About a month ago, I wrote an article about the signs that mean your ex still likes you (or probably even love you). But as I mentioned in the article, even if they do still love you, it doesn’t necessary mean that they want to get back together.

Instead of trying to decipher everything your ex does and says. Why don’t you take this simple quiz to find out your chances of getting back together? Click Here to begin.

When your ex is thinking about getting back together, they will react completely differently. Here are a few of the signs that show that your ex is thinking about getting back together. As in the last article, I will follow it with a small section on what you should do to increase your chances of getting your ex back.

1. Talking About The Future

When your ex talks about their future with you in it, then this is a sign that they have been thinking about reconciliation. It means your ex still imagines their future with you in it. Your ex expects you to get back together with them in the near future.

future

It’s good to keep hope, but don’t let this hope turn you into a needy person.

What you should do?

Reciprocate. Act like you also imagine a future with them. This is a desirable behaviour and you should reward it. Of course, you have to find the fine line between rewarding them and becoming a creepy overly attached ex. For example, suppose they say something like

“I think it will be cool next year when we will both have finished college and have more time to hang out with each other”

An appropriate response will be.

“Yeah, it will be fun. I am looking forward to it.”

An inappropriate response will be.

“Yeah. Maybe we can even get married at that time and start planning to have children.”

2. Talking About What Went Wrong In The Relationship

Notice, I said talk about the relationship. Not blame. After a breakup, exes always talk about what went wrong try to blame each other for relationship failure. You can understand the difference between someone genuinely wanting to figure out what went wrong so they can improve their future relationships  and someone who just wants to blame their ex just to make themselves feel better.

What you should do?

Be sincere. But make sure you don’t cross the line into blaming. Use your words carefully and do not talk about their personality. It’s very easy to start talking about other people’s fault during such conversations. Refrain from doing so. If the conversation starts to go in a negative direction, try to end it immediately on a positive note. If you two had communication problems before, it’s a great time to show them that you can talk to each other about relationship problems without getting into an argument.

The couples that can resolve their issues without turning it into a fight or argument are the ones that last.

The couples that can resolve their issues without turning it into a fight or argument are the ones that last.

3. Becoming a Better Ex

If your ex is trying to improve themselves in the areas that could have been responsible for the breakup, then it’s a good sign that they want to get back together. However, this is not really a sure fire sign since this can also mean that they are just working on themselves for their own benefit or for their future relationship.

What You Should Do?

Keep it cool. Don’t get too excited and make any mistakes. If they try to show you how much they’ve improved, congratulate them and continue with the plan. Again, it’s a behavior from your ex that you want to reward, so give them your proper attention and support. However, make sure you don’t go overboard and start showing signs of neediness and insecurity.

4. Their Dating Life

If your ex has been actively trying to hide their dating life from you, then this might be sign that they want to get back together. Unless reconciliation is on their mind, they wouldn’t care about you finding out their dating life.

However, if they’re not dating, don’t take it as a sign that they are waiting for you. It could be that they are enjoying being single and working on moving on from the breakup.

What You Should Do?

Stay out of their personal life. Don’t stalk their Facebook trying to figure out what they are upto. Try to stay away from the gossips about your ex.  Even if they are dating someone, you should not try to stop them because it’s probably just a rebound. (Read: How to get your ex back when he has moved on to a new girlfriend or get her back from her new boyfriend.)

Meanwhile, I will also recommend that you go out on a few dates as well. As I explained in this article about the no contact rule, it’s going to give you a much better perspective on life and your relationship.

5. Talking About Good Memories

When your ex starts talking about the good times you had, then it can be a sign that they are thinking about getting back together. It certainly means that they miss you and the fun you had during the relationship.

What You Should Do?

Again, it’s a behaviour you want to reward. You want to keep the conversation positive and you can try to insinuate that you are still that much fun and you still have a great time in your life, even without them. For example, suppose they say something like

“Remember the time we went to that little Mexican Restaurant on Lincoln Street. It was probably the best anniversary dinner we had. I got so drunk that night.”

An appropriate response would be.

“Lol. Yeah, it was a great night. You looked amazing. The waiter couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. In fact, I went to that place just last week with a friend of mine. We had so much fun. There was a Mariachi band this time. Haha.”

The message above rewards her behavior first by complimenting her. And then you insinuate that you are still having that much fun in your life. (Read this detailed guide on texting an ex to learn more about such conversations.)

Again, you have to be careful not to go overboard and act needy and desperate at any time (Read: It’s important having the right mindset after no contact).

Remember, all of these signs, despite some of them being pretty obvious are still just signs. Your ex’s behaviour can be confusing after a breakup. It could be that one minute they are thinking of getting back together and the next they become completely cold. Do not let your ex’s confusing behaviour interfere with your peace of mind. You want your ex, but your happiness and peace of mind is far more important than reconciliation. So always put yourself first.

I highly recommend you read the 5 step plan to get your ex back  or this guide on getting your ex girlfriend back with objectives (it’s free) if you haven’t already done so. It will tell you step-by-step what to do get your ex back and keep them permanently.  And if you have any questions, leave a comment. I am quite active on this website so you will probably get a reply within 24 hours.

Wait, do you still have a chance?

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suesinnc
suesinnc

It was his idea to take a break. We haven’t seen each other, text, or spoke since May 27th

I sent a text today a text @ 6:12 pm

Hi!!

I wanted to touch base with you about our taking a break.
I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection and wanted to share some with you

1. I wanted to apologize for hurting your feelings
2. I wanted to apologize for adding to your stress.
3. I take responsibility for my being jealous
4. I take responsibility for not keeping control of my emotions when drinking
5. I’ve made a commitment to attend church and not let things get in the way of my going consistently! It has been so refreshing
6. Im finally starting to feel like me again. Some of the meds Ive been on weren’t good for me and they’ve got a plan that is already working!! Thankfully

There’s even more that’d I’d like to share with you

I hope this finds you doing well, as well as Ryan.

At 6:50pm he responded

Glad to hear things are going well for you..😊

I haven’t responded.

Brian
Brian

My ex has a boyfriend and tells me that she doesn’t know what she wants, but at the same time she is showing some of the signs that she still wants me back. She’s hiding her dating life from me, she talks about us taking trips together in the future, she asked me to help her move and invited me to sleep over a few times in the past few weeks, and she tells me she loves me and misses me. Should I still do no contact?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Perhaps you should give her the space to let her choose. As much as you want her back, right now her confusion may be due to your involvement and she’s simply hanging on to past habits and emotions, but it doesn’t change the fact that there are issues which probably need to be worked on before the relationship can actually work out if both of you decide to get back together. By doing NC, you’re able to see if that was the case, or that she genuinely still wants to be with you and misses you despite dating someone else, and that person could simply be a rebound.

Daymon Young
Daymon Young

Me and my fiancé of 9 years and 3 kids broke up about 5 months ago. She says she doesn’t want nor have a boyfriend but it’s obvious. She either is trying to make me jealous or is not a very good at hiding. She acts as if she doesn’t want want to admit it because of what I would think, say or do. She says that because she has a friend it’s a problem with me doing things for her and the kids. I told her I didn’t care about what she does in her personal life and I never bring it up. I just told her that I couldn’t and wouldn’t do certain stuff because we are not together. I can tell from the conversation she had when on the phone with him that he doesn’t like the fact that we interact and he is getting insecure and jealous. I did say to her that I didn’t want her to feel like she had to hide anything from me nor is she obligated to tell me who she is with. She is upset about me not contacting her. I don’t call nor answer her calls or text. She doesn’t answer mine even if it’s about the kids so I backed off to not seem needy nor do I complain about her actions. Am I going in the right direction to get her back? I love her and could do so much for her and my kids. I want my family back. Please help.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If she currently is dating someone and you’re certain, I would recommend that you give her some space right now. There’s a strong likelihood that he’s merely a rebound and would not last, but you don’t want to come in the way before that and begin to push her away by any unwarranted actions.

L
L

So my ex broke up with me because we got into a fight, and he thought that I didnt trust him. We talked things out a couple days ago and he said,’The time isnt right, Im sorry.’ But he said he wanted to be friends and that he still loved me and cared about me. We have to work together, so yesterday while we were working he was talking to me and acting as he had while we were together. Im confused about what to do.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Sometimes, the person who initiates the breakup might not actually register it when they see you, and instead act out based on old habits. However, if you want to start over with him, you shouldn’t let him go ahead with it unless you’re sure he wants to get back together. Instead, if he still insists on the breakup, you should probably start off with no contact to give both parties some space and for things to actually hit him, since there might be feelings of regret that follow.

Alisha
Alisha

Hi there, My names Alisha me and my ex were together 9 months and broke up 9 months ago too. We were very happy together, almost like best friends in the relationship we were close and kept nothing hidden or secret and very honest which we both were happy with, we barely fought. In our last month, together he had gotten depressed for other reasons at home, he resorted to leaving because he didn’t want to hurt me and felt our relationship was gonna end anyways. i never believed this but for him to stop stressing and feeling any worse because he felt guilty i agreed to break up but i regret it. i still stayed friends he said also that there was a chance of us being together and there wasn’t asking me to wait then saying don’t wait for two months we had many ups and downs, leaving, no contact and then contact then when i spoke again i thought he was getting better so i asked (i was insecure this day but also curious) “do you think i’m pretty?” he said “to be honest i couldn’t care less”, “i moved on the day after”, “im speaking to other girls” and then he blocked me. I got depressed myself for a long time i cried every day for months but i was still focusing on my work, i went into counselling to get help, i treated myself, i spoke to other guys but no matter what i still wanted him and i had kinda moved on but something keeps saying have another go get him back!! so i messaged him because i was only blocked on whatsapp he replied it was a normal conversation however he said he wouldn’t add me on sc cus he thought it was for the best and he also said i want to be on speaking terms so we’re not avoiding each other i felt disheartened because i want more than that but i kept my cool and just changed subjects to keep things positive and we joked a little. i’ve been following the step by step plan and how to text an ex and how frequently. i messaged him yesterday after he initiated it was the second day and now it’s the third he still hasn’t text back. what do i do if my ex doesn’t initiate conversations?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You could initiate from time to time in a casual manner, but don’t come across as too pushy or needy. Be patient and keep the conversations lighthearted for now so that his comfort level in talking to you increases first.

