I kissed my best friend but I have a boyfriend!

Hi, so I’m in a predicament here. I’m dating this guy, we will call him Jim. We met this past December up at school. School happens to be seven hours away from home for me, while for him it’s only about an hour. We started dating in January after winter break. Things were great, as they usually are at the start of a relationship. But about two months in little things started to bother me. He was very lazy, unhealthy, had a different sense of humor, immature,clingy, and kinda mean. I was starting to question our relationship but then he tore his ACL and felt like it would be wrong for me to leave him at such a though time. Fast forward to now, we have been together for 4 months, he’s had his ACL surgery, and we are on summer break from school. We agreed to try long distance. This past month was my birthday and he got us tickets for Disney, which was nice but I thought that was a big commitment especially since I haven’t already been feeling things. But also on my birthday he got mad because we had not talked much that day and when I explained to him I had been busy celebrating with family and friends he said “well your birthday isn’t an excuse.” I was very hurt by that. When I tried to talk to him about it he made it out to seem like his reaction was my fault. He always has an excuse for everything he does. Like he can’t ever just say sorry. I’ve grown very distant from him. He’s become angry about it. Yesterday he said that I only care about my friends, which is not true cuz I also care about my family obviously and I still do care about him I just don’t know if I do romantically anymore. He followed that statement with I should spend more time talking to him which I think sounded possessive. He has anger problems as well so sometimes it’s hard to talk things out with him. I’ve currently been going to therapy to learn to deal with my own anger problems but I feel like he’s holding my progress back because when I try to apply the things I’ve learned, they back fire and he gets more upset so then, not wanting to resort back to old ways, I don’t know how to respond so I just hang my head and take it. I know he cares about me so much and I feel horrible that I feel this way but I’m just not happy.

Then tonight, my best friend, we will call him Matt, asked me to come over to talk. I knew what it was going to be about; his feelings towards me. He’d been flirty since I’d been back and over winter break had even mentioned his feelings for me. I’ve had a huge crush on Matt forever but I’ve just pushed it to the back cuz I’m worried about ruining the friendship. Matt his a great guy but he doesn’t have a very stable base. He never went to school, and doesn’t have a very stable job. He also can still act pretty immature when it comes to relationships. I’m also worried he won’t be able to deal with the distance. After I talked to him tonight it seems like he’s matured towards relationships and expressed how he feels he can make the long distance work. I, stupidly, also expressed how I felt about him. Then he kissed me and I kissed him back. I feel horribly guilty cause currently I am still committed to Jim. I even expressed to Matt that before we preceded any further I need to figure things out with Jim. I’m supposed to go to Jims on the 8th and t stay wth him for about 4 days and then come back home with a friend of mine who also lives near him from school.

I’m just really confused and my heart is going tow different ways because what if I make the wrong decision and regret leaving him. Also I’m concerned that if I persue things with Matt things could end badly and I could lose my best friend.