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Ex Back Permanently

Whether or not you can get your ex back after cheating depends on three factors. We will talk about these three factors in a moment. But first, let’s talk about something far more important than getting your ex back.

Why You Cheated

You had a good thing going, and then you ruined it.

You had a good thing going, and then you ruined it.

OK, I understand. Monogamy is hard. Heck, monogamy is even unnatural. But monogamy is something that you agreed to when you started the relationship with your ex. When you decided to be exclusive, you promised them that you would only be with them and not any one else. And by cheating on them, you broke that promise. You betrayed their trust and you hurt them. You hurt them really bad.

The question is why?

Why did you hurt this person who trusted you with all their heart? Why did you betray them when you knew that it will end the relationship that you cherished so much?

There is a general opinion that the reason for cheating is different for men and women. The opinion is that men usually cheat mostly because of lust. They cheat because they are just horny and they want to have sex with as many beautiful girls as they can.

On the other hand, people believe, that women cheat because their emotional needs are not met in the relationship. They cheat because they are emotionally attracted to someone else and not just because of physical lust.

I personally don’t think it’s always the case. Men and women both can cheat because of either physical lust or emotional reasons (Also, both physical and emotional cheating can be devastating to a relationship). It just depends on what type of person you are. In my experience there could be three reasons for cheating.

1. Cheating in the spur of the moment.

You find someone attractive and you had a little too much to drink. You made a mistake and the next thing you know, you did something that you shouldn’t have.

2.  Cheating Because Of The Relationship Had Problems

You find yourself in a position where you are not satisfied with your relationship. You decide that a little affair might make you feel a little better about yourself. You end up having an affair and destroying your relationship.

3. Cheating Because You Just Can’t Handle Monogamy

Perhaps you are the type of person who just needs to sleep with other people. Perhaps, sleeping with a lot of people makes you feel better about yourself. Perhaps, a monogamous relationship is not for you.

A Few Questions You Should Ask Yourself

I don't know what I am doing with my life Doc. Why would I do something that I knew will end up hurting me?

I don’t know what I am doing with my life Doc. Why would I do something that I knew will end up hurting me?

Before you continue, it’s time to do a little soul searching. What was missing in your life that you decided to cheat on your ex? Are you sure that if you get your ex back, you will not hurt them again? How do you know you will not have the same problems in relationship that you had before (which lead you to cheating)? Even if you get back together, things will be more hectic than before, do you think you two can handle it?

(Read this article on should you get your ex back)

The 3 Factors That Will Determine Whether Or Not You Will Get Your Ex Back After Cheating

As I mentioned in the beginning, there are three things that will determine whether or not you can get your ex back. Here they are.

1. Their Level Of Investment

The most important factor is your ex’s level of investment in you. How much were they invested in the relationship and you? Their investment can be measured in terms of the time you were together, their level of commitment, whether or not you had kids, and how much they love you.

If you were in the relationship only for a couple of months and you cheated, then they will probably walk away without thinking twice. But if you were married with kids, or you were in a relationship for more than a couple of years, then they will think about giving the relationship another try.

Similarly, if you two had a great relationship, and they were madly in love with you, then you have a good chance of reconciliation. However, if your relationship was already a little shaky and they were already falling out of love, then this act of infidelity might just be the straw that broke the camel’s back.

2. The Level Of Betrayal

There is cheating and then there is CHEATING. There is a difference between breaking someone’s trust and completely obliterating their trust with a sledgehammer.

How badly did you cheat on them? Was it just a harmless kiss at a party? Did you sleep with someone? Were you having an affair for a month? Or have you broken the world record of infidelity by sleeping everyone of your ex’s friend and family members behind their back?

As you can imagine, the worse you cheated, the harder it will be to trust you again and the less likely are they to come back. Of course, it all still depends on the third and most important factor in getting them back.

3. Whether Or Not They See a Ray Of Hope In This Relationship

You cheated on them, so you can throw trust factor out on the street. They don’t trust you. Period. What matters is whether or not they see a ray of hope in this relationship. What matters is whether or not they feel like they can trust you again.

A little bit of hope can change lives.

A little bit of hope can change lives.

Your infidelity broke their trust completely. But everyone likes to have a little bit of hope in his or her heart. And your ex is not any different. They still wish that all the time and energy they spent on you and your relationship is not wasted. They still wish that all this didn’t happen and you were still with them. They still wish that there were a little hope that you could back together and they can trust you again.

