Your ex will tell you a lot of things after the breakup, but you can’t really believe everything they say. Heck, you can’t even trust their action. Overanalyzing your ex’s behavior will drive you crazy. And in reality, analyzing their behavior is not going to help you get your ex back or move on.

For example,

They will like your status on Facebook and then Unfriend you.

They will text you when they are drunk but won’t pick up your calls the next day.

They will be sitting at your favorite coffee shop but won’t come and say hi to you.

They will start dating someone else but will get angry when they find out you started dating someone else.

The truth is your ex is hurt and probably confused about their feelings for you. Luckily, there are a few signs that will tell you whether or not your ex still loves you. But first let me make it clear that these signs do not mean that your ex wants to get back together. In fact, since you and your ex were in a meaningful relationship, I am sure that they still like you (or maybe even love you) and they still have strong feelings for you. But this does not mean that they want to get back together. If they want to get back together, they will show completely different signs (Read: 5 Signs Your Ex Wants You Back).

Even though these signs don’t mean they want to get back together, there are still something you can do when you see these signs that will increase your chances of getting back together. You can find it in the “What you should do?” section under each sign.

Sneaky Sign No. 1: Emotions

Hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. If an ex shows any type of negative emotions for you (including anger and hatred), it’s because they are hurt. It’s because they had expectations that you didn’t meet. It’s because they are an emotional mess because of you.

Just because someone says they hate you, doesn't really mean they don't love you.

Just because someone says they hate you, doesn’t really mean they don’t love you.

But the truth is, they are only hurt because they love you. You broke their expectations because they have expectations from you. And the reason they are an emotional mess is because they still have feelings for you.

Think about it, why would someone spend so much time and energy into hating you or being angry at you? They broke up with you. Wouldn’t it be easier to just forget about you and move on? The reason they say they have these negative emotions you is because they still have feelings for you. They just don’t want those feelings to be there, so they are confusing those feelings to be hatred or anger.

What You Should Do?

Give them time and space. Just stop contact with them and let all the negative emotions subside. There is literally nothing you can say to them that will turn their negative emotions into positive ones. But if you say nothing to them, time will eventually kill all the hatred and anger inside them and they will start remembering the good of the relationship. Time is the only thing that can make their hatred and anger go away. And when it does go away, they will realize that they are still in love with you.

Sneaky Sign No. 2: They Are Being Competitive

Is your ex trying to make you jealous? Do they post pictures on facebook specifically to push your buttons? Are they going out of their way so that you know that they are dating someone new? Do they become extra flirtatious with other people when you are around? Then congratulations, your ex is probably still in love with you (aside from being a little immature).competitive_ex

What your ex is trying to do is win the post breakup competition. Not only is it a pretty immature way of dealing with the breakup, it’s also a very ineffective way. The fact that they are doing this means that you are on their mind most of the time. And the fact that you are still on their mind means that they are still in love with you.

Instead of trying to decipher everything your ex does and says. Why don’t you take this simple quiz to find out your chances of getting back together? Click Here to begin.

What You Should Do?

Let them play their game while you actually try to improve your life. Do the three things that you must do during the no contact rule. Do the things you enjoy and start going out on dates. If they are being competitive, they are probably watching everything you do. Seeing you actually improving in your life is going to make them second guess their decision to breakup. (Are you scared that they have moved on? Read Get Your Ex Back If She Has Moved on to another guy)

Sneaky Sign No. 3: Push/Pull Behavior

If your ex is cold one minute and hot the other, then you can be sure they have feelings for you. They will pull away and won’t talk to you for weeks, and then suddenly push to spend time with you. They will ignore your calls and then start calling you everyday. They will stop responding to your texts and then start texting you randomly. (Read more about texting an ex here.)

This behavior simply means that they are confused about their feelings for you. Their heart is still in love with you but they are trying to convince themselves that they should stay broken up. They miss you and want to spend time with you, but they are stopping themselves because they think you are not good for them.

What You Should Do?

Be cool. Stay calm and don’t let their irrational behavior get to you. If you respond to their unstable behavior, you are showing a sign of neediness. Whatever happens, don’t ever ask them “Why you didn’t reply to my text?” or “Why you didn’t pick up my call?”

