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Should You Contact Your Ex On Valentine’s Day?

Valentine’s day might be an unpleasant day of the year for singles, but it’s awfully dreadful for someone who has just been dumped and is hoping to get an ex back.

If you want to get your ex back, Valentine’s day can be really confusing.

Should I call my ex?

Should I wish them Happy Valentine?

Should I ask my Ex out?

Should I go on a date with someone else?

Is my ex planning to go on a date on V Day?

In this article, I’ll try to clear out all the doubt you might have regarding your ex and Valentine’s day.

Note: Before you decide what you should do on Valentine’s Day, make sure you have a good overall strategy to get your ex back. I lay out my best strategy in this article. Make sure you check it out.

Should You Call or Text Your Ex On V Day?

The only reason to call your ex on Valentine’s Day is if you two are going out on a date. Any other reason for contacting your ex will make you look needy and desperate. You might want to convince yourself with reasons like

I just want to wish them a Happy Valentine

We always wished each other Valentine, even before we were together. I think it’ll be rude not to wish them.

I just want to call my ex and know if he/she has any plan for Valentine

And all these reasons reek of neediness. Here’s why.

You and your ex are officially broken up right now. If you contact them on Valentine’s day, the day made famous by greeting card companies for being the most romantic day of the year, you are making it obvious that you are not over your ex and you are hoping that somehow this magical day will make them come back to you.

But What If My Ex Is Going On a Date On V Day?

Even if your ex is planning to go on a date on Valentine’s Day, calling them is not going to change that. You are only going to make yourself look like a fool trying to convince your ex not to go on a date.

But I Just Want To Know if My Ex Has a Date?

How will it affect you? It’ll only make you feel worse. And it’s going to make you look needy and desperate in front of your ex. Let them have their date, if you ever get back together again, you can ask them whether or not they had a date for Valentine’s. But until then, don’t talk about it.

Should I Get a Gift for My Ex on Vday?

Again, it’s a needy and desperate move. Unless you are already back together (or are extremely close to reconciliation), getting your ex a gift will show him that you are expecting the magical Valentine’s day to reignite their feelings for you. I won’t recommend getting them a card either.

Should I Go Out On a Date?

Absolutely. It’s better than sitting home and feeling miserable about you.

Should I Ask My Ex Out on a Date?

Now I mentioned you should only contact your ex on Valentine’s Day if you want to ask them out on a date. But whether or not you should ask them out depends on your situation.

If you and your ex boyfriend or girlfriend are extremely close to getting back together, then yes asking them out might be a good idea.

On the other end of the spectrum, if you two have just broken up, and/or you are still in the no contact period, then asking your ex out is extremely risky.asking ex out on valentine's day

You have to evaluate the risk in asking your ex out on Valentine’s Day. If you want to get your ex back, you need an overall strategy (like the one in the 5 step plan). You have to evaluate if asking them out on V Day fits into your strategy. If it doesn’t, you have to let this day go.

Don’t fret about missing one Valentine with your ex. It’s just a holiday overhyped by the media and the greeting cards company. Your goal is to have a long and healthy relationship with your ex, which will include many Valentine, New years, Birthdays etc. that you’ll cherish forever. Don’t jeopardize your goal just to spend one overhyped holiday with your ex.

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If you want to ask a question about your relationship or breakup, head over to the boards.

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13 comments… add one
  • C February 18, 2014, 6:01 pm

    Hi Kevin,
    My ex and I broke up 5 months ago, after a 3 year relationship. I followed the no contact rule for about 2 months. Then we wrote a couple of emails to eachother to explain how we both felt about the breakup and why it happened. He then wrote to me to wish me and my family a happy new year. We wrote some emails again to tell eachother what was going on in our lives. On Valentine’s Day, I remind him what a good time we had for Valentine’s Day last year when we were in Bali and told him I missed him loads. He didn’t reply straight away and then he answered this:
    “Yea it was nice, I like to think of the times we spent together I have loads and loads of amazing memories of the time we spent together.
    I’m sorry I didn’t reply straight away, it just caught me a little off guard is all. You weren’t being intrusive. It was a nice thought.
    Hope you are all well, take care x”
    I still love him and think we could be happy together again. We live very far away from eachother so I can’t ask him to just meet up for a coffee or something. What should I say or do now? Thanks for your help.

