NC support

the fact that my ex texted me yesterday gives me more hope for you and @aphrodite that your exes will reach out soon as well!!! i honestly thought i wouldn’t hear from him until my birthday at the end of april and was planning on not reaching out until the end of march. but if my ex who is the most stubborn person in the world and kept telling me this break up was “necessary” could message me and be friendly then i am confident both of yours will as well! i think thats an advantage of having had such long term relationships – they don’t fade quickly. i wonder if he will reach out again to me but for now i will take what i can get! i also wonder if he will want to see each other at all….again not my place to initiate.
has your day gotten better since this morning? i sure hope so! I’m really starting to believe in the law of attraction. since I’ve been happier and more relaxed about the situation and open to taking things one day at a time and just letting things happen naturally, my attitude has become a lot more positive and i think thats really helped!

i think the reason that success stories aren’t posted are because most people are too busy and happy after they reconcile and don’t feel the need to come back to this forum! i will absolutely come back and post my whole story in its entirety if we reconcile because i am so thankful to have had this during my darkest days! i also find a lot of people on here are a bit desperate and don’t go about reconciliation properly. each relationship is different and while the advice on here is great and i really think the 30 days NC saved me from going completely crazy, everyone needs to follow their own gut in their process. there are no real “rules” to get your ex back. our exes must choose to come back on their own, but the important thing for now is that we find happiness on our own! since i switched to this philosophy i feel much better day to day and even more confident about reconciling.
when i was in my first round of NC and i was feeling down i would always remind myself that NC was temporary. it wouldn’t be the last time my ex and i spoke. keep telling yourself this. i will be shocked if he hasn’t contacted you by the end of your 90 days but if he hasn’t you will contact him and tell him how you are feeling! i will really be shocked if he doesnt at least want to meet up and discuss everything again. you had a wonderful relationship with so much love and history and it is definitely salvageable. just keep telling yourself you will be back at that cafe with him one day and you will be a happier and stronger couple because of this!

Aphrodite,
Re read atea1234 last post. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
I was down this morning but now I’m ok again. That’s what it’s like. Up and down roller coaster ride.
I keep checking my phone for emails coming through, it’s driving me mad because I want him to contact me but I know he won’t but I still keep checking.

Let’s not give ourselves expectations just yet. Atea1234 is in a totally different situation to you and I and she will hear from her ex before we hear from ours. We unfortunately are going to have to ride this one out.

I know what you mean about the gut instinct failing us, but for now we have to carry on with life and become happy again because that is attractive. NC makes them think what the hell has happened to us. If I had made contact this morning I would have ruined a whole week and he would have known I’m still thinking about him giving him satisfaction. Instead,he’s in the dark not knowing what I’m doing.

What ever happens, we will not feel like this forever. If the ex’s don’t come back we will find love again, I promise you that. In mean time it would be nice to,have a choice,mot have them back or move on away from them. At the moment we would have them back in a heart beat. We’ve not grown yet or experienced life away from them. We think about them 24/7!

I’m pretty sure that they will contact us in time. Let’s work on ourselves and be attractive fulfilled people for when it does happen.

He will get in touch Aphrodite, but not yet. Remember he didn’t even say goodbye! He will not be able to finish it just like that!

Give it time.

Exactly Aphrodite.

When he said to you that he hopes you find someone else that makes you happy. That’s so typical. Ignore it. Whether or not he wants a permanent split the last thing he wants is for you to meet someone else. Does he really feel nothing for you? Of course he feels something, he’s known you for years! Even if he knows it’s really over then he will not want another man coming into the scene! That’s takes years to achieve in acceptance.

My ex said the love has gone! Oh really, how shallow is he! To fall out of love just like that? Well of he falls in and out of love like that then I’m well rid!
It’s nonsense talk, just like how you were told that he hopes you find someone else to make you happy.

I hope you sleep tonight Aphrodite and have a better day tomorrow 😀 x

@aphrodite, its ok to have those bad days!! they come and go. the great thing about nc is that your ex doesnt know if you’re having a terrible day or if you’re having the greatest day of your life 🙂 keep sticking with the law of attraction. I’m telling you i have only been at it for about a week or two and i already feel more positive and better overall and my ex initiated contact for the first time. self-help books are wonderful. I’ve read a lot of them. and yes, definitely keep taking baby steps. my ex broke up with me when i also had a lot of stress in my life – new city, beginning graduate school, roommate troubles, etc. and it was a lot at once, but I’m getting through it and getting better. as far as your ex contacting you, give him time!! its only been a week. my ex did not contact me for 3.5 months. at the beginning i kept checking my phone constantly, thinking he would reach out and he never did. it was only yesterday when i seriously was not expecting him to that he did. i even wrote in here yesterday that i didn’t expect him to make contact until my birthday at the end of april!! i also have no idea if he will initiate again. even though he reached out, he mentioned nothing about reconciling and i didn’t hear from him today. i doubt i will for weeks or months. its hard to know the real intentions behind him talking to me anyway

@belle, i agree with what you said exactly. if you contacted him this morning, it wouldve made the struggles of the past week not worth it! my therapist has told me before that each time i reach out, it is resetting the clock. since i am going for 12 weeks now, and have completed week 1, i only have 11 to go. if i texted him tonight, i would have to start again! whenever i feel tempted i tell myself this. i know if i actually last the 12 weeks regardless of what happens with my ex i will feel accomplished and proud of myself for having so much willpower and determination 🙂 i also keep telling myself this is temporary, the pain i feel. i have been feeling better and find sometimes i can go an hour or so at a time not thinking of my ex, a month ago i never thought this would be possible!! i also initially worried about my ex meeting someone else but lately i feel confident in our connection and not threatened by any girls he puts. plus, i was happy to hear him say last night that he’s been working and spending time with friends. i kept checking for messages initially, but as you said yesterday, they will only come in when we least expect them to.
stay strong both of you 🙂 even though we all continue to have good and bad days and mixed emotions, we are all slowly but surely making progress! i really think the beginning days are harder on us but it will continue getting easier for us and our exes will start to miss us and question things down the line. hope you’re both able to sleep well tonight!

