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Heres my story:
My ex is 27 and Im 25.
We had been together 8 years without any break. We decided to follow a relationship that would last a whole life. We made a promise to always talk our problems and find peaceful solutions. We would fall in love again and again to keep the spark. Making it short our problems began last year. We tried for a baby and we got pregnant. I was so happy. He had a good job that permited me to only work 15 hours a week and go to college. Then when I was 4 months pregnant I started to have big problems with his mother. He would stay at her house his days off from work. I really needed him by my side. The thing got so ugly I turned into hulk and got so mad started to rip his clothes. I sent him pictures of it and his suitcase packed. He told his mother and she sent my mother a text I will never forget, “My son will be a single father and only look after his baby.” I did a big drama. How can this lady say this after I did so much for her and her son. We didn’t break up at that time because he came back. All of that played a big part of this break up. Then another day I was 6 months pregnant and huge and had to get another job to make a full-time. He said he couldn’t pay for my car and credit cards anymore. That he wasn’t making lots of cash. Anyways I managed to keep the two jobs and pay for my stuff. And then I went to a prenatal appointment and my blood pressure was high. I got admitted to the hospital to get monitor for preclampsia. There I was mad at him. I went through all of that and he wasnt by my side because he preffered his mother. My mother called him and said I might have preclampsia that I was in the hospital and she was afraid of me being alone. I dont want to get on the other part because its too sad for me to relive. I end up staying at the hospital for a month. He was there for me all the time. He took good care of me. He did the nurse job there. I will forever be thanksful. The baby used to kick him alot and he was so happy. Long story short I had to get an emergency csection. Sadly our baby did not make it. In some part I blamed his family and him. Even though they paid her funeral. I got so depressed, never had suicidal thoughts but sometimes I don’t want my life.I was healing from my physical wount too. He helped so much. He would always showered me before he went out. I then showered myself to show him I was feeling better. He lost his job while I was in the hospital. So thats when his mother planned all of this. She found him a low pay job in New Jersey. I live in Queens and she lives in the Bronx. So ofcourse he had to move in with her to work at that job. I did not like that plan. I told them both it was terrible. Like a week after I gave him until April to move back here, but his family was already telling him not to come back and brainwashing. They offered him a better life without me. He would study and work. He registered in a course that last a year. He told me he would not try to get back together. He came and picked all his clothes while i worked. I went into NC right away I was so hurt.
31 days after NC he contacted me to see how I was. We would talk alot and meet up, but today Im tired of this. I told him we need to talk. I sent him a long message stating I believe his worth the chase and I dont want to lose him forever. Asking if I should just move on or try and see where life takes us. He answered “Time will tell.” I said I believe the samething, but its a lie, that time will tell crap means move on and maybe life will put us back together. My plan is to begin 30 days NC again and meet other people. Maybe I’ll move on. What do you think I should do?
Hey,
First of all,I’m truly sorry for your loss.
about your ex,what you guys went through was really tough,you were both under too much pressure and it affected your relationship.
wether you should move on or not is your decision to make but I think you should do NC for another two months. don’t obsess over what your ex said he’s probably still confused and both of you need more time to heal,to think and to forget about the bad memories.
You should definitely go on dates it really helps.I know it may seem impossible for you to think that you can replace him with someone else,but its not about that.it will rebuild your self confidence,you’ll know that your ex is not the only option for you and it just really helps.You’ve been with him for many years and you must have forgotten that there’s a world of opportunity out there for you to find the love and happiness that you deserve.
Try to be the best version of yourselfand do anything that makes you feel betterI’m sure he will contact you again and you need the positive changes in your life to make him see what he’s lost.
If you wanna contact him after the no contact period,make sure to check the NC checklist before contacting him and this time, don’t bring up anything about the relationship,the break up or any other negative memories.
Always know that now matter what happens, you will be fine.
Don’t worry about him moving on coz he won’t. focus on yourself and don’t think about anything negative.Good luck
Thank you az, I have a date with him tomorrow. I’ll go have fun sleep together then on Sunday I will begin NC. Two months its a long time, but I will try my best. He seems to remember my negative attitude alot. He reminds me the stuff I did. He does need space. He needs to see life without me and my attitude. Lets see what the future holds for me. Maybe the NC helps him heal and decides to comeback. I will date other men. Have some fun. Just like you said I need to see there is a life out there. Thanks!
I’d suggest not to sleep with him . if you wanna do it just for the heck of it,and you’re sure it won’t make you want him/miss him more,you can do it but I think its best if you don’t.
Show him that you’re happy and confident. Let him see that you are doing fine without him be fun and do not say anything about the breakup or anything negative. Don’t say anything about getting back together or moving on just be cool and positive.
Yeah 2 months seems so long but you will feel so much better by then. Although,if you think 1 month is enough for you, you can go ahead and contact him after 30 days. Remember, the most important part of NC is about you not your ex and only you can make yourself happy so nobody can tell you for how long you should do NC coz you will know when you’re ready.
