Winning your ex boyfriend or girlfriend back isn’t really the hard part. The hard part is keeping them. After all, they left you once, what is to stop them from leaving you again? What is the point of getting your ex back if you can’t keep them PERMANENTLY?

My name is Kevin, and I am here to help you through this painful breakup and hopefully get your ex back. I say hopefully because I can’t guarantee you that you will get your ex back. I can, however, guarantee that if you follow this plan, your chances of getting your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back will increase significantly.

What This Article Is About?

This article is divided into 5 Steps. I have done so because this way you have a step by step plan that you can follow to get your ex back.It’s important to have a plan to follow, because after a breakup you are hurt, emotionally drained and most of all, confused. And during this state of confusion, you are bound to make a lot of mistakes that will actually hurt your chances of getting back together.

I have seen people make these mistakes over and over again (in my two three four five years of experience helping people with breakups). Having a plan gives you a sense of direction and removes all the confusion. A plan will give you something to look forward to when you are feeling down and unsure about yourself. A plan will give you hope. This article is that plan.

This article is quite long. I highly recommend you read the entire article because it will not only help you understand what you should do but also why you should do it.

However, for those of you that don’t like reading too much, here’s a shorter version of the article. (Although, it is highly recommended that you read this entire article and the comment section. It will change the way you see your breakup and will give you a very detailed plan to follow. You will also find thousands of stories you can relate to in the comment section.)

How to Get Your Ex Back (Shorter Version)

  1. To get your ex back, you must not make any of the deadly mistakes that make you look needy or desperate.
  2. Once you stop those mistakes, begin no contact. Stop all communications with your ex unless it’s absolutely necessary and unavoidable.
  3. Become You Version 2.0. Take a step back and reassess everything. Work on becoming happier and more confident.
  4. Once no contact is over, get back in touch with your ex. If you do it correctly, he/she will be blown away seeing the new and improved version of yourself.
  5. Take things slowly and rebuild attraction, connection and trust with your ex. Keep doing it until your ex decides they want to get back together. Before you begin no contact take this short quiz to find out your chances of getting back together.

But What Are These Mistakes You Talk About?

I am glad you asked because the first part of this guide is precisely about these mistakes.

STEP #1. The Instincts aka The Deadly Mistakes

I call this part “The Instincts” because all these mistakes are a direct result of people following their instincts. Most of the advice in this 5 Step Plan is counter-intuitive, but it works. When you read it, you will understand why and it will all start to make sense. So let’s start by going over the deadly mistakes that you should avoid at any cost.

Deadly Mistake #1: Calling And Texting Them All The Time

Kevin, we broke up 8 days ago. Since then, I have messaged him everyday constantly and he barely replies. I have to text him a hundred times before he replies just once. I really love him and want to be with him, but I don’t understand why he is acting like this. He said he loved me and then suddenly this.

That’s the story of around 80% of the people who are desperate to get their ex back. It’s a huge mistake to text and call your ex all the time. In fact, it’s a huge mistake to call them even once. Your instincts tell you that if you stay in contact with your ex, they will not forget about you and hopefully come back.

ex calling

Even the calls that might seem casual to you, look needy and desperate to your ex.

But it doesn’t really work that way. In fact,  every time you call or text your ex, you are showing them you are a needy person and you are miserable without them. This neediness is unattractive and pushes your ex further away.

You should be extremely careful whenever you go out drinking. You might end up calling your ex and making a fool of yourself. So whenever you go out drinking, have a friend with you who can stop you from making this mistake.

But if I don’t call or text my ex, how can I get them back?

You should contact them in certain way that will make them feel attracted to you again. I explain exactly how to do this in Step 4.

Deadly Mistake #2: Begging And Trying To Use Pity

If begging worked after a breakup, no one will ever break up with anybody. They decided to leave you and they are prepared to go through your begging and pleading. Whatever the reason for breakup was, it’s not going to change with your begging. The only thing that begging will do is make you look like a weak and insecure person.


Unfortunately, humans don’t look as cute as cats while begging.

Similarly, your instincts will also make you believe that if you just show your ex that you can’t live without them, they will take you back.  Your thought pattern becomes something like

If he knows how miserable I am without him, he will come back.

If only she knows that I can’t continue my life without her, she’ll take me back.

Again, your instincts are screwing with you. Trust me, no one takes their ex back out of pity. No one is attracted to someone who is miserable. And even if your ex came back because of this, do you really want them to be with you just because of pity? Or do you want them to respect and love you?

Deadly Mistake #3: Let Them Walk All Over You

Your instincts will tell you that if you just agree to everything your ex wants, they will come back. Your instincts will tell you that your needs, your values, your desires, your goals don’t matter. Your instincts will tell you that the only thing that matters is to get your ex back. And for that, you can sacrifice everything.doormat_in_relationships

You let your ex walk all over you. You become a doormat. You agree to the most ridiculous demands your ex has. But your instincts tell you, it’s OK. Because having your ex in your life is the only thing that matters.

Well, guess what?

Agreeing to everything your ex says is not going to bring them back. In fact, it’s only going to make your ex respect you less. Nobody wants to be with someone they don’t respect. And even if they do come back, they will leave shortly realizing they have no respect for you as a person.

Deadly Mistake #4: Showering Them with Affection

Your instincts tell you that if your ex just realizes how much you love them and how much you care about them, they will come back. You just need to make them believe that no one in the world will ever love them the way you do. How can they reject you once they realize how much you love them, Right?

smothering your ex

The truth is, they already know that you love them, how much you adore them and how much you care about them. But they still decided to breakup. Showering them with affection is not going to help you. In fact, the more you smother them, the more trapped they’ll feel. And that will just make them want to get away from you as soon as possible.

Deadly Mistake #5: Freaking Out When Your Ex Starts Dating

The thought of your ex being with someone else is a gut wrenching one. But in reality, it’s not that bad as we make it out to be. We will get into that later, but first, let’s take a look at how your instincts react when you find out your ex is dating someone else.

If I don’t do anything right now, they’ll fall in love with this new person and forget about me forever. I better go over there and do everything that this article has told me not to do. Including begging, using pity, telling them how much I love them, agreeing to all their conditions (be a doormat). And if they don’t open the door, I’ll just stand outside and call and text them all day. It will be even better to tell my ex how this new person is totally wrong for them and what a big mistake they are making by being in a relationship with this _______(INSERT DEROGATORY REMARK).

If you didn’t realize it by now, your instincts and your mind go into panic mode when you find out your ex is dating someone new. In most cases, you freak out and make all the mistakes mentioned above.

The truth is, your ex is most probably in a rebound relationship (Read: Is Your Ex In a Rebound Relationship? Find Out With These Telltale Signs). And almost all of the rebound relationships end sooner rather than later. It sucks, but rebound relationships are a way for many people to deal with breakups. Fortunately for you, it’s one of the most ineffective way to move on. So, just because they are in a rebound relationship doesn’t mean they will forget about you and move on. In fact, it just means the opposite. It means that they are having a hard time moving on and as long as they are in this rebound relationship, they can’t work on moving on with their life.

rebound relationship

A rebound relationship is like a cigarette. It’s unhealthy. It provides a false sense of calmness. And it ends when the flame is over. (the faster you smoke the faster it ends)

The most important thing for you to do while your ex is in a rebound relationship is be cool about it. Whatever happens, do not tell your ex to break up with their rebound partners. Let it be their idea. They have a huge hole in their life after breaking up with you which they are trying to fill with someone new. They will soon realize that a rebound relationship can not fill the emptiness and they will end the relationship. (Do you think his relationship is not just a rebound? Read How To Get Your Ex Back When He Has Moved On To a New Girlfriend.)

What If You’ve Already Made These Mistakes?

Chances are, you’ve already made at least one of these mistakes after the breakup. Don’t worry, even the wisest monks in the Himalayas and masters of psychology from Harvard usually end up making these mistakes after a breakup. It’s just in the nature of human beings to try and hold on to something that is precious to them. So don’t beat yourself over it. The most important thing for you to do right now is to realize that these mistakes will not help you get him or her back and stop doing them right away. Move on to the next step of the plan which is going to repair all the damage you’ve caused till now.


STEP #2. No Contact aka Give Yourself Time And Space

If you’ve been searching about breakups and getting your ex back online, you’d know that there is a thing called no contact rule. It’s simple and a very effective. All you have to do is stop all the communication with your ex for a short period of time. This includes

  • No Calling
  • No Texting
  • No Facebook Messaging
  • No Online Contact Of Any Kind (IM, Twitter)
  • No “accidentally” bumping into them (you know what that means)
  • No hanging out with common friends in hopes of meeting your ex

Why do no contact?

For three reasons

1. Your ex needs some space and time to remove all the negative associations from the breakup and start missing you. People have a common misconception that if you don’t contact your ex, they will forget about you. But in reality, if you don’t contact your ex, you will give them time to miss you more and they will be wondering all the time why you are not contacting them. Remember all the mistakes in Part #1 of this guide. Every one of them made your ex think of you as a needy person. By not contacting them, you immediately become not needy in their mind.

2. You also need some space and time. You need to get a hold of yourself and gain some perspective. The fact is, you are a mess after the breakup. And you need to calm down and analyze your relationship thoroughly to realize whether or not being with your ex is in your best interest. It could be that you are just missing your ex. You need to learn to enjoy your life without your ex. You need to prove to yourself that you can be happy without your ex. You will eventually realize that you DON’T NEED YOUR EX to be happy. Maybe you’ll still WANT them, but there is a big difference between needing something and wanting something.

happiness comes from inside

3. You must become an attractive, happy person during this time. You need to take a step back and reevaluate your life. You should make a lot of positive changes in your life. When you meet your ex after the no contact period, you want them to be attracted to you. And the best way to do it is to start enjoying life and becoming an overall happy person. Don’t take this point lightly. This could be the difference between getting your ex back or losing them forever. (If you’d like to read more about why you should do this, read this article.)

How long is the no contact period?

stay no contact for 30 daysBasically, the no contact period should be as long as it takes you to get yourself together and feel great about your life without your ex. In my experience, it can take up to 30 days. However, in extreme cases, it could range from anywhere from 2 months to 6 months.

Your ex during No Contact Period

At this point, you might start wondering how no contact is going to effect your ex and what you should do about it. This section covers most of the doubts you may have regarding no contact. If you still need more information, read this article.

Should I tell my ex that I am doing no contact?

Ideally no. You want them to wonder what happened to you and why you are not contacting them. You want to be on your ex’s mind as much as you can. And telling them you are not contacting for some time will defeat this purpose.

However, if your ex is currently calling you everyday or texting you everyday, then yes you should let them know that you don’t want them to contact you for a short period of time. Don’t give them any specifics. Just tell them to not contact you until you decide to contact them. Let them know you need some space and time right now.

Wouldn’t it be rude if I don’t contact my ex?

Wasn’t it rude of your ex to break your heart and leave you begging them to take you back? And yet, you’ll still do anything to be with them. Sometimes, rudeness is not as bad as you think it is.

Besides, you are doing no contact for your own mental peace and well-being. There is nothing rude about taking care of yourself.

Should I answer my ex’s text during no contact?

NO. Absolutely not. Whatever happens, don’t answer their text.

Should I answer my ex’s call during no contact?

No. You shouldn’t answer your ex’s call. The only exception to this is if you are close to ending your no contact and you are already feeling great about your life. If you think that talking to your ex will have you obsessing about them again, don’t answer their call.

What if my ex moves on during the no-contact? What if my ex meets someone and get married during no contact? What if my ex forgets about me during no contact?

Good questions. And the answer to all of them is NO, THEY WON’T.

If you and your ex were in any type of serious relationship, then they will not be able to move on so quickly. In fact, no contact is only going to make them miss you more and remember the good things about you. You have to take a leap of faith over here. The alternative to no contact is being a creep and texting and stalking your ex all the time, which will probably lead to a restraining order against you. You really don’t have much of an option.

Can’t I make the no contact shorter? Like a week or a few days?

So, you want to give your ex a couple days break from your avalanche of texts and then bombard them again after a couple of days? No.

It takes time for people to remove negative association after a breakup and start missing their ex. You have to give it to them. Besides, you have to prove to yourself that you can live without your ex for at least 30 days. And more importantly, you have to work on yourself and become a more confident and happy person.  Unless you make a positive change in yourself, your ex will not be able to convince themselves to get back together with you.(Read more about the no contact rule here.)

STEP #3. Taking Care of Yourself aka What to do in No Contact

This is the part where most people screw up. No contact will be of no use unless you try to make a positive change in your life during this time. If you just want to stay at home and just be miserable for the next one month, things are not going to change even after no contact period. Yes, you need to grieve after a breakup and yes, there’s some benefit in spending some time alone, grieving and analyzing your relationship. But, at one point you have to go out there and do something with your life.

are you happy?

Positive Changes In Your Appearance

Making a positive change in your physical appearance is going to give you a fresh look. You are going to feel new and you are going to feel better. And when your ex sees you after the no contact period, they are going to see a new you. Here are a few things you can do.

  • Get a haircut. Just go to a hairstylists and find out what is in fashion these days.
  • Get your teeth cleaned. A beautiful smile is very attractive.
  • Get in the best shape of your life. Go to the gym and sweat it out. This is also great for your mental health as working out releases endorphins which make you happy.
  • Get new clothes. They will definitely make you feel better about yourself.

Whatever you do, don’t do anything drastic right now. You don’t want to make any physical changes right now that you might regret for the rest of your life (like getting a tattoo of a broken heart).

Positive changes in your mentality

Being a happy and confident person is probably the most important thing when it comes to getting your ex back. You need to realize that happiness and confidence is something that you can get by working on yourself.  Here are a few ideas that will help you gain more confidence and become a happier person.

learn to be happy without your ex

Instead of sitting at home eating ice cream and watching TV, go out and do something to make yourself feel better.

