Your ex broke up with you and left you heartbroken. And while you are still trying to understand what happened and pick up the shattered pieces of your life, your ex has started another relationship.

You can’t believe that they’ve moved on so fast, so you consult your friend, search the Internet and everyone seems to say the same thing. “Your ex is probably in a rebound relationship”.

However, you are still not convinced. Your ex seems happy and their new relationship seems to be going perfectly. The new guy/girl seems completely opposite of you and yet your ex seems committed to make this relationship work. You are confused because everyone seems to be telling you it’s a rebound relationship while your instincts tell you that your ex has moved on.inigo montoya on rebound relationships

It’s truly a gut wrenching feeling to think of your ex with someone else, especially if you are still in love with them and want to get them back. And the thought of it just being a rebound relationship is very comforting. But when your mind starts wondering whether or not it’s a rebound, you can drive yourself crazy analyzing their behavior and obsessing over every little detail about their new relationship.

In this article, I’ll lay out some signs that will help you understand the rebound behavior and figure out on your own whether or not they’ve moved on.

How Long Have They Been In the New Relationship?

The first sign is quite obvious. The longer they’ve been in the new relationship, the less likely it is to be a rebound. If they’ve been in the relationship for a few months or less, then it’s probably a rebound and it will end soon. On the other hand, if their relationship has been going on for over a year, then you can safely assume that the relationship is serious for them and it’s probably not a rebound.

Of course, it’s not really a surefire way to determine whether or not they’re in a rebound relationship. If their new relationship has been going on for a few weeks, you can’t say for sure if it will end in a few months or it will continue for years. The longer they’re in the relationship, the more you lose hope. And the more you lose hope the more you start analyzing their new relationship (and obsessing over them) trying to convince yourself it’s a rebound.

How Long Did They Wait Before Starting the New Relationship?

If your ex started dating someone else within a week of breaking up, then it’s more likely to be a rebound. On the other hand, if they waited an appropriate amount of time (like three to four months) before entering the new relationship, it’s less likely to be a rebound.

Again, it’s not a surefire way of telling whether or not it’s a rebound. Some people jump from one relationship to another without waiting at all. Some people keep someone lined up for dating before breaking up just so they don’t have to be single for longer than a few days.serial dater

On the other hand, it could be that your ex waited months before entering the new relationship and it could still be a rebound depending if they never really got over you.

That’s why it’s beneficial to understand the rebound behavior. If their behavior resembles that of a person in a rebound relationship, you can be know for sure whether or not you have a chance at getting back together. You will not be obsessing over them so much and you will be able to concentrate on your happiness more.

Understanding the Rebound Behavior

A rebound relationship is simply an attempt to fill a hole in your life that was left by an ex. Another way to describe a rebound relationship is an attempt to avoid the pain of the breakup. It’s an attempt to feel the same way you were feeling while you were in a relationship with your ex. It’s an attempt to have the same level of intimacy that you had with your ex, with someone else.

Being intimately close to someone gives us a feeling of security and a boost to our self-esteem. It’s the kind of intimacy that is built with time and effort that a relationship requires. After a breakup, that intimacy is gone in a matter of few days and you are left feeling empty.

A rebound relationship gives you hope. It gives you a chance to feel that level of intimacy again. It gives you hope to fill that empty feeling inside you.

This is the reason why most of the rebound relationships seem to move so fast. Because a rebound relationship is an attempt to reach the level of intimacy that only long-term relationships have.

Suppose the name of your ex is Jane. Jane feels empty after she left you. She knew she wanted to breakup with you but she didn’t expect to be so much miserable after the breakup. She has an old friend Garry who comforts her, she finds herself attracted to him. She feels that perhaps this guy can make all her pain and the emptiness go away. So she starts dating him. Whenever she is with him, her mind is not thinking about the breakup and you. She doesn’t feel as empty as she was before.

But still whenever she is alone, the pain comes back. She can’t let go of this feeling of emptiness even though she is a new relationship. She thinks perhaps it’s because she is not as close to Garry as she was with you. She thinks if Garry and her start having sex, she will feel much closer to Garry and perhaps forget you. Even though, she usually waits three months before sleeping with someone she is dating, she makes an exception in Garry’s case; simply because she thinks that sleeping with him will make her forget about you.scumbag_garry

So they start sleeping together. Even though the sex is great, she is still not at peace with herself. She still can’t let go of the empty feeling when she is alone. She feels a little better when she is with Garry, but she can’t shake the feeling that this relationship is not giving her the peace that she expected.

At this point, most people realize that this new relationship will not bring them the peace and happiness they were hoping it would. But Jane is having a hard time accepting that. She thinks that the new relationship, despite not being what she expected, is still giving her some level of comfort. If she ends the relationship, she will have to face all the pain and emptiness alone and she doesn’t think she is ready to do it yet.

She continues her relationship, in hope that her level of intimacy with Garry will increase and the empty feeling inside her will slowly go away. She makes pathetic attempts to move the relationship faster hoping that she can gain the same level of intimacy that comes from long-term relationship. Attempts like moving in together after only 5 weeks of dating; meeting Garry’s parents and asking Garry to meet her parents; planning to move overseas with Garry. A few years ago, if you asked Jane whether or not she would move this much fast in a relationship, she would’ve called you crazy. But yet, here she is, rushing a relationship faster than a speeding bullet.

The story of Jane demonstrates a classic rebound behavior. Eventually, Jane would breakup with Garry and will try to deal with her breakup pain. She might feel that she is in love with Garry because Garry provides her with comfort and an escape from the pain that she desires deeply. Garry is a temporary solution that is alleviating the pain, but he is not the cure.

But soon enough, she will realize her relationship with Garry for what it is. A rebound. It did help her run away from the emptiness in her life, but it didn’t fill it. She is still empty and she can only be at peace with herself when she decides to face the breakup pain. (Read: How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back When She has Moved on to A New Boyfriend)

Who They Are In a Rebound Relationship

Apart from moving the rebound relationship too fast, another common behavior that rebound relationships have is choosing someone they’d not go for normally.

For example, suppose your ex always says he/she wants someone with a career goal. And after they breakup with you, they start a relationship with someone who has no career and no life goals whatsoever.

In some cases, your ex will choose someone who is completely opposite of you in every possible way. This is again, very common rebound behavior.

Why Do They Do This?

The reason behind this behavior is overcompensation. The relationship with you didn’t work and left them in pain. They think that finding someone completely opposite will probably give them happiness. In some cases, your ex will find a type of person they don’t usually go for. Someone who is not even compatible with their life goal. Someone who is not even their type. Just because they have hope that if they go for someone completely different, they’ll find happiness.

Some people go into a rebound deliberately and choose someone completely incompatible with them because they know it’s a rebound. They are not thinking of a long-term relationship. They are thinking of a short term rebound relationship which will hopefully help them get over the breakup.

Your Ex’s Behavior towards You

A very common sign of a rebound relationship is whether or not they are trying to rub in your face. If your ex is going out of their way to show you they are happy in their relationship and everything’s going great, then it’s probably a rebound and they are not doing that great in reality.

One of the most common indicators of this behavior is their social media profile (Facebook, twitter etc.). Your ex knows that you are checking their Facebook and if they are constantly posting picture with their rebound then it’s a sign that they are in a rebound.

Of course, this behavior is subjective. Some people are extremely active on Facebook and twitter while some people don’t usually post their personal life all over social media. You know your ex better than anyone, so you are the best judge if they are doing it to rub it in your face or not.

One of the examples of this social media behavior that I want to share came from one of my readers.

She posted on his Facebook wall whether or not he wants to move to Australia with her next year when she wants to do her PhD.  He replied, he’d love to. How can she go for some guy who has no plan for his future and could move to another country just like that? She always said she wanted someone who has some goals in life.

First of all, which couple discusses big life decision on their Facebook wall? She clearly posted this message for her ex to see. Which shows she is not over him and is most probably in a rebound.

What if they try to hide their relationship?

On the other end of the spectrum, there are exes who will try to hide their new relationship from you. This is fairly uncommon and it could mean two things.

1. They know it’s a rebound and they want to get back together with you someday. They don’t want to upset you or want you to move on. They don’t want you to start dating someone else because they are not over you and are hoping you will wait for them to come back.

2. They want to take their new relationship slow and don’t want you to bother them. This might be true if you had been acting like a crazy, stalky ex who wouldn’t leave them alone.

If they are hiding their new relationship, then it’s completely up to you to figure out which category they fall into. After all, you know your ex and your situation better than anyone else.

What to Do If They Are In a Rebound?

If they are in a rebound, you still have to apply the no contact rule and follow the 5-step plan. If you haven’t read the main 5 step plan to get your ex back, then you should. It’s possibly the best free guide on getting your ex back on the Internet. If you are looking to get your ex girlfriend or ex wife back, then you should check out this article. It will be the most comprehensive guide you will ever read and it will give you objectives you can set for yourself as you are moving forward in this journey to get your ex girlfriend back. In addition, you might also want to read this article on what to do if your ex boyfriend is in another relationship.

Wait, do you still have a chance?

Find out your chances of getting your ex back in 2 minutes.

Visit the Comment Section!

Have a question? We have an active comment section. Scroll down to read the comments. Before commenting, read commenting guidelines.

525 comments ...add one

  • Jordan R

    Okay not looking for advice but would just like to comment that your advice worked too well! Lol. After 3 months of doing me, getting a new car, getting a new job, losing 20 lbs and looking and feeling great, my ex came back and said he was over his rebound and wanted to get back together. We talked for about 5 days and he said he thought I deserved better than him and I was doing so great he didn't want to interrupt that - and went back to the rebound chick. Honestly it was very helpful though - made me realize that he's childish with commitment problems and I deserve better than whatever he is serving. Thanks for the advice!

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      That's great Jordan. We're really proud of what you've achieved and we hope that these changes have made your life much better. All the best to you!

      Reply
  • Crystal

    My ex broke up with me. I just moved out Jan.31st and he had been seeing someone else for2 months prior to me moving out. He says she means nothing to him but yet he spends every weekend with her including Christmas and New Year's. He said it's not cheating because he been told me he wasn't happy. Should I just forget about him?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If the break up occurred prior to the start of him seeing another girl, then yes it wasn't cheating. However, if he had started seeing that person while you were still together, and even living under the same roof, he isn't worth it since he doesn't seem to understand the context of cheating or what it means to be in a relationship.

