What do you do when the love of your life breaks up with you and moves on?

What do you do if you want to get your ex girlfriend back, but she has a new boyfriend?

When all you want to do is make her happy, make her feel appreciated, and make her feel loved; but you can’t?

Worse yet, what do you do when she is doing all those things with another guy?

This article will answer your questions. The questions that have been plaguing you until you found your way to this page.

Is there still hope to win her back from another man?

I have been helping people with breakups and getting their ex back for the past five years. And I can tell you, with almost certainty, that there is still hope provided the following conditions are met.

  1. You and your ex girlfriend were together for a reasonable amount of time. (at least more than 3 months)
  2. You and your ex shared a meaningful connection and had a good relationship at one point of time.

Now if the above conditions are not met, you may still have a chance. You can still try doing what this article suggests, but you should also prepare to move on because your chances are probably very slim.

In this article, I will help you formulate a step by step plan to help you get your ex girlfriend back when she has another boyfriend. I will also help you prepare for all the challenges you will likely face as you are trying to get her back.

But for me to effectively do that, I need two things from you.

1. I need you to read this entire article. Don’t skip to a different section because you might miss an important detail.

I have seen a lot of my readers and clients make mistakes that I tell them very clearly not to make. You are especially vulnerable because your ex is dating someone else and your mind is probably panicking hard.

2. I need you to be honest. Be honest with yourself, with your girlfriend, and with me (if we ever communicate), as we move forward in this journey together.

Honesty is very important if you want to win her back permanently. If you don’t want to lose her again, you better build your new relationship on strong foundations.

The Basic Game Plan

When it comes to getting your ex girlfriend back from her new boyfriend, you must have a game plan. Read this article on getting your ex girlfriend back to find out what the basic plan is. And yeah, it’s free.

I’ve designed that guide in stages, just like a video game. It will help you figure out exactly what to do in each stage of getting her back.

If you are too lazy to read it, here’s the gist of it.

  1. Don’t make any mistakes that make you look needy or desperate.
  2. Do no contact for a while.
  3. Become a better version of yourself during no contact.
  4. Re-establish contact when you are ready after no contact.
  5. Slowly rebuild attraction, connection and trust until you are back together.

This article is a supplement to this guide with 5 stages to win your ex girlfriend back for your specific situation. So click on the link above and read it.

Once you have read it, come back here to find out how to get your ex girlfriend back when she is dating another guy.

 

What we will cover in this article

In this article, we are going to cover each stage of getting your ex girlfriend back from your perspective.

That means

  • We will talk about the major mistakes you should avoid if she is dating a new boyfriend.
  • Effective way to do no contact if she is dating someone else.
  • Effective way to heal during no contact if she is with another guy
  • Effective way and an effective time to reestablish contact
  • And effective strategies that will help you make her leave the other guy and be with you.

Let’s begin.

Part 1: The Mistakes That will Push your Ex Girlfriend into Another Man’s Arms.

When your ex starts dating someone else, your mind panics and you are bound to make a lot of mistakes that will push her further away.

I cover a lot of mistakes that most guys make after a breakup in stage 1 of this article. These basic mistakes include

  • Texting or calling her all the time
  • Being a Doormat
  • Getting Angry and Calling Her Names
  • Begging And Pleading Her To Take You Back

In this section, I won’t be talking about these mistakes.

But I will try to list out some of the most common mistakes that a lot of guys make when they find out their ex girlfriend has a new boyfriend

Mistake 1: Comparing yourself with the other guy

Comparing yourself to her new boyfriend is only going to make you feel terrible. When you compare yourself to him, you are going to come to one of either two conclusions.

He is better than me.

“She found someone better than me. He has a better job. He has a better body. He is taller. He got a full head of hair. He is more handsome than me. He is a player and knows how to manipulate women. He treats her better than I treated her.”

In all those superficial terms, the other guy might be better than you. But in the end, her relationship with this new guy will depend on the type of connection she develops with him.

If she is mentally and emotionally ready for a new relationship, she might develop a strong connection with her new boyfriend. But in most cases, it will be a rebound relationship and it won’t matter how successful, and amazing the new guy is.

I am better than him

On the flip side, it may look on the surface that you are better than the other guy in every possible way. Be it health, wealth, status, sexual compatibility or the way you treated her.

don't compare yourself with her new boyfriend

It still does not make much of a difference. Again, if she has moved on emotionally and mentally; and she builds a strong connection with the new guy; she will forget about you and move on.

So even if you are sure that you are better than the other guy, don’t get complacent. You still might lose her if you don’t play your cards right.

 

Mistake 2: Talking to her about the other guy

If comparing yourself with the other guy in your mind is a mistake; doing so with her is an HUGE MISTAKE.

If you try to tell her how bad the new guy is for her, you are only going to push her further away and into the new guy’s arms.

Why?

I want you to think of a TV show with a girl rebelling against her father by dating a douche-bag. Someone her father disapproves of.

There are literally hundreds of TV shows that have made an episode on this plot line. (Although, for some reason, my mind is blank on examples. If you think of an episode, let me know in the comment section).

The reason there are so many TV show episodes based on this, is because this is a very common occurrence.

Girls (and humans in general) will always try to prove that they know themselves better than anyone else.

That they can take care of themselves and that they know what’s best for them.

If you try to tell her that she is wrong about her decisions, she will go the extra mile to prove you wrong.

You must avoid this at all cost.

Don’t try to convince her to leave her new boyfriend. Leaving her new boyfriend has to be HER DECISION. Not yours.

Instead, just build attraction and connection with her to the point she decides to leave the other guy for you.

Mistake 3: Freaking out about your ex girlfriend sleeping with the other guy

Unfortunately, there is no way you can stop her from sleeping with someone else. I know for some guys, the thought of your ex girlfriend in bed with someone else is sickening.

