Winning your ex back isn’t really the hard part. The hard part is keeping them.

After all, they left you once, what is to stop them from leaving you again?

What is the point of getting your ex back if you can’t keep them PERMANENTLY?

My name is Kevin, and I am here to help you through this painful breakup and hopefully get your ex back. I say hopefully because I can’t guarantee you that you will get your ex back. I can, however, guarantee that if you follow this plan, your chances of getting your ex back will increase significantly.

Who this article is for?

This article is for anyone looking to get an ex back. May it be your ex girlfriend, ex boyfriend, ex wife, ex husband or an ex fiancé. May it be a straight relationship or a gay relationship. If you just broke up, and are thinking about winning your ex back, you will find this article helpful and enlightening.

However, if you are looking to get your ex girlfriend back or your ex wife back, I recommend you check out this article with a game plan more focused on winning a girl back after a breakup and it comes with objectives and actionable tips. Click here to read it; I am sure you will love it.

What This Article Is About?

This article is divided into 5 Steps. I have done so because this way you have a step by step plan that you can follow to get your ex back.

It’s important to have a plan to follow, because after a breakup you are hurt, emotionally drained and most of all, confused. And during this state of confusion, you are bound to make a lot of mistakes that will actually hurt your chances of getting back together.

I have seen people make these mistakes over and over again (in my two three four five years of experience helping people with breakups).

Having a plan gives you a sense of direction and removes all the confusion. A plan will give you something to look forward to when you are feeling down and unsure about yourself. A plan will give you hope. This article is that plan.

This article is quite long. I highly recommend you read the entire article because it will not only help you understand what you should do but also why you should do it.

But what are these mistakes you keep talking about?

I am glad you asked because the first part of this guide is precisely about these mistakes.

STEP #1. The Instincts aka The Deadly Mistakes

I call this part “The Instincts” because all these mistakes are a direct result of people following their instincts. Most of the advice in this 5 Step Plan is counter-intuitive, but it works. When you read it, you will understand why and it will all start to make sense. So let’s start by going over the deadly mistakes that you should avoid at any cost.

Deadly Mistake #1: Calling And Texting Them All The Time

Kevin, we broke up 8 days ago. Since then, I have messaged him everyday constantly and he barely replies. I have to text him a hundred times before he replies just once. I really love him and want to be with him, but I don’t understand why he is acting like this. He said he loved me and then suddenly this.

That’s the story of around 80% of the people who are desperate to get their ex back. It’s a huge mistake to text and call your ex all the time. In fact, it’s a huge mistake to call them even once. Your instincts tell you that if you stay in contact with your ex, they will not forget about you and hopefully come back.

ex calling

Even the calls that might seem casual to you, look needy and desperate to your ex.

But it doesn’t really work that way. In fact, every time you call or text your ex, you are showing them you are a needy person and you are miserable without them. This neediness is unattractive and pushes your ex further away.

You should be extremely careful whenever you go out drinking. You might end up calling your ex and making a fool of yourself. So whenever you go out drinking, have a friend with you who can stop you from making this mistake.

But if I don’t call or text my ex, how can I get them back?

You should contact them in a certain way that will make them feel attracted to you again. I explain exactly how to do this below in Step 4.

Deadly Mistake #2: Begging And Trying To Use Pity

If begging worked after a breakup, no one will ever break up with anybody. They decided to leave you and they are prepared to go through your begging and pleading. Whatever the reason for breakup was, it’s not going to change with your begging. The only thing that begging will do is make you look like a weak and insecure person.

cat begging

Unfortunately, humans don’t look as cute as cats while begging.

Similarly, your instincts will also make you believe that if you just show your ex that you can’t live without them, they will take you back.  Your thought pattern becomes something like

  1. If he knows how miserable I am without him, he will come back.
  2. If only he knows that I can’t continue my life without him, he’ll take me back.

Again, your instincts are screwing with you. Trust me, no one takes their ex back out of pity. No one is attracted to someone who is miserable. And even if your ex came back because of this, do you really want your ex to be with you just because of pity? Or do you want them to respect and love you?

Deadly Mistake #3: Let Them Walk All Over You

Your instincts will tell you that if you just agree to everything your ex wants, they will come back. Your instincts will tell you that your needs, your values, your desires, your goals don’t matter. Your instincts will tell you that the only thing that matters is to get your ex back. And for that, you can sacrifice everything.
You let your ex walk all over you. You become a doormat. You agree to the most ridiculous demands your ex has. But your instincts tell you, it’s OK. Because having your ex in your life is the only thing that matters.

doormat in relationships

Well, guess what?

Agreeing to everything your ex says is not going to bring them back. In fact, it’s only going to make your ex respect you less. Nobody wants to be with someone they don’t respect. And even if they do come back, they will leave shortly realizing they have no respect for you as a person.

Deadly Mistake #4: Showering Them with Affection

Your instincts tell you that if your ex just realizes how much you love them and how much you care about them, they will come back. You just need to make them believe that no one in the world will ever love them the way you do. How can they reject you once they realize how much you love them, Right?
smothering your ex
The truth is, they already know that you love them, how much you adore them and how much you care about them. But they still decided to breakup. Showering them with affection is not going to help you. In fact, the more you smother them, the more trapped they’ll feel. And that will just make them want to get away from you as soon as possible.

Deadly Mistake #5: Freaking Out When Your Ex Starts Dating

The thought of your ex being with someone else is a gut wrenching one. But in reality, it’s not as bad as we make it out to be. We will get into that later, but first, let’s take a look at how your instincts react when you find out your ex is dating someone else.

If I don’t do anything right now, they’ll fall in love with this new person and forget about me forever. I better go over there and do everything that this article has told me not to do. Including begging, using pity, telling them how much I love them, agreeing to all their conditions (be a doormat). And if they don’t open the door, I’ll just stand outside and call and text them all day. It will be even better to tell my ex how this new person is totally wrong for them and what a big mistake they are making by being in a relationship with this _______(INSERT DEROGATORY REMARK).

If you didn’t realize it by now, your instincts and your mind go into panic mode when you find out your ex is dating someone new. In most cases, you freak out and make all the mistakes mentioned above.

The truth is, your ex is most probably in a rebound relationship (Read: Is Your Ex In a Rebound Relationship? Find Out With These Telltale Signs). And almost all of the rebound relationships end sooner rather than later. It sucks, but rebound relationships are a way for many people to deal with breakups. Fortunately for you, it’s one of the most ineffective way to move on. So, just because they are in a rebound relationship doesn’t mean they will forget about you and move on. In fact, it just means the opposite. It means that they are having a hard time moving on and as long as they are in this rebound relationship, they are avoiding grief. And that means it will take them longer to get over you.

rebound relationship

A rebound relationship is like a cigarette. It’s unhealthy. It provides a false sense of calmness. And it ends when the flame is over. (the faster you smoke the faster it ends)

The most important thing for you to do while your ex is in a rebound relationship is be cool about it. Whatever happens, do not tell your ex to break up with their rebound partners. Let it be their idea. They have a huge hole in their life after breaking up with you which they are trying to fill with someone new. They will soon realize that a rebound relationship can not fill the emptiness and they will end the relationship. (Do you think his relationship is not just a rebound? Read How To Get Your Ex Back When He Has Moved On To a New Girlfriend. or Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back When She Has Moved On To a New Boyfriend)

What If I’ve Already Made These Mistakes?

Chances are, you’ve already made at least one of these mistakes after the breakup. Don’t worry, even the wisest monks in the Himalayas and masters of psychology from Harvard usually end up making these mistakes after a breakup. It’s just in the nature of human beings to try and hold on to something that is precious to them. So don’t beat yourself over it. The most important thing for you to do right now is to realize that these mistakes will not help you get him back and stop doing them right away. Move on to the next step of the plan which is going to repair all the damage you’ve caused till now.


STEP #2. No Contact aka Give Yourself Time And Space

If you’ve been searching about breakups and getting your ex back online, you’d know that there is a thing called no contact rule. It’s simple and very effective. All you have to do is stop all the communication with your ex for a short period of time. This includes

  • No Calling
  • No Texting
  • No Facebook Messaging
  • No Online Contact Of Any Kind (IM, Twitter)
  • No “accidentally” bumping into him (you know what that means)
  • No hanging out with common friends in hopes of meeting your ex

Why do no contact?

For three reasons

1. Your ex needs some space and time to remove all the negative associations from the breakup and start missing you. People have a common misconception that if you don’t contact your ex, they will forget about you. But in reality, if you don’t contact your ex, you will give him time to miss you more and he will be wondering all the time why you are not contacting him. Remember all the mistakes in Part #1 of this guide. Every one of them made your ex think of you as a needy person. By not contacting him, you immediately become not needy in his mind.

2. You also need some space and time. You need to get a hold of yourself and gain some perspective. The fact is, you are a mess after the breakup. And you need to calm down and analyze your relationship thoroughly to realize whether or not being with your ex is in your best interest. It could be that you are just missing your ex. You need to learn to enjoy your life without your ex. You need to prove to yourself that you can be happy without your ex. You will eventually realize that you DON’T NEED YOUR EX to be happy. Maybe you’ll still WANT them, but there is a big difference between needing something and wanting something.

happiness comes from inside

3. You must become an attractive, happy person during this time. You need to take a step back and reevaluate your life. You should make a lot of positive changes in your life. When you meet your ex after the no contact period, you want them to be attracted to you. And the best way to do it is to start enjoying life and becoming an overall happy person. Don’t take this point lightly. This could be the difference between getting your ex back or losing them forever. (If you’d like to read more about why you should do this, read this article.)

