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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 25 total)
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  • #72084

    Louise84
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 10

    So this is my story.

    I was dating this girl on and off for 6 months, one min she would be hot, the next she would be cold. We did have a great bond apart from this, and spent a lot of time together and want on holiday together. She always said that she wasn’t ready for anything but her words and actions never matched.

    She would say she didn’t want anything serious, but spent all her time with me, and said how much she likes me and being in my company.

    Because of her hot and cold behaviour, this used to make my question stuff, and then she would back off, and then we would row because of my questioning.

    We fell out in December then she came back as friends only, but we ended up sleeping together and spending a few nights together, she then backed off again.

    Then came back as friends and had another bust up, she now says she wants space until end of Jan to think about things.
    Today I got some tickets for a show and asked if she would like to come with me tomorrow, she said yes but wants the space again after we have been to the theatre.

    Any input and answers would help me so much, thank you

    #72128

    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2027

    @louise84 – She was in a relationship with another woman for 7 years, out of it for a year, and with another woman when you met her 6 months ago. There’s a saying that it takes about half as long to get over it completely. It might be that she was not completely over the 7 year relationship when you met. You questioned her too much thereby putting pressure on her even after she told you she didn’t want anything serious. You really need to have more respect for her request for space. I know you care about her, but please consider going very slow when you seeing her again and DO NOT pressure her! Go with the flow and be patient! Allow her time to trust that you won’t nag her and get into arguments about it. A good relationship does not run hot and cold. If and when she’s ready for something serious, I’m sure she will let you know. But for now, be patient and don’t consume every free moment of her time. Best of luck..

    #72131

    Louise84
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 10

    @patricia12 thank you for getting back to me. Ha how did you know she was in another relationship? I am going to go slow now and respect the space

    #72133

    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2027

    @louise84 – Your first post had the information about her former relationship.
    I hope all goes well and that you’ll both be happy again:)

    #72135

    Louise84
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 10

    @patricia12 do you think I still stand a chance here, or will just remain a friendship

    #72138

    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2027

    @louise – Yes, I think you might have a chance if you go slow and stop pestering her. Many times friendship builds to a deep love if both treat each other well and they both feel good about the connection.

    #72139

    Louise84
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 10

    @patricia12 but she has said friendship only nothing more and things have to change

    #72140

    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2027

    @louise – She might mean nothing more for now.. Did she say what things have to change?

    #72143

    Louise84
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 10

    @patricia12 she said that we cant be in contact all the time, spend so much time together, and that she wants to talk by email only at the moment, as she has me blocked on everything. She said all the rows and stuff have scared her, and she doesn’t want to get drunk with me anymore. She said just friends it cant go back to the way it ever was as it doesn’t work

    #72148

    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2027

    @louise – I think you smothered her and she needs space like in only occasional contact for the time being. Emails are fine, but not everyday. If the arguments were mostly due to you bombarding her with questions, that’s an easy fix for you, just stop asking the questions. As to any other arguments, you know what they were about, so improve yourself where you feel it’s needed. I also suggest STOP getting drunk! Of course it doesn’t work now, but you can make it better.

    #72151

    Louise84
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 10

    @patricia12 of course I agree with what you have said above and thank you! There is a reason why we keep coming back to each other, I just want to gain her trust through a friendship and if anything happens after then great

    #72206

    Sansa
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 45

    I just was recently dumped by my girlfriend of over 7 months after about a month long break. I totally understand what you’re going through right now, as she and I both need some space.

    However, she said in one of her emails that she can’t imagine never seeing me again and wants me in her life as a friend, which killed me.

    I asked her maybe we could try again in the future, but she said that she had a previous relationship in which she got back together with an ex but it ended again. I was sort of taken aback by this, since she is gay and this was a relationship she had with a boy back in high school (I’m 24, and she’s 25).

    She texted me this past Tuesday, but I have decided to enter the NC phase and see how that goes.

    How can you come back as friends and still hope for something more??

    #72267

    Lou84
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 23

    @sansa @patricia12 we are in the same boat. I met mine on Saturday and she kept saying she just wants to be friends and if I want more then we call it quits now. She has all the control. Do I continue being friends and try build the relationship from this or do something different ?

    #72268

    Lou84
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 23

    @sansa @patricia12 we are in the same boat. I met mine on Saturday and she kept saying she just wants to be friends and if I want more then we call it quits now. She has all the control. Do I continue being friends and try build the relationship from this or do something different ?

    #72271

    send_me_your_memes
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 19

    @sansa @lou84 Don’t remain friends while you want them back romantically for several reasons…

    First, it can cause you a lot of emotional turmoil seeing them regularly but knowing you’re not together – especially if, as friends, your ex starts talking to you about other romances. Second, it will not force them to miss you at all if you’re around. Third, it completely changes the dynamic of your relationship – they’ll start seeing you as a friend, even if you see them as a potential lover. Fourth, if you’ve already made it clear that you want them back and remain friends, it can make you seem weak and insecure to them (even if it’s subconscious) that you’re willing to be around in a way you don’t want, just to see them.

    Granted, every situation is different, but there’s a reason almost every article and site about getting an ex back (not just this) recommends going No Contact for a little while – it works far better than staying in regular contact.

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