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5 Signs That Mean Your Ex Wants You Back

About a month ago, I wrote an article about the signs that mean your ex still likes you (or probably even love you). But as I mentioned in the article, even if they do still love you, it doesn’t necessary mean that they want to get back together.

Instead of trying to decipher everything your ex does and says. Why don’t you take this simple quiz to find out your chances of getting back together? Click Here to begin.

When your ex is thinking about getting back together, they will react completely differently. Here are a few of the signs that show that your ex is thinking about getting back together. As in the last article, I will follow it with a small section on what you should do to increase your chances of getting your ex back.

1. Talking About The Future

When your ex talks about their future with you in it, then this is a sign that they have been thinking about reconciliation. It means your ex still imagines their future with you in it. Your ex expects you to get back together with them in the near future.

future

It’s good to keep hope, but don’t let this hope turn you into a needy person.

What you should do?

Reciprocate. Act like you also imagine a future with them. This is a desirable behaviour and you should reward it. Of course, you have to find the fine line between rewarding them and becoming a creepy overly attached ex. For example, suppose they say something like

“I think it will be cool next year when we will both have finished college and have more time to hang out with each other”

An appropriate response will be.

“Yeah, it will be fun. I am looking forward to it.”

An inappropriate response will be.

“Yeah. Maybe we can even get married at that time and start planning to have children.”

2. Talking About What Went Wrong In The Relationship

Notice, I said talk about the relationship. Not blame. After a breakup, exes always talk about what went wrong try to blame each other for relationship failure. You can understand the difference between someone genuinely wanting to figure out what went wrong so they can improve their future relationships  and someone who just wants to blame their ex just to make themselves feel better.

What you should do?

Be sincere. But make sure you don’t cross the line into blaming. Use your words carefully and do not talk about their personality. It’s very easy to start talking about other people’s fault during such conversations. Refrain from doing so. If the conversation starts to go in a negative direction, try to end it immediately on a positive note. If you two had communication problems before, it’s a great time to show them that you can talk to each other about relationship problems without getting into an argument.

The couples that can resolve their issues without turning it into a fight or argument are the ones that last.

The couples that can resolve their issues without turning it into a fight or argument are the ones that last.

3. Becoming a Better Ex

If your ex is trying to improve themselves in the areas that could have been responsible for the breakup, then it’s a good sign that they want to get back together. However, this is not really a sure fire sign since this can also mean that they are just working on themselves for their own benefit or for their future relationship.

What You Should Do?

Keep it cool. Don’t get too excited and make any mistakes. If they try to show you how much they’ve improved, congratulate them and continue with the plan. Again, it’s a behavior from your ex that you want to reward, so give them your proper attention and support. However, make sure you don’t go overboard and start showing signs of neediness and insecurity.

4. Their Dating Life

If your ex has been actively trying to hide their dating life from you, then this might be sign that they want to get back together. Unless reconciliation is on their mind, they wouldn’t care about you finding out their dating life.

However, if they’re not dating, don’t take it as a sign that they are waiting for you. It could be that they are enjoying being single and working on moving on from the breakup.

What You Should Do?

Stay out of their personal life. Don’t stalk their Facebook trying to figure out what they are upto. Try to stay away from the gossips about your ex.  Even if they are dating someone, you should not try to stop them because it’s probably just a rebound. (Read: How to get your ex back when he has moved on to a new girlfriend.)

Meanwhile, I will also recommend that you go out on a few dates as well. As I explained in this article about the no contact rule, it’s going to give you a much better perspective on life and your relationship.

5. Talking About Good Memories

When your ex starts talking about the good times you had, then it can be a sign that they are thinking about getting back together. It certainly means that they miss you and the fun you had during the relationship.

What You Should Do?

Again, it’s a behaviour you want to reward. You want to keep the conversation positive and you can try to insinuate that you are still that much fun and you still have a great time in your life, even without them. For example, suppose they say something like

“Remember the time we went to that little Mexican Restaurant on Lincoln Street. It was probably the best anniversary dinner we had. I got so drunk that night.”

An appropriate response would be.

“Lol. Yeah, it was a great night. You looked amazing. The waiter couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. In fact, I went to that place just last week with a friend of mine. We had so much fun. There was a Mariachi band this time. Haha.”

The message above rewards her behavior first by complimenting her. And then you insinuate that you are still having that much fun in your life. (Read this detailed guide on texting an ex to learn more about such conversations.)

Again, you have to be careful not to go overboard and act needy and desperate at any time.

Remember, all of these signs, despite some of them being pretty obvious are still just signs. Your ex’s behaviour can be confusing after a breakup. It could be that one minute they are thinking of getting back together and the next they become completely cold. Do not let your ex’s confusing behaviour interfere with your peace of mind. You want your ex, but your happiness and peace of mind is far more important than reconciliation. So always put yourself first.

I highly recommend you read the 5 step plan to get your ex back (it’s free) if you haven’t already done so. It will tell you step-by-step what to do get your ex back and keep them permanently.  And if you have any questions, leave a comment. I am quite active on this website so you will probably get a reply within 24 hours.

Do you want to find out your chances of getting your ex back?

 

Take this carefully designed test to find out your chances and if you qualify for the EBP Basics E-course.

 


If you want to ask a question about your relationship or breakup, head over to the boards.

Comments will only be approved if they are pertaining to the article and add value to it. If you decide to comment read the comment guidelines before commenting.

245 comments… add one
  • The Heat January 11, 2014, 10:17 am

    My ex says she can’t forget her first love. Though she can’t date her due to many reasons, they both are really very close. Also, we’re long distance, so that’s another problem. She remains very confused all the time so as to what to do. We barely meet in 2-3 months once. Her life over there is quite exhausting too. We were having small but regular fights. She asked for a break. Then she had one small hookup over her place also, I got enraged and broke up. I want her back. But she says she wont get back, she doesn’t feel for me now. At one point she said I was her everything, and now this. She said she gave herself a chance with me but it didn’t work out. Out of desperation I told her I need her back and begged her. I know I shouldn’t have. But, I think about her all the time. I walked out on her the last time we met. Initiating no contact now for 2-3 months now. What should I do?

    • Kevin January 11, 2014, 2:03 pm

      It’s good you initiated no contact. Stick to the plan and see how she responds. LDRs are tough but I’ve seen cases where people got back together despite being in a long distance relationship.

  • Angel January 13, 2014, 2:14 am

    Hi Kevin,

    Been receiving your emails and finding them very helpful with my healing process.
    My ex and I broke up around 5 weeks ago and afterwards been in no contact for around 3 weeks. Then he messaged me to give me something back so he dropped it off at my work place last week and we saw each other. I did not try to initiate any conversations. He asked me how I was doing so I asked him back out of politeness. To be honest I felt a bit nervous when I saw him again. I am on the no contact with him again now and want to keep it that way until i’m comfortable seeing him / communicating with him again.
    I have a question that’s been bothering me. How do I tell whether I want my ex back romantically or whether I actually just want him back as a friend? Your wise advise would be much appreciated. Thanks!

    • Kevin January 13, 2014, 2:43 pm

      Hey Angel. I am glad you are finding the email series helpful. As for your question, do you see a future with him as a romantic partner? Do you see him becoming a good husband, a good father, a good life partner? Do you think he’ll be able to handle the challenges that life will throw at you both without bailing on you again? Ask yourself questions like these and give yourself time to find the answers. There’s no hurry to find out what you want. That’s the beauty of no contact. With time, you automatically realize what’s best for you.

      • Angel January 13, 2014, 4:18 pm

        Hi Kevin,

        Thank you for the quick reply. We had only been going out for 10 months. During these 10 months, we never argued, we were really compatible in terms of our background, education, believes (at least I thought we were). It felt like our relationship was very stable but just moving slow (again, I thought we were moving slowly coz he was very serious about us and he didn’t want to rush into anything… but I guess I was wrong). And then all of a sudden out of the blue (again to me) he just broke up with me without even talking about things or trying. That broke my heart and I lost my trust in this person. So to be honest with you, at this very moment I don’t see a future in us after what he did to me. He never tried. Never gave us a chance. And he said it in his own words that HE thinks we won’t work out in the future and HE thinks he’s not the right guy for me. Those words shattered all the hopes and dreams I had of our future. I miss him… but I don’t know why… do I miss him as a friend or am I just suppressing my love for him as a romantic partner? I don’t know… maybe this is what you have mentioned… I need more time to really figure things out?
        Thanks for listening to me ramble =)

        • jg1988 May 19, 2017, 1:13 pm

          Sounds so similar to my situation hun. Anyway we could talk one to one ?? I was only dating someone but everything was fine.. Then a switch went in his head n that’s been it for the last week. I’m doing the 30dag no contact and then I will contact him again but if he still dnt want nothing to do with me then that’s his loss. How long since u hav not contacted him? X

  • Renee February 11, 2014, 3:53 am

    My ex broke up with me a week ago. He says that he felt I hindered him from spending more time with his friends. Well, he says he wants to cut all ties because he doesn’t think things will change. I tried talking to him in the beginning, but now I’m going along with the no contact rule. It just sucks because I still have to run into him every day in the halls. But I just ignore him…Do you think he might still care and just needs his own space? Or should I just stop hoping for things to work out and move on?

    • Kevin February 11, 2014, 4:20 pm

      Hey Renee,

      I think you still have a chance. Try getting back with him once, and if it doesn’t work, move on.

      • Renee February 11, 2014, 5:52 pm

        Well, what should I do once the 30 days are up for no contact?

        • Kevin February 11, 2014, 7:08 pm

          You can email him or send him the letter mentioned in this article. Or you can send him a text. Your choice.

  • Don February 11, 2014, 3:37 pm

    Hi kevin
    Just want to see what you think.
    My ex and I were in a de facto relationship for 4 years and we broke up 3 months ago (because he is cheating and he finds no chemistry between us). However, we have been living together (in Sydney) (because he begged me to stay and I was kind of slack and did not want the hassle moving, I told him I will stay till April when my contract ends) until I return home overseas for holiday 4 weeks ago. We have been like house-mate/best friends in the past few months though I know our bond is a lot stronger than that, and we certainly still loves each other.
    Not until 1 week ago I read your page then I stopped contacting him. Before that he was calling/texting me everyday about silly stuff/not-so-important stuff regarding our household. Since then he has been texting me and trying to call me, and tell me that he was worried about me. He also (finally) realised that I have blocked him on Facebook. I texted him back saying “I am OK. I just need some space.”
    While I am not 100% sure if he is the guy to trust and rely on, I really love and need him. Maybe I will say “no” when a few weeks later he turns to me and says he wants us back together, just because I may not be able to forgive him from the bottom of my heart, but I don’t want to lose this man by giving him the wrong signal that I don’t love him anymore/I am desperate.
    I am heading back to Sydney after a week time… and we will be living together again. What should I do?
    P.S. I know I probably should have moved, but I would like to try my best to honour my promise….

    • Kevin February 11, 2014, 7:02 pm

      Hey,

      If you can live with him and still apply no contact to an extent, then continue living with him. If you can’t, let him know calmly that you want space and move out. If it’s hard for you to live in the same house as him and concentrate on yourself (and make positive changes) at the same time, then it’ll be wise idea to move out.

  • Johana February 13, 2014, 8:45 pm

    me and my bf broke up 2 weeks ago and today we would of made 4 months but we been through alot in the past and i kinda made a lot of mistakes like yelling/cursing at his crush through facebook and i know it isnt healthy to stalk him also texting him alot but i did till i stopped i apologize to him and his crush and coping since i started reading your articles which helped me alot but he now likes his crush who happened to be his bestfriend i started the no contact rule but till he wrote to me two days ago including today and he says he isnt dating her yet i asked him to be his friend maybe he’ll see that im there and might like me again but he says he dosent cause he dosent want his crush talking to other guys so he doing the same of him not talking to other girls yet he the one texting me now also we have been talking better than as he did before of being the doormat(me) in the situation. will i ever have a chance with him again?;/

    • Kevin February 14, 2014, 1:11 pm

      Tell him that you need time and space and that he shouldn’t contact you for a while. If you continue contact with him right now, he’ll try to keep you on the side while he starts dating his crush.

  • Donal February 17, 2014, 1:17 pm

    My ex girlfriend told me two weeks ago that she wants to take a break for a few days. Her reason was that I had talked to girls on facebook in a somewhat inappropriate manner on two separate occasions. I felt horrible about it, but put up a somewhat cold front as I told her it wouldn’t happen again. I treat her extremely well otherwise and am very kind and loving. Upon her telling me she wanted to take a break, I immediately had a very rare but sincere breakdown over the next few days. Crying, telling her I was sorry, how much I need her, all of that. Two days later she tells me she wants to break up, and come and pick up her stuff from my house. I proceeded to go to every length to convince her not to go through with this. It seemed as if in a matter of two days, she went from happy, kind, compassionate, soft spoken, to rather rude, angry, mean, and cold..all over something that happened over 5 months ago. She says she hasn’t gotten over it, and doesn’t know if we can ever get back together due to her lack of trust in me and what she thinks of every time she leaves from me for more than 5 mintues, I suppose. She says she doesn’t really wanna talk right now, or be in contact much. She changed her status on facebook to “It’s complicated”, but left all of the photos of us together on there completely public, still with the sweetest captions. She said she wants to leave her dog at my house, because my mom loves it so much. This is a dog she had for 5 years before meeting me. I guess what I’m wondering is what she’s really doing with all of this. I’ve been through breakups before and this seems really odd. I’m 22 and she’s 19. We’ve been together for two years almost, and this is the first time she’s suggested, or even hinted at something like this. She was talking about having children one day, not even a month ago. Is she really breaking up with me or is she trying to make a point? Do I have a chance in hell with her? I know of the no contact rule. I just started it last night. What do you think is going on here?

    • Kevin February 17, 2014, 1:59 pm

      I guess the most logical explanation is she is young and she is trying to figure out what she wants in life. It could be that she feels like she can’t trust you again. But IMO, you didn’t betray her to that much extent that deserves such a reaction. I have a feeling that she is using this as an excuse because she is unsure of what she wants in life. No contact will help you a lot. It’ll give her time to figure out her life and miss you.

  • Marie Elena February 18, 2014, 6:56 am

    Hi Kevin! You answered one of previous questions before which was about running into my ex bf one week shy of 30 days of NC & us still having feelings. You said to not start NC all over again & when I’m ready I should ask him out. So now I want to know what do I do next? I’m still a little scared about asking him out. Besides last Wednesday, we hadn’t seen or talked to each other for two months! He told me he loved me but what would you do in this situation? Also do you think “Text Your Ex Back” or “ExBoyfriend Recovery Pro” are good strategies?

    • Kevin February 19, 2014, 3:14 pm

      I haven’t read “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”, but yes “Text your ex back” has some good texting strategies. If you subscribed to my email newsletter (if you haven’t you really should. You can subscribe at the end of this article), then you’d know I recommend “Relationship Rewind”.

      I recommend you wait till the time you are ready and then send him a text. Use one of the texts in this article or the ones mentioned in “text your ex back” or the “relationship rewind” program.

  • Khati February 24, 2014, 12:00 am

    hello Kevin,
    i’m applying the NC since 4 weeks now, my ex never contacted me but keeps changing his status on whatsapp regularly saying things like “you’re still my girl” “i always think about you” “love you” but in the last week he’s changed his status into “all girls are bitches” and i know it’s all directed to me. are there chances he still likes me or does this mean he’s moved on finally?!

    • Kevin February 25, 2014, 3:41 pm

      I don’t think he has moved on. He probably still has feelings for you. Why don’t you contact him using one of the methods mentioned in this article.

  • Ryan Sloan February 24, 2014, 2:45 pm

    Hi Kevin

    Here is my situation
    Me and my
    Ex gf of 8 years broke up around November
    things had gone slack betweenusus I lost my job last year got depressed you get the drift

    Around early November I got suspicious something was going on I confronted her etc

    Any way surprise surprise she breaks up with me 2 weeks later

    I have been through a break up years before and knew what to do so there was no begging etc

    Up until Xmas she would flirt and tease with me
    (As we have a 6 year old son that’s unavoidable)
    Anyway I didn’t give in to her games

    Around January I started to date someone else
    She became aware of this , and started calling me and texting sometimes with kisses on etc

    She was hysterical on the phone last week saying she didn’t want any of this , I then said we can talk

    She always backs out of it
    Then I bumped in to her brother and he tells me she’s introduced this new guy to her parents etc

    I have been lc all the way through as we have a son together
    she’s been the one to iniate all phone calls etc texts
    She likes to no what I’m up to ,
    I never ask her and I keep my conversation buissness like and formal
    Around my son , the house stuff like that

    I Dont love her , but still feel a great attatchement a mean 8 years
    Is a long time
    I’m 32 now so was like 24 when we met
    I know I screwed up with her if I’m honest
    And I would like another opportunity with her
    She goes hot then cold towards me

    Currently cold

    I do feel I can live without her and for the most part our relationship was great

    Any advice of how I can get back from this guy
    Who her brother said was a cocky ass and wasn’t keen on him

    • Kevin February 25, 2014, 3:10 pm

      It’s probably a rebound and she started dating him just out of spite (since you started dating someone). Relationships like this never work, so you just have to wait it out. When it ends, contact her and ask her out.

