Winning your ex boyfriend or girlfriend back isn’t really the hard part. The hard part is keeping them.

After all, they left you once, what is to stop them from leaving you again?

What is the point of getting your ex back if you can’t keep them PERMANENTLY?

My name is Kevin, and I am here to help you through this painful breakup and hopefully get your ex back. I say hopefully because I can’t guarantee you that you will get your ex back. I can, however, guarantee that if you follow this plan, your chances of getting your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back will increase significantly.

What This Article Is About?

This article is divided into 5 Steps. I have done so because this way you have a step by step plan that you can follow to get your ex back.

It’s important to have a plan to follow, because after a breakup you are hurt, emotionally drained and most of all, confused. And during this state of confusion, you are bound to make a lot of mistakes that will actually hurt your chances of getting back together.

I have seen people make these mistakes over and over again (in my two three four five years of experience helping people with breakups).

Having a plan gives you a sense of direction and removes all the confusion. A plan will give you something to look forward to when you are feeling down and unsure about yourself. A plan will give you hope. This article is that plan.

This article is quite long. I highly recommend you read the entire article because it will not only help you understand what you should do but also why you should do it.

However, for those of you that don’t like reading too much, here’s a shorter version of the article. (Although, it is highly recommended that you read this entire article and the comment section. It will change the way you see your breakup and will give you a very detailed plan to follow. You will also find thousands of stories you can relate to in the comment section.)

How to Get Your Ex Back

  1. To get your ex back, you must not make any of the deadly mistakes that make you look needy or desperate.
  2. Start no contact. Stop all communications with your ex unless it’s absolutely necessary and unavoidable.
  3. Become You Version 2.0. Take a step back and reassess everything. Work on becoming happier and more confident.
  4. Once no contact is over, get back in touch with your ex. If you do it correctly, he/she will be blown away seeing the new and improved version of yourself.
  5. Take things slowly and rebuild attraction, connection and trust with your ex. Keep doing it until your ex decides they want to get back together. Before you begin no contact take this short quiz to find out your chances of getting back together.

But what are these mistakes you keep talking about?

I am glad you asked because the first part of this guide is precisely about these mistakes.

STEP #1. The Instincts aka The Deadly Mistakes

I call this part “The Instincts” because all these mistakes are a direct result of people following their instincts. Most of the advice in this 5 Step Plan is counter-intuitive, but it works. When you read it, you will understand why and it will all start to make sense. So let’s start by going over the deadly mistakes that you should avoid at any cost.

Deadly Mistake #1: Calling And Texting Them All The Time

Kevin, we broke up 8 days ago. Since then, I have messaged him everyday constantly and he barely replies. I have to text him a hundred times before he replies just once. I really love him and want to be with him, but I don’t understand why he is acting like this. He said he loved me and then suddenly this.

That’s the story of around 80% of the people who are desperate to get their ex back. It’s a huge mistake to text and call your ex all the time. In fact, it’s a huge mistake to call them even once. Your instincts tell you that if you stay in contact with your ex, they will not forget about you and hopefully come back.

ex calling

Even the calls that might seem casual to you, look needy and desperate to your ex.

But it doesn’t really work that way. In fact, every time you call or text your ex, you are showing them you are a needy person and you are miserable without them. This neediness is unattractive and pushes your ex further away.

You should be extremely careful whenever you go out drinking. You might end up calling your ex and making a fool of yourself. So whenever you go out drinking, have a friend with you who can stop you from making this mistake.

But if I don’t call or text my ex, how can I get them back?

You should contact them in a certain way that will make them feel attracted to you again. I explain exactly how to do this below in Step 4.

Deadly Mistake #2: Begging And Trying To Use Pity

If begging worked after a breakup, no one will ever break up with anybody. They decided to leave you and they are prepared to go through your begging and pleading. Whatever the reason for breakup was, it’s not going to change with your begging. The only thing that begging will do is make you look like a weak and insecure person.

cat begging

Unfortunately, humans don’t look as cute as cats while begging.

Similarly, your instincts will also make you believe that if you just show your ex that you can’t live without them, they will take you back.  Your thought pattern becomes something like

  1. If he knows how miserable I am without him, he will come back.
  2. If only she knows that I can’t continue my life without her, she’ll take me back.

Again, your instincts are screwing with you. Trust me, no one takes their ex back out of pity. No one is attracted to someone who is miserable. And even if your ex came back because of this, do you really want your ex to be with you just because of pity? Or do you want them to respect and love you?

Deadly Mistake #3: Let Them Walk All Over You

Your instincts will tell you that if you just agree to everything your ex wants, they will come back. Your instincts will tell you that your needs, your values, your desires, your goals don’t matter. Your instincts will tell you that the only thing that matters is to get your ex back. And for that, you can sacrifice everything.
You let your ex walk all over you. You become a doormat. You agree to the most ridiculous demands your ex has. But your instincts tell you, it’s OK. Because having your ex in your life is the only thing that matters.

doormat in relationships

Well, guess what?

Agreeing to everything your ex says is not going to bring them back. In fact, it’s only going to make your ex respect you less. Nobody wants to be with someone they don’t respect. And even if they do come back, they will leave shortly realizing they have no respect for you as a person.

Deadly Mistake #4: Showering Them with Affection

Your instincts tell you that if your ex just realizes how much you love them and how much you care about them, they will come back. You just need to make them believe that no one in the world will ever love them the way you do. How can they reject you once they realize how much you love them, Right?
smothering your ex
The truth is, they already know that you love them, how much you adore them and how much you care about them. But they still decided to breakup. Showering them with affection is not going to help you. In fact, the more you smother them, the more trapped they’ll feel. And that will just make them want to get away from you as soon as possible.

Deadly Mistake #5: Freaking Out When Your Ex Starts Dating

The thought of your ex being with someone else is a gut wrenching one. But in reality, it’s not as bad as we make it out to be. We will get into that later, but first, let’s take a look at how your instincts react when you find out your ex is dating someone else.

If I don’t do anything right now, they’ll fall in love with this new person and forget about me forever. I better go over there and do everything that this article has told me not to do. Including begging, using pity, telling them how much I love them, agreeing to all their conditions (be a doormat). And if they don’t open the door, I’ll just stand outside and call and text them all day. It will be even better to tell my ex how this new person is totally wrong for them and what a big mistake they are making by being in a relationship with this _______(INSERT DEROGATORY REMARK).

If you didn’t realize it by now, your instincts and your mind go into panic mode when you find out your ex is dating someone new. In most cases, you freak out and make all the mistakes mentioned above.

