If you and your ex have been apart for over a year, then you need a completely different strategy to get your ex back. A lot has probably changed in that year and you need to analyze the situation with your ex before making a move. A lot has changed in this one year, and before we talk about what you should do, let’s take a look at what you have.

  • You both have probably dated other people.
  • You both have probably slept with other people.
  • You both have probably been out of contact for a while.
  • Your Ex has probably moved on.
  • Your ex might even be in a new relationship.

All these factors will affect your strategy to get them back, but first you need to realize why you want to get back together?

Why Do You Want Them Back After One Year

It’s been a year and suddenly you decide your ex was the right person for you. What happened? Why your opinion changed? Are you sure that you are making the right decision in wanting them back?oneyearex

Or was it that you never really moved on? You never made any effort to move on and deep inside you have been in love with your ex since the breakup. If that’s the case, then I highly recommend you make some effort to move on before trying to get them back.

Stop contact with your ex, work on making yourself feel better, go on a few dates and try to accept the fact that you two broke up. Sometimes, an obsession can continue for years. And perhaps you have been obsessed about your ex for so long that you have mistaken this obsession for love.

Here are a few examples of when you shouldn’t get back with your ex after a year.

  • You broke up because of you had a lot of fights and now that you don’t remember much of it, you think it will not be like before.
  • You broke up because your ex cheated on you and now you think they’ve changed and they won’t do it again.
  • You broke up because they left you for someone else and now they are single again.
  • You left your ex for someone else and now you are single again.

The one thing that’s common in all the above examples is that the reason you broke up in the first place was genuine and nothing really has changed in the last one year.

On the other hand there are cases where you genuinely realize that what you and your ex had was something special. You realized that the reason you two broke up wasn’t really a big deal and you could have actually worked through it. Or perhaps something has changed in the past year that makes you feel like the relationship could work. Here are a few examples that come to my mind.

  • You broke up because one of you was not ready to commit and not both of you are looking for a serious relationship.
  • You broke up because one of you didn’t want children and now both of you are want the same thing.
  • You broke up because of one you had to move to another town or country and now both of you are in the same city.
  • You broke up over a small fight and breaking up was a rash decision. Now when things have settled, you realize that you can give it another chance.

If you fall in this category (or something as reasonable as these), then you should try to get back together.

Is It Too Late To Get Your Ex Back

One year is a long time. And it is quite possible that your ex has moved on by now. But that does not mean that you can’t get them back anymore. You can still get them back but you have to look at it as a new beginning instead of rekindling an old relationship.

Is it too late to contact your ex?

Since it’s already been a long time after the breakup, you don’t have to worry about your ex moving on. In fact, you can use the fact that you both have moved on to your advantage.

If your relationship with your ex was really good, then you can rest assured that your ex had been thinking about it as well. In fact, they would be comparing all their relationships with what you guys had.

Even if your ex has accepted the breakup and probably moved on, they still have a special memory of you and the good times you had in the relationship. And you can use that to your advantage.

What If We Had a Nasty Breakup?

The truth is, it doesn’t matter how bad your breakup was. Since it’s been one year, all the negative feelings and the anger of the breakup has probably been forgotten. In the long run, people don’t hold on to the negative experiences.

Before Contacting Your Ex

I am assuming that you haven’t been in contact with your ex for a while and you haven’t seen each other either. If it’s not the case, then I highly recommend you implement the no contact rule for at least 30 days.

If you haven’t been in contact with them, then you don’t really need to apply the no contact rule. You can just go ahead and move on to the next step. But before contacting your ex, you need to make sure that you do the three things that you are supposed to do in the no contact rule (mentioned in this article). It’s extremely important you do this because the rest of the plan doesn’t work until you do this.

How to Contact Your Ex after a Year

In the 5 Step Plan and the 5 Stage Guide, I recommend that you start contact with a letter. However, since it’s been almost a year after the breakup, you should skip that step (Read: Get Your Ex Back After No Contact). Your initial contact with your ex should be as nonchalant as possible. You don’t want them to think you are still thinking about the breakup or the past relationship.

A simple and convenient way to contact them will be via text messages. They are private, unobtrusive and very effective. You need to start off with a message that shows that you haven’t forgotten them, but you have moved an.

You treat them like an old best friend instead of an old lover. Here is a simple text message that works great for this.

“Hey John. I was going through some old pictures and they reminded me of you. Just thought I would check how you are doing.”

It’s casual and it gets the message across. If you have not been in touch with your ex for a while, then you will probably get a response from them after this message.

You have to make sure you keep things friendly in the starting. You should try to build attraction with them with text messages (More Texting strategies can be found in the 5 Step Plan). Once you think iron is hot, you strike, i.e. ask them out for coffee.

If your ex agrees to go out for coffee with you, you can count that as a date. Have fun at the date and show them how much you have changed over the last year and how much suitable partner you’ve become for them.

You have to make sure you don’t force anything. In fact, you don’t want to bring the topic of getting back together until the fourth date. You want to take things as slowly as possible. Ideally, you want it to be their idea to get back together. And if you have done everything in the 3rd step of the 5 Step plan, or the 2nd stage of the 5 Stage guide then they will soon start thinking about reconciliation.

Wait, do you still have a chance?

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sab
sab

My ex and I were in a relationship for 1 year and 6 months. After that, he broke up with me and we didn’t speak for a year. After a year, he came back to me but I was too broken by the relationship. He waited 3 years for me. During those 3 years, we never stopped talking. Recently, I came to terms with my anger and I decided that I want to be with him, that I see a future with him. However, he became very distant to me and when we got a chance to speak in person, he told me he got tired of waiting and is in love with another girl. They are about to start a new relationship. What do I do if I’m still in love with him?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

As he had waited for you for 3 years before giving up and falling for someone else, you may have to consider the possibility that he has completely moved on since then and no longer has feelings for you. If that is the case, it would probably be better to move on instead of trying to convince him especially if he has no interest in getting back together anymore.

Sam Ochieng
Sam Ochieng

My ex and I broke up over a year ago and she refuses to talk to me. I had let her down incredibly and hurt her on multiple occasions. To make matters worse after I tried so hard to get her to talk to me it only pushed her away farther. She has blocked me on social media all except Instagram, blocked my number and from what I assume and I hear from mutual friends is that she hates me. I know that is only the by product of how much she loved me. I’m sure that somewhere deep down that she still loves me, and that makes her hate me even more. It’s been about a year and half, since she stopped talking to me. She hasn’t dated anybody else for what I know, seriously at least. What should I do? I’m ashamed to even ask

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You could always begin by checking in on her casually to ask how she’s been lately, and based on how she responds, you can tell if she’s forgiven you yet or not. No one stays mad forever, and we all eventually let go of the past, it’s just a matter of how long it takes.

Jay
Jay

My Ex and I broke up in January… since we’ve been in on and off contact and hung out a few times. We had plans to hang out again in may but our schedules didn’t line up so we decided to reschedule. about 2 weeks after that I asked her to hang out for our previous plans.. she then says she started seeing someone and doesn’t think we should hangout anymore. I have been seeing someone casually as well and told her that during that conversation also. In the back of my mind I always wanted to get another shot with my ex. The news shes seeing someone really shocked me as just 2 weeks before she texted me asking about a day id be free for plans. I truly feel what caused us to break up is entirely fixable(no cheating, no constant fighting or anything like that) and still find myself thinking about her alot. but now im just confused about what to do… i guess it’s just a waiting game at this point? Should i try still try and contact her? our birthdays are both around the same time in the summer maybe wait till then to talk to her again?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Probably no contact at this point as both of you progress on with your lives for the time being (since you’re both seeing other people). In the future if the opportunity presents itself again, you could take it if you still have strong feelings for her.

Martin, J.
Martin, J.

My ex and I were close friends for about 5 years before we dated for a little over a year. She ended things after a major family situation happened and she said it made her realize that there were a lot of problems in our relationship, and that she had ultimately fallen out of love with me. After this we tried to be friends for a few weeks, but wound up fighting and blocking each other on social media. We hadn’t spoken for something like 6 months, and she messaged me asking if we could try to be friends again. We spoke about what we were going through, she apologized for a lot of things and so did I. We’ve hung out once as friends with other friends. I want to get back together, I don’t think she still has feelings for me, or if she does they’re not very strong. She’s said she “handled the breakup poorly” and similar comments which to me indicate she’s still glad she broke up. I don’t want us to continue our old relationship because we wound up being something closer to friends with benefits than we were a couple. Any advice on forming a new relationship with her?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

A lot can change within 6 months. Show her the positive changes you’ve gone through, and try to win her back as if you were trying to win someone for the first time instead of referring to past memories.

anqunette
anqunette

Me and my ex have been knowing each other since we were in elementary so I would say maybe since we were 10 or 11 and we finally have been friends for years and we finally started dating and then we were dating for 3 months and I broke up with him because I was trying to move in somewhere and I had a lot on my plate so I just told him that I feel like we should take a break and he did tell me not to but got to break up with him but I did and then a few days later he got he got someone pregnant and then we were trying to work on it but for some reason it just wasn’t working because we weren’t still in the right place I wasn’t forgiving and he wasn’t forgiven and I have been dealing with him on and off for a year and we still been having sex unprotected and now he he keeps saying that he doesn’t want to be with me relationship but I would have been with him and we still communicate we don’t talk everyday but we talk every other day and we still have sex and it seem like it could be something there but I’m not sure what can I do to start a relationship with him or start over I need relationship advice help

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You’ll have to understand first and foremost that the path you’re going on isn’t a healthy one, and the best way to actually start over is probably to go into no contact, because the habits and mindset that have been formed since the breakup won’t change otherwise.

Raggu
Raggu

My girlfriend broke up with me by saying that she is not interested and happy…. It has been months but she stayed in contact with me… We have arguements and she don’t want to be in relationship….how to get her back??

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Follow the guidelines in our main article, and probably begin no contact to distance yourself.