      • ryan February 25, 2014, 10:21 pm

        Also Kevin
        She is hiding him from me

        And she does show an interest in me
        She goes hot and cold
        And is obviously confused
        I am to a bit
        She came to the house today and we had a good chat

        I was on the top of my game
        Making her laugh being cool with everything

        She then took me for breakfast
        so I was building attraction with her

        I don’t know if you have heard of it but o have been using the txt your ex back system

        And I’m going to try some of that stuff on her to see if I can get an opening

        • Kevin February 26, 2014, 7:57 pm

          Yeah, it’s a good framework for building attraction. All the best.

    • ryan February 25, 2014, 9:57 pm

      I actually think
      She was seeing this guy
      Before we broke up

      She came around the house today
      I was leaving to go the gym

      She asked me to come shopping
      And then she bought me breakfast

      She showed some interest
      So I showed some back

      That’s what I have been doing rewarding her interest
      When she shows it

      And when she acts disinterested
      I do like wise

      I don’t feel bad about flirting with her

      I mean he obviously didn’t mind
      so I think Its fair game

      I think I have the right mindset
      Going forward

      I actually understand why all this stuff happened

      I screwed up
      but I won’t be making the same mistakes in future with or without her

      • Kevin February 26, 2014, 7:58 pm

        I also think you have the right mindset about it and you are doing the right thing by rewarding her favorable behavior. All the best.

  • rebekah February 27, 2014, 10:56 am

    Hi Kevin,
    My gf left me for her ex. 4Months later i got her to win me back. She did everything to get healthy for me and earn My trust…etc. but by that point i had suffered major life struggles which made me unhealthy And lower selfesteem. When we finally reunited, her respect for me decreased quickly due to my behavior and i didnt have the strength to give so i compromised my standard. Got over sensitive, clingly…etc She broke it off w me about 25 days ago But was crying about it and a little unsure. She said she didnt know what she wanted. Aside from about 5 texts about nothing personal, ive not contacted.she initiated a few of them telling me of things that reminded her of me. Ive been through therepy and councilling…etc i am feeling more self-acceptance and peace than Ever. My confidence is deff on the rise. But heres my question:
    I invited her to run into me casually On a bike trail about a week ago in hopes to tell her ive changed and want to get back…etc. She did not respond! Then i saw her truck days later. When she saw me she drove away. I just now read the 30 day rule. Do you think i ruined my chances because i contacted too soon? Should i wait longer to open communication or just send text,letter ?
    Thank you for your help and wisdom
    Sincerly,
    R

    • Kevin March 1, 2014, 2:24 pm

      You didn’t ruin your chances. If you want, you can send a letter right now and contact her after a few weeks using texts.

  • astronaut18 March 9, 2014, 1:20 pm

    Hi Kevin,
    My Ex broke up with me from a 5month relationship..it was a snap. at first he would go for the “its not u its me” reason..and since it happened, weve been continuing contact, i text he replies, i call he answers or vice versa. there are times when i challenged myself for the no contact rule made it for 4days until he text me on the 3rd day, so far the longest no contact days have been 4days ONLY. so its been a month of constant communication, we even bump into each other accidentally twicw and hang out, had a drink, dinner etc. but clearly when i ask pop the “can we give this another chance” question…he bails but still talks to me..very friendly and no hard feelings unless the Relationship is brought up. But a few days ago..he opened up to me about why / the reasons he broke up..it was about me not trusting him, and me always wanting to get what i want,and me making big deals outta small matters. OMG im only human ok? but i didnt say anythn i just took it in, i didnt argue or blame either. Thing is, how do i know if theres still a chance to get back together or should i just give up? He says..lets start over as friends or let this lay low for a while…i basically am lost with his words coz ive been drowning in my thoughts and it bothers me everyday… please Help. thank you. xx

    • Kevin March 9, 2014, 5:02 pm

      If he;s bringing up the reason, then there is a good chance that he is thinking about getting back together. Just keep playing it cool and wait for him to make a move. If he doesn’t make a move in the next couple of months, start no contact. This time, tell him you need some time and space.

  • eve March 11, 2014, 7:37 pm

    Hi Kevin,
    My ex-bf of 15 months broke up with me on valentine’s, saying he no longer has “that feeling”. Might I add that two days prior, he bought us tickets to the movies for our valentinesday date??
    I think the real reason for the breakup was my demanding of him (repeatedly. 3-4 times a week.) to get treated for an STD he’s had for the last 3 months (no cheating, just the virus kicking back in). He always refused to do it, saying he was too scared even though the medication already was in his freakin bathroom for weeks.
    So, he left on valentine’s, I haven’t heard from him since. I am on day 26 of no contact. I would dearly love him back/in my life. However, I don’t know if psychological warfare (no contact) works correctly with him, because is has pdd nos, a form of autism.
    This means that any and everything to do with social etiquette, emotions, feelings and communication (and the combination of the above) is difficult and not adequately dealt with. Hence, he will always ‘choose’ the easy way out, head-in-the-sand kinda way.

    He has repeatedly blocked – and then unblocked me again on facebook the last couple of weeks, and deleted all my friends one at a time. Mutual friends told me yesterday that he has been drinking his head off non-stop the last couple of weeks.

    I am his first love/gf (he’s 21, i’m 25. I had long relationships in the past) so i am trying to convince myself this last year must have meant something to him, especially because of the autism etc. But because of the agressive silent treatment and the hurtful facebook actions (he was the dumper, and i haven’t made a sound since he left, so why do that??) I am losing my faith.

    question: is the blocking-unblocking-rinse repeat, and the heavy drinking a sign that he is hurt by the breakup, and maybe secretly does love me?
    Do you think I should break no contact (for I think he’d never dare)?

    • Kevin March 14, 2014, 2:21 pm

      Hey,

      Yes, it’s a sign that he still loves you and is having a hard time dealing with the breakup. Yes, you should break no contact after 30 days.

  • leen March 13, 2014, 3:15 pm

    Hey Kevin my fiancé and I broke up in June of last year (2013). Since then she had 2 of what seem to be rebound relationships when she finally broke it off with the last one. Her and I got involved again, it wasn’t official things were just happening. During that time I didn’t approach her about getting back together because didn’t want to seem as if I was rushing. Our quick reconciliation lasted for about 3 weeks.After that she began acting strange and to make the story short I found out she made it official with someone else in January . unlike the other women she was dating, she’s actually exposing this one on her social media and praising her and saying how great she is and how she’s so happy that she has found true love. Now my issue next to that fact that I feel my life is coming to an end, is that my ex still lives with me. I’ve told her she has to go as much as it kills me.she refuses to go just yet. When we first broke up she left the house for 2 months and I allowed her to come back, once again I didn’t say anything about us because I didn’t want her to think I was rushing to get back with her. The reason why I’m really stressing is because the person she is dating now she had known for 7 yrs.but then again my ex refers to me as the most amazing person she has ever been with. So why isn’t she with me?every time I ask why we broke up she has A different response. She treats me like a complete stranger at times and is extremely cold towards me at times. And if I don’t call her all day as long as she is not with her new gf she calls me or texts me. I don’t know what to do anymore I’m so in love with her still and I genuinely care for her.We were together for 3 years and we were each others everything. We had trust, respect, and communication until she decided to begin hiding feelings and issues. Help me

    • Kevin March 13, 2014, 12:16 pm

      Hey leen,

      You need to apply no contact. IF you are living together, you need to apply limited contact. Tell her you need some space and she should not contact you for a while.

      • leen March 13, 2014, 7:45 pm

        Dear kevin
        Thank u so much, I’m just praying that i didn’t mess up my chances with her being that when i found out she made it official with this new girl i panicked a bit.so i was trying to talk to her about how great we were together and try to convince her to give us another shot.but I will begin to do the no contact rule.by the way keep up to good work your website has helped me tremendously.

        • Kevin March 14, 2014, 1:21 pm

          You’re welcome Leen. I’m glad I could help. 🙂

  • Deo March 16, 2014, 1:53 pm

    What if your ex doesnt show any of these 5 signs? What does that mean? that he doesnt want you back?

    • Kevin March 17, 2014, 7:30 am

      It doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t want you back. If they don’t show these signs, it doesn’t really mean anything IMO. IF they are completely indifferent about you, then that does mean they don’t want you back.

  • C March 16, 2014, 2:22 pm

    So my ex & I were together for 10yrs & we have children. This time I didn’t go chasing after him. He got a hold of me about 2wks after he left. What got me confused was that the.Text started offwith HI BABE. after that a week passes then starts texting everyday wondering what I’m doing. So I finally met with him after 3wks of him being gone & that conversation got nowhere all he said is that he is confused & didn’t know if he was coming back home. One of the text did say that he missed me & loved me & missed his family. The last time I spoke to him so girl got on the phone & said that they were going out & hung up on me. So when I called the # back he answered & said he would call back when he was able to talk because he said “this stupid b**ch is trippin” . I didn’t get all call back that night so the next day I decided to change my #. What gets me angry is that he never asked for our children & hasn’t seen them………so I’m really CONFUSED HERE!!!!

    • Kevin March 17, 2014, 7:29 am

      Hey C,

      It’s a good thing you didn’t chase. I hope things work out for you and he comes back. But I’ll still recommend you initiate no contact for a two months and concentrate on your life. Let him know you need some time and space and you will only talk to him regarding the children and nothing else.

  • Melissa March 19, 2014, 8:57 am

    Hi Kevin,
    My ex and I were together for 2 years and had a huge fight and broke up the day before valentines. I did NC for a week, however, at the beginning of the second week I had an emergency and i contacted him. The next day I asked him if our relationship was really over and he said “guess so” and he asked if i am going to be okay and I said I don’t know then he said that “we can still talk”.. After convo he would message like 5 days apart and asks how i am doing and I would respond causally and say “I’m good and U?” and he would respond “he’s ok” and that’s the end of the conversation…My question is what did he mean by saying that “we can still talk?” Does it mean that he’s confused about his feelings but at the same time he still wants me or is he attempting to start a friendship relationship?
    Also, do you think I should do the 30 days of NC and avoid responding to him at all cost? I have a feeling if i ignore his text during this period, he would completely ignore me when i decide to contact him after NC. I look forward to your advice.

    Thanks Mel

    • Kevin March 20, 2014, 10:04 am

      Hey Melissa,

      I think he just wanted to let you know that he is available to talk to you if you need him. He probably does have still have feelings for you, but that sentence doesn’t have anything to do with it.

      You can just tell him that you need some space and time and you won’t be contacting him for a while before starting no contact.

      • Melissa March 23, 2014, 5:17 pm

        Hi Kevin,
        So I had a conversation with my ex and he said that he still care about me because I am a good person..I need your advice on how I should deal with this and make him attracted to me again..

        Thanks for your time and advice…Mel

        • Kevin March 24, 2014, 8:53 am

          Like I said in my previous comment, start no contact. If he contacts you, let him know you need some space and time and you’ll appreciate it if he doesn’t contact you for a while.

          • Melissa March 24, 2014, 9:59 am

            Thank you for your advice Kevin,, very grateful for your help…Just a quick question, do I wait until he message me to say this or just send a random text telling him?

            Thanks Mel

          • Melissa March 24, 2014, 10:20 am

            Hey Kevin,
            I was thinking to send a text like this ” Hey, Adam.. i just need some time and space right now and I would appreciate it if you don’t contact me for awhile..thanks for understanding…
            What do you think?

          • Kevin March 26, 2014, 1:03 pm

            Sounds good to me.

  • Hurting March 21, 2014, 12:05 pm

    Hi Kevin,

    Long story short… we have been together for 6 months. During the 6 months he has lost his job, and other personal problems kept coming up. i stuck by him through it all. i supported him if he ever needed anything. just this last monday, he got irritated and said him and we have to slow this down. i asked to clarify if this is a break up. he said yes. i panicked. asked what i did wrong. he said nothing. i didnt do anything wrong. however he needs to get his life together. i am not getting what i deserve from him. and it isnt fair to me. i pleaded and told him that i dont care about that i am patient. he said he does. he doesnt feel like a man when he cannot even bring anything to the table and he is constantly depending on me. i was completely devastated. the next day, we spoke again. this time i was more calm… tried to reason with him. he said pretty much the same thing. i stated my case over and over again. he said not to try to change his mind. this is a good thing for us both. since monday, he has been in constant contact with me. mostly because he still has my car and he needed to bring it to the shop to get it fixed. but lastnight, he called me and we spoke for about an hour and a half. he spoke about everything he was doing in terms of his projects and dreams. he said i was the only one he talks to like this. it felt really good to hear him confide in me. he has not mentioned getting his stuff or bringing back my stuff yet. so i’m not sure what to do at this point. in part, i want him to still have my stuff so that it doesnt really feel so final and the other part of me just want to cut ties all together. becuase it hurts that someone you have given your whole self to can just walk away from you.

    please help me…. i’m not sure where to go from here.

    • Kevin March 23, 2014, 12:34 pm

      Cut him off and start no contact. Read this article. Always put your mental peace before everything else.

  • V March 22, 2014, 11:43 pm

    Hey Kevin,
    Me and my ex became close friends again. Recently I went to a party and a random girl comes up to me asking if I was V. When I said yeah she smiles and walks away. Later I run into her again and she says that she’s texting my ex and he says hi. I was so confused on how she knows my name and that I dated my ex. She kept looking at me smiling. What do u think happend?

    • Kevin March 23, 2014, 10:35 am

      It’s hard to say what happened. No point thinking about it too much. You can simply ask your ex whenever you speak to him.

  • Sabrina March 23, 2014, 1:29 pm

    Hey Kevin,
    I caught my BF cheating on me last year and I reacted pitifully (you’d be ashamed, I let him walk all over me and ruin my rep and peace of mind in the process). This happened roughly this time last year so even though we were going ok for about 6 months now, I think the month of March brought on paranoia (or is it instincts??) and I blasted at him. He asked me to fuck off. I have been practicing NC since the past 2 days but it already feels like too much. He’s been trying to make up in the sense that he’s pretending his hurtful words didn’t mean anything and trying to bring normalcy back. What do I do? He’s pretty egotistic, I’m scared 30 days may simply drive him away for good.

    • Kevin March 24, 2014, 9:41 am

      There is very little chance he will move on in those 30 days. I say continue with no contact.

  • Maree March 25, 2014, 3:53 pm

    Hi Kevin,
    I broke up with my ex 6 weeks ago as we were always fighting . We have two children together. For the first two weeks my ex tried to get me back. I realised that it was a big mistake breaking up and really desperately wanted to keep my family together. In the last month as we are still living together although he wants me to find a new house, he has treated me really badly and been so cruel to me . We are sleeping in separate rooms but hel still want me for sex, then for hugs. I tell him I really want to work on this relationship because I love him and the girls and don’t want to break the family up but get help for all our issues. He wants to keep things as they are and for me to find a house ASAP. It is so confusing to me . I know I have acted needy and desperate also because the thought of having to lose him and break my family apart rips open my soul . I love him dearly just not the toxic emotional abuse . We have been together 6 years. I just don’t know what to do or think or be ? Never been so depressed in my life . He just acts like I’m nothing or hell be nice to me it’s just so confusing . Do you have any advice ? Appreciated

    • Kevin March 26, 2014, 2:55 am

      Did you suggest couples counseling? If not, do so. If he doesn’t want to, then you should move out and apply no contact. It’ll be better for you, and it will also give him some chance to miss you and realize what he is losing.

  • Katie March 27, 2014, 9:06 am

    I emailed you before so you know my story! But here is an update

    He walks up as im working out (i didnt talk to him ive been all happy)
    Him: hey how are u
    Me: im good how are you
    Him: oki
    Me: ya just doing some squats and then doing some high pulls (during this time i sound super happy)
    Him: oki well i just wanted to talk with you
    Me: oki bye
    He now stands there and gives me a hug
    I hug him back but not too tight
    Him: (kinda sadish) you dont have to hug back if u dont want to
    Me: i just want to respect you….and do this for u and myself
    Me: have a fun time bye!

    So does he miss me? Is the no contact working? Is he testing the waters? Or being polite?

    • Kevin March 28, 2014, 11:10 am

      Yeah, I think he does miss you. It’s hard to say if he is testing the waters or he is being polite. I guess you’ll find out at the end of no contact.

  • Tilt March 30, 2014, 12:11 am

    Hi,

    It seems there is an issue with your mailing list form. I can’t subscribe.

    • Kevin March 31, 2014, 11:48 am

      Try again Tilt. It seems to me that it’s working fine.