Alisha
Alisha

Thankyou for taking the time to read that i i really appreciate your advice i will definitely act on it and i’m happy to have found your page and i will definitely recconend to anyone i know ; ).

Jazz
Jazz

Hi kevin
How to apply no contact if we both work in one company at the same time we have business to manage together..

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You could use this article for further guidance on how to deal with facing your ex at work. As for the business you manage together, the advice would be similar – to keep things strictly professional (if you intend to continue the business) and avoid small talk. Treat your ex strictly as your business partner.

Sukanya
Sukanya

me and my ex brokeup recently. its because i was very insecure about him and i blamed him for no reason. there were misunderstandings too in our relationship and he was hurt. i want to change now and want to follow the above steps but i have a question, my ex also thinks i deserve better but thats not the truth. he sometimes feels like he is worthless and get depressed. what if he still thinks he is not worth after i text him again? how do i make him believe that he is not worthless for any relationship.?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

This is something you can only do bit by bit, and slowly giving him more assurance and confidence instead of things that may cause him to feel worthless. However, self-worth is ultimately something we give ourselves and no amount of external people can change the impression we personal adopt unless we’re willing to change.

C
C

I need help with this one. My ex bf and I have had our ups and downs. We dated for almost 2 years before he broke up with me the beginning of last October. We spent three months apart- talking to each other occasionally and seeing each other three times in person. We decided to start working on things the beginning of January this year and have been with each other now until our most recent break up the beginning of November. We had occasional fights throughout this year but nothing terrible. November 4th we were having a great time- I had alittle too much to drink because he was mad that I didn’t answer my phone when he called even though I was visiting with his family and decided to act like I didn’t exist when he finally got to the house. I said some awful and hurtful things (like I hated him and called him horrible names) that I don’t remember saying and I would never imagine saying ever. I’m not a mean person and I have no idea where any of that came from. The worst thing about it was that it was in front of his family. His family loves me and I am just mortified that I acted like that in front of them. I personally apologized to all of them. I tried talking to him but he said he was done and told me to come pick up my things at his house. I drove out to grab my things and tried to talk to him but he just wasn’t interested. When I went to go say goodbye- he started sobbing and hugged me and kissed me and told me he loved me. He said that he wanted me to try and move on but that we could see each other and try again. The day after he broke up with me he texted me saying that he still wanted to go on the cruise that we had planned for the first week of March next year. He said he thought it would be good for us but still wanted to take this 4 month “break”. He snap chatted me the week after we broke up a couple of times and I’ve tried to reach out to him a few times but all I get back are one word answers and opened snaps with no response. I think he has started talking to and seeing another girl already. I have a pit in my stomach because of this but I have started seeing a therapist and I am truly working on myself. I never want what happened that night to ever happen again. I’m… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey there,

Firstly, I suggest finding out if he’s currently dating anyone as that would be the major consideration in your next few steps. It’s good that you’re seeing a therapist if you feel that you have anger outburst issues that require treatment. Secondly, regarding that cruise, as a neutral third party, I would tell you to mentally prepare to not go, but I suggest you have a talk with him first to find out if he’s currently dating anyone. If he really is, I don’t think you should get yourself involved as it may mess up any kind of progress you’ve made with your therapist if your emotions overwhelm you. Even if he isn’t dating anyone, you might want to sit down and think this through if it’s a good idea to complete the payment and start looking forward to the trip. March is 4 months away and many things can happen in that time, either positively or negatively.

Victor Urud
Victor Urud

Hey there, I need help with what to do now. My girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me a few days ago. She gave a few reasons but some of them were because she started to have feelings for someone else and they have been hanging out a lot recently. What I know is that what she had with me was way different and we both saw a future with each other. I still love and miss her, and I know she still loves me and it’s killing us both now that we decided to do NC. She wants to see if she’ll realise that I was the one and would come back. I know I was different and way better than anyone she’s ever had, even all her friends and parents thought so. I know she will regret this one day but I just want to know if there’s a way to get her back. I just don’t want her to move on from me and then realise she made a mistake cause I won’t be entertaining her then. I made mistakes texting her during our NC as my emotions got over me. What do i do now. Knowing that there’s hope that she will come back but I don’t want to depend on that cause it is unhealthy. But something in me tells me not to give up cause we’ve had problems bigger than this and went through in and got stronger.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey Victor,

Unfortunately, at this point, my only advice is to focus on yourself. If this is killing you, then you’re right in saying that you shouldn’t depend on the hopes that she will come back as it’s unhealthy. Work on recovering and getting stronger as an individual and complete the NC before talking to her once again if you’re still keen at that point.

Jazzy
Jazzy

I dated a guy for 2 months. At the start we were obsessed with each other and he decided that we slow it down so that it could last as we were in the “honeymoon” stage. We both were still dating other people (I was ready for commitment and was willing to end things with the other prospects but he continued to “talk” to 2 other people) but we were exclusive sexually. In the beginning i wasn’t forthcoming about a call I received from someone I also talk to while we were together and although I admitted it later that day, mguy suggests that I was not an honest person because I didn’t tell him the truth. I thought that I was being courteous seeing that we didn’t have an actual ‘relationship’ and was just dating and during these times you don’t always give every detail especially if you don’t know exactly where it’s going. I let him know that I wanted a serious relationship and he said he wanted one too but wanted to move slow because his ex from 2 years ago lied and cheated on him and he needed to build trust with me. After this “lie” that I told, he accused me maybe 2/3 other times of not being honest and was convinced that I was lying even though I wasn’t. The relationship got toxic because even though he said he would move on he kept bringing these instances up and asking me why I couldn’t be honest with him. He suggested we be friends to take a step back out of the negative/toxic energy and to build trust without the pressure of building a relationship which he felt he couldn’t do because he didn’t trust me. I was very reluctant to being friends because i had strong feelings for him and even showed up at his house demanding we stay together and work things out (bad idea). Even then he showed some compassion toward me after me showing up unannounced and after I sent him a message apologizing for showing up at his house and me sayingthat i care about him and hope we can start over in the future. He responded well and I’ve gone a week with no contact. My question is since we weren’t officially boyfriend/girlfriend how long does my no contact need to be? I think him and I would be great together save his insecurity and me being honest with him from the beginning. I️ want to give it another try bc we had great times together and spoke on the phone everyday and night. We were really into each other and he kept saying that I needed to be… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey Jazzy,

No contact isn’t dependent on the type of relationship you were in but rather, how you felt and how affected you were by it. The typical is set at 30 days because that’s a good time frame to distract yourself and distance yourself from the situation so you aren’t as emotionally affected and unstable if you decide to approach him again. It also gives him time to reset any negative impressions he may have of the relationship depending on how it ended.

G
G

Hey! So my man and I broke up in February and we started dating again in early June. Over these past few months we have gotten very close, closer then we ever were while we were together. We have a lot of fun together, laughing etc. On Monday this week we had our best date YET. We went out for dinner and then a round of pool (the date was his initiative), anyway he was doing everything a “bf would do” like hold my hand while we were walking, hold my hand and kiss it over the table at the restaurant, he was constantly kissing me, hugging me, touching me in a sexual manner, saying how pretty I am and just being generally complimentary. He was also asking me what was different about him to all my previous exes and guys I’ve dated, like what made me fall for him and then he asked if I thought things would have been different if he hadn’t stayed over at my place on the night we had our very first kiss etc. He was also saying stuff like “don’t get any ideas” because he was telling me about his friend who got back together with his gf and even swore up and down that he’s not in love with me “and what we have now is a 1000 times better”, which is true because when we were together we were constantly fighting. However I have worked on myself and I’m no longer that person which he sees and he tells me all the time how much I’ve changed for the better. He also tells me that he can’t talk to anyone the way he can talk to me, that he maybe wants to have dinner at my parent’s place because he “misses my Mom’s cooking” he even let me post a picture of him on instagram from our date (for the first time since our breakup). As you can see he’s showing me all the signs, yet he INSISTS he’s not in love with me. I’m so confused…. why is he doing this? I realize I’ve been too available and giving him all the benefits of a relationship without him having to commit. I’m now setting boundaries in place… but is it true, is he really not in love with me? Does he not want to get back together with me? Is he afraid we’ll revert to our old, fighting ways if we get back together? Another thing you should now is he has said he loves me when he’s been drunk, but then when I catch him on it he said “not in that way” and he even agreed with me… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey there,

He himself may be confused or in denial at this point since when you guys were together, you were constantly fighting. However it is a good sign that you guys can be close friends again because at least its a step forward compared to not talking at all. If you really want to be with him, I suggest taking things slow and seeing if things build up from the friendship you both share right now, while slowly showing him (through your actions) that you’ve changed and you’re no longer the person you were while you guys were together.

Charity Jacobs
Charity Jacobs

hey my name is charity jacobs I’m a single mom to a 3 year old little girl I was with a guy for almost six years and he broke up with me June 19th 2017 and we talk every once in awhile for our daughter sake but he comes and takes us to the fair when it comes in town but when he sees me talking to someone he gets jealous amd the way he talks to me it feels like we ain’t even broken up and he says he don’t want me anymore but he’s been giving me mix signals for the past two months and he smiles at me and don’t know what it could be

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Charity,

Where do you stand on wanting him back? He may be giving mixed signals because either he himself isn’t sure of what he wants, or is unable to accept any chance of you moving on faster than him (hence he gets jealous).

