Your ex will tell you a lot of things after the breakup, but you can’t really believe everything they say. Heck, you can’t even trust their action. Overanalyzing your ex’s behavior will drive you crazy. And in reality, analyzing their behavior is not going to help you get your ex back or move on.

For example,

They will like your status on Facebook and then Unfriend you.

They will text you when they are drunk but won’t pick up your calls the next day.

They will be sitting at your favorite coffee shop but won’t come and say hi to you.

They will start dating someone else but will get angry when they find out you started dating someone else.

The truth is your ex is hurt and probably confused about their feelings for you. Luckily, there are a few signs that will tell you whether or not your ex still loves you. But first let me make it clear that these signs do not mean that your ex wants to get back together. In fact, since you and your ex were in a meaningful relationship, I am sure that they still like you (or maybe even love you) and they still have strong feelings for you. But this does not mean that they want to get back together. If they want to get back together, they will show completely different signs (Read: 5 Signs Your Ex Wants You Back).

Even though these signs don’t mean they want to get back together, there are still something you can do when you see these signs that will increase your chances of getting back together. You can find it in the “What you should do?” section under each sign.

Sneaky Sign No. 1: Emotions

Hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. If an ex shows any type of negative emotions for you (including anger and hatred), it’s because they are hurt. It’s because they had expectations that you didn’t meet. It’s because they are an emotional mess because of you.

Just because someone says they hate you, doesn't really mean they don't love you.

Just because someone says they hate you, doesn’t really mean they don’t love you.

But the truth is, they are only hurt because they love you. You broke their expectations because they have expectations from you. And the reason they are an emotional mess is because they still have feelings for you.

Think about it, why would someone spend so much time and energy into hating you or being angry at you? They broke up with you. Wouldn’t it be easier to just forget about you and move on? The reason they say they have these negative emotions you is because they still have feelings for you. They just don’t want those feelings to be there, so they are confusing those feelings to be hatred or anger.

What You Should Do?

Give them time and space. Just stop contact with them and let all the negative emotions subside. There is literally nothing you can say to them that will turn their negative emotions into positive ones. But if you say nothing to them, time will eventually kill all the hatred and anger inside them and they will start remembering the good of the relationship. Time is the only thing that can make their hatred and anger go away. And when it does go away, they will realize that they are still in love with you.

Sneaky Sign No. 2: They Are Being Competitive

Is your ex trying to make you jealous? Do they post pictures on facebook specifically to push your buttons? Are they going out of their way so that you know that they are dating someone new? Do they become extra flirtatious with other people when you are around? Then congratulations, your ex is probably still in love with you (aside from being a little immature).competitive_ex

What your ex is trying to do is win the post breakup competition. Not only is it a pretty immature way of dealing with the breakup, it’s also a very ineffective way. The fact that they are doing this means that you are on their mind most of the time. And the fact that you are still on their mind means that they are still in love with you.

Instead of trying to decipher everything your ex does and says. Why don’t you take this simple quiz to find out your chances of getting back together? Click Here to begin.

What You Should Do?

Let them play their game while you actually try to improve your life. Do the three things that you must do during the no contact rule. Do the things you enjoy and start going out on dates. If they are being competitive, they are probably watching everything you do. Seeing you actually improving in your life is going to make them second guess their decision to breakup. (Are you scared that they have moved on? Read Get Your Ex Back If She Has Moved on to another guy)

Sneaky Sign No. 3: Push/Pull Behavior

If your ex is cold one minute and hot the other, then you can be sure they have feelings for you. They will pull away and won’t talk to you for weeks, and then suddenly push to spend time with you. They will ignore your calls and then start calling you everyday. They will stop responding to your texts and then start texting you randomly. (Read more about texting an ex here.)

This behavior simply means that they are confused about their feelings for you. Their heart is still in love with you but they are trying to convince themselves that they should stay broken up. They miss you and want to spend time with you, but they are stopping themselves because they think you are not good for them.

What You Should Do?

Be cool. Stay calm and don’t let their irrational behavior get to you. If you respond to their unstable behavior, you are showing a sign of neediness. Whatever happens, don’t ever ask them “Why you didn’t reply to my text?” or “Why you didn’t pick up my call?”

If they become cold, you become cold. Simple as that. Don’t reward their cold behavior by paying them more attention.