1. Give yourself some time to grieve. I know how hard it is to be happy after a breakup. I remember I was a complete mess for at least two weeks. I didn’t sleep properly, didn’t eat properly, and I was just thinking about my ex girlfriend all day. In a way, this period is necessary for you. You give yourself some time to grieve everyday. If you want to feel sad and sorry for yourself, go ahead and do it. But make sure you also do something everyday to make yourself feel good about yourself.

2. Write in a journal. Write your thoughts and your feelings down. Writing is therapeutic and it’s probably going to help you release all those emotions that have been building up inside.

3. Go out with friends. Spend time with your loved ones. Your friends and family are the people who are always there for you and who always love to spend time with you. Go out and have a good time with them.

4. Do some meditation. Be aware of yourself. Know your weaknesses and strengths. Be proud of yourself. Accept yourself for who you are. That’s what confidence is all about. Neediness (which is very unattractive) comes from doubts within yourself. Whereas confidence comes from awareness and accepting yourself.

5. Go out on a date. This is absolutely essential and if you are reading this, then I will recommend that you definitely go out on a few dates before ending no contact with your ex. It’s absolutely imperative for you to get some perspective right now and meeting new people is the best way to do it.

Analyzing Your Relationship

You have to ask yourself this question, why do you want to get back with your ex? If you answered something like

I love him/her.

I can’t live without him/her.

I am miserable without my ex.

He/She was the only one for me.

I can’t imagine a life without my ex.

Then you are still suffering from post-breakup denial and bargaining. Denial and bargaining are two of the many stages of grief after a breakup. And it’s extremely common for everyone to want to get their ex back after a breakup. However, it’s not always the right choice.

For example, even if your relationship with your ex was abusive, you might want to rekindle it just because you are missing them. Our mind often confuses the act of missing someone with “love”. It’s normal to miss someone after you’ve been with them for a long time. But it doesn’t necessarily mean you still love them.

Look at it like this, every relationship has problems, fights, and disagreements. But if you two broke up, then there was something very wrong with your relationship. You need to analyze what went wrong and realize whether or not it’s a good idea to get back together.

pros and cos of your relationship

Are you sure your ex didn’t have any cons?

If you listen to your heart, all you will hear is that you love your ex and you want them back. Instead, try to think with your mind. Be logical. Analyze the pros and cons of your relationship. Analyze the pros and cons of your ex. Analyze what your goals in life are and whether or not a relationship with your ex aligns with those goals.(Read: Should You Get Your Ex Back?)

Remember, your ex will not make you happy, only you can make yourself happy. And the only way you can do it is by understanding yourself, loving yourself, appreciating what you have, understanding your purpose in life and pursuing it.

Do you really think you can have a happy and long lasting relationship with your ex?

Do you really think that the reason you broke up is no big deal?

You are making a huge decision right now. So you better make sure that it is the right one. You have 30 days to do it, so don’t rush into it. Take your time. Relax and do things that make you feel better. When you start being happy in life without your ex, you will realize whether or not getting your ex back is the right decision. And that is extremely important before you move on to the next step, which is contacting your ex.


STEP #4. Contacting Your Ex aka Re-attraction

Remember when your ex left you? They thought of you as a needy, clingy and desperate person with little to no self-respect. After not being in contact with you for a while, they must be wondering what the heck happened to you. They will slowly start to forget that image of yours (the needy desperate one) and start remembering the things they liked about you. They will start remembering the things that they found attractive in you.

And that’s when you contact them, you talk to them and then meet them. Just as they lay eyes on you, BOOM. That’s the new and improved you. YOU version 2.0. They can’t help but wonder what brought so much positive change in you.

re-attracting your ex

“You look amazing. You smell amazing. You look like you are doing great in your life. You look like you’ve been working out. You look happy. You look confident, sexy, fun and attractive. You look like a catch. Why did I break up with you again?” – Your Ex

For that to happen, you need two things.

  1. You should actually bring a positive change in your life and become a confident, happy and attractive person.
  2. You should contact your ex and meet them somewhere.

If you have been following this guide till now, then you know how to go about the first point. So, let’s get straight to the second point.

Contacting Your Ex

Before you contact your ex, here is a checklist of things you need to make sure you’ve done.

  • You followed the no contact rule for at least one month. (Read about The No Contact Rule here.)
  • You are no longer a mess as you were after the breakup.
  • You have made a few positive changes in your life.
  • You are absolutely sure that getting back with your ex is a good decision. (Find Out here.)
  • You have gone on at least one date during no contact.
  • You have accepted the breakup and you are OK with the fact that you may never get your ex back and this might never work for you.
  • You have accepted the fact that even if you don’t get your ex back, you will be fine since there are endless opportunities in the world to find love and happiness.

Now, there are two ways that you can contact your ex. One is through a letter or email, and the other one is through text messages. You can also call your ex but I recommend you first build up some attraction using text messages and letter  before calling them.

The Letter

hand written letter

Wouldn’t it be nice to receive a hand written letter in the mail?

A hand written letter is a great way to contact your ex right after you’ve finished no contact. A hand written letter stands out in this age of digital technology. Of course, you can use an email as well.

This letter has three purposes.

  1. To let your ex know that you have accepted the breakup. And you think that it’s for the best. (You are letting them know that you are no longer the needy desperate person who was refusing to accept the breakup.)
  2. To apologize for any of your inappropriate behavior after the breakup. (You want to make sure that everything from the past is forgiven and forgotten.)
  3. To let them know of something exciting that is happening in your life. Don’t reveal too much here. Just tell them something good is happening in your life. You’d love to talk about it, but not now. Because you both need some space and time. (You want to give them something to chew on. They will be thinking about what’s happening in your life and will want to call or text you to talk about it. You are using curiosity to get your ex contact you. Of course, something must be happening in your life. That’s why creating a positive change in your life is absolutely important before contacting your ex.)

If you want a sample letter written for you, you can find it in Step 5.

The Text Messages

Text messages should ideally be used after sending the hand written letter to build up attraction. You can even skip the hand written letter and move on directly to text messages. You know your situation and your ex better than anyone, so it’s your decision whether or not you want to use just text messages, just the letter, or both. But I highly recommend you use either one or both of these before actually calling your ex.

Text messages are great for building attraction with your ex. They are short, they are personal and you can be sure your ex will read your texts. If used correctly, you can condition your ex to light up in excitement whenever they see a message from you. (Read this more detailed article on getting your ex back with text messages.)

texting your ex

It doesn’t matter where they are, your text will reach them and they will be excited to get a text from you.

The key to using text messages is to be very subtle. Never ever directly talk about your feelings or about your relationships. You want them to associate text messages to something positive and fun. Here are the rules for texting your ex.

Never send them an empty message. An empty message is something that doesn’t say anything and doesn’t give your ex anything to talk about. For example

“Hey, How are you?”
“I miss you”

Never ever talk about your feelings and about getting back together.

“I love you”
“I miss you”
“I want you back in my life”
“I am miserable without you”

Never argue or say something negative over text.

“If you had just shown a little more effort, we could have been great together.”
“Your child misses you. You are terrible father to leave him like that.”

Now here are a few things that you should do while using text messages.

Something happened in your life that reminded you of them.

“Hey, I just watched the new season of Arrested Development. It reminded me of you. I actually had a smile on my face. :)”
“Hey, I just read the new Harry Potter book. I am so glad you never told me the ending. Thanks :)”

Remind them of good moments you had together.

“Hey, I was just thinking about the time we went skydiving together. Man, that was exciting. I am glad we did that. “
“Hey, remember the little restaurant where we had our first anniversary date? I just crossed it and it looks like they are closing down. It’s a shame because we had such a great time that day.”

Let them know you are having fun with your life and meeting new people.

“Hey, I just saw a romantic movie with a friend. The ending reminded me of you.“
“Hey, I am going to Hawaii for the weekend with a friend. Do you remember the name of the hotel we stayed in when we went last year?”

Now there are tons of other things you can do with texts. But the key point remains the same. Be subtle. Be positive. Be fun.

Right now, you just want to go from the creepy ex to a fun text buddy. Of course, you will be moving things forward slowly. When you think it’s the right time, go ahead and ask them out.

Asking Your Ex Out

Do not call it a date. I repeat. Do not call it a date. If you do, your ex will put their defenses up faster than Garfield finds Lasagna. You don’t want them thinking that you are looking to get back together. At least not now. You want them to go out with you as a friend. And then you can build up attraction while you are with them.

If you’ve done your homework correctly, you will be oozing confidence and attractiveness out of every inch of your body. And this works doubly as effective on your ex than any other person. Why? Because they were already attractive to you at one point in time. And you are not a stranger to them. You are someone familiar who looks very attractive.

The best way to ask them out is to give them a call. It’s possible they might require a slight push. A simple “come on, it’ll be fun.” Or “Hey, it’s just coffee. What’s the harm?” should be sufficient.

However, don’t go overboard in pushing them. Like ”Come on. Just go out with me once. Please. Pretty please.” Or “You broke up with me and broke my heart. The least you can do is go out with me one time.”

Remember, your ex doesn’t owe you anything. You have to treat them like an acquaintance you want to get close with.

On the Date

Ideally, you want it to be your ex’s idea to get back together. You just want to be yourself (attractive, fun, happy, and awesome). Do not talk about your past relationship or your breakup. It will lead to no good. That relationships is over and if you two do get back together, it will be a new relationship. There is no point digging old graves when you want to start a new life.

STEP #5. The Grind aka The Ninja Techniques aka EBP Basics

OK, even though this guide is quite long and covers most of what you need to know on this subject, there are a lot of topics that are not covered here.

Since trying to get your ex back takes time and going through the no contact period is an everyday struggle, I’ve designed Part 5 of this guide to be an email series. I call this email series EBP Basics.

What do you get?

One inspiring, helpful , insightful and motivating email everyday. I have helped thousands of people (somewhere around 50,000) with these emails. The reason why these everyday emails are so effective is because you get a small dose of inspiration, motivation and useful information every day.The no contact period is the most important part of the plan and with Part 5, you will get support during the no contact period.

More importantly, I reveal a lot of secret tactics and tricks that are not mentioned in this guide. Like

  • Using Pattern Breaking
  • Understanding the reason why your ex broke up and what to do about it.
  • What to do if your ex is dating someone else
  • How to write that hand written letter
  • And a lot more.

How To Gain Access?

Just go ahead and click on the appropriate link below and get EBP Basics for absolutely free.

Men Click Here (To Get Ex Girlfriend Back)

Women Click Here (To Get Ex Boyfriend Back)