The truth is, your ex is most probably in a rebound relationship (Read: Is Your Ex In a Rebound Relationship? Find Out With These Telltale Signs). And almost all of the rebound relationships end sooner rather than later. It sucks, but rebound relationships are a way for many people to deal with breakups. Fortunately for you, it’s one of the most ineffective way to move on. So, just because they are in a rebound relationship doesn’t mean they will forget about you and move on. In fact, it just means the opposite. It means that they are having a hard time moving on and as long as they are in this rebound relationship, they are avoiding grief. And that means it will take them longer to get over you.

rebound relationship

A rebound relationship is like a cigarette. It’s unhealthy. It provides a false sense of calmness. And it ends when the flame is over. (the faster you smoke the faster it ends)

The most important thing for you to do while your ex is in a rebound relationship is be cool about it. Whatever happens, do not tell your ex to break up with their rebound partners. Let it be their idea. They have a huge hole in their life after breaking up with you which they are trying to fill with someone new. They will soon realize that a rebound relationship can not fill the emptiness and they will end the relationship. (Do you think his relationship is not just a rebound? Read How To Get Your Ex Back When He Has Moved On To a New Girlfriend.)

What If I’ve Already Made These Mistakes?

Chances are, you’ve already made at least one of these mistakes after the breakup. Don’t worry, even the wisest monks in the Himalayas and masters of psychology from Harvard usually end up making these mistakes after a breakup. It’s just in the nature of human beings to try and hold on to something that is precious to them. So don’t beat yourself over it. The most important thing for you to do right now is to realize that these mistakes will not help you get him or her back and stop doing them right away. Move on to the next step of the plan which is going to repair all the damage you’ve caused till now.

 

STEP #2. No Contact aka Give Yourself Time And Space

If you’ve been searching about breakups and getting your ex back online, you’d know that there is a thing called no contact rule. It’s simple and very effective. All you have to do is stop all the communication with your ex for a short period of time. This includes

  • No Calling
  • No Texting
  • No Facebook Messaging
  • No Online Contact Of Any Kind (IM, Twitter)
  • No “accidentally” bumping into them (you know what that means)
  • No hanging out with common friends in hopes of meeting your ex

Why do no contact?

For three reasons

1. Your ex needs some space and time to remove all the negative associations from the breakup and start missing you. People have a common misconception that if you don’t contact your ex, they will forget about you. But in reality, if you don’t contact your ex, you will give them time to miss you more and they will be wondering all the time why you are not contacting them. Remember all the mistakes in Part #1 of this guide. Every one of them made your ex think of you as a needy person. By not contacting them, you immediately become not needy in their mind.

2. You also need some space and time. You need to get a hold of yourself and gain some perspective. The fact is, you are a mess after the breakup. And you need to calm down and analyze your relationship thoroughly to realize whether or not being with your ex is in your best interest. It could be that you are just missing your ex. You need to learn to enjoy your life without your ex. You need to prove to yourself that you can be happy without your ex. You will eventually realize that you DON’T NEED YOUR EX to be happy. Maybe you’ll still WANT them, but there is a big difference between needing something and wanting something.

happiness comes from inside

3. You must become an attractive, happy person during this time. You need to take a step back and reevaluate your life. You should make a lot of positive changes in your life. When you meet your ex after the no contact period, you want them to be attracted to you. And the best way to do it is to start enjoying life and becoming an overall happy person. Don’t take this point lightly. This could be the difference between getting your ex back or losing them forever. (If you’d like to read more about why you should do this, read this article.)

How long is the no contact period?

stay no contact for 30 days

Basically, the no contact period should be as long as it takes you to get yourself together and feel great about your life without your ex. In my experience, it can take up to 30 days. However, in extreme cases, it could range from anywhere from 2 months to 6 months.

Your ex during No Contact Period

At this point, you might start wondering how no contact is going to effect your ex and what you should do about it. This section covers most of the doubts you may have regarding no contact. If you still need more information, read this article.

Should I tell my ex that I am doing no contact?

Ideally no. You want them to wonder what happened to you and why you are not contacting them. You want to be on your ex’s mind as much as you can. And telling them you are not contacting for some time will defeat this purpose.

However, if your ex is currently calling you everyday or texting you everyday, then yes you should let them know that you don’t want them to contact you for a short period of time. Don’t give them any specifics. Just tell them to not contact you until you decide to contact them. Let them know you need some space and time right now.

Wouldn’t it be rude if I don’t contact my ex?

Wasn’t it rude of your ex to break your heart and leave you begging them to take you back? And yet, you’ll still do anything to be with them. Sometimes, rudeness is not as bad as you think it is.

Besides, you are doing no contact for your own mental peace and well-being. There is nothing rude about taking care of yourself.

Should I answer my ex’s text during no contact?

NO. Absolutely not. Whatever happens, don’t answer their text.

Should I answer my ex’s call during no contact?

No. You shouldn’t answer your ex’s call. The only exception to this is if you are close to ending your no contact and you are already feeling great about your life. If you think that talking to your ex will have you obsessing about them again, don’t answer their call.

  • What if my ex moves on during no contact?
  • What if my ex meets someone and get married during no contact?
  • What if my ex forgets about me during no contact?

Good questions. And the answer to all of them is NO, THEY WON’T.

If you and your ex were in any type of serious relationship, then they will not be able to move on so quickly. In fact, no contact is only going to make them miss you more and remember the good things about you. You have to take a leap of faith over here. The alternative to no contact is being a creep and texting and stalking your ex all the time, which will probably lead to a restraining order against you. You really don’t have much of an option.

Can’t I make the no contact shorter? Like a week or a few days?

So, you want to give your ex a couple days break from your avalanche of texts and then bombard them again after a couple of days? No.

It takes time for people to remove negative association after a breakup and start missing their ex. You have to give it to them. Besides, you have to prove to yourself that you can live without your ex for at least 30 days. And more importantly, you have to work on yourself and become a more confident and happy person.  Unless you make a positive change in yourself, your ex will not be able to convince themselves to get back together with you.(Read more about the no contact rule here.)

STEP #3. Taking Care of Yourself aka What to do in No Contact

This is the part where most people screw up. No contact will be of no use unless you try to make a positive change in your life during this time. If you just want to stay at home and just be miserable for the next one month, things are not going to change even after no contact period. Yes, you need to grieve after a breakup and yes, there’s some benefit in spending some time alone, grieving and analyzing your relationship. But at some point, you have to go out there and do something with your life.

are you happy?

Positive Changes In Your Appearance

Making a positive change in your physical appearance is going to give you a fresh look. You are going to feel new and you are going to feel better. And when your ex sees you after the no contact period, they are going to see a new you. Here are a few things you can do.

  • Get a haircut. Just go to a hairstylists and find out what is in fashion these days.
  • Get your teeth cleaned. A beautiful smile is very attractive.
  • Get in the best shape of your life. Go to the gym and sweat it out. This is also great for your mental health as working out releases endorphins which make you happy.
  • Get new clothes. They will definitely make you feel better about yourself.

Whatever you do, don’t do anything drastic right now. You don’t want to make any physical changes right now that you might regret for the rest of your life (like getting a tattoo of a broken heart).

