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So I reactivated my facebook a few days ago. Went to my messenger and noticed my ex wasn’t in my preferred contacts so I went to his page… I got the block. Not just the delete but the whole block. We haven’t spoken in 23 days. The breakup was fine and mutual but when he attempted to contact me afterwards I didn’t respond.
So I’m confused. The only times I’ve ever blocked someone was for one of two reasons. I didn’t want to see their stuff because it hurt and I felt like I needed to move on and that I a block was the only way I could or because I didn’t want them to see my stuff.
So I’m over here trying to figure out which it was and what that means for my NC.
I know when I blocked my previous ex and he’d message me asking about it, I actually wanted to hear from him a little.
So… The block kind of threw me for a loop. I had hoped that him seeing me on fb would kinda let him know I was ready to be friends subliminally and that it would be easier to reach out later on. But the block is making me think, that if I don’t reach out eventually, he never will.
What should I do? Extend NC? Give him some time to cool down? The hell is happening???
I should also mention we had a convo about dogs and he always said he wanted a male dog and I had said “you should probably consider a female because of my dog if you’re open to it so they don’t fight for dominance all of the time”
He got a female dog that looks identical to my male… Could be coincidence but I “liked” that picture like 4 days ago.
My Facebook I posted one selfie that got a significant amount of attention (from males) that I ignored. I dunno. Not sure which direction to go
OMG. Facebook has caused soooooo many problems with ex boyfriends / girlfriends! Everybody tries to guess what stuff means. They get jealous. They get sad. It’s just crazy! Please think about deactivating it again. Just because you looked doesn’t break no contact. If the dog conversation took place just recently, that’s breaking no contact and you maybe should start over. But you know, you’re not the one who has to improve or change. He knows how to get in touch with you and if he wants to he will. That would be the time to let him know you want to be friends. If he doesn’t contact you by the end of no contact, write a short text about the friendship possibility..
The conversation was before we broke up. He blocked me today after having no interaction with one another for 23 days.
I’m a little conflicted. The block is fresh. That to me signifies that he wants to take control of the situation for whatever reason and “cut me off.”
I don’t know if it’s out of hurt, or spite or he just didn’t care to keep in contact with me anymore despite his earlier texts that indicated he wanted to be friends.
I dunno. The worst would be sending out a text at the end of NC and not getting a response. The block to me is almost a communication, like he WANTED me to know “hey look, I can cut you off too.”
I don’t think he’d respond if I reached out and I think that would suck
It sucks now! Sending a short note in a week couldn’t be much worse than it is right now. And not getting a response is a response! Meaning you would know for sure what to do as in get over it and move on without wondering what he thinks or feels. Can’t even guess what his reason for blocking you might be, but probably one of the things you mentioned, lol.
“The breakup was fine and mutual but when he attempted to contact me afterwards I didn’t respond.”
No contact rule only works if your break-up was harsh and you still have feelings for him/her, not via mutual agreement. I could be wrong.. but that’s what I heard from Brad’s guide – I think.
Possibly, I thought about what Patricia said with the whole “no response is a response” logic and I checked my messenger and it appeared that he had unblocked me so I crafted my letter and sent it to check (see if I was unblocked) The block was still in place but I figured since I already crafted it I’d just send it via text since I was coming near the end of my NC anyway. Also, I really felt like he was acting out because he wanted me to reach out and my suspicions were kind of confirmed.
I didn’t mention the block, kept the letter light and just explained that i had needed some time.
He said he “felt really horrible about it and still does.” Wasnt sure how to take that.
He responded and the conversation was good, brief. I avoided getting into the break up discussion. He mentioned a couple times that he’d be in town for work today through Saturday. I didn’t know if he was reaching for an invitation or not but didn’t press the issue. I kept the convo relatively short and haven’t texted since.
update: my ex and I had another conversation today where he alluded that he was in town again and I didn’t quite try to set anything up, I mentioned I would be in the area and he stopped contact. It kind of made me realize that I only partially let NC do it’s job.
