Ex in a rebound AND long distance relationship

A little background. My ex was in an abusive marriage that she ended and we got involved. There was really no settling time between her separation and divorce and our relationship starting. I encouraged her to take time to be okay, but she insisted that she was okay. She was married for 10-years, in a relationship with me for 2-years. I feel like she brought some unproductive communication tactics into our relationship from her prior one. I’m a pretty laid back person, but she would engage in fighting and then when I walked away, accuse me of isolating her. So we engaged in unproductive fighting, and ultimately she accused me of being verbally and emotionally abusive. My counselor says that she has narcissistic tendencies and is projecting. Nevertheless, I have ruminated on things I could have done differently and taken steps to address them. I don’t feel like I am an abusive person, but understanding her past, I can understand that she needs a different kind of handling.

On to the long distance relationship. From observing it on social media, etc. that relationship ran it’s course very fast. It appeared to be passionate for 6-8 weeks and then dropped and she was hurt. Now she seems to be burning through Tinder connections. We stay in touch occasionally because we work together, and I gather from the things she shares and what I know about her kid situation and social posts, that she has not connected face-to-face with anyone. But she has started to periodically reach out to me for conversation, lunch, we met for dessert on her birthday (my invite). She says she doesn’t want to go backwards (I read into a relationship with issues), but I also read that she hasn’t ruled it out (said that she knows that I can’t promise things wouldn’t go back to the way they were, “at least not yet”).

So I was at first dealing with angst over this LD relationship, and now over the numerous random connections being made. I am trying to focus on me. But it’s a process and doesn’t happen overnight. I don’t want to become friend-zoned, and I am trying to follow the program as strictly as possible, rarely or not ever initiating conversation, but responding calmly if she does. Sometimes I figure that she contacts me when things aren’t going well with the guys she’s talking to. I feel it’s necessary to not cut off all contact since isolation was what she cited as the reason for our breakup. She has reacted badly when she felt I was being indifferent towards her.

I’m just trying to find a way to continue my own journey, remain visible and present enough to be attractive. I want this to move faster, but I know I can’t rush it.