Your ex will tell you a lot of things after the breakup, but you can’t really believe everything they say. Heck, you can’t even trust their action. Overanalyzing your ex’s behavior will drive you crazy. And in reality, analyzing their behavior is not going to help you get your ex back or move on.

For example,

They will like your status on Facebook and then Unfriend you.

They will text you when they are drunk but won’t pick up your calls the next day.

They will be sitting at your favorite coffee shop but won’t come and say hi to you.

They will start dating someone else but will get angry when they find out you started dating someone else.

The truth is your ex is hurt and probably confused about their feelings for you. Luckily, there are a few signs that will tell you whether or not your ex still loves you. But first let me make it clear that these signs do not mean that your ex wants to get back together. In fact, since you and your ex were in a meaningful relationship, I am sure that they still like you (or maybe even love you) and they still have strong feelings for you. But this does not mean that they want to get back together. If they want to get back together, they will show completely different signs (Read: 5 Signs Your Ex Wants You Back).

Even though these signs don’t mean they want to get back together, there are still something you can do when you see these signs that will increase your chances of getting back together. You can find it in the “What you should do?” section under each sign.

Sneaky Sign No. 1: Emotions

Hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. If an ex shows any type of negative emotions for you (including anger and hatred), it’s because they are hurt. It’s because they had expectations that you didn’t meet. It’s because they are an emotional mess because of you.

Just because someone says they hate you, doesn't really mean they don't love you.

Just because someone says they hate you, doesn’t really mean they don’t love you.

But the truth is, they are only hurt because they love you. You broke their expectations because they have expectations from you. And the reason they are an emotional mess is because they still have feelings for you.

Think about it, why would someone spend so much time and energy into hating you or being angry at you? They broke up with you. Wouldn’t it be easier to just forget about you and move on? The reason they say they have these negative emotions you is because they still have feelings for you. They just don’t want those feelings to be there, so they are confusing those feelings to be hatred or anger.

What You Should Do?

Give them time and space. Just stop contact with them and let all the negative emotions subside. There is literally nothing you can say to them that will turn their negative emotions into positive ones. But if you say nothing to them, time will eventually kill all the hatred and anger inside them and they will start remembering the good of the relationship. Time is the only thing that can make their hatred and anger go away. And when it does go away, they will realize that they are still in love with you.

Sneaky Sign No. 2: They Are Being Competitive

Is your ex trying to make you jealous? Do they post pictures on facebook specifically to push your buttons? Are they going out of their way so that you know that they are dating someone new? Do they become extra flirtatious with other people when you are around? Then congratulations, your ex is probably still in love with you (aside from being a little immature).competitive_ex

What your ex is trying to do is win the post breakup competition. Not only is it a pretty immature way of dealing with the breakup, it’s also a very ineffective way. The fact that they are doing this means that you are on their mind most of the time. And the fact that you are still on their mind means that they are still in love with you.

Instead of trying to decipher everything your ex does and says. Why don’t you take this simple quiz to find out your chances of getting back together? Click Here to begin.

What You Should Do?

Let them play their game while you actually try to improve your life. Do the three things that you must do during the no contact rule. Do the things you enjoy and start going out on dates. If they are being competitive, they are probably watching everything you do. Seeing you actually improving in your life is going to make them second guess their decision to breakup. (Are you scared that they have moved on? Read Get Your Ex Back If She Has Moved on to another guy)

Sneaky Sign No. 3: Push/Pull Behavior

If your ex is cold one minute and hot the other, then you can be sure they have feelings for you. They will pull away and won’t talk to you for weeks, and then suddenly push to spend time with you. They will ignore your calls and then start calling you everyday. They will stop responding to your texts and then start texting you randomly. (Read more about texting an ex here.)

This behavior simply means that they are confused about their feelings for you. Their heart is still in love with you but they are trying to convince themselves that they should stay broken up. They miss you and want to spend time with you, but they are stopping themselves because they think you are not good for them.

What You Should Do?

Be cool. Stay calm and don’t let their irrational behavior get to you. If you respond to their unstable behavior, you are showing a sign of neediness. Whatever happens, don’t ever ask them “Why you didn’t reply to my text?” or “Why you didn’t pick up my call?”

If they become cold, you become cold. Simple as that. Don’t reward their cold behavior by paying them more attention.

Sneaky Sign No. 4: Drunk Dialing

If your ex calls you when they are intoxicated, then it’s an obvious sign that they still have feelings for you. However, you should be very careful about what you say to them when they call you or text you when they are drunk. It could be that they confess their love to you when they are drunk and they become completely cold the next day.

What You Should Do?

Any drunken calls from your ex should be received with caution. Do not talk about YOUR feelings when they are drunk. It doesn’t matter how much they ask you “If you still love them”, you should not reply. Just a simple “You are drunk and I don’t want to talk about it right now” should do the trick.

Do not confess your love to them when they are drunk. It will only make them realize the next day that you are still not over them and that they still have you (Read third point of this article to understand why they shouldn’t feel like they still have you).

Sneaky Sign No. 5: Contacting You During The No Contact Rule

If you’ve read the 5 step plan, I recommend you start no contact with your ex after the breakup. This is perhaps the most effective way to win your ex back for good. During this no contact period if your ex contacts you, then you can be sure that they are thinking about you and they still have feelings for you.

What You Should Do?

Don’t pick up the phone. Talking to them is going to defeat the purpose of no contact. You need to prove to yourself that you can survive without your ex for at least 30 days. It’s hard but in the end, you will realize it was worth it. Also, when you don’t pick up their phone, they are going to start wondering whether or not you have moved on. They will start realizing that you are not a needy person and that you are not available for them whenever they need you. Trust me, you are going to become more attractive in their mind by not answering them.

You can still contact them after no contact is over. But until then, you need to stay strong.

Wait, do you still have a chance?

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Anonymous
Anonymous

So I’ve not spoken to my ex for awhile. She said she wanted to her own things and see other people so I said that’s fine but things did get abit heated too. This isn’t the first time this has happened. But previously when she did this she blocked me and my friends off social media, we’re talking over 6/7 months ago now. Anyway It’s been three weeks since we last spoke but the other night she saw my best friends girlfriend out, who both actually don’t like each other, she is also one of the people she blocked originally. I’ll be honest she wasn’t speaking in very glowing terms about me to my friends gf. And she did claim she was speaking to someone, which is fair enough.

Anyway on the night out she tried to be friends with my mates GF which is odd, and then later on that night she then went and unblocked my best friend and his girlfriend on social media and started to follow them both, I found that very odd. Anyway I managed to keep my cool and didn’t react at all and made no attempt to contact her. She has since unblocked me which again is strange.

Just wondering if I could have you thoughts on the situation please, thanks.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Her actions could probably mean that seeing your best friend’s girlfriend reminded her of you, which brought about both good and bad memories at the same time, resulting in her speaking ill about you to them, but at the same time unblocking you off social media. She may also have told your best friend’s girlfriend about her seeing someone else because she knows the message will get relayed back to you eventually and it might be a way of ‘showing off’ that she’s doing okay after the breakup. If you feel that she may be receptive towards you again, you could always try reaching out sometime soon, but I would personally recommend waiting it out to see what she does first.

Anonymous
Anonymous

How long would you look to wait? My 30 days ends on the 26th, if I looked to make contact then that would have been over a week since the discussion between the two took place.

Anonymous
Anonymous

How long would you look to leave it before responding? And what’s the best way to go about approaching it?

Saad
Saad

My ex sent me this today, what does this mean:

“I wanted to thank you for all what you did for me. It means a lot. I can’t believe in the fact that we act like strangers now…. we had something that was so special and different from all couples. I wish you all the best in everything that you’ll undertake throughout your life. And i sincerely miss you a lot, maybe i need you by my side as a friend to feel stronger. But anyway if you’re happy the way we are now I’m happy too. I won’t be too long… Always be the amazing human that you are and never ever look at your past to be honest if i could change our past I’ll definitely do it… that’s my most wanted wish. I miss you my friend more than you think.”

What does that mean? I’m around 21 days nc

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Well it would indicate that she’s definitely thinking of you and misses you in some form, but it doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to get back together. It could simply just be those ‘late night thoughts’ where she thinks back to the relationship with you.

Khan
Khan

A girl used to stalk me alot and someone introduced me to her. We came in a relationship and it was my first relationship not her. I am 23 and she is 18 . We discussed about each other in our families and we were having a great time. I used to ger hyper when she used to annoy me. She used to talk about breakups and then nect minute she used to say sorry and I always took her in arms. We had a fight one day and FINALLY she broke up. She is continuously SAYING I hate u and I don’t want to live with u I dont feel anything for u. But I know she still …..loves mw. But kindly tell me how to ger her back. She has removed me from fb blocked me on mobile. How can I get her back? She gets angry and hyper when I text or call her. Yes I have promise myself to change my negative attitude with her. But she is not accepting my apology.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Perhaps give her some time for now to cool off, especially if the incident that led to the breakup only happened recently. You could apply the No Contact Rule for now, and try to initiate an apology and conversation again after the NC period, which should have given her plenty of time to cool off.

violette
violette

Hi, I need an advice my ex boyfriend been sending me messages on Facebook we haven’t talked for about 5 years. I answered a couple of his messeges and he was telling me about his struggles and about his ex girlfriend that did him wrong. And he will ask me if I still have feeling for And and I will tell him no, because I moved on I have a family. He will tell me to leave my boyfriend for him but to be honest I do have feelings for him but just as friends. He will tell me to hang out but it’s weird hanging out with your ex boyfriend or is it okay?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If you are currently in a relationship and have a family, it would be best to do right by your family and not take the risk of exploring a situation of what could ruin it on the off chance your feelings are sparked again, especially if your relationship has lasted awhile and you may be feeling ‘bored’ with it due to the lack of excitement.