Confused
Confused

I don’t even know where to begin. My ex and I were together for 5 years. We broke up 10 years ago because of issues with my family and a few other insecure issues that I had. We both have kept tabs on each other for the past 10 years. When we both knew we we both single we contacted each other. About 7 months ago we moved in together as friends. I have kept myself busy with work to somewhat avoid him because from the moment I saw him again every feeling of love that I had before has came back. Everyday we spend together I just want to tell him to give me a second chance. I did once about 3 months ago tell him that I still love him and he could not finish the conversation due to something came up. The only thing he did say is he is not ready and may never be ready to date again. I don’t know what to do. We do everything as a couple except intimacy. What do I do? I know I love him for who he is. I am in love with him. My heart skips a beat everytime I see him every time we talk and I know we are going to live together for a very long time. I tired of being in the friend zone.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Since you are already living with him, it may be the perfect chance you have to show him you’ve changed from the last time. Find out why he isn’t ready despite such a long period and see if there are ways to go around it to help him be ready for a relationship again. Just don’t be too pushy about it or you might risk pushing him further away.

Stacey
Stacey

Hi Kevin, please please respond. My boyfriend of one year broke up with me a week ago saying he doesn’t love me anymore. We’ve been living together for 6 months and up until he broke the news he has been fine with me. He’s been a bit stressed by money worries and other self esteem issues so I just thought he wasn’t himself because of that. He was still being affectionate toward the end. He’s now saying he cares about me but needs to be alone to make himself happy and find out who he is. He keeps staying on the sofa in the flat even though he said he would stay elsewhere. He also messages me throughout the day to check im ok and to tell me his plans. For example he went out last night and then I had a text this morning saying he’d be on his way home and that he fell asleep at his mates. I’m so confused

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Stacey,

Perhaps give him some space for now to figure himself out. If he really wants to be alone right now and find himself, you should respect that and move on for the time being. Before doing so, maybe you could have a talk with him to figure out what happened with the relationship.

Flavia
Flavia

We dated for 6 months and her father forbid her to talk to me, after 3 months I contacted her and we’ve been talking without his knowledge. She is still afraid of him, she didn’t want to return the relationship and now she acts like we’re just friends and talks to me every day, in her plans for the future I’m always there, as a friend or a couple, she once send me one nude. But she doesn’t want to see me, or accept any of my invitations, like a simple coffee, for example.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey,

I would suggest not to read too much into things for the time being since she does not want to meet you. There could be a variety of reasons like she may still be using for emotional support or that she could actually want to be with you but is worried about her father’s interference.

murphy
murphy

My ex girlfriend broke up with me because I accuse her of cheating – she was very angry and told me we should be friends. a week or 2 of No contact-she calls me to hangout with her and a friend-we are still very physical with each other when we were at the hot tub-but she limits her texts to me to 2 per day-but then she’ll call me sometimes and we’ll chat saying we should get a hotel at a nice place. Than she ignores me sometimes- Does she want me back or just using me for emotional reasons

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Murphy,

It seems like she could be going to you for emotional and physical reasons but to be sure, I suggest an honest talk with her to understand better.

Leah
Leah

Hi, me and my ex gf broke up just under a week ago. I moved 300 miles away to get back home. She messaged me first asking if I got home okay and since then has asked if I’m okay. She doesn’t want to have a phone call to talk about anything yet, but has said if we don’t move out of our parents houses by the age of 30 we will move in together. What does this mean? Does she still love me? Thanks!

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Leah,

I don’t think you should read too much into it for now since 30 is still some distance away. Give each other some space and apply the no contact rule if you have to, to focus on recovery first before attempting to talk to each other again.

Ashley
Ashley

I need your help Kevin! This guy I’ve been talking to seems to think it’s okay to cancel plans with me last minute. He think he can message me an hour before to let me know… I told him “I would appreciate if you tell me before “ , is there any other way I can communicate this? How do I stop him from doing that?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey Ashley,

Besides being honest and talking to him about it, if he still doesn’t take what you say seriously, perhaps he isn’t very serious about this? In which case I would advice you not to waste your time.

chris
chris

I 28m and her 22f were seeing each other every few months for 2 years. I couldn’t tell her how I felt, take her out or let her in as I was super unwell but didn’t realise. She eventually got with someone else, I found out and told her how I felt. She broke up with him but I turned into a massive needy betamale where she decides she doesnt want to get back with me either.
2 months later after no contact, I bump into her in a club. I stated how wrong I was and sorry for my behaviour. I told her how healthier and happier I am now after fixing myself and how beneficial the heartbreak was for me etc.
Then she becomes authentic and emotional for 5 minutes and tells me she thinks about me everyday, she still loves me and that other boy started to self harm so she got back with him so he would stop.
Her inauthentic front came back online and said ‘it was great seeing you, we’re going to go now, goodbye’ and left downstairs. I knew she hadn’t left the club so 30 minutes later I found her on the dance floor and was spinning her and her friend around, picked her up and was being silly, it was great to see her laugh like that. But then her friend pulled her away and they left.
I sent a text saying ‘it was actually amazing to see you again’ // she replied ‘i’m glad you are getting better’ // I then sent one stating ‘I don’t want you to be in the situation you are in’ // she replied ‘haha naa i’m cool don’t worry’ // so I replied ‘alright :)’ // she replied with a 🙂
I don’t get what she wants or what I should do

Lee
Lee

Whats the best plan of action considering the variables
-we love each other
-I fucked up because I was unwell – which is now fixed and I proved it
-she is still with this other fella who is no good for her

Grace
Grace

Hi kevin, my bf of a year broke up with me last week, when we first met, we both said we never wanted to get married, then along the line i changed that opinion because i loved him and then he too but whenever we had misunderstandings he said that he does not want to get married since we cant solve the problems we have, so he just came out of the blues and said that he still loves me but he wants me to be happy since i want to be married, and he broke up with me but he still uses my picture as his dp and i have started the no contact rule. Do you think he would want to get back

Olga
Olga

Hi,
I broke up with my boyfriend because i was fed of his cheating and disrespected where by he receives his baby mama’s call in my presence, i spoke to him about it but he couldn’t stop till i woke up 1 day and walk out of that relationship. He’s now calling my family, and calling me for no reason, what does this mean?

Regards,
Olga

Briana
Briana

Hey Kevin I’m really sad and I need your help please my boyfriend and I broke up last week on Thursday and I think he still likes me more than a friend what do I do?
Thanks Briana ashley

GBM
GBM

Hi Kevin –

I’m really lost and haven’t heard back from you regarding what I should do. I don’t want to make the wrong move. Thanks.

GBM

Briana
Briana

Hello it’s me Briana you should just be yourself and if that don’t work than try to work things out between the two of you trust me I’ve been through what your going through plenty of times to now by now if he or she don’t like you for you and doesn’t care about how fragile and sensitive your feelings are he’s not the one for you.

GBM
GBM

Hi Kevin –

I’ve just initiated contact after NC for a month… he reacted neutral (?) with “congratulations… that’s good … I’m so proud of you” after I briefly mentioned accomplishing a major goal just recently. He did respond almost immediately though after I sent initial text. I then sent 2nd text thanking him and then said that I was busy and had to go… talk soon. How long do I wait before sending follow-up text?

GBM

GBM
GBM

Hi Kevin –

Well I sent a follow-up text today using a “good memory” text but unlike the initial contact, he didn’t respond to me at all this time. What should I do?

GBM
GBM

Hi Kevin –

I’m really confused as to what to do since my ex responded immediately to my initial contact but has not responded at all to my follow-up text. We had been in a relationship for 4 years prior to breakup. However, I’ve heard through the grapevine that he was actively looking for someone new. So I have a feeling that maybe me contacting him is messing up his plans of trying to move on? Is he truly done with me? Is he just being hot and cold? Please help.

John
John

Hi kevin,
I posted long comment and couldn’t even find it..if you can help please do.

Thnks

Shelly
Shelly

Hi

My ex and I had been together for a year and a half, ever since I moved in 7 months ago sex when out the window and any intimacy. I blamed it on the steroid abuse issue.
But we carried on as we were so close and didn’t want to loose what we had.
I moved out two weeks ago so we could take it back to dating as he realized he didn’t fancy me anyone and this was our attempt to save our relationship and try and get his feelings back but two days later he called me and I realised he was happier being apart.

We had a very teary upsetting break up as he didn’t want to let me go because of how close we were, I haven’t spoken to him for two weeks and I miss my best friend/lover.

I love him very much and want him back but I just don’t know, I guess I’m hoping that if he has time to miss me he will realise he is in love with my rather than just loves me.

Do you think I stand a chance?

Carolina
Carolina

Hi Kevin,
I’ve read everything you have on here, and i LOVE the way you think about ex’s and i just agree with everything, but i can’t seem to find something more specific about my situation and i just really need help, i feel hopeless.

My ex and i were together for two years. Long story short, before he met me there was this girl he really liked, like, really REALLY liked, but she never paid any attention to him, even after we were starting our relationship, he still had a thing for her, it passed with in two months or so. Anyway, in November, this girl showed up again and decided that she did like him now and kissed him and now he says he all confused and i broke up him, because he said he wasn’t able to. He says that he wants to be with me, that he still sees a future with me, and that he knows that he’ll eventually come back to me, but that his head keeps telling him to “try things out with her” and i honestly don’t know what to do. I keep telling him “all i need is for you to tell to stay away and i’ll do so” but he says that he doesn’t want to me stay away. It’s like he wants both of us, but he’s so in to talking to her everytime now, that he takes forever to reply my texts or something. It hurts, it hurts alot, as much as i’d want to stay away, i can’t. I can’t shake this awful feeling of sharing the person i love with someone else. I love him so, so much and i just can’t seem to do something about it, i don’t want him to start hating me or i don’t want to seem clingy.

