No Contact Annoymous – Share your struggles with keeping NC

Oh , this is a fantastic idea…well done! I’m on Day 4 but had already done 2 weeks before i found this site. I go through so many emotions each day, it’s a bit tiring but I think that’s what’s great about this process.

So, for example, at the moment I am going thru a cross phase.. I wake up angry and upset, thinking about some incident or another. If I wasn’t on NC I would have phoned before now and left an angry message but the day before at approx 3.30 in the pm…I would have left a deeply sentimental weeping message ( drove past a restaurant we used to frequent) and the day before that…..you know what i mean.

If I called and said everything I’m feeling/thinking, it would only take a couple of calls for me to look like a complete nutter and we all know how great that feels!

NC removes the option of communication, even tho it can be really frustrating but it leaves me free to experience any emotion I have to without worrying how he receives it. Feeling the emotion is bad enough without cringily remembering my messages when the mood has passed. I feel as if I have regained space and,more importantly, emotional privacy.

In some ways I’m free to be more extreme emotionally, to get really mad, sad, bad because I’m not constantly trying to find an acceptable way to express myself to him. I think extreme is the wrong word, perhaps I mean pure or intense but I definitely mean private.

Once, I went on a 10 day silent meditation retreat, (my friends laughed as silence isn’t known as one of my qualities). During a 4 hour session, sitting, cross legged, absolutely still and silent, I became overwhelmed with sadness about the loss of my Dad.

Normally I might start really sobbing, fling myself down on my bed, ring one of my friends/sisters and cry and talk but I could do none of those things..I couldn’t even make a sound. I sat absolutely sad and was sad, purely and intensely. Tears flowed down my face until pools of them collected in the hollows of my collarbone. I properly experienced grief for my Dad in a way I had spent years avoiding.

I felt then that sometimes, paradoxically, the weeping and wailing can be a way of avoiding the strength of our emotions, avoiding really experiencing them. When I am sad about my ex, a wave of panic accompanies the sadness, a fear so overwhelming it must be almost atavistic. I want to call him to avoid feeling this fear, to stave it off, to avoid abandonment at all costs.

Without the option to call, I have to just ride it and wait til it subsides…. as it always does, life alone makes sure of that…a child wants a meal, someone calls, a job needs doing. ANd because I haven’t avoided the emotion, it’s not so overwhelming next time.

So that’s what I mean, NC is giving me time to feel things, the full range of 7 kinds of crazy. I am not sure if I want my ex back at the end of this..i don’t know where this process will lead me. But by the end of the 30 days, my emotions will belong to me again, straight and true, not twisted, alternately expressed or repressed to suit someone else. I’ll be able to make up my own mind cos I’ll have my own mind back!

So, it’s hard work but good for the soul, as hard work often is. So today’s emotion seems to be crossness, which is one step better then rage. But it’s my own crossness and he’s lost the right to share in anything of mine. This means I can be as unfair as I like….and I will be, for the next 10 mins and then I’ve got to get on, stuff to do, improvements to make.

I was single for a long time before I met my ex and I loved it, was very happy and fulfilled altho sometimes a little lonely for love, as is natural ( oops gone a bit Dolly Parton there… no bad thing.. it’s all wrong but it’s all right!) I am getting back to that place, the firm ground of emotional independence and that’s where I want to be when I make my decision.

Good Luck Ladies and Gents.

Ms-Marple,

Your comment reminds me of my first days of NC! It was truly intense! One day I felt guilty; some parts of me was not sure if I was the best. Some parts of me felt angry; she had dumped someone who loved her endlessly. Some parts of me felt stupid; looking for a reconciliation with someone who mistreated me. Some parts of me felt lonely; no more ex, no more being together. Some parts of me felt relieved; we had really rough days lately. Some parts of me felt exhausted; I had worked really hard to make her happy with no reward, of course. some parts of me felt insecure; maybe there is another boy.

Now after 90+ days, I don’t feel much! I simply come to this site to see how are other guys doing. Maybe its just a kind of social media addiction. Maybe I am trying to pick up some points for my next relationship.

I even feel sorry for her for losing a nice guy.

Anyway, best of luck Ms-Marple!

