(Read more about the no contact rule here.)

STEP #3. Taking Care of Yourself aka What to do in No Contact

This is the part where most people screw up. No contact will be of no use unless you try to make a positive change in your life during this time. If you just want to stay at home and just be miserable for the next one month, things are not going to change even after no contact period. Yes, you need to grieve after a breakup and yes, there’s some benefit in spending some time alone, grieving and analyzing your relationship. But at some point, you have to go out there and do something with your life.

are you happy?

Positive Changes In Your Appearance

Making a positive change in your physical appearance is going to give you a fresh look. You are going to feel new and you are going to feel better. And when your ex sees you after the no contact period, they are going to see a new you. Here are a few things you can do.

  • Get a haircut. Just go to a hairstylists and find out what is in fashion these days.
  • Get your teeth cleaned. A beautiful smile is very attractive.
  • Get in the best shape of your life. Go to the gym and sweat it out. This is also great for your mental health as working out releases endorphins which make you happy.
  • Get new clothes. They will definitely make you feel better about yourself.

Whatever you do, don’t do anything drastic right now. You don’t want to make any physical changes right now that you might regret for the rest of your life (like getting a tattoo of a broken heart).

Positive changes in your mentality

Being a happy and confident person is probably the most important thing when it comes to getting your ex back. You need to realize that happiness and confidence is something that you can get by working on yourself.  Here are a few ideas that will help you gain more confidence and become a happier person.

learn to be happy without your ex

Instead of sitting at home eating ice cream and watching TV, go out and do something to make yourself feel better.

1. Give yourself some time to grieve. I know how hard it is to be happy after a breakup. I remember I was a complete mess for at least two weeks. I didn’t sleep properly, didn’t eat properly, and I was just thinking about my ex all day. In a way, this period is necessary for you. You give yourself some time to grieve everyday. If you want to feel sad and sorry for yourself, go ahead and do it. But make sure you also do something everyday to make yourself feel good about yourself.

2. Write in a journal. Write your thoughts and your feelings down. Writing is therapeutic and it’s probably going to help you release all those emotions that have been building up inside.

3. Go out with friends. Spend time with your loved ones. Your friends and family are the people who are always there for you and who always love to spend time with you. Go out and have a good time with them.

4. Do some meditation. Be aware of yourself. Know your weaknesses and strengths. Be proud of yourself. Accept yourself for who you are. That’s what confidence is all about. Neediness (which is very unattractive) comes from doubts within yourself. Whereas confidence comes from awareness and accepting yourself.

5. Go out on a date. This is absolutely essential and if you are reading this, then I will recommend that you definitely go out on a few dates before ending no contact with your ex. It’s absolutely imperative for you to get some perspective right now and meeting new people is the best way to do it.

Analyzing Your Relationship

You have to ask yourself this question, why do you want to get back with your ex? If you answered something like

  1. I love my ex.
  2. I can’t live without my ex.
  3. I am miserable without my ex.
  4. He/She was the only one for me.
  5. I can’t imagine a life without my ex.

Then you are still suffering from post-breakup denial and bargaining. Denial and bargaining are two of the many stages of grief after a breakup. It’s extremely common for people to want to get their ex back after a breakup. However, it’s not always the right choice.

For example, even if your relationship with your ex was abusive, you might want to rekindle it just because you are missing them. Our mind often confuses the act of missing someone with “love”. It’s normal to miss someone after you’ve been with them for a long time. But it doesn’t necessarily mean you still love them.

Look at it like this, every relationship has problems, fights, and disagreements. But if you two broke up, then there was something very wrong with your relationship. You need to analyze what went wrong and realize whether or not it’s a good idea to get back together.

pros and cos of your relationship

Are you sure your ex didn’t have any cons?

If you listen to your heart, all you will hear is that you love your ex and you want them back. Instead, try to think with your mind. Be logical. Analyze the pros and cons of your relationship. Analyze the pros and cons of your ex. Analyze what your goals in life are and whether or not a relationship with your ex aligns with those goals.(Read: Should You Get Your Ex Back?)

Remember, your ex will not make you happy, only you can make yourself happy. And the only way you can do it is by understanding yourself, loving yourself, appreciating what you have, understanding your purpose in life and pursuing it.

Do you really think you can have a happy and long lasting relationship with your ex?

Do you really think that the reason you broke up is no big deal?

You are making a huge decision right now. So you better make sure that it is the right one. You have 30 days to do it, so don’t rush into it. Take your time. Relax and do things that make you feel better. When you start being happy in life without your ex, you will realize whether or not getting your ex back is the right decision. And that is extremely important before you move on to the next step, which is contacting your ex.

STEP #4. Contacting Your Ex aka Re-attraction

Remember when your ex left you? They thought of you as a needy, clingy and desperate person with little to no self-respect. After not being in contact with you for a while, they must be wondering what the heck happened to you. They will slowly start to forget that image of yours (the needy desperate one) and start remembering the things they liked about you. They will start remembering the things that they found attractive in you.

And that’s when you contact them, you talk to them and then meet them. Just as they lay eyes on you, BOOM. That’s the new and improved you. YOU version 2.0. They can’t help but wonder what brought so much positive change in you.

re-attracting your ex

“You look amazing. You smell amazing. You look like you are doing great in your life. You look like you’ve been working out. You look happy. You look confident, sexy, fun and attractive. You look like a catch. Why did I break up with you again?” – Your Ex

For that to happen, you need two things.

  1. You should actually bring a positive change in your life and become a confident, happy and attractive person.
  2. You should contact your ex and meet them somewhere.

If you have been following this guide till now, then you know how to go about the first point. So, let’s get straight to the second point.

Contacting Your Ex

Before you contact your ex, here is a checklist of things you need to make sure you’ve done.

  • You followed the no contact rule for at least one month. (Read about The No Contact Rule here.)
  • You are no longer a mess as you were after the breakup.
  • You have made a few positive changes in your life.
  • You are absolutely sure that getting back with your ex is a good decision. (Find Out here.)
  • You have gone on at least one date during no contact.
  • You have accepted the breakup and you are OK with the fact that you may never get your ex back and this might never work for you .
  • You have accepted the fact that even if you don’t get your ex back, you will be fine since there are endless opportunities in the world to find love and happiness.(Read more about having the right mindset after no contact is over)

Now, there are two ways that you can contact your ex. One is through a letter or email, and the other one is through text messages. You can also call your ex but I recommend you first build up some attraction using text messages and letter before calling them.

The Letter

A hand written letter is a great way to contact your ex right after you’ve finished no contact. A hand written letter stands out in this age of digital technology. Of course, you can use an email as well.

hand written letter

Wouldn’t it be nice to receive a hand written letter in the mail?

This letter has three purposes.

Purpose 1: To let your ex know that you have accepted the breakup. And you think that it’s for the best.

(You are letting them know that you are no longer the needy desperate person who was refusing to accept the breakup.)

Purpose 2: To apologize for any of your inappropriate behavior after the breakup.

(You want to make sure that everything from the past is forgiven and forgotten.)

Purpose 3: To let them know of something exciting that is happening in your life. Don’t reveal too much here. Just tell them something good is happening in your life. You’d love to talk about it, but not now. Because you both need some space and time.

(You want to give them something to chew on. They will be thinking about what’s happening in your life and will want to call or text you to talk about it. You are using curiosity to get your ex contact you. Of course, something must be happening in your life. That’s why creating a positive change in your life is absolutely important before contacting your ex.)

If you want a sample letter written for you, you can find it in Step 5.

The Text Messages

Text messages should ideally be used after sending the hand written letter to build up attraction. You can even skip the hand written letter and move on directly to text messages. You know your situation and your ex better than anyone, so it’s your decision whether or not you want to use just text messages, just the letter, or both. But I highly recommend you use either one or both of these before actually calling your ex.

Text messages are great for building attraction with your ex. They are short, they are personal and you can be sure your ex will read your texts. If used correctly, you can condition your ex to light up in excitement whenever they see a message from you. (Read this more detailed article on getting your ex back with text messages.)

texting your ex

It doesn’t matter where they are, your text will reach them and they will be excited to get a text from you.

The key to using text messages is to be very subtle. Never ever directly talk about your feelings or about your relationships. You want them to associate text messages to something positive and fun. Here are the rules for texting your ex.

Never send them an empty message. An empty message is something that doesn’t say anything and doesn’t give your ex anything to talk about. For example

“Hey”

“Hey, How are you?”

“I miss you”

“:)”

Never ever talk about your feelings and about getting back together.

“I love you”

“I miss you”

“I want you back in my life”

“I am miserable without you”

Never argue or say something negative over text.

“If you had just shown a little more effort, we could have been great together.”

“Your child misses you. You are terrible father to leave him like that.”

Now here are a few things that you should do while using text messages.

Something happened in your life that reminded you of them.

“Hey, I just watched the new season of Arrested Development. It reminded me of you. I actually had a smile on my face. :)”

“Hey, I just read the new Harry Potter book. I am so glad you never told me the ending. Thanks :)”

Remind them of good moments you had together.

“Hey, I was just thinking about the time we went skydiving together. Man, that was exciting. I am glad we did that. “

“Hey, remember the little restaurant where we had our first anniversary date? I just crossed it and it looks like they are closing down. It’s a shame because we had such a great time that day.”

Let them know you are having fun with your life and meeting new people.

“Hey, I just saw a romantic movie with a friend. The ending reminded me of you.“

“Hey, I am going to Hawaii for the weekend with a friend. Do you remember the name of the hotel we stayed in when we went last year?”

Now there are tons of other things you can do with texts. But the key point remains the same. Be subtle. Be positive. Be fun.

Right now, you just want to go from the creepy ex to a fun text buddy. Of course, you will be moving things forward slowly. When you think it’s the right time, go ahead and ask them out.

Asking Your Ex Out

Do not call it a date. I repeat. Do not call it a date. If you do, your ex will put their defenses up faster than Garfield finds Lasagna. You don’t want them thinking that you are looking to get back together. At least not now. You want them to go out with you as a friend. And then you can build up attraction while you are with them.

If you’ve done your homework correctly, you will be oozing confidence and attractiveness out of every inch of your body. And this works doubly as effective on your ex than any other person. Why? Because they were already attractive to you at one point in time. And you are not a stranger to them. You are someone familiar who looks very attractive.

The best way to ask them out is to give them a call. It’s possible they might require a slight push. A simple “come on, it’ll be fun.” Or “Hey, it’s just coffee. What’s the harm?” should be sufficient.

However, don’t go overboard in pushing them. Like ”Come on. Just go out with me once. Please. Pretty please.” Or “You broke up with me and broke my heart. The least you can do is go out with me one time.”

Remember, your ex doesn’t owe you anything. You have to treat them like an acquaintance you want to get close with.

On the Date

Ideally, you want it to be your ex’s idea to get back together. You just want to be yourself (attractive, fun, happy, and awesome). Do not talk about your past relationship or your breakup. It will lead to no good. That relationships is over and if you two do get back together, it will be a new relationship. There is no point digging old graves when you want to start a new life.

STEP #5. The Grind aka The Ninja Techniques aka EBP Basics

OK, even though this guide is quite long and covers most of what you need to know on this subject, there are a lot of topics that are not covered here.

Since trying to get your ex back takes time and going through the no contact period is an everyday struggle, I’ve designed Part 5 of this guide to be an email series. I call this email series EBP Basics.

What do you get?

One inspiring, helpful , insightful and motivating email everyday. I have helped thousands of people (somewhere around 50,000) with these emails. The reason why these everyday emails are so effective is because you get a small dose of inspiration, motivation and useful information every day.The no contact period is the most important part of the plan and with Part 5, you will get support during the no contact period.

More importantly, I reveal a lot of secret tactics and tricks that are not mentioned in this guide. Like

  • Using Pattern Breaking
  • Understanding the reason why your ex broke up and what to do about it.
  • What to do if your ex is dating someone else
  • How to write that hand written letter
  • And a lot more.

How To Gain Access?

Just go ahead and click on the appropriate link below and get EBP Basics for absolutely free.

Men Click Here (To Get Ex Girlfriend Back)

Women Click Here (To Get Ex Boyfriend Back)

 

 

How to Get Your Ex Back (Shorter Version)

  1. To get your ex back, you must not make any of the deadly mistakes that make you look needy or desperate.
  2. Start no contact. Stop all communications with your ex unless it’s absolutely necessary and unavoidable.
  3. Become You Version 2.0. Take a step back and reassess everything. Work on becoming happier and more confident.
  4. Once no contact is over, get back in touch with your ex. If you do it correctly, he/she will be blown away seeing the new and improved version of yourself.
  5. Take things slowly and rebuild attraction, connection and trust with your ex. Keep doing it until your ex decides they want to get back together. Before you begin no contact take this short quiz to find out your chances of getting back together.

What if you still had a chance?

Want to find out your chances of getting your ex back in 2 minutes?

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  • Debby

    Hi,my situation is kind of very complicated, my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 4 years, at the beginning of last year, he started acting very difrently i didn't understand why, i tried to ask him and he said he was just tired of relationships, i told him that we should break up then but he refused and said he dint want me going far away from him, to cut the long story short, he wasn't talking to me then i started seeing him with this certain lady oftenly,when i cpnfronted him, he told me she's her friend. He started posting pictures of he and her everywhere and he still insisted that she is his friend , we still met up like usual but we were not talking much, recently,i find out that the supposedly "friend" of his is actually his girlfriend, they live together and even worse, she is expecting his child, so i confronted him about it and it is all true though he dint want to admit it, so we like broke up though he still dint want it and is still insisting i be his friend. i just don't know what to do i feel so hurt because i still love him but i just dont know if he'l ever be with me again. pliz help.. Thanks

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If that person is his girlfriend and is expecting his child, I'm sorry to say but there isn't much you can do at this point but walk away before things get too ugly. In this scenario, even though he lied to you, you'll still be seen as the bad person if you try to do anything to win him back.

      Reply
  • Alyssa Carlson

    I recently got back with my ex and I've done a few of your steps but not in the right order. I just read your article and I feel I might have made a huge mistake. My ex and I broke up and he did try and move on and I was just starting to accept the break up and move on myself. Here is where the tricky part comes in. My ex and his rebound had sex and he still wanted to remain her friend even tho they dated for a week. He left her because he saw me in his ex. All good things. I had talked to him for about a week and went to spend the weekend with him to see how it went and we decided to get back together. Now I messaged his rebound because he was always hanging out with her but only as friends... And I tried to make things civil with her and tell her how I felt which I don't hate her I just was jealous that she lived near him and I lived two hours away. Now me and her worked everything out and are ok but he is mad and has threatened that I haven't change. She is a good friend and my intentions were only to keep her in his life without it effecting me or making me jealous. Did I make a terrible mistake? Have I lost him forever? He hasn't broken up with me but he asked me to leave him alone and I have given him his space. He had many qualities about him I adore and goals that I feel make him a great person to be with. If we do break up I know I'll be hurt but I won't be devastated as bad as before. I feel like that feeling is wrong and I'm not sure how to cope with that. Does that mean I'm not attracted to him? I know my life will go on without him but he is still bringing up the past and I'm ready to move on. He said I was different when we were together and I could tell he still loves me more now than back then and I've accepted my faults of the past relationship... No matter what I do he still believes I'm the same. Is there a way to show I'm different or will he have to realize that on his own?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Although you had the best intentions, your approach of contacting that ex of his probably came across as a breach of his personal space and offended him. I don't think you've lost him forever (as long as that ex does not have ill intentions and makes matters worse), and you'll have to apologize and acknowledge that you overstepped your boundaries but explain to him that you meant no harm and just wanted what was best for him.

      Reply
    • Alyssa Carlson

      With the ex staying in his life.... Should I allow that if they were friends before and she was only his rebound? He has hung out with her every night since we got back together and his family and friends all know I'm his girlfriend but I don't think they should be hanging out every day all night and him not text me much while they are together. I don't know how to tell him how I feel without making it seem like I'm controlling him. Them being friends is ok in my life but you broke up with your rebound because you wanted me... We fix things and get back together but he talks to her more than he does me and I'm the girlfriend... I trust him around other women but I feel like it's too soon after the breakup to be spending every night hanging out with your rebound... What can I say to help him see how I feel without seeming controlling or am I just being overly complicated about the friendship?

      Reply
  • Mari

    Hi,
    My boyfriend and I technically broke up last August (I broke up with him because I was starting grad school and couldn't handle our constant fighting and not feeling valued, little did I know a lot of his behavior stemmed from his depression and not lack of love) He and I started talking again last October and he was really into it, even dropped a hint that he still loved me. We both had expectations of a relationship but I was really afraid of repeating past mistakes and anytime we got close to being anything serious again, I pushed him away. Anytime that happened, I would freak out because he would put up a wall. I just continued to confuse him through my actions but my feelings (and his) were genuine. I realized that I needed to be honest with him only too late. I had pushed him away too much and he couldn't handle the back and forth. He stopped talking to me, blocked my number even, for a month. I begged him to reach out, told him I loved him and wanted to either fix it or let it go but he couldn't just ghost me the way he had. At the end of it all, he gave me back my things last week but even admitted to me that we both messed up and that it was never lack of love, but lack of communication. He cried and said he would miss me (and had for the month we hadn't spoken) but was resolute in his decision. He said there was a difference between loving someone and caring for them but wanting to remove himself from the cycle. He said he would unblock me and that we could maybe hang out sometime and maybe be friends one day.

    Today is his birthday. Should I still wish him a happy birthday? I still want him back so badly. We planned a future together. He thought that I wanted to mess around while he wanted to settle down and that's why it wasn't working but I only gave off that impression because I was afraid. I genuinely love him and believe we have a beautiful connection. I also just went through the box of things he gave me back and realized he still has some of my items. What should I do?

    thanks!

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If he is currently going through a mixture of emotions and has many negative thoughts, you might want to consider no contact as it might be better to give him some space to let go of them before you think of trying anything again. Since it is his birthday, you could always drop him a casual message to wish him, but try not to continue on with it too much after because it still seems too soon.

      Reply
    • Mari

      Thank you for your response Ryan, I really appreciate it! What are your thoughts on his still having some of my items? It could be a mistake, he probably doesn't realize it but part of me wonders why hold on to my things for the month he wasn't speaking to me? Why not just end it? (When I asked him he said he didn't know) He must have put all of my belongings in the same place and if that's the case why not give it all to me? I know he's very busy right now with work and projects he's working on which could go to his not giving me those items as a mistake. Do you still think there's a chance for us here? Do you think there's still love there? He said he still cares (even though he made the comment I said in my earlier post about the difference between love and caring but wanting to remove himself from the cycle). He and I were involved for what would be three years in March (that's including two breaks: one for 2 months because he was in therapy but we were still in constant contact and acting like a couple and the other from when we broke up in August of last year).

      Thank you again for your input! Your advice is most appreciated!

      Reply
    • Mari

      Also: I'm not sure if this helps, but during the conversation when he gave me back my things, we had two moments where it was like we were ourselves again. He was smiling, even let a laugh escape his lips at something I did. I saw the person I fell in love with even if only for a moment and then he went right back to his decision of it not working "right now". Is that any indication of something? Or just wishful thinking? Thanks again!

      Reply
  • Nora

    Hi! My boyfriend for 4.5 years (whom I lived for 3 of them) suddenly broke up with me 5 weeks ago. In december we bid on a house together, and we spent christmas together with his family, and everything seemed fine. He was depressed this autumn, and he seemed to be getting worse again. This time around he blamed it on our relationship, and that it didn't feel the same anymore. He hadn't given me any reason to believe this, as he was as affectionat as always just days before. Now he wants to sell our apartment. We have only had contact a few times regarding that for 4 weeks, but tomorrow we are meeting up there to discuss the sale. I did not want this to happen, and I did NOT see it coming. He seems sad about the breakup, but I'm not shure if he would come back to me right now. I hope with all my heart that he will. I love him, and want it to be us forever. We have planned our life together openly for years, and I really, truly believe that we would have been good together.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You might want to try and figure him out, and whether there was an underlying reason for the break up and if it's something that can be fixed. Purely based on what you're saying, one possible reason for the break up was because things were progressing so seriously (the house), it started to scare/stress him so much so that he got cold feet and broke up with you. There may be other possible reasons, in which you may be best suited to figure out.

      Reply
    • Nora

      Thanks for the answer. He is not scared of the serious stuff. We have already owned an apartment for almost 3 years. I think I may have been a bit negative lately, and pushed him a bit because of his depression. We have worked so well for so long, so this is so unexpected. He didn't seem as if he himself understood what was happening, only that it didn't feel the same anymore...

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      In that case, it might be better to spend some time to work on your negativity, and find out how to deal with it. If his depression is very serious, you might also want to advice him to seek professional help to assist him with coping.

      Reply
    • Nora

      I have given him the number of some professionals. I don't know if he'll go... I am trying to be as positive as possible when in contact. Meeting him tonight. I have thought a lot about what I can do to be a better person around him too. I hope he will be wanting me back in time... I know we will work if we get the chanche to work on it together.

      Reply
  • H Y

    Hi Ryan,

    My boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We have only dated for 6 months but hung out for a year or so before we start to date. It was not a smooth sail to begin with. We are very compatible when we were just friends. However, ever since we started dating, we always get into these small frustrations with each other. We never had any heated arguments but we would always talk about problems, logically. Towards the end, he was really stressed from work and his family and he wanted to go on a break after I threw a tantrum. After a week, he asked to meet up and broke up with me. I didn't contact him for awhile but lately we started to talking again but I can feel that he distanced himself. I want to give it a second try because I feel that either of us was trying hard enough. However, my friends are telling me to just move on, he is not the right guy for me. I am not sure what to do, any advice?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Whether he is the right one for you is something only you can decide for yourself. But you have to be aware that relationships are very different from friendships especially when it comes to expectations and patience. If you want to win your ex back, you'll have to work on that aspect about yourself first, and give him some time to deal with the negative emotions from the break up before considering anything.

      Reply
  • Asmen

    I'm 50. I feel I need a serious support from you. We're having a wonderful relationship my girlfriend for last six years with high intimacy and enjoyed sex whenever possible. She is 45. I'm having a wonderful family with two kids and she also got her family with kids. But due to some doubts on me, she broke with me two to three times. But I'm able to manage her back to normal life. She is working in my company. I brought her to my company only after we started of our relationship. She is very capable and doing her job very successfully. We are able to spend a lot of time together.

    First, we broke because of her doubt on me with another lady. But it was a very fair relationship and I was almost like a mentor for her and she helped me in some financial troubles. I kept it hidden not to make her sad, for a long time and she caught us over phone red-handed. That became so serious and she resigned. But I beg pardon and I explained everything she forgave me. But so suspicious on every relationship even with my relatives. It happened once more when I kept hidden something not to worry her and broke again. Again managed to get her back but She asked me to cut all suspicious relationships and I accepted. I'm so sincere to her till this moment and never thought about any other dating relationship even before I met or after we fell in love. She is the second lady with whom I had the physical relationship in my life after my wife.

    I was keeping some financial or company things hidden only because not to make her sad on that. But on many occasions when she comes to know about it she will burst out and will become so violent and try to break from me and the relationship. I had given oath many times to her that I won't lie or hide anything from her. But on many occasions due to fear of losing her, I kept hidden and lied many times to her. In last December 17 one such thing happened and finally, she left me. nearly after 1 year, I managed to get her back as my employee in my company, on condition, i will not pressure her into the former relationship but only employee and max a normal friend but not intimate. We were had a lot of discussions apologies, but nothing worked out. She is not happy if i care her more and if showed much affection. But she is very normal to me now.