How long is the no contact period?

stay no contact for 30 days

Basically, the no contact period should be as long as it takes you to get yourself together and feel great about your life without your ex. In my experience, it can take up to 30 days. However, in extreme cases, it could range from anywhere from 2 months to 6 months.

Your ex during No Contact Period

At this point, you might start wondering how no contact is going to effect your ex and what you should do about it. This section covers most of the doubts you may have regarding no contact. If you still need more information, read this article.

Should I tell my ex that I am doing no contact?

Ideally no. You want them to wonder what happened to you and why you are not contacting them. You want to be on your ex’s mind as much as you can. And telling them you are not contacting for some time will defeat this purpose.

However, if your ex is currently calling you everyday or texting you everyday, then yes you should let them know that you don’t want them to contact you for a short period of time. Don’t give them any specifics. Just tell them to not contact you until you decide to contact them. Let them know you need some space and time right now.

Wouldn’t it be rude if I don’t contact my ex?

Wasn’t it rude of your ex to break your heart and leave you begging them to take you back? And yet, you’ll still do anything to be with them. Sometimes, rudeness is not as bad as you think it is.

Besides, you are doing no contact for your own mental peace and well-being. There is nothing rude about taking care of yourself.

Should I answer my ex’s text during no contact?

NO. Absolutely not. Whatever happens, don’t answer their text.

Should I answer my ex’s call during no contact?

No. You shouldn’t answer your ex’s call. The only exception to this is if you are close to ending your no contact and you are already feeling great about your life. If you think that talking to your ex will have you obsessing about them again, don’t answer their call.

  • What if my ex moves on during no contact?
  • What if my ex meets someone and get married during no contact?
  • What if my ex forgets about me during no contact?

Good questions. And the answer to all of them is NO, THEY WON’T.

If you and your ex were in any type of serious relationship, then they will not be able to move on so quickly. In fact, no contact is only going to make them miss you more and remember the good things about you. You have to take a leap of faith over here. The alternative to no contact is being a creep and texting and stalking your ex all the time, which will probably lead to a restraining order against you. You really don’t have much of an option.

Can’t I make the no contact shorter? Like a week or a few days?

So, you want to give your ex a couple days break from your avalanche of texts and then bombard them again after a couple of days? No.

It takes time for people to remove negative association after a breakup and start missing their ex. You have to give it to them. Besides, you have to prove to yourself that you can live without your ex for at least 30 days. And more importantly, you have to work on yourself and become a more confident and happy person.  Unless you make a positive change in yourself, your ex will not be able to convince themselves to get back together with you.(Read more about the no contact rule here.)

STEP #3. Taking Care of Yourself aka What to do in No Contact

This is the part where most people screw up. No contact will be of no use unless you try to make a positive change in your life during this time. If you just want to stay at home and just be miserable for the next one month, things are not going to change even after no contact period. Yes, you need to grieve after a breakup and yes, there’s some benefit in spending some time alone, grieving and analyzing your relationship. But at some point, you have to go out there and do something with your life.

are you happy?

Positive Changes In Your Appearance

Making a positive change in your physical appearance is going to give you a fresh look. You are going to feel new and you are going to feel better. And when your ex sees you after the no contact period, they are going to see a new you. Here are a few things you can do.

  • Get a haircut. Just go to a hairstylists and find out what is in fashion these days.
  • Get your teeth cleaned. A beautiful smile is very attractive.
  • Get in the best shape of your life. Go to the gym and sweat it out. This is also great for your mental health as working out releases endorphins which make you happy.
  • Get new clothes. They will definitely make you feel better about yourself.

Whatever you do, don’t do anything drastic right now. You don’t want to make any physical changes right now that you might regret for the rest of your life (like getting a tattoo of a broken heart).

Positive changes in your mentality

Being a happy and confident person is probably the most important thing when it comes to getting your ex back. You need to realize that happiness and confidence is something that you can get by working on yourself.  Here are a few ideas that will help you gain more confidence and become a happier person.

learn to be happy without your ex

Instead of sitting at home eating ice cream and watching TV, go out and do something to make yourself feel better.

1. Give yourself some time to grieve. I know how hard it is to be happy after a breakup. I remember I was a complete mess for at least two weeks. I didn’t sleep properly, didn’t eat properly, and I was just thinking about my ex all day. In a way, this period is necessary for you. You give yourself some time to grieve everyday. If you want to feel sad and sorry for yourself, go ahead and do it. But make sure you also do something everyday to make yourself feel good about yourself.

2. Write in a journal. Write your thoughts and your feelings down. Writing is therapeutic and it’s probably going to help you release all those emotions that have been building up inside.

3. Go out with friends. Spend time with your loved ones. Your friends and family are the people who are always there for you and who always love to spend time with you. Go out and have a good time with them.

4. Do some meditation. Be aware of yourself. Know your weaknesses and strengths. Be proud of yourself. Accept yourself for who you are. That’s what confidence is all about. Neediness (which is very unattractive) comes from doubts within yourself. Whereas confidence comes from awareness and accepting yourself.

5. Go out on a date. This is absolutely essential and if you are reading this, then I will recommend that you definitely go out on a few dates before ending no contact with your ex. It’s absolutely imperative for you to get some perspective right now and meeting new people is the best way to do it.

Analyzing Your Relationship

You have to ask yourself this question, why do you want to get back with your ex? If you answered something like

  1. I love my ex.
  2. I can’t live without my ex.
  3. I am miserable without my ex.
  4. He/She was the only one for me.
  5. I can’t imagine a life without my ex.

Then you are still suffering from post-breakup denial and bargaining. Denial and bargaining are two of the many stages of grief after a breakup. It’s extremely common for people to want to get their ex back after a breakup. However, it’s not always the right choice.

For example, even if your relationship with your ex was abusive, you might want to rekindle it just because you are missing them. Our mind often confuses the act of missing someone with “love”. It’s normal to miss someone after you’ve been with them for a long time. But it doesn’t necessarily mean you still love them.

Look at it like this, every relationship has problems, fights, and disagreements. But if you two broke up, then there was something very wrong with your relationship. You need to analyze what went wrong and realize whether or not it’s a good idea to get back together.

pros and cos of your relationship

Are you sure your ex didn’t have any cons?

If you listen to your heart, all you will hear is that you love your ex and you want them back. Instead, try to think with your mind. Be logical. Analyze the pros and cons of your relationship. Analyze the pros and cons of your ex. Analyze what your goals in life are and whether or not a relationship with your ex aligns with those goals.(Read: Should You Get Your Ex Back?)

Remember, your ex will not make you happy, only you can make yourself happy. And the only way you can do it is by understanding yourself, loving yourself, appreciating what you have, understanding your purpose in life and pursuing it.

Do you really think you can have a happy and long lasting relationship with your ex?

Do you really think that the reason you broke up is no big deal?

You are making a huge decision right now. So you better make sure that it is the right one. You have 30 days to do it, so don’t rush into it. Take your time. Relax and do things that make you feel better. When you start being happy in life without your ex, you will realize whether or not getting your ex back is the right decision. And that is extremely important before you move on to the next step, which is contacting your ex.

STEP #4. Contacting Your Ex aka Re-attraction

Remember when your ex left you? They thought of you as a needy, clingy and desperate person with little to no self-respect. After not being in contact with you for a while, they must be wondering what the heck happened to you. They will slowly start to forget that image of yours (the needy desperate one) and start remembering the things they liked about you. They will start remembering the things that they found attractive in you.

And that’s when you contact them, you talk to them and then meet them. Just as they lay eyes on you, BOOM. That’s the new and improved you. YOU version 2.0. They can’t help but wonder what brought so much positive change in you.

re-attracting your ex

“You look amazing. You smell amazing. You look like you are doing great in your life. You look like you’ve been working out. You look happy. You look confident, sexy, fun and attractive. You look like a catch. Why did I break up with you again?” – Your Ex

For that to happen, you need two things.

  1. You should actually bring a positive change in your life and become a confident, happy and attractive person.
  2. You should contact your ex and meet them somewhere.

If you have been following this guide till now, then you know how to go about the first point. So, let’s get straight to the second point.

Contacting Your Ex

Before you contact your ex, here is a checklist of things you need to make sure you’ve done.

  • You followed the no contact rule for at least one month. (Read about The No Contact Rule here.)
  • You are no longer a mess as you were after the breakup.
  • You have made a few positive changes in your life.
  • You are absolutely sure that getting back with your ex is a good decision. (Find Out here.)
  • You have gone on at least one date during no contact.
  • You have accepted the breakup and you are OK with the fact that you may never get your ex back and this might never work for you .
  • You have accepted the fact that even if you don’t get your ex back, you will be fine since there are endless opportunities in the world to find love and happiness.(Read more about having the right mindset after no contact is over)

Now, there are two ways that you can contact your ex. One is through a letter or email, and the other one is through text messages. You can also call your ex but I recommend you first build up some attraction using text messages and letter before calling them.

The Letter

A hand written letter is a great way to contact your ex right after you’ve finished no contact. A hand written letter stands out in this age of digital technology. Of course, you can use an email as well.

hand written letter

Wouldn’t it be nice to receive a hand written letter in the mail?

This letter has three purposes.

Purpose 1: To let your ex know that you have accepted the breakup. And you think that it’s for the best.

(You are letting them know that you are no longer the needy desperate person who was refusing to accept the breakup.)

Purpose 2: To apologize for any of your inappropriate behavior after the breakup.

(You want to make sure that everything from the past is forgiven and forgotten.)

Purpose 3: To let them know of something exciting that is happening in your life. Don’t reveal too much here. Just tell them something good is happening in your life. You’d love to talk about it, but not now. Because you both need some space and time.