      Reply
  • Paps

    I was with this girl for about to years. It was a long distance relationship and we felt we were made for each other. She always wanted to communicate with me and she told me how much she loved me. We argued sometimes and she'll block on social media me but later come back telling me how she missed me and liked me. Just recently she told me she didn't wanna be in a relationship with me and wanted to be alone and that she doesn't like me. She wants to be just friends but I really love this girl and I want her. She doesn't text me as she used to and when I text her she doesn't reply. It's like she doesn't care about me anymore. I did the no contact and got in touch with her, she's just been cold. I need help

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If no contact did not work, you might want to think about why she may be acting this way. It may be necessary to go about no contact once more for a longer period before contacting her again. However, the alternative to that if you aren't able to cope emotionally is to be fair to yourself and consider walking away.

      Reply
    • Paps

      I really would want to walk away, take my mind off her but I love her and I'm always thinking about her. I've started the no contact again but I don't think she considers me a part of her life now. I just wanna get over with this whole thing

      Reply
  • Gina

    My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. 18 months we were together, (we have been close for 5 years) but the past 6 months or so was a downhill fall. We just couldn’t get past things damaging our relationship. He requested a 2 week break to decide if he wants to move things forward and move in with me (some pushing on my end I’ll be honest) or end things. We agreed to focus on improving ourselves and not date or hookup with anyone else in the 2 weeks. Well he admitted to me he went on a few dates with a girl (8th grade ex gf...we are 24....) and he kind of likes her. When he is drunk he would send me photos of them together. It hurts me. But we still have been talking and seeing each other frequently. But he is also still taking her out on dates and talking to her. I asked him to stop seeing her (I know wrong thing to do) and he said “i dont know if I want too” Do you think it’s a rebound? I’m about to implement no contact and I do truely love him and see a future for us. It just hurts so much he is so quickly enjoying dates and time with another girl.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      It sounds like a rebound especially since you guys were together for a period of time, and he's currently going through a novel experience by dating someone new. I encourage that you follow through with no contact, work on improving yourself, not being his emotional bolster to turn to whenever he needs someone, and give him the space to realize that he's going through a rebound.

      Reply
  • Jake

    Hi, after a month of silence from both sides (my ex broke up after a year and two months, but we've been close friends for years before that, she's younger (25), me 40, and we met at work), I wrote simply and short how she's doing, and IMMEDIATELY got a response. Therefore, I can say that this does work. The response actually surprised me because she immediately suggested to meet up face to face, even is she is uncertain whether it will make a difference she says, but it seems like the right thing to do. The month of absence for me was complete hell, I was literally waiting daily to hear from her, but then wrote myself after 30 days, and received a reply. What is very strange however, is that the day after she replied "we should meet up face to face", she blocked me from her facebook (until then it was all normal and visible), not unfriended me, but I can't see any posts anymore that are not public. This is strange, and I don't understand this part. I hope that meeting her in real will bring some answers, as the break was very sudden and very strange, from everything great to a sudden complete stop. I've read on your site that it might be that some exes don't want to upset the other in case they might want to come back, but I do fear the worst scenario, that there is someone else, let's hope this is not the case. Would also be a bit soon, after 30 days... In any case, whereas she said (out of the blue) "we will never see each other again" around new year, wanting to meet in person is progress. Now I am not strong enough to project any strong security yet, so I hope I won't be too emotional meeting her. I know we should be all manly and have made a change, but the truth is I've been too devastated for a month to make much progress, only thinking: "wtf just happened?". If you have any tips for this first meet, for which I am very nervous (feels like meeting her for the first time all over again) and what the block in fb linked to that means, pls let me know... thanks!

    Reply
  • Sun

    Hi, im 22 my ex is 23 years old. He was my fiance for two years and we have dated 7 years. We thought about getting married this year but few years was not good for us.By the way we were waiting till marriage but still did things.. I was working because of our future, he wanted attention, and intimacy i told him we can if he wants to, but he wanted to wait, sometimes i needed attention, because he was playing games..one day we had a big fight over a girl and his priority-friends, because he is playing games. So i throwed my ring and told him its over. But he didnt do anything he was tired, before that he was always telling me that im the one, he dont want to lose me. So we had a break, we wanted to start over but the thing was...he was dating other girls from dating sites and it was hurtful. We've met 3 times and everything was there, we were flirting, talking, laughing but when we were talking about relashionship he was on phone smiling, i didnt show but i was jealous. But messages from him and chating was great, we were talking like we used to with romantic emojis and that he miss me..but one day he was cold, didnt want to meet, he called me and told me its over, we are torturing each other, he loves me but he is dating other girl 2 weeks(we broke up 2 months ago and were dating too), and even he is dating he writes me he miss me, other day he is cold.He told me he dont want to get hurt again and that he will act like everythings perfect and will not show his feelings anymore. What I suppose to do? How do I get back with him?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If you were together with him for such a long period, and he is capable of dating other people so quickly, it either goes to show that he may have lost interest in the relationship a while back (hence his priorities of meeting friends and playing games over you), or he just doesn't want to deal with the negative emotions of dealing with a break up. The new girl he's seeing is probably a rebound however, considering the time you've been with him and that's also why it may be hard for him to let go of her so soon, since it's providing for a new experience which he has not had in a long time.

      Reply
  • Wayne

    We dated for about 3 months before getting together for 6 months. During the dating period we were really happy together. However, as this was my first relationship, I didn't maintain it well enough to make her happy each day like texting her as and when I'm free. We had an arguement and it got worse after. All she wanted was an apology, my time and attention. I regreted all that has happened. Soon after she initiated to break up as I didn't try to understand and solve the issue within the two weeks. Two months after, I realize she is dating someone new, much older but he seems to be experienced enough to text her every single day including morning and night. I'm now on NC and not sure what I can do next. It is really hard to initiate conversation with her as she is a loyal girl who sticks to a guy at a time. She will most likely ignore my message if I text. What else can I do?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      In this scenario, it could either lead to 2 outcomes. The first is that if the relationship you shared was meaningful, there's a likelihood that the guy she's dating now is a rebound and would eventually end. The second and worse of the two outcomes is that she has moved on to something better and isn't going to look back, because it was your first relationship and didn't maintain it well enough (it's no fault of yours). Either way, there's not much you could do right now, except pick yourself up, and focus on NC as well as moving on. If an opportunity presents itself again in the future and you feel something for her still, perhaps you could give it another shot then.

      Reply
    • Wayne

      How long do the rebound relationship usually last? What if the new guy is really experienced and treats her well enough of the things I didn't do? i can feel that she is really angry and hates me. Is she still feeling emotional about our relationship or that she has moved on to the new guy? I only managed to understand the whole stituation after the break up and it gave me a lesson learnt. I really do hope that I can get her back together and do the right things for her to be happy. It is a torture to be waiting and thinking each day when will they eventually end.

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      A word of advice would be to not sit around and wait for them to eventually end, because there's really no telling when it will end. In this particular situation, I hate to break it to you, but he may or may not actually be a rebound considering that you had no prior relationship experience, so there was a limit to the impression you may have left her with. I suggest focusing on picking yourself up, and even trying to move on for the time being - you might want to consider dating again in the near future to gain more exposure as well. If she happens to break up with her current partner in the future, and an opportunity presents itself, you could always consider your options then.

      Reply
  • Alice

    Hey guys,

    I commented like a month back about my ex breaking up with me and moving onto a girl who is 18. He is 24 and I am 21. So it's been 3 days past the 30 day NC period and still haven't started any contact again. I didn't do so well in the no contact period. I was motivated in the beginning and still am, have been going consistently to the gym, reading motivational books, but have days where I am crying for hours. Now they are becoming more often. Also 2 weeks ago, my ex (who blocked me on everything) did this thing where he followed and unfollowed me on snapchat after an hour and then the next day followed me (didn't follow back at all) but then posted pics with her that night on instagram. I also found out he unblocked me on all social media and even my number but made his instagram private. He unfollowed me on snap like 5 days later after viewing some of my snaps which I tried to look happy/hanging out with friends in. I'm getting too into details but I thought it was weird because I know he blocks contact with exes and apparently he's so happy with her. Also the night before following me on snap he posted a pic late at night which he seemed to be walking (he walks a lot when he needs to think through things/problems). They haven't posted anything on instagram since that post like 2 weeks ago but all the posts are still there. I'm still confused and really let this get to me in the 2nd half of NC. I'm also really hesitant about contacting again. Do you have any advice on where to go from here?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Social media has the tendency to present a very false state of truth, where people post pictures or snaps of being happy or traveling the world, but actually have many issues they do not show. Just like how you upload snaps of going out with your friends and looking happy, your ex might be doing the same. However, if he's seen all your posts and unfollowed you after, he might be curious to see how you've been doing, and may even start to feel confused. That being said, he isn't about to just break up with his girlfriend immediately and jump back into your arms. Time is still needed for events to unfold, but for the meantime, you should focus on why you've been feeling worse lately and crying more, instead of waiting for him or thinking too much about the situation.

      Reply
    • Alice

      Thank you, this helps a lot. I really do overthink this.

      Reply
  • K

    hey, i broke up with my girlfriend officially on november 217, before this we were gradually falling apart. just because we couldnt see each other most often. i was her first boyfriend she has never been in a relationship before me, and i believe she was deeply in love with me. we barely talked until November when i started texting her and found that she was online most of the time and replied to me late after i send the msgg. i realized there's someone else. i was reallymad but broke up with her ina gentle way by sending her a msg saying "seems that i have been disturbing you, thank you for everything nice happened all that time, best of luck in your life. much love. bye"..she didn't reply. 2 weeks later i found her posting snaps like every two days with the guy adding heart emojis and it was obvious they were together. she never done that with me and i know that's not her normal behavior. i never posted anything or viewed what ami doing in my life, i also stopped viewing her stories..so she stopped posting. when i started posting stories i found that she views them a minute after i post. still i never talked to her. on my birthday on Jan 1st, she sent me a msg. saying "happy birthday and happy new year" i replied " thank you, glad you remembered. hope you're fine" she texted back saying "thank you. you too <3" . i feel that she's in a rebound, but im afraid their relationship gets stronger..i still want her and i still love her, but i don't know what to do..my college is really difficult and im afraid i wouldnt be able to meet her alot ..but i really really want her back or at least talk to her.. please help me.. thank you

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      The likelihood of her being in a rebound relationship is dependent on the type and length of relationship the both of you shared. If things were serious and there was a meaningful relationship, it's possible that she is going through a rebound. But you also have to consider why the relationship didn't work out in the first place, because that would explain further how she feels about you. I would recommend letting her relationship run it's course, and you shouldn't interfere with it, as it may push her further away. In the meantime, focus on the potential issues you had as a partner, and work on improving yourself. That way, when you decide to contact her again, at least there's a significant change that she may notice from you, which further sparks interest.

