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Ex Back Permanently

What is the fastest way to start rebuilding attraction, connection and trust with your ex?

Text Messages.

Why text messages and how you can use them to get your ex back?

If you call your ex all of a sudden, they will probably think that you want something from them.

If you send your ex an email, it’ll be impossible to have a conversation with them. This makes it look like you don’t want to speak with them, alluding to the conclusion that you want to move on or you just want closure.

But a text message has the right amount of ambiguity. It leaves enough doubt for your ex to wonder what is going on with you and why you are contacting them. This curiosity gives you a unique opportunity to make them attracted to you again. To build rapport. To build trust.

But there’s a catch. You can’t just text anything to your ex and expect them to start feeling attracted to you. Would you feel attracted to someone who texted you something like this?

“Hey, I still want you back. Please come back to me”

Or

“I don’t think I can ever find someone like you. Please come back.”

Or

“I am sorry for cheating on you with your best friend. I’ll never do it again. Please come back.”

You cannot simply send them anything that comes to your mind. In fact, if you text your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend the wrong way, you will most likely turn them off and make them lose attraction, connection and trust. And that’s where I come in.

My name is Kevin Thompson and I’ve been helping people with breakups and getting their ex back for the past five years. Over the years, texting has become an important tool to reconnect with your ex after a breakup. So I decided to create the ultimate guide to the art of using text messages to get your ex back.

This guide is designed to help you get your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend back with the right text messages. Text messages that build attraction, connection and trust. It’ll teach you how to text your ex for the first time after no contact, how to turn your text messages into deep meaningful conversations and it’ll teach you how to transition from text messages to a phone call or a date.

This guide has five parts.

  1. When you should text your ex
  2. The Basics of texting your ex
  3. Texting your ex for the first time
  4. Using Text Messages to Rebuild Attraction, Connection and Trust
  5. Transitioning from Text Messages to a Phone or a date

In case you’ve not yet read our guide on getting your ex back, you should go ahead and do so [it’s free]. This will give you the full picture and a plan to follow. This article only focuses on texting an ex. But if you want to get your ex back and keep them permanently, you need to know about a lot of things other than texting.

Click here to read the guide [Opens in a new window]

Alright, now that you’ve read the article and are ready to get your ex back permanently. Let’s start.

Part 1: When Should You Text Your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend?

Before you text your ex, you must have answers to a few very specific questions.

Why are you texting your ex?

Why do you want to get back together?

Why do you think it’s a good idea to get back together?

What has changed since the breakup that will make your new relationship (if you get back together) different?

If you’ve just broken up and landed on this article, then there’s a good chance that your answers to the above questions will be something like this.

Why are you texting your ex?

Because I want to get my ex back.

Because I miss my ex.

Because I just want to speak to them.

Because I have a few questions and I want closure.

Why do you want to get back together?

Because I love my ex.

Because I feel I can’t live without my ex.

This breakup is too painful and I want to get them back as soon as possible.

Why do you think it’s a good idea to get back together?

Because I know for sure that this time I’ll not make any mistakes.

Because my ex is special and I can never find someone like him/her.

Because our love is special and I never felt like this for someone else.

What has changed since the breakup that will make your new relationship (if you get back together) different?

I’ll do whatever they want and never give them a reason to leave.

I’ve realized my mistakes and will never make them again.

I’ll do everything in my power to keep their love.

Now, I am not sure if you see what’s wrong with these answers, so let me analyze them for you and tell you why answers like these show that you are not ready to contact your ex.

Why are you texting your ex?

Because I want to get my ex back.

Because I miss my ex.

Because I just want to speak to them.

Because I have a few questions and I want closure.

Analyzing Answers:

You should only text your ex if you want them back.

If you are texting them to get closure, you are just wasting your time because there is a good chance the answers to your questions will give rise to new questions.

It will not give you closure and it will certainly not help you get over them. If you are texting your ex boyfriend or girlfriend because you miss them, then it will just make you look needy and desperate and it will make them not want to text you.

Why do you want to get back together?

Because I love my ex.

Because I feel I can’t live without my ex.

This breakup is too painful and I want to get them back as soon as possible.

Analyzing Answers:

Do you notice how all the above answers are about what you want and not your ex or your relationship?

Why would this work if your ex doesn’t love you, if your ex can live without you, and if the breakup is not as painful for them as it is for you?

None of those reasons are good enough for your ex to even consider getting back together.

But let’s just focus on yourself for a moment. Are these reasons good enough for you to want them back?

Sure, you love your ex now, but you can move on and start loving someone again.

After all, everyone in this world has the capability to move on from a breakup and start loving someone again. It’s the way humans are built.

Sure, you feel the breakup pain is too much for you right now. But studies after studies have shown that you can recover from a breakup. With time and proper care, you heal and start feeling better, happier, and more confident.

Why do you think it’s a good idea to get back together?

Because I know for sure that this time I’ll not make any mistakes.

Because my ex is special and I can never find someone like him/her.

Because our love is special and I never felt like this for someone else.

Analyzing Answers:

Again, all these reasons are focused on you and not really give an incentive for your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend to want to get back together.

In fact, reasons like this show that you are just focused on yourself and don’t really care about what your ex wants. They also show that you are insecure and needy.

Why would they get back together with someone who is so selfish and insecure?

But, I will do anything to get back together. How is that selfish?

Just because you will do anything doesn’t mean your reasons for getting back together are altruistic. Let’s look at your answers to the third question.

What has changed since the breakup that will make your new relationship (if you get back together) different?

I’ll do whatever they want and never give them a reason to leave.

I’ve realized my mistakes and will never make them again.

I’ll do everything in my power to keep their love.

Analyzing Answers:

If you can realize your mistakes now and can stop yourself from making them again, why didn’t you do it while you still had your ex?

If it was so easy to stop making mistakes, then you wouldn’t have let your ex leave you in the first place.

In reality, it takes a lot of work and a lot of time to make real changes in your behavior and habits. It takes a lot of self-awareness and practice to stop making your insecurity and neediness affect your relationship. In a lot of cases, it takes professional help to let go of the bad habits that ruin your love life and relationships.

In fact, if you just broke up, then there’s a good chance you don’t really understand the real reason you broke up. Take this quiz to help you understand why you broke up and what are your chances of getting back together.

If you just broke up, your ex has no reason to believe things will be different this time. And they will have no reason to want to try again.

If you want to get them back, you will actually need to make a lot of positive changes in yourself. Again, read the 5 step plan to learn how to do that.

The answer to these questions are important. You must be clear why you want to get back together and you must be sure that things will be different this time. Then and only then you will be ready to contact your ex.

Of course, you should also do no contact before you text them. You can also send them a short email or a hand written letter before you decide to text them for the first time. More about no contact, the email and the hand written letter can be found in the 5 step plan to get your ex back.

Should you text your ex on their birthday or special occasions?

If you are doing no contact, then you should avoid texting your ex during birthdays or any other special occasions. Texting them on birthdays or special occasions does not accomplish anything. Moreover, they might feel like you are using the special occasion to get back in touch with them. And that will make you look desperate.

If you really want to wish them on birthdays or on a special occasion, it is best to keep the text short and to the point. For example, a birthday text should be something like this.

“Hey, Happy Birthday!. I hope you have a great year ahead.”

You should not use the text to start a conversation. For example, this text is not recommended when you wish them birthday.

“Hey, Happy Birthday. I have been missing you. How have you been?”

See, this text makes it obvious that you are using your ex’s birthday to start a conversation with them. This will turn them off and make them not want to talk to you.

What if my ex’s birthday fall at the end of no contact?

In this situation, I recommend that you extend no contact for another week or two. You can wish them on their birthday but you should still stick to the script and keep the conversation short.

What if my ex wants to speak to me after I wish them?

If they respond to you asking a question, answer to them in an upbeat manner but don’t give them anything to extend the conversation.

For example,

Your ex: “Thank you. How have you been?”
You: “I have been doing well. Thank you for asking. 😊”

Part 2: The Basics of Texting Your Ex Back

Texting your ex doesn’t have to be very complicated. All you have to do is understand the basics, follow a few templates and just go with the flow. In this section, we will talk about the basics.

Here’s what you should aim to achieve when you are texting your ex.

  • Make them crave your text.
  • They should be excited to receive a text from you.
  • They should be looking forward to having a texting conversation with you.
  • Make them associate texting you with something exciting.
  • Make them want to reply to you immediately after they receive your text.
  • Make them start initiating texting conversations with you.
  • Make them want to take it to the next level (phone calls or a date).

exciting ex with text messagesTo achieve that, you must remember the golden rule. The golden rule of texting your ex is to never send a negative text to your ex.

Here are some examples of negative texts that will probably make your ex not want to receive texts from you.

“You are horrible human being for doing what you did. I am glad you are out of my life.”

“If you don’t answer my texts, I’ll burn every love letter that you wrote for me.”

“How can you just leave your son like that. You are terrible father/mother.”

“You are not fooling anybody by acting aloof. I know you are miserable and I hope you stay miserable for the rest of your life.”

“I need you in my life. I can’t live without you.”

Hateful texts, threats, needy texts and any negative text in general is a big no. You can never make them associate texting you with something exciting if you send the above texts even once.

To make them associate you with someone exciting and your texts with something exciting, you must be consistent in your texting.

You must be able to consistently provide exciting and interesting conversations.

If you can’t they will either label you as boring, needy, or just a negative person.

What if I already sent a lot of negative or needy texts?

Do no contact for a while. This will give them time to forget all the negativity and maybe even start missing the good times they had with you.

You can also use the “Elephant in the Room” text discussed later in this guide to swipe the slate clean and start over.

The Frequency of Texting.

Ideally, you and your ex should text each other every day.

You know how lovers text each other? The first text in the morning and the last text before sleeping?

That is the type of frequency you want to achieve. But, you must take it slow. Very, very slow.

If you immediately start messaging your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend every morning and every night, you are going to sound an alarm in their brain that will make them put all their defenses up.

But if you start with just one text message and slowly very slowly start increasing the frequency, they will probably not notice.

It will feel very natural to them and they will feel the attraction and connection you build is also natural. Heck, if you do it right, they will start increasing the frequency of text messages and there’s a good chance they will start talking about getting back together.