Kayla
Kayla

I dated my ex for 1 year. He was very very into me the whole time. I never questioned his interest. Marriage has been mentioned on his end. Stuff was great then aspects of It got very unhealthy. He still showed the same interest though. But eventually we took a break for about a month and when we came back together everything was better and he had changed a lot in many ways. In March we got into a dispute and It was over him thinking guys were texting me (which wasn’t true) but lead to me breaking up with him out of being tired of being treated less than i wanted. Shortly after he was posting snapchats with a new girl. He doesn’t like her and that’s somewhat apparent because he doesn’t treat her how he did when Pursuing me. He also tells me she is not his girl and doesn’t care for her. It’s so confusing. Of corse that situation hurt me so bad i lashed out and i somewhat regret showing my feelings. Now he’s very cold and hot with me. One day he’s super cold and then will pop up days later with warm heart towards me. I’m his cold days he shows extreme anger towards me or disinterest. This is confusing for me and i have poured my heart out time after time telling him this is nothing like us. It’s very out of character for him to be so cold towards me. But he says he’s completely done with me and hates me, etc. i find this hard to believe because whenever i try to move on or he sees me having fun, he gets angry. What’s going on here?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

He could potentially still be feeling upset at the breakup, and might have even let his thoughts run wild from overthinking which causes him to react in a hot and cold manner. The other girl may not be someone he likes or has feelings for but it definitely is aimed at filling his time right now instead of having to deal with the breakup instead.

Mo
Mo

Broke up with my Girlfriend of 3 years at the end of December, did not really communicate with her much for about two months even though I missed her the whole time. We started briefly taking again in February and since then have been communicating almost everyday, I found out in March that she started talking to another guy which driven me nuts because I still deeply love her and want to get back together. She’s complained to me several times about this guy saying that he was just there for her when I wasn’t and she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings but also tells me that she still misses me and loves me. She told me that she told the new guy that she still had feelings for me and didn’t want to date him but he told her either to commit to just him and cut me off or he would be done with her. She decided to commit but that only lasted like a week and then they got into it and she decided to come on a trip with me. When she’s with me she says she misses his company but when she’s with him she misses me. I don’t know what to do, I feel like she is confused and deep down knows that she wants to be with me but is scared of our past. She said she doesn’t love this guy or have feelings for him and knows it won’t go anywhere. She’s tried to tell him to step back but he doesn’t want to go and I feel like he is interfering with her decision. I want to not be available for her to let her realize what she is losing but I love her too much not to be there for her when she reaches out. She says that I really hurt her when I left and she never expected that I would ever leave, I feel so guilty for not being more patient with my decision. I don’t know what to do…

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Perhaps instead of fretting and giving her any further issues with her decision, use that time whenever it is spent in contact with her to remind her why she loves you through positive and sweet actions. This would improve your chances and position as she holds on less to the past memories, and let the other guy self-destruct on his own accord through his insecurities and problems he gives her.

Kamila mauricio kevin ruiz
Kamila mauricio kevin ruiz

My ex girlfriend broke up with me and got into a rebound relationship the next day. She claims they have not had sex yet but i doubt it. after a week she called me to hangout and when i showed up she started crying begging me to love her back and get back to her. She convinced me and said yes. We had sex that night. The next day we hungout and it was awesome. Day #3 she started being evil again. I think its because the new boyfriend is flying here next weekend and i said no. but wait im her boyfriend. She called me yesterday saying that she was “just drunk” even tho i asked 3 times if she was sure and she remembers. i have gone through hell with her. She comes from a broken family, and im not trying to save her as much as i want. I want her but she makes me feel horrible all the time. I’m a web developer and her behavior get into my work line. She has stabbed me, insulted me, sent me to jail on fake charges, cheated and much more. I am a nice guy and im smart. I am very hard to be lied to and she hates that because she loves to lie to people. I WISH I NEVER MET HER. what can i do? how can i just forget her? im afraid of blocking her because she might retaliate in an ugly way. When i don’t reply she messages me saying that i should not ignore her because it makes her sad but when i text her she say i am annoying. How do i fix this? at this point i want to escape but i can’t. She told me to killmyself yesterday and that’s hurting. Someone please give me advise how i can just stop her behavior or how i can escape fast. This is making me sick. I look sick, i feel sick and i can’t keep dealing with this myself. I am embarrassed to talk about this to anyone because i am a guy and they always tell me… its your fault blah blah. help.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

I would honestly suggest severing all ties completely, especially if you want out of this emotional roller coaster you’ve going through. Block her off on all forms of contact such as her number, social media, Whatsapp, etc and focus on yourself instead. Ignore anything that comes your way and do not react to whatever she does or you’ll just get sucked back in again.

Pritha
Pritha

Hi… there’s this one friend of mine who told my ex that I have a crush on him and told me that he had a crush on me…days later we fell for eachother without knowing the truth we started dating and it continued for like a year now…and he just broke up with me last week…and he is telling that I don’t like her (me) because she is a playgirl…I know I had a past where I had a crush on some guys and so did he…but still he passes hate comments about me but still he stares at me…not all the time…but when he does it’s priceless for me…I still love him…and somepart of my heart is telling that he does too….can u please help me with this…

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Perhaps try to understand why he suddenly decided to break up with you only now, using that excuse and see if there’s a way to work things out.

Ali
Ali

I am the one who broke the relationship up. After 2 month i apologised and tried to get her back in my life but she refused, i asked her again and again if she had someone in her life, but she denied..
Then she kept blocking, unblocking me on whatsapp, sent messages but deleted before i read them, kept asking me whether i was calling her from another number eventhough she knows I don’t have any extra phone..
then she messaged me about 3 weeks ago that she misses me, she asked me about my life, she told that her life isn’t going good, she posted depressive, solitude and alone statuses on whatsapp.. she apologised for her behaviour she showed during i was apologising her, then she said to me that she can’t pretend anymore and asked me to block her, then she continuously asked what happened whenever she was reading my depressive posts.. but when i posted an old picture of me (which was taken only oneday before our relationship started), she deleted my number but didn’t block me..
I don’t know what does she want, i am depressed because i want her back..

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

She could be feeling emotional for whatever circumstances she’s facing, but isn’t sure of herself yet and whether she wants to get back together or not, since she might still feel negatively towards you for breaking up and hurting her.

Ali
Ali

So what should i do? How can i get her back??

Ali
Ali

Can you tell me any solution to get her back??

Rick
Rick

My ex always posted her feelings on twitter and she posts angry tweets and sometimes depressed tweets. I was trying to move on when I saw her post saying “I’m not okay but I will be.” But she still posts songs that are broken. When we broke up she told me to stop contacting her relatives and so I did. But, when one of my relatives died she texted my mom. After that I texted her and said thank you. Then she took to twitter right after my message and said “I have so many things to say but I will stick with silence for now.” Then I messaged her and we talked but then it became ugly and she said even if we became friends she won’t come back to me. Etc. Etc. I don’t know why she does that it’s like posting things to pull me in then push me away when I give in. Why is she like that? It’s like pulling me in to hurt me always.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It could be her personal thoughts but she’s too stubborn to admit, and the conversation turning ugly would definitely cause her to feel stronger about not getting back together with you. I suggest giving her some space and not being affected by the things she says since twitter is meant for her to pour her thoughts out to as a sort of personal diary.

Siya
Siya

I broke up with my ex and it was a few months Relationship. Am trying to Hide that I love him but I can’t anymore he used to act like he wanna talk to me but now he is not doing that anymore and know I strongly want him back I dnt know what to do

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Have you completed No Contact and given both parties space to let go of negative emotions relating to the breakup yet? If no, I would suggest that you start with attempting that first by following this article

Jenny
Jenny

After two years of our relationship, 1 year being together here in (qatar) and 1 year a long distance relationship. Last April he left me here and at that time he struggled to the place he just transferred for work (dubai)cause his visa is not yet approved, at that time i was looking for a new job in here and we communicate alot of what we will do to stay together, he told me that if he can get a permanent visa and get settled he will take me but it just happens i found a nice job in here(qatar). So we decided that we will meet at one place or country to be together. This january we had a fight, because of misunderstanding, i get busy at my work and im still processing my papers to transfer my working visa to another company(wer’e still in long distance relationship state). At that time we argue through messaging and he says he dont care about me anymore but i ask him to come back to me and we will fix this issue and then he nags at me that “how he can call me his girlfriend if he cannot see for 6 months”? (Stupid idea) i told him that, my visa is still processing thats why i cant see him and i tell him like i think my visa will finish by nexth month (to make him hope up), then he said okay, after that our communication became shorter, he doesnt response in some of my messages and i sense that it will come to an end- at that time i was frustrated to get my visa done in order to see him but to badluck my visa got hold on to immigration, this month i communicate to one of my friend which is also his friend, he send me some screenshots about their conversation, shows that hes dating a another girl, i talk to him (now ex boyfriend)about that matter and now hes insisting to break me up, and i was begging for him to make him stay and fix our relationship and wait for me until my visa gets done but he really wants to finish our relationship, i was decided that i cannot force him anymore and we broke up this week 3 april.now i already get my new visa but its no use if cannot see him anymore, i texted him that i already have a visa but he doesnt care anymore 😢 no matter how hard i do to keep myself busy( moving on stage) but i still miss him so much :'(, especially we spent most our time together here in this country, i think… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hang in there Jenny. Things will definitely get better over time as you heal. Long distance relationships are never easy because they require a different level of effort to maintain the relationship, and even then, one person might eventually get bored due to the lack of physical contact and decide to end things.

Fay
Fay

Been with my ex for 5 years we had a misunderstanding n I got angry told him leave for the million time n he finally did I didn’t mean it but he said he had enough. We was talking n he jus cut me off then started back we fell put again had a huge fight and he cut all contact completely. I went to his house we had sex n wen I left he said don’t come back idk what to do I miss him like crazy

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

He could have said those things in a moment of frustration towards you. For the moment, it would be best to give him some space to let go of any negative emotions he might be feeling towards you before talking to him again. You should also re-consider the methods used whenever you’re upset and try not to initiate breaking up so casually.