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8303 comments ...add one

  • Faiyaz Ahmad
    I already post my comment but not yet got any response . Why?
    • Kevin
      Hi Faiyaz, I only approve very few messages in the comment section. Please post your questions on the message boards.
  • R
    Hi, my ex broke up with me a week ago after being on a month long break. Would the 30 day no contact rule still apply to me? He broke up with me because he was unhappy that we fought too much, since then I have realized I never want to fight with him again. He told me he still loves me and is in love with me.. But is sure he doesn't want to be together "for now".. What does this mean? Also, we work together, how would the 30 day no contact rule work? He also texts me from time to time and I don't know how to initiate the no contact rule. I do love him and I still want to be with him, and I'm freaking out on how to go about doing so. Thank you for your help.
    • Kevin
      Hi R, You can initiate no contact by telling him you need some space and time to deal with the breakup and you'll appreciate it if he doesn't contact you for a while. As for the work thing, read this article.
      • R
        Hello Kevin, It's really hard to not have contact at work because he's always touching my hair, throwing me hand written notes, talking to me, etc. I don't know what to do because I do want to be with him but I know it's too soon to get back together.
        • Kevin
          Hey, Just tell him that you need some space and time and you will appreciate it if he limits contact in office to only professional matters.
  • Wheelerj61
    Hi. I'm looking for some advice. My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. Well he did the breaking up but we still live together. He found an apt and will be moving out soon. During the time of living together I stay at my mothers but every now and then go back to get clothes and run into him. Every time I see him I pressure him in to reassuring me that we have a chance in the future. He told me he also thinks I'm the one. He just needs space. I recently called him a bunch of times and he ignored me and told me I'm being too much. Do you think I pushed him away for good? Thank you
    • Kevin
      You can still get him back if you follow the plan. You didn't push him away for good.
      • Jennifer
        Thank you Kevin. I definitely didn't push him away. Every time we run into each other he tells me how much he misses me. And he thinks we will be back together. He told me yesterday he is getting cold feet about moving out but I told him he should go, and that it will make us better. He tells me he believes everything will work out between us. The only thing that drives me crazy is how he doesn't text me or communicate with me that often. Sometimes I feel like he is sending mixed signals. We were together for 2.5 years. Thank you
        • Kevin
          Hi Jennifer, The fact that he doesn't text you can be used to your advantage. It will help you do no contact, focus on yourself and get some perspective.
          • Jennifer
            Thank you Kevin. I will try my best to just focus on myself. It's extremely hard but it's getting better. I just feel like he will start to like living on his own and not being with me but I know it's just my mind going all over the place.
  • Laura Denys
    I don't think these steps help in a situation when you have children.I have two boys 5and 7 years old. Recently broke up after 12 year relationship. He is unable to get a job and does not and never contributed towards our children. Recently because he's a very good looking man he got a new girlfriend(with two boys) and basically threw our friendship away.I may nor talk or phone unless it's serious about the children.even though I have financially supported him for years. Came back today from a long trip with the kids a dangerous road not even a ' did you arrive alright?' No concern whatever....??? So I am ignoring him ....even if this weekend was concern??
    • Kevin
      Hey Laura, It's best to do limited contact. Only talk to him if it's about children. You can read more about no contact and how to do it in your situation on this page.
  • Jennifer
    Hello Kevin, I've commented before on the whole breakup situation. We are still living together and he is moving out soon. When we are around each other it's like we are still together and he tells me that the space will still be good but he does want to be with me. I feel like seeing him and being the way we have been is very confusing. Am I doing more damage than good by hanging out with him even though he is still scared to commit back to the relationship? Thank you
  • Jenna
    Hi Kevin! I'm subscribed to your daily email system, and thanks a lot for those emails. They are my source of encouragement to keep moving on. I implemented the NC for 2 weeks then broke it by calling him because I decided that I wanted to end this hopeless try. However when I heard his voice, although it was cold and distant, I knew that I want this man in my life, that we can have a great future together if we try again. The only problem is that I'm a perfectionist, so sometimes I pay too much attention to details, and he's having a lot of problems going on in his life right now, so he has decided that he wants to be alone. I know we're still in love, but I don't know if it's feasible at all that I have a chance to get him back into my life, although I know that's the thing I most want now. Note we're living in different countries. LDR is the real challenge. Can you give me some advice?
    • Kevin
      Hey Jenna, I think you should do no contact again and try again. Give him time to sort out his life and use that time to work on yourself and whatever issues that may be affecting your relationships. LDR is going to be a challenge, but if you worked through it before, you can make it work again if you are both willing to compromise. Also, the reason you felt that way after hearing his voice might be because you ended no contact too soon. Perhaps this time you won't feel the same way.
  • Shehrbano
    Hey Kevin, Your article is great. I broke up with my fiance a month back. I chased him, begged him to come back, tried everything to convince him that I am the one but nothing worked. So I am gonna follow all these steps now. Just wanted to ask that 2 weeks after the breakup, while I was trying to convince my ex of getting back together, He confessed that he has found someone else. My intuition as well as the frequency with which he checks his whatsapp suggest that he misses me. We are in no contact since 2 weeks. I am afraid if i'll stay in this no contact period for long, he will get more closer to that girl. What do you think I should do? When we were together, he was deeply in love with me. Will he come back? Will he miss me?
    • Kevin
      I think 2 weeks is very soon for it to be a real relationship. I am pretty sure it's a rebound and it will end eventually.
  • Jack
    Hi ! My gf dumped me about 2 weeks ago. We had been together almost a year. Now she called me that that she has been thinking everything and want's to talk with me face to face. What should I do ? My feelings are messed up and I don't know what to do or think.
    • Kevin
      Hey Jack, Tell her that you need some space and time to think things through and regain your composure as the breakup has been hard for you. Tell her that you will contact her when you feel you can talk to her comfortably. And then start no contact.
      • Jack
        Ok thank you! How should I contact her after the no contact ? Should I follow your rules or should I write something and then read it to her face to face ?
        • Kevin
          Hey Jack, I'd suggest you just text her after no contact using one of the methods mentioned in the article. If she still wants to meet up, she will bring it up.
          • Jack
            Hello again and thank you for your advices! I just want to tell a bit more about my ex and our relationshin and what it meant to me so you can maby see the whole picture. She is a very religious person and music is her whole life while sports are my life and I'm not so religious. We were different yes, but for me it worked as a motivation. We learned so much from eachother all the time. When I had tough workout or workday and she was playing piano and singing it just comforted me and took all my stress away. We had strong connection because we came from so different backgrounds. I have already realised what I did wrong in our relationship but it's so small compared what she did. We were out one night and she started to talk to other guy and ignored me entirely. Then she ofcourse got interested to that guy... And then she broke up with me. She is not with that other guy atm. The thing is that I think she regrets what she did(I will see when I talk to her after the no contact), because there was alcohol included. All her friends told her not to break up but what hurts most is how good connection I had with her big family. Her mother texted me yesterday thanking me from everything and the time I spent with her daughter... It hurt. My ex also got letter that she didn't got into school week before our breakup. She had hard time. Maby she just didnt know what was the difference between breakup and taking own time and space since this was her first real relationship....
  • darknluvly
    I would like do start off by saying that your article was really great and very inspiring. I really enjoyed reading it. Unfortunately, I don't believe that getting my ex back will work for me. We were friends for a few years and decided to start a relationship. We had a lot of arguing and fighting in it mostly about him and other women not necessarily dating now but just not respecting the relationship. Within those two years I've had 3 miscarriages after my third miscarriage he leaves Me 2 Days Later. I'll admit I broke every step you've stated. Anyhow,within a few days I see him with another woman after he said we could try do work things out but he felt confused.He wanted do work it out but a bigger part of him was telling him do let go.We argued that day on the 4th of this month about the woman and the miscarriage that I just had. He said some pretty foul and mean things And before i knew it we got into a really bad fight, he even made sure the girl was somewhere safe thinking that I might do something to her. it was then I realized how much he really must like her. He told me to forget everything that he said and that I would be able to move on to and that I could be sleeping with someone else just like him if I wasn't so focused on him.I can't even begin to explain the way that I felt without filling up this page. I've prayed and cried so much and the thought of it and how it ended makes me feel worse. But when i read that part of your article about knowing your ex about facebook,instagram, etc. I came to reality. I remember when i was with him he stayed in that stuff now since he's been seeing her he's never on it. And I couldn't even do the contact rule if I wanted to be changed his number and spends most of his time at her house. As I said it was a great article and I'm pretty sure it will help those whose relationship ended better than mines. Good luck and blessings to you all.
  • hopefull
    hey there kevin i need some advice about getting my ex back. Well to sum it up we were talking a lot and it was long distance relationship (one hour with the train) but because of the distance we had to break up. The next day she called me crying saying that she didn't want to break up, so i took her back. We talked and then out of no were she started giving me short responses because of that i ignored her for three days in the hope she would act like she would. The last thing she said(crying) to me was "maybe this is a test from god and if we are meant to be then we will find each other again." and (we both said and meant this i hope) "you are the first i truly loved." When we broke up i was devastated but i didn't show it. I always kept thinking about and what could have been and sometimes I wonder how she is doing. This was about one year ago and now i saw her instagram account and put in a follow request and she accepted it then I commented an emoji under her picture that hinted that she is beautiful but she didn't respond on anything. I mean she didn't comment back or message me or something. Then last night i had a dream about her and we were happy and I haven't been that happy in a longtime. When I woke I grabbed my phone and went on instagram that was the moment I saw she posted a new picture and that was when my heart started pounding very fast. I have been living a little bit dirty, I mean like dirty room, not shaving, not caring about my appearances but that day I cleaned my act up. I was thinking of messaging her tomorrow if I dreamt about her or if I got a clear sign. My mother came into room she comes by often talking or asking for help and then out of no were she asked me about that girl and said how is she doing? and are you two still talking but my mother didn't know her that wel she knew her name and they talked over the phone once because she thought I was a player and as proof that I was loyal I let her talk to my mother. So I don't know if I should message her or not because I keep thinking that she maybe moved on and isn't interested in me anymore. I don't want to cause her pain or trouble from an old wound but i truly love her and want her back in my live, she was the only who understands me even my family doesn't understand me that wel as her......
    • Kevin
      Hey, If you think she is worth it, then you should follow the plan and contact her after no contact.
  • David
    Hey Kevin. I agree with your article. And I'm in the stage of the contact part. However before reading this I have been texting with her. The last thing she said was this. ''All I ask is that you never come into the store if/when you find a new woman. Because I wont be able to control my reaction and emotions. And never come by my home and store" I want more than anything to be with her but I also know even though is hard for me to accept that I need to give her at least 30 days. My question know is should I respond to her text? Should I say something like "I understand I'm sorry for causing you pain" I know it's not right but I also feel like saying absolutely nothing before I start this no contact rule. And well the place she works at is really close to my home, and I use to go there pretty frequently..
    • Kevin
      Hey David, I don't think you need to send her any text for now. If she tries to contact you again, then tell her you need some space and time since the breakup has been hard on you.
  • Blake
    Hi Kevin. Really enjoyed reading your article. I'm really confused about my girlfriend. Her mum doesn't approve of me, and that must have contributed to our breakup. Our relationship was strong for two and a half years, and I am quite sure she still loves me, even though she did kiss someone else before we broke up, I guess to help her out of the relationship. They are "friends" now, and still keep regular contact. We've had sex after the breakup a couple of times and after about 5 weeks of torture I've finally decided to do the no contact. It's been about 6 days. She hasn't contacted me since, but always liked or commented my "happy" posts and other people's posts about me. She also comment (not directly to me) on posts where I've commented. I'm confused about her behaviour. Is she trying to tell me she doesn't care, or is she attention seeking? What is she thinking? And what should I do?
    • Kevin
      Hey Blake, You are not really doing no contact if you are trying to decipher her actions on facebook. If you find yourself obsessing over her social media actions, then you should probably stay away from them for a while. There could be many reasons for what she is doing. The most obvious will be that she is trying to get into your head. And I will say that she is doing this successfully.
      • Blake
        Thanks Kevin! So are you suggesting me to block her? I'm just so afraid that if I block her, she will just move on without trying to contact me again. I really want her back.
  • E.S
    Hey Kevin i post a comment nd i havent see any response nd also i already suscribed to your daily emails for NC help you think something is wrong?
    • Kevin
      Hey, The comments here are heavily moderated and only very few of them are ever approved. I recommend you post on the message boards.
  • I got her back on my hands
    It worked. My ex dumped me with another. I was begging but wasn't worth. I disappeared for 2 months, during this period I was dating another and the day I was in the movies with my current baby she called saying she's been worried about me. And now she's been begging to be forgiven. Follow these rules on this website, give it at least 45 days. Good Luck.
  • Scott
    Hi there, I'm a first time writer. I went through a break-up with my ex. Followed your rules... They appear to be working. My ex suggested dinner. I gave it some time and responded by saying, "Maybe the four of us could go out?" As we use to double date a lot with her best friend and her boyfriend. I said that way it would be keeping it light and we wouldn't be the focus of the night. Anyway, she's basically said she just wants it to be the two of us. I'm not so sure about this? I'd rather it was the four of us. What do you suggest? I hope to hear from you.
    • Kevin
      Hey Scott, If you have completed the no contact rule and you feel confident about it, then you should go. If you are not confident about it, tell her that you need some time and postpone it a week or two. It's a good sign she wants to meet alone. As long as you don't do anything needy or desperate when you meet her, it'll probably work in your favor.
  • e.p.