      Reply
  • Lilly

    Hi there,

    My ex boyfriend and I dated for nearly 5 years. I was 18 when we first started dating. We had an amazing relationship, we both knew we wanted to be together as we discussed marriage and kids. However, over 6 months ago my feelings seemed to have changed for him, I told him about it and broke up with him... we got back together the next day as I thought I made the biggest mistake of my life as I do really love him. We were great for 2 months however his family decided to cut me off because of what I did and treated me poorly. I lost all my confidence, I lost direction and I just knew he could do better than me. So I broke it off with him again and this was just over 4 months ago. He was devastated, he tried so hard to get me back in the first month as he told me I was the love of his life. However, when we met up one night he told me he has slept with someone at his work and basically his feelings changed towards me. I stopped contact for 7 weeks. I heard nothing from him, so I contacted him because I found out he lost his job. We started talking again, we went for lunch and he was shocked in how well I was looking so he was messaging me a lot to hang etc ... but I stupidly slept with him, I stayed at his house. He told me he missed me. The next day he was so cold, and told me it was a mistake and that he needs to focus on himself and that he can’t love me like he used to. He kept snap chatting me since then and I found out he was seeing the same girl he slept with from work through mutual friends as he was taking her to coffee shops and shops my friends work at. I asked him about it and he said he has no feelings for her at all and that hanging with someone because he was miserable made it easier. However, I don’t believe him. He is constantly with her and they were together NYE. I decided to cut him off social media along with his family. What do you think this relationship is? Because prior to cutting him off he was sill occasionally talking to me and always snap chatting me. I am so confused, as I love this guy so much but because of what he’s doing I just don’t know how we could ever come back from this. As he told me that if I stop talking to him there would be no hope for us in the future. I feel so confused.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      It could very well be a rebound relationship as he doesn't want to personally deal with the emotions of losing you, and decides to take comfort in someone else. If he is cutting you off right now, you shouldn't linger around and wait for him as you've tried reaching out once only for him to sleep with you then go back to dating the other girl.

      Reply
  • Cristina

    Hi
    I broke up with my ex on 20th December and i was really confused...I didn’t know what I wanted and I knew that i needed his attention so much that i started to do this rebound relationship (mostly just talking not flirting) without realizing it. The thing is that i was talking to this guy, that i thought i liked, on a social media (ig) and even tho my ex told me he deleted my account from his phone, he lied and a few days ago, he saw the conversation and got angry and hurt...i never wanted him to see the conversation because yeah...i knew it was just me trying to not feel miserable. But I wasn’t in a relationship and i don’t even know why he took it that bad even if I tried to explain and i told him that i am sorry. But soon after i saw him doing the same thing, even worse. He was flirting with another girl and he was acting the way he used to act with me when we were together. I did not contact him those past days and it’s so hard... I don’t know if he still care for me or not and i feel so bad for everything

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Right now, the best thing to do is to give him some space to cool off. He is acting this way clearly because he is upset at your actions and wants revenge. Never let that get the better of you, and just let him know that you're sorry once more before applying no contact.

      Reply
  • Rick

    Hello there. I'm 19 years old, my ex is 17. My ex-girlfriend and I were together for 2,5 years. We broke up 6 months ago. One month after our break-up we kissed again at a festival and it was quite obvious that she wanted to get together again. She wasn't drunk when we spoke about this. However I wanted to slow things down a little bit just to give us some time to think about everything. Right after the break-up I wasn't really panicking or anything just because my friends and family took me out a lot and there was never a really a moment for me to actually think about what had happened. The main reason why we broke up (it was a mutual decision) was the fact that I didn't give her much attention near the end of our relationship, as I was in my first year at university and I was quite concentrated on my work. I didn't know well how to manage my time, so we sort of lost connection. About 4 months after we broke up we started talking again and I realised that I still loved her. However, she told she had had sex with someone (who then turned out to be a player). We met a couple of times (before I found this article) and I told her that I still loved her. She said that she was over our relationship. A couple of days ago, a friend of mine told me that she really didn't want to have a relationship with me anymore and that she was interested in someone else (who apparently doesn't even look at her in real life). I've been doing the NC-rule for about 25 days now. One day I accidently bumped into her at the supermarket and I didn't say anything to her so now she thinks I'm mad at her (which a part of me is). How should I consider the guy she's interested in and should I stick to the regular 5 step-plan from this website ?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      At this point, you should take what things are happening at face value. You could always start off as friends first after your NC and just slowly build a connection back up if you genuinely still want her back. But never put pressure on her to make a choice since right now, both of you are not together.

      Reply
  • Alice

    Hey guys,

    So my ex broke up with me a little over a month ago after several months talking/couple months together. He’s 24 and I’m 21. We got to know each other really well, had common goals, and were even talking about marriage since that was very important to him (I was hesitant because he would talk about getting married 2 years from now which was early for me). I was getting out of a breakup so I vented to him a lot in the first 1-2 months and would mention my ex sometimes which he didn’t like and now looking back I shouldn’t have done.
    This was in the summer but wasn’t a fling, we felt serious. We're both in school so things started to get stressful a month in. We fought once a week then multiple times a week, all on text. We started to focus on positive things less, he said he didn't feel connected as much but everytime we saw each other, it's like we hadn't fought. We both acknowledged we couldn't see each other to work things out as much but then he broke it off, saying we fought too much, didn't feel trust, school/finals stress, & that we should take a break. We talked for another 2 weeks saying we could work things out & even hung out a week after the breakup. It felt like he really wanted to make it work. He did mention this classmate he worked on a project with and went to her apartment. They talked about their past relationships, even ours which I didn’t like but didn’t think anything of it. Both his exes cheated on him so he had trust issues so he said he would never do that to me or go behind my back. He said he would never be interested in her because she’s 18, seems stuck up, and they have nothing in common. I mentioned a guy my friend was trying to set me up with to help me move on (I told my ex I wasn't interested) but he didn't like it. A week later, we got into the worst fight after my other ex messaged me after months (but I told him I denied him) then we didn’t talk for 2.5 weeks.
    So then I see a picture on insta of his arm around that girl & messaged him finding out they started dating less than a week after our last fight because “they just clicked” & right after finals he went to her house out of state & met her parents (she is rich & apparently has her own house). He said they really like each other but don’t love each other yet & isn’t even thinking about marriage. I told him it didn't make sense why he's with her & he said he had a change of heart/things happened fast. We had an ugly fight after that because I was so angry, it was the worst one & he said that’s why he left me. I made a lot of mistakes, really seeming needy but he’s blocked me on everything telling me he really likes her & I need to respect that. I said I did & just wanted to talk/be friends (which he said too) but he’s blocked me. I think it’s a rebound but he broke up with a girl like a month before meeting me & he says he completely shuts out exes. It doesn’t seem like they match but that he really likes her. I don’t know what to do but just really want him back since I’m committed to him but I feel like the more they’re together, they’ll fall in love & I’ve already made myself look like a fool. Help! Do you have any advice?

    Thank you!

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      It seems like he's trying to get back at you, and this girl is probably a rebound that was emotionally there for him during the times you guys were fighting. If he really has nothing in common with her, they would not last. Also, based on what you told me and how fast they jumped right into things, it would seem like she's most likely a rebound. For the time being however, I suggest you move on* as well first and focus on yourself. Focus on your life, improve yourself, even go on other dates. If you guys shared a meaningful relationship, it's unlikely that he would get over you so quickly.

      Reply
    • Alice

      Thank you! I'm just so confused. He just didn't seem like the type of guy to do that, especially since he would say I'd never do that to anyone since both of his exes cheated. But it was only like 2.5 weeks since we fought (he said he loved me the day before) that he's dated her and already went like 10 hours away to meet her parents. I don't get it. I started NC but they will probably spend New Year's, Valentine's etc. together when he asked me months ago if we wanted to spend both of those days together. I'm nervous because he started saying things like it wasn't love for us even though he thought it was and that we weren't compatible. In the months of getting to know each other he would say we were a team and we had a lot in common. We talked 24/7 and things started to get a little tough but our fights were over silly things, I just don't get why or why he would try to get back at me.

      Reply
  • Christa

    Hi,
    I posted earlier, but I don't think it actually posted bc I can't find my post now. On Dec. 1, my boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me tearfully citing that me desire to have a home and family soon (we are both 35yrs old. ) as well as him not being where he thinks he should be after 3.5 years together. He said he loved me, believes he is in love with me, and that I'm his best and only friend but I deserve everything I want and he doesn't think he's the guy to give it to me. I'm the longest relationship he's had as an adult, the only woman he's said I love you to, and the only woman he's lived with. He has not had a serious adult relationship. However, 4 days later he was sleeping with a woman from work who is the exact opposite of everything he's ever said he's wanted. She 37, mother of 4, divorced, uneducated, smoker, and a truck driver at the same dead end job he's at and hates so much and trying to leave when he's done with his master's. He's explained that she's nice and he's not just sleeping with her. That he likes her despite the ridicule he receives at work. He told me he prefers me over her and that she doesn't even come close to me so I am not to compare myself. We agreed I would move out in June, so he has since moved out and he found a rental close to her. She is already posting on facebook that he's the one. Meanwhile, every time he comes to maintain the property he tells her that I'm not here and he proceeds to hug, kiss, and spank me playfully. I told him if he really liked her then he would be honest with her. He agreed that he doesn't want to be that kind of man for anyone. It sounds like he got a case of cold feet, but I'm not sure. He seems to be doing everything in his power to make it work with this woman who is so obviously a poor replacement of me but also an excellent distraction from him having to deal with our breakup and lovers and best friends. In fact, he still admits that I'm still his best friend and he can't talk to her as openly and without defense as he can with me. I don't want to be the other woman in his relationship, but is this a rebound even if he's trying to do everything right and take her wishes into consideration? Also, am I being wishful in assuming he got a case of cold feet? Do I proceed with no contact? I've been doing my part in bettering myself. Every time he sees me he tells me how great I look and that our breakup suites me. I've told him I went on a date to which he showed jealousy and admitted it but then shook it off saying he can't really say anything considering what he's doing himself. Thoughts? Is there hope for us?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      There might be hope for you, but not right now. If that relationship he's in is a rebound (which it sounds like), then you should not continue to stay hopeful in one place but at least move on a little, so that you don't constantly think of it. I would suggest proceeding with NC and just in general, moving on with life for the moment.