Just know that you will feel much better soon.
Everything you are saying sounds right. The sleeping it’s already planned, I can’t cancel now plus I have my needs. I wont change my mind at all. I have decided its best to stay away. I wont mention anything about moving on or the break up. I will just enjoy my last time with him. Hoping everything turns out great. Thanks
Updating my post on my meeting with my ex. We had a great night together. He tried to cuddle in bed and sleep holding eachother. Ofcourse I moved away to sleep alone. However in my sleep he said I started to punch the bed and say somethings. That’s why I remember waking up to hear him if im ok and hugging me. That was weird! Anyways he paid for everything and even took me to shop at the mall and eat lunch. We then went to the babys grave and he bought her a bouquet of beautiful pink roses. I had a great time.
I was getting scam likely calls but he didn’t see. I did not answer them but he got jelouse thinking it was a man. He asked if it was my boyfriend. I just smiled and said nothing. He also just contacted me but I stopped answering. Hopefully he regrets setting me free while my NC that starts tomorrow.
Thanks for reading.
You sound very immature and you’re playing games with him. Mothers want what’s best for their sons and apparently his mother didn’t like you due to the way you treated her son. Cutting up his cloths is a red flag to everyone that you can’t control your anger and I’m sure there were other things that made it appear you’re not a good match. When you met up with your ex, you should have not been anywhere near a bed and it would have been better to just meet in a public place. The thing with the phone is another immature ploy to try and make him jealous. I wouldn’t be surprised if you had some friend call while you were out with the ex. Unless you change the way you interact with him and improve the way you act, I doubt he would ever want to get back with you and he shouldn’t.. You should be an honest person with control of your emotions in order to be in a good relationship with someone.
I think there’s a fine line to be played. A lot of stuff in Kevins articles deals with making them miss you etc. She’s talked about doing NC for 4 days at a time and it seems to increase the desire. At some point hopefully they can pull the trigger and progess forward. I think I’m in a similar position.
Look forward to hearing how you’re doing, leidy
Hey Patricia, thanks for answering. Not to sound rude but I think that you should read Kevin’s rules before posting. I don’t know if I specify that I do want to change my anger issues and I’ve been working on that. Next thing is about his mother, she wants him to stay with her all the time and support her because she hates to work. And after 8 years she sees Im not a good match sorry but thats BS. She just didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t letting her control our relationship. About the immature part yeah you can say that. 🙂
Hey, Scotch how are you doing? Thanks.
Hey,
If he keeps contacting you, don’t go ahead ignoring him. Just tell him that you think both of you still need some space.
And about what you replied to @Patricia , I think you’re right. although some of her words are true and helpful ,sometimes they are just harsh and hurtful and feeling hurt is the last thing anyone here is looking for.Hey,
If he keeps contacting you, don’t go ahead ignoring him. Just tell him that you think both of you still need some space.
And about what you replied to @patricia , I think you’re right. although some of her words are true and helpful ,sometimes they are just harsh and hurtful and feeling hurt is the last thing anyone here is looking for.Hi az, I did exactly what you said about telling him I need space. This was yesterday and he got afraid of not knowing about me and just tried to change my mind about the space. I acted like I wouldn’t do it but today I decided to delete my whatsapp. Im sure he wont text me because it will go on phone log and his family will find out he’s texting me. I wont do the NC I will answer his call if he ever does.
In regards of what I said to Pratricia. Yes it sounded harsh but re-reading it she’s right. She could have used better words though. At least she told me to grow up for him.
Sorry Im reading this real quick before work. Maybe I missed it. If he’s contacting you and doesn’t want you to go no contact, have you guys started talking about things at all? He seems interested.
Hi Scotch, I had to contact him on Thursday to ask him to put my AC on but I couldnt take the heat so my brother did it. Yesterday I did not contact because I’ve been busy. He contacted me today. I can tell he’s interested but I don’t want to talk about getting back together. Im not interested right now. I would preffer us falling back inlove with eachother instead of getting back together to our old relationship.
Another update: The day of my last update I decided to stop answering him and got myself into a next round of NC. I really want to live my life. I need to enjoy being alone and not wishing to be back with him. Everyday Im more decided that I don’t want to be back into this relationship. He shows me that he is not willing to work for my love.
I have been gaining my self esteem back to a decent level. I think I don’t deserve to be suffering for a past failure. I am pretty sure this live is full of oportunities for me. I will find love and suffering again. LOL. Although I don’t care of going through another break up because this is live. You have to take risks to find true love.
I’m going to two weeks in my No Contact. I believe he is also following a NC rule just to leave me hanging in there. He is waiting for something better to come around. I am not willing to wait like a second option. Lets see what happens next. My NC is indefinitely. I give up on winning him back, Im not interested in suffering more than I already have. I know I must go through this pain to achieve real happiness again. My goal is to be happy alone.
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