But if she decides to have sex with someone else; she is not doing anything wrong. You both have broken up and she is not cheating on you by sleeping with the other guy.

And if you freak out about it and try to control her actions; you will only look needy, controlling and manipulative.

And guess what? It will just make her want to sleep with the new guy even more.

Can you do something to stop her from having sex with someone else?

In very rare situations, you can. But you should not try doing this until you are absolutely sure what you are doing.

Here’s one situation where you can influence her decision,

If you and your ex are speaking regularly; and she is honest to you about wanting to sleep with someone else; you can do one of the following.

A. You can either give her your approval to sleep with the other guy (which we can both agree is out of the question)

B. You can get angry, call her a bunch of degrading names and give her an ultimatum. This will definitely push her towards the other guy.

C. You can be calm about it. Tell her that if she does choose to sleep with someone else; it will hurt you terribly.

Tell her that you have chosen to not have sex with someone else until she is in your life in any capacity. And tell her that you understand if that’s what she chooses to do and you will still respect her.

Being honest in this way will make her want to not lose you and will probably make her stay loyal to you despite the breakup.

Mistake 4: Treating her like she is still your Girlfriend

A lot of guys treat their breakup like it’s just a fight.

That if you just somehow convince her that you understand your mistakes and you have changed; she will forgive you, come back and you will live happily ever after.

She isn’t just upset. You are broken up. She even has another boyfriend. This is a whole different game. Here is why.

A. Telling her how you understand her and how you won’t make the same mistakes again, will make it look like you are trying to win her back from another guy. This will make her put up her defenses because she will want to stick to her decision.

B. Telling her that you will do what she wants (get married, spend more time with her, make her a priority etc.); is not going to work now. You had your chance to prove to her that you can change. She gave up on you and broke up with you.

C. She is no longer trying to make you jealous. If she is in a new relationship with another guy, it’s not the same as her flirting with some other guy to make you jealous. It’s because she is trying to move on. (Note: Just because she is trying doesn’t necessarily mean she will.)

So how do you show her things will be different this time?

We will get into that as you read the rest of this article. For now, just remember to not make any of these mistakes that will likely push her into the other guys arms and/or drive you crazy.

Mistake 5: “Is My Ex-Girlfriend in a rebound” Obsession

In a lot of cases, it will be obvious if she is in a rebound relationship. You can read more about the signs of a rebound relationship here.

But in some cases, a lot of guys obsess over her being in a rebound too much. They are constantly looking out for signs of a rebound and keeping tabs on her through social media or common friends.

don't obsess over your ex's rebound relationship

Here’s a general rule of thumb. If you are not sure she is in a rebound, consider it a rebound.

You still make your moves assuming she is in a rebound. If it’s not a rebound, you will soon realize this by the way she replies to you.

Besides, there is always a chance her rebound relationship turns into a serious one in the future. And there’s always a chance her serious relationship ends in shambles just like a rebound.

 

Part 2: Doing No Contact When She is with Her New Boyfriend

A lot of guys are resistant towards the idea of doing no contact when their ex girlfriend starts dating someone else.

  • If I don’t stay in touch with her, she will keep getting closer to the other guy and will fall in love with him.
  • I need to stay in her radar and make sure she doesn’t forget about me.
  • I can’t let them get closer while I sit here and do nothing.

Doing no contact is important if your ex girlfriend is dating someone else. Here’s why.

  1. You need to get your mind to stop panicking so you don’t make any obvious mistakes.
  2. You need to figure out if getting your ex girlfriend back is the right decision for you.
  3. You need to give her rebound relationship some time to end. In most cases, she will realize that her new relationship is empty and she will dump the other guy.
  4. In some cases, she will get dumped by the new guy. (This happens usually if the new guy is a player and does not want a serious relationship)
  5. By doing no contact (even if she is dating the other guy), you are conveying to your ex that you are more confident and secure in yourself than ever before. This will give you extra attraction points when you get back in touch with her later (read more about getting your ex girlfriend back with no contact.

What if she wants me to fight for her?

If your ex is dating someone else after the breakup, she is not doing this to get you to fight for her.

She is probably doing it because she wants to move on.

To give you an idea on what’s going on in her head. Here’s what the ex girlfriend of one of my client said to him about her new boyfriend. My client was able to get her to be honest and open up about how she felt.

She also went on to tell me that her dating this guy is a new thing and that it wasn’t what she thought it would be and it’s unfulfilling; however, she needs to move on.

In my experience, most girls who go into a relationship too fast after a breakup do so because they want to move on. They do it because they hope being with someone else will help them forget the breakup pain and fill the hole in their life that you left.

As you can see in my client’s case, this does not go the way they hope it goes.

Yes, a part of her wants you to win her back so she doesn’t have to go through the breakup pain.

But that’s only a small part of her. A huge part of her wants to stay broken up because that’s what she decided to do. (this was also the case with my client in the above example)

don't fight for your ex girlfriend from a position of weakness

You will fight for her, but not from a position of weakness. You will do this from a position of strength. And no contact is important for that.

In some rare cases; your ex might be so immature that she is dating other guy just to make you jealous and do something out of desperation.

If that’s the case, you should still do no contact before making a move. The best way to deal with immaturity is by being mature and calm. You can take the power away from her by focusing on yourself and healing as we discuss in the next section.

Part 3: Healing During No Contact When she is dating someone else

Healing during no contact is essential if you want to look confident and attractive when you get back in touch with her after no contact.

While she is trying to avoid the breakup pain and grief by going through the honeymoon stage with the other guy; you are going to be doing the hard work.

