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So, my ex and I of over 2 years broke up a little over a month ago. For the first week or two after the break up, I did what most people do and I begged him to take me back. I now know that was a big mistake. However, after realizing it was a mistake, I decided to start no contact. As of August 31st it was 30 days. I texted him on that day. I just sent him a picture of a boat that I thought he would be interested in (he was looking for a new boat before we broke up) that was a good deal. He really enjoyed that I know a lot about boats (mostly because he taught me) and that I know how to find a good deal so I thought that was a good text to send. He responded and asked me a few questions about the boat. After those few questions, he then texted me a little while later and asked how I have been. I responded and told him I’ve been good and have been really enjoying the summer and that I was not excited for school to start next week. He responded and said “yeah it flew by. I’m good been working too much haha” I then responded and told him that a job he recently finished looked good because I saw he posted about it on social media. He replied to that message and told me about the job and that it was difficult because the person he was working for was tough to work for. I knew the guy he was working for so I said that I thought he seemed he would be like that. He then responded “yeah” and I decided not to respond to that. I feel as though the conversation went better than I thought it would because I didn’t expect for him to ask how I was doing. What do you think should be the next step? I’m hoping he will contact me before I contact him again but I’m not sure that will happen. His birthday in about a week so I plan to contact him on that day.
The one thing that I am very concerned and worried about is that he is seeing another girl. I’m not sure how serious it is but I just know he is seeing her. He told mutual friends he was not but I have seen on her social media that she was at the same places as him. I’m worried that he is going to want to be with her and not me but I also think that she is his rebound as there are many signs that she is a rebound. They started seeing each other barely a week after we broke up and she is nothing like me at all, she’s actually the complete opposite. This girl is a girl from his past. He has never actually been in a relationship with her but he tends to use her when he’s either in between relationships or “on a break”. When he broke up with his ex girlfriend before he met me he was seeing this girl he’s currently with until he met me and we became serious, so he clearly chose me over her before so do you think there’s a chance he will again?
@Nicholle – You’re doing fine so far. Don’t contact him again until his birthday and then just send a nice Happy Birthday note or call him to say it. Nobody knows if a rebound will last and you don’t even know for sure if they’re dating. But sometimes rebound relationships work out to be longer term like the one he had with you. Be patient after his birthday and hopefully he will contact you again.
Don’t stalk social media as it will make you sad and you can’t be sure what stuff means..
Good luck.Hi Patricia,
Thank you for your advice! How do you think the first conversation after no contact went?
@Nicholle – I think it went well, but that doesn’t mean he wants to get back with you. What were the reasons he broke up with you? Just for reference: Don’t drag out the texting if he contacts you again. Keep any replies short, sweet, and upbeat. Don’t act jealous of the other girl.
He didn’t exactly give me a reason for breaking up with me and he didn’t actually even break up with me he just began ignoring me. I went to his house one day (after about a week of him ignoring me) to see what was going on and he told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore or at least right now. There was no reason except that he said that I am too much. I think he means we were together too much. He doesn’t exactly have a full time job and he just does handyman jobs right now (he is young) and I am still in school so during the summer I have a lot of free time. We spent every single day together all day and I think that was just unhealthy because we were together way too much. I went to his jobs with him and we did absolutely everything together. I think we both needed a break, I just didn’t expect for it to be a breakup/ this long.
@Nicholle – Doesn’t want to be with you now basically means a breakup and you should consider it as such. Even if he’s young, it was immature of him to ignore you rather than tell you straight up what he was thinking. Maybe he feels ashamed that he doesn’t have a regular full time job. But this is something he has to handle himself. But that isn’t the reason he doesn’t want to be with you.
It’s only been a month since the breakup, the spending far too much time together is what most likely caused him to feel smothered, even if he was acting like it was okay. You are the one who has to back off now. If he ever wants to get together again, DON’T see each other so much!! My gosh, I’m sure you both had other things to do with your time.
Don’t initiate anymore texts! Don’t go over to his house! Just acknowledge his birthday and that’s it. Give him room to breathe. Give him a chance to miss you. Get on with doing things you enjoy and don’t obsess over him. School will be starting soon, so focus on that.
How old are each of you?
Thank you! I am 21 and he is 23, he will be 24 next week. He definitely felt smothered and I believe that is the only reason for the break up as we got along very well. We were best friends and truly did enjoy being with each other for the most part (he told me he enjoyed it). Spending all that time together is what ruined our relationship and I am hoping that we can get back together and learn that we can’t be together as much.
I think the reason he ignored me was because it was too hard for him to actually break up with me. When I saw him in person I could tell he was sad and he did not really want to do it. When we were together he wanted to be with me it was just when we were apart that he did not. When we weren’t together he felt more smothered because I would text him too much. He told me he loved me that day too and that we might get back together just not now. I’m not sure what that means.
@Nicholle – OMG! Texting too on top of all the togetherness!?! It means exactly what he said. MIGHT get back together. NOT now. It also means he’s thinking about it and needs time to think. Stop bugging him by initiating texts! He’s feeling the full impact of too much togetherness and smothering.
He enjoyed being with you, but whether or not he would admit it, I’m sure he thought it was way much. You have to learn not to smother a guy or monopolize all his time! Even if a guy asks to see you, you don’t have to be so available. Make time to visit with family and friends and do thing you enjoy. Then if he asks to see you, tell him you have other plans (even what plans), but don’t break them for him.
Yes, most guys have a difficult time breaking up with a girl and try to avoid saying it.
So I guess you’re going back to college soon and I wish you luck with your grades etc.I’m almost positive he bought the boat I sent him, but he did not tell me. It really hurts that he didn’t tell me. Do you think that means he just doesn’t care or is there another reason he didn’t tell me?
@Nicholle – I think it means he doesn’t want to talk with you for fear you will try to turn it into a texting marathon. He’s still remembering the smothering aspect. Just send a very short simple Happy Birthday and then don’t contact him again until he contacts you first.
He actually contacted me today and told me he bought the boat and to thank me for showing it to him. I answered and said “Hey you’re welcome. I thought you would have it was a good deal for the exact boat you wanted” He responded and told me how much he bought it for and that it needs a little work like another boat we looked at in the beginning of the summer. I responded and said it was a good deal and just asked where he got it. He hasn’t answer yet hopefully he will answer.
I also have a quick question, should I ask him if I can come pick up my stuff that I left at his house and drop off his stuff or wait a while to do that?
@Nicholle
See? You tried to start another texting marathon when you asked where he got the boat. You should have stopped after he thanked you and you replied “You’re welcome..it was a good deal”.Write and ask him when it would be convenient to pick up your stuff and return his. Don’t be dramatic when you see him and don’t ask to get back together.
If he is seeing someone else, as you wrote in a reply to another post, you have to accept that fact and don’t bother or text him anymore after you get your stuff back.
He answered my text and we had a little conversation about the boat. We ended the conversation saying that we should catch up soon. I’m probably going to wait to get my stuff because he doesn’t have much. I hate leaving things places so I never really left anything. The only thing he has in my skis and to be honest I don’t really need that at the moment. He’s definitely seeing someone else but I still don’t think its possible that he could have moved on so fast. He is the type of person that hates being alone, so that is why I really think this is a rebound. In my opinion, I think he moved on physically but not emotionally. He told me plenty of times that the way he felt about me was way different than he ever felt about a girl before. He was so in love with me. He dated his ex before for 4 years and he told me he had stronger feelings for me than he ever did for her. They had an on and off relationship that involved a lot of cheating on his part, but he never cheated on me.
How is it possible to move on in just a few days?
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