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Boards Reconciliation Is there a chance for me to get back with my ex

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Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
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  • #72712

    Dnwh
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 7

    Hi, I apologise if I’m spamming all over the this site.

    My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me yesterday, stating that this past 2 years has been exhausting and tiring for her. she has stated that she has given me chance after chance to improve on my lifestyle (not working and just lazing around) and to really plan and work for our future together but has seen no such change. She facetimed me crying and told me that after thinking about it for such a long time and living up to some much continous disappoinments that she was ending things with me. She has also stated that she was feeling more pain than joy in the relationship

    I’m feeling incredibly devastated and upset with myself, that I didnt wake up my idea after the countless numbers of times she has given me chance to. I’ve asked her that what if she saw a prominent change in me, whether she would take me back and give us another go knowing that i would not change back to my old lifestyle and really plan for a proper future with her (Her trust in me has been crushed to the point where she mention to me that while i did change a little after some talk with her, each encounter always reverts back to its old habits.), her answer to me was that if i did change for the better and continued staying that way, that she would be happy for the next girl that comes along in my life cause she knows that I will protect the next girl from feeling this pain she was feeling, and that sadly she wont be there beside me anymore. She says that she still loves me but she has to let me go as she feels we are not compatitable. I feel so incredibly disheartened and crushed, feeling that i will never ever get the chance to make her change her mind and take me back.

    Do i even have a chance of winning her back and changing her mind? i really really dont want to lose such an incredible girl and it took such a painful way to realise that I really do love her and serious about this relationship. please do give me your advice if you have any, i would do anything to work on myself not just solely for the thought of winning her back but for myself too.

    #72765

    Dnwh
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 7

    I have finally found a job and started working on myself, I’ve started doing more productive things during my free time instead of lazing around and being cooped up at home(I’ve been exercising, went to sign up for my degree course etc), I am nowhere near changed in character and the things she said that I need to work on but I am progressing and learning to be more responsible.

    Do you think that there’s a possibility that she will take me back? I know I’m making changes because I want to win her back, but I also realised that’s not only reason I’m doing this, it’s because I also want to change for myself.

    #72768

    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2060

    @dnwh – How old are you? I’m assuming you live at home with your parents. It’s a good thing you’re taking the initiative to better yourself to become a more responsible person. When did you get the job? Is it full time? What degree did you sign up fore? It’s not a good sign that she said she felt more pain than joy in the relationship. But maybe not all hope is lost yet. Continue to improve..

    #72769

    Dnwh
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 7

    Hi I’m turning 24 this year and she’s a year younger than me. And yes I’m living with my parents. The job is a full time temporary one until I start my degree course (degree in logistics). Do you have any advice for me? Like what do I wait for her to contact me or? I’m really afraid that she might forget about me during this period of time (sorry I’m really really in experience when t comes to things about girls) it’s almost close to a week since we last contacted each other.

    #72771

    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2060

    @dnwh – Is the degree course 4 years? Do you intend to work part time while going to school? What have you been doing for 6 years since graduating from high school? You wrote your ex broke up with you on the 11th so why do you say the last contact is close to a week? Besides telling you she’s done after giving you so many chances and that she won’t ever be by your side again, did she ask you not to contact her? If so, don’t contact her and get on with your life to improve yourself and become a man who stands on his own. Also ask your parents for advice..

    #72772

    Dnwh
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 7

    Hi sorry, I typed wrongly regarding the day she she broke up with me.. it was last Thursday.

    My degree course is only 18months in total as I am pursuing a private degree course.

    Of the 6 years, the first 2 I further studied to get a cert after completing my Sec school, upon which after 5 months I was drafted into national service for the next 2 years.

    I worked for a little (roughly around 2 months) while after completing my ns before I went to a private Uni to get a diploma(6 months diploma course). It was after the completion of my diploma course that I started to laze around the next few months (I couldn’t remember how Long) before she told me to find a job.

    I managed to find one after a few weeks, working for approximately 6 months. I quit the job in the mid of December last year as her family had invited my on a 2 week overseas trip(I also felt I was getting a little under paid hence one of the other reasons why I left the job), I had plans to get back to school to pursue a degree course straight after the trip but my course was only starting end April of this year so during this time for some shitty unknown reason, I went back to my old habit of not looking for a job and started lazing around again. And no she didn’t say to not contact her.

    #72773

    Dnwh
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 7

    sorry I left out some details which you have asked me. My private course is a full time Program, so it really depends if I’m able to cope with my studies, if im able to then I’ll look for a part time job. And I just remember I had another job before the one I quit in December last year, it was not a proper one though as all I did was help give flyers around in hopes to earn a little income. So yea, that’s about it.

    #72778

    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2060

    @dnwh
    Seems you were busy over the years and start school in 2 1/2 months which will last 18 months. But there were some down times in which you lazed around. By “lazed around” do you mean that you became addicted to video games? I’ve heard other stories where a girl left a guy because gaming was his main focus. If not, what specifically does laze around mean? Did you neglect your ex? What other reasons did she give for leaving you? Work on those reasons to improve yourself.

    #72780

    Dnwh
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 7

    More so of just getting cooped up at home and basically just not doing anything other than watching show eating and sleeping (I’m really ashamed to say this).. I definitely didn’t neglect her that’s for sure. In fact I was so free at the time that she just felt that I was wasting away my time doing the things that I mentioned above.

    She just feels that I have no life goals and I wasn’t being the man of the relationship, that I give her empty promises.

    There were times where we had those serious talks about our future life together and her bringing the problem across to me.. and I know I’m at fault at this because even though I changed after those talks we had, I would slowly digress back to what I was.

    But now after all that happen, I’ve woken up my ideas and started to work on changing those parts of me. I’m just really want her to know that she really is something important to me and that I really had thought about our future together.

    #72799

    Dnwh
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 7

    Hi, I was talking to a few of my friends and they have identified what was the main reason as to why we broke up. They’ve said that I needed to really take ownership and man up in the relationship. They have stated that I couldn’t let her be the stronger and more braver one of the relationship, and that girls want someone who they can find security and assurance in. This was what I have recently learnt, and I will work on those area.. do you think a 30 day no contact is sufficient enough or should I do it shorter/longer? I know that change doesn’t happen in 30 days but I would like to let her have some assurance that I am progressing bit by bit. I would take things slower with her this time given that she’s willing to start over again.

    #72801

    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2060

    @dnwh – What exactly does “take ownership” and “man up” mean? And what does couldn’t let her be the “stronger and braver” one mean? How would you show those behaviors? A relationship is a two way street of respect and sometimes compromises. Women who are interested in getting married and starting a family want a guy who has a steady job/career. You are in the process of accomplishing that, aren’t you. You can’t establish yourself until you start and finish the degree course which will take 18 months. Does she know your plans? What changes are you progressing toward bit by bit??

    You asked her if she saw change, would she take you back and her answer was that if you did change for the better and continued staying that way, that she would be happy for the next girl that comes along in your life. So it sounds like she’s given up on you and wants to move on. But you could try contacting her in 30 days and letting her know what changes you’re trying to make in your behaviors and your plans for your future career.

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