So how do you do that?

Here’s a sample timeline for texting your ex. This can change depending on your situation, the intensity of the conversations you are having and how often your ex initiates texting.

Day 1: First text message and a short conversation.

Day 2: Don’t initiate texting. If your ex initiates, reply to them but end it as soon as possible.

Day 3: Same as Day 2.

Day 4: Initiate the conversation. Make it longer than your first conversation but not too lengthy. Give them something to think about.

Day 5: Same as Day 2

Day 6: Don’t initiate. If they initiate, reply and continue the conversation for as long as you like.

Day 7: Initiate and continue the conversation for as long as you like.

Day 8: Same as Day 6.

Day 9: Same as Day 7.

Day 10. Initiate a conversation in the morning, and in the evening. Continue each conversations for as long as you like.

Day 11: Same as Day 6

Day 12: Same as Day 7

Day 13: Same as Day 7

Day 14: Same as Day 10

Makes sense? Just mix it up a bit and keep having interesting conversations with your ex. Slowly, but steadily keep increasing the frequency until they are used to having you text them and they are used to initiate texting.

Miscommunication and Negativity in the conversation

If you and your ex are speaking to each other on a constant basis, there is a good chance either one of you will encounter miscommunication and/or negativity in the conversation. Here’s what to do when you encounter them.

Miscommunication

Whenever you encounter a miscommunication, it’s best to clear it straight away instead of waiting your ex to figure out what you said.

This can easily happen if you are using sarcasm in your messages. It’s best to avoid sarcasm in text messages unless you are absolutely sure your ex will get it.

sarcasm-texting-ex

Similarly, if at any time, you are not sure about what your ex is saying or if they are being sarcastic, it’s best to ask them clearly what they mean instead of trying to figure out what they meant.

Negativity

Whenever you feel the conversation is going to take a negative turn, you have three options.

1. Try to end the conversation and try again after a couple of days.

2. Try to resolve the issue without speaking about it in detail.

3. Talk about the issue in detail and clear things out.

If you’ve just started speaking to your ex, then I recommend you choose the first option. If your ex still feels negatively about you, the breakup or the relationship; then he/she is not ready to open up and speak about the issues in a calm manner. In this situation, it’s best to acknowledge the negativity and your ex’s feelings, apologize if necessary and end the conversation.

For example,

Your ex: “I can’t believe you can be so selfish. You weren’t there for me when I needed you the most.”

You: “I understand how you feel. I was selfish and I am sorry for what I did. I am learning more about myself every day and I’ve realized why I acted the way I did. I feel that you and I both need some more space before we can speak objectively. I hope we can speak soon and I want you to know that I’ll always wish you the best.”

If the conversation is about to take a negative turn but it’s not very serious, you can acknowledge the negativity and the reason for it and try to move on.

For example,

Your ex: “Yeah, we had fun in the Bahamas. I wish you hadn’t been busy with your laptop all the time.”

You can sense that your ex is upset about you not being present when you were supposed to spend quality time with them. You can acknowledge the issue without offering a solution.

You: “Yikes! I actually saw that coming. You are right though. My schedule was all over the place. I wish I had spent more quality time with you when I had the chance. Well. Live and learn I guess.”

If the conversation is about to take a negative turn and the issue is serious, then you might want to speak about it in detail. For example,

Your ex: “It seems you have really changed. I hated it that you never gave me space. I almost felt like you want to control everything in my life.”

You: “You are right. I did want to control everything around me. I’ve done a lot of soul searching and even gone to therapy. I realized my habits were formed when I was a child. I never really felt loved because my parents were always busy with work. When I fell in love with you and realized you loved me too, I was doing everything in my power to not lose it. I was controlling everything out of fear of losing my love. I’ve now realized how unhealthy it was, both for me and our relationship. I’ve realized a lot of my other unhealthy habits as well. Anyways, this is too much to talk about via text messages, do you want to get on a call?”

Notice that if it’s a serious issue, it’s best you take the conversation to a phone call. But before you ask them to do so, you should give them a good reason to believe that you have really changed. And at no point of time you should speak to them about getting back together.

WhatsApp, iMessage, Line, Viber, Snapchat. What should you choose to text them?

There are so many apps you can use to text your ex. Which app is the best?

It’s simple. Use the app you know that your ex uses most. Some apps do have an advantage over others, but those advantages are very minor and if you use the strategies laid out in this guide, those advantages will not matter at all. For example, WhatsApp gives you the ability to see if a message has been read by your ex while line and viber gives you a range of emoticons and animations to choose from.

Almost all the apps today can send Gifs. You can use Gifs to make references to your favorite movies or TV shows. (Download Giphy to get access to a lot of Gifs). However, make sure that you use Gifs sparingly and only if your ex responds to them with positively. Gifs cannot be used to build attraction with your ex. But they are good for an occasional laugh.

Part 3: The First Text for Your Ex aka What to text your ex after no contact

Your ex is probably expecting a text from you after you broke up with them. But texting them immediately after a breakup is a mistake. You should do no contact before you text your ex. Take some time out for yourself, work on yourself, make some positive changes in your life and make sure that getting back together is the right decision for you.

What to text your ex boyfriend or girlfriend after no contact?

Once you have done no contact and you are absolutely sure you want your ex back, it’s time to initiate contact. Your first contact with your ex can be in the form of an email, a hand written letter or a text. You can read the guide on getting your ex back for more details on the email and hand written letter. This guide will focus on your first text message to your ex.

When you first contact your ex, you can use one of the following templates.

The Memory Text.

This one is quite famous and you’ve probably come across it. You simply use something to make a connection with your ex and say that it reminded you of them. The key to this text is to keep it light hearted. If possible, add a little bit humor. You want them to believe that you are no longer needy or desperate and that you will not really try to talk about getting back together.

For example,

“Hey, I was just walking down the St Johns street and came across that restaurant with amazing Shawarmas. Reminded me of you (and how we went there after watching Avengers). How have you been?”

“Hey, I just watched the latest season of Game of Thrones. You were right. Jon Snow really doesn’t know anything. It made me think of you right after I almost cried in excitement. Anyways, how have you been?”

You can also mix it with something that’s been happening in your ex’s life.

For example,

“Hey, I finally got around to reading the Harry Potter books. You were right. I should have read them long time ago. But, hey I got to experience the Hogwarts magic at 28. Speaking of magic, how was your show at the club last night?”

The Advice Text

One of the easiest way to get someone to feel good about themselves is to ask them for advice. People love to give advice and you can use this to your advantage when you are trying to re-spark attraction with your ex with text messages.

The key to this text is to find something your ex is an expert at, or is at least interested in.

But before asking them, ask them if you can ask them about it. Makes sense? It will in a second.

For example,

You: “Hey, my nephew has this weird math problem that none of us could solve. Can I ask you about it?”

Your ex: “Sure.”

See, how you are taking their permission before asking them the question. This almost guarantees a response from them because they want to know the question.

You: “We just can’t figure out what is the square root of 16.” [Note: come up with a better question than that]

Your ex: “Oh, that’s simple. It’s 4.”

You: “Wow. Thanks a lot. I was always amazed at what a genius you are at math. How have you been?”

This template is great to get your ex to respond to you. You totally fly under their radar when you ask them for advice. Here’s another example using the same template.

You: “Hey, my friend just started cooking and he asked me a weird question. I am totally confused. Can I ask you about it?”

Your ex: “OK”

You: “Is it okay to add onions when I am cooking a steak?”

Your ex: “Umm, if it’s a good quality steak, it’s probably best not to add any onions. But if you want to experiment, go ahead.”

You: “Thanks. I love how you are so good at cooking anything. And I loved the chili you made for me that day. Where did you learn to make it?”

Again, come up with better questions than that. I am totally pulling this out from nowhere as I am writing this article and if you use the questions in the above examples, your ex will probably see through them.

Make your questions genuine and be genuinely curious about their answer.

The Elephant in the Room Text.

elephant-texting

What if your break up was really bad? What if you made a lot of mistakes after the breakup? What if you acted needy, desperate, creepy and maybe even stalky? What if you cheated on your ex? What if your ex cheated on you?

If you fall in any of the above category, then there is a good chance you will not be able to use any of the first text messages as templates to get back in touch. If the last thing your ex said to you was something along the lines of

“I hate you. Please never contact me again.”

You can’t just act as if it didn’t happen and just casually start talking about how Jon Snow knew nothing in the latest episode of Game of Thrones.

jon-snow-texting-ex

I am not obsessed with Jon Snow. I just haven’t watched the latest season yet. (No spoilers in the comment section.)

If you do that, your ex will be weirded out and think you are crazy.

You have to acknowledge the elephant in the room. You have to clean the slate so you can start again. This is when the Elephant in the room texts come in handy.

How do you go about it?

You’ve got to mention three things in this Text.

1. Apologize for whatever happened during the breakup

2. Acknowledge that you’ve accepted the breakup and have healed

3. Tell them how you’ve changed (For example, learned how you were needy and started working on yourself.)

Once you’ve sent the Elephant in the room text, you have to lay back for at least a week or two before you can use any of the other templates mentioned in this guide.

Now the Elephant in the room texts need to be unique for every situation. But I have a lot of readers and clients who go through many similar situations. This has given me the opportunity to come up with a lot of templates for the Elephant in the room texts. I am still working on a report that will list all these templates. If you are interested in the report, just take the quiz and subscribe to the Ex Back Permanently Basics series. I’ll notify you whenever the report is complete.

Part 4 : Using Text Messages to Rebuild Attraction, Connection and Trust

Once you’ve texted your ex for the first time and have received a positive response, you need to start rebuilding attraction connection and trust with your ex.

Texting is a great medium to do so when your ex still has leftover negative feelings from the breakup and they don’t want to give you any false hope.

You probably have read a lot about texting from different articles on the internet. You might have even come across some articles that claim to be the best article on the internet. But if you notice, they will all give you a one size fits all solution to texting your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend.

The truth is, your ex is unique. Your relationship with your ex is unique. What attraction means to them is unique. What chemistry means to them is unique. What trust means to them is unique. What might work for someone else, will not necessarily work for you. So before you move forward with this, you must understand your ex and what attraction, connection and trust means to them.