      Reply
    • Christa

      Thanks, Ryan! I appreciate the feedback and I'll continue to work on myself. Actually, I'm feeling better about myself everyday. It wasn't a bad breakup and we both remained respectful and civil with each other. There's love there, I'm just not sure whay kind of love it is, romantic or friendship. But I'll move forward as though it's done and let him figure out what he wants in life. Meanwhile, I'll just get back to being who I was before I dedicated my life to him and his well - being. Thanks!

      Reply
  • Michelle

    Hey Ryan,
    I was with my ex for 9 years. He proposed in may and things seemed fine. Maybe a little stressful with wedding planning and me being in school and working full time. Then around mid october out of nowhere he states he's unhappy and he's been unhappy for a while and that I treated him like shit for 9 years. I know I can be snappy at times and I begged for the first couple of weeks to give me another chance and to work on each other but he would just say that he gave me so many chances. In the back of my mind I always had this gut feeling about this girl that he was working with. Since last november I told him I felt uncomfortable with him being friends with her. Last December someone actually made a fake facebook account and messaged me how close the two of them are and how they hung out before school all the time. When I confronted him he said some crazy person at school was starting rumors. Fast forward to the present I found out that they have been talking and he went to her for our relationship advice and they both got feelings for each other. I caught him at her house and she met his family 3 weeks after we broke up. He took her to see a broadway play and to an expensive steak house (around $500) about one month after we broke up. I know this has been going on for a while so I am unsure if this is still considered a rebound. He lied to me and his friends about the girl and is still trying to hide her. He told everyone that he and the girl were going on a break to prove to everyone that he did not break up with me for her. Over the next month and a half I have been seeing a therapist and things seemed to be going okay with my ex and I. He would always be the one to initiate the conversations and we went shopping, dinner, and the movies a couple of weeks ago and things seemed great. He even texted me how much fun he had. He just keeps saying he is scared to give me another chance and doesn't think that I will change. He would go back and forth every couple of weeks. An example, I was in Miami one weekend and he was constantly texting me and his friends telling us that he wanted to work it out. As soon as I told him if we are trying to work on each other then he would eventually have to find work somewhere else he flipped out saying I was trying to control him. He obviously still wants to be with this girl and is now using the excuse "I'm working on myself." He's mad that everyone knows what he did to me and is only ashamed because he got caught. I have not spoken to him in a week. I am just afraid that not talking to him is bringing him and the girl closer together. Do I continue with the no contact and is this girl a rebound or not? Thank you!

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      He would think you aren't capable of change because you're still in relatively constant contact with him and just like it's hard to tell if someone lost weight if you saw them everyday, this works out to be the same - change can't be seen clearly if you see the person or talk to the person constantly. I suggest proceeding with NC to actually work on any issues you had to become an improved version of yourself first. This girl could be a rebound but it really depends on the situation (was he cheating all this while or only started dating her after the breakup). Honestly, in this situation, you might want to mentally prepare to walk away because if he can't even be honest towards you (or his friends) about this, you might find it hard to trust him on future occasions if you guys were to work things out.

      Reply
    • Michelle

      I just think he's using the excuse I won't change because of the girl. Clearly if the girl wasn't in the picture we would be able to work on our relationship and you would think he would want to give me another chance because he did propose. I have not spoken to him in 2 weeks other then just saying merry christmas yesterday. I do not think he physically cheated while we were together but he did emotionally cheat. He was talking to her over the past year when I asked him not to and he would lie about it. He apparently saw her in the summer with another coworker and I had no idea and her number was changed in his phone. He caught feelings for the girl and other then stepping back from the situation he kept going on with it. I had all his passwords so I could see what he was doing with the girl and that is how I caught him because he was lying to everyone about her. Now I really don't know what is going on because I'm kind of starting to not care. I still want to keep up with the no contact and see how that goes.

      Reply
  • Jordan R

    Hiii okay I need some advice
    So I dated my boyfriend for 3 years, we moved in together at the beginning of this year. We had a difficult relationship - I cheated once, he cheated a few times. We broke up for a week or so last year and then we got back together and decided to start fresh, no more cheating or anything we were gonna be serious. Then we moved in together a few months later. I kept my promise, was 100% dedicated to him (I cheated right in the beginning when we had only been dating a few weeks. He has used this as leverage and an excuse to cheat throughout our relationship). About a month ago he told me he cheated again - we broke up. For a week I had to live there and he was so cold, didn't talk to me or see me. He was plain rude. Then I moved out and he came running back, saying he regretted everything and he still loves me and wants to work it out. I went away on a trip for 3 days, when I came back he told me he doesn't know what he wants and he has met someone else who makes him really happy. It's been a month and I have not talked to him since. So far, he has proceeded to delete me and all my friends on Facebook, but he's still making pointed posts like "it sucks when you give your all to someone and they don't do the same". This morning, I discovered he made a post on instagram with This new girl and captioned it "I have never been so happy, it keeps getting better and better with you". He had been following me on instagram up until this morning - so he made a post and then unfollowed me.
    I don't necessarily know if I want to get back with him, he has really hurt me and I don't know if were right for each other. However I still really love him and im hurt that he possibly moved on so fast. Does this sound like rebound behavior? If I decide I want to be with him and try to get him back, what steps should I take ?
    Your advice is appreciated!!

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Yes,

      What you're describing sounds a lot like rebound behavior and isn't something you should be too worried about. If he could latch on and run back to you the moment you walked away, and yet latch onto someone new as easily when you're gone for a couple of days, it doesn't sound like it's a person you can feel secure with for a prolonged period. That's just my opinion and if you genuinely want him back (as opposed to moving on), it's something you need to be mentally prepared for. In the meantime, I would suggest applying No Contact and first focus on picking yourself up before deciding again what you should do.

      Reply
  • Mary

    Hi
    Im Mary and i am quite confused of what this guy whom unfortunately I love so much wants. We are in a long distance relationship and he left me last September telling me that he cannot bear the distance anymore and that he needs a gf that is physically available. It was the worst heartbreak I experienced in my whole life and it left me shattered. Even after the breakup we still communicate as he always wants to be friends. After a month I felt tired and all I know was that he finally found someone else. I didnt contact him for almost a month but now he is coming back to mylife again saying that he misses me still. He finally decided to break up with the new girl but td me that he is also not 100% ready to be in a relationship with me again. Now i am confused if this guy is even worth loving for after all what he did or is he just trying to fool me around again knowing how much I loved him so hes taking an advantage?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      It could be either reasons. You know him better than anyone else. I would suggest that if he could walk away once over lack of physical contact, as long as nothing changes (aka you moving to be with him or vice versa), it could easily happen a second time. Be fair to yourself and think this through on whether it's worth it.

      Reply
  • Nick

    Hi Kevin. I broke up with my girlfriend in August, after dating for 7 months. She pleaded to have me back shortly in September, and after thinking about it for awhile, I regretted it and wanted her back. The reason to break up with her wasn’t good, and it had to do with some personal issues I’m dealing with. She started seeing this new guy in October who (what I’ve been told by others) is a long-time friend. I’ve sat down and talked with her about the mistakes I’ve made in breaking up with her and apologized, however, I also got a little emotional through the talk. She still stays in contact with me regularly, and says she “loves me”. She also said that “she’s confused” and “doesn’t know what she wants”. She does seem to light up when she sees me and we’ve had some intimate contact in the past week (kisses on the cheek and warm hugs). I’m not really sure if this relationship is a rebound or not, but I’m seeking advice from you so I can better figure out the situation I’m in.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hey Nick,

      It's normal that people seek comfort in others when they're upset, which is why rebounds exist in the first place. Right now she may be feeling conflicted (as opposed to directly jumping into the rebound) because you're still in the picture and on relatively good terms with her. If you're certain that you can make the relationship work and not go back into the same cycle as before, I don't think you should treat the guy as a rebound (where you have to back off and not interfere) but rather as fair competition where you're trying to win her heart once again.

      Reply
  • Melissa

    Hi! Three months ago, my exboyfriend and I broke up. We were together for a year in a long distance relationship. I don't even know who broke up with who. I was feeling unloved and I told him. I thought we would try to work things out. However, he took it as if I was saying he was wrong or that it wasn't working. He said he was going to answer me but he didn't. After some texts and after time of not talking, he suddenly met someone else when he was travelling. Everything between them went so fast. He wrote about having a soul connection and about true love in a few days after meeting each other. I saw their interaction through social media and I could see how fast everything has been moving between them (with me everything went pretty slow and it took him forever to tell me he loved me and things like that). She is nothing like me, she is totally different both physically and in interests. She is almost 20 years younger than him. I feel they are really into each other and I am sad because I thought he would think things through and get back together. The confusing part is that after he came back from his trip (and of meeting her), he started texting me. We talked and he seemed to be sad. He told me "I have been ok"(instead of great as he looks on his pictures). He has been texting me, to say nothing important. I don't understand why. Is it because he felt guilty? Is he trying to be friends? Also, after we talked for the first time in a long time, I posted a picture with a guy I met. I didn't have any intentions of doing so, but that day he sent me a super friendly text. I don't know if it was because now it seems that each one of us moved one or could it be that he is still interested? Why does he want to start and keep talking? What should I do?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      He could be confused and undecided on what he wants at the moment, and the other girl could be a rebound that sparked while he was trying to cope with your 'breakup' seeing how you said that she was nothing like you. It could be that he keeps wanting to talk to you so as to not let you go, since his spark with the rebound may have been a holiday romance.

