Your ex broke up with you and left you heartbroken. And while you are still trying to understand what happened and pick up the shattered pieces of your life, your ex has started another relationship.

You can’t believe that they’ve moved on so fast, so you consult your friend, search the Internet and everyone seems to say the same thing. “Your ex is probably in a rebound relationship”.

However, you are still not convinced. Your ex seems happy and their new relationship seems to be going perfectly. The new guy/girl seems completely opposite of you and yet your ex seems committed to make this relationship work. You are confused because everyone seems to be telling you it’s a rebound relationship while your instincts tell you that your ex has moved on.inigo montoya on rebound relationships

It’s truly a gut wrenching feeling to think of your ex with someone else, especially if you are still in love with them and want to get them back. And the thought of it just being a rebound relationship is very comforting. But when your mind starts wondering whether or not it’s a rebound, you can drive yourself crazy analyzing their behavior and obsessing over every little detail about their new relationship.

In this article, I’ll lay out some signs that will help you understand the rebound behavior and figure out on your own whether or not they’ve moved on.

How Long Have They Been In the New Relationship?

The first sign is quite obvious. The longer they’ve been in the new relationship, the less likely it is to be a rebound. If they’ve been in the relationship for a few months or less, then it’s probably a rebound and it will end soon. On the other hand, if their relationship has been going on for over a year, then you can safely assume that the relationship is serious for them and it’s probably not a rebound.

Of course, it’s not really a surefire way to determine whether or not they’re in a rebound relationship. If their new relationship has been going on for a few weeks, you can’t say for sure if it will end in a few months or it will continue for years. The longer they’re in the relationship, the more you lose hope. And the more you lose hope the more you start analyzing their new relationship (and obsessing over them) trying to convince yourself it’s a rebound.

How Long Did They Wait Before Starting the New Relationship?

If your ex started dating someone else within a week of breaking up, then it’s more likely to be a rebound. On the other hand, if they waited an appropriate amount of time (like three to four months) before entering the new relationship, it’s less likely to be a rebound.

Again, it’s not a surefire way of telling whether or not it’s a rebound. Some people jump from one relationship to another without waiting at all. Some people keep someone lined up for dating before breaking up just so they don’t have to be single for longer than a few days.serial dater

On the other hand, it could be that your ex waited months before entering the new relationship and it could still be a rebound depending if they never really got over you.

That’s why it’s beneficial to understand the rebound behavior. If their behavior resembles that of a person in a rebound relationship, you can be know for sure whether or not you have a chance at getting back together. You will not be obsessing over them so much and you will be able to concentrate on your happiness more.

Understanding the Rebound Behavior

A rebound relationship is simply an attempt to fill a hole in your life that was left by an ex. Another way to describe a rebound relationship is an attempt to avoid the pain of the breakup. It’s an attempt to feel the same way you were feeling while you were in a relationship with your ex. It’s an attempt to have the same level of intimacy that you had with your ex, with someone else.

Being intimately close to someone gives us a feeling of security and a boost to our self-esteem. It’s the kind of intimacy that is built with time and effort that a relationship requires. After a breakup, that intimacy is gone in a matter of few days and you are left feeling empty.

A rebound relationship gives you hope. It gives you a chance to feel that level of intimacy again. It gives you hope to fill that empty feeling inside you.

This is the reason why most of the rebound relationships seem to move so fast. Because a rebound relationship is an attempt to reach the level of intimacy that only long-term relationships have.

Suppose the name of your ex is Jane. Jane feels empty after she left you. She knew she wanted to breakup with you but she didn’t expect to be so much miserable after the breakup. She has an old friend Garry who comforts her, she finds herself attracted to him. She feels that perhaps this guy can make all her pain and the emptiness go away. So she starts dating him. Whenever she is with him, her mind is not thinking about the breakup and you. She doesn’t feel as empty as she was before.

But still whenever she is alone, the pain comes back. She can’t let go of this feeling of emptiness even though she is a new relationship. She thinks perhaps it’s because she is not as close to Garry as she was with you. She thinks if Garry and her start having sex, she will feel much closer to Garry and perhaps forget you. Even though, she usually waits three months before sleeping with someone she is dating, she makes an exception in Garry’s case; simply because she thinks that sleeping with him will make her forget about you.scumbag_garry

So they start sleeping together. Even though the sex is great, she is still not at peace with herself. She still can’t let go of the empty feeling when she is alone. She feels a little better when she is with Garry, but she can’t shake the feeling that this relationship is not giving her the peace that she expected.

At this point, most people realize that this new relationship will not bring them the peace and happiness they were hoping it would. But Jane is having a hard time accepting that. She thinks that the new relationship, despite not being what she expected, is still giving her some level of comfort. If she ends the relationship, she will have to face all the pain and emptiness alone and she doesn’t think she is ready to do it yet.

She continues her relationship, in hope that her level of intimacy with Garry will increase and the empty feeling inside her will slowly go away. She makes pathetic attempts to move the relationship faster hoping that she can gain the same level of intimacy that comes from long-term relationship. Attempts like moving in together after only 5 weeks of dating; meeting Garry’s parents and asking Garry to meet her parents; planning to move overseas with Garry. A few years ago, if you asked Jane whether or not she would move this much fast in a relationship, she would’ve called you crazy. But yet, here she is, rushing a relationship faster than a speeding bullet.

The story of Jane demonstrates a classic rebound behavior. Eventually, Jane would breakup with Garry and will try to deal with her breakup pain. She might feel that she is in love with Garry because Garry provides her with comfort and an escape from the pain that she desires deeply. Garry is a temporary solution that is alleviating the pain, but he is not the cure.

But soon enough, she will realize her relationship with Garry for what it is. A rebound. It did help her run away from the emptiness in her life, but it didn’t fill it. She is still empty and she can only be at peace with herself when she decides to face the breakup pain. (Read: How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back When She has Moved on to A New Boyfriend)

Who They Are In a Rebound Relationship

Apart from moving the rebound relationship too fast, another common behavior that rebound relationships have is choosing someone they’d not go for normally.

For example, suppose your ex always says he/she wants someone with a career goal. And after they breakup with you, they start a relationship with someone who has no career and no life goals whatsoever.

In some cases, your ex will choose someone who is completely opposite of you in every possible way. This is again, very common rebound behavior.

Why Do They Do This?

The reason behind this behavior is overcompensation. The relationship with you didn’t work and left them in pain. They think that finding someone completely opposite will probably give them happiness. In some cases, your ex will find a type of person they don’t usually go for. Someone who is not even compatible with their life goal. Someone who is not even their type. Just because they have hope that if they go for someone completely different, they’ll find happiness.

Some people go into a rebound deliberately and choose someone completely incompatible with them because they know it’s a rebound. They are not thinking of a long-term relationship. They are thinking of a short term rebound relationship which will hopefully help them get over the breakup.

Your Ex’s Behavior towards You

A very common sign of a rebound relationship is whether or not they are trying to rub in your face. If your ex is going out of their way to show you they are happy in their relationship and everything’s going great, then it’s probably a rebound and they are not doing that great in reality.

One of the most common indicators of this behavior is their social media profile (Facebook, twitter etc.). Your ex knows that you are checking their Facebook and if they are constantly posting picture with their rebound then it’s a sign that they are in a rebound.

Of course, this behavior is subjective. Some people are extremely active on Facebook and twitter while some people don’t usually post their personal life all over social media. You know your ex better than anyone, so you are the best judge if they are doing it to rub it in your face or not.

One of the examples of this social media behavior that I want to share came from one of my readers.

She posted on his Facebook wall whether or not he wants to move to Australia with her next year when she wants to do her PhD.  He replied, he’d love to. How can she go for some guy who has no plan for his future and could move to another country just like that? She always said she wanted someone who has some goals in life.

First of all, which couple discusses big life decision on their Facebook wall? She clearly posted this message for her ex to see. Which shows she is not over him and is most probably in a rebound.

What if they try to hide their relationship?

On the other end of the spectrum, there are exes who will try to hide their new relationship from you. This is fairly uncommon and it could mean two things.

1. They know it’s a rebound and they want to get back together with you someday. They don’t want to upset you or want you to move on. They don’t want you to start dating someone else because they are not over you and are hoping you will wait for them to come back.

2. They want to take their new relationship slow and don’t want you to bother them. This might be true if you had been acting like a crazy, stalky ex who wouldn’t leave them alone.

If they are hiding their new relationship, then it’s completely up to you to figure out which category they fall into. After all, you know your ex and your situation better than anyone else.

What to Do If They Are In a Rebound?

If they are in a rebound, you still have to apply the no contact rule and follow the 5-step plan. If you haven’t read the main 5 step plan to get your ex back, then you should. It’s possibly the best free guide on getting your ex back on the Internet. If you are looking to get your ex girlfriend or ex wife back, then you should check out this article. It will be the most comprehensive guide you will ever read and it will give you objectives you can set for yourself as you are moving forward in this journey to get your ex girlfriend back. In addition, you might also want to read this article on what to do if your ex boyfriend is in another relationship.

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570 Comments on "Is Your Ex In a Rebound Relationship? Find Out With These Telltale Signs"

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Nate Crowne
Nate Crowne

I was hoping for some insight.We had been dating for 3 years.A year and a half of which was long distance.We have so much in common and shes perfect.Ive dated alot of girls.None like her.So we got in a couple small fights December and January over the diatance but still resolved them.In February I send her gifts for valentines day.Which she later said she liked.Literally days following that she tells me we should minimize communication because she has a boyfriend now.Which was weird because like I said there was no evidence prior.We continued to talk regardless a for a few weeks then she completely shut me out.Since then I wouldnt stop contacting her which was bad I know.I was in her city a few weeks ago and told her to call me so we could link.She called and as hard as I tried I couldnt help but ask several questions about her relationship.She said she cant tell me when it became serious which was odd to me.Yet she said she met him last summer.I got made and she said shed call me back(never did).I have yet to go no contact with her for long.Are chances gone?I feel like she would of never called me if they werent

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

As you were in a long distance relationship with her, it may have been the reason she moved on to a new partner so quickly to which she may have felt a loss of spark for awhile but never had a reason to bring it up until she fell for someone else. This would also contribute towards her being able to detach herself from you so easily after the breakup. You should try going into no contact but not simply with the focus of winning her back, but more so to work on yourself and give both parties space. After NC has ended, you can decide again whether you want to win her back or not and follow the steps in our articles for more help.

Ashley
Ashley

My ex and I been together for almost four years. Well anyway, he broke up with me almost three months ago. I think he’s in a rebound that’s what he’s telling me but he had her lined out before breaking up with me. Life pretty much gotten in the way from a miscarriage from him losing his car and his place. He felt like I wasn’t supportive when I was but I just went through a miscarriage. Pretty much we both wasn’t understanding among one another. He didn’t physically cheat but emotionally cheated on me with her. As of right now he and her are doing long distance rebound and I want him back. He told me he wants me to heal first and then he would be interested in pursuing a relationship with me. Is there any tips for me?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Perhaps spend this time working on things you felt could have contributed towards any issues during the relationship, and maybe even consider improving your appearance or working on your self-confidence in general. Use this article for more guidelines to follow.

Damian Piekut
Damian Piekut

It’s been well over a month after we broke up, I did the No-Contact for about 40 days.
She texted me 3 times during this period.

I have accidentally met her with her new guy at a pub we first met – she doesn’t go there often.
The guy approached me later and we had a chat – now I know that they argue a lot and she was telling him about me much.

She joined us and quickly became upset and angry, she asked the guy to leave her – he refused, seemed needy and was trying to hold her. A few times he looked like he was about to leave, but eventually they both stayed for a while. When I went to grab another beer she was looking at me.

When they were leaveing, she hugged me and told me I “smell nice as always”.

BUT – she texted me today asking why can’t we just be friends, and repeated that we will never get back together. Then we chatted some more.

What’s going on?
I am lost, I was cool about them the entire time, but I want her back.
Can I make it happen?

She lives with him now as she is in conflict with her parents.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It’s likely that she still has feelings for you but has developed an internal conflict with herself because she’s still in a relationship, hence her sudden text to you to try and validate her own thoughts. You did fine by acting cool throughout, and you could continue to respond to her in that manner and slowly show off the changes you’ve made since the breakup to come across as more attractive.

Damian Piekut
Damian Piekut

Hi, Thanks for reply. I did continue to text with her, we switched to phone texts rather than FB messages.
She is aware of my progress, mabe just not realised how much better I am now in full.
But she again sent a picture of a gift from her new boyfriend – a laptop. This is another time he gives her something expensive. I am under impression that he needs to give her expensive stuff because he has no value. Now – I responded saying “Cool” and then texted her that “I am still hungover XD” – she new I was at the party yesterday.
This might have been a mistake.

But believe me, when I spoke to her new guy he legitimately asked me how I handled her moods. Like he was asking for advice.

Further to the above, what’s my next step? Should I just continue to be “just” friends with her and wait?
The problem is she lives at his place, can’t go back to her parents. He can see everything we speak about via fb messages, not sure about other ways of communication. And I don’t feel like she would agree to meet up soon either, I told her I was going rollerblading on Sunday and mentioned briefly she can join in, but she refused – she told me she has to work on her drawings for university.

Damian Piekut
Damian Piekut

Oh, and one more thing worth mentioning – when we were texting on Sunday she asked me if I accepted the breakup and the fact that we will never get back together. Was this serious?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

In terms of her perspective, her guard could still be up against you and she feels inclined to remind you that ‘we’ve broken up’, it sounds like because of her erratic mood as well, that she might swing from feelings of confusion towards both parties from time to time. You could continue to be friends with her at this point, or actually go back to NC for now because it may still be too soon to make a move.

