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Hello Kevin If you could help me in this unique situation I’d really appreciate it, I am a sophomore in high school and so is my ex. We dated for almost 7 months. A little over a month ago she broke up with me because we were getting into fights. I was mad she was putting her friend first and I was too possessive she said. We didn’t stop talking after the break up and she said she didn’t want to date anyone soon. Then a couple weeks after the break up we got together but not dating but then the next day she said she had to end it. I continued to ask her back pretty much everyday and then she said she didn’t like me like that anymore and didn’t want to lead me on, so I never replied for a couple days. Then I saw her in school and tried to talk to her and she wanted nothing to do with me and blocked me. I have spoken to her only in school some and she doesn’t really like it. And now she is talking to a guy who I know is interested in becoming something to her and I feel like she wants him too. Please help me I’ll do anything to get her back
@Amerriman – Sounds like you have control issues. A young girl enjoys spending some time with her friends! You should have more understanding of that and not tried to monopolize her time. You should have spent spent time with your friends and family too and not try to monopolize her time. You should have appreciated and enjoyed the time she spent with you. Stop nagging her and begging her. Arguments are a major cause of breakups! When you see her at school just say hi and be polite. If you ever get the chance to talk with her in private, apologize for your behavior and tell her you learned a valuable lesson in that trying to control another person isn’t the right way to treat someone.
You can’t control who she talks with and don’t act jealous. Just be as sweet as you can at school and don’t contact her out of school for 30 days. You need to improve your behavior and how you interact with her. Be the guy she was attracted to in the beginning. No bossing her around, no jealousy, and no arguments. Good luck..
@patricia12 thank you for the advice, I’ll stop trying to communicate out of school and I’ll keep things short and sweet in person, but what about this guy she is talking to. I’m really worried that it isn’t a rebound and she’ll actually be in a long relationship, and she told me it’s not going to happen with me, because she has lost feelings.
She’s looking to replace you. Chances are she’s trying to find you and barring a miracle won’t find you in that person. Stay positive, keep trying to improve yourself, be courteous. You are in high school and her wanting to spend time with her friends doesn’t change. The best thing you can do is be supportive and let her have fun. Chances are she needs that time with her friends.
@bigslick1251 this may be kinda weird but I was wondering if there was a different way to communicate about my situation because something has happened and it made it more complicated but I don’t want to share it on a public site, I understand if not but it’d be greatly appreciated.
@Amerriman – You can’t stop her from talking to that guy and you shouldn’t try to. And don’t act all jealous. Besides arguments, jealousy is also a main factor in break ups.
You should let us know what happened so we can try and help you. The more detailed the information is, will help with our advice. Don’t worry about what you share, we’ve seen it all so to speak. The only people who come to this site are the ones having problems and the ones trying to help.
Ok so yesterday we had texted and it she is really upset because me and her had sex when we were dating, but stopped for the last couple months. Anyway she said she feels like she ruined herself and she feels like she can’t date anyone because she’ll have to tell them and they’ll leave her and she’s really upset about what happened. I feel like this is part of why she’s saying we will never get back together and she’ll never have feelings for me again.
@Amerriman – Maybe she is too young to understand that having sex with someone doesn’t ruin her or her chances with another guy. A mature guy would understand a girl who had sex with a former boyfriend. I think the major reason for her breaking up with you is that you were getting into too many fights about her spending time with her friends. IE: trying to control her and being way too possessive. And there may have been other reasons other than the sex part. Think about how you treated her during the 7 months. If there were things you did or said that were hurtful or disrespectful, change those behaviors. You texted yesterday, so don’t contact her for 30 days and see what happens.
Don’t initiate anymore texts to her as it will make her feel like you are smothering her again. You’ve already done the begging and pleading to no avail. You have to back off! Just be polite at school. Like wave or say hello, but don’t try to start a conversation.
She lost feelings for you, so don’t try to push things! If she wants to contact or talk with you, she should be the one to initiate. If you talk later, you will have to show her that you’ve changed, not just by words, but by your actions and interactions.
Sometimes good feelings and love can be reignited, but please don’t count on it happening and right now it’s too soon for her to consider that. Focus on your school work coming up soon.
I didn’t really listen when you guys told me to wait 30 days to talk to her because we started talking again like 3 days later and have been since. Me and her have talked a lot and walk around school together and we text a lot. Sometimes the text will get sexual and stuff. Some nights she’ll call me right before bed and we’ll talk a little and go to bed. A couple days ago she asked me to drive to come see her because I had just gotten my license so I did and we hugged in the back of the car and started to get sexual with each other. After I made it home she told me all she could think about is being in my arms, but now two days later she is back to saying how great of friends we are and how she doesn’t want to date rn and she doesn’t know about us but it probably won’t happen. We have a day planned in a couple weeks to hangout and it’ll basically be a date but she isn’t calling it one. What should I do?
@amerriman – Text her one more time and tell her you don’t want to be “just friends” and need 30 days to think about it and she should think about it too. Cancel the hang out day. Then don’t text, call, or walk around school together for at least a month!
Maybe by texting sexual stuff and then fooling around in the back seat of the car made her think you just wanted sex. You should have talked about your status before sexting and getting sexual.
After no contact, if she still says she only wants to be a friend, you will have to consider if that is something you can handle. If you want a girlfriend, then you will need to stop seeing her or contacting her outside school and go out on dates with other girls.
A month has passed since I last said anything and here’s what has happened. Me and my ex have hung out a few times and we still talk constantly we will get into these times when we act like we’re together and she’ll say she’s ok with it but then after a week she’ll end it but then a couple days later we’ll be back to that. Currently she is saying she wants to be with me but she doesn’t want a relationship and she doesn’t know if we’ll get back together. I asked her if she believes we will get back together and she said she does, but doesn’t know if we should. A week ago there was this girl that was texting my ex saying she was going to try to get me to date her and my ex didn’t like that. She told me the only person I can be with is her and the only person she can be with is me and that she was sorry for saying we wouldn’t get back together and that she was just trying to help me in case we didn’t get back together but now we’re in the situation I told you above. All help is appreciated
She is controlling the relationship and you keep going back to her every time she breaks up with you. You seem to be in some kind of cycle where she breaks up the relationship and then decides she wants to start it again and you keep coming back each time.
If that is the case, why shouldn’t she break up again? She knows you will come back so there is no penalty for her to do it and then she can continue to feel like she controls everything.
Do you think it would be a good to show her you won’t just run back every time she calls? Do you think this would help stop this cycle where she breaks it off and you come back? Why does she keep breaking it off?
I don’t know if I should show her that I won’t come back because she’s kinda depressed right now and I don’t want something like that to have a negative effect on the situation. She keeps ending it because she says she feels pressure and she doesn’t want to date right now.
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