(You want to give them something to chew on. They will be thinking about what’s happening in your life and will want to call or text you to talk about it. You are using curiosity to get your ex contact you. Of course, something must be happening in your life. That’s why creating a positive change in your life is absolutely important before contacting your ex.)

If you want a sample letter written for you, you can find it in Step 5.

The Text Messages

Text messages should ideally be used after sending the hand written letter to build up attraction. You can even skip the hand written letter and move on directly to text messages. You know your situation and your ex better than anyone, so it’s your decision whether or not you want to use just text messages, just the letter, or both. But I highly recommend you use either one or both of these before actually calling your ex.

Text messages are great for building attraction with your ex. They are short, they are personal and you can be sure your ex will read your texts. If used correctly, you can condition your ex to light up in excitement whenever they see a message from you. (Read this more detailed article on getting your ex back with text messages.)

texting your ex

It doesn’t matter where they are, your text will reach them and they will be excited to get a text from you.

The key to using text messages is to be very subtle. Never ever directly talk about your feelings or about your relationships. You want them to associate text messages to something positive and fun. Here are the rules for texting your ex.

Never send them an empty message. An empty message is something that doesn’t say anything and doesn’t give your ex anything to talk about. For example


“Hey, How are you?”

“I miss you”


Never ever talk about your feelings and about getting back together.

“I love you”

“I miss you”

“I want you back in my life”

“I am miserable without you”

Never argue or say something negative over text.

“If you had just shown a little more effort, we could have been great together.”

“Your child misses you. You are terrible father to leave him like that.”

Now here are a few things that you should do while using text messages.

Something happened in your life that reminded you of them.

“Hey, I just watched the new season of Arrested Development. It reminded me of you. I actually had a smile on my face. :)”

“Hey, I just read the new Harry Potter book. I am so glad you never told me the ending. Thanks :)”

Remind them of good moments you had together.

“Hey, I was just thinking about the time we went skydiving together. Man, that was exciting. I am glad we did that. “

“Hey, remember the little restaurant where we had our first anniversary date? I just crossed it and it looks like they are closing down. It’s a shame because we had such a great time that day.”

Let them know you are having fun with your life and meeting new people.

“Hey, I just saw a romantic movie with a friend. The ending reminded me of you.“

“Hey, I am going to Hawaii for the weekend with a friend. Do you remember the name of the hotel we stayed in when we went last year?”

Now there are tons of other things you can do with texts. But the key point remains the same. Be subtle. Be positive. Be fun.

Right now, you just want to go from the creepy ex to a fun text buddy. Of course, you will be moving things forward slowly. When you think it’s the right time, go ahead and ask them out.

Asking Your Ex Out

Do not call it a date. I repeat. Do not call it a date. If you do, your ex will put their defenses up faster than Garfield finds Lasagna. You don’t want them thinking that you are looking to get back together. At least not now. You want them to go out with you as a friend. And then you can build up attraction while you are with them.

If you’ve done your homework correctly, you will be oozing confidence and attractiveness out of every inch of your body. And this works doubly as effective on your ex than any other person. Why? Because they were already attractive to you at one point in time. And you are not a stranger to them. You are someone familiar who looks very attractive.

The best way to ask them out is to give them a call. It’s possible they might require a slight push. A simple “come on, it’ll be fun.” Or “Hey, it’s just coffee. What’s the harm?” should be sufficient.

However, don’t go overboard in pushing them. Like ”Come on. Just go out with me once. Please. Pretty please.” Or “You broke up with me and broke my heart. The least you can do is go out with me one time.”

Remember, your ex doesn’t owe you anything. You have to treat them like an acquaintance you want to get close with.

On the Date

Ideally, you want it to be your ex’s idea to get back together. You just want to be yourself (attractive, fun, happy, and awesome). Do not talk about your past relationship or your breakup. It will lead to no good. That relationships is over and if you two do get back together, it will be a new relationship. There is no point digging old graves when you want to start a new life.

STEP #5. The Grind aka The Ninja Techniques aka EBP Basics

OK, even though this guide is quite long and covers most of what you need to know on this subject, there are a lot of topics that are not covered here.

Since trying to get your ex back takes time and going through the no contact period is an everyday struggle, I’ve designed Part 5 of this guide to be an email series. I call this email series EBP Basics.

What do you get?

One inspiring, helpful , insightful and motivating email everyday. I have helped thousands of people (somewhere around 50,000) with these emails. The reason why these everyday emails are so effective is because you get a small dose of inspiration, motivation and useful information every day.The no contact period is the most important part of the plan and with Part 5, you will get support during the no contact period.

More importantly, I reveal a lot of secret tactics and tricks that are not mentioned in this guide. Like

  • Using Pattern Breaking
  • Understanding the reason why your ex broke up and what to do about it.
  • What to do if your ex is dating someone else
  • How to write that hand written letter
  • And a lot more.

How To Gain Access?

Just go ahead and click on the appropriate link below and get EBP Basics for absolutely free.

Men Click Here (To Get Ex Girlfriend Back)

Women Click Here (To Get Ex Boyfriend Back)



How to Get Your Ex Back (Shorter Version)

  1. To get your ex back, you must not make any of the deadly mistakes that make you look needy or desperate.
  2. Start no contact. Stop all communications with your ex unless it’s absolutely necessary and unavoidable.
  3. Become You Version 2.0. Take a step back and reassess everything. Work on becoming happier and more confident.
  4. Once no contact is over, get back in touch with your ex. If you do it correctly, he/she will be blown away seeing the new and improved version of yourself.
  5. Take things slowly and rebuild attraction, connection and trust with your ex. Keep doing it until your ex decides they want to get back together. Before you begin no contact take this short quiz to find out your chances of getting back together.

What if you still had a chance?

Want to find out your chances of getting your ex back in 2 minutes?

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9113 comments ...add one

  • Ankit

    Is it possible to get an ex back even when she sent her brother to beat me up

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Perhaps you might want to give her more space to let go of her anger, or simply choose to walk away since it has come to that extent.

  • Lóránt

    I have a not too long, just a 3 months old relationship. I didn't realize something was going wrong. I was happy, but... At a random moment, at night when I was in her house and we wanted to sleep together because we had an anniversary, she asked me with a crying face "Do you love me?". I was very surprised. I said: "Yes, of course, I truly love you". Then she told me "I don't love you as much as you love me". I didn't understand that because I thought everything is fine. Maybe I was not so attractive as she knows me, and she wanted to be still so attractive after a couple months. I really don't know, she doesn't told me the reason. She said I have 0 unbearable habit, but she doesn't feel as she wants to feel. My heart is totally broken now. I want to take a no contact period, but I think I need to know the reason. I think the 30 days is too much in this case. What do think about it?
    Thanks for your advice

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You could reduce the 30 days to around 2 weeks since the duration of your relationship wasn't that long. It's common for couples to lose physical attraction for one another after being together for awhile, it's similar to when someone raises the issue of their partner not doing the thoughtful things they once did while chasing/dating them.

  • Emma

    Hi, please help me, I need advice from an expert,

    My boyfriend and I broke up recently, it was a mutual agreement but I feel like he thinks that he was the one broke things off. We actually were on a break for a month prior to that, because he needed space. I did not respect that space and I am guessing that's why things ended. I was desperate during the break but started getting better with myself, maybe even moving on, I'm not sure. I was actually expecting the break-up since I have screwed no contact during the break up and as the one month-long break proceeded, I started feeling better as I said, but he didn't, he was angry with me, quite abusive actually but we ended things in a nice way, stating that we just couldn't work as a couple and both of us were very relieved. He did say that he thinks our romantic relationship has no future.

    Today I started thinking about him and I decided to give him a second chance, though I don't think he wants me anymore. Keeping no contact will be hard, especially since we are in the same group of friends, we will be attending a same party this weekend and in a little more than two weeks, we are going to travel abroad with this same group of friends. How can I get him back if no contact is not an option? I am also afraid that with us being around the same social group he will start to see me as a friend, thus pushing away from the idea of a relationship.
    What can I do?

    Thanks in advance!

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Since you feel that you have changed and picked yourself up since the break, no contact may not be as necessary for your case. In your following interactions with him in the group gatherings, perhaps try and make those changes visible and show him how well/happy you're doing, since that may spark a level of interest from him. Try to limit the amount of one-to-one interaction with him too, for this may make you easier to read since you want to keep your level of mystery there.

  • Bongo Hayibo

    I was in a relationship for 5 yrs. We love each other very much, she was my best friend and vice versa. At first when i met her she has low self esteem but i managed to boost her confidence. She is one hell of a happy lady i ever met. Just last year i got a job and i had to relocate eventho she was hurting she supported me through it and she was so happy for me that i got a job of my dream. At the early stage of my relocation things were going on well. Until last August we had our very first argument and i literally texted her let quit. And for the very first time in our 5 yrs we didnt call or text each other and that lasted for 6 days. When i finally did all she said was why did i take so long to call. I realised that i didnt treat her well so i quickly got a transfer back to her. But things werent the same since that day. She completely shut down, she isolated her self, tge sight of me irritates her, she doesnt eat but gained weight. She told me she lost feelings for me. Nothing excited her any more. She said she is unhappy and something inside her is broken. We do text everyday but she refuse to hang with me or see me. I asked her if she wanted to see a counsellor, she refused think about it and let me knoe if she is ready. I dnt want to loose her. The only person she hangs out with now is my sister.i started a NC rule for a month and I had a mini holiday she is not a social media freak but all of a sudden she starts to post photos and videos continously of herself and with friends at the pub. Last 2 days I messaged her that I wanted to talk to her and her mum and she replied me as saying there is no point I know me and her is not going to work. But I took things personally that I was like we had the best relationship ever why would she just throw it out of the window just because she lost feelings for me. I know through all this hurt n pains I would thrive and be a winner. Apparently she didn't take the word winner likely and she was complaining about it to my sister.but all this whilst she kept on saying we haven't spoken in ages why are all these coming from. And she also told me she got a job and she is feeling good without me asking. Currently I have pulled back a bit. I wanted to start the no NC rule again and perform the reconnection very well

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You should probably restart NC as you've mentioned and try to give her more space to let go of the negative emotions she feels. Perhaps ask your sister to find out why your ex is so against talking to you or meeting you, and what you did wrong specifically. At least that might give you a better idea on how to handle the situation.