Help me, please.

OandG
OandG

U check and do all this to help ppl feel better??? That’s really admirable.

Silly
Silly

Kevin is it possible to email you in private? I do not want to really post my story/question on here.

Aly
Aly

My ex and I broke up a year ago. We’ve been together for almost 2 years. Until now, I dont know the reason why he left me. Yeah, he left me without saying anything. I tried everything I know. I begged too. But In the end, I failed. I admit, there’s a part of my heart wants to get him back. I got weird dreams too like he hugged me, kissed me and he said he never want to let go of me. And now his treating me like a stranger. I stopped talking to him 8 months ago. No communications. Until one day, one of his friends, (which is also my friend) told me that he’s asking him if im alright, he sharing/telling our memories too and how he felt being with me. He kept our pictures together and he did not delete our past conversations. But my family and him are having a communication too. But when Im around he acts awkwardly. He cant even stare at me for a second and he’s walking away if im near at him. What should I do? Should I still need to do this? Hoping for your response. Thankyou 🙂

Briana
Briana

Aly listen if you still love him just be yourself whenever he’s near ok you’ve got nothing to lose it’s worked for me every time except for this time but anyways just be yourself.

Leilani
Leilani

We always get back on track and then i ask too many questions or try to be too lovey dovey, going solely off of his vibe. I do agree I probably text or message too much but i don’t want to lose him because of it. He told me yesterday to not text him because im aggravating and can’t tell. but the day before he was telling me how much he loved me and my attitude. i responded by telling him there are other guys who want to have sex with me but i dont want it with them and he doesn’t get how much i like it with him and that the day before thats what i meant by he just needs to tell me what he doesnt like about me or things i do and then me too but he has yet to say anything.
what should i do? go quiet for a few days or weeks? then reach out again?
i think i only act that way because of how much i like him.

Briana
Briana

Depending on your age is what he thinks and if he say that you text him to much then that probably means that you shouldn’t text him for a couple of days then if he wants to talk try to work things out. Tell me if this works!

Shahbaz Bhatti
Shahbaz Bhatti

Hey Kevin,
Today, I texted her she is still as cold as before. She doesn’t want to talk about getting back together (i think due to depression). As you told me that I should help her but she didn’t want to help herself if I am asking her. Wouldn’t it be begging by texting her agin and again if she is not replying? So how do I supposed to help her??? Please give me your suggestion fast 🙁

Briana
Briana

It is simple if she doesn’t want to help herself and she doesn’t want your help than she is probably trying to tell you to move ok and if she is I’m single.

Shahbaz Bhatti
Shahbaz Bhatti

Should I leave her???? I don’t want this but she wants this 🙁

Scarlett Rivers
Scarlett Rivers

Have you ever heard the saying ” if you love something you have to let it go”. Well, thats exactly what u have to do. You are gonna have to let her free. She will appreciate it. And it would also show her how caring and selfless you are.

Shahbaz Bhatti
Shahbaz Bhatti

Kevin…
I am facing an out of the world relationship problem
We had a relation for 7 months….. I really really loved her from the core of my heart and she knows it even she accepted my marriage proposal but suddenly things have changed. From her point of view, she said that she is internally ill and if she died i would miss her so she act completely opposite. she has limited her texts, giving lame excuses when asked her to call her…. she said she have to be away from me…. She said she is tired of to be alive. she said she is no longer that lively girl she can not smile and she can not love someone…. Please leave me….
I had to go to no contact period. I convinced her sometimes but after 1 or 2 days she act the same……….
I don’t know what I have to do to realize her that this life is not being tired of. She said she is still love me but we can no longer to stay with each other
I have to get her back. I want her.
I don’t know Kevin what to do………. Plz help

Shahbaz Bhatti
Shahbaz Bhatti

Hey Kevin,
It is a long distance relationship. I know her from school days than I shifted to some other town. After that she contacted me and accepted my proposal. I have met her after that only 2 times. We had a good time in this meetings. I have told her that everything’s going to be fine. We will consult a professional about that but she has clearly told me that I don’t want you ( I didn’t know that if she said that due to depression or she rally meant this) But it deeply hurts me. You are right she has depression issues and inthis 7 month relationship. Sometimes she got depressed and texted me then we had long chat and after that she is not that depressed then. But this time its been 2 months and she repeatedly talking about break up. I can’t communicate with her parents. She is not taking my advice seriously. What Am I supposed to do????

Shahbaz Bhatti
Shahbaz Bhatti

Before her depression, she told me that I love you and I wanted you badly. But during this time of depression, she told me I don’t want you. I want to live my life alone. She is not that strong to lead her life alone :(. The point is wouldn’t that be a selfish step that she has depression issues for only that basis I leave her and move on. I mean I care for her so much and I wanted to help her……

Shahbaz Bhatti
Shahbaz Bhatti

Kevin.
Its completely difficult of stopping myself not contacting her. but you’re right I should give her some space. I wish before I started my NC, she reply to my text and I will tell her that I still care for her but you should get professional help……
I want to tell you that me and my girlfriend both are 20 years old. 1 month ago I read your articles and I limit my texts b/c she repeatedly asking me to leave then she texts me something like to get my attention (like you said in your article sneaky signs that your girlfriend still wants you) like asking me how are you? after I told her coldly that I am fine she is completely blank. Sometimes she send her pics to me, sometimes after 7 days of not talking to her she text me like begging that I want you. But now she is much colder right now. Before 1 month she is talking about breaking up but she still told me that I love you and I don’t know why I am doing this. But Now she said to me coldly that I have made my decision to lead my life lonely. When I asked her if you love me? then she said coldly no. 🙁 Her depression is now becoming out of control……. After you told me that this is due to depression. I realized how badly I treated her I never take her depression seriously……….

Shahbaz Bhatti
Shahbaz Bhatti

Kevin You’re right I am completely frustrated right now. She is not replying to my texts………. I don’t know right now what to do. If this is happenning continuously I am afraid It causes nervous break down to me…… 🙁

Shahbaz Bhatti
Shahbaz Bhatti

Now
As you say. I am starting no contact period for 2 months. I really don’t know what I really got after that. I hope everything will be fine after that.
During Nc if she initiated contact to me. What should I do then???

Shahbaz Bhatti
Shahbaz Bhatti

I just want to tell you, Kevin that me and my ex had a great time in past months before the breakup. I still want her because I deeply love her. I am following your emails and your advice and it greatly motivated me. But I want to ask you that Is there Any Chances Of getting her back ??? And if yes then how much??

charlie
charlie

Hi,

It is sad to understand that even after sticking to rules, after fighting with your self everything can end.
At first as everybody I talked nonsense “I will do anything for you…”, then I sticked to NC rule (after 25 days she texted me to see how I am doing. So it was a first hope and believing in NC rule). We met and did go shopping (again I sticked to the rules – no talking about relationships, being funny etc.). Again everything seemed to workout. Couple of days ago she asked me to bring some medicine (that I took when we separated, after 8 years), but it was just saying “whenever we meet accidentally, remember it’s mine”. And I wrote back the same moment that I can bring her drugs today. Then it all happened – she told me that I shouldn’t have any hopes over our relationship, it’s over and she wishes me the best and that being separated is better for both of us and we will find our true love. So it is sad, not always rules work. But during NC rule I felt really great, although everything I did was for her, but it was new stuff etc.

Briana
Briana

Dude are you kidding me really bringing the woman drugs you now you could have went to jail for that anyway if she doesn’t like you for you and she is just using you then that means she is only using you for drugs and she doesn’t know what she is doing with her life and she doesn’t know what she is doing with you because she is the only woman that you could have went to jail because of her.

Terrance
Terrance

Kevin I need some advice. My ex girlfriend and I dated for two years. We talked about our future together, met each others family just hung out almost everyday. She broke up with me because of my insecurity. It’s been 6 months since we’ve been separated. So I admit i begged her for the first 5 months (big mistakes). She has told me that she is not ready for a relationship because that she is always busy with school. All the begging I did annoyed her so I backed off. I don’t even contact her anymore (working on myself) we keep in contact via she always initiate contact. So a few nights ago she called me and asked how I feel about us being separated after that we talked for hours about just general stuff. I made a mistake of asking her about getting back together (since in my head i felt like i had made my changes of being more confident and less needy). She told me she doesn’t want to be with me because she just doesn’t feel the same due to all the fights we had that it drained her. I got upset about it and it showed which wasn’t good on my part. However, she says I’m a good guy and that she loves me but isn’t in love with me. So i wondering is there still a chance and if so what do I need to do? Our birthdays are in two weeks her birthday is literally a day after mine. She wants to spend our birthdays together like we always have been doing so what do i do? Thanks in advance your emails have been doing wonders for me keep up the good work.

maryanne
maryanne

Hi Kevin my ex texts me everyday I try to go for days without talking but he draws me into conversations that are like pieces a puzzle that I can’t decipher, I can’t tell if they are negative or positive I get hi sexy I get compliments on my looks I get “we are complicated ” and I get daily have you looked for a new job did u get a loan ? He wants me to pack up and follow him back to Sydney where we spent 12 years now given I want him back this should be great but I don’t know if his girlfriend is going too he doesn’t want to live as a family , is it a test? Or do I no sure when you get rid of your girlfriend. There are children involved its a big deal.
Thanks Maryanne