Sneaky Sign No. 4: Drunk Dialing

If your ex calls you when they are intoxicated, then it’s an obvious sign that they still have feelings for you. However, you should be very careful about what you say to them when they call you or text you when they are drunk. It could be that they confess their love to you when they are drunk and they become completely cold the next day.

What You Should Do?

Any drunken calls from your ex should be received with caution. Do not talk about YOUR feelings when they are drunk. It doesn’t matter how much they ask you “If you still love them”, you should not reply. Just a simple “You are drunk and I don’t want to talk about it right now” should do the trick.

Do not confess your love to them when they are drunk. It will only make them realize the next day that you are still not over them and that they still have you (Read third point of this article to understand why they shouldn’t feel like they still have you).

Sneaky Sign No. 5: Contacting You During The No Contact Rule

If you’ve read the 5 step plan, I recommend you start no contact with your ex after the breakup. This is perhaps the most effective way to win your ex back for good. During this no contact period if your ex contacts you, then you can be sure that they are thinking about you and they still have feelings for you.

What You Should Do?

Don’t pick up the phone. Talking to them is going to defeat the purpose of no contact. You need to prove to yourself that you can survive without your ex for at least 30 days. It’s hard but in the end, you will realize it was worth it. Also, when you don’t pick up their phone, they are going to start wondering whether or not you have moved on. They will start realizing that you are not a needy person and that you are not available for them whenever they need you. Trust me, you are going to become more attractive in their mind by not answering them.

You can still contact them after no contact is over. But until then, you need to stay strong.

Wait, do you still have a chance?

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738 comments ...add one

  • Winfield


    i've been reading this website for over 3 days now and I've got a bit of a situation here.

    Here's how the breakup happened (2 weeks ago):
    We both went together at some kind of restaurant with a friend of hers, I didn't really want to go out but made an effort to do it, and I showed pretty quickly that I felt out of place there.

    So when we went back to the car, she drove me home instead of going back to her place.

    A few minutes later I sent a message saying that I had a rough week, i felt out of place in this world blablabla and then, she sent me a tons of walls of text to point out that I never make some effort, that she's some kinda stopping me from achieving my goals (before I met her, i was about to go and live in Japan for a year, but postponed it), that I really act like someone who hates everyone etc.

    Everything was 99% fine BEFORE this argument, and it all came out of nowhere.

    Well anyway, fast forward to the wednesday after (she had blocked me for 2 days before), I tell her on facebook that I miss her, and would get back to square one with her, start anew.

    She said it was a bad idea because she didn't want to hurt me more, that it'd be more painful.

    So I said "we can't just burn bridges like this after all the good times we had. At least, we could be friends", she replied "I don't know,I'm just trying to listen to my head instead of my heart, it's going to hurt just once. Please take care of you". So I said "I hope you'll find happiness" she replied "you too".

    Now another fast forward to friday, we agreed to meet up at a sushi restaurant, we spoke like nothing ever happened, but she seemed a bit cold and distant during diner.

    After diner, she drove me home, I tell her "I missed being in your company", she replied "that's cute".

    Then the day after, I asked her out for the afternoon, and she kinda freaked, asking me "what do you want from me? It makes me ill at ease" then I reconfirmed that I just wanted to be friends "I'll think about it...".

    The sunday came, and I asked her about her new appartment, she said she has no internet so I told her "if you want, I can come and check it". She agreed, so she came and picked me up, she was a bit distant again, but we talked a lot.

    When on the way back home, I went to the petrol station for cigarettes, she came along and wanted some eggs. She told me what she was going to cook for diner and I jokingly said "uuuuh,I'm hungry now!!" and she replied "Do you want to come over for diner? I don't know if it'll be tasty". So i agreed. We had diner, I enjoyed it, we laughed and she drove me back home, kisses on the cheeks, "take care" etc.

    Now, fast forward to this week: a bit of contact everyday about random stuff, but in her messages she seems a bit distant again, yet she initiated contact once, to show me some sushis (hinting at eating them together).

    Then thursday, she was looking for some wood stuff to decorate her appartment, I told her "I know a place, wanna go there together after work?" Her:"Why not, if you have no plans after work". So we went there, found nothing and then on the way back I asked "Would you fancy sushis or maybe a Kebab?", she was hesitating...then she said "ok but I have to do some stuff at my place first", so we went there, talked a lot about random things again, went to the kebab place, ate at her place, and for the first time since the break up, we had a lot of eye contacts, that's when she was talking about a tv show she loves.