Niall
Niall

Hi I was in a relationship with my ex for 7 years both met in school she was 13 and I was 14 and we ended nearly a year ago I still have a lot of love for her and think she still has something for me but hides it as she keeps telling me she doesn’t know what’s she wants but doesn’t want me to leave her life and can’t tell me to move on or say she doesn’t have feelings for me, we talk rarely but she messages me if something is going on with my family or events like birthdays and even sometimes still buys gifts. I’ve asked to meet her for a catch up a drink or something but she just says If she feels up to it it’s been a month again since I last spoke to her and not seen her since Christmas we ended on good terms but I probably annoyed her when we broke up as I melted messaging her. Just seeking some advice on this as I said I still would like to get back with her?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If you’ve been together with her for so long, its likely that she still has feelings for you but may have lost attraction which led to the breakup. My suggestion to you especially if you’ve still been in constant contact with this whole time would be to start NC right now for a period, and spend the time making positive changes to your life and even appearance in order to rekindle the attraction level when you do contact her again in the future.

sandy
sandy

After breakup with my friend of 2 years relationship i tried to reach but he told me that he wants no contact and wanted to cut off completely with me.. Because he changed.. He was angry and frustrated..
So i kept off for nearly 5 months.. Then contacted him again.. He finally replied my msg after 3 trials.. saying that ( he is not angry and he remembers me in a good way.. Wishing me to be fine and says he has forgiven me.. And asking to forgive him too.. )

I’m moving on.. Having other people in my life and concentrating on my self..
But i want to get back with him even after a while.. We were so close friends.. And it’s oblivious he doesn’t want to get closer because of what happened in the past
Is there any chance? And what to do?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

There might be a slim chance, but you’re going to have to ease into it by bits of slow and casual contact over a prolonged period of time. Even then, there’s no guarantee that he will open up to you again but it’s a risk you’re going to have to take if you genuinely want to be friends or anything more down the road.

Jhon
Jhon

Hey, I left my ex from 1 year and couple of months we stayed on contact (friendly) This year I entered in a relationship although i still have feeling towards my ex and these feelings are killing me and she doesnt like me and always I must start a conversation so I can talk to her but I love her and i want any help!!!

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Perhaps be fair to your current partner and end things if you don’t feel for her the same way you do your ex, and with regards to your ex, you could always make your feelings known and see whether she’s willing to give things another shot.

mero
mero

Hello.. I really wish you respond to my post..
We have been friends for 2 years.. Super close… Then we started to have feelings and started to deal with each other as a couple.. Then his ex appeared wanting to get him back as a friend.. I know what she was willing for.. . We had a fight because i was afraid of losing him.. He promised that she is only a friend but deep inside i knew he still had some feelings for her..
So i stepped back..to handle my feelings for him,so we could be just friends..he didn’t accept it and became super angry.. After he tried to get me back and after some fights and no contact period for seprated two months.. Finally i talked to him.. He refused to listen.. Told me very bad stuff and told me not to call him again..he was mad and irritated
After 4 months .. I sent him a sms saying hope you are fine.. Happy new year.. But no respond..
He is not okay with me i know it.. But i want him back.. He was my best friend.
..should i wait for some more. Time to give him space to get over negativity towards me.. Then try again.. Or what Do you think..
Thanks in advance

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You could give him more time, but as it has been 4 months and he has not seemed to forgiven you yet, you might want to consider moving on instead.

mero
mero

💔
Thank you

mero
mero

don’t you think there is any hope?

Jill
Jill

Our divorce was finalized last October and we have been separated for almost two years. Our six-year-old son has severe autism. And I am the primary caretaker. How do I apply the no contact rule?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Maintain contact only when necessary (matters related to your son) during the NC period, and avoid personal conversations that might affect your emotions or his during this time.

Tony
Tony

Hey, so me and this girl broke up on okay terms back around november times, we didnt talk right through to new year where i found out something that completely changed my views on her, so i messaged her again to see how she was doing etc. We talked for abit until i messed up and cancelled an important “second” “first” date where she asked for time to think then decided no to wanna carry on. I rang her up and we sorted it all out an promised id never do it again, after we went on a few nice dates for a few weeks later she tells me she doesnt feel the same she did so we decided to completely leave it; this was in march, up until a few days ago we were still in every couple of days contact until i just decided to be a man and let her know exactly how i feel, she replied shes moved on but was adamant our “paths will surely cross” , what should i do about the situation?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

She could still have feelings for you but simply isn’t ready to face them or you in the context of a relationship again so soon. I would suggest that you perhaps try moving on for now, and if the opportunity presents itself in the future and you’re still interested in her, then you could take your shot.

Cos
Cos

Hey, I saw my ex a month ago , she was waiting at the bus stop alone. I approached her and said hello and asked her how she’s been doing . She answered with a hello and then she started crying. Because we broke up in an ugly manner , I just said that I am sorry that I made you cry now and I will step away ( it was awkward for me because a lot of people were at the bus stop , mostly English , and we spoke in Italian ) . Afterwards I wanted to call her ( but I am blocked , even from another phone , but I didn’t , I was panicking , I didn’t know what to do ) then I went to her work place a few days later with flowers. When she saw me , her face has changed and she was just walking away in the opposite direction , I followed her for like 15 metres and I was just wanted 5 minutes of her time so I can apologise or anything , I wanted probably her attention. She said thank you for the flowers but I won’t accept them (she was like running away from me) I can add that I never mistreated her, never swore at her, never beating her , we’ve been together for 4.5 years. She started to be jealous 4-5 months before the break-up because I was working with s nice lady. I explained to her that I would never do that to her and she is just a colleague( I wanted to propose to my girlfriend for New Year’s Eve and when she left the house I showed her the ring that I bought for her and I explained that I have a ring for you and I want you to be my wife , I panicked probably because I thought that once she is gone I will never see her again ) it’s s lot to cover what happened in between us but my question is : After you see your ex and she starts crying in front of you but you walk away because you don’t know what to do (because we broke up in really bad terms ) and then you show up to her workplace with flowers asking 2 minutes of her time and tell her that you are sorry for making her cry , she refuses you in the worst possible way , how can you even try or what can we do to make her talk to us if we approach her in a friendly manner not expecting that she jumps in our arms or not even… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Right now what she probably needs is space. Her negative memories of you are still very fresh and that’s why she’s reacting this way towards you. Give her some space, go into NC and follow the guidelines found in our articles on what you should be doing next.

Ike
Ike

Hey, I was thinking about contacting my ex about meeting up. it’s been over a year since we broken up. It wasn’t on bad terms. We are sort of causal freinds we view and like each other’s social media and text say hello every now and then. We didn’t want a long distance relationship. Now I’m back in the same area as her. Should contact her about doing something together sometime?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

That’s entirely up to you, based on what you want but if you intend to contact her, remember to be casual about it and don’t go back into old nostalgic feelings or she might think you have been desperately waiting for her the past year as stated in our article.

Somto
Somto

Hi
Well I left my ex for another girl, she was heartbroken and she actually helped me get the girl I broke up with her for. It’s almost a year now and I’m missing her we talk a lot but as good friends not as anything more.I met her yesterday at a party and we had moments like eye contact and holding hands but I don’t know how to make a move. Pls what should I do

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You could always contact her and see how she responds to you.

Dakoda
Dakoda

Hi

I’m an currently a senior 2 weeks from graduation. My ex is also a senior from the same school. We started dating mid junior year sometime during football season. We have broken up twice now, the first break up she initiated because she thought she lost feelings but she came back to me and told me she wanted to get back together after careful consideration I decided it was a good idea. After that we dated for 4 or so more months and I started to feel like things were not good between us. I started thinking things aren’t going well and I initiated the break up. She thought the complete opposite but after a week or so she started thinking the same as me and we ended things mutually. A couple weeks after I started wanting her back and got desperate and asked her how she felt and told her I wanted to do things again but she said she didn’t feel the same. I accepted that and tried to move on and eventually I did and I met new people and started talking to them like a rebound but i realized they weren’t right for me. Now it’s been 2 and a half months since I talked to my ex and I’m starteijg to think maybe things weren’t so bad and I needed a break. I want to test the waters with her again but I’m afraid she doesn’t want anything to do with me since we are about to graduate and move on to the real world. I want to ask her but I don’t know how and when. Can you give me some advice and tell me what you think please I appreciate it.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

There’s no harm in remaining friends even upon graduation, and its an angle you should consider instead of just wanting to win her back. The entire process of winning her over may take more than 2 weeks, and you should be prepared for that.

Dakoda
Dakoda

Thank you very much. But how do you recommend me to get in contact with her again. And should I just start by patching up our friendship?

Jake
Jake

If its been over a year, do I not use the elephant in the room text?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Yes, you should not use the letter because you’ll want to come across as casual as possible when starting conversation and not look like someone who’s been spending the past year thinking of your ex.

Maverick
Maverick

My ex and I were together for a total of 9 years. Lived together for 8yrs in total I effectively assisted in growing her child over that period. We broke up twice during that period. The 1st break up occurred after 3yrs when in my view everything was perfect. It was due to our first fight over a stupid matter. I left thinking she would call and apologize. She didn’t. After a year I made contact and we got back together for another 5yrs. We broke up again after another fight over a really small matter I left again. But would have gone back if there was an apology. After 5 yrs she made contact saying she forgive me. I am in a relationship and have a toddler but still love her. We spoke about the break up and asked why she never made contact. Didn’t get a good response. She was also dating we went on a date and met up and she gave me the cheek when I tried to kiss. Before that she said she wanted us to get back together. We planned a date but she flaked due to a priori commitment she had with one of the guy she was dating. She said since I was in a relationship we should just be friends. We communicate from time to time but I cut it off cause it didn’t make sense to me. Didn’t wish to accept friendship. What do u think?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It’s honestly your decision to make regarding this matter, but personally it’s better to cut things off because both parties are currently seeing other people and it becomes emotionally unhealthy to try and start something right now.

Adam
Adam

Hi.

