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Ex Back Permanently

How to Get Your Ex Back Permanently – 5 Step Plan

Winning your ex boyfriend or girlfriend back isn’t really the hard part. The hard part is keeping them. After all, they left you once, what is to stop them from leaving you again? What is the point of getting your ex back if you can’t keep them PERMANENTLY?

My name is Kevin, and I am here to get through this painful breakup and hopefully get your ex back. I say hopefully because I can’t guarantee you that you will get your ex back. I can, however, guarantee that if you follow this plan, your chances of getting your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back will increase significantly.

What This Article Is About?

This article is divided into 5 Steps. I have done so because this way you have a step by step plan that you can follow to get your ex back. It’s important to have a plan to follow, because after a breakup you are hurt, emotionally drained and most of all, confused. And during this state of confusion, you are bound to make a lot of mistakes that will actually hurt your chances of getting back together.

I have seen people make these mistakes over and over again (in my two years of experience helping people with breakups). Having a plan gives you a sense of direction and removes all the confusion. A plan will give you something to look forward to when you are feeling down and unsure about yourself. A plan will give you hope. This article is that plan.

But What Are These Mistakes You Talk About?

I am glad you asked because the first part of this guide is precisely about these mistakes.

STEP #1. The Instincts aka The Deadly Mistakes

I call this part “The Instincts” because all these mistakes are a direct result of people following their instincts. Most of the advice in this 5 Step Plan is counter-intuitive, but it works. When you read it, you will understand why and it will all start to make sense. So let’s start by going over the deadly mistakes that you should avoid at any cost.

Deadly Mistake #1: Calling And Texting Them All The Time

Kevin, we broke up 8 days ago. Since then, I have messaged him everyday constantly and he barely replies. I have to text him a hundred times before he replies just once. I really love him and want to be with him, but I don’t understand why he is acting like this. He said he loved me and then suddenly this.

That’s the story of around 80% of the people who are desperate to get their ex back. It’s a huge mistake to text and call your ex all the time. In fact, it’s a huge mistake to call them even once. Your instincts tell you that if you stay in contact with your ex, they will not forget about you and hopefully come back.

ex calling

Even the calls that might seem casual to you, look needy and desperate to your ex.

But it doesn’t really work that way. In fact,  every time you call or text your ex, you are showing them you are a needy person and you are miserable without them. This neediness is unattractive and pushes your ex further away.

You should be extremely careful whenever you go out drinking. You might end up calling your ex and making a fool of yourself. So whenever you go out drinking, have a friend with you who can stop you from making this mistake.

But if I don’t call or text my ex, how can I get them back?

You should contact them in certain way that will make them feel attracted to you again. I explain exactly how to do this in Step 4.

Deadly Mistake #2: Begging And Trying To Use Pity

If begging worked after a breakup, no one will ever break up with anybody. They decided to leave you and they are prepared to go through your begging and pleading. Whatever the reason for breakup was, it’s not going to change with your begging. The only thing that begging will do is make you look like a weak and insecure person.

cat_begging

Unfortunately, humans don’t look as cute as cats while begging.

Similarly, your instincts will also make you believe that if you just show your ex that you can’t live without them, they will take you back.  Your thought pattern becomes something like

If he knows how miserable I am without him, he will come back.

If only she knows that I can’t continue my life without her, she’ll take me back.

Again, your instincts are screwing with you. Trust me, no one takes their ex back out of pity. No one is attracted to someone who is miserable. And even if your ex came back because of this, do you really want them to be with you just because of pity? Or do you want them to respect you and love you?

Deadly Mistake #3: Let Them Walk All Over You

Your instincts will tell you that if you just agree to everything your ex wants, they will come back. Your instincts will tell you that your needs, your values, your desires, your goals don’t matter. Your instincts will tell you that the only thing that matters is to get your ex back. And for that, you can sacrifice everything.doormat_in_relationships

You let your ex walk all over you. You become a doormat. You agree to the most ridiculous demands your ex has. But your instincts tell you, it’s OK. Because having your ex in your life is the only thing that matters.

