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That message you wrote. With “I need a bit of time and space right now”. What do you reckon
I realise she isn’t flipping it on it’s head actually I guess, I had asked to see her, then turned it into being about the cats and a casual meet up. It’s hard to decipher what any of it means, that’s all I know right now. Her message could mean many things, I shouldn’t get too presumptive about it all.
Isn’t it crazy the way we read so much into a single message. So many different meanings and possibilities. To her it was possibly written as a quick reply. We don’t know.
I do the very same. It’s strange.Sorry, I didn’t see your replies! You’re probably right, maybe a little too passive aggressive. I’m just not going to reply for now I think. No point in rushing into it, it’s 0030 here right now.
You did say that you were a disgrace, and maybe you were, but don’t ever take all of the blame for a breakup on just your shoulders alone. Both of you were in the relationship together, remember that. My girlfriend did that with me, and yes I know I did things wrong, but I know it wasn’t just me who made bad choices. It just doesn’t go down like that.
And I like what your sister said a lot. Whatever happens, it does indeed teach you a lesson.
‘This too shall pass.’
As they say.
Oh I know that she did some stupid things.
Looking back now it was my insecurity and lack of confidence that was my undoing. Probably stayed before I met her.
But I got a job here that meant I was away during the week. We hated that. I got stuck at it for 2.5 years. I quit that at the end of 2013 and we did a bit of traveling. But drink had a hold of me. It had since my teenage years but it was getting worse. Fast forward and by last October I hadn’t worked in a year. I was suffering from bad depression and had a serious alcohol problem. I ended up as a jobless, depressed alcoholic. I lost her and with it my place to live. Things were bad.
I pulled it together for a while. More or less lived with her for November. But the drink got me again and that was it. The end.My oldest sister ended up booking a flight home for me at the start of December. I didn’t know then but my dad was going to come over and bring me home. So irony of ironies, I went to Ireland to quit drinking. And it worked.
I’m back here now, with a room rented in a flat. Working. Going to the gym. Got a role in a play even. That still shocks me. Chairman of the gaelic football club. And on day 67 without drink.
And she is showing signs that she so has feelings. But I put her through the mill big time. And that’s the hardest part. I feel so sorry for her. She tried everything to help. But I had to hit Rock bottom first. Maybe more she wants a piece of the new me? I don’t know but wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t.
So things can change in a short space of time. I’ve never felt better.
In another few weeks you 2 will be stronger than ever. I guarantee that
That’s really heavy. You’ve done so well though, talk about a fucking turn around. Day 67, that’s amazing. Surely it’s time just to lose count now. I know it doesn’t work like that. All those achievements too!
We both used to smoke weed, I’ve chosen to stop in recent months. Stopped enjoying it quite a while ago, as it triggered my anxieties, I just had no idea at the time what was happening. Should have seen it like a red flag.
I was unemployed for 9 months too when we were living together, where I worked after uni closed down and I found it very difficult to find another job.
Feeling pretty terrible this morning if I’m honest, I have dreams that I don’t remember but they make me feel a certain way when I wake.
My outlook feels pretty hopeless today. Part of me even worries that she’s with someone else. The guys on her course are all like 26, trained doctors who have travelled the world and are now doing their Master’s so they can become surgeons. And what am I, the guy doing counselling who has our cats. I worry that she just met a really cool group of people, and I’m just a guy with all the issues now, instead of her man. That nothing I do to change will compare to the things her friends are achieving. She’s at the London School Of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine. One of her lecturers is the guy who discovered Ebola.
She text me again this morning “Good morning, are you ok? Is everyone in your family ok? Xxx”
I feel checkmated, she would always beat me at chess.
I don’t really want to reply honestly. I’ve just woken up feeling like the “So you don’t want to see me now?” text didn’t mean anything, or at least not what I thought it did. If I reply to her latest one, she gets her answer.
I’ll be honest, I worry that thinking about the whole situation like this might just be giving me false hope, and that being on this website at all just drags out the inevitable. Are we all just idiots for holding onto to something so much? Do you ever feel like that?
I’m very lonely at the moment, I dream that we’ve had loads of contact with each other then wake up and slowly remember that she will hardly speak to me at all. Makes me see a big difference between how she treats me now and how she used to treat me, and I don’t have much hope I guess at the moment.
I’ve been being optimistic, but when I look at it like a realist, what’s changed? She broke up with me, it’s coming up for a month now, and she hasn’t changed her mind. I feel that this breakup was probably something she’d been considering for a while. When she came to visit on Boxing Day, the day before she called to say she had bags of presents for me, but called later to say she doesn’t know whether or not she wants to be together. During that month of shit we had, the whole time she was saying she didn’t know whether she could come back from it. The two weeks between us seeing each other and breaking up went much the same. She admitted she felt so distant from me. For a long while, she was always sending one less kiss than I’d send. I look back through our texts, and for ages they’ve been so empty. The last one where I said ‘I love you very much’ was so long ago and she didn’t even reply to it.
It was probably then that I should have been doing no contact, when neither of us knew what was happening. I want to just say ‘I love you, come back.’ I haven’t said it for so long. I know I can’t though.
You’re having a rough one.
If it’s any help I agree about this site in ways. It does give us hope. A lot of the time false hope. But it prepares us too for reality. I’m looking at my situation and thinking the following; the new guy may or may not be still there. Doesn’t matter though because he was. She had moved on that much.
I did everything wrong post break up.
Yeah she wants to meet in a few weeks and be friends. But that might be just to be friends. And probably is just that. I’d realistically give myself between 10-20% of a chance.But it’s a chance. And I will give this one last big effort. I’ve got one chance left at this I reckon. One chance to try to win back the woman I loved do much that I asked her to marry me. Now I’ve changed. Is it enough? You and many others think so. I still have deeps doubts. But I’ll give it this one last effort. I’ll meet her in 2 weeks and I’ll know then from her actions. She won’t know really what way my head is because I’ll be acting.
And will I win her back? Yes I will. I feel it.
You are strong my friend. Stronger than I. I guess you’re right, believing in yourself will give you the chance to make it right. I wouldn’t totally think that someone else being around is moving on, quite the opposite in some respects, but you need to process it however you need to. Ultimately you know better than anyone else on this site what’s going on.
I’ve been chatting with my friend about whether to send something. He suggested:
‘Hey listen, I’m really sorry for cancelling, I just couldn’t do this today. I know I love you very much, but I need some time. I’m busy next weekend but if you have time the weekend after maybe we can meet up then. Xxx’
Got to take into account where she said ‘It’s not to get back together’ though I suppose. Unsure on the ‘I love you very much’ part, but I haven’t been able to say that to her for a long time, and I know I feel it.
What do you think I should do?
I’d probably leave out the I love you bit. Let her think.
She really has to make up her mind. Because she didn’t know what she wants right now. And she can only do that with you gone off the scene for a while. Send something like that and then disappear for a while.Do you think that I have a chance?
I think you do man, I want to. You’re a catch now, if it’s not her it’ll be someone else, that much is true at least.
She just called my friend who described her as balling down the phone. She called me after too, but I was in the shower. Bit of an urgent situation now, what do you reckon? I’ll still be texting only, speaking to her will only make me do the same as she’s doing.
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