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Not gonna bore with all the tiny details from my story. I was seeing a girl (We’ll call her R) who lived about 30 miles away. Not insurmountable but there were other issues. A 7 month relationship existed between us that was mostly hours-long late night phone calls and endless streams of texts, but we did meet in person.
I got real clingy when she was going through a tough time and couldn’t see me. In the end, she blocked me everywhere after some back-and-forth argument. I have basically no way of contacting her short of showing up at her house (where she might not live anymore), which I’m obviously NOT going to do. This has been the situation for the past 5 months. I actually bought into the premium package on here, did all the worksheets and stuff. They helped me get over the worst of the breakup. I don’t sit up all night agonising over it at least.
Since then, I’ve been in another short relationship (about 2 months), and dated a few other girls. And I STILL can’t stop thinking about R – who made it literally impossible for me to contact her in any reasonable way. I had to break off my relationship with my last girl because of this. I haven’t felt satisfied or even interested in anyone since R and I couldn’t keep going with somebody else hoping those feelings would come to me eventually.
I don’t fully understand why she left me because there was no final message, no goodbye. I know it’s a hopeless situation and I’ll never get her back or even get her to talk to me. But I can’t help feeling like she was one of a kind and I may never meet somebody who clicks with me that way ever again. I feel pathetic and foolish, but no matter how much I tell myself to stop, my brain keeps dredging up thoughts of her. Last night I dreamed of her for the first time in months. I’m tired of feeling this way about a person who doesn’t care enough about me to even say goodbye and I don’t know what to do.
@CML – Sorry to hear you’re still dwelling on the situation. I think it will help you to move on if you understand it never would have worked out in the long run. Take some time away from dating and just focus on YOU. Spend more time with family and friends etc.. After a few months start dating again and just have fun with it as meeting new people can be an adventure in itself. Eventually you will meet a nice girl who is compatible, but without the mental issues! Good luck.
It sounds cliché but… work on other things, on bettering yourself. When you find yourself thinking about the relationship with her, actively work to do something else so you don’t think about. It gets easier with time but it can take a long time. Most of us have been there.
Thanks for the continued support. Am trying to build myself up right now, and have been for a few months. Got an interview for a great new job tomorrow which I’m feeling pretty positive about, and working on a short film project for my University application portfolio. Still a lot of work to do but I’m generally feeling good about it all.
Had a bit of a stumble this morning though. Idly flipping through Tinder and there she was. I have mixed feelings about the fact that I swiped right in my sleep-fogged mental state. On the one hand, it stops her from appearing again in a few weeks as a fresh reminder. On the other, I’ve now got part of my brain that keeps wondering ‘Has she seen me’ and all that. Even if she did match with me, what would I do? Is it even possible for me to have a healthy relationship with her? Why can’t I resist doing these things?
And it’s ridiculous to really even think that far, because all previous indicators are that she wants nothing to do with me. Sigh.
@cml
Good luck with the job interview:) I think you must try harder to get the ex out of your head! You didn’t meet her very often and mostly interactions were by internet. She is very mentally disturbed and no, I don’t think you can have a healthy relationship with her! You have some issues too, but not nearly as serious as hers. Apparently you tried to be her knight in shining armor, but she dumped you and your ego took a hit. That’s part of the reason you’re obsessing about her. Nobody likes being dumped and they always wonder what they did wrong or what they can do to fix it. But surely you can find a nice girl without extreme mental issues!You must train your brain to divert your thoughts and stop peering at social media. Accidentally swiping right wasn’t a goof, you did it subconsciously or intentionally. Yes, you can resist doing such foolish things by sheer mental power and rational thinking. Focus on other things such as University etc.. Logically you must know chasing after her makes no sense. Please date other women, but don’t jump into a relationship any time soon! Just go out and have fun and look at each girl as a sweet unique individual.
Good luck..
You are right, swiping right was no accident. I made a conscious, albeit impulsive decision. And yes, I agree that pining after her will do me no good. I am mostly resigned to the fact that she’s slipped me by and I need to move on. Reminders just make me wish it weren’t so.
Guess I just need to keep pushing those thoughts away. At least she won’t pop up on Tinder again now.
“Make your way around it slowly, if you cannot walk straight through it.”
A friend offered me this word of wisdom when I was painfully indulged in a short-lived “relationship” where he was only physically attracted to me, didn’t make me his girlfriend, and it took me two years to love someone again. Yes two years.
In the end, it will be okay. If it isn’t okay, it isn’t the end yet. Keep anticipating what you will find there.
“You are right, swiping right was no accident. I made a conscious, albeit impulsive decision. ”
Any of us who have been through a breakup like that have done the same thing. An opportunity presents itself where you can see how the other person is doing a little bit or see what they look like now and you take it figuring that it won’t be too bad to see it. And you are curious. It tends to create a minor depression and the feeling lasts a couple days and then it slowly goes away.
Just an update:
I’ve been doing a lot better lately. Got accepted by 3 of the 4 universities I applied to so I’m pretty thrilled about that. Just finishing a short film I made over December. New job is in sight and I’ve found meditation is really helping with my depression/anxiety issues. Got 2 vacations planned for the summer and I’ve got back in touch with a lot of estranged friends.
Of course an emotional high like this had to be punctuated with another little reminder. Different dating app I’ve been using for ages and I guess she just got a profile on there cause it surprised me to see her face again. Didn’t make any attempts to interact tho. If she sees me and wants to talk she will. I’m okay with not seeing her again. Thanks for all your advice and encouragement guys.
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