Positive changes in your mentality

Being a happy and confident person is probably the most important thing when it comes to getting your ex back. You need to realize that happiness and confidence is something that you can get by working on yourself.  Here are a few ideas that will help you gain more confidence and become a happier person.

learn to be happy without your ex

Instead of sitting at home eating ice cream and watching TV, go out and do something to make yourself feel better.

1. Give yourself some time to grieve. I know how hard it is to be happy after a breakup. I remember I was a complete mess for at least two weeks. I didn’t sleep properly, didn’t eat properly, and I was just thinking about my ex girlfriend all day. In a way, this period is necessary for you. You give yourself some time to grieve everyday. If you want to feel sad and sorry for yourself, go ahead and do it. But make sure you also do something everyday to make yourself feel good about yourself.

2. Write in a journal. Write your thoughts and your feelings down. Writing is therapeutic and it’s probably going to help you release all those emotions that have been building up inside.

3. Go out with friends. Spend time with your loved ones. Your friends and family are the people who are always there for you and who always love to spend time with you. Go out and have a good time with them.

4. Do some meditation. Be aware of yourself. Know your weaknesses and strengths. Be proud of yourself. Accept yourself for who you are. That’s what confidence is all about. Neediness (which is very unattractive) comes from doubts within yourself. Whereas confidence comes from awareness and accepting yourself.

5. Go out on a date. This is absolutely essential and if you are reading this, then I will recommend that you definitely go out on a few dates before ending no contact with your ex. It’s absolutely imperative for you to get some perspective right now and meeting new people is the best way to do it.

Analyzing Your Relationship

You have to ask yourself this question, why do you want to get back with your ex? If you answered something like

  1. I love him/her.
  2. I can’t live without him/her.
  3. I am miserable without my ex.
  4. He/She was the only one for me.
  5. I can’t imagine a life without my ex.

Then you are still suffering from post-breakup denial and bargaining. Denial and bargaining are two of the many stages of grief after a breakup. It’s extremely common for people to want to get their ex back after a breakup. However, it’s not always the right choice.

For example, even if your relationship with your ex was abusive, you might want to rekindle it just because you are missing them. Our mind often confuses the act of missing someone with “love”. It’s normal to miss someone after you’ve been with them for a long time. But it doesn’t necessarily mean you still love them.

Look at it like this, every relationship has problems, fights, and disagreements. But if you two broke up, then there was something very wrong with your relationship. You need to analyze what went wrong and realize whether or not it’s a good idea to get back together.

pros and cos of your relationship

Are you sure your ex didn’t have any cons?

If you listen to your heart, all you will hear is that you love your ex and you want them back. Instead, try to think with your mind. Be logical. Analyze the pros and cons of your relationship. Analyze the pros and cons of your ex. Analyze what your goals in life are and whether or not a relationship with your ex aligns with those goals.(Read: Should You Get Your Ex Back?)

Remember, your ex will not make you happy, only you can make yourself happy. And the only way you can do it is by understanding yourself, loving yourself, appreciating what you have, understanding your purpose in life and pursuing it.

Do you really think you can have a happy and long lasting relationship with your ex?

Do you really think that the reason you broke up is no big deal?

You are making a huge decision right now. So you better make sure that it is the right one. You have 30 days to do it, so don’t rush into it. Take your time. Relax and do things that make you feel better. When you start being happy in life without your ex, you will realize whether or not getting your ex back is the right decision. And that is extremely important before you move on to the next step, which is contacting your ex.

STEP #4. Contacting Your Ex aka Re-attraction

Remember when your ex left you? They thought of you as a needy, clingy and desperate person with little to no self-respect. After not being in contact with you for a while, they must be wondering what the heck happened to you. They will slowly start to forget that image of yours (the needy desperate one) and start remembering the things they liked about you. They will start remembering the things that they found attractive in you.

And that’s when you contact them, you talk to them and then meet them. Just as they lay eyes on you, BOOM. That’s the new and improved you. YOU version 2.0. They can’t help but wonder what brought so much positive change in you.

re-attracting your ex

“You look amazing. You smell amazing. You look like you are doing great in your life. You look like you’ve been working out. You look happy. You look confident, sexy, fun and attractive. You look like a catch. Why did I break up with you again?” – Your Ex

For that to happen, you need two things.

  1. You should actually bring a positive change in your life and become a confident, happy and attractive person.
  2. You should contact your ex and meet them somewhere.

If you have been following this guide till now, then you know how to go about the first point. So, let’s get straight to the second point.

Contacting Your Ex

Before you contact your ex, here is a checklist of things you need to make sure you’ve done.

  • You followed the no contact rule for at least one month. (Read about The No Contact Rule here.)
  • You are no longer a mess as you were after the breakup.
  • You have made a few positive changes in your life.
  • You are absolutely sure that getting back with your ex is a good decision. (Find Out here.)
  • You have gone on at least one date during no contact.
  • You have accepted the breakup and you are OK with the fact that you may never get your ex back and this might never work for you .
  • You have accepted the fact that even if you don’t get your ex back, you will be fine since there are endless opportunities in the world to find love and happiness.(Read more about having the right mindset after no contact is over)

Now, there are two ways that you can contact your ex. One is through a letter or email, and the other one is through text messages. You can also call your ex but I recommend you first build up some attraction using text messages and letter before calling them.

The Letter

A hand written letter is a great way to contact your ex right after you’ve finished no contact. A hand written letter stands out in this age of digital technology. Of course, you can use an email as well.

hand written letter

Wouldn’t it be nice to receive a hand written letter in the mail?

This letter has three purposes.

Purpose 1: To let your ex know that you have accepted the breakup. And you think that it’s for the best.

(You are letting them know that you are no longer the needy desperate person who was refusing to accept the breakup.)

Purpose 2: To apologize for any of your inappropriate behavior after the breakup.

(You want to make sure that everything from the past is forgiven and forgotten.)

Purpose 3: To let them know of something exciting that is happening in your life. Don’t reveal too much here. Just tell them something good is happening in your life. You’d love to talk about it, but not now. Because you both need some space and time.

(You want to give them something to chew on. They will be thinking about what’s happening in your life and will want to call or text you to talk about it. You are using curiosity to get your ex contact you. Of course, something must be happening in your life. That’s why creating a positive change in your life is absolutely important before contacting your ex.)

If you want a sample letter written for you, you can find it in Step 5.

The Text Messages

Text messages should ideally be used after sending the hand written letter to build up attraction. You can even skip the hand written letter and move on directly to text messages. You know your situation and your ex better than anyone, so it’s your decision whether or not you want to use just text messages, just the letter, or both. But I highly recommend you use either one or both of these before actually calling your ex.

Text messages are great for building attraction with your ex. They are short, they are personal and you can be sure your ex will read your texts. If used correctly, you can condition your ex to light up in excitement whenever they see a message from you. (Read this more detailed article on getting your ex back with text messages.)

texting your ex

It doesn’t matter where they are, your text will reach them and they will be excited to get a text from you.

The key to using text messages is to be very subtle. Never ever directly talk about your feelings or about your relationships. You want them to associate text messages to something positive and fun. Here are the rules for texting your ex.