Ms Marple
Ms Marple

Hello. Can’t believe that I have ended up posting on here but here goes anyway. I am a 49 yr old single parent and after many years of independence I met someone a year and a half ago. Even tho we are very different we absolutely fell for each other, he asked me to marry him and I said yes but we decided to leave it for a year to be on the safe side. He moved in by default and everything seemed fine. Christmas was hard, he became very distant but couldn’t explain what was wrong. He had 2 quite serious family problems at he time and, as he is a man not really given to analysis, couldn’t seem to talk about it. I feel as if I may have underestimated the effect on him.I felt insecure and we argued and decided we had been too hasty in moving in together so he moved out. Since then he has been progressively, ever so subtly withdrawing and I have been forced into the role of the chaser. I have tried to talk about this, we have had breaks to sort things out….his idea, not mine I don’t really think that works. Eventually he became so distant I asked him if he was seeing someone else. He said he was in a bad place and couldn’t see anybody…..sadly that appeared to include me! There followed a period of very mixed messages, he said he didn’t have anything to give but still loved me and wanted to be with me, just not now. I tried unsuccessfully to give him space… said I would wait til he felt better but asked him to stay in touch. He didn’t. I e mailed him but not to a crazy extent, articles about depression…( it seemed like that was what he had.)nice hello there and then one e-mail about how sad it was that we weren’t talking and how damaging it was.. No response.Then about 2 weeks ago I suddenly couldn’t handle it, crazy trying to get in touch with him..no response. Casting dignity to the wind I asked a family member what was going on. He said he had heard my ex saying he didn’t think he could make it work with me but didn’t want to hurt me. He is a kind man but a bit of a coward so this seemed all too believeable and I tipped over into grief. I also spoke to his brother who said he is not talking to anyone and very withdrawn. I stopped all contact because I knew I had to break it off in my head, albeit reluctantly and with no sense of closure, which has… Read more »

MaryAnne
MaryAnne

My ex is continuing to confuse me , I have cut contact to a minimal but delivering kids every weekend is a challenge ,when he sees me he hugs me long and tight kisses me on the lips but also acts like he doesn’t want to touch me , if I look at him he gets super uncomfortable like he can’t look in my eyes, he contantly compliments the way I look but will say in one breath something like , my girlfriend makes me so happy we haven’t had one single fight you are my beautiful ex wife .
I have an arrangement to meet him for dinner this weekend as a conference puts me in his city , I think he actually suggested it , but I asked if he could meet me both nights and was told no I have a date with my gf I am not changing that what would I tell her ? I actually am not sure how much he sees her its been less than 3 months really not surprised if they didn’t fight I’m sure she is busting herself to be perfect because he is so out of her league in looks and is a lovely guy . Yesterday he sent me a text asking if he should take a job offer, he asked me to call in my lunch break to discuss, I did he basically wanted me to decide for him its a good career move he’s not happy n his company I said go for it and he called his agent while I was still on phone and said yes, this job takes him a bit further away from me but it also takes him away from his gf, I wonder about why he relied on me for this decision, of course I’m wondering if its a positive sign, then he will admit if I text him he reads but doesn’t reply. Can I say roller coaster ? This dinner on Saturday will be interesting I’m guessing he will spend whole time squirming with discomfort in my presence and telling me how happy he is, how should I handle it? I can’t tell what he’s thinking at all ! Mx

Mike
Mike

Hey Kevin
Me and my ex girlfriend dated for 6 months and broke up 3 months ago and I did no contact for about 35 days until she texted me because she saw my mother at the eye doctor and since then we have texted two more times. We broke up because I was a jerk and messed with her and she would laugh and she would mess with me by doing stuff like poking each other’s sides and just stupid stuff to make her mad and now I miss her so much. But when she contacted me after no contact it was like she was different and was actually trying to keep the conversation going and that was surprising so I’m hopefully optimistic so I just wanted some advice on where to go from here should I try and keep texting her or wait for her to text me? Thank you so much!

Joe
Joe

How do you know if she wants you back or even thinks or feels anything for you again.

If your in no contact then how do you know she wants anything to do with you. I don’t see her or talk to her so how do I know she is doing any of theses behaviors. Is She was with someone she wouldn’t tell me and I wouldn’t know.

Chloe
Chloe

Hi Kevin,
I submitted a comment last week on this page. I have since found out from a friend that my ex is on an online dating site, and I have seen it with my own eyes. He’s even used the photos that I took of him when we went on holiday together.
I am really shaken up about it. I want to understand why he says he still loves me and still goes out and meet other women. I know from a rational point of view that he and I are not together and are allowed to see other people. But I’m finding it hard to accept.
Shall I say something to him? Tell him that I know?
I don’t know how to feel or think right now. I would really appreciate your help.
Thanks, Chloe

A
A

Hi Kevin, I’m a gay, 18, when I was in school, I used to like a boy, he was my classmate and was very caring, and warm. I used to like him, but never felt comfortable when I was in front of him and used to notice the same from his side. One day, it was school’s annual function, I stepped in, and the first person I met was him, and most of the time, he was only with me!! I was amazed at it, you know he even came back from the girl he liked. Idk, maybe I felt somehow that he liked me, so I texted him that night “I like you”. And didn’t get any reply! Next working day, I reached the classroom, and sat blushing. After sometime I saw him with his best friend entering the class, he stood near the blackboard and his bestfriend came to me and asked me if I actually texted him or not, I was shocked at it and found him saying “hey, I was joking” but that was late, I knew that time he didn’t like me at all. I broke all connections with him and actually avoided him for about a month. Then one day after an exam, I was waiting outside the room for one of my friend and suddenly I saw him along with his friend coming to me, we small talked about the exam, but I was feeling ashamed talking to him, so we talked really less! Then after the exams stuff, I logged in my facebook account and the first msg I got was him, saying “hi” and right from that day we used to talk everyday, there was hardly any day we didn’t talk, I felt comfortable talking to him on fb, then we started meeting for his b’day or other occassions. Still the question “does he like me?” Wander in my mind, making me uncomfortable and mad!! Then he activated whatsapp in his phone, we used to talk whole night, and day, but then insecurities prevailed. He said he liked a girl, but that girl never liked him, they were just friends always, he said he likes her a lot and at this thing I used to motivate him. But certainly maybe I got insecure and thought he needs gap, so had little silent fights, not replying, jealousy, sometimes I used to block him, etc. Then one day we stopped talking and everything was going good, it took so much time for me to move on, since talking to him was an addiction and stopping it took a lot of time but I actually moved on…….. Though I still checked his status and… Read more »

Vaness
Vaness

Dear Kevin,

I am going through such a hard time because I have no clue what does my ex thinks of me right now, therefore I am writing to you to have another point of view.

Here is my situation: I have been in a relationship my ex 3 years ago for 2 years, it was my first love, we spoke about marriage, kids, and everything. When I started college, I had to break up with him because of the distance.

1 and a half year ago he told me that he is also going to start the same college as I, then we started to see each other, he told me he still loves me, that he couldnt get over me but he needs more time, for about 6 months it was like that.
I had enough of this “I love you but I can’t” situation, I started to date someone else.
He got out of his mind, complained, and then he also started to date someone else (but secretly) no photos, no showing in public, nothing, he just keeps looking at me (he doesnt talk to me) and thats it.

I miss him terribly; Kelvin please from deep inside of my heart I need your help, can you please give me your opinion on this matter because it’s slowly driving me insane. Thank you very much !

V.

Aaron Truss
Aaron Truss

Hi Kevin,

My ex and I were together for 7 years from school sweethearts to moving in together last year. We didn’t really have our personal space anymore and I became lazy and started eating unhealthy as well as not listening to what she would say let alone remember. We split up a few weeks ago as she didn’t want the stress and felt trapped as she had things she wants to do that she feels I can’t be a part of. Due to financial reasons we’ve agreed to live together in different rooms sharing kitchen etc.

After stupid arguments, drunken mishaps and being in a self pitying hole for a couple weeks I’m feeling a lot better, Ive changed my diet, I’m exercising, I’m going out more with friends etc but most importantly giving her space as she also suffers from depression which can be difficult to understand her at times. Aside from being gf and bf for years we’re also the best of friends. This past week we’ve rarely spoken (we also work for the same company) as we both need our head space and most importantly I need to keep up my regular new habits of feeling and looking better.

I do want her back, that’s the heart talking. But the brain says I want her to be happy more. I live with her and work with her, how can I make this work one day?

Obviously I’m fresh from the break up and she was the one who ended it, but how do I communicate in a way that doesn’t make me look like a dick but also in a way that doesn’t smother her.

Please help.

A

James
James

Hi Kevin,

My case is rather difficult. I’ve lived with my girlfriend for the past 10 years and recently (about 11 weeks ago) she told me she ia pregant, and with twins.

But I met someone about 9 months ago and although I didn’t tell her about my relationship during the first six months, I had to tell her.

Since then, she was patient but always asked me when I would take the decision to leave my long term relationship. I gave her explanations that we had an investment together and that was the main reason why she had to be patient, to figure out a way not to lose what I had.

further, I always thought that the other woman would not stand for me and that she will eventually fall out of me.

When she said to me 5 weeks ago that she wanted to be friends, that’s when it hit me. I was in love of the other woman!

the last time I saw her was 2 weeeks ago when I came unannounced to her flat and she dis not see me with the same eyes she used to. She said she was feeling agitated and asked me to leave. Later she send me a text and said that I should mive on without her and that she was not the woman who would make me happy. I had the desire of being with her and leave my long term relationship. But I can’t because she is pregnant.

it’s being now 8 days since the last time I saw the other woman but I feel she is the one. I treated her badly I know and I lied to her. But how can someone be sure if what he has until you loose it? I love my long term girlfriend but not in the same way I love the other woman. There is a slightly chance we might meet up this weekend at a party but don’t know what to expect or what to say if she comes up and talk to me. Or should i make the move and talk to her? help

Joyce
Joyce

Kevin

My ex doesn’t want to have communication after break-up. He told me to never text and call him again. Should I still hope that he’ll come back to me?

vivek
vivek

my gf brokeup with me 2 months ago.
i really love her nd want her..she told me that we cannot marry in our future cuz her parents will never agree.so she brokeup..
i begged her many times..i kw i should have not done this
whenever i try to make her understand she just dont want to talk about this matter what to do please suggest..