My ex broke up with me 7 months ago. We’ve known each other for 8 years and dated on and off for 4 years (I intiated the break up once and she did the other time). I reacted badly to the last break up because it ended badly and acted needy and desperate which pushed her away. In one instance, I broke down over text and said I really needed to talk. She asked me to respect her boundries. I did not contact her for 2 months after that, then I texted and we had a nice conversation. I did not contact her for another month and when I did it was a pleasant conversation. She texted me a month later to chat and it was another nice conversation where we agreed to have coffee the next week. It had been her birthday during the week (I texted her on her birthday), so I arrived early at the coffee place asked them to prepare a birthday note on a cake with simple gifts. We met and it was decent, but I said that it has been tough since we broke up. She stopped me and said it’s done, there’s nothing to talk about and I shouldn’t let my mind wonder. I said ok. I changed topics and made her laugh a bit. We left and she later texted me saying thank you for the gifts but it was unnecessary. I played it cool. The next day I texted her but the conversation was short. And then intiated texting on 2 consecutive weeks but the conversation was short. In one instance, she told me to “have a good week”. I kept seeing things that reminded of her so it’s been messing with my head.

I saw your website and intiated no contact and it’s been 10 days, though I’ve done not contact before. Should I again wait for 30 days? It’s not unlikely she will move on.

As a background, we have different religions so this contributed to our breakup as we did not figure out how to make things work. I have listed the issues and developed solutions that could work. Another important factor to our breakup was how I reacted and handled difficult conversations which wore us out emotionally.

I have tried dating other women since, but I still think about her constantly. Every morning, she is the first thing on my mind.

I would greatly appreciate your advise.

Best,
A

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Since you have already done no contact and even re-initiated contact since posting this, continue to build up the comfort level and bond between the two of you and do not be afraid to start off as friends first and regaining her trust before working your way upwards. Avoid bringing up issues that may remind her of the past unless she addresses them first.

Georgie
Georgie

Last August I approached my ex to discuss some issues, mostly about communication. He wouldn’t look at me or respond so I broke up with him. No arguing, I just left. I was heartbroken and I realized on the outgoing hug, that I hurt him but I couldn’t take it back.

He contacted me through the dating site POF today to say that he was sorry, he wished he had tried harder, then he wished me luck. He said that every time he logged on, my profile popped up. That’s the suggested matches that POF does. This opened up an opportunity for me to respond in kind, which was probably what he was really hoping for, rather than closure. I also apologized to him for what I did and that I missed him too. I was also able to elaborate on how the issues evolved over time. Come to find out, he didn’t respond because he was shocked and didn’t know what to do. I had actually thought about contacting him in September and apologizing then but didn’t think he’d be receptive so I moved on. He said he wished I had. It seems like we’re both full of regret. Despite going on a few dates with other men, my feelings for him have never waned. I’ve had 8 months to evaluate my contribution to the issue. Did I ever think the grass was greener on the other side? Nope. We were a good couple for 2 1/2 years, expressing feelings and communication was poor and I interpreted it poorly. He said he thought I was the one, which that’s a surprise to me. That’s what I mean about us both communicating poorly. I am going to make a leap and see if we can do this better. I would definitely do this differently now and maybe he will too. We’re going to meet in a couple days. We are in our 40s. I will probably act like I have the confidence of a teenager. I’m just gonna take it slowly. Only time will tell if we do it better the second time around.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

All the best Georgie. You seem to both still have some sort of feelings for each other and just need to work on your issues and communicating properly.

Emily
Emily

Hi, my ex boyfriend is a Muslim, I’m a hindu and we dated for 6 months. It’s been a year apart and the reason he had to end it was that his mum found out and she wouldn’t entertain it…but that came out to be a lie and he confessed the truth that we belong to different religions and cannot have a future together (which I thought was completely bs). I implemented the ‘no contact rule’ for a month and after that, he begged me to come back into his life forever as “best friends”. He fell into a rebound relationship but that lasted for 20 days (wasn’t serious). Since we’re best friends now, we meet often but the twist is, we’d make out intense for hours and I onced ask him during the make out “are you in love with me?” He said “I guess I am”. Now my killer doubt is (correct me if I’m wrong)…he still loves me, he hasn’t moved on and his family won’t except me so he called off the relationship, but he wants to get me back forever. I’ve tried moving on but it didn’t work out, I’m madly in love with him and my whole life revolves around him. How can I get him back? Please help.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Keep in mind that you’ll probably have to convert religions (upon marriage) if you want his family to ever accept you because that’s how Islamic culture seems to work. Certain religions are a little more relaxed on their rules while others tend to be more strict. He may love you, but probably has difficulty looking past this issue and there finds it hard to officially ask you to get back together.

alovely
alovely

Hi, it’s been a year and a half since my ex and I broke up after dating for 2 years. He wanted to focus on his business growing, and I was a ‘distraction’. Needless to say I was very, very hurt. I didn’t agree with going apart. I wasn’t good in the first few months – messaging how upset I was and how I want to be there, it made him feel very guilty. He ended up blocking me on social media. So I gave him the space he wanted. I went a supported an event he had in September and there was still something special for us seeing each other. But when I went to try and talk a few weeks later he’s not replied. So I said nothing again until March where I tried to explain the growth I’ve gone through and the way time feels different now. His friends all still check on me and tell me things like future holidays/birthdays will be great. His mom loves me, and I’ve been trying to cut down my communication with her because HE and I still don’t talk. I’ve lead a very choosy love life, he’s the only person who’s ever loved all of me and vice versa. It’s been a year and a half, and I’m over the space. But now I also feel like I shouldn’t be the one to reach out again. What do I do?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It would depend on the context of things and by not reaching out, is there a chance that he might? If the answer’s no, then the next question is whether you still want him back in your life because if you do, you’re going to have to reach out to him one way or another.

Infinity
Infinity

Hi, it’s been a year since my ex and I broke up- we were together for 1 year and 3 months. We had a nasty break up after an argument, when he found out I was due to leave for another country permanently (which ended up being cancelled). Then, straight after we broke up, he decided to get back with his ex who he knew I disliked, but he broke up with her almost instantly after. But, I blocked him off of everything including his number and social media, since as much as I wanted to be happy that he’s happy, I couldn’t help but get hurt that he’s fine without me. Hence, I haven’t spoken to or seen him for months until recently when we met at a common friend’s party, which I have attended with a guy friend. Even then, we still didn’t say a word to each other. I wanted to approach him and talk to him even just casually but it seems like he was mad at me, but I’m not entirely sure why, so I avoided too. I’ve exhausted all the options that could help me to move on. I’ve done my best to improve myself, for myself, which I believe was one of the best things I’ve done amidst all of these. I’ve also tried going back to the dating scene, but it wasn’t effective. My heart still belongs only to him. I loved him with my whole heart and I still do. I want him back, and I feel like I’ll regret it if I don’t try to at least make the effort to do so. But I have no clue how to, or at least without seeming desperate (although I desperately want him back). I also don’t know how I should approach him since we don’t see each other at a daily. But the first thing I want to do is to understand, why is he mad at me? And, how should I approach him? What can I do to get him back, or even to start fresh?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

He may have expressed feelings of negativity towards you when he saw you, because you were with another guy and he felt jealous. Since it’s been a couple of months since the breakup, I would actually suggest attempting to strike a casual conversation up with him to catch up, and see how things pan out from there.

Habsfan
Habsfan

Well we were in a relashionship for 11 years and have 3 children, relashionship was rough, I have ptsd and I am getting treatment for this, got it from a job I worked. I love her always did, just I was so different as I used addictions to cope, I was never their for her or the kids, I want to fix it so bad but she won’t budge, I don’t know what to do….she has told me several times she won’t discuss the future until I finish my therpy and she would need to see a lot of change, well I been working hard for me and my kids, but her too. She tells me she has no intrest in reconcile but will always end with I’ll never say never, will talk when therpy in treats done, do I just drop the reconcile questions for now…please advise

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Since she has already given you the solution, perhaps it might be best to follow it right now and complete your therapy while working on positive changes to your life before trying again. NC advocates the same concept as well, and it might be the best shot you have at reconciliation.

Ian Beckett
Ian Beckett

NC is difficult with Co parenting, but my psychologist suggest keep it brief about kids don’t talk about reconcile. I have already asked for forgiveness and said my piece by owning up to my mistakes. Some of my issue are things I can’t accept blame for. But I agree I have to work on the positive an go with the flow, I am learning to cope with ptsd and my emotions …I always wonder if she asked me the heir no leave to push me to get serious help…

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Continue to work on your issues first, and learn to cope with them. Like your psychologist mentioned, keep conversations brief and strictly abound the kids during NC period and avoid small talk since you’ve already said your piece.

Pegg
Pegg

It is so sad, I know he doesn’t miss me, but part of me hopes that he feels that he made a mistake and would like to come back to me.

It has been almost 1 year of no contact soon. I wonder if he forgot about me already.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You could always try contacting him to start a friendship up again, and take things from there.

Makayla
Makayla

Me and my ex has been friends for a long time and now I am coming to realize that I really did love him and me and him have hung out as friends. But the bad thing is the last time we hung out she kissed what should I do.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Perhaps have a talk with him about it, to see where he stands on things before deciding any further. Alternatively, you can start to try creating the spark with him to see how he takes it, before considering anything further.

Dream girl
Dream girl

Hello! I broke up with my ex boyfriend 2 years back back! I miss him so much…last time we talked together was almost 1 year back!He sent me a message that he was angry that he had seen me going out with other guys….What should I do now after 2 years…

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If it has been such a long time, perhaps a text or email to check in on how he’s been might be good at this point.

Stef
Stef

Hey. I need some advice please! My ex and I were together for roughly 2 years. It was literally the best relationship Ive ever had. We have been separated now for a year and a half. And a year of that, I spent in another relationship. This new relationship started going down the drain about 4 months ago. And now it is officially down the drain. Over the course of being in that relationship, I thought of my ex all the time. I would be doing something random, even if it had nothing to do with him, and he would pop in my head. About a month ago, I made contact with him. But I contacted him while I was still in a relationship and when I was really depressed. We exchanged a lot of feelings. How we both still love each other and always will. But long story short, he told me I needed to figure out the relationship I was in before we got in contact and met up in person. So heres the cherry on top! Hes moving soon. Like within a week or 2. And I told him that all I wanted to do was say goodbye to him in person. So he said “If nothing else, my last day of work is on the 23rd, so Im free after that.” He’s been texting me since, keeping me updated om his life and what’s going on. And I texted him back. But I stopped the conversation shortly after it started and now he hasnt texted me back. Idk if I should keep texting him or do no contact. Or if I should take him up on his offer for lunch before he leaves or not.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Perhaps a proper goodbye might be good since he’s moving soon, and you may not get the chance to see him often. You could decide again after he leaves whether it’s better to do no contact or not, but judging by how things are, it seems that he does have feelings for you still but circumstances are preventing both parties from making any impulsive moves (like getting back together).