And it’s your job to show them that hope. How do you do that? Well, for starters, you need to read the 5 Step Plan (which is free BTW) and follow steps 3 and 4 very carefully.

You have to stop contact with them for a while and let them process their emotions. You can’t convince them when they are angry. You have to give them time to calm down and so should you.

I am guessing you already apologised a thousand times so another apology isn’t going to help. However, accepting your mistakes and being completely honest about whatever lead you to cheating will help. I suggest you use a hand written letter for you apology (as explained in the 4th step of the 5 step plan)

You have to show them some positive change in yourself if you want them to think about getting back together. You have to show them that you are capable of change. You have to show them that you are capable of working on the relationship and the trust issues that will arrive if you get back together.

When you do get back together, you will have to work a lot on the trust issues. For starters, you have to cut all contact with the person you cheated with. You have to be OK with their insecurity and jealousy for a while. You have to be OK with them invading your privacy for a while. It’s even recommended that you two take couples counseling to work on the trust issues (in fact, it should be you who recommends it. It shows that you are ready to work on the relationship and your issues).

Your act of infidelity did end your relationship. But if you are sincere and are willing to work on it, your relationship can come back stronger than ever.


He has moved on to a new girlfriend. And you feel like you’d do anything to get your ex boyfriend back. After all, you are still madly in love with him. It can be a gut wrenching feeling to think about your ex boyfriend (who you still love with all your heart) in someone else’s arm. The idea that you might have lost him forever can be heart breaking.

"I don't know what he sees in that witch." - Jealous Ex Girlfriends All Over The World

“I don’t know what he sees in that witch.” – Jealous Ex Girlfriends All Over The World

Fortunately, you can still give it another try before completely giving up hope. Just because he has another girlfriend doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t win him over.

A Complete Guide

Before we begin, did you read my step by step guide on how to get your ex boyfriend back? If not, click here to read it now. It’s the most comprehensive guide you will find on the internet and it’s free. So go read that guide first and then come back to this page for advice pertaining to your situation.

What we will talk about in this article.

Here are the things I’ll cover in this article.

  • What to do if it is a rebound relationship?
  • What to do if it’s not a rebound relationship and he has moved on?
  • Tactics to win him back from his new girlfriend
  • How to make him meet you.
  • What if his new girlfriend doesn’t let him talk to you?
  • How to make him leave his new girlfriend.

Is it a Rebound Relationship?

For all we know, your boyfriend might have jumped into a new relationship before moving on. This new relationship could actually be just a rebound. As you might have heard before, rebound relationships usually end as quickly as they begin. In fact, statistics show that 90% of the rebound relationship end in a breakuprebound.

If this is the case, then you will have to let his rebound relationship run its course. He will soon realize that this relationship is not going to fill the hole that he is feeling in his life and end it. If you try to interfere or try to convince him to breakup, then you are only going to make him want to stay in the relationship. All you have to do is follow the 5 Step Plan to get your ex back and you will most probably have him back in your arms.

Has he Really Moved On?

Perhaps it’s been a long time after the breakup and perhaps he is already over the breakup and has moved on. Perhaps his new girlfriend is not just a rebound but someone serious. Perhaps, he is really interested in his new girlfriend and he really wants his new relationship to work.

not_moved_onIf that’s the case, then I’ve got to ask you something. Why haven’t you moved on till now? What has been stopping you from moving on? Is it the fact that you still love your ex boyfriend? Have you even made any effort to move on?

Listen, there is still a chance to get him back. And that involves following the 5 step plan listed here with a few adjustments that I mention below. But the real question is, do you really want to sabotage his new relationship so you could give it another try? Do you really think that he will be happier with you than he is with his new girlfriend? If so, then read ahead.

How To Get Him Back From His New Girlfriend

Now, if he has a new girlfriend, and it’s not a rebound, then you have some serious trouble. Before we begin, I must warn you that your chances are very less and you should know that you might end up hurting yourself more.

The first thing that you need to do is stop contact with him. That’s right. I know it’s a little counter intuitive but it’s for the best. Yes, there is a chance that he might forget about you, but it’s a chance you have to take. Especially if you have been trying to contact him for a while. (Read Why You Should Wait Before Getting Your Ex Back).