If they become cold, you become cold. Simple as that. Don’t reward their cold behavior by paying them more attention.

Sneaky Sign No. 4: Drunk Dialing

If your ex calls you when they are intoxicated, then it’s an obvious sign that they still have feelings for you. However, you should be very careful about what you say to them when they call you or text you when they are drunk. It could be that they confess their love to you when they are drunk and they become completely cold the next day.

What You Should Do?

Any drunken calls from your ex should be received with caution. Do not talk about YOUR feelings when they are drunk. It doesn’t matter how much they ask you “If you still love them”, you should not reply. Just a simple “You are drunk and I don’t want to talk about it right now” should do the trick.

Do not confess your love to them when they are drunk. It will only make them realize the next day that you are still not over them and that they still have you (Read third point of this article to understand why they shouldn’t feel like they still have you).

Sneaky Sign No. 5: Contacting You During The No Contact Rule

If you’ve read the 5 step plan, I recommend you start no contact with your ex after the breakup. This is perhaps the most effective way to win your ex back for good. During this no contact period if your ex contacts you, then you can be sure that they are thinking about you and they still have feelings for you.

What You Should Do?

Don’t pick up the phone. Talking to them is going to defeat the purpose of no contact. You need to prove to yourself that you can survive without your ex for at least 30 days. It’s hard but in the end, you will realize it was worth it. Also, when you don’t pick up their phone, they are going to start wondering whether or not you have moved on. They will start realizing that you are not a needy person and that you are not available for them whenever they need you. Trust me, you are going to become more attractive in their mind by not answering them.

You can still contact them after no contact is over. But until then, you need to stay strong.

Wait, do you still have a chance?