      Reply
  • Joe

    Hi, so i was dating this girl for about 2 years and we loved each other very much. We spent everyday we could together. I slipped up and cheated on her with another girl. I then told her about what had happened and she became super angry and slept with a guy to hurt me. She told me right after she did it to make sure i felt the pain. I obviously want her back because I acknowledged my mistake but now she does not want to talk to me. She is now with the same dude and is posting alot about him on social media for me to see. I want to commit to fixing our relationship but understand that she is not in the best state of mind to talk. I'm going to start no contact for at least 45 days and see what happens. I'm pretty sure she still loves me and is just rebounding. Any suggestions or concerns i should be worried about?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hey Joe,

      At the moment, leave her be (no matter how painful it may be to see them together) and during this NC period, spend time focusing and improving yourself as a person. Give her that space to calm down and let her relationship with the guy fade out before coming back.

      Reply
    • Joe

      Thanks Ryan, I will follow what you have instructed. So say i do NC and i message her and shes still upset with me, is there anything i can do? Also, I have a strong belief that she is scared to come back to me because of how bad i hurt her. Im pretty sure this girl is my soulmate.

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hey Joe,

      If you're really sure that she's your soulmate and you're willing to wait, if after you apply NC and she is still upset with you, that means that it may be still too soon and you have to give her even more time, continuing with NC for as long as necessary.

      Reply
    • Joe

      Hey Ryan, I just wanted to clarify that if my ex is still with her rebound after my 45 no contact period, that i should still not contact her until the other guy is gone? Also, do you have any other tips on what to do in the time being. Thanks.

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Well, it would be better not to, although if she contacts you first, perhaps you could always start off as friends. In the meantime, focus on improving yourself as a person. Take up a new hobby, get a climb on your career, go out with friends, even date around again. The last thing you want is to be caught still stuck at the same place down the road when she's moved way ahead of you.

      Reply
    • Joe

      Thanks Ryan, I have moved on and I have been hanging out with other women. I don't believe my ex has moved very far ahead due to the fact that she never really dealt with our breakup (rebound). It's frustrating to watch her make a fool out of herself with this new guy, her friends and others all question why she is still with him. Is there anyway to knock some sense into her without making myself look needy/ look like i'm trying to ruin their relationship. Thanks. -Joe

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hi Joe, unfortunately it's hard for you to do that without coming across as desperate and wanting her back. If you're on talking terms with her, you can always advise and tell her to be cautious of the relationship but I wouldn't do more than that.

      Reply
  • Mitch

    It’s been about eight months since me and my girl friend broke up after 1 year into the relationship. She was the one to break off the relationship. Although, I was devastated and tried convincing we can make things work, I came to a point that of not replying to her because she was blabbering non-sence in her final set of msgs. I went to a NC, and after 2 months she contacts me again. I took it slow and talked with her. And understood that she is showing interest. However, after a while she went cold again. The same happened again twice within a period of 4 months. This was taking me through an emotional rollercoaster. But however, I went NC again. About a month ago, she send me a msg again asking how I am. I started to talk to her, she was really nice and comforting but with time she went cold again. Unfortunately, I became a bit needy this time around. So she sent me a set of msgs full of anger, and told me that she didn’t want to talk to me again. Right now I’m in a NC period. But recently I've heard that she seeing a guy. I'm hearing that she rushing into progress with the new guy. So what I your advice on this to me. What should I do?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hey Mitch,

      I suggest you leave them be and continue with NC indefinitely. If she's in a rebound, she will eventually break up with the guy and the rushing into things may be a way to compensate for any negative emotions she might feel against you. The whole point of going into NC is to allow you to recover from any emotional hurt you might have faced as well as improve yourself. It's hard to do that if she keeps coming back to you but leaving you short each time. Even if you want her back, you should be at a point where you're okay if she's back in your life, but also okay if she's not before trying for anything again.

      Reply
    • Mitch

      Thanks Ryan,
      Appreciate the fact that you had time to respond to me. Could I ask you why she's showing this kind of behaviour even though its been like 9 months since the break up?

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      There may still be underlying feelings of resentment towards you regarding the overall negative emotions she felt during the relationship, but it's only speculation on my part. If you really want to know for certain, the only way is to actually ask her about it.

      Reply
  • april sherman

    hey kevin.
    as everyone in the room here, i need help.
    so, my bf broke up with me (we've been together for 5 and a half years), said he want to focus on his career, says he feel bad for being unable to help me in my hard times, and so on. i dont understand why because we were fine two days ago, it just come out of the blue. i dont accept it of course, but then within couple of days he posted a picture with another girl saying what lovers would say. That just hurt me really bad so i told him, "is that really the reason why? because u already have a new one?" and he just keep apologizing. we discussed about that, i said i forgive him only if he leaves her, he said he need some time, and what bothers me most is he block my Instagram, so i deactivated mine. now we dont talk anymore, but surely i know he is still with that girl and, i still want him back. do u think i had a chance? do u think me and him could start over? what am i supposed to do now?
    seriously i need help here, thnk u

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hi April,

      Well at the moment, there isn't much you can do because of it's never right to break a relationship up. If they're together, and has resorted to even blocking you on social media platforms, then it would better for the time being that you also move on. In the future if he ever breaks up with her and you still want him back, then perhaps you could try again but right now, I suggest applying the no contact rule.

      Reply
  • Dee

    My girlfriend and I broke up in July, she was having some family issues, she gave me the reason that she wasn't good for me, that was why the breakup happened, so she isn't going to hurt me. I followed the NC rule for 3 weeks, everything seemed to be working, she said she wanted us back, but she needed time. In October, she started dating someone. I'm about to follow the NC rule for second time, hoping it will work

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hi there,

      If she says that she wants you back but got together with someone else, perhaps you could try to understand why it happened. Yes, apply NC again and don't interfere with their relationship and if it's a rebound, she will break it off eventually. However, you shouldn't stay in one place for this period either (not moving on) and at least spend this time focusing on yourself by doing things like going out with your friends, perhaps even date again, and when the next opportunity presents itself (if it does), at least you'll be emotionally prepared for it.

      Reply
  • Danielle

    Hello, I've noticed my situation maybe a little more entangled then some. My boyfriend and I have live together sharing a house for almost nine years. He suffers from bipolar disorder and has recently been going through Cycles very quickly. He had met a woman on a singles website that he became friends with. Whenever he was feeling less than adequate or he and I were arguing he would go to that woman for validation that he's a great person and he's right. A long story short, we've been going through some very trying times and even the loss of a child. He is what I call a chronic Runner, always running from his problems and never facing hard feelings and emotions. About six weeks ago we got into a terrible argument. He packed his things and he moved in with this woman. I still live in our home and we still communicate pretty much every day. He states that they are in a relationship because he feels he needs to stay at her house and he doesn't want to rock the boat. He says he wants his own place and is looking for a townhome. He is very interested in what I'm doing and my well being. He has told me numerous times that he is still very much in love with me and that he does not love her at all. He likes her and appreciates the things that she does for him like allowing him to stay in her home. He lies to her and comes over here and we'd even slept together. Both of us are grown he is almost 50 and I am 40. Neither of us want to hurt anybody but I would love to work things out with him. Do we know contact is not going to work for us because as I stated we share a home together and most of his belongings are still here. I will not prevent him from coming to his own house or even make that suggestion. It could be cause to feel paranoia that exist from his bipolar disorder. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated. He's extremely concerned that I might start dating and fall in love with someone. I've explained that I'm just not ready for this. He feels a lot of regret that he is living with somebody else but at the same time he knows he does not want to live in this house whether I were here or not. What should I do? What steps do I take at this juncture? We are both very much in love with each other and he even mentioned that he thought perhaps this was just a break that we need but in my mind it's not doing anything to deal with the issues we had. Thank you for your time and I hope to hear back.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hi Danielle,

      Since no contact and asking him to move out is out of the question, perhaps at a later given date when everyone has more or less calmed down from the situation, sit down and have a talk with him regarding the issues you guys faced and how you can work together to solve them. More importantly, he definitely has to let go of the other woman if you guys want the relationship to work since that will only serve as a constant obstacle and something for him to run to every time an issues arises.

      Reply
  • Satyam

    Hey Kelvin
    I was with in relationship for almost 2 years.
    Everytime she given me a chance result was the same
    We fought
    And always I break her.
    Now finally she decided to end up the things on 18 Oct from 18 Oct to 21st Oct she was thinking why she has done this
    But I called her everytime she said she want some space and time still I called her
    Now she is just irritated with me
    On 23rd I said that I will not call you
    Now what I will do
    Does she will really miss me.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hey,

      I suggest you give her the space she wants and don't apply too much pressure on her. You've been together for two years and there's a chance she still loves and misses you but let her be the one to say she's ready. And if you do get back together, please work on your recurring issues to make sure the relationship lasts this time.

      Reply
  • Himanshu

    Dear Mr kevin please help me out, I have had been dating a girl for 5 months, she even told me that she will get married to someone else because she is a Muslim, for some time she got confused between me and him, but eventually decided to end with me after seeing my conversation on FB with my exes, I did not tell her about my past casual relationships, though I really am serious for her and think she is the last girl in my life. she says she won't ever trust me again, I was her first boyfriend, blocked me from everywhere where before I acted as a doormat for a month, she told me that she has grown her relationship with him now, because I acted so weird n troubled and Disturbed her, and she loves him. I don't know what to do, but I really think I can't live without her, as far as no contact is concerned, I fear she might get engaged in a month, which she planned to postpone few weeks ago.
    She did ask me to live happily n let her go for her happiness before things got worse between us,the guy she's gonna marry is also professionally senior to me. we three are doctors, I really need help, just can't focus on anything and want her back. I told her I rely love her and will wait for her forever but she's says she doesn't gives a damn n would never trust me coz I have been in many relationships before, moreover my ex did also call in front of her for no reason n she even doubted that. I really love her, please help me. She even told me she is not going to cheat him by even talking to me or else he will be shattered n he left his girlfriend to marry her,things are all complicated. Please help.

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hi Himanshu,

      Right now, by going back to her, you're going to come across as needy and desperate and this will push her further away. If she is indeed planning to get married, your best bet would be to focus on recovery and working on yourself. If she really loves you, she will come back eventually but it isn't something you should pressure her into because that doesn't work. I suggest applying the no contact rule in order to give yourself some distance from the situation and this might help you gain a fresh perspective.