    But I'm undergoing a very stressful period and she is my first love. I'm 50 now and all I want to get her back permanently. But I fear, she had few earlier relationship which also broke but she never goes back to that what may happen. She is a person like, once broken is broken and she will never get back to it. What may happen I want her back. Her husband is not at all supporting her for her living and abuses her very much. He continues to do it from her marriage days itself. She had her marriage 20 years before and still together.

    She got a feeling that I cheated or betrayed her. But I haven't done anything wrong or insincere to her except hiding or telling lie. But that is most important to her but its normal to me. But I'm ready to change. My company is going thru a financial struggle and I need this relationship back to set right everything. I need her back at any cost for the rest of my life. We are meeting everyday at the office and having normal and official communications directly and over the phone also. But she shows no intimacy to any of these communications and she told that she is not even thinking about me when I'm away. Need your sincere help and advice to her back.

    I did a lot of mistakes before coming to your site like begging, pleading, apologizing, promising on future and bad things possible as you pointed out. Now i started the no contact as you suggested. But that can be limited as we are are meeting everyday in office and a lot of official communications. Please reply. Is your EBP advanced will work on this scenario? please reply on how to proceed.

    Reply
  • Ruby

    Should I be posting on social media during no contact

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Yes you should. No contact with your ex doesn't mean no contact with the outside world.

      Reply
  • Jason Egeland

    So my girlfriend broke up with me on Christmas night. Things had been building for awhile. We were together 5
    And a half yrs. It wasn't a pretty breakup. She recently asked me to stop contacting her because just a couple days before I had asked her if she was seeing someone new and she said "yes..im seeing someone but not while we were together. I was always 100 percent faithful to you. Hope this helps you move on." Prior to this I had over emailed her, texted and called twice
    . It's been about a month and two weeks since the breakup and guessing it's a rebound. Two days later I sent her a long email telling her how I feel about her and she sent me an email saying"please stop contacting me. You promised you wouldn't text or email me me if I said I was seeing someone else. You haven't kept your promise at all. Please keep your word (and dignity) and let me go." I sent her a text the next day..."You are right. I give you my word to not contact you again, I promise. I've been wrong and am sorry."
    She had told me prior to all this the last day I saw her when I was getting my stuff from the house that she feels like she is "losing me " and said "I don't like the thought of you being with someone else either." Reciprocated from what I told her but that "we just can't allow ourselves to dwell on it". So I'm in that last text I sent her I have officially promised not to contact her again so I will have to do the no contact permanently I'm guessing? I think it will only make her angry if I do. The breakup involved some shouting and I know it was caused from drinking which I've given up since. Her dad was an alcoholic. None of that would have happened had I not made a sarcastic comment after my friend went home and had I not lost control the way I did, i probably could've made up with her after she told me she was breaking up with me had I'd kissed her and apologized instead of throwing things in the kitchen and grabbing a kitchen knife and locking myself in the bathroom, in which case she called the cops and the rest is complicated. She took my door key and her dad came over when I got out of the hospital and told me she was upset and didn't want to see me right now. I went my dad's and later I had to meet up with her to have my name removed from the lease. She insisted we move on. I know she loved me and we had a valuable relationship but we had a lot of arguments that were caused from the drinking something she even mentioned later was one of the main reasons we had so many problems. So now I'm left with my promise to her of not contacting her again. Short of not contacting her, she doesn't use Facebook ever so there's nothing more I can do exceptif she makescontact with me at some point. Your thoughts?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Follow through with no contact, pick yourself up from the break up, and work on your anger and alcohol issues to create a better version of yourself. Since she is dating someone else, there isn't much you can do but to give her space and ensure that you are in a better place if the opportunity should ever present itself in the future.

      Reply
  • James

    Hi EBP team! I really appreciate your effort.

    My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she got tired of our (not so frequent) ups and downs. She was hurting bad afterwards and even admitted to missing me a lot but remained adamant to her decision, kept herself distracted and now she's getting better by the day. I sticked to no contact for a month (which helped me a great deal) and yesterday I sent her a memory text. She replied positively and we chatted about random stuff for a bit before I ended the conversation. I know her enough to know that she hasn't changed her mind and it's normal for her to be friendly since we had a civilized breakup. How slow should I take this? Should I wait a couple days and message her again or should I ask her out for a coffee and just be friendly and cool? Right now I feel there's a chance and I don't want to ruin it by acting too fast or waiting too long.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Observe how the exchange in texts go, and don't jump the gun on asking her out for coffee because it may raise her defenses if it comes across as forced.

      Reply
  • SANDRA

    I broke up with my long distance Boyfriend yesterday.i am feeling so hurt and i can die without him.Our relationship had so many ups and downs but we rejoin and relove so many times within 1 yr of RS.Now he blocked me my number and on every social medias that i can't chat him. When i talk to him with my friend's acc, he said he will block my fri also. I beg him and cry so many times towards him. What should i do?? i really love him and cant live without him. And i also know he really loved me and still loves me though he said he dont love me now.In this article, duration of no contact is abt 4 weeks but he will come back in 2 wks to our country because of his school off. he will stay for 3 days and after that he will come back next 2 mths. What should i do. Can i do no contact for just 2 wks? Because i want to apologize for my serious mistakes when he is in town.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      It depends on why he broke up with you in the first place. If he is arriving in 2 weeks, then you could always reduce no contact for now, as long as you think it's enough time for him to let go of any negative emotions or feelings he holds towards you.

      Reply
  • S

    Hello,

    I'm sure you get hundreds of these so I'll try to be brief. I'm considering the EBP program. We've been apart for roughly two years [She tried to stay with me, but I could not let go of our previous past (she broke up with me in the first go and later slept with one of my good friends)]. It was supposed to be our fresh start but I muddied it up because of my inability to get over it. I lied to her when telling her I was. Another note, I did become intimate with another when we were in a huge fight, seemingly at the end of our rope. We decided I would move out and we would take it from there, but I selfishly took it as a "break-up" (Such a cop out, I know). Since then, I went through:

    - depression (antidepressants and anxiety meds)
    - suicide attempt (Unrelated to the relationship but important to disclose post relationship mindest)
    - A somewhat serious relationship in which the person loves me and I treat them more as a friend than a partner/best friend.(we are LDR and I am waiting to break up with them in person).
    - much growing and learning, haven't we all.

    It has been 9 months since my suicide attempt and feel I have become healthy both of mind and body. I feel the past were my emotional growing pains, and was my transition into adulthood.

    My question is, how do I attempt to contact her, if at all, after all this time? Last I heard, she wants NOTHING to do with me and out of respect for her wishes, I haven't contacted her since. I've heard she's moved on but that was a year ago and I have remained blocked on her social media so I'm not sure what her status is. I have no wish to disrupt her life/balance, but if she is single, I very much would like to make a go at maximizing the happiness of both our long-term futures. She was not my first love, but by far my most cherished.

    So much for being brief.

    S

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hey there,

      Firstly, good job on dealing with all those issues you mentioned and still making it out positively. Since it has been a long time, you could consider checking up on how she's doing from a mutual friend if possible. If not, you could consider dropping her a casual text message, or even a letter - if you know where she lives. Acknowledge your faults in the relationship and apologize for them, in the hopes that one day you guys can still be friends. Never start off with your intention and patience level geared towards wanting her back, but simply as a long-time friend showing concern/checking in on her and how she's doing. The most important thing you have to find out is where she stands regarding her views towards you, and if she still harbors any ill feelings.

      Reply
  • tony

    I've just checked this page and signed up to get the daily email. Love the content so far...

    I guess you get a lot of emails from people who think "their situation" is a little bit different than anybody else's. I'm one of them who believes even though your teachings offer insightful value, things may not apply to my relationship with Sarah.

    Or maybe they do.

    I really don't know if I want to buy your course or maybe hire you as my coach, I'm just desperate to get my baby back.

    I broke up with Sarah two years ago already. Yes, it's been a while. During this time we've tried to come back many times but I screwed up many of those times stepping back time after time again.

    In December 2016 I decided to take a permanent break. I couldnt deal with it anymore. So we barely spoke for 4 months. There were a few text messages back and forth during that time, but thats it.

    In April 2017 I called her. I had missed her so much the previous 4 months I couldn't live without here. We saw each other for 3 hours and told her I wanted to get her back. Unfortunately, she "wasn't ready" and didn't want to get hurt again. During last summer, we talked and saw each other a few times, but she's still full of resentment. She's not forgiven and everytime we see each other, she always tells me that " I dumped her"...

    In November last year I sent her a heart-felt letter. She liked it and we started to talking again. We even saw each other a few times, actually 5-6 times since December and even kissed. Everything was more or less going in the right direction until two weeks ago...

    We had a fight over the phone cause she wanted to see some of her friends instead of me and I told her I was second best, as always. She really got angry and me and things really escalated from there. She was hurt again and told me that I was selfish and that I wanted to do things my way not respecting her wishes....

    She says that I always FORCE things instead of letting things happen organically...

    I guess she's right. I just wanted to know if we are doing this makes sense as I don't want to wait another 8 months until she knows what she wants...

    I just wish I had read this guide before...I made all the mistakes...

    Anyway, last week I kept calling, I was desperate, needy..I told her if she wanted to break it up for good, she should tell me. But she still says "i don't know what I want". S

    Anyway, we had a bad fight last week, she said she needed some "space and time" to think. It's been almost a week.

    I'm really desperate as she's not called ever since - I haven't contacted either.

    What really gets me is, if she's so angry, resented and upset with me, why doesnt she break it off completely once and for all? I asked her that question and she said "because it's so damn hard.."

    Anyway, things were going well until two weeks ago and then I blew it. I think I lost my last shot with her. I'm just afraid next time she calls me it will be to tell me we are done.

    She knows "im waiting". I told her I was going to wait...so Im waiting...

    Do you think my situation is completely different? is there any hope?

    Thank you and looking forward your reply.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      For starters, she feels confused because she does still have feelings for you, but is afraid of the past incidents repeating itself, which has caused her to raise her guard with you. That recent incident where you got upset with her was one of those fears she had that probably came true. If you really want to get back together with her, ironically as it sounds, you're shift your mindset and remind yourself that you're not with her yet. As of now, you're simply a friend working your way up to something more and getting her to like you again. Never project your past expectations (when still in a relationship) onto her, and since you should have improved several aspects of your life since the break up, use this opportunity to 'show' it to her, instead of pressuring her to re-start the relationship. The bottom line of things is that you should treat her as though you were chasing someone for the very first time, with no expectations and to be patient.

      Reply
  • R. Coop

    Hey me and my ex(18) I’m 20 just broke up 2 weeks ago. The relationship was well I actually thought we had something she would tell me a lot of secrets that she’s never told anyone not even her best friends of closets relatives and I would do that same. Then one day she tells me things don’t feel the same and that we should break up so we do we weren’t together for 2 days then we ran into each other at a party she later came over and we kind of talked things out she’s had a hard time being it her first yr college and has made a lot of mistakes.Fast forward a couple weeks and the same situation pops up this time we take a “break” but she was always popping up at my room and asking am I was. I knew things weren’t feeling right later one week I hear some bad news in my life and she comes over to check on me and see how I’m feeling I really loved that Ik she really cared. Until it came to the weekend she again popped up at my dorm and we hung out for a 1 hour or so and she started getting really comfortable I told her “ you know you shouldn’t be doing this” she said “ I know but I miss spending time with you”. At this moment my heart was racing because throughout this entire “break I’ve been trying to get us back together and nothing was trying so I tried to plan something later that day I text her and ask if she can come over she replies “ no we’re not talking no more I shouldn’t have come over it was a mistake” I asked why she came over she said “ I don’t know”. I was broken at this point so I went to confront her(which wasn’t a good idea) later that day and she’s still keeps telling me we’re not talking so I disappointly left and she eventually came over later and told me everything. Turns out we’re very much in common and are going through similar situations in our lives she again tells me a lot of very very personal stuff that is also going on and making her stressed and worried. I asked if she actually liked me she said I don’t know right now I think I liked the attention more and I was devastated and confused. She also told me some other personal things and reasons to why she’s having a hard time staying committed to us. It has been 3 days and I want to get her back we haven’t spoken since that day and she also blocked me on her Snapchat and hasn’t blocked me since but hasn’t blocked my number. Please help me

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Don't pressure her into anything right now. Give both parties some space and time to deal with your own issues and for her to let go of the negative emotions tied to your confrontation with her. You could consider applying no contact for the time being to focus on yourself.

      Reply
  • Bradley

    Hi,
    My ex and I broke up about two weeks ago. We dated for 4 months and we’re both 22. I haven't reached out to her yet but, want nothing more to because there are so many questions that I have about what happened. We had a strong connection, I never blew up her phone, i would wait for her to text back before i sent another message. She would say I'm the best thing that's happened to her in a very long time, and that she is so lucky to have me in her life, and that she wants me in her life for a long time. I never mentioned making plans far in advance for later down the road, but she brought up me spending Christmas with her and her family next year, and spending new year’s together next year, and I told her that would be awesome and would love to. We only officially dated for a month before she went back home for 5 weeks.
    The Monday before the Saturday she broke up with me she started school and I noticed that she didn't say her usual goodnight. she usually says night babe with some hearts but that Monday I just got a night. I saw her for the first time since she left for a little bit that Wednesday and things seemed great. She was happy to see me, and we talked about getting a cabin for valentine’s day, and she seemed like she really wanted to get one. I saw her that Saturday morning before her job interview and she seemed fine. while I was hanging out with a friend and she was at her job interview I got a text out of nowhere saying that she needed space and time to think things over. That she has so many things going on right now and that she isn’t thinking straight because of her hormones, stress, and lack of sleep. I went over and talked to her that night and she said that I was a great boyfriend, an amazing guy and hadn't done anything wrong. She said that she needs to focus on graduating and had so much on her plate that she couldn't give me the time that she thinks I deserve. That she isn't sure she feels the same way about me that I feel about her, and that I stress her out. She said she isn't just going to disappear and never hear from her again and that she still wants me in her life. That she’s there if I want to talk.
    When we started dating she planned on staying in town for a little while after graduation and when she came back from home she said that she was moving back home at the end of this summer. I told her when she said that, that I care so much for her and if that was the case that I would move near her to be close to her. This girl was everything I have looked for in a girl. She seemed that she loved me by the things she said, and I'm just so confused what to do because it really came out of nowhere, and I love this girl.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      It could be that she's going through a really stressful period, and just needs time to figure out what she wants, as well as clear her priorities. I suggest giving her time to deal with what she needs to, and allow yourself some space to distance yourself emotionally from this. You could arrange to meet her again at a later date, when things are a little more settled.

      Reply
  • Sidd

    Hey. It's been two years since my breakup. My ex is a great person and ever since I've been unable to connect with any other person the way I connected with him. I unintentionally start looking for him in every other person I meet. I dated this guy from university, one year after breakup, and it didn't work out. We kinda broke up after two months. I dont feel a thing about this university guy anyway. So, coming back to the ex, a few days ago I added my ex on Snapchat and have been uploading pretty pictures ever since. He views my stories but doesn't make a comment or something. I sound as happy and cheerful in my snaps as I can. I dont know for sure but chances are that he might have gotten engaged under familial pressure. In the two years period, my ex tried to contact me twice which I didn't respond to. And now that I have added him on Snapchat, I cant get him off my mind. I keep on tracking his location on SnapMap. And now I'm thinking about sending him a direct message. Please tell me if it's a good idea to drop a message for him ?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You should find out if he's officially engaged already or not. If he isn't then you could drop him a direct message to break ice since it's been a long time. However, if he's already engaged then it's best that you try to let go of him and move on since contacting him might bring about misunderstandings.

      Reply
    • Sidd

      And any leads on how can I find out his relationship status?

      Reply
  • Tess

    Hi Kevin,

    I love getting your emails daily by the way! Good information!

    I'm so confused as to what is happening and I would love to hear what you think!

    My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago due to him not knowing what he wants in life and relationship. He is almost 30 and I guess he is having a kind of "mid life crisis". He just got out of a very stressful work period that lasted for months. During this time, I noticed he was getting less and less affectionate towards me. He is naturally a VERY romantic man and he used to shower me with little love gestures and words. So I first brought it up to him back in September and he had the same concern. We did not break up. He did not want to lose me so we said we would try and give each other space...which we didn't really. We lived together and we were too dependent on each other...at least I was.

    I talked to him again in 3 weeks ago about this because I have been feeling something was off for months! At first we went on a "break" but that only lasted for two weeks. I broke up with him after that because I couldn't deal with pain of waiting around. Don't know where it came from but we spent that night together and had very passionate sex....but now here we are. I moved to a new place now but we would take turns to go to friends' to stay for the first two weeks. After the first week, we saw each other. He woke up from a dream one night and he held me and said he had a bad dream that he lost me. We went on two "dates" and we had a good time...he was romantic towards me and we had the most passionate sex both times. He was being his romantic self like how he always was. So I'm confused.... Yesterday I broke it off with him because I might hurt myself even more if we keep going with the ambiguity. He kept saying he's afraid of losing me and he doesn't know what he is doing. So confusing for both of us. So now I'm currently trying the NC. I have a gut feeling that he will come back....but how can one know? I really think he is the right person for me...should I fight for this or should I let him go?

    Sorry for the long text! I really hope I can get your opinions on this.

    Regards,
    Tess

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If you think that he is the one for you, then you should work towards something if possible. However, you need to convey it across to him that he needs to make a decision on what he wants because you can't wait around forever. If he wants things to work, he would probably make an effort to change. If not, you would do better to walk away from the relationship or risk going through this again in the future.

      Reply
  • Heather

    Why are there no articles on what to do AFTER you meet your ex? I met with my ex yesterday and have no idea what to do now.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hey Heather, that's because everyone's contact experience will be different, and from here on out, it's more about your own efforts to build up the connection with him once again by being you. As long as you stick to the general rules and principles back in no contact (don't be needy or desperate), you should be fine.

      Reply
  • Dayana Amigo

    hi. first, sorry for my english. I was in a relationship of a month (and 2 months of flirts before this)( we dont even have sex :( ) My boyfriend broke with me because his friends hate me (many people) and I descovered him talking bad things about me. due to my impulses I broke the relationship but when I told him my regret -the next day- he told me that he wants to be quiet for a days and maybe if we still think each other something could happen. Well, im doing no contact but I have some doubts, I bloked him on facebook and I lost his number but I still having him on Instagram. I used to upload pictures, it could affect the no contact? my other question is that is really hard to me to write the hand letter (is really crazy) and I dont have his number or email, do you think it could be work if when I completed the month I start giving him likes and comments of his “stories”? its really hard to me find him because he take the desition. do you think that I can be sucess? thanks .

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You could continue to upload pictures on IG, so that your presence remains visible to him despite no contact. As for the letter, when no contact is over, you could decide again what you want to do, but instead of liking his pictures or stories, you could always start with a simple message to his Instagram asking him how he's been.

      Reply
  • Cita

    Hi EBP team,
    My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago after he said he needed space. He said it was not my fault, he said it's because he's tired of being in a relationship and wants to be alone for now. I felt really down, because this is our second time breaking up. On the first break up I really did fix myself for him, but I was not happy and I had anxiety built up along the way. I knew he doesn't like it when I make small problems into big ones, he doesn't like it when I word vomit during arguing (yes this triggered him to ask me for a break), and how I cling onto him too much. Now I truly have learned from my mistakes, and this break up was much easier because I'm actually making my self happy, and hanging out with my friends that I have neglected because I spent so much time with my ex instead. I love him so dearly, I feel like our relationship is fixable but I just know his tolerance towards me is really low now. Because back then, he would go through all my problems and comfort me. I used to be horrible, heck I even slapped him once for no clear reason. He was such a loving and caring boyfriend, he used to be so committed. I really miss what we had, when we were equally invested, there were barely any fights, and we always had a great time together in conversations, activities, and sex. I have been doing the no contact rule really well in my opinion, but does this all matter when I have pushed him away this much until he is just so tired? How long do men usually need to rest? I heard from another article that they start regretting after more than a month.. And can I heal him so he can love being in a relationship again, and become equally invested again? Thank you.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You won't be able to heal him, because its something that he needs to resolve on his own. In this case, it may not be so much about regretting, but rather you'll have to make him miss the idea of a relationship with you. The only way for that to happen is to first give him space to let go of all the bad incidents that happened, and start remembering the good (especially when he sees how much you've changed). Continue with no contact, and when it ends, you could always decide to approach him again casually, starting off with the idea of being friends and letting him allow you back into your life slowly.

      Reply
  • lily

    Hi, so me and my ex broke up a week ago. We weren’t dating for a very long time (3 months) but it was very intense and we fell for eachother the first time we saw eachother. we were dating and everything was amazing when we were together he told me how he already felt in love so fast but it all felt right. We did however had some arguments trough texts, he hates texting but texting was important for our communication because we live in different cities also he has an enormous busy profession so making plans was always hard, our communication caused a lot of problems also his work made him get a burn out and he was getting back into a depression (he was severly depressed years ago). We sometimes talked about quitting because we had to deal with a lot. Last week we talked and both decided to go on, he also told me i was the most important person in his life even during the depression (which was taking a toll on our relationship) two days later he told me that it would be best if we broke up because it wasnt working and he doesnt know what he wants and he needed to focus on himself. I got it but i am hurt because we fell in love so fast and he was always telling me how much i ment for him and how amazing he thought i was. I am just wondering if its over for good of if there still is a chance for us, i feel like we didn’t have the opportunity to fully try.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      There's a strong possibility that he still has feelings for you, but is simply overwhelmed with everything that has been going on. Unfortunately, a perfect world does not exist and we often have to make do with the situation that we're given - for yours, its a relationship based in different cities and a partner who has a stressful job and difficulties with coping. If his depression is severe, it's likely that frequent changes in his opinions may occur based on how he's feeling at a given point because he is unable to control his emotions. You could always learn how to help him cope better with his stress and depression, and be patient with him because of his depression. However, you should keep in mind that depression isn't something that should control his life although it will affect it. It shouldn't control yours either, and if things get overwhelming for you, it might be a better idea to walk away.

      Reply
  • Ian

    In need of some help. My ex and I started talking over two years ago. She's 20 and I'm 28. We talked all day every day. Four months ago we decided it was best if we started to date. We have never argued once in over two years we've known each other. Three weeks ago she said she didn't think we should date because I deserve better. That I have real priorities and she has immature ones. She said she was young dumb and selfish. Which I didn't agree with. She said it had nothing to do with me she just realized things about herself. The next day I didn't really talk to her but she got mad because of that. Then 3 days after we broke up we met face to face and got back together after talking.
    During the 3 weeks we were together it couldn't have gone better. We bought tickets to concerts in the coming months, we were planning a trip with her sister and her husband for a week. She invited me everywhere. She said she missed me when we didn't see each other. She was very affectionate. Then five days ago she calls me and said she's been thinking. She feels she needs to work on herself and grow up. She feels that in order to be mature she needs to be single. I'm proud of her for being that mature to want all of that but I don't understand why she can't do that while together. She told me we were on a break. Since we started our break there's been no contact. I'm worried I'm going to lose her forever. I want her back but I want her back for good. I'm confused what to do since we never fought and we've talked every day for over 2 years straight. Not one argument and we wanted all the same things. Point me in the right direction to get her back! I don't want to mess this up!

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      As cliche as this may sound, a relationship requires its fights and arguments from time to time for individuals to grow emotionally (based on how they resolve those issues). The reason why she feels stuck and perhaps that she needs to grow from 'single' point of view is because she currently feel that the relationship has not made her any more mature than she was 2 years ago, since she has become dependent on you for most things. Perhaps you could give her some space to let her sort those emotions out and continue with the NC period. If the relationship was as meaningful to her as it was to you, she would definitely begin to feel an emotional gap because of the daily texting for past 2 years and think of you.