Alisha
Alisha

Hi kevin it’s Alisha thanks for getting back to me but i don’t know how long i should wait or be patient with my ex for. it’s been 3 days since i last texted him it was a normal conversation he asked a question i replied but he hasn’t even seen it, but of course he’s been on his phone so it seems he’s avoiding me and choosing not to reply also i initiated again saying “hey guess what xx” that was yesterday morning still no reply i deleted the conversation out of annoyance and i didn’t say anything else. i don’t know what to do or say i’m starting to wonder if he has a new gf and that’s the reason he’s choosing not to speak to me. Thanks again i really appreciate your help it’s been hard but everytime i come on to your page i find some hope and i can keep my cool

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

There’s always hope and light at the end of every tunnel, just that sometimes it’s easier to simply walk out from where you came from and move on because the journey is too long and uncertain. Hang in there, and all the best.

Alisha
Alisha

I understand thankyou for all the help i really appreciate it… he still hasn’t got back but i’m sure everything will be ok even if i don’t get him back 🙂

John
John

Hi I was with my ex for 13 years we have got kids n married I thought everything was going fine then she comes out with I don’t love you anymore we are over you do no that it hurt me a lot but I’m trying to sort my life out but she wants me to have kids all the time she phones me to ask me can I do this can I do that she don’t realy talk to me only when she needs something or if I can do a favour does she still love me she says loads off bad stuff to me but not sure if it’s angry n hurt

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Perhaps first draw the line now that the relationship is over regarding the children, before trying to win her back separately. Try not to get the two mixed up or things would get potentially very messy.

Jamanda Howe
Jamanda Howe

We’ve broke up for 8 years but somehow we still manage to keep in touch time to time. So, we dated almost a year & broke up in 2011. In 2013, I went to college, we still keep in touch, somehow my ex fling wanted me to prank my ex girlfriend that we had kissed but we didn’t anyway my ex fling think that my ex girlfriend will get upset. Mind you , back in high school ,my ex fling & ex girlfriend hated each other because they were fighting over me. Back to the point, I told my ex girlfriend that I had kissed my ex fling & she got freaked out & never wanted to speak with me again. Like I said, somehow we still manage to keep in touch lol. Another, she is always the first person to watch my Snapchat story. Last year, I told her I was still in love with her & she said I need to move on. Everytime I post of guy or girls, she always asked am I dating one of them. Next, she always asked me am I bisexual, lesbian or straight… I asked her why she always asked me that & she claimed she forgot. She claimed she is happily straight & happy with her boyfriend. So, she attended my college last semester, I finally saw her in person on the first day of college last semester, she was in the office, I walked passed through her office, she came out of the office, I looked back, she quickly ran back to her office, I went back to her way, we saw each other, said nothing, & she rolled her eyes at me. Mind you , I haven’t seen her in person since we broke up but we talked in FaceTime sometimes. Second met, she asked me was I still interested in girls & who I rather to be with the most girl or guy. We were just started to flirted & jokes on each other. Second met, she was touchy-feely me, glare at me(or I’m just tripping) like there are still connections. We just clicked. So, I was helping her homework, a girl waved & smiled at me, of course my ex girlfriend saw her & gave me a weird, confusion, & maybe jealousy expression & asked me if that was my girlfriend.. Some staff said we must be really closed, we’re best friends, or we were the funniest people. I thought it was funny because they didn’t know that we used to go together… only if they knew & they probably would said we were flirting & stuff. we argued couple time about past… I posted a… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

This is entirely up to you. She seems to have some sort of feelings towards you but isn’t certain herself, perhaps due to the bad memories from being together. If you really want her back, it’s up to you on how you convince her to be honest about her feelings, and show her you’ve changed since the last time without coming across as too pushy. Her asking you to move on would be indication that she probably thinks it’s easier that way, so attempting to win her back won’t be a simple feat. However it can be done if your bond with her is meaningful enough. In the mean time, do give her some space first since she’s upset, and wait a couple of days before contacting her again.

Ash
Ash

My wife left me almost 6 weeks ago after 12 years together. She walked right into a relationship with a guy she just met, moved in at his place. We’re not even divorced yet and she’s already referring to him as her fiance… The dude has messed up meth teeth and is ugly, nothing like me… Everything screams rebound. After about a month I’ve been doing no contact and this passed week she’s reached out a bunch but i keep the contact minimal and only if it involves our 9 year old daughter. I get big long texts, likely helped by the new guy, full of bullshit about how i make her feel unsafe and i threaten her (never have),and shit she’s going to use against me in court when the divorce happens, but then she acts all nice when we meet to get my daughter or i get some other nice texts. I’m still sticking to no contact/minimal contact and using Facebook as a highlight reel for What changes I’m making. Regardless of the craziness i want her back. She did a similar thing 10 years ago in the early years of our relationship. I wasn’t giving her attention and she bailed into the arms of another dude but came back 3 months later. Am i working with a rebound scenario? Do i still have a chance?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It definitely sounds like it, since there’s extreme differences between you two. Most often under these circumstances, partners get bored after a period of the routine lifestyle and when they meet someone who comes across as exciting or mysterious (even if it’s completely unsuitable), they might find an attraction towards that person, and even dive head first into things. Continue with your no contact, and don’t react to the messages since it might affect your image if things really end up going to court. If you do want her back, you just have to show her that she’s making the wrong choice, and that you were a much better option this whole time. Never come across as needy or desperate, continue improving yourself as a person, and don’t forget to show off these changes when you get the opportunity to make her question her decision. However, there are deeper issues that need to be worked on if you ever do win her back, because this could very well happen again and you have to figure out what causes her to feel this way.

Sandra
Sandra

About 2 weeks ago my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. His exact worlds where “I’m not happy anymore” and “I don’t feel the same about you”
As you can conclude I was caught off guard and it broke my heart.
We had been arguing a lot more than usual and I no longer lived close to him due to going away to school. But the distance was only and hour. I see now that I had made him feel trapped due to my insecurities of loosing him and being away. I begged for him back, I cried (a lot), I repeatedly asked for a second try and while he gave it to me he didn’t try.
The hard part for me is that even though I’m heart broken I love this guy. I’ve let our past relationship go because it wasn’t healthy and it wasn’t right for us but now I’m reaching the hardest part in trying to let him go.
After the break up he wanted to continue texting and talking and being friends.. to me that was confusing. He always picked up my calls. When I tried to tell him to remember the feelings he had for me he would get mad and say he had to leave. Knowing him for a long time I know he is choosing to forget me and any feelings he has for me. I don’t know why? But now I’m choosing to 30 day NC and hoping this might help both of us put things into prospective. I really don’t want to let this man go.. but for me it’s not worth loosing myself anymore. After this 30 day period might there be a chance to start a new beautiful relationship ?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

He may not have the same feelings about you, but still has instinctive lifestyle habits built up over the last 4 years as a couple which he can’t let go of yet. That’s why he’s still responding so much, because he’s used to it and I believe even he would feel the gap once you apply NC, and may even begin to think more about you. The NC period, and the chances of getting back together with your ex is highly dependent on how meaningful the relationship was, and how your ex takes the realization that he’s potentially ‘lost’ you.

J
J

I have kids from a divorce and am forced to have contact with my spouse. How can the no-contact rule apply to me when I need to have contact with him because of the kids?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

NC does not mean absolutely no contact. Under these circumstances, it’s still fine to remain in contact with your ex, but keep exchange of messages strictly between the topic at hand and do not engage in small talk other than what is necessary.

Kali
Kali

I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, almost 9 months ago. At the time our relationship was toxic & reaching a bad place. I initially just wanted a break. Not break up. But he wasn’t for it so I ended things even though I didn’t want too. I didn’t sleep with anyone else or meet other guys. I simply was “doing me” when we first ended. Within a month I knew this man was really the love of my life & wanted him back. At this point we barely spoke & he started seeing someone new. When I confronted him he lied of course! even tho we werent together. So basically he cut me off, started seeing someone new, and I felt like shit for being the one who suggested the break in the first place – this didn’t go as planned. So within the first 6 months I did a lot of chasing. Begging. Crying. An all that other crazy shit ex’s do. I felt stupid asf & decided in November to cut all ties with him. This is when I started the no contact rule the first time. I changed or deleted everything he could contact or even look at my pictures on. Phone number, email address, deleted all social media & even changed my address on my id becuz we had previously lived together. After 1 month of no contact I opened a brand new Facebook page. Within 4 weeks of having it he msg me out the blue asking how I am. We hook up on Xmas eve and have sex. We end up arguing & I get emotional so he tells me to leave an I just do. No begging. No chasing him. 5 mins later he msg “he’s sorry” & he shouldn’t of made me come over knowing how confusing it will make things. Ok. After about 2 weeks of trying to keep open communication with him I realize I can’t & it’s emotionally hurting all other relationships in my life becuz I’m angry & upset all the time. I’m off balance. I start the no contact rule again on Jan 8. I delete my instagram as that’s the only line of communication we have. On Jan 23 he emails my new email (idk how he got it) asking some random question. I don’t respond. 1 month passes an I see him with the girl at a party. I play it cool & don’t look at him all night. I leave before the party ends. Yesterday Feb 23 this man shows up at my house. He’s not the most liked in my household so it was very bold of him to knock… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It really depends on how he feels towards you at the moment. It seems like he has feelings for you still but is perhaps cautious for whatever reasons after the last break up. He is also dating someone else (which he says isn’t serious), so there is a high likelihood things don’t work out with them. If you feel that by seeing him, negative feelings would come back and you would get affected again, then perhaps NC seems like the appropriate path to follow, but if you think you’re capable of handling things without becoming too emotional, and even being his friend again (first), then take it a step at a time to see where it goes.

John
John

So my ex and i dated for about 9 months.. We went on backpacking trips, vacations, both of our families really liked us together. Our relationship was also both of our longest relationship by far. (Her previous was around 3 months mine was 6.) The last month or so of our relationship i could feel us drifting apart and had a few talks about it until we finally broke up, it was pretty mutual, we both needed space at that point. I went no contact for a month and finally reached out to her and got a positive response, from that point we talked casually, about what weve been up to, hikes weve been on, and just joked around. We spoke on the phone the other day and i made her laugh and we told stories and i could tell in her voice she was happy. it sounded like the woman i first met and not the distant one the last month… the next day i see she deleted one of our pictures from her instagram and the day after that when we talk she seemed distant again. im just confused, i was planning on asking her out for coffee or a walk in the park soon but now i dont know if i should.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Perhaps try giving her a little more space again. There’s a real possibility that she enjoyed the talk with you, and decided to go onto Instagram for memory sake but ended up getting reminded of the past – resulting in her attitude towards you as well as the deleted pictures.