  • Nita April 3, 2014, 2:30 am

    Hello Kevin,

    what do you make of this: My boyfriend broke up with me exactly 3 month after we started dating. Before we got together we knew each other for about a month and both of us had just come out of a 5 year relationship. When we started dating we were crazy about each other. We spent almost 5 weeks of seeing each other every day. After 1 month of being together he bought me 1 month -anniversary flowers. He tells me he loves me. Soon there after he gave me the key to his apartment. I had the best Valentines Day ever. Maybe 3 weeks later things started to slow down. From a “million” txts a day to 3,2,1. From nicknames in the txts to just Hi. Also less physical closeness. No affection. He was being cold. Then I asked him about it and he told me that he is not ready for a relationship, but he thought he was. He tells me that he is not happy with his life and his career. He said that I deserve someone better. Says his feelings changed and keep going back and forth. He explains he did all the things, because he was falling for me. But he is breaking up with me. He hugs me good bye and kisses me like we were first dating and nothing ever happened. He says he wants to stay friends and not loose me as a friend. The following 2 days he txts me. Then nothing. I did not see him for 5 days, but then I did because we go to the same gym. He made small talk, said good seeing you sweetie and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Since then I have seen him twice at the gym – we did some small talk. That is it. He called me once in between to invite me for dinner. I declined. Before hanging up the phone he calls me a nickname and blows me a big kiss through the phone. I think he was drunk. Through a mutual friend I learned that he is not handling the break up well. All my friends are shocked that he broke up, because they said we looked so happy. My question is should I change gyms? I really do not want to because it is my gym too and I have been there for years. On the other hand, I am dreading going because I will see him and it is very hard to handle for me. I am an emotional wreck and my heart is broken into pieces. Any advise would be appreciated! Thank you!

    • Kevin April 3, 2014, 10:18 am

      Nita,

      You should not change your gym. If possible, try to go at a different time than his. Also, you should consider the possibility that he entered this relationship too soon and you were a rebound.

  • kerry April 5, 2014, 12:52 pm

    Hi Kevin
    Many thanks,I asked my partner of 3 years to leave 2 weeks ago for cheating,we have been on the rollercoaster of hes sorry etc and I have strong days and weak days,I am committed to the NC for 30 days but my question is 1. how do I respond if he texts about household stuff or joint business as we lived together, 2.also he has stated on Facebook that he is in a relationship(something I wanted but never pushed) and messaged me to say its me and he will prove his committment to change whats this about

    thank you

    • Kevin April 6, 2014, 11:12 am

      Did he put “in a relationship” on facebook for you? That’s a pretty good sign that he wants you back. If he contacts you regarding household or business stuff, you’ll have to reply if it’s important. If it’s not, let him know that you need space and time and he shouldn’t contact you for a while.

  • Elys April 5, 2014, 8:26 pm

    My ex and I ended our 2 month relationship recently. We flirted about 3 months before we get together. During that period everything was nice and sweet although he did complained about me replying him very slowly, bad temper and also not smiling to him or say hi when I see him around campus. To simplify things, he ignored me and talk to me again for about 2 times before we officially get together. He confessed that he had a very bad past and he wants me to know it so that I can choose to stay with him or leave. I turn things around by telling him how I feel about him and asked him to make his decision. We got together and the first month we were really happy together. He motivated me a lot and I was always there to listen to his thoughts. Mind you we didn’t expose our relationship to anyone but people could see it by the way we communicate in campus. So after our first month together, things changed. He started ignoring me again saying he’s busy. I didn’t question much as I know he really is having a busy week coming up. Slowly my thoughts also changed and I went up to him several times to clear things and make our relationship work. But the last time I went he told me that he’s afraid of my bad temper. Put it his way, he heard about a friend arguing with the girlfriend and she threw a knife at him. And he didn’t want this to be a habit. Yes the last few times I was with him I did throw my temper at him. I asked him whether he loved me, love me still and whether I have a place in his heart, he said yes but my bad temper is not what he wants. He also said I could always go to him to tell my problems and he’ll always be there to listen and give advice. He even still care for me asking me to not skip meals and always be careful when I’m alone. He even cries in front of me when telling me what went wrong. Argh… what does this mean? Is there still a chance for us to be together?

    • Kevin April 6, 2014, 11:24 am

      I think he is just making up excuses because he is not ready for a committed relationship. I might be wrong about this though. You do have a chance. Read the 5 step plan if you haven’t read it already.

  • bilal April 9, 2014, 5:44 pm

    Hi kevin
    My girl friend left me 3 months before..she has been engaged with her cousin.. i apply no contact rule..now she called me and said she loves me..i was about to end of no contact n take her back..but i avoid her emotions like i love u n miss u and all..now she is showing attitude as well..am very confuse..tell me wat should i do..should i tell her my feelings for her or what else i should do..please i really need ur help

    • Kevin April 10, 2014, 9:10 am

      Start no contact again. Unless she is willing to break up her engagement, there is no point in pursuing her.

  • sahil April 9, 2014, 11:22 pm

    hi kevin….

    I m unable to find out the 5 step plan as when I click on the link, it appears for a while and then disappears..can u pls provide me 5 step plan through email….

    thanks!!!

  • Lashay April 10, 2014, 8:44 am

    My ex talked about all these things about a month ago and is now saying he doesn’t care, he never really cared and vibes so much better with the new girls in his life and I do believe they exist because of the things I’ve seen him post on FB such as, “I have confidence so much confidence in you!!!” Or “i know it’s a reason why I’m here and a reason why she’s gone”
    But I know they aren’t directed towards me because I deactivated my FB and saw them through a friends (creep I know lol) but why do you think he’s doing this now? If he was saying the opposite not long ago?
    Was it all a lie? All games? Should I just move on?

    • Kevin April 10, 2014, 10:10 am

      Stop looking at his facebook. There is a chance he has really moved on, but if he feels the need to post it on facebook, then in my opinion, he is just trying to convince himself or the world he has moved on and deep down he is still not over you. But seriously, stop looking at his facebook. And start no contact for another 2 months. If after that you still think you want him back in touch. If he is cold and uninterested, then move on.

  • mya April 10, 2014, 11:13 am

    Hi Kevin,
    I just broke up with my ex about one month ago and i swear i really want him back in my life. I feel very bad to myself bcoz im the one who cause this relationship to be ruined. im the one who asked for breakup (but actually i didnt meant it anyway) ive made my mistake and ask for his forgiveness. unfortunately he ignores me until now. i just want him back and i really think he’s the one. apart of me think that he might also want to get back together but i also think that he already hates me because he said “nothing happens twice in my life” . what can i do :'(

  • Melissa April 11, 2014, 1:13 pm

    Hi Kevin,

    My ex told me that he doesn’t want to give us another try because he is not willing to put anymore effort into the relationship and doesn’t have the patience for anything anymore..however, he would message me every now and again and asks how I am doing….and said that he care about me because I am a good person…Can you please shed some light on what you think is going on with him and do you think I can a have to get him back?

    • Kevin April 14, 2014, 6:47 am

      It’s a very common behavior. He doesn’t want to lose you completely, but he is not sure he wants to get back together either. I do think there is a chance. It’s at least worth giving a shot.

      • Melissa April 14, 2014, 1:29 pm

        Thank you

  • Alphonse April 14, 2014, 5:29 pm

    Hey man,

    My ex left me and she said we’d be better off as friends. We lasted only two months as a couple.

    Anyways, I love her so much but I made the mistake of seeming needy. I talked to her over Facebook, sent her two written letters and obviously never got her back.

    We haven’t talked for almost two months now (she left my reply on Facebook as seen and never answered).

    Overall I have been working on myself trying to get over her. And I have made progress (No longer depressed but still missing her).

    Out of the blue she began giving “likes” to a few of my Facebook posts. For me it is weird because we have been on no contact for two months (in spite on neither party asking to be on NC).

    Can I work something out with her or have I already blown my chances away?

    • Kevin April 15, 2014, 6:54 am

      You do have a chance. Get back in touch with her.

      • Alphonse April 15, 2014, 12:42 pm

        Thanks Kevin, I will sign up for your emails. She is being pursued by a lot of men (she is really good looking), I just hope that because of my extended NC I’m not too late.

        Once again thank you!

  • Nikki April 18, 2014, 10:04 am

    Kevin, my ex and I just loss our child although while I was pregnant we weren’t together. He says he loves me and care for me he just don’t think he’s in love…he wants to keep in touch. We been together off and on for 9 yrs do you think we have a chance

  • astronaut18 April 19, 2014, 6:26 am

    hi Kevin,

    first of all, thanks for always replying to my questions here..its a relief..all the time.

    i have completed 30days..and during the NC period over 21days my ex texted me twice (a day after the other)..i didnt reply coz i was really doin NC very well..i replied eventually after NC period is over thus a 2days after the 30th day.. in his texts he was askin how i was doin and that he saw me somewhere..and like i said i replied acc 2 his question.. and told him i was “distracted” recently so it took me a while to reply. and thing is.. he hasnt replied at all and on whatsapp we all see when a user sees our msgs so.. How do i know what his reactions are? how do i know what his intentions are for not replying me yet? i cant tell if he is upset or what? it just puzzles me that he wont reply when he messaged me twice in the first place. I only texted once but im really worried why he wont reply back.. Hence It took me 4 days to respond due to me being in NC.
    please help. Appreciate ur advices.
    thank youxx

    • Steen Zou April 24, 2014, 4:30 pm

      Im not the expert here but:
      To be hornest, it sounds like you made him jealous.. Its usually that with guys.
      As u wrote u were distracted, without mentioning what u were busy with. Its very commen to a guy to get jealous.

      By that guy getting jealous somehow that cause a longer response, because he want to show a signal or he got upset.

  • Tita April 22, 2014, 4:23 am

    Hello Kevin,
    I find your site very interesting. Thank you for making this.
    My ex and I broke up yesterday after 10 months relationship. We don’t usually see each other often as he lives in a different city in a different country. But it was great when we are together. Though I think I might have some reasons, I miss him so much when we are not together and it made me really jealous, and sneaky and, I know, less attractive. He acted that way too in the beginning of our relationship and I tried to calm him down and reassured him that there was nothing to worry about. But when it came to me being insecure and needy, he didn’t care (from my perspective). I always tended to “dramatize”to get his attention, and he hated this, I really do understand. He was tired of me being a drama queen, he also always said I had to get a life and stop stalking on him. I was never like that before, I felt like he was constantly pushing me to be this sneaky… I tried not to be so, but he was doing what he was always been doing: he never replied to my messages but I see him online on FB (I complained about that to him but he didn’t care, so I once again got out of mind and said hurtful things -things that he said to me before but I forgave him- this lead to the breakup after i haven’t talk to him for a few days). He told me it was over when he found out I was trying to checking upon him (though he blocked me on FB) when I tried to spy his writings and communication with to a girl he had very recently added to FB and with whom he seemed very close with. The girl obviously told him and she blocked me too. I feel like s***t (sorry) as I don’t always do this. I have never done this. It hurted me so bad when my friends told me he was writing publicly “Sweet dreams R” (R is the girl), while we have just broke up. I would never do something like that to him if I was in his shoes… I know why he wanted to end this relationship, I have to work on myself for some time, but I think if he loved me he would understand that distance and insecurity make you do crazy things, and he would not immediately start something with a girl he has just “met”. I begged him to give me another chance yesterday (we used to get in a verbal fight together often and when he begs me to give him a chance, I do, he did that too many times but this time, it didn’t work), I know I can be a better person. he replied only once, telling me, he will tell me when he will be ready to listen to what I have to say.

    I decided to start the NC today so I didn’t reply back. Or should I reply back? Is there any chance that he will get back to me and love me and respect me?

    Thank you very much and sorry for writing a so long comment.

    • Kevin April 25, 2014, 12:35 am

      You should not reply back. And yes there is a chance.

  • bontle April 22, 2014, 8:59 am

    im 3 days over my 30 days no contact rule. before that my ex wanted nothing to do with me, and though I was upset of what he did, I still wanted to be polite and keep the communication lines between us. I might have been on his face for him not to want to receive any texts from me. Im over him and I love the fact that Im in the better place than where I was a month ago. I still wanna talk to him, and not be friends or anything but just knowing that we ended it on a good note will make me rest and probably move on peacefully. I dont want him back or anything. Im afraid he will think I want him back if I text him first. Truly I dont, but I also dont want to keep him on my contacts if I cannot even speak to him. Can I rather wait for his birthday or just not bother.

    • Kevin April 25, 2014, 12:52 am

      If you are over him, then I don’t think you should bother. If you get back in touch with him, there is a chance that some of the past feelings might resurface. It’s best to avoid it. At least for a couple more months.

  • Maison April 22, 2014, 6:40 pm

    Hi Kevin,

    Me and my girlfriend just broke up after 4 and half years of being together (1 year of living together) and I must say I am so confused but here’s the basic story. Basically 3months ago (2 weeks before we are due to go away) she told me she was unhappy and told me her reasons as to why – I tried to change the situation but she was still having doubts and said she was confused, didn’t know who she was anymore and just wanted to be alone. So with that, we kinda decided to split up. BUT as it happens the decision was more on her side. So I wanted to know from her whether she thinks we could get back together maybe after a couple of months…and she said she wasn’t sure but also declared that we are breaking up and definitely not on a break but she doesn’t know whether we’ll be back together again (hope this makes sense). So because she couldn’t give me closure I sought for the answer to the question of – do you want me to move on and let go of any feelings I had for you? And her reply was – I don’t know!!!……So basically, I am confused and I don’t know what to do – No Contact – if so how long – will it work – does she just need time to realise we had a good thing going on!? Please help dude thanks…. P.S. I have been reading your articles on NC but I’m not sure how to go about this in my situation. Would be great to hear from you….Maison

  • upy April 26, 2014, 9:33 pm

    Hi Kevin,
    we broke up 5 weeks ago. and i have been in NC for 3weeks. he hasnt contacted me even once during my NC period. i start thinking that he is over me..
    i have a week to go to end my nc period. but i havent made any significant changes in my life. im still miserable, needy, and angry.
    honestly i dont know what else to do to make that change. i went to spa, had exercise, go to an event, meeting few friends, but i dont feel really good. what should i do to make this NC period more useful and valuable time?

    i am willing to continue the nc period for 2-4 weeks more. but the situation is, i will move to other city within the next couple weeks. if i continue the nc, i will start to contact him when i already moved out, which will make the situation more compliated because we cant meet that easy.

    should i continue the nc? or do you have any suggestion what else i can do to make the period of my NC end on time so i can contact him before i leave?

    anyway, thanks a bunch for your email series. i really love them.

    • Kevin April 28, 2014, 1:22 pm

      Hey,

      I think you should contact him one week before you leave the city. If things don’t go well, you can start no contact all over again in the new city. If you have to start no contact again, I think you should give yourself some time to grieve for a while. You need to process all your emotions. If nothing else works, you should seek therapy.

  • Sandy April 27, 2014, 7:41 pm

    Kevin, will try and make this as short as possible.
    I am 48 my ex is 38. We were together for 5 1/2 years. After saying for several years that he was ok with never having children, he changed his mind. He decided that he wanted wife/kids and I am too old to give him that. The break-up was amicable because I can understand the deep desire to have children. We both agreed to try and be friends (our relationship pretty much felt like a great friendship anyway)

    Breakup was 4 months ago and I couldn’t get through the NC (I reached out to him once a week..argh) he now has a new girlfriend (they both want kids and seem to be getting along).

    Since the breakup I have lost weight, stopped smoking and gone out and met new friends, I am still in so much pain. I think I need to go NC again (this time stick to it) so that I can heal. How do I stick through the NC to move on??

    • Kevin April 29, 2014, 12:10 pm

      Hey Sandy,

      That’s a big topic and I can’t really cover it in just a comment. But I’ll recommend you give yourself some time to grieve and at the same time balance out the sadness by doing something to make yourself feel better. Writing in a journal helps as well.

  • In need of help April 28, 2014, 11:41 pm

    I recently broke up with my ex and we were in relationship for 9 months. We are both around 30 years old. Overall we were having really a great time although she did suffer from depression caused by earlier relationship and was constantly under pressure from work. At the beginning of the year she started the feel more and more distant and we had two conversation about taking a short break. She told me many times that she feels that she met me too soon and wasn’t ready. Also said that I wasn’t a rebound guy, showered me with praises and gave a gift when broke up. She talked a lot about what she wanted to do in the future with me after the dust had settled and she had solved her problems. Also asked if my relatives are ok with us getting back together later.

    Two weeks after the break I sent her a message and asked if everything is ok. She said that she has met a guy she wants to get known better. At this point I kinda understood that she had met this guy in a event a while back when we were talking about the break. She has now changed her fb status in relationship with the new guy although the guy lives around 500km away. I replied with a little bit of frustration but the next day I already regretted the tone of that message and send her another where I apologied, wished her happy future with the guy, thanked for everything and bid my farewell. She replied and thanked me and wished also a good future. I haven’t been in contact with her. Now it has been around 2 weeks of NC and still thinking about the mixed messages she gave to me.