Here’s how you go about doing this.

1. Building Attraction with text messages

You know your ex better than anyone else. What is it that your ex found attractive in you in the first place?

Do you know how sometimes people say “He/She is not my type.”?

What do they mean by that?

Sure, sometimes it is referring to a physical quality of the person. They may be referring to their height, weight, hair color, or skin color.

But in most cases, whenever someone says, “He/She is not my type”; they are referring to that person’s personality.

It could have something to do with them being an introvert or an extrovert, or it could have something to do with them being honest and trustworthy. It could have something to do with them being active in sports or the fact that they are an academic.

Different characteristics appeal to different people. You need to find out what are the things that appealed most to your ex and what turned them off.

For example, suppose your ex is an introvert and they don’t really care about meeting new people and hanging out in social gathering.

And suppose you sent them a text like this.

“I just went out to this crazy party last night with a couple of friends. It was amazing and I wish you were there with me.”

Do you think that will make your ex more attracted to you?

When you send a message like that, you will probably turn them off because you are forcing them to imagine themselves in a situation they don’t find much appealing.

On the other hand, a message like this might be more appealing to an introvert.

“I went to my uncle’s cabin over the weekend. We were surrounded by birds, dense forest and we spent the weekend re-reading Harry Potter for the fifth time and reenacting some scenes from it. It was amazing and I wish you had been there.”

Imagine how this would make an introvert feel. You are displaying qualities that you know your ex is attracted to. You are also making your ex imagine what it would have been like being with you and spending time with you. A message like this will earn you some attraction points from an introvert.

You should be able to craft messages like this to display positive qualities in you and at the same time making them imagine what it would be like being with you.

But, you must take things slow. And you must be subtle about it. For example, if they are an avid sports fan, you can’t just say something like this.

“You know I’ve started watching NBA as well. If we get back together, we can watch it together.”

That will definitely make your ex put their defenses back up and make them think you are needy and a doormat.

But you can do something like this.

You: “You will not believe what just happened.”

Your ex: “What?”

You: “My aunt got me seats to an NBA game and I figured why not. My friend and I went to the stadium and OMG. This was the best experience ever. And now, I watch all the important games. I finally understood why you spent so many nights stuck to the TV.”

2. Building connection and trust using text messages

You develop a connection and trust with someone you spend a lot of time with. Go back to the beginning of your relationship with your ex. You probably didn’t trust each other much and you didn’t feel a deep connection. But as time went by, you started trusting each other and felt a deep connection with each other.

Sometimes it takes months and sometimes it takes years to develop a connection and trust with someone

There’s no two ways around it. Building connection and trust takes time. A lot of time.

But the good news is that you and your ex already had a pretty solid connection. You were both together for a long time and probably trusted each other. There’s a good chance you both still feel a deep connection to each other even after doing no contact for a while. And even after everything has happened, a part of you will always trust each other.

So how do you capitalize on that?

You build connection and trust by being honest and vulnerable in a way you have never been before.

I know what you are thinking.

I desperately want my ex back, if I be honest about my desperation, how can it build a connection with them?

Well you don’t. If your honesty is coming out of desperation and neediness, it’s going to backfire and you will probably push your ex away.

This is why I recommend again and again to take some time off, work on yourself, learn to be happy, become confident, become a better version of yourself, become You 2.0 before contacting your ex. This way, you can truly be honest with them when you say that you are Okay with whatever happens.

Let’s say your ex calls you out and asks you if you are texting them because you hope to get back together. You might feel like a deer caught in headlight.
texting-honesty

So, what do you do? Do you lie? Do you ignore them? Do you be honest?

I recommend being honest. After all, you don’t want to build your new relationship on lies and deceit. But honesty can work both in your favor and against it.

Here’s an example of a needy person being honest.

“Honestly, I still want you back. I don’t think I can ever find someone like you and I have been miserable without you.”

And here’s an example of confident person being honest with their ex.

“Honestly, a part of me does want to get back. But I am okay with whatever happens. I understand why the breakup happened and have realized that it was for the best. I am in a good place right now and to be honest, I am texting you just because I miss speaking to you. I don’t have a goal or an ulterior motive for texting you. I just want to see what happens.”

See how that message doesn’t make it you look needy or desperate. Moreover, this removes any pressure from your ex. In all possibility, they also want to see where this goes considering you have changed quite a bit. They know that they will not hurt you by leading you on because you are no longer needy and desperate.

Here are a few other ways to be honest and vulnerable while building a deep connection and trust with your ex.

– Speak about what you’ve learned during no contact.

– Speak about your insecurities and how you’ve let them ruin your relationships in the past.

– Speak about how you truly feel about important things in life. Things like life, religion, politics, relationships, love, life partner, career. (Note: If your ex has an opposite view on one of these topics, it’s best to avoid them.)

– Encourage them to be vulnerable. When you are honest and vulnerable, you encourage them to do the same. Conversations like this can turn meaningful and eye opening for a lot of people.

– When they speak, truly listen to them. Try to understand how they feel and try to see things from their perspective.

– Ask them creative questions. Questions that make them think more about themselves and can lead you to more meaningful conversations.

Here’s an example of using a creative question to start a conversation.

You: “Hey, someone asked me an interesting question the other day. It made me think a lot about my life. I want to ask you the same thing. Should I go ahead?”

Your ex: “Sure”

You: “If there is one thing you can change about how your career is going what would it be?”

Your ex: “Umm. I guess I will decide to start my own studio instead of working for this soulless company.”

You: “You know, I always wanted to tell you to start your own studio. You are so amazing at interior designing. Honestly, I think you would do great. What do you think is stopping you from doing so?

Your ex: “I don’t know. I never really got the time to think about it. I always wanted my own studio when I was in college. I guess I got complacent when I got a job.”

From here, you have an opening to talk about a lot of things. You can talk about your or your ex’s dreams in college, about working at your job, about business ownership, about arts or interior design, or about your own insecurities at your job.

A Note on Rebuilding Trust

If you broke your ex’s trust during your relationship, then there’s a good chance they won’t be open to rebuilding a connection with you unless you at least give them some hope that you can change. You must show them that you are willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild their trust. And this should start with a deep insight for your actions, your reasons behind those actions and what you are doing to change that. You can read more about this in this article.

You cannot rebuild trust by text messages alone. But you can start by being vulnerable and honest. Refer to the checklist above on how to start being vulnerable and honest with your ex.

Part 5: Moving on to phone calls and a date

Phone Calls

Texting is great when you are just starting to speak with your ex after doing no contact. But it’s not nearly as good as a phone call or a face to face meeting. You have a lot of advantage when you are on a phone call with your ex. You get to speak to them as you would speak to a lover. You get to listen to their voice and they get to listen to yours. You get to listen to their tone and they get to listen to yours. You can develop a much deeper connection because you are actually talking to your ex instead of just texting.

I recommend that you try to get your ex on a call whenever you get the opportunity.

For example, suppose you and your ex have been speaking regularly for a while. You’ve decided you are ready to speak to them on the phone and you want to take the plunge. You can use a simple excuse in between the conversation.

Your ex: “And Nathan couldn’t balance himself and fell face first on the cake. I died laughing.”

You: “LMAO”

You: “Hey, I am getting in the car to drive. I can’t stop laughing. Wanna get on a call and continue this conversation?”

Your ex: “sure”

*you call your ex*

See, how simple that was. The only thing that’s needed is for you to ask. And now, you can actually laugh together instead of sending acronyms of a phrase that says you are laughing (LOL).

You can also ask them to get on a call without any excuse. But before you do that, you must be speaking to each other regularly and must have built enough rapport with them. To ask them on a call just say something like.

“Hey, wanna speak on the phone? I am kind of tired of typing.”

Asking them out

Asking your ex out is a big move. Most exes are wary about going out with their ex partners because they think this might give you the wrong signal and make you put your hopes up. This is why you should not ask your ex out until you have built enough connection, attraction and trust with them.

Before you ask your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend out, you should be speaking to them on the phone regularly and texting regularly for at least a week.

In a lot of cases, your ex will ask you out after you’ve built enough attraction and connection with them. But if they don’t, you can use this simple template to ask them out.

“Hey, I’ll be in [area near your ex’s house or office] tomorrow, wanna catch up for coffee?”

Keep it simple and don’t pressure your ex. If they say they are not sure, just give them a gentle push without making it look like you are forcing them. For example,

Your ex: “I am not sure if that’s a good idea.”

You: “Come on. It’s just coffee.”

Your ex: “Umm, alright. I’ll see you at 6.”

It’s very important that you don’t call it a date. Using words like “Catching up” or “Hang out” is a good idea.

If you wanna be adventurous, you can even ask them out on very specific dates like shopping, a concert, a book reading or a sports event. But all that is a bit advanced and doesn’t really fall in this topic. After all, this article is just about using texts to get your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back. And we’ve already covered quite a bit into that.

26 comments

Getting an ex back is an uphill battle as it is; but when you know your ex is going to move away soon, it gets exponentially more difficult.

The thought, of losing someone you love forever, intensifies when you hear the news of your ex leaving town. Just the fact that your ex is moving away soon, may cause you to panic, become desperate, needy or insecure.

So what do you do when your ex is leaving town soon and there is nothing you can do to stop them?

In this article, I’ll cover almost everything you need to know about getting an ex back in this situation. And as with all my other articles, we must start with the 5 step plan.

The 5 Step plan is a simple step by step system that I have developed to help anyone get their ex back. It’s wildly popular on the internet and it has been proven to be effective time and time again. And yes, it’s free, you can read it here.

Once you have read the Ex Back Permanently – 5 step Plan, come back to this page. This article will assume that you have already read the the best guide on the internet on getting your ex back and know the basics of getting an ex back.

Ready?

OK, let’s begin.

Step #1 Understanding Your Panic

The first step to getting an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend back who is soon moving away, is to not to panic. When you panic, you are bound to make one of the deadly mistakes I outlined in the 5 Step Plan.

And the best way to not panic, is to understand your state of panic and reassuring yourself that it’s not real.

So, let’s start with a few questions you must ask yourself..

Why are you panicking?

Because my ex is moving away soon.

How does that effect you?