She might find a momentary relief from the rebound relationship; but she will eventually have to face the reality. That she lost someone close to her too and it’s freaking painful.

And that’s when you strike. That’s when you show her that you are a new person. That’s when you start rebuilding attraction and connection with her.

That’s when you plant an idea in her mind. The idea that if you get back together, it might be an amazing relationship.

It’s important that you heal during no contact for that to happen. Here is what you should keep in mind during no contact.

Block your ex from everywhere if you can’t stop obsessing over her and the new guy.

This is the only solution if the thought of your ex and the new guy is not getting out of your head.

If she is being immature about this thing and blasting her new relationship all over Facebook, twitter, Instagram, snapchat or her WhatsApp status, you should block her.

In some cases, your ex girlfriend might be immature enough to play this post breakup game of who is doing better. This, in reality, is a sign that she still loves you and is not over you.

But if you can’t stop obsessing over her, you won’t be able to focus on yourself.

You won’t be able to calm down, heal, and become more confident. This is why you must block her from all social media.

This will not make her forget about you and move on.

On the contrary, when you take the power she has over you; she is going to panic and will be forced to look inside herself and realize that she really misses you and her new relationship is shallow.

 

Use This Time to Heal

You lost someone special to you. Don’t expect to feel great all of a sudden.

You are going to feel like shit. And that’s okay.

In fact, if you didn’t feel like shit occasionally; I will think there is something very wrong with you.

ex back permanently is great for healing after a breakup

So, cut yourself some slack and when you feel like shit, just let yourself feel like shit.

If you feel like crying, go ahead and cry.

If you feel like punching the wall in anger, go ahead and punch the wall in anger (or choose to punch the pillow and avoid the regret).

The point is, grief is hard and painful. Accept it.

It only gets better with time (although, you can fast track this. I’ll talk about it in the 5th part of this article). But you must also balance out the grief with something positive and constructive.

Use this time to Become a better version of yourself.

Healing alone will not be enough to get your ex girlfriend back if she has moved on to a new boyfriend. You need to become a better person.

Here are a few things I believe you should work on if you want to win her back and keep her forever.

Confidence:

The most attractive trait a guy can have.

Do you know that girls rate confidence as the most attractive trait in a guy? (According to many surveys that I am too lazy to link here)

Luckily, confidence is something that can be learned. The easiest way is to start being honest with yourself and everyone else. Stop trying to hide your feelings because your subconscious mind thinks you don’t deserve anything nice. Face your shame and anxiety head on. I have some actionable tips on building confidence in my awesome article on getting your ex girlfriend back.

Start believing in yourself and start being honest about what you want and what you don’t want. Guys who are honest, are always perceived as confident as opposed to guys who aren’t.

Another great way to portray more confidence is by setting life goals about things that you are passionate about and working on them.

Physical Attractiveness:

When I talk about becoming a better version of yourself; I want you to try to work on every aspect of your life.

Working on your physical appearance is a great way to feel better about yourself, heal from the breakup and become more confident.

Your ex was already attracted to you physically. So, this isn’t something you need to worry about much.

But you can increase your chances by going to the gym, bulking up (or slimming down), getting a new haircut, getting your teeth cleaned; or by getting new trendy clothes.

Emotional Intelligence:

Being confident and looking good is something that attract girls to you in the first place. But the thing that keeps them with you for a long time, is emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is something that girls find extremely attractive once they get close to you. In fact, I’d say most girls leave guys because of lack of emotional intelligence.

Because if a guy can’t understand her feelings and can’t solve issues in the relationship; she will slowly lose the romantic connection with him.

If you can be empathic; understand her, understand her fears, her desires, her strengths, her weaknesses, her life goals; you will be irresistible for her.

girlfriends don't breakup with boyfriends who understand them

Almost everyone has a deep desire to be understood and accepted by someone they love and are attracted to.

By being confident and looking attractive; you can make her attracted to you; but you won’t get her to fall deeply in love with you unless you work on your emotional intelligence (we will talk more about it in the Advanced Tactics section discussed later in this article).

 

Part 4: Re-Establishing contact with an Ex-Girlfriend Who has a new Boyfriend

In this section, we are going to talk about re-establishing contact with your ex-girlfriend.

When she is dating someone else, you must consider a few things before contacting your ex.

Should you wait for her to dump her new boyfriend before contacting her?

As I said before, there’s a pretty good chance her new relationship is a rebound and it will end sooner or later.

If you read this guide on getting your ex girlfriend back; you know it’s important that you establish contact with your ex after no contact.

So, what is the ideal time to reach out after no contact?

In an ideal world, you will contact her a few days after her rebound has ended. When she is feeling down and miserable about the breakup and is missing you terribly.

Unfortunately, we don’t really live in an ideal world. There’s a chance that your ex might drag her rebound relationship a lot longer than necessary.

In some cases, you might not be aware of her relationship status and you won’t even know if she has ended her new relationship.

In some cases, it might not even be a rebound relationship. It might be a serious relationship that she really wants to last.

This is why, I recommend that you contact her whenever you are ready.

Once you feel you have the right mindset, you have built enough confidence in yourself, and you have acquired the right tools and skills; you should contact her. (I talk about mindset, skills and tools in this article on what to do after no contact).

There is no point in waiting for something to happen that may never happen. If you are confident that you are ready, you should take the plunge and contact her.

Just the right text or email from you might just be the straw that will break the rebound camel’s back.

rebound camel

Rebound Camel – If it becomes a thing, remember you heard about it at Ex Back Permanently first.

 

Use Text Messages To Contact Her When She Is Dating Someone Else

Text messages have a unique advantage when your ex is dating someone else. She can look at your text messages at her own time and reply to them if she feels like speaking to you.