Never send them an empty message. An empty message is something that doesn’t say anything and doesn’t give your ex anything to talk about. For example

“Hey”

“Hey, How are you?”

“I miss you”

“:)”

Never ever talk about your feelings and about getting back together.

“I love you”

“I miss you”

“I want you back in my life”

“I am miserable without you”

Never argue or say something negative over text.

“If you had just shown a little more effort, we could have been great together.”

“Your child misses you. You are terrible father to leave him like that.”

Now here are a few things that you should do while using text messages.

Something happened in your life that reminded you of them.

“Hey, I just watched the new season of Arrested Development. It reminded me of you. I actually had a smile on my face. :)”

“Hey, I just read the new Harry Potter book. I am so glad you never told me the ending. Thanks :)”

Remind them of good moments you had together.

“Hey, I was just thinking about the time we went skydiving together. Man, that was exciting. I am glad we did that. “

“Hey, remember the little restaurant where we had our first anniversary date? I just crossed it and it looks like they are closing down. It’s a shame because we had such a great time that day.”

Let them know you are having fun with your life and meeting new people.

“Hey, I just saw a romantic movie with a friend. The ending reminded me of you.“

“Hey, I am going to Hawaii for the weekend with a friend. Do you remember the name of the hotel we stayed in when we went last year?”

Now there are tons of other things you can do with texts. But the key point remains the same. Be subtle. Be positive. Be fun.

Right now, you just want to go from the creepy ex to a fun text buddy. Of course, you will be moving things forward slowly. When you think it’s the right time, go ahead and ask them out.

Asking Your Ex Out

Do not call it a date. I repeat. Do not call it a date. If you do, your ex will put their defenses up faster than Garfield finds Lasagna. You don’t want them thinking that you are looking to get back together. At least not now. You want them to go out with you as a friend. And then you can build up attraction while you are with them.

If you’ve done your homework correctly, you will be oozing confidence and attractiveness out of every inch of your body. And this works doubly as effective on your ex than any other person. Why? Because they were already attractive to you at one point in time. And you are not a stranger to them. You are someone familiar who looks very attractive.

The best way to ask them out is to give them a call. It’s possible they might require a slight push. A simple “come on, it’ll be fun.” Or “Hey, it’s just coffee. What’s the harm?” should be sufficient.

However, don’t go overboard in pushing them. Like ”Come on. Just go out with me once. Please. Pretty please.” Or “You broke up with me and broke my heart. The least you can do is go out with me one time.”

Remember, your ex doesn’t owe you anything. You have to treat them like an acquaintance you want to get close with.

On the Date

Ideally, you want it to be your ex’s idea to get back together. You just want to be yourself (attractive, fun, happy, and awesome). Do not talk about your past relationship or your breakup. It will lead to no good. That relationships is over and if you two do get back together, it will be a new relationship. There is no point digging old graves when you want to start a new life.

STEP #5. The Grind aka The Ninja Techniques aka EBP Basics

OK, even though this guide is quite long and covers most of what you need to know on this subject, there are a lot of topics that are not covered here.

Since trying to get your ex back takes time and going through the no contact period is an everyday struggle, I’ve designed Part 5 of this guide to be an email series. I call this email series EBP Basics.

What do you get?

One inspiring, helpful , insightful and motivating email everyday. I have helped thousands of people (somewhere around 50,000) with these emails. The reason why these everyday emails are so effective is because you get a small dose of inspiration, motivation and useful information every day.The no contact period is the most important part of the plan and with Part 5, you will get support during the no contact period.

More importantly, I reveal a lot of secret tactics and tricks that are not mentioned in this guide. Like

  • Using Pattern Breaking
  • Understanding the reason why your ex broke up and what to do about it.
  • What to do if your ex is dating someone else
  • How to write that hand written letter
  • And a lot more.

How To Gain Access?

Just go ahead and click on the appropriate link below and get EBP Basics for absolutely free.

Men Click Here (To Get Ex Girlfriend Back)

Women Click Here (To Get Ex Boyfriend Back)

 

