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Short backstory:
So me and my ex were together 2 years april only to shortly break up a week or so after our anniversary. We’ve been on and off the past year and everytime we break up it seems she’s more and more distant and to top things off there has been so much drama between us such as we lost a baby due to miscarriage, when we broke up last time she flirted with guys and one dude harassed her while we were together and it’s just been alot. We’ve been apart for around 3 months and everytime we’ve been in contact its been arguments and we had this one argument where i found out she was talking to one of the guys she was last time we broke up and i lost my shit. I contacted the guy ready to fight, i just really acted immature. I know it wasn’t his fault. Anyway i apologies to him and he understood and explained nothing was going on. I also told her bestfriend about it and she was annoyed lol.Anyway eventually i phoned my ex a couple weeks back to apologies. We ended up arguing and told me she didn’t want to speak again and told me to move on. I claimed she was saying that in anger because usually she is but she told me i really need to move on because she doesn’t care about me anymore. She did bring up girls in the past that i talked to which confused me cause she acted almost jealous then told me she only brought them up to call me a hypocrite?
Situation:
So i’ve been emailing my ex since last week since she has blocked all communication with me about my belongings. She said she is free today from me to come over and pick them up. However i’m scared this will be it. That i will lose her after i collect my things for good.
I’m not sure what to do. Such alot as changed in these 3 months. I’ve improved my self drastically. I even recently passed my driving test and got my self a nice car. Things are good in my life. It’s just it could be better with my girl and best friend back. I just want to move past all the bs and start a fresh. I know things have been up and down but i do believe it could work out with better communication and effort from both sides.
I know she went and visited her grandparents grave for the first time since they both dies last year. I know things might have gotten to her. And she messaged me when we had that argument that she was self harming. She mentioned if we still had our baby maybe we would be ok. Just, things have gotten to me. I want to know she’s ok. I don’t know if she’s moved on. I messaged her brother to ask how she was normally he replies but this time completely ignored me.
I’m not sure what I should do when i pick up my stuff? Do i ask her to go for a coffee after? Do i keep it casual? It’s been 3 months and feels like an eternity. I miss her. I don’t want this to be it. Any advice will be appreciated.
Thanks!
@backhereagain – I’m sorry about the lose of the baby and I’m sure it was very traumatic for both of you. When you go over to pick up your things, be polite and don’t argue about anything!! Jealousy and arguments are the two main killers of relationships! You could ask her out for coffee, but if she agrees to go, keep it fun and casual. Let her know what you’ve been doing and ask her what she’s been doing, but DO NOT ask her about other guys! And DO NOT ask to get back together! She is the one who broke up with you, so she should be the one to ask to reunite. But if she has a thought about it, sometime later on, you have to show her that you’ve improved your behavior and attitude about life and love. She might want you to move on or she say you could be friends. Whatever happens, remain calm and cool about everything and DO NOT plead, cry, beg, or argue. Good luck.
Thank you very much patricia12! Means alot! I wish you knew how much i appreciate you. I need to come clean. I forgot my password for other account. It’s ironblood! You’ve helped me every single time patricia12 thank you again!