After you’ve been in no contact for a while, it’s time to contact him again. However, you must know the timing has to be just right. If he stays in the relationship with his new girlfriend (who is not a rebound) for a long time, he will get more invested in that relationship and he will be less likely to come back to you. You will have to hit the sweet spot when it comes to timing. You have to give him just enough time to miss you, but not enough to completely forget about you.

How To Contact Him?

Text messages. I do recommend a letter in the 5 step plan, but if you are trying to get him back from his new girlfriend, text messages are the way to go. The reason is simple, text messages are private and she is less likely to find out about them. Even if she does, she is breaching his privacy, which means less attraction points for her.

Remember, to build attraction slowly using text messages, as mentioned in this guide. Do not be direct with your intentions.

What if she does not let him talk or message you?

If your ex’s new girlfriend does not let him stay in contact with  you, and your ex boyfriend is agreeing to her, then this means that he has completely moved on and is heavily invested in his new girlfriend. Guys don’t usually let their girlfriends tell them who to contact unless they are serious about the relationship. (Note: If your ex boyfriend is refusing to talk to you read How To Get Your Ex Back When He Won’t Talk To You?)

At this point, there is nothing you can do. The more you try to contact him, the crazier you will look to him. The best thing to do in this case scenario is to move on. I am sorry to say this, but you really have no chance of getting him back unless they both breakup. You can sit and pray that they’d break up, but I wouldn’t count on that. It will be better to just cut your losses and try to move on.

How To Make Him Meet You?

Once you have established good communication with him via text messages and established that you are no longer a needy and clingy person, you should try to set up a meet. Again, don’t call it a date. Just keep it short and simple (as mentioned in the 5 step plan).

How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Breakup With His New Girlfriend

Unfortunately, you can’t make him breakup with his new girlfriend. It has to be his decision. Once you have gone out with him a few times, and he has seen the new and improved you, he will himself start wondering whether he should give it another go with you. This is assuming that you followed the step 3 in the 5 step plan(the no contact rule and working on yourself).

If you are confident enough, you can bring up the topic of getting back together yourself. However, make sure you don’t sleep with him unless he commits. You might have to ask him to choose between you and the new girl. Let him know that you can’t be friends with him and if he chooses her, then you can’t see him again. And you should stick to your words. If he does choose her, you should move on and remove him from your life completely. It might be the hardest thing you ever have to do but it’s the right thing for you. Remember, this whole thing was to just try getting him back one more time. If it didn’t work, you have to accept your loss and move on.

On the other hand, if he does choose you, then you should understand that the reason he chose you is because of the new and improved you. He chose the girl who is confident, happy, and secure. So if you want to keep him, you better keep those attributes as well.

By now, you should have a pretty good idea about what to do and how to get your ex boyfriend back. Again, if you haven’t read the 5 step plan to get your ex back, click here to read it now. It’s the most popular article on this website and I have seen this plan work time and time again. If you’ve already read it, here are a few more articles that I highly recommend you read.

Why You Should Wait Before Getting Your Ex Back

The No Contact Rule: Everything You Need To Know About It

Should You Get Your Ex Back?

And if you have any questions or would like to share your story, please post a comment. I am very active on this website and I’ll probably reply to you within 24 hours.



Why would anyone want to get their ex back? Why would you want to take back someone who walked out on you? Why would you want to start a relationship that already ran its course? Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?

These are all legitimate questions that some people have about reconciliation. But not those who do want to get their ex back. They have a very simple answer to all these questions. And their answer is “I am still love my ex”. And as we all know, according to the media and the film industry, love is the only thing that matters in this world.

Now, I am not against reconciliation. In fact, this entire website is on how to win your ex back. But I am against the idea of putting your ex before your happiness. The only reason to get back together is if you want to give the relationship another try and not because you need your ex.


Cupid doesn’t always have your best interest at heart.

The fact that you love your ex, you miss your ex, or that you are miserable without your ex is never a good reason to get back together. Your mind will trick you into thinking anything just to avoid the pain of breakup. So, I won’t believe anything that your mind that tells you after the breakup.

Here are a few reasons that your mind will give you (and you will try to give to your friends and family), which are not really a good reason for reconciliation.

