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Hello! First of all, I would like to say that this site has been very helpful during this difficult time! I have visited the boards as a guest and took so much strength to carry on. This time, I need advice or opinions because I am so disappointed and sad.
My ex bf broke up with me early last year, but we continued to date until this january. I confronted him about the nature of our relationship and he told me he is seeing other people. After that, I started no contact for about 2months, but he didn’t try to contact me at all. A few days ago, I sent him a short email and his response was very short and typical and didn’t leave much for further conversation, that could allow a proposal for a meetup. His response was kind, but gave me a sense of anger – he didn’t even wish me for the upcoming holidays.
I need advice! What do I do next? Should I return to no contact? Any advice is most welcome!When you contact and ex and they send something short back that doesn’t lead to any more conversation, it means they don’t want to talk. That could be for any number of reasons but that’s the general rule.
And it is infuriating. Because they should know that you are sending the message because you hurt. Because they should care that you miss them. Because they should miss you. Because they should think about the good times you had and they should want to have more of them.
And you know what, you deserve an explanation. You deserve a long letter back explaining what is going on and why. It should explain how he feels and if he doesn’t care he should say he doesn’t care and explain why and if he has moved on, he should explain that he has and explain the reasons. Because you deserve to know if you should keep waiting for him or not. You deserve clarity on whether you should just move on. It isn’t fair for them just to say something short and meaningless and leave you dangling. It makes you feel like you were stupid to say anything. Like your stuck your hand out and they slapped it back.
But is he going to give any explanation to you? No. He’ll give you some one sentence note saying “Hope you are doing well” or some stupid thing like that.
“Hope you are doing well”.. Does that mean he is still interested? Usually not.
It usually means he doesn’t want to be mean but he feels, at this point, he doesn’t want to communicate. And he doesn’t know how much it hurts you because he doesn’t hurt.
My 2 cents:
Continue no contact. And do some things to make yourself happy. Try not to think of him for a bit. That’s not because you don’t care for him and that isn’t to stop caring. It is to give yourself a break. If he really cares, he will contact you.
And be happy with one thing. You are the one who loves too deeply. That can be very painful, of course, when something like this happens. But would you be happier being the opposite? Being someone who wasn’t able to care that deeply about someone else?
I hope your find someone who will reciprocate your love for them. Whether that ends up being this guy or someone else 🙂
Thank you for the response! It’s so weird.. he asked me out! It’s definitely not a date, he asked me to go out and catch up!!! At first, I was really happy, but then I feel great anxiety!! Do you think there is a chance to make him interested again? I hope I dont mess it all up!
I will suggest that you start the NC rule again and this time don’t try to contact him.
It might seem hard at first but the outcome of not giving in to your emotions will be a great one, you might end up being over him just like I did with my ex.I initiated NC rule and it has been 74 days and I feel great and no longer need him in my life. To me he is now as good as dead, he is just one useless looser.
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