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Boards Reconciliation My situation is kinda messy… so please help!

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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
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  • #87776

    xsoekung2828
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 8

    Hello (native english speaker here)
    So.. where do i begin..
    My ex gf broke up with me month ago due to trust issue. I had problem with her writing with her ex before me of 2 years as a friend. I tried to talk about this problem before with her, but she was very stubborn and kinda immature, because when i tried to discuss and solve the issues(every problems) with her, she chose to not talk about it and be mad. So before she broke up with me she saw my messages in my phone that i had been written with a girl who i dated for 3 years ago. There was no sexual intention, just a friend. And i did that just to make her jealous(yes, very immature of me) I was so devastated. I begged and pleded for weeks, and she acted so cold towards me. I thought there was no chance and she was over me(She said that to me). 3 days after she texted me that i would come by her place, which i did. I was so happy that she wanted to see me. Then we began to make out, but i could feel that it wasn’t right, hers feelings weren’t there. So i asked her if it was only for sex, which it was. She got very upset when i said that i still had feeling for her. We didn’t talk a couple days later. Then i found some videos on youtube about NC rule. I did reply NC rule for a couple days. During NC she texted me almost every night.. very late night. First, i ignored her texts but then she texted me again that she hated me so much, and hope that i will grow up someday and realize what i have miss. I broke the NC and replied her why i have been ignoring her and told her that i had to work on myself and i couldn’t see her as a friend or friend with benefits. But she told me that she doesn’t want to be friend with me. So i visited her and we had sex that night, but i still felt like she was using me.
    I tried NC rule again, and a fews day later she texted me again(not at night this time) that i wanted to take a walk with her, which i agreed to. The interaction i had with her that day was actually light and fun, she even mentioned that she was impressed by my self-improvement.(I used snapchat and instagram to post my rapport) Then when we got home, we kissed and kissed, and it felt like the first night we kissed. So i stayed at her place that day. We had sex and we talked for hours, She acted exactly like when we first dated, very kind and very chatty. When i was about to go home, she told me that i she loved me.

    After that day, it had me thinking that i got her back, but nope.. One day she was cold and distant, and one day she was lovly. I was very confused and felt like she was testing me or playing with me. So, i tried the NC rule again, but it had been on and off, because how she acted. And because she will be moving away to another town(2 hours away) to study, and we agreed to see each other as much as possible.

    So, 2 days before she was leaving, which it was 25 december, and i had been drinking. I called her and that was when i screw everything up again. I tried to make her jealous(yes very stupid) by saying that a friend of mine did a setup a meeting with me and a girl who heard that i was single. And oh boy… it backfired.. hard. I don’t know what im thinking there, but i thought making her jealous would make her wanted me and will be chasing after me. She got very upset and canceled our new years eve. I apologized to her and told her that the truth, that it was a strategy i used. She told me that is fine but she doesn’t want to talk with me. And i respected that.

    So the day before she left, she texted me again that she wanted to give me my stuff back(not all of them) I went there to get my stuff back. Our interaction was very akward, because she was very cold and i could feel that, so we didn’t speak very much. And that was the goodbye. I wish i could do more i but i couldn’t.

    It has been a week since she moved. I tried to do NC rule, but i failed everytime, because i found out that she was together with her ex(before me) again. And she still snapchat me once in a while, but never reply back..

    But right now i am on second days of NC rule, and i have been improving myself everyday. I know that people think that i should move on, but i love her very much. So what should i do? Is is too late now at this point? Thank you for your time 🙂 And sorry for my english.

    #89943

    Meme01
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 6

    My advise is that continue with NC because it looks that she knows your weakness that whenever she texts you , you will jump as if you have been waiting for her text.
    Let her wonder about how you are doing and what is it that it is keep you from texting her back.

    You must reply to her text after you have completed your NC.

    Talking from experience the more you fall into someone’s trap you will end up needy and it will be hard for you to forget about your ex. Drive your attention to something else as soon as you feel the edge of texting her back.

    #89944

    xsoekung2828
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 8

    Thank you for your advice! Yeah, i know that i am bad at ignoring her. It is because shes acting hot and cold with me. One day she texts me, one day she doesn’t even reply. And i get so happy when she texts me during the NC

    #89945

    xsoekung2828
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 8

    *Update*
    After a week on NC she called me asking about how i was, we talked for a little bit. It was a casual and light conversation. We didn’t talk after that but we snapchatted from time to time. Our conversation got more positive after times. So, last week, i called her to say goodnight, a little bit of chatting too. And it was a positive conversation. Recently she texts me that when i could visit her. I replied her that i was busy in january(which i am) I recently started in a cooking class. Secondly, i have problem with body, i got atopic dermatitis (eczema) and i didn’t want her to see me like this, so i told her that i could visit her after my body is fully healed. She replied that she didn’t care even if i didn’t have any skins left, she just wanted me to visit her. So, what should i do? I am scared of blow the oppotunity away by taking time, and i am scared that i will scare her of(not of my skins lol) I know that i have to be mmyself and funny and have good time with her, but how do i do that?