  • I love him/her
  • I can’t live without him/her
  • I can never find someone like him/her
  • He/She was my soulmate
  • He/She was the one
  • No one can ______ (insert some activity) like he/she used to do.
  • He/She made me happy (the most ridiculous reason. If they did make you happy, why are you so miserable now)
  • I am miserable without him/her.
  • I can’t imagine a life without him/her.

There could be many other variations of the above. You know it’s not a solid reason if you can see a desperation or neediness in it.

Now that being said, there could be many reasons for trying it again. I know a lot of cases where couples got back together and went on to live a happy life. I get emails from my readers that they got back together and are getting married in a few days. I get emails from readers that they got back together and they have never been happier. I get emails saying that they got back together two years ago and there relationship is getting stronger ever since.

Of course, those are not the only emails I get. I also get emails from readers saying that they got back together only to break up again. And if I have to guess, I’d say the reason they decide to get back together was one of the above.

And it’s not just my personal experience. There are cases all over the Internet of people getting back together and staying in a happy relationship after that. Let’s look at some reasons where it would be a good idea to get back together.

1. The breakup was a rash decision

Sometimes, people break up because of ego. Sometimes people give up on a great relationship too easily instead of working on it. These types of breakups are usually a rash decision and not really thought out. Someone says something, and his or her partner over reacts and leaves him or her.

2. You Had a Great Relationship

great relationship with exNow you have to understand I am not talking about the Honeymoon stage of the relationship. You know the time where everything about your partner seems perfect and you never fight and you just can’t get over how amazing they are.

No, that does not define a great relationship. That’s just an average relationship with an average honeymoon period. A great relationship is based on honesty, respect, trust and communication. How would you rate your relationship on these four factors? If you think it was great in all four areas, then you can go ahead and say that your relationship with your ex was great. And I sincerely wish you the best in winning your ex back.

3. You have a child together.

A divorce or a separation can be really hard on a child. If there is a chance of getting back together and giving your relationship another chance, then you should do it. It’s worth a try. However, if you were in an abusive or toxic relationship, then separation is much better than being together. Nothing is worse for a child than to grow up in a toxic environment.

4. Circumstantial Breakup

A lot of times, people breakup simply because of circumstances. Maybe one of you had to go to another city for college or business and you didn’t want to try long distance. Sometimes, you wanted to try long distance but it didn’t work so you had to break up. If such is the case, then it is worth a try to get back together provided the circumstances have changed.

5. Your Friends And Family Think It’s a Good Idea To Get Back Together

In most cases, your friends and family will tell you to just move on and forget about your ex. I wouldn’t say they are always right in doing so. However, if they tell you that you should try getting back together with your ex, then it means that the relationship with your ex is probably worth saving. Your friends know you better than anyone else and if they think that your ex is worth giving it another try, then it won’t hurt to try reconciling.

6. You see some serious potential in the relationship

relationship potentialThis one is little tricky because anyone who thinks they are in love will believe there is a potential in the relationship with their ex. But it’s worth putting here. If you think that you really can have a great future with your ex, then it might be worth trying to pursue them. However, make sure you don’t spend your entire life just obsessing over your ex and hoping they will take you back. You should just try to get back together once and if it didn’t work, you should move on. Sometimes, a false hope can keep you holding on to lost cause. And before you know it, you’ve spent your entire life chasing the white whale.

Using The No Contact Period

After you break up, it’s almost impossible to make a rational decision about whether or not you should get back with your ex. Your mind will definitely convince you somehow that it’s worth it. You will ignore all the problems you had and will only concentrate on the good things. You will make a montage of all the good things about your ex in your mind and play it over and over again until you are convinced they are the only one for you.

This is why the no contact rule is extremely important. When you stop all communication with your ex for at least 30 days, your mind starts thinking clear and you are in a better position to make a life changing decision. When you realize you don’t need your ex to be happy in your life, you can weigh the pros and cons of your relationship without being biased.

So before you make any decision, make sure you have gone through the no contact period for at least 30 days. And if after that, you still want to get back together, then you can go ahead with the rest of the plan.



no contactIf you’ve been searching about information on breakups on the internet, then you’ve certainly come across the term no contact rule. It’s simple, you don’t contact your ex for a certain amount of time. However, it’s not an easy thing to do. In fact, No Contact may be one of the hardest thing you ever have to do, especially if you and your ex were together for a long time. Why must you put yourself through it when you already know it’s going to be extremely hard? Is it really worth it? How and why does it work? In this article, we will talk about all these questions and help you figure out if doing no contact is the right choice for you.

