HELP ME!!

He needs time and space and he is still angry so you should not expect to hear anything for awhile. When those hard moments come you need to try to keep yourself occupied, go for walk, meet a friend for coffee or chat, if no one is available go to cinema alone, gym or read or clean sometimes cleaning is really therapeutic least to me because normally I hate it : ). The first days are hardest but instead of obsessing about what he said in an email when he was angry and frustrated or about will he give you a chance or not think about what you can do to improve in you what steps should you take, make plans that dont involve him.Something that you have wanted to learn or do. I went to a sailing course when I broke up and it helped me to meet people and learn a skill I had wanted to long time. Do a free course or something like that. Anything that takes your thoughts away from him and this situation least for couple hours is good.

Think of it this way – he is without question expecting you to react in a crazy fashion and to hear from you constantly….if you flip it around and all of a sudden you are doing the complete opposite to how you usually react you will gain power. He will notice not hearing from you far far more than hearing from you constantly…it will make him think about you more because he will wonder what’s happened to you. This is a huge step in getting him back on side. It will show him how quickly you are willing to make improvements (you must make improvements though to show him at a later date and not just fake it) I would say its very likely you will speak again but he will not want to until he feels there is a new calmer you and when you are at that point it will come across as inviting and attractive and he will be pleased to see you.
I get the pain – its horrendous I have never gone through anything like it in my life. I was with my partner for 14years and had just bought a house together and puff with out warning – gone and his hasnt spoken to me for 2 months – its pure agony. I have panic attacks and huge levels of anxiety. my whole future has disappeared into thin air with out warning and I am a lost lost soul. I also completely get that others around you whether it be family or friends do not understand as much as they may think they do. You have to take people opinions with a pinch of salt as only you know your relationship, your feelings and thoughts.
Write things down every day when youre upset to let it out. Work on something productive like a letter you may write after NC saying you have been working on yourself and also an apology for your behaviour. Think of how you would like to represent yourself when you do eventually speak or meet, imagine it and believe it and work hard to be that vision when you do get their and meet him.
He will be missing you and thinking of you every day in the mean time and you have that for peice of mind while you work on stuff. It is a great comfort if only a little one. You cant work out what is on his mind or what his thoughts are because at the moment it is likely he doesnt know himself – he will though – give him chance and show him how understanding you can be.
Regards to the emails, don’t regret whats done you cant change the fact that you sent those now and it doesnt really matter when he receives / reads them. The likely hood is that he will delete them any way due to the shear amount sent. And when I say that this is a real bonus for you, you don’t want him to read 50 emails. You want him to delete them to create a clean slate.
Also dont worry about the email. Its very difficult to read which tone it was written in. Yes it was clinical but at that point it would be odd to show feelings whilst also attempting to break up with you. That email was written in that way to help him deal with it and not to hurt you although it feels like it. The friendship comment means nothing at all and is something that is just said – it was neither a negative nor a positive – ignore that part of the email. You’ll see him again – dont rush it this time – if and when you get back together you want it to be solid and to never happen again. x

Yes you need to stick to NC no matter what anniversaries happen, he is expecting you to act like clingy person and when you do opposite and show him that you can manage just fine that will make you super attractive and him re-think that yes you can work on your issues and change those bad patterns and have the trusting loving relationship instead of gf who constantly questions what he does thinks etc. Nothing drives man a way faster than clingy needy person. Also instead of worrying about these friendship words think of it this way instead of being a bad thing it is good he wants to have you in his life and unlike his ex girlfriends that makes you different from them so it is positive thing not negative because I personally want my lover to also be my friend. Not something where if he has issues like the phone or maybe something at work (men are funny creatures they like to be seen the strong one and don’t always share problems until they have to)and he pulls away a bit or is not as attentive as usual and then his girlfriend immediately assumes issue is the relationship oh my god he will leave me and bombards him with messages he will feel hurt and anger due to mistrust and also angry because no one likes behavior like that. So what he needs is time to cool off and like others have said he expects you to prove him right and start bombarding him again. When you do the opposite it will make him think of you more wonder what is going on which is what you want right? And then when you are ready with self improvements you want to achieve you approach him calmly and suggest meeting to catch up like friends he is more receptive and will find this new and improved you much more attractive. The NC time only feels long because you miss him but in reality it is very short time when you think of how much time is spent working and doing mundane every day life things. So instead of comparing what was different last time you broke up with this time etc. Think of rather what kind of relationship I want with him, how do I change my negative behaviors so I dont repeat them.What do I love about him and why do I want to be with him ? What do I like about myself and what not and how do I improve those negatives so I like myself to be happy in my own skin with or without him.I do feel that this is not in anyway yet lost cause or lost relationship but it just cannot continue the way it has so time, nc and self development are your answers to happy outcome and like pixiepie said write things down to get an out let. Start a journal the things you want to say to him, put them in that journal and then closer to end of NC read those things again and you can see change for better. You can do it.

He stayed with you because he loves you, but everyone has that breaking point when it gets too much and that is what happened here. So the positive he loves you, negative is the bad patterns. So if you work on the ones you are causing you have a chance and if not then it still is good thing because in net relationship you would not repeat them either. But start with one step and focus on. Remember that none of your feelings are bad thing, you are human and it is okay to feel what you feel.I actually read this pretty good article about happiness. http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/apr/10/un-international-day-of-happiness-makes-me-miserable

Journal, emails what ever works and helps you is a good idea. You should remember that this is about you loving you and knowing that you like everyone else at times struggles with issues but you want to work on those and that is great. How to suggest meeting is also something you can think about, you are your third day of NC so you dont need to have all the answers now. You have time to figure it out. Regarding self esteem think about anything in your past situations that have made you loose the self esteem because it is clear that you have also had it. And not trusting anyone what caused it? Something happened sometimes that made it happen? That is why you should do stuff that makes you feel good, fabulous and confident. Feeling of achievement is something that can make you self confident. I lost my confidence once and I took time out I was working in a very high position crazy hours and was so overworked that I lost my self belief that I am good at what I do and that for me was like small death I got depressed. So I knew I either do something or lose myself and I took a step so resign my job, retreat back to my hometown, found a job there and figured out who I was again. And I found me I am not saying that you should do so drastic steps as I did but just taking time to figure out who you are, what you really want for you and what kind of person you want to be and why dont you trust people. I mean I have been hurt and people have lied to me and for any years I was cautious to open up in relationship always kept something to myself and that was the reason my relationships failed. Until learned to open even though it was scary. The only thing you can do is to give your trust to person and if they break it shame on them, in that case you did nothing wrong and yes it hurts but it should not mean that you dont trust anyone after that so figure out what happened that made you loose trust in all others and work on dealing with that because it is baggage like that can make up mess up relationships. I know I sure have with y fear of being lied to and left until no longer because I know I cannot force anyone to be with me, I cannot make people love me or stay with me unless they want to and more importantly I cannot control other peoples actions but only my own reaction to them and first think then act. I use to be quite the opposite so you can break these patterns it just takes time and you deserve loving and happy relationship where you both give and take and if you say he is the man to do it with then you have a goal to work on. First deal with those fears and negative patterns, then get your confidence back and how could he not find you attractive and someone he wants to be with again and this time make it work an long lasting.