I am still in love with my ex and want to get back together.

How does them moving away effect what you want?

I am afraid that they will completely forget about me and move on. I don’t know what will happen now.

Are you a hundred percent sure that them moving away means you two will never get back together?

I guess not. I think there is still a chance.

Are you a hundred percent sure that if they stay in the same town as you, you two will get back together?

I guess not. I think there’s always a chance we will not get back together.

You see, no matter where your ex is, you are still fighting an uphill battle. It just gets more difficult when your ex is in another town. But, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t still get your ex back. If you follow the basic steps of getting an ex back, you still have a pretty decent chance of getting him/her back.

Your Panicked Mind

your ex has moved onBefore we move on to the next step, I want you to acknowledge how silly your mind is being right now.

First of all, it’s assuming that your ex still belongs to you, even though you have broken up.

Secondly, it’s panicking because it thinks that you are going to lose someone very special to you (even though you have already lost your ex since you have already broken up).

Third and most importantly, even if you were going to lose someone special within a matter of few days, it’s not going to be the end of the world. You will still have your health, your family, your friends, your career, your goals, your aspirations, your desires and your passions. You will still have your identity. And even though it may suck to lose someone special to you, you are still going to go on to live a happy and fulfilling life.

The Deadly Mistakes

It’s worth mentioning again that you must not make any of the mistakes mentioned in the 5 Step Plan. It’s the first and most basic step in getting an ex back and it does not change even if your ex moving away soon.

Step 2 No Contact

When your ex is moving away soon, then you might be tempted to break no contact early and go out on date with him/her as soon as possible. It sounds like a reasonable thing to do. After all, if you are able to show your ex the new and awesome version of you (You Version 2.0), then you might be able to convince them to get back together and agree to be in a long distance relationship.

But there is only one problem, trying to rush things will make you look needy and desperate. And that will definitely push your ex away.

So what should you do?

If your ex is moving away at least one month from today, then you are golden. Just do no contact for a month, contact them once it’s over and hopefully you will be able to get that date to make a lasting impression.

If your ex is moving away sooner than that, then you may have to compromise a little. You can do as much no contact as time permits you and try contacting them one week before they are moving away. For example, if they are moving away three weeks from now, then do two weeks of no contact and contact them at the starting of the third week.

This will ensure that you do get to make some positive changes in yourself and get to meet your ex before you meet them.

What if they are moving away within a week?

In this case, you have two choices.

  1. Start no contact right now and don’t meet them before they leave.
  2. Meet them before they leave, and start no contact once they have left.

What if they refuse to meet you?

The first and most important rule of getting an ex back is to not look needy and desperate. If they refuse to meetup, then let them know that it’s cool and you wish them best wherever they are. Say your farewell and start no contact again. You can still try again after another round of no contact as long as you don’t mess it up by acting needy or desperate.

Step 3 – The Meetup

First impression might be important but in most cases the last impression you have on someone lasts forever. This might be the last impression you ever get to make on your ex, so make it count. Don’t look needy or desperate, but don’t be fake either. Be honest and be real. Try to re-spark the attraction, connection and trust your ex had for you when you were together.

Here’s what I mean.

Suppose your ex brings up the topic of you two never meeting again (or not seeing each other for a long time). Being needy or desperate will prompt a reaction that goes something like this.

– Start crying uncontrollably.
– Start convincing them to get back together.
– Start negotiating with them about everything you can do to make the relationship work.
– Doing any of the deadly mistakes mentioned in the 5 step plan.

On the other end of the spectrum, here is something that a person who is trying to “fake it” will do.

– Say that they are cool about it.
– Change the topic and start talking about how amazing everything is in their life.
– Try to make them jealous by bringing up another potential love interest.

And lastly we have someone who is secure in themselves, but is also honest and vulnerable.

– Tells them calmly that they are sad about them leaving.
– Says something like “There is a part of me that wishes we were still together. But I know that’s not the reality and perhaps it is for the best that we have broken up.”
– Or “I hope that we can be a part of each other’s life in the future, at least as friends. I value you and respect you as a person and I definitely appreciate that you were at some point, a big part of my life.”

Got the idea?

Good. Because this is just the beginning. Now you get to the real work. That means now you get to start rebuilding the attraction, connection and trust with your ex all over again.

Step 4 Once They Move Away

Once your ex has moved away, you need to decide your next course of action carefully.

Do No Contact Again

If your last meeting with your ex didn’t go as planned, or if you weren’t able to do enough no contact because of time constraint, then you must start no contact again. Do it at least for two weeks and make sure you work on improving your communication skills during those two weeks.

From now on, good communication skills are your biggest weapons in this uphill battle.

You need to make your ex feel like you really understand them, and they can share everything with you. You also need to make them feel like they understand you in a way no one else does. You need to develop an amazing connection with them that makes them want to get back together, even if means a long distance relationship (more on how to develop those skills at the end of this article).

In fact, it’s always a good idea to do no contact for at least two weeks once your ex moves away. This is because they will probably be busy settling down or exploring the new city for a couple of weeks after they move. Once they settle down, they are going to have a lot more free-time on their hands and will be more open to talking to someone they are familiar with.

Get Back in Touch with Them

When you get back in touch them, you need to be as casual as possible, and build it up from there. If your ex moved away after the breakup, then I don’t recommend you send them a “Hand-Written Letter” mentioned in the 5 Step Plan. Instead, I recommend you use one of the texts to start contact.

If you are as good as Obama, you will have no problem developing connection with your ex.

If you are as good as Obama, you will have no problem developing a strong connection with your ex.

Once you and your ex are talking again on a regular basis, you must start getting closer and closer to them using good communication skills and empathy. You can also use social media to increase their attraction towards you at this time. But more than attraction, you must work on connection and trust between you and your ex.

Meeting Up

Once you and your ex have reached a point where you both speak to each other almost every day or at least three times a week, then you must start thinking about meeting up.

This might be tricky because you stay in different cities. But it’s not so difficult if you plan things ahead. The meetup can be categorized in two categories.

The Casual Meetup

As the name suggests, this should be as casual as possible. You can do this if your ex is back in town for some business or family. When they are back you can just ask them casually to hang out, and if you have built even a little bit of connection with them, they should say yes.

You can also arrange a casual meetup by planning a visit to their town. You can tell them you are visiting a music concert, an art show, a business seminar, a group event or you are just traveling with friends. Let them know that you will be in town for a while and you will love to catch up with them.

The Intentional Meetup

This is a big one. Because if you and your ex decide to go through the trouble of traveling to another city, just to meet each other, then it means things are getting serious. The only time you should propose something like this if you feel you and your ex have developed a deep connection and it’s worth pursuing further.

Note, I am not just talking about how you feel about your ex. I am talking about how your ex feels towards you as well. Do they call you almost every day? Can you sense in their tone that they are very comfortable with you and perhaps even attached to you? Can you sense some jealousy when you talk about your friends of opposite sex? Are you both in a stage where you can comfortable to share anything with each other over the phone?

If any of those things ring true to you, then there’s a good chance you both have developed a good connection and it might be pursuing further. But don’t just plan something just yet. Test the waters first. A good way of testing the waters is by arranging a casual meetup.

Once you have done that, and you still can’t figure out if you should arrange an intentional meetup, then simply say this in your conversation.

“I have such an amazing time chatting with you on the phone. I wish we could meetup and hangout. But it sucks that you are far away.”

Their reaction to this sentence will probably give you a good idea about where they stand and whether or not an intentional meetup is the way to go.

Step 5 – The Skills That Make All the Difference

This plan relies on the fact that you are capable of rebuilding the attraction, connection and trust with your ex, using only the words come out of your mouth (or that you type on your phone). It might be pretty daunting at first look, but in reality, it’s easy to learn and implement. I teach those skills in my online course The EBP Advanced System which is a paid course. In the course, I also include a bonus guide to help you develop and maintain a long distance relationship with an ex. You can check it out here.

I also offer a free e-course that will help you tremendously in the process of getting your ex back. Here’s what you will get in this free e-course..

– How to handle the no contact without messing up

– How to stop panicking instantly and regain your composure

– How to initiate contact after no contact period

– How to get the most out of your date with your ex

– One helpful, inspiring, amazing email every day to help you get through the entire process of getting back together.

I have had amazing reviews about this e-course from broken-hearted people all over the world. It’s free and you can unsubscribe anytime you want. To subscribe, just enter your name and email below to get started today.

Here is one of the many testimonials I got from my subscribers.

“When I first started to read your emails, I must be honest I thought they were all absolute rubbish. However, I had nothing to lose so decided to put them to the test. Well to cut a long story short, not only have I turned him around, EVERY BIT OF YOUR ADVICE WORKS. Just please keep emphasizing to every one, it takes time but it does work. Being patient is important. Mr ” I don’t show my feelings” actually told me last night that he cared about me and was actually falling in love with me.Now, I got him back.” – Hayley

You have absolutely nothing to lose. If you don’t like the email series, you can unsubscribe at any time you want. I won’t hold it against you. 🙂

9 comments

Today we are launching message boards to help with discussions. As you must’ve already noticed, I get a lot of comments. A lot more than I alone can handle. As of writing this, there are more than a hundred comments for me to read, moderate and reply to.

To make it easier on myself and to give the readers and commenters of this website a better platform to discuss and get answers to their questions, I’ve added message boards to this website.

So if you have been here for a while, or are new here, go over to the message boards and start a conversation. I will see you there.

0 comments

No contact is an important part of getting back together with an ex. However, it’s not always possible to avoid interaction with your ex. In this article, I will be going over two main concerns people have about no contact.

How do I apply no contact if my ex and I work together?

And

What if I meet my ex at an event/party/gathering during no contact?

A Little About No Contact

Before we go over these specific situations, let’s talk a little bit about no contact. No contact isn’t really as strict as some people make it out to be. Just because you interact with your ex in some situations, doesn’t necessarily mean you are breaking no contact.

no contact nazi

Soup Nazi doesn’t understand no contact.

You first need to understand the main objective of no contact.