Well, guess what?

Agreeing to everything your ex says is not going to bring them back. In fact, it’s only going to make your ex respect you less. Nobody wants to be with someone they don’t respect. And even if they do come back, they will leave shortly realizing they have no respect for you as a person.

Deadly Mistake #4: Showering Them with Affection

Your instincts tell you that if your ex just realizes how much you love them and how much you care about them, they will come back. You just need to make them believe that no one in the world will ever love them the way you do. How can they reject you once they realize how much you love them, Right?

smothering your ex

The truth is, they already know that you love them, how much you adore them and how much you care about them. But they still decided to breakup. Showering them with affection is not going to help you. In fact, the more you smother them, the more trapped they’ll feel. And that will just make them want to get away from you as soon as possible.

Deadly Mistake #5: Freaking Out When Your Ex Starts Dating

The thought of your ex being with someone else is a gut wrenching one. But in reality, it’s not that bad as we make it out to be. We will get into that but before that that let’s take a look at how your instincts react when you find out your ex is dating someone else.

If I don’t do anything right now, they’ll fall in love with this new person and forget about me forever. I better go over there and do everything that this article has told me not to do. Including begging, using pity, telling them how much I love them, agreeing to all their conditions (be a doormat). And if they don’t open the door, I’ll just stand outside and call and text them all day. It will be even better to tell my ex how this new person is totally wrong for them and what a big mistake they are making by being in a relationship with this _______(INSERT DEROGATORY REMARK).

If you didn’t realize it by now, your instincts and your mind go into panic mode when you find out your ex is dating someone new. In most cases, you freak out and make all the mistakes mentioned above.

The truth is, your ex is most probably in a rebound relationship (Read: Is Your Ex In a Rebound Relationship? Find Out With These Telltale Signs). And almost all of the rebound relationships end sooner rather than later. It sucks, but rebound relationships are a way for many people to deal with breakups. Fortunately for you, it’s one of the most ineffective way to move on. So, just because they are in a rebound relationship doesn’t mean they will forget about you and move on. In fact, it just means the opposite. It means that they are having a hard time moving on and as long as they are in this rebound relationship, they can’t work on moving on with their life.

rebound relationship

A rebound relationship is like a cigarette. It’s unhealthy. It provides a false sense of calmness. And it ends when the flame is over. (the faster you smoke the faster it ends)

The most important thing for you to do while your ex is in a rebound relationship is be cool about it. Whatever happens, do not tell your ex to break up with their rebound partners. Let it be their idea. They have a huge hole in their life after breaking up with you which they are trying to fill with someone new. They will soon realize that a rebound relationship can not fill the emptiness and they will end the relationship. (Do you think his relationship is not just a rebound? Read How To Get Your Ex Back When He Has Moved On To a New Girlfriend.)

What If You’ve Already Made These Mistakes?

Chances are, you’ve already made at least one of these mistakes after the breakup. Don’t worry, even the wisest monks in the Himalayas and masters of psychology from Harvard usually end up making these mistakes after a breakup. It’s just in the nature of human beings to try and hold on to something that is precious to them. So don’t beat yourself over it. The most important thing for you to do right now is to realize that these mistakes will not help you get him or her back and stop doing them right away. Move on to the next step of the plan which is going to repair all the damage you’ve caused till now.

 

STEP #2. No Contact aka Give Yourself Time And Space

If you’ve been searching about breakups and getting your ex back online, you’d know that there is a thing called no contact rule. It’s simple and a very effective. All you have to do is stop all the communication with your ex for a short period of time. This includes

  • No Calling
  • No Texting
  • No Facebook Messaging
  • No Online Contact Of Any Kind (IM, Twitter)
  • No “accidentally” bumping into them (you know what that means)
  • No hanging out with common friends in hopes of meeting your ex

Why are we doing this?

