Looking for advice, someone to listen

My ex and I are both 26 years old, had been together for a year, and were in a long distance relationship but we saw each other at least twice a month for at least 5 days at a time. We had broken up back in February (his idea). Came out of the blue, he said the distance was too hard. We had only gone a week without talking when he contacted me and said he thinks he made a mistake. We began talking again, I went to see him a month later and things were great.

We always had such a good time together and we had so much chemistry. But communication was tough in a long distance relationship, and we did get into our arguments.

He broke up with me a month ago. It was two weeks after we got into a bit of a big silly argument over text, and only a week after he came to meet my parents and came to my best friend’s wedding where we had a great time together. The break up felt very out of the blue like the first time. This time his reason was that he was unhappy and wanted to be single. He was crying hard during this conversation (he did it over the phone) and he also kept calling me “babe” by accident. He said that I’ve been such a big part of his life this past year that he doesn’t want to lose me or the support I gave him but he can’t stay in a relationship where he isn’t happy. I was obviously very upset but I was also angry because I felt like a fool for letting this happen to me again.

We were planning on me moving to where he is and he seemed genuinely excited about it. The night before he broke up with me he was saying how much he missed me, and the day of the break up there was absolutely no indication that he was going to end things. You’d think if someone were about to break up with you, they’d act cold or distant, no? Instead he was texting me all day, telling me how amazing I looked in pictures from the wedding.

A couple days after the break up we spoke because we had to sort out some money that we owed each other from buying things. Once that was sorted out, I said “I guess this is it then” to which he responded with a crying face and “I hope we can talk in the future.” My ex also told me that I can continue using his Netflix and spotify account (which only one of us can use at a time). He said that he hopes I can be a part of his life in the future.

Two weeks later I sent him a long message basically saying I didn’t want our relationship to end but I’ve accepted it. I said I was sorry that he was unhappy in our relationship, I wished we could be together but I know that’s something he has to want on his own, I said I know we need time right now but I hope we can stay in touch and I wished him well. He responded a couple days later saying my message made him tear up and smile. He said how strong of a foundation I was for him and how tough it is to stand alone, and then he ended his message by saying how confused he is. I told him to take his time and that I hope he figures out what he needs to.

A couple days ago I messaged him asking if he had the chance to send my things that I left at his place. His response sounded a bit depressing so I asked if he was okay. He said he doesn’t know if he would say he’s ok. He said he does miss me and not being able to talk to me has been hard, then said he’s still trying to organize his head and thoughts. About an hour later he messaged me to tell me that he was going to be coming to a city near me for work for the week. I asked if he was telling me this because he wanted to meet up and he responded “I don’t think I’m ready to meet up, I’m sorry.” I said I was confused why he told me then, but he said it was for a “heads up.”

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I know really all I can do is give him space and keep doing my own thing. I know that he has left me twice and I’d be a fool to want to try things again, but deep down I want to. When we were together it was amamzing. I believe he is extremely confused and I’m not going to blame him for that. I have been on a couple dates in the month we have been broken up, and I did not have a great time. It was probably way too soon, but all I could think about was how much more fun I had with my ex and how I just wished I were with him. Every day that goes by I feel like I miss him more and more – whereas other break ups I’ve been through I felt it was the opposite.