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Posts
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Hello,
so my ex girlfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. Everything was just very weird, we dated for 2.5 years and then after 2-3 weeks of being on bad terms, she said that she loved me but she wasn’t in love with me. Like I said, it was very strange because just before that we had just gotten back from a Seattle trip where we had an awesome time together, and spent a good time on my birthday as well. We started being on bad terms a week after my birthday when both of us were back in school. She tells everyone that the spark just fell off, she doesn’t know how but it just happened, but after 2.5 years of a beautiful relationship it’s very hard to believe that. I mean, just like any other couple we had our ups and downs, but nothing big that we couldn’t get through as a couple and move forward in the relationship. She’s a girl from home and cares a lot about her image so I know it’s not someone else that came into her life because she wouldn’t look good in front of her family if she brings someone else after I’ve met the whole family and especially after just after breaking up with someone. Also I know when she’s in a relationship, she wouldn’t let anybody get in it to try to ruin it. Basically, after that we decided to try to work things out, things were going great until 2 weeks later, during a weekend, we started to talk about how things were going in the relationship and she started to say sometimes is going well and sometimes it’s not(when technically things were going well) and she decided to break things up. I made the mistake of texting her twice a couple of days after, once to say hi and hope she was doing okay, and the other one to ask her if we could talk and have some sort of friend conversation as of where we stand. But I still got no reply. So for these past two weeks my head has been thinking all day about where we stand, if we’re gonna be friends or she doesn’t want me in her life anymore. We had a beautiful relationship, so for her to not wanna know anything about me is just crazy to think. So yesterday I waited for her by her car in school and asked her to talk but she didn’t want to talk. I asked her if she’s ever gonna contact me again, or if she doesn’t want me in her life anymore but all she replied was I don’t know. Yeah it was a mistake doing that but I had to get something to feel better which I do know. I still want to get this girl back, we had a beautiful relationship but for her to end it like that, leaves many questions. I’ve talked to friends and they all think she’s going thru something but didn’t want me involved in it, but I wonder how bad it could be that made her want to end or give up a 2.5 year relationship. I’m definitely not gonna make any more contact with her but how long should I wait? If she is going thru something I would like to help her but none of her friends know anything. She’s told all of them the same thing, that it just happened and the spark fell off. During these 2.5 year she put 100% effort into the relationship and she believed in the idea of lasting a lifetime so for her to end t like that was very strange. But yesterday when I talked to her she was very cold, not the same girl I met so definitely felt like she had something going on in her life. If that’s the case I want to help her but I don’t know how. Do you think she’s forgotten about me already? That fast? After 2.5 years? I know she’s been going out a lot lately but i don’t know if that’s to force herself to forget about me or to clear her mind. Do you think what I did yesterday ruined the chances of getting her back or her reaching out to me any time soon? I know this is the relationship that she always wanted, and she made me believe as well as showed me that she loved me and was willing to do anything to last a lifetime so it was very strange the way things ended. I don’t get why she would give up like that on a 2.5 year relationship when everything was amazing, we traveled to many places, as well as her with her friends only, I gave her the freedom that she wanted so i don’t know what could’ve changed. Maybe things got boring in the relationship, but she always said that we had to focus in school to live the life we both dreamed of. But like I said we had just gotten back from a trip and spent an awesome birthday, I don’t know what could’ve changed. Do you think there’s still a chance of getting her back?@louis94 – After being together for 2.5 years, she won’t forget you. I don’t know what you mean by being on “bad terms”, but if it means too many arguments, that is one of the main reasons for break ups. People want happiness in a relationship and if other issues are frequent, it makes for unhappiness and people will walk away from that relationship. Try no contact for at least 30 days and then contact her to ask how she’s doing and take it from there. Nobody knows if there’s a chance to get her back and trying to guess what might be going on with her is fruitless. Focus on yourself and make improvements where you think you should. Good luck..
Hello, by bad terms I mean we just weren’t sweet talking as we usually did due to we had a disagreement on hanging out. I wanted to hang out during the little free time that we had but she didn’t want to do anything. We were talking coldly for two weeks basically. And when I decided to fix things she said she felt like she was drifting away from me. But in 2 weeks, it’s very hard to believe. We had a beautiful relationship, barely any arguments but if we did, they were very stupid but nothing to the point of yelling at each other or anything of that level. And from this time that I’ve known her, she wouldn’t have done anything to ruin the relationship, that’s why it’s hard to think that she ended things this way, saying that she didn’t feel anything for me anymore. I really want to get her back, and I believe there’s a chance to get her back but I feel like the longer I wait, the faster she’ll stop having feelings for me.