For three reasons

1. Your ex needs some space and time to remove all the negative associations from the breakup and start missing you. People have a common misconception that if you don’t contact your ex, they will forget about you. But in reality, if you don’t contact your ex, you will give them time to miss you more and they will be wondering all the time why you are not contacting them. Remember all the mistakes in Part #1 of this guide. Every one of them made your ex think of you as a needy person. By not contacting them, you immediately become not needy in their mind.

2. You also need some space and time. You need to get a hold of yourself and gain some perspective. The fact is, you are a mess after the breakup. And you need to calm down and analyze your relationship thoroughly to realize whether or not being with your ex is in your best interest. It could be that you are just missing your ex. You need to learn to enjoy your life without your ex. You need to prove to yourself that you can be happy without your ex. You will eventually realize that you DON’T NEED YOUR EX to be happy. Maybe you’ll still WANT them, but there is a big difference between needing something and wanting something.

happiness comes from inside

3. You must become an attractive happy person during this time. You need to take a step back and reevaluate your life. You should make a lot of positive changes in your life. When you meet your ex after the no contact period, you want them to be attracted to you. And the best way to do it is to start enjoying life and being an overall happy person. Don’t take this point lightly. This could be the difference between getting your ex back or losing them forever. (If you’d like to read more about why you should do this, read this article.)

How long is the no contact period?

stay no contact for 30 daysBasically, the no contact period should be as long as it takes you to get yourself together and feel great about your life without your ex. In my experience, it can take up to 30 days. However, in extreme cases, it could range from anywhere from 2 months to 6 months.

Should I tell my ex that I am doing no contact?

Ideally no. You want them to wonder what happened to you and why you are not contacting them. You want to be on your ex’s mind as much as you can. And telling them you are not contacting for some time will defeat this purpose.

However, if your ex is currently calling you everyday or texting you everyday, then yes you should let them know that you don’t want them to contact you for a short period of time. Don’t give them any specifics. Just tell them to not contact you until you decide to contact them. Let them know you need some space and time right now.

Wouldn’t it be rude if I don’t contact my ex?

Wasn’t it rude of your ex to break your heart and leave you begging them to take you back? And yet, you’ll still do anything to be with them. Sometimes, rudeness is not as bad as you think it is.

Besides, you are doing no contact for your own mental peace and well-being. There is nothing rude about taking care of yourself.

Should I answer my ex’s text during no contact?

NO. Absolutely not. Whatever happens, don’t answer their text.

Should I answer my ex’s call during no contact?

No. You shouldn’t answer your ex’s call. The only exception to this is if you are close to ending your no contact and you are already feeling great about your life. If you think that talking to your ex will have you obsessing about them again, don’t answer their call.

What if my ex moves on during the no-contact? What if my ex meets someone and get married during no contact? What if my ex forgets about me during no contact?

Good questions. And the answer to all of them is NO, THEY WON’T.

If you and your ex were in any type of serious relationship, then they will not be able to move on so quickly. In fact, no contact is only going to make them miss you more and remember the good things about you. You have to take a leap of faith over there. The alternative to no contact is being a creep and texting and stalking your ex all the time, which will probably lead to a restraining order against you. You really don’t have much of an option.

Can’t I make the no contact shorter? Like a week or a few days?

So, you want to give your ex a couple days break from your avalanche of texts and then bombard them again after a couple of days? No.

It takes time for people to remove negative association after a breakup and start missing their ex. You have to give it to them. Besides, you have to prove to yourself that you can live without your ex for at least 30 days. And more importantly, you have to work on yourself and become a more confident and happy person.  Unless you make a positive change in yourself, your ex will not be able to convince themselves to get back together with you.(Read more about the no contact rule here.)

STEP #3. Taking Care of Yourself aka What to do in No Contact

This is the part where most people screw up. No contact will be of no use unless you try to make a positive change in your life during this time. If you just want to stay at home and just be miserable for the next one month, things are not going to change even after no contact period. Yes, you need to grieve after a breakup and yes, there’s some benefit in spending some time alone, grieving and analyzing your relationship. But, at one point you have to go out there and do something with your life.

are you happy?