    Anyway,Saturday (yesterday) I went to her work,because she offered me to fix something (she fixes stuff and sells stuff), so I went there, by foot (50mins and it was a hot day). She seemed a bit distant at first when I entered the shop, then she became a bit cooler. But I know that these days she's super stressed for something, she didn't tell me what but I told her "don't worry, everything's gonna be fine" and she smiled and said "ha thank you for your positivism".

    Anyway, she drove me back home, kisses on the cheeks again,my hand wassuper close to her arm though. Before leaving the car I told her "if you don't any plan this afternoon or tonight, let me know if you want to meet"
    She said "yeah, i have a lot of things to do so I don't know." and she drove off.

    No messages since, I'm trying the no contact period for at least 2 days now.

    Long story short: I appeared super needy after the break up, trying to understand her and what she really wants and means by "I don't want to hurt you more than I did". During the break up converstation I said that she kinda hurt me once so I don't know.

    I'm changing some habits, I started cooking for real,trying to keep a positive mindset as well.

    She didn't really refuse to meet with me, so I think that's a good start?

    Thanks a lot guys!

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      The fact that she's remained so open with you, and treated you with so much positivity despite the break up is an extremely good start. I suggest not overstepping your boundaries and making her feel suffocated, as it may begin to push her away. The statement she made on not wanting to hurt you showed potential guilt and confusion, and her constant distance at the start is probably due to her internal struggles whenever she isn't with you. However, as ironic as it may sound, sometimes we need to go through that internal battle to come up with a firm resolve towards the situation (whether positive or negative). If not, these feelings of guilt and wanting to walk away may always surface whenever she feels threatened or upset.

  • Mia

    My ex and I started off pretty well until he would always drive recklessly with no consideration that I was in the car with him, we got pulled over a few times almost went to jail , and caused me to go to jail, and then we ended up staying together due to my blindess. He would bare text me and give me a lot of excuses on why he would barely text, he would say at work ,well he worked two jobs, but that's the side point.mAfter my 20th birthday he wanted to treat me to dinner. He needed a ride home I wasn't able to loan him a ride home, he wanted to do a stupid thing(steal a charger from Walmart) I thought it was a bad idea. I told him I was willing to buy it for his phone. He got us caught up with stealing when I had no part of it. I didn't even encourage himto steal, and I ended up with the charges, he didn't. He said he would pay for the ticket, but he did not. I ended up losing the amount of 300$ worth of the charges after he stole the phone charger. He didn't contact me eversince, and after Christmas he barely wished me a merry Christmas and I did not get shit from him. He asked me if when he could come see me again and loan me the money back but I chose not to see him again, My mkther said shed be willing to get my money back from his house, but he did not tell me she could. He gotangry and cussed me outand said things that hurt my feelings, I been broke and struggling with paying my bills as a college student, I have not heard from him since, do you think it was never meant to be or do you think he still has some type of feelings for me, I haven't heard from him eversince our breakup.

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      I think you should seriously consider what you're saying, and whether this relationship is toxic for you. He may not be worth it if he's getting you into trouble with the law, not even being supportive when you're in need of help, seems to only care about himself and does what he wants to do with no consideration for you.

  • Peter

    My ex broke up with me a few days ago. We were together for 3 years and she has 2 daughters that I see as my own. Even though they aren't my biological daughters I see them as my own. I'm hurting so much inside and I can't eat, think straight, or even get up to go to work. I had problems with drinking in the past and she helped me get thru my problems. I cheated on her once within the first year we were together and she came back and forgave me. I have dealt with an anger problem ever since I was a child. I have yelled at her and I cussed at her and I even talked down on her at times. I would apologize and we would be good for a bit then I would mess things up again. She admitted she had her moods at times but I was something else. She said that she does and will always have a spot for me in her heart but can't be with me anymore. She said that even tho we won't be together that she still loves me. She said sometimes it's best to walk away and save herself. Now she has blocked me on IG, fb, and Snap chat. But she keeps blocking and unblocking me from her cell phone. I admit I have been blowing up her phone a lot and I can't help it because I have so much love for her and I regret treating her the way I did in the past and for my actions. What should I do? I'm so scared.

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Firstly, you need to deal with your anger issues to avoid unintentionally abusing her (verbally or physically) or even anyone you may potentially get together with in the future. You may also want to seek help and see a doctor if you really find yourself unable to think straight, eat or get out of bed. If she says that she'll always have a spot for you, then you still have a chance with her, but you should first work on the emotional issues you face in order to make the second chance you get count.