      Reply
  • Emelia

    My ex contacted me two days after breaking up with me. He invited me over to get my stuff and to talk. I️ responded and said I️ can’t I️m leaving for a trip, we can next week. I️ totally messed up. He responded ok. Now I️ don’t know what to do. The ball is still in his court. Where do I️ go from here. Should I️ text him in a week telling him I️ need some more time? How do I️ gain some control

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Wait for him to text you again, and depending on what your end goal is (to move on or get back together), you could either pick your stuff up or try to avoid it if possible - regardless, you should apply no contact after to give both parties necessary space to let go of either the relationship or negative feelings from the breakup.

      Reply
  • larry

    Hi,
    My ex and I broke up about two weeks ago. I haven't reached out to her yet, but want nothing more that to, because there are so many questions that I have about what happened. We started dating this past November and things were great! We had a strong connection, I never blew up her phone, i would wait for her to text back before i sent another message. She would say I'm the best thing that's happened to her in a very long time, and that she is so lucky to have me in her life, and that she wants me in her life for a long time. I never mentioned making plans far in advance for later on down the road, but she brought up me spending Christmas with her and her family next year, and spending new years together next year, and I told her that would be awesome and would love to. We only officially dated for a month before she went back home for 5 weeks. The Monday before the Saturday she broke up with me she started school and I noticed that she didn't say her usual goodnight. she usually says night babe with some hearts but that Monday I just got a night. I saw her for the first time since she left for a little bit that Wednesday and things seemed great. She was happy to see me, and we talked about getting a cabin for valentines day, and she seemed like she really wanted to get one. I saw her that Saturday morning before her job interview and she seemed fine. while I was hanging out with a friend and she was at her job interview I got a text out of nowhere saying that she needed space and time to think things over. That she has so many things going on right now and that she isn't thinking straight because of her hormones, stress, and lack of sleep. I went over and talked to her that night and she said that I was a great boyfriend, an amazing guy and hadn't done anything wrong. She said that she needs to focus on graduating and had so much on her plate that she couldn't give me the time that she thinks i deserve. That she isn't sure she feels the same way about me that i feel about her, and that i stress her out. She said she isn't just going to disappear and never hear from her again and that she still wants me in her life. That shes there if i want to talk. when we started dating she planned on staying in town for a little while after graduation and when she came back from home she said that she was moving back home at the end of this summer. I told her when she said that, that I care so much for her and if that was the case that I would move near her to be close to her. This girl was everything I have looked for in a girl. She seemed that she loved me by the things she said and I'm just so confused what to do because it really came out of nowhere.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Based on what you're saying, it could either be that she is really feeling very stressed out about her future and is unsure where you fit into it, which is why she needed time to think. The other outcome was that she may have found someone else she is interested in, and isn't sure of how she feels towards you anymore but may have held it in for awhile. Regardless, if she feels the same way about how you felt towards her, it may probably be the former reason, and if that's the case, you shouldn't pressure her any further, and try to be patient while she thinks things through. If the outcome is that she really wants things to end, and to focus on graduating first without you as her partner, there isn't much you can do but apply no contact to pick yourself up and give yourself some space before re-considering anything.

      Reply
  • xsoekung2828

    Hi
    My ex broke up with me almost 3 months ago, due to trust issue. The first week, I begged and pleaded her so much, but i found the NC rule, which i did reply for a bit. We had an on and off conncetion after our breakup. Everytime i went nc she would texting me like crazy, and everytime she did that i broke my nc rule. But our interactions were positive, i did improve myself, she even mentioned that. But in the day after christmas i did something stupid, which i tried to make her jealous, by telling her that my fried did set me up to some girls that wanted to meet me in the club. My ex got very upset and won't talk to me. The reason of why i tried to make her jealous was becasue, she would be moving away to another town (2hours away). So i tried to rush the process of getting her back, but it backfired very hard.
    After she moved away i did go on NC again, which i failed like the first time. It is my weakness that, everytime she contacts me i would reply to every single of her texts and calls, eventhough our interactions were positive. So in the past few weeks she asked me that when i could come to visit her. I said that i could visit her in febuary, but she said that she couldn't wait that long. I was very happy to knew that she still thinking about me. Since then we had been contacting each other a little bit more than usual. She even asked me to stay a little bit longer when i called her just to say goodnight. And last weekend she sent me a dirty snap of her and teased me like crazy, which it made me to want her back even more. So i began to show my intention and affection toward her. Since then she went cold, very cold, so i called her, which i shouldn't at all. But i called her because on 1st febuary i will be in her town, so i just wanted to ask her that we could have a meeting. But she hung up on me, and texted me instead. She texted me that she was crying and sad. I asked her why and she wanted to talk about it, but she just ignored my text. So i called her again the day after, because i wanted to know that she stii wants to meet up. We talked a little bit about yesterday, why she was crying. She didn't tell me about it. Then i asked her about she wants to hang out when i am in her town. She said she would check her schedule and she would let me know. Since then she didn't contact me at all not even a pointless text or snap. I felt like her crying and sad that day hadd something to do with me. So i reached to her tpday(yeah, i am acting needy again) asked her that she wants to see me at all on 1st febuary. She replied "no kissing". So now i know why she went cold. Because i show her my intention for her. And i will be meeting her very soon.
    What can i do, since she knows my intention now? Is it too late to get her back? I felt like the process that i had made is gone. Because before i show my needieness and intention i knew that she still cares about me, but right now i don't know any more, confusing more likely. I will be meeting her soon, what should i do?
    Thank you

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      I don't think it's too late to get her back, but you should take things down a notch and not make your intentions so forward or let your emotions get the better of you. Just because you're going over soon, doesn't mean things all need to fall in place at one shot. She might even be impressed that you kept things calm and composed when meeting, instead of making advances, which she is expecting. Apologize for being so forward, and let her know that your emotions got the better of you. Also tell her that you would still very much like to meet up when you're there, but would understand if she isn't comfortable. Basically, be a gentleman from here on out, and you still stand a strong chance with her. Let her lead instead based on what she's comfortable with.

      Reply
    • xsoekung2828

      Thank you for a fast reply. Sorry, i didn't explain the situation clearly, but im not 100% sure that she wants to meet with me tomorrow. What if i didn't meet her tomorrow? Can i still text her that im sorry for letting my emotion get better of me and etc?
      Thank you!

      Reply
    • xsoe

      Hi, i want to do a little update from my meeting with my ex. It went well, we had fun. When we first met we were just talking casually. Then we went to her place to pick her stuff. In her apartment there were a lot of stuff that weren't hers, and i saw on hers table there were some birth control pills, and she was not a fan of taking them when we were together, because it would give her side effect. So i knew that she has slept with other guys since our breakup. I know that it was not something that i could control, since we are not together anymore. But i didn't show any emotion to her, though i was so mad inside. Because i figured that one of the reason why she went cold and distant was she was seeing someone else. So i was just talking about something else instead and it went good. Then we went for a shopping, which it went better with our interactions. I began to holding hands and small kind of physically interaction. We went for a dinner after and i made her laugh a lot of the times. So when we went back just to chill a little bit before i haad to go home. We cuddle for a bit, even though i felt a small resistance from her side. I mean she wrote "no kissing" after all. So when we said goodbye, we kissed, we laugh for a bit, because i made a comment about "no kissing" Then we kissed again, but nothing more, and i did tried to get more than kisses, but not directly. I think our first interaction went well. But what does that kiss mean? What should i do after this point? How can i make her to think about me and not the guy she has been seeing? Especially when she was so hot towards me a few weeks before.
      Thank you

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      The fact that she has opened up to you and even returned the kisses despite expressing no initially shows that she still has feelings for you, which were probably easier to mask while she was still texting you. If you continue this approach with her, to make her laugh and enjoy herself everytime she talks to you or sees you, it wouldn't be long before she rekindles her feelings for you. It should be mentioned as well though, that you may expect a little resistance on occasion from her if she's seeing another guy, but he may simply be a rebound. Remember that being patient (not lose your cool or be pushy) will only increase your chances of winning her back from him since she would see you as the better option.

      Reply
  • cez

    hi ebp team,
    my ex of more than a year broke it off yesterday. 3 weeks before that he asked for space which i did (somehow). i was overly possesive towards him. i got jealous everytime. before we officially became a couple, we were dating over a year too. so you can say we've been together for more than a year. he is 33 whyl im 26. he was really having a bad time at work plus responsibilities with his family. he said we'll just focus on our work first. btw we are in the same company. should i do nc? i knw hes just so fed up with everything. should i jst give him time and space but try to bring him food again.? or just plain nc? thank you.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You should start off with NC on it's own without sweet gestures. You want to give your ex some time and space to cool off as well as the time apart to start missing you again. If you work together with him, meeting him would be unavoidable, but keep your conversations strictly to work related matters for the time being, and focus on NC instead. You could use this article to further assist you.

      Reply
  • Eve

    Hi team!

    My first post was in December, when I was rebuilding connection with my ex and needed some advice. We talked, even videochated as we were in a long distance relationship and since then we were fine, having small talks, snapping and starting to have longer conversations. There were moments when he acted cold or when I needed to sustain the conversation, which made me really frustrated.

    However, in January he left to an academy. On his first week there, we had small talks, like we exchanged 2-3 sentences about the academy. I assumed that he is replying so slow and short because he has some stuff to do or something, so I waited a couple of days, till weekend, believing, maybe he will have more time for me. He didn't... He is barely answering me even if I am writing to him each 2nd or 3rd day.

    The interesting thing is, that on Snapchat everything was fine, so I started to rebuild connection and attraction there. I tried several times the methodes described in the article. Recently he sent me a snap of a dish made by him, so as an answer I wrote him: "It looks really nice. I almost have forgotten how much you love to cook." After a few minutes he told me: "You are doing that again." I knew that perhaps he is reffering to my remark, as I told him before things like "oh, I remember how tasty that dish was on our first date, once again, what was the secret ingredient?" and such things. However, I asked him to clarify what he is reffering to. After an hour he snapped me the following: "I don't remember what I wrote."

    I know that getting him back is a long and sometimes painful process. I made some serious changes in my life and a part of those changes were acknowledged by him, he even confirmed me, that I look more refreshed and happier. In one of our conversation he even apologized because of the breakup. But now I feel like, he being at the academy, he started a new life which he won't share with me at all.

    I will go to the academy in April, however, I haven't told him about it. My plan would be to start a new NC period till April and in the meantime to work again on myself, maybe to post some nice, happy pics when travelling (just as I did before), just being an even better verison of the better me. I know that he is not expecting to see me ever again as he lives in Denmark and I on the other side of Europe, so when arriving at the academy it will be a huge shocking surprise for him. I think this would not just surprise him but also trigger some old memories and perhaps, he will notice each little change on me.

    I would like to ask you some clear questions, that are bugging me:
    1. What makes men to apologize for breaking up?
    2. Is it a good idea to do another NC till April or it would be better to somehow continue working on building raport, even if he acts like an ice-prince?
    3. Should I let him know, that I am going to the academy or can I keep it a secret?
    4. Is there a chance to get him back if I would stop messaging and sending snaps?
    5. We were in long-distance relationship. When breaking up I don't think he thought that he will see me again.... Meeting him face-to-face would make it possible that his feelings would change?

    I am looking forward to your reply and thank you very much in advance!
    Eve :)

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      To answer your questions, firstly men apologize for the break up when we've had time to think about it, or feel guilty towards our ex for hurting them. Secondly, if he's being wary of your intentions right now and has started his new life at the academy, it may be a good idea to start NC again since pushing your way through isn't going to work. You have an advantage that most long distance relationship breakups don't, which is that you'll be going to the academy in April. I guess what contributes to him wanting to move on, is the thought of never seeing you again, which makes things easier to process and to distance himself from you. By going to the academy, you definitely would trigger some memories and he may even begin to miss you. It might be a good idea to let him know that you'll be going, or at least bring it up casually on the potential chance that you may be going, and see how he reacts to it.

      Reply
    • Eve

      Hi Ryan!

      As I started now the NC and I am in the second week, when and how should I let him know? What would be the best method? Writing him something like: You will never guess what happened! And after that just tell him that I will go there?

      Thanks,
      Eve :)

      Reply
    • Eve

      Hi Ryan!

      Should I break my new NC just for this message? Can I send hima text just regarding this issue while being nice and cool about it?

      Thank you and have a nice day,
      Eve

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Yes, you could drop him a text and continue with NC after, or alternatively, finish up NC first before texting him that you'll be going over in April.

      Reply
    • Eve

      Hi Ryan!

      We talked as he contacted me and when it came of the academy, I told him that there is a huge chance that I will visit his academy... He didn't reacted at all, he has sent me a pic and changed the subject and continued as nothing have happened... He really doesn't care or this is a normal reaction? Should I continue talking with him or I should do a NC till I go there and give him some time process the info? I have the feeling that he didn't really believed me or didn't really took into consideration this potential chance. He likes the concrete things that are for sure. Should I let him know that I know the exact date, would that change things?

      Thank you in advance!

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      I suggest leaving things be for now, and continue with no contact. You can let him know at a later date on the confirmed details and based on his response then, you can determine if he's genuine about you still, or simply does not care anymore.

      Reply
  • Sunflower

    Hi Ryan:
    My ex and I broke up a week ago. Thats how things happend. “We broke up” at the beggining of January but not because of anything bad just because we wasn’t getting along and we were having a lots of fights. That first break up was not a breakup at all because we kept seeing each other and we were acting as a couple. Then last week I decided to talk to him and actually come back with him because we were dealing with our problems and we were getting along and understanding each other. That day I wanted to talk to him to come back he went to my house while I wasn’t there and check over my texts without permission. He discovered some texts of me “flirting” with a guy while we still together but it didn’t go too far, there was nothing sexual nor I didn’t cheat. He told me that for him only talking with other guy and hide it from him was cheating and decided to break up for good. He talked to me after that and told me that he is a person that doesn’t forgive and don’t know how to do it. I have tried to explain him that nothing occured between me and that guy and I apologize for making the mistake of texting with someone else but he doesn’t want to understand. In the past he had a relationship that the girl cheated on him and he told me that since the beggining of our relationship he told me that he wasn’t gonna accept anything like that. So after only a week he shows like super decided and I’m wondering if all of this is because of his anger because after only bringing back the topic again he gets furious. But is it possible that a person made his mind after a few days and be that decided? We had a 7 years relationship and I want to know if somehow is possible to make things right and get him back. One day ago he told me that if we ever come back it’s gonna be a new relationship from zero but that he can’t assure me if someday thats gonna happen. And if it really happens he can’t tell when its gonna be. He told me that I should not make a hope on this because it’s not sure if that will ever happen. I know I made a mistake but I think that he has overreacted and he has made things bigger than they really are. I’m gonna follow this advices and see how everything goes. What’s your opinion on this?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Different people have different views on cheating and the boundaries of it. You'll have to respect that if you want to make things work with him once more. However, it's also dependent on how strong he views this matter, and his ability to accept things. If it's as you've said, and that he is really against cheating, and doesn't know how to forgive, it might be a really long while before he lets go of this matter. I feel that you shouldn't get your hopes up as he's said, and instead focus on making changes to your life as it helps with the chance of starting something 'new' with him, since making drastic improvements to yourself could cause him to view in a different light from the person you once were.

      Reply
  • Arnold

    Hey kevin,i last saw my girlfriend last year in November but i know that made some horrible stuff to hurt her though never intented to do it...we have made 2months now but no contact period.She often calls me,sometimes i pick up her calls but i don't beg her & don't know how am gona get her back cause whenever i talk to her about it,she says"IF GOD WISHES,WE SHALL MEET" i need your advise,man

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If you guys live in the same city, or there's a common place you know she hangs out at, you could always drop by on occasion to try your luck. However it sounds like she's trying to play hard to get with you, since she clearly shows signs of interest but pushes your advances away. She may not have let go fully of the past incidents, and may still need more time.

      Reply
  • Juan

    So my girlfriend broke up with me because her ex of 1 year (who recently broke up too) decided to tell her that he would like to get back with her. Apparently, he didn't know that she's in a relationship with me for about 1 and half months (we already knew each other for about two years at work. She feels she knew me enough in that two years to explore our possibilities). This triggered her and so my girlfriend decided to break up with me to explore the possibilities of going back with her ex, and at the same time, she doesn't want to reach a point where she would cheat on me just to do her exploring. She had high hopes on that previous relationship, but it was the guy who called it off due to circumstances he could not handle.

    Post-breakup, I keep contacting her, and her replies seemed normal. She even organised a cafe date, so I thought there is still hope. I kept myself on her radar all the time, and recently I decided to visit her when she was sick, even though she told me not too. That didn't turn out well. She said I was disrespectful towards her needs to be alone to sort out this mess and decide on what she wants. At that moment I knew I fucked up. We had a long talk, and as of yesterday, I started the No Contact rule and am slowly reading your articles. I would like to get back with my ex to continue our relationship that got ended abruptly.

    She's beautiful, strong character but also sensitive towards others, knows what she wants (at the point of time when we just dated) caring, loving, not manipulative, open to discussions.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If she's how you described her to be, then her decision to explore things with her ex would probably be final for the time being and interfering would only push her further away especially when you accidentally cross boundaries or make her feel uncomfortable. Let her do what she needs to, and you should work to complete NC, and make the positive changes in your life as mentioned in our article. If the opportunity presents itself in the future, you could always consider things again then.

      Reply
  • Merin

    Hey, can I have your personal email address? I don't want it in public. that's why. hope you would respond.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Apologies but we do not provide personal email correspondence, unless it's subscribed 1-1 coaching with Kelvin.

      Reply
  • Leo

    My college girlfriend (lets say Sarah) and I were almost 3 years together in a relationship. Had to break up with her due me having to finish school and plans to go for a masters degree abroad and her wanting to marry young, but myself without anything to support her and the upcoming family. Shortly after breaking up, I met another girl (Let's say Rachel) which we started dating relatively quick. Sarah saw us getting out from the cinema and blocked me in every social media possible. Four years have passed on (Superb No Contact time?) and I sent her a birthday message which Sarah coldly responded. Looked forward to keeping on messaging and she blocked me telling me she doesn't me to talk again with her and that we already have walked different roads. I know she doesn't have a boyfriend nor had a boyfriend in all these years. Should I wait for another No Contact time? What should be the appropriate way to approach her. She seems still hurt by the way she responded me when she blocked me last time.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If she's still hurt and responded coldly to you even after 4 years, there may be no point in waiting through another no contact period since she has expressed that she doesn't want to talk to you again. You might even have to wait for her to go through another relationship before she finally lets go of the past incident.

      Reply
    • Akar. R

      Why did you send her a happy birthday after all this time too? hmmm. Are you still with 'rachel'?, i gather not?.It appears you are using Sarah as a fallback if you aren't with anyone which shows your lack of self esteem and need for an ego massage now and again when you need it. 4 years! leave her alone. You cannot have your cake and eat it.

      Reply
  • Mel

    Hi. Mel here.

    I know this is kind of sudden, but I want to know your thoughts on this.

    Allright. So my ex and I have been dating for around 6 months. We initially fell in love with each other at first sight. It was so strange and magical to feel all the emotions, the heart-beating-fast-knees-weak-head-goes-dizzy sensations flowing inside of us when we didn't even know each other. Weeks after that, he got my number from his cousin, who happened to know me since I was a child. But he still didn't text me yet. He said he was worried I might not interested in him the way he was interested in me (he told me this months after that). So I approached him first.

    We escalated fast, he proposed to me, and we were making plans to get engaged supposedly this June. But things started to changed in last November. He said he was having so so so much problems with his family, and he will tell me when things settled down a bit. But of course, I know all of them and I did gave him support and encouragement to face all that.

    Then, one thing leads to another, and eventually, his problems grew bigger and bigger, and started to get out of hand. Me, on the other side, continued to give him support, and frequently asked him if he was okay, if he ate that day, or if he needs me to talk to. Little did I know, all of my concern made him feel burdened.
    He said he needed time. But I pushed him, and it was as if I really wanted to know his problems, which i was not, actually. Because i already knew (his cousin told me everything, and we kept it a secret).

    So he broke up with me. He said to not look for him anymore, and do not contact him anymore. I was really devastated and yes, I did have some suicidal thoughts. But I know that was irrational. So I tried to calm down, and tried to understand why he did that. I basically put myself in his shoes. Oh yes, I do understand why he did that, that's why I abide to his no contact rule since the breakup day. He needed time, I thought.

    32 days of no contact rule, I went to his workplace, since I was called for an interview that day. I bumped into him, but I walked away. I went home, and cry my eyes out, feeling sad and unbearable. The day after that, his cousin told me that he too, was moody and really sad after he bumped into me, and he went back early that day, because he can't continue with work anymore. He was so sad.
    That night, he didn't sleep a bit, and came to work the next day looking miserable. So he took half day off, and went home because he started to have a fever.

    When I heard that, my heart broke. I really just wanted to run to him, hug him tight and say, "Let's not do this anymore. Let's just be happy. Forever." but I don't think it was a good idea.

    Two days after that, which is yesterday, I texted him first. He didn't reply back until now.

    What should I do? I know he still wants me, and he is hurting badly too. But I really seriously do not know what to do. What should I do to get him back, happy and confident just like before?

    With love,
    Mel.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      It's best to figure out what he's thinking about at this point, and how he's handling all of his emotional issues before you decide on an action to take. The last thing you want is to end up making him feel more burdened. If you really want to be together with him, it might be a better idea to be the positive pillar of support that he seemingly needs right now, and help him pick himself back up first.

      Reply
  • Anarchy1

    My ex and I broke up about a week ago. We’ve been dating for about 3months (short, I know), but he said he wanted a serious relationship with me since the beginning. He’s 27 and my firts serious boyfriend (I’m 26), so a lot of things were new for me. I tend to be very cold and distant and he’s the exact opposite, which bothered him at times, but with time, I managed to change that and I became very affectionate and loving with him.
    A few weeks into the relationship, he introduced me to his close friends and family, who were all very kind and genuinely interested in me. Whenever I went to his house and his parents were around, he’d say that I’d act uncomfortable around them, which was not the case, however him being my first serious boyfriend and them being his parents, I was not sure how to act or behave around them because I really wanted them to like me. I tried helping his mom around the kitchen and I even told her I could cook, which I can’t, just for her to like me. She obviously found out I was lying about that, but she didn’t really care.
    A few weeks ago, we went out of town for his best friends wedding and we had a phenomenal time. He told me he wanted to marry me some day and we’d even plan trips and stuff like that when we’d finish our residency programs.
    When we broke up, we went to his house to get a rope for a friend’s piñata. I stayed in his car and his father was outside, talking with his sister and I didn’t get out of the car to greet them. It was raining a little and I honestly don’t know why I didn’t get out, I guess I was lazy or something. Anyway, my ex came out (his father was gone by then), asked me if I had greeted his dad and I lied and said I had. We went to a party, had a great time and somehow, he found out I was lying. We had a huge fight (our first ever) and he broke up with me the next day. I texted him the next day saying how sorry I was and he told me we could work things out, but then we talked on the phone (I’d never seen him so angry) and he told me it was over. He didn’t give me a reason, but he told a friend that his family was kind and loving with me and I didn’t even make an effort to greet them. I begged for him to not break things off with me. I told him I could change, but he wouldn’t hear me out. His mom asked me what had happened since she’d never seen her son so excited or happy in a relationship and she didn’t understand either.

    I haven’t spoken to him since, however we work together, so we're bound to see each other at work, where we just casually greet each other.
    I know he’s hurt by my behavior, but I really miss him. At the beginning, he told me he’d neved dream that someone like me noticed him and he had deep feelings about me. I don’t know if we could get back together, but I really care about him. I don’t know how to prove to him that I can change. Please, help me.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      It's understandable that being your first serious boyfriend and meeting his family, you'd act a little out of place. He may be overly affected by things because he had placed high expectations on you, which he felt you did not fulfill. Give him some time to cool off, and if he's really serious about you, consider contacting him again to let him know you are sincere about the relationship and explain to him that you're still unfamiliar with dealing with your partner's parents but will be trying harder.