    Hello Kevin, It's been months since I last wrote on here. Well after my last post saying to give it one last chance I did give a chance but it didn't last. We broke up again and I left his house. This was right before Valentines day. So much has happened over these past months. But to be honest lately like these past weeks he's been on my mind like crazy and my feelings are going crazy too. After the split we weren't really speaking he said he hated me for taking our daughter away I told him you did this by still doing your sh*t. Fast forward to like 2 months after I left I ended up getting a new job and again it so happened he stopped working when I started so anyways I kept trying to call and text him to confirm if he can watch our daughter while I worked but he wouldn't answer any of my calls and it was rare if he replied to my texts. Rewind actually to a week before I started working I had called his phone it was morning and a girl answered me I was thrown off and asked who's this? Guess who it was? None other than his ex which became his girlfriend again. I told her to let me speak to him but she said he wasn't home and then I clicked on her I didn't even let her finish. Like 2 hours later he calls me back but I didn't answer I was mad. OK so the day I started working I called him when I got off but this time I called the house phone and he answerd and was shocked when he heard my voice so we spoke but then I forgot to tell him something so I called back but then she answered again so I clicked and called his cell and he didn't answer I called again and he ignored my call so then I texted him and I saw he read it so I called him again and then I didn't hear any ringing so I said hello and from a distance I heard her like she answered but meant to ignore my call or I don't know but I hear her say something and end it with b*tch. So I got really mad and called back and they ignored my call so I text his phone but texting her basically I'm going off and then I messaged her on Facebook and we got into it but then I stopped replying. Like a week later after that he texts me saying "I swear she's out my life" I didn't believe him but that was months ago and he kept his word. Things were ok between us as co-parents. So now in June we went to club event to see a DJ with some friends. We were inside and he disappeared for the rest of the night I left early with my friend because she had to go pick up her brother from the airport. I decided to leave because I started to feel sad so I had to get away. I left with her but the rest of our friends said we'd meet up at her house after the event was over. So me and her were talking and she asked if I thought my ex would go to the house I told her no and that I knew exactly what was gonna happen. I said he's gonna ask for me when they meet up to leave and they're gonna say I left and everyone is meeting up at your house and then he's gonna ask to get dropped off home. She didn't think so but exactly what I said happened lol. So whatever we continued drinking and we end up sleeping over. His cousin which is my friend, she ended sleeping in our friends room and they had a spare room but one of the guys that had gone out with us took it and my ex's friends slept over too, one took the couch and the other took the other so me and my friend's brother were like ok so I guess pick a corner lol. My friend (his sister) then says she has an inflatable mattress and that we can use it so we ended up sleeping next to each other. Next to my ex's friends. We were talking and he asked if they would tell my ex I said I'm sure they are. Now I knew there was a possibility of them telling him but I knew if they did my ex wasn't gonna say anything to me he was just gonna act mean to me and then get over it and have me guessing why he was being distant towards me or something. Well I was mistaken all that happened on friday/ Saturday morning so on Sunday I called him because our daughter wanted to speak to him. He ignored my call right away and texts me "?" And I reply saying you can't answer me? And sent him another one saying every time you start talking to some girl you start acting shady towards me. So then he replies saying if it's not about our daughter don't talk to me, talk to that one guy you had sex with in front of my friends. Then he sent another text saying I don't even care though I'm glad for you. I started laughing because I didn't expect him to snap at me I told him he was stupid that nothing happened I only slept next to him because I had no where else to sleep and that it didn't look like he didn't care but then I said but whatever I'm not gonna try to convince you you're gonna believe what you want. I know what happened and that's all that matter. Nothing happened and his friends know that and he knows that. His friends then told my friend that they never said I had sex with him just that I slept next to him that that part he was adding on his own. Which I figured because he can be extra at times. Month goes by without speaking because he's mad at me. He ended up getting over it and well a month ago I lost my job we were talking and well we've been cool he would talk to our daughter on the phone then he'd tell her to take care of me. We went to the zoo not so long ago and last week we were talking on the phone and he said that I don't have to be here at my house that I can go to his house to like live i didn't say anything I just changed the subject. But again he started ignoring me again. Well my texts messages because my calls he takes or if he misses one he calls me back. I feel like some girl is involved and that's what started having me go crazy. To top it off I think it's this other girl I know and I'm cool with her. I feel like he's after her. I want to ask him but I'm scared of his answer. Kevin help. Why do you think I'm going crazy again?
  • Jaici
    Hey Kevin, I read your should you get back with your ex article. You said that if you don't have trust, honesty, and communication you should not get back together. I did not have those things in my relationship. However, I want to try and fix it, it was my fault we didn't have those components and I feel like besides that, we were good together. There was some cheating and lying on my part, and my ex is just done. I want to change. I want to give him the same thing he gave me. I want to have a better relationship with him and I feel it is fixable if I just get one more chance. What should I do ? I feel like this is someone I want to spend my life with. We were planning on moving in together and now it is nothing. I really wish I could take back the things I did. How do I fix it ?
    • Kevin
      Hey Jaici, You should make some major changes in yourself and try to contact him again. But before you contact him, you should have already started working on whatever issues caused you to make the mistakes you made. Things like going to therapy, group therapy or a 12 step program is extremely helpful because it shows that you are serious about change. Once you have started on the path to change, contact him after a month of no contact with one of the methods mentioned in the article.
  • Nabila
    Hey Kavin. I have just broked up with my ex yesterday. But noy I am badly missing him. I made a mistake . I should not let him go. i just want him back in my life. i can't stay a minute without him. i am now feeling like dying.and I want to make him to miss me. Will you please help me?
    • Kevin
      Hey Nabila, Follow the 5 step plan.
      • Briana
        Hello could you, Please email me I need some questions answered!
  • Briana
    Hey Kevin email me I need to ask a question for you!
  • Aaron
    Hi Kevin, My girl friend and I have been in a 4 years relationship. In the last 7 months, things between us has been stagnant. Now she has her priorities changed and she wants to focus on her higher studies for her post graduation and not on this relationship. She broke up with me and she is happy and does not even miss me. She only talks to me as a friend now. Im just hurt and I miss her. I want her back and I would do anything to make our relationship work. Please help me
    • Kevin
      Hey Aaron, Stop talking to her as a friend and follow the 5 Step Plan.
  • Jennifer
    Hello. My boyfriend broke up with my June of 2016. We kind of rekindle things but never really got space like we should've and we ended it recently after the holidays. I still want to be with him and feel like when we first broke up I should've just let it happened. I feel like it ruined any chance of us working out. I still want to be with him. He is currently moving out. What should I do
    • Darcy
      You see, I myself am struggling with a breakup (not even an official relationship) but I'd suggest you to evaluate some things. Do you think he still isn't over you? And if you don't, do you want to take the risk and try to get him back? I believe you should first take it easy. Don't go after him but talk a little, casually and less than you usually would talk, then, start the No Contact rule. From the No Contact part on, you should follow the rest of the plan ( and it may work, I mean, you know your chances better than anyone else. Remember, by the end of the steps, despite the fact that there's always a chance that you might not get your ex back, you're supposed to be a better version of you who appreciates life even without their ex:)
  • Dan
    Hi there! Great article, I absolutely loved it. Can I ask a question re the 30 days no contact. I'm about the days in and already I'm getting messages etc, presumably she's wondering why I'm not chasing still. However, we are still in the process of moving out of a shared house and so there is some need for discussion. What do I do? She texted to say as a courtesy she was letting me know she'll be home tonight to grab some stuff and what time in case I didn't want to see her. Sounds like fishing? Also that she has done my washing and folded it for me. Please help. Daniel
    • Kevin
      Hi Dan, Just tell her that you need some space and time to deal with the breakup. There is no harm in meeting her as long as you keep any conversation strictly to the point. Don't talk about anything personal and if she does, just tell her you are not ready to speak to her as a friend yet.
  • Icha
    Hi Kevin, I need your help. I was in a relation with a guy who is married now He was playing a mind game with me till the time I didn't fall in love with me He lied frauded cheated through out...he had physical relationship with many girls..he might be expecting the same in the absence of wife...luckily I was saved. I now want to teach him a lesson...want him to be attracted towards me I am somewhere sure he will not be loyal to his wife too. He played a very dirty game to drag my attention I did do no contact and on & off when I call he 95%pick up my call He has a very well experience of handling girl making the emotional fool Please guide me as I really want him to be hunted the same way I am going thru Thanking you in anticipation.
    • Kevin
      Hi Icha, I am sorry you went through a terrible heartbreak and betrayal. But revenge is not going to make things better. If he lies, cheats and manipulates; he will eventually lose everyone close to him including his wife. You don't have to do anything for that to happen. Just don't contact him anymore and focus your time on healing and becoming happy.
      • Icha
        Thanks Kevin, I somewhere feel....he is loyal to his family so he will keep them happy and will be loyal to his wife too But he needed to be taught a lesson by making him emotionally fool I know this might not be a positive attitude from my end....but I badly feel to trap him in his tricks Pls guide Regards
  • Luca
    Hi Kevin This article is amazing and helped me a lot. Thank you so much for giving us those wise words. I am now at that point with the handwrizten letter, she just got it last week. I followed your steps and wrote content just like you proposed. At the end of the letter I asked her, if she would go out with me. The same day she texted me back and thanked for the kind letter and beautiful flowers I sent her and added, that she needs some more time to decide. I replied, that I understand and she shall take as much time as she needed. Its been a week now and I still have no reply from her and I am going crazy because I have no idea in which way she will decide. Also I texted her yesterday wome empty messages (yup, my fault) and she just dont text back. One more thing: I noticed, that she is less often online in whatsapp then she was before the handwritten letter. How should interpret this? Thank you so much in advance for your advice, how I should behave now and what could be going on on her mind. Kind regards Luca
  • aubry
    I am currently going thru a some what you called "breakup". I was basically chasing and after i got him, we were dating but a few days ago things wasn't as great and he said he doesn't want it anymore. He said that he wasn't ready for any commitments and doesn't wants to fall in love again and he just don't want to date anyone or see anyone anymore. I still love him so bad, and i am currently so confused. Please advice me on what to do. I do still text/call him sometime when i miss him and we see each other at work if we are working on the same shifts.
    • Kevin
      Hi Aubry, Follow the 5 step plan.
  • Alban
    Hi Kevin. Two days ago i broke up with my girlfriend, she wanted so and we broke up. She loves me but she doesn't want me to know that, she thinks that i'm better without her because she always hurted me in the past with her attitude, with her ignorance. Iread all your article but i have a problem with the no-contact thing...I'm in highschool and i'm in the same class with her everyday! Can you please tell me what should i do in ma case? thank u
    • Kevin
      Hi, Just follow the 5 step plan.
  • Luke
    Hi Kevin, I have a specific question related to the "no contact" period. My ex broke up with me two weeks ago, after dating for a little over a year. She claimed that, while she does love me, she does not see me in her future. Heartbroken, I managed a couple of days with no contact, but then slipped into the routine of social media stalking and constantly pestering her with needy and pitiful text messages. I came across your plan, and I am very motivated to stop the messaging, officially start "no contact", and continue with the other steps. I have one big issue. We are both in college, and both heavily involved in a very active on-campus organization (she is President, I am Past President--and therefore technically her "advisor"). In this organization, we have officer meetings (10 people total) every other week, plus additional events that we have to host. I really have no clue how to handle "no contact" when I literally must be in professional contact with her for my remaining 3 months in the organization. I'd really appreciate your insight, Kevin. Thank you for helping me get my girl back. -Luke
    • Kevin
      Hey Luke, Read this article.
      • Luke
        Thanks Kevin! That article is great. I read it twice over to make sure I didn't miss anything. One additional question: I recently performed a very substantial wardrobe change (a much more modern look), because I saw that you recommended it, and it has indeed made me feel much better. I'm just worried that when my ex sees me again (I have a professional meeting to attend with her just one week after I started No Contact) I will appear as though I am seeking attention, and therefore needy. My new clothing is quite different that my old style, so it will definitely be noticeable. Thanks, Luke
        • Kevin
          Hey Luke, Don't worry about it. Even if she thinks like that, it will not affect your chances of getting her back as long as you don't act like you need attention or her approval. Just treat her like you would treat any person you are in good terms with without getting too friendly.
  • Shaz
    Hey Kevin, Was seeing a guy but he only saw me as a booty call, he started losing interest. so I've back of completely. I reacted and acted needy and he was probably annoyed. I just don't want him to see me as a booty call anymore and more as girlfriend material. I'm worried he won't come back, because he won't speak to me at the moment. Maybe you could give some handful advice.
    • Kevin
      Hi Shaz, If he never developed feelings for you and only saw you as a booty call, it's unlikely his feelings for you will change. I think the best you can do is stop contacting him and focus on yourself. If you want to avoid a situation like this in the future, you should always take things slow when starting out with a new love interest.
  • Helen
    Hi Kevin, I would love some advice please. Apologies for the length in advance. We met a year ago whilst I was on vacation in Germany. I live in London. I'm 31 and he's 6 years younger than me. We managed to see each other once a month (3-5 days at a time). He struggled with the distance more than I did but we had pretty intense feelings for one another and tried to make it work - talked every morning and every night between visits. These were new feelings for both of us. He cheated on me about 5 months ago and called to tell me the very next morning because he didn't want to lie to me. The guilt was killing him and it meant nothing etc and the entire experience had only reaffirmed for him how much I meant to him and he now felt stable about us and comfortable for our futures to be intertwined in a permanent way (whereas before he was uncertain about us working). We went on an amazing vacation straight after this, after some time I forgave him and our relationship grew stronger. Or so I thought. Last month he flew halfway across the world to my family home in Southern Africa where he met my mother (only guy that ever has) and we had a wonderful 2 weeks together where I felt we grew so much closer and there were random comments about marriage and kids he made throughout that made me feel certain that this was the person for me. Then, just over a month ago, out of the blue (though there had been a few days prior where he was behaving strangely and not calling/texting me the way he normally would, but I chalked it up to his brother having just moved across the world from Syria to live with him so I wanted to give them space) he called to say he couldn't do a LDR anymore. That so much of our relationship has been consigned to the phone and that being apart from me was proving to be too difficult for him, that he wanted to wake up next to me like a "normal" couple. We had had issues with the distance aspect of our relationship before, but our love seemed to get us through those moments. We spoke another 2 times that week where I came to a slightly better understanding of what the real issue is: He's still a student (originally from Syria) and his financial situation is proving to be very difficult for him so he's considering moving back home (which is nuts and I've adamantly warned him is not a good idea). Even if he does opt to stay in Germany, he hasn't progressed academically and he doesn't want me to wait for him to get his life together (we had, once or twice, briefly discussed settling down together, marriage etc once he graduates). His older brother moving to live with him in Germany is what stemmed this entire thing because the day he arrived they had a massive bust up with his brother shouting at him about what he's doing with his life etc. His brother was supposed to come with my ex's university transcripts but because of the war, the records appear to have been lost which means he'll have to start his degree from scratch rather than just completing his final year. This adds more time on us being in a long distance relationship and also prolongs the time we would have to wait before getting married etc. I said I'd consider moving to Germany because I'm in between jobs at the moment and no longer want to live in London, but he said no - didn't want for me to move to a country where I don't speak the language and would struggle to find a job and to do that just for him and that I would come to resent him. He said that he needs to make these big life decisions without thinking of me, that this is a time when he needs to be selfish. I'm willing to wait until he gets his life together and graduates (whenever that may be) but he got angry with me and kept saying "how can you not even think about yourself?" (I believe that may age has a lot to do with this and he's conscious of potentially wasting my time) and that I should meet other people. He didn't sound like he was going to change his mind, I did a lot of crying and a little begging and he said goodbye. There was a finality about it though he said to call him if ever I need anything and we can be friends. I told him I didn't want to be friends. That was just over 30 days ago and I read your article and have not been in touch with him at all since (except his best friend and roommate msgd and called me about 2 wks ago to check up on me and see if I was ok - I said I had a flight to catch the next morning and that I was fine. I was very brief and vague). I have not heard a word from him at all. Complete radio silence which has worried me a little. I have been working on myself to make improvements (been working out and feeling good about myself) and am currently still travelling around Africa visiting family while I figure out where I want to live etc (it would have, rather ironically, been the best time for me to spend some months in Germany to test the waters for a full time life there with him). Do you think I have a chance of getting him back? I don't even know if he's yet made a decision about moving back to Syria but we don't really have mutual friends so I have no way of finding out (he's not on Facebook so I only have whatsapp and viber as a means of communicating with him). I guess what I'm struggling with is the first contact text message (can't send letter as I don't feel that would be appropriate) as to me my intentions would seem obvious if I were to reminisce about good times etc. Maybe this internal conflict suggests I'm not quite ready. I've gone through your checklist of things to have done before contacting your ex and I'm all there except that I'm not quite convinced about those endless opportunities to find love should this not work out. That it took me 30 years to find love for the first time, a genuinely meaningful and serious relationship makes me feel somewhat less than optimistic about what the world has to offer. I really feel like timing is all that is keeping us apart and though life will go on should this not work out, I'm not at all confident that I will experience another love like this. Any advice you can give would be much appreciated.