  • Mary Beth

    I broke up with my ex January 7th. I heard back from him the next day saying that he was going to be out near me. I live in the San Fernando Valley. He lives in Long Beach. I did contact him back, but after that I was doing no contact. Just last week, he contacted me asking how I've been, I replied. Then he replied the next day asking if I had been seeing anyone else recently. I had but that guy turned out to be a jerk. He said he had hooked up with someone. That one hurt, so I asked if he wanted something or if he just wanted to make me feel worse. The next day he said he was sorry. That he never meant to hurt me. He asked if I was home. I said yes, but I had a lunch date with someone. He said "Ok babe" and gave me a kissy face. Nothing Saturday or Sunday. Then on Monday he asked what I was doing over a text. Within a few minutes we were talking on the phone. He said he missed me. It's been 3 days. What do I do?????

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If you still have feelings for him and want to see where this leads to, you could always continue with the conversations since he seems to be leading.

  • Katie

    My ex is a complete yo-yo (that’s the best word for him). We broke up about 1 1/2 months ago and has been in constant contact since Christmas Day. He says they’re just generic and that I reply to them (on Snapchat). He says he wants to be just friends but I can’t shake the feeling that that’s not the truth. I’ve been honest about how I feel but he has always struggled with that side of things. I asked him why he wanted to be friends and he completely ignored the question. I don’t know what to do to be honest because I clearly don’t want to be friends, but I just am really lost about the situation. I thought he was showcasing signs that he does still like me but he’s telling me different.

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Regardless, you should start off as friends first, and take things slow. Treat him first as a friend, while slowly trying to work your way up to something more, but try to be casual about things, because pressuring him to make a decision may only lead to pushing him further away since he sounds like someone who doesn't deal with confrontation well.

  • Steve Branch

    My ex and I broke up in middle of October 2017...Arguments and not being able to handle arguments with her were main cause. We didnt speak until December 18, 2017. I confessed my mistakes to her, my family, her family, my friends and even apologized on social media that I made a mistake. However she's seeing some now. So quick was my initial response to myself. But since then, she texts me here and there tells me she miss's me, loves me, thinks about making love to me. Of coarse I love her so I tell her I love her. She tells me she's confused and doesn't know what she wants. I don't text her first, she's texts me about every other day on average and I just respond but I never text first. I love her to death and would love her back. We were together for three years before the breakup and been through so many things. I keep busy I work out and play sports but I do think of her everyday. What should I do ? Move on? She's still with the other guy but she remains confused and texts me things. Please reply...I would love to know what I can do...please reply on my email address in case I don't know how to get back on here !!

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      If you truly love her, then just be there for her. Since she misses you and says she still loves you, it shows that her current date is probably a rebound, but she's confused because she has already emotionally invested into the new relationship. You just have to ensure that she sees you in a more positive light than her date, and you should be able to get her back.

  • Cyn

    I'm in a relationship with kids..but there came a time when our relationship seems to end.then there was this guy I had relationship with.fell in love with each other.he accepted that I'm still into another the 8 month,,,he started to move away from.blocked me.didnt show up for two months.then this December he showed up guts telling me that he still loves...he's been asking if I have bf already...does this mean he realize that he really loves me and can't live without me?

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Either that or it could mean something else didn't work out and he decided to come back. Take note and just be aware of his intentions before you continue talking to him.

  • Danielle

    My ex and I broke up almost two months ago because of my choice. I made a huge mistake and have begged her back to the point she says she never wants to talk to me again. The only way we communicate is through email where she continues to tell me I did her wrong and ended us. Do you think I can ever salvage this relationship in any way?

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      You'll have to give her some space to cool off because she is probably upset with you still. You should try contacting her again at a later date to find out how she's doing. If she's more receptive you to by then, it would be easier to proceed but if not, you might have to seriously consider walking away from this if she doesn't want to give you a chance.