      Reply
  • Elis

    Hey Kevin.
    My bf and I were together for 1.5 year. We were really good together and had great chemistry. Two weeks ago though he break up with me because he said that he's not in love with me anymore.. but I believe its because I left. On September I had to move out of town and the plan was that we were gonna be in a LDR for this year. By the beginning of June we were gonna live together. We were in our first month of LDR when he realised that he loves me but is not in love with me. It shocked me to hear that and after a lot of talking he finally admitted that he felt an attraction for another girl.. now this girl was a friend of his. I knew her and I can guarantee you that there was nothing going on between the two of them before I left. Actually we were crazy in love while I was still there. I'm sure about that. Anyway, I accepted what he said. I even told him that I would block him on fb cause it wound be to painful for me to see him with her. He said he understands.
    He did asked me to be friends but I said no. Eventually we said our goodbyes and I haven't contacted him ever since. I've stuck to the no contact rule.
    And then he posed a pic of his with her as his new gf. And of course he didn't do it on fb. No, he posted it on Instagram. Now I just unfollowed him on Instagram, because 1) he hadn't posted anything at all. He had 0 posts and never really cared about it and 2) because he told me that he would delete the account. So I didn't thought it was necessary to block him there too. So imagine my surprise when my friend showed me that pic.
    Another thing I have to nention is that on fb we had no common friends. But on Instagram my friends follow him, and so does some of my family members.. So there was no way that I woudn't found out about his first post.
    Two weeks... exactly two weeks after our break up he just moved on. And it was really out of his character! He never uploaded pic of us. And we were together for so long... I know it sounds crazy but I fell that he did it on purpose. Like he is angry at me because I haven't contacted him ever since the break up and wants to hurt me now or something.. could that be true?

    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hi Elis,

      Perhaps in situations like these, it would be best to actually ask him so as to not leave yourself jumping to conclusions? It may be likely he is currently going through a rebound which you can read up more here Long distance can be hard and if he can't be honest with you, it will also be very hard to initiate anything or progress. First complete the no contact period to give yourself some space.

      Reply
  • Tim

    Kevin, my ex cheated on me then dumped me for this person. They have only been dating for a month but already she says that she feels he is the one. Yet she said that she still feels that way about me. After reading this, the signs point to this being a rebound and that's somewhat comforting. She's rubbed him in my face, she's staying with him. This person is the total opposite of me in every way. Recently she told me that we should be friends at first and slowly work towards getting back together. I agreed to it, as long as we get back together. She already knows I want to. She said that if/when we do get back together,this other person will back off. I want to believe there's hope but she hasn't messaged me in days. Do I do the no-contact routine again or what?

    Reply
    • Kevin

      Hey Tim,

      If you have not done no contact till now, then you absolutely must do it for at least two months. She cheated on you which is a huge betrayal of trust. Even if you get back together, it will be hard for you to trust her again. Right now, you just want her back out of desperation and fear of losing her forever. These are not good reasons to get back together. Take your time and think things through. By doing no contact, you will also show her that you are not desperate to get back with her, which is going to make her more attractive to you. It might even make her think about her actions and regret what she did.

      Reply
  • Jazz

    I was dating my collegue for about a year i felt like he was pulling away and things were changing. So i went onto no contact with him. He tried reaching out to me after 10days but I did not reply him. After my no contact was over I tried messging him with a nice memory we shared it did not show any needeness or any sign that I want him back. But there was no reply from him. I waited for another 5 days and sent him a text still no reply. Why is he not responding? Did he loose intrest in me? Is he so mad at me that he is not reafy to speak with him at all? What should I do now? Plz help

    Reply
    • Kevin

      Hey Jazz,

      Yes, it does seem like he is mad. You should do no contact again for a couple of weeks. The next time you contact him, don't send a nice memory or a casual text. Instead, use a serious text. Something like the elephant in the room text mentioned in this article.

      Reply
  • Mari

    My ex broke me up a month ago now but we still keep in touch. We were so happy before and all of the sudden he found another girl. I know him he cant live with only one woman. I lived with him for many months and I took care of him like we were a couple.Yes what he did was very humiliating, insulting and embarrasing. The lovely things he said to me before now after meeting the girl was totally opposite. He knows I love him so much. Lately, he said to me that the girl is a total opposite of me. But I dont believe him because he keeps lying to me. He wants to still keep in touch of me but I am not getting any affection from him anymore. One time he asked me if I still like him or love him. I dont feel the respect anymore. Even if he said I am better than the other girl but they still keep seeing each other. I am now trying not to contact him. I kbnow I want him back and I know how unstable he is emotionally. What will I do ?

    Reply
  • Becky

    I was seeing this guy for 14 months. I love him and I know he loves me. Our plan was to move in together at the end of summer. During our relationship he would get mad over simple things and tell me that our relationship wouldnt work but he always came back. This time he left and immediately started seeing some one less than two weeks later. I never contacted him at all and on Mothers Day he texted me. He says only to see if I had a good day. Of course the texting turned into my telling him that I loved him and wanted to be together. I was always very open and honest to him about my life and everything going on but he never truly opened up to me about anything. Now he is saying I always kept him at arms length which is so untrue. He is still seeing this other girl. It is close to a month that we broke up He always broke up with me thru text messages never face to face. I havent texted him since sunday and it is now wednesday and he has texted me twice.......what do i do???

    Reply
  • Jack

    Kevin, got out of a drastic relationship after 5 years in December 2014. Jan 2015 met this girl but I was heartbroken. Kept her on hold for two years and now she dumped me the day I declared. Any chances?

    Reply
  • Mark

    Good day, I have stumbled upon this site looking for answers. I was in a Long Distance Relationship with the most wonderful Girl recently, we talked and saw each other for about a year, but due to Life, it slowed down. Then out of the blue, she said she wasn't ready for it, which we were going as slow as we could. So I drove Five hours out of my way to find out what was happening and as it turns out she has found herself a new guy, who just "kinda showed up", and that she doesn't want to talk to me or even be my Friend, because she doesn't want to hurt us anymore than what she has.
    I really don't know what to do or think. I've looked at your Five Steps to Breakups and don't know. I don't even want to talk to her, but I want her back and things just seem to fall apart without her. If you get the time to read through this, please, reply, I need help.

    Reply
  • Sian

    Me and my boyfriend got together at 18 and in a relationship for 2 and a half years before he broke up with me two months ago very suddenly, we were very happy so i wasn't expecting it. He told me his reasons were because he's not enjoying work hes feeling low and just cant be in a relationship right now. We saw eachother a few times after the break up just so i could ask some questions but when we met it was so nice we just caught up with eachother and had a laugh.
    Ive been using nc now for about 2 weeks. But it looks like he might be seeing someone (hes know her his whole life, they breifly dated when they were 13 and have mutual friends and work near eachother) im now questioning his reasons for the break up and if he actually rekindled with her or they started to talk after the break up. Is there any chance this could be a rebound? And do i have a chance of winning him back over? I feel like hes over me and moved on.

    Reply
    • Kevin

      Hey Sian,

      If they just briefly dated when he was 13, then there's a good chance it's a rebound. You do have a chance of getting him back. But you should still do no contact and learn to be happy without him before trying.

      Reply
  • Toni Djakic

    I was her rebound guy... Now she is in new relationship... She broke my heart in 10000 peaces... And now 4 months later im still in shit and she is in love with him...
    Life sucks man...

    Reply
  • Jay Sands

    Oh Heck noooooo, If she's in a relantionship and having sex with some whatever, move on, leave, get yourself a nicer one, there are better ones believe me, let her keep on rebounding for the rest of her life then. Disgusting

    Reply
  • Luke

    Kevin,
    Ive done everything wrong, I really wish I had read your article a month ago.
    When I found out my ex was in a new relationship I was still struggling with the breakup. I got drunk and I sent very angry messages to both of them. I was so upset, I didnt play it cool at all. Im pretty sure from what Ive read here that Ive only pushed her further into his arms. Is there any coming back from this? Im one week into No Contact now, but i think im going to have to wait at least 2 months.

    Reply
  • confusedbutok

    My ex gf broke up with me at the end of November and found out she was on Match a month later. We started talking very briefly via texts a month ago and she'd respond to my texts but never initiated. I tried asking her to get together to catch up but she said she doesn't think that's a good idea yet because she's currently happy with someone else. I didn't get upset or show jealousy just told her ok and to remember if she needs an ear I'm here for her. Now I've decided to not contact anymore. My question, if this is a rebound is better to not interfere or to keep in touch with her during? Many conflicting advice online, one source claims I need to keep in touch so she develops a stronger emotional bond with me before her new guy can

    Reply
    • Kevin

      If she is cold towards you, you should do no contact for a while and let her initial honeymoon period get over. If she is not cold towards you and you have already done no contact, then you can stay in touch with her.

      Reply
    • confusedbutok

      How would I know when the honeymoon phase is over to contact again? When I had suggested getting together to catch up and she said it wasn't a good idea yet I told her no problem don't be shy to suggest it sometime. Should I just not contact at all until she does?

      Reply
    • Kevin

      It usually takes a month or two. I'd suggest you do wait at least one month. If she doesn't contact you, then you should contact her.

      Reply
  • Victoria

    Hi Kevin
    My ex and I were daing for 7 months. Had a wonderful summer together. But there were a lot of problems throughout our relationship. He is a very needy guy and very jealous guy. He broke up with me cuz I hurt him about things that he's exaggerated about and jumping to conclusions and a lot of miscommunication. Towards the end, he contacted me after we broke up wanting to see me and messing with my head. Like he didn't want to work things out but he didn't wanna let go either. I couldn't take it anymore, I blocked him out of my life. I had too in order for me to move on. 2 weeks later he started seeing someone else. I was in shock and it hurt me so much!!! I ran into him at a bar, he was with friends, didn't see his new girl with him at all. One of his friends said he saw me and left cuz he didn't want me to be uncomfortable. That just hurt more! I read about rebound relationships, is he in one? I felt more Luke I may have been a rebound from his last relationship. That ended 6 months before we started dating. He's had feelings for me for 2 years before we got together, but he was rushing the relationship when I wanted to take things slow. My questions are, is he rebounding with the new girl? Or was I a rebound as well? Its been almost 3 months since we broke up and I am doing the no contact...

    Reply
    • Kevin

      He is probably in a rebound. I don't think you were a rebound since he took 6 months after his last relationship to begin a relationship with you. Regardless of that, your best course of action is to follow the 5 step plan.

