-
Posts
-
My ex is 52 and was married 30 years, divorced for 1.5 years when we met and we really hit it off. I am 46. Major sparks, 6 months of great times, mainly. I say mainly because she was, at times, unceratin about getting so close to a man so soon, which is understandable, we had a few disagreements but nothing too bad. But she is very into me and it is mutual. 2 months ago she said she can’t do a committed relationship and wanted to just date and that she’d be dating others as well. She was upest when she told me and I know she was heartbroken and I was too. I was okay with it tho because I enjoy spending time with her regardless of the status of our reletionship. But then we had an arguement and she got angry and said she did not want to date. She says her feelings are too strong and fears if we hang out, we’ll “cross the line” and go back to a comitted relationship, whch she is just not ready for. I understand her position but wish we could just date occasioanlly. I’d enjoy hearing any useful adivce from a guy that has been in a similar situation. Thanks
ht999,
Hi there! I think you and I are on the “mature” end of the spectrum when it comes to age on this site! We are the same age as you guys, he is younger…I have to tell you that it bothered me a little. Even with nip/tuck.
My first observation is that you came into her life at a really bad time … you were the Rebound Guy…the relationship that was not supposed to last nearly as long as it did. If I read correctly, she was only divorced six months…she was still a mess. They say it takes a year to get over the D…I think 5 years lol! The upside is, you helped her through a lot and she has these great memories of you in comparison to the bleakness of her marriage. I forever ADORE my rebound guy after marriage and would have him back this second. I never had so much FUN in my life…I compare every man to him. You have all this working for you.
I know you wanted guys’ advice, yet I bring decades of high end professional sales and Jedi mind tricks to the table. She’s getting a little attention right now and enjoying it, that’s fine. Trust me on this…they are ALL losers. They are hiding a wife, they want her to do their friend, they want to borrow money, they have 3 adult children living at home, THEY still live at home, they are illiterate, they play hours of video games every day, they are addicts, did I mention they are addicts, oh, they are addicts, this is for starters.
They are clamoring for her attention and she likes this, kind of, because she hasn’t had it in a while…but if there was an attractive 55 year old Thoracic surgeon, he’d be with a 36 year old bombshell. Losers are clamoring for her attention. They are taking to her to horrifying chain restaurants where the cattle feed.
This is the hard part, and this is the ONLY thing that would work for me…Don’t Call. No Contact. It makes us go, “What??? What’s happening? Where is he? Why isn’t he calling? Oh my God, what if something happened to him?” And as time goes on… we grow more and more crazy, and miss you more and more…and when a text comes in we grab it…and it’s one of those losers with spelling errors, with slobbery lips saying something moronic…and we cry for the loss of you.
Love her and the relationship enough to do this. Let her realize she misses you. We are attracted to men who blow us off. Nice guys finish last. Become the Alpha male and head to the treeline without looking back.
Your friend in devastation,
Sucker
Note: Oh, pardon me, I checked and she was divorced for a decent period of time so you are in the clear there. That part is good.
You are a gem, Sucker…your words make me grin! It is good to find a mature person here. Its not that I can’t go on, I have a date tomorrow, but she and I have some very REAL chemistry. I am very particular and she is a class act, even tho she is having a tough time right now.
I hate that she got mad and made a snap decision to quit seeing me but bringing it up to her does not seem like a good idea. NC is the best idea. I was freaking out about the “what if she meets someone else” but I just have to let that ride.