1. For you to regain composure after the breakup. You need some time to stop being the mess you were after the breakup.

2. For your ex to realize that you are no longer needy and desperate.

3. For you to learn to be happy without your ex and figure out whether or not getting back together is a good idea.

Now as long as your interactions with your ex don’t mess with these objectives, you are not really breaking no contact. The reason I recommend no contact is because it’s an extremely easy and effective way (okay, maybe not so easy, but still effective) to achieve all these goals. But if you are in a situation where you can’t avoid interacting with your ex, you are still following no contact as long as you are in line with these main objectives.

To make it simple, I’ve come up with a few rules for both the situation that I mentioned above. I’ll also explain why I suggest these rules and how they make sure you are not hurting your main objectives of no contact.

No Contact When You and Your Ex Work Together

OK, this can be an extremely difficult situation. However, it can be handled effectively if you make it clear to yourself what you want and how you want to achieve it.

Your goal of no contact is to minimize contact with your ex so you can regain composure, stop being needy and you can concentrate on your own happiness. This might seem difficult if you are running into your ex every time you are going to get a cup of coffee or if you have to interact with them constantly because you are working on the same project.

Here are a few ground rules you should follow during no contact if you and your ex work together.

1. Don’t talk about anything personal.

Whatever happens, don’t talk about your personal life. What you are doing after work. What time you are heading home. What are your plans for the weekend. Which friends you’ll be spending the evening with. It’s none of their business. And while we are at it, their personal life is none of your business either. While you are doing no contact, you are not your ex’s friend. You are an acquaintance. So treat them like an acquaintance. And in this case, a colleague.

Why It’s Important?

If you talk to your ex about your personal life, you run the risk of letting your ex know that you are not doing so well after the breakup. On the flip side, f you are doing well and you keep on talking to them about how well you are doing, you run the risk of looking like you are showing off. Which again makes you look kind of needy. Not to mention, if you try to ask them about their personal life, you are probably going to annoy them and make them think that you are still looking to get back together.

How To Avoid It?

What if your ex insist on talking about your personal life? Well, use this simple line.

“Well, I think I need some space and time right now and I don’t think I’m ready to talk about my personal life with you yet. Since we both have to be in the same office every day, let’s just keep things professional between us and keep our personal lives separate.”

Define your boundaries. This will make them realize you are in control of your life. And it will instantly put you in the “not needy” category.

2. Don’t Talk About Your Ex To Your Colleagues

When you work with an ex, you are probably going to come across people gossiping about you two. It’s almost inevitable. And the most important thing for you to do is not participate.

Why It’s Important?

office gossip

The best way to stop a gossip is to not participate in it.

If you do participate in the gossip, you are going to look weak, immature and you are probably going to piss your ex off. It might also make it look like you are trying to get a reaction out of your ex or trying to use your colleagues to get him/her back. And that again, makes you look needy.

Another reason why it’s important is because as long as you are participating in these gossips, you are not really concentrating on yourself. Which is one of the main objectives of no contact.

How To Avoid It?

Don’t talk about your relationship and your ex to anyone. If someone asks, tell them that you two had differences and you split up. Don’t go into details. Let them know that it’s personal and you’d rather not share it.

If you find your ex (or a particular colleague) spreading rumors about you or talking about intimate details of the relationship with your colleagues, you should confront him/her. Just go to them and tell them calmly what you think they are doing and you’d appreciate it if they stop it. If they don’t listen, leave it alone and don’t pursue it any further. Rumors and gossip will die eventually and the office will have something new to gossip about after a while. If you react to it, you will only be giving them more things to gossip about.

What To Do When You Meet Your Ex At a Party/Event/Gathering During No Contact

A lot of times, you have to see your ex at an event/gathering or maybe you just run into them at a party. It’s not really a difficult situation as you’ll be seeing your ex only for a short while. And you can use this time to not only be in line with the main objectives of no contact, but also to help you achieve one of that objective.

Your main motive here should be to like a movie trailer. Give them a short preview of the new Version 2.0 of yourself (read about version 2.0 in the 4th step of the 5 step plan), and leave them for wanting more.

Here are a few ground rules to achieve that.

1. Don’t Have Any Conversations Longer Than Five Minutes

When you meet your ex, greet them, tell them how nice it is to see them again. Be cordial and friendly. And most importantly, be happy. And then leave.

Why It’s Important?

The more you talk to them, the more you run into the risk of showing them your needy side. If you are in the NC period, then chances are, you have not fully recovered from your “neediness and desperation after the breakup”. And long conversations with your ex is probably going to give you away. Your ex knew you well, and they’ll easily pickup subtle clues and might figure out that you want them back.

How To Avoid It?

Have a group of friends that you can hang out with. Let your ex know that you need to get back to your friends and bail. If you don’t have anyone to hang out with at the party/event/gathering, other than your ex and common friends, then start a conversation with a common friend in the same group. Slowly, steer away from your ex and start concentrating more on your friends.

2. Don’t Get Drunk

It’s quite obvious. But somehow, people seem to screw it up. I understand how it can be hard. You are in an awkward situation, you have a few drinks just to relax. And before you know it, BOOM. You’ve told your ex how much you love them and yelled at their date for being a complete slut.

Why It’s Important?

Isn’t it obvious? You will probably do stupid shit if you get drunk. Don’t get drunk.

drunk rockstar

Party like a RockStar, but don’t get drunk.

How To Avoid It?

Let a friend know beforehand to make sure that you don’t get drunk. And just pray to God that your friend doesn’t get drunk and forgets about his/her responsibility. An easier and a safer way is to become the designated driver.

3. Don’t Freak Out If They Bring A Date

If your ex brings a date to a party, then you are in for a treat. All kind of emotions are going to take over your mind and body and every inch of your fiber will feel like making every possible mistake you can to screw up your chances of getting him/her back. And this will be the true test of your determination. Because in this situation, not only will you have to maintain your cool, you will also have to be cordial to your ex’s date.

Why It’s Important?

Because any reaction that comes out of you at this moment is going to come from a place of neediness and desperation. And every action that comes out of desperation is going push your ex further away and will bring you back to square one. If you want to save all the progress you’ve made during no contact so far, it’s imperative that you maintain your cool.

How To Avoid It?

First of all, understand that every emotion you are feeling right now is because your mind and heart are panicking. They are panicking because they are afraid you are going to lose your ex forever. Remind yourself that just because they are on a date doesn’t mean you are going to lose them forever. In fact, even if they are in a relationship with this date, it’s probably a rebound and it’ll end soon. Tell yourself that it’s okay that they are on a date. Stay away from those tequila shots. They are not going to make the pain go away. And if you have to interact with your ex and their date, be cordial to both of them. It’s going to be extremely hard to look happy and if you try to fake happiness, your ex is probably going to pick up on it. So, don’t worry about that part. It doesn’t make you look too much needy if you are upset about seeing your ex with someone new. It’s extremely normal. But do your best to not do anything irrational (like telling the date her makeup makes her look like a prostitute).

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Valentine’s day might be an unpleasant day of the year for singles, but it’s awfully dreadful for someone who has just been dumped and is hoping to get an ex back.

If you want to get your ex back, Valentine’s day can be really confusing.

Should I call my ex?

Should I wish them Happy Valentine?

Should I ask my Ex out?

Should I go on a date with someone else?

Is my ex planning to go on a date on V Day?

In this article, I’ll try to clear out all the doubt you might have regarding your ex and Valentine’s day.

Note: Before you decide what you should do on Valentine’s Day, make sure you have a good overall strategy to get your ex back. I lay out my best strategy in this article. Make sure you check it out.

Should You Call or Text Your Ex On V Day?

The only reason to call your ex on Valentine’s Day is if you two are going out on a date. Any other reason for contacting your ex will make you look needy and desperate. You might want to convince yourself with reasons like

I just want to wish them a Happy Valentine

We always wished each other Valentine, even before we were together. I think it’ll be rude not to wish them.

I just want to call my ex and know if he/she has any plan for Valentine

And all these reasons reek of neediness. Here’s why.

You and your ex are officially broken up right now. If you contact them on Valentine’s day, the day made famous by greeting card companies for being the most romantic day of the year, you are making it obvious that you are not over your ex and you are hoping that somehow this magical day will make them come back to you.

But What If My Ex Is Going On a Date On V Day?

Even if your ex is planning to go on a date on Valentine’s Day, calling them is not going to change that. You are only going to make yourself look like a fool trying to convince your ex not to go on a date.

But I Just Want To Know if My Ex Has a Date?

How will it affect you? It’ll only make you feel worse. And it’s going to make you look needy and desperate in front of your ex. Let them have their date, if you ever get back together again, you can ask them whether or not they had a date for Valentine’s. But until then, don’t talk about it.

Should I Get a Gift for My Ex on Vday?

Again, it’s a needy and desperate move. Unless you are already back together (or are extremely close to reconciliation), getting your ex a gift will show him that you are expecting the magical Valentine’s day to reignite their feelings for you. I won’t recommend getting them a card either.

Should I Go Out On a Date?

Absolutely. It’s better than sitting home and feeling miserable about you.

Should I Ask My Ex Out on a Date?

Now I mentioned you should only contact your ex on Valentine’s Day if you want to ask them out on a date. But whether or not you should ask them out depends on your situation.

If you and your ex boyfriend or girlfriend are extremely close to getting back together, then yes asking them out might be a good idea.

On the other end of the spectrum, if you two have just broken up, and/or you are still in the no contact period, then asking your ex out is extremely risky.asking ex out on valentine's day

You have to evaluate the risk in asking your ex out on Valentine’s Day. If you want to get your ex back, you need an overall strategy (like the one in the 5 step plan). You have to evaluate if asking them out on V Day fits into your strategy. If it doesn’t, you have to let this day go.

Don’t fret about missing one Valentine with your ex. It’s just a holiday overhyped by the media and the greeting cards company. Your goal is to have a long and healthy relationship with your ex, which will include many Valentine, New years, Birthdays etc. that you’ll cherish forever. Don’t jeopardize your goal just to spend one overhyped holiday with your ex.

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Your ex broke up with you and left you heartbroken. And while you are still trying to understand what happened and pick up the shattered pieces of your life, your ex has started another relationship.

You can’t believe that they’ve moved on so fast, so you consult your friend, search the Internet and everyone seems to say the same thing. “Your ex is probably in a rebound relationship”.