John
John

Thanks… i was thinking about doing that for a week or two. its been a few days already so ill keep this going a little longer. We had texted for hours the day before and had a really positive phone call so i was under the impression things were going well… maybe things were going too fast, its been about 2.5 weeks since we first had contact after the breakup.

Juan
Juan

My boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me on January 31. We saw each other a couple of times and maintained communication. The reason was he was unhappy, had lost interest and that he had changed too many things about himself to be with me. The times we saw each other he seemed really sad, and I apologized for everything I might have done to hurt him, and the understanding I had about everything that went on. The first time he seemed hurt that I had gotten out to the movies, bought myself a musical instrument and was making friends. Last time we saw each other (February 14) he said that he had this fantasy about us because of shared interests, but he was afraid of trusting again. He also asked why I didn’t took better care of how vulnerable and trusting he had been. That night I started No Contact, though he has always seen what Ive posted on Snapchat (I changed the privacy settings on every social media platform after that). A friend told me he saw his profile on a dating app, listing that he was available for anything except a relationship. Last night (February 17) he sent me something through Instagram, which I ignored. Based on what he has said, I know he is hurting a lot, though he keeps really busy, but I also believe that we still have a chance, based on what he said about being afraid of trusting. Any takes, comments, advice on this?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It would depend on whether his trust issues are directed at you in particular or just in general. Work towards understanding the root of his problem. If he is afraid of trusting again, perhaps once NC is completed, you should figure out how best to help him.

Juan
Juan

Hi! So my boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me on January 31. He picked me up from work and had all my things already in his car, ready to take me home. The reasons he said was that he was being complacent with himself, he had lost interest and was feeling fulfilled and happy. I asked to turn off the car and tried talking to him but he had put many walls. We saw each other a couple of days after to talk about what had happened, nothing had changed, though I could see he was a bit of a mess, he said he had changed many things about himself throughout our relationship (he is more of a free spirit), and I told him that the breakup was unnecessary and that we couldve talked over all those things and made any adjustment needed. He confessed he had though about another guy, whom he was seeing right before going out with me. He was interested in him then, but forgot about him once I came into the picture. He had already seen him, though just to talk. He still said that we were broken up. Last 2 weeks we’ve kept texting, sending each other songs, and different things via Facebook and Instagram. Last Saturday we went out, and though I wanted to keep everything casual and not talk about the breakup or the relationship, he did. I apologized for everything I might have done wrong. After, we went to the playground we went on our first date, and tried to have a bit of fun. We talked again, and I told him the same as before, he said the only thing he could offer was a friendship. At the end we slept together, and then he took me home. He seemed collected and ok with what had happened. We kept texting and such, and made plane to see each other again, multiples times during the week. We saw each other for lunch, and he talked about how I made him feel like im not interested in all the things that he talks about or wants to say. To all this I apologized, once again. Last day we saw each other was on Valentines. He was really uncomfortable, and asked to cut it short. We talked though, he said he has/had this fantasy/ilussion about us because we have so many shared interests and traits, but that he was afraid of trusting himself again, because he had changed so many things about himself to make me feel safe. He said that it was some sort of chance what we were doing. We kissed, and said that he didnt feel nothing, but… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Under these circumstances, if he feels strongly enough for you, he would eventually come back after having some time to think about things and realize he still feels strongly for you. It’s true how relationships shouldn’t be forced, but if someone is worth it, we often wouldn’t mind changing for the other person because we want to see that person happy.

Janet
Janet

I had this on and off thing with this girl for a year, she confessed her feelings in the January 2017 and not realising how I also felt, I didn’t give her the response she wanted. In fact I thought she was too young for me. Then what happened was she started dating this other girl, after realising she had drifted further away from me, I then realised I indeed had feelings for her, in fact I was in love with her. She thought I was only chasing her because she was in a relationship and gave me a very hard time about it. After 3 months she broke up with the girl. I stood by her throughout the failed relationship. At this point I was hurt and going through things and then wasn’t ready to be with her, she then told me that I knew where I stood with her. We met up a few times after, just as friends, casually. Eventually I got through my troubles and I was ready to reconcile, (probably 2 months down the line) and start things up again, I thought we were on good terms, I thought she was waiting, as it turned out she started seeing someone long distance, she told me the girl visiting was just a friend, I later found out it wasn’t just a friend and they had been chatting since they were 14 and 12 respectively, she’s 25. Anyway, a week after this girl left after visiting her she still wanted to meet up with me. We slept together twice and then she went cold and told me she was going up to visit this girl for this girls sisters wedding on the 17th Jan – 24th Jan 2018. She went for just over 7 days. I adopted the no contact rule for at least 2 weeks after she left and when she returned, I was hurt and I was down. I broke the no contact rule last week Thursday and she said she really missed me and thought I would never speak to her, she apologised for all she had done and said she appreciated that I was speaking to her again, she also mentioned one of her friends had seen me out and wanted her to come through because I was there. She was still seeing this girl in the other city. We started texting sexually and spoke of the future and traveling together, we both said the sex was good and she said it was good because there were lots of feelings involved, a few days later she went cold. She told me she had spoken to an ex and realised that she had commitment… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

She might simply be living through her emotions, and acts/speaks directly based on how she feels at that particular moment. She may have certain feelings towards you, but is confused because she likes more than one person at the moment and seems to have stronger feelings of passion towards the other girl. Under these circumstances, it might be easier to walk away, because she might end up lying to you more or hurting you in an ironic attempt not to hurt you by keeping painful truths from you.

Winfield
Winfield

Hello, i’ve been reading this website for over 3 days now and I’ve got a bit of a situation here. Here’s how the breakup happened (2 weeks ago): We both went together at some kind of restaurant with a friend of hers, I didn’t really want to go out but made an effort to do it, and I showed pretty quickly that I felt out of place there. So when we went back to the car, she drove me home instead of going back to her place. A few minutes later I sent a message saying that I had a rough week, i felt out of place in this world blablabla and then, she sent me a tons of walls of text to point out that I never make some effort, that she’s some kinda stopping me from achieving my goals (before I met her, i was about to go and live in Japan for a year, but postponed it), that I really act like someone who hates everyone etc. Everything was 99% fine BEFORE this argument, and it all came out of nowhere. Well anyway, fast forward to the wednesday after (she had blocked me for 2 days before), I tell her on facebook that I miss her, and would get back to square one with her, start anew. She said it was a bad idea because she didn’t want to hurt me more, that it’d be more painful. So I said “we can’t just burn bridges like this after all the good times we had. At least, we could be friends”, she replied “I don’t know,I’m just trying to listen to my head instead of my heart, it’s going to hurt just once. Please take care of you”. So I said “I hope you’ll find happiness” she replied “you too”. Now another fast forward to friday, we agreed to meet up at a sushi restaurant, we spoke like nothing ever happened, but she seemed a bit cold and distant during diner. After diner, she drove me home, I tell her “I missed being in your company”, she replied “that’s cute”. Then the day after, I asked her out for the afternoon, and she kinda freaked, asking me “what do you want from me? It makes me ill at ease” then I reconfirmed that I just wanted to be friends “I’ll think about it…”. The sunday came, and I asked her about her new appartment, she said she has no internet so I told her “if you want, I can come and check it”. She agreed, so she came and picked me up, she was a bit distant again, but we talked a lot. When on the way back… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

The fact that she’s remained so open with you, and treated you with so much positivity despite the break up is an extremely good start. I suggest not overstepping your boundaries and making her feel suffocated, as it may begin to push her away. The statement she made on not wanting to hurt you showed potential guilt and confusion, and her constant distance at the start is probably due to her internal struggles whenever she isn’t with you. However, as ironic as it may sound, sometimes we need to go through that internal battle to come up with a firm resolve towards the situation (whether positive or negative). If not, these feelings of guilt and wanting to walk away may always surface whenever she feels threatened or upset.

Mia
Mia

My ex and I started off pretty well until he would always drive recklessly with no consideration that I was in the car with him, we got pulled over a few times almost went to jail , and caused me to go to jail, and then we ended up staying together due to my blindess. He would bare text me and give me a lot of excuses on why he would barely text, he would say at work ,well he worked two jobs, but that’s the side point.mAfter my 20th birthday he wanted to treat me to dinner. He needed a ride home I wasn’t able to loan him a ride home, he wanted to do a stupid thing(steal a charger from Walmart) I thought it was a bad idea. I told him I was willing to buy it for his phone. He got us caught up with stealing when I had no part of it. I didn’t even encourage himto steal, and I ended up with the charges, he didn’t. He said he would pay for the ticket, but he did not. I ended up losing the amount of 300$ worth of the charges after he stole the phone charger. He didn’t contact me eversince, and after Christmas he barely wished me a merry Christmas and I did not get shit from him. He asked me if when he could come see me again and loan me the money back but I chose not to see him again, My mkther said shed be willing to get my money back from his house, but he did not tell me she could. He gotangry and cussed me outand said things that hurt my feelings, I been broke and struggling with paying my bills as a college student, I have not heard from him since, do you think it was never meant to be or do you think he still has some type of feelings for me, I haven’t heard from him eversince our breakup.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

I think you should seriously consider what you’re saying, and whether this relationship is toxic for you. He may not be worth it if he’s getting you into trouble with the law, not even being supportive when you’re in need of help, seems to only care about himself and does what he wants to do with no consideration for you.