She and I are both educated professionals, she is also in high-end sales, and that used to bother me LOL as I thought she was selling me too. But I know she’s for real, she is just confused on what to do next. When we have talked since the split she has been emotional in one way or another. Tense and guarded. I now see that it would be hard to “date” with all that pent up passion, I have plenty believe me. I think she sees us as an “all or nothing” proposition, which flatters me, but also is frustrating
Its good to talk about these things and I don’t want to overload you but here is more info, when we were together she told me straight up that she’s never felt the way she does about me, that I have the whole package (and not just my PACKAGE LOL) Physically it was obvious. Very hot, my kisses would melt her everytime. Anyway, the point is, while I would like to believe you, that she is being hounded by losers, I am not sure that is the case. She was dating right after divorce and none of the guys she’d met really “did it” for her. I know that she is now dating one of those previous guys, so I feel there is nothing to fear there. Thoughts?Oh, I dated a “previous guy”… The Attorney. The Viagra popping Attorney with FIVE cats who needed to watch porn to get it up. The highlight of the night was holding down the cat with diabetes so he could test its blood sugar. She’s having a WONDERFUL time and the another man moving in for the kiss feels like sacrilege…she only sees you. But she’ll endure the kiss and feel nothing and and the tears will come and the Douche will say, “Are you crying?” and she’ll say, “um, that was intense”, so he’ll lunge but she’ll say she has to go. Meanwhile…No Contact…and she’s home alone wondering what you’re doing…knowing you don’t have any problems with women… what if you get snatched up?
Try this on, ht999…could this be a preemptive strike? Due to the age difference, does she think you’ll dump her eventually anyway?
On one hand my “relationship” has an advantage because he and I share a sexual proclivity, I’ve traveled all over the planet to meet men who are the Yin to my Yang…he’ll never find anybody like me, and we live minutes apart. On the other hand, you two sound more socially compatible, other things in common, and have a better foundation. That is a lot mixed with the addictive chemistry she has for you.
If you want it, things look good for you. Quality men in the mid-40 range are outnumbered 4 to 1. She should take note, you have many, many options.
Meanwhile, Rude Boi did not respond to my email. This is Jack’s complete lack of surprise.
xo
suckerYou make many good and intriuging points. I have much to offer but am changing careers and will be in school for 2 years, then back to earning good dough in a promising field. So that limits my ability to throw down the WOW Factor monetarily LOL.
I respect my ex and as the days pass, I see that she needs understanding, not bothersome requests. Just last week we tried talking but it ended poorly with her sobbing and hanging up. I mailed a real leter of apology and asked her to call, which she did, it was short she was tense but I was calm and upbeat. Told her I was standing naked in the kitchen (I was heading to take a shower) and that I was sporting a great tan fron my 30 mile bike ride. True story.
She has not displayed apathy, so thats a positive 😉
Your situation seems to be more adversarial. Do you enjoy that stress? Sounds like you two have some steamy times together but is there something more there? Sounds like there is because you miss him.
The upside is you are a woman that is enjoying her life and not limited in options. Are you and I about the same age? Is your ex in his 20s?
Your heartbreak mate ….
Oh no, same as you guys…I’m 50; he’s 45. We “used” to share a lot of fun things in common, read each others’ minds, … then it just became him using me. So, that has to stop or we are through. I’m dangerously close to apathy. He’s not worth it anymore.
HT, I think it might be the job thing. She doesn’t want to stop you, of course, but at our stage in life I see my friends settling for the established, boring ones.
S
Ok, I misread on the age thing. Interesting parallel eh?
I have a great sense of humor…this song was acually just playing …
How Long Do I Have To Wait? by Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings from Naturally (Daptone) spun by Andy Coco at 2:19pm on The Rhythm Section (Fri Aug 8th)
how apropos? you would appreciate hearing it, a super funky grooy thing ala 1974, my city has a fantastic self-funded radio station that plays the very best in current music that can’t be found anywhere else
well that would be a shame if its about money, not that I haven’t considered that possibility
does this ste have IM? I’d enjoy chatting with you
If that chat request was ill-placed my apologies, but you are an excelent commiserator. Don’t know what else I might learn.
On the job thing, its a toss up. She encouraged my initial decision to switch things up. Its one I have been considering for a number of years and with her insight I decided to do it. It was gonna to be four years before I’d be empolyed again, 2 to get in the program and 2 to complete it. Then after we split, during one of the painful “Why can’t we just get back together” talks, she said ” You’re in school and I’ve done that – I want to travel”
Really?
