What do you do when the love of your life breaks up with you and moves on?
What do you do if you want to get your ex girlfriend back, but she has found a new boyfriend?
When all you want to do is make her happy, make her feel appreciated, and make her feel loved; but you can’t?
Worse yet, what do you do when she is doing all those things with another guy?
This article will answer your questions. The questions that have been plaguing you until you found your way to this page.
Is there still hope to win her back from another man?
I have been helping people with breakups and getting their ex back for the past five years. And I can tell you, with almost certainty, that there is still hope provided the following conditions are met.
- You and your ex girlfriend were together for a reasonable amount of time. (at least more than 3 months)
- You and your ex shared a meaningful connection and had a good relationship at one point of time.
Now if the above conditions are not met, you may still have a chance. You can still try doing what this article suggests, but you should also prepare to move on because your chances are probably very slim.
In this article, I will help you formulate a step by step plan to help you get your ex girlfriend back when she has another boyfriend. I will also help you prepare for all the challenges you will likely face as you are trying to get her back.
But for me to effectively do that, I need two things from you.
1. I need you to read this entire article. Don’t skip to a different section because you might miss an important detail that may prove crucial in getting her back.
I have seen a lot of my readers and clients make mistakes that I tell them very clearly not to make. You are especially vulnerable because your ex is dating someone else and your mind is probably panicking hard.
This is why you must be extra careful when you are moving forward and read this article very carefully.
2. I need you to be honest. Be honest with yourself, with your girlfriend, and with me (if we ever communicate), as we move forward in this journey together.
Honesty is very important if you want to win her back permanently. If you don’t want to lose her again, you better build your new relationship on strong foundations.
The Basic Plan
When it comes to getting your ex girlfriend back, the basic steps remain the same. Read this article on getting your ex back to find out what the basic plan is. If you are too lazy to do that, here’s the gist of it.
- Don’t make any mistakes that make you look needy or desperate.
- Do no contact for a while.
- Become a better version of yourself during no contact.
- Re-establish contact when you are ready after no contact.
- Slowly rebuild attraction, connection and trust until you are back together.
This article is a supplement to the 5 step plan for your specific situation. So, read this much more detailed article (opens in a new window) and come back here to find out how to get your ex-girlfriend back when she is dating another guy.
What we will cover in this article
In this article, we are going to cover each stage of getting your ex back in the 5 step plan with your perspective.
- We will talk about the major mistakes you should avoid if she is dating someone else.
- Effective way to do no contact if she is dating someone else.
- Effective way to heal during no contact if she is with another guy
- Effective way and an effective time to reestablish contact
- And effective strategies that will help you make her leave the other guy and be with you.
Part 1: The Mistakes That will Push your Ex Girlfriend into Another Man’s Arms.
When your ex starts dating someone else, your mind panics and you are bound to make a lot of mistakes that will push her further away. In this section, I will try to list out some of the most common mistakes that a lot of guys make when they find out their ex-girlfriend has a new boyfriend
Mistake 1: Comparing yourself with the other guy
Comparing yourself to her new boyfriend is only going to make you feel terrible. When you compare yourself to him, you are going to come to one of either two conclusions.
He is better than me.
“She found someone better than me. He has a better job. He has a better body. He is taller. He got a full head of hair. He is more handsome than me. He is a player and knows how to manipulate women. He treats her better than I treated her.”
In all those superficial terms, the other guy might be better than you. But in the end, her relationship with this new guy will depend on the type of connection she develops with him.
If she is mentally and emotionally ready for a new relationship; she might develop strong foundations of a new relationship. But in most cases, it will be a rebound relationship and it won’t matter how successful, and amazing the new guy is.
I am better than him
On the flip side, it may look on the surface that you are better than the other guy in every possible way. Be it health, wealth, status, sexual compatibility or the way you treated her.
It still does not make much of a difference. Again, if she has moved on emotionally and mentally; and she builds a strong foundation with the new guy; she will forget about you and move on.
So even if you are sure that you are better than the other guy, don’t get complacent. You still might lose her if you don’t play your cards right.
