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Posts
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belle, im happy to hear youre doing well and sound optimistic! good luck on the new job!! i am sure there will be plenty of good things headed your way for you and your son. i hope you enjoy the tinder date this week!
unimare,im sorry to hear it. im glad you and your ex seem to be on good terms. some guys just suck – actually majority of them! im sorry you had a bad experience this weekend and can see why that would upset you. but you seem like a positive person and like you handled everything breakup related so well and i am sure you will find someone perfect for you soon out there.
so i decided last night that i no longer wanted to be on a string carried by my ex. i wrote him a goodbye email – for closure purposes. i basically told him he doesnt “owe” me anything in terms of keeping an open dialogue, and told him i don’t need anymore answers for why he’s made this decision. i told him i don’t blame him for everything that want wrong in the relationship but blame him for walking away and looking for something better elsewhere. i told him i tried to be understanding to him wanting to date others but that in time its just made me realize how he didnt care for me in the same way that i cared for him. i told him how i thought our connection and relationship was really special but since he clearly feels the same way he felt on day 1 of the break up I’ve realized he doesnt feel the same way. i did mention i think he will have a hard time finding someone who loved him and understood him and was as forgiving as i was. i also mentioned how i know meeting young comes with its complications but that i always felt it was right regardless of our ages. i apologized for what i felt i did wrong in the relationship and told him that im thankful for everything I’ve learned from this. then i mentioned some of our favorite memories, some things i would miss, and told him that i don’t see a future for us anymore. i ended with saying how i thought our relationship would prosper at this point in our ives but i expect his decision. i told him i think our relationship set me on a path to become a great person and that i recognize how strong the love was i had for him and i will never settle for anything less and hopefully i will find it again. i told him its been tough for me to realize that he never loved me quite as much as i loved him and i now need to move on completely because its clear he doesnt think im “the one” or he would never let me go for thos period of time. i told him i wish him the best and i recognize he has chosen another path. then i thanked him for everything and told him to please not respond with more emotionless bs – that he didnt need to respond if he didnt want to but only if he had something of substance. i said i would block his number if he didnt respond soon.
an hour later he replied: Wow. That letter brought tears. It was beautiful, sad and hopeful at the same time. I have a huge project due for work tomorrow so I’m cramming but I want to give you a serious response–one that you deserve. Please don’t block me just yet, I want to give you the response that letter deserves tomorrow when I have time to think about and concentrate on what I’m saying.
so, i will keep you updated if he answers me later tonight. i feel kind of like early days of the breakup but now that i know he’s seeing someone else and its been 6 months i think i just need to move on and get out of my head that this is temporary otherwise he will keep telling me “who knows what the future holds” for years until he is seriously with someone else and i will have wasted years waiting for him. its very very hard to accept but its the reality.
i will keep you all updated. thanks for the support!
Wow, sounds like you really hit a note with him, I’m intrigued how it pans out!
Seems he has some things he wants to say that are pretty meaningful!
You’ve made a strong decision, I hope your feeling okay! x
Atea,well done for telling him!
You’ve done the right thing and he can’t carry on thinking he can just walk back into your life when it suits.
At least he’s a gent and will respond, he clearly wants to remain amicable with you and respects your feelings and thoughts on this matter. He’s probably known all along you were waiting in the side wings.Stick,to your guns over this. Be kind but don’t let yourself be swung by anything he says to keep you where you’ve been for last 6 months. Have respect for yourself.
Any guy who can’t make you feel special isn’t worth the time no matter how long you’ve been with him. You can still be amicable but at same time hold self respect. Nothing worse than anyone belittling themselves to fit in with someone who doesn’t feel the same.
You’ve come a long way atea, be brave and hold head high.
Unimare,
Don’t be so hard on yourself about the casual encounter, or maybe not so casual , it’s a learning curve and next time you know to hold out and make sure the guy will walk over hot coals for you for at least 3 months! Haha.
Be quite ruthless in your rules of engagement with guys. I’ve a friend who lowers herself so much for the attention of men. Then she gets hurt and wonders why. It’s like, when are you going to learn!
He has got the problem, even if he wanted you as an achievement he could have acted like a gent and be nice, see you out the door with a smile and kiss. So, he’s the big problem and he’s the one that has to live with what he’s done. Shake it off and move on because what happened had nothing to do with what you did. He has the problem not you.Good you’re amicable with your ex, it shows maturity on your side. Any other sign that that guy who used you is a jerk.