Stef
Stef

Im kind of thinking the same thing. He texted me today and he was mad at me for not texting him back. Its only been like 4 days. Im not really sure whether to reply to him or give him some time. Ive been reading the no contact stuff. But I also came across Stage 4: Climb of Connection #1. Where it gives you numbered days and what to do on what day. We already went a while without speaking and we just now recenty started talking again. Like within the past few weeks. Hes been very hot and cold with me and on top of that, hes pushed back the day hes moving once already. So Im not even sure if he is actually leaving this time. So Im confused if I should keep implementing no contact or if I should be further ahead because of already completing most of the stages. I already healed from the breakup, i already bettered my life. I know I want him. Without a doubt in my mind. Its been over a year and I still feel the same. And that wont ever change. Hes the one for me. I know this

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Since it’s already been a year and you’re certain, no contact may not be as effective given your situation since there’s not a lot of time left. His hot and cold behavior towards you could either be from his expectations of what he hopes you’ll do, or is simply unsure of his feelings himself. Find out if he’s really leaving for sure, and decide again whether you want to say goodbye.

Stef
Stef

Well… he’s moving for sure. In about 2 weeks. We’ve spent the last 2 days hangin out and catching up. He is still in love with me. But circumstances are changing aka him moving And me starting school. So we are trying to be realistic about what is going on.. he’s going to visit his old marine buddies for a week because he won’t be able to see them again for a really long time. So we are going to be away from each other for a week now. I’m nervous and I’m scared that’s its one of those “just a little too late” kind of things… i guess there’s nothing else i can do now.. i don’t really have a question.. I’m just keeping yall updated.. so thats where im at… a little broken and scared..

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

All the best Stef. Hope things work out in your favor.

Stef
Stef

Thank you, I hope so too

Janie
Janie

Hi I hope I can get some advice for my situation. So I’ve know this guy for about two years now and we started dating back in 2016 only for about a month. He went away for the summer, barely texted or called me for three months, and when he came back he broke up with me. We did start calling each other bf and gf very soon after meeting though and I know that he wasn’t really ready to commit that’s the reason why he broke up with me. Now I have been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for almost a year, my ex started texting me, even sending me a picture of a gift I got him before he left for the summer. The thing is that although I love my current bf and the last thing I want is to hurt him, I still have feelings for my ex and think about getting back with him. There are definitely some issues in my current relationship which we are working on but I truly do wish I could be with my ex. If my bf found out I text my ex he’d be extremely upset. I’m so stuck. My bf has severe depression and no family or friends to go to, and we live together but I have thought about ending things with him a lot. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if my ex would want to get back with me.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You may have to spend some time to figure out if your attraction towards your ex is because of a genuine attraction, or simply unfinished business you want to explore, paired with the fact that your current relationship is facing issues. Sometimes because we don’t get closure from a certain failed relationship, we may still harbor feelings of attraction for that person, but it shouldn’t be mistaken for love as often times it ends up simply being the lack of closure. Like I say, figure things out before making a decision, and if you decide on your ex, be fair to your current boyfriend and end it swiftly.

Reese
Reese

So this is a messy situation. I’ve known this girl a little over 2 years now and the timeline gets confusing. I’ll start where we ended things. We broke it off the end of last summer because there were things holding me back from committing to her. She fought for me staying but in the end I let her go. She dated someone a couple months later and I guess he cheated on her. Didn’t know about him at the time. We ended hooking up after him and she asked me what I was looking for. I gave her a shitty answer which caused her to agree to date someone new. She’s still with him now. However, this is where it gets messy. In December I told her how I felt about her and that letting her go was a mistake. This basically cause a 2 month affair where she was torn on what to do. In the end she told other guy what was going on (how much of it I don’t know) and let me go. She said she had to make a decision and she’s wasnt willing to let him go. She said she was terrified she could be making the wrong decision and worries that I’ll date others. I may or may not. I dunno. What I’m curious about is do you think there’s a chance to get her back and what’s my best course of action? We also work in the same office so it’s extra fun

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Perhaps you should first take some time to consider if you’re prepared to commit now should the need arise, since the previous relationship ended due to your lack of commitment. Then you’ll probably have to decide if you’re seriously intending to win her back, or to end up dating someone else because all these thoughts you have would result in your body language. This may be one of the reasons she wasn’t sure on who to choose because she wasn’t sure if you would commit if she chose you.

Reese
Reese

I’m prepared to commit. She’s dated a lot of shitty guys and this is the first nice guy she dated. Unfortunately because I didn’t give her 100% of myself her view of me is very skewed. I really don’t blame her for not coming back to me. It was selfish of me to think I deserved another chance just because I woke up. It’s a bummer because everything she said she’s looking for and the things that she was missing me are who I am when I’m not being the self absorbed version of myself.

Hope D
Hope D

Hello, I have have only been in a relationship once and I am a junior in college. I was certain I loved the guy. We did everything together and we had great chemistry. He decided before he met me that he wanted to go to Alaska. I of course supported him in his decision and thought I would be fine. I wasn’t fine. I ended up being in emotional and financial stress and ended up becoming very insecure about our relationship. I ended up seeing several different guys and was cheating on him but still to afraid to break up with him. I just thought we could never make it work because he was too much of a free spirit and didn’t want to “settle” and we didn’t have the same faith foundation. I eventually told him I cheated on him because I was drunk one night. He told me he wanted space which I was happy to give him. He then told me he never wanted to be in a relationship and it would be a year until he could talk to me again. I was crushed because I still loved him dearly and I began to realize he was the best thing that has ever happened to me and the person I could see myself marrying only after he broke up with me. I have learned a lot from our relationship. It has only been about two weeks since we broke up and he has already reached out to me asking to remain friends. (His Problem wan’t necessarily the cheating but the fact that alcohol was involved. He has zero tolerance for drunks) I am very emotionally strong and I believe I am close putting aside my emotions when it comes to our relationship but I don’t want to be just friends. I am very sorry and I am going to try to be the best version I can be for him and never drink or get into another relationship for at least a year. I believes we can make this work. I am going up to Alaska to see him in a couple weeks (he knows about this) and I want to know how to talk to him at this point. I am afraid he will do anything to push me away. I won’t be spending a ton of time with him since he is working and I will be playing tourist but I want to know what I should do than and than moving forward. I have a lot of concerns. He seems to be taking the break up very well as if its not even a problem which bothers me a little. I want to… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Since it has only been 2 weeks, the breakup is still relatively fresh in his head, and he would be adamant about not getting back together. However, the fact that he wants to remain friends is a good sign because it’s better than getting blocked and having no way to reach out to him. It also gives you a chance to at least build a connection with him once more in the future, after some time has passed. I suggest remaining friends for now, but applying no contact for the time being to give both parties some space to let go of any negative emotions relating to the breakup.

renee
renee

me and my ex were officially together for two months but had talked and were committed to each other for nine months before that. but after we broke up we hadn’t talked for a while and then one day, two months later, he made this huge grand gesture to be with me and we tried things out for a while but came to the conclusion that we should build a stronger foundation without the commitment attatched. at least that’s what i thought we agreed to. so apparently at the time he had meant to say we shouldn’t be together but that was communicated clearly to me. and so we had a few heated arguments about what happened and hadn’t talked since new years. recently when i tried to reach out to be friends we agreed to try and work to be friends at a later point in time where we feel as though we will both want to work towards it. we are young and i feel like he wouldn’t make the grand gesture from before for just anyone, even if he thinks he should’ve thought it through before doing it. am i wrong to think that later on we might get back together? when he’s mature and figures out what he wants? and if that does happen, how do i introduce that idea to him if we are friends at that time?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You probably have to introduce that ‘idea’ in the same fashion as how he first fell for you. Your chances with him will depend entirely on what is going through his mind, and whether he can come to a firm decision and stick by it without changing.

Kandice
Kandice

Hey, my ex and I broke up about a year ago and a half ago. He isn’t my first Boyfriend but I’m his first Girlfriend. Reason why we broke up is because I would say I used break-up to sort of, threaten him because of some interests of him that I doesn’t like or support. After that “false break-up” he distances himself from me and our relationship. He also stopped calling me babe, or any pet names. I asked him if he were still mad at me but he said no and I didn’t know what to do. After a few months of feeling he doesn’t care like he used to, I had a talk with him and he said that he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore. And then I asked to break up. He wasn’t sure about it but still agreed to it in the end. And we broke up. Fast forward to a year later, I contacted him after a year plus of no contact, texting him that I still had feelings for me. We talked for awhile and I asked him if he would like to patch up. He asked to meet up, and I asked him for an answer, and he told me that he’s just not feeling it now. He said he have no feelings, but added that we could still be friends. Is it possible to get his feelings back if we go back to being friends? Or would he really treat me as “Just a friend”? What do you think?

Thanks a million, x

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Since it’s been so long ago, it’s normal to for him to have moved on and lost feelings for you since then. If you still want to be with him, then you’re going to have to put in the effort to get him to like you once more as if he were someone new. Avoid bringing in past expectations of how he once felt towards you as your benchmark but treat it as a fresh page.