Positive Changes In Your Appearance

Making a positive change in your physical appearance is going to give you a fresh look. You are going to feel new and you are going to feel better. And when your ex sees you after the no contact period, they are going to see a new you. Here are a few things you can do.

  • Get a haircut. Just go to a hairstylists and find out what is in fashion these days.
  • Get your teeth cleaned. A beautiful smile is very attractive.
  • Get in the best shape of your life. Go to the gym and sweat it out. This is also great for your mental health as working out releases endorphins which make you happy.
  • Get new clothes. They will definitely make you feel better about yourself.

Whatever you do, don’t do anything drastic right now. You don’t want to make any physical changes right now that you might regret for the rest of your life (like getting a tattoo of a broken heart).

Positive changes in your mentality

Being a happy and confident person is probably the most important thing when it comes to getting your ex back. You need to realize that happiness and confidence is something that you can get by working on yourself.  Here are a few ideas that will help you gain more confidence and become a happier person.

learn to be happy without your ex

Instead of sitting at home eating ice cream and watching TV, go out and do something to make yourself feel better.

1. Give yourself some time to grieve. I know how hard it is to be happy after a breakup. I remember I was a complete mess for at least two weeks. I didn’t sleep properly, didn’t eat properly, and I was just thinking about my ex girlfriend all day. In a way, this period is necessary for you. You give yourself some time to grieve everyday. If you want to feel sad and sorry for yourself, go ahead and do it. But make sure you also do something everyday to make yourself feel good about yourself.

2. Write in a journal. Write your thoughts and your feelings down. Writing is therapeutic and it’s probably going to help you release all those emotions from inside.

3. Go out with friends. Spend time with your loved ones. Your friends and family are the people who are always there for you and who always love to spend time with you. Go out and have a good time with them.

4. Do some meditation. Be aware of yourself. Know your weaknesses and strengths. Be proud of yourself. Accept yourself for who you are. That’s what confidence is all about. Neediness (which is very attractive) comes from doubts within yourself. Whereas confidence comes from awareness and accepting yourself.

5. Go out on a date. This is absolutely essential and if you are reading this, then I will recommend that you definitely go out on a few dates before ending no contact with your ex. It’s absolutely imperative for you to get some perspective right now and meeting new people is the best way to do it.

Analyzing Your Relationship

You have to ask yourself this question, why do you want to get back with your ex? If you answered something like

I love him/her.

I can’t live without him/her.

I am miserable without my ex.

He/She was the only one for me.

I can’t imagine a life without my ex.

Then you are still suffering from post-breakup denial and bargaining. Denial and bargaining are two of the many stages of grief after breakup. And it’s extremely common for everyone to want to get their ex back after a breakup. However, it’s not always the right choice.

For example, even if your relationship with your ex was abusive, you might want to rekindle it just because you are missing. Our mind often confuses the act of missing someone with “love”. It’s normal to miss someone after you’ve been with them for a long time. But it doesn’t necessarily mean you still love them.

Look at it like this, every relationship has problems, fights, and disagreements. But if you two broke up, then there was something very wrong with your relationship. You need to analyze what went wrong and realize whether or not it’s a good idea to get back together.

pros and cos of your relationship

Are you sure your ex didn’t have any cons?

If you think with your heart, you will just hear that you love your ex and you want them back. Instead, try to think with your mind. Be logical. Analyze the pros and cons of your relationship. Analyze the pros and cons of your ex. Analyze what your goals in life are and whether or not the relationship with your ex aligns with those goals.(Read: Should You Get Your Ex Back?)

Remember, your ex will not make you happy, only you can make yourself happy. And the only way you can do it is by realizing your purpose and your goals in life and pursuing them.

Do you really think you can have a happy and long lasting relationship with your ex?

Do you really think that the reason you broke up is no big deal?

You are making a huge decision right now. So you better make sure that it is the right one. You have 30 days to do it, so don’t rush into it. Take your time. Relax and do things that make you feel better. When you start being happy in life without your ex, you will realize whether or not getting your ex back is the right decision. And that is extremely important before you move on to the next step, which is contacting your ex.