  • Bou

    I have used 30 days no contact once with my ex. Is 30 days no contact a one time use only or will it work the second and third times as well?

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      The NC is not a ticket to get back together with your ex, but rather a rule of thumb to adopt whenever a breakup happens, to give both parties enough breathing room to let go of negative emotions and to pick themselves up. Even if you've done NC once, you can always use it again if need be as long as the mindset is correct.

  • J

    Hi, my story is for all the hopeless cases out there. My ex of a couple years broke up with me, then moved to the other side of the country about a month and a half later. I did NC for about three months and followed every rule of the full-length guide and work sheets down to certain exact quotations. Today, we’re together again and our connection is so much stronger even though we’re on different coasts. I think this guide is the best kept secret in love and relationships and I thank everyone involved in its creation. Even if your ex splits for the coast, stay positive (=

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Thanks for the positive sharing J! We hope that others would be reminded of the positivity they stand to gain at the end of things by being strong, staying positive, and persevering in the guided steps.

  • Sarah

    Hey! I typed a comment before but I'm not sure if it submitted or not, but I really need advice.

    My boyfriend and I broke up 3 weeks ago after dating for over 4 years. We started having problems last year with our sex life. We weren't having sex as much as he liked, it was partly due to a medication I was on that lowered my libido and made me very dry. Anyways, that was our biggest problem. We tried to fix it by just agreeing to do it more but it was easier said than done since we still each live at home and its hard to find somewhere private.
    Back in January, we were still having sex issues and I was so confused and started to wonder whether or not I was still attracted to him. I started to also wonder what it would be like to be single and do things with other people, and i think thats normal to wonder for some people who have been dating for so long. Anyways in January i suggested a break as we had been having other issues like finding fun things to do and places to go out to. When I suggested a break on the phone I think it came as a total surprise to him and he was really confused and probably angry/upset. After a week I missed him and I didn't want to lose him, we met back up and he said I had to do the talking. I didn't have much time to come up with solutions since I had been so busy with school but basically I said that I'm still attracted to him, and that I will find more places for us to go to instead of putting all the pressure on him. He said this was my last chance, and we got on with it. Things were going really well and we were making progress in our sex life and communication and everything. We decided to go out one night to a bar which we never do but it was something new and fun. I had been up since 5am that day and was really moody and stubborn so we got into an argument. I guess that topped it off for him, and I apologized when we got home and told him I have fun with him when we go out, and it was okay, but he needed a day to cool off. He came over the next day and was all nice saying I looked pretty and everything. We went downstairs to talk and he kept saying how he thinks I don't have fun with him when we go out, etc, and we both started crying. He said he wasn't sure what else there is to do and that maybe its just not our time. He broke up with me but it didn't feel like he was 100% sure.

    The next day I went to his house and dropped of pictures of us, a 3 pages letter and a bear telling him how much I love him. About a week later her changed his relationship status on Facebook to single, and I felt to broken I drove to his house and had to talk to him. I told him my feelings and that I am sure we can fix this with more effort on my part. I made a huge list of activities we could do at home and going out both sexual and non sexual. I said I'm still attracted to him and still love sex we just don't take up the opportunities we have to do it enough. I said everything I needed to and he said he needs to focus on himself now and we aren't getting back together. :( a few days later his friend called me on the phone and said something that hurt my feelings so I texted him kinda angry saying I felt like he didn't communicate to me well enough, etc. He got angry and told me not to talk to him and i didn't. Its been about a week and a half now since that argument and he sent me a text saying that if I want I can meet up with him this week and he can explain why he did what he did and answer any questions I have.

    I'm not sure what to do cause it doesn't seem like a good thing to meet up but I really honestly think that I can fix this with more effort on my part. I just wasn't on the same page he was at the time. I love him so much and its not that I feel like I can't do anything by myself because I can but I miss him terribly, and talking to him, and seeing him everyday, and being in his company. Please help me :( I love him so so much. I don't want to lose him.

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Since you're trying once more to work things out, I suggest giving it your best effort to make things work this time around but remember that it's a relationship ultimately and there needs to be reciprocity or compromise when it comes to efforts in maintaining the relationship and working on issues. If it doesn't work out again, there's a likelihood that something is wrong with both your frequencies or communication methods, and it might be better to give both parties some space to work on those issues separately before trying anything out again in the future.

    • sarah

      So My ex and I met up at the park on Thursday night. And I got out the car and came across all like good and happy like “heyyy! How are you?” And you could tell he was down and was like “good 😞” and so we went in my car and talked. I basically started out asking “how did u get over a 4 year relationship so quick?” And he said like “ i think Ur thinking I’m over it because I have thick skin and I bottle up my emotions, but I’m not, I’m still upset and I still love u and care for u and think about u everyday and like right now it hurts me to see you” and stuff like that, and I asked like why he blocked me on stuff and he said that it’s hard to see me on social media. And I asked him like if he ever thinks about me and misses our constant texting and calling, and he said that he thinks about me everyday and it’s hard he tries to stay busy so he doesn’t and he misses me a lot cause I’m his best friend and he misses me driving in his car and being with me and everything so it’s like we r still so in love, and he got really emotional again and like started crying and I was holding myself together but seeing him cry and asking some questions made me cry. And he would hold me and cuddle me and he kept holding my hand, and it’s hard because I want to be with him still and seeing him made all my feelings come back. But idk how he’s feelings but he said he still loves me but I think he needs this time to focus on himself still. I told him I’m working on my insecurities and stuff and he’s happy about that. I told him that like I miss hanging with him and I am still attracted to him and I’m sorry about like not expressing that enough. I also asked how is it so easy for him to talk about me dating other guys in the future and he said it would kill him to see me and another guy but he would rather me be happy with someone than sleeping around because I deserve the best. But idk, I miss him so much. And like I felt he does too. It’s still hard for him to be around me with all his feelings so I said I hope one day we can be friends and I’ll wait for him to reach out. And in the car I tried to show him like how I’m still easy to talk to and made jokes and stuff at the end to just kinda cheer him up.I felt like out chat went well and I miss him so much, I’m just not sure what his take on this is. what do you think?

  • Emma

    Hey Kevin,

    To be brief, my ex and I broke up on feburary 20th. Since that day, we haven’t been in any sort of contact. I’ve been through many difficult and questionning phases and I really wanted to get back with him but since two days, I’ve been feeling a lot better and I am not sure that getting back with my ex is really what I want now. But yet, I’m not quite sure and I’m just really confuse. This morning, after 21 days no contact, he texted me: « When can I come to your place to get my things? I had totally forgot. »
    But, the thing is that he doesn’t really have anything left at my place except the gifts he gave me.
    My question is: What should I answer, how should I act with him and espicially what do you think all of this means?

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You could ask him which things he wants to come by and collect, and gauge from there. If you're not entirely sure whether you want him back, perhaps it's better to figure that part out first before you take any action.

    • Emma

      He said he wanted to collect his hoodie, his bag and his socks but, the thing is that he gave them all to me when we were together. I don't want to be rude to him or do anything that could cause some other tensions between us , but should I accept , and give him the things he gave me back or should I just tell him that those were given and I am going to keep them, what exactly should I do?

    • T.A.E

      I'm not a part of the Team, just someone who read your comment, but I would text something like "I thought they were a gift, but if you really want them back, sure. Would xx work for you, my schedule is pretty full until then?" And choose a date a week or two away, just to show him that you are not eagerly awaiting. This will also give you more time to reflect on your feelings.

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You should accept it if he really wants them back because by being rude, like you say, you may cause tension and he might think of you differently. Just take it as a restart to things instead of the end of hope.

  • Gabriela Arreola

    I met my ex six months ago, since day one we liked each other, we were in a relationship for four months, things were pretty good, we fight from time to time but we always figure it out, we had a tough week by Monday he told me he was feeling a little weird but he didn’t wanted to loose me, that he loved me and couldn’t see himself without me, by Friday we were barely speaking, we met and he told me he just didn’t felt the same anymore, I was shocked because even though I knew we were struggling I didn’t think he would end things that fast, we kept talking because I heard rumors that I wanted to clear up with him, then we stoped talking for two days, then he texted me and we talked for five days and then I decided to stop texting, a week has gone through and he only replied to a pic I posted, but now I am suspecting that he is dating someone else and I just don’t know how to react, is there a way to get him back? I really miss him, I think our relationship had potencial and ended too soon. I love him and he made me very happy. I just don’t know what went wrong and how to make it right

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If he's capable of dating someone so soon, it could either mean the new relationship is a rebound or that he didn't see his relationship with you as significant enough. Either way, continue with NC for now and work on improving yourself and working on the areas you felt caused the breakup (on your part, at least). If it's true and he's dating someone else, you might even want to consider moving on from things, but if not - initiate contact again with him some time later and show him the changes you've made to your life.

  • someone!

    Hi there!

    I don't know if you'll respond to my comment, but I have nothing to lose at this point.

    If you would be so kind to give me your sincere advice I'd really appreciate it.