However, you are still not convinced. Your ex seems happy and their new relationship seems to be going perfectly. The new guy/girl seems completely opposite of you and yet your ex seems committed to make this relationship work. You are confused because everyone seems to be telling you it’s a rebound relationship while your instincts tell you that your ex has moved on.inigo montoya on rebound relationships

It’s truly a gut wrenching feeling to think of your ex with someone else, especially if you are still in love with them and want to get them back. And the thought of it just being a rebound relationship is very comforting. But when your mind starts wondering whether or not it’s a rebound, you can drive yourself crazy analyzing their behavior and obsessing over every little detail about their new relationship.

In this article, I’ll lay out some signs that will help you understand the rebound behavior and figure out on your own whether or not they’ve moved on.

How Long Have They Been In the New Relationship?

The first sign is quite obvious. The longer they’ve been in the new relationship, the less likely it is to be a rebound. If they’ve been in the relationship for a few months or less, then it’s probably a rebound and it will end soon. On the other hand, if their relationship has been going on for over a year, then you can safely assume that the relationship is serious for them and it’s probably not a rebound.

Of course, it’s not really a surefire way to determine whether or not they’re in a rebound relationship. If their new relationship has been going on for a few weeks, you can’t say for sure if it will end in a few months or it will continue for years. The longer they’re in the relationship, the more you lose hope. And the more you lose hope the more you start analyzing their new relationship (and obsessing over them) trying to convince yourself it’s a rebound.

How Long Did They Wait Before Starting the New Relationship?

If your ex started dating someone else within a week of breaking up, then it’s more likely to be a rebound. On the other hand, if they waited an appropriate amount of time (like three to four months) before entering the new relationship, it’s less likely to be a rebound.

Again, it’s not a surefire way of telling whether or not it’s a rebound. Some people jump from one relationship to another without waiting at all. Some people keep someone lined up for dating before breaking up just so they don’t have to be single for longer than a few days.serial dater

On the other hand, it could be that your ex waited months before entering the new relationship and it could still be a rebound depending if they never really got over you.

That’s why it’s beneficial to understand the rebound behavior. If their behavior resembles that of a person in a rebound relationship, you can be know for sure whether or not you have a chance at getting back together. You will not be obsessing over them so much and you will be able to concentrate on your happiness more.

Understanding the Rebound Behavior

A rebound relationship is simply an attempt to fill a hole in your life that was left by an ex. Another way to describe a rebound relationship is an attempt to avoid the pain of the breakup. It’s an attempt to feel the same way you were feeling while you were in a relationship with your ex. It’s an attempt to have the same level of intimacy that you had with your ex, with someone else.

Being intimately close to someone gives us a feeling of security and a boost to our self-esteem. It’s the kind of intimacy that is built with time and effort that a relationship requires. After a breakup, that intimacy is gone in a matter of few days and you are left feeling empty.

A rebound relationship gives you hope. It gives you a chance to feel that level of intimacy again. It gives you hope to fill that empty feeling inside you.

This is the reason why most of the rebound relationships seem to move so fast. Because a rebound relationship is an attempt to reach the level of intimacy that only long-term relationships have.

Suppose the name of your ex is Jane. Jane feels empty after she left you. She knew she wanted to breakup with you but she didn’t expect to be so much miserable after the breakup. She has an old friend Garry who comforts her, she finds herself attracted to him. She feels that perhaps this guy can make all her pain and the emptiness go away. So she starts dating him. Whenever she is with him, her mind is not thinking about the breakup and you. She doesn’t feel as empty as she was before.

But still whenever she is alone, the pain comes back. She can’t let go of this feeling of emptiness even though she is a new relationship. She thinks perhaps it’s because she is not as close to Garry as she was with you. She thinks if Garry and her start having sex, she will feel much closer to Garry and perhaps forget you. Even though, she usually waits three months before sleeping with someone she is dating, she makes an exception in Garry’s case; simply because she thinks that sleeping with him will make her forget about you.scumbag_garry

So they start sleeping together. Even though the sex is great, she is still not at peace with herself. She still can’t let go of the empty feeling when she is alone. She feels a little better when she is with Garry, but she can’t shake the feeling that this relationship is not giving her the peace that she expected.

At this point, most people realize that this new relationship will not bring them the peace and happiness they were hoping it would. But Jane is having a hard time accepting that. She thinks that the new relationship, despite not being what she expected, is still giving her some level of comfort. If she ends the relationship, she will have to face all the pain and emptiness alone and she doesn’t think she is ready to do it yet.

She continues her relationship, in hope that her level of intimacy with Garry will increase and the empty feeling inside her will slowly go away. She makes pathetic attempts to move the relationship faster hoping that she can gain the same level of intimacy that comes from long-term relationship. Attempts like moving in together after only 5 weeks of dating; meeting Garry’s parents and asking Garry to meet her parents; planning to move overseas with Garry. A few years ago, if you asked Jane whether or not she would move this much fast in a relationship, she would’ve called you crazy. But yet, here she is, rushing a relationship faster than a speeding bullet.

The story of Jane demonstrates a classic rebound behavior. Eventually, Jane would breakup with Garry and will try to deal with her breakup pain. She might feel that she is in love with Garry because Garry provides her with comfort and an escape from the pain that she desires deeply. Garry is a temporary solution that is alleviating the pain, but he is not the cure.

But soon enough, she will realize her relationship with Garry for what it is. A rebound. It did help her run away from the emptiness in her life, but it didn’t fill it. She is still empty and she can only be at peace with herself when she decides to face the breakup pain.

Who They Are In a Rebound Relationship

Apart from moving the rebound relationship too fast, another common behavior that rebound relationships have is choosing someone they’d not go for normally.

For example, suppose your ex always says he/she wants someone with a career goal. And after they breakup with you, they start a relationship with someone who has no career and no life goals whatsoever.

In some cases, your ex will choose someone who is completely opposite of you in every possible way. This is again, very common rebound behavior.

Why Do They Do This?

The reason behind this behavior is overcompensation. The relationship with you didn’t work and left them in pain. They think that finding someone completely opposite will probably give them happiness. In some cases, your ex will find a type of person they don’t usually go for. Someone who is not even compatible with their life goal. Someone who is not even their type. Just because they have hope that if they go for someone completely different, they’ll find happiness.

Some people go into a rebound deliberately and choose someone completely incompatible with them because they know it’s a rebound. They are not thinking of a long-term relationship. They are thinking of a short term rebound relationship which will hopefully help them get over the breakup.

Your Ex’s Behavior towards You

A very common sign of a rebound relationship is whether or not they are trying to rub in your face. If your ex is going out of their way to show you they are happy in their relationship and everything’s going great, then it’s probably a rebound and they are not doing that great in reality.

One of the most common indicators of this behavior is their social media profile (Facebook, twitter etc.). Your ex knows that you are checking their Facebook and if they are constantly posting picture with their rebound then it’s a sign that they are in a rebound.

Of course, this behavior is subjective. Some people are extremely active on Facebook and twitter while some people don’t usually post their personal life all over social media. You know your ex better than anyone, so you are the best judge if they are doing it to rub it in your face or not.

One of the examples of this social media behavior that I want to share came from one of my readers.

She posted on his Facebook wall whether or not he wants to move to Australia with her next year when she wants to do her PhD.  He replied, he’d love to. How can she go for some guy who has no plan for his future and could move to another country just like that? She always said she wanted someone who has some goals in life.

First of all, which couple discusses big life decision on their Facebook wall? She clearly posted this message for her ex to see. Which shows she is not over him and is most probably in a rebound.

What if they try to hide their relationship?

On the other end of the spectrum, there are exes who will try to hide their new relationship from you. This is fairly uncommon and it could mean two things.

1. They know it’s a rebound and they want to get back together with you someday. They don’t want to upset you or want you to move on. They don’t want you to start dating someone else because they are not over you and are hoping you will wait for them to come back.

2. They want to take their new relationship slow and don’t want you to bother them. This might be true if you had been acting like a crazy, stalky ex who wouldn’t leave them alone.

If they are hiding their new relationship, then it’s completely up to you to figure out which category they fall into. After all, you know your ex and your situation better than anyone else.

What to Do If They Are In a Rebound?

If they are in a rebound, you still have to apply the no contact rule and follow the 5-step plan. If you haven’t read the main 5 step plan to get your ex back, then you should. It’s possibly the best free guide on getting your ex back on the Internet. In addition, you might also want to read this article on what to do if your ex is in another relationship.

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About a month ago, I wrote an article about the signs that mean your ex still likes you (or probably even love you). But as I mentioned in the article, even if they do still love you, it doesn’t necessary mean that they want to get back together.

Instead of trying to decipher everything your ex does and says. Why don’t you take this simple quiz to find out your chances of getting back together? Click Here to begin.

When your ex is thinking about getting back together, they will react completely differently. Here are a few of the signs that show that your ex is thinking about getting back together. As in the last article, I will follow it with a small section on what you should do to increase your chances of getting your ex back.

1. Talking About The Future

When your ex talks about their future with you in it, then this is a sign that they have been thinking about reconciliation. It means your ex still imagines their future with you in it. Your ex expects you to get back together with them in the near future.

future

It’s good to keep hope, but don’t let this hope turn you into a needy person.

What you should do?

Reciprocate. Act like you also imagine a future with them. This is a desirable behaviour and you should reward it. Of course, you have to find the fine line between rewarding them and becoming a creepy overly attached ex. For example, suppose they say something like

“I think it will be cool next year when we will both have finished college and have more time to hang out with each other”

An appropriate response will be.

“Yeah, it will be fun. I am looking forward to it.”

An inappropriate response will be.

“Yeah. Maybe we can even get married at that time and start planning to have children.”

2. Talking About What Went Wrong In The Relationship

Notice, I said talk about the relationship. Not blame. After a breakup, exes always talk about what went wrong try to blame each other for relationship failure. You can understand the difference between someone genuinely wanting to figure out what went wrong so they can improve their future relationships  and someone who just wants to blame their ex just to make themselves feel better.

What you should do?