Mistake 2: Talking to her about the other guy
If comparing yourself with the other guy in your mind is a mistake; doing so with her is an HUGE MISTAKE.
If you try to talk her into how bad the new guy is for her, you are only going to push her further away and into the new guy’s arms. You must avoid this at all cost.
Don’t try to convince her to leave her new boyfriend. Instead, just build attraction and connection with her to the point she decides to leave the other guy for you.
Mistake 3: Freaking out about your ex girlfriend sleeping with the other guy
Unfortunately, there is no way you can stop her from sleeping with someone else. I know for some guys, the thought of your ex-girlfriend in bed with someone else is sickening. But if she is sleeping with someone else; she is not doing anything wrong.
And if you freak out about it, and try to control her actions; you will only look needy, controlling and manipulative. And guess what, it will just make her want to sleep with the new guy even more.
Can you do something to stop her from sleeping with someone else?
In very rare situations, you can. But you should not try doing this until you are absolutely sure what you are doing. Here’s one situation where you can do this,
If you and your ex are speaking regularly; and she is honest to you about wanting to sleep with someone else; you can do one of the following.
A. You can either give her your approval to sleep with the other guy (which we can both agree is out of the question)
B. You can get angry, call her a bunch of degrading names; give her an ultimatum. (This will definitely push her towards the other guy)
C. You can be calm about it. Tell her that if she does choose to sleep with someone else; it will hurt you terribly. Tell her that you have chosen to not sleep with someone else until she is in your life in any capacity. And tell her that you understand if that’s what she chooses and you will still respect her.
(Being honest in this way will make her want to not lose you and will probably make her stay loyal to you despite the breakup).
Mistake 4: Treating her like she is still your Girlfriend
A lot of guys treat their breakup like it’s just a fight. That if you just somehow convince her that you understand your mistakes and you have changed; she will forgive you, come back and you will live happily ever after.
She isn’t just upset. You are broken up. She even has another boyfriend. This is a whole different game. Here is why.
- Telling her how you understand her and how you won’t make the same mistakes again, will make it look like you are trying to win her back from another guy. This will make her put up her defenses because she will want to stick to her decision.
- Telling her that you will do what she wants (get married, spend more time with her, make her a priority etc.); is not going to work now. You had your chance to prove to her that you can change. She gave up on you and broke up with you.
- She is no longer trying to make you jealous. If she is in a new relationship with another guy, it’s not the same as her flirting with some other guy to make you jealous or get you to miss her. It’s because she is trying to move on. (Note: Just because she is trying doesn’t necessarily mean she will.)
So how do you show her things will be different this time?
We will get into that as you read the rest of this article. For now, just remember to not make any of these mistakes that will likely push her into the other guys arms.
Mistake 5: “Is My Ex-Girlfriend in a rebound” Obsession
In a lot of cases, it will be obvious if she is in a rebound relationship. You can read more about the signs of rebound relationship here.
But in some cases, a lot of guys obsess over her being in a rebound too much. They are constantly looking out for signs which can tell them if she is in a rebound or if she is serious about the new relationship.
If you fall into that category, and it’s not obvious if she is in a rebound; then there is no point obsessing over it.
The truth is, her rebound relationship can turn into a serious relationship later on; or her serious relationship can end like a rebound.
The future of her new relationship is out of your control, and there is no point obsessing over it. The best you can do is put your best foot forward and hope for the best.
Part 2: Doing No Contact When She is with Her New Boyfriend
A lot of guys are resistant towards the idea of doing no contact when their ex-girlfriends start dating someone else.
- If I don’t stay in touch with her, she will keep getting closer to the other guy and will fall in love with him.
- I need to stay in her radar and make sure she doesn’t forget about me.
- I can’t let them get closer while I sit here and do nothing.
Doing no contact is important if your ex girlfriend is dating someone else. Here’s why.
- You need to get your mind to stop panicking so you don’t make any obvious mistakes.
- You need to figure out if getting your ex girlfriend back is the right decision for you.
- You need to give her rebound relationship some time to end. In most cases, she will realize that her new relationship is empty, and she will dump the other guy.