What is The No Contact Rule?

The no contact rule simply means not contacting your ex. Let’s just assume your ex is a drug that you are addicted to and the only way you can stop addiction of this drug is go cold turkey. That’s exactly what you are doing here. You are going cold turkey on your ex. Because in many cases people are addicted to their ex and they do need a cold turkey approach to break their addiction. When you go no contact, it means

  • No Text Messages
  • No phone calls
  • No going over to their house
  • No accidentally bumping into them
  • No Facebook messages or IM of any kind
  • No contacting them via your mutual friends
  • No status messages on Facebook (or any other social media) which are obviously meant for them

It’s exactly like going cold turkey on something you are addicted to. You don’t let even a small dose of your ex into your life. Because even a small dose can get you addicted to your ex again.

Why Do No Contact?

don't call ex and feel betterAs I mentioned before, it’s like breaking an addiction to your ex. You have to learn to live without him or her. And no contact is the best way to do it. But you might be wondering why should you learn to live without them if you want to get back with them. It’s because unless you learn to live without them you will always be needy and desperate whenever you see them or talk to them and that will make you look unattractive to your ex. Nobody wants to be with a needy and desperate person and if you want to get your ex back, you will have to become a happy and confident person.

To get more info about why you should do no contact, read this article.

What to do during no contact?

Live your life. Do everything you can to make yourself feel better. Be your own best friend and take care of yourself because no one else will do it for you. No contact is the time to make yourself a happy and confident person. You have to learn that you don’t need your ex to be happy. In fact, you don’t need your ex at all. You may want them but you don’t need them. There is a big difference between wanting something and needing something.

Of course, this change in perspective doesn’t come on it’s own. If you just sit around all day watching TV and eating ice cream, you are not going to feel better about yourself. That is why there are three categories of things that are mandatory during the no contact rule.

Physical Activity

working outThe no. 1 most important thing you must do during the no contact period is some physical activity. There are many reasons for this. It releases endorphins that make you feel better. It will get you in shape, which will again make you feel better. And it will show if you want to meet your ex after the no contact period is over.

I recommend some sort of physical activity at least every alternate day. You can do tons of things including

  • Yoga
  • Gym
  • Any type of Sports that you enjoy
  • Crossfit
  • Jogging

Social Activities

shopping with friendsEven though every cell in your body wants to stay home alone and feel miserable for yourself, you have to force yourself to go out and have a good time with your friends. Your friends will make you realize that you are still loved and wanted by them. No matter what happens, you have your friends and family with you and that is something you should definitely appreciate.

You are also encouraged to go out on a date during the no contact period.  You don’t really have to jump into a relationship right away, but a few dates will give you an ego boost that will definitely help in the long run.

Relaxing Activities

The third important category of things you must do during this time is something relaxing. You are going through a hard time in your life and you are trying your best to cope with it. Why don’t you reward yourself with some relaxation? You can do a lot of things to relax; some examples are

  • Yoga (serves Dual Purpose)
  • Meditation
  • Spa
  • Massage
  • A Relaxing Bath

What To Avoid During The No Contact Period?

You also have to be careful during the no contact period of certain things you need to avoid. This section is here as a warning sign because it is very easy to fall in this trap and just spend the entire no contact without making any progress in your life.

Obsessing Over Your Ex

Obsessing Over Ex

You are not helping yourself if you are watching every movement of your ex.

It’s one thing to think about your ex every once in a while, it’s another to check your ex’s Facebook page the first thing in the morning and then keep on checking it every half hour through out the day. If you find yourself obsessing over her/him, then you need to take a step back and realize why you are doing this. A lot of people think the MAIN OBJECTIVE of no contact is that it will make their ex miss them and want them back.

You have to understand that even if your ex starts to miss you during the no contact and they contact you, they will easily pick up on your neediness and the fact that you are obsessed about them. And when they do, they will again lose their attraction.

You have to use the no contact period to stop the addiction of your ex. And as mentioned before, the only way to do it is go cold turkey. If you are checking your ex’s facebook everyday, then you must remove the source that is giving you a little dose of your ex everyday. In this case, it’s facebook. Delete your ex from your facebook or deactivate your account for a month.

