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So my ex and I were together for roughly a year and a half. We’ve been broken up for several months. We are still friends, but I am not over her, and I don’t think that she is over me. We have a bit of a wedge between us however, and I’ve been accused that our relationship did not mean much to me. Well it does, and I don’t want her to think that it doesn’t, but as good things go I need some space and time to myself to stop obsessing over the situation. I’ve been rather needy and depressed, and it’d be nice to have my confidence back. I’d like to use the time for what it’s meant, and do some soul searching and personal improvement, so should I drop her like a hot potato and come back as a fresh tomato or should I just be real with her? I wasn’t completely up front and honest with her after we split and for a good reason, but that’s no way to build a life with someone. The reason that it’s such a tough decision as to wether or not I tell her is, she was my literal best friend up until we split. We don’t talk like we used to, so I’d say we aren’t ‘bestfriends’ anymore but this is still very emotional for me so I’m hoping to get some advice from someone who’s thinking quite a bit more logically than I. Thanks!
@Janedoe3957 – Let her know how long you want no contact and the reason. Transparency and complete honesty is usually the best policy. I don’t know what you felt that you couldn’t tell her, but you need to judge whether or not it would be a permanent wedge between you. Good luck..
@patricia12 First, thanks for getting back to me, it’s nice to hear someone finally took the time to read that. So this wedge…when we first broke up we were living together and we were kind of distant for a month and a half. She had been staying at one of her girlfriend’s house as we were on the ‘break’. One night I decide to finally go out with some buds, lo and behold there she is dressed to kill with another guy and some extras. Obviously I was pissed, but I felt like going to jail over it was a little much so I made like a tree and got the hell out of there. Now this was the initial moment I realized I needed to think, and an old old friend of mine had just recently reached out to me. Granted it was another girl, but there was nothing between me and this girl and there still isn’t, I just needed a ‘woman’s touch’ on this situation. My girl however, doesn’t like this girl, but I really didn’t have anybody else to talk to and I did it anyways. We did the whole -do you really want to get back with her bit- and I went out trying to find that answer. One of the things I did was go on the infamous friends date with another old friend who also happened to be a girl. The girl however started telling all of her friends that we had been dating, my girl eventually catches wind, doesn’t believe my word over theirs because I mean do I need to explain women? The fact is though, I wasn’t real with her about what was going on in the first place so that’s kind of my fault, and I’m trying to start fresh but danggit is that tough. Anyways, we’ve been talking through this whole ordeal but recently we were going to meet up at my place, I was gonna cook dinner for her and she kind of blew me off. The emotions that I felt made me realize that I was still obsessing over it thus, initiating the NC. It’s been five days now since we haven’t talked and she just messaged me, which is a good sign because she’s been going out of her way to check on what I’m up to lately. I still haven’t told her what’s going on but it seems to be working, so after all of this, still think I should tell her?
@Janedoe3957 – I don’t understand why you two can’t sit down and have a mature conversation about it. Since she blew off the dinner, maybe she is upset and being unreasonable about the whole thing. If you want to give her time to calm down, let her know you want to do no contact so she can do that. Jealousy and arguments are two main reasons for breakups! If you BOTH want a relationship or friendship to work, you both have to move past all this silly stuff. Good luck..
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