      Reply
    • Anarchy1

      English isn’t my first language, so I apologize if I have some grammatical errors.

      When he broke up with me, I told him that I didn’t really know how to behave around his parents, but he was so angry that he didn’t even care. I told him that I could change, but he just kept saying over and over again that he can’t make me change. He argues that we’re both different people and I’ll understand his reasoning in the future, but we had so much love for each other, so I’m completely lost.
      When he broke up with me, he was angry and he told me his feeling had changed and he didn’t care about me as he used to. I don’t know it that’s true or if its the anger talking, but it really hurt my feelings. Also, he deleted my pictures from instagram...
      Do you think I should keep the nc period as that’s what I’m doing right now?? I don’t know how to prove to him that I can change because I can’t just reach out to his family and randomly be kind to them.
      Thanks for your input!

      Reply
  • Jake

    Hello I am a 26 year old male and my ex is a 37 year old female .

    We were together 6 years but have been split up about 4 months, but we lived together all that time and we loved each other very much .
    Until maybe the last year everything seemed to changed the way she acted towards me the affection everything she eventually said I should move back to my mums after all this time because it was her house. We havent got back together since I begged her for ages but she wouldn't have none of it . Then she went on holiday with her mum where we used to go and she messaged me saying she missed me and wanted to sort things out . I waited until she got back but now she has changed her mind again very frustrating she has a busy life with the kids and I no I was quite full on . I have left her alone now for the first time ever its been 4 days and I havent sent a text or a call I'm finding it hard but its my last option . Ive been going out running and trying to focus on me but always thinking about her. we agreed just to be friends but ive always text her in the past hopfully this time I dont and she texts me first.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Continue with no contact and work on picking yourself up and improving the aspects of your life. At least from there, you'll be able to find more meaning at happiness and eventually even learn to be happy without her. If she comes back into your life, it'll be a bonus and at least you've mentally prepared yourself and would be capable of walking away in the event that she doesn't.

      Reply
  • Jake

    My girlfriend and I were together for a year and 2 months and she kept repeating, daily, that this is the best thing in her life, and we're meant together. We are very close. I've personally never known a person I want to be with more than her, and she expressed the same in visits, writing letters, and texts. Around Christmas, while she was staying with her family (she lives in the adjacent country but we travel constantly to see each other), and after a small discussion about where she might get a job and where we would live together, she turned completely and said (on new year's eve) she can't do a relationship anymore, she wants to be alone, that she's a toxic person to me (she isn't), and never wants a relationship again, ever, with anyone. She did not explain the details why making such a heavy decision, she said she feels inadequate, and that I shouldn't contact her any more if I want her to stay. I am very confused. Now it's been twenty days since we last had any contact and it's killing me, I miss her and I wish we could talk. I have no idea what to do.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If there was no instigating argument or issues that could have potentially made her feel that way, perhaps there could have been other more personal reasons for wanting to end things. You might have to mentally prepare that there was someone else, and if you're entirely sure it wasn't, you could always ask her what made her feel inadequate and toxic as a person.

      Reply
    • Jake

      Thank you Ryan. There was a discussion, when I was expressing worries about how negative she sounded and her repeating how bad she is which I strongly disagreed with, and a discussion about where to live together that she started, which was all strange. I asked her what made her feel inadequate and she repeated that it's just how a relationship makes her feel, and that she can't have this discussion, and basically broke contact. Very sudden, very extreme, and very bizarre and I'm left with questions and I feel very confused. I asked her if this is about someone else, she strongly denied it, and I hope she speaks the truth, because I trusted her completely, and this would be a major disappointment in her and in people in general...I wish she could tell me what this is really about.

      Reply
  • Aline

    Hello, after a relationship of 2 years with my bestfriend (since 5 years) I heard from one of his mate he was already with this girl from his class. I taught she was a rebound because 3 weeks after the breakup they already were dating. My ex told me that he would tell me if he has a new girlfriend but he never told about her. But now I think she is more than a rebound.. It's been 2 months and they follow the familymembers on instagram. I don't understand him, why doesn't he just tell me he has a new girlfriend? I'm the kind of person who wants always the best for the other person. I told him I want him to be happy, even if it's not me who makes him happy. We had a fight last month because I still had contact with one of his best friends. He told me he could not party with me on NYE because he couldn't be drunk in the same room as me (we have a lot of common friends). I wrote him a letter to say I'm okay with the breakup and I think it's for the best to give each other space. He didn't respond on the letter, but after that he puts more snapchats in our friends group to make me look at it. I don't understand him?
    I want to understand! Do you think he is now in a rebound relationship?
    Thanks for the help!

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      It would depend on the context of how the relationship had ended and the experiences you went through together. Bear in mind that a relationship with your best friend is very different from actually being friends with that person, and if the relationship was meaningful enough, there's a likelihood that his new girlfriend may be a rebound. He just may not realize it yet, or has been subconsciously suppressing his doubts so far. If he still feels that he can't face you in specific occasions, there is a possibility he isn't over you, and that makes the new relationship seem even more like a rebound. However, just take note that many factors would come into play, and you could refer to them in this article.

      Reply
  • Jack

    Hey, Ryan. I was with my ex for almost three years. She broke it off five months ago. I was in a bad place at the time and was causing a lot of unnecessary discussions. I took care of my problems and I've been working on myself a lot since. I insisted on getting back together for the first two months, which didn't work. We have kept in touch this time, but not in a flirty way. Plus she hasn't agreed to go out with me. We saw each other twice on October, but she has declined to see me since. I tried no contact back in November and after 12 days she texted saying she missed her best friend (me). I started conversations and she said she was working on stuff of her own, but then started kind of ignoring me. For a while, I wished she would just shut the door on us so I could move on, and the fact that she refuses to do that makes me believe she still sees us together, though I don't want to be seen like an option and that I'll just run right back whenever she wants. I sent her flowers for Christmas, for which she thanked me and sent me a picture of them a week later out of the blue, but I didn't make conversation. Early this year I asked if I could see her and she said no (actually says "not now". Like I said, she always sort of evades being straightforward, and I don't know what to make of that). I decided to get more serious with no contact. It's been like 15 days and I'm getting the no contact "symptom" of thinking she doesn't care/is trying to forget about me, etc. Is it too late to be doing no contact? What are your insights on her attitude of not giving clear answers? Thanks!

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Remember that no contact is ultimately meant for you to pick yourself up and to create a version of yourself that would make your ex fall for you again. Whether she starts to move on or not shouldn't matter, because she's moving on from the image and impression she had of you before the change. As long as the relationship with her was meaningful, there's always a strong possibility of her falling for you again if you seemed to have made significant positive changes to yourself, which captures her attention.

      Reply
    • Jack

      I have picked myself up already. I'm months past the grieving stage, I just want her to feel confident about giving us another chance. She has told me she notices I'm more calm and that she likes that, yet I think she has been skeptical about trying again. When I think of her I don't feel bad. I know we had something meaningful. But I don't really know what no contact is supposed to be doing for me right now if I've picked myself up. I've made peace with whatever happens, but I want her to pick up on the newer version of me.

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If that's the case, start off as friends first and slowly let her see the changed side of you. This would give her more confidence in the idea of starting something once again.

      Reply
    • Akar. R

      Then contact her and tell her whats changed in you! don't wait for her to contact you because she will think you have moved on already, and i'm sorry my friend, so will she, maybe before you do.You can leave it too late to contact after no contact. If you have genuinely changed and you think you made mistakes and want to be with her still,tell her and admit mistakes you made and how you will work on those. Don't let pride or ego get in the way of your future of happiness with her. BE GENUINE with her. She can for the last time say yes or no, and you can take that and move on with her or without her. If you want to be with her, show her, tell her!.

      Reply
  • Mieke

    Hello Ryan,
    I am trying to subscribe to your e-series but it is not submitting my information.

    Reply
  • S

    Hi, my boyfriend of almost 1 year broke up with me just a week ago. It was very hard for both of us, as I love him with all my heart and he seemed genuinely upset about it too. we didn't have a fight or anything, he just said he thinks i love him more than he loves me and isn't sure if this is what he wants. when we left the place where we broke up, we were both very sad. yesterday i bumped into him, and he was very nice to me, we even chatted for a while about our school work. he just seemed very casual, relaxed and happy to see me. i plan on not contacting him for a while, but is this relationship already a lost cause if he seems all casual and treating me as a friend only a week after he left me? does this show that he actually never really cared enough about me?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      There's a likelihood that he may be affected by the break up as much as you, but won't show it because he doesn't want you to see him as being weak. If you said that the break up was just as difficult for him as it was for you, then he probably hasn't moved on completely nor has he lost feelings for you. Also, the reason he gave you seems to come from a lack of self-esteem, and can't accept the fact that he's less into you than the other way around. Perhaps you could start off as being friends and letting him develop the feelings or take charge this time.

      Reply
  • Kris S

    Hello guys this is testimony that this NC stuff absolutely works! Ryan you guys are geniuses dude. I got my girl back! I didn't think it was working at first and I panicked a lot during the whole NC process. She even started messing with her ex and one other person. So my advice if you really know and want your ex back then keep pushing everyone! it works with time. also focus on yourself. This website is very helpful. Now to Ryan.. thanks dude again. I do have one last thing I need your help with. I realized that she clearly didn't respect me or our relationship before because she was able to so easily start messing around with someone we both know and someone I didn't like. Yes we are together now and things have been great! My question is, how do I get her to respect me more? she has not done anything to disrespect me since we got back together , however I want to know how to build strong respect from her, so that she is loyal to me no matter what? if she had respect, she would have been loyal and not cross the line with other folks while we were broken up.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      That's great to hear! Well to answer your question, respect is very subjective and the reason people start messing around with others isn't so much out of the lack of respect in my opinion, but when a need or requirement in the relationship isn't met, thus causing the person to seek it with someone else. It could either be physical needs, emotional needs, or others. If you want to avoid this happening in the future, you might need to ask yourself and think from her point of view and wonder why she cheated the first time around, and prevent it.

      Reply
    • Dan

      Hi,
      I decided to chime in here quickly, according to Kris S the girl did not really "cheat" on him but rather "messed" with fellow guy he didn't like, AFTER the break-up. That act he considered unloyal and therefore he's feeling not respected. In this case, I would consider this as a rebound relationship in order to get over the relationship with you, Kris S, and you shouldn't feel bad about it. Eventually she's free to do what she wants apfter the break-up and it has nothing to do with you but with her.

      You are right, the respect thing in the relationship is a big issue and you should have a serious but calm discussion about it with her, in fact you both should let one another know what is important in order to make this new relationship a happy success for both of you. You don't wanna run into the same mess as before.

      Prior to that though, ask yourself why she didn't show respect, it probably has got to do with the way you acted around her. If you were too needy in the previous relationship with her, you invited her to walk all over you. If that was the case, you will have to work on your masculine qualities and remove the needy behavior and instead present her with a more confident version of yourself. You should have done this work on you during the NC period.

      Good luck!

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      My apologies, I must have missed that point. Yes, Dan is right. You shouldn't let what she did in the time you guys were broken up affect you, because she was free to do whatever she wanted back then. The important thing is that now she's with you, it doesn't continue to happen. If it's an issue that's bothering you, sit down and have a talk with her to tell her how you feel, and find a way to compromise so that respect for one another can be earned. As Dan had also mentioned, her lack of respect for you was probably attributed to the past relationship and how you acted. Ideally, if you followed no contact rule, you should have worked on those issues by now, and made some significant changes in your life which would change the way she views you.

      Reply
    • Akar. R

      You were broken up, she could choose who she wanted, as much as you could. Thats not something to hold over her head. You ask how you get her to respect you more? respect her too!. Also the no contact does not work out for everyone, so people please do not think she will come running back after no contact and that it is a done deal (as thats manipulative), she may think if you cared you would have contacted her before now. You know your ex better than anyone, judge by that not by someone else's relationship

      Reply
  • louise

    Im a 35 female and was dating a 36 Year guy for three months. We met through a dating app. We had previously dated 2 years ago for a few months but things fizzled out. He lives an hour and a half away from me, We were in contact daily via texts and saw each other approx once every 7-10 days.

    During a date I asked him if he felt ready to come off the dating app, be exclusive and see where things would go he said yes.

    The next day he texted saying he was just out of a long term relationship with a girl he planned to marry.
    He broke it off with her as she was not treating him right and he wasn't ready for a full on relationship right away.

    Many texts went back and forth he stated he was in a bad place he is drinking too much and angry at his ex. he said his heart wasn't in it with me. He asked me to give him time, he said he wanted me to meet the real him and not the angry guy he is now. He wants to bring me on romantic weekends away and surprise dates when he gets his head straight. He stated he was only dating me and had no interest in dating sites. He asked me to give him time stating he really liked me. I asked him to delete any naughty texts etc we sent each other he said he was sad deleting them and would miss spending time with me. I did did not reply two hours later he texted again asking me to give him time and said please don't hate me. I told him to sort his head out and id look forward to meeting the real him but told him not to take too long. He said he wouldn't as he really liked me. All his messages were signed off with an x.

    The next day i was quite confused and needed answers I texted and asked could we meet and talk face to face or via phone. He stated he was not ready to talk and needed time. I texted and said thanks I now know where I stand and wished him the best of luck in the future. He said thanks and he would be back to his normal self soon.

    I am so confused and do not know where to go from here.
    Am i just the rebound girl?
    Does he really want me?
    Is there anyway of getting him back?

    I am going out in his home town in a few weeks (3 weeks after the last contact).
    Should i contact him letting him know i am there??

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Given the circumstances, he may either be currently unsure on how he feels about you and is trying to figure things out, or he may be pushing you away because something happened, in which case you'll have to figure which of the 2 it is. It's also surprising that he said yes to being exclusive but retracts it the very next day, stating that he has issues he wants to sort out first and not telling you about these things before hand.

      Reply
  • Kathleen

    He broke up with me over a month ago and i am still upset. I know he is not seeing anyone else and he knows i’m not either. When we broke up he told me he wants to be happy (he’s very depressed). He told me that he loves me way more than i love him and it’s just difficult to deal with that because i think that 2 people who love each other should be with together. we have been texting and it’s either very short or very long and we also have our location on for each other. we were together for almost 15 months and i see a future with him and he is fully aware that i would do anything to have him back. i want to see him so badly but i don’t think he wants to see me. He’s going through a lot of stuff like depression and he gets lost in his thoughts and this caused him to think i was cheating or lying to him or that i didn’t love him. I think cheating is disgusting and i’d never lie to him. He also can’t get over certain things.... such as him not being my first sexual partner which bothers me because i am a year older than him and it just bothers me that he doesn’t understand. all i want is for him to be happy but i also want him to be happy with me and i am so stuck. i asked him if he would ever come back and he said he doesn’t know. everyone keeps telling me to focus on myself and i can’t because i’m only focused on him and i really have hopes that we will get back together.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Given the circumstances, even if he moves on and dates someone else, he would not be happy and the same issues would occur. If he is genuinely depressed that it's affecting his happiness and daily life, you should strongly recommend he seeks help and go through therapy to recover as 'being there' alone would not be enough.

      Reply
  • Anamika

    Your articles have been a big help. I (29 years old with past relationship experiences) met an almost divorced guy on dating app who lives in a city 700 miles away. I considered the dangers but it has been a while for him, he will be finally divorced in a month. We hit it off vert well, we discussed we were going fast, and we decided to continue but very slow. We mutually decided to meet also. The travel plan was for me to fly. And we booked the tickets 10 days in advance. On the day of flight, he messages me not to come. And then adds "Don't bother replying or calling. Have good luck." I suffer from severe anxiety and abandonment issues. So I was shocked but I still kept my cool, and tried to talk to him, figuring out what it means. He didn't say anything until after I cancelled my flight in the evening when he succinctly says he is sorry but it is overwhelming. Now I know it's more about him not being ready. But I also can't stop wondering that I could have gone more slow, and done more things to make sure he doesn't feel overwhelmed. But nevertheless he never replied anymore and it seems we are over. I am treating it as a break up. And plan to follow your suggestion of not contacting him for at least 30 days and then texting him. I have dated and been with some good men too with whom it just didn't work. So I know the different connections and with this man I see a future. Not in a desperate way where I will act out of fear but in a way I know it's a rare good connection. So I want it to work. When he is ready I want him to contact me. I want him to miss me, but like I said he is divorced and exactly after a month (my 30 day) is his divorce day. Now throughout our dating, he has always talked about his hardships about the whole divorce, once he was on call with me for 7 hours, on a divorce court date. He shared when he got the final divorce date too. So my question to you is that after my 30 day of no contact, it's that final divorce court date when he will be finally free as he puts it. Should I do my first text on that date? Or wait for a few more days? I must agree I am worried to lose him. Because I am a little odd person. It's rare for me to find a connection. I find it with him. But I remember your article about two kinds of people. I have worked hard at being the second kind, but my fears are very strong. So I am confused as to how I should approach the whole thing! Yesterday I was good in not texting him back a lot, until it was night when I sent two long messages spaced a few hours apart. Immediately after that he went invisible on whatsapp. I know it was for me. But I haven't messaged him at all after that and I will not. That's where your post helped me a lot. I really struggle in these kinds of situations. I do well if communication was very straight but it is not so often. I hope you can help me.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You could text him on that day, wishing him all the best and a comforting text, which may help break the ice and ease on the emotions he may be feeling. See how it works out from there, and continue accordingly.

      Reply
    • Anamika

      Thank you. So you are saying it won't be a bad move considering his ex wife is going to be on his mind that day and it will be the end of an era? Will it not make him think that I am pouncing on him the moment he is available? Or it will come across as me being there for him on a hard day, irrepsective of what has happened between us? Is there a chance he will think I am inconsiderate to message him that day to bring myself into the day as well?

      Also, this is slightly different than I thought I should do it. Based on what I should text him after the 30 day + few more for divorce date to go by mark, (based on your article) I have actually composed a message. The flow of the message is as follows:

      How do you think of this message? And my assumption is that I can not pair this with being there for him message on divorce court date? Can I include some part of it? So should I ever send this?

      I am sorry if my reply was not very coherent. I do realize that I should not be so worried about what to send, that a single message can make it or break it, but at the same time that is what your website is about, the reality is that it does make all the difference.

      Thanks.

      Reply
    • Anamika

      Thank you. So you are saying it won't be a bad move considering his ex wife is going to be on his mind that day and it will be the end of an era? Will it not make him think that I am pouncing on him the moment he is available? Or it will come across as me being there for him on a hard day, irrepsective of what has happened between us? Is there a chance he will think I am inconsiderate to message him that day to bring myself into the day as well?

      Also, this is slightly different than I thought I should do it. Based on what I should text him after the 30 day + few more for divorce date to go by mark, (based on your article) I have actually composed a message. The flow of the message is as follows:

      some incident that has happened over the last month, and it made me think of him, ....It is going to be a story about a cricket match, something between us. Then. Hey, how have you been?

      I hope 13th was an okay day for you. You were in my thoughts. Congratulations on being a free man.

      paragraph addressing half of the elephant in the room, that when he said he is overwhelmed, that respond overwhelmed me, and I didnt say those words but reacted in that way. I understand I am very scared of abandonment. I had a gut feeling of you backing out, hence I was walking on egg shells and did not even bring up the topic. Probably if I had, we would have had a different situation. That I have anxiety and I acted out of a place of fear when you said not to come without any explanation and to not call you too. Something to show my vulnerable side and how this time apart, I have thought about it. And it applies to us and that day's conversation. Without putting nay blame on him. (I do think that knowing I have anxiety he should have handled it better, what he did is the nmber one trigger for me, but I do not want to go there, and I am going to chalk it off to us still exploring each other.)

      last paragraph about having the time to get perspective on how we are together and what do we mean to each other. And that it has shown me I like the simplest of things between us and I want us to have a second chance. I like how everyday was little better sharing it with him. Few things like I like to hear him giggle, or tell him about my dreams/jokes and him making fun of it, or discussing cricket or a movie or some random thing in the world or hear him talk passionaltely about his nephew or a theory he has or some political party's agenda. That I missed him. That I want him.

      How do you think of this message? And my assumption is that I can not pair this with being there for him message on divorce court date? Can I include some part of it? So should I ever send this?

      I am sorry if my reply was not very coherent. I do realize that I should not be so worried about what to send, that a single message can make it or break it, but at the same time that is what your website is about, the reality is that it does make all the difference.

      Thanks.

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      The message seems fine. And I think texting him on that particular day is fine, because ultimately you bear no ill intentions. If the relationship you shared with him was meaningful enough, he would know where you're coming from, and that you simply wish to let him know that you'll be there for him.

      Reply
  • nathan whittaker

    hello kevin,
    i am an 18 year old male, i broke up with my ex girlfriend almost 3 months ago, we was together almost 5 years, we had a strong bond but we went through an unfortunate abortion, during this situation she got attached to the baby im her stomach but wasnt finacially stable to take care of a child, her anxiety got really bad and she pushed me away and wouldnt let me near her, after almost a month of this she broke up with me stating that she had lost feelings and doesnt want to be with me anymore, we have broken up and got back together alot in the past, but this time is different, i acted irrational and constantly begged and stated how upset and lonely i was without her, i irratated her to the point of she blocked me on afew social medias, but she left 1 line of communication open via instagram, i often message her but she doesnt reply but she reads the messages, if she doesnt look at the message fast enough i panic and irratate her with more, she then replies with "Go away, leave me alone, move on i want you to" i ask her why we broke up and all she says is 'everything' thats all she says, i truley believe there is a chance but she is being too stubon to admit it, im really confused and in a bad place, there was never any cheating, im so worried that the no contact rule will not work, although if it doesnt im still in the same place im in now so what can get worse... i read alot of these getting ex back websites but im never really satisfied with the information as every situation is very different, i really do want her back, and the relationship will be great if i get the chance to reconcile it, im really in need of some help im looking forward to your help and also the no contact daily email help as i need as much help as i can get.
    thank you so much
    nathan whittaker

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You will need to begin by sorting your thoughts out. Even if there's a chance, some distance is first required before re-initiating contact with your ex. Distance does not mean time frame of the breakup but rather, the amount of contact made during the particular time frame, and the changes you've made to impress her. Right now, she needs to deal with the emotional trauma of losing a child. She is pushing you away probably because you are unable to provide the emotional support she requires, and by constantly pestering her, you lower your own chances because she will eventually lose respect and feelings for you. I would still recommend no contact first, and to figure out where you need to grow as a person, before thinking about winning her back.

      Reply
  • li li

    hey my boyfriend and I had just broken up 2 weeks ago after being together for 2 years, we have both 17. I'm from china but I study in the uk and thats how I met him. since I have got back after the break up, its been really difficult because I have to go to lessons and sit next to him. I feel so tempted to get back together or try to convince him back into a relationship. we both still care and love each other, but we couldnt be together because we argued way too much. I wanted to give it 2-3 months before we get back together so we both have got over all the negative stuff. do you think its a good idea? and how should I act around him when I know there is something more than just friends between us.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You could start with No contact and avoid making small talk with him for the time being. This article helps you deal with having to see your ex on a daily basis. Do that until you feel that you're not as affected by things, and start with initiating a casual friendship to see if there's still a spark, and whether the situation may be different this time compared to the previous relationship.