Hanna
Hanna

My ex and I were together for a very short time(1 month), and it’s been a year and a half since we stopped talking. Our ending was because of miscommunication. I loved him very much and he loved me very much during our time together. Our relationship was a distance relationship, We broke up because he was going on vacation to an even further place with even more different time zone and I didn’t message him enough because i was scared I was annoying him. I feel like he didn’t want to be the only one messaging me first anymore so he stopped messaging me first and I stopped messaging him too. My ego got the better of me and I never messaged him and he never messaged me either and that’s how our relationship ended. We never fought or got mad at each other. Even though we were only together for 1 month, I love him so much and i haven’t been able to move on. I’ve dated other people but I keep comparing them to him. I fight myself to not message him everyday. It’s been almost 2 years and ai miss him so much. I really want to message him and get back with him. Should I?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If it’s been that long, you could always drop him a message to check in on how he’s doing. However, do mentally prepare that he may have moved on since then or gotten into a new relationship, and whatever the outcome, it’s something you’ll have to try and accept.

Pegg
Pegg

If he broke up with you it might be harder. But I am in similar boat to you. I miss him all the time.
Good luck

Vivian
Vivian

So, my ex and I dated for about 2 years – We had a great thing going – we were blooming together! But when it became more serious, I started to pull away – became emotionally unavailable, dishonest, and lacked commitment and good communication. We both weren’t very good at communicating about how we felt, but I know and can now admit that I never took the time to really open up. Things ended somewhat mutually. We did keep contact for a while – I declined getting together more than once. When he asked if we could meet to catch- up, I finally agreed. I feel silly now because even then I didn’t have the nerve to speak up- So I feel like it was wasted on my part. But it really made me realize I needed to work on and love myself to be able to open my heart, and love back. I still have feelings for this guy, he’s a great catch and I’ve realized a lot of things about why it didn’t work the first time while learning about myself. I want to reach out and be honest – and see if we can rebuild. – But it’s been a long while and I’m just not sure how to ask if he’d be open to meeting me just for a coffee or brew. What gives?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You could always start off by checking in on how he’s been lately, and making some small talk to break the ice since it’s been a long while, before you bring up the topic of meeting up for a coffee to catch up further.

Rae
Rae

We broke up because of poor communication I think? The problem is I haven’t been able to completely move on in full. I’ll date other ppl, but idk something inside of me can’t take anyone seriously. I was hoping new ppl better experiences could lead to a committed relationship but after date 2-3 I’m over the next person & I honestly can’t imdgine another man touching me despite me KNOWING he’s been with other women. I know I can meet other ppl who are equally or more awesome, I’m confident in my ability to date, I even saw a therapist. I’m worried my religious beliefs are subconsciously effecting me. I told myself this person was my husband it was okay to have sex now my ego won’t let me take the next jump (or at least that’s my guess)
Help

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

There’s nothing wrong with having a firm stand on your faith and religion, because it builds character. You shouldn’t feel bad about it because if a person truly respects you, he would also respect whatever stand you take. You should instead spend time to decide on what you want, and if you want him back, to go for it instead of remaining unhappy and thinking about your ex all the time. If your decision is to walk away, then you’re going to have to work harder at letting go of the relationship you once shared with him because it seems that despite religion, you don’t seem to have fully moved on.

Rebecca
Rebecca

Hi there,
Me and my ex was together for nearly 3 years. We broke up like 4 times, but got together cca. immediatly. The last breakup we had 3 years ago, I broke up with him because i thought that we are not in love anymore. We haven’t remain friends, but when we met during festivals (3-4 times) we had a special vibration.
Last week I have found my diary where I wrote lots of things about how I am in love with him and all the dates atc. I wrote him a message that I have found it and we had a “nostalgy conversation”. We talked about how our relationship was “cute” and that we were happy with together and that he is not angry with me anymore (I broke up with him).
I think we had a special connection so I made a decision and asked him out for a “general converstion” (cause he asked if this will be a date). We will meet during this week for a coffee…
My question is only that, how should I behave during that “date”?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Since it’s been a really long while, I suggest being casual and acting like a friend. This keeps things open and no one has any pressure since you guys are friends first at the moment.

Maddie Exell
Maddie Exell

Hi There,
Me and my ex broke up a few years back because he didn’t want to commit but were in contact and ‘on again off again’ for about year before we stopped contact. The last messages we sent each other were basically saying not to contact each other again. I followed your text examples and messaged him last night. He hasn’t replied and I don’t think he will! Do you have any advice on what to do?! I looked very needy a#when we did break up so don’t want to scare him off or ruin any chance.
Thanks so much!

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

In situations like these, you might have to mentally prepare that he may not actually reply your messages because it’s been a long time and he could have changed numbers, fully moved on and is in another relationship, etc

Vivian
Vivian

My ex and i broke up 1 year and about 2 months ago. We had been friends with benefits for 1 year and then in the 2nd year of friends with benefits he wanted a serious relationship. Because we are both adventurer travelers and i was in a long distance we waited. But we were always good together and he would send me sweet postcards. After i was single for 3months we finally got together for 4months but i broke up with him as i was paranoid about his relationship with his ex then got drunk and left him on the side of the road in the middle of no where after kicking him out from the car. Afterwards i tried to mend it but there was a lot of misunderstanding and miscommunication. So although he still loved me he didn’t want to try again and he couldn’t figure out why. Then i left the country to travel for 9months. We kept in constant contact and sometimes i drunk called him and sometimes i called him from a tent in a thunderstorm. By September 3 months before i got home i was in the dolomites. He was having a short trip in the Netherlands with his mum. We talked and he said he also didn’t know why we couldn’t get back together but didn’t know when we would actually see each other. Then i got drunk and threw a tantrum and he ignored my messages for a week and then we stopped talking for 3-4months. Ive returned home fir a month and we are both moving to the same small town where we can do the sports we love. But he has a new girlfriend of 2-3months. Only became exclusive last week. I did all the wrong things and begged him to get together again. He was like i cant break up with him leave for almost a year and just come home and do this. Hes still upset i left him on the side of the road back then The first meeting we had unfortunately i had to see his new girl. We are paragliding pilots so hecwas getting her a tandem and taking photos as she took off. Afterwards he asked if I would like to go on radio and fly together so we did and landed on a mountain together and had a snack and small talk then took off again and hitchhiked back together. Then had to have dinner with our friends and her. I felt sick. Do i still have a chance? I feel like we still get along and can make great memories. The new girlfriend is from another state and he said he… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Vivian,

To be honest, I think you do stand a chance given that you guys seem to share a bond and connection that many relationships don’t even have. However, right now, he may be feeling really confused because of the past incidents and is unsure of whether he loves you or not. The fact that he is in a normal relationship (one that didn’t have as unique of an experience as yours), makes it even harder because those unique experiences, while providing something special, does hint instability. I recommend asking him honestly how he feels and if he still doesn’t know, it might be better for you to cut contact since you are unable to move on and it has been a long time.

Sanya
Sanya

Hi me and my boyfriend were in a happy and serious relationship from the past 7 years. After that he started working and I shifted to a new city. He used to go party with his office friends every week. I was homesick and needed him more. He started pulling away which made me insecure about the relationship. I faced anxiety issues and tried every way to communicate with him so that everything can get sorted. Since he really cared about me he never stopped talking but it was like I am always talking to a zombie. After two months I finally asked what was wrong. He said he wanted a break, which I very comfortably gave him. After 22 days he messaged me saying that he misses me every day but still cant figure out what going on with him. He said he does not know whether we will stay together or not but he will never be able to forget me and that he is fighting everyday to get back on track to be with me. I replied him that I trust him and that he can take more time if he wants. After a week we talked once again and he still wasn’t sure.
I told him I cant wait for him and I will get married soon if it does not work out to which he got a little scared. Post that, he tried his best to be normal with me but I finally broke up because I did not want a love which came out of fear. Is that a right thing?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

I think you’re doing the right thing. If you’re going to wait for a guy that is indecisive about even the small things, such as liking you, then you can’t expect him to be certain about the more major things in life especially if you want to get married soon. Perhaps he still needs time to emotionally mature and hasn’t progressed much.

Lexie
Lexie

Hi there! So my ex and I have been apart for three and a half years now. He has a new girlfriend right now. I spoke to him once about a month ago and he finally unblocked me on fb and sent me a message back saying he forgives me for everything that happened but made it sound like he never wanted to speak to me again. So I have not been in contact with him since and am waiting at least a month before I figure out what to say to him and where to go from here. What would be your advice to me to get him to at least want to be friends and hopefully maybe more? Would anything even be possible at this point? We haven’t even seen each other since we broke up or talked to each other over the phone. I just want to make sure I take the right approach with him. Thank you!

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Well, it has been a really long time since the break up. Whatever anger he may have had towards you back then definitely would be gone by now. The fact that he unblocked you is already a first step forward. I would suggest to you not to get your hopes too high right now because he has a girlfriend, but I guess it would be okay to casually talk to him occasionally as a friend. Perhaps after you’ve given some time, maybe you could ask him for some advice on a random topic? At least with his interaction and involvement in the conversation, it wouldn’t feel as forced.

Emma
Emma

Hi! Me and my boyfriend were together a long time and we’re very much in love! But then he got busier with work and Wanted to take a break because he said it wasn’t fair to me to be with someone so busy. We worked it out and we’re back to being happy and in love,but then a bit later he said he lost feelings for me. About a week later he was dating a new girl. I still love him and I think his rebound girl will fade. Am I right?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Well it really depends on the context of what happened. Was there fighting going leading to the break up? And where did the rebound come into the picture so fast? You have to ask yourself these questions because I don’t think someone who is love would be able to just lose feelings for their partner and start dating someone new in such a short period.

Anne
Anne

Hi, my boyfriend and I were in a long distance relationship and saw each other every 3-4 months. He broke up with me 2 months ago and I made the mistake of begging for him back. He blocked my number but we’re still friends on Facebook. I haven’t messaged him for a week and my next chance to see him is at the end of December. I’m running out of time and hope, can you give me some advice please?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Anne,

If your next chance to see him will be in December, you might not want to do anything reckless from now until then that will ruin your chances of him meeting you. I suggest being patient and waiting for that opportunity. Also, ensure that you’re emotionally stable when you meet him and if you currently aren’t, you might want to take some time to work on that from now until then.