Update:
I phoned my ex before I went over friday and we managed to have a conversation. I asked her how she was etc she asked back and we had a few minutes of nice casual conversation. Then somehow we ended up talking about why my ex didn’t want to even see me when picking the stuff up. She said i was a dick and now she has no time for me because of my actions. Anyway things were getting pretty negative because i apologised and tried to explain why i reacted badly. She didn’t seem to care as she was sticking to not wanting to forgive me. So as the phone call ended i pulled up at her house. She came out almost smiling or laughing? Maybe she was surprised to see me with a car? Like she was happy in a way to see me? Handed me my stuff and I asked where she was going as she walked past her house. Straight away she said “i don’t want to talk get away from me”. She said it in a way like i was harassing her? i asked what i did wrong and why she was acting so weird. as i got closer to her to ask her what i did she began to over exaggerate and start to almost run away from me raising her voice telling me to fuck off and that i need to stay away…she was treating me like a fucking molester. I was getting more and more aggravated because she was making me look like a clown in the street. So i eventually said fuck it and walked away. She told me to fuck off again and i lost it and told her to “go suck Ryans dick” (which was the guy she flirted with last time we broke up then as soon as we break up this time i see her adding him as a friend) i put my middle finger up and got in my car and i must have hit a nerve as she stood there and burst out crying. After all the insults and things she said to me when unprovoked and when i reacted she burst out crying. Told me to get out my car and basically tried to attack me as she was crying while shouting “i hate you”. So while she’s shouting at me trying to attack me im trying to calm her down and hold her. Her parents rush out and her friend further up the road. It made me look like the bad guy.. anyway her dad told her to be quite as she walked over to her friends house. Her parents told me to just go home as it was the best thing to do. Before i went i told them i didn’t want to stir anything but i needed them to know my ex was self harming and took the miscarriage and the loss of her grandparents badly. I knew she was depressed so i told them. They appreciated me telling them and were almost on my side it seemed. They wished me luck with university and said the best thing to do was to go. So I did. From there i drove to a different city to see my best friend and spent the week end there to clear my head.
I think it’s clear that I don’t think I have a chance now? I’m not sure what’s going through her mind anymore. She treats me like I’ve done so much wrong towards her but in reality she is the one causing me the most pain through her actions. The most I did was call her names when we broke up and contact that ryan guy to see what was going on because i was sick of her dumping me then talking to other guys. i know it wasn’t right and was immature and i apologised. But she is using it as an excuse as if i’ve done so much wrong towards her; it’s a reason to hate me for no reason. I’m not sure what to do. I know i’m saying all this but i love her. I care for her. What we had i feel like it was worth the pain. I feel like we could work through it and come out on top. Just unsure what to do. She told me about a month ago she didn’t care for me and nothing was bothering her anymore because she had moved on… so how come when we had a conversation on the phone she seemed to care but was scared to show it… then she cries when i retaliate to her petty actions? Then says she hates me?? I don’t want to seem like i’m looking into it too much but if someone says they hate you and they loved you before.. that’s a sign that they still have emotions towards you. I don’t even know anymore. I just miss her. I guess i am petty too. I tried to make it a casual get my stuff and go but she treats me like a creep.
I need help. Any will do thanks!
@backhereagain – Your first mistake was asking where she was going. The second one was after she said she didn’t want to talk, you asked what you did wrong and why was she acting so weird. You should have just picked up your stuff, said thank you and left, period! Maybe she is quick to anger, but so are you! This is what’s called toxic interactions and your relationships will never be good until you can control your temper. I highly suggest anger management therapy.
You calling her names when she broke up with you was immature and caused more added damage than you realize. Telling her to go suck Ryan’s dick was another immature behavior. You just can’t seem to control your temper and being upset is no excuse! Her parents even had to come out and try to calm you down. They told you to go because they knew you wouldn’t stop misbehaving. The next thing they would have done if you didn’t leave, was call the police.
You keep apologizing for your behavior, but you don’t change it! She wants to move on, but you continue to harass her and she cries because she’s afraid you won’t stop. I’m sorry to say she doesn’t love you, she doesn’t even like you anymore. Best advice is to move on and get therapy.
Sorry, but that’s how I see the situation. Please think about it and try to understand that “love” does not retaliate in volatile anger and there is no excuse for your behaviors, even though you were upset.