- In some cases, she will get dumped by the new guy. (This happens usually if the new guy is a player and does not want a serious relationship)
- By doing no contact (even if she is dating the other guy), you are conveying to your ex that you are more confident and secure in yourself than ever before. This will give you extra attraction points when you do get back in touch.
What if she wants me to fight for her?
If your ex is dating someone else after the breakup, she is not doing this to get you to fight for her. She is probably doing it because she wants to move on.
Yes, a part of her wants you to win her back so she doesn’t have to go through the breakup pain. But that’s only a small part of her, and a huge part of her wants to stay broken up because that’s what she decided to do.
You will fight for her, but not from a position of weakness. You will do this from a position of strength. And no contact is important for that.
In some rare cases; your ex might be so immature and she is dating other guy just to make you jealous and do something out of desperation.
If that’s the case, you should still do no contact before making a move. The best way to deal with immaturity is by being mature and calm. You can take the power away from her by focusing on yourself and healing as we discuss in the next section.
Part 3: Healing During No Contact When she is dating someone else
Healing during no contact is essential if you want to look confident and attractive when you get back in touch with her after no contact.
While she is trying to avoid the breakup pain and grief by going through the honeymoon stage with the other guy; you are going to be doing the hard work.
She might find a momentary relief from the rebound relationship; but she will eventually have to face the reality. That she lost someone close to her too and it’s freaking painful.
And if at that moment; you can show her that you are confident and attractive; that you are a better version of yourself; that you can rebuild attraction and connection with her; she is going to start thinking about getting back together.
It’s important that you heal during no contact for that to happen. Here are a few pointers for that.
Block your ex from everywhere if you can’t stop obsessing over her and the new guy.
If the thought of your ex and the new guy is not getting out of your head. If she is being immature about this thing and blasting her new relationship all over Facebook, twitter, Instagram, snapchat or WhatsApp status. Then your best bet is to block her from everywhere.
In some cases, your ex-girlfriend might be immature enough to play this post breakup game of who is doing better. This, in reality, is a sign that she still loves you and is not over you.
But if you can’t stop obsessive thoughts about her, you won’t be able to focus on yourself and become a better version of yourself. You must block her from social media.
This will not make her forget about you and move on. On the contrary, when you take the power she has over you; she is going to panic and will be forced to look inside herself and realize that she really misses you and her new relationship is shallow.
Use This Time to Heal
You lost someone special to you. Don’t expect to feel great all of a sudden.
You are going to feel like shit. And that’s okay.
In fact, if you didn’t feel like shit occasionally; I will think there is something very wrong with you.
So, cut yourself some slack and when you feel like shit, just let yourself feel like shit.
If you feel like crying, go ahead and cry.
If you feel like punching the wall in anger, go ahead and punch the wall in anger (or choose to punch the pillow and avoid the regret).
The point is, grief is hard and painful. Accept it. It only gets better with time (although, you can fast track this. I’ll talk about it in the 5th part of this article). But you must also balance out the grief with something positive and constructive.
Use this time to Become a better version of yourself.
Healing alone will not be enough to get your ex girlfriend back if she has moved on to a new boyfriend. You need to become a better version of yourself. Here are a few things that you should work on if you want to win her back from the new guy.
The most attractive trait a guy can have.
Did you know that in many surveys, girls rated confidence as the most attractive trait in a guy?
Luckily, confidence is something that can be learned. The easiest way is to start being honest with yourself and everyone else. Stop trying to hide your feelings because your subconscious mind thinks you don’t deserve anything nice.
Start believing in yourself and start being honest about what you want and what you don’t want. Guys who are honest, are always perceived as confident as opposed to guys who aren’t.
Another great way to portray more confidence is by setting life goals about things that you are passionate about and working on them.
(There is more on this in the 5th Part of this article).
When I talk about becoming a better version of yourself; I want you to try to work on every aspect of your life.
Working on your physical appearance is a great way to feel better about yourself, heal from the breakup and become more confident.