  • Kulani

    I break up with my ex on 27th of November, now I am regretting my mistake I want her back. I never call or text her since I break up with her even her she didn't call or text me after our break up, I think is because I talk her that I have a new girlfriend and even sent her my pic with that girl but she wasn't my girlfriend. Now I want her I don't know what to do

  • Sanya Varma

    My ex broke up with me on Monday because we got in a fight and I said that if wants to leave he can, and he did. I regret everything I said and I met with him on Wednesday and apologized profusely, and he said he'd think about it. He got back to me a day later and said that he doesn't want anything to do with me and I ended up begging and pleading and the conversation ended with him telling me to leave him alone. What do I do? I love him and want to work on myself but he doesn't believe I can. I haven't spoken to him since but we used to share each other's location and he hasn't removed me from that or any other social media.

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      In that case, go about No Contact as it will give both parties time to reset any negative emotions towards each other and for you to at least make some changes as you've said you would.

  • Ashley

    My BF broke up with me 3 months ago, saying we are too different and he was tired of fighting with me, we needed to stop this relationship so that we could both think about it. One week later, i met him saying i was wrong being selfish and overthinking and i would change, but he said he didn't want to go on with me coz his feelings for me changed and in the past he tried to get back with his ex but it ended in sorrow, he didn't want that to happen again.
    Then we met for 3 times (I asked him for some help as a friend), and he showed that he really cared, we talked, he kissed my forehead, he touched my cheek. I texted him and he replied the way he used to. But after that, he has been keeping silence. I can't find out any other excuses to meet him or text him.
    I am not sure what to do next. All of my friends told me to let go and move on. But that's not I want now. I am really confused now. Please help me.

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hi Ashley,

      Although your heart does not want to move on yet, you have to ask yourself honestly if his actions to you back then was because of his feelings for you, force of habit from the past, or if he wanted closure. This would determine how you should proceed. Personally, if you're still very affected by him and the breakup, it may be a better idea to start the no contact rule first in order to regain your composure and give yourself some space to recover before approaching him again in the future. It might also give you a reason to initiate contact then, since there has been some time since you last spoke.

  • Jason

    So my girlfriend and I broke up a week ago we have had small talk here and there. It wasn't a bad break up just a misunderstanding and I accused her of something stupid when I knew better. Anyways she hasn't taken me off social media and has messaged me first here and there even sent me a selfie on thanksgiving when she was out of town. I have not brought up the relationship or anything pertaining to it other than admitting my fault and telling her that I realize my mistake and I manned up and accept her Choice. It does bother to not know where I stand or at all. I started doing things on my own such as gym I also play guitar for a hard rock band and gig often, do art and keep myself busy. I love her to no ends but something tells me she isn't completely ready to let go as she still keeps myself and my family on social media and talks to me randomly. Am I handling this correctly? I want to win her back but I am not weak either.

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hi Jason, I think you're handling it pretty accurately as how I would have suggested in the first place. It's good to keep yourself occupied so you don't overthink and it's also good that you have manned up and accepted her choice instead of begging her to stay. I think she will slowly warm up to you once more, just have to give her time.

  • Anne

    I came here because after not hearing from the gentleman that I was seeing for a few months due to no contact, he randomly sent me a message. A drunk 1am message asking if I want to hang out. I didn't respond until 12 hours later due to being busy and said sure. No response back, fine. No contact has really improved my life and I'm extremely happy right now. No response back did set me back a bit emotionally but for only one day! Next weekend, same thing but earlier in the night. I didn't respond and shut my phone off and responded the next morning. No response back, fine. But this time, he was now stuck in my mind for a few days. I didn't reach out until recently a few times establishing friendly banter and he's been responding immediately. I tread lightly because he's seeing someone now and I'm don't want to cause drama but it's nice that we finally got over the BS and re-establishing communication. Baby steps and it's been taking months. Because no contact was so beneficial to my own well-being, if things never pick up between us romantically, no contact made okay with that outcome. I do care about him a lot of course and love just hearing from him and knowing he's doing well.

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      That's great Anne, you're a good testament to how NC works but many people are just afraid of doing it as they worry that their ex would forget them or they're scared to take the step. It doesn't also work in the favor that you'll definitely get back together with your ex, but at least you grow as a person and would eventually learn to be happy without your ex partner.

  • Laura G .

    My ex broke up with me almost 3 weeks ago . It was a horrible break up . I blew him up at times while he said he was done then when I tried to be done he would do the same to me.. Finally one day he just said he’s had enough but I was so hurt I blew him up and said some really mean and hurtful things. He changed his number; I even heard he’s seeing his ex but I’m not sure about that .

    He still uses his WhatsApp , I sent him a message saying a simple “hey” he gets on everyday but he didn’t open the message until two days later and didn’t reply ..

