Need some encouragement

Hello everyone

So I just broke up with my ex one month ago. We had been together for approximately 10 years, since we were still in secondary school. For me, I had a strong feeling for her the first time we met and it is still the same until today. That she is someone special that I want to be with. It gradually becomes apparent that our existence in each other life is normal. Until I decided to study abroad, we had managed to survive over a year. We were still chatting, caring for each other during that one year. But then things happen. She got accident, I could not be with her at that time, the only thing I could do is trying to communicate with her everyday and make her feel better ( and I actually did, that one month was really good in my opinion), but then she started to think negatively and she did not want to share with me. That time I also had my own problem, and when she said so, I felt insulted, so I just did not talk back to her for 2 weeks, thinking that this time would just be like every time, until she decided to give both of us private time ( until lately I know that another guy care for her during that period and I have no idea about that, I trusted her completely and never though about this situation). Then I got time to come back for holiday, seeking in hope to work thing out. I never ever think of breaking up with her no matter how hard the situation is. I had strong belief in our relationship that we could manage to fix everything. However, she decided to stop here, and she told me lots of reasons like: I’m not mature and secure enough for her ( and after a while, I have to admit this), she could not understand my passion of being a chef although she was the one encourage me to follow my dream, she is now having feeling for that guy ( who is btw 11 years older than both of us), our core values are not matched ( which I really really did not understand). I was shocked, I was needy and desperate for that moment. I told her that I could stop my study in summer and comeback to build up our relationship, but she said that she did not want to move on right now.

Then around 2 weeks after the break up, I somehow found out that she might already be in relationship with that other guy ( not 100% sure but likely 90%). That even shocked me more. I tried to convince myself that this is just a rebound, but there is one thing obsessed me: SEX. We have not have sex, just close enough because she wanted to keep for wedding, so I completely respected her. But then this happened, I have a feeling in my gut that I will just have to accepted losing her. ( yes I know this sound ridiculous but for an Asian guy like me that is still something).

About our relationship, somebody told me that we are not really connected, and that make me really think about it. It is true that we rarely talk to each other about our own difficulties because we think that we can handle it ourself and be back better ( and we did). When I rethink about our relationship, I believe that I was with her when she need me most, and although we didn’t share about difficulties, we still feel something and understand for others. She once told me that being with me make her be herself. So that positive thing give me hope that our relationship was truly meaningful. She might be right about I’m not mature and secure enough for her, physically and emotionally, and I agree on that. When I decided to study abroad, that would be really hard, so I did all my best to keep her happy, and at some point I was in losing position, trying to please her and make her happy all the time. I did sometime have my own opinion and decision, but its not really big deal, and I truly believe that I need to change this. That is why I think although right now if some magic thing happens make her decided to go back, I will still keep a certain distance because I believe she deserves more than this.

I have read all the articles on the internet, the EBP advance system etc. And I also understand really clearly what to do at the moment: focus on building up myself and my career ( as both of us are still at the young age, and we are just start our professional life, this might be another reason for her feeling that I am not secure in financial perspective). I want to be better me version 2.0 and then comeback to my country 2 years later, first to build up my career, secondly to give me another chance to be connect with her again. However, I’m lack of confident, lack of belief that I could manage to do so. I have been surffering through many many bad dreams lately. Deep down inside I admit that I still keep some hope that one day we will still together. I even seeked for many many fortune tellers to give me that positive prediction ( and turn out that was a bad idea). The idea of thinking about she is having fun with other guy just killing me slowly, and also I’m afraid that she will just move on and marry someone during the next two year, which mean my opportunity is clearly zero.

So what is your opinion about my situation? What is my chance to give it another shot after I have improve myself, get some real result in my life? What do you think about her decision and her feeling at the moment?

P/s: I have been doing no contact with her 5 days after the break up until now, and also I think that our break up was not really bad, it just came out naturally from her. But before that I do think that I really did not hurt her in some way, it just I’m not suitable at the moment for her.

Thank for reading, I know this is a long post, but at the moment I do need some word to gain my own confident