Damian Piekut
Damian Piekut

We’ve been texting for a week now.
On Wednasday she called me at midnight, asking if she could stay some nights (she mentioned she got new job and it would be far away, but if I am correct where they live the communication is great). I think she meant Thursday, as she was ending one job at 11PM and starting new one at 8AM on Friday. She did not show up though.
When I asked her on Friday how’s her new job, she texted me back when she was finished, asking if I want to pick her up. I wanted to, but she ended up going back home – at first I panicked, but later it occured me that I basically asked her to wait for me for an hour and move a few tram stops to meet me, so no hard feelings. She also asked me if I would join them (I believe she meant her and her bf) on some cultural event last night, I told her I don’t think I will be there but we will see as my friend wants to go out with me. Then we texted some more, she was asking me for advice (again).

So, as I see it, she either wants to mess with my head, or really wants me back but won’t take any drastic actions for now.
She hasn’t texted me yet today and it is 7PM.

I feel like going back to NC and waiting more will not bring me good this time. They already are together over a month and a half, the longer I wait, the closer they get together. I think that if I go about it right, they might break up soon, that is if she has feelings for me.

Klien
Klien

So me and my ex who’s also the mother of my child of 9 years broke up with me due to the fact she fell out of love for me and felt like we’re growing apart and she is seeing a co-worker like a week after our break up i ask her who he is and did she sleep with him but she refuse to give me the truth and when i ask her for a date she say stuff like why and then when and quickly say no i can’t your my ex and I’m seeing someone so my question is is he a rebound and is it worth my time waiting for her or should i move on and the guy she seeing usually isn’t her type

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

The fact that the relationship lasted 9 years and he isn’t her type strongly indicates that he is a rebound. Go into NC for now with the exception of contacting her with regards to your child’s matters and focus on improving yourself while waiting for this phase of hers to pass.

Seth
Seth

Me and my ex were together for 5 years. We broke up a month ago over trust issues I caused in the first year of us dating. But she has been seeing and talking with a guy she met at a party a few days after the break up. A few days ago they made it official, I guess. Honestly after I heard she slept with him at the party I went crazy and bugged her everyday for a few weeks. She would talk with me some, giving me mixed feelings and signals, both good and bad. But now I am blocked on everything and haven’t had any contact with her since her and him got together. If I start this now, do you think I still have a chance? She’s told me she’s done and doesn’t want anything more to do with me, but this time last year we went through the same thing(she was hateful towards me), she just says stuff when she’s upset and she doesnt mean them.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Give it some time to see if she means it or not. In the meantime since this guy may be a rebound, simply focus on improving yourself and applying no contact for the time being.

Liam
Liam
My ex and i were together almost 9 years and we broke up 2 months ago. She ended it due to some trust issues that she’s apparently having a hard time getting over, but there was never any true unfaithfulness in our relationship. When we spoke a few days after the break up I told her i wanted to make things work and the issues we were facing weren’t worth ending such a long relationship, especially since we saw a future and marriage together. She blocked me on all social media and was not willing to hear anything I was saying and kept insisting that the issues were too much and she can’t get over them so this is the end. She came back over 2 weeks later To get some things and we spoke again, she still wouldn’t budge on giving our relationship any effort to make things work. I told her I was willing to try and she was not. I told her if she was just looking for an excuse to be single and date other people that I would at least like to know that because I feel I deserve that truth so i can move on. She said that wasn’t the reason and she just wanted to focus on her work and being Independent. I implemented no contact after that last interaction for a month. I then called her one day and she answered, we spoke for bit and it went really well so I asked if she wanted to meet for coffee quick to catch up. She agreed but then canceled our plans 30 minutes later and said she wasn’t feeling up to it and maybe we could do it another day. I waited another week and called again, same scenario we spoke for 20 minutes and it was going well, and we were both actually in the same area so i asked if she wanted to get that coffee but she had plans with a friend. I told her I would stop asking then because Because I didn’t want to keep bugging her about it since i tried twice already. She responded by saying that wasn’t the case and that she was not opposed to getting coffee with me at some point it was just bad timing the last couple tries. So tentatively made plans for a few days later and when i texted her that morning to ask if she was still free that day, no response at all, completely ignored. I then find out that day she’s already dating another guy, (less then two months after our breakup). Then the next day she responds to my text apologizing for not responding… Read more »
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Since you’ve been together with her for the last 9 years, its highly likely that she is going through a rebound relationship right now. She may be confused between subconsciously wanting to meet you and her mind telling her not to, which has resulted in this mixture of negative and positive responses. In my opinion, it would be a good idea to take it slow with her, and try not to give her any pressure but only good memories at each point of contact you have with her for the time being, to let her decision become a little less conflicted.

Adit
Adit

Hei
Me and my ex in relationship about 1 year and broke up 4 month ago because she not ready for commitment but unfortunately I already gave her my 100%. Yet she still text me and we still in touch until 2 weeks ago. I read your article and I give her space like 2-3 weeks. Before no contact she doing fine and tell me that she still loved me. After 3 weeks no contact, I send her letter and she’s reply my text cynically and said she is already close with someone else but not in relationship yet. I admit my mistake and try to call her but she’s reject it. Do I need longer the NC period? What should I do?
Thank you

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

She may currently be in a stage of rebound, or there’s a small chance that she may have started to process the breakup and begun to move on since the break up was 4 months ago. Regardless, because she has responded negatively towards you, avoid pressuring her any further for now and instead focus on yourself. You could try again in about a week or two and see how she responds then.

marcelle
marcelle
Ok, me and my girl been together 10 years im 31 she is 29, we met on social media i lived in a different state but she lived in a state i use to live, but my mom an sisters and friends still lived there. after talking on facebook for a few months we decided to meet up when i got there for a visit. every since then we’ve been together for a couple years long distance being i was working in my home state and she was in college in her state. long story short we to a different country on which her family lives and i decided to move there, never been outside the USA but i done that because i love her and we had a son at that point. fast forward to now im still here in this other country, we now have 4 children and she recently told me that she wasnt in love with me anymore, after we had a little disagreement and didnt speak for 6 days after, barely spoke. i was heart broken when she told me so i asked was it somebody else she denied it but there has to be, being she told me she flirts an this guy from work flirts and make ha feel good by what he tells her which i guess or i know i havent been doing much or being more lovable with her. this the kicker we still live in the same house im still in process from my immigration papers here, i thought of going back to the united states but my kids are here and she doesnt want me to leave. wants to wait till the paper work is done so i could move on and still be here for my children. its weird at times sleeping on the couch and not with her, i actually bought flowers ah card which i dont think really helped me really to mend the fences. she also told me i should stop trying to win her back cause it wont work. personally i dont know what to do or how to proceed on doing that or if my shot at proving to her that i want to make this work. i believe she has a rebound maybe the guy from work she barley home takes off everday it seems like going out with friends and family that she never went out with just to go. know this is a long story its more than this but i had to simplify it. Me im wondering if i have a shot? how do i proceed with the no contact rule if we are in the same house… Read more »
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Yes, it would be better to avoid her during this period of no contact. Have a read through this article as we have a section on how to handle no contact if you live in the same household.

Kyle
Kyle

Hey, me and my girlfriend were together over a year long distance. I spent a few months with here and she Came here too, about a month and a half ago we broke up and we have barely spoken since. I’ve spoken to her mother and she says she still misses me and talks about me. She started dating a girl which after reading about rebounds I believe she is in one with her. When we did speak she told me she wasn’t over me and also that she got accepted to university where I live and she’ll be coming here in August to live. I’ve accepted for the next few months this rebound thing is going to happen. My question is when she starts living here she said she wants to spend time with me as I’m the only person she knows lives here. I assume we will be around each other a lot so how do I go about winning her back? She’s a very stubborn person and doesn’t like to admit when she’s wrong or if she missed me etc she wouldn’t say. How should I approach winning her back when she gets here because I know she will still very much have feelings for me as I do for her I just need to get them out of her?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

I think the best thing you can do is to build up a level of comfort with her, so that whatever she feels can be expressed naturally without any reservations. Be sincere, fun, caring, and if she genuinely misses you, there would be a high chance that her expressions would show.

Kyle
Kyle

Hey I spoke to her today a little and she seems exited about spending time with me when she gets here.
I asked her, the door isn’t closed on us right? And a few weeks ago she said no and she never actually gave me an answer today. Is that a bad sign or is it possibly a good sign that she doesn’t want to say?

Kate
Kate

Hie

I have a one year baby with him we planned to marry. In october last year we had a serious fight and we partly broke up.In December we attempted to make it work again,only to learn he had been engaged to someone else and she was also pregnant.I asked him why he did that he said because i pushed him but he still wants me and he is going to break the engagement.

Todate there is still a lot of tension and i feel hurt. A number of times he had tried to show off but i didnt realise what was happening. During the break he had been sending the pregnant girl to drop my baby things he bought.We have been fighting a lot over this but he still cant let me go saying we are going to work it out.I even confronted the girl telling her he has been dating the both of us,he told to her that we had permanently broken up and she seemed to enjoy dropping my babys things as it proves an end to our relationship. This time around he is not hiding the fact that he still wants me inspite of his situation with her,he played damb when i told him i was going to let the other girl know what has been going on.

Right now i’ve decided to go no contact because it has been eating me up;although here and there he reaches out to me about the baby and I respond.What must I do? I still love him and somehow blame myself for what happened.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Firstly, you have to stop blaming yourself for whatever happened. Regardless of whether you pushed him away, his current actions of wanting the best of both worlds is wrong and should not be entertained. It’s not about giving him an ultimatum, but instead doing what’s best for you emotionally and mentally. NC seems like the best thing you can do right now, and if he contacts you regarding your child, you can still go ahead to reply if it’s important but otherwise, limit small talk for the time being and focus on yourself instead.

BOB
BOB

I cheated on her and covered it up for a month lying about stuff i didn’t do. I ended up admitting it to her, and it was super hard and she dumped me the next day. She had been hitting me up occasionally saying she misses me and still loves me, that if we were both single in June and I changed I may have a chance to get her back. This was like the first 4 weeks. She hit me up a couple more weeks, like once a week. Then after February 29 she stopped. Its been a month and a half now after the breakupp and she told me two days ago after asking if she still loved me that she loves me as that she cares about me, that she misses me as a best friend, but not as a boyfriend. She said that she isn’t looking past my dishonesty, lying, and immaturity. That she has already started hanging out with someone new, has went on a couple dates and hung out a couple times. Is it too late? Am I done?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You still have a chance, but you have to give her more time to let go of the past incident and for you to show her that you’ve changed. I suggest applying No Contact for now, and work on yourself in the meantime before trying to start a friendship with her once more.

BOB
BOB

Ok thank you! Is the new guy a rebound? It is also my birthday in like two days, what happens if she messages me. What should I do?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You could definitely reply her with a thank you but keep the conversation short if possible. It’s still too early to tell if the new guy is a rebound, but is usually is the case.

BOB
BOB

Ok thank you. She just messaged me and I said thank you. She then told me i hope ur doing well and left the conversation at that. Im going to go on the no contact situation now for a month or two. Good direction?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Yes, that sounds good. All the best.

Elly
Elly

Hi, I’ve been in a long distant lesbian relationship for 2 years and a month. Because of money and work, we’ve only managed to meet Up once. And maintained contact through texting and video calls/gaming. Things were looking bad towards the past 6 months of our relationship as I needed time alone but my ex girlfriend needed attention and companionship which I failed to give her..which resulted in her eventually finding someone new and have been dating for more than a month, all the while not having ended things with me properly. But recently when things started getting really weird and i confronted her, that’s when she said it’s too late and she’s over me and she loves someone else. I did everything I possibly can to ruin things further after the break up, she says she’s in love with someone else now and she can’t “unlove” someone. And not to make her choose between her new partner or me. Is she in a rebound? Although she said it is better that I move on and forget about her, she also still wants to play the online games we play together as she still likes spending time with me. I keep trying to find traces of love she has for me left in these little things she said to me, but I don’t know if she’s just taking pity on me or she’s simply not being honest. What should I do..? We are going to get married in the game we play this weekend. She knows I still love her, and I know she loves her partner. And her partner doesn’t know about me. she Even suggested to introduce me to her partner as her close/best friend because she thinks of me that way now. Could she be lying? What should I do… please help me

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Some individuals require constant attention and companionship from their partner or they begin to latch on to a new person when those needs are not met. For your case based on what you’re saying, it could honestly be either way – her still having some repressed/confused feelings for you or actually having moved on and treating you as a good friend. Either way, she seems to be more inclined to her new partner at this point, to which you shouldn’t overthink small gestures that may not mean anything because that will drive you crazy. From how I see things, your ex may actually be someone who is drawn to the person that makes her feel positive, while showing her lots of attention and care. If you’re able to deal with that and start as friends but perhaps using the game as a way to build a positive bond with her, you might still have a chance. However, if you don’t think you can go through with things (smiling and pretending to be ok especially while she remains with her current partner), it might be more advisable to move on.

Elly
Elly

Thanks for your reply Ryan. Does it mean there’s no point to even doing the no contact period at all in my case? She just disappears when she’s off to stay with her gf at the hotel and it so hurtful..and crushing..

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Regardless, no contact should still be applied, whether it’s to give her space to miss you, or even space for you to pick yourself up.

Jose
Jose

Hi , so me and my ex have been together for 2 years i broke up with her about a month ago , this was the 4th time we have broken up and I’ve done it 3 out of the 4 times , I realized it that I need to change and I love her but she got a new job 2 weeks ago and started seeing somebody else , he s giving her the attention and all the sweetness I started lacking in , they work at the same place and same hours , she said she doesn’t know if it’s the right choice or not but she’s guna try it with the new guy , I tryed everything to convince her but she said she loves me but is afraid we will get together then I will dump her again , what shoujld I do , just let it go and let her try it with the guy. ? I’ve tryed everything ,she said she loves me but yet what’s to try something new cause she’s happy with this guy they work same place and same shift , he gives her rides home buy her flowers

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Given her current fears right now, even if you win her back, she would still be ridden with the insecurities that you would break up with her at any point down the road. Since she has expressed that she intends to give it a shot with the other guy, you might have to respect that for now, and only try again if they were to end things. It seems like the guy may be a rebound relationship considering that it started pretty recent after the breakup with you.