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  • David
    Hi, I've recently broke up from a 4.5 month relationship which was at times very intense. She is a single mother with a 12 year old daughter, living in a studio type place with her daughter and no privacy. She has openly admitted to a difficult childhood herself, a marriage where she moved from Russia to Estonia because of becoming pregnant and then married due to pressure from her ex's mother. That relationship ended after period of abuse and start of counselling which she has continued for a number of years since. I myself had almost 4 years without anything serious after a 6 year relationship. Meeting her was out of the blue and at a time when I had started to think that I would not have or want my own family. I am in a good place career wise and unwittingly most likely created an imbalance in the relationship and some co-dependance by providing for her and her daughter, whether it be with new bike, clothes, a holiday, old study fees which prevented her from carrying on her studies this year and having hope of a career/future afterwards. I thought at the time I was doing the right thing to create a safe and stable environment which they seemed missing. After a few emotional arguments, she shows many signs of someone with Border Line Personality disorder, she constantly put me down in public and on our own said I needed to be more open in my emotions. I began working on these, journaling and talking with her. But after 4.5 months of devotion from me she said she didn't feel love from me, and after that public showing at a restaurant with her daughter also present I left and have not spoken or contacted each other for the past 8 days. Also whilst on holiday, I inadvertently checked her phone messages and she caught me, this was done because of some of the things she said during arguments and the fact I knew she was still in contact with a guy who was trying to get with her whilst we were out at a club together. I just wanted to know at the time it was nothing of threat and know I should have spoken to her but because of her wild mood swings I instead unplanned checked her phone when it was left open in front of me. She's walked into my life and made me want to have my own family and be part of someone elses life again, I sincerely love her, not I need to know if it is worth retrying in a month or so.
    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hey David, given what she has been through, having certain issues develop over the years is not uncommon. That said, it is important to note too that if you decide to get back together with her, that you have to be prepared to face whatever issues that may happen again. Perhaps right now, some space is needed for both parties and I understand that it may be difficult to show 'love' when someone is putting you down in public or showing extreme mood swings. You have to figure out if she is the right one for you.
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  • Phillip
    Hi Kevin, My girlfriend broke up with me a week ago saying that she likes me but felt like it didn't go anywhere and that she expected commitment. I kinda understand that because I was trying so hard not to be pushy or needy and it seems that I have overdone it, but in fact I also wanted things to get more serious and I wanted commitment. For me it seemed too early to get to a conclusion of that sort since we dated for only 2 months. I was just starting to make plans on how to make things better in the future but I was maybe too late. What do you think I should do? We haven't spoken this past week and I kinda want to tell her that things were in fact going in the right direction but still I don't want to be needy or look like I am desperate. Thanks a lot. Phillip.
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    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hey Phillip, since it was kind of a misunderstanding on both your feelings, maybe it would be good to have an honest talk with her about it and see how she takes it. If that doesn't work because she rejects all advances at this point, perhaps give her some space first and apply the no contact rule before attempting again to talk to her.
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    • Phillip
      Do you think I should tell her this now or wait a a little bit more ? Also any advice on how do I approach the contact what should I say how do I start? Even though I played it cool I am still scared to come out as a depressed needy person (stuff from the past I am not proud of). I just want an honest talk.
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    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Given the circumstances, I'd recommend just casually bringing it up and see if she is willing to hear you out. Maybe drop her a text or a call and ask if she's free for coffee. If she says no, then it would be better to hold your thoughts and do the no contact rule first in order to give her some space for the meantime.
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  • Al
    Sounds good! And ill definitely work on myself, but one more thing, so last time we talked she got really mad, and was like "do i need to turn into a hoe for you to realize theres no chance for us right now" so that was my wakeup call to stop, and a couple days before she unfriended me on Facebook and snapchat, but not on instagram, so she sees what i post, but she turned really cold and shes told me that she started dating other guys, but she doesnt want a relationship, just free food haha, but besides all that, a mutual friend of ours that helped us get together in the first place told me that she said shes sleeping with someone else, and that made me feel real bad and doubt all this, but i dont know what to believe, she might just have said that to push me to give us space? Its really hard to understand everything..., thank you for your advice!
    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hey, well even if she is sleeping with someone else right now, you would have to accept the fact that you guys have broken up and what she does is ultimately not your business (I'm sorry to put it so bluntly) but it could also be that she is currently in the rebound phase which you could read up more on one of our articles. Regardless, right now your priority should be in recovering and improving yourself during the no contact period as a person so that when you do initiate recontact, she would be able to see you in a different light.
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  • Al
    Hey Kevin, so me and my girlfriend broke up about 1.5 months ago after a 2 year relationship. I'm 23 and she's 20 now, but she is so mature and confident in what she wants and hard working.I was her first true love and she cared so much about me and made future plans of getting married eventually and having kids together and all that, but the twist to this whole story is that since we started dating, I always had something pulling me back from fully commiting and showing my true love to her that i knew i had for her, for instance we were of two different religions, my parents would push me to finding a girl of our nationality and religion, her parents werent okay with me for the same reasons, and just stuff like this unconsciously didnt let me let her in my heart as much as i was supposed to. Besides all that after around 6 months of dating I got into a bad depression and that messed up with my head, but she was always there for me and tried her best and most to make me feel good. But cuting to the chase, I was slowly pushing her away and didnt realise it, until she finally broke up with me for the reason that she cant fight for the both of us and that we both need space, me to find myself and her to focus on her and she said that if eventually when i can change and mature we can start over slowly. So after the breakup I would keep texting her that im sorry and all that, and cried, overall i was just obsessed until i noticed what harm i was doing to the situation and that she just got tired of hearing and saying the same things that she would get really mad and talk in an angry tone and tell me that right now theres 0 chance of us getting back together, so I just decided to do NC in which im in 13 days, and ive decided to work hard on myself, which i am, but i just wanna know where ny chances of getting her back are right now, sorry for the long post and thanks!
    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hey, Good job getting through 13 days of NC so far. I think there's definitely still a chance for you to win her back since she seemed really supportive of you despite all the problems you had faced. Spend this time to improve yourself and gain a better understanding and composure over your emotions. If you do win her back, make sure you do not push her away this time.
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  • Susan
    Hello Kevin. I would like to know what to do if I have an memorable event which usually only happen once in a lifetime (e.g. Graduation/Funeral) that I really want to invite him to participate during no contact period. We have dated for 10 years already but we broke up twice before. We broke up again recently but I strongly believe he still love me. I want to go through the no contact period in order to keep him permanently, I don't want to repeat the "broke up cycle" in the rest of my life. What should I do? Thank you for your answer.
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    • Kevin
      Hey Susan, Good question. If you think it'll be important for him even if he was not in love with you and doesn't have any feelings for you (funeral of someone he was close to); then you should invite him. If not, for example (your graduation), then you shouldn't invite him.
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    • Susan
      Understood :) Thanks for quick answer
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  • Wendi
    Hi Kevin, I made a horrible mistake today, and I haven't been sleeping because of it. I logged onto my ex's email account. He probably received notification and changed his password. It's the beginning of week 2 of our breakup, and I feel like I messed things up because he hates people violating his privacy. Do you think I still have a shot? I really appreciate any words of wisdom you can provide me. I let emotions overpower me, and made a mistake, but I'm willing to salvage anything left.
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    • Wendi
      We're 26 and have been together for almost two years.