Moreover, if her new boyfriend finds out that she is texting you, there’s a good chance he will get jealous and it will lead to a fight. And he will look insecure if he is snooping into her text messages to find out what you texted.

What to say when you Contact her?

It really depends on the way things ended between you two. Read my article on texting your ex girlfriend to figure out the best way to contact her.

In most cases; the elephant in the room text (or email) will be ideal to contact her.

Where to go from there?

Once you have re-established contact with her, it’s time to slowly start rebuilding attraction with her. Again, read my article on texting or my super article on winning her back in 5 stages.

However, the approach you take and your chances of success will vary depending on the type of relationship your ex girlfriend has with her new boyfriend.

How To Get Her back When She Is Just Seeing Someone Else?

When your ex girlfriend is just going on dates with some other guy and has not really started considering him as her new boyfriend; you can be a little aggressive in your approach.

How do you know if she is just dating the other guy and does not consider him a boyfriend?

In most cases, you can tell this simply by the way she speaks to you. If she has not started a relationship with him yet; she will respond to you more frequently and will enjoy the attention she will receive from you. She will want to weigh her options before making a decision.

How do you increase your chances?

If you have done everything right till now (the steps mentioned in part 3 of this article); she will notice the changes in you and will start doubting her decision of breaking up with you. Your goal is to try to get her to meet you as soon as possible (Read Stage 4 of this article).

But, if you have not healed till now and you are not ready; she will choose the other guy over you and might even decide to commit to him.

If you are not emotionally and mentally ready to reconnect with her, you should let her get into a rebound.

You should not rush it in hopes that you can stop her from starting a relationship with another man.

Think of it in terms of your chances of winning her back. Your chances of winning her back when you are needy, insecure and unattractive are very less compared to your chances of winning her back from a rebound if you are confident and a new better version of yourself.

If you act needy and desperate at this stage; you will confirm her belief that breaking up was the right decision and it will get even harder for you to get her back in the future.

You should choose to lose this battle if it means winning the war.

How To Get Her Back If She Is In a Rebound Relationship?

Her new relationship might be a rebound; but you must still respect it. You must set boundaries in the way you flirt with her. You don’t want her cheating on her new boyfriend to be with you. This is a bad way to start a new relationship with a person you love.

Instead, you must slowly develop an emotional and physical attraction with her. You want her to get confused about her feelings for you and her commitment to her new boyfriend.

You want her to realize that her feelings for you are much stronger than the other guy. This is how you make her decide to leave him for you.

How To Get Her Back if She is Committed About Her New Relationship?

If she is serious about making her new relationship work, you will have to be very careful and very patient with this. (Read this article on rebounds to find out if she is in a rebound)

She wants her new relationship to work and is committed to her new guy. Convincing her to be with you is going to take a lot of patience and a lot of luck.

But if you think she is worth it; then you owe it to yourself to give it a try. Although, I highly recommend that you try only once; and if she does not respond positively; you leave her alone and move on.

You are better off spending your time and energy focusing on yourself, moving on and attracting new girls. It’s better than waiting for her when she is committed to someone else.

You both might still get back together in the far future; but there is no point in keeping hope if it’s stopping you from moving on.

Create a rift by being the bigger guy

If you do things that make it super obvious you want her to breakup with her new boyfriend; it will make your ex-girlfriend put up her defenses and cut you out.

Instead, you need to just be the best version of yourself and focus on rebuilding attraction and connection with your ex girlfriend. As she starts feeling more and more attracted towards you, she will start feeling more and more distant from her new boyfriend.

This will especially be true if your ex girlfriend is in a rebound.

 

Part 5: Strategies to get her to meet you and leave her new boyfriend

Getting her to meet you

Getting her to meet you while she is still dating the other guy is going to be a big challenge. This is especially true if she is committed to the new relationship.

In most cases, her new relationship is going to be a rebound and she (or her new boyfriend) will eventually end it.

But in case they don’t, you start by making first contact and slowly start rebuilding attraction with her.

Hopefully, just getting back in touch with you and realizing she still has feelings for you should be enough for her to break up with her new boyfriend.

If that doesn’t work, you must find a way to get her to meet you.

Girls usually consider meeting an ex; without the knowledge of your boyfriend or girlfriend; a betrayal of trust.

Naturally, she doesn’t want to consider herself as someone who betrays the trust of the guy she is seeing.

So, she is probably going to deny your invitation of meeting up, even if she has feelings for you and wants to meet up. She simply wants to maintain her integrity in her own eyes.

Of course, there are exceptions to the above rule, and if you think your ex-girlfriend is one, you can straight up ask her out on a coffee or to meet up for drinks.

But if you think your ex-girlfriend holds herself to high standards; you might want to find a loophole for her dilemma.

And the best way to do that is to ask her out on a group activity.

A camping trip, a concert, a special event or a mutual friend’s party. These are all great ways to give her an excuse to see you without making her feel like she is betraying her new boyfriend.

Get Your Ex-Girlfriend to Dump Her New Boyfriend

If you have followed everything in this article, then your ex-girlfriend will probably dump her new boyfriend by herself.

But if she needs a little push, you must give her a strong reason to dump her new boyfriend for you.

The best way to do that is if you can show her (not tell her); that everything will be different this time. You need to do this in a way that doesn’t make it look like you are just doing this to get her back.

You need to show her that you have really changed for the better and you are going to be this way whether or not you get her back.

You want her to realize that you are a high-quality guy and the next girl you are going to be with is going to be very lucky.

And you want her to wish that she is that girl.

Advanced Tactics

We have covered a lot of ground in this article. If you are still interested in more from me, I highly recommend you take this quiz and subscribe to the EBP Basics E-course. I share a lot of insights to my subscribers that are not posted on my website.