Alex
Alex

I’ve been with her for 3 years.. We broke up a month ago and i was like a crazy stalky and jealous ex
She kept telling me that she wanted some space and time, that she wanted to be alone, and wanting to respect her choice i cope up with that for 1 week then the miss was too hard and talked and it always finished in a fight and she blocked me on all social media. And now i know that she’s sering someone else and they are becoming very close, some of her friends are even hinting that my ex said that talking to this guy make her feels well and i can’t even imagine what it would be like if they finish together :/
Should i keep fighting or begin a no contact period ?
Thank you

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Since you’ve already gotten blocked and acted needy, you should give her some space for now and begin no contact instead. Fighting on under these circumstances would only ruin your chances further in getting back together with her.

anonymous
anonymous

Reply to message below –

Yes I had completed NC and it went very well. But I think you’re right.. She had been giving me a hard time about a few things, I did try my best to resolve those negative thoughts, because like you said in the 5 step plan its important to talk and sort stuff like this out.

I know shes had been speaking to someone else so I don’t know if that’s playing on her mind. When I told her that it was best to leave things she kept looking at old photos from stuff we’ve done together and showing me, so she clearly was emotional about it. Perhaps I need to change my approach and maybe start being a bit more strong headed?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If you genuinely want her back, being strong headed might not be the best idea as it may push her further away instead, reminding her of the past. Remember that you’re supposed to have changed and improved for the better, so if something is bothering you regarding her, perhaps its best you be honest about those feelings and show her you’re capable of communicating effectively. This might increase her affection towards you and even assure her that your change is something permanent.

Chris
Chris

I was with this girl for over a year. We never got intimate as she wanted to get married. I went out of my way for her supported her financially, accepted and loved her son and family, she never posted anything about us on her social media and in December 2017 a week before Christmas we went to Hawaii with some friends. We broke up while in Hawaii, and 2 months after that trip she changes all her profile pictures to her and a new guy kissing. Ive made no contact since we got back, I was so hurt but seeing that picture made me close that chapter to know she didnt love me but used me.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

I’m so sorry to hear that Chris, we sincerely hope that you’ll be able to pick yourself up in time, and find happiness once more down the road. All the best!

Anonymous
Anonymous

Hi guys. So on Friday I met up with my ex.. she invited me round hers, it was the 3rd time I’ve seen her. We had quite a lengthy chat about a lot of stuff. It then ended with me saying I’d like to try and give things another go but work on it slowly, she didn’t want too though, she didn’t see a future with us. I then said well we shall just leave it then because I’m not going down that road of being just friends. We both had quite abit to drink and I was planning on staying over anyway. I said after tonight we’ll just leave it and won’t speak anymore as I think it’s for the best, which she agreed with. We didn’t end up sleeping with each other but we did end up kissing each other abit. Anyway so the next day I left and said goodbye, that evening I was out with my friends, she sent me message of something, I didn’t reply and then again today she’s messaged me about her dog but I haven’t responded. I was wondering if you could give me some advice on how to approach this? Thanks.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If you’ve already completed NC, the fact that she still doesn’t see a future could either mean she hasn’t fully let go of the negative emotions from the breakup, or that she really doesn’t see a future with you at the moment (although it’s clear that she still has feelings for you). You could consider replying and slowly working your way towards winning her back by giving her more space, or decide to walk away from things.

Jordan R
Jordan R

Okay not looking for advice but would just like to comment that your advice worked too well! Lol. After 3 months of doing me, getting a new car, getting a new job, losing 20 lbs and looking and feeling great, my ex came back and said he was over his rebound and wanted to get back together. We talked for about 5 days and he said he thought I deserved better than him and I was doing so great he didn’t want to interrupt that – and went back to the rebound chick. Honestly it was very helpful though – made me realize that he’s childish with commitment problems and I deserve better than whatever he is serving. Thanks for the advice!

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

That’s great Jordan. We’re really proud of what you’ve achieved and we hope that these changes have made your life much better. All the best to you!

Crystal
Crystal

My ex broke up with me. I just moved out Jan.31st and he had been seeing someone else for2 months prior to me moving out. He says she means nothing to him but yet he spends every weekend with her including Christmas and New Year’s. He said it’s not cheating because he been told me he wasn’t happy. Should I just forget about him?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If the break up occurred prior to the start of him seeing another girl, then yes it wasn’t cheating. However, if he had started seeing that person while you were still together, and even living under the same roof, he isn’t worth it since he doesn’t seem to understand the context of cheating or what it means to be in a relationship.

Paps
Paps

I was with this girl for about to years. It was a long distance relationship and we felt we were made for each other. She always wanted to communicate with me and she told me how much she loved me. We argued sometimes and she’ll block on social media me but later come back telling me how she missed me and liked me. Just recently she told me she didn’t wanna be in a relationship with me and wanted to be alone and that she doesn’t like me. She wants to be just friends but I really love this girl and I want her. She doesn’t text me as she used to and when I text her she doesn’t reply. It’s like she doesn’t care about me anymore. I did the no contact and got in touch with her, she’s just been cold. I need help

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If no contact did not work, you might want to think about why she may be acting this way. It may be necessary to go about no contact once more for a longer period before contacting her again. However, the alternative to that if you aren’t able to cope emotionally is to be fair to yourself and consider walking away.

Paps
Paps

I really would want to walk away, take my mind off her but I love her and I’m always thinking about her. I’ve started the no contact again but I don’t think she considers me a part of her life now. I just wanna get over with this whole thing

Gina
Gina

My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. 18 months we were together, (we have been close for 5 years) but the past 6 months or so was a downhill fall. We just couldn’t get past things damaging our relationship. He requested a 2 week break to decide if he wants to move things forward and move in with me (some pushing on my end I’ll be honest) or end things. We agreed to focus on improving ourselves and not date or hookup with anyone else in the 2 weeks. Well he admitted to me he went on a few dates with a girl (8th grade ex gf…we are 24….) and he kind of likes her. When he is drunk he would send me photos of them together. It hurts me. But we still have been talking and seeing each other frequently. But he is also still taking her out on dates and talking to her. I asked him to stop seeing her (I know wrong thing to do) and he said “i dont know if I want too” Do you think it’s a rebound? I’m about to implement no contact and I do truely love him and see a future for us. It just hurts so much he is so quickly enjoying dates and time with another girl.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It sounds like a rebound especially since you guys were together for a period of time, and he’s currently going through a novel experience by dating someone new. I encourage that you follow through with no contact, work on improving yourself, not being his emotional bolster to turn to whenever he needs someone, and give him the space to realize that he’s going through a rebound.

Jake
Jake

Hi, after a month of silence from both sides (my ex broke up after a year and two months, but we’ve been close friends for years before that, she’s younger (25), me 40, and we met at work), I wrote simply and short how she’s doing, and IMMEDIATELY got a response. Therefore, I can say that this does work. The response actually surprised me because she immediately suggested to meet up face to face, even is she is uncertain whether it will make a difference she says, but it seems like the right thing to do. The month of absence for me was complete hell, I was literally waiting daily to hear from her, but then wrote myself after 30 days, and received a reply. What is very strange however, is that the day after she replied “we should meet up face to face”, she blocked me from her facebook (until then it was all normal and visible), not unfriended me, but I can’t see any posts anymore that are not public. This is strange, and I don’t understand this part. I hope that meeting her in real will bring some answers, as the break was very sudden and very strange, from everything great to a sudden complete stop. I’ve read on your site that it might be that some exes don’t want to upset the other in case they might want to come back, but I do fear the worst scenario, that there is someone else, let’s hope this is not the case. Would also be a bit soon, after 30 days… In any case, whereas she said (out of the blue) “we will never see each other again” around new year, wanting to meet in person is progress. Now I am not strong enough to project any strong security yet, so I hope I won’t be too emotional meeting her. I know we should be all manly and have made a change, but the truth is I’ve been too devastated for a month to make much progress, only thinking: “wtf just happened?”. If you have any tips for this first meet, for which I am very nervous (feels like meeting her for the first time all over again) and what the block in fb linked to that means, pls let me know… thanks!

Sun
Sun

Hi, im 22 my ex is 23 years old. He was my fiance for two years and we have dated 7 years. We thought about getting married this year but few years was not good for us.By the way we were waiting till marriage but still did things.. I was working because of our future, he wanted attention, and intimacy i told him we can if he wants to, but he wanted to wait, sometimes i needed attention, because he was playing games..one day we had a big fight over a girl and his priority-friends, because he is playing games. So i throwed my ring and told him its over. But he didnt do anything he was tired, before that he was always telling me that im the one, he dont want to lose me. So we had a break, we wanted to start over but the thing was…he was dating other girls from dating sites and it was hurtful. We’ve met 3 times and everything was there, we were flirting, talking, laughing but when we were talking about relashionship he was on phone smiling, i didnt show but i was jealous. But messages from him and chating was great, we were talking like we used to with romantic emojis and that he miss me..but one day he was cold, didnt want to meet, he called me and told me its over, we are torturing each other, he loves me but he is dating other girl 2 weeks(we broke up 2 months ago and were dating too), and even he is dating he writes me he miss me, other day he is cold.He told me he dont want to get hurt again and that he will act like everythings perfect and will not show his feelings anymore. What I suppose to do? How do I get back with him?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If you were together with him for such a long period, and he is capable of dating other people so quickly, it either goes to show that he may have lost interest in the relationship a while back (hence his priorities of meeting friends and playing games over you), or he just doesn’t want to deal with the negative emotions of dealing with a break up. The new girl he’s seeing is probably a rebound however, considering the time you’ve been with him and that’s also why it may be hard for him to let go of her so soon, since it’s providing for a new experience which he has not had in a long time.

Wayne
Wayne

We dated for about 3 months before getting together for 6 months. During the dating period we were really happy together. However, as this was my first relationship, I didn’t maintain it well enough to make her happy each day like texting her as and when I’m free. We had an arguement and it got worse after. All she wanted was an apology, my time and attention. I regreted all that has happened. Soon after she initiated to break up as I didn’t try to understand and solve the issue within the two weeks. Two months after, I realize she is dating someone new, much older but he seems to be experienced enough to text her every single day including morning and night. I’m now on NC and not sure what I can do next. It is really hard to initiate conversation with her as she is a loyal girl who sticks to a guy at a time. She will most likely ignore my message if I text. What else can I do?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

In this scenario, it could either lead to 2 outcomes. The first is that if the relationship you shared was meaningful, there’s a likelihood that the guy she’s dating now is a rebound and would eventually end. The second and worse of the two outcomes is that she has moved on to something better and isn’t going to look back, because it was your first relationship and didn’t maintain it well enough (it’s no fault of yours). Either way, there’s not much you could do right now, except pick yourself up, and focus on NC as well as moving on. If an opportunity presents itself again in the future and you feel something for her still, perhaps you could give it another shot then.

Wayne
Wayne

How long do the rebound relationship usually last? What if the new guy is really experienced and treats her well enough of the things I didn’t do? i can feel that she is really angry and hates me. Is she still feeling emotional about our relationship or that she has moved on to the new guy? I only managed to understand the whole stituation after the break up and it gave me a lesson learnt. I really do hope that I can get her back together and do the right things for her to be happy. It is a torture to be waiting and thinking each day when will they eventually end.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

A word of advice would be to not sit around and wait for them to eventually end, because there’s really no telling when it will end. In this particular situation, I hate to break it to you, but he may or may not actually be a rebound considering that you had no prior relationship experience, so there was a limit to the impression you may have left her with. I suggest focusing on picking yourself up, and even trying to move on for the time being – you might want to consider dating again in the near future to gain more exposure as well. If she happens to break up with her current partner in the future, and an opportunity presents itself, you could always consider your options then.

Alice
Alice

Hey guys,

I commented like a month back about my ex breaking up with me and moving onto a girl who is 18. He is 24 and I am 21. So it’s been 3 days past the 30 day NC period and still haven’t started any contact again. I didn’t do so well in the no contact period. I was motivated in the beginning and still am, have been going consistently to the gym, reading motivational books, but have days where I am crying for hours. Now they are becoming more often. Also 2 weeks ago, my ex (who blocked me on everything) did this thing where he followed and unfollowed me on snapchat after an hour and then the next day followed me (didn’t follow back at all) but then posted pics with her that night on instagram. I also found out he unblocked me on all social media and even my number but made his instagram private. He unfollowed me on snap like 5 days later after viewing some of my snaps which I tried to look happy/hanging out with friends in. I’m getting too into details but I thought it was weird because I know he blocks contact with exes and apparently he’s so happy with her. Also the night before following me on snap he posted a pic late at night which he seemed to be walking (he walks a lot when he needs to think through things/problems). They haven’t posted anything on instagram since that post like 2 weeks ago but all the posts are still there. I’m still confused and really let this get to me in the 2nd half of NC. I’m also really hesitant about contacting again. Do you have any advice on where to go from here?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Social media has the tendency to present a very false state of truth, where people post pictures or snaps of being happy or traveling the world, but actually have many issues they do not show. Just like how you upload snaps of going out with your friends and looking happy, your ex might be doing the same. However, if he’s seen all your posts and unfollowed you after, he might be curious to see how you’ve been doing, and may even start to feel confused. That being said, he isn’t about to just break up with his girlfriend immediately and jump back into your arms. Time is still needed for events to unfold, but for the meantime, you should focus on why you’ve been feeling worse lately and crying more, instead of waiting for him or thinking too much about the situation.