Yayo
Yayo

Ok so I got my ex back but she’s managed to make me regret this. Her personality just sucks now and I’m just now realizing it. Granted I did 7 day no contact and sped up everything else I was happier by myself not having to deal with her mental disorder which I’m assuming she has now. For example she brought food in and I brought everything back to move back in… She decides like 6 hours later to ask me if I put the food away…. I didn’t flip out but proceeded in my mind to call her all kinds of dumb asses and more. I feel I wasted my time coming back to a female who doesn’t appreciate anything. I did the whole new clothes thing 7 day no contact and got rid of the stress started hanging out then talked to her and a week later thought I’d go back to being happy…. Screw this I need a real woman

Daniel
Daniel

Hi Kevin, I’ll try to make this as short as i can, but i feel that there are details i should point out in order to make sense of it all, because its a little complicated. I’ve been dating this girl for 2 months. During this period i have had some of my best time in a while. I know she did too. She’s 22, i’m 27. She’s married, but claims that there is nothing left there for her. She says she got married too young (20) and feels like she and her husband grew apart. He still loves her, and therefore she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings by leaving him and disappoint both his, and her parents (since they know each other), and i believe her. We’ve been talking over text msgs and via phone calls every single day since we met. It was fun, and each conversation felt fresh as if it was the first. There was a lot of honesty from her side, and mine too. It really was something special. Yesterday she sent me a break-up text. I wasn’t really surprised due to a couple times during the 2 months that she felt a little confused, and we talked about it openly and it seemed as if she got over her confusion. I know that she feels really bad about this as i think she’s denying life and its surprises (i didn’t told her this, of course). She keeps saying ” i think too much, i know.” The text was really long explaining that “this is really really hard but i just don’t feel right continuing what we have with where i am in life right now” and “it sucks because i like you a lot” and she feels she cant give herself fully to this and so on. I didn’t really know what to say, obviously i felt anger and that she’s being a coward. I did not reply until a few hours ago upon reading some of your articles. My reply was short and said something like “Its ok don’t worry about it, its no big deal, and i appreciate your honesty. Good luck ;)” 15 minutes later she replies “I know it came out of nowhere, i just started thinking about everything” (hence thinking too much) and “it sucks, because its not what i want, but i feel like its what i have to do. Idk.” That “idk” in the end really confuses me. I didn’t reply yet. I don’t know whether to move on or not since i know we both have something really special here that i don’t wanna miss out because of ego or whatever. Kevin, i’m not even… Read more »

Daniel
Daniel

Thanks Kevin, you’re reply was hard to read because you’re prob right. I think ill take your advice and move on… thanks again.

Chishi
Chishi

Hi kevin,
My ex and i had been in almost three years relationship, yet on the bridge of my graduating period three months ago, he just broke up with me because of having no time with him because of my requirements in school. And on that time he had been entertaining another girl that he call as friend, of course as a girlfriend, ill be jealous. and because of that jelousness he broke up with me. For the last three months, ive doing things to win him yet its not working. So i decide last week to give him the 30 day no contact rule. Do you think i’ll still have the chance for him?

lena
lena

He contacted me after 3 months, and he was joking around how if he won a car race with me I’d have to move in with him forever.. But I don’t feel he’s interested in me.. He is very cold

Margaret Mabona
Margaret Mabona

I don’t know how to give him a no contact rule because I run a business opposite his house

Gigi
Gigi

Hi Kevin, I’ve been following your program, this is my second relationship w/ex. We were together for 9 months. It was rocky, and he cheated in the beginning. I forgave him and he really tried to adjust his behavior. It was very romantic, and I became pregnant. He was pushing for marriage but I miscarried, two weeks later he asked “can I see other people but not lose you?” I left. Now I’m in need of help. My NC (5 weeks) time is over, my ex kept trying to contact me relentlessly for the first 2 weeks. Email on the 3rd. Week, later just fb “likes” and comments. I emailed him to say Hello, and to ask for an ultrasound photo of the baby I miscarried -I deleted it with all his mail and photos. He answered and sent it to me. He also asked about my wellbeing, said “I think about you a lot, with a smile”. I told him I want to hold a little memorial for the baby, and he wants to come. He then proceeded to send me several phitos of our happy times together, saying how he loves me, and how happy we looked. I told him the pics were beautiful but we should leave the past where it belongs. After that he has been very cold and taking hours to answer any emails. I called him and he picked up right away. I told him he can come as long as he can be kind and write something nice for the memorial. No idea if he is coming or not, but I will not call again. I wonder 1) Should he really be invited even though he abandoned me as soon as I miscarried? 2) How should I act in this first meeting? , it will be emotional for me. Thanks for your answer. The send off will be this Sunday afternoon. At the same park where we had our first and last date.

Gigi
Gigi

Hey Kevin- Oh I wish I had read this in time (I just found the thread). The memorial went well, he did try to woo me, but I put up my walls. He did display all the symptoms (touch, remembering good times, wanting to do things about “us” said he loved me, missed me) but days later, we sadly we got into a rehashing the relationship on chat. It was horrible. He maintained loving me, and working on himself. The rest of July and August have been distant. Mostly me making contact and him taking a long time to answer. If I don’t contact for a week he would contact me with a reminder of the good times. I saw him 2 weeks ago and he kept trying to hide any serious dating -he knows I found out about a colleague he started seeing 2 weeks after the breakup. Again he was teary eyed about us, showed me photos, twirled me on the street and hugged me for a long time -I kissed him and he reciprocated, but said he’s still figuring out himself. Then last week, I stopped by his place to pick up a pkg while he was traveling (he knew). There was clear and sad evidence of another woman (our decorations gone, another’s intimate stuff, etc). He voice messaged me on whatsapp days later to cheerfully let me know he’s seeing someone “consistently”, and “I want us to be close, but it might be hard”, he called me by my pet name and added he’s noticed last week “you’re moving on as well” -I was at an event with an old ex, who was tagged on fb. I didn’t respond. He then sent 5 more messages during that week letting me know how his relationship is with a new woman (2nd. in 2.5 months) and he is not sure it will work out, how “I think about us a lot, and I’m grateful and proud of us”, etc. Finally, he called and I calmly and happily wished him much love and understanding. How though I’m dating , I’m taking my time and not rushing things with my old ex, for he is a wonderful man I respect. He tried to address the apartment findings and I just said “it was a good thing for me as it helps me feel more comfortable moving on physically”. I cut the conversation short, as I was getting ready for a trip. he messaged me two days later letting me know he is working on bettering himself on flirting issues, apologizing for them in our past. 1) I wonder if NC/LC is best here? 2) If this is yet another rebound,… Read more »

Gigi
Gigi

Oh! and I forgot to thank you and other pals on the boards. In times like these is a great help to get objectivity without criticism. I find there’s help and empathy. Thanks!

Gigi
Gigi

Thanks Kevin. I understand, and is painful for me. I’ve gone on dates, but I’m nowhere near moving on. I have strong feelings for him, and of course I would like to get him back, but not by turning into a doormat. I only wished him the best to regain some lost higher value in the midst of his messages, “showing him that I’m ok with the breakup”. Yet I’m upset this is his second rebound relationship in such a short time.

1) I’ll do the LC by only responding when he contacts me, I will not contact him (right?).

2) I’ll continue taking care of myself and I won’t friend him on FB yet (yes, he “knew” I was moving on because he visits my wall and still likes anything public).

3) I’ll give myself a limit of 3 months. -Please let me know if this flies.

Thanks so much for the help (it is huge!)

Melanie
Melanie

I ran into my ex today (we broke up only a few days ago) while I was running and he was walking in my direction. We were both surprised to see each other and I gave a small smile and kept running (I had my headphones in). He smiled and tipped his hat and kept walking. Should I have acted differently? Should I have talked? Does this break the 30 day no contact rule, since I know I am going to see him on Sunday but I am not planning on approaching him?

Alex
Alex

Hi Kevin,
My girlfriend broke up with me just over a week ago. We underwent a break of several days before hand, in which she told me it gave her the time to think about what she needed. We broke up and she said she wants to be friends, then see where things go from there. She has told me right now, there is more of a chance that she would date someone else as opposed to me, since we’ve been broken up for such a short period of time. I think my difficulty is that I have changed all the things about myself which was the reasoning behind her breaking up with me. I have been friendly and seen her once in two weeks. I confess, I did text her a lot a day or two after we broke up to today (~6 days). I just don’t know what to do. I want to get back together but at the same time, don’t want to put excessive effort into this if she’s going to date somebody. She said she has no intentions of dating someone between now and September, but she said after that anything’s possible. She’s not ruling out the possibility of us getting back together, but certainly won’t confirm it either. I’ve decided to stop talking to her for those 30 days to let myself heal and focus on what I need. Please offer any advice you can. Thank you.

Shah
Shah

I am in the exact same situation. It would be great if Kevin respond to this!