@louis94 – Bad terms, disagreements, and arguments are basically the same as they involve negative feelings, not happy ones. When she didn’t want to hang out or do anything, you could have accepted her wishes by saying; Okay, another time then. But apparently she was upset with your response. Afterwards, she talked coldly, but so did you to keep the negativity going for two weeks. And arguments over stupid things shouldn’t happen. It takes two people to prolong the negativity unless on of them resolves it in a positive respectful manner. If there were more negative things going on rather than happy and positive, it’s understandable that she would lose some feelings for you and want to break up. It’s not something she suddenly decided even though you might think so. The thoughts of breaking up have been brewing for some time. Right now she’s upset and doesn’t want to talk and needs time to cool down, so send a short message that you want no contact for about a month to give you both a chance to think more clearly. That way, she won’t think you’re just ignoring her. Good luck..
@louis94 – *Correction:It takes two people to prolong the negativity unless one of them resolves it in a positive respectful manner.
@patricia12 – when I asked her when did she start to stop having feelings for me, she said it was during those 2 weeks we were on bad terms. Like I said, we had just gotten back from a Seattle trip 3 weeks before the bad term time, and we spent an awesome time on my birthday. She said it all started when we were on bad terms. I did accepted the fact that she didn’t want to hang out but it continued for 2-3 weeks and she didn’t show any initiative of wanting to do anything. So I confronted her about the way she was acting and she said she was drifting away from me, that it wasn’t my fault but it was hers because she wasn’t putting the effort to fix or try to keep up the relationship we had. So we decided to work things out as a couple, which we did perfectly for 2 weeks, everything was great up until a weekend when I asked her about how does she think things were going, and as we got more deep into it, she started to say or throw words that it’ll be better if we’re not together. For someone to lose feelings for another person in 2 weeks is very hard to believe especially after 2.5 years, and especially from her. She said that that spark fell off, and when we were working things out she didn’t consider that we still had limited time to hang out or do stuff together but our conversations were very lovely. During this period we actually did hang out more times than those 2-3 weeks we were on bad terms and we even had sex which I thought things were going the right direction. She was always committed to the relationship 100%, she never did anything to ruin it and she would’ve never done it either because she cares a lot about her image and how she would look in front of her family and friends if she messed something up. I’m starting no contact, but do you think I should reach out to her in 30 days or wait for her to reach out to me?
@patricia12 – also like I said before, we been thru worse arguments in the past but never got to this point and those were situations where I thought we could’ve really broken up, but no both of us always showed we wanted to be with each other no matter what. We didn’t have arguments very often, not at all, the relationship was a very stable one. Just like any other couple we had our ups and downs, nothing out of the ordinary, but we always showed we wanted to be with each other, that’s how committed we both were to the relationship. But I don’t know why this one was the definitive one that broke us up. I started to think maybe she got overwhelmed with school, like I said this all started after both of us started school. She started to open for work at 6am-2pm some days and be In class from 3-10pm, other days she would close instead but would have class before work. Maybe she got overwhelmed with everything, and didn’t want to deal with having to fix or deal with a relationship at this moment.
@louis94 – Sometimes people hold onto grudges and let the negative things pile up over time. Even though she seemed all in for most of the 2.5 years, she might have been building resentments instead of resolving each issue thoroughly in her head as you tried to work through those issues together. It’s very possible that she is stressed with school and work and also started to think about all the arguments in the past and came to the conclusion she had lost the spark. It would be nice if she contacted you during no contact, but if she doesn’t (she might not due to respect for your wishes or she doesn’t want to talk yet or doesn’t know what to say), reach out after a month to see how she doing. (Be sure to let her know you’re doing no contact so that both of you can think more clearly about everything) Then start no contact after you do this. It might even take longer than a month before she settles into a school and work routine and might be ready to talk. I don’t know if you two have heard of the “Honeymoon Phase” of relationships, but you can look it up. It’s where the intense passion and excitement of a new relationship drops off a bit over time and gives way to a deeper sense of calm security and comforting deep love. And the great thing is, it’s perfectly normal:) Anyway, I wish you the very best and hopefully at some time down the road you two can get through this together.