Alice
Alice

Thank you, this helps a lot. I really do overthink this.

K
K

hey, i broke up with my girlfriend officially on november 217, before this we were gradually falling apart. just because we couldnt see each other most often. i was her first boyfriend she has never been in a relationship before me, and i believe she was deeply in love with me. we barely talked until November when i started texting her and found that she was online most of the time and replied to me late after i send the msgg. i realized there’s someone else. i was reallymad but broke up with her ina gentle way by sending her a msg saying “seems that i have been disturbing you, thank you for everything nice happened all that time, best of luck in your life. much love. bye”..she didn’t reply. 2 weeks later i found her posting snaps like every two days with the guy adding heart emojis and it was obvious they were together. she never done that with me and i know that’s not her normal behavior. i never posted anything or viewed what ami doing in my life, i also stopped viewing her stories..so she stopped posting. when i started posting stories i found that she views them a minute after i post. still i never talked to her. on my birthday on Jan 1st, she sent me a msg. saying “happy birthday and happy new year” i replied ” thank you, glad you remembered. hope you’re fine” she texted back saying “thank you. you too <3" . i feel that she's in a rebound, but im afraid their relationship gets stronger..i still want her and i still love her, but i don't know what to do..my college is really difficult and im afraid i wouldnt be able to meet her alot ..but i really really want her back or at least talk to her.. please help me.. thank you

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

The likelihood of her being in a rebound relationship is dependent on the type and length of relationship the both of you shared. If things were serious and there was a meaningful relationship, it’s possible that she is going through a rebound. But you also have to consider why the relationship didn’t work out in the first place, because that would explain further how she feels about you. I would recommend letting her relationship run it’s course, and you shouldn’t interfere with it, as it may push her further away. In the meantime, focus on the potential issues you had as a partner, and work on improving yourself. That way, when you decide to contact her again, at least there’s a significant change that she may notice from you, which further sparks interest.

Lilly
Lilly
Hi there, My ex boyfriend and I dated for nearly 5 years. I was 18 when we first started dating. We had an amazing relationship, we both knew we wanted to be together as we discussed marriage and kids. However, over 6 months ago my feelings seemed to have changed for him, I told him about it and broke up with him… we got back together the next day as I thought I made the biggest mistake of my life as I do really love him. We were great for 2 months however his family decided to cut me off because of what I did and treated me poorly. I lost all my confidence, I lost direction and I just knew he could do better than me. So I broke it off with him again and this was just over 4 months ago. He was devastated, he tried so hard to get me back in the first month as he told me I was the love of his life. However, when we met up one night he told me he has slept with someone at his work and basically his feelings changed towards me. I stopped contact for 7 weeks. I heard nothing from him, so I contacted him because I found out he lost his job. We started talking again, we went for lunch and he was shocked in how well I was looking so he was messaging me a lot to hang etc … but I stupidly slept with him, I stayed at his house. He told me he missed me. The next day he was so cold, and told me it was a mistake and that he needs to focus on himself and that he can’t love me like he used to. He kept snap chatting me since then and I found out he was seeing the same girl he slept with from work through mutual friends as he was taking her to coffee shops and shops my friends work at. I asked him about it and he said he has no feelings for her at all and that hanging with someone because he was miserable made it easier. However, I don’t believe him. He is constantly with her and they were together NYE. I decided to cut him off social media along with his family. What do you think this relationship is? Because prior to cutting him off he was sill occasionally talking to me and always snap chatting me. I am so confused, as I love this guy so much but because of what he’s doing I just don’t know how we could ever come back from this. As he told me that if I… Read more »
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It could very well be a rebound relationship as he doesn’t want to personally deal with the emotions of losing you, and decides to take comfort in someone else. If he is cutting you off right now, you shouldn’t linger around and wait for him as you’ve tried reaching out once only for him to sleep with you then go back to dating the other girl.

Cristina
Cristina

Hi
I broke up with my ex on 20th December and i was really confused…I didn’t know what I wanted and I knew that i needed his attention so much that i started to do this rebound relationship (mostly just talking not flirting) without realizing it. The thing is that i was talking to this guy, that i thought i liked, on a social media (ig) and even tho my ex told me he deleted my account from his phone, he lied and a few days ago, he saw the conversation and got angry and hurt…i never wanted him to see the conversation because yeah…i knew it was just me trying to not feel miserable. But I wasn’t in a relationship and i don’t even know why he took it that bad even if I tried to explain and i told him that i am sorry. But soon after i saw him doing the same thing, even worse. He was flirting with another girl and he was acting the way he used to act with me when we were together. I did not contact him those past days and it’s so hard… I don’t know if he still care for me or not and i feel so bad for everything

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Right now, the best thing to do is to give him some space to cool off. He is acting this way clearly because he is upset at your actions and wants revenge. Never let that get the better of you, and just let him know that you’re sorry once more before applying no contact.

Rick
Rick

Hello there. I’m 19 years old, my ex is 17. My ex-girlfriend and I were together for 2,5 years. We broke up 6 months ago. One month after our break-up we kissed again at a festival and it was quite obvious that she wanted to get together again. She wasn’t drunk when we spoke about this. However I wanted to slow things down a little bit just to give us some time to think about everything. Right after the break-up I wasn’t really panicking or anything just because my friends and family took me out a lot and there was never a really a moment for me to actually think about what had happened. The main reason why we broke up (it was a mutual decision) was the fact that I didn’t give her much attention near the end of our relationship, as I was in my first year at university and I was quite concentrated on my work. I didn’t know well how to manage my time, so we sort of lost connection. About 4 months after we broke up we started talking again and I realised that I still loved her. However, she told she had had sex with someone (who then turned out to be a player). We met a couple of times (before I found this article) and I told her that I still loved her. She said that she was over our relationship. A couple of days ago, a friend of mine told me that she really didn’t want to have a relationship with me anymore and that she was interested in someone else (who apparently doesn’t even look at her in real life). I’ve been doing the NC-rule for about 25 days now. One day I accidently bumped into her at the supermarket and I didn’t say anything to her so now she thinks I’m mad at her (which a part of me is). How should I consider the guy she’s interested in and should I stick to the regular 5 step-plan from this website ?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

At this point, you should take what things are happening at face value. You could always start off as friends first after your NC and just slowly build a connection back up if you genuinely still want her back. But never put pressure on her to make a choice since right now, both of you are not together.

Alice
Alice
Hey guys, So my ex broke up with me a little over a month ago after several months talking/couple months together. He’s 24 and I’m 21. We got to know each other really well, had common goals, and were even talking about marriage since that was very important to him (I was hesitant because he would talk about getting married 2 years from now which was early for me). I was getting out of a breakup so I vented to him a lot in the first 1-2 months and would mention my ex sometimes which he didn’t like and now looking back I shouldn’t have done. This was in the summer but wasn’t a fling, we felt serious. We’re both in school so things started to get stressful a month in. We fought once a week then multiple times a week, all on text. We started to focus on positive things less, he said he didn’t feel connected as much but everytime we saw each other, it’s like we hadn’t fought. We both acknowledged we couldn’t see each other to work things out as much but then he broke it off, saying we fought too much, didn’t feel trust, school/finals stress, & that we should take a break. We talked for another 2 weeks saying we could work things out & even hung out a week after the breakup. It felt like he really wanted to make it work. He did mention this classmate he worked on a project with and went to her apartment. They talked about their past relationships, even ours which I didn’t like but didn’t think anything of it. Both his exes cheated on him so he had trust issues so he said he would never do that to me or go behind my back. He said he would never be interested in her because she’s 18, seems stuck up, and they have nothing in common. I mentioned a guy my friend was trying to set me up with to help me move on (I told my ex I wasn’t interested) but he didn’t like it. A week later, we got into the worst fight after my other ex messaged me after months (but I told him I denied him) then we didn’t talk for 2.5 weeks. So then I see a picture on insta of his arm around that girl & messaged him finding out they started dating less than a week after our last fight because “they just clicked” & right after finals he went to her house out of state & met her parents (she is rich & apparently has her own house). He said they really like each other but don’t love… Read more »
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It seems like he’s trying to get back at you, and this girl is probably a rebound that was emotionally there for him during the times you guys were fighting. If he really has nothing in common with her, they would not last. Also, based on what you told me and how fast they jumped right into things, it would seem like she’s most likely a rebound. For the time being however, I suggest you move on* as well first and focus on yourself. Focus on your life, improve yourself, even go on other dates. If you guys shared a meaningful relationship, it’s unlikely that he would get over you so quickly.

Alice
Alice

Thank you! I’m just so confused. He just didn’t seem like the type of guy to do that, especially since he would say I’d never do that to anyone since both of his exes cheated. But it was only like 2.5 weeks since we fought (he said he loved me the day before) that he’s dated her and already went like 10 hours away to meet her parents. I don’t get it. I started NC but they will probably spend New Year’s, Valentine’s etc. together when he asked me months ago if we wanted to spend both of those days together. I’m nervous because he started saying things like it wasn’t love for us even though he thought it was and that we weren’t compatible. In the months of getting to know each other he would say we were a team and we had a lot in common. We talked 24/7 and things started to get a little tough but our fights were over silly things, I just don’t get why or why he would try to get back at me.

Christa
Christa
Hi, I posted earlier, but I don’t think it actually posted bc I can’t find my post now. On Dec. 1, my boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me tearfully citing that me desire to have a home and family soon (we are both 35yrs old. ) as well as him not being where he thinks he should be after 3.5 years together. He said he loved me, believes he is in love with me, and that I’m his best and only friend but I deserve everything I want and he doesn’t think he’s the guy to give it to me. I’m the longest relationship he’s had as an adult, the only woman he’s said I love you to, and the only woman he’s lived with. He has not had a serious adult relationship. However, 4 days later he was sleeping with a woman from work who is the exact opposite of everything he’s ever said he’s wanted. She 37, mother of 4, divorced, uneducated, smoker, and a truck driver at the same dead end job he’s at and hates so much and trying to leave when he’s done with his master’s. He’s explained that she’s nice and he’s not just sleeping with her. That he likes her despite the ridicule he receives at work. He told me he prefers me over her and that she doesn’t even come close to me so I am not to compare myself. We agreed I would move out in June, so he has since moved out and he found a rental close to her. She is already posting on facebook that he’s the one. Meanwhile, every time he comes to maintain the property he tells her that I’m not here and he proceeds to hug, kiss, and spank me playfully. I told him if he really liked her then he would be honest with her. He agreed that he doesn’t want to be that kind of man for anyone. It sounds like he got a case of cold feet, but I’m not sure. He seems to be doing everything in his power to make it work with this woman who is so obviously a poor replacement of me but also an excellent distraction from him having to deal with our breakup and lovers and best friends. In fact, he still admits that I’m still his best friend and he can’t talk to her as openly and without defense as he can with me. I don’t want to be the other woman in his relationship, but is this a rebound even if he’s trying to do everything right and take her wishes into consideration? Also, am I being wishful in assuming he got… Read more »
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

There might be hope for you, but not right now. If that relationship he’s in is a rebound (which it sounds like), then you should not continue to stay hopeful in one place but at least move on a little, so that you don’t constantly think of it. I would suggest proceeding with NC and just in general, moving on with life for the moment.

Christa
Christa

Thanks, Ryan! I appreciate the feedback and I’ll continue to work on myself. Actually, I’m feeling better about myself everyday. It wasn’t a bad breakup and we both remained respectful and civil with each other. There’s love there, I’m just not sure whay kind of love it is, romantic or friendship. But I’ll move forward as though it’s done and let him figure out what he wants in life. Meanwhile, I’ll just get back to being who I was before I dedicated my life to him and his well – being. Thanks!

Michelle
Michelle
Hey Ryan, I was with my ex for 9 years. He proposed in may and things seemed fine. Maybe a little stressful with wedding planning and me being in school and working full time. Then around mid october out of nowhere he states he’s unhappy and he’s been unhappy for a while and that I treated him like shit for 9 years. I know I can be snappy at times and I begged for the first couple of weeks to give me another chance and to work on each other but he would just say that he gave me so many chances. In the back of my mind I always had this gut feeling about this girl that he was working with. Since last november I told him I felt uncomfortable with him being friends with her. Last December someone actually made a fake facebook account and messaged me how close the two of them are and how they hung out before school all the time. When I confronted him he said some crazy person at school was starting rumors. Fast forward to the present I found out that they have been talking and he went to her for our relationship advice and they both got feelings for each other. I caught him at her house and she met his family 3 weeks after we broke up. He took her to see a broadway play and to an expensive steak house (around $500) about one month after we broke up. I know this has been going on for a while so I am unsure if this is still considered a rebound. He lied to me and his friends about the girl and is still trying to hide her. He told everyone that he and the girl were going on a break to prove to everyone that he did not break up with me for her. Over the next month and a half I have been seeing a therapist and things seemed to be going okay with my ex and I. He would always be the one to initiate the conversations and we went shopping, dinner, and the movies a couple of weeks ago and things seemed great. He even texted me how much fun he had. He just keeps saying he is scared to give me another chance and doesn’t think that I will change. He would go back and forth every couple of weeks. An example, I was in Miami one weekend and he was constantly texting me and his friends telling us that he wanted to work it out. As soon as I told him if we are trying to work on each other then he would eventually… Read more »
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

He would think you aren’t capable of change because you’re still in relatively constant contact with him and just like it’s hard to tell if someone lost weight if you saw them everyday, this works out to be the same – change can’t be seen clearly if you see the person or talk to the person constantly. I suggest proceeding with NC to actually work on any issues you had to become an improved version of yourself first. This girl could be a rebound but it really depends on the situation (was he cheating all this while or only started dating her after the breakup). Honestly, in this situation, you might want to mentally prepare to walk away because if he can’t even be honest towards you (or his friends) about this, you might find it hard to trust him on future occasions if you guys were to work things out.