Peter
Peter

My ex broke up with me a few days ago. We were together for 3 years and she has 2 daughters that I see as my own. Even though they aren’t my biological daughters I see them as my own. I’m hurting so much inside and I can’t eat, think straight, or even get up to go to work. I had problems with drinking in the past and she helped me get thru my problems. I cheated on her once within the first year we were together and she came back and forgave me. I have dealt with an anger problem ever since I was a child. I have yelled at her and I cussed at her and I even talked down on her at times. I would apologize and we would be good for a bit then I would mess things up again. She admitted she had her moods at times but I was something else. She said that she does and will always have a spot for me in her heart but can’t be with me anymore. She said that even tho we won’t be together that she still loves me. She said sometimes it’s best to walk away and save herself. Now she has blocked me on IG, fb, and Snap chat. But she keeps blocking and unblocking me from her cell phone. I admit I have been blowing up her phone a lot and I can’t help it because I have so much love for her and I regret treating her the way I did in the past and for my actions. What should I do? I’m so scared.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Firstly, you need to deal with your anger issues to avoid unintentionally abusing her (verbally or physically) or even anyone you may potentially get together with in the future. You may also want to seek help and see a doctor if you really find yourself unable to think straight, eat or get out of bed. If she says that she’ll always have a spot for you, then you still have a chance with her, but you should first work on the emotional issues you face in order to make the second chance you get count.

Mary Beth
Mary Beth

I broke up with my ex January 7th. I heard back from him the next day saying that he was going to be out near me. I live in the San Fernando Valley. He lives in Long Beach. I did contact him back, but after that I was doing no contact. Just last week, he contacted me asking how I’ve been, I replied. Then he replied the next day asking if I had been seeing anyone else recently. I had but that guy turned out to be a jerk. He said he had hooked up with someone. That one hurt, so I asked if he wanted something or if he just wanted to make me feel worse. The next day he said he was sorry. That he never meant to hurt me. He asked if I was home. I said yes, but I had a lunch date with someone. He said “Ok babe” and gave me a kissy face. Nothing Saturday or Sunday. Then on Monday he asked what I was doing over a text. Within a few minutes we were talking on the phone. He said he missed me. It’s been 3 days. What do I do?????

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If you still have feelings for him and want to see where this leads to, you could always continue with the conversations since he seems to be leading.

Katie
Katie

My ex is a complete yo-yo (that’s the best word for him). We broke up about 1 1/2 months ago and has been in constant contact since Christmas Day. He says they’re just generic and that I reply to them (on Snapchat). He says he wants to be just friends but I can’t shake the feeling that that’s not the truth. I’ve been honest about how I feel but he has always struggled with that side of things. I asked him why he wanted to be friends and he completely ignored the question. I don’t know what to do to be honest because I clearly don’t want to be friends, but I just am really lost about the situation. I thought he was showcasing signs that he does still like me but he’s telling me different.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Regardless, you should start off as friends first, and take things slow. Treat him first as a friend, while slowly trying to work your way up to something more, but try to be casual about things, because pressuring him to make a decision may only lead to pushing him further away since he sounds like someone who doesn’t deal with confrontation well.

Steve Branch
Steve Branch

My ex and I broke up in middle of October 2017…Arguments and not being able to handle arguments with her were main cause. We didnt speak until December 18, 2017. I confessed my mistakes to her, my family, her family, my friends and even apologized on social media that I made a mistake. However she’s seeing some now. So quick was my initial response to myself. But since then, she texts me here and there tells me she miss’s me, loves me, thinks about making love to me. Of coarse I love her so I tell her I love her. She tells me she’s confused and doesn’t know what she wants. I don’t text her first, she’s texts me about every other day on average and I just respond but I never text first. I love her to death and would love her back. We were together for three years before the breakup and been through so many things. I keep busy I work out and play sports but I do think of her everyday. What should I do ? Move on? She’s still with the other guy but she remains confused and texts me things. Please reply…I would love to know what I can do…please reply on my email address in case I don’t know how to get back on here !!

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If you truly love her, then just be there for her. Since she misses you and says she still loves you, it shows that her current date is probably a rebound, but she’s confused because she has already emotionally invested into the new relationship. You just have to ensure that she sees you in a more positive light than her date, and you should be able to get her back.

Cyn
Cyn

I’m in a relationship with kids..but there came a time when our relationship seems to end.then there was this guy I had relationship with.fell in love with each other.he accepted that I’m still into another relationship.in the 8 month,,,he started to move away from.blocked me.didnt show up for two months.then this December he showed up again…my guts telling me that he still loves…he’s been asking if I have bf already…does this mean he realize that he really loves me and can’t live without me?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Either that or it could mean something else didn’t work out and he decided to come back. Take note and just be aware of his intentions before you continue talking to him.

Danielle
Danielle

My ex and I broke up almost two months ago because of my choice. I made a huge mistake and have begged her back to the point she says she never wants to talk to me again. The only way we communicate is through email where she continues to tell me I did her wrong and ended us. Do you think I can ever salvage this relationship in any way?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You’ll have to give her some space to cool off because she is probably upset with you still. You should try contacting her again at a later date to find out how she’s doing. If she’s more receptive you to by then, it would be easier to proceed but if not, you might have to seriously consider walking away from this if she doesn’t want to give you a chance.

Kulani
Kulani

I break up with my ex on 27th of November, now I am regretting my mistake I want her back. I never call or text her since I break up with her even her she didn’t call or text me after our break up, I think is because I talk her that I have a new girlfriend and even sent her my pic with that girl but she wasn’t my girlfriend. Now I want her I don’t know what to do

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Start by being honest and telling her the truth and that you want her back.

Sanya Varma
Sanya Varma

My ex broke up with me on Monday because we got in a fight and I said that if wants to leave he can, and he did. I regret everything I said and I met with him on Wednesday and apologized profusely, and he said he’d think about it. He got back to me a day later and said that he doesn’t want anything to do with me and I ended up begging and pleading and the conversation ended with him telling me to leave him alone. What do I do? I love him and want to work on myself but he doesn’t believe I can. I haven’t spoken to him since but we used to share each other’s location and he hasn’t removed me from that or any other social media.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

In that case, go about No Contact as it will give both parties time to reset any negative emotions towards each other and for you to at least make some changes as you’ve said you would.

Ashley
Ashley

My BF broke up with me 3 months ago, saying we are too different and he was tired of fighting with me, we needed to stop this relationship so that we could both think about it. One week later, i met him saying i was wrong being selfish and overthinking and i would change, but he said he didn’t want to go on with me coz his feelings for me changed and in the past he tried to get back with his ex but it ended in sorrow, he didn’t want that to happen again.
Then we met for 3 times (I asked him for some help as a friend), and he showed that he really cared, we talked, he kissed my forehead, he touched my cheek. I texted him and he replied the way he used to. But after that, he has been keeping silence. I can’t find out any other excuses to meet him or text him.
I am not sure what to do next. All of my friends told me to let go and move on. But that’s not I want now. I am really confused now. Please help me.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Ashley,

Although your heart does not want to move on yet, you have to ask yourself honestly if his actions to you back then was because of his feelings for you, force of habit from the past, or if he wanted closure. This would determine how you should proceed. Personally, if you’re still very affected by him and the breakup, it may be a better idea to start the no contact rule first in order to regain your composure and give yourself some space to recover before approaching him again in the future. It might also give you a reason to initiate contact then, since there has been some time since you last spoke.

Jason
Jason

So my girlfriend and I broke up a week ago we have had small talk here and there. It wasn’t a bad break up just a misunderstanding and I accused her of something stupid when I knew better. Anyways she hasn’t taken me off social media and has messaged me first here and there even sent me a selfie on thanksgiving when she was out of town. I have not brought up the relationship or anything pertaining to it other than admitting my fault and telling her that I realize my mistake and I manned up and accept her Choice. It does bother to not know where I stand or at all. I started doing things on my own such as gym I also play guitar for a hard rock band and gig often, do art and keep myself busy. I love her to no ends but something tells me she isn’t completely ready to let go as she still keeps myself and my family on social media and talks to me randomly. Am I handling this correctly? I want to win her back but I am not weak either.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Jason, I think you’re handling it pretty accurately as how I would have suggested in the first place. It’s good to keep yourself occupied so you don’t overthink and it’s also good that you have manned up and accepted her choice instead of begging her to stay. I think she will slowly warm up to you once more, just have to give her time.

Anne
Anne

I came here because after not hearing from the gentleman that I was seeing for a few months due to no contact, he randomly sent me a message. A drunk 1am message asking if I want to hang out. I didn’t respond until 12 hours later due to being busy and said sure. No response back, fine. No contact has really improved my life and I’m extremely happy right now. No response back did set me back a bit emotionally but for only one day! Next weekend, same thing but earlier in the night. I didn’t respond and shut my phone off and responded the next morning. No response back, fine. But this time, he was now stuck in my mind for a few days. I didn’t reach out until recently a few times establishing friendly banter and he’s been responding immediately. I tread lightly because he’s seeing someone now and I’m don’t want to cause drama but it’s nice that we finally got over the BS and re-establishing communication. Baby steps and it’s been taking months. Because no contact was so beneficial to my own well-being, if things never pick up between us romantically, no contact made okay with that outcome. I do care about him a lot of course and love just hearing from him and knowing he’s doing well.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

That’s great Anne, you’re a good testament to how NC works but many people are just afraid of doing it as they worry that their ex would forget them or they’re scared to take the step. It doesn’t also work in the favor that you’ll definitely get back together with your ex, but at least you grow as a person and would eventually learn to be happy without your ex partner.

Laura G .
Laura G .

My ex broke up with me almost 3 weeks ago . It was a horrible break up . I blew him up at times while he said he was done then when I tried to be done he would do the same to me.. Finally one day he just said he’s had enough but I was so hurt I blew him up and said some really mean and hurtful things. He changed his number; I even heard he’s seeing his ex but I’m not sure about that .

He still uses his WhatsApp , I sent him a message saying a simple “hey” he gets on everyday but he didn’t open the message until two days later and didn’t reply ..

Do I have a chance ? Should I contact him again ?if so then what should I say ? Or do I have no choice but to move on ?

Is him not blocking me on WhatsApp a good sign ?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Laura,

Since it was a horrible break up, I suggest taking time apart to give him space to let go of negative emotions he may harbor against you at the moment. It is a good sign that he didn’t block you. However, do not be pushy with your messages to him or he may end up blocking you. I suggest applying the no contact rule before contacting him again in the future if you want to.