Derek
Derek

Well to get started I was in this relationship with this girl who had a kid for almost a year. Lived with her for about 6 months. We had a great relationshiop and had up and dowms. I even went through a custody battle because the father of her kid took her son away from her. She was crying in my arms every night but I stayed supportive and got attached to her kid in the process. Ill be the first to admit that we probably moved in together too fast because it happened in the 3rd week of dating. We got too attached and way too jealous at times but my love for her was like no other and it never faded. I still remember the first day i laid eyes on her, it was a special feeling and i havent felt that with anyone else. We broke up 9 months ago and havent talked for 6 months. I lost my job and it was hard on both of us because we were fighting everyday and she broke it off because she’s “been in too many relationships and just wanted to be by herself.” I feel some of it was because i had too much time on my hands and we were taking out our frustrations on each other. Everyday since the day i met her she’s been there on my mind and no matter what i do I cant shake it. At first it was hard but I’ve come a long way and have been working on the goals I was missing out on. I have never felt better about myself,and,that has part to do with the breakup because I didnt want to be a sad sack like ive seen some other people be. Everybody tells me to move on and I’ve tried talking to other girls but I just don’t really connect with them in the same way. I also miss her kid like no other. One of the best things was seeing him light up when i would come home and,that makes me want to be a father to my own kid in the future. I always have things that remind me of her. I saw her in a magazine the other day attending some,concert and it brought back a lot. She seemed so happy.. Everybody tells me to move on and not talk to her but i just want to call her and see how her life is going and how her son and family is.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey Derek,

It’s been a long time since you guys broke up. If you decide you’re ready to face her, I would say you could drop that text to see how she is doing right now but in a casual manner as friends first and foremost.

Alex
Alex

Hello. This is gonna be pretty long since i need more of a closure response than anything…but in high school i dated this guy. Half my freshman year and till the end of sophomore. I loved him so much and i know he did love me to, after a while though my immature self kicked in and i KNEW i had problems but when he didnt come see me i would take my anger out on him. Or i would lash out if he didnt text me right away. After about a year it happened one more time when i asked if he would defend me when a guy had threatened me and he said no and said we should see other people. He wanted to be friends still and i had stalked him for a day and yeah…down hill. We didnt speak at all except for time i found out he went after friends of mine and i went into upset mode and asked him if we could start over..you know..like a moron XD. Well its been three years now. Iv been engaged twice and both broken up cause i couldnt get over him and felt i didnt deserve to be happy like he was because of my past. I also have a 1 year old sweet baby girl…thats when hell broke loose. In sept 2016 i had my daughter taken for scuicide attempt. My parents told me i needed to get help but for a bit i wouldnt because i kept thinking my daughter and even my ex deserved better than me in every way. My parents told me that she would need me and if i couldnt be better for her than who will. So i finally got to work and not just my baby clicked into my brain but so did he, i was diagnosed with undetermined bipolar disorder and depression. Today iv got a job and will soon have custody again and a week ago a wedding happened between both me and ex’s friend. Well we had a hold arms going up the hill as im sniffling like a baby being so proud of my bestie and we had to sit side by side at the wedding. It was tons of fun and surprisingly we talked and even have kinda become friends. To close this out i would rather be single and see him happy with anyone than to lie to another guy again about loving him when my heart has stayed with one person. Is that bad to finally decide to stop trying to force things?

P.S. also our families are long time family friends so yeah closure sucked…

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey Alex,

I think you’ve come a long way since the days in high school. I don’t think it’s bad to stop trying to force things, quite the contrary. I’m a strong believer of what happens, happens (although at times we still have to nudge things along). Ultimately, the fact that you’ve accepted everything and have worked so hard to get to where you are despite your obstacles. Don’t rush things and if some day down the road in the future you finally decide you’re ready to move on, you can always consider dating someone again.

Chris
Chris

We broke up over a year ago. We were together for 4 years we were great lovers and bestfriends in our relationship, we were,bestfriends,for over 7 years we were friends for a little while after we brokw.up then her.boyfriemd she got controlled.her. We’re both single again at the same time what do I do do i jave a xhance ?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Chris,

Perhaps you could initiate contact to find out how she’s doing lately? If you still want her back that is.

Jason
Jason

Me and my girlfriend of 9 years broke up 8 months ago, The break up was a messy one and i did all the wrong things after the break up , we lived together for the entire 9 years and had built a good relationship well at least that what i thought, She basically cheated on me in the december of 2016 wich i caught her at but forgave her, three months later she arrives home drunk and after a confrontation as to what is going on she said she no longer loves me and doesnt want me anymore. Now after the fact i was told by some friends of hers and mine that she had been cheating on me for years wich im not certain are true, she flat out denies it when i found out i absolutely hit the roof and started being needy again after no contact for 2 months. I have basically moved on but i still think i want her in so many ways and for the correct reason.I have broken no contact many times over the last 8 months but she never responds to me at all. I somehow feel she is the correct person for me despite the allogations of cheating not sure how to go forward. I have had many girlfriend and flings over the past 8 months and dont have a problem finding suitable partners but i still love the girl i want but cnat get to communicate with me what are your suggestions.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey Jason,

Perhaps right now, more time is needed before you approach her once again as a changed person (this effect can usually only occur after some time) and try to chase her as if you were chasing her for the first time. Do not be too desperate or needy towards her or it’ll push her away. However, if she really has no feelings for you as she claims, then it would be fair to yourself to move on instead.

Carl
Carl

My name is Carl, me and my ex broke up around a year ago, we were perfect I was getting ready to propose she left the day before I proposed. We were together for 3 years and friends for 6 and a half before that. We had a little fight and she left. She was in college, and she left. I’ve worked on my self and improved my self so much, She is newly single again and I’m still sooooo in LOVE with her. She was my bestfriend and the love of my life and my everything. I havent talked to or saw Her in over 7 or 8 months. But Her family wants us together and so does mine her mom cries to me whenever she sees me wanting us back together. What should I do. Do you think their is a chance for us to be back together? What should I do?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey Carl,

Since it’s so long, perhaps you could drop her a casual text sometime to ask her how she’s doing and take it from there?

Cam
Cam

So me and my ex broke up a year ago because she felt I didn’t put her on top of my priority list, time, attention, as a man who takes responsibility for his actions I did get complacent but I honestly feel like the good outweighed the bad, and for the totality of the relationship I treated her right. We were kind of doing long distance too since she started her freshman year at a college in a different city. A month ago she recently started dating someone else and I was devastated cause I still had hopes of getting back together. And know I just didn’t want her because she’s moved on I feel like I can genuinely be happy with her. Do you guys think that we’re done for good and is there still a chance. I been implementing the rules no contact, working on myself, self improvement so hopefully this works… ???

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey there,

Continue to work on yourself for now and try not to focus on her during this period. Since she is already with another person and it isn’t a recent break up, its hard to say for sure if she’s in a rebound or has moved on. In which case, you should not interfere until she is no longer attached before making your decision, whether you have moved on by then or decide you still want to be with her.

Cam
Cam

So me and my ex broke up exactly a year ago because she felt I didn’t make her a priority, time, and effort. As a man who takes responsibility for his actions I did get a little complacent and take things for granted. I really did learn from my mistakes and I tried to make things work, what I didn’t know is all these rules you have to follow such as the “no contact” and other stuff and things that I thought I was doing right it really did more harm than good. I wasn’t being an alpha male, those things appeared desperate and needy like you said. Now a year later she is with someone else and it hurts so bad, I still am madly in love with her and I really wanted to make things work, is it over for good and should I just move on. We were together for over a year and yea we had issues but I genuinely thought we could make things work. 🙁

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey,

Well at the moment since she is with someone else, it would only do you harm to linger in past memories while she moves on from the past. I’m not saying that it’s over completely but you do have to take that into consideration as well. The whole point of the no contact rule is to give yourself the space to improve as a person and to gain a fresh perspective before making any decisions again as a changed person. If another opportunity presents itself in the future, then perhaps you may have another shot at it (but only if you want to).

charmy kaur
charmy kaur

Hi, me and my ex broke up almost 2 years ago because he went to a new university and started ignoring me.. We were not like we were before, together all the time. Now he even won’t have time for me .. He literally started ignoring me so badly after that we won’t even talk once .. He doesn’t pick my calls or just block me whenever he sees my dp at whatsapp or at any social media .. He wants to stay away from me but i still love him alot .. I want him back i dont know what to do ..

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey,

If it has been 2 years and he is still ignoring you and blocked you on every contact point, it may be a better idea to start being fair to yourself and move on.

Surabhi Singh
Surabhi Singh

Hey! I was in a serious relationship with my ex. We broke up a year ago. We had plans for marriage but because of his family, he broke up with me but still messages me very often like once in a month for knowing how I am. I have always asked him not to message me again if there is no future but he still does. Tell me what to do because I love him a lot and really want him back.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey Surabhi,

Depending on the context of how the break up happened, it could be possible he still harbors some feelings or concern for you since you guys had plans for marriage but ended it due to his family. This is something that you may have to set straight if he is texting you often. Also, you do have to consider that even if he does have feelings for you, the issue with his family will still be there.

Brent
Brent

My ex broke up with me two and half years ago and haven’t spoke in over a year. She got engaged after a year of dating a few months ago and looks very happy. I got an engagement ring before we broke up, but I never told her. Would it be okay to tell her? I haven’t messaged with her in over a year. I thought a simple happy birthday message might be okay. I never got much closure.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Brent,

There would honestly be no right or wrong answer here but if she is happy already and closure is all you need, then I think it may be find to bring it up in passing but do not focus too much hopes and pressure her into anything or she might resent you for it.