Don’t cry anymore but feel pity that there is a jerk out there that has no manners. Once day it will come back to him and he will be the one crying.
belle, thanks for the support! i feel sad but more free in a way. he can’t just go in and out of my life as he pleases and i do feel after this much time he should know if he’s ok being away from me permanently and if he is, then sadly our connection wasn’t as strong as i thought it was. i will always be amicable with him – i think he is a great guy and i know he respects me and my feelings. im interested to hear what he has to say. he has known all along I’ve been on the sides waiting and i don’t want to be his backup girl. if he can’t say to me after hearing this that he doesnt want to lose me for good then i really have to say goodbye and good luck to him.
i have to have enough respect for myself to not live my life thinking he could come back at any moment. ill never move on. i truly believe whatever is meant to be will be but that is up to fate. he’s made me feel like a backup option and i don’t want to be that for him. i will be amicable if we ever bump into each other and maybe somewhere far down the line i will try to be friendly but i feel like i need to respect myself enough to not be strung along. i shouldn’t settle for anything less than 100% from him and he’s been kind of stringing me along while he’s seeing someone else which is not 100%.
this will be a long, hard road but im proud of myself for finally sticking up for me. i need to stick with it now! i thought my letter was extremely powerful and i was really proud of it. I’ve read it over 100x and cry every time. im sure he was crying undoubtedly. i would post in here but a little too personal for a public forum!
Hi,
I’ve been reading your posts and you give such good advice to each other and sound so understanding.
I am in a kind of similar position as some of you.
My ex ended things with me, I was actually going to end it with him but decided not to because I wanted to fight for it. basically, I changed medication through our relationship and I had a really bad reaction to it, it made me depressed and irritable, I stopped taking it after a month but I was still stuck in this rut. My ex was annoying me constantly, I was shouting at him all the time, I didn’t want him to stay over (oh how I wish I could go back and change that now!!). I didn’t know how bad I was until he broke up with me. Telling me that he wasn’t feeling it anymore, he loved me but wasn’t in love with me etc etc. I was a mess when he broke up with me. I cried I begged etc, all the wrong things!Since then, I have taken some time, I did NC, he contacted me, just general chat here and there. I went and saw a counsellor, I went back to my exercise class and basically sorted myself right out. I am no longer in that horrible dark rut that I was stuck in before. Now all I want is my ex to give me another chance to prove that I have sorted myself out and gone back to the woman he fell in love with, if only it was that simple eh!!
I sent him a letter which he got on Saturday morning. I basically said in it that I accepted the break up and his decision. I was sorry for how I reacted to it. Explained where my head was at during our relationship and what a dark place I had been in. That I had made changes etc and was now all sorted out. He replied and said “thanks for your letter. Very grown up 🙂 Can I have your post code to send you one back?x”
he has sent me a letter back (I haven’t received it yet, probably tomorrow). I took it as a good sign that he wanted to send one back, but the more I think about it, the more I think he is just being kind. He said he respected me for sending it and wanted to return the kindness.
What I really hope, is that it is not a letter saying exactly what he said to me when we broke up, that he wasn’t in love with anymore bla bla. He needs to understand that he only reacted the way he did, and fell out of love with me, because of how I was being. I was not being myself. If I hadn’t got into that bad place, then we would not of had any problems.
I just don’t really know what to do now. I feel sick at the thought of what his letter might say, or that we may not get back together because I just need one chance. But it’s got to be up to him to give me that. I can’t ask for it!
Sorry for the waffle, but any advice/opinions welcome
KD1988, im sorry and i know this goes against the main point of this website, but the only advice i can give you is to move on. if your ex wants you back, he will let you know. we have all been suffering and struggling through this and trying to win our ex’s back for 6 months or longer and none of us succeeded. the only success story I’ve seen around here that seems legitimate is LAbound’s and that only happened 9 months after he and his ex broke up and she only came around once he sent a goodbye letter (for himself, not to win her back), and actually went nc to heal himself and move on. its really random who reconcile and i know it happens, but i also know it is rare and you can really drive yourself crazy trying to analyze, predict, and sway your ex’s decision.
i wish i wouldve jut started moving on from day 1 and not scheming to get my ex back. i know you think its your fault but you were having medical issues and it was your ex’s fault for leaving you at a vulnerable time. my best advice is to try to move forward and heal if he wants to then he will come to you. i sent a goodbye letter to my ex last night and he claims he will answer today so we will see but i have zero expectations. i think he will tell me he will always love me, that he values our relationship, but that it just ran its course and thats something i need to accept. i don’t think theres really anything any of us on this site can do but move on. so sorry youre going through this and i can’t be anymore optimistic than this.
atea, other people got back. Some got back and got broken up again. I have been talking with a buy from this site that got back with his ex. At least 3 people went back these past two weeks and are still with their ex 🙂
I appreciate your honesty with the situation. I have noticed that it does seem rare that people get back together. But it was worth a shot eh.