    Do I have a chance ? Should I contact him again ?if so then what should I say ? Or do I have no choice but to move on ?

    Is him not blocking me on WhatsApp a good sign ?

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hi Laura,

      Since it was a horrible break up, I suggest taking time apart to give him space to let go of negative emotions he may harbor against you at the moment. It is a good sign that he didn't block you. However, do not be pushy with your messages to him or he may end up blocking you. I suggest applying the no contact rule before contacting him again in the future if you want to.

  • Queen

    I and my bf broke up a month ago, I still love him tho but I kept my cool with the no contact rule. I was shocked to see his calls even though I broke up with him, he likes my status on Facebook and all that...So I didnt pick his call and he sent a text saying he just wanna check up on me but I ignored d text. The next day, I couldn't hold it, I had to reply him by saying thanks for checking up and hop he is good too...I donno if he want us to get back together or he just misses me

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hey there,

      How long are you into the NC period? If it's been around 30 days, then perhaps you could continue the conversation if he replies you from that previous text and slowly figure out what his intentions are.

  • christian

    hey me and my ex broke up about 2 weeks ago and we were together for a month but we were on and off but now shes saying that she doesn't know if she wants to be with me and she likes someone else that she can't be with what do I do!?

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hi Christian,

      Perhaps you could have a talk with her and find out why she does not want to be with you and see if it's a salvageable situation. If no, then it would be better for you to be fair to yourself and move on.

  • sonari

    hey , me and my ex broke up 4 years ago but we are bestfriends till now and i still have feelings for him , we hangout sometimes he always stares at me non- stop i tried to get him back for years but hes like he doesnt wanna date me anymore we even kiss tho... and he hasnt dated since we broke up... hes confusing me sometimes he says i miss u , he just gives me mixed signs.. does he still love me?

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hi Sonari,

      Perhaps you could follow this article and see if it helps give you an idea on what to do. If it doesn't perhaps you should sit down and talk to him and be honest about your feelings towards him and ask him directly why he does not want to date you.

  • Kaveen Prabhu

    I have Hid Past from her...Like..I flirted with her friend years before I even Know her...That friend introduced me to her recently and we were so much in love and I even Asked her to Marry me and My parents accepted it and They are supportive
    Month Before That mutual friend and Me had a fight and She revealed all my secrets to my Girlfriend...She got devastated and She told She never Wanted to see Me again...And that friend also told Many lies about me too and Moreover My girl's parents are Not okay with Love because of Thier status and dignity issues.
    She told that she Never want to see me again in life but she checks my snap stories and location
    and She became friends with my Bestfriend to know about me.
    I really want her...I will workhard and Make her parents accept me ...But I wamt her to comeback
    She always tells that I treat her like Queen but I broke her trust and betrayed her so she doesn't want me
    I am so depressed and I am devastated.

    • Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

      Hi Kaveen,

      I'm sorry to hear that. For the time being, do give her some space to calm down. She won't listen to what you have to say at this point because she's still affected by what has happened. However, based on what you've said, I think she still does care and love you just that you probably have to give her some time before trying to explain what happened.

  • Angie

    Hi my and my ex have been off and on for two years the longest was a month . But recently this last month has been so much drama it all started about a month ago when he said he needed a break I was hurt so I continued to contact him very day he got sooo annoyed by it and told me we were done for good and to move on and leave him alone & blocked me . So I did . But one day he texted me and we started talking like normal for a couple of days .. but all of a sudden the police showed up at his house and said there was a report on him about domestic violence of course he thought it was me since he broke up with me ... everything went down hill he basically told me again he was done and to leave him alone and he said he hated me (not the first time) .. that was a week ago . If I call or text him he’ll answer or text back but it won’t be nice but he’ll still answer . Which is weird because normally he’ll just block me but he didn’t . This time it honestly feels like he’s done for good but I can’t really say because I’m basing it off emotions.

    My questions are . Why didn’t he block me this time ? and why is he still responding and answering (cold messages) if he hates me and is done with me ?

    Also we are so off and on how would I know if this time he is done for good?

    I’m now on day 4 of NC .