  • Samual
    I am currently on day 36 of no contact from a long relationship. I have not heard from my ex girlfriend at all during this time. How much longer should I do no contact, and what should I say to her?
  • Grace
    Hey Kevin ! Thank you very much for you daily emails, i have a problem with my ex, he broke up with me when i was 2 months, i tried with the no contact rules as from 03 March 2017 but it seems as it will not work as we are having a child, and i am very far to get the EBP Advance book
  • Motty
    Hello my name is Motty and i broke up with my gf yesterday she blocked me in insta,fb,whatsapp,calls and message.After seeing this this i called her and asked why she did this and she said she is not intrested,i asked her the reason and she said she doesn't know kept on repeating the same thing and she said she doesn't like my character and our characters doesn't match .the main problem was a incident done ny me on a bus as i was gonna kiss her,she felt very insecure and left it from that time she used to get a lot of strain, afraid of me and thinks that i like her body instead of her.Yesterday i called her and the above thing happened,he has a Brother and he called me and said you touched her and said i need to see you in a angry mode.i didnt see her in that way but dont know What happened to her she used to love me so much and we hav plans of future..i need her would you suggest an idea.
  • Harman
    Hello, I love someone truly from 3 years and he loves me more than me.But starting of this year was very bad.He thinks I have another man in my life that's not true.I always use to spend wholw day talking with him.But he stop talking with me.His health is now not good because of these nonsense problema which is not true.Then I asked his friend to help me.But he was not good person.When my bf tell me about his friend's nature I stoped taking his help .And my bf start talking with me because he doesnt want me to get wrong again.But I dont know what happen my bf after 2,3 days started saying that you still with my friend.I thought may be his friend is lieing to him and I put his frend's pic on fb by saying that he has used many girls bla bla but that's true..And situation become more worst.Now what I have to do.I'm standing with truth but he is not believing.He is very disturbed now.He is not happy.
  • Jorge
    Hello Kevin Around 4-5 days ago me and my girlfriend broke up as she was stressing out about school and her head is all over the place. She is said that it is not likely that that we'd be back together but she is unsure whether she loves me or not and she admits she regrets the argument. The argument happened because she did not communicate her feelings and failed to address problems which she told other people but not me. Now unfortunately I fallen into a trap of pleading and begging her to give me a chance to change however on the day I met her in person to sort things out (a week before she broke up with me) me and her did a few things (sexual) and on that day she always responded to I love you and insisted that she needs space and that she was not ready for a relationship. I am in my 4th day of not contacting her and I need to find out what my next steps are, one of them is going to the gym but that's about it. I would be happy if you could help me out. kind regards Jorge
  • Alex
    Hi Kevin, My fiance broke up with me back in January. We still live together her and you can imagine how that is going. I have thought about all the questions you asked in. Your article and she is the one I want to be with and being with her makes me a better person. She was the one who ended things and I am at a loss with what to do. It's hard to give space since we live together still. Sometimes it seems like she wants to get back together but then at other times hides it with anger. I made a lot of mistakes in the relationship and have changed greatly even though we still live together. Do you have any suggestions or tips to help me put or what I should do next? We also have a 3 year old daughter together.
    • Kevin
      Hey Alex, Is it possible for you to move out? If so, then you should move out temporarily. It will give both of you the much needed space and time. Only speak to her about your daughter and nothing personal. Work on yourself while you are away and try to figure out what caused the breakup. Moving out might be a scary move but it will help both of you understand how important you are to each other.
  • Melteweens
    Hi Kevin i REALLY REALLY need help . I am currently feeling so hopeless and i want him back so badly… Heres the thing.. Me and him had been together for 6 months but as time passed he showed lesser sign of love and didnt take me as his priorities anymore… Thats when i suggested to break up. A week before the breakup he kept messeging me acting as if nothing happened , but i did not reply any of his texts . For the next 2 months we did not contact each others until that day he messeged me if im going to his college’s event . In the end i did go and he seemed to be doing so fine without me … He did not show any signs of missing me and seems to move on already… Even when i see tagged pictures of him on social media , he seemed to be happier without me… I cant tell if he was acting or he really prefers to be single… If so why would he invite me to his college’s event? (I dont think he was trying to revenge to make me feel bad because he is really not that type of person) After seeing him during the event , i instantly fell in love with him again and slowly recalled tons of good memories with him…Therefore i went ahead and whatsapp him after the event was over . He told me that he was better than ever and i admitted that i sounded desperate during that conversation . Throughout that entire week after that event i couldnt resist my urge and started a convo with him 3 times.(He never started the convo ) The 3rd time when i whatsapp him i asked if we could get back together , and he said no… (Reason was he wanted to be single and he was dealing with Alevels exam in 1 month time) I told him that i could wait and he asked me not to… After that we did not talk until now.(Its been 2 weeks) Sometimes he showed signs that he still likes me but sometimes it seems like he has completely moved on. I miss him badly… ? I hope you could give me some advices on this , even just a bit .. I need some guides on what to do next pleaseeeee i hope you read and reply to my comment ?
    • Kevin
      Hey, It's good you started no contact. He is young and he wants to explore his options. He does has feelings for you but he doesn't want to get tied down yet. I don't recommend waiting for him. You should focus on moving on. I know you have strong feelings for him and don't want to let go. If you want to give it another try, do no contact for another 2 months before contacting him. You should really make some positive changes in yourself before contacting him again. And I highly recommend you date other people to regain your self worth and confidence.
  • Linda
    My ex broke up with me on thanksgiving yet she acts like we're still together just in February she tells me to find someone else,and that I will never find anyone like her yet she calls me everyday all day I used to answer her just recently I stopped I asked her what were we she replied we aren't together and I told her we weren't friends either after that she has called my phone several times in a day even exceeding 15 unanswered calls then today she texted I miss you! I want to go to the beach what is that about
    • Kevin
      Hey Linda. Your ex is confused and doesn't know what she wants. Ask her if she wants to get back together. If she refuses, then tell her that you need time and space to deal with the breakup and start no contact.
      • Linda
        I'm on day 6 of no contact today has been the first day she has not contacted me.,, how do I know how long to keep the no contact should I wait for her to send me a text stating she wants to get back together or just let it go a full 30 I know right now she is feeling overwhelmed I used to be at her availability always and now I haven't been
  • Ann muazu
    this answered my questions from start to finish, got more than I needed. God bless
  • Nick
    My girlfriend and I recently broke up about 2 weeks ago. We had dated for over two years. She moved down to me and didn't know anyone. She was dependent on me and there's only so much you can do when she's not 21 either. She felt trapped and moved out and started living with people she met. I was totally fine with that. Did it suck, yeah, but she seemed happier so I was all for it. So after the break up, I didn't contact her until she called me asking to meet up for lunch. I said sure and we had a great talk and had a really emotional, long hug (She was crying, not me). She said she really missed me and just needs to see I've changed. She said she sees I have changed a little, and just wants to see it last and stay changed forever. We had lunch the next day as well and we laughed about things and talked about the relationship. She said she wants us to work out, but still needs space. She said she wants us to work out, but isn't putting any effort into making it work out. I don't know what to do because we are going to my friends wedding together next week. Please help me figure out if she is still interested in our relationship.
    • Kevin
      Hey Nick, I can bet you aren't the only one who needs to change if the relationship is to work. You should be clear about what needs to change in both you and her and lay your cards on the table. Tell her that if she wants it to work, then you both need to make some changes.
  • Pat
    Hey! We broke up because I lied about changing my selfish acts and it when really long than I actually want to do it. Can you help me because she keeps on ignoring me. I sent her a message after doing a no contact. I'm kinda nervous if she's ever gonna talk to me again. Please help me. I want her back. :( Pls help. Thank you
    • Pat
      She's really mad also at me and idk what to do. will she ever talk to me? I'm kinda anxious because i really pissed her off and ended up breaking up with me :(
    • Kevin
      Hey Pat, Instead of telling her that you've changed, you need to show her that you are serious about this. Getting therapy or joining a group therapy session will help you show her that you really mean it this time and will increase your chances of getting back together.
  • A girl
    Hi Kevin, Two years ago i broke up with my boyfriend. We didnt have contact for about a year. Suddenly he added me on facebook and we were started talking. He was asking about my 'then current boyfriend' and so so. However, there was a event going on april first. We were both going. When i first told him that i was going he asked me if i was going alone, i said yes. Then i asked him, he said no, i will go with my best friend, he continued that i might not want to see him because his best friend tried to hit on me. That day i told him my feelings and that i still cared about him. He told me that he has not the same feelings, i accepted him and didnt contact him for two weeks. After two weeks he sent me a message saying; hi are u still going to the event? If you do, do you want to come with us? Me, my best friend and two other friend. I replied; no i will go with a friend. He continued to say lets go together. The morning of the event he texted me asking if i was already gone. At the event i didnt greet him, so he came to me and said why are u ignoring me? U look at me but u dont greet. So he hugged me. And stood next to me. The next day i contactws him saying that he really confuses me. That i dont understand what he is trying to do and so. Since then i havent talked to him. Its been about 2 weeks. Should i still follow the rules? What do you think?
    • Kevin
      Hey, If he has not replied to your latest message about what he is trying to do, you should follow the rules and do no contact.
  • Ted
    Ted, its already 1.5 month, and only now I understood that I was still needy..... isnt it too late to put no contact rule and expect for the best? Or did I fucked up everything? We had couple nice meetings during this period, but on the last one we had a bad conversation again...and I kept being needy for couple days again. Now I think I fucked u everything, or ?
    • Kevin
      Hey Ted, If you want her back, you should give it a try. No one can say for sure if it's too late. The only way to find out is to actually try.
  • Sanjida Ahmed
    Hii Kevin!! I'm soo in need of how to get my man back and its very painfull !! :( Our relationship has been for 7 months and its after his ex broke up with him. I was there to help him , to take care of him and friendship ended up in a relationship when I confessed my love for him. Since he got the love and care he wanted , from me which his ex could not give. And now that his ex has come back and reminds him that he betrayed her when she was the one to breakup and he just eventually decided to move on with life with me . He blames himself for hurting her and told me he needs space . He is having his space now but I am afraid to lose him. I cannot just lose him at all. Though he did not tell me he broke up with me, he just asked for space . And I'm deadly obsessing about him since I love him so much and I just couldn't even think about letting him go. What do I do and How do I get him back? Pleasee help Thankyou
    • Kevin
      Hi Sanjida, There is nothing else you can do except give him space.
  • Nj
    Hi Kevin, It's been 20 days of no contact with my ex. She text me 3 times within that period. The first time she text me it was to let me know that her and our 13 year old daughter were going to go visit family. The last 2 times she asked me how am I and said something about the bills. It had been 16 days of no contact at this time. I only responded to the third text and kept it strictly about the bills. Besides that one response about the bills it's been 20 days of no contact. In 12 days it will be 32 days of no contact, and it would be our 16 year anniversary. I'm wondering if I should contact her then if she doesn't first. The whole point was for us to have some space, work on ourselves, fix bad habits, and start new. Then all of a sudden she sends me a text about breaking it off for good. I think she's still not ready to trust the positive changes I've made and continue to make. I've taken accountability for my flaws and I'm making efforts to improve. However, it seems she just wants to hold on to negative things. I know this comes from hurt. Hopefully time will heal some wounds. I just want my family back together again. Your insight would be much appreciated.
    • Kevin
      Hey Nj, I am sorry you are going through this painful breakup. I think you should contact her when you are ready. You will have to be very patient and you can never push her to get back together. It has to be her idea. The only thing you can do is be consistent and show her that you are really capable of change.
  • Trish
    Unfortunately i have made all those mistakes in 1 month we separate at the point he told me he doesn't love me no more .just wondering if he mean it or have just read your advice before me.he is doing exactly what you asking to do.Does it mean he wants me back?he totally got me round his finger if his intention was to see me crawling.My worries are if i start feeling better with myself there is a way back cuz i wont forgive him for such a scar left me and i heal all by myself with his 7 month son.its impossible not being in contact in this situation or even ignore texts.Everytime i talk about myself and how i been doing all i get is jealousy and hate and we are not together .Im really confused not knowing if he loves madly me or totally hate me to see me well without him.Help
    • Kevin
      Hey Trish, There is a good chance that he still loves you. You are right, after healing by yourself, you might not want him back and might even realize that you are better off without him. But you don't really have any other option. You've tried everything else. Now it's time to put yourself before him and your relationship and start loving yourself.
  • nidhi
    hello kevin, you have given so many ideas which is very helpful for everyone.....this article shows your kindness about those people who loss their mind during this break up and helpless period. but my condition is lil bit different.please give some suggestion.........i was in relationship for 7 years. during this period he broke up for 3 times just because of his parents...because they are very strict and narrow he thought he spoiled my life and want to go away from me for my happiness and wants that i should marry somewhere else.he is forward in caste and i am backward tell me kevin what should i do? i am not in contact with him for 20 days.