 

STEP #4. Contacting Your Ex aka Re-attraction

Remember when your ex left you? They thought of you as a needy, clingy and desperate person with little to no self-respect. After not being in contact with you for a while, they must be wondering what the heck happened to you. They will slowly start to forget that image of yours (the needy desperate one) and start remembering the things they liked about you. They will start remembering the things that they found attractive in you.

And that’s when you contact them, you talk to them and then meet them. Just as they lay eyes on you, BOOM. That’s the new and improved you. YOU version 2.0. They can’t help but wonder what brought so much positive change in you.

re-attracting your ex

“You look amazing. You smell amazing. You look like you are doing great in your life. You look like you’ve been working out. You look happy. You look confident, sexy, fun and attractive. You look like a catch. Why did I break up with you again?” – Your Ex

For that to happen, you need two things.

  1. You should actually bring a positive change in your life and become a confident, happy and attractive person.
  2. You should contact your ex and meet them somewhere.

If you have been following this guide till now, then you know how to go about the first point. So, let’s get straight to the second point.

Contacting Your Ex

Before you contact your ex, here is a checklist of things you need to make sure you’ve done.

  • You followed the no contact rule for at least one month. (Read about The No Contact Rule here.)
  • You are no longer a mess as you were after the breakup.
  • You have made a few positive changes in your life.
  • You are absolutely sure that getting back with your ex is a good decision. (Find Out here.)
  • You have gone on at least one date during no contact.
  • You have accepted the breakup and you are OK with the fact that you may never get your ex back and this might never work for you.
  • You have accepted the fact that even if you don’t get your ex back, you will be fine since there are endless opportunities in the world to find love and happiness.

Now, there are two ways that you can contact your ex. One is through a letter or email, and the other one is through text messages. You can also call your ex but I recommend you first build up some attraction using text messages and letter  before calling them.

The Letter

hand written letter

Wouldn’t it be nice to receive a hand written letter in the mail?

A hand written letter is a great way to contact your ex right after you’ve finished no contact. A hand written letter stands out in this age of digital technology. Of course, you can use an email as well.

This letter has three purposes.

  1. To let your ex know that you have accepted the breakup. And you think that it’s for the best. (You are letting them know that you are no longer the needy desperate person who was refusing to accept the breakup.)
  2. To apologize for any of your inappropriate behavior after the breakup. (You want to make sure that everything from the past is forgiven and forgotten.)
  3. To let them know of something exciting that is happening in your life. Don’t reveal too much here. Just tell them something good is happening in your life. You’d love to talk about it, but not now. Because you both need some space and time. (You want to give them something to chew on. They will be thinking about what’s happening in your life and will want to call or text you to talk about it. You are using curiosity to get your ex contact you. Of course, something must be happening in your life. That’s why creating a positive change in your life is absolutely important before contacting your ex.)

If you want a sample letter written for you, you can find in Step 5.

The Text Messages

Text messages should ideally be used after sending the hand written letter to build up attraction. You can even skip the hand written letter and move on directly to text messages. You know your situation and your ex better than anyone, so it’s your decision whether or not you want to use just text messages, just the letter, or both. But I highly recommend you use either one or both of these before actually calling your ex.

Text messages are great for building attraction with your ex. They are short, they are personal and you can be sure they will read your texts. If used correctly, you can condition your ex to light up in excitement whenever they see a message from you.

texting your ex

It doesn’t matter where they are, your text will reach them and they will be excited to get a text from you.

The key to using text messages is to be very subtle. Never ever directly talk about your feelings or about your relationships. You want them to associate text messages to something positive and fun. Here are the rules for texting your ex.

Never send them an empty message. An empty message is something that doesn’t say anything and doesn’t give your ex anything to talk about. For example

“Hey”
“Hey, How are you?”
“I miss you”
“:)”

Never ever talk about your feelings and about getting back together.