    #89958

    xsoekung2828
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 8

    *Another update*

    Now she seems to be cold towards me. I called her asking her that i could visit her next week, but she said maybe, because she had to work, but i know that it was a short shift. Since then she had been acting cold. I called her recently but she hung up, and she texted me instead that she was crying. I asked her what was wrong. She just replied with a short answer “everything” I said that she could talk with me about it, but she just ignored my text. Recently she has been very cold towards me, and she began to like some love-related pictures on instagram, like “hold your loved ones close and forget about the ones who bringe you down” I know that i shouldn’t be over analyzing these kind of things, but i am very scared of that the person who brings her down was me. On 1st febuary i will be in her town, which i asked her but didn’t got any answer from her.

    What should i do? I know that it is hot and cold behaviour, but i am very scared of pushing her away. I knew that she stil had feelings for me, but right now, not so sure anymore since she had been acting cold. Please help me.

    #89961

    mr_the_ex
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 121

    I’m not sure what’s going on here. I understand her breaking up the time she found the messages. And I understand her breaking up when you told her you were going to go out with someone else. But other than that, she seems kind of controlling in that she wants to break up with you and she gets really mad if you are the one to break up with her.

    Maybe that is what is going on. She wants you to want her and then she wants to reject you, so she keeps doing it. If that’s the case, I’m not sure what you can do. She will act like she wants to be with you and then will end up rejecting you. No contact seems to make her want to contact you but just so you’ll go back and then she can reject you.

    Honestly, it sounds like she needs to figure out what she wants. If she wants to be with you, she knows she can contact you. She knows you’ll be in her city. There’s nothing else you can really do from here. I’d go no contact until she contacts you. She has to figure out what she wants, herself.

    #90121

    xsoekung2828
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 8

    Yeah, but i think it is because i have been a little bit too much with being needy and desperat, when she flirting with me. So, i asked her recently if she even wants to see me at all. And soon I will be in her city, sp i asked her that if she wants to meet. She replied “no kissing” So yeah, i figured that i did scare her off by being needy and show too much affections while we were texting. What can i do about this? Because before that she was very flirty with me and teases me all the time, but all of sudden she went cold and no texts at all. But yeah, i guess i will have a meeting with her soon. And now i figured it out that why she was sad and cold, because it had something to do with me. She knows that i still have feelings for her. How can i interact with her even she knows that i am stil want to getting back with her. And how should i respond her text “no kissing”? A tip would be much apreciated since i don’t have too much time. I will be in her city 1st febuary.

    #90206

    xsoekung2828
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 8

    *A little update*

    Hi, i want to do a little update from my meeting with my ex. It went well, we had fun. When we first met we were just talking casually. Then we went to her place to pick her stuff. In her apartment there were a lot of stuff that weren’t hers, and i saw on hers table there were some birth control pills, and she was not a fan of taking them when we were together, because it would give her side effect. So i knew that she has slept with other guys since our breakup. I know that it was not something that i could control, since we are not together anymore. But i didn’t show any emotion to her, though i was so mad inside. Because i figured that one of the reason why she went cold and distant was she was seeing someone else. So i was just talking about something else instead and it went good. Then we went for a shopping, which it went better with our interactions. I began to holding hands and small kind of physically interaction. We went for a dinner after and i made her laugh a lot of the times. So when we went back just to chill a little bit before i haad to go home. We cuddle for a bit, even though i felt a small resistance from her side. I mean she wrote “no kissing” after all. So when we said goodbye, we kissed, we laugh for a bit, because i made a comment about “no kissing” Then we kissed again, but nothing more, and i did tried to get more than kisses, but not directly. I think our first interaction went well. But what does that kiss mean? What should i do after this point? How can i make her to think about me and not the guy she has been seeing? Especially when she was so hot towards me a few weeks before.
    Thank you

    #90208

    mr_the_ex
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 121

    Ok, that makes more sense at least. So, maybe she said no kissing because she is going out with someone else. But at the same time, she obviously still has feelings for you or she wouldn’t have met up with you and showed you affection at all. You can’t force her to want to be with you but you can make yourself better to make yourself more appealing to her. What that means is different to different women. But how it is going to work at all if she is in a different city and you don’t see her often?

    #90340

    xsoekung2828
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 8

    I feel like we are not finish yet for sure, since i know that she still has feelings for me, and i am sure that i want her back, not because of i miss her or something like that. I want to have a new and better relationship with her. Thats why i need an advice about how can i maintain a contact with her. How do i build attraction for her via text? We did text a little bit after we said goodbye but she seems cold again now. Should i go to no contact? What can i do after this point?

    #90494

    maya2018
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 4

    Hi ,
    I read your story and the part where u mention ur visit to her city. And it seems to me that u started to think that ur ex slept with other guys because of birth control pills…
    Well just to let u know many women take those pills if they have polycystic ovary (As a treatment for a condition).

    I dont know why ur ex is taking them but just wanted u to know that there are other reasons why a women would take them. So pls dont jump into conclusions.

    Also i believe ur ex needs some space to clear her head. I would give her some space….
    And i would advice to go completely silent on social media. That usually makes women very curious :).

    #90495

    xsoekung2828
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 8

    Sorry, for unclear story. My ex and i did a little bit about if we had slept with someone else after our breakup, and she said yes, and she would never take any birthcontrol pills unless she wants something serious.

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