Indulging in alcohol, drugs, cigarettes etc.

It’s easy to cover up your pain with alcohol or drugs. But it doesn’t heal anything and it will not make you feel better in the long run. It’s like putting bandage over a broken bone. It’s OK to drink once in a while, but if you are making it a habit, you are just decreasing your chances of getting back together. You are just replacing one addiction (your ex) with another. No ex will take you back once you become an addict.

Also, if you ever go out drinking with your friends, make sure you give the phone to your friends so as not to drunk dial your ex and make a fool of yourself.

FAQs about the No Contact Rule

In this section, we will explore some of the most frequently asked question about the No Contact Rule.

How Long For No Contact?

It really depends on the type of breakup you had and how much desperate and needy you have been since the breakup. But I recommend a minimum of at least 30 days. However, if you think your breakup was exceptionally bad then you can go to 60 days or even 90 days.

What If You Break The No Contact Rule?

If you break the no contact rule, then it is highly recommended you start all over again. It’s just like breaking an addiction, if somewhere along the way you slip and start using drugs, then it’s better to stop it again and go cold turkey all over again.

Since the drug over here is your ex, and you are only suppose to go cold turkey for a month, that’s why you have to start the no contact rule from day 1 if you break it for whatever reason. The goal here is to prove to yourself that you can go without your ex for at least 30 days.

What if your ex contacts you? Does it count as breaking the no contact rule?

If your ex contacts you, it doesn’t count as breaking the no contact rule. However, if you respond to them, it is considered breaking the no contact rule. You are not to pick up their calls, text them or return their calls.

Of course, in case of emergencies, you can respond. But even in that case, the conversation should be strictly on the topic of emergency and nothing personal.

What if you have a child together?

If you and your ex have a child together, then you obviously can’t avoid meeting them for a long time. But you can still maintain no contact in this situation provided you follow a few rules.

  1. You are not allowed to talk to your ex on any topic other than your child.
  2. Whenever you see them; be amicable and treat them like an acquaintance you are in good terms with.
  3. Never talk about your personal feelings or anything that is going in your life. Doing so is breaking the no contact rule.
  4. Never badmouth your ex to your child. That’s just bad parenting.

What if you live together?

If you two live together, then I am sorry to tell you but your chances of getting back together are very less until you move out. Your ex is not going to miss you if they see you everyday. So, the best course of action will be to pack everything up and leave as soon as possible. However, in certain situations it is very hard to leave. In this case, make sure you follow the following rules for no contact.

  1. Make sure you have a separate room. Make your own space and stay as much as possible in your own room.
  2. Be a good roommate. You can talk about stuff related to household, but never about personal feelings. Not until the no contact period is over.
  3. Don’t be a jerk and don’t put up with your ex if he/she is being a jerk. If they can’t handle being roommates with their ex, then it’s better for both of you to come up with a solution and live separately.

The Essence Of No Contact Rule

Think of the no contact rule as a detox for your mind and soul. In the end, it will be extremely difficult. In fact, the moment you decide to stop contact with your ex, you will have a sudden unbearable urge to call them immediately. That’s completely normal. Just remember, that urge is not because of the love you have for your ex, it’s because you mind and your soul are addicted to your ex, and you are just going through the withdrawal symptoms.

During the no contact period, your mind will try to play tricks on you. It will come in strong urges to call them or text them, to manipulative thoughts like “Just one text is not going to do any harm”, or “Maybe I’ll just check their Facebook page and say what’s up”. That’s a slippery slope. Remember, your mind will try anything to get a dose of your ex, simply because it’s addicted to it. And it is a master of manipulation. It knows all your weaknesses and vulnerabilities, and it’s going to use them against you.

But you have to stay strong. You have to understand that you are not your mind. You have to become more powerful than those urges that you feel to contact your ex. Remember, your mind is hurt and it’s going through withdrawal, you have to treat it gently but not give in to the temptations. Do everything in your power to make yourself feel better, just remember that contacting your ex is not going to do it. If you contact your ex before the end of no contact, you are just going to make yourself feel worse and hurt your chances of getting back together.


As I’ve mentioned in the guide on how to get your ex back, there are some deadly mistakes that people make after a breakup. The reason why most people make these mistakes is because they panic and in their chaotic mind, begging, pleading and being needy seem like the most logical thing to do.