    • Kevin April 29, 2014, 1:08 pm

      You should do no contact for another 4 weeks and follow the 5 step plan.

  • Migs April 29, 2014, 11:55 am

    hi, kevin! my story is a bit complicated and there was no breakup. he’s my boyfriend of almost 6yrs and we have a kid. we are still together as partners but he’s out on the other side of the world. we kept a promise that if he falls out of love for me, he would tell me. he confessed just last week that he had an affair and fell in love with the other woman but he says it hurt him to have lied to me. that was such a blow! i knew it could happen but i never expected the pain to be excruciating. he did tell me that he broke up with the other woman because he chose me and my daughter as we were far more important. he said he broke up with her because of guilt. that i had been good and loyal and he reciprocated it with unfaithfulness. i haven’t read any articles like this before so when i got the news, i was blown off. i decided to quit and just live a life of my own. he didn’t want me to leave him, he said, coz he can’t imagine life without me and our kid. however, he told me, he felt love for the other woman and now he’s confused and what he felt for me is just second to love. i don’t want to misconstrue it for pity or what but it got me all in a mess. 🙁 he begged me to stay because he’ll be coming home by september and he wants us around when he gets home.

    because of too much pain, i didn’t see that as an option. i just wanted to get out of the situation and told him i’m moving out still. finally, he told his mom that he’s confused about his feelings toward me and told her as well that i wanted a breakup. he said he would try to salvage our relationship because of our daughter and because he knew that his mom will be hurt too when that happens. he said that if we can’t reconcile, there’s nothing he can do about it. but if i was to stay, he will sacrifice his happiness and try to salvage our relationship.

    ??? i was like “what?!?” that was indirectly saying that he was just forced to beg me to stay because of our daughter and not because of us. so that had me challenged. i backtracked and told him i can’t live without him. and true enough, i acted very needy and all insecure. now, he’s distant and cold even with his messages.

    i am so confused right now.

    • Kevin April 29, 2014, 1:42 pm

      Hey Migs,

      You should apply no contact now and try to move on. Let him know that he doesn’t have to try to make things work because of your daughter. And start no contact after that. Give him time to process his feelings and realize whether or not he wants you for you or for the sake of his family.

  • F May 2, 2014, 9:30 am

    Dear Kevin,
    About 7 weeks ago my ex (26 years, Im 27) broke up with me out of nowhere. We had then been dating for four months- the first two months of which he was much more into me than I was. When I realized I loved him as much as he loved me I started to make myself more available and open. I guess this scared him off. When he broke it off he did not have a good reason… he couldn’t explain it himself. The following day we decided to give it another chance. During the next two weeks I became very self conscious and constantly worried if he liked me that day or not. Eventually I consented to the breakup as I didn’t recognize myself anymore. Two days later he left for a one month holiday to ‘find himself.’ During this time I came I across your site and followed your No Contact Rule very strictly even though he would email and facebook message me to ask how I was doing. After a while he started to worry as to why I did not reply. Eventually, after the 30 days I responded but with very general and distant answers. During the 30 days I picked myself up, started a new hobby and made sure to find myself again through friends and family. I am happy again!
    We just met after almost 6 weeks for lunch. Near the end of our conversation he asked how I was doing in terms of ‘us.’ I said that I am doing very well and that I have moved forward. He said he was sad to hear that I made new friends and is worried the day he will hear that I will have a new boyfriend. Even though he initiated the lunch meet-up, he said it was not good for him to see me as it hurts him and that he knew he would run back to me if we did.
    My question is: Why would he go through all this to make contact, send me a post card from his holiday destination and initiate to see me to only say it hurts him to see me or think of me? We were in a serious (as far as four months go) relationship and out of nowhere he breaks it off. His excuse was that ‘we did not have the same hobbies.’ I know for certain that there is no one else.
    Why is he torturing himself by not trying to get back with me again? Our good bye hug turned into two long ones with a final kiss on my forehead and a tear in his eye. (I cried the way home!).

    • Kevin May 3, 2014, 10:23 am

      Hey,

      He is still confused about his feelings. Deep down, he probably wants to get back together and is afraid of losing you. I think you should stay in touch with him and let him chase you.

      • F May 19, 2014, 12:46 pm

        Hi again Kevin,

        I need your advice again! Following my last post, here is an update: a few days later he showed up on my doorstop wanting to talk it out. We ended up kissing and he said ‘he could not get me out of his head all weekend.’ I made the kissing did not lead anywhere else (that was hard!). Here he said he could not remember why he broke up with me and was confused about his new feelings he had (like the ones he had when we first met). We parted ways and four days later he contacts me to say ‘Hi and to ask how I’m doing.’ I happened to be in his neighborhood the next day and so we planned to meet for a coffee. It ended up being at his house due to the rain. We spoke about everything but our relationship and then we hugged and it was here where I caved and slept with him the whole afternoon. Clearly still confused and not knowing what to do is how I left him. He is shocked at how I am happy and moved on (not at all) and would like to do the same so he said he wanted not so much contact (even though he contacts me all the time). The next week he fb messaged me every other day to ask how I’m doing and then cuts the conversation after 2 minutes (I can’t seem to cut it before he does). He’s in control, I feel and I’m hurting again because he does not know what he wants.

        Kevin, what do I do now? NC again? I just don’t want him to keep me on this string, but I also do not want to end this attention and that he forgets about me and that its just easier for him to move on since he is confused anyways. I need him to realize that it is a good idea to get back together again. What do I do? Thank you!

        • F May 19, 2014, 1:11 pm

          I forgot to mention that he is also hesitant about getting back because a few years ago he got back with his ex and then broke it off again only to break that girl’s heart. I told him not to let his past dictate his future now and that he’s a fool for letting me go.

        • Kevin May 20, 2014, 1:57 pm

          Sleeping with him didn’t help your case. It’s OK to get physical, as long as you are not going all the way. I suggest start no contact again. Don’t reply to his messages for at least three weeks. Meet up again. This time, don’t sleep with him until he commits.

          • F May 30, 2014, 1:25 pm

            Hi Kevin,
            Thank you for your response! I greatly appreciate your advice. I followed it and immeadiately initiated NC. A few days ago he fb messaged to ask how I am doing and I ignored it (this was after 10 days of NC). He messaged again the following day to congratulate me on my new job (which he found out via fb). I have not responded- it has been 2 days. Do I break NC to briefly thank him? I just don’t want to lose his interest or have him think I am ‘over him.’ I sound ridiculous, I know… I just do not know what to do. Thank you so much again, you have been a great help these past months!!

          • Kevin June 2, 2014, 11:33 am

            Don’t do anything right now. If he contacts you again, and you still feel the same way, just tell him you need some space and time for now.

          • F June 2, 2014, 2:38 pm

            Hi Kevin,
            He made contact again this morning by fb message (I have not) and asking again to see how I was doing and how I should not hesitate to send him a bit of news. He knows that I have ‘seen’ the message. I do still want him back. What should I do? What is the best approach now? Thank you again so much!!

          • Kevin June 3, 2014, 11:42 am

            Let him know that you need some time and space right now.

          • F July 2, 2014, 6:01 am

            Hi Kevin! I bumped into him again the other day, on a street that we both would never be on in an area that we both do not work in or live in. I recognized him and said hello first. He walked over and we had a small talk. I stayed calm and the happy self that I’ve been so hard at working on. The whole time he could not look at me- it just made it so awkward. Why can he not just look at me? Continue NC?

        • F June 5, 2014, 10:23 am

          Hi Kevin, I apologize for disturbing you again with this. I really appreciate your input and patience- thank you! I have not yet contacted him and by now I think he is mad by my sudden NC and ignoring his last three messages over the past week. Would it make a difference if I suddenly reply now with ‘I need time and space’? Or just sit it out and keep ignoring him? He’s going to ignore me either way now, I believe. Ifyou suggest now to do make contact, should I then also briefly add that I’m well and that I’ve been busy this week and therefore could not respond? Ending the conv with that I need time and space? Thank you again for your help, Kevin!

          • Kevin June 5, 2014, 12:44 pm

            Hey F,

            There’s no need to reply to him yet. IF he contacts again, tell him you need space and time. Don’t worry about him being mad, it’ll go away with time.

          • F June 6, 2014, 4:43 am

            Thank you, Kevin. Emotionally, it’s painful to ignore him, knowing that I am hurting him and he’s probably ignoring me now. But, objectively, I realize it is the right thing to do. So after all this, it will eventually get him to realize that he made a mistake?

          • Kevin June 8, 2014, 11:28 am

            Hopefully.

          • F June 23, 2014, 4:16 am

            Hello Kevin! I have kept to the NC, 3 weeks today. Went to a small festival on Saturday night and saw my ex from about 50 meters away. I only spotted him because the person was sitting and hiding his face with his hand and then I only realized that it was him. I don’t think I would have seen him otherwise. It caught me off guard obviously so I just continued on. I sat quite far away from his group of friends, but did notice that he looked in my direction a few times. After 15 min I left with another new group of friends (that he does not know). I’d just like to know what you think he was thinking when he was hiding behind his hand and then kept looking over. Thank you!

  • Sarah Jean May 4, 2014, 10:27 pm

    Hi Kevin! My Long distance Boyfriend of 2 months (I met him at a social networking site he’s from another country) broke up with me (I’m 20 and he’s 26) we constantly chatted on skype using my phone even during my work time. But one day, we had an emergency patient that needs immediate attention, I was so busy at that time that I didn’t had the chance to tell him that I’m going to be away for an hour. When I got back he told me he’s pissed at me for not informing him and said he’s getting very suspicious at me. This made me snapped as he was always bringing this up everytime we fight (I don’t cheat in a relationship) anyways, that statement made me talk to him in a rude manner to which he went pissed even more and decided that he can’t stand me and that I he don’t like my attitude, I said sorry a couple of time but he didn’t forgive me. He decided to end the relationship and told me I should move on and just find other men that I can fool. Despite the fact that those words hurt me, I still begged and pleaded him to try once more, but he denied the chance on the next days, I decided to not log in on skype as he wont reply to my messages and just unfollowed him on facebook, I didn’t stalked his page and even removed him on my news feed… Recently, I posted a status saying “Good morning peepzz! its a new dawn its a new day for meh… And I’m feeeeeling good!!! ” (well it was because I was feeling a bit better now). Surprisingly, He liked it but what made me really surprised was that he suddenly unfriended me… So my question is, Should I just let this be or should I do something about this?

    • Kevin May 6, 2014, 1:07 pm

      You should let him go. There’s too much complications and 2 months is not a lot of time. You’ll be better off finding someone else.

  • Amy May 6, 2014, 5:28 pm

    Hi Kevin, my bf of 6 months broke it off with me out of the blue (he says he felt it coming but i was shocked personally) a week ago saying he needs to be single and selfish, although we were very much in love the also told me he isnt sure he was ever in love with me (something i find hard to believe…i felt it from him, I believe he DID love me). He says that he isn’t ready for a relationship yet (he was in a previous 8 year relationship, they got married and then they decided that the spark was gone and they were really just friends and separated after 8 months of marriage, she has moved on with someone new and he is over her too and they are going through am amicable divorce) however he says that he thought he was ready but actually isn’t and really he wants to do his own thing.
    the first couple of days I was angry and upset and sent some angry texts, I then asked him to meet up to explain this to me which he agreed to. I met up with him today as he dumped me over the phone and i wanted a face to face conversion, when it came to it i didn’t really feel the need to talk anymore but wanted to leave it in a good place and retain my dignity so I made myself look amazing, I was positive and happy the whole time and I told him that although i was sad it had ended, i accept his decision and I’m done fighting for him and I’m done trying to get him (i stole that from Barney Stinson on how i met your mother when he wanted to win Robyn back lol). We left after an hour and a half of friendly chat and I am now going to start the no contact rule.
    My question is, do you think that he is likely to come back to me if i give him what he wants (the space etc and his single life), i have read a lot of articles that say men will always come back when a women shows that she is ok and accepts it and stops feeding his ego by texting and giving him attention BUT if that’s what he really wants then surely he wont come back no matter how long I don’t contact him for, if he wants to be single and be selfish and is convinced that this is definitely the right move then why would he come back? I can’t imagine that no contact is going to help much, any thoughts?
    Really Grateful! Thanks 🙂

    • Kevin May 7, 2014, 11:31 am

      Hey Amy,

      Kudos on stealing that line from Barney. It worked for him. haha.

      OK, back to real life. Like I say in the 5 step plan, there’s always a chance that you will never get him back. The only thing you can do is increase your chances. And doing no contact is going to do just that. Increase your chances. The alternative is to satisfy his ego by contacting him all the time and showing neediness. And that is just going to make him less attracted to you.

      • Amy May 7, 2014, 11:42 am

        Thanks for the advice Kevin, I really appreciate it. I’m going to carry on with the No contact and just take it a day at a time 🙂

  • Jacob May 6, 2014, 6:47 pm

    Hi My ex girlfriend broke up with me three months ago.I tried to bag her to stay then she denied and told me we will never get back together because long distance is killing her and she found someone else close to her. And that pain of loosing her destroyed me so much I almost tried to quit school because of her because anyway,I was,nt coping very well.everyday when I sleep and woke up she was the first thing to think about an then I tried to show her how much she mean to me but she could listen or give me sometimes.so I decided to let her go cause I have done it before.after she started to bug me sending messges abt her boyfrnd,family an some staff and calling me sometimes just to anger me.I tried to be polite to her cause I was his 1st lover and 2yrs older than her…but she took all of that for granted.

  • Cassie May 7, 2014, 10:07 am

    Hey Kevin,
    So about 3 weeks ago my ex broke off a 7 year relationship with me. We’ve been together since high school (were both 21 now) and i thought it was going great. We did a lot of things together and had a lot of things in common. (Even living together for a year) yes our relationship was bumpy like any other one, but it seemed fine. What I didn’t expect to dump me for one of my friends whom I was very close too. I haven’t been able to do the 30days because of reasons, but I have tried to be short worded with him in texts when I am feeling sad. I recently moved out of the place we lived in together to live with a family member, as more of a breather for both of us. He’s been giving me mixed signals, saying he still loves me and he wants to do a bunch of things in the future with me. I have been doing what you said about rewarding but not being too straightforward. He’s asked to go to concerts with me and I said sure let’s bring some of our friends too. He’s all over the place with your articles. I’m very good friends with his mother and plan to see her for Mother’s Day. After I am going to retry the 30 days. I miss him very much, but I wanna get my life together cause I am miserable without him. I just got a new job and made some new friends in the place I moved into. And I am enjoying life, but they way he ended things seemed ill thought out. My question is: should I just move on or try attempt to win him back? I want to give it another try because we had a lot that we loved to do together and he seems like he still wants to continue that. If you could give me some advice that would be most helpful.

    • Kevin May 7, 2014, 1:29 pm

      Hey Cassie,

      It’s only for you to decide. I’ll recommend you apply no contact for at least 2 months and if you still want to win him back, then get back in touch. Read the 5 step plan, if you haven’t already.

  • lost and confused May 8, 2014, 9:03 am

    Ok Kevin been reading a lot of your advice to everyone, I got a trip for you, so my ex fiance of 4 years almost five just ended with me, she says she needs space from me, that we no longer can be under the same roof. Only thing is we have a child together my 2yr old son. To make matters worse I just found out she is already seeing someone else a co-worker. What should I do how do I apply the no contact rule when we have to be in touch especially because of my son. It sounds like she is on a rebound guy but so soon is what’s killing me. I want her back but then I don’t, she was trying to hide her relationship with the co worker but I witness them kissing. I’m so lost my emotions are every where please help.

    • Kevin May 8, 2014, 2:17 pm

      Hey,

      Rebound relationships are supposed to happen soon after a breakup. The sooner they start, the sooner they end. So try not worrying about it. I know it’s easier said than done, but that’s the best I can do for you here. As for applying no contact, read this article for guidelines on how to apply no contact when you have a child.

  • Ali May 12, 2014, 4:41 pm

    Dear Kevin,

    just to cut the story short, me and my gf met almost more than 7 years back and then after some time she was crazy for me and she wanted to move in together, She was the first girl i moved in with and i was the first man with whom she moved in with, so we did and every thing was fine, she liked my eyes and so did I, but almost 4 months back she one day suddenly said she wants to break up and im not livin in some other Country for project work and now my project ended and i was planning to move back to my own counrty that is Finland. i did those mistakes, i begged, i requested but didnt work and then i applied no contact rule for almost 2 months and one day she suddenly contacted me and she said set me free like im setting you free. she doesnt want to see my face but then she suddenly came on skype and started talking to me and said this display picture of mine is not ok so she sent some favourite picture of mine to me through skype so that i could use it as display picture, she sent me message that She will love herself and she will work to reduce 15 kg of her weight and she says she wants romance in her life but not from me. she says she has no feelings for me and she doesnt want me and she says she doesnt even miss me and likee me, but she says to me Ali you hurt the relatiionship and i am not giving you second chances, because Ali you cant go better.
    i sent her some text to remind her about good time we had but she sent me very abusive sms and said bad words and said i told you dont contact me.
    now after reading your 5 steps plan im applying no contact rule from 9.05.2014, but now im so so so worried and i miss her madly day and nite, i dont know what to do, and how long should i do the no contact.

    she doesnt block me on skype but she doesnt talk to me and some times she talked and she was smiling too but suddenly she got angry and used abusive language.

    what do you think about my case?