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714 comments ...add one

  • Anne
    I came here because after not hearing from the gentleman that I was seeing for a few months due to no contact, he randomly sent me a message. A drunk 1am message asking if I want to hang out. I didn't respond until 12 hours later due to being busy and said sure. No response back, fine. No contact has really improved my life and I'm extremely happy right now. No response back did set me back a bit emotionally but for only one day! Next weekend, same thing but earlier in the night. I didn't respond and shut my phone off and responded the next morning. No response back, fine. But this time, he was now stuck in my mind for a few days. I didn't reach out until recently a few times establishing friendly banter and he's been responding immediately. I tread lightly because he's seeing someone now and I'm don't want to cause drama but it's nice that we finally got over the BS and re-establishing communication. Baby steps and it's been taking months. Because no contact was so beneficial to my own well-being, if things never pick up between us romantically, no contact made okay with that outcome. I do care about him a lot of course and love just hearing from him and knowing he's doing well.
    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      That's great Anne, you're a good testament to how NC works but many people are just afraid of doing it as they worry that their ex would forget them or they're scared to take the step. It doesn't also work in the favor that you'll definitely get back together with your ex, but at least you grow as a person and would eventually learn to be happy without your ex partner.
      Reply
  • Laura G .
    My ex broke up with me almost 3 weeks ago . It was a horrible break up . I blew him up at times while he said he was done then when I tried to be done he would do the same to me.. Finally one day he just said he’s had enough but I was so hurt I blew him up and said some really mean and hurtful things. He changed his number; I even heard he’s seeing his ex but I’m not sure about that . He still uses his WhatsApp , I sent him a message saying a simple “hey” he gets on everyday but he didn’t open the message until two days later and didn’t reply .. Do I have a chance ? Should I contact him again ?if so then what should I say ? Or do I have no choice but to move on ? Is him not blocking me on WhatsApp a good sign ?
    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hi Laura, Since it was a horrible break up, I suggest taking time apart to give him space to let go of negative emotions he may harbor against you at the moment. It is a good sign that he didn't block you. However, do not be pushy with your messages to him or he may end up blocking you. I suggest applying the no contact rule before contacting him again in the future if you want to.
      Reply
  • Queen
    I and my bf broke up a month ago, I still love him tho but I kept my cool with the no contact rule. I was shocked to see his calls even though I broke up with him, he likes my status on Facebook and all that...So I didnt pick his call and he sent a text saying he just wanna check up on me but I ignored d text. The next day, I couldn't hold it, I had to reply him by saying thanks for checking up and hop he is good too...I donno if he want us to get back together or he just misses me
    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hey there, How long are you into the NC period? If it's been around 30 days, then perhaps you could continue the conversation if he replies you from that previous text and slowly figure out what his intentions are.
      Reply
  • christian
    hey me and my ex broke up about 2 weeks ago and we were together for a month but we were on and off but now shes saying that she doesn't know if she wants to be with me and she likes someone else that she can't be with what do I do!?
    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hi Christian, Perhaps you could have a talk with her and find out why she does not want to be with you and see if it's a salvageable situation. If no, then it would be better for you to be fair to yourself and move on.
      Reply
  • sonari
    hey , me and my ex broke up 4 years ago but we are bestfriends till now and i still have feelings for him , we hangout sometimes he always stares at me non- stop i tried to get him back for years but hes like he doesnt wanna date me anymore we even kiss tho... and he hasnt dated since we broke up... hes confusing me sometimes he says i miss u , he just gives me mixed signs.. does he still love me?
    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hi Sonari, Perhaps you could follow this article and see if it helps give you an idea on what to do. If it doesn't perhaps you should sit down and talk to him and be honest about your feelings towards him and ask him directly why he does not want to date you.
      Reply
  • Kaveen Prabhu
    Hi, I have Hid Past from her...Like..I flirted with her friend years before I even Know her...That friend introduced me to her recently and we were so much in love and I even Asked her to Marry me and My parents accepted it and They are supportive Month Before That mutual friend and Me had a fight and She revealed all my secrets to my Girlfriend...She got devastated and She told She never Wanted to see Me again...And that friend also told Many lies about me too and Moreover My girl's parents are Not okay with Love because of Thier status and dignity issues. She told that she Never want to see me again in life but she checks my snap stories and location and She became friends with my Bestfriend to know about me. I really want her...I will workhard and Make her parents accept me ...But I wamt her to comeback She always tells that I treat her like Queen but I broke her trust and betrayed her so she doesn't want me I am so depressed and I am devastated.
    Reply
    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
      Hi Kaveen, I'm sorry to hear that. For the time being, do give her some space to calm down. She won't listen to what you have to say at this point because she's still affected by what has happened. However, based on what you've said, I think she still does care and love you just that you probably have to give her some time before trying to explain what happened.
      Reply
  • Angie