    • Kevin
      Hi Nidhi, Continue no contact for another 10 days and reach out to him. If he still thinks like that, then there is a good chance he will not marry you because of caste differences. In that case, you should just do indefinite no contact and move on. I am sorry you are going through this and a 7 years relationship ended this way, but there is nothing much you can do here.
  • henry
    Hi kevin, I know this girl from last three year and we were best friends and from last 4 months we were into a relationship. She broked up with me 10 days ago saying that her family is looking for a guy to get married.i talked to her about what i feel for her but she said she cant take her chance and cant convince her family so after that i didn't called her again but she now calls me sometime and says that she is confused for this new guy.we are still friends so i helped her with this problem but deep inside i still want her. I am helpless please suggest what should i do? Please help me with this situation. Thanks
    • Kevin
      Hey Henry, Situations like this rarely work in your favor. I recommend that you stop being her friend and cut her off from your life.
  • Tanisha
    Hey Kevin, So I (23 Y/o) have just come out of a relationship with my boyfriend (21 turning 22) of 6 months we had known each other for 3 years before that and were friendly. He actually initiated our relationship after he liked me for 3 years on and off. I know it was a short relationship but we were extremely close, he practically lived with me while we were finishing uni, we turned into best friends and we wanted to experience new things together. So last week after months of telling me to move in with him after uni, to attend his cousins wedding, to meet the family (which I did on numerous occasions) for him to meet mine, to be put on his car insurance he told me he wanted to break up because he didn’t want to commit and knew I wanted a long term relationship. It also turns out that he thinks he might like some girl from work because she makes him happy and is fun to be around and is a good cook and we had been arguing recently as I had been away for a week. He says he loves me and likes me more but says he thinks she doesn’t want a commitment either and he just wants to give it a try and see what happens, she is leaving to go back to Poland at the end of May but will return late August early September. He also says he sees a future with me but doesn’t want a future right now and therefore would like to try with her. This girl found out we broke up last week when he told her and over the weekend she broke up with her bf of 4 years. They are going to a horse racing event alone something that really hits home since that was our first date and he told me he wouldn’t just go with anyone, he also spent 3 -4 hours driving to pick this girl up from the airport regularly since she is from Poland and goes home every other weekend. They work together and have begun spending a lot of time together. It really hurts because I was skeptical of getting with him and he showed me throughout how I shouldn’t be but now I feel like I never really knew him. Help, I know I am young and everyone says I have my whole life ahead of me but I don’t see why that matters. What should I do?
    • Kevin
      Hey Tanisha, I am sorry you are going through this breakup. Your boyfriend is stringing you along as he is going around and exploring his option. Everything he said implies that he wants you to wait for him while he goes around with that other girl. He is young and is not ready to commit. He does have strong feelings for you but that didn't stop him from breaking your heart. I recommend you do two months no contact and follow the plan. If after two months of no contact, you still want him back, reach out to him. If he is still not done with his exploration, you should move on.
  • jamie
    I would love to get emails every day
  • rachel
    What if your ex sent you a "closure email" and then blocked you from email? What if they completely ignore your email or text after 30 days NC ? How can you proceed then?
  • Rachel
    After 5 months of dating, where I supported him through his divorce and court case, I asked him if he loved me and he said no he didn't. I said I need time to think about whether I wanted to continue sleeping with a man who doesn't love me and he dumped me!! Said he does not love anyone and is no where near ready for a commitment.
    • Kevin
      Hi Rachel, He was honest about what he wants and expects. Being emotionally ready for a commitment after a divorce is a big step and it might take him a lot more than 30 days to reach there. In my opinion, the relationship was much more important to you than him and there is a chance that he will ignore you when you try to contact him after no contact. If that happens, you can't do anything other than do indefinite no contact. I think you should do no contact for at least a couple of months before trying to contact him.
      • Rachel
        Thank you Kevin
  • Teresa
    Hi.. I've been seeing this guy for almost a year and a half. We weren't exclusive, but we spent a ton of time together/vacationed together/etc. Anyway, he came to my house this passed Sunday while I was sleeping and went through my phone. I texted a guy the day before because I was bored.. (the guy I was seeing was ghosting me for 2 days - VERY unlike him). So I ended up hanging out with the guy for a couple hours. Shouldn't be a big deal right? Wrong. He left. Didn't wake me up or anything. He texted me going off & said he's not messing with me anymore. Says we had a "mutual agreement." After Sunday, I began no contact. He hasn't contacted me & I haven't reached out to him. He watches my snapchat story though. Like he will watch half of them & not watch the others. He's done that 2 days in a row. (I want him to know that I have a life outside of him & that I'm not miserable. I use snapchat to do so). Anyway, what should I do? Is this relationship even salvageable? I don't want to waste much more time on this guy if it's not worth it. I'm completely heartbroken & I have been holding it in for 5 days now.. Thanks in advance. Your advice has been great thus far. ?
    • Kevin
      Hey Teresa, If you were not exclusive, then it shouldn't have been a big deal for him. However, his actions kind of show that he was developing feelings for you and he may have wanted something exclusive. I think you should speak to him honestly about your feelings and let him know that he is important to you and you want a relationship with him. If he refuses, then follow this plan.
  • Amanda
    Hi Kevin So I broke up with my boyfriend about a week ago. I broke up because he didn't treat me right. My friends told my many times before we broke up that he wasn't good for me. But I really loved him and I still do. I have always seen the positive things about him. And yeah he hurt me a few times but not like this one time. I still want to be with him but I was too hurt to call him my boyfriend so I ended it. I'm still heartbroken and don't know what to do with my life. A part of me feels bad and awful for breaking up with him because I know I hurt him a lot. I feel evil and mean for not giving him time to apologise. I feel like its all my fault and I should make it up to him again. The only thing I want right now is to get him back. We had like this special connection and we were both very honest with each other. We are teenagers and very young and I know that I should just live my life but I feel like I'm stuck. I don't know what to do without him. He was such a big part of my life. So that was my story. Here is my question: is the "no contact" thing still the right thing to do? We are still friends but I feel like if I don't keep in touch with him he will forget about me. What should I do?
    • Kevin
      Hey Amanda, If you don't keep in touch, he will not forget about you. In fact, the best thing you can do for him right now is to not keep in touch. By giving each other space, you will both realize if your love is truly special and whether or not you should get back together.
      • Amanda
        Thank you, Kevin. I will do that and hopefully get a nice result.
  • May
    Hey kavin.. I just broke up with my girlfriend 3 days ago its so painful .. We were together for almost 3 years .. We were best friends and lovers ( btw im a girl also) she loved me to death.. She left all her friends just to be with me although i didnt ask her to do so but she was like ur my friend my love my everything etc.. But now she started getting back her old life and friends .. She told me she still loves me and want me in her life but as friends because she wants freedom and she cant live without me.. I actually cant be friends with her after want we been through.. I want her back as gf!!! I can right? Btw we work together but different departments ... Helpp meeeeee
    • Kevin
      Hey May, Follow the article. Do no contact before trying again. If it doesn't work, let her know honestly that you can't be friends and you need to move on.
  • Ro
    Hi Kevin, So this is a tough one, I'm a 30 year old female and my ex is 32 years old. We dated for close to 3 months, during this time I've been going through a divorce and he was there for me. Our relationship quickly evolved and we exchanged I love you's and he talked about marriage, children, a future. We were extremely happy and in love. Unfortunately during this time, his sister was contacted by an anonymous number and told her brother was dating a "married" woman, mind you he comes from a very Christian family. In addition the messages implied I was a whore who was using him for sex and also encouraged his sister to "talk to her brother, save his life & future". Obviously after receiving that message he was extremely concerned, yet we decided to ignore it and continue with our relationship. About 2 weeks later he then received a message from an anonymous number implying I was a cheater, was still sleeping with my husband and accused me of physically abusing my husband, the message warned he leave the relationship. Again, we tried to work past this. A month or so went by, text free, but from time to time we would end up having a silly argument in which he'd bring up these texts and tell me he was under a lot of stress from them, it was hard to forget them and he felt threatened by them. About a week ago, he broke down crying on the phone and said he was overwhelmed, stressed, scared, unable to eat, etc. He asked for space and I of course failed to give it to him, I'd text and he'd be short, I also ended up driving to his house uninvited, where he reiterated to me that he needed space but I continued to call/text and essentially kept bugging him asking if the relationship was over, to where his replies were always somewhere along the lines of "I need time to be by myself". Last week I received a message from him saying these anonymous texts started again and he and his family were being threatened, he wouldn't tell me what they said, but he asked me if I was pregnant and then made a comment implying how convinient the timing was for them to come through. Today I get another text asking me to tell him everything I know about these messages and if I had anything to do with them as he's going to the police, I let him know I didn't have anything to do with them. I asked him if he still loved me and he said he did, but the messages had gone too far, then again I asked if the relationship was over and was met with this response: I've taken matters into my own hands. Please let me try to be in peace. Like I said these messages have gone way too far. It is because of them I must move on or try to. You should have done something to stop them months ago. All I wanted was time and it's come to this. After receiving this message, I text him back about 4 times and essentially begged for a second chance and reassured him I had no involvement and would do anything to help and protect him, he never replied after that. Is it too late?
    • Kevin
      Hi Ro, Do you know someone who could be sending these text messages? You should contact the police regarding this. I recommend you apologize to him and tell him that you were wrong for not giving him space. Ask him to contact the police regarding the text messages and if you should contact them. Do no contact after that and follow the plan.
  • Philip
    Hey My ex girlfriend broke up with me about 4 days ago because i ran away from my house for about 4 days. Her dad is also dying from cancer, he only has about 3 months to live and i really wanna be there for her and help her when he passes away. i cant really do the no contact thing because we have a class together and we're partners for this project that we are doing for the rest of the year. what should i do? and also what would happen if she also read this article and we both do the no contact thing? Thank you in advance- Philip
    • Kevin
      Hey Phillip, Do the project together but keep your distance and only speak to her when necessary. Be a little distant for a couple of weeks and try apologizing to her and tell her you want to be there for her as a friend.
  • Chris
    Hi Kevin. Me and my ex see each other on a weekly basis due to having a child together and being involved in her life. My question is during the no contact period is it ok to bring a female friend to an event ( like a child's sporting event)? She has and I was wondering what would be the best option?
    • Kevin
      Hey Chris, If you think your ex will think of it as you being disrespectful, then you shouldn't do it. If the female is friend is important to you and is just a friend, you should speak to your ex about this before bringing her to an event.
  • ikeyz
    Hello Kelvin, me and my ex girlfriend are close to each other, we chat on social networks everyday, sometimes we call to check up on each other, and she visits me also . I such case, how do I go about no contact?.
    • Kevin
      Tell her that you need some space and time.
  • Jesse
    Hey Kevin, holy do I have a story for you let try and keep it short tho. My girlfriend of 2 years left me. We have a 1 year old daughter. My house isn't suitable for her and it can't be made sutible because I don't own it. so I go there every other night and watch her after work. My ex usually goes out or stays in her room, and I watch alyia downstairs. I broke all the rules lol and had many chances to be around more. I should have moved in, but i didn't and it annoyed her to have the baby all the time.. as for now, how do I do the no contact when she calls and texts about our daughter .. I can't ignor her, so do I seem distant? Friendly? I need your help :(
  • Marilyn
    Hello. My Boyfriend broke up with me after he realized that I cheat on him 3 times. The first one was emotional cheating by texting some other guy. The second one was physically leaving him to go with the other guy. This episode lasted 5 months and I kept going back and forth with him and the other guy. He was very hurt and was drinking and partying every single night. But he forgave me and accepted me anyway. The third time I made out with a Friend in a club and he found out about it. Now he completely lost his trust in me and is afraid to be hurt by me again. When he found out, he randomly threw hurting insults at me. One fine day, he blocked my number on his phone so I'm unable to contact him up till now. However, I bumped into him last night and he still doesn't want to talk about the issue. He kept brushing me off Ms acted like he didn't listen when I was talking. Please advise me on what to do to get him back.
    • Kevin
      Hey Marilyn, If you keep on cheating on him, then there is some serious issue with you. Unless you accept that issue and try to find a solution for it, he will not have any reason to trust you again. I suggest getting therapy.
  • River Deep
    Hay Kevin, I broke up with my ex for a week now. I was so needy and we ended up in a fight where i swore at her. She got mad at me and told me to backoff and leave her alone. i didnt contact her for 2 days and then i tried again. She was still mad at me and then blocked me from all means of communication. i tried called her on Saturday and she clearly told me to move on as shes moving on. She was drunk this time. I started no contact rite away. Three days after no contact she messaged me on Viber asking me aboout some stuff, i replied briefly and then she messaged me again on the next day. This time i could tell that all her anger has gone. What should i do? She still block me from all comms except Viber. Should i remain NC?
    • Kevin
      Hey River, Yes, you should continue no contact. If she texts again, just tell her you need some space and time to deal with the breakup.
  • Yannine
    Hello, I used to live with my bf for 2 years. 6 months ago he told me he has doubts about our relationship and that he feels not ready for commitment. I managed to convince him to try and that things could get better, but this thing wounded me and I started to be overemotional and needy. 1.5 months ago we have separated to try long distance (we went back to our parents, in different countries) and about 2 weeks ago, after I had asked when we could meet, he told me he doesn't feel like seeing me yet, which upset me and I started a discussion with him which led to him being brutally honest with me and telling me that whatever he had lost is not coming back and that he's sorry and he cares for me but does not want to keep hurting me and if I tried I would understand. I had no contact since then (18 days now) and he didn't attempt to contact me either. I love him and I want him back. Please advise what I should do.
    • Kevin
      Hey Yannine, I am sorry you are going through this. It'll be best to continue no contact and follow the plan in the article above.
      • Yannine
        Thanks Kevin, I'll continue doing that. But, in case he does not contact me in the next 2 weeks, should I contact him anyway? Or still let more time pass? I guess he feels sort of relieved that I'm not bugging him anymore since he admitted the last couple of months have been stressful. I hope that he will start missing me eventually.. There is not really a chance to bump into each other, so contact is all we have..
        • Kevin
          Hey, You can contact him if you are ready to contact him. See the checklist above.
  • lisaxox
    Hey Will the no contact rule work if my ex has blocked me from his phone? we were together a year and a half but he says the relationship isn't going anywhere! I know I want it to work but we've broke up so many times over the same thing I think he's just had enough. I've been so need for the 2 days after the break up then he blocked me? Any advice would be appreciated as I feel im going out of my mind x
    • Kevin
      Yes, there is a good chance it will work. You should do it.
  • Beyoutiful
