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He also used to call me princess and send me kissy texts before we were dating and then he would always call me beautiful in texts and he told me it wasn’t the same doing that because I had become so needy and he missed when I wasn’t so needy and I don’t know it makes me sad I don’t know if I can get that back ever :'(
Don’t compare previous relationships his had to yours. Different people and stages of life means different relationships.No point to pt yourself down. Also do not worry girl at work if she has been flirty before and he had not done anything bout it why would he now besides if he has any sense he will not start anything especially possible rebound with a person he works with not worth the hassle if he did she would be only rebound. He needs time and space. Think of the nice moments you had and concentrate on healing you to a better you so you can fully trust and enjoy relationship with him or someone else in the future. It is okay to miss him but obsessing about every little detail only makes you feel worse. You can do this..
Yeah that is a good point… I so often over analyze and over compare trying to “figure things out”
And yeah that’s true about the girl at work… if he wasn’t interested before why would he now. I know we both need time and space and I really really miss him and I WANT to just talk it out now. I know he can say things out of anger and has before and doesn’t mean it… I just am most concerned bc we had a 3.5 week break in October and I don’t know if he will think that since it didn’t work after that break, it no longer will work out ever? And even that break was framed as a break up but he never said that friends thing and that scares me bc what if he just does not love me anymore? Even though 2 weeks ago I went to where he works (at a restaurant he’s security) and he could not take his eyes off of me.I’m so confused and hate not knowing what will happen. 🙁 I haven’t contacted him today and it is just day one of my NC 🙁
I also just read something on relationship rewind saying NC backfires and doesn’t work!?! what do I do!?! 🙁
@Brokenhearted123, I don’t know why Kevin would be asking us to use NC to get our exs back of it’ll backfire.
Can you copy paste the part of Relationship Rewing that suggests NC won’t work?
@Canstum its on the main site on the home page
”
Figure 1. The most dangerous advice for getting your lover back is to have ‘no contact’ and cut off all interaction with them. The problem is, this strategy FORCES your ex to meet someone new, just so they can get over the relationship quicker! Read below to discover something that works much better.
It’s quite shocking, actually…
Because most ‘professional’ advice on how to get your ex back will tell you to have ‘no contact’ with your ex for some period of time – usually no less than 30 days.
…and during that time, you should work on ‘improving yourself’.
And if you’ve tried that, then you already know that it’s darn near IMPOSSIBLE to focus on improving yourself when the only thing you can think about is the one person you miss so much.
What’s worse, is that by cutting off contact with your ex (even temporarily), you sacrifice any bond you had already spent developing.
And that’s no exaggeration. You see, when I went through a breakup with the woman I loved, I tried the ‘no contact’ thing.
And guess what happened…
She thought I wasn’t interested, went out with a few girlfriends, and MET ANOTHER GUY!
So don’t delay, because time is of the essence! In fact, the longer you wait to take action, the more likely your partner is to lose interest and meet someone else.
She may not even want to! But because you’re not reaching out, she may think she has to move on! Ill say that again, She May Be Waiting For You!! In fact, the longer you wait to take action, the more likely your partner is to lose interest and meet someone else.
Unfortunately, I learned it the hard way. But hopefully, the secrets you learn inside this website will help you avoid the pain and suffering that robbed me of happiness for several years.
Please, don’t make the same mistake I did. Take control of your situation and get the answer you’re looking for.”@cantsum sorry I tagged you wrong, look above.
It’s just freaking me out a bit. @finntoga do you think i should definitely still do NC? I mean I did that last time and it gave him a while to cool off and the annoying thing was after the fact he had just wanted a break… IDK what to think right now though I just want to be back with him 🙁
Why on Earth is Kevin telling us to begin No Contact if Ryan Rivers (the guy who made relationship rewind) is telling us to not. Aren’t they supposed to be best pals or something?? What the hell?
@cantsum I have no idea… But then in relationship rewind pdf it does stay stuff about space. I dunno. I do that that I did NC w my BF the last time we broke up for 3.5 weeks and we much better for a few months I think we needed a little space than that tho I just dunno if this time he will be willing to wait for me 🙁 idk what he wants
I’m getting more and more upset by his stupid break up emails… “I no longer want to be with you because you go crazy all the time” “but I am giving you reasons as to why we will no longer be together” and then the “have a good day” it just really ticks me off along with the friends in the distant future. Does what he said mean he is completely done with me romantically forever and ever? 🙁
Also my situation is hard because he didn’t say he no longer loves me… I believe that he does and it is just my anxious habits by blowing up his phone aka me “going crazy” and then he would ignore and i would “go crazy” again… we got in a cycle.