No no no, you’ve got in completely wrong i was calm she wasn’t scared of me. i was casual at first and she got angry at me for no reason. I just asked her why she was angry at me. The only aggressive thing i did was say suck ryans dick and put my middle finger up as i got in my car but that was after she started treating me like i did something wrong to her and purposly almost run away from me like i’m some sort of creepy freak then she burst out crying and attacked me after i said suck his dick. All i did was try to calm her down afterwards. Her parents came out because she was shouting at me so loud the whole street could hear. I didn’t even raise my voice besides the suck ryans dick part because she was pretty far away when i said it. I think i must have wrote the above in a weird way. If anything she was the one causing all the chaos then. My temper isn’t even that bad i just flipped out because i was upset how she was treating me as if i was harassing her which i was not in any manner.
She likes to over react and she was shouting at me from the start. All I wanted to do was have a casual meet get my stuff and go but she treated me like i had mistreated her so badly which in reality compared to how she’s treated me all the bad i’ve done this time is say some bad names but that was after we broke up 3 months ago. That is why i was confused to why she was angry 3 months after all the name calling and apology,I stuck around and asked her what was wrong because i thought maybe she was still dealing with some other issues because I car about her. Me sticking around asking her lead her to over react and act like i was harassing her which i wasn’t. If anything she was bad behaved not me. After i shouted the suck dick part i was completely calm before and after. That’s why her father told her to be quite because she was the only one shouting at me while i stood there calm. Her parents saw me completely calm while she was crying and shouting at me. At first they thought it was me to suddenly realise it was just her. That’s why my ex stormed off to her friends house while me and her parents were left outside. And that’s when i told her parents about her self harm to look out for her. They even appreciated it. They only told me to go because obviously it’s not a good idea to be around each other if we are ex’s.
I do admit it i was immature calling her names but i did try to be civil. It was only after a good 2minutes of her treating me like I was dirt that i said some immature things which lead her to cry and attempt to attack me while screaming I hate you at me.
I don’t think she cried because she was afraid I wouldn’t stop because I was in the middle of walking away and was about to drive off so there was no need for her to shout at me to tell me to get out of the car then run up to me crying attempting to hit me while shouting i hate you. She’s not afraid of me at all either.
From my point of view it seems like she’s upset and a part of her cares but hides it. She has a habit of keeping things in. For example last time we broke up she acted as if she didn’t give a single crap about me then after weeks if not months of arguments and no contact she broke down and told me things she kept in. If she really did hate me she would have let me drive off without all that drama in my opinion. She wouldn’t care for it. Instead she made a scene and tried to make me look like the bad guy. Well I’m not.
I hope this is clear that I wasn’t aggressive towards her or make her parents fear. I’m not like that. I hope this makes sense and changed your opinion on the matter. Thanks again patricia12.
It doesn’t matter if she was hollering and you were calm (which I doubt). Like I said, you should have just picked up your stuff and left. But you asked where she was going (which is none of your business), then asked what you did wrong and why she was acting so weird after she made it clear she didn’t want to talk to you. The comment about Ryan’s dick shows you still have obsessive jealous thoughts. Even if you said it out of confusion and anger, shows you are immature and tried to retaliate by causing her more emotional hurt. She cried because she’s afraid you will never stop pestering her even after she told you she doesn’t want to speak to you again and she told you to move on. To be honest, I don’t think either one of you is mature enough for a happy long term relationship. Neither one of you know how to properly interact with each other.
There has been way too many arguments, too many breakups, too much name calling, and hurtful things said and done. Her feelings for you faded because there was too much unhappiness and too much stress, even if love was there before. If you really care about her, the best thing you can do is don’t contact her anymore. Maybe someday you will learn how to control your anger and emotions.
This on-again off-again has been going on for well over a year!! I’m sorry to say I don’t see any improvements as to the way you treat each other. Isn’t it time for you to give up and move on?
I only asked where she was going because we were having a conversation which she openly told me she was going to her friends house which i knew. She asked me what i was doing and i told her i was about to pick my friend up from a different city. That is why i asked ..she wasn’t even bothered about telling me because I made it clear it wasn’t a question as if i was jealous.