“I love you”
“I miss you”
“I want you back in my life”
“I am miserable without you”

Never argue or say something negative over text.

“If you had just shown a little more effort, we could have been great together.”
“Your child misses you. You are terrible father to leave him like that.”

Now here are a few things that you should do while using text messages.

Something happened in your life that reminded you of them.

“Hey, I just watched the new season of Arrested Development. It reminded me of you. I actually had a smile on my face. :)”
“Hey, I just read the new Harry Potter book. I am so glad you never told me the ending. Thanks :)”

Remind them of good moments you had together.

“Hey, I was just thinking about the time we went skydiving together. Man, that was exciting. I am glad we did that. “
“Hey, remember the little restaurant where we had our first anniversary date? I just crossed it and it looks like they are closing down. It’s a shame because we had such a great time that day.”

Let them know you are having fun with your life and meeting new people.

“Hey, I just saw a romantic movie with a friend. The ending reminded me of you.“
“Hey, I am going to Hawaii for the weekend with a friend. Do you remember the name of the hotel we stayed in when we went last year?”

Now there are tons of other things you can do with texts. But the key point remains the same. Be subtle. Be positive. Be fun.

Right now, you just want to go from the creepy ex to a fun text buddy. Of course, you will be moving things forward slowly. When you think it’s the right time, go ahead and ask them out.

Asking Your Ex Out

Do not call it a date. I repeat. Do not call it a date. If you do, your ex will put their defenses up faster than Garfield finds Lasagna. You don’t want them thinking that you are looking to get back together. At least not now. You want them to go out with you as a friend. And then you can build up attraction while you are with them.

If you’ve done your homework correctly, you will be oozing confidence and attractiveness out of every inch of your body. And this works doubly as effective on your ex than any other person. Why? Because they were already attractive to you at one point in time. And you are not a stranger to them. You are someone familiar who looks very attractive.

The best way to ask them out is to give them a call. It’s possible they might require a slight push. A simple “come on, it’ll be fun.” Or “Hey, it’s just coffee. What’s the harm?” should be sufficient.

However, don’t go overboard in pushing them. Like”Come on. Just go out with me once. Please. Pretty please.” Or “You broke up with me and broke my heart. The least you can do is go out with me one time.”

Remember, your ex doesn’t owe you anything. You have to treat them like an acquaintance you want to get close with.

On the Date

Ideally, you want it to be your ex’s idea to get back together. You just want to be yourself (attractive, fun, happy, and awesome). Do not talk about your past relationship or your breakup. It will lead to no good. That relationships is over and if you two do get back together, it will be a new relationship. There is no point digging old graves when you want to start a new life.

STEP #5. The Grind aka The Ninja Techniques

OK, even though this guide is quite long and covers most of what you need to know on this subject, there are a lot of topics that are not covered here.

Since trying to get your ex back takes time and going through the no contact period is an everyday struggle, I’ve designed Part 5 of this guide to be an email series.

What do you get?

One inspiring, helpful , insightful and motivating email everyday. I have helped thousands of people (somewhere around 50,000) with these emails. The reason why these everyday emails are so effective is because you get a small dose of inspiration, motivation and useful information every day.The no contact period is the most important part of the plan and with Part 5, you will get support during the no contact period.

More importantly, I reveal a lot of secret tactics and tricks that are not mentioned in this guide. Like

  • Using Pattern Breaking
  • Understanding the reason why your ex broke up and what to do about it.
  • What to do if your ex is dating someone else
  • How to write that hand written letter
  • And a lot more.

So, go ahead and click on the appropriate link below and get Part #5 for absolutely free.

Men Click Here (To Get Ex Girlfriend Back)

Women Click Here (To Get Ex Boyfriend Back)

 

If you want to ask a question about your relationship or breakup, head over to the boards.