      Reply
    • Victoria

      I've done the 5 step plan. I guess its gonna take 6 months for the no contact. And Im too scared to write him that letter, especially when he's with someone else. Our anniversary is may 3. He made a big deal about our anniversary

      We hooked up at a big 80s bash that happens every year. He won that contest. The same bash is happening in April. When I looked at the info about it online, his pic was right there. I started to cry. I guess I still need to work on my emotions. I guess I'm hoping, he will know about the event, and maybe he will think of me. It just seems to much if a sign. Thank you Kevin for listening :)

      Reply
  • Kj

    It's just now it seems like she was in it just to wait. I don't see how he is better then me. Just because you are best friends and like some of the same things or like to eat at same place. Or the fact you have same interest in spiritual beliefs and he takes you to shows and flashy events dealing with art because that's what he does he does tattoos and he makes paintings for her. Doesn't mean that we could never have gone to those fancy shows and places or that we never had same interests either. I would try at least to do things to make her happy.

    And the fact the she seems to have changed a lot like overnight since it ended. When first time I saw her I was like your all different she agreed she is into things she was not into before but all of a sudden? Like I don't think she lives around here or work around here anymore. Before it ended we were talking bout getting a place and I'm sure she probably stays with him now or has. I don't see how he is better besides being artist. There are things I know she really isn't down with and some of them he has. But I'm sure she thinks is really great which obviously she doesn't see and probably couldn't care about because they are best friends and they get along so perfect with and about everything even when physical intimacy was introduced and involved I sure she thinks that's also perfect too. People say she is only with him cause he provides the material things and takes her to these amazing places because she is really young and he is 14 years older and had a thing for her for years. It's hard to believe in what people say even when they are trying to help in a lot of ways because they don't know situation they say same as what few others agree at.

    Reply
  • Kj

    I already know what their relationship is. I can't do and give her the materiel things she likes that he can like tattoos.

    I'm more concerned on what our supposedly "relationship" was actually Or apprently wasn't. That's the thing I end up analyzing.

    Reply
    • Kevin

      OK. That makes sense. You said she was in a relationship with you for 7 months. Granted it's not a very long time. It is still not considered a short relationship. I don't think she would have stayed with you if you didn't mean anything to her. Even though, she chose not to be with you in the end, it doesn't mean she never wanted to be with you in the first place. You were important to her at some point. And that changed at the end. But that's OK. Perhaps you two were not meant for each other. Perhaps there is someone better out there suited for you. And you will never find her unless you learn to stop obsessing over.

      You might try to convince yourself that the relationship didn't mean anything to her and she was just playing with you. But that's only gong to make it worse. Thinking about your relationship with her in this way is just going to lower your self esteem it's going to hurt your next relationship. There is no way of knowing what was going on in her mind when she was in the relationship with you unless you invent a time machine, get a mad brain scientist, go back in time and get the scientist to analyze her thoughts and behavior. But that's not possible.

      The only way you can analyze your past relationship right now is just by memories and conjecture. And neither one of them can give you an accurate description of what the relationship meant to her. In the end, you have two choices

      1. Take the relationship as it was; i.e; a relationship that ran it's course and ended. You probably meant a lot to her at one point and like many other relationships, that changed and she ended the relationship.

      2. Keep telling yourself the relationship didn't mean anything to her and you were just a plaything for her. Decreasing your self worth and self esteem in the process and putting an unnecessary roadblock for yourself in moving on and finding the right girl for you.

      Reply
    • Kj

      She's postings saying she loves him. I don't get it. From someone you said to my face was like a brother to now saying " I got a good one" with happy faces to " I love you" with hearts a smiles. (referring to him obviously) saying that so quick even if you had a thing for him and he obviously was just over the top feelings for you when you were "friends" she never said that to me that quick

      Reply
    • Kevin

      Hey Kj,

      Again, you are just concentrating on her. Everything you write is starting with "She". Why not concentrate on yourself. YOU. YOU had a relationship that failed. YOU need to move on. YOU need to realize what will help you move on and what will keep you obsessed over her. YOU need to stop thinking about the past and start thinking of your future.

      Reply
    • Kj

      Is there a way to see if they were only with you because they were only physically attracted to you especially when they are saying the same things they said to you to their new partner.

      Reply
    • Kevin

      No, that's my point. There is no way of knowing that.

      Reply
    • Kj

      I have been right so far this whole time so I can see that before she made official choice for herself to end things she had already moved on and past me with simplest of ease even if she said she missed me or thought of me which I don't see a true since she had already started seeing him more and more.

      Also seen that she said she loves him so I see that they think they are soulmates and always have been but take away the material things he does and the notion of you thinking you have same ideology and I don't see much there. I don't see him being 100% better in every way like see she's but like I said she said she loves him so I know that we will never see one another or hear from one another again. It sucks to be painted in negative light by everyone in her life because they only knew one side and that they would tell her to bail he not good enough or he just the same as all the rest. When I know that was not true.

      Reply
  • DD

    Dear Kevin,
    i am a guy. we broke up 3 months ago. I heard about this no contact rule and i did it for one month..but then i did not know what kind of texts to send. I ended up begging for forgiveness again. This time I am going for the next no contact period. Do i need a longer time now? the fact that that i screwed up last time, how is it going to affect this time?

    Reply
  • Kj

    In a honest opinion on how things have gone so far. Like how long things have been over. The things that have happen since things ended like the random text sayin miss me or thinking and the few times she has come to see me since it ended. Even the whole thing with her dating her friend maybe even still. Last time I heard it saw from her was middle of October when she came to my place.

    So after everything in a honest opinion what does it look like really. I know how it looks and how things are but, would or do you see it as being completely over and it has been for some time from her perspective. Like I know the time apart has been long and a lot of things have happen. I have been trying a lot to just focus on myself and not think of her and what's she is doing in her life now or who she is doing things with or has been for how long.

    Reply
    • Kj

      I ended up slipping the other day and found myself looking her up. She still is seeing her friend and looks so much more happier then she was before. She has gotten a lot more tattoos recently and one she posted saying it was from her babe. She also updated her fb with new picture of them. I knew from the start this was never a rebound. It is the one she always wanted to be with and the one that makes her more happier then she ever was.

      Reply
    • Kj

      It just shows that I never meant anything real. Not from the very start. I was just someone she thought was better looking then the last guy that's it. Looks like we never had anything at all nothing serious or real nothing that made her happy or happy she was with me. Just a place holder for the next better thing.

      Reply
    • Kevin

      Hey Kj,

      I don't think that's true. Self-deprecating thoughts are very common and one of the worst ways to deal with a breakup. Isn't it possible that she did have a meaningful relationship with you and after the breakup she just found someone more compatible than you? You are trapping yourself in negativity about the relationship and yourself and I will suggest you seek professional help at this point. A therapist can help a lot if you are unable to let go of obsessive thoughts.

      Reply
    • Kj

      It's the fact that why did she lie multiple times to me let alone to my face about things. It made me look stupid in the end for believing she actually meant things like missing me or thinking of me or wanting so see me when she did. What is there to possibly miss when you have had your best friend as your new boyfriend for some time and you love this guy.

      Reply
    • Kevin

      That's where you are wrong. She didn't lie to you. She actually missed you and was thinking about you. Because you were important to her and it's hard to get over a relationship especially if you are in a rebound.

      Reply
    • kj

      After reading a lot of different things last couple months I have started to think that I was just a rebound from the start because she would always say stuff about how she is really attracted to me but nothing else. not that I can remember her saying any other reasons why she with me or why she is happy. So it makes me think that she didn't really have any interest anyway just bidden her time for him.

      There are a lot of articles written out there about positives of "rebounds" how they are actually proven to be better for you and that they are not rebounds they are just new better relationships. Also there are a lot of articles written about how your best friend is the perfect one for you and the popularity of girls ending up dating their best friends and it being the best thing they ever had, also things on how they are the perfect ones for you all this time but you only recognize it after so many years.

      Reply
    • Kj

      Even if it was a "rebound" it's been going on since she ended it and still going on. So clearly it is not a rebound not was it ever. Also think she had the interest of them before she even ended

      Reply
    • Kevin

      Everything you are saying might be true (and might not). What is your next move? Our aim here is to help you become a happier and more confident person. You are supposed to learn to live a happy life with or without your ex. How is over-analyzing her relationship going to help you? How are you planning to get out of this state of mind leave her behind? If you can't seem to do it by yourself, you should seek professional help.

      Reply
  • Robert

    Hi Kevin, I need help figuring out if my ex is in a rebound relationship and what I should do next. My ex girlfriend and I have been separated for just over 5 months. Recently we started talking again and have hung out like 4 times. I thought things were starting to turn. The day before Thanksgiving. We went out to watch a movie and while waiting for the movie to start I told her of what I thought was a funny story of my nieces asking for her. She got emotional about it and started to cry. I apologized. After the movie we went to get dinner and she started to cry again. She said that it was too hard for her. I told her it wasn't easy for me either. She said that she lost of her family, meaning my family. We later talked in the car where she told me that she was seeing someone but is torn between me and this other guy because I'm a great guy. She also said that she doesn't feel anything for me but then contradicted herself by saying that she has been afraid to do anything with this guy because she still cares for me a lot and has a lot respect for me. Also by saying that one of the times we hung out she just wanted to kiss me. She also kept saying that I'm such a good guy and that she doesn't want to hurt my feelings, which I don't know what that means because that's what she's doing. I told her that I guess I'm kind of waiting for her which made her cry. At one point she said that this guy is kind of a looser but he makes her happy and wants to give him a chance. Which is also contradictory because one of the issues with me was I "didn't know what I wanted in life." She said that it's not a rebound relationship that it's away of wanting to move on even though she says she's an emotional mess and considers herself "damaged goods" and no one would want to date her. Furthermore, she said that December 7th was going to be hard not to talk to me because it would have been our anniversary. Towards the end of the conversation there was a lot of touching. She rubbed my arm, held my hand and she even put my hand on her face. Not sure what it meant. Towards the end she said something like we have unfinished business and that we even have like imaginary kids, I agreed. The conversation wasn't an argument we talked calmly and towards the end we even laughed a little. I recently noticed she added this guy on Facebook and also saw that he is at least 5 years older than her which is also very unusual. I don't know how long she has been seeing him but I know that she has been looking for dates soon after we broke up. She had referenced a "friend" that lives in the same place as him so maybe she has been hiding him. I believe that it is a rebound relationship or at least I'm hoping it is. What do you think? And what should I do next? I've done no contact with her in the past. I've had a couple of casual text conversations with her since so she's not ignoring me. Although I have been biting my tongue on many things I want to tell her but I'm afraid of saying them because they may work against me. I'm really starting to loose hope. Also would contacting her in any way on what would have been our anniversary be wrong?