    • Kevin February 19, 2014, 2:41 pm

      Hey C,

      Start talking more and have fun with the conversations. If you guys start connecting over emails, it’ll make him attracted to you again. To meet up, one of you will have to plan a trip and for that, you need to build more attraction via emails.

  • K March 10, 2014, 6:30 am

    Hi Kevin,
    Well my ex boyfriend and I were together for a year and we broke up a week after my birthday. And my friends were his friends too. So every time I went out with my friends I saw him. It was a hi and bye and then one day we ended up having sex. Which brought back a lot of feelings for me. So I started to text him here and there and all his answers were one word answers. And then around Christmas I stopped talking to him but he was still going through my mind and I wrote him saying we can no longer talk. I separated myself from the friends we had together and everything. Its been about 2 months since then and he wrote me asking how I’ve been and how’s life and we talked about our relationship but all I could was hold back my feelings, and he has a new girlfriend of 1 month but yet he still writes me. So my question is should I write him telling him how I feel or leave him be?

    • Kevin March 10, 2014, 4:54 pm

      Don’t tell him how you feel straight away. Talk to him and have fun conversation. Then eventually, ask him to meet you as friends.If you’ve made any positive changes in those 2 months, then he will notice it when he meets you. At this time, thoughts of getting back together will start appearing in his mind. That’s when you should tell him how you feel.

  • evelynn April 8, 2014, 10:24 pm

    Hi kevin.
    I have been trying the no contact rule for 3 days but before I complete 30 days its his birthday. Its on the 27-28 th day. What do I do.?

    • Kevin April 9, 2014, 12:54 pm

      Send him a text. Keep it short and simple.

  • K May 6, 2014, 12:38 pm

    Hi Kevin,

    My ex just broke up with me pretty recently. We’re both in college, but summer break will be here pretty soon. We were together for a little over six months, so normally that would make a 30 day NC. But should I wait until late August to contact him, or should I do so over the summer? Is waiting until August too long? We live in different cities, and I know it would be too much to drive to see him, but should I try to start texting him a little bit after the initial 30 days, or wait for the entire summer?

    Both of our birthdays are also over the summer, and would fall after the 30 day NC. I was thinking about sending him a small present that I know would both remind him of me and not make him feel like I was pressuring him. His birthday is also a few weeks after mine, and I doubt he’ll send me anything. Should I not send him a present and just send a casual text? Would sending a present be too needy? Would sending a present make him feel guilty that he didn’t send me one? I don’t want to associate myself with negative feelings in his mind.

    Thank you so much for making your website. It gives me hope.

    • Kevin May 7, 2014, 11:09 am

      Don’t send a present. Just a casual text.

  • Austin July 28, 2014, 11:38 pm

    Hi Kevin,

    Me and my ex have the same birthday. Should I send her a gift? Or a card? Me and her are already becoming friends again, but I would like to know if I should.
    We ended NC 2 weeks ago and it was for a month. Thanks.

  • hau November 14, 2014, 1:23 am

    Hi Kevin , what if my ex birthday while its still on the no contact period? Should i wish her or gve her a present?

    • Kevin November 14, 2014, 2:03 am

      No present. You can send her a text but keep it short and don’t let it turn into a conversation.

  • UC February 12, 2015, 3:07 pm


    Overall, I want to say thanks for the advise. It really has put everything into perspective and helped me out a great deal. I just started the NCP and have been making positive changes (gym, haircut, diet). Valentines day and his bday fall during the NCP. What should I do? I really want to get him a cupcake and/or a gift.

    • Kevin February 13, 2015, 9:59 am

      Not a good idea. For his birthday, you can send a short text. But I won’t recommend anything for V day.

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