Michelle
Michelle

I just think he’s using the excuse I won’t change because of the girl. Clearly if the girl wasn’t in the picture we would be able to work on our relationship and you would think he would want to give me another chance because he did propose. I have not spoken to him in 2 weeks other then just saying merry christmas yesterday. I do not think he physically cheated while we were together but he did emotionally cheat. He was talking to her over the past year when I asked him not to and he would lie about it. He apparently saw her in the summer with another coworker and I had no idea and her number was changed in his phone. He caught feelings for the girl and other then stepping back from the situation he kept going on with it. I had all his passwords so I could see what he was doing with the girl and that is how I caught him because he was lying to everyone about her. Now I really don’t know what is going on because I’m kind of starting to not care. I still want to keep up with the no contact and see how that goes.

Jordan R
Jordan R

Hiii okay I need some advice
So I dated my boyfriend for 3 years, we moved in together at the beginning of this year. We had a difficult relationship – I cheated once, he cheated a few times. We broke up for a week or so last year and then we got back together and decided to start fresh, no more cheating or anything we were gonna be serious. Then we moved in together a few months later. I kept my promise, was 100% dedicated to him (I cheated right in the beginning when we had only been dating a few weeks. He has used this as leverage and an excuse to cheat throughout our relationship). About a month ago he told me he cheated again – we broke up. For a week I had to live there and he was so cold, didn’t talk to me or see me. He was plain rude. Then I moved out and he came running back, saying he regretted everything and he still loves me and wants to work it out. I went away on a trip for 3 days, when I came back he told me he doesn’t know what he wants and he has met someone else who makes him really happy. It’s been a month and I have not talked to him since. So far, he has proceeded to delete me and all my friends on Facebook, but he’s still making pointed posts like “it sucks when you give your all to someone and they don’t do the same”. This morning, I discovered he made a post on instagram with This new girl and captioned it “I have never been so happy, it keeps getting better and better with you”. He had been following me on instagram up until this morning – so he made a post and then unfollowed me.
I don’t necessarily know if I want to get back with him, he has really hurt me and I don’t know if were right for each other. However I still really love him and im hurt that he possibly moved on so fast. Does this sound like rebound behavior? If I decide I want to be with him and try to get him back, what steps should I take ?
Your advice is appreciated!!

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Yes,

What you’re describing sounds a lot like rebound behavior and isn’t something you should be too worried about. If he could latch on and run back to you the moment you walked away, and yet latch onto someone new as easily when you’re gone for a couple of days, it doesn’t sound like it’s a person you can feel secure with for a prolonged period. That’s just my opinion and if you genuinely want him back (as opposed to moving on), it’s something you need to be mentally prepared for. In the meantime, I would suggest applying No Contact and first focus on picking yourself up before deciding again what you should do.

Mary
Mary

Hi
Im Mary and i am quite confused of what this guy whom unfortunately I love so much wants. We are in a long distance relationship and he left me last September telling me that he cannot bear the distance anymore and that he needs a gf that is physically available. It was the worst heartbreak I experienced in my whole life and it left me shattered. Even after the breakup we still communicate as he always wants to be friends. After a month I felt tired and all I know was that he finally found someone else. I didnt contact him for almost a month but now he is coming back to mylife again saying that he misses me still. He finally decided to break up with the new girl but td me that he is also not 100% ready to be in a relationship with me again. Now i am confused if this guy is even worth loving for after all what he did or is he just trying to fool me around again knowing how much I loved him so hes taking an advantage?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It could be either reasons. You know him better than anyone else. I would suggest that if he could walk away once over lack of physical contact, as long as nothing changes (aka you moving to be with him or vice versa), it could easily happen a second time. Be fair to yourself and think this through on whether it’s worth it.

Nick
Nick

Hi Kevin. I broke up with my girlfriend in August, after dating for 7 months. She pleaded to have me back shortly in September, and after thinking about it for awhile, I regretted it and wanted her back. The reason to break up with her wasn’t good, and it had to do with some personal issues I’m dealing with. She started seeing this new guy in October who (what I’ve been told by others) is a long-time friend. I’ve sat down and talked with her about the mistakes I’ve made in breaking up with her and apologized, however, I also got a little emotional through the talk. She still stays in contact with me regularly, and says she “loves me”. She also said that “she’s confused” and “doesn’t know what she wants”. She does seem to light up when she sees me and we’ve had some intimate contact in the past week (kisses on the cheek and warm hugs). I’m not really sure if this relationship is a rebound or not, but I’m seeking advice from you so I can better figure out the situation I’m in.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey Nick,

It’s normal that people seek comfort in others when they’re upset, which is why rebounds exist in the first place. Right now she may be feeling conflicted (as opposed to directly jumping into the rebound) because you’re still in the picture and on relatively good terms with her. If you’re certain that you can make the relationship work and not go back into the same cycle as before, I don’t think you should treat the guy as a rebound (where you have to back off and not interfere) but rather as fair competition where you’re trying to win her heart once again.

Melissa
Melissa

Hi! Three months ago, my exboyfriend and I broke up. We were together for a year in a long distance relationship. I don’t even know who broke up with who. I was feeling unloved and I told him. I thought we would try to work things out. However, he took it as if I was saying he was wrong or that it wasn’t working. He said he was going to answer me but he didn’t. After some texts and after time of not talking, he suddenly met someone else when he was travelling. Everything between them went so fast. He wrote about having a soul connection and about true love in a few days after meeting each other. I saw their interaction through social media and I could see how fast everything has been moving between them (with me everything went pretty slow and it took him forever to tell me he loved me and things like that). She is nothing like me, she is totally different both physically and in interests. She is almost 20 years younger than him. I feel they are really into each other and I am sad because I thought he would think things through and get back together. The confusing part is that after he came back from his trip (and of meeting her), he started texting me. We talked and he seemed to be sad. He told me “I have been ok”(instead of great as he looks on his pictures). He has been texting me, to say nothing important. I don’t understand why. Is it because he felt guilty? Is he trying to be friends? Also, after we talked for the first time in a long time, I posted a picture with a guy I met. I didn’t have any intentions of doing so, but that day he sent me a super friendly text. I don’t know if it was because now it seems that each one of us moved one or could it be that he is still interested? Why does he want to start and keep talking? What should I do?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

He could be confused and undecided on what he wants at the moment, and the other girl could be a rebound that sparked while he was trying to cope with your ‘breakup’ seeing how you said that she was nothing like you. It could be that he keeps wanting to talk to you so as to not let you go, since his spark with the rebound may have been a holiday romance.

Joe
Joe

Hi, so i was dating this girl for about 2 years and we loved each other very much. We spent everyday we could together. I slipped up and cheated on her with another girl. I then told her about what had happened and she became super angry and slept with a guy to hurt me. She told me right after she did it to make sure i felt the pain. I obviously want her back because I acknowledged my mistake but now she does not want to talk to me. She is now with the same dude and is posting alot about him on social media for me to see. I want to commit to fixing our relationship but understand that she is not in the best state of mind to talk. I’m going to start no contact for at least 45 days and see what happens. I’m pretty sure she still loves me and is just rebounding. Any suggestions or concerns i should be worried about?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey Joe,

At the moment, leave her be (no matter how painful it may be to see them together) and during this NC period, spend time focusing and improving yourself as a person. Give her that space to calm down and let her relationship with the guy fade out before coming back.

Joe
Joe

Thanks Ryan, I will follow what you have instructed. So say i do NC and i message her and shes still upset with me, is there anything i can do? Also, I have a strong belief that she is scared to come back to me because of how bad i hurt her. Im pretty sure this girl is my soulmate.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey Joe,

If you’re really sure that she’s your soulmate and you’re willing to wait, if after you apply NC and she is still upset with you, that means that it may be still too soon and you have to give her even more time, continuing with NC for as long as necessary.

Joe
Joe

Hey Ryan, I just wanted to clarify that if my ex is still with her rebound after my 45 no contact period, that i should still not contact her until the other guy is gone? Also, do you have any other tips on what to do in the time being. Thanks.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Well, it would be better not to, although if she contacts you first, perhaps you could always start off as friends. In the meantime, focus on improving yourself as a person. Take up a new hobby, get a climb on your career, go out with friends, even date around again. The last thing you want is to be caught still stuck at the same place down the road when she’s moved way ahead of you.

Joe
Joe

Thanks Ryan, I have moved on and I have been hanging out with other women. I don’t believe my ex has moved very far ahead due to the fact that she never really dealt with our breakup (rebound). It’s frustrating to watch her make a fool out of herself with this new guy, her friends and others all question why she is still with him. Is there anyway to knock some sense into her without making myself look needy/ look like i’m trying to ruin their relationship. Thanks. -Joe

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Joe, unfortunately it’s hard for you to do that without coming across as desperate and wanting her back. If you’re on talking terms with her, you can always advise and tell her to be cautious of the relationship but I wouldn’t do more than that.

Mitch
Mitch

It’s been about eight months since me and my girl friend broke up after 1 year into the relationship. She was the one to break off the relationship. Although, I was devastated and tried convincing we can make things work, I came to a point that of not replying to her because she was blabbering non-sence in her final set of msgs. I went to a NC, and after 2 months she contacts me again. I took it slow and talked with her. And understood that she is showing interest. However, after a while she went cold again. The same happened again twice within a period of 4 months. This was taking me through an emotional rollercoaster. But however, I went NC again. About a month ago, she send me a msg again asking how I am. I started to talk to her, she was really nice and comforting but with time she went cold again. Unfortunately, I became a bit needy this time around. So she sent me a set of msgs full of anger, and told me that she didn’t want to talk to me again. Right now I’m in a NC period. But recently I’ve heard that she seeing a guy. I’m hearing that she rushing into progress with the new guy. So what I your advice on this to me. What should I do?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey Mitch,

I suggest you leave them be and continue with NC indefinitely. If she’s in a rebound, she will eventually break up with the guy and the rushing into things may be a way to compensate for any negative emotions she might feel against you. The whole point of going into NC is to allow you to recover from any emotional hurt you might have faced as well as improve yourself. It’s hard to do that if she keeps coming back to you but leaving you short each time. Even if you want her back, you should be at a point where you’re okay if she’s back in your life, but also okay if she’s not before trying for anything again.

Mitch
Mitch

Thanks Ryan,
Appreciate the fact that you had time to respond to me. Could I ask you why she’s showing this kind of behaviour even though its been like 9 months since the break up?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

There may still be underlying feelings of resentment towards you regarding the overall negative emotions she felt during the relationship, but it’s only speculation on my part. If you really want to know for certain, the only way is to actually ask her about it.

april sherman
april sherman

hey kevin.
as everyone in the room here, i need help.
so, my bf broke up with me (we’ve been together for 5 and a half years), said he want to focus on his career, says he feel bad for being unable to help me in my hard times, and so on. i dont understand why because we were fine two days ago, it just come out of the blue. i dont accept it of course, but then within couple of days he posted a picture with another girl saying what lovers would say. That just hurt me really bad so i told him, “is that really the reason why? because u already have a new one?” and he just keep apologizing. we discussed about that, i said i forgive him only if he leaves her, he said he need some time, and what bothers me most is he block my Instagram, so i deactivated mine. now we dont talk anymore, but surely i know he is still with that girl and, i still want him back. do u think i had a chance? do u think me and him could start over? what am i supposed to do now?
seriously i need help here, thnk u

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi April,

Well at the moment, there isn’t much you can do because of it’s never right to break a relationship up. If they’re together, and has resorted to even blocking you on social media platforms, then it would better for the time being that you also move on. In the future if he ever breaks up with her and you still want him back, then perhaps you could try again but right now, I suggest applying the no contact rule.

Dee
Dee

My girlfriend and I broke up in July, she was having some family issues, she gave me the reason that she wasn’t good for me, that was why the breakup happened, so she isn’t going to hurt me. I followed the NC rule for 3 weeks, everything seemed to be working, she said she wanted us back, but she needed time. In October, she started dating someone. I’m about to follow the NC rule for second time, hoping it will work

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi there,

If she says that she wants you back but got together with someone else, perhaps you could try to understand why it happened. Yes, apply NC again and don’t interfere with their relationship and if it’s a rebound, she will break it off eventually. However, you shouldn’t stay in one place for this period either (not moving on) and at least spend this time focusing on yourself by doing things like going out with your friends, perhaps even date again, and when the next opportunity presents itself (if it does), at least you’ll be emotionally prepared for it.

Danielle
Danielle
Hello, I’ve noticed my situation maybe a little more entangled then some. My boyfriend and I have live together sharing a house for almost nine years. He suffers from bipolar disorder and has recently been going through Cycles very quickly. He had met a woman on a singles website that he became friends with. Whenever he was feeling less than adequate or he and I were arguing he would go to that woman for validation that he’s a great person and he’s right. A long story short, we’ve been going through some very trying times and even the loss of a child. He is what I call a chronic Runner, always running from his problems and never facing hard feelings and emotions. About six weeks ago we got into a terrible argument. He packed his things and he moved in with this woman. I still live in our home and we still communicate pretty much every day. He states that they are in a relationship because he feels he needs to stay at her house and he doesn’t want to rock the boat. He says he wants his own place and is looking for a townhome. He is very interested in what I’m doing and my well being. He has told me numerous times that he is still very much in love with me and that he does not love her at all. He likes her and appreciates the things that she does for him like allowing him to stay in her home. He lies to her and comes over here and we’d even slept together. Both of us are grown he is almost 50 and I am 40. Neither of us want to hurt anybody but I would love to work things out with him. Do we know contact is not going to work for us because as I stated we share a home together and most of his belongings are still here. I will not prevent him from coming to his own house or even make that suggestion. It could be cause to feel paranoia that exist from his bipolar disorder. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated. He’s extremely concerned that I might start dating and fall in love with someone. I’ve explained that I’m just not ready for this. He feels a lot of regret that he is living with somebody else but at the same time he knows he does not want to live in this house whether I were here or not. What should I do? What steps do I take at this juncture? We are both very much in love with each other and he even mentioned that he thought perhaps… Read more »
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Danielle,

Since no contact and asking him to move out is out of the question, perhaps at a later given date when everyone has more or less calmed down from the situation, sit down and have a talk with him regarding the issues you guys faced and how you can work together to solve them. More importantly, he definitely has to let go of the other woman if you guys want the relationship to work since that will only serve as a constant obstacle and something for him to run to every time an issues arises.