IA, I don’t know why but reading your post reminded me the fact the she was obsessed with public display of affections. That was cool!

HEY guys,
Its a really good idea and i missed talking to you guys.

Dara,
i have been thinking about you but i didn’t want to ask you anything so you could tell us what happened whenever you wanted.i really hope you are doing great.

And everyone who is new here,
I broke up with my ex 5 months ago and he never came back,i applied NC for 34 days.he contacted me.we kept contacting each other for a month and he was talking about his feelings and how much he loved me and…we met and he started crying and said that i’m the one for him and we should work on ourselves so we can get back together in the future .
I went to another country and we had an argument and i went on NC again for 20 days ,he contacted me , kevin suggested me to break NC and he kept talking about his feelings for me but he never asked me to get back,i got back here,he asked me out twice and every time i brought some excuses. i played lots of mind games and i never showed her how i felt for him and it made me sick and also pushed him away.

We had another argument like a month ago,he texted my best friend and told her that my bad behavior is the reason that we are not together and he said he doesn’t want to get back with me.

he called me the next day and explained evrything and again told me that he loves me but we can’t get back together because he can’t forget what i did and that i haven’t changed and getting back will cause more and more arguments and he can’t handle that. and IF someday everything will be ok,then we can get back together. ( it was more like we can never get back together LOL )

He texted me after 2 days and then we were in touch again until 11 days ago.
I said i’m sorry for whatever i did to him and he said he forgave me.i told him how exactly i feel for him and i said we should finish this cuz non of us can move on when we are still in each others lives.

He said he loves me and he can’t do that,he can’t forget me and he can’t handle finishing everything between us out of nowhere and asked me to give him a chance to meet me.

I have been working on myself to see him for the last time and i’m about to start NC forever 😀 .
So wish me luck

Hey,
Don’t worry you will either get your ex back or you’ll be strong enough to let it go.it takes time but it happens.
why would you feel embarrassed if he is leaving you? you are trying to go through the hard situations to get him back and if doesn’t see that,so its his loss and he is the one who should feel embarrassed.so don’t worry about it.tbh i don’t know your story but you are posting updates here so i don’t think if you are at the end of the story like i am.
Don’t worry if he is seeing a new girl,be cool and don’t show any obsession over anything about him. hopefully you can change the situation later.

And if he doesn’t call you,it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t miss you necessarily .i personally went on so many dates during and after NC and there were times that i missed my ex like crazy but i never called him or anything.
Don’t worry i’m sure you’ll be fine.

a.z.,

Sorry for the delay. Last night I told you that I will post here but I was a bit drunk. So I decided to write an update this morning.

I hope you are also doing well. I see you commenting on most of the posts! That’s great! I appreciate that! You make them feel good about themselves and I don’t see you upset anymore about yourself! That’s great!

In fact, there is nothing new. We exchanged some emails about 10-12 days ago. In the last email she had an angry tone and then did not reply my reply on it. Probably, she will be defending her thesis next week. I will contact her next weekend to take some of my worthless stuff. It’s funny but these worthless stuff include, condoms, a deodorant and some free subway coupons. If she accept, it will be my last chance to see her and say goodbye to her. If she was welcoming and there were changes in her plans in not moving to other states, I try my luck.

For now, I have concluded that she is really gone and maximum in 20 days, I will start a NC for ever!

Yeah, lately when I see a girl with positive signs, I talk to her. The biggest change is that when I date them, I don’t wish it was my ex anymore. Day before yesterday, I spent about 3 hours with a girl walking in a famous park on my invitation but last night she said that she already has a boyfriend! A week ago, I got number from another girl but later she went mad and said she broke up recently and is not ready for another relationship! It made me laugh! I was about to invite her to this site!

I think I am doing good! I will glad to hear updates from you! I was also thinking about you when I saw you posting comments! Thanks for being here!

Its good to see that you are really ok and i wish you all the best with your ex and every other girl.
Hahaha yeah,you should have suggested her to join us.
keep up the good job and i’m sure you are doing the best.

And about me,i’m doing good.i do miss him sometimes but i have accepted the fact and i even think it would be better if we never get back together.but i can’t lie about that,i still love him.and i guess if its supposed to be over,i’m gonna need some more time without him to move on.