    So, 4 weeks ago, I had a last fight my ex-girlfriend. Then, she asked me for space to think 'cause she doesn't knew what she wants anymore. Out of fear, I tried to reach out to her for a period of 3 weeks by calling and texting, even pleading and begging her that this time will be different... but, of course, my words lost credibility in front of her, she saying "To be with you, for what, just to be happy for a period of time, a month, two or a year and then getting hurt again?" I reassured her several times, that I wouldn't dare to hurt her again, but she didn't believe in me. As I contacted her in those 3 weeks, asking for a last chance, I know that what I did was not okay, she gave me that chance many times, but she took it away from me after a day or two, before I could prove it to her that everything will be okay this time. This has happened repeatedly in those 3 weeks... one day she gave me that last chance, another day she took it away from me... just to give me again that chance to took it away again, saying that she doesn't want to see me again or stuff like that... She did that out of fear of not being hurt again... overthinking everything.

    A week ago, we had to go somewhere together with her car. She was really cold towards me all the way... when we arrived at the destination, I said to her that I have something to say, she was reluctant at first... When she stopped the car, I touched her hand, askin' to look me in the eye and I said that I do not want the break-up, but if that she really wants, I'll agree about leting her go... Then, when I get out of the car, she came to me, hugged me really tight and when I kissed her for the last time, the expression of her face changed, turning into her old happy self again. I felt her regret for leaving me, I felt her immense love towards me... And when I felt that, I knew that she still loves me despite stating that she doesn't want a relationship with me right now... after I felt that feeling that night, I just can't stop thinkin' about her and to just give up. After that day, she contacted me about her university grades, I replied politely, and that was it... I haven't had contact with her for a week now. It just hurts and I do not know what I should do, to be patient and wait or... ? I do love her sincerely, not because I feel lonely without her, but because she's really special to me...

    For the past week, I uploaded some love quotes to "My Day/ My Story" on Facebook, and I can see who saw them and she always check them out, but when I post something on my profile I do not receive likes from her, which don't really bothers me, but she checks every story I post (that's available 24 hours)... I do not know what this means, probably nothing...

    We were together 3 years and almost 5 months. University students. She's 21 years old...

    Best regards,

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      She definitely still loves you, but just isn't sure she can trust you yet. It's something you'll have to prove to her as you go along with your actions and not just your words. Bear in mind that you'll probably face resistance from time to time as she overthinks or even wonders when you'll hurt her again, but it's something you're just going to have to to overcome and be patient each time with her if you want her back in your life for good.

    • someone!

      Thank you for your quick reply! I really appreciat it!

      As I said in my previous comment, I haven't seen or spoken with her for a week now. I feel that if I do no contact her, she'll never initiate a conversation.

      She's someone really proud and the most difficult part is how to change her perspective about me...

      I'm thinking about what should I do? To give her more time and space? I do not know when is the right time to approach her. And if I approach her, what should I say? If I start a conversation apoligizing and dropping hints she would back off, I think...

  • J

    We live 1.5 hrs away, part of why we broke up. I have stuff to return, but should be in no contact after. Thing is, she called me drunk to say she wanted me to come over but didn't ask because I'm too far. I'm seeing her this week, and already told her I'd call her back tmrw.
    This whole nc thing is tricky because of our distance, and its easier for her to forget than to wonder, right? Should i just send in a spontaneous step 4 text every couple of days and kind of do a push back-pull in kind of approach after i see her?
    One last thing, i am an upcoming musician and made a song inspired by her, and want her to hear it. Thoughts? (Btw its all positive)

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Perhaps you could let her hear the song after you've completed NC. For the time being, return the stuff, and avoid any messy situations until you've given both parties some time to let go of the negative emotions relating to the break up before initiating contact with her again.

  • Josie

    Hey, it’s been a year and I still can’t get over my ex that I was together with for 3 years. For the past year we would meet up randomly, all by my own doing, sleep together, only to be told this can’t happen again. I feel rejected at every turn and it keeps weighing on me. He’s moved on but hasn’t been in any relationships. I would love to do the no contact rule but unfortunately we work together at the schools district office and he’s my boss so we have to communicate. Luckily I rarely have to to see him but I do have to email and talk to him very frequently about work. I just can’t get over this. He’s made it clear we will never get back together and I’m starting to lose hope. I thought he was the love of my life and he did at once say he wanted to marry me. There was no cheating yet we just bickered a lot due to us being too much a like. He said he fell out of love with me. I miss him so much and I just feel like he’s slipping further and further away. Is all hope

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      For now, keep all conversation at work with him professional and avoid small talk - this is how you practice NC with an ex that you work with. If he's fallen out of love with you, it simply means he lost attraction after all that fighting. Perhaps it's time to make some positive changes to your life that he may notice, and even ignite his interest again if you're really keen on wanting him back. The good thing is at least things didn't end ugly and on non-talking terms, so you definitely still have a chance.

  • Alizee

    My boyfriend broke up with me 5 months ago, we were 2 years together and before that 3 years best friends. He had a new relationship with a girl from his university after 2 months (he told me 1 month later). Now she broke up with him (she cheated) and he comes back to me. He wants the friendship back, he said he wanted to recontact me long before but his (ex) girlfriend has forbidden him to contact me. He asked our mutual friends how I was. Now I don't know if I am the rebound? If he comes back because of regret? Or does he really just want our friendship back? I don't know what to do because I still love him a lot!

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      It could be any of the 3 reasons, since you wouldn't know his intentions for wanting to come back to you. However, if he is bound by what his ex allows (and doesn't allow) - it means that he still probably has feelings for her and there's a strong chance that he's coming back to you out of comfort (regret) rather than genuinely wanting to be friends.

    • Alizee

      He still loves his ex, but wants a friendship with me and she will have to accept it no matter what. She is trying to gain his trust back, but he doesn't know if he wants her back, because the relationship will never be that deep like our relationship. He said he doesn't have feelings for me, but I'm still the one he wants kids with... How can he say that without having feelings? Do I have to make him fall in love with me again or do I have to just sit back and wait because "if its meant to be, it will be??" ??

  • Katie

    Hi there,

    I really need advice. My ex and I were on and off again for a year and a half. He left me 4 times. This last tome he packed his stuff the day we broke up and i begged him for weeks to come back. He moved out of town for a job which is initially why he left me because I have a son and we couldn’t move with him and he didn’t even do distance. The last time I saw him like 3 weeks ago when I showed up at his job he had been telling me pretty much to have a good life. He had already removed me off all social media and he blocked my number before I saw him. We said our goodbyes since he was moving. We have been in no contact almost a month and he had told me to move on with my life. He isn’t dating anyone but I feel like he already moved on. He had always come back after begging but this time I haven’t heard from him at all. I want him back so badly. I’m not sure what to do anymore. Please help me. I feel like by him telling me not to just stay in my house all the time and focus on my son he was telling me he didn’t want to be with me. He has abandonment issues and couldn’t commit to being a family which is what we argued about when he left. He always told me he wanted marriage and kids but then just left me for this job and didn’t even try distance.

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Even if you want him back, begging isn't the way to go about it since it will only get you blocked. You should focus on picking yourself up for the time being and also remaining strong for the sake of your son. Your son comes first, and since he's moved out of town for work and didn't want to do long distance, it might be best to move on from this, as there's not many opportunities for you to rekindle the relationship. If the chance presents itself in the future, and he moves back to town, you could always try again.

  • Leah

    Hey Kevin,
    My boyfriend and I recently broke up. We had been arguing quite a bit the past couple months but go through them and I he also felt I had lost attraction to him. We have been dating over 4 years and the past couple months I wondered maybe what it would be like to try other things and meet new people. In January I suggested a break which took him by surprise. A week went by and we agreed to meet up but he wanted me to do the talking and tell him why we should try again. He said he would give me one more chance, and we were making progress, and things were gradually improving. But a few weeks later we got into an argument and I think that topped it for him. We have been broke up officially for about 3 weeks now. During the first week I tried to get him back by writing him letters and going to his house but it was too soon. He told me we aren't getting back together. Its been 3 weeks now and we have only not been talking for about a week and a half. He texted me yesterday saying that we can meet up if I still have questions for him to answer. I'm wondering if I should go or not. I still have questions but I want him to contact me to possibly try again, and I want him to miss me and miss what we had. I know what we had was special, I was just always insecure, and we struggled on new activities to do, and our sex life. I have had some time to think of how to repair this but I think its still too soon for him to listen. Do you suggest I meet up with him or maybe hold off a little longer?
    Thank you! :)

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      I suggest holding it off awhile longer as it may still be too soon, and meeting him may cause you to do something that you may regret later on - such as begging for him back, especially if he doesn't respond positively.

    • Leah

      Whats your take on this situation? Do you think that he will come around maybe even in a few months? or would you say there is no hope?

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      I would say that there's always going to be a chance, depending on how you play your cards and make your moves. However, there's no guarantee on the time frame it would take, and it's more of questioning yourself whether you're able to hold on. If not, it might be easier to give up and walk away because things may not get easier for the immediate future.

  • Christy


    I lost my guy to circumstance. He has things to work on. He said he needs space, so should I contact him after the 30 days, or wait for him to contact me?

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You could always check in on him to see how he's doing after 30 days, but keep it casual.

  • Adrian

    Hey, there's this girl i was dating who ended things between us 5 days ago. She ended our relationship through text and when I went to approach her on that night, she chose to ignore me. I did text her following that night but she ignored all my texts. The last time i texted her was 4 days ago.