Satyam
Satyam

Hey Kelvin
I was with in relationship for almost 2 years.
Everytime she given me a chance result was the same
We fought
And always I break her.
Now finally she decided to end up the things on 18 Oct from 18 Oct to 21st Oct she was thinking why she has done this
But I called her everytime she said she want some space and time still I called her
Now she is just irritated with me
On 23rd I said that I will not call you
Now what I will do
Does she will really miss me.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey,

I suggest you give her the space she wants and don’t apply too much pressure on her. You’ve been together for two years and there’s a chance she still loves and misses you but let her be the one to say she’s ready. And if you do get back together, please work on your recurring issues to make sure the relationship lasts this time.

Himanshu
Himanshu

Dear Mr kevin please help me out, I have had been dating a girl for 5 months, she even told me that she will get married to someone else because she is a Muslim, for some time she got confused between me and him, but eventually decided to end with me after seeing my conversation on FB with my exes, I did not tell her about my past casual relationships, though I really am serious for her and think she is the last girl in my life. she says she won’t ever trust me again, I was her first boyfriend, blocked me from everywhere where before I acted as a doormat for a month, she told me that she has grown her relationship with him now, because I acted so weird n troubled and Disturbed her, and she loves him. I don’t know what to do, but I really think I can’t live without her, as far as no contact is concerned, I fear she might get engaged in a month, which she planned to postpone few weeks ago.
She did ask me to live happily n let her go for her happiness before things got worse between us,the guy she’s gonna marry is also professionally senior to me. we three are doctors, I really need help, just can’t focus on anything and want her back. I told her I rely love her and will wait for her forever but she’s says she doesn’t gives a damn n would never trust me coz I have been in many relationships before, moreover my ex did also call in front of her for no reason n she even doubted that. I really love her, please help me. She even told me she is not going to cheat him by even talking to me or else he will be shattered n he left his girlfriend to marry her,things are all complicated. Please help.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Himanshu,

Right now, by going back to her, you’re going to come across as needy and desperate and this will push her further away. If she is indeed planning to get married, your best bet would be to focus on recovery and working on yourself. If she really loves you, she will come back eventually but it isn’t something you should pressure her into because that doesn’t work. I suggest applying the no contact rule in order to give yourself some distance from the situation and this might help you gain a fresh perspective.

Elis
Elis

Hey Kevin.
My bf and I were together for 1.5 year. We were really good together and had great chemistry. Two weeks ago though he break up with me because he said that he’s not in love with me anymore.. but I believe its because I left. On September I had to move out of town and the plan was that we were gonna be in a LDR for this year. By the beginning of June we were gonna live together. We were in our first month of LDR when he realised that he loves me but is not in love with me. It shocked me to hear that and after a lot of talking he finally admitted that he felt an attraction for another girl.. now this girl was a friend of his. I knew her and I can guarantee you that there was nothing going on between the two of them before I left. Actually we were crazy in love while I was still there. I’m sure about that. Anyway, I accepted what he said. I even told him that I would block him on fb cause it wound be to painful for me to see him with her. He said he understands.
He did asked me to be friends but I said no. Eventually we said our goodbyes and I haven’t contacted him ever since. I’ve stuck to the no contact rule.
And then he posed a pic of his with her as his new gf. And of course he didn’t do it on fb. No, he posted it on Instagram. Now I just unfollowed him on Instagram, because 1) he hadn’t posted anything at all. He had 0 posts and never really cared about it and 2) because he told me that he would delete the account. So I didn’t thought it was necessary to block him there too. So imagine my surprise when my friend showed me that pic.
Another thing I have to nention is that on fb we had no common friends. But on Instagram my friends follow him, and so does some of my family members.. So there was no way that I woudn’t found out about his first post.
Two weeks… exactly two weeks after our break up he just moved on. And it was really out of his character! He never uploaded pic of us. And we were together for so long… I know it sounds crazy but I fell that he did it on purpose. Like he is angry at me because I haven’t contacted him ever since the break up and wants to hurt me now or something.. could that be true?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Elis,

Perhaps in situations like these, it would be best to actually ask him so as to not leave yourself jumping to conclusions? It may be likely he is currently going through a rebound which you can read up more here Long distance can be hard and if he can’t be honest with you, it will also be very hard to initiate anything or progress. First complete the no contact period to give yourself some space.

Tim
Tim

Kevin, my ex cheated on me then dumped me for this person. They have only been dating for a month but already she says that she feels he is the one. Yet she said that she still feels that way about me. After reading this, the signs point to this being a rebound and that’s somewhat comforting. She’s rubbed him in my face, she’s staying with him. This person is the total opposite of me in every way. Recently she told me that we should be friends at first and slowly work towards getting back together. I agreed to it, as long as we get back together. She already knows I want to. She said that if/when we do get back together,this other person will back off. I want to believe there’s hope but she hasn’t messaged me in days. Do I do the no-contact routine again or what?

Jazz
Jazz

I was dating my collegue for about a year i felt like he was pulling away and things were changing. So i went onto no contact with him. He tried reaching out to me after 10days but I did not reply him. After my no contact was over I tried messging him with a nice memory we shared it did not show any needeness or any sign that I want him back. But there was no reply from him. I waited for another 5 days and sent him a text still no reply. Why is he not responding? Did he loose intrest in me? Is he so mad at me that he is not reafy to speak with him at all? What should I do now? Plz help

Mari
Mari

My ex broke me up a month ago now but we still keep in touch. We were so happy before and all of the sudden he found another girl. I know him he cant live with only one woman. I lived with him for many months and I took care of him like we were a couple.Yes what he did was very humiliating, insulting and embarrasing. The lovely things he said to me before now after meeting the girl was totally opposite. He knows I love him so much. Lately, he said to me that the girl is a total opposite of me. But I dont believe him because he keeps lying to me. He wants to still keep in touch of me but I am not getting any affection from him anymore. One time he asked me if I still like him or love him. I dont feel the respect anymore. Even if he said I am better than the other girl but they still keep seeing each other. I am now trying not to contact him. I kbnow I want him back and I know how unstable he is emotionally. What will I do ?

Becky
Becky

I was seeing this guy for 14 months. I love him and I know he loves me. Our plan was to move in together at the end of summer. During our relationship he would get mad over simple things and tell me that our relationship wouldnt work but he always came back. This time he left and immediately started seeing some one less than two weeks later. I never contacted him at all and on Mothers Day he texted me. He says only to see if I had a good day. Of course the texting turned into my telling him that I loved him and wanted to be together. I was always very open and honest to him about my life and everything going on but he never truly opened up to me about anything. Now he is saying I always kept him at arms length which is so untrue. He is still seeing this other girl. It is close to a month that we broke up He always broke up with me thru text messages never face to face. I havent texted him since sunday and it is now wednesday and he has texted me twice…….what do i do???

Jack
Jack

Kevin, got out of a drastic relationship after 5 years in December 2014. Jan 2015 met this girl but I was heartbroken. Kept her on hold for two years and now she dumped me the day I declared. Any chances?

Mark
Mark

Good day, I have stumbled upon this site looking for answers. I was in a Long Distance Relationship with the most wonderful Girl recently, we talked and saw each other for about a year, but due to Life, it slowed down. Then out of the blue, she said she wasn’t ready for it, which we were going as slow as we could. So I drove Five hours out of my way to find out what was happening and as it turns out she has found herself a new guy, who just “kinda showed up”, and that she doesn’t want to talk to me or even be my Friend, because she doesn’t want to hurt us anymore than what she has.
I really don’t know what to do or think. I’ve looked at your Five Steps to Breakups and don’t know. I don’t even want to talk to her, but I want her back and things just seem to fall apart without her. If you get the time to read through this, please, reply, I need help.

Sian
Sian

Me and my boyfriend got together at 18 and in a relationship for 2 and a half years before he broke up with me two months ago very suddenly, we were very happy so i wasn’t expecting it. He told me his reasons were because he’s not enjoying work hes feeling low and just cant be in a relationship right now. We saw eachother a few times after the break up just so i could ask some questions but when we met it was so nice we just caught up with eachother and had a laugh.
Ive been using nc now for about 2 weeks. But it looks like he might be seeing someone (hes know her his whole life, they breifly dated when they were 13 and have mutual friends and work near eachother) im now questioning his reasons for the break up and if he actually rekindled with her or they started to talk after the break up. Is there any chance this could be a rebound? And do i have a chance of winning him back over? I feel like hes over me and moved on.

Toni Djakic
Toni Djakic

I was her rebound guy… Now she is in new relationship… She broke my heart in 10000 peaces… And now 4 months later im still in shit and she is in love with him…
Life sucks man…

Jay Sands
Jay Sands

Oh Heck noooooo, If she’s in a relantionship and having sex with some whatever, move on, leave, get yourself a nicer one, there are better ones believe me, let her keep on rebounding for the rest of her life then. Disgusting

Luke
Luke

Kevin,
Ive done everything wrong, I really wish I had read your article a month ago.
When I found out my ex was in a new relationship I was still struggling with the breakup. I got drunk and I sent very angry messages to both of them. I was so upset, I didnt play it cool at all. Im pretty sure from what Ive read here that Ive only pushed her further into his arms. Is there any coming back from this? Im one week into No Contact now, but i think im going to have to wait at least 2 months.

confusedbutok
confusedbutok

My ex gf broke up with me at the end of November and found out she was on Match a month later. We started talking very briefly via texts a month ago and she’d respond to my texts but never initiated. I tried asking her to get together to catch up but she said she doesn’t think that’s a good idea yet because she’s currently happy with someone else. I didn’t get upset or show jealousy just told her ok and to remember if she needs an ear I’m here for her. Now I’ve decided to not contact anymore. My question, if this is a rebound is better to not interfere or to keep in touch with her during? Many conflicting advice online, one source claims I need to keep in touch so she develops a stronger emotional bond with me before her new guy can

confusedbutok
confusedbutok

How would I know when the honeymoon phase is over to contact again? When I had suggested getting together to catch up and she said it wasn’t a good idea yet I told her no problem don’t be shy to suggest it sometime. Should I just not contact at all until she does?

Victoria
Victoria

Hi Kevin
My ex and I were daing for 7 months. Had a wonderful summer together. But there were a lot of problems throughout our relationship. He is a very needy guy and very jealous guy. He broke up with me cuz I hurt him about things that he’s exaggerated about and jumping to conclusions and a lot of miscommunication. Towards the end, he contacted me after we broke up wanting to see me and messing with my head. Like he didn’t want to work things out but he didn’t wanna let go either. I couldn’t take it anymore, I blocked him out of my life. I had too in order for me to move on. 2 weeks later he started seeing someone else. I was in shock and it hurt me so much!!! I ran into him at a bar, he was with friends, didn’t see his new girl with him at all. One of his friends said he saw me and left cuz he didn’t want me to be uncomfortable. That just hurt more! I read about rebound relationships, is he in one? I felt more Luke I may have been a rebound from his last relationship. That ended 6 months before we started dating. He’s had feelings for me for 2 years before we got together, but he was rushing the relationship when I wanted to take things slow. My questions are, is he rebounding with the new girl? Or was I a rebound as well? Its been almost 3 months since we broke up and I am doing the no contact…

Victoria
Victoria

I’ve done the 5 step plan. I guess its gonna take 6 months for the no contact. And Im too scared to write him that letter, especially when he’s with someone else. Our anniversary is may 3. He made a big deal about our anniversary

We hooked up at a big 80s bash that happens every year. He won that contest. The same bash is happening in April. When I looked at the info about it online, his pic was right there. I started to cry. I guess I still need to work on my emotions. I guess I’m hoping, he will know about the event, and maybe he will think of me. It just seems to much if a sign. Thank you Kevin for listening 🙂

Kj
Kj

It’s just now it seems like she was in it just to wait. I don’t see how he is better then me. Just because you are best friends and like some of the same things or like to eat at same place. Or the fact you have same interest in spiritual beliefs and he takes you to shows and flashy events dealing with art because that’s what he does he does tattoos and he makes paintings for her. Doesn’t mean that we could never have gone to those fancy shows and places or that we never had same interests either. I would try at least to do things to make her happy.

And the fact the she seems to have changed a lot like overnight since it ended. When first time I saw her I was like your all different she agreed she is into things she was not into before but all of a sudden? Like I don’t think she lives around here or work around here anymore. Before it ended we were talking bout getting a place and I’m sure she probably stays with him now or has. I don’t see how he is better besides being artist. There are things I know she really isn’t down with and some of them he has. But I’m sure she thinks is really great which obviously she doesn’t see and probably couldn’t care about because they are best friends and they get along so perfect with and about everything even when physical intimacy was introduced and involved I sure she thinks that’s also perfect too. People say she is only with him cause he provides the material things and takes her to these amazing places because she is really young and he is 14 years older and had a thing for her for years. It’s hard to believe in what people say even when they are trying to help in a lot of ways because they don’t know situation they say same as what few others agree at.