    Hi. I tried doing the no contact. But i think it didn't end well. Hebkept texting me, but when the time comes that I texted him, it's as if hebis not interested anymore. He broke up.with me because he said I was insecure and i am always complaining. But that is not true. On the day of our breakup we had a really huge fight and there he ended things with me. It has been 3 months. We had casual talk befire, I told him to never had another girl so fast and he said he won't do any serious relationship now for he has to focus on his career, one of the reasons why we grow apart is his career. It has been 3 months. Last time I was drunk I texted him that he will mever hear from me again since he is pushing me away so many times. He said that I should hate him as long as I want to if that will help me move on and that he is sorry things did't work for us. I heard he is already dating another girl. Is there a chance for us. Is nc still applicable cause i feel i messed up the last time. :(
    • Kevin
      Yes, there is a chance for you. Follow the plan. Don't break no contact just because he starts texting you.
  • Christina
    Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me after a 4 months relationship. We got along really well, shared similar interests but he said he was not looking for anything long term since he just got out of a 6 years relationship. We still send each other a text or two a day and it's so confusing because I can't tell if he is still into me. We bumped into each other at the gym and he was very nice go me and helped me with my weights just like when we were dating. What does this mean??
    • Kevin
      It doesn't mean anything. If you want him back, do no contact for a while and try again.
  • R.W.
    I have recently started no contact and she has messaged me every day since (this is only day 3). She seems quite angry now that I am totally ignoring her. How long do I leave it before I let her know I want space and time to clear my head? I feel quite bad now for ignoring her. I'm trying to work everything out and better myself but everytime she gets in touch I feel like I'm going back to square one and she is right back in my thoughts. Thanks.
    • Kevin
      Hey, Don't totally ignore her. Tell her that you can't speak to her because you need some space and time to heal.
  • Maria
    Hey Kevin, My boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me a week ago today, however when he ended it with me he didn't give me any reasons for it besides saying that he was unhappy. I treated him really well, we were so happy and in love. However he hasn't tried to contact me at all, so I haven't been contacting him either. Should I try the no contact rule even if he's ignoring me and may not ever speak to me again?
    • Kevin
      Yes, you should.
  • dineth
    Hello, I Did All Mistakes That described above :) is there still possible to get my ex back ? (LDR) Thank you
    • Kevin
      Yes, follow the plan.
  • Libby
    Hey Kevin, I did post mine but I think it got deleted?but I will type it all again, Basically me and my ex were engaged and we were together for a year, few weeks back he was meant to come to mine but he couldn't come cause of my mum and me wasn't well cause we always pick him up as he has a learning disability and when my mum said we couldn't come he was fine but when he message me I asked what's wrong? He got all moody at me and we had a fight then he said no more calls, no more Skype, no conversation, he block me and my mum and I brought him flowers to say sorry to him his family wouldn't open the door so we gave them to his next door. I was so upset I wanted help so I message one of family member and he unblock me saying "please don't contact my family or friends otherwise I call the police" then he said "I do not want to see you again" I break down so hard and hard so much! I really miss him and I really want me and him to sort this out as this is him being childish all because​he couldn't come and see me …. What do you think I should do? I mean we were so happy now this happens :(
    • Kevin
      Hey Libby, If the breakup seems like it's coming from nowhere, then there is a good chance your ex is hiding something. Nevertheless, you should do no contact and if you still want him back after a couple of months, then try contacting him again.
  • Lily
    Hello Kevin, I am 22 and so is my ex. we were together for two years and everything was amazing, we seemed to get on great and he seemed to really love me and he used to talk about getting married and having kids and everything. He used to tell me how I was the one for him and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, however about five months ago he moved away for work and we only managed to see each other once since for two weeks. He is having a really good time and as time passed he seemed to be less and less interested in me and I became increasingly clingy because I was so scared he was slipping away, so I decided to move out there to be with him. At first, he was really excited about it but it has taken about three months to work everything out and he became uninterested again and broke up with me about five days ago but I am supposed to be flying out in two weeks. I am moving my entire life to be with him and now he is totally uninterested in me. He says he still wants to be friends and that he will help me find somewhere to live, and we are still talking but I just don't know what to do. I know he must still care about me because he took so long to actually decide to break up with me and he kept changing his mind about us. He has really hurt me when he was being so indecisive he would shower me with affection one minute and ignore me the next. should I completely ignore him when I get there and try and work things out with finding somewhere to live on my own? I have social anxiety and its quite a big deal moving all that way and he is literally the only person I will know there. I am just really worried about what will happen if things don't work out and how I will cope if I don't make any new friends.
    • Kevin
      Hey Lily, You can tell him that you need some space from him and you won't be speaking to him when you move there. You can ask him for advice but in my opinion, you can find resources online for any information you need. You can also use websites like meetup to make new friends in the town.
  • Sarah
    Hello, So he broke up with me 3 days ago and the only reason was because he said he can't handle my depression and told me to get help. Now the problem is i did the exact thing I shouldn't do, and created a huge drama and was so needy and desperate.. but after that I haven't contacted him. His parting words were "I'm here if you need me" so i feel like he said that to make himself sound so in control also he made it sound like I'm a bit crazy. And also, complained that i lashed out and became moody the weekend before making it sound like i have anger issues even though i DO NOT at all and we have NEVER had a fight before. I'm 19 he is 20. He even said we're perfect for each other but just doesn't like the fact i never talked to him about how i was or felt etc. I want him back so bad especially because i feel the reason wasn't good enough because I'm planning to get help for my depression. He is going to a different country in 24 days to see family for the entire summer until October. What should i do? Should i not contact him until he's back in October or should I contact him tight before he leaves? Any advice would be a great help. I've been reading through your website and i find it so interesting thank you.
    • Kevin
      Hey Sarah, Contact him when he returns.
  • Joe
    My GF of one year moved out saying she's unhappy and gave me hints. Starting today I am starting the no contact. She hasn't answered much or not at all. But she still has some things at the house she hasn't picked up. And she has asked me if she could get it but never came. Is she possibly leaving it here to give her self a reason to come back down the road? Or should I contact her to come get the rest if her stuff.
    • Kevin
      Don't read into why she left the things. there could be a million reasons for that. Just follow the plan. Don't contact her to come get the stuff.
  • Marcus Reichert
    Hey Kevin, 12 days ago my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years dumped me. We used to have an amazing, loving, intimate, relationship. We were in love. Then about 8 months ago we started a downward spiral. I was so ignorant. We got in little arguments that would turn into bigger problems we couldn't understand each other because both of us had never been in a long term relationship like this before and we had no idea how to communicate to get through this rough patch in our relationship. We covered up problems, lied to ourselves that it would get better by doing nothing and in the process lost trust. We became emotionally disconnected. She was the one holding it together and I was too stupid to see it. She got tired of it. In the last 8 months our sex life was a roller coaster. Sometimes we had amazing intimate sex that would last a while. Other times it was once every other week chore for her and we both didn't even really want to do it. We almost completely stopped doing fun things together and she got bored. I could feel her pulling away and I got jealous and super needy. She got even more disconnected and was falling out of love and I was fearful. We got in stupid arguments over stupid stuff and she dealt with it by not wanting to talk about her feelings at all. I saw it coming. After one of our classes at college together she dumped me. I told her I understand. After the break up we hugged, I held her while she cried, she kissed me and we told eachother we love eachother. Two days after the breakup I gave her a handwritten letter telling her how I know why it fell apart and that I accept the breakup and that I was sorry for hurting her. The same day I messaged her at 3 am on FB trying to reconcile with her. It didn't work obviously. She wanted to be left alone, she didn't want to be my "love", she was very hurt and emotional. She told me she was lost right now. She told me she can't go back and that I need to move on and that she is too. I was very hurt and upset for the next 10 days, it was hell. I had never faced this kind of pain in my life. The person I love slipped away and I would give my arms and legs if it meant I could be with her and share a life full of love and passion with her. Since then I have been working on myself, self reflecting, eating right, doing meditation, being with friends and trying everyday. The problem is that I want her back in my life. Not because something is missing. I want to share my wealth with her. I want to use this to learn. She is a mirror for me to grow. I want to go no contact with her but we have (4) classes together and 2 more weeks of school in college before the semester ends. I've interacted with her in some way about 10 out of the 12 days since the break up. Some initiated by me, some by her, some positive, some negative. She is friendly with me still and tries to talk to me in some of our classes. So would I still be able to have the effect of no contact after the semester or am I screwed? Any input is appreciated. I need some help Kevin.. Thank you. -Marcus.
    • Kevin
      Hey, Yes, you can start full no contact after the semester and you will still have a chance of getting her back.
  • RachelWork
    My ex boyfriend broke up with me less than a week ago and he's already seeing someone new I'm pretty sure this is just a rebound but Will this still work?
    • Kevin
      It might. If you think he is worth it, you should try.
  • Bára
    Hey Kevin, I would like to ask you for and advise. I spoke to my boyfriend over phone and he said that he feels that if he doesn´t see the long term perspective in the relationship then it is not fair to continue. We spoke about it couple of times and he always said that i´m the right one for him right now and just doesn´t think about the future like that. But now he came with this. Thinking that he´s stopping me form meeting someone who i could plan the future with. He was very kind and i know it wasn´t easy for him. I know he would like to see me because he asked me to visite him for a weekend. I was very heart broken because we always find a way. So i told that it´s not a good idea spending all weekend together in his flat. Today i wrote hime that i know he didn´t mean to hurt me and asked him if he is really sure he wants to breakeup because of the future we don´t know. (I asked because he didn´t say the final word, always saying he thinks, he feels) He has not replied yet. It makes me wonder if he is sure about that. Anyway, i would like to hear your opinion and advise on what to do. I would like to be with him and i know that it does not always work out but I still would like to do my best for getting our relationship on a right path. Thank you Kevin Bára
    • Kevin
      Hey, If your ex is sure about not wanting a future, and you are sure you want a future with him, then you should suggest to take a short break of a week or two. Tell him that you can both think more clearly if you are not speaking to each other and he can figure out if he truly wants you. You should not do total no contact unless he has completely broken up with you.
  • Jen
    My ex told me he reconnected with his ex before me and he might get back together with her. But he wanted to check on me sometimes. He needed a week to think who he will choose. I blocked his phone #. He emailed me after 4 hours I blocked him asked me if I will reconsider him and he loves me. It took me 2 days to respond. I said something sweet and said we need to meet up in person next week. If you can't do it, I will block your email. And you can never reach out to me. I think he had been with his ex for a month now. He might just put me on side. Now how should I implement this NC rule?
    • Kevin
      Hey Jen, If he has not replied to your email for a month, then you should let him go. Ultimatums are dangerous because if you don't go through with them, your ex will lose respect for you. And if you do go through with them, well, you can't pursue your ex anymore.
      • Jen
        Hi Kevin, Thanks so much for your response. Yes I gave his Ultimatums. Last Saturday I sent this email and said if you couldn't meet me next week, I would block your email and everything and you could never reach out to me.....he hasn't responded yet. After I blocked his phone # for 4 hours last Thursday, he emailed me and asked me if I will reconsider him and he loves me. I sent this Ultimatums email on Saturday. If he loves me as he said, why hasn't he responded yet? What should I do now ? I really want to get him back. I love him but I never told him before in our relationship for 6 months. I didn't treat him well during a certain period. But I realized how much I like him at the end. What should I do ? Should I just let him go if he won't reply for a week like I said in the email?
  • Arvin
    Hi Kevin, My Gf and I have recently broke up. Infact its becoming a routine. Every month, everytime we get into an argument she always chooses to end it. When shes happy she send me long text msgs how happy she is -ill copy and paste one of her msgs " Baby i'm laying here thinking how grateful and blessed i am to have you in my life, i know sometimes i don't show it at all and when i'm upset or sad i hurt you without any intentions too, i'm here to let you know what i'm feeling not just because you have been so good to me these weeks but i want you to know that we both have came a long way.. to get to where we are now in our relationship. I am still learning about you each day i learn how to deal with you and yet till today i'm still learning how to communicate with you better, thank you for supporting me through everything and being so patient with me. I hope we can continue to be positive and happy and go on more adventures together! i want to create unforgettable memories ones that give each other the feels when we think about it, just memories like you coming to pick me up or me sitting on the train with you going to work, simple things like that make me happy, i love you so much, i know you say your always here for me and that no one can replace me, what you have told me i've never been told that in my life and it gives me this feeling i cannot describe, yet it's a feeling of ease.. a warm, comforting feeling in my heart that makes me want to burst into tears of happiness, yet when i hear those words from you in person or over the phone it makes me have that rush warm feeling all over again and it makes me what to hug and smother you with kisses :$ i hope this makes you smile after a long day of work! or should i say short day haha! " That msg was sent a week ago. Anyway two days ago she choosed to end it because of ne going out with a friend when she broke up with me, saying that I am cheating. So now she had blocked me completely on everything. But she still chooses to reply to me via email. But consistenly telling me to leave her alone. I would leave her but prior to this we had a discussion of her saying its over , she has said she hated me for that moment. I dont know what to do
    • Kevin
      Hey Arvin, Do no contact and follow the plan. There is a good chance she will want to get back together after you start no contact. If she does, take things slowly and tell her clearly that you do not want a relationship where she breaks up every time there is a fight. You both need to work on your communication. You should lead by example. Start reading books on communication while you are doing no contact.
  • Henry
    Hello, I'm Henry from the UK. So my girlfriend broke up with me I was devastated and crying for a good while begging in disbelief. A couple days later we went to the cinemas and at the end I apologized for crying so much when she broke up with me. A couple days after that we went out as a group her me and two others, we had quite a good time but a few times throughout we had our difficulties, which I think annoyed her quite a bit. After the day out I messaged her at night that I'd like to talk to her in person whenever she next had a chance. A few days later we met up (this would be a week and 1/2 since she broke up with me) and I told her something like 'I still love you and as much as I want to keep you in my life we can't hang out anymore because it hurts me too much and it'll prevent me from moving on. For now I need to focus on myself and heal and move on. I hope you understand' and then later I said you can call me if you ever feeling down and really need help/support. Now it's been 6 days and I haven't talked to her. We still have eachother on facebook and snapchat, I haven't sent her any direct snapchats but she can still see my story, she views what I post, I assume she just is up to date with all her friends stories on snapchat not just mine, my story snapchats have been of my life of me going out and doing things, If i was in her shoes and making a judgement of how I was coping with the breakup it'd probably seem like im doing fine/well because everything on my snapchat has a positive vibe. Should I stop posting on snapchat or should I not continue as normal. Has the 30 days already started from when I said we can't hang out or did snapchat ruin it? Thank in advance <3