Queen
Queen

I and my bf broke up a month ago, I still love him tho but I kept my cool with the no contact rule. I was shocked to see his calls even though I broke up with him, he likes my status on Facebook and all that…So I didnt pick his call and he sent a text saying he just wanna check up on me but I ignored d text. The next day, I couldn’t hold it, I had to reply him by saying thanks for checking up and hop he is good too…I donno if he want us to get back together or he just misses me

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey there,

How long are you into the NC period? If it’s been around 30 days, then perhaps you could continue the conversation if he replies you from that previous text and slowly figure out what his intentions are.

christian
christian

hey me and my ex broke up about 2 weeks ago and we were together for a month but we were on and off but now shes saying that she doesn’t know if she wants to be with me and she likes someone else that she can’t be with what do I do!?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Christian,

Perhaps you could have a talk with her and find out why she does not want to be with you and see if it’s a salvageable situation. If no, then it would be better for you to be fair to yourself and move on.

sonari
sonari

hey , me and my ex broke up 4 years ago but we are bestfriends till now and i still have feelings for him , we hangout sometimes he always stares at me non- stop i tried to get him back for years but hes like he doesnt wanna date me anymore we even kiss tho… and he hasnt dated since we broke up… hes confusing me sometimes he says i miss u , he just gives me mixed signs.. does he still love me?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Sonari,

Perhaps you could follow this article and see if it helps give you an idea on what to do. If it doesn’t perhaps you should sit down and talk to him and be honest about your feelings towards him and ask him directly why he does not want to date you.

Kaveen Prabhu
Kaveen Prabhu

Hi,
I have Hid Past from her…Like..I flirted with her friend years before I even Know her…That friend introduced me to her recently and we were so much in love and I even Asked her to Marry me and My parents accepted it and They are supportive
Month Before That mutual friend and Me had a fight and She revealed all my secrets to my Girlfriend…She got devastated and She told She never Wanted to see Me again…And that friend also told Many lies about me too and Moreover My girl’s parents are Not okay with Love because of Thier status and dignity issues.
She told that she Never want to see me again in life but she checks my snap stories and location
and She became friends with my Bestfriend to know about me.
I really want her…I will workhard and Make her parents accept me …But I wamt her to comeback
She always tells that I treat her like Queen but I broke her trust and betrayed her so she doesn’t want me
I am so depressed and I am devastated.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Kaveen,

I’m sorry to hear that. For the time being, do give her some space to calm down. She won’t listen to what you have to say at this point because she’s still affected by what has happened. However, based on what you’ve said, I think she still does care and love you just that you probably have to give her some time before trying to explain what happened.

Angie
Angie

Hi my and my ex have been off and on for two years the longest was a month . But recently this last month has been so much drama it all started about a month ago when he said he needed a break I was hurt so I continued to contact him very day he got sooo annoyed by it and told me we were done for good and to move on and leave him alone & blocked me . So I did . But one day he texted me and we started talking like normal for a couple of days .. but all of a sudden the police showed up at his house and said there was a report on him about domestic violence of course he thought it was me since he broke up with me … everything went down hill he basically told me again he was done and to leave him alone and he said he hated me (not the first time) .. that was a week ago . If I call or text him he’ll answer or text back but it won’t be nice but he’ll still answer . Which is weird because normally he’ll just block me but he didn’t . This time it honestly feels like he’s done for good but I can’t really say because I’m basing it off emotions.

My questions are . Why didn’t he block me this time ? and why is he still responding and answering (cold messages) if he hates me and is done with me ?

Also we are so off and on how would I know if this time he is done for good?

I’m now on day 4 of NC .

Louise
Louise

Hi there,
mine is a tricky situation. I had depression for many years and whilst my partner was so supportive I was too wrapped up in my own issued to realise he too had depression and constantly repressed his feelings allowing them to fester. The past year my ex had to live away for work purposes and suffered lonliness and did not cope very well at all. I myself did not cope, I was stressed, pregnant and was constantly negative and admittedly was a horrible person to be around.
We had an argument a month before he was due back and he said that he was done, and that was that. I was hysterical and feel that I had pushed him away further. He has since moved into a family member’s house.
This was all over 3 months ago, our second child is now 3 weeks old and we share a 6 year old together too.
Today after all this time he finally opened up and I now understand the breakdown. I was not supportive in his work or his depression, and found out that his own depression had intensified to the point where he said he doesnt feel connected to anyone including his family, but only has feelings for his children. I had caused him a lot of stress in his career path and I was often jelous as I was lost in my own career and got angry over this and other pathetic little things.
It’s great that he felt he could finally put down some of his shield to share his feelings with me. He ended the conversation by saying that he will always care for me more so because I am the mother of his children and he wants to be there for me. But I feel that it is over for ever, as he said he is going to save up for his own place and speaking in ways that highlight that we are over and that is that.
I don’t know what to do or how to attempt to rectify all of my wrong doings.
I have spent the past 3 months, though incredibly difficult, picking myself up and changing the negative factors about myself. Loving myself and throwing myself into fully focusing on my child and pregnancy. I don’t know if this relationship can ever be re established. What would you advice? Thank you.
Louise

Danique
Danique

Hey kevin,
so i was in a relationship with a girl for about 2 years.
and all of a sudden she wanted to break up with me since i was “holding her back”,
ive always been supportive and have always been there for her.
thing is we live in the same house and i do see her now and then,
and sometimes i concede to my urges and ask her to come drink some coffee with me.
and she does, yet she keeps on saying she doesnt want a relationship anymore but has to show me how guys are flirting with her.(i know this is mostly on myself for asking her to hang out in the first place but what does it mean.
we have been through a lot we almost had a kid twice, and she has a really tough background.
what im trying to say is she says she does not want to be my girlfriend anymore but she does want to spend time with me when i ask her..
what do i do, does she still love me..

Holly
Holly

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me a month in a half ago, he had wanted to be with me for years but I never said yes until now. The reason why he broke up with me: he said that he loved me but didn’t fall in love with me while we were together, then later said he realized he was already in love with someone else. Fast forward to a month in a half after the break-up, and he texts me saying how he’s realized how he was the happiest he’s ever been when he was with me, how I was his best relationship, how he couldn’t stop thinking about me after the break-up but was afraid to say something to me. Basically, he was apologizing and practically begging for me to give him a second chance. One of my responses was how he can’t just dump me and when it doesn’t work out with the other person to just come running back to me, he responded saying how it wasn’t like that at all.
I don’t trust him like I did before and because of that I don’t believe he’s being honest and truthful about his intentions. However, I wanted a second opinion from an outside point of view so I hope you can share with me your thoughts and opinions on this. Is he being truthful? Or is it just an act?

Lilly
Lilly

Hi,
so I broke up with my ex almost 4 weeks ago, and even though it was like our last goodbye he texts me cute stuff and all of a sudden we start fighting or idk. So my question is, is this a good sign or a bad one, cuz I really wanna text him first now and meet up with him and talk…?

Charlotte
Charlotte

Hi,

My ex boyfriend and I were dating for a year and a half and about 3 weeks ago he told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore and a week ago he broke up with me. I was very surprised when he told he didn’t love me anymore and everybody around us was just as shocked. We were so good with each other, the only problems we had was my jealousy sometimes and his drinking when we’d go out. Besides that, we had great communication, lots of fun, and future plans, like moving in the house he’s buying right now. We picked the house together, chose furnitures and everything. A month ago he even told me that he sees his future with me and one week later he says he hasn’t been in love with me for a few months now. We haven’t talked for 4 days now but every time I post something on Snapchat he is one of the first people to watch, if not the first for the most part. We’re still friends on fb. I’m not planning on talking to him soon even though I want to. Should I let him see what I do? By no contact does that mean deleting him on all social media? I know we are meant to be together but I want him to realize this on his own. Please help! Thank you!

Chloe
Chloe

Hi,
Me and my ex broke up about a year and a half ago after a 4 year relationship. However, we still meet up occasionally and everything seems great when we are together. Then he will stop talking to me and say he doesn’t want anything to happen between us anymore. He blocked me on all social media but will often unblock me and add me back on things etc. I am so confused on what to do?

June
June

My ex of 4 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago because she said she doesn’t feel the same. I realized that she was fed up with my partying habits and wanted me to mature. She gave me a change before we broke up, but my feelings and pain came out when I drank again. Then it officially ended two weeks ago. I did the no contact for 7 days, and then she texted me on day 8! She started asking questions about the logistics of a future road trip before a wedding we were supposed to attend; it’s 4 months down the road. Questions like how much the flights were, should she get her own room, etc……I politely responded that she doesn’t need to pay me back, and that I still plan on doing the roadtrip to the wedding, and she’s more then welcome to come still. My mentality is to respond to the questions and continue with no contact and focus on me.

Question: Did I handle it right?
Question 2: I’m sticking with no contact, but is she asking this as an excuse to talk to me? The event is four months out.

Rachel
Rachel

Me and my ex broke up about a week ago and he says he still cares and gets very jealous around guys and is protective but says he doesn’t want to date me again? He still really wants to be friends but how can I win him back? He broke up with me because his feelings weren’t the same as before

bad situation
bad situation

Hi Kevin,
I am in such a bad situation. I have been seeing this man, who turned out to be the loverall of my life aND soulmate, for four years. He has bent over backwards for me in every way, nothing was wrong with our relationship except one thing – I was and am in an arranged marriage. I know this makes me seem like a horrible person and him too. Anyhow, during the first two years he asked on various occasions, hundreds of times, for me to tell him I would be wit him, even one day, and I didn’t have to say when. Every time,I would start with “in my heart and soul” and could never finish with a solid answer. I was so petrified of how I would leave. I love this man with all of my being. I don’t want to live on this earth another day without him but instead want to live the rest of my life out with him. The problem is instead of breaking up with me which he says he couldn’t do because he can’t live without me either, is he dated someone for the last year and a half and now they are engaged. I found out indirectly. Sometimes he says he will leave her if I guarantee and make an action plan to be with him, but when I recently called over the weekend and told I was in his neighborhood looking for an apt, he was mean and I felt he thought I was pressuring him. He obviously has feelings for her too though he says he can never love anyone like he loves me.

What are the chances of us getting back together? I started NC a week ago and he tried to call once which I didn’t answer. We work together too, different depts, and I am interviewing as I can’t be there if he goes through with the marriage. I plan on moving out soon.