    We first met through Tinder and had a great 1.5 months together but all this came as a shock to me. It was very sudden without any real signs that suggested it was going to happen. After she ended things with me, she unfollowed me on Instagram the next day and made me unfollow her too (i guess it's through block and unblock). She unmatched me on Tinder either yesterday or today, although she didn't block me on the phone so i can still text her but i dont know what new developments are going to happen. I'm just curious whether the no contact rule will apply here, and if it does, how long should i do it for? If it's applicable, then how do I approach her while it ends - memory texts or the elephant? And does the fact that she didn't block me on the phone and Instagram mean that i still have a chance?

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Since it was only a short period of dating, perhaps you might want to give it around 2 weeks for the NC period. However, you should also keep in mind that winning her back is dependent on how she viewed the relationship with you, and you have to be mentally prepared that she might not have been as serious as you were.

  • John

    We’ve been engaged since September and out of the blue I was sat down and got told that my fiancé is leaving me. Concerned it was pre-marriage jitters, I told her that we can cancel the wedding and just work on us. She told me that I need to realise that this decision isn’t temporary and that she has considered it over a few months. I’m very confused at the moment as all I have as an answer is that she needs to be alone and work on herself. I want to start doing the no contact thing, but obviously logistics of staying together, wedding plans etc. needs to be worked out ASAP. Not sure what to do as I really want to do anything in my power to make things work again and want to follow the above to do so. How can I go about making sure all the arrangements have been finalised as well as starting with the no contact?

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You could still go ahead with no contact, even under these circumstances. Simply limit the small talk with her and keep any engagement purely on a necessary basis, relating to the logistics of your wedding and other arrangements. Try to get them sorted out as soon as possible, and from there fully focus on no contact after.

  • Christopher

    Hi im having problems with my ex gf, we broke up around a month ago, she told me that she wasnt ready for a reletionship, i been writing and calling her all the time, and asking why?dont you love me and stuff, and 4 days ago she called me and said she is prenant, and we been fight so much there pass 3 weeks, she started to lose feeling for me, and now i do not know how to get get back, and she is carrying my child, she still tells me that she doesnt want a reletionship, if you could contact me would be great, i still do love her, i want to be with her, we been fighting/writing so much together, that like i said she is losing feeling for me, i dont know what i have done to make her end the reletionship with me, everything was good, then she started to be distances/didnt wrote much, and one day she just said it, i dont wa t to be in a relationship right now, she saids she loved me but she wasnt ready, can you contact me and please help me win her back

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Perhaps you need to show her that you're capable of change if you want to win her back. You'll need to make some changes in your life, and show her that you love her not just by your words but also by your actions.

  • Jack

    Hi there,
    My gf of 8yrs broke up with me cause I've continously shown a lack of communication skills (i shut her out during fights) throughout our relationship. Issues were never resolved and were always repeating. At the end i gave her less attention and that was the last drop for her. She said she loves me and knows i love her too, but wants to move on as our relationship is too toxic for her and she's afraid to get hurt again.

    I'm already seeing a therapist to pick up on these issues, mostly were from my troubled childhood.
    But i'm a bit late to fix me.. We've tried to stay in contact, but i only pushed her away more. After 2 months of trying to get her attention (we did cuddle alot and still kiss a bit once in a while), i started NC, cause that's what she wants too. She wants to forget about me..
    She is now making arrangements to basically cut me out of her life.
    Is it too late for me? Is there anything else i can do?
    Thanks, Jack

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Since there's so many negative emotions associated with you at the moment, it may be best to let her cut you out for the time being to at least let go of these negative emotions, while you make some changes to yourself. You'll be able to re-contact her again later on, and these changes you've made should have a bigger impact since she may not have a jaded view against you by then.

    • Jack

      After 1 month of NC, we had some contact (she contacted me) as we're separating our mortgage on our house since I've been living in another house a month after the break up. So she contacts me once in a while, she's already noticed some of the changes made.
      Should i ever contact her or always let her contact me? When she does contact me i try and be nice and sweet to her. I'm just unsure if i should try and keep the convo going or just give her a little and let her have the option to 'pull' if she really wants to keep the convo going, just so i don't put any pressure on her and maybe actually letting her wanting more.
      She's also going away on vacation soon.. unsure if i should wish her well or be completely silent. My gut is telling me to wish her well, my mind is telling me to steer clear

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You could be the one to initiate from time to time, and see how she responds to it. At least you get a gauge of how she responds to you when you're the one who contacts her instead.

  • white123

    I met my ex on holiday and at first I wasn't really interested it seem to be all him we kept in contact for 7 months and then he came on a work course up near me ( he lives 4 hours away). he spent every weekend at mine and we got on really well - still do - we have so much in common. He came and spent weekends with me and I went down to see him. but after 4 months or so he thought about it and decided a relationship isn't for him right now because of work as he is unsure what he is doing. he said he has feelings for me but obviously aren't as intense as mine but wants to keep in contact and meet up every now and then because he likes spending time with me and thinks im a great person. He hasn't really had a relationship before so has never had to commit and he also isn't one to get attached to people.
    im currently (successfully) on day 13 of no contact and he has pretty much made contact everyday by sending a instagram or facebook post but yesterday he messaged saying "even though you dont want any contact with me you need to see this picture" which was of a cat, so I didnt really need to see it. Im just really confused what to do or what is going on. By him saying that does that mean the NC is getting to him and that was his way of getting my attention and trying to get me to reply or am I in the friend zone?. Never mind his head being all over the place mine is!! I would love to try make us happen as we are so compatible but what do I do? will he commit? is he starting to miss me? he also did say it will take him a few months to sort out his work but doesn't want me to hang on to something that is 100% certain because of how strong I feel.

    Any advise would be great!
    thank you

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      As you've mentioned, it's clear that he has feelings for you but isn't sure of them and being someone who hasn't had a serious relationship before, finds it easier to push you away than to accept and deal with those feelings. Your options now are to either convince him that it can work out and lead by experience, or let him continue chasing you in the hopes that he figures his feelings out someday and commits to you. Either way, it seems that NC is somewhat getting to him judging by the fact that he continues to maintain contact with you despite.

  • Ireme

    I am 20 years old while my ex boyfriend is 19 years old. He broke up with me saying that he's not ready for a commitment but we've been together for 2 years. 1 year of friendship and 1 year of being in a relationship. I just don't get it. I want him back but I think he fall out of love and is confused of his life. We are now friends but I don't talk to him anymore because he is just ignoring my message. What shall I do? Some of his guitar stuff are still in my place, when I asked him when will he pick up those stuff he just replied "standby".

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You could apply NC for the time being to pick yourself back up, and distance yourself from the situation so as to not get affected by his actions. You'll also want to prove that your life doesn't revolve around him. Due to his age, he might genuinely not be ready to commit because of his maturity and still wants to explore his 'choices'.

  • Randy

    Okay, this has worked but it's been about 18 months and I contacted her about 4 months ago. Trust me, she's worth it. We're meeting this Friday night and I'm nervous. She's nervous too, I can tell. It didn't last long in our past relationship, it was quick and love really didn't have a chance to blossom, but recently I feel that either 1.) she's realized that she's falling in love with me and is afraid of how things in our current situations could change as we're both married and unhappy, or 2.) she has walls up because she's forgotten how to love and wants to keep me in the friend zone until she figures out what to do including giving me her heart. She has been opening up to me a lot over the last 30 days, like some kind of switch was instantly flipped and it's much different than our first relationship. We laugh a lot about everything and I feel like I'm now trusted which is extremely important but I don't want to blow it and have my heart broken again even though I'm already in love with her. She's an independent woman and I intend on not smothering her with love and affection even though she has told me that she is missing this. I want her to fall for me when she's ready, not try and force it, even though I can't wait to pull her close, stare into her eyes, touch her face and kiss her again. Any advice is surely appreciated. She really means the world to me and all I've ever wanted is to have her back. So here I am, only three days away from my second chance and my anxiety and excitement are very very high.

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Normally, just being yourself is enough, especially if she's already started to fall for you but isn't sure of her feelings just yet. You could increase her confidence by assuring her of these feelings and letting things progress at her pace of comfort.

  • anonymous

    me and my ex broke up from 3 days ago and the reason was because his mom didn't approve for the relationship and he couldn't disobey her and so he dumped me so shall i start the no contact rule hoping we might get back together becuz i really love him ?

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Your chances would depend why his mom disapproved of the relationship, and whether there are things that could be done to change that. Figure that out, and if the answer is no - his mom won't ever change her outlook, you might be better off moving on from the relationship since he is unlikely to change his mind about the breakup.

    • T.A.E

      Just someone who read your message here... if you think he feels bad for the breakup too and is genuinely hesitant only because of his mom, I would send him a text saying something like "Even though I feel it's a shame you let your mom's feelings override yours, I understand why you feel you must do this. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for the relationship, I've learned a lot and know that this experience will help me in my next relationship. Best of luck to you!"
      Then go no contact.
      This might a) make him think of you in another relationship, which might make him fight harder for you and b) leave a fond memory; who knows, maybe you'll have another chance one day, when he is no longer quite so dependent on his mother.

  • John

    Hi Kevin,

    My girlfriend broke up with me about 4 weeks ago. We were together for a 4 years and she broke up with because of constant arguing. She had told me before and given me chances before but i never changed and she decided it was the final straw. The breakup was messy and angry and its only in the last week that we stopped talking. I had a realisation that my communication method had still not improved and therefore i have now sought professional help to improve which i feel is working. She called me by mistake so i rang her back and i apologised for being angry and tried to approach the conversation in a confident and calm manor, she started crying because she said it was hard to hear my voice. We had a nice chat then i left it on a positive note. She has however been pretty adamant we need to not speak to get over eachother and we certainly are never getting back together. It feels like i can never show her that things can change this time. What should i do?