Since he still loves me does that give me more of a chance???????????/
Here’s my thoughts on your crazy situation and I asked my boyfriend of 7 years for his thoughts as well..your ex is extremely pissed off that you overwhelmed him with e-mails and texts. You disrespected him with your behavior by doing that and showed him that you don’t care about his needs/wants which is pretty much the opposite of what you are trying to do. You definitely need to go NC so your ex will cool off and begin to consider his next move. At the moment, the door to a relationship and even friendship is definitely closed. Only time away from you and doing NC can help that door open again to future contact. You need to show him that you aren’t the creepy psycho insecure ex that he sees you as by living your life and pretending that this guy isn’t on this planet. For awhile, it’s going to feel strange that he’s not in your life but it gets easier. You are tormenting yourself with thoughts of “will he give me another chance??” Stop. You need to think of ways that you can become self-confident and independent. If this guy is the one you are really meant to be with, your lives will come together once again. And if he isn’t, there will be another guy that’s even better than him that will totally obliterate any feelings that you had with your ex. Your true love might be this guy but your behavior and his need to exit the relationship for his well-being and sanity proves that you aren’t meant to be together at this time. Perhaps in the future when you are more mentally stable and he sees that you have changed (by not contacting him), your paths will cross and you will end up in a relationship. You have to accept that you can’t be with him at this time and instead you are meant to work on yourself. At this time, you are meant to grow as a person and learn from this experience so you can become an awesome girlfriend.
Thank you for the feedback. That was actually quite helpful. My bf and I broke up in October for a few weeks…I actually posted on this site. My username was zuzu1000 so if you’re interested you could read about it. If not that’s okay 🙂 I just didn’t remember my password so I had to create a new username…lol.
When he broke up w me (via text -_-) in October I went even crazier sending 100’s of texts and he threatened the police on me…I knew he actually wouldn’t bc he does love me…but the threat still annoyed me. I sent an apology the next day and went NC for 21 days. Day 22 was his bday so I sent a text. He responded. I waited 12 hours. He said thank you babe and that he loved me.. so we shortly after got back together.
This time I’m worried bc it was again not in person and that annoys me. The first time we broke up we also got in our bad habit of me blowing up his phone and him ignoring me. Note: I didn’t start blowing up first. When we first were together he tried to pull away bc I refused to go official and then he would ignore me and I blew up and we were never able to beat that cycle and get back to normal!
I also have anxiety issues, depression, eating disorder all of which I am in intensive outpatient treatment for and am on medication. My *ex bf knows I’m going through all of this too. I hope that he will work on himself and me on myself to get another chance but idk if he will give us a 3rd chance… is that possible?
He also has some anger issues and would shut down when upset. And he’s easily upset. And about sometimes random things. And that’s something I know he needs to work on too.
EArly feb we had come up with a compromise about how he would let me know when he needed space and I would respect that but that fell through after a couple weeks and his grandma also died early March.I feel like my situation is complicated bc we have so much history and at the worst of our relationship in the summer I would threaten break ups or he would out of emotion/anger. Then when we got back together in November we really got past that and were in a good place for a few months (but MY issue was that I was still afraid he would ignore me again! I didn’t know how to give him the benefit of the doubt!)
Also when he broke up he said he hoped to be friends in the distant future which is stupid and that’s what makes me think he really wants just a break bc he is NOT friends with his exes. Furthermore, in the summer one time I had considered breaking up and he was upset and was like we don’t need to be together as long as we never lose each other…
Idk I think he and I are both still experiencing raw emotions and he needs to cool off as well.
The friends thing just really annoyed me bc even when we were “friends” he liked me the whole time and fell in love with me -_- like ugh.
and @dragongirl last time it seemed the door to working it out was closed and then it opened again :/ I just hope I get in a better place and him too and that he doesn’t give up on me.
I do believe he really loves me and that’s also why I affect him so much. Could this play in my favor? I just am finishing NC day 1 today.
Hi brokenhearted123..I’ll take some time to read your other account’s posts so I can better understand your story. I think he’s just very angry at the overwhelming amount of texts/emails you were sending. It’s pretty common when guys get pissed off, they go into what I refer to as their “man cave”. When a guy doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions, he goes deep into his man cave and that’s when he does serious thinking about your relationship and he has time to cool off and calm down. You can’t rush this process. Guys that have anger issues usually take a longggg time in their man cave. So expect this from your ex. When he sees that you are not contacting him, he’s going to wonder about you. He expects you to go berzerk and send him tons of messages. Don’t do it anymore. And if he is still emotionally attached to you-(and honestly it sounds like he is by the way you described your relationship pattern)-he will miss you. And when he misses you enough and if he is still in love, he will initiate contact. Let him make the first move. Do not under any circumstances message him. Show him by your actions that you are changing. You never know as you continue to do NC, he could have a change of heart. If he’s still in love with you, his heart will lead him back to you. So don’t worry. At the moment, he’s sorting out his feelings and needs peace and he is also transforming into a better person. During this time, he will be doing a lot of thinking about your relationship. And if he’s still in love, you will always be in the back of his mind. Both of you will be doing a lot of growing (spiritually and emotionally) while you are apart. The both of you will be learning and analyzing what it takes to have a good relationship and what the hell went wrong.
I can see that you feel panicky that you lost him for good. Every person that gets broken up with feels that sick-to-your-stomach panic. Just tell yourself that no one knows what the future holds. Your goal is to learn from the past and figure out how you can make your life more awesome without him in it. You can do it. By the time you get into the next relationship (with him or maybe with someone way better), you will have transformed in ways you couldn’t even imagine because of all the things you learned from your failed relationship.
As for him being friends with you and not his other exes, this shows you that he still cares about you. He just doesn’t know how to be in your life when you act this crazy so he retreated to his man cave and exited the relationship. If you two are the type where you pretend to be friends after NC but in reality, both of you actually love each other-your friendship will develop into a relationship naturally.
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