@aphrodite good for you!! i never used to believe in the law of attraction, but for some reason last week i just started to perk up a bit about everything. and I’ve been very hopeful. when I’m down, i do imagine us reconciling, but i have far fewer down days than i had at the beginning. you must keep in mind i have also already gone 30 days NC – the first two weeks of that for me were absolutely miserable! but once i got through them, i started to feel better. i only texted him once i felt i could have a conversation without bringing up the relationship. and believe me, after 3.5 months of him not initiating one conversation i had completely lost hope he ever would! thats why i was planning to message him at the end of march and i wasn’t ever expecting him to reach out until the end of april. i feel much better being on good terms with him and also much better that he knows I’m happy and ok. i think initially i was so desperate and needy that it really turned him off, pushed him further away, and made me feel even worse about myself. i still do not know if/when he will want to reconcile, but I’m now okay with this whole process. i am learning so much about myself, as are you! if it is meant to be and he does want to reconcile, i think the relationship could really benefit from this time apart. and if we don’t reconcile, each day i don’t talk to him i am moving on and moving forward and will be ok in my life either way. we will all find love again whether it be with our exes or with others! what you said is exactly right, it is definitely ok to be sad. i still cry many days, but it can’t stop you from living your life! stay true to yourself and work on the law of attraction. getting through these 90 days will be so difficult at times, but it will really show both you and your ex how strong and independent you are!! never give up! have hope and keep getting through the days, one at a time.

i agree that if a guy wants to talk, he will reach out. thats why i felt near panicked after him not initiating after 3.5 months. my spirits were uplifted a little when i texted him after the 30 days NC and he seemed genuinely excited to hear from me and it was the first time he made efforts to maintain the conversation. just because you don’t hear from him for a few weeks – even months – doesnt mean he won’t reach out eventually. he will! after a break up he is just taking the time to gather his thoughts. I’m happy my ex finally reached out but i think its a result of me not being sad and needy the last time we spoke and also maybe him starting to really consider the future. i don’t think he wants to lose contact as he might want to reconcile, so if i don’t reach out, he will have to! about 6 weeks ago he kept telling me he “slowly” wanted to talk and see each other to see where things go, but he never once reached out and i told him i couldn’t handle it at the time. when we spoke new years day i didn’t mention this but did tell him to feel free to message me when he wanted to talk, so i think he knows I’m getting emotionally stronger (which i am!). remember, i am a few months ahead of you in this process. and yes the best part of NC is him not knowing about your bad nights. every saturday night i stayed in crying and eating ice cream during the 30 days NC, for all he knows i was out clubbing or on dates! i also barely slept the first two weeks of NC, but that gets better with time too. you’re doing great 🙂

Morning Aphrodite and Atea1234

I think reading through old mails and text is good. I too have done this Aphrodite and see how needy i was! Shameful!
It’s good to have time to reflect I how we have behaved and it’s good that you’ve seen maybe how you have behaved in the relationship which at the time you just don’t see. It’s progress, and if all else fails we can learn by our mistakes and move on without hoping to make the same mistakes again.

I’ve reflected back myself and these are the reasons what pushed him away..
1. Allowing an ex to contact me and not putting a stop to it.
2. Telling my ex to leave my house when we had an argument.
3. Going on date sites when he left! (Lol)

So, now he blames me for absolutely everything… A lot of it is totally uncalled for. Example, he has kids of his own, he moved to another city and that’s when he met me and therefore the kids got pushed aside becaus of me. Not that I did it, but he did it off his own back for a long time prioritise me over his children. Now, recently he told me that I never gave me my blessing to see his children! So I replied that I didn’t realise I had to repeat the Hail Mary and send him off to his kids! I also said that he’s over 21 and everything is your choice. Be a man and stop blaming everyone for your decisions!

I think he’s reflecting everything he did for me and now thinking he’s missed out on years with his children and of course I’m in the firing line!
I’m not stupid to tell anyone not to see their kids, or encourange them not too! I’ve enough intelligence that kind of mentality will come back and bite you on bum!

Aphrodite, it’s all a learning curve and it’s great that you’ve recognised your contribution towards the break up. That is a necessary thing to come out all of this. In time, you will get that chance to discuss everything with your man. We all will one day beagle to be rational enough to have that conversation.
So don’t worry too much about not telling him now.

Also so something else you said yesterday about being a personal acheivement completing 30 days NC. I can relate to that totally. The best I’ve done so far is 2 weeks, so this time I’m set for 30 days with ideally doing 90. 30 days will be great and a real cause for celebration as it’s a huge feat!
As For Atea1234, you have my every admiration for already completing the task! Well done and thank you for telling us how bad it was in the first few weeks.

Well tonight I’ve a date!!!
I’m not really excited, because it’s not my ex 🙁
It’s the old ex. I’m not sure really if I should be seeing him to be honest because he’s one of the reasons why I’m now apart from my ex. I shall refer him as D as gets too complicated lol.
As you know it too me years to get over this guy but now I don’t feel that much for him. We’ve known each other for years and I feel comfortable with hi and he’s safe. He’s got his own issues and I know we would never ever work out because we are not that compatible.
It’s just nice to go,out tonight, make an effort with hair and make up and have some attention thrown at me.
Do you think it’s good or bad seeing him?

Anyway, apologies for rambling again…