In my email series, I share many more tactics which you can use to get your ex-girlfriend to leave her new boyfriend and get back together with you.

To Recap,

Here’s how to get your ex girlfriend back if she has a new boyfriend.

  1. Don’t make any mistakes that make you look needy or desperate.
  2. Start no contact, even if you are scared she will move on with the other guy (she won’t if it’s a rebound.)
  3. Figure out what you need to do during no contact to effectively win her back when you are ready.
  4. Get Back in touch with her in the right way according to your situation.
  5. Get Her to dump the other guy by using the tactics you learned.

 

 

 

 

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37 comments ...add one

  • Dan

    Hey Ryan,

    Not sure if she's in a relationship, but pretty sure she's seeing someone new. We were together for 2 years. I pushed her away by making her feel bad about many stuff. It took it's toll on her (a lot of crying and feeling insecure with me) and she finally cut the chord. She went into the MUST MOVE ON and HEAL stage pretty much immediately. 2 weeks post-breakup she even blocked me without me giving her a reason to. She was seriously hurt and resentful to me for making her feel "small" and "submissive". Anyway, break up was 2 months ago. I went into NC for 1 month after she blocked me. I worked on myself big time. I owe her money (she helped me out while I was in grad school). I decided to send her an e-transfer with a first time installment. She actually refused it. I subsequently picked up a phone and blocked my # and called her for the first time in over a month. Not knowing it was me she picked up. She goes on to say she doesn't want the money back (it's a few thousand dollars) because it will be a link between us. She doesn't want one. She says she doesn't see the sense of having me in her life anymore. That we don't have that much in common to be friends. This is when she said she has met "new" people and has been creating new friendships/relationships. She doesn't see my value (what I brought to the table) atm. I KNOW she is angry/hurt/resentful still, but I don't think it's impossible to get through to her. It's almost as though she can be "logically" convinced, but I have no real idea on how to go about doing this. I emphasized that I'm not trying to get her back. I want to pay her the money. She accepted the e-transfer, but doesn't want to unblock me (phone line/text, facebook). Only way to get through to her is by email, blocked phone (she may not pick up if she thinks it might be me, but would eventually if I spaced it out and let time pass). My strategy is to continue to work on me and send her another e-transfer in a few weeks. What's the best way to convince this woman (she's 27 btw) to second guess her decision to not have me be in her life in any capacity because A. she's still upset with me, B. she doesn't want me to weaken her resolve B. she doesn't see the value or purpose? I KNOW I can get through to her heart. Just a few minutes of talking with her (even though she was trying to stay strong and aloof on the phone) I could tell that her feelings were there underneath (she's hiding from them). What message should I be conveying to her? I think being bold and balsy (just calling her because I want to) DOES seem to work. She's giving me obstacles, but if I approach her with confidence, it might work with her. Either I call her again (block my #) in a few weeks, or I literally just show up in a month or 2 after another payment (she lives alone) so she gets to see me for the first time in a few months. I could just say I wasn't planning on coming but was in the area and felt like passing by. Let her get to see the "new" me. I look a lot different. What are your thoughts? Opinions? Strategies you would use? It feels like it's just a matter of time with her. She doesn't want to look back, but that doesn't mean I have to stay away if the man who pops in every now and then it strong, confident and reminds her of the man she once was attracted to, not by my words, but through my attitude.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Definitely do not show up randomly at her place because it could just as easily backfire on you and make you seem like a stalker. You shouldn't continue to block your number before calling her either because all these methods are simply ways to 'trick' her into talking to you again, which isn't something you want to be doing. I suggest actually going longer with no contact this time around since she seems pretty stubborn, and to continue working on yourself in the meantime. Since she's still upset with you, it's better to give enough time for her to be willing to talk to you on her own will, and not pressured by your actions.

      Reply
  • Evan

    Hello

    My ex girlfriend and i broke up about 4 months ago and we were together for about 3 and a half years. We had a very strong connection and have been through hell and back together but towards the end of the relationship things got really rough and we just started fighting about everything and became very mean towards each other.

    Over the time that we have broken up we haven't really spoken and i have only used the no contact rule so far. Her and i spoke a couple days ago (friday) and she has confessed that she "likes" someone but she said that she does not want a relationship and is hesitant on liking this guy because she has been friends with the guy for a very long time. She also mentioned all of these things without me really even asking her and when she confessed these things she also tried getting me to tell her if i was seeing someone else. She also mentioned about how she still wants to hear from me and that she still cares for me and that when things go wrong she still really wants to call me and has to fight herself not too. At the end of that conversation she said that i am the perfect guy but we became to mean to each other and fought more then we loved and that is no way to be. She messaged me again yesterday (sunday) asking me if she is aloud to go back to the restaurant her and i used to eat at often because she knows i eat there often and she is scared to run into me. We continued with conversation and i brought up a funny memory of a time her and i went to that restaurant with some friends. She responded with lol and saying she could never forget that moment. Also i have noticed she still stalks my Instagram and does not follow me

    I dont know what to do i still really want to win her back but dont know if i have a chance because she has mentioned that she now likes someone ..... are you able to please give me some advice ?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      She may have started to like someone else, but it doesn't mean that she has fully gotten over you. It seems like she still cares for you and is responding positively. If you really want to win her back, you could always show her care and concern as a friend first, before slowly building up feelings once more. It's important to slowly change her mindset towards the breakup, as being mean to each other was more of a by product of the length the both of you were together. This tends to happen in long-term relationships and fights are common, because both parties start to take each other for granted, get impatient, and start to be less tolerant in general.

      Reply
    • Evan

      Thank you for your speedy reply. So would you advise me to follow any of the strategy you guys have laid out ? Or just be friends with her and take things slow and is there a limit on how much i should be texting her because her and i have been speaking since Sunday.