He did leave me when I needed him, but he also at the same time had no idea what I was going through, because I didn’t tell him how bad it was. He thought I had just changed and was being an irritable horrible person. It is his fault that he either didn’t ask and just left me. But I do get why he did.
My letter wasn’t as such a goodbye letter, but it also wasn’t a “please take me back” letter. I didn’t mention anything in it about missing him or wanting to try again. So as far as he is concerned, I am happy and ok and in a much better place and that’s that. I just wanted to explain my side.
There is a part in me that will always hope that he will change his mind, but it doesn’t mean I will be sitting around waiting for that to happen.
Maybe we will be able to be friends one day, I know he would probably like that, but I’m not sure I would be able to do that, not anytime soon anyway.
I will see what his letter says and go from there. thanks again.
KD1988
I agree with Atea, you need to progress forward in your life and become happy again. He dumped you when things got tough and that’s not good. All relationship go through tough patches and it’s the ones that see it through to the other side are the ones worth fighting for.
My advise is to progress with your life, be happy, and if he decides he wants to come back then that will be your choice but only once you’re in a good place being quite happy being without him.
Of course people reconcile, a lot do. Whether the reconciliation is the right thing to do is another thing. Many people get back together to only split up again. So, to protect yourself move on and be happy so if and when he does return you can make a logic decision and way risks up.
He’s got a lot to prove to you now and he might just not have it in him.
Thanks for the opinion and advice. I have been moving forward with my life, and I am at a stage where I am happy, I don’t NEED him, I just WANT him. He did leave when it got tough, but it was tough for a while, at least 2 months. I was thinking of ending the relationship purely because he was irritating me all the time and I was making excuses not to see him and I was very cold with him. It’s only in hindsight I realised why I was being that way.
I’m sure things will work out whatever way they are supposed to go. I have forgiven myself for my actions, and have forgiven him for his. I would just like to move on with the whole thing whether that is with him or without him (preferably with him) lol. Time does wonders. I guess in my heart I know that he won’t come back, it’s just trying to deal with that.
Yes I think we are all at that stage of understand that we are going solo just need to accept that they are not in our lives anymore.
My ex was spiteful at the end. Very very bitter and angry. I guess it’s made it easier to move on all I see a hatred person. My son was very close to him a so my ex hasn’t touched base just to enquire. Hateful person. Amazing I was with him for 8 years! Truly astounding.
Everyone says he will get it touch but really, nobody knows what this guy is really like, even I obviously never really knew him.
I wasted precious years on a total loser. Still, I will move on and he will remain the same. Ha ha ha@belle wow 8 years is a long time. I hate it when it turns spiteful and nasty when it doesn’t need to! In some ways it does make it easier because you can hate them. But at the same time you wonder if you ever really knew them!
just wanted to update you all: my ex is in a relationship with that other girl he was seeing. i genuinely was shocked because he told me so many times how he just wanted some “alone time” to focus on him. i really didnt see it coming. plus i thought he would compare any girl he dated to me and it wouldve made him miss me more. clearly not the case. we’ve been talking about things via text over the last few days and he’s been so cold and formal to me – something he’s never been in all the years I’ve known him. finally last night i broke down telling him he has no idea how badly he’s hurt me and i hope this girl is worth all the pain he’s caused. he sent me a response basically saying now that he’s with someone else he feels weird talking to me the way we used to and he doesnt know how to act and is sorry for hurting me. im going there tonight to get the rest of my stuff and say goodbye in person. i feel like early days of the break up – not eating, not sleeping, etc. but i hope this will give me the push i need to really move on
Atea I just want to give you a MASSIVE endless hug!! I’m hurting so much but I can’t even imagine your hurt from this. You’re really so strong and inspiring for having gone through this and you have still managed to keep your life on track and move ahead! I really wish I had your strength as my ex hasn’t even found someone new and I couldn’t imagine the pain! It’s completely understandable that you are now not eating/sleeping etc. You will begin to feel better again, once you have gone through some of this grief! Make sure you don’t isolate yourself and keep your life moving! I’m right here with you!
I’ve been wanting to respond/give updates but frankly I’ve been too depressed:( I am finally fully realising that I will never get him back again, that this was it for the rest of my life and that there isn’t a thing I can do to attract him back. I feel so helpless. I dread the future without him and really need some proper help now. I’m seeing a psychologist on friday (new one – NOT the one that said my ex will definitely come back to me)! I’m in pieces and constantly crying as reality has just caught up with me.
I’ll write more later and hopefully by then I won’t be such a debbie downer but right now reality is a place I just want to escape from
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