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    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hi Wendi, Since you guys have been together for 2 years, I think you definitely still have a shot. I suggest you read the article on the 5 step plan and try to follow it first using the no contact rule in order to regain a composure on your emotions before any attempt at salvaging things. Regarding the privacy issue, if he found out, I think you should just be honest about it and apologize.
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  • Hue
    Hi Kevin, my ex broke up with me about a week ago. We were together for more than a year. I’m 20 and he’s 24. He said he lost connection with me and he had wanted to try and fix it for a month but he felt like it was not enough to find that connection. The thing is I had no idea about what he thought after we actually broke up. So it was all of a sudden. He respects me a lot and he keeps an available channel to help me that if I have any questions, feel free to ask him, any questions about our relationships. He said he felt extremely guilty over the hurt that he has caused. I only texted him once after we broke up to tell my feelings and we met after that because he needed to collect his things from my place. And I have not talked to him since. So it’s been around 4 days since we last talked. We agreed to take time apart to reflect ourselves and will set 2 months as the maximum time for each other to give out the final decision. We will meet again to talk about that, not via texts or calls. So in your opinion, do you think we can get back together? The time that we were together was great. However we moved in together quickly after we dated (about 3 months). We did go out but I felt like the fact that seeing each other so much everday and did not create loads of memories has been a factor which led to our break up.
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    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hi Hue, Yes I do think that there's definitely a chance of you guys getting back together but before you decide to do anything, I would suggest taking that time you've both set for yourself to also give yourself some space and improve on yourself. This might give you a clearer picture as well on whether you still have feelings for him. Do follow the 5 step plan found above for further guidance.
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    • Hue
      Hi Ryan, thank you very much for your advice. I really want to write him a hand letter as the guide mentioned. However, I'm not sure when to send it as we are going to meet up again (should I send it before we meet up or on the day we meet up?). I will give him and myself more time but I am thinking of sending the letter after a month of no contact. On the day we meet up, I just want to keep it as happy and casual as possible but not being too friendly and anything about my thoughts and feelings would be written in the letter. However, the idea we meet up is also to discuss about our past relationship so I am quite confused if I should write a letter or not. What would your advice be for this case?
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    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      This decision to meet up and discuss your relationship was decided upon before you chose to apply no contact I presume? I think you should stick through with the no contact unless absolutely necessary. The letter should be given to him at the end of the 30 days and that would be a better time to meet up with him since it has only been a week or so. I think it would be better to avoid meeting so soon.
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  • John
    Hi Kevin, Just a quick question here, what about if ex contacts me to talk in the future (or other signs means ex wants me back) when I am in no contact period, should I reciprocate it? In worse case, if ex send me "I love you please come backup" message during no contact period. Should I reciprocate it? Thanks
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    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hi John, During the no contact period, it's best if you do not reciprocate her texts and even if she wants to get back together, I suggest that you take things slow to give yourself a new perspective as she may also be saying that just to avoid dealing with the pain. Ultimately if you guys get back together, you want the relationship to last and not for the cycle to repeat itself.
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    • John
      Hi Ryan, thanks for your reply. If I text ex after no contact period, let say I text the actual example in the other article : "Hey, I’ll be in [area near ex’s house or office] tomorrow, wanna catch up for coffee?". However she is not responding me, should I leave her alone and give up for further action? Thanks.
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    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hey John, If she does not reply you, she may be busy or have other reasons (it's too soon). If you intend to try again another time, practice the no contact rule once more for another 2-3 weeks before trying but if she does not reply still, you should be prepared to walk away.
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    • John
      Thanks Ryan, what if she contact me again after I decided to walk away? I know at that time I may not in love with her anymore, but I think I can't just treat her as a stranger as we actually in relationship in the past. Thanks.
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    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hi John, In cases like that, there would honestly be no correct answer for it. It would really depend on what you want to achieve out of it. You won't be able to treat her as a stranger, but you may not be able to treat her merely as a friend either. End of the day, I think it's about being fair to both yourself and her.
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  • evie
    hi I dated someone briefly and intensely for 1.5 months and we had a big misunderstanding 9/23. I waited 24 days to reach out since our relationship was not that long and wrote sent out a text light in nature. he replied within 5 minutes to tell me that he already met someone new and has moved on. this is a man who told me he has not been intimate with anyone for one year and I was the first to come along that tugged his heart strings and that he was truly interested in. how could he have moved on so fast? even if it is a rebound, our history was not long enough in comparison to the many other situations on here. help! I feel like I am in a rock and a hard spot. I truly feel so deeply for him and am heartbroken after reading his message yesterday.
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    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hi Evie, I feel that you should give yourself some space to breathe right now due to the intensity you may be feeling. If he has truly found someone new, I suggest that you try your best to recover and move on from there. However, if you do see any chance of getting back together with him, it's best you follow the 5 step plan and make a decision again after.
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  • Joe
    Hey, so my girlfriend broke up with me officially 6 days ago... everyone in the world says this but i know in my heart and soul she is the one for me...my grieving process has taken a huge toll on me as well. We were together for almost 2 years and the first year was wonderful. Once she decided to initiate the break-up, she told me it was due to my lack of attention and constant inability to change to the talks we were having. I was truly blind thinking she would never leave me and some depression i have has seriously hindered my ability to communicate with her properly enough to the point that she decided to break up with me. Once the heartbreak was in my face, was my absolute moment of realization of how ignorant i actually was to the situation and i know I'm not the person i became that second year. This entire situation has caused a snap within myself to understand the changes i made and needed to make, almost a "miracle" of sorts, however she has no belief that i do indeed still love her. She made mention of wanting to stay friends because she does still care about me as a person and the NC rule just cant apply right now because she has nowhere else to live and i of course will not make her homeless. I absolutely love this woman and always have even though my actions have showed her otherwise and i want nothing more than to have her in my life for a multitude of reasons. She is even still wearing the promise ring i got her after our first year. When i made gentle questioning about reconciliation, she told me she was just so angry at me because of what i did and so confused about what to do. That was 6 days ago. I want nothing more than for her to know i really do love her and want her in my life and despite not being able to initiate no contact, i wanted to ask if you think there is any chance at all she will want me back? She has recently started talking with other men which of course bothers me, but i know there's nothing i can do about it and i bite my tongue and say nothing despite my jealousy...can i ever get her back???
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    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hey Joe, Based on the situation, it would seem that the best thing you can do right now is to show her with your actions that you are willing to change and not just words. I think you would be able to get her back if you prove to her that you are able to change and help her re-gain her trust in you.
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  • Selena
    Hi Kevin: Your blog is really helpful perhaps u can help me too :) Me and my ex broke up 4 months ago, the reason was very upsetting actually.... we were in a relationship for more than 1.5 years, he has always been secretive about himself, i thought he loved me but i think he was passing his time with me, to cut it short he lied to me almost about everything, he promised to marry me but when the time came to meet my elders he pretended to be ill n said he was diagnosed with leukemia, as he was a doctor he showed me his fake medical report which i verified later, he flew to uk telling me he was going for a treatment, he never disclosed his residential address, still i was stupid enough to trust him blindly, that was my mistake i admit it. when i came to know abt his lies i Confronted him through sms, all he had to say was " forgive me what i did" and he blocked me from all social contacting sites... i was sooooo miserable n even now i am, because it was my very first relationship, im 32 years old but this was the first time i loved someone.... last month he wished me a birthday through some fake fb account pretending to be someone else, i knew it was him n i confronted him again,he kept silent n didn't bother to reply....i wondered why he text me on fb when he abandoned me for no reason, i knew he was a flirt but still i gave him my 100%... i used to caught his lies, his contacts with other women, although he never let me touch his fone, he has been suspicious, which damaged our relationship.... i have a question if he never loved me or never wanted to marry me then why did he spend one and a half year with me? and now after breaking up why he wished me a birthday in disguise?? although he has blocked my messages from every possible source.... need ur expert advise Kevin.... Thx