Your ex was already attracted to you physically. So, this isn’t something you need to worry about much.
But you can increase your chances by going to the gym, bulking up (or slimming down), getting a new haircut, getting your teeth cleaned; or by getting new trendy clothes.
Being confident and looking good is something that attracts girl to you in the first place. But the thing that keeps them with you, for a long time is emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is something that girls find extremely attractive once they get close to you. In fact, the lack of emotional intelligence and the ability to understand her and solve issues in a calm manner is the most common reason for breakups when it comes to girls leaving guys.
If you can be empathic; understand her, understand her fears, her desires, her strengths, her weaknesses, her life goals; you will be irresistible for her.
Almost everyone has a deep desire to be understood and accepted by someone they love and are attracted to.
By being confident and looking attractive; you can make her love you (or get infatuated with you); but you won’t get her to fall deeply in love with you unless you work on your emotional intelligence (we will talk more about it in the Advanced Tactics section discussed later in this article).
Part 4: Re-Establishing contact with an Ex-Girlfriend Who has a new Boyfriend
In this section, we are going to talk about re-establishing contact with your ex-girlfriend. When she is dating someone else, you must consider a few things before contacting your ex.
Should you wait for her to dump her new boyfriend before contacting her?
As I said before, there’s a pretty good chance her new relationship is a rebound and it will end sooner or later.
If you read this guide on getting your ex girlfriend back; you know it’s important that you establish contact with your ex after no contact.
So, what is the ideal time to contact her once you are ready?
In an ideal world, you will contact her a few days after her rebound has ended. When she is feeling down and miserable about the breakup and is missing you terribly.
Unfortunately, we don’t really live in an ideal world. There’s a chance that your ex might drag her rebound relationship a lot longer than necessary.
In some cases, you might not be aware of her relationship status and you won’t even know if she has ended her new relationship with the new boyfriend.
In some cases, she might not even be in a rebound and she might be trying to move on from you and build a serious relationship with her new boyfriend.
This is why, I recommend that you contact her whenever you are ready.
Once you feel you have the right mindset, you have built enough confidence in yourself, and you have acquired the right tools and skills; you should contact her. (I talk about mindset, skills and tools in this article on what to do after no contact).
There is no point in waiting for something to happen that may never happen. If you are confident that you are ready; you should take the plunge and contact her.
Just the right text or email from you might just be the straw that will break the rebound camel’s back.
How to Contact her?
It really depends on the way things ended between you two. Read my article on texting your ex girlfriend to figure out the best way to contact her.
In most cases; the elephant in the room text (or email) will be ideal to contact her.
Where to go from there?
Once you have re-established contact with her, it’s time to slowly start rebuilding attraction with her. Again, read my article on texting your ex to get her back.
However, the approach you take and your chances of success will vary depending on the type of relationship your ex girlfriend has with her new boyfriend.
How To Get Her back When She Is Just Seeing Someone Else?
When your ex girlfriend is just going on dates with some other guy and has not really started considering him as her new boyfriend; you can be a little aggressive in your approach.
How do you know if she is just dating the other guy and does not consider him a boyfriend?
In most cases, you can tell this simply by the way she speaks to you. If she has not started a relationship with him yet; she will respond to you more frequently and will enjoy the attention she will receive from you. She will want to weigh her options before making a decision.
How do you increase your chances?
If you have done everything right till now (the steps mentioned in part 3 of this article); she will notice the change in you and will start doubting her decision of breaking up with you. Your goal is to try to get her to meet you as soon as possible.
But, if you have not done everything right till now and you are not ready; she will choose the other guy over you and might even decide to be committed to him.
It’s a better idea to let her get into a rebound, if you are not ready, instead of rushing things in hope that you can stop her from starting a relationship with another man.
If you act needy and desperate at this stage; you will confirm her belief that breaking up was the right decision and it will get even harder for you to get her back in the future.
How To Get Her Back If She Is In a Rebound Relationship?
Her new relationship might be a rebound; but you must still respect it. You must set boundaries in the way you flirt with her. You don’t want her cheating on her new boyfriend to be with you. This is a bad way to start a new relationship with a person you love.