      Reply
  • Asmen

    Sorry to send a direct email. I feel I need a serious support from you. I'm 50. We're having a wonderful relationship with the girlfriend for last six years with high intimacy and enjoyed sex to the fullest. She is 45. I'm having a wonderful family with two kids and she also got the same. But due to some doubts about me, she broke with me two to three times. But I'm able to manage her back and we started back normal. She is heading a division my company and I'm her boss. I brought her to my company to that position only after one year of the starting of our relationship. She is very capable and doing her job very successfully and additional responsibility for secretarial assistance to me. We are able to spend a lot of time together in the office and our families also in the good relationship.
    First, we broke because of her doubt on me with another lady. But it was a very fair relationship and I was almost like a mentor for her and she helped me in some financial troubles. I kept it hidden not to worry her for a long time and she caught us over phone red-handed. That was a very serious and she resigned. But I beg pardon and I explained everything she forgave me. she back again and normal. but so suspicious in every relation even with my relatives. it happened once more when I kept hidden something not to worry her and broke again. Again managed to get but She asked me to cut all suspicious relationships and I accepted. I'm so sincere to her till this moment and never thought about any other dating relationship even before I met or after we fell in love. she is the second lady with whom I had the physical relationship in my life after my wife.

    I was keeping some financial or company things hidden only because not to make her sad on that. But on many occasions when she comes to know about it she will burst out and will become so violent and try to break from me and the relationship. I had given oath many times to her that I won't lie or hide anything from her. But on many occasions due to fear of losing her, I kept hidden and lied many times to her. in last December one such thing happened and finally, she left me. nearly after 1 year, i managed to get her back as my employee in my company. on condition, i will not pressure her into the former relationship but only employee and max a normal friend but not intimate. We were had a lot of discussions apologies, but nothing worked out. now she is with me for my family as she needed there to run the company. she is not happy if care here more and if showed much affection. But she is very normal to me now.

    But I'm undergoing a very stressful period and she is my first love. I'm 50 now and all my motivation is surrounding her and I want to get her back permanently. But I fear, she had few earlier relationship which also broke but she never goes back to that what may happen. She is a person like, once broken is broken and she will never get back to it. What may happen I want her back. I'm ready to answer any of your questions. I need her back. Her husband is not at all supporting her for her living and abuses her very much. He continues to do it from her marriage days itself. She had her marriage 20 years before and still together.

    She got a feeling that I cheated or betrayed her. But I haven't done anything wrong or insincere to her except hiding or telling lie. But that is most important to her but its normal to me. But I'm ready to change. My company is going thru a financial struggle and I need this relationship back to set right everything. I need her back at any cost for the rest of my life. We are meeting every day at the office and having normal and official communications directly and over the phone also. But she shows no intimacy to any of these communications and she told that she is not even thinking about me when I'm away. Need your sincere help and advice to her back.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You'll have to start by being more honest with her, and making an attempt at showing your sincerity at changing to convince her. She may not think of you as much towards you but it doesn't mean she has lost all feelings for you. If you really want her back, make those changes first, and let your actions show her that you're capable of doing so.

      Reply
  • Johnny

    Ok, so me and my ex were together for three months. He is 16 and I am 19. We are both guys. So basically we had an huge fight during New Year's eve and broke up for two days. We decided to then to get back and try again, and then he decided that we would be better as just "friends" later on that weekend... He broke up with me because he didn't want to cut talking with a boy he met (and kissed) during New Year's eve... During the first the days after the break up he was acting like nothing happened or whatsover till I decided to use the whole "no contact" thing to him and then he asked to me go pick up my stuff on his house next week... So what should I do, is the any chance at all anymore or not.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      As he is only 16, it could be very likely that he is still exploring his options which was why he did not want to stop talking to the new guy. There is a chance he still has feelings for you but isn't sure, but you should be mentally prepared to walk away because he might not be emotionally mature enough to be seriously invested in the people he chooses to date.

      Reply
    • Johnny

      We broke up just a few days ago. The guy is younger and has no experience on relationships nor has he kissed someone before him... Before we broke up he said he wanted the same "magic" we had on the beggining... Should I cool for a month before trying something with him again, like even just a friendship

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      That depends on how long you have been dating him. If he is new to relationships, he might move on quickly if the relationship was a short one, as he is still in the exploratory stage, in which case if you want him back, give a shorter period of cooling before talking to him.

      Reply
  • kathy howell

    Kevin
    Ihave been in love with this one Man for 25 years we were not together for 9 yrs got back together married was together for 8 years now we are divorced be a yr in March he is with someone else we have secretly been together 3 times since the break up and I actually work part time for the same person that he works full time for ee dont actually run into each other every day maybe once a week I love and very much inlove with him we have conquered so much and overcame so much in our time together I love him very much in love with him Just need advice if you can help. Thank you

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Since you guys were once married, there's definitely a chance that he still loves you. But you have to clarify with him his intentions, and what he ultimately wants.

      Reply
  • Emma

    Hi,
    Me and my ex are both 20 years old and were in a relationship for a year. about 3 weeks ago he brought up the thought of wanting to break up, which surprised me. during the next two weeks we were kinda on a break because he claimed as being confused about everything and didn't know what to do. then we met up again and he said he still isn't sure whether we should break up or be together. he said that he probably doesn't love me as much as i love him and that staying together might be a bad idea. i said that it's probably best if we break up if he isnt completely sure that he wants me. so it was a kind of a mutual decision but it felt like neither of us wanted to actually do it. it is also worth noting that we are both currently very stressed as we are busy with college. we haven't been in any contact for a week now so i don't know what he feels right now, but i still wish that he would realise what he did and that he would want me back. i plan on not contacting him for a few weeks but I am afraid that he will work on getting over me during this time. when we were dating we used to take the same train about once a week. should i normally go on that train and just act friendly if i see him or should i avoid seeing him for a while?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      At the start, it might be better to avoid him so that you don't have to deal with the negative emotions. Continue with no contact and even if you do see him, you could acknowledge him, but do not engage in small talk for the time being.

      Reply
  • Abi

    Hi,
    After being together for just shy of 7 years my boyfriend decided to end our relationship. I knew things hadn't been right for a couple of weeks leading up to this, he had become pretty distant, wasn't showing me any affection but we weren't arguing and everything else in the relationship was good. I eventually confronted him, and we had a conversation that lead to him admitting that whilst he still loved me his feelings towards me had changed and he needed his own space to work on himself. I moved out utterly heartbroken as I couldn't believe that after 7 years it would be that easy to end everything!
    After a week of no real communication we got together for a chat where he said that he didn't want to cut me completely out of his life but didn't want a full-on relationship at the moment but proposed that we began dating again to see if we could “reignite the spark” with no real idea of where it might lead. It could lead to us getting back together it might not... but we would be exclusive to each other .
    This conversation took place a week ago and I have seen him twice since then just to hang out really at our house and have been in contact by text every day. He today told me that he is going to be moving closer to his work and moving in with a colleague which means an hour’s drive away from me.
    If I had it my way we wouldn't have broken up in the first place and would have instead tried to work through the issues but up until now every decision has been made for me which has been incredibly hard.
    I now find myself wondering what the best way forward is, although he has given me some hope by saying that he still wants to date and try and rekindle the spark he has also crushed any hope I have by moving further away from me and saying that ok ye we’ll date but it might not actually lead to our relationship being given another go. I now find myself in this weird limbo where I don’t really know what to do and crying on a daily basis! I have read your article and have found it very helpful. Could you advice what you think would be best to do? Thanks.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Dating again to re-kindle the spark immediately after the breakup doesn't usually work well, because not enough time has passed since then for real changes to have been made for fresh feelings to develop. Additionally, old habits would still remain, and it could easily turn into a situation where you face all the problems of a relationship, but not the full benefits of it since you guys are only 'dating'. I suggest taking some time off to actually focus on yourself since he is doing the same, and gauge the situation again later on.

      Reply
  • Nurse712

    What should I need to do ? I am on day 8 of no contact it's really hard specially I am seeing him online all the time. We've been together for 7 years. But recently for the past 2 years we do not see each other in person due to long distance tho we've been seeing each other in webcam. We had some argument he keeps telling we are going to see each other in person but he never make plan. I find out Jan 1st this year he traveled to Dubai to spend vacation with Indonesian girl.(before that incident I caught him sexting with that girl, that Indonesian lady asking him to send her a porn he said they haven't see each other yet and the girl was virgin he said it was nothing ugh I'm so stupid to believe)
    I'm so hurt because I've been longing to see him for 2 years but he never came back to see me in person. When I confronted him that I knew about that girl he said like this ;
    "Stop texting me for 2 weeks I cannot take this"?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      It would do you better to walk away from this since he has already prioritized another female over you and has even expressed his disinterest, which might have been caused by the loss of spark or interest after so many years.

      Reply
  • Gee

    Hy Ryan
    There's this guy that had a crush on me,and i also loved him.We where in the same class.He's a shy type,he couldn't tell me his mind.people started calling me his name.we quarrelled cos he's friend also had feelings towards me.he once askd me if he (his frnd) luvs me and i said he doesn't.we both quarrelled cos he beared a girl's name.He blocked me on all social networks.It took us 10 months to reconcile.He came back first.bt right now he hasn't said anything to me abt dating.I want to know if he still luvs me

    Reply
  • Johan

    Hello.
    After 20 years and with shared custody, 2 boys.
    I find it hard with no contakt. We going both to our soons sportsevent. She always choose to sit next to me. I keep it as formally as possible and just talk about our soons sport and school.
    Anymore I should do?

    Reply
  • Sascha

    Hi Ryan,

    I was with my ex for 5 years. I broke up with him 6 months ago when I came to realize that I needed to work on my self confidence and he to work on his ability to show emotions. I applied NC without realizing it. He eventually reached out once per month in a friendly way, but nothing more than that.

    I gave it 6 months time because I was scared that I was just afraid of being alone. Turns out, I really want him back and to spend the rest of my life with him. I've had a lot of self reflection.

    He agreed to meet me and, at first, seemed really excited. We had a great first two hangouts. Then, on the third, I confessed that I wanted to get back together. I acted desperately, when I should have played it cool. He said he's enjoying focusing on himself right now and that it's not where he's at anymore. He didn't outright say it, but I'm afraid he's moved on.

    Is it too late? What do I do now? This was one week ago and I'm devastated. I'm afraid too much time will pass and he will never want to get back together.

    Thanks for your help.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Since it has been 6 months, he may have gotten used to the idea of life without you. That doesn't mean however that he's moved on. It isn't hopeless but if you really do want him back, you would have to re-create the spark with him so that he would fall for you once more.

      Reply
    • Sascha

      Hi, Can you please delete the comment with Sascha up above. I can't delete my own comment, but I would not like it public. Thank you for your response.

      Reply
  • Timea

    Hello,

    My name is Timea and I am 21 years old and had a long-distance relationship for 7 months. I am really glad that I have found your site, the NC wasn't so lonely and hard as I was expecting thanks to your advice. You helped me a lot and gave amazing tips, that gave me unexpected results, so thank you very much!

    My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago because of the distance and the fact that he has lost feelings for me (about this he wasn't really certain though...). I have accomplished NC succesfully and got in touch again with him in the begining of December. We started to have small talks, videochating occasionally and we have even achieved an active snap activity. However, recently, to be more exact, when going back to school he started to be distant and cold. I know that he has a lot of work as now he is in exam period, but he always replies short and almost after 24 or 16 hours, which is not typic of him.

    I am concerned that he might got scared or started to keep distance because in the last 2 conversation I started to try to build up attraction. As he knows all my lady charm tricks, I think he figured out what I am trying to do... I feel the need of a break, so I have decided to give myself 2 weeks of free time, as I don't want to end up again desperate and needy, and I feel like these 2 weeks would be enough time for him to finish the exams and to get used again to the school life.

    I would like to ask you if you could help me out with a piece of advise about how could I rebuild attraction without him realizing what I am doing? He knows my tricks and methods, so I would need new ones but don't have a clue what should I do to charm him but still be myself. I would like to build up at least a little bit of attraction till March, as I will be in his town for a week, and I know that that week will be decisive in what will happen next. Could you please give me some examples or a direction how should I approach him in a romantic way without scaring him?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Sometimes we're just so aware of how we're acting and the intentions we bring across that whatever we do becomes unnatural. It's important to be yourself at the end of the day and build up a bond without such 'motives' in mind. Remember how he fell for you the very first time. It wasn't because of motives but simply two people who connected and liked each other. That's how you should be going about things.

      Reply
    • Timea

      Hi Ryan,

      He finished the exams but not writing anymore... I tried to text him, but he acted cold and careless, he also stopped to send or reply on snaps. I don't want to push him but also don't know what should I do? In April I am visiting in his town, but haven't told him about it as he acts like an ice-prince. Any advice what should I do now? I don't want to seem desperate and needy in front of him...

      Is like went back to 0 or 0,5 as we know each other. This whole situation becomes weird, like he is trying to make me to boost out in words... It is frustrating. Could you please help?

      Thank you very much

      Reply
  • Chris

    Hey Ryan, so I’m not worried that she’s seeing other people, atleast not yet. She didn’t date much before me and from everything I can tell, she isn’t dating much or at all right now. She initiated the breakup and asked to still be friends, but she’s got an icy demeanor towards me just about anytime we interact. She’s said that she’s mad at me but refuses to tell me what about. Something is bothering her but she’s not telling me and I promise I’m not calling her everyday, begging her or anything like that. It’s been a couple months like this and it’s after no contact ended, how can I get her to start communicating with me?

    Reply
  • Ashlie

    Hi! Thank you for reply. Few days ago we had short conversation,he said again that he cant effort marriage and etc. I asked him directly without any rudeness,did you found someone else? He said " no, I dont have GF and i dont want. Then I asked him I am not yours anymore? And he said " I dont know its complicated and dont want discuss this topic again" He always do it, keep silence and when Im asking broke up or what?? He always cant tell exactly, sometimes I even think better if he will tell me YES we broke up, I will suffer but anyway I will let go to everything and will try to focus on my life, but I will never break up with him first, and its not about I can or cant, its because I will regret then all my life, dont want remorse later. I dont understand his logic, I know he has money issues now and job not good, but also his silence and ignoring annoying me! And when Im asking does he want to break up and I will not bother him , he just replying dont know ...

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      He does not seem emotionally capable of dealing with serious issues and would rather avoid it altogether, hence why he leaves you in a state of limbo because he himself doesn't want to deal with it. Sometimes in this case, it would be better for you to make the choice and stick with it because he may never do it on your behalf.

      Reply
    • Ashlie

      You mean I should move on because he can't tell me directly that he moved on and money issues its just exuses? Honestly I didn't get what you mean . What should I do in this case?

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      At this point, he may feel confused, maybe even having lost interest in you. But he does not want to deal with the thoughts and emotions of it. That's why he chooses to avoid this topic altogether whenever it is brought up, which may be reinforced by the fact that you do not pursue the matter whenever he says he isn't sure. If you do not wish to walk away from this relationship, you should not allow him to give you further 'I don't know's for an answer and ask him to tell you honestly how he feels.

      Reply
    • Ashlie

      Few months ago I asked him tell me truth and I'll walk away from you life , but he said I don't have an answer and if I'll deal my life's troubles I'll come to you to marry , but now live your life ...etc, then he was keeping in touch sometimes , and now just silence from him. I gave up and don't bothering him anymore too, I'm trying NC , also I disappeared from all my social nets, but I think it will useless in my case, he can't solve his difficulties

      Reply
  • Kris S

    Hi Ryan, dude where are you? I really need your help. I’m really trying to not a mistake here man. It’s been maybe half a month since the NC.. it’s been working like a charm.. couples days ago my ex sees me at work and days I looked good and like I’ve changed..also that I was happy. She text me that same day saying how much she missed my presence in her life, how she missed her best friend. I didn’t respond and then she text me a photo saying remember the good times.. also said she was going thru her phone deleting pics of us and didn’t know which to keep. I then replied I miss you too. We started chatting back in forth and remembering all the good things. She texted me all night. Then the next day says she loves me and misses.. I tell her too. We talked a lot about how much we loved one another. Don’t know if that was a right move ..yesterday she sends me a message at work that was a song. “Baby while were young , let’s do what we want, I want you, you’re mine and I don’t care who’s know it, I’m down for you” just a few things she sent me! I’m confused because after work I waited to talk with her but she ran out quickly and I’m sure when went to meet up with someone else. She didn’t go home last night. She also didn’t text me anymore.. so confusing what’s going on.. not sure what to do or expect! Please help dude! I really want her back and I can’t tell if I messed up the NC rule. She definitely has been seeing someone else lately. Please write me back soon.. she wants to me up tonight to go eat. Don’t know if I should go

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      I don't think you messed up NC, but rather she's confused right now over what she wants. It might be a good idea to find out more, since NC is complete and if she isn't that serious with whoever she's going out with, I think still winning her back would be the right move.

      Reply
  • Hana

    My ex texted me Merry Christmas on 23Dec, I replied Thank you. Later, he updated his status and unblocked his page to me. His status told me He's sick, should take medicines - those I bought for him. I read all of the status and decided to let him go, that's why I texted him Farewell, wished him all the best. He replied "thank you and he's not with anyone now". On receiving the messages, I started the NC since then. On 30Dec he texted me Happy New Year, I waited 1 day to check it and didnt respond. Since Christmas, I updated my page with fun and neutral info, showing how I enjoyed the holidays. On Jan2, he liked one of my status. I'm confused. I've been struggling before the no contact to live the life before him, now I still suffer. What should I do next? I once imagined my life without him, felt very bad and hurtful, but got to the point that I should accept it.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You'll have to decide if you still want him back. Since you've been on no contact, complete it first. It would seem like he does miss you to some extent so you could always contact him again when you feel ready.

      Reply
  • Tracey

    Hey, Ryan.

    My boyfriend broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago. Our relationship lasted for 2 years. At first, he said he wanted some time and space. And then suddenly, he broke up with me and told me that he wants to spend his with his family and friends. I also think that all the bad memories of us were the only ones that stayed on his mind. He blocked me on all social media sites and also my number. We just talked yesterday and talk about the things that didn't work out. He also told me that he'd unblock me and work out on being friends. I'm planning on starting NC but we have the same circle of friends where we see each other often and we work together, what do you suggest that I would do? How can I make him miss me and realize all the good things that has happened to us.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Since you work together, it would be good to show him how well you're doing and how happy you are whenever he sees you. This is similar to displaying it on social media during the no contact period of the changes you've made to yourself except in real life.

      Reply
  • Emily

    Hello!
    Me and my boyfriend broke up about a week ago. He's in high school still and I'm a freshman in college. We were together for 10 months and I still have such strong feelings for him.

    He broke up with me because we had been arguing for about 3 weeks on and off and he is not willing to forgive me for that, and he didn't like the fact that I was being harsh with him. I recognize that I was, but there have been periods of time when he's been cold towards me too and I forgave him and moved on.

    He doesn't want to talk much about the breakup or the reasons, he's never been one to open up and share his feelings, but he says there's no going back from what happened. Yet, when I ask him if he sees a possibility of us working out in the long term, he says yes. I can't tell if he means that or is just saying it, but what should I do to get him back in the long term? I have already broken the rule of trying to convince him and have tried remaining in contact with him, but I am going to stop contacting him completely now.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      That's good Emily, initiate No Contact first and give both parties some space to let go of any negative emotions or thoughts. He may very well be serious about the possibility of working out, but that's definitely not something that can be achieved right now.

      Reply
  • Angelo

    My ex and I have been talking ever so slightly lately but nothing substantial. About a month ago I asked her in person if she was mad at me and she said yes bc of stuff I said to another person. She didn’t tell me what I said or who I said it to. Honestly I have no clue. She added how she thought it was funny how I said that we would get back together one day(she dumped me) but that I closed the door on us even being friends. She’s only 23 and I’m the only person she dated. I’m having a hard time getting her to talk to me about it. A bit afraid to ask her in person bc she’s always surrounded with her friends at work and don’t feel it’s appropriate to show up at her home. She won’t reply to a text that involves talking about why she’s upset. What do I do? What are my options here?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Well if she's not willing to talk about it at the moment, it's better to give her the space she needs for now. Give her some time before you consider talking to her once more.

      Reply
  • Chris

    Hello, Happy New Years! I’m a little nervous. Just held out for a party and was checking my snaps and noticed my ex who I am actively trying to get back is out at a party. Noticed a mutual female friend had similar snaps and realized my ex is at our mutual friends house. The mutual friend has a brother who I know is attracted to my ex and my ex is attracted to him too. My ex is 23 and the guy is only 16 or 17 but I’ve seen them flirt since we broke up and I have a feeling if he was older she’d be open to the idea of going out with him, but nervous there’s going to be flirting that might end in a kiss at midnight or further feelings developing. I know there’s nothing I can do to prevent that, but please advise how I can process the possibility and if something was to happen, which I would probably not find out about. How do I keep my cool moving forward? We have been broken up for a few months now with minimal contact. Please advise.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Depending on how it went, my suggestion would be to continue without contact and potentially move on. If you feel this way, it means you aren't over her yet, but she's starting to date other people so it's better for you not to linger behind or you'll be feeling affected every time you see her with another guy.

      Reply
  • tiruworq

    hi kelvin,based on your reply am editing my comment and so please i need your help now please.what is the red sign kelvin last time i saw on my comment thank you

    Reply
  • Sondi

    I've been through 3 years with my ex girlfriend. We were having a good time before and discuss about our future and last 3 months she just texted that she's sure that she wanted to marry me. And yet suddenly something happen 1 week after her birthday party. At that time i found shes hiding our photo in instagram then i ask her why you do that ? Why you hide me in your social media. Then she found her reason that a week after she say that she needs a break. Than the reason is she feels bored and wanted to be alone. And im being needy at that time.i just keep asking her to go with this relationship despite we are too deep inside. With her and her family.

    Then she say she dont want to and 1 week after my sister bday i ask her sister where she could be ? Because my sister invited her to my sister birthday party and she dont even reply it. Then suddenly at night she texted me that why you texted my family. Now everybody know and she tell me that she cant be with me anymore because we keep arguing and stuff. And she say for now she cant be in a relationship kind of thing.
    Its been 6 weeks after we broke up and i do the no contact kind of thing.
    Ive wanted to reached her out first. What do you suggest me to do? Please i need help !!

    Reply
  • saddam Suleiman

    OK I will start with my flaws.
    am a very inquisitive person, and jealous as well.
    we have been dating for 2 years 8 months..
    we have been fine all along, we tell ourselves every thing,
    we graduated from the same high school.
    we have been pretty OK till she started a programme.
    she's on a year programe in another city, we see once in a month. which isn't enough closure for me. she's been on this program for about 5months now. I feel due to this she lost attraction towards me, as we only see once a month, and our calls or texts ended up in arguments.
    so how we broke up.
    she came over a weekend to the city am in, and lied she wasnt coming that weekend.
    I found out, and started calling her all sort of names, insults and all.
    she then told me she didn't want to tell me about her coming cause I would have pressured her to see me, which wasn't part of her plans.
    and due to the Insults. she broke up with me.
    we still talk, we chart, but I initiate the conversations. she replies normally and end it with,hope you know we not coming back together.
    when she came back for the Xmas/new year, we saw, she asked me to bring over food and drinks on Xmas day, I did, I kissed her but lightly, and said our good nights, cause I didn't want to push it far.
    the next day was her birthday.
    I decided to take her out.
    we ate and talked about us, she was still defensive with her wanting to break up, on our way home, I asked for a kiss in a transportation vehicle and she looked at me in the eyes and pecked my lips.
    which is rare cause she's shy in public places.
    I walked her home while we did chart, and she told me we can't be doing clingy things as she's looking forward to moving on. and can't do all this when she finds a new man.
    I told her I loved her and am not giving up on us, and I would change My ways of been to inquisitive and jealous and I left.
    the next day she uploads a picture we took of her and said thanx bae for picking out my dress. I asked her who she was calling bae, and she said a friend of hers , he calls her bae but they are just friends.
    I asked her sister if she knew about the guy and she said, my girlfriend told her she was only using that to push me away.
    3days later she's still talking about breaking up with me.
    she's OK with me going over her place to see her when I ask to see her. but we just tend to hang around her street and talk. which isn't so comfortable for me if you know what I mean.
    and when ever I asked her to come over my place she disagrees.

    what do I do
    I love her so much
    I mean we don't get to see commited girls this days or a good dedicated one
    I really care and want her back
    she's going back soon to start her program after the new year
    what do I do

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Take things slow, and don't pressure her to get back together if she isn't ready. Work on your issues and prove to her that you can be the man she wants you to be and things would probably work itself out from there.