JohnK
JohnK

Hello all. I was dating my ex for 4 years. We had a great relationship, living together for 6 out of 12 months every year and also working together. During the last summer we both agreed that we should break up as we were not that happy anymore, fighting over no sense things and also our sex life was a bit boring after all these years and we were on a point that either we should marry or break up. Nonetheless we went on vacation where we had a great time but i told her that the break up was still on as i wanted to fright her of losing me. She cried all night. When we returned i left for my house without saying anything to her and that night she called me to ask why i haven’t called and i said something like it is ok.. But i just wanted to give her time to miss me as i was going to see her again after 4 days. The next day she kissed with a guy, and after we talked she said that she agrees to the breakup and i was a bit confused as i told her that i have second thoughts about it and i am not sure. She said she was sure. 4 days later she confessed she kissed the other guy, crying about it, saying how terribly sorry was for doing such a thing to me. I was heartbroken. She said “love me even if you decide to break up but just love me..” I started talking again with her on the phone but she was not so desperate for my forgiveness. I said i could not be with her after such a thing. (I wanted to be with her but only if i saw that she “begs” for it and really wants it – she did not. I started no contact for a month / going out – seeing friends etc and she did the same. Yesterday i went to the club she was, told her that i am still madly in love with her, that i wanted her back, that i am willing to fight for our relationship and that she is my everything. She said that she loves and cares for me but we can not be together anymore. She said maybe in 2 years we’ll see. She said that she’s only 24 and we’ve been dating since her 19 exclusively and she cannot marry right now although we never talked about getting married-we laughed about it. Also she stated that she has not seen the guy from that day and that he’s a nobody. I really am heartbroken, but now… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi John,

You guys were together for a good period of time. I’m sure she does love you but maybe right now, what you both need is to venture out and grow as individuals (especially her) since that ‘good period of time’ had constituted of the most happening years of a young adult. This is why she is enjoying the new found freedom to party and flirt with other people because she never really had the chance before this. I’m sure you knew as well that the guy she kissed was merely a rebound for the hurt she went through. I do suggest as well that if you really want her back, you have to stop playing mind games with her. Lastly, bear in mind that the whole point of the no contact rule isn’t so you can go back to her sounding needy and madly in love with her but so that you can go back as a changed person and to re-kindle the spark.

JohnK
JohnK

Hello Ryan, thank you for your answer. The problem is that all this time (1.5month) i was hooked because she never told me how she feels. With what happened, there was no proper closure. I did not know if i had to move on completely or just give her some time to miss me. You cannot move on if you keep looking back. I was making sick thoughts that she is in love with this guy and that they are together but she laughed and said that they haven’t even talked since then. Now that i know that this is her final decision and she talked to me about how she feels i can finally focus on myself and my development. To be ‘a new person’ you have to no contact for at least 6 months.I just hoped that she would still fight for us, although breaking up for now was the best decision for both of us. It’s when i learned about the kiss that everything changed inside and i wanted her back. With what she did, she “won” the breakup as i was the idiot who “begged” her in the end, when i was the one who wanted the break up anyway!Although i dont think she did that on purpose! WOMEN MY FRIENDS!!! And why is saying “in 2 years” and not 1.. I do not understand her…….

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey John,

To be honest, not getting closure is a very common thing. Sometimes, we just got to do what’s best for us and focus on recovery despite not getting the closure we need. Never look at it as she ‘won’ and that you ‘lost’ but rather as a lesson to note that there are still emotional issues you need to work on for yourself. Right now, whatever she says you have to take at face value because you guys are no longer together and pushing for truths between the lines may only push her further away from you.

Richard
Richard

My ex ended it with me four years ago. We have remained friends and even hung out together a few times per year. Two years ago her mother passed away and she asked me to be casket bearer, which I was glad to do. A year ago (to the day) we inexplicably had a bad argument about our reasons for breaking up. She thought I was cheating with another female, but honestly I never did. I think she finally realized she was wrong, but the realization may have come too late. Neither of us has dated anyone, at least not seriously. We have never discussed getting back together, but I have never moved on. I’ve tried. My question to you is have you heard anything quite like this?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Richard,

Contextually, other people’s circumstances may definitely have been different but there are still similarities in every break up. For starters, since she has realized that you were not cheating, maybe it would be time to have an honest talk with her about the whole situation?

D
D

Hey Kevin,

My ex broke up with me about 3 months ago. I did the no contact rule but ended up breaking it after about 20 days because he texted me needing his stuff back from my place. Ever since that text we were texting everyday for about a month. He had taken me out on a number of dates. We kissed and had relations as well. After about our 4 the date he asked me what I thought about us hanging out. I said I enjoyed it, but I couldn’t keep seeing him without some type of commitment. He stated that he liked hanging out with me but he couldn’t commit to me. He said he wanted to be selfish. I told him that I was unable to be his friend and that we should stop talking…. which I regret now. We have not been talking for about two weeks. Did I totally ruin my chances by saying I need a commitment? What advice can you give me to get him back?

Shahbaz Bhatti
Shahbaz Bhatti

Hey Kevin!!!
My ex and I had one year relationship and then she suddenly left without saying anything ended every mean of communication and after 6 months she contacted me and we both continue our relation. After this, for 3 months we have a mixed type of relation in which we had love moments and we had serious argues on difference of ideas on certain things. After these three months she left again by text me that “we can’t work this out. I really love you but if we get together we always hurt each other. To avoid this I don’t want this relationship and don’t want to talk about it.” It has been three months and we haven’t talked with each other, she sent me a new year’s eve message on 31 December recently. I haven’t replied her.
I am really confused right now that if she is right for me or not I really missed her sometimes and want to text her but I know her response would be dry that will hurt me. So, should I ger her back? Is this right for me?? (because by stalking her facebook profile I have realized that she has not got any change after the breakup) or if I should get her back? So What will I do then because we haven’t talked to each other for three months

Please help me out I really want your help…….. Reply me plz
I want to take your advice further through e-mail. Can I?

R.A
R.A

One point I missed out. In my sms I mentioned the place where we met and had McDonald’s several times in Dubai. Let me tell you that she has no relatives in Dubai. She lives with her younger sister. One of her relatives recently shifted to Singapore. After going through my sms she thought it’s that relative. Now my question is in my sms I clearly mentioned about the place and McDonald’s. Then how come she thought it’s her relative? She must have known that it was me behind the sms. Maybe the relative part was just a lie to mask the fact that she knows.

Later I text her in a professional way asking for her email id, so that I could attach my product catalog. I said I am simply being professional as a brother. If she wishes she can give her id to me for my attachment. And she still didn’t send.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Best Regards,
R.A

R.A
R.A

Hey,

I think you are right. Thanks for the immense support. 🙂

R.A
R.A

Hey,

Thanks for your reply.

Thing is I didn’t listen to myself. Instead I seek help of my well wishers. They told me not to look back and to continue with the current relationship by moving on. I was messed up and had no other option apart from getting myself hooked with someone else to fill that gap. For one whole year I followed the no contact rule and recovered myself from the crush & burn. But, my ex was always there. Whenever I started to think of her I asked for their suggestion & they told me to move on. Maybe they did for the best. And so I convinced myself and moved on, gave her gifts and so on. She also did the same with so much love. Now I think it’s too late. If I had listen to myself earlier then things could have been different.

I also think I started this relationship to fill the emptiness in my heart & moved on for the best. Maybe it’s not working out. If it did, at least from my side then I may not have cared or bothered of feeling my ex so much.

The girl loves me. I also tell her the same, but to what extent I don’t do. Maybe it doesn’t come from the heart or maybe it does momentarily.

I don’t wish to hurt her by being selfish, betrayer, liar or cheater. I don’t even know what’s going to happen in the long run. If I continue to miss or secretly keep on loving & adoring my ex from the inside and pretend to love her for her happiness, then technically it will be cheating.

Anyways, right now I just want to send an sms to my ex. I don’t expect her to come back or have no clue on how she’s going to respond or react. All I want to know is how’s she and what she is going to tell me. Even if she shows sign of patching up or approaches directly to start from scratch, I will take sometime to think.

Looking forward to your swift reply and cooperation.

Sincerely,
R.A

R.A
R.A

I talked to her few mins ago. After sending the sms she immediately call me. She was like who is this? Idk whether that was an act or not. Because the first time she call, she was silent & didn’t say a word while I was saying ‘Hello’. I even heard her cutting the call. Second time she said who’s this? Maybe the first call was a test. Anyways, I said my name & then started talking. She was normal during the entire conversation. I guess the no contact rule worked. She was not rude or attacking like earlier times and we had a decent conversation for quite some time.

She is in Dubai, where I was before shifting in Singapore 2 yrs back. I told her that I came to Singapore 2 days ago after a business trip in Dubai. Her study is going to end next month & she started doing business since last year. They also have industries back home. So, I asked her whether she could help me out for my business development. She said she will ask her fiance (business partner) about it. I said ok. The way she said seem like she made it up just to measure my reaction. I was absolutely normal. Do u think she did that purposely to test, just to know how I feel or react?

Nevertheless, she didn’t say NO to help. She said she will help me if she come across any interested parties. I mean she could have said NO right? What do you think?? Maybe she showed kindness. But, she did tell me that talking to me again won’t be nice. Therefore, if she finds any particular party to deal with me she will pass the info to my uncle (my uncle’s family and her’s is really close). In addition, she said I am telling this to you like a Brother. Does it mean she sees me like a bother now??

Overall the conversation was fruitful. We did talk about many other things apart from the above mentioned. I was normal the entire time and showed no sign of pain or sorrow. I enjoyed talking. Hopefully she also did. Though at some point it felt as if she was getting emotional of hearing me after so long.

The above mentioned doubts left me quite blur. Hopefully you will clear them out & tell me what to do next.

Looking forward to your valuable response.

Respectfully,
R.A

R.A
R.A

Hi Kevin,

This time I am explaining in short as last time it was not posted.

I broke up with my ex in 2013. The reason being she was wealthy. I am from an average family & I thought in the future there could be problems due to wealth difference.

I broke up twice. After the first break up I patched up because she cried and begged me to. After the second breakup it was I who cried and begged for her return despite of the wealth issue. Ultimately nothing happened as I didn’t follow the no contact rule. But, for the past one year I didn’t make a single contact.

I started talking to this girl and formed a relationship so that I could get myself engaged to someone else. Even after that I tried to patch up with my Ex and nothing happened as expected.

Now it’s been a year since the last time I contacted her. I miss her and sometimes I feel that I still love her even after having someone committed. Afterwards, I really get upset.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. I tried convincing myself like that many times & nothing happened.

In my life I have made many wrong decisions and later realized my mistake. One example which I believe was leaving my Ex. So what can I possibly do now? I feel like sending a short sms exactly the way you suggested. Later I can’t when I think of my current relationship. Overall, it hurts.