Be sincere. But make sure you don’t cross the line into blaming. Use your words carefully and do not talk about their personality. It’s very easy to start talking about other people’s fault during such conversations. Refrain from doing so. If the conversation starts to go in a negative direction, try to end it immediately on a positive note. If you two had communication problems before, it’s a great time to show them that you can talk to each other about relationship problems without getting into an argument.

The couples that can resolve their issues without turning it into a fight or argument are the ones that last.

The couples that can resolve their issues without turning it into a fight or argument are the ones that last.

3. Becoming a Better Ex

If your ex is trying to improve themselves in the areas that could have been responsible for the breakup, then it’s a good sign that they want to get back together. However, this is not really a sure fire sign since this can also mean that they are just working on themselves for their own benefit or for their future relationship.

What You Should Do?

Keep it cool. Don’t get too excited and make any mistakes. If they try to show you how much they’ve improved, congratulate them and continue with the plan. Again, it’s a behavior from your ex that you want to reward, so give them your proper attention and support. However, make sure you don’t go overboard and start showing signs of neediness and insecurity.

4. Their Dating Life

If your ex has been actively trying to hide their dating life from you, then this might be sign that they want to get back together. Unless reconciliation is on their mind, they wouldn’t care about you finding out their dating life.

However, if they’re not dating, don’t take it as a sign that they are waiting for you. It could be that they are enjoying being single and working on moving on from the breakup.

What You Should Do?

Stay out of their personal life. Don’t stalk their Facebook trying to figure out what they are upto. Try to stay away from the gossips about your ex.  Even if they are dating someone, you should not try to stop them because it’s probably just a rebound. (Read: How to get your ex back when he has moved on to a new girlfriend.)

Meanwhile, I will also recommend that you go out on a few dates as well. As I explained in this article about the no contact rule, it’s going to give you a much better perspective on life and your relationship.

5. Talking About Good Memories

When your ex starts talking about the good times you had, then it can be a sign that they are thinking about getting back together. It certainly means that they miss you and the fun you had during the relationship.

What You Should Do?

Again, it’s a behaviour you want to reward. You want to keep the conversation positive and you can try to insinuate that you are still that much fun and you still have a great time in your life, even without them. For example, suppose they say something like

“Remember the time we went to that little Mexican Restaurant on Lincoln Street. It was probably the best anniversary dinner we had. I got so drunk that night.”

An appropriate response would be.

“Lol. Yeah, it was a great night. You looked amazing. The waiter couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. In fact, I went to that place just last week with a friend of mine. We had so much fun. There was a Mariachi band this time. Haha.”

The message above rewards her behavior first by complimenting her. And then you insinuate that you are still having that much fun in your life. (Read this detailed guide on texting an ex to learn more about such conversations.)

Again, you have to be careful not to go overboard and act needy and desperate at any time.

Remember, all of these signs, despite some of them being pretty obvious are still just signs. Your ex’s behaviour can be confusing after a breakup. It could be that one minute they are thinking of getting back together and the next they become completely cold. Do not let your ex’s confusing behaviour interfere with your peace of mind. You want your ex, but your happiness and peace of mind is far more important than reconciliation. So always put yourself first.

I highly recommend you read the 5 step plan to get your ex back (it’s free) if you haven’t already done so. It will tell you step-by-step what to do get your ex back and keep them permanently.  And if you have any questions, leave a comment. I am quite active on this website so you will probably get a reply within 24 hours.

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If you and your ex have been apart for over a year, then you need a completely different strategy to get your ex back. A lot has probably changed in that year and you need to analyze the situation with your ex before making a move. A lot has changed in this one year, and before we talk about what you should do, let’s take a look at what you have.

  • You both have probably dated other people.
  • You both have probably slept with other people.
  • You both have probably been out of contact for a while.
  • Your Ex has probably moved on.
  • Your ex might even be in a new relationship.

All these factors will affect your strategy to get them back, but first you need to realize why you want to get back together?

Why Do You Want Them Back After One Year

It’s been a year and suddenly you decide your ex was the right person for you. What happened? Why your opinion changed? Are you sure that you are making the right decision in wanting them back?oneyearex

Or was it that you never really moved on? You never made any effort to move on and deep inside you have been in love with your ex since the breakup. If that’s the case, then I highly recommend you make some effort to move on before trying to get them back. Stop contact with your ex, work on making yourself feel better, go on a few dates and try to accept the fact that you two broke up. Sometimes, an obsession can continue for years. And perhaps you have been obsessed about your ex for so long that you have mistaken this obsession for love.

Here are a few examples of when you shouldn’t get back with your ex after a year.

  • You broke up because of you had a lot of fights and now that you don’t remember much of it, you think it will not be like before.
  • You broke up because your ex cheated on you and now you think they’ve changed and they won’t do it again.
  • You broke up because they left you for someone else and now they are single again.
  • You left your ex for someone else and now you are single again.

The one thing that’s common in all the above examples is that the reason you broke up in the first place was genuine and nothing really has changed in the last one year.

On the other hand there are cases where you genuinely realize that what you and your ex had was something special. You realized that the reason you two broke up wasn’t really a big deal and you could have actually worked through it. Or perhaps something has changed in the past year that makes you feel like the relationship could work. Here are a few examples that come to my mind.

  • You broke up because one of you was not ready to commit and not both of you are looking for a serious relationship.
  • You broke up because one of you didn’t want children and now both of you are want the same thing.
  • You broke up because of one you had to move to another town or country and now both of you are in the same city.
  • You broke up over a small fight and breaking up was a rash decision. Now when things have settled, you realize that you can give it another chance.

If you fall in this category (or something as reasonable as these), then you should try to get back together.

Is It Too Late To Get Your Ex Back

One year is a long time. And it is quite possible that your ex has moved on by now. But that does not mean that you can’t get them back anymore. You can still get them back but you have to look at it as a new beginning instead of rekindling an old relationship.

Is it too late to contact your ex?

Since it’s already been a long time after the breakup, you don’t have to worry about your ex moving on. In fact, you can use the fact that you both have moved on to your advantage.

If your relationship with your ex was really good, then you can rest assured that your ex had been thinking about it as well. In fact, they would be comparing all their relationships with what you guys had.

Even if your ex has accepted the breakup and probably moved on, they still have a special memory of you and the good times you had in the relationship. And you can use that to your advantage.

What If We Had a Nasty Breakup?

The truth is, it doesn’t matter how bad your breakup was. Since it’s been one year, all the negative feelings and the anger of the breakup has probably been forgotten. In the long run, people don’t hold on to the negative experiences.

Before Contacting Your Ex

I am assuming that you haven’t been in contact with your ex for a while and you haven’t seen each other either. If it’s not the case, then I highly recommend you implement the no contact rule for at least 30 days.

If you haven’t been in contact with them, then you don’t really need to apply the no contact rule. You can just go ahead and move on to the next step. But before contacting your ex, you need to make sure that you do the three things that you are supposed to do in the no contact rule (mentioned in this article). It’s extremely important you do this because the rest of the plan doesn’t work until you do this.

How to Contact Your Ex after a Year

In the 5 Step Plan, I recommend that you start contact with a letter. However, since it’s been almost a year after the breakup, you should skip that step. Your initial contact with your ex should be as nonchalant as possible. You don’t want them to think you are still thinking about the breakup or the past relationship.

A simple and convenient way to contact them will be via text messages. They are private, unobtrusive and very effective. You need to start off with a message that shows that you haven’t forgotten them, but you have moved an.

You treat them like an old best friend instead of an old lover. Here is a simple text message that works great for this.

“Hey John. I was going through some old pictures and they reminded me of you. Just thought I would check how you are doing.”

It’s casual and it gets the message across. If you have not been in touch with your ex for a while, then you will probably get a response from them after this message.

You have to make sure you keep things friendly in the starting. You should try to build attraction with them with text messages (More Texting strategies can be found in the 5 Step Plan). Once you think iron is hot, you strike, i.e. ask them out for coffee.

If your ex agrees to go out for coffee with you, you can count that as a date. Have fun at the date and show them how much you have changed over the last year and how much suitable partner you’ve become for them.

You have to make sure you don’t force anything. In fact, you don’t want to bring the topic of getting back together until the fourth date. You want to take things as slowly as possible. Ideally, you want it to be their idea to get back together. And if you have done everything in the 3rd step of the 5 Step plan, then they will soon start thinking about reconciliation.

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Your ex will tell you a lot of things after the breakup, but you can’t really believe everything they say. Heck, you can’t even trust their action. Overanalyzing your ex’s behavior will drive you crazy. And in reality, analyzing their behavior is not going to help you get your ex back or move on.

For example,

They will like your status on Facebook and then Unfriend you.

They will text you when they are drunk but won’t pick up your calls the next day.

They will be sitting at your favorite coffee shop but won’t come and say hi to you.

They will start dating someone else but will get angry when they find out you started dating someone else.

The truth is your ex is hurt and probably confused about their feelings for you. Luckily, there are a few signs that will tell you whether or not your ex still loves you. But first let me make it clear that these signs do not mean that your ex wants to get back together. In fact, since you and your ex were in a meaningful relationship, I am sure that they still like you (or maybe even love you) and they still have strong feelings for you. But this does not mean that they want to get back together. If they want to get back together, they will show completely different signs (Read: 5 Signs Your Ex Wants You Back).

Instead of trying to decipher everything your ex does and says. Why don’t you take this simple quiz to find out your chances of getting back together? Click Here to begin.

Even though these signs don’t mean they want to get back together, there are still something you can do when you see these signs that will increase your chances of getting back together. You can find it in the “What you should do?” section under each sign.

Sneaky Sign No. 1: Emotions

Hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. If an ex shows any type of negative emotions for you (including anger and hatred), it’s because they are hurt. It’s because they had expectations that you didn’t meet. It’s because they are an emotional mess because of you.

Just because someone says they hate you, doesn't really mean they don't love you.

Just because someone says they hate you, doesn’t really mean they don’t love you.

But the truth is, they are only hurt because they love you. You broke their expectations because they have expectations from you. And the reason they are an emotional mess is because they still have feelings for you.

Think about it, why would someone spend so much time and energy into hating you or being angry at you? They broke up with you. Wouldn’t it be easier to just forget about you and move on? The reason they say they have these negative emotions you is because they still have feelings for you. They just don’t want those feelings to be there, so they are confusing those feelings to be hatred or anger.