@patricia12 – thank you so much for all the advice. What do you mean she might not contact me due to respect for my wishes?
I’ve heard of the honeymoon phase and I felt like we got past that phase already. But both of us always tried to keep the spark up that’s why we went on trip or had little get aways as well as small dinner dates(which were most of the time considering we didn’t have much time to do anything this semester due to our school and work schedules). I always worried about getting too comfortable in the relationship because I felt like that would make both of us lose interest or feelings for each other and I guess that’s what happened(well from her part). I really hope we can fix things, and that she realizes that those 2.5 years we spent together were meaningful for her and for me. And this time that we’re apart is just a break that she needed from the relationship.@patricia12 – oh also she broke up with me 3 weeks ago, should I start 30 days no contact today? Or should I start counting since last time I seen her? I really hope she reached out during this no contact period
@louis94 – What I meant by ‘respect for your wishes’ is that if she doesn’t contact you after you let her know you want to do the no contact for awhile.. Isn’t that clear? Out of respect for the request for no contact, she might not contact you “during” no contact for the various reasons I stated. Start from the last time you saw her which was about 3 days ago OR from the time you last had contact such as a call or a message. Did you already let her know about no contact? Yes, good times spent together such as trips and dinner dates are great, but the original spark of newness fades regardless. There are sometimes little sparks after that, but the loves DOES feel more comfortable and somehow much deeper and more meaningful and treasured. Nothing wrong with that. People misinterpret that it means the passionate type love has faded away completely because they remember how it was in the beginning and tend to compare the two different circumstances and feelings.
I’ve heard that my ex has been going out a lot and having fun with her friends, does it mean she moved on from me already? Does she not miss me at all? She broke up with me 3 weeks ago and we dated for 2.5 years, i don’t know how you can move on from someone that fast, especially when we had a beautiful relationship and ups and downs like any other couple.
@shesjustmaria – It’s been a month since my ex broke up with me and still haven’t heard from her, i initiated no contact 2 weeks ago, which was last time I saw her and tried to talk to her but she refused. Like I said before we had a really good relationship, and she said the spark fell off during 2-3 weeks we were on bad terms so she decided to break up with me on a random afternoon where we were supposed to hang out but we didn’t because she had a lot of homework, so it’s not like she planned on breaking up with me that day, it just happened based on the conversation we were having. I don’t know if she still misses me or has already moved on. I wanna know that way I can set my mind to something instead of being here thinking there’s a small hope that we’ll get back together based on the beautiful relationship we had.
Louis,
She won’t forget about you. I think right now she might be over whelmed with school and work. I know how stressful it can be because I was in the same situation I got so busy with school, working, and being out of town I didn’t notice my ex was hurting and we ended up breaking up and we’ve been together since 08. But the last 3 years off and on. How long have you been in full NC without texting calling or checking her social media? Did you say you go to school together? How old are the both of you?@shesjustmaria – thank you for your reply. It’s been 2 weeks since I had last contact with her, But broke up a month ago. I doesn’t mean after we broke up I was begging her to come back but I texted her twice to talk, a couple of days after breaking up and then the second weeek I waited for her by her car outside of school but she refused to talk as well she said it was too soon and she doesn’t know if she still wants me in her life or if she’ll ever talk to me again. Then I initiated no contact. So she’s 20(will turn 21 in June) and I’m 23(turned 23 in January). We go to different schools but next semester she’ll be transferring to my school. I was helping her out with all her application papers and everything. It was very weird how it all happened, considering the good relationship we had and she was still considering me, in front of her friends, in future travel plans we had this year(with her friends and just us alone) even on the same day she broke up with me. I think she took a decision based on how she was feeling at the moment. That night she broke up with me, she wasn’t even at home thinking about her decision she was out with her friends, so I don’t know if she really thought about her decision. You can read the previous posts to get more details about the break up. It’s just very stressful to think that she doesn’t miss me at all, but again I don’t know if that’s true. I really want to do something to get her back but at this point I don’t know if it’ll work, or it might just get her more upset. But literally the relationship we had, was the relationship she always wanted, so I don’t know why her feelings towards me went away after 2-3 weeks of bad terms.
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