Thank you.

Daniel
Daniel

Hi me and my ex just broke up a week ago I talked to her after the break up and she told me she was moving in order to be far from me to not have no contact at all with me she tells me I love you but I’m not in love with you after everything I done did to her no trust in her always bringing up her past and this time she did end up breaking up with me and now after she gets off from work I don’t see her pass by my house cause she lives right across the street from me and also her friend told me that she doesn’t want to try no more cause she might regret it at the end if I didn’t change so just simply don’t want to try even if I changed and it’s 3 months from now that she doesn’t want me what should I do

Joey
Joey

Hey,
Me and my ex girlfriend broke up 2 weeks ago and I’m heartbroken and depressed and I can’t sleep at night and when we broke up, she seemed sad at first then a few hours later, she’s face timing a guy and laughing and I tried to fix everything that happened but she didn’t want to hear it and she left the house 2 days later to the city and she lives there now and she has a new bf which she already calls him her husband and they only been together for a week and she lives with him and me and her dated for 14 months and we lived together for a year before she left and she seems happy and I’m trying to do the no contact rule and it’s really really hard for me but I’m still doing it but what should I do?

lindsay
lindsay

My boyfriend split up from me last night where supposed to be getting married. he split from me because I deleted a message of a male knowing he’d kick off if he saw it was only a male mate. he then thought I’d split from him I went to his kicking off then went back n apoligised now he doesn’t want to know me.I want him back I love him so much but he doesn’t believe me, what can I do iv tried showing him.I’ve left him alone I can’t loose him

Pam
Pam

I don’t understand why he is so angry and mean to me. He lost his temper over nothing. Then I found out about another girl (many years ago and we where in a different phase) plus drug use. I haven’t said anything awful just that I wanted to be left alone. He had already told me he hates me and to burn in hell (seriously? ) but keeps contacting me. He is angry every time he texts. I told him how destroyed I was feeling and nothing. Just anger. So I said it was all too much and I just wanted to be left alone. (Which BTW is one of his signature phrases so I thought it was good to put it that way). And he keeps saying hurtful things. He is so angry. I cannot believe the lack of empathy in him. Like I told him the new info broke my heart. And he ends with “leave me alone too then I didn’t really want to see you anyway”. (I have been leaving him alone. Although not ignoring him when he messages. ). I’m so confused. Why is he being mean to me ??

Shruti
Shruti

Dont worry just wait i think he’ll come back for you

moa
moa

This website is great!! thnx Kevin for everything you are truly helpin me a lot thank you again!!.

John
John

Hey, the girl I was seeing (I say seeing because we were dating and having sex etc but didn’t put a stamp on it saying we were official). Dumped me out of the blue a few days ago. Everything seemed fine and we were happy and I was probably missing any signs of her being off put. I did seem to be more into it than she was. Anyway, we haven’t spoke in a few days and the only thing I said to her when she dumped me was that I didn’t want to put any pressure on her, and that I was sorry about how she felt but couldn’t understand why and said okay.. Basically. Now I do wanna get her back but she does seem to just be unsure and said she did like me but not enough to get serious. ( because I was maybe rushing without knowing.) She is pretty popular with the guys so should I continue to bide my time in hope for her to make first contact? Or should I try rekindle the contact smoothly by at least saying sorry and I can understand why she broke up with me then maybe she’ll see that I can atleast understand. Or should I just move on? It seems a very small issue to me and hopefully easy to sort out.

Thanks

Bernie
Bernie

Hi, thanks for all the advice here. Im just battling with a complex case over LDR, with limited information available. Its gonna be long, so 56k modems beware ! My Ex and I were in a very strong, emotionally charged LDR for about 3 months. Despite the deep respect, compliments and excellent best-friendship we shared, we were both very poor at arguing, making us both feel bad, our emotions took over our personalities, we’d eventually aplogise but for her, I think she held on, and I clamed up a bit. She still said she loved me, made plans to do things etc. Then, BOOM, I talked about having a bit of trouble getting the money together so we could meet, she became so dissapointed and sad, she never recovered, even a day later, I made a plan and showed her I was booking tickets. I feel punished for being openly honest, because Im sure it wouldnt have ended soon after. Within the space of a 2 days, she grew very distant, then pretty much didnt initiate any contact with me for a week. I became very needy and whiny, sending long romantic walls of text, instead of just playing it cool and asking to talk with her properly. She didnt reply most of the time. Then, at the end of that week, she finally breaks up with me, with a “its not you, its me”, I keep asking for the truth, to know what I had done wrong, what she needed to be fixed, she says “you were perfect, but I am interested in someone else, someone from the past I have history with, you dont know about him”, and listed some of the traits that “he has” i didnt, like being closer by (still different cities), and being approved for by his parents (i had a small mom issue i shared with her), she actually talked openly with me about her exes early on, we got all our baggage out and shared it, and this one doesnt fit any picture or evidence I have seen, if i remember, he was just a childhood friend from long ago she maintained contact with. What I am struggling with, is she really trying to let me down softly with a white lie ? She said the very nicest things, that I will move on, to not let the breakup kill me, i will meet another woman to replace her, and that she wishes me the very best. She even said, she may just stay single until the end of her degree (despite the, interested in another guy story). She said “I think I cant be in LDR”, blamed age barrier and language… Read more »

angie
angie

Thanks guys..
I stumbled across this article trying to understand why my ex of 6 months keeps texting me the same 1 liner which leads to no conversation.

Your article put a smile on my face and I laughed out loud at the last section. You are right 🙂

Cara
Cara

When I did apologize for making him upset, he responded with “forget about it”

Cara
Cara

My ex and I have been on and off since April. He’s been in and out of my life periodically, but came crawling back in the beginning of the month. He has been asking me to hang out, but when he gets drunk will get mad at me and tell me he doesn’t want to speak to me, but will text me the next day. I’ve also made some amateur mistakes by thinking we were back together,acting too couplely too soon, asking who he was texting, and telling my friends information about our relationship. One day he totally blew up and said that we had a great night, but I ruined everything. I sent him a text apologizing for my behavior and that we need to communicate more. He never tells me what’s wrong until he gets drunk, and that’s usually just half the story. I want things to work. Please help me!

confusedbutok
confusedbutok

Kevin I’m confused. Why does an ex girlfriend need to feel like you’re over her before she could ever come back? Seems contradictory

confusedbutok
confusedbutok

I see. My ex gf seems super stubborn and I sense she’s forcing herself to move on even though she may still want to be with me. We broke up because she said I didn’t appreciate her because towards the end I started nagging about her behavior a little so she just ended things partly because she felt I was going to first. Since then she’s been stubborn and has came up with many reasons in her head to justify her decision. How can I turn something like this around? Seems different than a loss of attraction. She won’t even let me have conversations with her, she just stops the momentum.

confusedbutok
confusedbutok

No contact for 30 days or? I’m so conflicted with advice. One website says you need to be in constant contact for her to get comfortable having you around again. But her responses are for the most part neutral and drops off. Our last text exchange I said “drive safe I just spun out on the highway” she replied “Geez are you ok?” And I said “I’m a little shook up I’ll talk to you later” should I just leave her hanging or get back to her? This was two days ago

confusedbutok
confusedbutok

What if you agreed to be friends after a no contact period and they’re in a new relationship. Would being aloof and waiting for her to initiate be the best way of handling it so things could turn into something romantic?

confusedbutok
confusedbutok

My first text exchange with my ex gf she became very hostile and the convo ended with her saying things like “delete my number or I’ll block you” because I made a sarcastic comment when she mentioned she’s with someone new who makes her very happy. I waited a little over a week and sent an apology email using the “clean slate apology” method.

She texted saying thanks for the apology and we could be friends as long as I’m not trying to get back with her. That she’s used to exes doing that. Why would she say this?

I said it’s fine I genuinely care about you and would like to be on good terms. She said ok we are on good terms, how are you? I replied and dropped a subtle reminder about something that happened in our relationship pertaining to my response and then she stopped texting.

Has my apology caused her to go into indifference towards me?

confusedbutok
confusedbutok

So when I reach out again I shouldn’t mention any good times from the relationship? How should I treat it.

It’s confusing because some people say to use reminders as a reason why you’re texting like “hey (tv show we used to watch) was just on. Have you been following?”

Or do I keep it super casual “how’ve you been doing?”

confusedbutok
confusedbutok

Thank you. In her case I do believe she might be aware that I want her back.

Is it bad I agreed to be “friends”? In terms of reconciliation, some people suggest to never do that.

When we do brief text exchanges she almost always stops responding even if I’m not bringing up past memories or hinting of reconciliation. When that happens should I wait till she initiates or try every week with small talk?

confusedbutok
confusedbutok

Ok so now I noticed she puts the brakes on when I try to deepen a conversation with her. I’m not talking about the past or relationship talk just general topics. She’ll just stop responding if the conversation seems to start rolling.

Should I just ask her to meet and catch up or build more rapport via texts first?

Mary
Mary

Hi Kevin,
I have been reading your blog and this specific post made me question a few things. I really hope you can help me.
My ex broke up with me about three months ago and we have not stopped being in contact since then for a number of reasons. A couple of weeks ago he started “casually” seeing a girl that we both know and his behavior towards me changed completely. Since I could not deal with this I told him that I wanted to end whatever relationship we still had left because it was too painful and because I felt like he was using me. He asked me to give him a chance to prove to me how much he cares and how much he wants us to be good friends. I said I just couldn’t deal with his new relationship and he asked me to give him 10 days to prove to me that it was worth it; part of what he promised was that he would not see her at all during this time. It has been four days and so far he has been great, we have talked about how we feel and solutions to our constant fighting (still no mention of getting back together), we’ve made nice plans and he makes sure to call and watch the small details. I am just very worried I’m misreading this and he truly wants to be just friends, or if his efforts mean something else. I don’t know how to handle myself and I don’t want to be disappointed again.
I hope you can help

Mary
Mary

Kevin thank you for your prompt answer. It makes me very hopeful that you see it as a good sign but I am still worried that after the 10 days that he promised to not see the girl anymore and try really hard to prove to me he cares, he will go back to her after he sees that everything is alright with me. This is a legitimate worry because he keeps repeating that he wants friendship friendship friendship and I just don’t want to be disappointed. You think I should wait those 3-4 weeks without no contact being necessary? Also what behavior should I have towards him because he’s been great and I have nothing bad to say but I feel like it would just play against me to seem like everything is just fine, when in truth I don’t want friendship and just want to get him back.