      Reply
  • tiruworq

    hi kelvin, I broke with my boyfriend before six months after long relationship means five years he is 27 and am 28. we live in distant to work and only met to holiday and to break.we had no any sex history during those years I said to him sex must be after marriage and he said ok .before a year I said to him i don't want him anymore but not from my bottom but the reason was we were in distant specially I was working in harsh environment plus and community and i was always want him in my side means I was always waiting my boyfriend to visit me but he was always busy this was the reason. and his friend call me and ask why i became like this and i understood my fault and I was calling to him but he was ignoring me and one day he was picking my calls and we were talk and regret each other and i back to my family to searching job and within two months we dated only two days but I need more date with him but he was busy and I was going to his work place and asking him why ignoring my calls and he said that he need clear cut I said why and we're plan to date and to talk about it but we didn't met. As he said now he was waiting my calls first but I was trying but he ignoring me after that I always messaged to him but no respond and again I was going to his work place with gifts he was surprised and dated to the next day and we did and I was asking why he was ignoring my calls he said he don't want me any more he need freedom without stress and expose him self new hobbies like smoking cigarette ,drunk alcohol and chewing stimulate plants and i did no contact to 30 days and i did text to him no respond and what can I do next

    Reply
  • Luke Thomas

    I had a girlfriend of 4 years that started right before we both attended college. The sex was great, relationship was awesome, we both were givers. We even made it work while she attended school 7 1/2 hours away for an entire year. I recently moved 4 hours away for a job and as soon as I did, the relationship took a turn. It was a pain to get her to come visit me, and whenever I went and visited her I always had to hang with her and her friends. No alone time. We kept getting in fights and eventually she ended it by saying she wasn't in love with me anymore. I went nuts for a few weeks until I found your work and initiated NC. She got back in touch with me after a few weeks and I arranged a date.

    The date went very well (she did most of the talking) and we went to a few places afterwards. Eventually, she dropped a hint that she wanted to go to her apartment. While there we had plenty of alone time and she put herself in multiple situations where things could happen but was not exhibiting any obvious signs. She did this the rest of the night and it confused the hell out of me.

    A few days later she got in contact with me and I arranged another date. Breakfast was all I could do due to me leaving for home. It went well. So well, that she wanted to see me once more before I left. On this date she mentioned that she would be in my city in April, and that we should get drinks when she's there. Once again, no signs that she wanted to be kissed during this date either. She even said "I know you want to kiss me, but it's not going to happen" and I was kind of bummed. I followed her to the interstate and before I got on it I decided to try my luck and I told her to pull over. She said "No, I know you want to kiss me and it's not happening" so I kept my cool. On the way home, she called me and I mentioned to her that she could come out to my place to visit me next weekend. As soon as I said this, she got very angry and told me that the dates were just to "keep our friendship" and that we aren't dating anymore. She went on to tell me she had already slept with another guy. I kept my composure as best as I could but needless to say this really confused me. Where did I go wrong?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      She could be confused still, unable to let go of the past, or perhaps she wants to start off as friends first and is trying to see how she still feels about you. There could also be the last option that she really just wants to maintain a friendship with you and is over you already. I suggest you take things at face value for now since it would be easier compared to second guessing at every turn. Just continue to build up a friendship and bond, before seeing how things go from there. Don't be too impatient or you would push her away completely.

      Reply
  • Theo zeus

    Its been 2 weeks ive started the no contact rule. I broke it once on Christmas day wishing her a merry Christmas. She didn't reply ive left it alone. Just wondering how long untill i make contact with her again and ive make successful changes and avhieved my goals I've made.. just want to know how to approach and what to say to her.. Regards Theo Thanks.

    Reply
  • Chris

    Hello,

    It’s been a little over three months since my ex and I broke up. I’ve completed no contact and given my ex space, a task someone difficult because we work together. I never begged or been pushy did the right moves based on advice given on here and other places. She’s still will barely talk to me and will barely reply to text messages. Typically she’ll reply to the initial message, but getting a second reply doesn’t happen much. Back in September I purchased a Christmas gift for her and even though we broke up I still sent it to her on Friday. She replied thank you for the gift. You didn’t need to. Merry Christmas! Attached to the gift was a clean slate letter. She made no mention of it. I told her she was welcome for the gift. I asked her if she was going to be up for talking soon to clear the air. She never replied back. She isn’t seeing anyone, nor did we have a bad breakup. Since the breakup I have found out that she is mad at me about something I said but I don’t know what I said or who I said it to and she won’t tell me. We’ve had some positive interactions as of late at work, but she’s got a wall so high up now. Where do I go from here? Three months, no contact completed, clean slate letter given, space given, showed activity on social media sites as well and not much recoconcilation has occurred. What can I do? Or is it time to accept the fact that I’m not going to get her back?

    Reply
  • Theo zeus

    Hi ive been dating my partner for 6 months now. Everything was going perfect for us both.she fell pregnant and i proposed and we got engaged what we both wanted we were both so happy.she decided to have an abortion due to we both wernt financially stable and didnt plan the pregnancy.its was an emotional time for both of us individually. I unfortunately didnt show her support or comfort her during this life changing experience and i made a regretful unmeanful decision and broke up with her.we have been separated for 2 months now and we meet up a month ago caught up for 2 days she mentioned her feelings we still there altho she doesnt want any comments on a relationship at this stage. Until i become more stable and fix some issues i have in my life.I have acknowledged my behavior as i was expressing my hurt emotions and feelings towards her and i begged alittle and didny get me anywhere.. she isnt respondingto my messages or call I've respect our situation and havnt its been bit over 2 weeks ive made no contact,until Christmas day i wished her a merry Christmas i didnt get a reply. Im making positive changes in my life and improving my issues. I need some professional guidance and advice aswell as steps to reconnect with my ex.. I sincerely appreciate your understanding and support. Regards Theo

    Reply
  • Alice

    Hey,

    So my ex broke up with me a little over a month ago after a 3 months relationship & several months of talking & getting to know each other really well (starting in the summer but wasn’t a fling). He is 24, I am 21, we felt serious, he would mention marriage. We had many common goals & other things & he loved that. Commitment/marriage seemed serious to him, he was all about values & didn’t like relationships where he wasn’t sure about marriage (I was a little hesitant about it). I was getting out of a breakup as well & vented to him a lot in the first 1-2 months/I mentioned the ex sometimes which he didn't like & looking back I shouldn't have done.
    We're both in school so things started to get stressful a month in. We fought once a week then multiple times a week, all on text. I feel we started to focus on positive things less, he said he didn't feel connected as much but everytime we saw each other, it's like we hadn't fought. We both acknowledged we couldn't see each other to work things out as much. After another fight, he broke it off, saying we fought too much, didn't feel trust, school/finals stress, & that we should take a break. We kept talking for like 2 weeks after saying we could work things out & even saw each other a week after the breakup. It felt like we still really wanted to make it work. That last time I saw him, he mentioned this classmate who he was talking about past relationships with (including ours) & I didn't like it but didn't think anything of it. She is 18 & he said he’d never be interested in her since she’s young, stuck-up, & have nothing in common. I mentioned a guy my friend was trying to set me up with to help me move on (I told my ex I wasn't interested) but he didn't like it. A week later, we got into the worst fight after my other ex messaged me after months (but I told him I denied him) then we didn’t talk for 2.5 weeks.
    So then I see a picture on insta of him & that girl & messaged him finding out they started dating less than a week after our last fight because “they just clicked” & right after finals he went to her house out of state & met her parents (she is rich & apparently has her own house). He said they really like each other but don’t love each other yet & isn’t even thinking about marriage. I told him it didn't make sense why he's with her & he said he had a change of heart/things happened fast. We had an ugly fight after that because I was so angry, it was the worst one & he said that’s why he left me. I made a lot of mistakes, really seeming needy but he’s blocked me on everything telling me he really likes her & I need to respect that. I said I did & just wanted to talk/be friends (which he said too) but he’s blocked me. I think it’s a rebound but he broke up with a girl like a month before meeting me & he says he completely shuts out exes. It doesn’t seem like they match but that he really likes her. I don’t know what to do but just really want him back since I’m committed to him but I feel like the more they’re together, they’ll fall in love & I’ve already made myself look like a fool. Help!

    Thank you!

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Start by not contacting him any further. Apply No contact to give yourself some distance from the situation and to give him space. Spend this time to work on yourself and improve your life. Right now he is dating someone else, and you should not interfere, because it will lead to him thinking you're desperate and start getting annoyed or resentful towards you. If you really want to be with him, you'll have to wait until he contacts you first, or if they break up. Doing anything now related to him will only push him further away from you.

      Reply
  • N

    Hi,sorry if my english is bad, but it isn't my first language.
    I'm 26, and he is 27 years old. We were together for 9 months and I meet his friends and family.
    7 days ago he broke up with me. Reason for breaking up was that he doesn't have time for me, that he isn't sure what he wants, maybe it's other girls, but he has everything he wants with me, so he needs time to think. But I think that he has someone else now.
    Few days after the break up he sent me a message that he is thinking of me every day, and i replyed to him after an hour that i'm glad that it's like that.
    I know where i was making mistake in our relationship, i was always there and available for him, almost like i didn't have my own life. Now I don't know how to repair mistake and how to get him back?
    Thank you

    Reply
  • Emily

    My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago kind of out of the blue. We've been slowly declining for a while, and I would bring up the fact that I felt like things weren't going good all the time, but he always ignored my pleas for better communication. It finally came to a head and I broke up with him, and then quickly took it back the next day and we decided to get back together. Things seemed to be going really well and then he broke up with me, also saying he needs time and space. During these 2 weeks I've come to realize that a lot of the problems were me. I was so emotionally dependent on him, and I would turn negative if I couldn't be with him. He was my source of happiness and I didn't realize that until that was gone. I've been working on recognizing my problems and fixing them, because in the end I want him back. I really believe that now that I know what the problems were that he never told me during the relationship, if we were to try again, it would be really successful. I broke no contact a few times and was regrettably desperate in asking for him to come back and work on things, to which he kept saying he needs time and space and he's taking that for himself. I don't know if I should wait for him to reach out since I've reached out so many times (but will not anymore!!) But I'm afraid he won't and will just move on without me. The fact that he said he needs time and space makes me believe like he wants to revisit the idea of us getting back together, but that may just be me overthinking it. I just want him to see all the progressive I have been making so he can realize even though I may have lost my way and gotten too attached, my intentions were always pure and my love was always real. How do I get him back?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      I would suggest completing No Contact first and if he doesn't contact you during this period, to initiate contact once again after the period has ended.

      Reply
  • Woodzs

    Hello,

    So here's my situation. I've had a relationship for the past 3.5 years. For a long time prior to those years she had a huge crush on me, but i never really did anything with it. Even still we got together. During the relationship i never really felt i was truly in love with her, at least i thought so. But i also need to mention that i was smoking weed on a daily basis. (She hated that) Which resulted in me not to be able to express my feelings in the right way, or even to be having' feelings. During this time i was unemployed and living in her house pretty much rent-free, and even still she was the sweetest girl in the world for me. (make's me sick to my stomach even thinking about that now) I was a really selfish guy over the years, never surprised her or anything like that and have been taking' her for granted During the entire relationship. Never really considered her feelings. (Again, sick to my stomach) So due to text messages she started building a emotionally relationship with some guy she met a bar way back before our relationship. Can't really blame her for that giving the fact i was emotionally unavailable due to smoking weed. It always stayed with text messaging she claims and i believe her. This lasted from May to August. I forgave her. Last September we've been on holiday together, for here it was a sort of last attempt to save our relationship. Which i didn't knew at the time. So i continued in my own selfish ways, and continued smoking weed. She was slipping right from under my nose and i didn't even noticed. After the holiday we've stayed together until November 10th which is when she dumped me. Again, cant blame her, thinking back i am surprised she even last this long with me. Since then i have stopped smoking weed, cant even stand the smell of it, got a job, and starting to express my emotions again. Needless to say that i want her back, in fact i feel like im in love with her. She says its to late, that she really would want it but that her feelings for me has changed. However, she does keep contacting me, even send some nudes and stuff like that but still don't want te be in a relationship anymore. Also does she really badly wants to stay friends and gets really upset if i suggest to brake contact, just because i cant handle this form of contact we are having right now, simply because i want her back so badly. Do think NC will do the trick? I've been trying it 2 times already but never got past 2/3 days as she keeps calling/texting me and i feel bad for her and cave. And its hard for me as well of course. Sorry for my English, im from Europe.

    Kind regards,

    Woodzs

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      NC would help because right now although she's still in contact with you, the fact remains the same that she won't give you another shot. You have to give her some time to change that train of thought and by showing her you've changed. This is hard to see when she's still in constant contact with you. Complete NC and work on your issues before coming back and asking her for a second chance.

      Reply
  • Vicky

    My ex ended things 2 weeks ago. Initially he said he didn't know if he wanted a relationship anymore and needed to think about things but didn't want to end things completely. At first he was lovely, reassuring me he still cared about me it was just a case of timing and wanted to stay in contact whilst he figured things out. But I pressured him into making a decision the more I text the more annoyed he got and ended things completely. Initially I made the mistake of trying to change his mind, he reluctantly replied at first but the stopped responding completely. I started NC 2 weeks ago and then today he deleted me off all social media. I panicked and messaged him asking how his Christmas was, he read and didn't respond. I don't know what him deleting me means and what I should do about it? Should I re start no contact or is this his way of saying he's moved on? We are both in our 20's and were together for 2 months.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You guys weren't together for a long time so him moving on would be dependent on how meaningful the 2 months were. Typically someone blocking you would be his way of wanting to avoid you, and this could because you were acting needy by trying to change his mind. Continue with NC but spend this time to work on your issues, and at the end of it, if he has unblocked you, you could try initiating contact to see where he stands. Bear in mind that there is a small likelihood he has moved on already due to the length of the relationship, and may have blocked you as a way of 'indicating' those feelings.

      Reply
    • Vicky

      Thank you for your reply, he has not blocked me just deleted me, I got the impression that it was out of anger but I’m not sure. He has not blocked my phone number so should I message when NC is over?

      Reply
    • Kevin

      Yes, you should.

      Reply
  • Esther

    Hey.
    My ex and I have been together for 6 months and he broke up with me last Saturday over the phone. We were each other's first loves. We've had the 'Honeymoon' phase but from around 2 months into the relationship up until our recent breakup, we've been having arguments based on jealousy, mistrust and miscommunications. We would make up the day after the argument and be good then have another argument a few days later. Most of the arguments were started by me due to my overthinking, insecurities and accusations. We broke up once in September over some trust issues and an argument, but got back together after a week. He said he needed time off to forget the pain and it was him who apologised asked me back. Anyway, this time we've had constant arguments for a week straight before the breakup, he said the mistrust and me always starting shit was too much for him and that he's lost the attraction for me. I haven't been needy after the breakup and haven't done any of the 5 things to avoid. I have took time to reflect on my behaviours and realised my mistakes. I really wish we could start again. I've only texted him 2 days after the breakup, saying "hey" and asking him how he is. He responded rather quick and said he's "decent". I haven't texted him back ever since and neither did he. Should I start the NC period now? And for how long should it last? Is there anything else I can do to contribute towards getting back together?
    Regards.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Since you guys shared a meaningful relationship, there would be a chance for you guys getting back together but you have to work on those issues first or the same problems would occur again. I suggest applying NC and spending time and focus on those issues like trust, insecurities and overthinking. Understand why you feel this way and try to change it. The best thing you can contribute in getting back together is to change yourself as that's always the most effective.

      Reply
  • Theo zeus

    Hi Kevin. Ive been dating this girl for 6months everything was moving perfect for us both. She fell pregnant and i proposed to her and we were engaged. She decided to have an abortion due to finacially we both wernt stable and ready. I was abit emotionally about the abortion as she was assell experiencing a life changing procedure. Things became abit difficult both of us dealing with our emotions and feelings at the time.I made the wrong regretful decision by ending it and i unfortunately didnt show her support an comfort. Its been extremely hard an difficult dealing with this whole situation. Its nearly been 2 months we nearly been separated for now.she says i need to fix my issues and become stable and she doesnt want no relationship at this stage.. which im coming to terms of and making positive changes in my life..its been just over 2 weeks i havnt contacted her until yesterday wishing her merry Christmas but no reply.. so ive just left it.. Deep down i sincerely love this girl with my entire heart and i would appreciate advice and guidience aswell as steps to reconnect with her.kind regards.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If you guys have been broken up for about 2 months since, and she still has not replied you,you might have to consider the fact that she has moved on. If you're prepared to wait it out and chase her again, then I suggest giving her a little more time before you try reconnecting once again.

      Reply
    • Theo zeus

      I don't believe she has moved on.. after our break up we were still incontact an evan meet up for dinner ect. Its been just over 2 weeks she has asked me to concentrate on myself and make successful positive changes and she not making commitments for a relationship at this stage. How long should u wait until i make contact via email and how to write a letter and what to say? Regards Theo

      Reply
    • Theo zeus

      Its been 2 weeks ive started the no contact rule. I broke it once on Christmas day wishing her a merry Christmas. She didn't reply ive left it alone. Just wondering how long untill i make contact with her again and ive make successful changes and avhieved my goals I've made.. just want to know how to approach and what to say to her.. Regards Theo Thanks.

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You should wait until you've completed NC at least before writing her a letter or an email. You can refer to this article on what you should do after no contact has ended.

      Reply
  • Leonore

    Hi! I broked up with my boyfriend one month and a week ago, I broked up with him because he became distant with no reason, he was being very dry with me and I always asked him if I was being a good girlfriend and he always said that I was perfect. We didn't have any problems during our relationship of 3 months. So, I broked up with him through a text "I don't want to be with you anymore" and he replied that it was a good relationship but we were having many issues and that life made it complicated, so it was better to break up. I don't know if I want him back because he became distant out of the blue, he didn't call me or text me as much as before and he said "he was busy with his job" but I knew he had free time. I just want to know why he didn't want to be with me if things were going well between us, I don't know what my mistake was. I haven't talked to him since we broked up, I deleted him from social media that day because I didn't want him to talk to me. What did I do wrong in the relationship? Should I text him or should I let it go? Thank you, merry Christmas!!

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      It could be that there were things he didn't feel okay about but never shared with you, or it could have been completely for no reason and he started taking the relationship for granted (hence the lack of effort), which is common for many relationships that have gotten too comfortable. If you really want to know, I suggest speaking to him and asking him to be honest.

      Reply
  • Varsha

    Hey,my long distance boyfriend just broke up with me after an ugly fight. He is working and I am a final year student. He thinks that I am not serious about my career and so instead of being with him, I should focus on that. But I am not able to get over him. I am working pretty well in my career but he doesn't understand. Also, he always comes up with an excuse of not having time as he is busy with his office stuff. But as I said, I love him a lot. I am going to his city next week for an interview. Please suggest me if I should meet him and fix things or not.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You first have to understand if him saying that you're unable to focus on your career is a legitimate worry he has or if it's an excuse to end things. That would determine if you should contact him, because if it's a real concern he has, and you are able to convince him that you can stay focused and still be with him, then you should try to fix things.

      Reply
  • Drew

    Hi,
    Going through a current period of separation from a 5 year relation ship and found this website very helpful indeed. I moved out after 8 months of abuse largely control , emotional and eventual physical against me. It was a slow painful devaluaion and discard.

    I have sustained a period of 30 days and now looking at trying again. I have identified several areas where i have needed to change and continued to develop. Some of these no doubt contributed to the split.

    She initiated split via text and was particularly mean. I ignored a subsequent 2 calls. Was then told that it was me that have given up. Very confusing.

    She hasn't moved on as far as I am aware but made signs that she was starting to get used to being "single" Therefore I consider this point in time the final attempt to salvage. I have dug deep and think she is worth it but want to avoid a repeat. She Will not firmly say it is over and avoids all discussion and attempts to get third party assistance or support. She still states she did nothing wrong. I think there could be undiagnosed mental health issues as the theme throughout the relationship has been there, just not quite right.

    If she is not prepared to address some of her issues should i walk away. Or should after 5 years make a commitment to show I am serious and demonstrate my willingness to adapt.

    Thanks

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Everyone deserves to be happy and you shouldn't settle for less just because you've 'invested 5 years into the relationship and it would be a shame to give it up'. If you genuinely want to give it another shot, go ahead, but if the abuse continues and she does not change, I would suggest you be fair to yourself and walk away.

      Reply
  • Chris

    It’s been a little over three months since my ex and I broke up. I’ve completed no contact, given her space , never begged or been pushy did the right moves based on advice given on here and other places. She’s still will barely talk to me (we work together) and will barely reply to text messages. Back in September I purchased a Christmas gift for her and even though we broke up I still sent it to her on Friday. She replied thank you for the gift. You didn’t need to. Merry Christmas! Attached to the gift was a clean slate letter. She made no mention of it. I told her she was welcome for the gift. I asked her if she was going to be up for talking soon to clear the air. She never replied back. She isn’t seeing anyone, nor did we have a bad breakup. Since the breakup I have found out that she is mad at me about something I said but I don’t know what I said or who I said it to and she won’t tell me. We’ve had some positive interactions as of late at work, but she’s got a wall so high up now. Where do I go from here? Three months, no contact completed, clean slate letter given, space given, showed activity on social media sites as well and not much recoconcilation has occurred. What can I do? Or is it time to accept the fact that I’m not going to get her back?

    Reply
  • tiruworq

    Please am waiting your reply i didn't found it

    Reply
  • Kris S

    Hi there I need your help. My girlfriend broke up with me about two weeks ago. We pretty much argued a lot lately and she and I both had enough. I broke up with her in aug and we got back together. We pretty much argue about the same things. One major problem being her ex (child father) he would send her explicit things and we argued about that and the fact every chance he got he was hitting on her. To me she always made excuses for him saying take couldn’t block him or stop him because they had to communicate for child. To me seemed that she like him chasing her. She said I didn’t trust her but I’ve caught her in so many lies. Another large problem was she would sometimes lie about things..I couldn’t trust her which is one reason I didn’t want her communicating with oneone else. She said I was jealous and have a bad attitude. I felt she made me have one by not respecting our relationship and by entertaining other people. Anyways.. she broke up with me recently and says we will never work.. she said I didn’t care about her health or financial issues .. but lately she has me been pushing me away.. we work together so it’s hard to avoid her. I love her and want her back. We hit a bad patch and I’m willing to change. She has been flirting openly with another Co worker which I told her was disrespectful. Also same day we broke up I found out she slept with her ex. She denied it at first until I provided proof. I’m not innocent, I did flirt with someone else in her face while we were together to show her how it feels.. she hated but that was my point. I didn’t want her to break up with me..When we first broke up I didn’t everything this website said not to do. I even I friended her in Facebook which really pissed her off and she blocked my phone#. It’s only been 2 1/2 days since I’ve done the no contact things.. it’s driving me crazy and I can’t tell where her head is. I feel like I should be chasing her. Is this too far gone? Can I get her back?? So I leave it alone? It’s driving me crazy not being with her and not knowing what she is doing with other people

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If you can't trust her right now, and there are major issues with the relationship, even chasing her and getting her back now would yield the same result as the previous time (in August). If you get back together with her, ideally you want the relationship to be better than before, not the same or what's the point? THIS is why you should leave it alone for now and disregard whatever your instincts are telling you because it isn't the way to win her back or sustain a lasting relationship. Work on your issues first and complete NC, then win her back with the changed you.