Chloe
Chloe

Hi Kevin, please can you help? My ex and I have been in touch for about 2 months now, first it was a lot of texting – light chat, jokes, he mentioned the break up and relationship and I calmly responded to him, he talked about how he was making himself better, setting himself up for the future and family…he said he thought I didn’t love him and I said that wasn’t true. I said I still loved him, and after that text he called me a couple of times and we chatted on the phone, every day topics. Then last week we were chatting on text and I told him I was going out with my cousin and he joked about whether I was going out to meet new men. I was surprised and annoyed and he said why not? I ignored his text, and he apologised if he offended me. I explained in text (I’ll summarise) that I wondered if he really did see me as a friend as I didn’t have many male friends who I regularly text and talk on the phone, that I wasn’t one to play with another person’s feelings. I said I wanted a man who wanted the same things I wanted. He replied that he didn’t know what to say, that he still loves me and has always loved me. He said he feels a little confused. He would like to talk more and be happy that we both wanted this. Anyway, after that text he went quiet and more distant, I asked him if he was scared to talk to me and he said a little. I asked him why, and he said he wasn’t sure. Over several days, the conversation was a little strained. Then earlier this week I asked him if he was free for phone chat and he said yes. So we talked on the phone, and then I asked him if he wanted to go see a show as I had a spare ticket. He sounded nervous. It felt a bit awkward! He said he’ll let me know later on in the week. Since that phone call he’s been less chatty on text, but he still replies to me. Kevin, I feel like I’ve made the wrong move. Yet, I believe there needs to be a step where he and I should meet at some point. I think going to a show would be ideal…yet then a friend said it’s a love story so it would seem like a couple-type show to go to. I said I didn’t think of it like that. Should I have just waited for him to ask me out when he feels… Read more »

Chloe
Chloe

Thanks Kevin! I’ll give that a go and hope it works. Your plan and advice have been a huge help for me over the last few months. Really appreciate all you’ve done here.
Chloe

Chloe
Chloe

Hi Kevin, just a quick question? What if he doesn’t respond/reply at all? Shall I just leave it as is and not say anything?
Thanks, Chloe

astronaut18
astronaut18

hello Kevin,
me n my ex are communicating thru texts in positive ways..and its not just a 1 text 1 reply thing despite me initiating contact..when i text him the topics bloomin flowers..so i can tell that he is not mad or has any negative feelings towards me..and even he is busy as he claims he still lets me know “im busy right now” thru texting…and in the timely manner of his reply..is always right after i text.so seems all gr8. ive asked once to meet up for coffee..he said OK, but he scheduled the date and made it Dinner instead of coffee..but on that day..he bailed and said he had a class to attend..so i sad its fine.. then..out of randomness and since weve been textin normally (coz i was NC to him and used to only text once a month) for the past months and i ddnt wanna create a GAP between our last textn session..so i asked him (3weeks after) if he was free again for
coffee.. but i approached him in a “heyy we never got to meet up” way. . same thing again he agreed but was 50/50 and said he will confirm l8r on that day. unfortunately..still didnt go out. and then recently i found one of his possesions that have alot of meaning to him in my closet..and immed8ly sent him a photo of “wat i found” and he was shocked and..more like upset coz he kinda blamed me for “stealing” it..and he said he wants it back coz its got a sentimental meaning to him…
So i called him and calling seemed to be less desperate than askin him out or showin uo unannounced..i called to say sorry coz i knew..by instinct he was mad..and right there he was..but we talked..and i knew i couldnt remove the anger or undo the madness i caused so i just said sorry..now i feel hopeless..things were goin ok..weve been exchangin messages and plannin
To go out..and now its all ruined….what should i do?? Please give me some advice..xx

Jackie
Jackie

Hey Kevin, I am going through so much I dont know what to do. I broke up with my ex about 7 months ago because we did have arguments and we were together for 4 years. We were still hanging out during those 7 months and he has been asking me out again but I kept telling him I want us to be perfectly happy again so we can go back out without any breakups. We were hanging out alot and enjoying time together during that time. Then recently he has been hanging out with this girl from his work and I noticed he started hanging out with her more than me. I kept asking him if he liked her and he said no we are just friends. And all of a sudden I found out myself that they are official. I did do my begging I was extremely shocked and hurt because we made a commitment to each other that we would be together again but at the right time. I was attached to him for all these years and its just hard. They were together for a month now and ive been in serious pain. I tried to ignore him but if I did for one day he would keep saying that he does not want to have me out his life. But then hes clinging hard to this new girl. He did cheat on her with me a few times we went and hung out a few times as well. But now im just lost I really want a commited relationship. I want to be his one and only again. I have read your 5 step plan. I want to go for it. But do you think we have a chance again?

astronaut18
astronaut18

hello Kevin,
me n my ex are communicating thru texts in positive ways..and its not just a 1 text 1 reply thing despite me initiating contact..when i text him the topics bloomin flowers..so i can tell that he is not mad or has any negative feelings towards me..and even he is busy as he claims he still lets me know “im busy right now” thru texting…and in the timely manner of his reply..is always right after i text.so seems all gr8. ive asked once to meet up for coffee..he said OK, but he scheduled the date and made it Dinner instead of coffee..but on that day..he bailed and said he had a class to attend..so i sad its fine.. then..out of randomness and since weve been textin normally (coz i was NC to him and used to only text once a month) for the past months and i ddnt wanna create a GAP between our last textn session..so i asked him (3weeks after) if he was free again for
coffee.. but i approached him in a “heyy we never got to meet up” way. . same thing again he agreed but was 50/50 and said he will confirm l8r on that day. unfortunately..still didnt go out. and then recently i found one of his possesions that have alot of meaning to him in my closet..and immed8ly sent him a photo of “wat i found” and he was shocked and..more like upset coz he kinda blamed me for “stealing” it..and he said he wants it back coz its got a sentimental meaning to him…
So i called him and calling seemed to be less desperate than askin him out or showin uo unannounced..i called to say sorry coz i knew..by instinct he was mad..and right there he was..but we talked..and i knew i couldnt remove the anger or undo the madness i caused so i just said sorry..now i feel hopeless..things were goin ok..weve been exchangin messages and plannin
To go out..and now its all ruined….what should i do?? Please give me some advice..xx
p.s i commented previously on the dates u mentioned u will be away so this may seem a duplicate but no.

astronaut18
astronaut18

hello Kevin,
me n my ex are communicating thru texts in positive ways..and its not just a 1 text 1 reply thing despite me initiating contact..when i text him the topics bloomin flowers..so i can tell that he is not mad or has any negative feelings towards me..and even he is busy as he claims he still lets me know “im busy right now” thru texting…and in the timely manner of his reply..is always right after i text.so seems all gr8. ive asked once to meet up for coffee..he said OK, but he scheduled the date and made it Dinner instead of coffee..but on that day..he bailed and said he had a class to attend..so i sad its fine.. then..out of randomness and since weve been textin normally (coz i was NC to him and used to only text once a month) for the past month and i ddnt wanna create a GAP between our last textn session..so i asked him (3weeks after) if he was free again for coffee.. but i approached him in a “heyy we never got to meet up” way. . same thing again he agreed but was 50/50 and said he will confirm l8r on that day. unfortunately..still didnt go out. and then recently i found one of his possesions that have alot of meaning to him in my closet..and immed8ly sent him a photo of “wat i found” and he was shocked and..more like upset coz he kinda blamed me for “stealing” it..and he said he wants it back coz its got a sentimental meaning to him…
thing is,..what do i do now?? ive asked to go out twice ..both unfortunately turned out canceled..and im scared i got him upset. im drownin in my thoughts..please help me. thanks..

S
S

What does it mean if he keeps texting me that he misses me

TY
TY

LOL

ManaWren
ManaWren

Hey
My ex and I broke up six months ago after ca two months of “relationship”. We never went official due to me not wanting to stress it. He however did want to get together properly.
During Christmas break I was cold and distant and upon our return to college he ended the relationship saying “he had no feelings for me”. I was upset, but dignified, no begging or trying to make him stay. He however said more than once that he could not bring himself to leave (my apartement). Texts during Christmas never suggested that HE would end it and he spoke to me on facebook, friendly chatting, the day before. We had one argument during Christmas where I claimed that we were nothing.
We kept in touch after the break up, at first mainly he initiated it later I did. Two times have I told him that I still have feelings and he claim to have feelings aswell but its not enough. He is jealous and very caring still, we still flirt at times.
He, and a friend, also helped out (twice) when I recently moved and he tells me to call him anytime if there is something. He also looks at me alot, even to the point of me having to look away. He have also wanted to talk about the relationship but I have been hesistant. And tought ive said I still have feelings I rarely show it. Two weeks ago he flirted with a girl while staring directly at me :/ later his friends told me he was having a rough time. Later they claimed not to remember it, but they got really weird when I asked about it.
After the break up I’ve become good friends with many of his mates, and it’s not only me who have initiated it. He also asked if one of my friends who was talking to him about me was spying on me.
Tought he claims that my cold and distant behaviour had nothing to do with our break up he seem to appreciate it when I apologize, becomes interested when I speak of how I wanted to text him. He also comments on how he still finds me attractive – to others.
I’ve been ignoring him this past month and he seem hurt and upset about it.
Now college ends and I don’t know where we’ll go next (city wise). Do I stand a chance here?

ManaWren
ManaWren

Do I really stand a chance? I’ve told him twice that I still have feelings (nothing about getting back together) and he haven’t done anything. Should he not have taken a chance then? Or chase me a bit as well? I’ve become cold after bothe instances.

Also our mutual friends talks alot about my ex to me and asks about my dating life. (Does it mean anything? He has also asked about two months ago)

To complicate things further there is an incident about two months after our breakup. A mutual friend was hospitalized and my ex contacted me to drive him over to feed the dog. Our friend returned and later tried to comit suicide (we found him together). This can also possibly explain why my ex is generous and kind towards me.

And six months have passed – over twice the length of our relationship.

And what can I possibly say? I’ve spoken to him twice and there has been no results…

manawren
manawren

And how to I initiate contact after almost one month of silence?

And at times he seemed really angry when I contacted him right after the breakup… but he is really friendly now (perhaps Im just a friend to him now?)

ManaWren
ManaWren

I did and thought he replies friendly and asks questions back I feel that he gives me to little :/

manawren
manawren

I’m pretty sure that he won’t take me back if I give him sn ultimatium. And thought he has been jealous and asked what I look for, if I’m seeing someone and such things I doubt that thats the way to do it.