Kj
Kj

I already know what their relationship is. I can’t do and give her the materiel things she likes that he can like tattoos.

I’m more concerned on what our supposedly “relationship” was actually Or apprently wasn’t. That’s the thing I end up analyzing.

Kj
Kj

She’s postings saying she loves him. I don’t get it. From someone you said to my face was like a brother to now saying ” I got a good one” with happy faces to ” I love you” with hearts a smiles. (referring to him obviously) saying that so quick even if you had a thing for him and he obviously was just over the top feelings for you when you were “friends” she never said that to me that quick

Kj
Kj

Is there a way to see if they were only with you because they were only physically attracted to you especially when they are saying the same things they said to you to their new partner.

Kj
Kj

I have been right so far this whole time so I can see that before she made official choice for herself to end things she had already moved on and past me with simplest of ease even if she said she missed me or thought of me which I don’t see a true since she had already started seeing him more and more.

Also seen that she said she loves him so I see that they think they are soulmates and always have been but take away the material things he does and the notion of you thinking you have same ideology and I don’t see much there. I don’t see him being 100% better in every way like see she’s but like I said she said she loves him so I know that we will never see one another or hear from one another again. It sucks to be painted in negative light by everyone in her life because they only knew one side and that they would tell her to bail he not good enough or he just the same as all the rest. When I know that was not true.

DD
DD

Dear Kevin,
i am a guy. we broke up 3 months ago. I heard about this no contact rule and i did it for one month..but then i did not know what kind of texts to send. I ended up begging for forgiveness again. This time I am going for the next no contact period. Do i need a longer time now? the fact that that i screwed up last time, how is it going to affect this time?

Kj
Kj

In a honest opinion on how things have gone so far. Like how long things have been over. The things that have happen since things ended like the random text sayin miss me or thinking and the few times she has come to see me since it ended. Even the whole thing with her dating her friend maybe even still. Last time I heard it saw from her was middle of October when she came to my place.

So after everything in a honest opinion what does it look like really. I know how it looks and how things are but, would or do you see it as being completely over and it has been for some time from her perspective. Like I know the time apart has been long and a lot of things have happen. I have been trying a lot to just focus on myself and not think of her and what’s she is doing in her life now or who she is doing things with or has been for how long.

Kj
Kj

I ended up slipping the other day and found myself looking her up. She still is seeing her friend and looks so much more happier then she was before. She has gotten a lot more tattoos recently and one she posted saying it was from her babe. She also updated her fb with new picture of them. I knew from the start this was never a rebound. It is the one she always wanted to be with and the one that makes her more happier then she ever was.

Kj
Kj

It just shows that I never meant anything real. Not from the very start. I was just someone she thought was better looking then the last guy that’s it. Looks like we never had anything at all nothing serious or real nothing that made her happy or happy she was with me. Just a place holder for the next better thing.

Kj
Kj

It’s the fact that why did she lie multiple times to me let alone to my face about things. It made me look stupid in the end for believing she actually meant things like missing me or thinking of me or wanting so see me when she did. What is there to possibly miss when you have had your best friend as your new boyfriend for some time and you love this guy.

kj
kj

After reading a lot of different things last couple months I have started to think that I was just a rebound from the start because she would always say stuff about how she is really attracted to me but nothing else. not that I can remember her saying any other reasons why she with me or why she is happy. So it makes me think that she didn’t really have any interest anyway just bidden her time for him.

There are a lot of articles written out there about positives of “rebounds” how they are actually proven to be better for you and that they are not rebounds they are just new better relationships. Also there are a lot of articles written about how your best friend is the perfect one for you and the popularity of girls ending up dating their best friends and it being the best thing they ever had, also things on how they are the perfect ones for you all this time but you only recognize it after so many years.

Kj
Kj

Even if it was a “rebound” it’s been going on since she ended it and still going on. So clearly it is not a rebound not was it ever. Also think she had the interest of them before she even ended

Robert
Robert
Hi Kevin, I need help figuring out if my ex is in a rebound relationship and what I should do next. My ex girlfriend and I have been separated for just over 5 months. Recently we started talking again and have hung out like 4 times. I thought things were starting to turn. The day before Thanksgiving. We went out to watch a movie and while waiting for the movie to start I told her of what I thought was a funny story of my nieces asking for her. She got emotional about it and started to cry. I apologized. After the movie we went to get dinner and she started to cry again. She said that it was too hard for her. I told her it wasn’t easy for me either. She said that she lost of her family, meaning my family. We later talked in the car where she told me that she was seeing someone but is torn between me and this other guy because I’m a great guy. She also said that she doesn’t feel anything for me but then contradicted herself by saying that she has been afraid to do anything with this guy because she still cares for me a lot and has a lot respect for me. Also by saying that one of the times we hung out she just wanted to kiss me. She also kept saying that I’m such a good guy and that she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings, which I don’t know what that means because that’s what she’s doing. I told her that I guess I’m kind of waiting for her which made her cry. At one point she said that this guy is kind of a looser but he makes her happy and wants to give him a chance. Which is also contradictory because one of the issues with me was I “didn’t know what I wanted in life.” She said that it’s not a rebound relationship that it’s away of wanting to move on even though she says she’s an emotional mess and considers herself “damaged goods” and no one would want to date her. Furthermore, she said that December 7th was going to be hard not to talk to me because it would have been our anniversary. Towards the end of the conversation there was a lot of touching. She rubbed my arm, held my hand and she even put my hand on her face. Not sure what it meant. Towards the end she said something like we have unfinished business and that we even have like imaginary kids, I agreed. The conversation wasn’t an argument we talked calmly and towards the end we… Read more »
Robert
Robert

Thank you Kevin. I would want to say something to her on the day of the anniversary but I’m not sure what. Any advice on what I should or shouldn’t say? I’ll be honest Kevin I don’t have many people to talk to about this issue so I appreciate the advice.

Kj
Kj

Just meant it in a general sense because the article says 2-3 months then it’s probably not rebound. Plus all the the signs that your ex is suppose to show to determine if they are or not in rebound. Like I don’t see any of the signs just the ignoring and already moved on signs. I have heard she has been getting a lot of tattoos from him recently. And they pertain to him. There are a bunch of articles out there on how to be more then just friends with a girl you have always had feelings for or how to be physical intimate with your friend. Kind of makes you think those are more relatable to them then anything else.

Kj
Kj

I have a question. Not saying this will happen not even by a long shot or anything. But say you end up being right about her being in a rebound relationship with her friend. If it is then if it doesn’t work out won’t it just mean they will still be the same way they are now but just say they are not together. Wouldn’t they still be the same way like hanging out all time having great time together and other things. And if she did end up being single what reason would she even contact me not saying to get together or anything like that but just in general.

Why would she want to after all this time I’m sure that she would have gotten completely over me by now or if not she hasn’t way before. Being closer to her friend then she usual was and if it didn’t work why would she even think of me. Let alone feel anything. Or say for some strange reason she actually does contact me sometime here and wants to talk or hangout and say some small chance in heck that we do this on regular basis we just talk more and what stops her from constantly thinking of him as more of a friend.

Like if we ever did get together ( not saying that there is any chance of that or it will happen in future) but wouldn’t she be thinking of him when she would be around me. Wouldn’t she be missing him a lot and the way they were together as more then friends. Or wouldn’t she be comparing what they had when more then friends and what we had. ( again not saying that there is any chance in heck that we will ever be anything ever again nor let alone if she ever will talk to me.) I already assume she has been completely over me for long time. I’m tying to work on things but this came up and it has been in my mind.

Kj
Kj

I just have been reading a lot of different things lately books and articles and was just wondering how people are getting with their exs after long periods of time. Like how it happens after long periods of no association or someone being in a relationship. I’m not focusing or trying to find ways to get her back right now. I already know once it’s over its over.

It’s just how to go about getting one back after 6 months or more and they been in or still in relationship. Like it cants just be you run into that person down the road and start talking and having good time again and be like we should try again and it works. That’s all I was wondering. If the ex is or has been in relationship since it ended why would the want to get back with their ex let alone associate with them after all that time.

Kj
Kj

I already know when she gives you an opportunity and you make her feel like she wasted her time it’s over and there isn’t going to be another chance. Especially when you have a long time apart and she is already completely past and over you

Kj
Kj

Isn’t that more of a general stipulation or stereotype for people who been in a more serious significant amount of time together. That being with someone for like a year or so is when they have better chance of working things out in “long time apart”. Compared to people who have not been together that long. I can’t see 7 months as being significant time or the other person think that either. That and when you have been apart for almost as long as you were together don’t that kill any chance of that ” running into them and realizing things could work” type deal.

Kj
Kj

I don’t think she had feels that she did. After all this time I think she has realized that she didn’t feel that great of connection like she might of thought. That’s why I think she moved on and over as quick as she has already and to the next guy she feels she has better connection with. I thought we did have good connection she seemed happy but not really sure now but that don’t really mean anything anymore at this point.

Kj
Kj

My former ex who is just married recently told me that she been thinking of me and misses me. we talked and she said that I was someone special and meant something and that I still mean something to her.

So is this a clear sign that I was never really anything to my current ex? since she has never said anything like that. About the only thing she has said in past is she misses me but never that I meant something or still do or was important. Nothing to that nature.

Also confused why I’m getting told that I was important and I am misses more by a older ex then current one. Does this mean that my current ex just easily cut me out of her life to just easily and quickly with no hesitation replace me with her new boyfriend her friend?

Kj
Kj

How would one know that though. If it’s a 2-3 month thing then it’s not really a rebound it’s just a relationship. How is it technically considered a rebound if they never really said that you meant something.
Specially if they found someone they mash up with better and everything in general about that person is better. (getting along, common interests, physical intimacy, overall feeling for and toward that person, deeper connection, etc) kind of makes it hard to call it or see as a “rebound”

Jallie
Jallie

Hi kevin,

Good day.
Just want to share my situation and ask some advice..
I am in a lesbian relationship for almost 2yrs..we are good together..we are working with the same company.the same time we have a business…we fought sometimes as normal with lovers…but one day there is this one guy who likes her.she ask me if she can allowed this guy to court her..ofcourse i disagree..but one time she go out with him..just one time..then the next day she wanted a closure with me..Telling me that she already like d guy…that she wanted a family.. My question is do i have a chance to win her back?we are still together but she is giving that guy a chance..i dont want to be rude to her..i respected her decision..what should I do?I dont want to lose her..she also told me that she loves me and dont want to lose me too but she wanted to have a normal life with a guy..since there is this guy who is interested with her.What should I do since there s no way for us to be apart beacause of our work and our business.it hurt me much everytime she s talking with that guy.Is still way to change her decision?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Unfortunately, you should be mentally prepared for the worst because you have to figure out what your partner values more: Love or a future with the guy and having a normal family. If it’s the latter, you might have to walk away because there isn’t much you would be able to do to change her mind. She would only end up resentful if you tried to stop her from pursuing what she wanted.

Jallie
Jallie

Hi kevin

She told me that she dont want to lose me.that she want me to stay as friend.i told her no.but she cried hard.and told me that i have to do it slowly.she still in doubt of her feelings.her statements are inconsistent.Can i consider that guy a rebound since we have some issues before that happen.maybe because we are together all the time that we both lost attraction.
Lately i slowly detaching myself from her.and treat her casually.but she became clingy…she keep on telling me that if they dont work she will look after me anywhere i am(since we are working abroad).and by that time she is pretty sure that she dont need a man.what should I do?i am trying to move on but her actions telling me that i have to stay.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It’s clear that she definitely still has feelings for you. However, if she’s always going to value having a family more, this problem would come up again in the future even if you guys get back together. Also, her actions show that she wants the easy way out, by having you around to ease her out emotionally so that she can be with the other guy once she has moved on, so that she doesn’t have to deal with the grief of losing you immediately.

Jallie
Jallie

Hi kevin

Yesterday she told me that she made the biggest mistake of her life..that she already answered the questions in her..she already knows what she really want..but for now she cant go out from her situation..what should i do?she did told me before that if ever she will come back with me that time she will be 100% sure what she really want..she keep telling me that shes not happy.shes just pretending to be happy but deep inside she regret everything..

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If that is the case, then you could continue to be there for her, and support her emotionally, continue to do so since it would make the decision easier and easier, as her feelings towards you grow.

Hranzel
Hranzel

It seems very similar with my story,we have been together for 3 yrs but she dumped me, she met a guy while we r still in the relationship and told me that she would like to spend the rest of her life with him that i should go on and find someone else, and im still young im 30 shes 48 and have a family however she still wanted us to became friends and be close to each other i told her i cant,she insisted, since i love her too much i allowed that we kissed and hugged each other, but she told theres no meaning into it,we hugged while sleeping, for 4 days i tried to tell her i want us back, i even become more needy or desperate.until i realized that im just fooling myself,that i dont want to force her anymore, so i decided to walked away,i made no contact rules,its been 8 days now,she did message me on fb asking where is her things,toDay she sent me gif for valentines i have seen it but didnt reply to her however mistakenly i have put thumbs down as reaction then she blocks me in all social media she has.occassionally i can see her we worked in the same institution and been living next door.i occassionally bumped into her,but i didnt mind her since i have been in NC rule.i am in process of moving on and trying to feel good about myself,been composing myself for a little while,how to become more lovely, do you think i have made a right decision in no contact rule? Im still hoping shell take me back and would miss me terribly? I still love her with all my heart.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It would seem like because you’re much younger, although she has feelings for you, she does not see a future in the relationship. This could be no fault of yours, but rather a mentality issue on her part, being much older – is unable to see you on equal footing but someone younger than her. Applying no contact may be a good idea to test the situation out on both your part and hers – basically to see if she would miss you and whether you see things from a different perspective after NC. Also, it would allow you some distance from the relationship to work on yourself, and if becoming more ‘mature’ for her eyes is what is needed to win her back, then you’ll have to work on growth during this period and prove to her that you’re capable of settling down with her too.