    • Kevin May 16, 2014, 9:27 am

      Do no contact for at least one month. You have a chance of getting her back if you follow the steps.

  • Marcus May 17, 2014, 5:38 pm

    Hey Kevin, I first off want to acknowledge all the good you are doing with this site! I find it to be a very useful guide on not only how to get your ex back but how you live your life without them. Can’t thank you enough for the platform.

    Here’s my story, me(23) and my girlfriend(21)were together in a strong relationship spanning 3 years, celebrating bdays, holidays and doing everything together. Any hardships one another had we were both there. The beginning of the relationship was great going out on dates and being outgoing and exciting. But later on I ended up having to get knee surgery and was laid up for a while followed by a sickness to my stomach called IBS that lasted several months. We weren’t able to go out and have a lot of fun like we used to. This past Sunday she said she had some issues she wanted to talk about and possibly seperate. I had her instantly come over and I talked her off the ledge and promised for better times in the relationship. She agreed and told me this would make us stronger and we had sex that night. The next day she brings those feelings back up the and ultimately ends the relationship. I was very emotional and stubborn when we talked and I couldn’t fathom what was happening. *Her reasoning for the breakup is for her to have some time to find herself and do her own thing. She felt like she was also hurting me throughout the relationship which was completely false. She said we were both starting new things her with a job and me transferring to the state college in the area. She also made it clear that she didn’t love me like she use to and she could only see me as a best friend. She also mentioned the butterflies she once had, had moved on. She said she started feeling like that a couple months prior and just recently started being attracted to other guys and seeing what a relationship with someone else would be like. It crushed me! The next day we talked out of instinct and made some promises, mine were not to take the breakup so hard, go out and date other people and stay the genuine person I am. Hers were to never forget the love we shared, don’t date anyone for 3 months(I didn’t expect her to keep this I was just being emotional trying to keep her to myself). We spoke about how we were meant to be and that this will make us stronger people but she would not commit to trying the relationship down the road when we are stronger. I understood that. *We also spoke of my upcoming graduation next week and she insisted on coming and out of instincts I agreed to it and conversation ended with me sending an old pic of me kissing her and her saying that it was entirely to early for that. She said ttyl and went out with her friends and drank. I haven’t spoke to her since and I’m going to fully apply the NC rule. This morning she spoke with my mother and told her about the situation and she told my mother there was no other man and things in the relationship faded for her. My mother got a strong impression that she does still care for me very much but something was missing. She followed that conversation by posting something saying “part of growing up is letting go and understanding that what you have or had will come back better.” I’m going to take the 30 days to try and better myself and be a stronger person, I do think she was the one for me but I know that there will be other girls out there aswell. What are your thoughts/suggestions on the situation as well as your thoughts on if I should allow her to attend the graduation next week.

    • Kevin May 19, 2014, 2:23 pm

      Hey Marcus,

      Since you’ve already invited her, I think it’s OK. During graduation, be cordial, don’t show any signs of neediness, don’t have any personal conversations and have a good time.

  • tiffany wiyo May 23, 2014, 4:57 am

    Hi Kevin,your blog is great…you daily newsletter has been a support system …thank you.my Ex boyfriend and i broke up three weeks ago.and have been into the no contact rule strong two weeks.so last night he called me twice but i didnt pick the call.5 minute later,a message came in,,the message says”Was just calling to say thank you,for paying me back like this,thank you and bye”….i got really scared and i wanted to call back.But i stopped myself from calling.Please what do u think is up to?And what do i do?

    • Kevin May 23, 2014, 12:20 pm

      He is a little pissed. That’s OK though. In fact, it might even help your chances. If he calls again, tell him you need some space and time.

  • Jia May 23, 2014, 6:51 pm

    Hi :). I have read all of your advice and have to admit have not done a good job of following it. My ex (35)and I (27) met in 5 months ago and went official 3 months ago. We took things slow. Met his kid and family and was with him all the time. He was a bit needy and sensitive. He was talking about taking a really good job in another country and I got kind of needy too and was pressuring him about what would happen to us, instead if being supportive….oops. Also his best friend was encouraging him to be single because they have a guys trip abroad in a months, for a month to a bunch if European countries that was planned before we were together. We got into a talk, I criticized him and he dumped me….saying I put to much pressure and that he doesn’t want anything. He said he didn’t want to become codependent, like his ex. Ironically, in the past he was the one who got upset when I made plans outside the relationship and fueled codependency. I felt if I followed through on my plans he wouldn’t have felt that way. I accepted in the end. I cried in the break up but accepted it gracefully. But we started talking a couple days later…then were talking everyday…he was talking about doing things, like taking trips together…texts and calls everyday and sweet names for the past two weeks after the break up….hooked up, but still says he doesn’t want anything. I have been too open about my intentions if still wanting to be with him, feeding the ego. I have a feeling bc of his trip to Europe he also wants to be single Anyways..I live abroad..he is a local here. Guys throw themselves at me, bc I’m different. I have gotten flowers 3 times in the last two weeks, it’s wierd…Some intense guy who is a friend if a friend and was too interested in me in the past heard I was single again and sent me flowers to work… No card, i texted to ask if it was my ex,,and he got super jealous and accusing. Hasn’t talked to me…to make matters worse, I posted a pic of the roses…oops. Now he was super short and cold…canceled plans with me.deleted all of our pics ..Have a feeling he wouldn’t respond to any further messages… I think not contacting…until he gets back from him trip…or during the end…it would be a little over a month. Or do I not have a chance. He is one of a kind, truly. Everyone has their faults, but would be hard to find a better catch.

    • Kevin May 24, 2014, 6:30 am

      Don’t contact until he comes back. In fact, after he comes back, give him one more month of limited contact. That means, don’t contact him unless he contacts you.

  • kevish May 25, 2014, 12:30 am

    Hi, its been a week since my girlfriend broke up with me. We have been dating for three years and eventually got engaged last February. Last year we had a similar problem where we broke up due to my bad temper but we got back together after a month and I promised that I would change these bad habits. Come to last week, we had a fight over a small issue, which I started and during the heat of the fight I threw a nap to her face. She then removed her engagement ring and told me everything is over. Her family and my parents tried to talk to her but she remains firm upon her decision and she says she have had enough of my moody behaviour and does not have the courage to return as I broken my promise that I would change. When breaking up she said that she is doing that because she loves me and she gave a kiss on the lips. I love her like crazy and its hard to forget a relationship like that. I can do anything for her. Please help.

    • Kevin May 28, 2014, 1:07 pm

      Hey Kevish,

      You should apply no contact. Start going to therapy or joins some type of anger management program. Then get back in touch with her. Instead of telling her that you will change, show her that you’ve changed and you are taking steps to make changes in your life. It’ll greatly increase your chance of getting her back.

  • astronaut18 May 28, 2014, 10:12 am

    hello Kevin,
    so..i havent been in constant contact with my ex for like 2weeks(only when he texted me first so i engaged conversations back)..even on his birthday i didnt greet him but surprisingly on my birthday he texted me and it was a pretty effortly-thought of text not just a simple greeting but with other words aswell..so, i replied and in my reply i included an inside joke of when was created when we first started going out as friends and it was something that created a LOL memory in it, i was tryin 2 spark a good memory (good feelings) just like u mentioned..thing is; he didnt reply ..i kinda felt like i insulted him more than made him laugh coz it was a funny inside joke..so i texted him again saying i was just joking and he didnt have to be such a p**** .. coz i was joking in a friendly way.. then,heres the worse (hope not) part..i rang him once pretty late hours coz i was w8n for a text reply..and he didnt pick up…
    is he being bitter and holding hard feelings towards me?what would u comment on this..
    appreciate ur advice.

    • Kevin May 29, 2014, 1:25 pm

      Well,

      It was a mistake to send him the second text and call him. He might be a little frustrated of this. But it’s not too much damage. Apply no contact again for a while.

  • Anna May 28, 2014, 10:53 pm

    My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me three days ago. We lived together, that morning he broke up with me, packed his stuff, and left, saying he’s depressed and stressed out. He was not willing to actually communicate about anything, getting defensive stating, “What else is there to say?” Very shortly after he left, he called me (not once, but twice!) to come back and get more of his things. I was accommodating and did not further aggravate the situation. Hours after he was gone, he text me saying to search my car for one of our mutual friends’ missing objects. I did not respond to him, but instead responded directly to the friend. I have maintained no contact. This morning (day three) he text me “Hey” and I did not respond. This evening, he text me “Hey. Can you let me know when my checks show up in the mail? I’d really appreciate it.” These are blank checks from the bank, not paychecks. They have not arrived, and in the past I have talked with him about how unfair and disrespectful it is to withhold people’s stuff – his previous ex still has some of his possessions and refuses to return them.

    So my question to you is: Do I maintain no contact and text him when the checks arrive, or do I respond with a neutral “Ok”? It’s been about an hour since I received the message. Admittedly, I am scared that full no contact will result in him not wanting to speak to me anymore :'( Your advice is greatly appreciated, and I would really value your response. Thank you so much for your time!

    • Kevin May 29, 2014, 2:06 pm

      You can text him OK.

  • mary June 2, 2014, 3:52 am

    hi, i broke up with my boyfriend of 3 yrs out of anger last night. he packed his bags and did not even bother to text me after. i texted him this morning saying i need my keys so i could start moving on, but he never replied about it instead we fought about our relationship. what should i do? i need my keys though and my birthday is coming in three weeks, I already invited his friends and family.help!

    • Kevin June 3, 2014, 10:49 am

      Wait a couple days. Get back in touch and tell him that you didn’t mean it and you broke up out of anger. Be calm and even if he tries to fight stay calm. Tell him you want to get back together. If he refuses, start NC and follow the 5 step plan.

  • Anonymous June 2, 2014, 4:32 am

    Hi Kevin. You have been of great help to me in the past one month and I am sincerely thankful to you for that. Your mails have helped me get out of depression to an extent.
    Kevin, this is really urgent so I really request you to reply to me as soon as possible. Please.
    Me and my ex who are 17 and 19 respectively, broke up one month ago. We were together for two months. The reason for the breakup was that I got to know that he has been cheating on me from his other girlfriend who had been with him since a year. This was the second time he had cheated on her. As soon as my ex got to know that I have realized that he has been cheating, he blocked my number completely and told everyone that he was just getting intimate. I was completely shattered after this and cut myself and went into depression. I can do anything to get him back. However, I didn’t contact him. At all. For one month. My facebook shows that I am extremely happy. And I am even going out with my friends. All this is an act, since I don’t really feel all this.
    Now, one month later on the day he had asked me out, he has contacted me and apologized. This happened two days ago. He says he wants to be friends. I accepted his apology and became friends with him since my NCP was over. Later, he asked me about my life and whether I am single or not. He told me that he is single. He told me to meet him at 2 a.m. and has been talking to me a bit. Each time he sends a message and starts the conversation, I just follow up.
    Now, I am unsure what to do. I sent him a message today saying that his new Display Picture on what’s app is nice and started a conversation with him for the first time after the breakup. However, I haven’t gotten any replies. Please Kevin, I am ready to do anything. Just help me. Tell me what to do.

    • Kevin June 3, 2014, 10:54 am

      Hey,

      In my opinion, you should do NC for at least 3 months. Because

      1. He cheated on you and you are still wanting him back. You need to realize the fact that if he cheated on you once, he will probably cheat on you again. Are you really Okay with this? Do you really think you can have a long and healthy relationship with him?

      2. He didn’t accept his mistakes when you found out and decided to block you. He has shown no remorse for his actions. I doubt he even apologized. You are just letting him walk all over you by getting him back.

      3. If you’ve read the 4th step of the 5 step plan, I recommend you continue no contact unless you’ve realized you can be happy in your life without your ex. It seems you have not yet reached that point. In fact, from your comment, it seems you are still quite miserable without him.

  • Nicky June 3, 2014, 8:56 am

    Hi Kevin

    Me and my ex broke up at the beginning of November. I dumped him for what I now deem to be stupid reasons. Anyway we didn’t really speak properly for a month or so however since February I’ve been wanting to get back with him we had a chat and he said he was angry with me and didn’t like me very much but that he liked me more that month than he did the previous. We talk more or less everyday and he’s said he doesn’t think we should get back together because of how well our relationship turned out last time, however he still jokes around with me in public, he says slightly mean things to me but in a playful flirtatious way, and my friends say when I’m not looking at him he gives me that look, you know the one you see a guy giving the girl in a film but it’s always when she’s not looking. Yesterday was my birthday and we had an exam and then we went and sat and saw my friend we were joking around and stuff, I had this sense he was just waiting around for something and then I said to my friend I was gonna go in a min and he started to pack up and then I was leaving and he said “yeah I should go too” well I had a phone call and he was walking behind me and when I got off of it he was like “do you want me to give you a lift to your grans seeing as it’s your birthday” he’s obviously listened to me telling my friend I was going to see my gran. Anyway I accepted and I just felt this weird feeling towards us. I don’t wanna read too much into it but do you think he still has feeling for me?

    • Kevin June 3, 2014, 12:58 pm

      Yes. Continue staying in touch with him. Act cool. Let him chase you. Let it be his idea to get back together.

  • ManaWren June 3, 2014, 12:04 pm

    Hey
    My ex and I broke up six months ago after ca two months of “relationship”. We never went official due to me not wanting to stress it. He however did want to get together properly.
    During Christmas break I was cold and distant and upon our return to college he ended the relationship saying “he had no feelings for me”. I was upset, but dignified, no begging or trying to make him stay. He however said more than once that he could not bring himself to leave (my apartement). Texts during Christmas never suggested that HE would end it and he spoke to me on facebook, friendly chatting, the day before. We had one argument during Christmas where I claimed that we were nothing.
    We kept in touch after the break up, at first mainly he initiated it later I did. Two times have I told him that I still have feelings and he claim to have feelings aswell but its not enough. He is jealous and very caring still, we still flirt at times.
    He, and a friend, also helped out (twice) when I recently moved and he tells me to call him anytime if there is something. He also looks at me alot, even to the point of me having to look away. He have also wanted to talk about the relationship but I have been hesistant. And tought ive said I still have feelings I rarely show it. Two weeks ago he flirted with a girl while staring directly at me :/ later his friends told me he was having a rough time. Later they claimed not to remember it, but they got really weird when I asked about it.
    After the break up I’ve become good friends with many of his mates, and it’s not only me who have initiated it. He also asked if one of my friends who was talking to him about me was spying on me.
    Tought he claims that my cold and distant behaviour had nothing to do with our break up he seem to appreciate it when I apologize, becomes interested when I speak of how I wanted to text him. He also comments on how he still finds me attractive – to others.
    I’ve been ignoring him this past month and he seem hurt and upset about it.
    Now college ends and I don’t know where we’ll go next (city wise). Do I stand a chance here?

    • Kevin June 3, 2014, 1:03 pm

      You should talk to him before college ends. Stop being cold towards him. Start hanging out more. You do have a chance.

      • ManaWren June 5, 2014, 5:08 pm

        Do I really stand a chance? I’ve told him twice that I still have feelings (nothing about getting back together) and he haven’t done anything. Should he not have taken a chance then? Or chase me a bit as well? I’ve become cold after bothe instances.

        Also our mutual friends talks alot about my ex to me and asks about my dating life. (Does it mean anything? He has also asked about two months ago)

        To complicate things further there is an incident about two months after our breakup. A mutual friend was hospitalized and my ex contacted me to drive him over to feed the dog. Our friend returned and later tried to comit suicide (we found him together). This can also possibly explain why my ex is generous and kind towards me.

        And six months have passed – over twice the length of our relationship.

        And what can I possibly say? I’ve spoken to him twice and there has been no results…

        • manawren June 5, 2014, 5:14 pm

          And how to I initiate contact after almost one month of silence?

          And at times he seemed really angry when I contacted him right after the breakup… but he is really friendly now (perhaps Im just a friend to him now?)

          • Kevin June 6, 2014, 2:30 pm

            Use the texts in this article.

          • ManaWren June 6, 2014, 7:21 pm

            I did and thought he replies friendly and asks questions back I feel that he gives me to little :/

        • Kevin June 6, 2014, 2:29 pm

          Hey,

          The way I see it, he is confused and doesn’t have any incentive to make a decision. Perhaps, if you start dating someone, or give him an ultimatum, it’ll give him the push he needs. However, it’s a risky move and might backfire. But yes, there’s a chance.

          • manawren June 6, 2014, 7:23 pm

            I’m pretty sure that he won’t take me back if I give him sn ultimatium. And thought he has been jealous and asked what I look for, if I’m seeing someone and such things I doubt that thats the way to do it.