      Reply
    • Kris S

      Hi thanks for the great advice! Also it’s hard with the NC rule due to we work together. Just today I talked with her for the first time in 4 days only because I have to at work. Although I said hello and merry Christmas, it was still strictly only work related . She was very dry with me even though it was only work related.

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      I understand it can be hard if you have to see your ex at work on a daily basis, however just proceed normally with your life as you normally would and avoid her unless necessary. It's unavoidable to have to come into contact and continue to talk to her about work related topics, but since she is acting dry, do not engage in any small talk beyond that.

      Reply
    • Kris S

      Hi the NC seems to be working. At work she told me she misses me and missed my kisses. She also hinted of wanting to get back together. What should I do? Should I continue the NC rule? or just go with the flow ?

      Reply
    • Kris S

      Hi Ryan, just a little update. Yesterday towards the end of work shift my ex talked. Wasn't my choice and was kind hard to avoid. She asked me to return a couple shirts of her ( shirts she only asked about when we broke up) I returned a couple shirts to her, only ones I could find. yesterday she insisted I had one more shirt and ask when could she have it or if I was keeping for memories. It was like she wanted to make small talk. I simply said I has not seen any more shirt and she became upset. tried to even argue with me about it. I was calm and cool the whole time. She said " smh, some things never change" I didn't understand why she was making a big deal out of nothing. anyways she ended being upset with me again for nothing. I feel like ive changed a lot. I kept cool and tried not to argue. I could tell she missed me and may have even been upset because I have not been contacting her at all. Not sure why it went left so quick. Help!

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      She could have probably gotten upset because she was expecting you to respond sweetly, since she hinted that you were keeping onto her shirt for memories and she probably wanted you to say yes.

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Since she has felt this way, you could slowly warm back up to her. However, I would suggest continuing with NC because it may be too soon for changes to have occurred in both your lives, so if you guys get back together, the same issue might eventually surface again.

      Reply
    • Kris S

      Hi Ryan, I've been feeling anxiety lately due to my ex has been dating her ex before me lately. It hurts so bad and its killing me because I love and miss her so much. Feels like she moved so fast and doesn't care about what we had, which is crazy to me. We had such a strong connection, yet she seems un phased with moving on. I feel like she is slipping away from me more and more each day. Like I should be pursuing her now. I remember she told me once she likes persistence chase after her. To see if you're willing to work to get her. I asked her before the nc thing started if she wanted me to stop chasing her. She said she wasn't sure if she did or didn't. my heart hurts because she spent Christmas and will spend new years with this other person. We were suppose to spend these times together before the break up. She text me yesterday and sent a photo and asked if I remember where it was from. it was a pic from a place we use to eat at all the time.. I replied yes..i couldn't tell if she was missing me or just letting me know she was at our place to eat with someone else.. I really want my girl back soon! :(

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hang in there. Sometimes people go back to their ex because they are unable or don't want to find someone new to rebound, so they try things out again with their ex. But most likely, your ex is probably rebounding with her ex. Focus on your anxiety and calming yourself down, and just pick yourself back up, before you consider anything again in the future.

      Reply
  • Dustin

    Hi,

    My ex broke up with me almost five months ago (over the phone, after being together for 1.5 years), and it devastated me. For about the first 2.5 months, I made a lot of mistakes, but have been good for the past two months. Over the last two months, I've made a lot of progress, but still miss her a lot. I truly think we could work things out, though her reasoning for leaving were that we fought a lot, I'm too invested in my career, she doesn't want to move and scared of being a single mother in the future because my career involves traveling. She also mentioned that I was controlling.

    Over the past two months, I've made a lot of personal strides and feel better about myself and not nearly as sad as I once was. I still have moments where I break down because I truly loved the girl, and the breakup came out of nowhere. Jan. 30 is fast approaching, and that marks two years since we first met (I'm currently a senior in college, she's a junior). February marks a lot of what would be two-year anniversaries and I know it's going to be a tough month. I've received a lot of advice, had multiple deep conversations with my support group, but I truly want my ex back (different from needing her). How should I go about reaching out to her, as I was planning on it around the end of January. (I wrote her a handwritten letter at the end of September and the day after my birthday she sent me an email telling me she wanted to quit contact. I've had one outburst since then Halloween weekend.)

    Thanks, and Merry Christmas!

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Well, since January would have been some time since your last contact with her, you could always drop her a casual text to ask her how her New Year has been and see how she responds from there. If she doesn't respond positively, it might really do you justice and a big favor to walk away from this, and focus on moving on.

      Reply
  • Roce

    Hi,
    I had to end relationship up with my girlfriend (5 years living together) due the fact she found another man to entertain her and she was not willing to make the decision: me or other guy. I tried this no contact rule and she keeps calling and texting me once a day (or so). If I did not answer her contacts, she is getting very upset and sends me irritating messages (like blaming me that I can't be trusted in serious situations). If I answer her because I assume that there was a really serious reason that she would call me, but there isn't. If we talk about weather and general stuff, it is fine. If or conversation goes to us or our past, she gets upset and tries to end the call. Last conversation she hinted me that if I would not call her more occasionally, I would waste my opportunity. She even encouriged to call her any time.

    In this case, should i inform her that I would not contact her for a while, or still answer her calls but keep the conversation to general topics and avoid getting to serious topics? Or should I just ignore her (and might push her more away)?

    R

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      The whole point of No Contact is to avoid conversations with her, general or relationship wise until you feel more sorted out emotionally to deal with things rationally. The only conversations that is encouraged is if it's a serious issue (financial matters, divorce paperwork, children, etc). You should tell her that you would like some space since the relationship has ended to work on yourself.

      Reply
  • Sadie

    Hi there

    My ex and I split up about a week ago and I also moved out of the country we were living in together. It was a mutual split up, we had huge highs and a loving relationship but we just kept arguing a lot and couldn't seem to fix this dynamic even thought we loved each otehr a lot. I now think we made a big mistake. Should I follow the NC zone rule or just get in touch now? ALso it is xmas coming up...

    Thank you

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You could get in touch to see his take on things, and if he isn't agreeable to get back together for whatever reasons, then proceed with NC.

      Reply
  • peter

    hi my ex broke up with me about a week ago, but she still lives with me, we help each other out financially until i get another job after christmas, shes going out meeting new guys now, how should i conduct the no contact rule in my situation? and what should i do whilst shes here?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Create boundaries at home and limit the time spent there while she is around. Perhaps go out more, and even if you are at home, sleep in different rooms and engage in as little small talk as possible. You could use this article to provide you with more tips on what you can do while she's still around.

      Reply
  • Roy

    We were about to get married, I was getting the stone shaped for the ring, then she broke up with me. I'm not sure what exactly the reason is, because there are many. I'm a jealous person, and I will not apologize for being one, her attitude has always pushed me to say unnecessary things, like another guy hugs/kisses her and so on, I'm pretty sure that most men are like me, I am not OK with my women sharing her body with another even if she thinks it's innocent. Few days before we breakup, she went on a trip with her sister and friends and there was a guy with his gf Who used to live with her sister and her sister's husband, that guy has crossed the line many times, I always warned her about him and she felt upset when I talked like that about him and always defended him and justified his actions. Eventually, he started going in the hot tub while she was their with his gf and he sat next to her!!!!. He joined them and started touching her while knows that she's shy. I got mad at my fiancee and said unnecessary things. It made her so mad and she went in her room in the hotel and cried, then he followed her and saw her crying and hugged her. Then, she vented with him and he told her to breakup with me and she did!!!!!!!! This stranger we barely know did this to me!!! I've done so many stupid things to change her mind, even I was so close to hurt myself, you know. Anyways, we stopped talking for couple days then she contacted me while she was in the hot tub with her sister, him, his gf. But, all the sudden she freaked out because he touched her Va****... And yet, she justified for him and said it was an accident. I tried to act cool about it but I was burning inside. Now she doesn't wanna get back at all and admits that she has some feelings, yet, still saying it's impossible to get back together and it is over... I really don't know what to do, we broke up more than 2 weeks ago and we both are miserable. I followed your EBP tips and started no contact but she kept contacting and I fail and talk to her. I'm writing this long comment after I did what I think is a huge mistake, I sent her "I love you" and a kiss emoji on whatsapp. I guess she saw it and pretending like she didn't. I see nothing in this god damn planet but being together again and continue our beautiful dream. I can't move on, can't stop thinking, I failed to fulfill the EBP requirements, should I start over?? WHAT SHOULD I DO??!!!

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      The EBP requirements serve as a guideline but are not set in stone since every relationship situation is different. Currently, if you want a relationship where how you feel is accepted, and a partner who isn't naive, you'll have better luck in walking away and finding someone who fits that. If you still want to continue a relationship with her, then you're going to have to accept that being jealous and telling her off on being naive (even if you're right) are things that would only push her away. Instead of becoming angry (again, even if you have the right to be), I suggest talking to her in a more understanding way as that might make her more receptive to what you're saying as opposed to telling her off and she becomes defensive and justifies the other person's actions.

      Right now, I suggest giving yourself some space to adapt to this mindset change before coming back into her life.

      Reply
  • olivia

    my boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago. although it was a break up, he also said he just wants time and space to think about things and he would consider getting back together if major things changed, but he's not sure if that's possible. we had a really great relationship full of respect and trust, we just started to argue more and more and i think we need some time apart for him to realize the problems can be fixed and are not worth throwing out an amazing relationship over. we're both in college and on winter break, so i'm planning on reaching out when we both get back. i'm in the middle of no contact, but should i text him on christmas or new years? does this sound like a relationship that can be fixed?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hey Olivia,

      Yes, I think for a relationship like yours, it can be easily mended if both parties work at their differences together. It's normal for relationships to reach a point where arguments happen more often due to both parties inevitably taking each other for granted (by becoming too comfortable, impatient, etc). The issue here isn't that you guys have differences and need space to think if the relationship is worth it, but rather to both sit down together and sort your differences out.

      Reply
    • olivia

      thank you! i agree, but he keeps saying he needs time and space and as of right now, he thinks too much has happened between us that can't be erased. i was going through a hard time and that negativity may have brought him down, but he never told me how he felt until he ended things so i never had the chance to fix that. i'm hoping giving him this time and space he wants will make him realize it, but do you think it may just be too far gone in his mind? i really want a second chance since now i know what his problems with me were, i see how easily fixable they are. i just don't know how to show him that!

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Well, perhaps it may have gone too far in his mind, but it doesn't matter because people get impulsive and exaggerated thoughts when they are emotionally affected by situations. These things can be changed, but may require a bit of time for him to let go of it. Just give him some time and space for now, but you could continue to talk to him casually as a friend and at least let him see that you're there for him.

      Reply
    • olivia

      I go back to school in 2 weeks and I wanted to reach out to him when we go back to see if he'd be open to talking. Is that enough time?

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      It should be, when school starts again, you could approach him casually like you would a friend and slowly build things up from there again.

      Reply
  • Karen

    Hey so me and my ex finished our relationship 2 years ago i started one but idk i keep having things remind me of him i always think of little stuff we used to do and me and my new partner are always fighting i went to this party were i saw my ex and his new girlfriend ( which is my ex best friend) their currently engaged but they were arguing and fighting i didnt say hi to them or i didnt show that i was affected by it but i still have that connection with him and idk maybe i just want to talk to him and let things right since he was my bestfriemd for almost 7 years sometimes i do miss him his biethday is coming up and idk if i schould DM him since idk if his girlfriend has his password and i domt want to seem like im desperate what do i do ??? I dont knoe what to do

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      I would honestly recommending just talking to him casually since it's something you can't seem to walk away from. At least by talking to him, even if things don't turn out well, you may get some form of closure that you lack. Also, your fights with your current partner may be causing amplified feelings of you missing your ex so it's something you should take note of. Perhaps ask yourself first, if your current relationship is a healthy one, and secondly decide if your feelings towards your ex is based on the bad experiences you're going through or something more.

      Reply
  • Bethanie

    Hello Kevin,
    Me and my other half split up 5 weeks ago last sunday, he split with me 2 days after my 21st birthday. Yes he was my first love but I am completely smitten by him. When he broke it off with me he didnt give me much of a reason but gave me a kiss as he got out of my car. I got a text message saying "he doesnt want anything with me anymore, its a clean break and not just a break" but ive had no explination and im incredibly worried that he thinks the grass is greener. I made the mistake of texting him because i felt like i needed closure and he didnt give me that. After 2.5 years i deserve that right? He keeps telling people that hes "ignoring me to move on properly" and i just dont understand. 2 hours before breaking it off with me, he was telling me he loves me and misses me. And wrote in my birthday card "to my one and only" was this all a lie? Hes a very "led astray" person and his family like to drink and ever since this happened hes been drinking more, hes seen me once and not even made eye contact with me. He could never talk to me and convided in a mutual female friend who i now fear hes trying it on with. Hes getting on with his life whilst mines in the gutted. I really dont know if he loves me or has done for a while. Im so confused.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hey Bethanie,

      Although we all deserve proper closure, sometimes we just don't receive it. It doesn't mean you should stay in one place, without moving on in life because that's what many people do and they never fully pick themselves up. It seems really sudden that he broke up with you when everything seemed fine (based on what you said) and there should be a reason. Maybe if you can figure out what that is (from mutual friends), then you would get the closure you deserve. However, I suggest in the mean time not to contact him any further and just focus on yourself. Apply No Contact and pick yourself up as he's doing with himself. Only later on should you actually contact him again if you still love him and want him back.

      Reply
  • mike.pedrazas

    I am 32. My ex is now 29. We dated for 2 years, half being long distance because of my career that she supported very well.

    Unfortunately one day she stopped supporting my dreams, our relationship started to struggle and we ultimately ended 65 days ago now. We tried as friends for the last month of it but it wasn't working and one night when I told her I loved her, she didn't feel the same, and we ended everything. No talking, no reconciliation, we just stopped. She reached out a day after to say sorry but it didn't go anywhere.

    In the past 65 days we exchanging belongings but she wasn't present for either. I dropped her things off one day and went to get mine once, but she was "busy."

    Only once, about 40 days in did we text for more than 5 minutes. She told me our relationship never had the "depth" she was looking for and she had found someone else that supports her in ways I didn't. She said she was sorry for dragging me along when she really knew she didn't want me anymore for a little bit of time.

    I have come to find out the man she replaced me with is her boss (46-2 kids, previously married)...which I am crushed by. In a way Im glad its not the hot guy at the bar I would compare myself to and wonder what he does better than me. I know her boss has money, has known for her for a year and probably knows where my support lacked and where she needed more. He's not attractive in my or my friends eyes but this really breaks my heart.

    I have successfully started cross-fit, a new job and become open in possibly moving for my career and taking the next step in growth. I have also sought therapy, opened myself back to God, and dove into various self-help books.

    I struggle with getting over her and letting go completely and finally. Most of the time I still wish there was a chance this was a rebound and maybe she'll check in from time to time. But I don't know how to not think that. She is still what I want, is that even right of me to think after everything she has done with her 60 days?

    No contact worked for myself but maybe it pushed her away?

    I have worked to get better, feel good but sad/lonely just as much.

    Should I want this chance again with her? Should I block her everywhere and be done with any other possibilities? She can't post anything because its her boss anyway.

    also he has already given her diamonds for her recent birthday, seems to be moving fast. And I can’t help but thinking of him proposing to her soon since they already knew each other so well. No, I don’t believe she ever cheated or started this with him while we were together.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      It would depend on your knowledge regarding what she seeks for in life. If the financial security it something more important to her, then you might want to consider walking away as it will be hard to compete with her boss on this aspect. If you know that she may be going through a tough time, and merely needs momentary financial support desperately that you cannot provide, then you could consider a second shot if given the chance. However, do bear in mind that she walked away from you once already, and if you get back with her, she may do the same again if ever she needs something you cannot provide.

      Unfortunately, even if he does propose at this time, there isn't much you can do about it since they are together now and it's his given right. You'll just have to have faith that your relationship did mean something to her and she would have the logical sense to say no.

      Reply
  • Shivang Bhatnagar

    Its a 2.5 year distance relationship in which i said some bad things to her in my anger, we meet twice in a month or more, then suddenly she losses interest which result in arguing and fighting and she eventually break up with me I begged for 3 to 4 days then started no contact, I applied 30 days no contact and after that, we talked and clarified all things and suddenly next day she goes cold again and as a result, i feel breakup pain again and eventually asking for another chance she said no and then I start the no contact again another month is almost complete what should i do now?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You should first figure out why she lost interest in you. No contact is meant for you to focus on picking yourself up and not simply giving her space. If you're able to contact her and face rejection without falling apart, that's how you'll know that no contact worked. Since your NC period is ending soon, you could always drop her a casual text and maybe even ask to catch up sometime. Everything isn't going to fall in place after one day of talking again after a breakup and you'll have to slowly nurture her back into wanting you, which is why it's so important to be able to face her without the fear of falling apart every time she pulls away or is cold towards you.

      Reply
  • Jackie

    Hey there,

    My ex and I broke up. I successfully did no contact for one month immediately after the break up and sent a follow-up text. In the initial first text I asked him in the message if he’d like to catch up for coffee, he said he it was too soon as he was struggling to find normality. I said I understood and we had a really good catch up chat via text. We have been texting almost everyday, good chats about friends, work, movies etc. I then asked him about a week or two later if he’d like to catch up for a drink he said he’s not ready to just hang out and it might be a while and he was sorry, but wants to stay in touch. He isn’t much of a texter even in our two year relationship. So I was a bit confused when he said no but I acted cool about it and said I understood and I’m happy to keep chatting (texting). We continued texting for about two weeks about random things and I got a fine in the mail I approached him about it cause I didn’t believe it was me driving (the fine was from a few months ago) and he said in a long message he remembered that day because I come over cooked for him and we had coffee in the park, he also joked in the message about a lunch we had made that’s still in his fridge and looks a bit dangerous lol. We sent a few more texts about our pet fishes and what not, seemed to be good. He said the suburb I was livin in now suited me :) and then I said you should check it out sometime and he said yeah that would be nice :). So then a few days after that I said what is he up to this weekend and would he like to come check out my place/pool (he seemed to respond better to that then the coffee idea hence why I asked). But then he took two days to reply and said sorry he had a busy week and probably not this weekend and that he needs a pool at this place. Honestly at this point I felt confused so I replied saying ok when were you thinking to catch up as I will be away most of January? And he said he’s not in a huge rush, it’d be nice to see me but he feels he needs to find his own feet first and maybe closer to Xmas/New Years but he doesn’t know and not too rush it. I said it does suck but I understand and hope I catch you before I go :). That was our last text about 3-4 days ago and I’m not sure what to do now since I’ve asked to catch up a few times. I’m confused, I feel he’s definitely shown some positive signs, especially sending me some money for the fine even though he didn’t think it was him. My friends said I should just let him text me and not text him so I haven’t and it’s been a few days now. He was never much of a texter anyway but I’m not too sure what to do from here. Thanks :)

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Well, it seems that he himself seems reluctant to meet you right now for whatever reasons. It could very well be that it's too soon still, and you should give him more time and let him initiate on a meeting up instead. You've tried a couple of times and have been met with rejection so I don't advice trying any further or you might push him away. Just take it casually, continue to focus on yourself first, and don't let these little rejections get you down.

      Reply
    • Jackie

      Thanks. We did text yesterday he said he had a crazy week because his dog was stolen. I’m not sure how often we should text at this point in time? Obviously I want to rebuild connection, it’s a little hard because he isn’t much of a texter. What should I talk about to rebuild connection?

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      At this point, just be yourself and create topics that would received continued responses from him - such as stuff you guys did in the past, plans for holidays, etc

      Reply
    • Jackie

      Ok thanks Ryan! Also we had a phone call recently just chit chat, it was a pleasant phone call I meantioned that I’m going away at the end of the week and if he wanted to see me, he said he feels pressured? And he doesn’t know, maybe another time then? I don’t know what he’s trying to communicate to me, as we’ve been texting for around a month and a phone call last night. At the end of the phone call we said it was nice to hear your voice and he said it was nice to hear your voice too. He sounded really depressed. I’m not sure if he needs more time? I’ve always been a go getter and he’s more relaxed and goes with the flow. could you explain what he means by pressured? Do I just give more time? My gut instinct and the way he sounded on the phone told me he missed me? Thanks

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      In those circumstances, yes I would suggest giving him more time and space if he feels pressured. Ultimately meeting you should be a natural occurrence and not something that feels forced.

      Reply
    • Jackie

      Hey Ryan! So we have continued texting after the last time I told you about (the phone call where he said he felt pressured and another time to catch up since I was going away) I text him saying I was going away and he said have a lovely trip and take some piccies(photos). He said he had a nice Xmas but is a little sunburnt. I text him a photo a few days later while I was away and he replied in 1 minute saying omg that looks amazing where are u? I didn’t reply and he then sent me a message on 1st of January saying happy new year I replied later that day saying hey! Just watched a house of cards, reminded me of you, made me smile! He replied within 2 minutes saying :) too hungover to physically smile but that’s a nice thought! I had a bad experience where someone tried to break in my house so I called him early that morning then I realised I shouldn’t have done that so I sent a text saying just an update I’m safe now, at my friends place. He then replied saying glad you’re safe, you are better off calling the police if you feel unsafe. Then later that day I text him saying I’m still feeling a bit shaken by it would you be up for a phone call, he replied saying sorry I don’t feel like talking in the phone at the moment but don’t let this dampen your new year, there are plenty of jerk guys in the world, just be you and love it! I replied saying I understand and did u have a good day he replied yeah, did a lot of furniture moving and sent me a photo of what he had changed in his room. After that it was his birthday so I sent a message saying happy birthday! He replied within the hour saying :) thanks lady! I didn’t reply and have started no contact as I feel when i am a bit distant he replies instantly kind of thing. I was thinking to continue no contact until around the 16th of January which would mean I haven’t texted him since the 4th of January. In my text on the 16th of January I was planning to say if he’s free to catch up for a quick cuppa sometime this week? I don’t want to do the wrong thing since I have asked before, but he is a big introvert and he rarely ever asks anyone to catch-up even friends/family. They usually ask him. My only fear is that he has said yes he’d like to catch up but wants to find his own feet first, he said this in December though. What would u recommend?

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You could ask him towards the end of January instead since it might have given him more time to find his own feet, and at least some time has passed into 2018, giving you the excuse to ask him out to find out how things have been going so far this new year.

      Reply
    • Jackie

      Ok thanks. Should I continue no contact until then or is it better to text casually with him?

      Reply
  • Ashley

    Hi EBP Team,
    I have foung your website very useful. I am approaching the end of NC that is at the same time as Xmas and my ex’a b-day and also the start of a 2-3 week holiday he is spending with his family he barely sees the whole year.
    My question is: what’s the best timing to send the e-mail? Isn’t it overwhelming around holiday time? Shall I just extend NC until he’s back in town? Maybe I could combine it with wishing him happy holidays and happy birthday?
    Thanks for your insight

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      To be honest, I think it's actually a good time to send him the email, as it creates a bigger impact (birthday, Christmas and the start of his holiday). If you want him back, you could send the email then and definitely include the birthday and Christmas wishes as well.