  • Louise

    Hi there,
    mine is a tricky situation. I had depression for many years and whilst my partner was so supportive I was too wrapped up in my own issued to realise he too had depression and constantly repressed his feelings allowing them to fester. The past year my ex had to live away for work purposes and suffered lonliness and did not cope very well at all. I myself did not cope, I was stressed, pregnant and was constantly negative and admittedly was a horrible person to be around.
    We had an argument a month before he was due back and he said that he was done, and that was that. I was hysterical and feel that I had pushed him away further. He has since moved into a family member’s house.
    This was all over 3 months ago, our second child is now 3 weeks old and we share a 6 year old together too.
    Today after all this time he finally opened up and I now understand the breakdown. I was not supportive in his work or his depression, and found out that his own depression had intensified to the point where he said he doesnt feel connected to anyone including his family, but only has feelings for his children. I had caused him a lot of stress in his career path and I was often jelous as I was lost in my own career and got angry over this and other pathetic little things.
    It’s great that he felt he could finally put down some of his shield to share his feelings with me. He ended the conversation by saying that he will always care for me more so because I am the mother of his children and he wants to be there for me. But I feel that it is over for ever, as he said he is going to save up for his own place and speaking in ways that highlight that we are over and that is that.
    I don’t know what to do or how to attempt to rectify all of my wrong doings.
    I have spent the past 3 months, though incredibly difficult, picking myself up and changing the negative factors about myself. Loving myself and throwing myself into fully focusing on my child and pregnancy. I don’t know if this relationship can ever be re established. What would you advice? Thank you.

    • Kevin

      Hi Louise,

      Depression can be very hard to deal with when you are trying to get your ex back. Unless he is at a good place for himself and he realizes that you are at a good place too, it's unlikely you will get back together. I think you should continue working on yourself. Continue loving yourself and becoming a better version of yourself. Encourage him to do so as well. As you both grow, there is a chance it will work out in the future. But you should always be prepared for the worst. Read this article for a more detailed plan on getting your ex boyfriend back.

  • Danique

    Hey kevin,
    so i was in a relationship with a girl for about 2 years.
    and all of a sudden she wanted to break up with me since i was "holding her back",
    ive always been supportive and have always been there for her.
    thing is we live in the same house and i do see her now and then,
    and sometimes i concede to my urges and ask her to come drink some coffee with me.
    and she does, yet she keeps on saying she doesnt want a relationship anymore but has to show me how guys are flirting with her.(i know this is mostly on myself for asking her to hang out in the first place but what does it mean.
    we have been through a lot we almost had a kid twice, and she has a really tough background.
    what im trying to say is she says she does not want to be my girlfriend anymore but she does want to spend time with me when i ask her..
    what do i do, does she still love me..

  • Holly

    My ex-boyfriend broke up with me a month in a half ago, he had wanted to be with me for years but I never said yes until now. The reason why he broke up with me: he said that he loved me but didn't fall in love with me while we were together, then later said he realized he was already in love with someone else. Fast forward to a month in a half after the break-up, and he texts me saying how he's realized how he was the happiest he's ever been when he was with me, how I was his best relationship, how he couldn't stop thinking about me after the break-up but was afraid to say something to me. Basically, he was apologizing and practically begging for me to give him a second chance. One of my responses was how he can't just dump me and when it doesn't work out with the other person to just come running back to me, he responded saying how it wasn't like that at all.
    I don't trust him like I did before and because of that I don't believe he's being honest and truthful about his intentions. However, I wanted a second opinion from an outside point of view so I hope you can share with me your thoughts and opinions on this. Is he being truthful? Or is it just an act?

    • Kevin

      Hi Holly,

      You did the right thing by refusing him when he came back. If you are not sure whether or not he is being truthful, then you should give him a chance to prove himself. Tell him you need some space and do no contact for a week or two. After that go out on a couple of dates with him and see how he acts. From what he said till now, it does seem like an act and it seems like he is coming from a place of desperation. If he is still like this when you go out, there is a good chance he doesn't mean what he said and you should remove him from your life.

  • Lilly

    so I broke up with my ex almost 4 weeks ago, and even though it was like our last goodbye he texts me cute stuff and all of a sudden we start fighting or idk. So my question is, is this a good sign or a bad one, cuz I really wanna text him first now and meet up with him and talk...?