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Perhaps give her some space for now and apply No Contact in the meantime to continue working on your communication issues and yourself in general. Contact her again after and see how things go.

  • Alice

    Hey I wrote a message a while back - I'm 21, he's 24 and moved onto an 18 year old girl from his school less than a week after a big fight. We were talking for several months/in a relationship for around 3 months. At this point, he's been dating her for longer than we have but they only “clicked” after that fight (from what he's told me, idk) which was on December 1. We were trying to work things out after we broke up in mid November and he even said he loved me and that we have a lot to work on a couple days before that fight where we stopped talking for 2 weeks. That was the longest we didn't talk before it was like 1/2 days, we talked everyday almost all day. We started getting into fights more often before the breakup and I was surprised when he wanted to break up because I thought we were serious about each other because the fights were so silly. I focused on myself for those 2 weeks because we both had finals so I thought he was focused on that too. I found out he was with that girl 2 and a half weeks later and he said he had already been with her for 2 weeks. We got into a huge, ugly fight and I called him a cheater because his stories weren't adding up. I acted really needy, texting him a lot but then I stopped, did no contact, and worked on myself.
    He added me on snapchat randomly like 2 weeks after when he had blocked my number/all social media so I figured out he unblocked me. I didn't add back or anything and he unfollowed 5 days later after I posted pics looking like I was happy/with friends. So then a month later I sent an 'accidental heart' in instagram message and said sorry it was a mistake and he adds me on snapchat again. I ask him why and he said he "thought we could be friends but slowly" and I'm like okay. At this point, I thought maybe things weren't working out with the new girl because she hadn't posted pics of them in a month when they were posting many pics before. So then a couple days later is Valentine's day and she posts a pic with him carrying her on his back and I message him angrily that ‘I don't want to be friends, what did you think you'd get out of this’ and more long, angry texts that he didn’t respond to and he blocked me again on everything. Then I tried messaging I'm sorry but no response. I felt so stupid after. A couple days later, she posts 3 consecutive instagram posts with him like her arms around him, him around hers, seeming really happy. Under one of them I noticed he commented “so the worst pictures of me 🙄” and didn’t like the post and I saw the comment was deleted afterwords. I know I’m getting into the details but I just don’t know what to think. I messed up again and I’m hopeless at this point that I even have a chance. I’ve stopped contact again but I don’t know if it’ll work, I’ve messed up too much. Do you have any advice on what could be going on and what I could do from this point?

  • key

    My girlfriend left me one month ago.she prank on me and I had take it seriously and I call her again and again to talk to her but she ignored me all time.After that one day she clearly said to me on phone that she don't want me because of my behaviour.she was thinking I was getting psycho,possessive and doubt about her.Because this misunderstanding she avoid to talk with me.sometimes I only message her.I can give her time but she is very stubborn about her decision so what to do now?

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If this past month hasn't been enough time for her to calm down and she's still upset with you, perhaps give her some more space to let go of the negative emotions she may still feel towards you. Depending on how you reacted to her prank, there are clear issues that both parties need to work on, in terms of respecting each other, boundaries, and the communicative skills to know when one party is joking. If you really want her back, you could let her know that you're sorry for reacting that way and it was a misunderstanding. Tell her you'd still like to be friends but would give her the space she needs before she's ready to talk to you again.

    • key

      She said all time you have same behaviour and I want to focus on carrier so stay away.
      I am ready for give her space but after my reaction she don't want me to accept again.
      What to do now

  • Lana

    Hi, this may be a really long and complicated story but I will keep it short.

    Two things I have to mention. First, we, in fact, were not a couple, because we did not date, but we acted like one. Second, I was serious with him and committed to this relationship. I did have feelings for him first since we rented the same place and he was always there when I needed him. I could say that I was emotionally attached to him. We were in the same house together for 4 months (around 7 months ago). All good things happened. We shared things, talked, went on trips, did things together. I did think he was the one for me, and I could feel he had feelings for me too. Then I had to go away. We kept in touch for 2 months at least (about 2 months ago?), and he told me wanted to be serious since he liked me a lot too. He asked me when I got back to the house if I wanted to date him and be in a serious relationship and something further. I had to say this was what I expected yet did not give him the answer at that time. But after that thing changed. He told me that I was so indecisive and could not sure what I wanted in life. He did not want to be with someone like that. That was 5 weeks ago. The reason was he was quite mature and he wanted to get married less than 3 years times. Then 3 weeks ago he told me that he was seeing someone else but he knew that relationship did not go anywhere, he did not have an attachment to her. Of course, I was in a total mess since he gave me hope and as I told you I was quite serious with him, and I did think we could be committed to each other. Things shifted too fast in just 5 weeks, how could I deal with it normally?. When I came back to the state a week ago (I moved all my stuff out when he said he was seeing someone so I am not with him now), I texted him a lot, called him a lot, and like most people here, got blocked too (just a few days ago). He told me he had moved on, so just take my time and do my thing, let it be for a while and should not disturb each other for a few months.

    Today I accidentally found your blog, I read some and realized a lot. I know 7-month knowing each other is not long, but we are both mature, and we were quite serious for a couple of months so I did think this worked out. I am still a mess now since things have happened quite recently, but I am picking up every piece and start to think straight. If I follow your 5-step, do you think if there is any chance we can get back together in a few months time? Or at least, just be friends without letting out past disturb our friendship (supposed we could both actually move on)
    Hope I can get the answer from you since this will mean a lot to me. Thank you so much for your time

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      The important thing for you in this scenario is to work towards building up a friendship with him again. Perhaps the distance had caused him to disassociate himself with you despite how he felt, and now it's easier to push you away than to work on continuing where things left off. There's definitely still a chance, but it's dependent on how strongly he felt towards you back then as well. Since he already knows it won't work out with his current date, he has not dismissed the idea of dating you, but he probably knows it won't happen anytime soon. I suggest that you give both parties some space for the time being and apply no contact. You could start talking to him again once things have settled down, and you are in a better place emotionally.

  • Kevin

    Last year i met a woman, she was very into me, you see Im the kind of guy who doesnt fall in love fast, after a while spending together she liked me very much and even told me first that she loved me, at that point i did not love her but i liked her very much, after a little longer a month we started a relationship and i started to really love her. In fact in the beginnings things were so great that we couldnt get enough of eachother, she even said that she loved me forever, at a few points i did some stupid things and made her very angry with me, after that i showed her how much she meant to me and started to do everything for her, everytime we had problems i tried very hard to make things better for her, we both live in different countries but she comes to my country to visit family, she has 2 children ( girls) her exhusband was no longer in the picture before i met her, 2 months ago the day when she left my country i spend the day with her and everything was great, before she go away she said i love you and i will text you next week, so one week later she texted me and sended me pictures of her and told me she missed me, i started to text her several times and she and i just got simpel messages back but still with a line like: (you are my heart).
    I was doing my own thing but missed her alot so i started to send her a few texts, just telling her how much i loved and miss her, i started to get stressed, after the last text she told me that she loved me too but doesnt like to text me all the time, she said not to stress about anything and that she comes next month, so i told her that i promise that i not stress, i waited one week and it was valentinesday so i texted her, she texted me back and said to me happy valentinesday my love i miss you, after that we havent talked since then, i dont know what her point of view is on us? Maybe she wants to be alone to miss me and stronger our relationship or Maybe she is seeing another guy, i have no idea? I had a special gift made for her and her children to show her how much i care and how much my heart feels for her, i want to give this gift to her when she comes again and i see her.
    Do you have any advice on what i should do when i see her? I know exactly how i feel and this is the woman i want to spend my life with.

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      For the time being, try not to over think so much, and perhaps text her occasionally leading up to her visit. Wait until she comes to visit again, then give her the gift you've prepared. From there it would be easier to observe as well, whether she seems different emotionally towards you, or if you were thinking too much. If it is the former, you should definitely address the issue with her and let her know how you feel.

    • Kevin

      Thank you for the advice, i already decided to not overthink so much, so have been keeping myself bussy and its working great, the fact that she has 2 children means that she also is very bussy with taking care of them and i have to respect her space, i only texted her a few days ago to tell her how i have been and told her that i hoped that she and her children are well, she pretty much texted me right back and told me that she was happy that i am good and that she is also very good with her children she said she missed me and i texted her back and told her i missed her too, after that the conversation was ended because space is very important i decided to not overthink and did not text her, she wil come soon so Im just living my life and taking it one step at a time, when i see her i will give her the gift and see how things are just like you said, even whatever happens, her happiness is more important to me.

  • Sarah

    My girlfriend left me in January after being together for 4 years.
    She was jealous of my ex who is my business partner and my best friend. She found some messages on my phone which meant nothing I tried to explain everything, but she doesn't accept friendship between me and my ex. She is jealous of even "Hi Hun" message.#
    Well after finding the last message on my phone she decided to break up but she kept living with me another 20 days, we had a laugh, we had sex etc. But she kept saying we have to break up and after a big argument she left the house on 17th of January and took her stuff on 28th of January. I didn't contact her until the 13th of February but when we met up she invited me for a drink where we kissed and she said she loves me but we cant be together and we have to move on.And she was upset that i didnt contact her past 3 weeks and didnt care about her. on 14th she got drunk with her friends and texted "I love you too. Happy valentines". on 15th we met again we kissed, cried and she said she will block me on every social media and that we have to move on. This is driving me crazy. I applied no contact again but contacted her yesterday and again humiliated myself saying I love her and that we should get back together. She got pissed off and said that i didnt love her and that I chose to stay friends with my ex. she suggested me to date my ex again. She said even if we get together everything will remind her of my friendship with my ex and she will get angry and snap.So she suggested me to see the specialist and move on
    So about my ex: we work together. She has a girlfriend and getting married. She is the person I rely on, I trust.
    I never cheated on my girlfriend. I just don' know what else to do? I want her back. But I have this feeling she will not come back and no contact will push her further away from. Please advise

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You have to understand that it's normal for your partner to feel insecure and jealous over an ex being your best friend because they are worried that a relapse of feelings could happen at anytime and they feel threatened by it. It's clear that your partner still loves you, but as long as your relationship continues with your ex as best friends, it will be hard for her to accept it, and it's always going to be an issue. Ultimately, while I'm all for exes remaining friends, I've come to realize that boundaries still have to be drawn, especially when you enter a new relationship, because most people aren't going to be able to accept it. Perhaps you have to understand why your partner feels threatened by your ex, and what goes through her mind, so that you may be able to come to some compromise on the matter, without severing ties with your ex and still getting your current partner back.