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    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hi Selena, If he was willing to go through such extreme measures to lie to you, perhaps you should be honest to yourself and consider if you really want him back. It may not be a nice thing to hear, but even if he does have feelings for you, is someone who keeps everything a secret a person you want to have a future with?
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  • jj
    Hi Kevin, My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me flirting with other girls on several occasions as play keyboard in the weekends. That drove her mad and killed the love we had for 3 years. So I tried to ease her pain and tried to regain her trust but it was to late. As days and weeks past by she developed like a hate for me and I felt that was because she was talking with a 3rd person. But i was still in the picture but i was n't begging i tried to develop a friendship with her because i wasn't begging anymore and we had no problem talking and caring for each other she have a lot going on also her college so i tried to give her space and support. But occasionally she would begin a fight about my flirting and hurting her and that her trust couldn't be restored and I was always ending up comforting her with sorries and One day she told me she was talking with some one that she liked. So i decided then to tell her i would not contact her anymore. After 3 weeks of no contacting(no social/no whatssap whatsoever) she msg a angry(jealous) message telling me that she hated me and that she is seeing another guy and that she doesn't miss me anymore. But I knew on that moment that her goals was to hurt me so I tried to stay calmed and tell her how sorry i was and she would try to let go of these evil thoughts about me. She was spying on my i.g. and couldn't bare seeing other girls liking my photos. But the truth is I love her till death and would like to gain her trust again and be with her. What should I do? she is still hurt and she is always repeating that she would never take me back!
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    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hi John, For starters, if you really want her back, follow through with the no contact rule and limit the flirting with other people. If you really do love her and this is what she is insecure about, it is something you will have to change. She may be currently feeling angry and that's why you have to give her some breathing room, however you shouldn't always be apologizing especially if you haven't done anything wrong since the incident.
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  • Ann
    Hi Kevin, I would like to ask if I had a chance to come back with my ex. He broke up with me last week out of the blue and his reason was lost of connection. We’d been together for over a year and I know that I still have feelings for him. Our time together had been great. However, we moved in together quickly after we dated. He treated me very well but then one day he decided to break up with me because he said he thought about losing connection and tried to fix it by himself for about a month but it didnt work. He said it had nothing to do with physical attraction or the way I treated him. I have read your advices and today is my 3rd day of NC. We met last week after we broke up because he needed to collect his things from my place. He talked a little bit and he said feel free to ask him if I have any questions I have in mind. I havent talked to him since the last day we met. Looking forward to seeing your response! Thank you.
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    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hi Ann, In this situation, follow through with the no contact rule and at the end of the period, attempt at re-contacting with your ex if you still want to be together with him. This gives both of you some space and be able to see things and reach out from a fresher perspective. If you do re-contact with him and get succeed in getting back together, make sure you have an honest talk with him about not trying to fix everything himself. A relationship is ultimately a partnership and no one party should attempt anything by themselves.
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  • Jenni
    Hi kevin, my ex boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago, we had been in a 5 years relationship. We did fight almost 1-2 times for month lately and most of the times started by me because i felt that i was giving too much and he didnt make the effort so that frustrated me and made me been irritable many times. So we got in a fight and he told me that he loved me but wasnt happy and the felt that the relationship was patologic; i cried and ask him to give us the chance to try make things Work but he refused. So since that day, 3 weeks ago i havnt call or text him; neither has he. Will we have a chance of getting back? I not sure what i should do
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    • Kevin
      Hey Jenni, You were together for a long time. You definitely have a chance. But before contacting him, you must make some changes in yourself.
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  • Jeff backlin
    So I'm 2 weeks into no contact, she has sent me a few messages but I'm going strong and not replying. Recently I had to change phone providers and my phone number changed as well. Do I tell her my number changed or do I continue until it's over and I'm ready to reach out? At this point she has no way to contact me and I can't receive and possibilities of her reaching out.
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  • emily
    hi kevin, my partner and i have been together 3.5 years engaged for 2.5 years, he has a child now 15 (boy) who decides 8 months into our relationship he hates my guts..... its been a struggle these last few years and we have ended due to this child...... thing is we both love each other alot and have a great relationship.... im in the no contact stage as i need to figure out what i want so really pleased i stumbled upon your sight...... do you think i can get my man back !
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    • Kevin
      Hey Emily, You can get him back, but unless you figure out a way for the child to like you, it will still be an uphill battle. But if you think he is worth it; it's definitely worth trying. There is a chance it will work if you give him (and his child) a little bit of space and slowly get back to speaking with each other again.
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    • emily
      thanks kevin, this could be difficult as i have no idea why his child dislikes me so much, i guess that is why our relationship ended due to not understanding how our relationship could move forward without knowing how to fix things..... i know my ex loves me but just doesnt know how to deal with it all.....
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    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Sometimes children and teenagers reject change and especially when in their teenage years, can possible rebel against someone they see as a threat (due to change). It's not something easy to deal with as a single parent, because in most cases, their child still would come as the first priority while the relationship second.
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  • khai
    Hey Kevin, I am currently in 4 days of NC. Actually, we haven't broken up yet. He is in another relationship for 7 months while in relationship with me for 7 years. Yes, he betrayed me due to my faults. In his last contact, he told me to focus on my exam as my final year exam is too close and he promised he won't let me wait for a long time.I'm now studying and doing NC, too. But I'm afraid something. By doing NC, can we be far more and more ? Can his new relationship be more stronger and closer as they are working together at the same company ? His friend told me to send message sometimes to be keep in touch with him. I really don't know what to do next. Please kindly advice me. Thank you !
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    • Kevin
      Hi Khai, I recommend you break up with him instead of letting him disrespect you and keep you as a backup. If you want him to be with you out of respect; it's crucial you do this. Once you have broken up with him, I want you to do no contact for at least two months before contacting him.
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  • anil pandit
    Hey Kevin, We really used to love each other and we had fights before also. But this time it was nasty. All I can say that she wasn't performing well at work. I went to her office Her boss said she isn't do well because of my torture. You should leave her alone. The only line she said to me was I should focus on my career only. Off course she said It's over. In desperation I called her mom But didn't said anything about us. She call back and abused me And said they will take me back home and I will loose my career. I will follow ever step that u have mentioned. Still need to know If I can earn her back. Guidance please. Regards Anil p
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  • catherine
    What if your ex has already moved on with another lady
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  • Rakaia
    Hi Kevin. My boyfriend broke up with me three weeks ago out of the blue. We've been friends for three years, and got back together around two months ago. We were long distance, with the plan for me to move to where he lives and us to get an apartment together. Everything was perfect and wonderful, both while we were friends, and during the brief period that we dated, but then he started to pull away, and suddenly he picked a silly fight with me and told me to move on. I've tried contacting him, and I made a couple of mistakes you listed (like acting a little crazy and needy...) and he hasn't returned any of my texts. I'm not sure if I should move on, or wait it out and follow your plan. I don't understand why he did this to me, and honestly it broke my heart. I suspect it might be another woman, or maybe he got scared of the commitment, and overwhelmed by his new job. Thank you!