      Reply
    • Evan

      Or a better question how do i know when its time to just stop and move on ?

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You could still follow our guidelines, but remember that everyone's situation is different and the guidelines only serve as a rough direction for you to take. For the time being, as I've mentioned you could always choose to continue to be there and support her, or you could choose to walk away. The ideal time to walk away is entirely dependent on you, and how badly you want it, or rather how much you're still hurting. You would know best on what's best for yourself and whether it may be a better idea to simply walk away.

      Reply
  • Kj

    Long story short my ex girlfriend and I dated for a month long distance and we were close friends for a year prior. I feel she lost all attraction because my personality was depressing and she says that it's not my fault its just how she sees the person and she sees me as a friend d doesn't like me. This happened 2 months ago and we're in co tact now after no contact. Any advice?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Try not to project your emotions onto her, and keep things cheerful and friendly. If she sees you as only a friend for now, it may be advisable to try and mix things up a little without being too pushy (flirt a little, but play it cool if she doesn't respond the way you want her to) and definitely work on your issues especially if you're feeling depressed about something in particular.

      Reply
  • Suarez Arturo

    Hi, I just got divorced six months ago and we still live together, after the divorce we started trying things out again and it failed due to me not being there all the time and going out about a month after that she started a married guy who is seperated this has been going on since early to mid novemeber. I have realized all my mistakes and want to get her back I can follow the steps except for the one of no contact as we live together. I have already done the mistakes of possibly pushing her closer to that guy but have now stopped and started getting of the couch waiting for her. What do I do?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If you still live together with her, and genuinely want her back, you could start by being sweet to her and showing her that you've changed with actions. If she has only recently started going out with someone new, then it's still easier to convince her before she gets too emotionally invested to let things go.

      Reply
    • Arturo Suarez

      I believe that she is already emotionally vested in this new relationship, she treats me like garbage at times, but just last week she heard me talking to a girl that is only my friend and she got super jealous she started asking who are you talking to and then started yelling stuff to get a reaction from me, and at the same time she doesn’t seem to be trying to move out of my house I have tried my best to treat her like a queen from cooking on the regular to helping around the house to where she does nothing at home anymore. I even prep her lunch. But still I get nothing but negativity. I can be patient but don’t know for how long as I do love her and am not ready to let 18 years go away just like that.

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If that is the case, it might be better (and healthier) to consider following through with the divorce for now, and what typically comes with it. That includes moving out as any normal divorced situation would, because by staying under the same roof while she goes out with another guy, she's not going to change her attitude towards you and may even take advantage of your sincerity and efforts. Do understand by following through with the divorce 'steps', you're not actually going to give up (as long as you still want her back). The purpose of moving out, and seemingly moving on with your life is to make the entire situation feel real to her. The way I see things right now, she has not registered emotionally that the divorce has happened, and it needs to hit her before any changes can be made. That is why she shows no signs of sadness over the situation, and can still treat you poorly, and start going out with other guys in the meantime.

      Reply
  • C

    Hey, long story that I'll try to keep short. We were friends, she was married but contemplating divorce. We flirted then it became physical. Everything was great. She was also my gym partner so we work out together 4 or 5 times a week. She wanted to talk about our relationship but I dodged the talk. I had feelings for her but didn't tell her because I didn't wanna get hurt. We were together for 2.5 yrs til she stopped sleeping with me & said that I was in friendzone. I still worked out with her but gave her space. I finally told her how I felt about her & that I loved her. She told me that it was too late & it would be different if I had said something months ago. She started dating someone after we stopped sleeping together. She says that she's happy & content but has feelings for me & cares for me. How do I get her back?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You could try to continue to be there for her as a friend first, but showing care and concern towards her. It might help her redevelop feelings for you, that was once lost months back.

      Reply
  • Izzy

    Hey,
    I've read most of your articles and I need some insight on my situation. I was in a relationship with someone for 6 months, overall it was great. There were moments that we clashed because she tended to be more spontaneous while I liked to follow a schedule. This was also my first serious relationship and I made quite a few mistakes. I know I became too clingy, let her get away with things and so on. Always in fear of losing her. I realize that now after reading these articles but I digress. Then towards the end of December, she tells me that she found a way to deal with being alone and wants to break up. At first I agreed but said we should end it officially in person. Two days later, she goes out on a date with a new guy. I later on find out that shes been liking this guy for the past two weeks and once we broke up, she jumped into that one. Shes rushing it, already including him on her posts when it took months for her to do that for me. When I asked her about it, she said it was all for fun and I quote "who knows, it might not even become that serious." Her actions seem so confusing, but does it seem like a rebound? The last thing that confuses me is that when we last spoke, she said she hated me cause she could tell I trusted her less and it was all her fault. Is she feeling guilty now? Anyway, since then, I have started no contact. I already removed her from snapchat and spending more time with friends and getting back to working out. Do you think I have a good chance if I message her again after a month. Thank you for your help!

    Reply
    • Kevin

      Hey Izzy,

      It does seem like a rebound so you do still have a chance. You should text her after a month. Make sure you read the full detailed article on winning her back.

      Reply
    • Izzy

      Awesome, thank you for the insight. As for contacting later on, should I use the elephant in the room text or not? Cause although she does seem to be in a rebound and I made the usual mistakes of asking for another chance, we didn't have a big fight in the end. I just told her I wanted space for myself and she was fine with it.

