4 month relationship breakup

My name is Alex and I’m 29 years old. I’m an American and I live in Germany. I met an amazing German woman where we instantly hit it off. We had amazing chemistry and an instant connection. For the first 3 months we spent every single weekend together and it was by far one of the best times of my life. We were always doing spontaneous things, having plenty of fun, as well as a deep intimate physical and emotional connection. It’s hard to believe that I’m 29 years old and this was my first serious relationship where I was able to share these kinds of feelings with, as she was also my first regular sexual partner. I don’t like using my relationship experience as an excuse for my actions, but I was deeply affectionate from the beginning with little self regulation, and maybe I pushed the relationship because I was unlocking these new feelings inside myself and pressured my partner a little bit. However, during this time I would say was the honeymoon phase. We were both indeed falling for each other. I had become a normal part of her life, we saw each other for the most part of every weekend, and when she had time we would meet each other for date nights during the week, and sometimes she would stay the night with me (she lived about 1.5hrs away). We constantly texted each other during the week. She never really brought any of these issues to my attention because I would say we were falling for each other and we had high expectations for our relationship. I think once she talked about how affectionate I was and how much I held her hand, and our constant closeness. She simply said she wasn’t used to it and was a bit overwhelming. I brushed it off as it was just an adjustment she was willing to make.

By the beginning of month 3 things started to bother her, as I would suggest we had moved into the power struggle phase. I had always had the confidence I never had with another woman, I had maintained the power throughout the relationship since I was the one overwhelming her with attention and affection, and that would be one thing that I would have done differently if I could go back. However, when she said to me that this has become a serious issue it really hit me hard. My confidence had began so slowly diminish and in the insecurity had taken its place. The following week she said she had a growing uncertainty of our relationship, and that she didn’t know what she wanted anymore, but she gave me the benefit of the doubt that I could change.

Afterward, the following month had glimpses of good times, but there was a looming feeling that made me uneasy sometimes. My insecurities were being raised, needed constant reassurance, and started to increase my neediness for her attention. When I didn’t have her attention I acted in a way that would exclude myself from social interactions just to get her attention, it seems as I was growing jealous.

By the end of month 4 she had confronted me and told me that I wasn’t the same confident guy I was when we met, and that she lost the attraction because my neediness and clingyness made me look weak. She hadn’t officially broken it off but said she needed time and space to think. My desperation began to slowly come out. Over the next week I had texted her less frequently but when I did I still sent her stressful messages that only pressured her more, lurking of neediness and desperation.

The next weekend I met with her and I had a gut feeling this would be the last time that I would ever see her in person. I got to her place and the worst part of me had come out. I was completely desperate speaking how much I NEEDED her, and that I didn’t want to be alone again. She once again said she needed another week to think about it. I called her later the next week to talk about meeting with her again. Trying my hardest to convince her that we need to have an evening together to put our differences and our problems aside for one night to enjoy each others company. She said she would think about it and would let me know. Well the next day I messaged her again, stressing her to come to me and let me cook her dinner. Later I realized how far removed from reality I was and called her, she let me know that she couldn’t come to me because she didn’t respect how I kept pressuring to see her. This is when we agreed to breakup.

This is when I started my first no contact with her, I failed at 2 weeks as I letting her know I was going on a trip and driving through her village. She actually responded saying when I was coming through and she agreed that I would be able to see her the following evening. The next day, she let me know that she couldn’t see me because she was still at work and had a long commute home; I figured that isn’t a problem and asked if I could stop by on my way back. She said it depended on what time she got back from her trip from Austria. Well the day I’m on my way back I messaged to see if I would be able to see her on my way back. She responded by saying that she was still in Austria, as I expected. She said that we could me later in the week.

As persistent as I have been I called her the next day seeing when we can schedule the meet. I mean we’re both busy people so nothing wrong with planning it (that was my thoughts at the moment). I asked if I could talk to her and she called me back. We started the conversation by just catching up and asking how each other were and then I moved into asking about when we could meet up. At this point she tells me that she could have met with me the past week when I drove through but changed her mind and said she didn’t want to see me. She said that the last time we saw each other she decided she wanted to be single. Then here comes the fear from my end and go in full desperation mode again, and then she says she met another guy which I don’t believe her at all because I believe she said it only because I kept pressuring her. At this point, I asked for her forgiveness and told her that I always cared for her, and said goodbye to her for the last time.

I plan on doing no contact for real this time, but for 60 days because in my opinion 30 days isn’t enough. She hasn’t unfriended me via text, whatsapp, or facebook to this day, but I completely lost my identity and need help. I’ve started therapy and getting to the root of my extreme neediness that caused this self-fulfilling prophecy to take root. I’m volunteering again, joined a downhill mountain biking group, reconnecting with friends and family, and increasing the intensity of my workouts. By the end of the 60 days I’d like to believe that I can regain my confidence and believe I no longer need her, but at this point I can’t entirely let go of the hope that we could work it out. I feel if I could get rid of this anxiety over the relationship permanently before I see her again, I can regain my confidence and be an even stronger man I was before I met her.