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Hi Kevin, we broke up after a year some 2 weeks ago. its been a hell of a year for me my father died and had to overcome some serious bussines decisions. durind that time all the negative pressure was felt by my ex. he was very supportive though. After I raised up from my ruins he said he felt pressed by all this and he is not sure if he can continue. During that time i tried a lot to show affection however i have shown to be needy. His job was becoming also very demanding and I felt alone especially when he started for 1,5 month to show to me less affection being less initiative like he was moving me towards the idea for me to tell him to break up. There came a point i exploded and said to break up. After a week of no contact I texted him that I deeply apologise for my behavior and need to meet and talk eith appropriate manner. We did meet I tried to reconcile. He said he cannot because I just changed my mind, that he does not see his friends, he is not sure if he wants to be in a relationship, that our relationship has been worn and althought I tried to remedy and told him I loved him too much he said he is not into me right now and he does not know if he changes his mind next week and he will come back to me if so like it happened 5 months ago when at that time we broke up. He said he has no anger he decided this whatever I said in the meeting and that none of us should get sad. To call him if anything serious happens but we agreed none of us will remain friends. He still loves me and cares but he is not into me now. We have 19 years difference he is confident with his new job and becoming a real man, while me I have chosen to sell my business and I have been critised for this and my extreme behavior during tha time of grief of death and the resulting outcomes. Now a week I see he is trying to find to meet new persons. Im so sad and I want to make a second attempt to meet him to see if we can reconsile. I know he is young and busy and needs to explore but few months ago he has shown an amazing affection to me and love.
@vagosg – I’m sorry for your problems and his. Try no contact for at least 30 days and see if he reaches out to you. You’ve already tried to get back together and he doesn’t want to. He wants to move on and perhaps you should do the same.
thanks reply.. latest developments: saturday night 12 o clock calls me. I replied some 30 minutes later because I had the feelinf that we may come across to the same club. He askes to see if im going out and with whom im going out. Said he is meeting some friends. He asked me what i have been doing every single day of past week. He told me that he was very tired sleeping early each night. Then he said that tommorow he s alone and maybe we can meet up. I said we talk then. I talked about positive developments regarding my career problems etc and was so brief that in return he pressed to find out details which I gently refused to declare. I felt he was very pressy eith regards to what I have been doing and whom I have been meeting and even argued at an instance. I will not call back unless he calls me and I will ask for the reason of our eventual meeting.
@vagosg – If he calls, don’t spend a lot of time on the phone. Just as where and when to meet up. You don’t have to ask the reason, simply show up happy and act casual. If he asks what you’ve been doing, simply say working, spending time with family and friends etc. If you’ve been dating you could tell him you’ve been having some fun casually dating. No need to go into a lot of detail about anything.
Oh, since he’s been on dating sites, maybe there is no good reason to meet if you don’t want to. A nineteen year age difference is a big one! Maybe he’s not the guy for you and hopefully you could find a nice guy near your own age..we met for some 4 hours he has been pressy asking about waht i have been doing and my friends, he told me i was secretive about my phone use texting to friends.. we argued abt that.. anyway begging he said about his vacations and that we can go sometime, i argued on what basis? he said we could.. before leaving I daid im departing slowly and tried to ensure he unserstands that both of us are searching… anyway he said I looked differt and improved to be happy and to meet again and see how it goes… there was not a single touch
I guess he propably show me online on the same dating site and near him. I got some 8 repeated calls. I only replied some 2 hours late to the tenth call. He proposed to go out tonit but none of us set a specific time due work and agreed to talk later or exchange texts. However, I arrenged to see my friends. He called late about 28 times to arrange to meet even but I never answered only some 2 hours late saying that I was with frienda and forgot my mob in the car. He started an unforseen lengthy argument why I never informed him while he was at work that I would be finally meeting friends and that I never call anyway. I argued you asked for space/ break up etc and I see no reason to contact. Anyway I suggested tommorow or day after tommorow and again started an argument that I dont care and push him at the end of my list etc… Lets see how it goes..
@vagosg – Now I’m getting worried. Calling 8 times and then 28 times is obsessive! Are you going to a bar to meet your friends and does he go to the same bar sometimes? You broke up twice already and he’s much older than you so this probably won’t work out. Arguments are not good. And this guy almost sounds like a stalker. I think you should block him and distance yourself from him, but be very careful! I think it would be better if you found someone nice who is closer to your age.
thanks yours, age diff is indeed big i know it will not last long, i am the older and definetely is not a sugar daddy relationship. meantime we met for a drink we discussed, said he missed me but there are still those bad moments that he thinks of, anyway i mentioned that we have both reassumed online dating to which he agreed and argued is not exactly for sex dates but more of in the context of rethinking everuthing. After 1 day I thought it was the right time to struck! I invited him to go to the beach. he called me next day to arrange. then i gently said i would be doing somethong with friends at night and i show he looked intetrestinv to join and invited him and finally we spent the night together and finally all weekend. we came close and with few words we just said that happiness is our goal,to stop “silly things”, to proceed together “this summer”, few honest words. I feel happy lets see how it goes. (the problems have been extensively communicated between us on the previous 3 meetings)
@vagosg – I hate to rain on your parade, but you being 19 years older is a huge deal! What are your ages? I don’t know if either of you have kids, but that might be a factor for him later on and you can’t look young forever. He will most likely trade you in for a much younger woman at some point and the longer you prolong this, the more heartache you will feel later. Plus there have been 2 breakups already and he doesn’t sound very enthusiastic to get back into a committed relationship with you. I think he’s enjoying meeting new women via the online dating site and wants to keep you dangling on a string. For your own long term happiness, it would probably be better to keep dating other guys closer to your age. Surely there are lots of nice guys out there who would be more “into” you who would want a long term relationship. I’m glad you’re happy right now and happiness is the main goal for any couple, but the age difference might come into play sooner than you think and you will be very very hurt. By your being okay with him dating others, he has your permission to play the field and you are not his priority! It just can’t feel good..
Even with all that said, I hope it works out for you. Communicating on the previous meetings was an important step and perhaps it will all lead to something very special. At least that’s what I hope and pray for you..
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