          • Kevin June 8, 2014, 12:28 pm

            Hey,

            Other than those two options, you can just keep staying in touch with him, hoping he will want to get back together. But how long? How much more time are willing to put into this? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life, just hoping he’ll come back. What if he never does?

  • S June 7, 2014, 7:20 am

    What does it mean if he keeps texting me that he misses me

    • Kevin June 8, 2014, 12:38 pm

      It probably means that he misses you. 😛

  • astronaut18 June 27, 2014, 5:54 am

    hello Kevin,
    me n my ex are communicating thru texts in positive ways..and its not just a 1 text 1 reply thing despite me initiating contact..when i text him the topics bloomin flowers..so i can tell that he is not mad or has any negative feelings towards me..and even he is busy as he claims he still lets me know “im busy right now” thru texting…and in the timely manner of his reply..is always right after i text.so seems all gr8. ive asked once to meet up for coffee..he said OK, but he scheduled the date and made it Dinner instead of coffee..but on that day..he bailed and said he had a class to attend..so i sad its fine.. then..out of randomness and since weve been textin normally (coz i was NC to him and used to only text once a month) for the past month and i ddnt wanna create a GAP between our last textn session..so i asked him (3weeks after) if he was free again for coffee.. but i approached him in a “heyy we never got to meet up” way. . same thing again he agreed but was 50/50 and said he will confirm l8r on that day. unfortunately..still didnt go out. and then recently i found one of his possesions that have alot of meaning to him in my closet..and immed8ly sent him a photo of “wat i found” and he was shocked and..more like upset coz he kinda blamed me for “stealing” it..and he said he wants it back coz its got a sentimental meaning to him…
    thing is,..what do i do now?? ive asked to go out twice ..both unfortunately turned out canceled..and im scared i got him upset. im drownin in my thoughts..please help me. thanks..

  • astronaut18 July 3, 2014, 3:08 am

    hello Kevin,
    me n my ex are communicating thru texts in positive ways..and its not just a 1 text 1 reply thing despite me initiating contact..when i text him the topics bloomin flowers..so i can tell that he is not mad or has any negative feelings towards me..and even he is busy as he claims he still lets me know “im busy right now” thru texting…and in the timely manner of his reply..is always right after i text.so seems all gr8. ive asked once to meet up for coffee..he said OK, but he scheduled the date and made it Dinner instead of coffee..but on that day..he bailed and said he had a class to attend..so i sad its fine.. then..out of randomness and since weve been textin normally (coz i was NC to him and used to only text once a month) for the past months and i ddnt wanna create a GAP between our last textn session..so i asked him (3weeks after) if he was free again for
    coffee.. but i approached him in a “heyy we never got to meet up” way. . same thing again he agreed but was 50/50 and said he will confirm l8r on that day. unfortunately..still didnt go out. and then recently i found one of his possesions that have alot of meaning to him in my closet..and immed8ly sent him a photo of “wat i found” and he was shocked and..more like upset coz he kinda blamed me for “stealing” it..and he said he wants it back coz its got a sentimental meaning to him…
    So i called him and calling seemed to be less desperate than askin him out or showin uo unannounced..i called to say sorry coz i knew..by instinct he was mad..and right there he was..but we talked..and i knew i couldnt remove the anger or undo the madness i caused so i just said sorry..now i feel hopeless..things were goin ok..weve been exchangin messages and plannin
    To go out..and now its all ruined….what should i do?? Please give me some advice..xx
    p.s i commented previously on the dates u mentioned u will be away so this may seem a duplicate but no.

  • Jackie July 6, 2014, 8:40 am

    Hey Kevin, I am going through so much I dont know what to do. I broke up with my ex about 7 months ago because we did have arguments and we were together for 4 years. We were still hanging out during those 7 months and he has been asking me out again but I kept telling him I want us to be perfectly happy again so we can go back out without any breakups. We were hanging out alot and enjoying time together during that time. Then recently he has been hanging out with this girl from his work and I noticed he started hanging out with her more than me. I kept asking him if he liked her and he said no we are just friends. And all of a sudden I found out myself that they are official. I did do my begging I was extremely shocked and hurt because we made a commitment to each other that we would be together again but at the right time. I was attached to him for all these years and its just hard. They were together for a month now and ive been in serious pain. I tried to ignore him but if I did for one day he would keep saying that he does not want to have me out his life. But then hes clinging hard to this new girl. He did cheat on her with me a few times we went and hung out a few times as well. But now im just lost I really want a commited relationship. I want to be his one and only again. I have read your 5 step plan. I want to go for it. But do you think we have a chance again?

    • Kevin July 9, 2014, 9:13 am

      Yes, you do have a chance. You need to apply no contact and go on a few dates before getting back in touch with him.

  • astronaut18 July 10, 2014, 12:22 am

    hello Kevin,
    me n my ex are communicating thru texts in positive ways..and its not just a 1 text 1 reply thing despite me initiating contact..when i text him the topics bloomin flowers..so i can tell that he is not mad or has any negative feelings towards me..and even he is busy as he claims he still lets me know “im busy right now” thru texting…and in the timely manner of his reply..is always right after i text.so seems all gr8. ive asked once to meet up for coffee..he said OK, but he scheduled the date and made it Dinner instead of coffee..but on that day..he bailed and said he had a class to attend..so i sad its fine.. then..out of randomness and since weve been textin normally (coz i was NC to him and used to only text once a month) for the past months and i ddnt wanna create a GAP between our last textn session..so i asked him (3weeks after) if he was free again for
    coffee.. but i approached him in a “heyy we never got to meet up” way. . same thing again he agreed but was 50/50 and said he will confirm l8r on that day. unfortunately..still didnt go out. and then recently i found one of his possesions that have alot of meaning to him in my closet..and immed8ly sent him a photo of “wat i found” and he was shocked and..more like upset coz he kinda blamed me for “stealing” it..and he said he wants it back coz its got a sentimental meaning to him…
    So i called him and calling seemed to be less desperate than askin him out or showin uo unannounced..i called to say sorry coz i knew..by instinct he was mad..and right there he was..but we talked..and i knew i couldnt remove the anger or undo the madness i caused so i just said sorry..now i feel hopeless..things were goin ok..weve been exchangin messages and plannin
    To go out..and now its all ruined….what should i do?? Please give me some advice..xx

    • Kevin July 11, 2014, 7:06 am

      It’s not ruined. His anger will subside with time. Don’t worry about it. Just give him some time and do NC for a few weeks.

  • Chloe July 10, 2014, 4:05 pm

    Hi Kevin, please can you help? My ex and I have been in touch for about 2 months now, first it was a lot of texting – light chat, jokes, he mentioned the break up and relationship and I calmly responded to him, he talked about how he was making himself better, setting himself up for the future and family…he said he thought I didn’t love him and I said that wasn’t true. I said I still loved him, and after that text he called me a couple of times and we chatted on the phone, every day topics. Then last week we were chatting on text and I told him I was going out with my cousin and he joked about whether I was going out to meet new men. I was surprised and annoyed and he said why not? I ignored his text, and he apologised if he offended me. I explained in text (I’ll summarise) that I wondered if he really did see me as a friend as I didn’t have many male friends who I regularly text and talk on the phone, that I wasn’t one to play with another person’s feelings. I said I wanted a man who wanted the same things I wanted. He replied that he didn’t know what to say, that he still loves me and has always loved me. He said he feels a little confused. He would like to talk more and be happy that we both wanted this.
    Anyway, after that text he went quiet and more distant, I asked him if he was scared to talk to me and he said a little. I asked him why, and he said he wasn’t sure. Over several days, the conversation was a little strained. Then earlier this week I asked him if he was free for phone chat and he said yes. So we talked on the phone, and then I asked him if he wanted to go see a show as I had a spare ticket. He sounded nervous. It felt a bit awkward! He said he’ll let me know later on in the week. Since that phone call he’s been less chatty on text, but he still replies to me.
    Kevin, I feel like I’ve made the wrong move. Yet, I believe there needs to be a step where he and I should meet at some point. I think going to a show would be ideal…yet then a friend said it’s a love story so it would seem like a couple-type show to go to. I said I didn’t think of it like that. Should I have just waited for him to ask me out when he feels comfortable and ready? I’m a bit baffled…I feel like we’ve been talking for long enough, yet I know I shouldn’t push, and I don’t want to force him or anything.
    If he says no because of xyz…in what way and words should I say? What is the best way forward for me?
    Thanks.

    • Kevin July 11, 2014, 9:17 am

      Hey Chloe,

      If he says no, just tell him OK and back off for a while. Let him initiate contact after that for a while.

      • Chloe July 11, 2014, 5:41 pm

        Thanks Kevin! I’ll give that a go and hope it works. Your plan and advice have been a huge help for me over the last few months. Really appreciate all you’ve done here.
        Chloe

        • Chloe July 13, 2014, 2:49 pm

          Hi Kevin, just a quick question? What if he doesn’t respond/reply at all? Shall I just leave it as is and not say anything?
          Thanks, Chloe

  • Alex July 10, 2014, 7:17 pm

    Hi Kevin,
    My girlfriend broke up with me just over a week ago. We underwent a break of several days before hand, in which she told me it gave her the time to think about what she needed. We broke up and she said she wants to be friends, then see where things go from there. She has told me right now, there is more of a chance that she would date someone else as opposed to me, since we’ve been broken up for such a short period of time. I think my difficulty is that I have changed all the things about myself which was the reasoning behind her breaking up with me. I have been friendly and seen her once in two weeks. I confess, I did text her a lot a day or two after we broke up to today (~6 days). I just don’t know what to do. I want to get back together but at the same time, don’t want to put excessive effort into this if she’s going to date somebody. She said she has no intentions of dating someone between now and September, but she said after that anything’s possible. She’s not ruling out the possibility of us getting back together, but certainly won’t confirm it either. I’ve decided to stop talking to her for those 30 days to let myself heal and focus on what I need. Please offer any advice you can. Thank you.

    • Shah February 1, 2015, 9:06 am

      I am in the exact same situation. It would be great if Kevin respond to this!

  • Melanie July 10, 2014, 8:47 pm

    I ran into my ex today (we broke up only a few days ago) while I was running and he was walking in my direction. We were both surprised to see each other and I gave a small smile and kept running (I had my headphones in). He smiled and tipped his hat and kept walking. Should I have acted differently? Should I have talked? Does this break the 30 day no contact rule, since I know I am going to see him on Sunday but I am not planning on approaching him?

    • Kevin July 12, 2014, 6:55 am

      You didn’t break NC. You acted perfectly.

  • Gigi July 11, 2014, 9:22 am

    Hi Kevin, I’ve been following your program, this is my second relationship w/ex. We were together for 9 months. It was rocky, and he cheated in the beginning. I forgave him and he really tried to adjust his behavior. It was very romantic, and I became pregnant. He was pushing for marriage but I miscarried, two weeks later he asked “can I see other people but not lose you?” I left. Now I’m in need of help. My NC (5 weeks) time is over, my ex kept trying to contact me relentlessly for the first 2 weeks. Email on the 3rd. Week, later just fb “likes” and comments. I emailed him to say Hello, and to ask for an ultrasound photo of the baby I miscarried -I deleted it with all his mail and photos. He answered and sent it to me. He also asked about my wellbeing, said “I think about you a lot, with a smile”. I told him I want to hold a little memorial for the baby, and he wants to come. He then proceeded to send me several phitos of our happy times together, saying how he loves me, and how happy we looked. I told him the pics were beautiful but we should leave the past where it belongs. After that he has been very cold and taking hours to answer any emails. I called him and he picked up right away. I told him he can come as long as he can be kind and write something nice for the memorial. No idea if he is coming or not, but I will not call again. I wonder 1) Should he really be invited even though he abandoned me as soon as I miscarried? 2) How should I act in this first meeting? , it will be emotional for me. Thanks for your answer. The send off will be this Sunday afternoon. At the same park where we had our first and last date.

    • Kevin July 12, 2014, 7:23 am

      1. I think it was right for you to invite him considering it was his baby too.
      2. You have finished NC and you are probably in a much better place emotionally and mentally. So, I’ll recommend you act friendly to him. He will try to remind you of the times you were together. And perhaps try to woo you. Let him do it. Don’t put up your walls. But don’t get intimate with him unless he commits.

      • Gigi September 2, 2014, 10:04 am

        Hey Kevin- Oh I wish I had read this in time (I just found the thread). The memorial went well, he did try to woo me, but I put up my walls. He did display all the symptoms (touch, remembering good times, wanting to do things about “us” said he loved me, missed me) but days later, we sadly we got into a rehashing the relationship on chat. It was horrible. He maintained loving me, and working on himself. The rest of July and August have been distant. Mostly me making contact and him taking a long time to answer. If I don’t contact for a week he would contact me with a reminder of the good times. I saw him 2 weeks ago and he kept trying to hide any serious dating -he knows I found out about a colleague he started seeing 2 weeks after the breakup. Again he was teary eyed about us, showed me photos, twirled me on the street and hugged me for a long time -I kissed him and he reciprocated, but said he’s still figuring out himself. Then last week, I stopped by his place to pick up a pkg while he was traveling (he knew). There was clear and sad evidence of another woman (our decorations gone, another’s intimate stuff, etc). He voice messaged me on whatsapp days later to cheerfully let me know he’s seeing someone “consistently”, and “I want us to be close, but it might be hard”, he called me by my pet name and added he’s noticed last week “you’re moving on as well” -I was at an event with an old ex, who was tagged on fb. I didn’t respond. He then sent 5 more messages during that week letting me know how his relationship is with a new woman (2nd. in 2.5 months) and he is not sure it will work out, how “I think about us a lot, and I’m grateful and proud of us”, etc. Finally, he called and I calmly and happily wished him much love and understanding. How though I’m dating , I’m taking my time and not rushing things with my old ex, for he is a wonderful man I respect. He tried to address the apartment findings and I just said “it was a good thing for me as it helps me feel more comfortable moving on physically”. I cut the conversation short, as I was getting ready for a trip. he messaged me two days later letting me know he is working on bettering himself on flirting issues, apologizing for them in our past. 1) I wonder if NC/LC is best here? 2) If this is yet another rebound, or if he’s stringing me along. I’m starting to feel detached. Please give me your advice, what is playing at?

      • Gigi September 3, 2014, 10:10 am

        Oh! and I forgot to thank you and other pals on the boards. In times like these is a great help to get objectivity without criticism. I find there’s help and empathy. Thanks!

        • Kevin September 3, 2014, 11:25 am

          Hey Gigi,

          1)I think limited contact is best. Especially if you have started dating as well and are hoping to move on.

          2) He might be stringing you along. Unfortunately, no one can say for sure. A good way is to give yourself a time limit. If you still want to be with him, set a time limit for yourself (3-4 months). If he doesn’t make a commitment till that time, cut all contact with him and move on.

          • Gigi September 3, 2014, 1:27 pm

            Thanks Kevin. I understand, and is painful for me. I’ve gone on dates, but I’m nowhere near moving on. I have strong feelings for him, and of course I would like to get him back, but not by turning into a doormat. I only wished him the best to regain some lost higher value in the midst of his messages, “showing him that I’m ok with the breakup”. Yet I’m upset this is his second rebound relationship in such a short time.

            1) I’ll do the LC by only responding when he contacts me, I will not contact him (right?).

            2) I’ll continue taking care of myself and I won’t friend him on FB yet (yes, he “knew” I was moving on because he visits my wall and still likes anything public).

            3) I’ll give myself a limit of 3 months. -Please let me know if this flies.

            Thanks so much for the help (it is huge!)

          • Kevin September 4, 2014, 9:42 am

            Sounds good Gigi. All the best.

  • Margaret Mabona July 11, 2014, 11:24 pm

    I don’t know how to give him a no contact rule because I run a business opposite his house

    • Kevin July 13, 2014, 10:59 am

      You will see him. It’ll be hard. You can limit contact with him only to greetings. And if he tries to talk more, just tell him you need some space and time to deal with the breakup.

  • lena July 13, 2014, 6:53 pm

    He contacted me after 3 months, and he was joking around how if he won a car race with me I’d have to move in with him forever.. But I don’t feel he’s interested in me.. He is very cold

  • Chishi July 13, 2014, 11:40 pm

    Hi kevin,
    My ex and i had been in almost three years relationship, yet on the bridge of my graduating period three months ago, he just broke up with me because of having no time with him because of my requirements in school. And on that time he had been entertaining another girl that he call as friend, of course as a girlfriend, ill be jealous. and because of that jelousness he broke up with me. For the last three months, ive doing things to win him yet its not working. So i decide last week to give him the 30 day no contact rule. Do you think i’ll still have the chance for him?

    • Kevin July 14, 2014, 8:14 am

      Yes you do.

