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Posts
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@send_me_your_memes I thought being friends, could make her see me in a better light with changes I have made, and also best relationships come frome friendships?
@send_me_your_memes I have been No Contact for almost a week now, and I think she knows that I will always love her more than just a friend. She’s very hard to read.
I was hoping that she would’ve messaged me by now, but so far nothing.
Please see my own thread for more details.
yeah I read your thread, I just don’t understand why they want to be just friends only, and can go from having a relationship, dating etc to just friends
@Louise84 @Sansa Look, every situation, and person, is different. Is it possible that by remaining friends with your exes, they’ll change their minds, see you in a different light, and beg you to come back while seeing you regularly and not having their subconscious make them miss you? Sure. But it’s unlikely. Even if you are making positive changes in your life, they’re probably gradual enough that if you see your ex very regularly, she won’t even notice…
You’e on a message board of a site that strongly advocates No Contact for several weeks – it’s a logical conclusion that most people here will adhere to it. You’ll also find, that if you Google around for sites like this, they almost all, uniformly, recommend No Contact from the people running them doing research and finding what works/doesn’t work. I’m inclined to follow the experts’ advice. You can either take it or leave it, but know that what you’re currently doing is not working, so why not try something new?
@send_me_your_memes Well even tho we are friends now and shes still being short I just thought I’m not gonna reply to her anymore and then today she sent this email….. why you feel she sent this
Not sure what time you finish work. I’m feeling really guilty now. I hope you understand and realise I’m not trying to be horrible and I know you’re doing nice things. I really want us to be friends. I’m sorry if I am sounding cold and harsh in texts. I don’t mean too and I’m looking forward to cinema and the chilli was a lovely idea. So thank you for offering. I’m sorry Louise : (
My guess is that she legitimately does want to be your friend, knows you want to be more than friends, and feels bad that her romantic rejections hurt your feelings. Which likely means that you seeing her as friends will reinforce to her that you’re friends, and only friends.
We’re talking in circles here – it’s up to you but I still highly recommend going No Contact. That’s the only way she’ll miss you.
@send_me_your_memes but she’s saying sorry for her cold behaviour I think. Anyway I will start no contact from now
@send_me_your_memes @sansa We ended up meeting tonight and had a nice time had a long chat and she said to make a friendship work we have to be honest about how we feel. I said I still have feelings and want it how it was I asked her what’s stopping her having it how it was. She said cos off all the rows that’s all. So do I still have a chance fixing this
@Lou84 This is going to sound harsh and mean, but you need some tough love right now. You keep on asking me the exact same thing, I tell you the same answer, and you refuse to accept what I (and this site, and similar sites) say, asking me again and hoping the facts will magically change.
Here are the facts. Your ex ended things with you – not your choice, hers, and she hasn’t changed her mind. You’re still occasionally seeing her in a friendly and non-romantic setting, hoping that it will make her reconsider and take you back as her boyfriend. It obviously isn’t. In fact, you apparently met up with her and told her you still have feelings, which is hugely in contrast with what Kevin’s site suggests. What you are doing is not working. Remaining friends with your ex and assuming she’ll fall back in love with you seems to be counterproductive, as she clearly told you she does not have the same feelings, and arguing with her to take you back is needy and unattractive.
Albert Einstein said that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Right now, your approach is insane! Nobody can guarantee if your ex will take you back, but your consistently seeing her and telling her you care about her is putting you in a worse and worse spot. Seriously, read Kevin’s site – he calls them deadly mistakes, and you’re doing them. Consistently.
My advice to you: effective immediately, go No Contact for at least 30 days. If she contacts you, short of her saying she wants you back so let’s become a couple again or at least go on a date, you ignore. Period. She might start to see you as less needy than she does now, and this will grow her attraction to you. Once the 30 days ends, slowly reach back out to her – instead of doing what you’ve been doing, follow Kevin’s plan. Submit your e-mail to get his daily advice too if you haven’t already, it’s helpful stuff.
I’m not trying to sound like an asshole, but the fact you’re asking me the exact same thing over and over, I’m giving you the same answer, and you’re rephrasing your question to me is getting pretty frustrating. This is the last time I’ll respond on this thread, it will be good for both of our sanity. If you do in fact go No Contact for thirty days and then have new questions, feel free to ask them. But in the meantime, you seriously need to go No Contact and improve yourself. Good luck.
At the Saturday meet up, she reinforced the fact that she just wants to be friends and if you want more, then you and she should call it quits. Four days later you ask to meet up to go for chili and see a movie? I have a feeling you’re the one who brought up the conversation about friendship. She already knew you had feelings for her, but then you made a HUGE mistake of telling her you want it how it was! An even WORSE mistake was asking her what’s stopping her from having it how it was!! You ALREADY knew the answer to that one: too much fighting! You’ve only known each other for about 6 months and she told you she didn’t want anything serious. You were dating, but not in a relationship. Instead of taking things slowly, you nagged and questioned her too much and got into fights about it. That’s why she asked for space. You’re a nice person, but she got sick and tired of your questions and fighting. You said you were going to try and prove she could trust you not to nag, but you haven’t changed and you continue to nag her. If you keep it up, she will tell you to move on and that she doesn’t want to see you again. If you can’t handle being a friend and get control of your emotions, stop contacting her.
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