    • Kevin
      You should stop posting on snapchat and focus on yourself for a while. You are using snapchat to stay connected with her and communicate indirectly. And the point of no contact is to remove all connection for a short while.
  • Mac
    Hi Kevin, I broke up with my ex almost two months ago now. She said it was mutual, but it was mostly my doing. I didn't feel a connection. However we kept seeing eachother and attraction was still there. I spoke with her about it and she said she wanted more time to figure out what she wanted. Almost two weeks later I gave her flowers, made a card, and a bottle of wine and hid it so we could find it together. We found it and agreed to take it slow. However she later told me she only took it because she was afraid of rejecting me. We spoke and I said some potentially hurtful things. We agreed to be friends again, but I still miss her. I feel like I ruined the only chance I had...I should have given her the time she asked for. Is there any way to get a third chance with her? I saw her at the gym yesterday after two weeks NC and it seemed fine. I don't know...
    • Kevin
      Hey Mac, There maybe a chance. You won't know if you don't try. Just follow the plan again and don't give her gifts until you are sure she wants to be with you.
  • Jake
    Hi Kevin just to add to my previous comment- We broke up because she caught me talking to this ex of mine two other times. Both times she got upset and and gave me chances. Now that we've broken up again she said she doesn't know if she could go through all of this again, we both love each other we txt everyday but she just doesn't trust me anymore. She says she needs time but yet she's already talking to other guys and most possibly meeting up with them too. What does that mean? I'm confused, does she want time so she can go and have fun to hurt me or has she moved on and just said she needs time to think about things and to trust me again to keep me on a leash? She knows I want her and I've apologised to her multiple times, idk what to do... I just want her back. How do I get her back?
  • Matt
    Hi Kevin, I read your advice everyday and im very thankful for it. Me and my ex boyfriend broke up last Tuesday. We dated for about 4 months and we even said that we loved each other during the very beginning. But two Thursdays ago, I had a mental breakdown that he went out to the gay bars without telling me. He said he needed some space because he felt I was suffocating him. He moved out of my place 3 days later. I feel of course miserable and I want him back desperately. I already did a few mistakes that you listed above such as calling him maybe about 30 times and texting him. As a result he blocked my number and blocked me on facebook. He has said multiple times to give him space which I have been now doing for the past few days. Do you really think I can get back with him? I love him very much and a few people are saying it might be too late. Please help!!
    • Kevin
      It's not too late. The only way to know for sure if it will work is to follow the plan.
      • Matt
        Kevin, How am I able to communicate with him after the 30 day plan if he blocked me from everything? I'm afraid that he will forget about me and move on from me. I'm basically his first real relationship. He is 27 and I'm 28. Also, my Birthday is coming up on the 4th of July this Tuesday and what do I do if he does message me happy birthday? I'm trying to keep myself occupied with my friends but my ex is always on my mind. I have been eating less and less everyday and a loss of appetite because of my ex. Also, I broke down last Friday after one of my friends told me he saw my ex on Grindr.... a gay hook up app for gay guys. He told me before we broke up that he loves me but he is not in love with me that he needs space and time to see if he will miss me and he said that he wants to find his way back to me and that he needs to figure things out. I don't know what that means. Also he still has my key to my house and everyday I hope for him to just walk in. Literally I'm a complete mess without him, he is basically the best thing that has ever happened to me.
        • Kevin
          Hey Matt, You need to get yourself together if you want to have any chance of getting him back. He will not be attracted to you in the state of mind you are in. This is why you should do no contact. Read this article for the rest of your questions.
          • Matt
            Hi Kevin, After the no contact period, how am I able to contact him if he blocked me from everything? There is no way to get in contact with him through text message, snapchat, facebook, or instagram. I don't even know where he lives. The last message he sent me was "I will reach out to you when I'm ready, please leave me be and I need you to respect that".
          • Kevin
            Hey Matt, There is a good chance he will unblock you during no contact. Even if he doesn't, you can always use an email.
  • Darby
    Hi Kevin, My ex and I broke up exactly three weeks ago. We had dated very seriously for almost 8 months. We had even discussed marriage and our lives together in the future. I'm feeling confident in myself and happy but I still miss her and want her back. I'm worried that if I wait too long, she will move on to someone else. I've been doing a lot of things to change my life including working out, working on selling my car, changing my career, not playing video games, etc. Would it be okay if I ran into her this upcoming Sunday instead of waiting the full month? She broke up with me and removed me from ALL social media platforms, so I know she is trying to move on. I guess my biggest question is, how do I not know she won't move on? How do I know that I'm not waiting TOO LONG for the No Contact Period.
    • Kevin
      Hey Darby, There is no way to know for sure. But in my experience with helping thousands of readers personally I have realized that most people don't move on so quickly. And even if it feels like she is moving on, there will always be a part of her that will love you so you will still have a chance if you make the right moves.
  • Kunal
    Hi Kevin, Registered on you website a d went through test twice ... Did not receive any email. Please help
    • Kevin
      Hi Kunal, Did you check your spam/junk folder?
  • anisha
    Hey !! I just loved your blog!! But i was thinking that if i tell him that i have accepted the breakup and moved on..will it really work because that's what he wanted when i used to plead him all the time to come back?
    • Kevin
      No one can guarantee it will work. But you have a better chance of getting him back if you are coming from a place of confidence instead of neediness.
  • Yannick
    Hey Kevin, I'm reading your website and I'm really tempted to send something to my ex girl right now (after 2 months). If my English sounds off, don't be harsh it's a Belgian dude here. I think your website is very usefull, but I'm doubting it will be usefull for my case... The thing is, my ex-girl is halve Egyptian and halve Dutch and born in France (mixture of everything almost ?). She is also Muslim and I'm a full fletchet Atheïst, I still didn't give a damn. Love should be above religion, ethnicity,... everything you see. But (now comes it) she was/is daddy's little girl... In our year and 3 month relation she didn't tell her dad out of fear for his reaction. A few weeks before the break-up, her aunt in Egypt liked a photo of us 2 in Facebook. But she didn't tell her dad yet aswell... That aunt is her dads sister, in case you didn't see the plot. Anyways, I think she might have closed because of that Like on Facebook... I really have no idea on how to handle this right now, and make her tell her dad about the relationship.
    • Kevin
      Hey Yannick, It's always more complicated when religion is involved. I think you should be realistic that it won't work. If you have not done no contact till now, do it and give her some space to think about everything and miss you. After that, contact her and lay your cards on the table. I think a good approach will be to tell her that you refuse to stay with her if she is hiding you from her dad. Tell her that she should tell him in a calm way and if he does not agree with this relationship (despite seeing that it makes his daughter happy) and she doesn't want to go against her father, then you should both break it off for good.
  • Abdul Ahad
    Hi kevin. Me and my girlfriend broke up about 3 weeks ago and i made all those mistake i became needy desperate and miserable and begged her i kinda regret it after reading ur post.... what should i do now? P.s we are already on no contact thing from both sides nor im texting or Calling her neither and i have blocked her everywhere except whatsapp and i have uploaded many sad statuses during no contact is it a bad thing?
    • Kevin
      Follow the plan Abdul.
  • Bára
    Hey Kevin, I would like to ask you a simple question. When in the process is best to ask for my belongings? It has been for weeks since we broke up and I´ve contacted him only once since. He sent me a message this week but nothing special. Only that I got an letter from health insurance at his pace and what it sayes. Can I just start conversation and ask him what shall we do with my things?
    • Kevin
      Hey Bára, If the things are important for you and you need them urgently, then you should speak to him about it. If not, then you can leave them for now while you are doing no contact.
  • Yashna
    Hey Kevin, Loved your article! I broke up with my ex nearly 2 years ago and now I'm questioning if it was the right decision. He's just about started talking to someone he might end up dating .... Do you think the 5 step plan might be worth a shot given all the time that has passed ? Thanks !
    • Kevin
      Yes, it might be.
  • Matt
    Kevin, It has been 3 weeks since me and my ex broke up. He is all what I think about and I called him several times through *67 since he blocked me on everything still. Do I have to start the 30 day no contact rule again? I'm so lost. Please advice. This post is from the same Matt a couple post above by the way. Thanks!
  • V*
    Hey..i have this guy i really liked..still do but its a distant relationship..we kept quiet fr a while because at some point he said i had made him distant..yet all i did was care..called him all the time before that..i texted him and yet he never did all tht..he z kind of a workaholic so he always pushed me to do something..many times i failed coz i didn't know where to strt frm..he always was abt work..and at some point he complained how i always wanted to meet..did tht coz he was never around..time came n he said i made him distant..asked him how i did tht..he never decided to go with the no contact rule...the 30 days got done..when i contacted him, he replied..but itd always me asking questions and talking..he never asks but replies all ma qns..he always waitd fr me to ask then he replies like before..he z not in the country so that's kinda hard..what should i do? Does he still care?
  • Matt
    Kevin, Me and my ex has been broken up for a month now. He is now seeing another guy. I know this is not a rebound relationship because he really likes this guy. My ex is 27 and his new person he is dating is 20 but they both work together and my Ex is his boss. Again, my ex has blocked me from everything and has told me over and over again to move forward and that this is done. We were together for 5 months. What do I do to win him back? Is it too late?
  • N
    Hi Kevin I broke up with my bf 2 weeks ago I will follow what you said and when the 30 days are over do I message him first or wait for him to message me and also these 30 days are so hard to not text him. Please do email me
    • Kevin
      Hey, Read the 4th step. If you are ready to end no contact, then you can contact him.
  • Catherine
    This is my 4th message to you. I send last two weeks ago but no reply from you. I hope to get message this time because I really need advise right now on how to get my ex back. It has been 7 weeks since my ex and I broke up. We are only connected in social media.....we became friends and then decided to move forward to a serious relationship. Our first meet up suppose to be was on May this year but our plan didn't happen. I broke up with him. I am totally fed up about whats happening to him and all the issues about him. I told him not to send message to me because during that time I want peace of mind. Then He said OK. We are still connected in social media but we don't send messages for each other. But what kills me is seeing him active in messenger and other app very late at night....What keeps a man stay long in social media? Maybe he already find someone. It freaks me out because I want him back. Should I send first to him (ITS IN THE 4TH AND 5TH STEP) even I told him not to contact me? But last week I received a call from him in IMO but he said he accidentally press the call button and said sorry. Then I told him its ok and wish him Happy Birthday because the following day was his birthday. Then he said Thank you. I didn't reply after that. Should I start the conversation even all problem between us were all about his issues? I really need your expertise on this. Please send me reply.
    • Kevin
      Hey Catherine, You should do no contact. If you are finished with no contact, contact him.
  • Jacob Harris
    i'm hoping my ex takes me back even after the rough time we had before we broke up... i am going to do whatever it takes to get her back, thanks for all the information...
  • john Sykes
    I'll tell you now. Every single word of this site is 100 % correct. No girl ever goes back to a cry baby but everyone forgets their ex's weakness with time ad remembers the real them. I cried and begged to get her back for 6 months, but as soon as I gave up and moved on and became once again, the boy she fell in love with in the first place, she chased me. We've now been married ten years. Believe me, I made every mistake described above. I was first guy she slept with and was sure I'd never see her again. Every day of that 6 month was hell. If you're the one being left. Tell them you'll miss them forever and then never call them again. I was told that by a clever pal, every day for 6 months but ignored and got to the stage when my (now wife and at the time girlfiend of 5 years) started to hate me. 2 months later she found out I was happy with someone else and she took me down and told me she loved me. This is not shallow, its part of growing up. Realising you are with the right one. Be strong. Never call them. They left you. Pity will never win them back.
    • Kevin
      Hey John, Thank you for your comment. It's great to hear from someone who has reconciled and has been with his ex for 10 years.
  • Shermaine Basilio
    He broke up with me a week ago, but before that he tried to ask for some space for a while. Now, he said that he is attracted with someone else. Someone who has these traits that I dont have. I called him from his work and he said, right now, he doesn't want us to be together anymore and he likes this other girl. I also called the girl, she said that they've cut the ties between them but it is her who's my ex want now and not me. What should I do?
    • Kevin
      Follow the plan.
  • Sairam.D
    Hi, my ex broke up with me a week ago and when ever I call her she is getting irritated with me?... I spoke very bad with her so please guide me what I should do now?
    • Kevin
      The article above is actually a guide on what you should do now.
  • Sophia
    Hi Kevin! Great article! I plan to follow it to a T! However, i have one question, where you say that you should NOT message them or reply to their messages in the no contact period.. if the event does occour where they message you during this period,and if i follow your advice to not reply untill i feel right doing so , what do i reply with when they inevitably ask me why i didnt reply that whole time? i feel silly saying "i was doing my 30 days no contact"beause then it makes it seem like i was obsessing over getting over them... hope this makes sence
    • Kevin
      You can reply to them when they text you first. Just tell them you need some space and time to deal with the breakup before you can speak to them comfortably.
  • Sam
    Kevin I went through the no contact period. I got about day 10 of the texting plan. and it was going pretty well. I was out and she met up with me, she was winding me up about dating someone, to cut a long story short, she dumbed me for being younger than her, but then i find out she's dating a 22 year old (a few years younger than us both) and I just lost it, probably didn't help that I was drunk. Do you recommend starting the no contact period again? if so thats fine I didn't find it difficult the first time round.
    • Kevin
      Yeah, you should start no contact again.
      • Sam
        After reading your rebound article it does seem to have the same sort of similarities as you suggest in it, however because of my reaction I'm guessing this is going to push her towards him more? if they do keep speaking they will have been seeing each other for quite awhile by the point I've finished no contact, I take it the chances of me actually pulling this off now will most likely be pretty slim, would you agree? also the elephant in the room text, do you send that on the final day of no contact?
        • Kevin
          Hey Sam, Actually, the more they speak to each other, the more they will realize that their connection is shallow because your ex is not ready for a serious relationship yet. There is no way to know for sure how much chance you have. But if I have to guess, I'll say you still have a decent chance of this working if you follow the plan.
          • Sam
            Thanks Kevin much appreciated
          • Sam
            Kevin think I'd go as far to say you're a genius. I could do with some more advice though please. Last night I'm on a night out, I see my Ex and her friends, I played it cool and just enjoyed myself, however my Ex was hating on me, her friends were constantly trying to speak to me because they like me, and i could tell that was annoying her. So it turns out that her and this 'rebound guy' hadn't worked, apparently he was acting like a d**k (you were completely right on that one). anyway I'm a week off starting no contact, last night my ex messages me after the night out saying 'never speak to me again i hate you' i chose to ignore the message because I could tell she was just raging at me. she then ended up calling me and I just played it cool and took the elephant in the room approach, it seemed to work really well. my question to you is though is, where do I go from here? do I start the messaging stage now?
          • Kevin
            Hey Sam, Great job playing it cool. I'd say give her a week of limited contact (only talk if she initiates) and then slowly start rebuilding attraction and connection through texts, phone calls and an eventual date.
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