I cheated but she reaches out to me

To whoever is willing to help,

I hate to be the person here looking for help.(don’t deserve it). I recently, as in less than two weeks ago made the biggest mistake of my life. I had cheated on my fiance 3 months before our destination wedding in Cancun, while she was on her bachelorlette party.(As bad as it gets) I’m sure I will get ridiculed because not only did I cheat, I also have had issues with pornography, and lying about so many stupid little things that were not necessary. When she questioned me about the girl I lied through my teeth as well, until I was caught and then finally confessed everything. I have came to realize I have an in issue with self- control. I’ve gotten into the habit of just doing whatever I want because typically I would just lie about it, move on, and bury it. Although I hate the fact that I completely flipped her life upside down and crushed her. I also have realized that It took this horrible of a situation to realize my problem and immaturity. I have since visited a therapist and will continue to as well. I don’t ever want to put someone, especially her if I ever get the chance, or myself though this ever again. Since the initial shock has happened I have came 100% clean with everything to her. She has repeatedly let me know that we are done and over. We have communicated a few times. Sometimes its, “I hope shes prego” “Hope you got an std” “easier if you died” etc.. Which I have owned up to and accepted her rage. But sometimes its”how are you doing” “Go get your mind off of it” “why does life have to be so hard” I can tell she is hurting really bad and reaching out because she misses me and feels bad, but she is a very strong woman. She is 100% fighting every urge to text me.
Long story somewhat shorter, I want her back. I have literally crushed the heart of the person I truly care about and lost all trust. I have zero ties with the girl I had the one night stand with and want nothing to do with anyone but her. I keep hearing about the no contact rule and it literally is the hardest thing not to go crazy and beg and beg and beg! I have been abiding the nc rule but then she reaches out. I feel like I cant ignore in this situation. What is the proper route to take. Do I let her know I don’t think we should talk for a little while?….Also scared shitless she is going to move on. I would appreciate any help I can get, even though it is not deserved.