I felt a little disappointed that he didn’t continue the conversation and I realized I wasn’t quite ready to talk to him again yet and while he seems to be showing some interest in keeping contact with me, I don’t think he’s ready either.
I decided to start NC over again. I deleted his number so I don’t have it at my disposal and I’m going to focus on work and other areas of my life.
This forum has been extremely helpful but at the same time I think seeing “getyourexback” every day is kind of messing with me. Inadvertently it makes me think that’s my ultimate goal when I should be focused on moving away from him. So I’m going to try to give it a go without the forum.
I wanted to thank you Patricia for all of your help. You’ve always been super kind and real with your responses with me and they’ve helped me through some of the worst of it. I’ll see you all in a month;)
Hey i couldnt help but add that i really liked what you wrote in the end. “Get ur ex back” should not be the ultimate goal in life! Im so glad to hear from like minded people! I too think the same n after starting my nc ive realized there is so much more to do and even though we all love out respective partners and would want them back,life does go on! I think more than getting my ex back m glad m atleast getting my life back on track and thay is more important than anything in the world! Ur doing great! Keep us dated! Goodluck
Recent events made me recall I had made a profile on this site and I thought I’d update for all those who are just beginning no contact with their current exes.
After my last post, I ended up matching with my ex on tinder around 4-5 months later. Despite doing no contact, I hadn’t properly used the time to grow. I was in the deepest depression I’ve ever experienced in my life, and when we eventually met up for a movie and dinner all of that energy was apparent. I felt like I had “blown my chance” to be reunited with the love of my life. We texted back and forth intermittently for a few weeks and then his responses started dwindling and eventually I realized he had probably met someone and as much as it hurt to do so, I let it go.
It took me over a year to really forgive my ex for leaving suddenly, without explanation and realized that as much as I wanted closure, closure doesn’t come from someone else. It comes from you. All of those days I spent wondering what I did wrong, what I did to make him not love me anymore, self doubt, self pity- all of that was garbage. When I finally came to terms with the simple truth that, hey sometimes people just don’t love you back the same way you loved them, I learned to love myself and value myself. I walk away from toxic people and situations, I started living my life the way I wanted to and I’ve found genuine happiness in my own company throughout that time.
I doubled my income, started chasing my dreams and passions and really started building a life for myself.
Much to my surprise, my ex reached out to me a few weeks ago, about a year and a half later. He was at the top of the list of people I never expected to hear from again and after a brief conversation we eventually agreed to go see a movie and grab some food (again, haha). It was a really pleasant experience. We caught up, filled each other in on how we were doing, what we’d been up to. We even showed up wearing identical outfits, which gave us a nice laugh. It gave me extreme comfort knowing that I could see and be around him without feeling hurt or resentful. It felt like catching up with an old friend. He brought up his most recent relationship several times and explained why it didn’t work out and it surprised me that I didn’t feel one way or the other hearing about him with someone else. He mentioned that I was one of the only people he’s ever dated (if not the only) where he genuinely wonders how I’m doing and he hopes I’m doing well. The difference between this meeting and the last one was night and day.
I wanted to post in hopes that it may give comfort to someone who is feeling really shitty right now because of a break up. Eventually you WILL reach a point where it doesn’t hurt anymore. Where you can really forgive your ex and forgive yourself for being so hard on yourself during this time. I don’t think reconciliation is in our future. At least, not on my end, the time apart gave me perspective. He was my first love and I will always love him, but we weren’t the right people for each other. Nonetheless, it was nice to see him and be genuinely happy for him and get a feeling that he felt the same. We left as friends and I don’t know where it’ll go from there.
No matter where you’re at in your NC, don’t lose focus on the goal- which is you becoming the best you that you can be and healing from your breakup. To get to a place where no matter what happens, you’re happy. Who knows, a year and a half from now you may get a phone call you’re not expecting. (:
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