    Reply
    • Kevin

      Hey Robert,

      I think you should just stay calm and let her make her decision. Just don't act needy and stay strong. If you show any weakness or neediness, it's going to work against you. If you have finished no contact already, then there's no harm in contacting her on the anniversary.

      Reply
    • Robert

      Thank you Kevin. I would want to say something to her on the day of the anniversary but I'm not sure what. Any advice on what I should or shouldn't say? I'll be honest Kevin I don't have many people to talk to about this issue so I appreciate the advice.

      Reply
    • Kevin

      Hey Robert,

      I recommend that you don't initiate contact and let her do it. If you feel like you must absolutely talk to her, then you can use one of the texts from the 5 step plan.

      Reply
  • Kj

    Just meant it in a general sense because the article says 2-3 months then it's probably not rebound. Plus all the the signs that your ex is suppose to show to determine if they are or not in rebound. Like I don't see any of the signs just the ignoring and already moved on signs. I have heard she has been getting a lot of tattoos from him recently. And they pertain to him. There are a bunch of articles out there on how to be more then just friends with a girl you have always had feelings for or how to be physical intimate with your friend. Kind of makes you think those are more relatable to them then anything else.

    Reply
    • Kj

      I have a question. Not saying this will happen not even by a long shot or anything. But say you end up being right about her being in a rebound relationship with her friend. If it is then if it doesn't work out won't it just mean they will still be the same way they are now but just say they are not together. Wouldn't they still be the same way like hanging out all time having great time together and other things. And if she did end up being single what reason would she even contact me not saying to get together or anything like that but just in general.

      Why would she want to after all this time I'm sure that she would have gotten completely over me by now or if not she hasn't way before. Being closer to her friend then she usual was and if it didn't work why would she even think of me. Let alone feel anything. Or say for some strange reason she actually does contact me sometime here and wants to talk or hangout and say some small chance in heck that we do this on regular basis we just talk more and what stops her from constantly thinking of him as more of a friend.

      Like if we ever did get together ( not saying that there is any chance of that or it will happen in future) but wouldn't she be thinking of him when she would be around me. Wouldn't she be missing him a lot and the way they were together as more then friends. Or wouldn't she be comparing what they had when more then friends and what we had. ( again not saying that there is any chance in heck that we will ever be anything ever again nor let alone if she ever will talk to me.) I already assume she has been completely over me for long time. I'm tying to work on things but this came up and it has been in my mind.

      Reply
    • Kevin

      I can't say if she will decide to be friends with him if they broke up. But it's possible. It doesn't necessarily mean she will still has feelings for him. Everything you are asking is based on the assumption that they have a great relationship together. And as I said earlier, social media is not an accurate reflection of relationship. There's a good chance she is not as happy with him as you are thinking in your mind.

      But take a step back for a second and look at how much obsessed you are becoming. Your mind is trying to find something to be obsessed about. If she gets back together with you and she is thinking about that guy, you can deal with it at that time. You can talk to her about it or maybe even leave her. Thinking about these ludicrous situations is not going to help you in anyway right now. The only thing it'll do is keep you in this obsessed state of mind.

      Reply
    • Kj

      I just have been reading a lot of different things lately books and articles and was just wondering how people are getting with their exs after long periods of time. Like how it happens after long periods of no association or someone being in a relationship. I'm not focusing or trying to find ways to get her back right now. I already know once it's over its over.

      It's just how to go about getting one back after 6 months or more and they been in or still in relationship. Like it cants just be you run into that person down the road and start talking and having good time again and be like we should try again and it works. That's all I was wondering. If the ex is or has been in relationship since it ended why would the want to get back with their ex let alone associate with them after all that time.

      Reply
    • Kj

      I already know when she gives you an opportunity and you make her feel like she wasted her time it's over and there isn't going to be another chance. Especially when you have a long time apart and she is already completely past and over you

      Reply
    • Kevin

      Hey Kj,

      A lot of times, the reason people break up is fixed and things change during the period they are far apart. And when they get in touch with each other, they realize that there is a good chance their relationship might work better this time, and they give it another go.

      Reply
    • Kj

      Isn't that more of a general stipulation or stereotype for people who been in a more serious significant amount of time together. That being with someone for like a year or so is when they have better chance of working things out in "long time apart". Compared to people who have not been together that long. I can't see 7 months as being significant time or the other person think that either. That and when you have been apart for almost as long as you were together don't that kill any chance of that " running into them and realizing things could work" type deal.

      Reply
    • Kevin

      Yes, the time spent together with your ex matters. And yes, 7 months is not a long time. But it's still significant if you two had a good connection.

      Reply
    • Kj

      I don't think she had feels that she did. After all this time I think she has realized that she didn't feel that great of connection like she might of thought. That's why I think she moved on and over as quick as she has already and to the next guy she feels she has better connection with. I thought we did have good connection she seemed happy but not really sure now but that don't really mean anything anymore at this point.

      Reply
  • Kj

    My former ex who is just married recently told me that she been thinking of me and misses me. we talked and she said that I was someone special and meant something and that I still mean something to her.

    So is this a clear sign that I was never really anything to my current ex? since she has never said anything like that. About the only thing she has said in past is she misses me but never that I meant something or still do or was important. Nothing to that nature.

    Also confused why I'm getting told that I was important and I am misses more by a older ex then current one. Does this mean that my current ex just easily cut me out of her life to just easily and quickly with no hesitation replace me with her new boyfriend her friend?

    Reply
    • Kevin

      No it just means she is in a rebound and didn't really have time to process her emotions.

      Reply
    • Kj

      How would one know that though. If it's a 2-3 month thing then it's not really a rebound it's just a relationship. How is it technically considered a rebound if they never really said that you meant something.
      Specially if they found someone they mash up with better and everything in general about that person is better. (getting along, common interests, physical intimacy, overall feeling for and toward that person, deeper connection, etc) kind of makes it hard to call it or see as a "rebound"

      Reply
    • Kevin

      You can't know for sure. I'll again revert you back to this comment and this comment.

      Reply
    • Jallie

      Hi kevin,

      Good day.
      Just want to share my situation and ask some advice..
      I am in a lesbian relationship for almost 2yrs..we are good together..we are working with the same company.the same time we have a business...we fought sometimes as normal with lovers...but one day there is this one guy who likes her.she ask me if she can allowed this guy to court her..ofcourse i disagree..but one time she go out with him..just one time..then the next day she wanted a closure with me..Telling me that she already like d guy...that she wanted a family.. My question is do i have a chance to win her back?we are still together but she is giving that guy a chance..i dont want to be rude to her..i respected her decision..what should I do?I dont want to lose her..she also told me that she loves me and dont want to lose me too but she wanted to have a normal life with a guy..since there is this guy who is interested with her.What should I do since there s no way for us to be apart beacause of our work and our business.it hurt me much everytime she s talking with that guy.Is still way to change her decision?

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Unfortunately, you should be mentally prepared for the worst because you have to figure out what your partner values more: Love or a future with the guy and having a normal family. If it's the latter, you might have to walk away because there isn't much you would be able to do to change her mind. She would only end up resentful if you tried to stop her from pursuing what she wanted.

      Reply
    • Jallie

      Hi kevin

      She told me that she dont want to lose me.that she want me to stay as friend.i told her no.but she cried hard.and told me that i have to do it slowly.she still in doubt of her feelings.her statements are inconsistent.Can i consider that guy a rebound since we have some issues before that happen.maybe because we are together all the time that we both lost attraction.
      Lately i slowly detaching myself from her.and treat her casually.but she became clingy...she keep on telling me that if they dont work she will look after me anywhere i am(since we are working abroad).and by that time she is pretty sure that she dont need a man.what should I do?i am trying to move on but her actions telling me that i have to stay.

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      It's clear that she definitely still has feelings for you. However, if she's always going to value having a family more, this problem would come up again in the future even if you guys get back together. Also, her actions show that she wants the easy way out, by having you around to ease her out emotionally so that she can be with the other guy once she has moved on, so that she doesn't have to deal with the grief of losing you immediately.

      Reply
    • Hranzel

      It seems very similar with my story,we have been together for 3 yrs but she dumped me, she met a guy while we r still in the relationship and told me that she would like to spend the rest of her life with him that i should go on and find someone else, and im still young im 30 shes 48 and have a family however she still wanted us to became friends and be close to each other i told her i cant,she insisted, since i love her too much i allowed that we kissed and hugged each other, but she told theres no meaning into it,we hugged while sleeping, for 4 days i tried to tell her i want us back, i even become more needy or desperate.until i realized that im just fooling myself,that i dont want to force her anymore, so i decided to walked away,i made no contact rules,its been 8 days now,she did message me on fb asking where is her things,toDay she sent me gif for valentines i have seen it but didnt reply to her however mistakenly i have put thumbs down as reaction then she blocks me in all social media she has.occassionally i can see her we worked in the same institution and been living next door.i occassionally bumped into her,but i didnt mind her since i have been in NC rule.i am in process of moving on and trying to feel good about myself,been composing myself for a little while,how to become more lovely, do you think i have made a right decision in no contact rule? Im still hoping shell take me back and would miss me terribly? I still love her with all my heart.

      Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      It would seem like because you're much younger, although she has feelings for you, she does not see a future in the relationship. This could be no fault of yours, but rather a mentality issue on her part, being much older - is unable to see you on equal footing but someone younger than her. Applying no contact may be a good idea to test the situation out on both your part and hers - basically to see if she would miss you and whether you see things from a different perspective after NC. Also, it would allow you some distance from the relationship to work on yourself, and if becoming more 'mature' for her eyes is what is needed to win her back, then you'll have to work on growth during this period and prove to her that you're capable of settling down with her too.

      Reply
  • Kj

    I don't have any regrets from my former ex who is married now. It showed me the difference between being happy physical with someone and not really caring compared to actually caring for someone like my current ex who I would of done anything for.

    I'm sure that is what my current ex is realizing her self. That with me she was not really happy and not care really compared to her being with her friend of her new man now who she would do anything for because she is truly happy with him and cares a lot about him.

    Reply

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *