-
Posts
-
So… after NC ended, I sent him a message for Xmas and his birthday and planned to leave it at that. He answered immediately, he told me some news in his life that is commected to something we used to talk about. I expressed I am happy this thing turned out to be okay. He again immediately responded and asked me how I was. I told him I was back at my parents’ and was enjoying my time off from work. I asked how he was… and that’s it, no answer for days. This made me really sad. I see from comments and posts that this is fairly commom but it really upsets me.
Happy holidays, everyone! I hope you have had a wonderful time!
@Solaine – Apparently he really doesn’t want two-way communication. Maybe it was just a friendly gesture to ask how you are. Continue no contact and yes, please keep us posted..
Hope you had a nice Christmas and will have a wonderful new year:)Thank you, the holidays have been nice, as nice as they get in times like these.
I am continuing with no contact into the new year for sure. As he has a lot of things at mine that he didn’t take yet (which I find strange as I learnt he’d found a place) so we will need to talk about that. I will avoid seeing him I think though.
I will see if he’ll answer at any point or message for the new year. I do not expect anything at this point.
I am still thinking about what I want. I might at some point try to restart our connection but at the moment I prefer to focus on my career change and meditation and so on.I think it’s rude for him to just not respond to you. If he didn’t want to respond, he should say doesn’t want to. Seems like a lousy way to treat someone you’ve been in a relationship with for that long.
Of course I’m a bit hypocritical saying that because I’ve not responded to emails sent to me but I justify it as different. I did it when it hurt too much to reply and I eventually did when I could, after a few days. Maybe its the same for him where he doesn’t know what to say or doesn’t want to hurt you. But if so, he could explain that. It doesn’t seem like that’s the case.
Not responding at all to something you write must make you feel like he doesn’t care at all, not even enough to respond. You originally said you broke up due to communication issues and he didn’t give you a chance. Did you feel the communication issues were on your side or his? It seems like he’s the one with the issues communicating as it doesn’t seem like he’s treating you respectfully.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I agree that it was rude… I answered his messages because I find it rude not to, especially when the topic is so neutral. He could have said Me too and bye for now if he didn’t want to chat, especially as he had initiated the conversation.Yes, as I mentioned, we had communication issues. I was also at fault because I also caused drama by putting a lot of work stress into the relationship etc. and said hurtful things. I wasn’t happy and in a good place, I wasn’t myself. He had issues with communicating when he was upset and why and never let things go but buried everything inside. No way of talking things out. Also had some passive aggressive tendencies, and I feel not answering actually fits that somehow. Or maybe he wants to hurt me which can be an answer to some of my behavior. Things that should have been discussed in the relationship or let go of with the break up.
It’s exactly because of the, let’s say, different approaches to communication and arguments and conflict resolution that I am focusing on moving on and rebuilding a healthier and happier life. I am remembering the beautiful moments and feelings and know he is a great person. But also the strange way how he is (not) communicating about taking his belongings from my place shows that in bad emotional situations he cannot communicate.
Happy New Year, here’s to a better and happy 2018 to all readers!It’s been a while. I still miss him and part of me wants to overlook the fundamental differences we had in our thinking about finances, communication etc. But that’s not a good train of thought.
So… after 2m I messaged him letting him know he got some paperwork by post and official docs and that I can mail them or he can pick them up (he still got keys at that point…). He answered about picking up his stuff as well and went into great detail about how he’s organising transport. I don’t care which friend of yours I don’t know will lend his car etc.!
I specifically asked him to let me know in advance when he’s coming. He gave a vague response then didn’t address my question and for 3 days he messaged from my appartment only asking for where stuff was. I had sent him a list with all the places the boxes I’d packed were.I found it rude that he didn’t even send a text ‘I’m coming today after work so 6ish’ or smg.
He was also looking for specific stuff, I repeated where that might be, and then he left the whole bag containing it there. It was on the list (think ‘blue trash bag above the shoe rack’) so I have to assume he has changed his mind and I can throw that away.I have a friend staying with me (his suitcases made his presence obvious – overseas guest) and my ex made a patronizing/bitter comment about him not taking care of smg in the appartment which was clearly a mistake made by my guest . But it was a thing that happens when you are staying at someone’s and definitely not my ex’s business. I think he was hurt by seeing that my appartment looks cleaner and nicer than ever and I already had a guest staying. This doesn’t at all mean that I don’t care or not hurt or anything but he chose to react in such a hurtful way.
I might still post when something happens.I messaged him about the things he left behind. He said I could keep them. So I’m officially out of his stuff yay!
You said before you had some communication issues yourself but you don’t seem to have any on here and seem to be dealing with everything really well. He’s been the one with the issues not responding, not telling you when he is coming over, etc. I hope you’re out there meeting other people. You’ll find someone who will care about you as much as you care about them.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.