Kj
Kj

I don’t have any regrets from my former ex who is married now. It showed me the difference between being happy physical with someone and not really caring compared to actually caring for someone like my current ex who I would of done anything for.

I’m sure that is what my current ex is realizing her self. That with me she was not really happy and not care really compared to her being with her friend of her new man now who she would do anything for because she is truly happy with him and cares a lot about him.

Kj
Kj

You also say the time that they have been together also play a factor. I don’t know how long but I know at least it has been 2 months maybe three that they been more then friends. Plus you say how long she waited like if she did appropriate time length. I’m sure it was only about couple months maybe before their friendship went more then that. That it went to something serious physically and general relationship wise. When she was here last time a month ago right about now she said she still had the letter I wrote her at the beginning of when things were bout to end. She said she still had it in her car I asked like you mean unopened she said no she read it when I gave it to her.

Kj
Kj

I read this article that said rebound relationships are actually good for you. It leads to better person to be with like a close friend that consuls you and that has had feelings for you for long time. It shows you that someone close to you can show you love and joy and the feeling of happiness that you might of had with in a relationship. Also that it is the easiest and quickest way to get over someone that you use to be in a relationship with because you are spending so much time with that new person like close good friend that it takes your mind off your ex and makes you realize that someone else has always had feelings for you and you might have always had feelings for them but never acted on them until now that this was the chance to act on those pent up feelings plus is shows her how incompatible she was with you . Someone close who you already know and you are already happy being around them before you started a relation ship with them. It also say usually a good amount of these are started with a best friend and lead to both feeling real love for each other. It fills loneliness with actual joy and happiness and not just a cover up.

She has usually been happy when she is around him before their step up in relationship term from friends to actually being more then that. The article also said how common it was for close friends to feel more then just simple friendship for one another. It’s common for them to feel something like love for each other and true happiness because they have so much in common and they already know all secrets and all other things about one another. I was always this was more then just a friendship from first time hearing about him. So was this inevitable. Also says if your thinking of our ex at anytime its not important that you should not do it just learn to move on cause it’s not worth it to think or feel like you want them. Was this meant to happen. Was I just nothing more then a stepping stone the last one. Was I just a place holder till she realized who she always wanted. Were they meant to be together now.

Kj
Kj

But what about the time frame. The amount of time we were together and the time she has been seeing in their new relationship.

Kj
Kj

I see what your saying on stop with the having hope and stop thinking of her. Move on just like she has since she end it. I am just afraid that it will turn out just like me former ex before my current one I am talking about. My former ex thought it was over when no one officially said so she was with a guy for 2 months. I found out things were done. And after I started to see my current ex my old one was always saying she missed me and was sorry and other things. Even months down the road she would hit me randomly saying she misses me a lot and thinks of me a lot and misses us and what we had. She would even come to my work just to see me for couple minutes. About maybe 3 or 4 months ago she text me randomly saying she misses what we had but I found out a month ago that she is engaged and now she is married and I never knew about it only cause I saw her facebook saying she was engaged and now it says married.

So that’s why it makes me worried that this is the same thing happening with my current ex. She saying she misses me and thinks of me at random times just like my former ex and I don’t want to see that all this time she is having best relationship ever with her best friend and find out they are engaged then married. I don’t want the same thing to happen again. The big difference is that I actually cared about my current ex more then I have for anyone I told her I actually felt love for her not lust like others.

Kj
Kj

I have read this article a lot trying to find something that was related to what was going on but I statred to see no connections. The example you gave of Jane and Gary I thought might be what is going on but I’m sure that’s not the case. She is so infatuated by everything about him and they have been close friends for years. I’m sure she is in love with him besides the fact that’s how it looks.

When she came over I remember her saying that he would yell cause he was stressed and he called her psysopath. Also said is was easier when they were just homies but yet here she is just amazed and happy with him. I tried talking to my sister about this she said I was just being used because she would say she misses me but never say why and it always happen out of blue maybe once a month and then back to nothing.

Kj
Kj

They are the same person. They know each other in and out and I’m also pretty sure they have been physical with each other for sometime. She really does seem to enjoy every moment being around him and what they do. Like I said they are the same exact person with everything. Their personality and a lot of other things that I’m sure are being reinforced with him so it makes her realize how he was there for her all these years.

Kj
Kj

She has not spoken to me since she ended it about 5 months ago maybe 4 times she has talked to me. She has said In past she misses me or thinks or me but never has said why or what about.
Her new boyfriend is one of her close best friends who has had feelings for her for long time more then just friends. They are exactly the same person personality wise, spiritually, ideology, and belief wise. They are into the same things and they are always together mostly at his place I would assume just like she was with me.

They both know everthing about each other already so I’m sure that only has left the physical aspect to fill in. If they already connect on deep level then I’m sure she feels the sexual physical part is complete too.

From what I’ve seen on her social media she post how amazing he is and the cool amazing things he does for her. And there is always the hearts and happy face stuff attracted to pictures of them together and she post other reference that deal with them and the things they do and he also has the same on his social media pictures of them together smiling happy saying she is love of his life and other things.

Kj
Kj

I don’t think there is going to be anymore contact I’m sure that the last time she spoke to me will probably be it anyway and also I’m sure they will end up being together for long time and not have this as a rebound or something that will end in future. I saw her once before she came by since I knew they were talking more and being around each other more and when I passed her by she looked much happier anyway. I also feel like when she came over she only did it because she was that bored or something that she only came over to kill 20-30 minutes before leaving to her house. ( or I’m sure his)

In one article you say time place a big role people who were together six months or under don’t fare well compared to people with a year or more. We were together for maybe 7. Like I said when she was here last she said how crazy it would be that our one year would of been in beginning of November. But she ended it about five months ago.

It seems harder now cause we didn’t just text for a day she called from the blue asking to come over and she seemed kind of happy to see me. It just made me miss her all over again recently that’s why I do the stupid things like look on her websites but of course it only makes things worse seeing them together and seeing comments like he’s amazing and hearts around his name and other types of post that relate to him.

Plus he did something amazing for her birthday recently and now he has another shot at showing her how amazing he is with the upcoming holidays. I have the strongest feeling that this is the one guy for her the one she been looking for and wanting for very long time and it happens to already be someone important and special in her life and who been there long time already. She said when he was stressed she would get stressed and then he would get mad cause she didn’t express what was wrong with her that’s when she said he yelled at her. But yet here she is all smiles and hearts and all these other pictures and stuff with the both of them and just of him.

Chris
Chris

Here’s a question about whether or not my ex is trying to rub it in my face: I haven’t actually heard from him, but as far as the whole social media aspect goes, he hasn’t said anything about this new girl until he posted a concert picture and tagged her in it. It seems innocent enough until you look at her social media. She was the one to post a picture of them hold hands and tagged him in it, and I’m pretty sure SHE was the one who updated their fb status to “in a relationship” and he just accepted and “liked” it. All of their friends are pretty much throwing a parade for them online, and it’s killing me. Like I said, this girl seems to have a track record for going in too deep and too fast which is why guys come and go when it comes to her, do you think this means it’s likely to end quick?

Chris
Chris

Ok I won’t talk to him for a bit. But, I’m somewhat holding to his word about us hanging out to watch the finale of our favorite show together, and won’t be for another few weeks. Should I approach him around that time and ask him if he’s still down? Also, his gf is straight up attacking me online while trying to be passive about it. Do you think her feeling threatened will help destroy their relationship?

Chris
Chris

The latest I was gonna wait to ask him if he still wanted to hang out was the day our show comes on, and until then just bide my time. I’ve been ignoring all his gf’s remarks online and acting like I don’t even notice them, but I think she’s trying to up the odds by posting all this lovey crap about him knowing I’ll see it, though he has yet to say anything about the relationship specifically. Despite that, it’s still killing me.

Chris
Chris

Can you contact your ex after the 30 day NC even if they’re still in that rebound relationship? Or is it best to leave it alone and swoop in later on the chance things fall apart?

Chris
Chris

I feel like any type of texting will be ignored, or seen as me trying to get him back. I was originally going to show up at his house and clear the air claiming I just want to be “friends” just to get my foot in the door and work my way in from there. Do you think that’s too creepy even after the 30 days? I was going to go as far as say I was just in the area and just wanted to set things straight. Us acting like strangers toward each other is killing me.

Chris
Chris
Hey Kevin, So I ended up showing up at his house…to what ended up being a better outcome than expected. I showed up telling him I’m not trying to “pull a Beth” (his other crazy ex who we battled together and had fun doing so even though she borderline stalked him) and that I genuinely just wanted to be friends with him. The basis of the conversation went like this (sorry it’s going to be a bit of a read): Me: I’m not here to pull a Beth, just so you know.. Him: That’s good. Me: Also, I’m not trying to get in the way of anything you’re trying to do (implying his new gf), I support you 100% and just want you to be happy. Remember when you said there isn’t going to be a friendship like we had? Did you mean that? Him: Well, we had a connection and I don’t think it could be replicated. Me: Well, why don’t we try that? I miss just texting you funny pics and you sending me funny videos (he giggled), and when we broke up a month ago, I was thinking about things, and I wasn’t upset about losing the relationship, I just didn’t want the friendship to end. And that’s all I want from you. I know we can’t be besties right away, but I at least want to build up to that again. Him: Okay. Well, it’s going to take some time. (We then proceeded to talk about our favorite tv show, about work, family, etc. I also told him I didn’t want his gf to think I was trying to pull anything because I’m not *wink wink* and that I wasn’t judging him for anything, and wasn’t mad at him for just being honest with me about ending the relationship. I also got him agree to watch the season finale of our show together in a few weeks, hoping I can gain more ground before then) Me: Well, again. I just want you to be happy. Him: I am happy. Me: Well that’s good 🙂 (Even though it killed me he said that) Him: Well, I’m getting cold. I’m gonna head inside. Me: Alright cool. Him: I’ll talk to you soon, okay? I just need more time. Me: That’s fine. That’s basically the gist of it. I know I could’ve said more or less at some points, but initially I was hoping by appearing non-threatening to his current relationship, it would be easier for me to work my way in. Also, I don’t plan on talking to him the rest of the week. BUT, his gf just unfriended me on fb and called me crazy on twitter,… Read more »
Jill
Jill

How likely do you think the rebound of your ex and another will last if it started all within a week of them talking to each other? And three weeks after your and your ex’s breakup? Also, I know for a fact the other girl was also just lonely getting out of a “relationship” where she was way more into the guy than he was into her. She was actively looking for dates online after being rejected by the other guy. That seems to be her track record.

Kj
Kj

I did reply everytime she contacted me besides when she showed up to my work.

I do apologize for taking up and wasting your time lately. I see things for how they are and what they are now. We are nothing and we will be nothing.

Kj
Kj

Hello. I know I’m trying to move on because I know she never wanted anything from me. All the times she said she misses me or thinking of me a lot I know we’re not true because she has been with her best friend turned boyfriend for sometime.

I seem to not be making any progress as much as I am trying to not think of her or anything related. But I see things on how she loves him so much how they are perfect for each other and how she loves the things he does like took her to Vegas for her birthday. She post all these love heart things about him. She is so income with him already and I know he is with her since he just been waiting for this to happen for years and now he has it.

I feel like I’m regressing. Things are getting worse then before I at one point I was able to not think of her as much but since last I saw her is when she asked to come over and since then she has just been so much more happy with him then she ever was with me. Like I said everything they do and he does for her and how she thinks of him are perfect and she loves him. I see she never loved me I was never going to be as good as him.

Kj
Kj

I’m just keep thinking of why. Like why did she tell me those things when she never had intentions of working out things. And I know he had just been waiting to be with her for sometime. The whole thing with her calling and asking to come over doesn’t make sense to me either and I end up replaying that in my head even when I don’t think about it. Like she came over for what reason.

Plus the fact that he seems perfect for her that she is so much more happier then she has been for long time. I can’t get over it cause she said he was like a brother but but he is not. Was this meant to happen was I just the last person she wasted time on before realizing she loves her friend more then a just a friend as someone she could have life with.

maiverson
maiverson

Kevin,
I stopped no contact at 30+ days using the magic letter, she texted me and told me that a lot has happened. She got herself a boyfriend but they’re not official yet, she told me about him the day that we were breaking up that she has been talking to him for almost 3days already. So IDK, if its a rebound relationship. I feel at lost. I feel like everything crashed down again but not as bad as when she broke up with me. I just don’t know what to do. What should I do?

anu
anu

kevin,

missing him a lot..

wherever i go i sit what ever i see he is in my mind what happened to him? is he alone? is he fine? feel so hurt i feel like to see him.

praying for him…………..

Kj
Kj

I am just trying to figure out it it is worth to keep trying if after couple weeks of NC and I don’t get any response from her just to do another couple weeks of NC for the same effect of no association at all.

Really lost here especially after getting that phone call and actually seeing her. I think she saw me and feels that I’m the same person or she regretted even calling and seeing me. Don’t know what to really do about any of this.

Kj
Kj

I don’t even know how to talk to her anymore. Like what do I say that will actually turn into a simple conversation without her saying two things and that’s it. and how is that suppose to rebuild attraction.

Kj
Kj

I have tried positive things. I have tried just to be short and friendly but all I get is she reads my text then never replys just ignoring it or replys once hours later and that’s it.

You said 2 or 3 months after that stop. She ended it about that long ago maybe 4 months. But since then she has randomly hit me up out of nowhere between ending it and now. They would be random texts weeks or months later and once she came by my work and recently the call asking to come by. But ever time I try to converse I get nothing only when she hits me up. I did the whole NC thing awhile ago when it first happen so I could leave her be happy with whoever and doing whatever.

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