I didn’t put too much stock in that, but ya never know. She was herself planning to enroll in an online PhD program soon! Anyway, 4 years is too long at this stage in the game. I have changed gears and will be done with a different program in just 2 years from now. This avenue will allow for numerous possibilities in the future and will tie in my previous work experience. She was rather interested when I told her that news, and asked me again teh other day if that was my new course.
Sorry so long but you have good advice.
You know, Hrt, when I first went out with my guy 4 years ago he was going to school for 4 years and that’s probably why we never went out again. 4 years later he tracks me down and it’s all good. I can see where she would be willing to stick it out for two years…4 years has her looking at the ugly side of 60.
Just speaking for myself, it’s not money I want…it’s adventure. Can you take her out to Bryce or Zion and ask the busboys where the secret swimming holes are on the hiking trail? You’ll have the place to yourself! Dominica (not dominican republic) is where they filmed “Pirates of the Caribbean” …awesome and cheap. Energy is the currency. Deeds are our jewels. We can get some sucker to buy us anything we want any day of the week.
Adrenaline.
Now over to our other thread and my colossal failure.
Sucker
PS…I want to chat, too!
Sucker you are brilliant. Adrenaline – agreed!
Your honesty about the cash flow is well taken.
Maybe these goofballs we know are unwittingly introducing you and I LOL.Hey,
I read your post but could you please give me more details like when did you start dating ? and how long have you been together? when did you break up? and how long have you been doing NC?a.z,
We dated 6 months (last dec to early this june) and were exclusive immediately. N that time I blew my cool, not at her but in her presence, twice. She didn’t care for that but it was her own situation that caused her decision. We’ve been split since, she’s now seeing a previous guy which was nothing serious. The first month if split I texted once a week and had one phone argument, her being impatient at my wanting to fix it. Second month was less texting. Some pleasant calls and another negative one which was just last week. I’ve been NC just 3 days after apologizing for the bad call which again was me asking to fix and her being defensive emotional and hanging up.hey,
You have been contacting her and that made her put her guards on.its good that you started NC.tbh when it comes to break ups,nothing we hear from out partners is logical.almost all of us are here because of a same reason and thats lost of attraction.too many factors will cause this.some them of them are like being needy,insecure,pushy and being a control freak,not caring about our goals in our personal life,not caring about our partner’s goals,being sexually too much available or being physically unavailable ,showing obsession over something,not having a good communication….I think she felt that you were being insecure.or you had done something that she felt pressured.or she felt like you were pushing her to commit.
But everything is ok,you should start NC and continue it for 1-2 months.
Here’s a checklist for ending no contact.
-You followed the no contact rule for at least one month.
-You are no longer a mess as you were after the breakup.
-You have made a few positive changes in your life.
-You are absolutely sure that getting back with your ex is a good decision.
-You have gone on at least one date during no contact.
-You have accepted the breakup and you are OK with the fact that you may never get your ex back and this might never work for you.
-You have accepted the fact that even if you don’t get your ex back, you will be fine since there are endless opportunities in the world to find love and happiness.Make positive changes in your life,and focus on yourself and try to be cool,positive and confident.
She will forget the bad memories and she will begin to miss you.
You can contact her after NC and we are here to help you through your next steps.you should think of it as a new relationship and try to attract her little by little.she doesn’t have to feel any pressure and she doesn’t have to be sure that you still want her back.Follow the plan and i’m sure it will increase your chances.
Best of Luck
Hey HRT,
Let me know how your date goes tonight! $5.00 says you canceled.
So, yeah, I continued my stringent No Contact plan by meeting him at Starbuck’s for hours. I planned to act aloof but within minutes was talking animatedly and laughing and all high on caffeine. He laid it out in a way he never did before, I can’t repeat it without embarrassing myself yet he finally showed appreciation…then wanted to go back to my place, and I said No. Then today I had plans at the lake, without him. Tomorrow he has visitation, so it was a nice touching base and we’ll see.
I’m really bad at following rules and guidelines. Really bad. I need to date other people.
The Ultimate,
Sucker
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.