Nicky
Nicky

Hi Kevin

Me and my ex broke up at the beginning of November. I dumped him for what I now deem to be stupid reasons. Anyway we didn’t really speak properly for a month or so however since February I’ve been wanting to get back with him we had a chat and he said he was angry with me and didn’t like me very much but that he liked me more that month than he did the previous. We talk more or less everyday and he’s said he doesn’t think we should get back together because of how well our relationship turned out last time, however he still jokes around with me in public, he says slightly mean things to me but in a playful flirtatious way, and my friends say when I’m not looking at him he gives me that look, you know the one you see a guy giving the girl in a film but it’s always when she’s not looking. Yesterday was my birthday and we had an exam and then we went and sat and saw my friend we were joking around and stuff, I had this sense he was just waiting around for something and then I said to my friend I was gonna go in a min and he started to pack up and then I was leaving and he said “yeah I should go too” well I had a phone call and he was walking behind me and when I got off of it he was like “do you want me to give you a lift to your grans seeing as it’s your birthday” he’s obviously listened to me telling my friend I was going to see my gran. Anyway I accepted and I just felt this weird feeling towards us. I don’t wanna read too much into it but do you think he still has feeling for me?

Anonymous
Anonymous

Hi Kevin. You have been of great help to me in the past one month and I am sincerely thankful to you for that. Your mails have helped me get out of depression to an extent.
Kevin, this is really urgent so I really request you to reply to me as soon as possible. Please.
Me and my ex who are 17 and 19 respectively, broke up one month ago. We were together for two months. The reason for the breakup was that I got to know that he has been cheating on me from his other girlfriend who had been with him since a year. This was the second time he had cheated on her. As soon as my ex got to know that I have realized that he has been cheating, he blocked my number completely and told everyone that he was just getting intimate. I was completely shattered after this and cut myself and went into depression. I can do anything to get him back. However, I didn’t contact him. At all. For one month. My facebook shows that I am extremely happy. And I am even going out with my friends. All this is an act, since I don’t really feel all this.
Now, one month later on the day he had asked me out, he has contacted me and apologized. This happened two days ago. He says he wants to be friends. I accepted his apology and became friends with him since my NCP was over. Later, he asked me about my life and whether I am single or not. He told me that he is single. He told me to meet him at 2 a.m. and has been talking to me a bit. Each time he sends a message and starts the conversation, I just follow up.
Now, I am unsure what to do. I sent him a message today saying that his new Display Picture on what’s app is nice and started a conversation with him for the first time after the breakup. However, I haven’t gotten any replies. Please Kevin, I am ready to do anything. Just help me. Tell me what to do.

mary
mary

hi, i broke up with my boyfriend of 3 yrs out of anger last night. he packed his bags and did not even bother to text me after. i texted him this morning saying i need my keys so i could start moving on, but he never replied about it instead we fought about our relationship. what should i do? i need my keys though and my birthday is coming in three weeks, I already invited his friends and family.help!

Anna
Anna

My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me three days ago. We lived together, that morning he broke up with me, packed his stuff, and left, saying he’s depressed and stressed out. He was not willing to actually communicate about anything, getting defensive stating, “What else is there to say?” Very shortly after he left, he called me (not once, but twice!) to come back and get more of his things. I was accommodating and did not further aggravate the situation. Hours after he was gone, he text me saying to search my car for one of our mutual friends’ missing objects. I did not respond to him, but instead responded directly to the friend. I have maintained no contact. This morning (day three) he text me “Hey” and I did not respond. This evening, he text me “Hey. Can you let me know when my checks show up in the mail? I’d really appreciate it.” These are blank checks from the bank, not paychecks. They have not arrived, and in the past I have talked with him about how unfair and disrespectful it is to withhold people’s stuff – his previous ex still has some of his possessions and refuses to return them.

So my question to you is: Do I maintain no contact and text him when the checks arrive, or do I respond with a neutral “Ok”? It’s been about an hour since I received the message. Admittedly, I am scared that full no contact will result in him not wanting to speak to me anymore :'( Your advice is greatly appreciated, and I would really value your response. Thank you so much for your time!

astronaut18
astronaut18

hello Kevin,
so..i havent been in constant contact with my ex for like 2weeks(only when he texted me first so i engaged conversations back)..even on his birthday i didnt greet him but surprisingly on my birthday he texted me and it was a pretty effortly-thought of text not just a simple greeting but with other words aswell..so, i replied and in my reply i included an inside joke of when was created when we first started going out as friends and it was something that created a LOL memory in it, i was tryin 2 spark a good memory (good feelings) just like u mentioned..thing is; he didnt reply ..i kinda felt like i insulted him more than made him laugh coz it was a funny inside joke..so i texted him again saying i was just joking and he didnt have to be such a p**** .. coz i was joking in a friendly way.. then,heres the worse (hope not) part..i rang him once pretty late hours coz i was w8n for a text reply..and he didnt pick up…
is he being bitter and holding hard feelings towards me?what would u comment on this..
appreciate ur advice.

kevish
kevish

Hi, its been a week since my girlfriend broke up with me. We have been dating for three years and eventually got engaged last February. Last year we had a similar problem where we broke up due to my bad temper but we got back together after a month and I promised that I would change these bad habits. Come to last week, we had a fight over a small issue, which I started and during the heat of the fight I threw a nap to her face. She then removed her engagement ring and told me everything is over. Her family and my parents tried to talk to her but she remains firm upon her decision and she says she have had enough of my moody behaviour and does not have the courage to return as I broken my promise that I would change. When breaking up she said that she is doing that because she loves me and she gave a kiss on the lips. I love her like crazy and its hard to forget a relationship like that. I can do anything for her. Please help.

Jia
Jia

Hi :). I have read all of your advice and have to admit have not done a good job of following it. My ex (35)and I (27) met in 5 months ago and went official 3 months ago. We took things slow. Met his kid and family and was with him all the time. He was a bit needy and sensitive. He was talking about taking a really good job in another country and I got kind of needy too and was pressuring him about what would happen to us, instead if being supportive….oops. Also his best friend was encouraging him to be single because they have a guys trip abroad in a months, for a month to a bunch if European countries that was planned before we were together. We got into a talk, I criticized him and he dumped me….saying I put to much pressure and that he doesn’t want anything. He said he didn’t want to become codependent, like his ex. Ironically, in the past he was the one who got upset when I made plans outside the relationship and fueled codependency. I felt if I followed through on my plans he wouldn’t have felt that way. I accepted in the end. I cried in the break up but accepted it gracefully. But we started talking a couple days later…then were talking everyday…he was talking about doing things, like taking trips together…texts and calls everyday and sweet names for the past two weeks after the break up….hooked up, but still says he doesn’t want anything. I have been too open about my intentions if still wanting to be with him, feeding the ego. I have a feeling bc of his trip to Europe he also wants to be single Anyways..I live abroad..he is a local here. Guys throw themselves at me, bc I’m different. I have gotten flowers 3 times in the last two weeks, it’s wierd…Some intense guy who is a friend if a friend and was too interested in me in the past heard I was single again and sent me flowers to work… No card, i texted to ask if it was my ex,,and he got super jealous and accusing. Hasn’t talked to me…to make matters worse, I posted a pic of the roses…oops. Now he was super short and cold…canceled plans with me.deleted all of our pics ..Have a feeling he wouldn’t respond to any further messages… I think not contacting…until he gets back from him trip…or during the end…it would be a little over a month. Or do I not have a chance. He is one of a kind, truly. Everyone has their faults, but would be hard to find a better… Read more »

tiffany wiyo
tiffany wiyo

Hi Kevin,your blog is great…you daily newsletter has been a support system …thank you.my Ex boyfriend and i broke up three weeks ago.and have been into the no contact rule strong two weeks.so last night he called me twice but i didnt pick the call.5 minute later,a message came in,,the message says”Was just calling to say thank you,for paying me back like this,thank you and bye”….i got really scared and i wanted to call back.But i stopped myself from calling.Please what do u think is up to?And what do i do?

Marcus
Marcus

Hey Kevin, I first off want to acknowledge all the good you are doing with this site! I find it to be a very useful guide on not only how to get your ex back but how you live your life without them. Can’t thank you enough for the platform. Here’s my story, me(23) and my girlfriend(21)were together in a strong relationship spanning 3 years, celebrating bdays, holidays and doing everything together. Any hardships one another had we were both there. The beginning of the relationship was great going out on dates and being outgoing and exciting. But later on I ended up having to get knee surgery and was laid up for a while followed by a sickness to my stomach called IBS that lasted several months. We weren’t able to go out and have a lot of fun like we used to. This past Sunday she said she had some issues she wanted to talk about and possibly seperate. I had her instantly come over and I talked her off the ledge and promised for better times in the relationship. She agreed and told me this would make us stronger and we had sex that night. The next day she brings those feelings back up the and ultimately ends the relationship. I was very emotional and stubborn when we talked and I couldn’t fathom what was happening. *Her reasoning for the breakup is for her to have some time to find herself and do her own thing. She felt like she was also hurting me throughout the relationship which was completely false. She said we were both starting new things her with a job and me transferring to the state college in the area. She also made it clear that she didn’t love me like she use to and she could only see me as a best friend. She also mentioned the butterflies she once had, had moved on. She said she started feeling like that a couple months prior and just recently started being attracted to other guys and seeing what a relationship with someone else would be like. It crushed me! The next day we talked out of instinct and made some promises, mine were not to take the breakup so hard, go out and date other people and stay the genuine person I am. Hers were to never forget the love we shared, don’t date anyone for 3 months(I didn’t expect her to keep this I was just being emotional trying to keep her to myself). We spoke about how we were meant to be and that this will make us stronger people but she would not commit to trying the relationship down the road… Read more »

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