    • sarah

      Hi Ryan,
      Thanks for the reply. Do you recommend I do the no contact?
      I am training someone at work already to leave that job where I work with my ex (friend)
      And my ex wrote my current gf an email saying that she doesn't want to be part of our break up and that we have to sort out ourselves. That she has her family and fiance and doesn't want to be blamed for the problems she hasn't created.
      I am going on holiday soon. I will be back in 45 days so all this period of time I want to do no contact.
      whats your advise.
      Many Thanks

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If that's the case, I do suggest you follow through with NC since the opportunity is there and your ex has expressed herself already in not wanting to get involved in the process, so you should respect her decision and not 'involve' her until everything has cleared up.

  • rey

    Hi, I met my ex 3 years ago, I was and still are a college student. Im 35 now she is 29. At that time I was married and lived far from her. Eventually I divorced and everything started to go perfect with my girlfriend. Now, she was and is ridiculous jealous, I mean crazy ridiculous, even from her own family, it's like I'm a walking Brad Pitt. Not even 3 months into the relationship she told me she wanted kids, I talked to her and said it wasn't the best moment and she took it bad and even accused me of being sterile. Tired of that crap I said to myself, ok how bad can it be? At 5 months she got pregnant of twins. Since that moment it was even crazier. At some point I had really given up since she didn't trust me and was suffocating me, so we talked and kind of broke up. From that moment I felt happy and just kept a father relationship with her. Like 4 months later I found that she was talking to a guy. She actually looked for him and I got really upset. I tried to explain myself why, and just could understand she felt I wasn't giving her attention as a woman, so couple weeks later we sit down and talked and decided to give it a chance. We started again and everything was good. Now the problems in our relationship have always been her jealously and money. Even when I was a college student, I paid her bill until she got a job a year after the birth. When it came time for the taxes I let her get all the refunds, even though I have rights to claim one, and even more when she took me to court to pay child support. Eventually after 3 years she broke up with me again for money reasons. Her reason are that she thinks I won't ever change and have proved nothing to her, that I have no commitment. And I'm like, how can you say that? I always paid your bills, didn't claim my kids even when you made me pay child support, proposed you marriage and everything. My friends tell me I should move on, she is not worth it. I'm not perfect by any means, by im average handsome, good guy, no bad habits, never cheated on her, and even better parent than what she is. But for some reason I can't stop thinking about going back to her as bad as it looks. I wonder why someone like her that met bad men before me would be able to find someone good after me, even after all the crap she has put me through, how life can be so unfair. I see my kids everyday but wonder whether if I take them to my house for some days of the week will affect her and maybe make her realize a relationship is compromise and sacrifices, or if she would be happy she would have more time for dating a new guy. I miss my relationship as bad as it was and wonder why? Initially I screwed up and didn't do the no contact period, I begged her and humiliated myself, and now feel ashamed. Since the last argument we had there has been 10 days of no contact, only couple call regarding the kids, I'm holding on, but is extremely though. I have been working on myself but I find it hard to focus. I can't stop thinking or wishing that her next relationship is bad enough so she can value me. I even talked to a therapist and she told me she won't be able to put aside her own issues by simply dating a guy, but it hurts to even think she will. I can't stop thinking about the probabilities that some guy will be willing to date a single mother of 2 and be able to handle her craziness. I try to tell myself that the probabilities are low, but can't stop fearing for that one chance, as she is physically beautiful. I don't know, I can't stop asking questions, like did she really love me? why did she wanted to have kids with me when I was a broke student? Does she still love me somehow? After breakup in one of our discussions she mentioned I was doing everything to go back but I was doing it wrong, and was like why you tell me that when you said you didn't want to go back? Then things got worse as I didn't do the no contact. But for some reason she always tells me that she has lost hope of me changing, and everytime we comeback, but I'm afraid not this time.

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      It can be hard to accept the breakup, especially when your ex seems to be doing much better than you are, but you have to ask yourself honestly if this is the kind of life you want to lead. She seems unlikely to change anytime soon, and the only way things may work out now is by your compromise, which is emotionally exhausting. You'll have to figure out what it is you want, and why it is you want her back because ideally if you're going to attempt to win her, it should be a permanent thing and not some temporary moment of happiness with no change to the situation.

  • Haidiee

    Hey.. I've been dating him for 11months,i love him so much... But this year is too important for both of us (the last yr of high school).. We hardly communicated... Then he told me that he don't want to talk to me.. And gave no reasons ..just he had some problems and refused to explain,,,,. I told him that i love him he don't have to do that to me.. He just said that he loves me too..and asked me to remember him any way...
    now we don't talk any more.. I don't know or understand i single ?? What to do with him.. Also i know he is talking to other girls rn .. Not dating....and that makes me jealous and really angry... i miss him so much though

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You should have a talk with him about this, and figure out what it is he wants. There's a good chance that he wanted to break up but didn't know how to go about it, eventually deciding to keep things vague hoping you'll forget about the relationship.

    • Haidiee

      If so y did he told me that be loves me and misses me and promised that whatever happens he will love me... How could he be such a liar!! It's complicated... When he said he didn't want to talk to me he said that after finishing our study we could be together.. And refused to explain more..
      What if i talk to him !!!! And he pulls me away will hurt me.. Isn't there any other solution? <3

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Like I mentioned earlier, instead of overthinking and speculating of all the possible scenarios that may or may not be true, you might want to consider simply talking to him and asking him for an honest answer. If he doesn't want to give it to you, then you might be better off distancing yourself from him for the time being, until there's a better opportunity.

    • haidiee

      thank u for helping me ❤❤but i didn't talk to him.. yesterdays he texted me that he missed me so much and wants to be with me again.. i asked him for explanation he said he was sorry and told that he was depressed about his study, he said he wasn't doing well so decided to be away from me as he didn't deserve me.. he wanted to be successful in order to make a serious relationship... i believed him and i was so happy about his thoughts...but when i told that to my bestie.. she told me that he is lying.. in ordor not to lose me.. and it seems like he is playing.. knowing that i didn't talk to him since yesterday.. i don't know what to do.. ! is he really lying? should i support him? or leave him!!?

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      This is something you would know best and I cannot give you a definite answer since I do not know your ex and how he's like as person. You should consider carefully, and follow what you think is the best solution based on whether you think he's lying or not.

  • Rishty

    Me and my ex broke up 24days ago
    The reason behind the breakup was his family concern.It is necssary to mention that we belongs from different religion and his family would never accept me.But from the very begining of our relationship he said that we will not live with our family as he don't have any problem regarding my religion. To be really honest our relationship was the bestest one I have ever seen. He was so supporting, understating, loving, caring. I can't think my life without him. But as I was quite stubborn so he had to always pacify me that what made our realtionship a bit complicated. From last 2 months he was behaving quite weirdly as we weren't able to contact frequently due to some problems. Last day before we broke up we had a fight and stopped talking to each other. But at the end of the day I couldn't resist myself and called him. But he didn't talk to me properly. Later on he said that he wouldn't be able to continue this relationship. When I asked for reasons he said anyhow his mother got to know about our realtionship and he can't take the pain from his home.And also added he can't progress in his life because of me as he is fully obsessed with me. He said he can't concentrate in a single thing as he always think about me, ourself and our future. As a result he wont able to make a good result and wont able to make a future for us.So he said he can't continue the realtionship. My world was just ended right there. I was completely blank then.I begged him and cried out.But he didn't hear. He was sticked to his logic. Lastly I couldn't resist myself and said a lots of bad stuff about his family and him.Which made him more angry. He blocked me in all kind of social networking sites. He blocked my number too. I begged to him but he didn't pay a hid to it. I also tried to reach him through his friends but it didn't worked out. Intact last night also I called him more than 25times but he didn't picked.Am just driving crazy day by day.I've become completely depressed and my health got also affected by this. The next month I have a big exam to appear which will literally decide my future but for this I really can't concentrate.I've tried to suicide by taking pills and by hearing that he became more angry and thought am trying to distracting him. I know what I've done to him wasn't right. I shouldn't say those stuffs to him. And am really sorry from the core of my heart. He is the right one for me and no one could be better than him.I have no clue what I'll do the next day. I just can't live without him. I want him back the love of my life any how. I am getting destructed day by day
    Plz help me reagarding this
    I really love him and ready to apologise for all wrong things that I've done to him. But he is not even ready to listen.Plz help!!

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Then you'll have to give him space first to let go of all the negative emotions he has towards you at the moment from the recent events. If you really feel unable to cope with your emotions and have suicide tendencies or thoughts, perhaps it may be better to consult a specialist for therapy before you try to contact your ex again. By being like this, you will only push him further away because you come across as desperate or needy, which would make him raise his guard against you.

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