What You Should Do?

Give them time and space. Just stop contact with them and let all the negative emotions subside. There is literally nothing you can say to them that will turn their negative emotions into positive ones. But if you say nothing to them, time will eventually kill all the hatred and anger inside them and they will start remembering the good of the relationship. Time is the only thing that can make their hatred and anger go away. And when it does go away, they will realize that they are still in love with you.

Sneaky Sign No. 2: They Are Being Competitive

Is your ex trying to make you jealous? Do they post pictures on facebook specifically to push your buttons? Are they going out of their way so that you know that they are dating someone new? Do they become extra flirtatious with other people when you are around? Then congratulations, your ex is probably still in love with you (aside from being a little immature).competitive_ex

What your ex is trying to do is win the post breakup competition. Not only is it a pretty immature way of dealing with the breakup, it’s also a very ineffective way. The fact that they are doing this means that you are on their mind most of the time. And the fact that you are still on their mind means that they are still in love with you.

What You Should Do?

Let them play their game while you actually try to improve your life. Do the three things that you must do during the no contact rule. Do the things you enjoy and start going out on dates. If they are being competitive, they are probably watching everything you do. Seeing you actually improving in your life is going to make them second guess their decision to breakup.

Sneaky Sign No. 3: Push/Pull Behavior

If your ex is cold one minute and hot the other, then you can be sure they have feelings for you. They will pull away and won’t talk to you for weeks, and then suddenly push to spend time with you. They will ignore your calls and then start calling you everyday. They will stop responding to your texts and then start texting you randomly. (Read more about texting an ex here.)

This behavior simply means that they are confused about their feelings for you. Their heart is still in love with you but they are trying to convince themselves that they should stay broken up. They miss you and want to spend time with you, but they are stopping themselves because they think you are not good for them.

What You Should Do?

Be cool. Stay calm and don’t let their irrational behavior get to you. If you respond to their unstable behavior, you are showing a sign of neediness. Whatever happens, don’t ever ask them “Why you didn’t reply to my text?” or “Why you didn’t pick up my call?”

If they become cold, you become cold. Simple as that. Don’t reward their cold behavior by paying them more attention.

Sneaky Sign No. 4: Drunken Dialing

If your ex calls you when they are intoxicated, then it’s an obvious sign that they still have feelings for you. However, you should be very careful about what you say to them when they call you or text you when they are drunk. It could be that they confess their love to you when they are drunk and they become completely cold the next day.

What You Should Do?

Any drunken calls from your ex should be received with caution. Do not talk about YOUR feelings when they are drunk. It doesn’t matter how much they ask you “If you still love them”, you should not reply. Just a simple “You are drunk and I don’t want to talk about it right now” should do the trick.

Do not confess your love to them when they are drunk. It will only make them realize the next day that you are still not over them and that they still have you (Read third point of this article to understand why they shouldn’t feel like they still have you).

Sneaky Sign No. 5: Contacting You During The No Contact Rule

If you’ve read the 5 step plan, I recommend you start no contact with your ex after the breakup. This is perhaps the most effective way to win your ex back for good. During this no contact period if your ex contacts you, then you can be sure that they are thinking about you and they still have feelings for you.

What You Should Do?

Don’t pick up the phone. Talking to them is going to defeat the purpose of no contact. You need to prove to yourself that you can survive without your ex for at least 30 days. It’s hard but in the end, you will realize it was worth it. Also, when you don’t pick up their phone, they are going to start wondering whether or not you have moved on. They will start realizing that you are not a needy person and that you are not available for them whenever they need you. Trust me, you are going to become more attractive in their mind by not answering them.

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Your ex boyfriend might have refused to talk to you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get him back. The truth is getting him to talk to you again isn’t really the hard part. But first you need to figure out why he stopped talking to you.ex_not_talking

Speaking for men, we don’t really cut off communication with a girl unless we have a pretty solid reason for it. Let’s go over few of the common reasons men tell a girl to not contact them.

Reason 1. You have been bombarding him with text messages and calls (The Most Common Reason)

In my experience, the most common reason for a guy to stop talking to his girlfriend is because she has been harassing him. If you are constantly messaging and calling your ex, then he is bound to get tired of you. He understands that you are hurt from the breakup, and he understands that you want to convince him to get back together, and he is tired of it.

Read how to use texts properly to get your ex back.

When you are messaging him constantly or commenting on all of his facebook status updates, you are telling him that you are not still needy and desperate. When you call him and tell him that you miss him, you are telling him that you are miserable without him and you will do anything to get him back.

Maybe your instincts will have you believe that harassing him will make him come back, but it’s not so. (Read how instincts screw with you after a breakup). In fact, everything you do that makes you look needy is going to make your ex boyfriend less attracted to you and more sure about his decision of breaking up. I am sure that’s not what you want, that’s why you should take a step back and go on no contact for a while. We’ll talk about it in a little while.

Reason 2. He is applying the no contact rule and is trying to move on (Less Common)

It could be that your ex has decided to start no contact and is trying to move on. Or maybe he is applying the no contact rule to try to win you back. If this is the situation, then there is nothing you can do unless he decides to end his no contact.

You have to respect the fact that your ex needs some space and time for himself. Like I say constantly through this site, the no contact rule is for you. It’s for you to decide what you want in life and what is good for you. It’s for you to regain your composure and become a happier person. This is exactly what your ex is doing at this time. So why not let him?

Said Every Girl Reading This Article

Said Every Girl Reading This Article

OK, I understand it’s a little hard to comprehend the fact that he might move on during the no contact period. But there is literally nothing you can do about it. If he decided to start no contact, then every message you send him is only going to make you more needy in his idea. During the no contact rule, he is going to think of you and the relationship. You should let him. Let him come to his own conclusion whether or not he should get back with you. And who knows maybe he will decide that he wants to get back with you. And even if he doesn’t, it’s his loss.

So What Should You Do?

For starters, stop contacting him and start the no contact rule as well. Stay away from him for 30 days and then send him a message. If he doesn’t respond, then he is still doing no contact. Give him another 15 days and then try contacting him again. If he still doesn’t respond, then you can either try again after 15 days or try to move on (my advice will be to move on, but I have a feeling you won’t take it).

Reason 3: His New Girlfriend Won’t Let Him Talk To Me (Least Common But The Worst Situation)

If he has a new girlfriend and she is not letting him talk to you, then you have a serious situation. There is literally nothing you can do that won’t make you look like a crazy, jealous and stalky ex girlfriend. And once he starts seeing you as an crazy ex, it’ll be hard to change it.

The only thing you can do right now is wait out his new relationship. If you are lucky, it’s just a rebound (Read more about him and his new girlfriend) and it will end soon. If you are unfortunate, he might end up marrying the girl and you will never get to talk to him again. I know it hurts to read this, but it’s the truth. I don’t want to sugarcoat it but if a guy lets a girl decide whom he talks to, then he is pretty serious about her.

How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend To Speak To You Again?

It’s simple; you stop talking to him. You start the no contact rule and you pull away. If your situation falls under Reason no. 1 (see above), then he is probably going to reach out to you. If it falls under Reason no. 2 then he will probably reach out to you after he finishes his no contact period.

Basically, when you stop pushing, he will start wondering what happened and will try to contact you. He might not even be able to cope with your silence and start acting a little crazy (angry texts, angry phone calls, mean facebook messages).

Any type of reaction from his a good sign. This means that the only reason he was so calm about the breakup is because you were making him feel like he still has you. This means he still hasn’t dealt with the thought of losing you forever. And that thought might just be enough to get your ex boyfriend back.

However, if he doesn’t contact you during the no contact period, then you will have to take the matter in your own hands and contact him. Of course, before you contact him, you should make sure you have gone through the no-contact period and have done everything you are supposed to do during this time (Read the things you should do during the no contact period).

Now when you contact him, it’s not going to be like before. It’s not going to be a message that reeks of neediness. It’s going to be something that will arouse his curiosity. It’s going to be something that will keep him thinking about you for a while.

How To Contact Him

The best way to contact him will be through a text message. There are a few simple yet powerful messages that you can use to contact him. The key here is to create enough curiosity for him to text you back.

Here are a few messages that DON’T WORK.

“Hey Jim, I called you twice yesterday. Why don’t you pick up my phone? Anyways, just text me back as soon as you get a chance.”

OR

“Hey Jim, I need your help. Please text me back.”

Or

“Hey”

Did you see what’s wrong with these messages? The first one just reeks of neediness. The second one is an obvious ploy to get him to talk to you and the third one is simply boring.

To arouse their curiosity, you need to make the message about them and not about you. People are selfish and no topic is more interesting to them than themselves.

Here are a few examples that arouse their curiosity.

“Hey, I have a confession to make”.

OR

“Hey, I know it’s been a while but I just wanted to thank you for what you did. You have no idea how much it helped me.”

OR

“Hey, I just saw something that reminded me of you. I didn’t think about us for a while. To be honest, it made me smile.”

See how all these messages are about him? In the first message, he is thinking what did you do to HIM that you want to confess. In the second message, he is thinking what he did that you are thanking HIM for. And in the last one, he is thinking what reminds you of HIM.

Get the idea? If course, you don’t have to use exactly the same messages. You can be creative and use something that you came up on your own. Just make sure it’s something that arouses curiosity and it’s about him.

After he messages you back

After he replies to your message, the ball is in your court. You can peak his interest by not replying for a while. You can set an alarm for 30 minutes on your phone and not reply him until the 30 minutes is over. This way, you will be constantly on his mind for at least 30 minutes. And the more you are on his mind, the more he will feel attracted to you.

Of course, it’s not necessary to make him wait 30 minutes. You can go ahead and message him right away if you want as long as you don’t message him something needy. His reply is probably going to be something like

“What is it?”

“What did I do?”

“What did you see?”

For the reply, you can either pick up a message that I wrote in the fourth step of the 5-step plan. Or you can be creative and find something on your own.

After you initiate contact with him, you have to make sure you don’t project an image of neediness. Everything you do or say should send out a message that you are a confident and happy person who is living her life to the fullest. I have written more about it in the 5 step plan to win your ex back. Make sure you read it here.

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