Hopefully you will say something this time.

Thanks,
R.A

Michele
Michele

Hi Kevin,

I dated my ex 10 years ago for about 6 months. There were some weird things that happened in the relationship. They were extenuating circumstances and our relationship really did not have a chance. In the end we basically parted ways on good terms, but mostly I believe that he was not in love with me. Fast forward 10 years. He reached out to me. We both had just gone through divorces. We dated for 6 months. Had a decent relationship. No fighting. A lot in common. Good connection. I thought quite a bit of passion. But there were never any “I love you’s” from either of us. Although I loved him very much. In the end he said that it was him and not me. That he could not give me what I wanted. I was broken hearted and the relationship ended. It has been 11 months. I recently reached out to him. We have not seen eachother in a year. During our 1st few text exchanges he said that he has not dated all year. He said that it was definately him and not me with the issues. He said he wasn’t then and still isn’t in a place for a solid relationship. I would love to remain his friend and naturally build into something with him again. Is this even possible?? Will this man ever love me? Will the timing ever be right? Don’t the best relationships come from a place of friendship, or will I always be looked at just a friend to him?

sarah
sarah

Thanks! & when texting him should I continue to be honest with how I feel & send cute photos? He doesn’t reply much to it but when I ask if he is ok with me sending stuff like that he says yes he is.

sarah
sarah

Hi, my ex husband I and split up 2 years ago over tons of fights. We were very young. Now time has gone by. I have a daughter now. He is in the same place in his life. We both have grown and have been talking for a few weeks. We live a few states away. I am visiting very soon however. He has addmited to missing me and so have I. He never tells his feelings though. I do. We casually text everyday during the day and about once a day on the phone for 5 or so minutes. My question is after so many years but yet a deep connection over years of dating how do I get this to turn into a relationship? And what should and shouldn’t I do when I see him?

Rysun
Rysun

My ex boyfriend and i were together for 3 years. On our 2nd and a half year, we were in a long distance relationship. I cheated on him, broke up with him 8 months ago. I really regret what happened, we already talked about it and back to being friends again. Now i want us to be together again but seems like he’s moved on to another girl. What to i do? Or how do i convince him to give me another chance?

Rysun
Rysun

Thank you for your help kevin. 🙂

Louise
Louise

Hi Kevin,

Me and my ex broke up after 7 years together in August 2013. I didn’t want to break up with him but at the time it felt like the only option. After the break up we met up a couple of times but then i moved away to try and get some space and let go of all the anger i had built up (which i did) however, he is now with someone else and i feel like i have left it too late. They have planned a holiday together next year and seem to be serious after only 5 months together. We have had basically no contact since November 2013 but we have to work together (as i moved back).

My question basically is should i try to get him back or let him move on and try and do the same myself no matter how difficult it maybe

Robinmac85
Robinmac85

Hi Kevin,
thank you for putting this up as a lot of stuff I’ve been reading is mostly for initial break ups. To be honest I wished I saw this article before my situation happened!
I was in a relationship with this guy for about 5months few years ago. From my point of view it was a good relationship but it ended (messy post break up too). He moved to away and no contact was made.

He initiated contact recently, he wanted to see how I was doing and that it been a while, we chatted for a few days how we were getting on, reminiscing and maybe a bit of flirting? Found out that he’s moving back, I mentioned if he was in the area that we could meet and catch up. He said that he would be in about a month or so. Further conversation was exchanged the next few days but nothing since.

I’m really confused on what this all means and what my next moves should be. Wait for him to contact when he’s back or should I initiate and remind about meeting up?

Robinmac85
Robinmac85

Thank you for help Kevin

Janelle
Janelle

Hello Kevin,
Me and my ex bf were together for 6 months before breaking up. He initiated the breakup after I lied to him. I didnt know how to control my emotions after the split so I came off needy and clingy pushing him further away. After the split 3 months later I found out I was pregnant and contacted him. He said it there was no way the kid was his so he denied it. Of course that hurt because I knew I hadn’t slept with another guy and our breakup wasnt over cheating it was lying. I knew he couldn’t trust me but I didnt think he’d go as far as denying this kid. Long story short, He got a new girlfriend and I went away for the summer to get away from all the drama. I stopped answering his calls and text for about a month. Then got an abortion and contacted him letting him know we wouldnt be parents. He called and checked on me the few days I was in pain after the process but when I got better he disappeared again. Recently I had a friend checked on him to see if he still felt for me and he basically told her he’d never get back with me because he thought I was a liar and could never trust me again so therefore we couldnt have a relationship. He believes that “once a liar always a liar” The other day I did contact him after it had been 3 weeks since I had the bortion. He seemed friendly but still very distant and short with his words. He’d take forever to respond and sometimes not respond at all. I figured he was still mad about the whole breakup and me ignoring him after I told him I was pregnant but i did it because he denied the kid so I went into NC. But I thought an apology was necessary. He accepted it but said he wasnt sure if we could be friends. Then a friend said it was all because of not being about to trust me and all the fights we had. He didnt want the drama. I just want to know what I could do to fix things. I dont want to hear that I should move on because I feel like there is a solution to this. I Know it might take a very long time to get his trust back but I know its possibly. I just need guidance. We go to the same college so I will be seeing him next week after all summer of no physcial contact. Please help Kevin!

Janelle
Janelle

I wanted to add that my ex bf did break up with the other girl. So he is single. But I feel like he blames part of the break up on me because I was pregnant and didnt find out until they got together so I was kind of in the way. It made it seem to his new girl that he had some baggage so they split.

Melissa
Melissa

Hi kevin
hopefully you can give me an advice my story is..
I dated my ex for almost 3 years and its been 2 years since we broke up it was like a mutual agreement because both of us were tired of arguing over silly stuff. I regret it after a week but he just wanted space. We use to work together till I quit my job found a better one but also because I got tired of seen him flirt with everyone but we still talk the longest we can stay away from each other is 3 months because is either he contacts me or I contact him. We been close to reconciliation about 3 times during this 2 years we broke up but something always happens that doesn’t end up working out. He went out with one of my friends from work but it didn’t work out for them after 3 months . I on the other hand been to dates and dated 1 person but is not the same I know for sure that my ex is the person I would like to share the rest of my life with but he keeps saying he doesn’t want to date no one he only wants to focus in growing in his career and spending time with his family. And as in right now is like we have become sex buddies . He said he cares alot about me but we can’t not even be friends because of the connection we have ?? I have no clue what to do is been hard to move on for me and I think he is talking to one of his co-workers that use to hate me eve if he denies it I need help !
Help please

Sags
Sags

Hi Kevin,
Would really appreciate your advice in this.
I broke up with my ex 9 months ago after dating for 1 year. We are both 32. She has 2 young children. She said when we broke up it was because I was selfish and lazy and began to annoy her. I know now that I did not put into the relationship what I should have and should have treated her a lot better, but if was my first real relationship. She was my first true love and I begged her to take me back. I continued to try and make contact with her every couple months and would not hear back from her. I think she has moved on and found someone else. I have worked on all the things she said to become a better person as I love her and want to so spend my life with her. I would like to be there for her and her kids and offered to buy her a new car and a house together. A months ago I called her friend to explain this and she emailed me saying to leave her alone and not stalk her or contact her friends. Do you think I will ever be with her again? I love her and everyday without her is torture. It is her birthday in August and will be about 2 months of NC. Should I send her a email or post a card to her. Is there anything I could say or do to have her back in my life? Your advice would be very appreciated

Neal
Neal

Hi kevin, ive been in relationship with my ex gf from past 6years.
But during dec 2013 she relocated to a temporary place for few months during that time whenever we contacted she used to tell me that she want some break because she is feeling guilty about something.
Then we started falling apart, also my big mistake was i had a software by which i used to track her whenever she used to ignore me..
So 1 night during month of feb 2014, i called her she didnt picked my call and i found dat she is out somewhere else with one guy.. I got pissed off and got out of my mind.. And revealed everything that i know where she is..
After that many fights happened between us..and finally she broke up with me 🙁
Now i am feeling very guity about my sins..
I tried to contact her many times even i tried to get her back but no result. I am falling apart.. Now she changed her number..i dont have any means to contact her.
Plz help we havent met from past 6months:(

Lisa
Lisa

I’ve been trying to add my comment for weeks now. I don’t see it here. Help please!

Lisa
Lisa

Oh ok. Well I hope you get this one. I broke up with my ex April of 2013 because of a fight. We have been in touch since. We met about 5 times and had sex every time. I know I am a Friends With Benefit. But there were few times he would get jealous. or show love. I began to understand its just games. Long story short, I want to know how to get that FWB tag off and for him to respect me? I know the answer is to stop sleeping with him. Let me also add, we are long distant. About 5 hours drive. Thats why every time we met, I had to spend the night. I tried doing the NC rule for a month. He would either contact me within that month, or I would break and end up contacting him. Do I stand any chance? Because I know if we are Long distant, and are FWB, that’s really bad. I don’t contact him unless he does. I know the NC won’t be very effective in my case. Any input?

John
John

Hello, I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years and a half, and due to an interchange i had to move to another continent. 2 months after I moved out she decided that she couldnt handle the situation despite loving me. 3 months more passed and i found out that she is dating another guy. In our dating anniversary she received a letter of mine, we had a long conversation in Skype and i could see that she still loves me and maybe that is a rebound relationship, but I still have 7 more months in this country and right now i dont see how i can handle this situation. How often should i contact her? What else could I do right now to have her again when i get back? Thanks a lot

John
John

Thanks for your answer, mate. Should I have small talk conversation? And its very bad to send sentimental things like a video of me playing ukulele?

mary
mary

Sigh. I can’t fuifill no contact. Now he is gone. He deleted his email and change handphone number. We broke three months ago. He found himself a new girlfriend and ask her to stay with her. He created new Facebook account and added his relatives to support him and the new girlfriend. He will be getting married in Dec. We were in a relationship for almost 11 years. He did not give me an engagement ring. Instead he gave the new girl. Can you tell me what to do?

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