Ana
Ana

Hi! This is the second time i leave a comment. Last time was on a post related to no contacts. The thing is that i followed your advice and began to talk with my ex and then i asked him if he still have feelings for me, the answer was no. I felt relieved but at the same time sad, because i found out that i still care for him.
And i am here again because he stills text me when i change my status and also, he found another way to contact me, he always ask me about math even if i say that i dont remember anything. The last time we talked was last week, i told him i was outside and couldnt help him with his math homework, but then he wanted to know if i went outside with my sister and why am i still late outside.
So, what you think about this?

james
james

How old are you guys?

Ana
Ana

He is 24 and i am 25.

Ana
Ana

Why do you ask about the age?

Tyler
Tyler

Hey Kevin, me and this girl dated for a month and a half. She broke up with me two days ago over making stupid desicions and I called her a name. She said she still cares about me and we are still friends. We both told each other we loved each other when we were dating I’m still madly in love with her. She might get a new boyfriend or girlfriend. What should I do?

Tyler
Tyler

(more info) I’ve already spoken to her since we broke up. Should I stop?

Tanya
Tanya

I have never been in a relationship before I met the love of my life so I will say that I’m a bit inexperienced in the relationship field. However, I should not fully blame my inexperience for me cheating on my boyfriend (now ex) of 6 years. I am so remorseful for what I’ve done and I hate myself everyday for causing him SO MUCH PAIN. I’ve prayed to God endlessly for help — to have my ex boyfriend recover from his pain, hurt, anger and other emotions I’ve caused him. I cannot forgive myself unless he is happy and has gotten over all this.
On the other hand, I pray to God to allow us two to renew our relationship. To move past the pain we’ve been through and make a new and MUCH STRONGER future. I also pray that he can trust me again and know that I won’t be unfaithful again. We definitely lacked in communication and that was the reason I cheated. I take full responsibility in my wrongdoing and know that I will never do such a thing EVER. It’s not worth the hurt.
I doubt he will give me a second chance. We were also so close to getting married…

paul
paul

Kevin,
Me and my ex have been been broken up for about three weeks now. This is the thing, she has a lot of trust issues, but I’ve been more than willing to work with them and re-assure her. She broke up with me because she needs to get her life together, and be ready for something as serious. She says she still loves me and says that she misses me sometimes, what do I do? We even had a brief no-contact period, which she broke and called me twice. She even says she knows she wants to be with me, but she just can’t right now, she just needs space. I know it seems simple, but sometimes, maybe it’s my own paranoia, it seems like she’s moving away from me, but it turns out she’s dealing with a lot. One day she’ll text me, others not so much at all.
Help!

drive
drive

Are rebound relationships likely to last or fail if the ex is in the picture? For example, if my ex jumped into a new relationship immediately after we broke up, will that rebound relationship last for as long as i stay in the picture or in contact with my ex or will it likely fail?

KJ
KJ

Hi, I felt the need to comment about my own situation. I am currently a hot, hot mess. My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago today via TEXT. I was so. upset. Essentially, he had gotten angry because i had blown up his phone the night before when he did something that upset me. I tried explaining that he knew what he did upset me so i aggravated him back but that ticked him off more. I tried explaining it was immature of me and I overreacted, but it was too late. He then told me it wasn’t always about me and I was selfish in a relationship, this wasn’t working, we aren’t good together. We are done. Don’t attempt to negotiate or make it better and please don’t respond to this text. Well, I of course responded which was a mistake bc he was angry. I said “you’re too much of a man to do this via text, right?” and he said no. that i wouldn’t “allow” it in person and he didn’t want to put up with drama. I proceeded to try and be the bigger person and give him space til later that day and called him “babe” and that caused him to say “please do not call me outside of my name. thank you” ..well a few hours later I texted some things I thought were mature and also about how I don’t think he would actually break up via text bc he knew a friend stopped talking to me like that before and he knew how much that broke me, and I didn’t think I was a jerk. I also restated I wanted to talk and definitely sent more than I should have, but not a full blow up. He didn’t respond and the next day I sent 2 long messages one saying he had been pushing me away since telling me he likes me and I wish he’d see his value…and that it wasn’t about me everything for me is about him. Then the other was about I didn’t think he would do that to me bc he wasn’t a jerk, etc. Also, a little background. He spent 1.5 years trying to get me date him when we were just friends. Then I kissed him in May of this year and admitted my feelings…we were “dating” but I didn’t make it official until July bc of my own anxieties, etc (even though I was completely in love with him) and I know that did damage. So in terms of being “done” and breaking up, we have thrown those words around wayyy too many times…and didn’t mean it. Our relationship had gotten into… Read more »

KJ
KJ

Thanks. Does this situation seem like a lost cause given how explosive it was at the *very beginning* of break up? One of my friends believes he may not ever talk to me again due to how angry he was…And if he were to respond to happy birthday would I not respond furthermore?

KJ
KJ

Okay, thank you! If i Say happy bday how long is best before I send anything to him again (Even if he replies) I hope the anger will subside, we just needed to grow up and I’m hoping he still cares

zuzu1000
zuzu1000

Okay. If I text him Happy Bday I will wait 2 more weeks… is it good to text that? Or does it not matter if I do or dont? Also, today is NC day 8 for me…he hasn’t contacted me once. I’m freaking out. I have started working on me though and want him to know that.. :/ I want him to know I realized my anxieties/insecurities from my ex before him cheating on me were still there and I wasn’t ready for a relationship at the start..but then now I”m working on me…and this space is good but I do NOT want him to think we aren’t good for each other..bc our only arguments were via text! etc. I’m guessing telling him would psychologically backfire somehow though? :/ I just dont want him to think we aren’t good together or keep thinking that 🙁 Advice?

KJ
KJ

Okay.. Thanks. I’m trying! Easier said than done! So the following text I drafted (but did not send) is not a good idea to send yet? I’m just getting worried he won’t think any of our relationship was good..it was in person but then we’d go a couple days with the stupid blowing up/ignoring cycle for a while and finally were working on that..but this text I shouldn’t send him at all or should send after nc?…. “Hi, I understand how unfair i was blowing up ever & threatening you to lose me. I hurt you &acted in a way that wasn’t right at all. I feel awful simply bc I took my anxiety/past of being cheated on/fear out on you when it was really my own inability to let fears go at the time & control my own emotions.”

KJ
KJ

Thanks. The problem is I would go to his work so often I know that address and his home address i *think* I know the exact number and I know where it’s at of course…but I wouldn’t want to mail to the wrong number just bc I would go there and not pay attention to the address :/ maybe it won’t be needed or maybe I can try a text first then maybe the letter if that fails? I am staying strong but it has been 11 days now and this is so hard! I could drive by his house and get the number tho -.- smh

KJ
KJ

Nvm I remember it! I knew 3 of the 4 numbers on the street and I got it now 🙂 so yeah maybe I will write the letter then text 2 weeks later if I haven’t heard?

KJ
KJ

It’s better to apologize after doing NC? I’m on day 12 and feeling great right this min (but now always) and when I feel great I wanna text him “I needed this. You knew I needed this..Blowing up was unfair&hurtful.. I had no reason not to trust; it was my inability to face MY insecurity. I control it it doesn’t control me:)” but then I’m worried he’s still upset.
But then I’m worried if I don’t, he will think I won’t ever change! And we don’t have each other on social media so how will he know? I keep getting in my own head… We would have been so functional had I not blown his phone up out of anxiety…I want him to know now that I’ll change. I’m unsure if me saying nothing is effective? Bc he had threatened me with saying I was stalking bc I blew up his phone one day…granted I responded twice after that but he could still think my silence is due to that? Is there any way he has already moved on and would never consider me as an option due to me being so anxious and clingy (out of fear) when we did date?

KJ
KJ

Wtf I just got a text from him “Hey I’m going to be late to the meeting, just left court”
Did he actually mess up or was that intentional -.-
I don’t think anyone he works with has my name and he hasn’t messed up like this ever before…
Is it possible he purposely sent me this and wanted me to respond for him to say “wrong person” or do you think it was 100% mistake????

KJ
KJ

Yeah, I stayed strong and didn’t respond 🙂 If it was a mistake, best for him not to see me as “needy”…responding to anything I can get!
If it was intentionally sent to provoke me, best for him to see I’m growing up and will no longer react the way I would have reacted 2-3 weeks ago 🙂

KJ
KJ

Ughh I need help again. Two days ago he liked two of my instagram pictures…he doesn’t follow me so he intentionally looked me up and liked them :/ he hasn’t done or said anything since. In the past this was how he showed me after fights he was still there but this was an actual break up this time. Should I reaxh out? That happened on day 18 of no contact and now I am on day 20 :'( why is he contacting me indirectly!? Ugh and he looked me up intentionally too blahhh what to do? Also his bday is in two days x.x

KJ
KJ

I sent “Have a wonderful 25th birthday. Hope you get lots of pecan&apple pie& 25 ninja turtle cupcakes.”
He responded 40 minutes later saying “thank you”
Is that good or bad (BC he didn’t say anything else)
Now I am staying quiet probably at least another week. I’m confused though he tries getting my attention then all he says is “thank you” o.O

Clara
Clara

Hi Kevin

So my boyfriend and I of over 5 years broke up about two months ago (This is our second breakup). Just two weeks after our breakup he started seeing another girl, he even has her as his whatsapp profile picture! I did no contact for a month, then initiated contact but he did not reply to my text about meeting up for coffee. He followed and unfollowed me on instagram twice now(he only follows me for a few hours). He has since unfriended me on facebook. To make matters worse, apparently his father doesn’t want him to be with me & he very much values his opinion. Please help, do I go on no contact again or do I keep trying to get him to meet up with me?

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