Also when i said the suck his dick part, i was jealous yes and i am still hurt. Imagine you are with someone for years for them to only take less than a week to speak to other people. I was hurt but i know it’s no excuse. I wasn’t pestering her. She acted upset with me so I did what anyone would do when someone is upset and ask them. In return for all the things i’ve done for this girl she treats me like this. i havn’t told you the full story but a little back story so you can see i’m not the guy you think i am. I got her current job that she has, i wrote her university letter so she could get into uni for this year, i constantly emotionally and financially supported her. When her grandmother died she spent basically the whole of december at my house and i looked after her. She was being harassed by a guy she send nude pictures to from tinder when we last broke up, and this guy harassed her for months and what did i do? I protected her and she blamed that on me! She blamed the guy messaging her on me and even accused me to be behind it!? There has been so much i’ve done for this girl and i feel unappreciated, used, she made me feel like i wasn’t good enough and now i’m made out to be the bad guy because i confront her on her bullshit. And i’m not saying this as if she owes me anything because that’s not what a relationship is.
You must be wondering why i’m so caught up on this girl… but it wasn’t always like this. Last time we got back together we were together for nearly 5 months with not even 1 problem. Everything was good. She even broke down and apologised for all the things she had done. She cried to me for forgivness and told me she didn’t mean to treat me like this. Then she uses the same old “i love you but i’m not in love with you” when she encounters problems in the relationship later down the line. Now she doesn’t even says she loves me she just hates me and for WHAT REASON? Besides the first initial name calling i didn’t do anything for her to make her hate me. YES I pushed her away when we broke up again yes because i was so sick of her taking the easy way out, i felt like she gave up on us easy and she wouldn;t even talk to me like i had done something wrong! So i was aggressive and upset but she was so blunt and rude. I don’t understand anymore. I do want to let her go if that makes her happy but i personally want her back. i just want the person i fell in love with.
You did some very nice things for her, but you’ve also been overly jealous and rude. You were together less than 2 years on and off with too many breakups. You’ve mistreated each other too many times and had too many arguments. Wanting her back again will not fix this. You’re both too immature. I wonder why you can’t understand that this will never be any good LONG TERM.
We’ve been together for over 2 years. I do want her back but I also want her back with this working. I admit I have been jealous yes but i have good reason.
I want to make it work. I just want to cut out the bullshit and be with the person i fell in love with. Right now it feels like she has long gone. There has been a few break ups before. But we’ve always fixed things. I just feel like she never gave us a proper chance because someone else or something else has always been in-between us causing a divide. Whether it being a routine, a girl that likes me or a guy that likes her, her getting harassed, family members dying, finical situations .. there is always something that divides us. And that shouldn’t be the case if we love eachother.
Then she goes for guys that are fake. All they want to do is fuck her and leave. She goes for guys that are “fake thugish” … they act all cool but i see through them like a window. Then she claims i’m a dick head… there is so much i want to explain but believe me i’m not a bad person, i’ve never purposly hurt her. I want to change for the better. For me not for her. But I also want her back.
I just can’t get my head around how a person who i have done so much for and spent so much time effort, money and love could simply leave and want someone else. All becuase of a few minor problems we could have talked about. I ADMIT when she dumped me i flipped out and drove her away. She claims initially she just wanted a break not a break up. But she put the blame on me that we broke up because of how i reacted. However my reaction is justified through how much bullshit i took from this girl, the person who she sent nude pictures to was harassing her then sending the pictures to me. Then she blaimed me for her actions after me defending her and being there… then she dumps me after all the shit we just went through … it just blew a gasket in my brain.
I don’t want to call her stupid but she is one of those girls that are easily influenced by her surroundings. For example… if she watches shit like the “kardashians” she will want to copy there every move. From taste in men to how she dresses. I don’t get it. i don’t want the drama. i don’t want the name calling. i don’t want the hate. i JUST want to resolve things and get my girl back without all the added confusion. I just want us to be happy. I don’t want anything else.
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