      Reply
  • Elliott Scales

    Hi,
    Your articles are awesome and have been a great read.
    My situation seems a little different to most. My girlfriend and I met in England 4 years ago we managed 2 years and broke up for 4-5 months in which she being polish moved back to Poland. In the new year of 2016 we got back together with me flying to Poland often and her the other way but usually 6 weeks in between. We managed the entire year of 2016 but split mutually in Feb 2017. It was then may she then contacted me after months of silence of which I then flew out within in weeks only to have the most amazing weekend. So may to November was great and one day and I could tell you why I ended it 6 weeks before I was to fly for Christmas in Poland with her and her family. It was also a time she really needed me and I serverly let her down. It was on the day of my birthday 10th of December we spoke just to catch up and I wanted to know how she was.
    Hearing her voice made me click back into love again but on that call she said a week later she started dating my polar opposite. I said nothing but good luck and wished her the best.
    22nd of December came and I should have been flying out there. My flight reminder broke me down and I then realised my huge mistake. We spoke on Christmas Day where I asked are we repairable, her reply she had met me soul mate. Again I did not question this and ended the call 10-20 minutes later in style no drama. But I just can not believe that to be true. Her soul mate! 8 weeks before that she wants to move back to England and we start a life together and now she met her soul mate? Crazy to me I can not believe it. New year I text her I love her and I want her back. She told me I need to let her go and happy new year. To me I had, had her say those cop out words before and shortly we were back.
    It’s been 10 days no contact and I continue to do so.
    Is this man her soul mate or likely a rebound?

    Also I have booked flights to Poland for the end of Feb after a business trip to Romania as a surprise in wanting her to see me in the flesh and talk about it.
    Am I mad to do this? Or the perfect romantic reaction?
    Thank you so much in advance
    Elliott

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Firstly, the guy could be either or, as she did not jump into things immediately after the breakup. It would really depend on how she views it and you'll probably need a clearer picture. As for flying over, you could make sure you're on good terms with her first before the date, but I would also suggest finding out if there's any chance she still has feelings for you because it could very well go south if you show up unannounced but she is in a happy relationship.

      Reply
    • Elliott Scales

      It was within 5 days she met this guy at the weekend after? Is that not straight in? And then to tell me about it? Seemed off, I could be in denial. We are on good terms, we cleared everything up at Christmas. Flying out is a gamble I know.
      As for the feelings and her being a bit of a closed book for the first 3 years it was only in October last year she told me she loved me for the first time. I took it for granted.

      Reply
  • Liam

    My ex has broken um with me nearly 4 months ago, and I immediately started the no contact. After 1 1/2 months she sent me a text that she was considering starting a relationship with a colleague of mine and I was shocked, because I did know she was in contact with him when we were together, and also after but I never thought they would do that. I kept on doing the no contact to get my life together. But in the holidays when she came back from a school maybe two hours away from where, we live she told some friends that she would want to sort things out because I am ignoring the approaches of my colleague and then a week ago I decided to tell her in person that I can't be in a friendship with her, because I cant see my colleague and her. But I relised that was a mistake. I don't know now how to do and finish the no contact and start to text her or to go on with the plans what you have suggested in this article. Because I know she would immediately text back if I would text her but I don't want that we fall in to a friendship, I would like to work for a new relationship with her and keeping it. We ate both around 20 years old and were in the relationship for about 2 and a half years.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Continue with no contact indefinitely if she is dating your colleague at the moment and move on with your life if you're unable to stay friends with her. It's not advisable to interfere with her current relationship since she might resent you for it. If you feel able to be her friend without the hope of getting back together for the meantime, then start there.

      Reply
    • Liam

      Thank you Ryan.
      I just have another question. Can I use these ways as described in the article if I stop the no contact in future? To get in contact again. Or aren't these recommended under these circumstances.

      Reply
  • Mike

    Hi Kevin,
    My ex broke with me and moved out while I was away at a conference. We had a been together 2 and half years, combined long distance, then She moved to me and we lived together for 1 and half years. She sent an email ending with do not contact, also saying why she was leaving (I had been critical and controlling).
    Through simple luck, I spoke to her for 2 hours on phone before she left, we discussed the huge work stress I had been under, and that we both loved each other, but she needed space and had moved away again. I told her I understood - we didn't argue.

    I was a little slow initiating no contact - 12 days before Christmas. She created a group for a Christmas message and included me. I sent her a friendly e-card for Christmas and we chatted back and forth until just before new year where she went distant again.
    The big question I have is that I will be in her area in 15 days time, do I try and contact her or do I fully restart no contact?

    I was thinking of delivering the hand written apology letter and leaving it there, or should I let her know I am in area?

    Apologies, my age is 41, she is 36. And by LDR, I mean different countries very distant apart.
    Relationship had been amazing, but significant increase in workload and conflict of interest had put me under intense pressure last year. Am getting counselling for Type A and stress management etc, and following all other steps.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Well, if you have completed NC already, and have already initiated contact with her, there's nothing wrong with letting her know that you'll be in town and if she is keen to meet you.

      Reply
  • Jay

    Hi Kevin,
    I like your articles. I’m in a tough spot. The emotional stress has taken a physical toll on me. We broke up awhile ago. I gave it a month of no contact, worked on myself. We started talking and she slammed me immediately with hurtful stuff of how she was talking to someone else. Not sure if she was trying to push me away or if she was for real. I feel I kept my composure, and we got to talking ok. She has admitted that indirectly that she still loves me. Things were kind of going well, but a couple of days later I got mad and distant because of the hurtful stuff she told me 2 days before. But still a day after that, on her way back from a trip she offered for me to call her. I did, and we accidentally argued because of me. So she blocked me from calling. She got distant the next couple of days and I might of texted a couple of times a day, but with little to no response. Christmas came up and I figured it was my chance. I gave her roses and balloons. She responded nicely with a picture of her holding the flowers and balloons. I told her I wanted to bring over one expensive present, she said no, but under the advice of a couple of women..... I decided to stop by anyways and “fight for her”. Besides a couple nice moments,It didn’t go well. The main thing I feel I did wrong was I said I didn’t want her to be with the other guy, and even made a disparaging remark. The next day, I told her I didn’t like the new her and the way she treated me these last couple of weeks and that she lost her sense of self and i insinuated moving on. She seems confused right now. I feel her friend is slyly manipulating her. She seems to still have feelings for me. New Years is in a couple days. I want to text her and level with her, but idk if she’ll respond. Did I mess everything up? Where do I go from here?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Even if her friend is indeed manipulating her, if you really want her back, you can't go around telling her what to do or getting angry (even if it hurts you) because you guys are not together at the moment. She is probably confused not strictly by how her friend is manipulating her, but also by your sweet actions vs your instinctive behavior of getting jealous and confronting her. You have to be patient and be able to take things in your stride, slowly winning her back unconditionally if you really want to win her over.