  • Charlotte


    My ex boyfriend and I were dating for a year and a half and about 3 weeks ago he told me he wasn't in love with me anymore and a week ago he broke up with me. I was very surprised when he told he didn't love me anymore and everybody around us was just as shocked. We were so good with each other, the only problems we had was my jealousy sometimes and his drinking when we'd go out. Besides that, we had great communication, lots of fun, and future plans, like moving in the house he's buying right now. We picked the house together, chose furnitures and everything. A month ago he even told me that he sees his future with me and one week later he says he hasn't been in love with me for a few months now. We haven't talked for 4 days now but every time I post something on Snapchat he is one of the first people to watch, if not the first for the most part. We're still friends on fb. I'm not planning on talking to him soon even though I want to. Should I let him see what I do? By no contact does that mean deleting him on all social media? I know we are meant to be together but I want him to realize this on his own. Please help! Thank you!

    • Kevin

      Hey Charlotte,

      It might be a good idea to remove him from social media or just stay away from posting anything for a while. Focus on yourself and becoming a better version of yourself. Read this article.

  • Chloe

    Me and my ex broke up about a year and a half ago after a 4 year relationship. However, we still meet up occasionally and everything seems great when we are together. Then he will stop talking to me and say he doesn't want anything to happen between us anymore. He blocked me on all social media but will often unblock me and add me back on things etc. I am so confused on what to do?

  • June

    My ex of 4 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago because she said she doesn't feel the same. I realized that she was fed up with my partying habits and wanted me to mature. She gave me a change before we broke up, but my feelings and pain came out when I drank again. Then it officially ended two weeks ago. I did the no contact for 7 days, and then she texted me on day 8! She started asking questions about the logistics of a future road trip before a wedding we were supposed to attend; it's 4 months down the road. Questions like how much the flights were, should she get her own room, etc......I politely responded that she doesn't need to pay me back, and that I still plan on doing the roadtrip to the wedding, and she's more then welcome to come still. My mentality is to respond to the questions and continue with no contact and focus on me.

    Question: Did I handle it right?
    Question 2: I'm sticking with no contact, but is she asking this as an excuse to talk to me? The event is four months out.

    • Kevin

      Hey June.

      You did handle it right.

      You can tell her your intentions of doing no contact. Just say that you want some space and time before you can speak to her comfortably.

  • Rachel

    Me and my ex broke up about a week ago and he says he still cares and gets very jealous around guys and is protective but says he doesn't want to date me again? He still really wants to be friends but how can I win him back? He broke up with me because his feelings weren't the same as before

  • bad situation

    Hi Kevin,
    I am in such a bad situation. I have been seeing this man, who turned out to be the loverall of my life aND soulmate, for four years. He has bent over backwards for me in every way, nothing was wrong with our relationship except one thing - I was and am in an arranged marriage. I know this makes me seem like a horrible person and him too. Anyhow, during the first two years he asked on various occasions, hundreds of times, for me to tell him I would be wit him, even one day, and I didn't have to say when. Every time,I would start with "in my heart and soul" and could never finish with a solid answer. I was so petrified of how I would leave. I love this man with all of my being. I don't want to live on this earth another day without him but instead want to live the rest of my life out with him. The problem is instead of breaking up with me which he says he couldn't do because he can't live without me either, is he dated someone for the last year and a half and now they are engaged. I found out indirectly. Sometimes he says he will leave her if I guarantee and make an action plan to be with him, but when I recently called over the weekend and told I was in his neighborhood looking for an apt, he was mean and I felt he thought I was pressuring him. He obviously has feelings for her too though he says he can never love anyone like he loves me.

    What are the chances of us getting back together? I started NC a week ago and he tried to call once which I didn't answer. We work together too, different depts, and I am interviewing as I can't be there if he goes through with the marriage. I plan on moving out soon.

    Thank you.

    • Kevin


      If you are unhappy with your marriage, you should end it despite what happens with this guy. Even if you don't get him back, you will be free to date again and find someone you can truly be happy with. Heck, you will be happier alone than in a marriage that was forced upon you.

      Once you end the marriage, you can contact him again and let him know what has happened.

      Moreover, if you feel you can't live without this guy, you should get professional help immediately.

  • Daniel

    Hi me and my ex just broke up a week ago I talked to her after the break up and she told me she was moving in order to be far from me to not have no contact at all with me she tells me I love you but I'm not in love with you after everything I done did to her no trust in her always bringing up her past and this time she did end up breaking up with me and now after she gets off from work I don't see her pass by my house cause she lives right across the street from me and also her friend told me that she doesn't want to try no more cause she might regret it at the end if I didn't change so just simply don't want to try even if I changed and it's 3 months from now that she doesn't want me what should I do


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