    Hi my and my ex have been off and on for two years the longest was a month . But recently this last month has been so much drama it all started about a month ago when he said he needed a break I was hurt so I continued to contact him very day he got sooo annoyed by it and told me we were done for good and to move on and leave him alone & blocked me . So I did . But one day he texted me and we started talking like normal for a couple of days .. but all of a sudden the police showed up at his house and said there was a report on him about domestic violence of course he thought it was me since he broke up with me ... everything went down hill he basically told me again he was done and to leave him alone and he said he hated me (not the first time) .. that was a week ago . If I call or text him he’ll answer or text back but it won’t be nice but he’ll still answer . Which is weird because normally he’ll just block me but he didn’t . This time it honestly feels like he’s done for good but I can’t really say because I’m basing it off emotions. My questions are . Why didn’t he block me this time ? and why is he still responding and answering (cold messages) if he hates me and is done with me ? Also we are so off and on how would I know if this time he is done for good? I’m now on day 4 of NC .
    Reply
  • Louise
    Hi there, mine is a tricky situation. I had depression for many years and whilst my partner was so supportive I was too wrapped up in my own issued to realise he too had depression and constantly repressed his feelings allowing them to fester. The past year my ex had to live away for work purposes and suffered lonliness and did not cope very well at all. I myself did not cope, I was stressed, pregnant and was constantly negative and admittedly was a horrible person to be around. We had an argument a month before he was due back and he said that he was done, and that was that. I was hysterical and feel that I had pushed him away further. He has since moved into a family member’s house. This was all over 3 months ago, our second child is now 3 weeks old and we share a 6 year old together too. Today after all this time he finally opened up and I now understand the breakdown. I was not supportive in his work or his depression, and found out that his own depression had intensified to the point where he said he doesnt feel connected to anyone including his family, but only has feelings for his children. I had caused him a lot of stress in his career path and I was often jelous as I was lost in my own career and got angry over this and other pathetic little things. It’s great that he felt he could finally put down some of his shield to share his feelings with me. He ended the conversation by saying that he will always care for me more so because I am the mother of his children and he wants to be there for me. But I feel that it is over for ever, as he said he is going to save up for his own place and speaking in ways that highlight that we are over and that is that. I don’t know what to do or how to attempt to rectify all of my wrong doings. I have spent the past 3 months, though incredibly difficult, picking myself up and changing the negative factors about myself. Loving myself and throwing myself into fully focusing on my child and pregnancy. I don’t know if this relationship can ever be re established. What would you advice? Thank you. Louise
    Reply
    • Kevin
      Hi Louise, Depression can be very hard to deal with when you are trying to get your ex back. Unless he is at a good place for himself and he realizes that you are at a good place too, it's unlikely you will get back together. I think you should continue working on yourself. Continue loving yourself and becoming a better version of yourself. Encourage him to do so as well. As you both grow, there is a chance it will work out in the future. But you should always be prepared for the worst. Read this article for a more detailed plan on getting your ex boyfriend back.
      Reply
  • Danique
    Hey kevin, so i was in a relationship with a girl for about 2 years. and all of a sudden she wanted to break up with me since i was "holding her back", ive always been supportive and have always been there for her. thing is we live in the same house and i do see her now and then, and sometimes i concede to my urges and ask her to come drink some coffee with me. and she does, yet she keeps on saying she doesnt want a relationship anymore but has to show me how guys are flirting with her.(i know this is mostly on myself for asking her to hang out in the first place but what does it mean. we have been through a lot we almost had a kid twice, and she has a really tough background. what im trying to say is she says she does not want to be my girlfriend anymore but she does want to spend time with me when i ask her.. what do i do, does she still love me..
    Reply
  • Holly
    My ex-boyfriend broke up with me a month in a half ago, he had wanted to be with me for years but I never said yes until now. The reason why he broke up with me: he said that he loved me but didn't fall in love with me while we were together, then later said he realized he was already in love with someone else. Fast forward to a month in a half after the break-up, and he texts me saying how he's realized how he was the happiest he's ever been when he was with me, how I was his best relationship, how he couldn't stop thinking about me after the break-up but was afraid to say something to me. Basically, he was apologizing and practically begging for me to give him a second chance. One of my responses was how he can't just dump me and when it doesn't work out with the other person to just come running back to me, he responded saying how it wasn't like that at all. I don't trust him like I did before and because of that I don't believe he's being honest and truthful about his intentions. However, I wanted a second opinion from an outside point of view so I hope you can share with me your thoughts and opinions on this. Is he being truthful? Or is it just an act?
    Reply
    • Kevin
      Hi Holly, You did the right thing by refusing him when he came back. If you are not sure whether or not he is being truthful, then you should give him a chance to prove himself. Tell him you need some space and do no contact for a week or two. After that go out on a couple of dates with him and see how he acts. From what he said till now, it does seem like an act and it seems like he is coming from a place of desperation. If he is still like this when you go out, there is a good chance he doesn't mean what he said and you should remove him from your life.
      Reply
  • Lilly
