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To whoever is willing to help,
I need help. It’s only been 24hrs since I started no contact and it’s killing me. The problem is my ex is also my best friend of 11 years. I usually go to him for help in these situations, but obviously that is a bad idea. So he’s the problem…
He ended it about 2 weeks ago without talking to me first because of a HUGE misunderstanding. I told him I bought what he wanted for his birthday and for an entire week everything that could go wrong went horribly wrong. So wrong that I had to give in and tell him I didn’t buy it yet because of all the things that kept popping up. He lied to me that day and said it was fine (funny he broke up with me for lying to him). And when I tried to find out why he was ignoring me he exploded about me being a liar. At the time I thought he was being extremely petty and childish. At least until now.
Now, after my first 24hrs I finally get it. I understand now that I should have told him about the struggles I was going through getting it instead of letting him continue to believe that it was already on its way to him. And with the trouble in his past that stemmed from those he loved lying it makes perfect sense for him to react the way he did. I hit a major raw spot. And this is what I’m dying to tell him.
Every fiber of my being is itching to reach out and let him know that I get it. That it wasn’t my intention to hurt him. I was just terrified of disappointing him. What should i do?
Thanks.
I completely understand the desire to reach out….but I think a cooling off period is in order for both of you. Let him miss you a bit and also give yourself time to focus on you. Once you have achieved the 30 day Mark, you can use the elephant in the room message. I understand how difficult keeping no contact can be…I caved after 6 days…but it was because I needed more time and needed him to not contact me. I have regretted sending that email ever since.
Thanks KR (even though I caved and texted the other day). I wasn’t thinking that day. I was scared because I almost died and wouldn’t have had the chance to tell him. And yeah I regret it, so I restarted no contact and tacked on an extra week. I think the fact that we’ve been best friends for 11 years is making this even harder.
Give it 2 full days and he will talk to you. I promise you. And if he doesn’t by 30 days over something like that than he isn’t worth it. I did no contact after my ex broke up with me and she messaged me like every 2 days. I gave In but I didn’t give her much. She knows how much I love her and I know how much she loves me. And we are working on our problems together
Thanks for the advice JT.it helped me build up my resolve.
So, it’s been 37 days and he still hasn’t said a word to me. I’m sending off my letter later today. I hope he speaks to me after receiving it but at the same time I’m not expecting him to.
Surprisingly enough I’m OK with that. If he does awesome and if he doesn’t, it’s no big deal. The world still goes ’round and tomorrow will bring a new day. I feel like I’ve come a long way from the crying mess I was when I started 37 days ago.
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