Instead, you must slowly develop an emotional and physical attraction with her. You want her to get confused about her feelings for you and her commitment to her new boyfriend. You want her to realize that her feelings for you are much stronger than the other guy, so she decides to leave him for you.
How To Get Her Back if She is Committed About Her New Relationship?
If she is serious about making her new relationship work, you will have to be very careful and very patient with this. (Read this article on rebounds to find out if she is in a rebound)
She wants her new relationship to work and is committed to her new guy. Convincing her to be with you is going to take a lot of patience and a lot of luck.
But if you think she is worth it; then you owe it to yourself to give it a try. But I highly recommend that you try only once; and if she does not respond positively; you leave her alone and move on.
You are better off spending your time and energy focusing on yourself, moving on and attracting new girls; rather than waiting for her when she is committed to a new relationship.
You both might still get back together in the far future; but there is no point in keeping hope if it’s stopping you from moving on.
Create a rift by being the bigger guy
If you do things that make it super obvious you want her to breakup with her new boyfriend; it will make your ex-girlfriend put up her defenses and cut you out.
Instead; you need to just be the best version of yourself and focus on rebuilding attraction and connection with your ex-girlfriend. As she starts feeling more and more attracted towards you; she will start feeling more and more distant from her new boyfriend.
This will especially be true if your ex girlfriend is in a rebound.
Part 5: Strategies to get her to meet you and leave her new boyfriend
Getting her to meet you
Getting her to meet you while she is still dating the other guy is going to be a big challenge. This is especially true if she is committed to the new relationship.
In most cases, her new relationship is going to be a rebound and she (or her new boyfriend) will eventually end it.
But in case they don’t; you start by making first contact and slowly start rebuilding attraction with her. Hopefully, just by getting back in touch with you and realizing she still has feelings for you should be enough for her to break up with her new boyfriend.
If that doesn’t work either, you must find a way to get her to meet you.
Girls usually consider meeting an ex; without the knowledge of your boyfriend or girlfriend; a betrayal of trust. Naturally, she doesn’t want to consider herself as someone who betrays the trust of the guy she is seeing. So, she is probably going to deny your invitation of meeting up, even if she has feelings for you and wants to meet up. She simply wants to maintain her integrity in her own eyes.
Of course, there are exceptions to the above rule, and if you think your ex-girlfriend is one, you can straight up ask her out on a coffee or to meet up for drinks.
But if you think your ex-girlfriend holds herself to high standards; you might want to find a loophole for her dilemma.
And the best way to do that is to ask her out on a group activity.
A camping trip, a concert, a special event or a mutual friend’s party. These are all great ways to give her an excuse to see you without making her feel like she is betraying her new boyfriend.
Get Your Ex-Girlfriend to Dump Her New Boyfriend
If you have followed everything in this article; then your ex-girlfriend will probably dump her new boyfriend by herself.
But if she needs a little push to do that; you might have to give her a strong reason to dump her new boyfriend for you.
The best way to do that is if you can show her (not tell her); that everything will be different this time. You need to do this in a way that doesn’t make it look like you are just doing this to get her back.
You need to show her that you have really changed for the better and you are going to be this way whether or not you get her back.
You want her to realize that you are a high-quality guy and the next girl you are going to be with is going to be very lucky.
And you want her to wish that she is that girl.
We have covered a lot of ground in this article. If you are still interested in more from me, I highly recommend you take this quiz and subscribe to the EBP Basics E-course. I share a lot of insights to my subscribers that are not posted on my website.
In my email series, I share much more tactics which you can use to get your ex-girlfriend to leave her new boyfriend and get back together with you.
Here’s how to get your ex girlfriend back if she has a new boyfriend.
- Don’t make any mistakes that make you look needy or desperate.
- Start no contact, even if you are scared she will move on with the other guy (she won’t if it’s a rebound.)
- Figure out what you need to do during no contact to effectively win her back when you are ready.
- Get Back in touch with her in the right way according to your situation.
- Get Her to dump the other guy by using the tactics you learned.