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    • Kevin
      Hey Rakaia, Start with no contact. Only you can decide if he is worth trying to get back with. If by the end of no contact, you feel like he is not worth it, then move on.
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  • Raghda
    I want thank about all your advice and i wish to be good doing this steps ,, but i want to give you some details about my ex first we have been in relationship for seven years then he found another girl and love her soo much then we brokeup i stood alone 1 year then i go in a rebound relationship but i never forget my only love and don’t feel great in my relationship because i was always want to talk my ex ,, then i broukup after 10 month,, in those months i talke to my first love about 5 times and he breakup but he say her ex was a real love ,,,,,, after this all i call him after my breakup and i show him how much i love him but he says he afraid of being with me again and i meet him and saw the love in her eyes ,,,, finally did you see your steps will be effective now ! Or it’s too late ??!!! Please answer me :D and forgive my bad english iam from sudia
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    • Kevin
      Hey Raghda, I can't say for sure. But if you love him and think he is worth it, you should try getting him back. If it doesn't work, you will know you tried your best and you can move on.
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  • Ryan
    Hi Kevin She broke up with me last Sunday over skype after 2.7 years, only started going bad this past few months. We had been doing long distance for over 1.5 years seeing each other every month at least. I have not messaged her since she skyped to break up with me saying she was not happy anymore and we ended amicable. I know she's the one though should I message her asking if she regrets it since I've not spoken to her at all yet since or continue no contact for 30 days?
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  • Nick
    Hey Kevin, I messed up and was texting a girl from few weeks ago late night while she was out of town. I never followed through nor have ever been a cheater, stupidly I regret it. Obviously she went through my texts and saw that one as the catastrophe happened. This led to over analyzing every other text with platonic relationships I have with co workers and female friends. I know I was wrong and to her I’ve been deceitful during the entire time as she has less if any trust for me. Trust is something she emphasized when dating and after that’s her big thing, as with many. We had a little text battle of going back and forth The first two days, “how could...” “I’m sorry... I was being stupid...I didn’t act on it ...etc”. Then the 3rd day we talked on the phone more less the same as texting, as everything was calm- yes tears br nothing was ever hateful nor yelling. We live separate as she has a chunk of my belongings at her place. She has family coming to town this weekend and on the phone advised she wouldn’t be able to have us meet/ me grab my stuff. Just curious how should I go back and make this thing work itself out, if possible.
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  • Amoako
    Hello Kevin, before I begin. I must admit I really messed up and acted childishly, she was giving attitude anytime I call her and she hardly calls or return my calls so I felt she's seeing someone so I asked her on several occasions which she told me there's no one but she broke up with her ex just to be with me so I sometimes feel she will do same to me. As she kept on with the attitude, I got bored and threaten to leak her naked pictures which I was just joking because there's no way I can do that. So she had to go through emotional pain and she opted for a break but trust me, there was no way I could have done that because I love her so much Kevin. She promised never and ever to get back to me again. I need advice please. Thank you
    Reply
  • Kat
    Hey, We were together for just a little less than two years. We had so much chemistry and we worked great as a team - everyone around us saw that. He's been under a lot of stress lately and we had a small fight that lead to a break up. We've had bigger fights in the past but we both grew from it and learned from it. Is this all just because of the stress he's going through? I asked for a 'cool down' or a break but he said he didn't want 'us' anymore. I asked if he would give us another chance in the future but he said 'no'. Just the day before, he was telling me how much he loved me. I think the no contact is interesting but he's in all my classes and we're working very closely on a project. I've read the 'no contact rule at work and events' but seeing him being okay really sucks. How can I get more space?
    Reply
    • Kevin
      Hi Kat, If there is no way to get space from him because of the project, you will just have to endure. Although, if you two had any kind of meaningful relationship, I can guarantee you that he is not just "okay". He is putting up an act because he is angry and he wants you to feel bad. The best way to respond to his act is by keeping your head held high and if you both ever talk about the breakup or relationship, be honest about how you feel (that it's hard and you are healing) instead of playing into his game and try to show him that you are okay as well.
      Reply
  • Brandon Alvarez
    My ex broke up with me 4 months ago because of long distance we still talk time to time and the during the no contact phase she showed signs that she was missing me posting songs about missing an ex ect.. When she contacted me firstshe did it for a couple of days and pulled away showing hot and cold mixed messages. Is There a chance that I can still get her back since I'm moving back to where she loves since I got a job offer there?
    Reply
  • Thanh Thao
    Hi,he broke up with me last Monday because he was tired of everything, he told me that he loved me but he cant take it anymore, he feels like he is the only one interested in this relationship,and he told me that i didn't care about him, he feels like he annoyed me,and when he show his feeling and then he kissed me, i pushed him away because i was shy when we do that in front of other people.And when we were still in high school, my mom didn't allow me to date him, she told me that we could date after i go to university, i am now a freshmen, and he once told me to talk to my mom about our relationship but i was shy so i didnt talk to my mom. He was pissed because he is tired of sneaky when we hung out all the time, he told me that he feels like he isnt good enough for me, he want me to move on, he told me that he loved me , he missed me but he want to be alone. I agreed but i missed him so i contacted him the next day, we talked like nothing happen and then he refused to talk to me. Then yesterday, i inboxed him, i begged him to come back, i swear that i would change , he refused and told me "dont inbox me , wont reply" and then i cried , i inboxed him and told him my feelings, and i told that "i wont annoyed you anymore, goodbye , i hope that we would never see each other again" so i stop contacting him. But he followed me on instagram , so he saw everything that i post. Should i block him, so that he would feel like i have disapeared from his life? I miss him, i started to go to the gym and i feel great, but i want him back. What should i do when he willing to not come back with me? Thank you so much
    Reply
    • Kevin
      Hi, There is no need to block him. You should do that only if he is contacting you relentlessly. For now, just do no contact and focus on healing yourself. Don't focus on what he is feeling and definitely don't focus on how you can manipulate them.
      Reply
  • Brendan
    Hey Kevin, Love your program and advice. Just started no contact after my partner broke it off with me a week ago. I was a real emotional mess on the phone and haven’t spoken since. No text or emails or anything. It’s hard but I’m keeping strong. She is a corporate manager and has huge workload at present and very responsible demand. She says she needs to focus on work and has nothing more to give everyone right now and needs to unplug. Her mum is battling cancer also which weighs heavily. I don’t use Facebook and today I get a text to return one of her items (daughters car service book) as I did a huge amount of work on it for them both, and if she can post me my stuff from her place. Problem it’s more than postage as a few larger effects (pillow books and equipment) other than just shaver toothbrushes etc. she has minimal stuff here at my place only cosmetics and stuff. I have stuff to give her that she bought me from an overseas visit as souvenir and other stuff like after shave etc. I really love her and she is the best relationship I’ve had (8 months) this is my third real serious relationship. We’re both in late 40,s. do I ignore all contact or even after one text tell her to give me time right now and I’ll contact her? Any help is appreciated as I’m stuck on this one. I’m going to buy the program online now. Hopefully I get an answer soon from you. Cheers.
    Reply
    • Kevin
      Hey Brendan, If it's something important and cannot wait, you can return it to her. Although, it might be a better idea to return it via a mutual friend or an acquaintance. If there is no workaround, you can meet her and return the item. But when you meet her, keep it casual and as short as possible. If the breakup comes up, be honest that you are still healing.
      Reply
  • Becca
    Hi so I was friends with my boyfriends for 3 years then dated for 8 months and he broke up with me last month because he didn't want a girlfriend and that he was to busy for one and it wouldn't be fair to me but that we should still talk and just not have a label. So it was like we were dating still but didn't see each other as much. Then last week when we hung out he said that I was his and that he was only talking to me and didn't want to talk to any other girls and then the next day someone told me that he was talking to someone else I asked him if it was true and he said no it was only me. Then a couple days later I called him and asked him what he did that night and he told me he spent the night sleeping. Then a couple hours later he told me that he moved on from me and when I kept asking him if there was another girl he said yes and told me he didn't spend the night sleeping he was with her then stopped answering me completely. We haven't talked in a couple days and this girl is in college far away from us and she's known for being a slut. But he told me he really likes her. Should I try the no contact thing and see what happens? I'm really confused because I want to be with him
    Reply
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