But there is more to this than that. In most cases, the reason people want to get back together is because in many ways, they are dependent on their ex. They are dependent on their ex for their security, for love, for their self-worth and for happiness. And when their ex decides to leave them, they see it as a threat to their happiness, to their security, to their self-worth and to their happiness.

It’s a natural reaction for the mind to panic when you see a threat to your security. And when your mind panics, it tries to do all it can to get your ex to stay. Based on your past experiences, your mind will try to use everything to try to get your ex to stay. Begging, manipulation, stalking, smothering them with affection, jealousy and sometimes even anger and abuse.

In most cases, people who want to win an ex back, were in a co-dependent relationship. This co-dependency makes them more vulnerable to making these mistakes. The co-dependent person in a relationship is usually the one who takes steps to fix the relationship and make it work. The co-dependent person finds a sense of control in doing the work to make the relationship work. And when a partner decides to leave, they feel they’ve lost control and they want to do anything to get them back.

Your Insecurity And Low Self-Esteem

Everyone has some insecurities and low self-esteem is more common than think. There is no shame in admitting you have insecurities or low self-esteem. The problem arises when you don’t acknowledge them and your insecurities and your low self-esteem determine your actions and your major life decisions.

If you’ve made any of the mistakes mentioned in this article, then they were probably a result of low self-esteem and insecurities. Being in a relationship is comforting and convenient. But for many people, it’s also a source of self-worth and security. If you are getting your self-worth and security from a relationship or from another person’s approval of you, then you are doing yourself injustice. And if that person leaves you, you will probably become miserable and do a lot of embarrassing things to get them back, which you probably did.

The Difference Between Love and Co-dependent relationship

codependent relationship

If you care about your relationship more than yourself, you are in a codependent relationship

There is a simple difference between love and being in a co-dependent relationship. If you are in a co-dependent relationship “you put your relationship before yourself”. By doing so, you are making something else more important than yourself, and thus creating the illusion that you must really love that person. Unless you really love them, you wouldn’t be putting them before yourself.

However, this is not really love as much as it is a mask for your inner insecurities and low self-esteem. If after a breakup, you act desperate, needy and stalky, then most probably you were putting your ex before yourself. And that means you were not doing all those things because you love your ex, but because you were miserable without them.

You have to understand the fine line between love and being miserable without something in your life. If I am addicted to crack, I will be miserable without it. But that doesn’t mean that I am in love with crack. I might actually hate crack and the fact that it’s making my life miserable. But still, I will be miserable immediately after I quit it. And when I do, I will have the illusion that I actually liked crack or maybe even loved it. Why else will I feel miserable without it?

It’s because the mind is in pain when you leave something you are addicted to (in this case your ex), and it wants to convince you that you should do everything you can to get it back.

Realizing There is Life Beyond this Misery

Fortunately, time heals everything. If I stay away from my addiction for some time, I will realize that I don’t need it and I can live my life without it. The same will happen when you stay away from your ex. When you realize you don’t need your ex to be happy, you will understand how futile and needless your attempts to get them back were.life goes on

When you stay away from your ex, you slowly realize that your happiness and self-worth is not dependent on them. If you start making positive changes in your life without your ex, you start realizing that your life will be great and you will move on, no matter what. You will slowly start realizing that you don’t need your ex anymore. Maybe you still want them; maybe you still feel like you love them and it will be good if you get them back. But you don’t need them. And whatever happens, you will live a fulfilling life.


As you can read in the guide to get your ex back, I recommend that you stay at least 30 days without contacting your ex. In this article, I am going to go on to explain some of the reasons why it’s highly recommended for you to for so long.

Reason 1: You and Your Relationship

addiction to an exDid you know that breakup pain is associated with the same part of your brain as drug addiction?

You know how some people say they are addicted to their significant other? Well, in reality, this addiction is very real. And the best way to handle any addiction is to stay away from the drug.

I know that you want your ex back and you see no point in staying away from them when all you want is to end up in their arms. But, do you really think it’s the healthiest choice for you? Let’s just say you were addicted to heroin. And suddenly there was no where you can buy heroin. Would you use this as an opportunity to quit your addiction or would you travel to a different country just so you could satisfy your addiction?

You have to be sure whether or not you love your ex or you are just addicted to them before you get back together. There is no point in going back to an unhealthy addiction when it’s no longer in your life.