  • Daniel July 14, 2014, 12:56 am

    Hi Kevin,

    I’ll try to make this as short as i can, but i feel that there are details i should point out in order to make sense of it all, because its a little complicated. I’ve been dating this girl for 2 months. During this period i have had some of my best time in a while. I know she did too. She’s 22, i’m 27. She’s married, but claims that there is nothing left there for her. She says she got married too young (20) and feels like she and her husband grew apart. He still loves her, and therefore she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings by leaving him and disappoint both his, and her parents (since they know each other), and i believe her. We’ve been talking over text msgs and via phone calls every single day since we met. It was fun, and each conversation felt fresh as if it was the first. There was a lot of honesty from her side, and mine too. It really was something special. Yesterday she sent me a break-up text. I wasn’t really surprised due to a couple times during the 2 months that she felt a little confused, and we talked about it openly and it seemed as if she got over her confusion. I know that she feels really bad about this as i think she’s denying life and its surprises (i didn’t told her this, of course). She keeps saying ” i think too much, i know.” The text was really long explaining that “this is really really hard but i just don’t feel right continuing what we have with where i am in life right now” and “it sucks because i like you a lot” and she feels she cant give herself fully to this and so on. I didn’t really know what to say, obviously i felt anger and that she’s being a coward. I did not reply until a few hours ago upon reading some of your articles. My reply was short and said something like “Its ok don’t worry about it, its no big deal, and i appreciate your honesty. Good luck ;)” 15 minutes later she replies “I know it came out of nowhere, i just started thinking about everything” (hence thinking too much) and “it sucks, because its not what i want, but i feel like its what i have to do. Idk.” That “idk” in the end really confuses me. I didn’t reply yet. I don’t know whether to move on or not since i know we both have something really special here that i don’t wanna miss out because of ego or whatever. Kevin, i’m not even sure what my question is… just really confused and hope you could shed some light for me. Sorry for the ramble 🙂

    • Kevin July 14, 2014, 8:42 am

      Hey,

      My advice will be to move on. Even if she does decide to continue relationship with you, you are still looking at a lot of drama to finally have her as your official girlfriend. I don’t really see a long and healthy relationship with her. Even though you might feel a special connection, you must understand that she is cheating on her husband and that means she is not faithful. Whatever her reasons might be for cheating, it’s still cheating. She is not honest to her husband. How can you expect her to be honest to you IF she ever becomes your official girlfriend.

      2 months is a short time. Walk away before you invest more time on her.

      • Daniel July 15, 2014, 12:42 pm

        Thanks Kevin, you’re reply was hard to read because you’re prob right. I think ill take your advice and move on… thanks again.

  • Yayo July 14, 2014, 7:36 am

    Ok so I got my ex back but she’s managed to make me regret this. Her personality just sucks now and I’m just now realizing it. Granted I did 7 day no contact and sped up everything else I was happier by myself not having to deal with her mental disorder which I’m assuming she has now. For example she brought food in and I brought everything back to move back in… She decides like 6 hours later to ask me if I put the food away…. I didn’t flip out but proceeded in my mind to call her all kinds of dumb asses and more. I feel I wasted my time coming back to a female who doesn’t appreciate anything. I did the whole new clothes thing 7 day no contact and got rid of the stress started hanging out then talked to her and a week later thought I’d go back to being happy…. Screw this I need a real woman

  • vivek July 14, 2014, 10:14 am

    my gf brokeup with me 2 months ago.
    i really love her nd want her..she told me that we cannot marry in our future cuz her parents will never agree.so she brokeup..
    i begged her many times..i kw i should have not done this
    whenever i try to make her understand she just dont want to talk about this matter what to do please suggest..

    • Kevin July 17, 2014, 9:48 am

      If you really don’t have a future with her, you should move on. She is not willing to go against her parents for you. And you really can’t do anything to change that.

  • Joyce July 15, 2014, 3:16 am

    Kevin

    My ex doesn’t want to have communication after break-up. He told me to never text and call him again. Should I still hope that he’ll come back to me?

    • Kevin July 17, 2014, 11:20 am

      You can try doing NC for 2 months and contacting him again. Read the 5 step plan.

  • James July 15, 2014, 10:15 am

    Hi Kevin,

    My case is rather difficult. I’ve lived with my girlfriend for the past 10 years and recently (about 11 weeks ago) she told me she ia pregant, and with twins.

    But I met someone about 9 months ago and although I didn’t tell her about my relationship during the first six months, I had to tell her.

    Since then, she was patient but always asked me when I would take the decision to leave my long term relationship. I gave her explanations that we had an investment together and that was the main reason why she had to be patient, to figure out a way not to lose what I had.

    further, I always thought that the other woman would not stand for me and that she will eventually fall out of me.

    When she said to me 5 weeks ago that she wanted to be friends, that’s when it hit me. I was in love of the other woman!

    the last time I saw her was 2 weeeks ago when I came unannounced to her flat and she dis not see me with the same eyes she used to. She said she was feeling agitated and asked me to leave. Later she send me a text and said that I should mive on without her and that she was not the woman who would make me happy. I had the desire of being with her and leave my long term relationship. But I can’t because she is pregnant.

    it’s being now 8 days since the last time I saw the other woman but I feel she is the one. I treated her badly I know and I lied to her. But how can someone be sure if what he has until you loose it? I love my long term girlfriend but not in the same way I love the other woman. There is a slightly chance we might meet up this weekend at a party but don’t know what to expect or what to say if she comes up and talk to me. Or should i make the move and talk to her? help

  • Aaron Truss July 15, 2014, 11:17 am

    Hi Kevin,

    My ex and I were together for 7 years from school sweethearts to moving in together last year. We didn’t really have our personal space anymore and I became lazy and started eating unhealthy as well as not listening to what she would say let alone remember. We split up a few weeks ago as she didn’t want the stress and felt trapped as she had things she wants to do that she feels I can’t be a part of. Due to financial reasons we’ve agreed to live together in different rooms sharing kitchen etc.

    After stupid arguments, drunken mishaps and being in a self pitying hole for a couple weeks I’m feeling a lot better, Ive changed my diet, I’m exercising, I’m going out more with friends etc but most importantly giving her space as she also suffers from depression which can be difficult to understand her at times. Aside from being gf and bf for years we’re also the best of friends. This past week we’ve rarely spoken (we also work for the same company) as we both need our head space and most importantly I need to keep up my regular new habits of feeling and looking better.

    I do want her back, that’s the heart talking. But the brain says I want her to be happy more. I live with her and work with her, how can I make this work one day?

    Obviously I’m fresh from the break up and she was the one who ended it, but how do I communicate in a way that doesn’t make me look like a dick but also in a way that doesn’t smother her.

    Please help.

    A

  • Vaness July 15, 2014, 7:03 pm

    Dear Kevin,

    I am going through such a hard time because I have no clue what does my ex thinks of me right now, therefore I am writing to you to have another point of view.

    Here is my situation: I have been in a relationship my ex 3 years ago for 2 years, it was my first love, we spoke about marriage, kids, and everything. When I started college, I had to break up with him because of the distance.

    1 and a half year ago he told me that he is also going to start the same college as I, then we started to see each other, he told me he still loves me, that he couldnt get over me but he needs more time, for about 6 months it was like that.
    I had enough of this “I love you but I can’t” situation, I started to date someone else.
    He got out of his mind, complained, and then he also started to date someone else (but secretly) no photos, no showing in public, nothing, he just keeps looking at me (he doesnt talk to me) and thats it.

    I miss him terribly; Kelvin please from deep inside of my heart I need your help, can you please give me your opinion on this matter because it’s slowly driving me insane. Thank you very much !

    V.

  • A July 16, 2014, 9:15 am

    Hi Kevin,
    I’m a gay, 18, when I was in school, I used to like a boy, he was my classmate and was very caring, and warm. I used to like him, but never felt comfortable when I was in front of him and used to notice the same from his side. One day, it was school’s annual function, I stepped in, and the first person I met was him, and most of the time, he was only with me!! I was amazed at it, you know he even came back from the girl he liked. Idk, maybe I felt somehow that he liked me, so I texted him that night “I like you”. And didn’t get any reply! Next working day, I reached the classroom, and sat blushing. After sometime I saw him with his best friend entering the class, he stood near the blackboard and his bestfriend came to me and asked me if I actually texted him or not, I was shocked at it and found him saying “hey, I was joking” but that was late, I knew that time he didn’t like me at all. I broke all connections with him and actually avoided him for about a month. Then one day after an exam, I was waiting outside the room for one of my friend and suddenly I saw him along with his friend coming to me, we small talked about the exam, but I was feeling ashamed talking to him, so we talked really less! Then after the exams stuff, I logged in my facebook account and the first msg I got was him, saying “hi” and right from that day we used to talk everyday, there was hardly any day we didn’t talk, I felt comfortable talking to him on fb, then we started meeting for his b’day or other occassions. Still the question “does he like me?” Wander in my mind, making me uncomfortable and mad!! Then he activated whatsapp in his phone, we used to talk whole night, and day, but then insecurities prevailed. He said he liked a girl, but that girl never liked him, they were just friends always, he said he likes her a lot and at this thing I used to motivate him. But certainly maybe I got insecure and thought he needs gap, so had little silent fights, not replying, jealousy, sometimes I used to block him, etc. Then one day we stopped talking and everything was going good, it took so much time for me to move on, since talking to him was an addiction and stopping it took a lot of time but I actually moved on…….. Though I still checked his status and dp on whatsapp, (I deactivated my fb account). Then yeaterday he texted me “nice dp” and I was so shocked at it, watching his message so I said “thank you, yours too” then he asked about my story which I have been working on, and showed interest in reading it……. Idk, I’m so much confused even now, I’m stuck at this question “what does he want!!!” Please help me, its so complicated!! I’m a gay and that’s why I keep on questioning myself at it coz I don’t know about his orientation! Please please plsssssssssssssssss help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Waiting for your reply!

  • Chloe July 16, 2014, 2:05 pm

    Hi Kevin,
    I submitted a comment last week on this page. I have since found out from a friend that my ex is on an online dating site, and I have seen it with my own eyes. He’s even used the photos that I took of him when we went on holiday together.
    I am really shaken up about it. I want to understand why he says he still loves me and still goes out and meet other women. I know from a rational point of view that he and I are not together and are allowed to see other people. But I’m finding it hard to accept.
    Shall I say something to him? Tell him that I know?
    I don’t know how to feel or think right now. I would really appreciate your help.
    Thanks, Chloe

  • Joe July 16, 2014, 5:37 pm

    How do you know if she wants you back or even thinks or feels anything for you again.

    If your in no contact then how do you know she wants anything to do with you. I don’t see her or talk to her so how do I know she is doing any of theses behaviors. Is She was with someone she wouldn’t tell me and I wouldn’t know.

  • Mike July 17, 2014, 1:28 am

    Hey Kevin
    Me and my ex girlfriend dated for 6 months and broke up 3 months ago and I did no contact for about 35 days until she texted me because she saw my mother at the eye doctor and since then we have texted two more times. We broke up because I was a jerk and messed with her and she would laugh and she would mess with me by doing stuff like poking each other’s sides and just stupid stuff to make her mad and now I miss her so much. But when she contacted me after no contact it was like she was different and was actually trying to keep the conversation going and that was surprising so I’m hopefully optimistic so I just wanted some advice on where to go from here should I try and keep texting her or wait for her to text me? Thank you so much!

  • MaryAnne July 21, 2014, 6:05 pm

    My ex is continuing to confuse me , I have cut contact to a minimal but delivering kids every weekend is a challenge ,when he sees me he hugs me long and tight kisses me on the lips but also acts like he doesn’t want to touch me , if I look at him he gets super uncomfortable like he can’t look in my eyes, he contantly compliments the way I look but will say in one breath something like , my girlfriend makes me so happy we haven’t had one single fight you are my beautiful ex wife .
    I have an arrangement to meet him for dinner this weekend as a conference puts me in his city , I think he actually suggested it , but I asked if he could meet me both nights and was told no I have a date with my gf I am not changing that what would I tell her ? I actually am not sure how much he sees her its been less than 3 months really not surprised if they didn’t fight I’m sure she is busting herself to be perfect because he is so out of her league in looks and is a lovely guy . Yesterday he sent me a text asking if he should take a job offer, he asked me to call in my lunch break to discuss, I did he basically wanted me to decide for him its a good career move he’s not happy n his company I said go for it and he called his agent while I was still on phone and said yes, this job takes him a bit further away from me but it also takes him away from his gf, I wonder about why he relied on me for this decision, of course I’m wondering if its a positive sign, then he will admit if I text him he reads but doesn’t reply. Can I say roller coaster ? This dinner on Saturday will be interesting I’m guessing he will spend whole time squirming with discomfort in my presence and telling me how happy he is, how should I handle it? I can’t tell what he’s thinking at all ! Mx

  • Ms Marple July 25, 2014, 10:33 pm

    Hello. Can’t believe that I have ended up posting on here but here goes anyway. I am a 49 yr old single parent and after many years of independence I met someone a year and a half ago. Even tho we are very different we absolutely fell for each other, he asked me to marry him and I said yes but we decided to leave it for a year to be on the safe side. He moved in by default and everything seemed fine. Christmas was hard, he became very distant but couldn’t explain what was wrong. He had 2 quite serious family problems at he time and, as he is a man not really given to analysis, couldn’t seem to talk about it. I feel as if I may have underestimated the effect on him.I felt insecure and we argued and decided we had been too hasty in moving in together so he moved out. Since then he has been progressively, ever so subtly withdrawing and I have been forced into the role of the chaser. I have tried to talk about this, we have had breaks to sort things out….his idea, not mine I don’t really think that works. Eventually he became so distant I asked him if he was seeing someone else. He said he was in a bad place and couldn’t see anybody…..sadly that appeared to include me! There followed a period of very mixed messages, he said he didn’t have anything to give but still loved me and wanted to be with me, just not now. I tried unsuccessfully to give him space… said I would wait til he felt better but asked him to stay in touch. He didn’t. I e mailed him but not to a crazy extent, articles about depression…( it seemed like that was what he had.)nice hello there and then one e-mail about how sad it was that we weren’t talking and how damaging it was.. No response.Then about 2 weeks ago I suddenly couldn’t handle it, crazy trying to get in touch with him..no response. Casting dignity to the wind I asked a family member what was going on. He said he had heard my ex saying he didn’t think he could make it work with me but didn’t want to hurt me. He is a kind man but a bit of a coward so this seemed all too believeable and I tipped over into grief. I also spoke to his brother who said he is not talking to anyone and very withdrawn. I stopped all contact because I knew I had to break it off in my head, albeit reluctantly and with no sense of closure, which has been very hard. I have been instinctively doing NC, seeing my friends and working really hard, about to head off camping with my sons and have cut my very long hair very short, as I had been wanting to do for years. I am still very upset and hurt, tho I am doing my best. I am scared he has been lying and has perhaps met someone else….although I don’t FEEL this to be true I could easily be wrong. This feels like such a shock to me, even though things had been declining, because he felt so in love with me and visa versa. He changed from such a passionate, open, loving man to someone distant, with no feelings. And then I chanced upon your site. I don’t know whether I’ll have the courage to follow this….. I am English and quite reserved in my way and this seems quite American ( foreign to me ) in style. ALso It feels like prolonging the vulnerability and therefore the possibility of hurt. However..the concentrating on oneself and making positive steps makes sense, win if he comes back, win if he doesn’t. I understand that I must get to a place of calm, an end to this swinging from one mood to another, but the longer he doesn’t speak to me the worse it feels, as if he never really cared for me and is happy to get away. I don’t want to tip over into hating him, always the easy way to end things but a heavy burden to carry. I am going to carry on the NC but I am really scared he’ll never respond. It’s been 2 weeks now , tho I have phoned his brother a couple of times, but I have been sad but dignified. What do you think???… I think, maybe start the NC month from now,August, spend the summer by myself with the kids…in some ways its’ a bit of a relief ..if I could get over the awful fear in the night and the occasional overwhelming desire to jump in the car and really find out what he’s up to…always been too fond of a detective novel! I am really hoping you can give me some support, too old for this kind of nonsense but so sad. It seems like such a waste because i felt we had the makings of a good relationship. All advice gratefully received. Ta

  • maryanne July 31, 2014, 8:22 am

    Hi Kevin my ex texts me everyday I try to go for days without talking but he draws me into conversations that are like pieces a puzzle that I can’t decipher, I can’t tell if they are negative or positive I get hi sexy I get compliments on my looks I get “we are complicated ” and I get daily have you looked for a new job did u get a loan ? He wants me to pack up and follow him back to Sydney where we spent 12 years now given I want him back this should be great but I don’t know if his girlfriend is going too he doesn’t want to live as a family , is it a test? Or do I no sure when you get rid of your girlfriend. There are children involved its a big deal.
    Thanks Maryanne

  • Terrance September 22, 2014, 8:24 am

    Kevin I need some advice. My ex girlfriend and I dated for two years. We talked about our future together, met each others family just hung out almost everyday. She broke up with me because of my insecurity. It’s been 6 months since we’ve been separated. So I admit i begged her for the first 5 months (big mistakes). She has told me that she is not ready for a relationship because that she is always busy with school. All the begging I did annoyed her so I backed off. I don’t even contact her anymore (working on myself) we keep in contact via she always initiate contact. So a few nights ago she called me and asked how I feel about us being separated after that we talked for hours about just general stuff. I made a mistake of asking her about getting back together (since in my head i felt like i had made my changes of being more confident and less needy). She told me she doesn’t want to be with me because she just doesn’t feel the same due to all the fights we had that it drained her. I got upset about it and it showed which wasn’t good on my part. However, she says I’m a good guy and that she loves me but isn’t in love with me. So i wondering is there still a chance and if so what do I need to do? Our birthdays are in two weeks her birthday is literally a day after mine. She wants to spend our birthdays together like we always have been doing so what do i do? Thanks in advance your emails have been doing wonders for me keep up the good work.