    Hi, so I broke up with my ex almost 4 weeks ago, and even though it was like our last goodbye he texts me cute stuff and all of a sudden we start fighting or idk. So my question is, is this a good sign or a bad one, cuz I really wanna text him first now and meet up with him and talk...?
    Reply
  • Charlotte
    Hi, My ex boyfriend and I were dating for a year and a half and about 3 weeks ago he told me he wasn't in love with me anymore and a week ago he broke up with me. I was very surprised when he told he didn't love me anymore and everybody around us was just as shocked. We were so good with each other, the only problems we had was my jealousy sometimes and his drinking when we'd go out. Besides that, we had great communication, lots of fun, and future plans, like moving in the house he's buying right now. We picked the house together, chose furnitures and everything. A month ago he even told me that he sees his future with me and one week later he says he hasn't been in love with me for a few months now. We haven't talked for 4 days now but every time I post something on Snapchat he is one of the first people to watch, if not the first for the most part. We're still friends on fb. I'm not planning on talking to him soon even though I want to. Should I let him see what I do? By no contact does that mean deleting him on all social media? I know we are meant to be together but I want him to realize this on his own. Please help! Thank you!
    Reply
    • Kevin
      Hey Charlotte, It might be a good idea to remove him from social media or just stay away from posting anything for a while. Focus on yourself and becoming a better version of yourself. Read this article.
      Reply
  • Chloe
    Hi, Me and my ex broke up about a year and a half ago after a 4 year relationship. However, we still meet up occasionally and everything seems great when we are together. Then he will stop talking to me and say he doesn't want anything to happen between us anymore. He blocked me on all social media but will often unblock me and add me back on things etc. I am so confused on what to do?
    Reply
  • June
    My ex of 4 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago because she said she doesn't feel the same. I realized that she was fed up with my partying habits and wanted me to mature. She gave me a change before we broke up, but my feelings and pain came out when I drank again. Then it officially ended two weeks ago. I did the no contact for 7 days, and then she texted me on day 8! She started asking questions about the logistics of a future road trip before a wedding we were supposed to attend; it's 4 months down the road. Questions like how much the flights were, should she get her own room, etc......I politely responded that she doesn't need to pay me back, and that I still plan on doing the roadtrip to the wedding, and she's more then welcome to come still. My mentality is to respond to the questions and continue with no contact and focus on me. Question: Did I handle it right? Question 2: I'm sticking with no contact, but is she asking this as an excuse to talk to me? The event is four months out.
    Reply
    • Kevin
      Hey June. You did handle it right. You can tell her your intentions of doing no contact. Just say that you want some space and time before you can speak to her comfortably.
      Reply
  • Rachel
    Me and my ex broke up about a week ago and he says he still cares and gets very jealous around guys and is protective but says he doesn't want to date me again? He still really wants to be friends but how can I win him back? He broke up with me because his feelings weren't the same as before
    Reply
  • bad situation
    Hi Kevin, I am in such a bad situation. I have been seeing this man, who turned out to be the loverall of my life aND soulmate, for four years. He has bent over backwards for me in every way, nothing was wrong with our relationship except one thing - I was and am in an arranged marriage. I know this makes me seem like a horrible person and him too. Anyhow, during the first two years he asked on various occasions, hundreds of times, for me to tell him I would be wit him, even one day, and I didn't have to say when. Every time,I would start with "in my heart and soul" and could never finish with a solid answer. I was so petrified of how I would leave. I love this man with all of my being. I don't want to live on this earth another day without him but instead want to live the rest of my life out with him. The problem is instead of breaking up with me which he says he couldn't do because he can't live without me either, is he dated someone for the last year and a half and now they are engaged. I found out indirectly. Sometimes he says he will leave her if I guarantee and make an action plan to be with him, but when I recently called over the weekend and told I was in his neighborhood looking for an apt, he was mean and I felt he thought I was pressuring him. He obviously has feelings for her too though he says he can never love anyone like he loves me. What are the chances of us getting back together? I started NC a week ago and he tried to call once which I didn't answer. We work together too, different depts, and I am interviewing as I can't be there if he goes through with the marriage. I plan on moving out soon. Thank you.
    Reply
    • Kevin
      Hey, If you are unhappy with your marriage, you should end it despite what happens with this guy. Even if you don't get him back, you will be free to date again and find someone you can truly be happy with. Heck, you will be happier alone than in a marriage that was forced upon you. Once you end the marriage, you can contact him again and let him know what has happened. Moreover, if you feel you can't live without this guy, you should get professional help immediately.
      Reply
  • Daniel
    Hi me and my ex just broke up a week ago I talked to her after the break up and she told me she was moving in order to be far from me to not have no contact at all with me she tells me I love you but I'm not in love with you after everything I done did to her no trust in her always bringing up her past and this time she did end up breaking up with me and now after she gets off from work I don't see her pass by my house cause she lives right across the street from me and also her friend told me that she doesn't want to try no more cause she might regret it at the end if I didn't change so just simply don't want to try even if I changed and it's 3 months from now that she doesn't want me what should I do
    Reply

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