How do you determine whether you want to get back together for the right reasons? Here are a few points to help you go through.

  1. Remember the relationship with your ex. Remember the time you spent together. Whenever you were together, did you feel great about yourself or did you feel insecure about yourself? If you felt insecure whenever you were with your ex, you are probably just addicted to him/her. On the other hand, if your ex made you feel secure, happy, and confident about yourself, then there is a chance that he/she might be worth getting back.
  2. Do you just hate being alone? Does waking up alone in the morning makes you feel horrible about yourself? Do seeing other couples make you wish your ex was here with you at this moment? If so, then chances are, you are just addicted to being in a relationship. There is nothing special about your ex that makes you want to get back with them.
  3. Do you think about your ex all the time, completely ignoring your life goals, your career, your health, and your sleep? If so, then you are just suffering from grief. It’s a completely normal reaction to a breakup. You feel like you are in chaos and the only thing that will bring you back to your normal life is your ex. In reality, your ex is the reason that you are in this chaos. It’s very similar to a heroin addict going through withdrawal symptoms after quitting. They feel like the only thing that can help them feel better is heroin. In reality, it’s the heroin that’s made them feel this way in the first place.

Reason 2: Your Mental Health

As we established before, you are not very capable of making huge life decisions after a breakup. And your relationships with your ex might not be as great as you thought it was. However, even if your relationship with your ex was great and getting back with them is in fact a great idea, you still need to take some time off to get back together.

are you insecure or are you confident

When someone looks at you, do they see a confident person, or a needy one?

The person who just got dumped by the love of their life, usually becomes needy and desperate. It’s not their fault really, it’s everyone’s gut feeling to act this way. Every action they take and every word that comes out of their mouth reeks of neediness and insecurity from a mile away.

As I explained in the guide on how to get your ex back, this neediness is extremely unattractive. Your ex probably already have a lot of reasons to not be with you (perhaps neediness and insecurity was one of them), and if you show them the needy, insecure, desperate side of you, they will be even more repulsed.

Now, I can tell you to just not act needy and desperate, but the truth is, if you feel insecure and miserable inside, you will show it on the outside. You can control your actions with great effort, but your face and your voice will give you away. And your ex will understand that it’s all an act.

If you take 30 days off to work on yourself and become a happy person, you will actually become a lot more confident and secure about yourself. And just as before, you will show confidence and happiness from your face that your ex will immediately notice.

Reason 3: Your Ex and Your Post Breakup Relationship Dynamics

If you are reading this, chances are your ex broke up with you. Even if you broke up with your ex, you wanted to get back together but your ex rejected you. In either case, your ex is the one who has all the power in the post breakup relationship. They are the one who left you and you are the one who is miserable without them. You are the one who would do anything to get back with them.

If you wanted to get over the breakup and move on, I would have told you to not care about the post breakup relationship and just move on with your life. But since you want to get your ex back, you have to not only care about it, but also control it.

If you tried to call your ex, text them, beg, plead, or anything that shows how desperate and needy you are without them, then your ex controls this post breakup relationship. However, by just stopping contact with them, you instantly regain control. When you don’t call your ex, they start to wonder why you are not contacting them. The more time you stay away from them, the more they start thinking about you.

In most cases, your ex is almost as miserable after the breakup as you. It’s just that your needy actions make them feel like they are in control of this relationship. It makes them feel like they can have you whenever they want. It makes them feel like they have all the power. Even though they are hurt from the breakup, the fact that a person so desperately wants to be with them gives them a huge ego boost. And that makes it a little bit easier for them to deal with the breakup.

If you take away that ego boost from them, then you are leveling the playing field. In fact, you gain the upper hand because if you stop contacting your ex, chances are they will contact you soon. And when they do, YOU DON’T PICK UP THEIR CALL. This might infuriate them, but it will also break their ego. It will also make them realize how much miserable they are without you.

Now, I don’t advocate playing power games when you are in a relationship. But this is not a relationship, it’s the post breakup relationship. And having power in this relationship is important if you want to get your ex back. Because the more power you have, the more attractive you are to your ex.

However, when you do get back together, I recommend you have a relationship based on honesty and understanding, instead of trying to control the relationship. Because only a relationship that is based on honesty and understanding can stand the test of time.