    • Kevin September 22, 2014, 10:31 am

      Do NC for two weeks. If you think you are ready (confident, not needy, accepted the breakup etc.), spend the birthdays with her. If not, tell her you need space and time continue no contact until you are ready.

  • charlie October 1, 2014, 7:04 am

    Hi,

    It is sad to understand that even after sticking to rules, after fighting with your self everything can end.
    At first as everybody I talked nonsense “I will do anything for you…”, then I sticked to NC rule (after 25 days she texted me to see how I am doing. So it was a first hope and believing in NC rule). We met and did go shopping (again I sticked to the rules – no talking about relationships, being funny etc.). Again everything seemed to workout. Couple of days ago she asked me to bring some medicine (that I took when we separated, after 8 years), but it was just saying “whenever we meet accidentally, remember it’s mine”. And I wrote back the same moment that I can bring her drugs today. Then it all happened – she told me that I shouldn’t have any hopes over our relationship, it’s over and she wishes me the best and that being separated is better for both of us and we will find our true love. So it is sad, not always rules work. But during NC rule I felt really great, although everything I did was for her, but it was new stuff etc.

    • Kevin October 1, 2014, 10:21 am

      Hey Charlie,

      I am sorry about that. At least you tried. At this point, at least you know you gave it your best and you fought for her. But perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be. And there is definitely someone better for you out there. All the best.

    • Briana October 23, 2016, 1:39 am

      Dude are you kidding me really bringing the woman drugs you now you could have went to jail for that anyway if she doesn’t like you for you and she is just using you then that means she is only using you for drugs and she doesn’t know what she is doing with her life and she doesn’t know what she is doing with you because she is the only woman that you could have went to jail because of her.

  • Shahbaz Bhatti October 10, 2014, 10:14 am

    Kevin…
    I am facing an out of the world relationship problem
    We had a relation for 7 months….. I really really loved her from the core of my heart and she knows it even she accepted my marriage proposal but suddenly things have changed. From her point of view, she said that she is internally ill and if she died i would miss her so she act completely opposite. she has limited her texts, giving lame excuses when asked her to call her…. she said she have to be away from me…. She said she is tired of to be alive. she said she is no longer that lively girl she can not smile and she can not love someone…. Please leave me….
    I had to go to no contact period. I convinced her sometimes but after 1 or 2 days she act the same……….
    I don’t know what I have to do to realize her that this life is not being tired of. She said she is still love me but we can no longer to stay with each other
    I have to get her back. I want her.
    I don’t know Kevin what to do………. Plz help

    • Kevin October 10, 2014, 12:24 pm

      Hey Shahbaz,

      I am sorry to break this to you but if she is going through depression, then there’s nothing you can do right now. I think the best thing you can do is to help her get professional help. Depression is a serious issue and in most cases it goes untreated and ignored. If she really feels the way she is explaining, then she is most likely going through clinical depression and you should get her help. If possible, tell her parents or friends about it and tell them to try to get her professional help. If she recovers from her depression in time, you can ask her to get back together with you. But until then, you really can’t do anything.

      • Shahbaz Bhatti October 11, 2014, 5:54 am

        Hey Kevin,
        It is a long distance relationship. I know her from school days than I shifted to some other town. After that she contacted me and accepted my proposal. I have met her after that only 2 times. We had a good time in this meetings. I have told her that everything’s going to be fine. We will consult a professional about that but she has clearly told me that I don’t want you ( I didn’t know that if she said that due to depression or she rally meant this) But it deeply hurts me. You are right she has depression issues and inthis 7 month relationship. Sometimes she got depressed and texted me then we had long chat and after that she is not that depressed then. But this time its been 2 months and she repeatedly talking about break up. I can’t communicate with her parents. She is not taking my advice seriously. What Am I supposed to do????

        • Kevin October 13, 2014, 10:39 am

          If this is the case, you should leave her alone for a while. Tell her that if she feels she is really depressed, she should get professional help and then you should stop contacting her. Don’t contact her for at least 2 months. If after that, you still want her, give her a call and if she doesn’t respond positively, you should forget about her and move on.

          • Shahbaz Bhatti October 13, 2014, 12:52 pm

            Before her depression, she told me that I love you and I wanted you badly. But during this time of depression, she told me I don’t want you. I want to live my life alone. She is not that strong to lead her life alone :(. The point is wouldn’t that be a selfish step that she has depression issues for only that basis I leave her and move on. I mean I care for her so much and I wanted to help her……

          • Kevin October 14, 2014, 9:40 am

            Hey Shahbaz,

            The thing is, there is really nothing you can do to help her if she has depression. You are not a medical professional and you have no idea how to help someone with depression. You will just frustrate yourself trying to help her and you will not get any result except wasting your time. That’s why I said you should inform her parents or her friends to get her professional help.

          • Shahbaz Bhatti October 14, 2014, 10:09 am

            Kevin.
            Its completely difficult of stopping myself not contacting her. but you’re right I should give her some space. I wish before I started my NC, she reply to my text and I will tell her that I still care for her but you should get professional help……
            I want to tell you that me and my girlfriend both are 20 years old. 1 month ago I read your articles and I limit my texts b/c she repeatedly asking me to leave then she texts me something like to get my attention (like you said in your article sneaky signs that your girlfriend still wants you) like asking me how are you? after I told her coldly that I am fine she is completely blank. Sometimes she send her pics to me, sometimes after 7 days of not talking to her she text me like begging that I want you. But now she is much colder right now. Before 1 month she is talking about breaking up but she still told me that I love you and I don’t know why I am doing this. But Now she said to me coldly that I have made my decision to lead my life lonely. When I asked her if you love me? then she said coldly no. 🙁 Her depression is now becoming out of control……. After you told me that this is due to depression. I realized how badly I treated her I never take her depression seriously……….

          • Shahbaz Bhatti October 14, 2014, 10:11 am

            Kevin You’re right I am completely frustrated right now. She is not replying to my texts………. I don’t know right now what to do. If this is happenning continuously I am afraid It causes nervous break down to me…… 🙁

          • Shahbaz Bhatti October 14, 2014, 10:15 am

            Now
            As you say. I am starting no contact period for 2 months. I really don’t know what I really got after that. I hope everything will be fine after that.
            During Nc if she initiated contact to me. What should I do then???

          • Kevin October 17, 2014, 3:08 am

            Don’t reply. If she texts more than 4 times, tell her you need some time and space to deal with the breakup.

          • Shahbaz Bhatti October 18, 2014, 12:34 pm

            I just want to tell you, Kevin that me and my ex had a great time in past months before the breakup. I still want her because I deeply love her. I am following your emails and your advice and it greatly motivated me. But I want to ask you that Is there Any Chances Of getting her back ??? And if yes then how much??

  • Shahbaz Bhatti October 11, 2014, 5:55 am

    Should I leave her???? I don’t want this but she wants this 🙁

    • Scarlett Rivers September 11, 2015, 8:06 am

      Have you ever heard the saying ” if you love something you have to let it go”. Well, thats exactly what u have to do. You are gonna have to let her free. She will appreciate it. And it would also show her how caring and selfless you are.

  • Shahbaz Bhatti October 13, 2014, 9:33 am

    Hey Kevin,
    Today, I texted her she is still as cold as before. She doesn’t want to talk about getting back together (i think due to depression). As you told me that I should help her but she didn’t want to help herself if I am asking her. Wouldn’t it be begging by texting her agin and again if she is not replying? So how do I supposed to help her??? Please give me your suggestion fast 🙁

    • Kevin October 13, 2014, 10:50 am

      I replied here.

    • Briana October 23, 2016, 1:32 am

      It is simple if she doesn’t want to help herself and she doesn’t want your help than she is probably trying to tell you to move ok and if she is I’m single.

  • Leilani October 24, 2014, 7:37 am

    We always get back on track and then i ask too many questions or try to be too lovey dovey, going solely off of his vibe. I do agree I probably text or message too much but i don’t want to lose him because of it. He told me yesterday to not text him because im aggravating and can’t tell. but the day before he was telling me how much he loved me and my attitude. i responded by telling him there are other guys who want to have sex with me but i dont want it with them and he doesn’t get how much i like it with him and that the day before thats what i meant by he just needs to tell me what he doesnt like about me or things i do and then me too but he has yet to say anything.
    what should i do? go quiet for a few days or weeks? then reach out again?
    i think i only act that way because of how much i like him.

    • Briana October 23, 2016, 1:30 am

      Depending on your age is what he thinks and if he say that you text him to much then that probably means that you shouldn’t text him for a couple of days then if he wants to talk try to work things out. Tell me if this works!

  • Aly November 21, 2014, 6:46 pm

    My ex and I broke up a year ago. We’ve been together for almost 2 years. Until now, I dont know the reason why he left me. Yeah, he left me without saying anything. I tried everything I know. I begged too. But In the end, I failed. I admit, there’s a part of my heart wants to get him back. I got weird dreams too like he hugged me, kissed me and he said he never want to let go of me. And now his treating me like a stranger. I stopped talking to him 8 months ago. No communications. Until one day, one of his friends, (which is also my friend) told me that he’s asking him if im alright, he sharing/telling our memories too and how he felt being with me. He kept our pictures together and he did not delete our past conversations. But my family and him are having a communication too. But when Im around he acts awkwardly. He cant even stare at me for a second and he’s walking away if im near at him. What should I do? Should I still need to do this? Hoping for your response. Thankyou 🙂

    • Kevin November 22, 2014, 5:29 am

      Hey Aly,

      If you still want him, reach out to him. You don’t have anything to lose.

    • Briana October 23, 2016, 1:26 am

      Aly listen if you still love him just be yourself whenever he’s near ok you’ve got nothing to lose it’s worked for me every time except for this time but anyways just be yourself.

  • Silly November 24, 2014, 3:05 am

    Kevin is it possible to email you in private? I do not want to really post my story/question on here.

    • Kevin November 24, 2014, 8:48 am

      Hey Silly,

      I no longer answer emails regarding relationship questions (since I get a lot of emails). It’ll be a better idea to post in the forums.

  • OandG January 3, 2015, 2:53 am

    U check and do all this to help ppl feel better??? That’s really admirable.

  • Carolina February 6, 2015, 7:41 pm

    Hi Kevin,
    I’ve read everything you have on here, and i LOVE the way you think about ex’s and i just agree with everything, but i can’t seem to find something more specific about my situation and i just really need help, i feel hopeless.

    My ex and i were together for two years. Long story short, before he met me there was this girl he really liked, like, really REALLY liked, but she never paid any attention to him, even after we were starting our relationship, he still had a thing for her, it passed with in two months or so. Anyway, in November, this girl showed up again and decided that she did like him now and kissed him and now he says he all confused and i broke up him, because he said he wasn’t able to. He says that he wants to be with me, that he still sees a future with me, and that he knows that he’ll eventually come back to me, but that his head keeps telling him to “try things out with her” and i honestly don’t know what to do. I keep telling him “all i need is for you to tell to stay away and i’ll do so” but he says that he doesn’t want to me stay away. It’s like he wants both of us, but he’s so in to talking to her everytime now, that he takes forever to reply my texts or something. It hurts, it hurts alot, as much as i’d want to stay away, i can’t. I can’t shake this awful feeling of sharing the person i love with someone else. I love him so, so much and i just can’t seem to do something about it, i don’t want him to start hating me or i don’t want to seem clingy.

    Help me, please.

    • Kevin February 7, 2015, 3:27 am

      Hey Carolina,

      The thing is, he wants to keep you as a backup. And you are letting him. He will not tell you to stay away because he doesn’t want you to move on. You have to decide for yourself. Are you ready to be his backup? His second choice? If not, then you should cut contact with him and do no contact for a couple of months. If after that, you still want him, you should contact him.

  • Shelly July 4, 2016, 11:20 am

    Hi

    My ex and I had been together for a year and a half, ever since I moved in 7 months ago sex when out the window and any intimacy. I blamed it on the steroid abuse issue.
    But we carried on as we were so close and didn’t want to loose what we had.
    I moved out two weeks ago so we could take it back to dating as he realized he didn’t fancy me anyone and this was our attempt to save our relationship and try and get his feelings back but two days later he called me and I realised he was happier being apart.

    We had a very teary upsetting break up as he didn’t want to let me go because of how close we were, I haven’t spoken to him for two weeks and I miss my best friend/lover.

    I love him very much and want him back but I just don’t know, I guess I’m hoping that if he has time to miss me he will realise he is in love with my rather than just loves me.

    Do you think I stand a chance?

    • Kevin July 5, 2016, 3:51 am

      Hi Shelly,

      I am sorry about your breakup. I can’t really say whether or not you have a chance, but I think it’s definitely worth giving a shot since you and him were both so much attached to each other. I suggest you follow the 5 step plan and give it one last shot before moving on.

  • John July 17, 2016, 1:57 pm

    Hi kevin,
    I posted long comment and couldn’t even find it..if you can help please do.

    Thnks

    • Kevin July 18, 2016, 4:23 am

      Hey John,

      Comments on this page are heavily moderated and only few of them get approved. Please post your questions on the message boards..

  • GBM September 26, 2016, 9:45 pm

    Hi Kevin –

    I’ve just initiated contact after NC for a month… he reacted neutral (?) with “congratulations… that’s good … I’m so proud of you” after I briefly mentioned accomplishing a major goal just recently. He did respond almost immediately though after I sent initial text. I then sent 2nd text thanking him and then said that I was busy and had to go… talk soon. How long do I wait before sending follow-up text?

    GBM

    • Kevin September 27, 2016, 1:26 am

      I think you should send another after a couple of days.

      • GBM September 28, 2016, 7:27 pm

        Hi Kevin –

        Well I sent a follow-up text today using a “good memory” text but unlike the initial contact, he didn’t respond to me at all this time. What should I do?

        • GBM October 2, 2016, 6:33 am

          Hi Kevin –

          I’m really confused as to what to do since my ex responded immediately to my initial contact but has not responded at all to my follow-up text. We had been in a relationship for 4 years prior to breakup. However, I’ve heard through the grapevine that he was actively looking for someone new. So I have a feeling that maybe me contacting him is messing up his plans of trying to move on? Is he truly done with me? Is he just being hot and cold? Please help.

  • GBM October 3, 2016, 7:15 am

    Hi Kevin –

    I’m really lost and haven’t heard back from you regarding what I should do. I don’t want to make the wrong move. Thanks.

    GBM

    • Briana October 23, 2016, 1:23 am

      Hello it’s me Briana you should just be yourself and if that don’t work than try to work things out between the two of you trust me I’ve been through what your going through plenty of times to now by now if he or she don’t like you for you and doesn’t care about how fragile and sensitive your feelings are he’s not the one for you.

  • Briana October 23, 2016, 1:17 am

    Hey Kevin I’m really sad and I need your help please my boyfriend and I broke up last week on Thursday and I think he still likes me more than a friend what do I do?
    Thanks Briana ashley

  • Olga April 10, 2017, 8:45 am

    Hi,
    I broke up with my boyfriend because i was fed of his cheating and disrespected where by he receives his baby mama’s call in my presence, i spoke to him about it but he couldn’t stop till i woke up 1 day and walk out of that relationship. He’s now calling my family, and calling me for no reason, what does this mean?

    Regards,
    Olga

    • Kevin May 4, 2017, 12:38 am

      He probably wants to apologize and get back together. IF you still want him back, you should let him speak to you. But do not commit to a relationship until he shows he is capable of change.

  • Grace April 25, 2017, 5:45 pm

    Hi kevin, my bf of a year broke up with me last week, when we first met, we both said we never wanted to get married, then along the line i changed that opinion because i loved him and then he too but whenever we had misunderstandings he said that he does not want to get married since we cant solve the problems we have, so he just came out of the blues and said that he still loves me but he wants me to be happy since i want to be married, and he broke up with me but he still uses my picture as his dp and i have started the no contact rule. Do you think he would want to get back

    • Kevin April 27, 2017, 3:29 am

      I can’t possibly know if he will get back together but this is a good sign that he still uses your picture as his dp. Follow the 5 step plan.

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