Second break up

Hello guys.
Me and my gf broke up last Friday (and on wednesday two days before she texted me she wants to break up). The only problem is that it is our second break up. We were together for almost 5 years. I love her and I want her back I can’t help myself. I have been applying no contact till Tuesday (4 days). She had birthday on Tuesday so I wished her through the text. Just simple positive short message, nothing else, just “i wish you happy birthday”. Problem is I gave her flowers on Friday in break up talk because I was scared that I will never seen her again. But to the point. She didn’t like my negativity about life, and that I could not go through the mistake I have made our first year (I was sad and I slept with someone else – I still feel ashamed over years and have a strong guilt even know), she gave me another chance, she was trying to overcome it, to be positive, but I was still having guilt, I was telling her what girl is nice who approached me etc, because I wanted to be honest, but it hurt her (now I feel so stupidly).First we broke up after 3 years, because I didn’t have job, was in US for 3 months and she wanted to be happy (also I was still not over the past). But we get together after almost month. She didn’t changed her status on facebook that time. After and during this break up, I didn’t contact with her only sometimes she wrote me about job, and I was working on myself – job, sports, motorbike, cooking. I was posting pictures on facebook. Than I was moving ahead happily. It seemed happy. We were on vacation etc, I bought a car just move on.

Then some family problems happened and I was stressed with who I was living, and the problem is I began to be lazy again, to be self pity, nervous, sometimes exploding (not only to her but for example in a car traffic because of other drivers – maybe you know it). And she started to be more with her positive friends and in work. She said that she is now not breaking up with me because she just want to be alone. Other thing is that, she alwas wanted me to live together or travel but I was so dumm that I was postponing everything, I didn’t do anything, and also talk about past (in hidden signs), At the moment she changed her status on facebook, she replied me on tuesday just thank you with smile to my birthday wish.

I think we broke up in positive way (of course i was pleading crying, ****), her parents liked me and her friends too. Now I don’t have anything of it. What should I do? It has been one week since break up and not contacting her, except birthday wish (i know it was not clever but I didn’t want to look immature). I post picture on FB with my dad on motorbike to look more positive last monday but no like. But I am scared she now knows that maybe it is my strategy. Should I stay in no contact? Should I post on facebook as I do that my live is shifting forward? (sports, dating, new job -> new living?) Now

I know I want to marry her and be together, I am so sad that I was not working more on myself, because she broke up with me and said that I need to date and to be in relationship with some other girl to ged rid of my past insecurity and guilt. I love her, still having passion and hope to fix it. I will be very glad If your reply and answer my questions. I don’t know what to do.

PS: if there is something I wrote wrong let me know.