      Reply
    • Justin

      Thank you for answering. One quick thing, I've never gotten verbally or physically angry with her, just a bit distant with reactions. Which I think did confuse her. What do you think my next move should be? I thought about the last couple of text I received before heading over there the other night(to tell her how I love her and still want to be together). i told her we both still love each other, and her response was "so?". That response insinuates that she realizes she loves me and I love her, but doesn't seem to matter to her. Since leaving her place I told her the next morning that I was upset with the way she treated me and insinuated moving on. Its been a couple of days since texting her. I want to text her now and ask her about the text mentioned above, and ask her why she wouldn't be with someone she loves. But she might get defensive. I don't know if the other guy is really with her, or what. Im not sure if she will answer if i message her. She might even block me. And i think i will feel worse if that happens. On the other hand if i dont text her.....

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      In that case, I suggest keeping things casual for now and slowly working your way back to her. She might not be ready to face her emotions, or that she's upset, which resulted in her not caring whether you both love each other or not. If you can't find a way to be completely casual and not pressure her to get back together right now, then you should continue with NC further.

      Reply
    • Dan

      It's because love sometimes isn't enough my friend. She's not with you because she doesn't love you. She doesn't trust that you can be the right guy for her on more of a fundamental/basic level. Like me, you seem to be a man who is ruled by your emotions and possibly a little controlling. Perhaps she doesn't feel like she can be herself with you. It seems like your feelings are more important than hers. She is her own person and the ONLY way you will EVER have a chance with her is if she feels you accept her for who she is and whatever decisions she takes. That doesn't mean you have to leave her alone forever. In fact, if you want her back ONE DAY, you shouldn't leave her alone forever, but what you do need to do is show her (don't just tell her) that you respect her and that you UNDERSTAND how she feels about whatever it is she expresses to you, even if it's something you don't agree with (her getting closer to that other guy). The facts are that had you been more the guy she needed you to be, this other dude would have never had a chance with her. The more you show her you are hurt, or affected, or angry with her, the more you will validate her decision in having left you and staying away. I assume that because you never came back on her to reply to Ryan that either you got her back, or you didn't and have now pursued other stuff.

      Reply
  • T

    I'm lost and don't know what to do...how can a woman tell you that she loves you and cares about you after she just told you a week earlier she is seeing another guy? We had been dating for 5-6 months prior to this and were intimate. The lines of communication are still open and at the moment she still goes out with me when I ask her. I'm not sure how to handle/act now when we are together. The last time we got together when I said I had a good time she said "I always have a good time with you"? In the recent past she also made a comment that everything is going to work out one way or another...WTH does that mean? Is there any hope for this situation? What is going on here? I don't know whether to keep in contact or do no contact, which is hard for me because of my feelings for her. I'm not sure if this is a rebound relationship she's in because she was evidently seeing this person while she was seeing me. I'm trying not to pressure her but get the impression she thinks I am...but she still goes out with me. I know actions speak louder than words most of the time but this is so confusing. I would think if you want to be with someone else you wouldn't want to go out with me?

    She has been in this new relationship a couple of months and she says she's the type of person that when she makes up her mind she doesn't change it. But there are things in her life that suggest otherwise.

    Need some help here on what to do and why!

    Reply
    • Kevin

      Hey T,

      If the situation is too confusing for you and it's taking a toll on your emotional health, DO NO CONTACT. You cannot win her back if you are not strong, mentally and emotionally. So if she contacts you, tell her that the breakup and everything else that has happened is too much for you to handle and that you need space. Do no contact. There's a good chance she will try to do things to get your attention when you start no contact. If so, ignore her.

      Reply
  • George

    My ex fiance and I broke up a few years ago after we had our child together. Because of our child we are in constant contact and are on friendly terms. Since the split we've still been sleeping together off and on. She's recently started talking to another guy, and constantly assures me he's just a friend despite the dates and late night hang outs. I bought the EBP guide but I'm not sure which strategy to follow since we fell into multiple categories. Should I follow one, or is there a mix that I should follow?

    Reply
    • Kevin

      Hey George,

      You should back off for a while and give yourself some space and time. Do no contact and only speak to her about your child. Don't sleep with her anymore and focus on yourself. She wants to keep you as a backup while she explores her option. Backing off and doing no contact will make her realize that you can not be manipulated. There's a chance she will start a rebound with the other guy, but it will hopefully end soon. Even if it doesn't you can win her back if you follow the steps mentioned in the article.

      Reply
    • George

      Ok, after the limited/NC period how do I approach since we'll still have to be in constant contact for the children? I'm not sure how to apply what the guide says to my specific situation.

      Reply
    • Kevin

      Hey George,

      Just text her using the template mentioned above. Be honest about how you feel about the whole situation. You need to plant an idea in her mind that you have changed, and things might be different. Once you have done that, back off again for a few days.

      Reply

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