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Hello so my ex and I were going out for almost 9 months and then he decided that he didn’t want to be in a relationship right now. It broke my heart since I thought that we were doing fine. We had our little fights but nothing too serious. We were also living together ever since a month after we started dating so that took its toll on our relationship, plus we also work in the same building so we spent a lot of time together. About a month before our official breakup he told me that he was feeling like he needed some space with me and asked if I knew anyone to move in with. I’ve also been going through some depression since June and maybe he just couldn’t or didn’t want to handle it with me. He also told me that he still wants to be friends. Which I’m still not sure if we can be. I’m pretty sure that he still has feelings for me since he could have been a complete jerk about this whole thing but he wasn’t. He also told me that it wasn’t my fault that he were breaking up. I moved out of our apartment almost 2 weeks ago now and have started the no contact with him. Shortly after I moved out he started messaging me all of these questions also. I tried to answer his questions but also keep on thinking why are you asking me this right now? shouldn’t you have done this before breaking up with me? So what I want to know is, should I try the no contact for 30 days and then try to make a new relationship with him or just cut it off and try to move on? I’m also 29 and he is 24. I’m still extremely attached to him but I’m slowly getting myself in a better place and working on me.
@choir_girl2007 – Your first mistake was moving in with someone you didn’t know well! A month is not enough time to know someones personality and character traits. He sounds like a nice guy, but maybe he couldn’t handle your depression. Guys want a happy relationship wherein the two interact respectfully with each other to work through any problems. They hate arguments and want a peaceful type of relationship. If you think you need professional therapy for your depression, you should make an appointment with a therapist. Depending on whether or not the questions he has been asking relate to trying to understand you to improve your relationship, is the answer to determine if it’s appropriate to do no contact or not. I’m sorry this happened and wish you luck..
Your question is:
“should I try the no contact for 30 days and then try to make a new relationship with him or just cut it off and try to move on?”
What does your heart tell you to do?
Not your mind, your heart.
My heart tells me that there is still hope for us, we got along fantastically and have the same goals in relationships. We both just realized too late that moving in together was a mistake and that we just needed some alone time. In the messages that he keeps sending me it seems like he still cares about me. If he didn’t then why would he be texting me things like, How are you doing and I just want to make sure you are ok. I’m kind of confused right now since he keeps on messaging me but he’s also the one who broke up with me.
I’m going to try the no contact for 3-4 weeks and then see. Start out slowly and try not to scare him off lol.
You are handling everything really well, congrats! Breakups are so heartbreaking and can cause depression and if you were depressed before, I’m sure this hasn’t helped at all. Physical activity and doing things you aren’t used to can help keep the mind away from negative thoughts. Talking though things with people helps as well. I’m sure you know all that, though 🙂 Hopefully some space gives him time to realize what he lost.
Thanks! I think that the hardest part is that he kept messaging me when I wanted to start the no contact period and when I told him the 4th time to not contact me for a little while since I really needed to heal he hasn’t and its been over 2 weeks! I’m also going out a lot with my friends and taking up yoga and dancing and trying to get my life in a better place with some therapy as well. Also he has stated multiple times that he still wants to be friends with me and that he still cares about me so I’m taking that as a good sign that we can possibly start fresh in a new relationship after the no contact period is over.
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