      Reply
  • Rohan

    Hi, we were engaged,she called off our engagement, she is very egoist lying and stubborn and i was abusive (verbally), controlling, jelous, insecure, over possessive. I loved her from the best i have but her ego and stubbornness made me behave wrong to her, i pleaded begged and cried but she didn't changed her decision, it was me who always use to go to her after every fight where she used to stop talking to me for several days, after broke up i re approached her but she wanted to be friends firstly i said yes but she was so casual and seemed moved on so i started no contact, its been three months i didn't heard anything from her, she is completely moved on now she seems happy and outgoing and enjoying her life, and here i am so obsessed and crying and dying for her even though i have decided i wont ever contact her or give any signal to contact me, if she wants to workout again then she has to contact me, otherwise its over for me, i am down, i am low but ill get up and ill make it large.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hang in there. Continue to work on yourself and don't linger in the past, if she moves on, so should you. And if your decision is to only come back if she contacts you, then it's a good idea to move on in the mean time because you don't know if it will ever happen or not.

      Reply
  • Jay

    Hi there

    While trying to sort things out in my life currently and can’t help thinking of her and i came upon this page. And sadly i had committed all 5 deadly mistakes, I don’t know how i can help myself so maybe ill just share my story

    I’m 29. She’s 30. Been in a relationship with her for nearly 3 years. Broke up like slightly more than a week already(consider this as 3rd and possibly a fatal one)

    1st broke up(she found out me complaining too much about the stress she gave me in becoming a better man)

    2nd broke up(infidelity, committed a couple of times of infidelity, regretted and stopped. Didn’t confess to her until i got found out sometime after that)

    3rd broke up(while improving on myself(not doing enough), we were chatting about things i did in the past, cant exactly remember if i confess everything in a proper manner to her, being not wanting to hide anything from her, i gave her a recap and told her everything, the very next day, she left)

    For the first 2 years plus in our relationship, empty/unfulfilled promises from me, misbehaving, overspending, lack of proper planning, spending too much time/money on games and infidelity caused our first 2 breakups.

    I loved her, it was after her coming back for the 2nd time which triggered me to do all the critical thinking, and rebuild what im supposed to be doing. 6 months on, that little conversation, in addition to me still playing games(cut down alot, also been saving up,no infidelity) made her left me for the 3rd time.

    Perhaps the lack of time in spending with her, and also a new colleague of her appearing, took a liking in her, did things better than me to her(lots of things i did for her during the earlier parts of our relationship) and has a stronger financial backing than me.

    The new colleague of her, somehow managed to get closer to her emotionally, and perhaps, could be still talking together, could be as friends or maybe even dating.

    It feels exceptionally terrible to be losing the love of your life, especially when you are about to propose to her, mentally and financially ready for her, and also on a festive season. Im lost, i really want her back and wished that i can still work things out, but i know, the ball is no longer in my court. I can only keep improving, keep working and praying.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hang in there, and focus on recovering right now. If you want her back in your life, you're going to have to make changes to yourself especially on areas she didn't like. You should take some time off from her and distance yourself right now to work on your own issues, before trying anything again.

      Reply
    • Jay

      Hi Ryan

      I’m working on it, like for real. Ive gotten rid of almost all my playing stuffs. Looking to add in a secondary income, becoming a better person etc.

      I want to talk to her again, but I don’t know when it will be a appropriate timing to start

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      My suggestion is to complete 30 days of No Contact and spend this time to focus on all these things you've mentioned. Once you've picked yourself up from this and think you've at least improved from the last time she saw you, then you could contact her again if you really want her back.

      Reply
  • Jrice2997

    Hello,
    So this is my story, I met a girl in college who is a couple years younger than me and throughout that year and the next we just had an unbelievable relationship. We would talk everyday and occasionally see each other on weekends. I knew she liked me through her friends and she knew I liked her, but we never were official boyfriend and girlfriend, but there were times when we both hinted at that outcome. I told her that I want her in my life and she wanted me to be in her life, but not in the same way. I texted her saying I couldn't be just friends with her and that I'll always have love for her because she was the first person I fell in love with in my life. 8 months ago I made a huge mistake and went over to her house back home unannounced and did it so no one would know I was there to drop off a handwritten letter after texting her; I went over to her house 3 times because the first two times I was afraid of what she would think if I did that when I hadn't been over there before. This mistake backfired on me and she found out I had been stopping by her house a couple times before, and it creeped her out now she has blocked me on every social media accounts and I haven't talked to her in 8 months. I've been thinking a lot about her like everyday morning, during, and at night before I go to sleep, and even dream about her. I know she isn't my ex but in other peoples eyes she was definitely more than just a friend to me, and I want nothing more to have her back in my life, but I'm pretty sure she hates me and doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. What should I do? I moved across country for work, but found out some family stuff is going on that I might have to move back home to where she and I both live, and I know that once I do I'll be reminded of the fact that I lost the only girl I cared about and it is killing me inside. Asking for advise on what to do, and if there is anything I can do to make her trust me again and hopefully someday have her back in my life

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Personally, it's been quite a long while. It may be worth a shot to try contacting her once more and you could be honest and explain the situation back then and apologize for it, then see if she's willing to still stay friends.

      Reply
  • silvi

    Hi,
    I had 3 month long relationship with a guy from a dating site. I have trust problems because of 20 year long marriage in which I was kinda abused. So that is why decided I did not want a serious relationship, only a friend with benefit type of thing. The guy was very polite. We had only kissing on first date and it took a while for him to even ask for it. Later I told him I did not want a serious relationship but it seemed he was hoping in it. We had very strong chemistry. After we had sex he was taken to hospital. It was crazy. I started to feel something however the plan was not that. I have decided to split up with him but someway I was not able. So we were keeping in touch for 1 month then he was released. I did not trust him. First I though even hospital was lie and then I discovered he was texting with others. I tried to get closer to him but he had walls. We had fights since I felt him cold, too rational therefore I got angry towards him and we had awful fights.We split up 3x but it started again. I emphasized that it was only about sex for me but he wanted sg more serious. Once I have seen him to chat with someone else for a long time. I asked him to tell me if he had someone else and let me go since it is too painful this way to me. He told me that there was no anyone else just he did not know where he stood with me since I was working against the relationship. Basically I think I did not know what I wanted and we had walls. Ok. I asked him to start it again. He asked for time and I promised time. So he messaged me but when I wanted to reply I saw he was chatting with someone again and got angry and attacked him. I said really really mean things. He switched off phone. I was thinking I might have hurt him deliberately because I was not brave enough to start sg serious and wanted to get rid of him instinctively. Next day I said sorry. I was feeling really awful about myself. I am not an evil person. But he did not read it (or yes but it was not displayed).
    Afterwards I texted him again: it was an analysis about our problems objectively. It was not read for 2 days. I expected it wont be read never ever. But then yes: it was displayed as read. Maybe it is crazy but I want him back. I want to take it seriously and wanna work on it and on myself but only if he wants to work on it too with me.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Although you say you don't want a serious relationship and only want a friends with benefit type of thing, it seems to me that your emotions say otherwise, or else you wouldn't really mind or care if he was talking to others or had walls since it should not matter. I think that you need to be more aware as well if you're trying to push someone away, as sometimes we do that in the form of picking fights or faults with our partner. I suggest just focusing on yourself first to work on whatever issues you may have and build yourself back up before considering any relationship.

      Reply
    • silvi

      Yes, now I know that I had feelings in it. I was picking up fights because I was afraid of them. That is why I want to start it again with feelings and without fears. I wanna give it a chance. Yesterday I wrote him: I written down what I have learnt about myself during the relationship but I did not mentioned that I wanted him back or anything similar. He read it in a minute but no answer. I was not surprised. (Basically I was surprised because he read it immediately.)As for no contact rule, I feel our relationship was different: I was not clingy. Not that was the problem, quite the opposite. I feel I have to give him a way to communicate. Or am I wrong?

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Even if you weren't clingy, no contact is still something you should apply as you the relationship ended on a sour note, and he may harbor negative emotions towards you right now. NC will help give both parties some space to let go of those emotions before attempting anything again.

      Reply
    • silvi

      Hi,

      Sorry because I am a bit tiring. I have doubts about "no contact rule" in my case. In my understanding your theory is based on the fact that there were happy moments in the relationship and after a while people tend to remember the good memories, the overall picture and forget about the problems (eg. clinginess, small debates), the small negative details. My relationship with this man though was about great sex and awful debates right afterwards (since I was fighting against my own feelings), therefore the overall picture is not good. There were no happy moments in this relationship with the exception of sex. Basically, I can say only the sexual attraction kept it alive at all for 3 months. And I am aware that sexual attraction can fade away fast so what remains is the overall negative picture. Am I not right?

      Reply
    • Kevin

      Hi Silvi,

      You are wrong in thinking that the purpose of no contact is to remind your ex of the good times. In fact, no contact rule has very little to do with your ex. It has everything to do with you. Its for you to give yourself some time and space so you can work on becoming a better version of yourself.

      You are right that you may not be able to use the good memories from your past relationship in rebuilding attraction with him. But that is only a small part of the plan. The biggest thing that attracts an ex back is the changes you make in yourself. If you can show him that you have truly changed and are a new person after you have finished no contact, you can definitely attract him back. Read this article for more info on what to do after no contact.

      Reply
    • Silvi

      Dear Kevin,

      Thank you for your reply. I understood that one of the purpose of NC to introduce changes to my own life and approach. But I am not addicted to this guy, only attracted to him and wanna try if it works with him. I can live without him. I have my life, my goal in life without him. I am aware that both of us should work on it and use a different approach. Definetely I should starte. What I am saying: it is not a more year old relationship but only 3 month long and basically was about sex. Ergo, if I wait say 1 month my chance to get him back is decreasing in my view.

      Reply
    • Kevin

      Oh, if your relationship was less than 3 months old, then you should reduce no contact to about two weeks. Perhaps, learn a bit of communication skills during this time so you can make the relationship about something more than sex when you get back in touch. Also, before you contact him again, make sure he is worth it and you have the right attitude about this. After all, you don't want to invest too much time and energy into someone with whom you had a shallow relationship based on only sex.

      Reply
    • Silvi

      Ok. When I started with this whole dating thing, I have decided: I wanted only sex. I missed sex since I have not had any for 2 years after breakup with my husband. Right? But I did not want to lose my independence just because my body needed sex. That was the starting point. I had more dates but I selected this guy because kissing was the best with him. We had chemistry. We have not had sex only on the 3rd date. Basically we were speaking about philosophical questions and everything. I found him interesting as a person. He was a kinda weirdo like myself. I told him I wanted only kinda special frienship but he wanted something more. He left some of his stuff at my house, cooked for me, stayed over the weekend and started to repair my boiler. Even mentioned that I should have reareanged my room. These things terrified me so I started fight. We had great sex and then loads of fights. In the meantime I realized I might needed something more than sex. We had fight about Fraud and these things. In this respect the relationship was not swallow.

      Reply
    • Silvia

      I am afraid he completely lost his faith in it which is not a wonder if I think about it. Even I am happier without that relationship because that was a constant fight between my heart and mind. What I would like to do: start a completely new thing with him because I think we might match naturally, only I protected myself against love all along. But I am aware that human beings are not guniea pigs so it might be late. I just wanna get the highest chance to start it again if possible at all. I hurt him so many times and we had 3 breakups during 3 months. So it is almost hopeless to base a new start on good memories.

      Reply
    • Kevin

      Hey Silvia,

      OK. I think you should just contact him (whenever you are ready) and be honest about how you feel. Your first contact message should show a lot of honesty and self reflection for this to work.

      Reply
    • Silviu

      Hi,
      After saying sorry and explaing what type of relationship I really want i have done about 2 week long NC as suggested. On Christmas day to my surprise I got a Christmas greeting and my ex initianated a short conversation and this morningI got good morning greeting as it was a habit before breakup and it seems my ex wants to come over. I am very happy but my consern is that: I dont wanna be a doormat in long term. So I plan to initiate a converstation about the situation: I want to give it a try to a serious relationship with him but I dont want to be with him at any cost. Do you think it is appropriate. I mean I am happy that he comes or sg but I dont want to be just used and abused. Taking into account our past story it can be an issue.

      Reply
    • Kevin

      Hi Silvi,

      Yes, you should definitely have this conversation with him. I recommend that you write down the type of relationship you want in your life. Write down the 5 most important thing for you in a relationship. And after that, write down your boundaries. Write down what is non-negotiable for you. This could be things like "Cheating, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse etc."

      Then have a conversation with him. Tell him that you don't want to repeat the past relationship again and you want to start taking things slow. That means you should not have sex for at least two weeks after you start dating. Since your past relationship was only based on sex, it's best to avoid having sex for a while so you don't go back to the same old patterns. Only meet him outside and go on dates with him. Take your time to figure out if a relationship with him can work. And if he is not willing to take it slow, you should be willing to walk away (he will eventually come around when he realizes you are strong and he can't make you go back to the same old relationship pattern.)

      Reply
    • Silvi

      And after the break up my ex husband indicated he wanted me back (we have two kids) but I refused because I want someone better. Also, interestingly right after the break-up my former neighbour asked me out for a drink through facebook. But I did not want to play with others since I am into my ex boyfriend. So I refused especially because I know that my neighbour would be serious about the relationship. He was trying with me previously, confessed his feelings but he is too simple for me: I mean he is not interested in deeper things and I am. So I refused him previously as well. And I am chatting with a guy who is quite interested in me. So as you can see I dont have to feel that I would not have any other chance. I am on dating sites. I am friendly and quite ok for my age. Also, i have 4 degrees. So I am not absolutely stupid. Men are attracted to me. And I am 38. I am after a 20 year long marriage so obviously I know my feelings for this guy wont last forever. I am not that naive. The main point is that: I would like one more chance with this guy because maybe we would get on very well if I try seriously. And since I realized that I need not only sex but someone who loves me and who I can love, at the end of the day I have to change my approach/behaviour anyway. So why not now and why not with this guy. It is not that easy to find someone who is interested in deep-speaking and still sober enough and who behaves in a loving way towards me. Also we were perfectly in synch in sex. So what else would I want? Of course maybe it wont work. I am realistic. I know this guy only for 3 months and we had fights. I am nornmally not an agressive type but I was the one who started the fight, he remained polite while I was swearing. This shows that I tried to protect myself from emotions. He realized that it is my fear but i did not want to realize. And you know I want this only if it works well. Basically I dont want this guy at any cost but I wanna see where it goes if I really try without fears. Maybe he is the right person for me.

      Reply
    • Silvi

      He stayed at my house after sex saying he cant get home that late so we were sleeping together. Then stayed for the weekend, cooked for me and left his stuff at me saying he dont want to bring it again. Then started to repair my boiler, ordered stuff and collected from the shop. I was terrified what he wants. After my marriage I lived alone with 2 kids and I was happy: I could decide about my things alone and it was like a fresh air after 20 year long marriage even if it was hard sometimes to arrange everything alone eg. moving, kids illness, arranging school for kids, repairing things, normal household duties, paying bills and also I had a fulltime job. But I felt happy and independent. But I was almost like a male and I have not sex with anyone. But after 2 years I started feeling unwell physically and menthally. I thought it was because of lack of sex. But since I did not want to lose my independence, I decided on this friends with benefits type of thing. This is the story behind it.

      Reply
  • Brandon Alvarez

    Hey 2 months ago I said my ex broke up with me because of long distance and I was moving back to her hometown because I wanted to move there for a job offer and you told me keep doing no contact until you arrive there. I just moved here 2 days ago and she keeps liking my posts on social media even the one where I took a pic of the back yard of my house and said a paragraph about that j moved here and I'm blessed. She saw that post but hasn't messeged me or anything shes not dating anyone. What should I do I texted her 2 months ago but she seemed uninterested but she still sees my stuff??

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Well, you could always initiate contact with her and drop her a message or call instead, since you know that she's been following up with your posts.

      Reply
  • Swati

    I was in a 3 year long relationship. We took a break 4 months ago because of his drinking."surely not a breakup". But then i hav done the worst thing : i had a guy friend to whom i felt an affection and happened to mistake it as love. But he was loving me, so when he proposed me during the break i accepted it thinking that my affection is love. Bt soon within a month i realised that it was nothing more than a crush and also i loved my ex/bf (since we were just on a break) so much who is infact my first love. My ex/bf came to know about all these things and now he barely replies to my messages. Please help me with this problem. Now i know i really loved him. He is my first love & guess it will be the last one too.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      I guess you need to give your ex some space now so that he can let go of any anger or hurt that he felt before going back to him again.

      Reply
  • Luke Thomas

    Hello,

    My girlfriend broke up with me after 4 years due to me being controlling and clingy. Told me the night of the breakup that she loved me, but wasn't in love with me anymore. We talked every so often afterwards until I figured out I was actually making things worse and proceeded with NC for 25 days. We're long distance so it's a bit easier than others. We had plans to meet up when I came home to visit family for thanksgiving and talk, and we did meet up but we hardly talked. She said it was too soon and didn't want our emotions to get the better of us. I was a bit mad, because I waited almost an hour. We spoke on the phone afterwards and got into an argument about what happened and both said some mean things.

    A few days afterwards, we spoke on the phone for two hours and had a great conversation. We talked for two hours, one about the relationship and what happened, and the other just general talking, laughing, and having fun. A day or two after that, I told her I had a date, to which she got kind of upset but tried to brush it off by acting "happy" even though I heard her cry on the phone. The date ended up being cancelled, but I feel like that might've been a step backwards.

    Afterwards we texted for almost three consecutive days, but we both agreed that it felt weird and decided to text each other every other day for the whole day. We both have every intention of finally meeting up on Christmas. She's said she's really wanting to focus on school right now, which I completely respect, but I do want to get her back. I want to prove to her that I can not be a clingy, jealous, insecure guy! Are the steps we are taking the appropriate ones?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hey Luke, it sounds like you're on the right path. Just don't put too much pressure on her to get back together with you or she may walk away. You can always tell her how you feel, but add that you respect her wish to focus on school and you'll wait for her as a friend first or something.

      Reply
    • Luke Thomas

      Hey Ryan,

      Thanks for the advice. I forgot to mention last night after a stressful week I had some anxiety and said some insecure things to her while we were talking. Stuff along the line of "you were my best friend" and "second chance" were mentioned. I realized my mistake changed the subject almost immediately and continued to have a good conversation, but it was a moment of weakness nonetheless. Do I just continue on as normal?

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Don't worry too much, sometimes human instincts take over us for a brief moment, but as long as you realized it and didn't go overboard, it's fine.

      Reply
  • Davis

    Hi ryan..thanks for your reply..i will try to give her that space and time like you said..but i really need your advice on how to win her trust back and confidence and keep our love..what so i really do during this break?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Firstly, you should just be yourself - the new and improved you after giving yourself space to change as well. You could always refer to this article on more tips in getting your ex-girlfriend back.

      Reply
  • Kyla

    Hi, my ex and I (both 18) broke up in October and were together from June to September. He broke up with me because I wasn’t reciprocating the love he was giving me and he now feels like since he put his all in the relationship and I didn’t, he can no longer give me a relationship. After the breakup, I was very needy and constantly begged him to get back together. Since then, I have recognized my mistakes and am fully in the mindset to changing them but I’m not sure how to prove that I’ve changed. He’s recently got back with his previous ex about a week ago and I’m scared that he might not want me back. I personally think it’s a rebound relationship since he did try to have sex with me while they were together but he swears he loves her and is serious with her. He still acts as if he has feelings for me but denies them. We never went through a no contact stage either. So, would it be best to do the no contact stage even if it’s been 3 months since we’ve broken up? Is there a good chance that I can gain his love and trust back if I do this? Is it not too late?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hey Kyla,

      Yes if you haven't done NC before, and have still been in contact with him through the 3 months, it might be better to actually proceed with the No Contact rule to separate yourself from the situation.

      Reply
  • Jenny

    Hi Kevin,

    My ex broke up with me in Febuary this year while I was at overseas. We were together for 8 months. I was planned to work at overseas for 6 months from January. we didn't talk much during that period of time because I know he work really hard and long hours( at least 8 hours a day sometimes 12 hours),I texted him every 2 days or 3 days and he barely replied. He broke up with me said because of a lack of common interest and culture crash. we were in a really long distance relationship.

    And then he jumped into another relationship 6 days later after we broke up. But I didn't know until I changed my mind gave up the work oppotunity and back from oversea. I was pretty upset and stop talking to him. Nearly two months later, he messaged me asked me how have I been and we had a short personal conversation. And then he contacted me pretty much every month while he still in the new relationship. I stalked his instagram and noticed he broke up with his new girlfriend at the beginning of September but I didn't react to it.Two weeks later, his band annouced they have a gig soon. I wanted to go but I couldn't decide go or not. A few days later he messaged me again , we had a short conversation and I asked him can I go to the gig or not. he said yes. Two days before the gig he messaged me said he could send me home after the gig although it was late but I rejected. I end up stayed at his house. I have feelings for him again so I messaged him for hungout again two weeks later and we spend the whole weekend together.

    After that , I messaged him again when I got home said want to get back with him but he said he just want to be friends. What should I do? Should I start the no contact rule or do something else?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You have to figure out whether his intentions are out of concern as a friend, or he actually likes you still, or just wants the benefits (hookup). Regardless, it would best for you to give him some space, considering you don't know what his intentions are, and he may not know either. Apply the No Contact Rule and focus on yourself in the meantime. If he likes you, he will come back.

      Reply
  • jon

    Hi,

    I would love to talk to you about my situation. Get your advice on it.
    So I was with my ex for five years, 3 of those years we were in a long-distance relationship, and we would see each other about every three months for few weeks.

    About a month ago she said wanted to break up, and I kinda did a lot of stupid things maybe or not I guess you can tell me.

    Frist, i asked to think about it and give me another chance really, and then for a few weeks kinda beg her to, then even fly to China to see her and change her mind.

    I know that she chooses to give up on Us, as feels found someone new and is now in a relationship with him in China.

    I know that she feels we fight too much, I never share with her, we don't really communicate, and says lost love for me, and feel I am giving too much negativity at times.

    I have also written her love notes, wedding vows, sorry notes and more leet to show our future as she says cant see one with me.

    I have thought about contacting the new guy and asking him stuff, but do think it would do my harm than good.

    I have been emotional and made stupid comments and threats at times.

    I talked on the phone to her last night, and she said this me we cant be together, you don't handle situations well, and at times I am like a child. And that she has chosen the new guy, as he was excused to break up with me, then move into it as or just after we break up. She also said to me that why keep trying and pulling back to you, can you give up.

    I would like to know if I have done to much harm or do I have the chance to get her if you need any other information and what can I do?

    Thank you for your time and thoughts on this matter.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      To be entirely honest, there's always a chance, but in long distance relationships, that chance can be a lot slimmer. If she's dating someone new and he is in the same country as her, it's very hard for you to compete because anything you do without being in close proximity can easily be misinterpreted. I would honestly suggest that you be fair to yourself and not contact her for the time being. Practice the No Contact rule for a period before considering anything again.

      Reply
  • Nicole

    Hi,
    Me and my ex broke up 2 years ago. We didn’t have any contact with each other until one of our close friends set us up to talk in person two months ago. He apologized, for in a way “hurting my feelings” when he dumped me but I didn’t respond. After it took him a month to actually talk to me since we’re both in our last year of high school. After that he’s always found a reason to talk to me and even asked our friend for my social media but I try to stay away because I still have feelings for him, but he has a girlfriend. I don’t want to break them up because he seems so happy and in love, and it’s all I ever wanted for him, as well as it being a stupid reason to try to break them up, it’s messed up. I missed him being back in my life, but I don’t know if I want to push him away again because of my feelings, aswell as I don’t want him to feel as if I hate him or something. I want him back I really do, but I don’t wanna ruin our friendship because we did agree to stay friends. What should I do?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If you have the patience and emotionally capacity, I would suggest waiting it out and staying with friends with him first and see if their relationship lasts. If not, it would be a better idea cutting him out completely since it's only fair to yourself.

      Reply
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