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6186 comments… add one

  • Rihanna July 28, 2014, 9:01 am

    My ex said: “Think about it, if I come to visit you for few days what do you think will happen? Be honest, we’re going to sleep with each other because we find each other highly attractive and I get turned on just by hearing your voice then on the last day we won’t sleep together but you’ll regret it, right?”.
    Me: “So what are you saying, we’re not going to see each other? you said you wanted to come see me we could just hang out. We’ll just have fun like we used to before we entered into a full on relationship” – I agree with you all I think I’m fooling myself too, oops!
    He: “You have two options. 1- I fly to yours and spend one day I don’t have any problem doing that at all! We can discuss plans for next year but I want to tell you, I’m not promising you ANYTHING if you come to the city you come for your future not me, I can’t keep you waiting for me (he said his full name) that’s not right for me to do. You’re beautiful and young and have a great ass hahaha… So I can come and spend the day having fun and talking and fly back home late hour. Option 2- I fly to see you stay for 3 days but you know what will happen. I don’t want to lie to you I know we’ll end up sleeping together and no judgment, I will never judge you or you me ok? I know you’ll probably slap me if I said this to your face but we would’ve been great like ‘friends with benefits’ hahaha… cos neither one of us is accomplished but for the next year all I want to do is concentrate on myself. If anything we can video chat. Be honest don’t you still think about me sexually, do I turn you on still?”
    Me: Well, it’s been a while and I don’t really know to be honest. I think I can be just friends with you not sure if that’ll change when I see you so I take option 1. I know I won’t do anything to disrespect myself.
    He: Just take your time and tell me which option in few days think about it.
    Me: I don’t need to I know what I want, just come for the day and I’ll pay for your tix.
    He: Ok. I just don’t want to say yeah I’ll come for few days and we’ll just have coffee cos I’ll be lying to you. Of course I have feelings for you and I want to be honest with you all the time. I’ve never lied to you or mislead you.
    Me: I know and I respect that you’re looking after yourself and have solid future plans. I’m doing exactly the same. For the first time I’m gonna be selfish and take time out for myself only. I need a solid future too. Once I’m accomplished then I can think of relationships.
    He: Exactly! So no promises with you. You wanna come to the city if you want we get a place in both our names so that I’m not living with you or you with me, it’s 50/50 and be room mates. But we can sleep next to each other right? Or you rent a separate place and I’ll always be there for you as a friend.
    Me: I prefer to share with someone I know though. But I want to concentrate fully on my life so no sleeping with each other. I’m not interested in relationships.
    He: Anyway, think about the options I gave you. I’m really tired I’ve worked 18 hours today and I’m in so much pain again. It’s getting late so good night, my love.
    Me: “my love?”
    He: My love, my life and the future of my life. Good night.

    Hey guys, how do you think that conversation went? I thought at times he was being bit disrespectful? Any advice? He keeps changing his tone with me, I thought he was bit cold tonight lol

    • RD July 28, 2014, 9:10 am

      I don’t find him disrespectful, i think that he is very comfortable talking to you,open and honest since you’ve already been together and shared some moments..

    • Sinead July 28, 2014, 12:58 pm

      Hi Rihanna,
      I replied to your last post (scroll down) this am but you may not have gotten it. It was just about moving out of the friend zone(I hope it can help). But anyway Rihanna – and this is just my opinion – this conversation you had with him bothers me… whether consciously or unconsciously, he is saying he want’s to be f*ck buddy’s with you (pardon the term). He is saying he dosen’t want a relationship with you but drops the ‘friends with benefits’ hahaha… line. And that, to me sounds a bit disrespectful. But that’s just my opinion, I’m sure some of the guy’s here may have more insight into the male mind.

    • Sinead July 28, 2014, 1:08 pm

      I just re-read this Rihanna, and it really seems to me like he’s keeping you on the hook until he’s ready… He has the best of both worlds with you at the moment because you won’t move on while your still in contact with him. But this website is about getting your ex back any not analysing their maybe? motivation? So maybe email Kevin for advice on how to get out of the friend zone when your ex is dropping ‘bliss bombs’ on you, but still dosen’t want to get back together.

    • Daniel July 28, 2014, 7:24 pm

      Are your reasons for breaking up really that strong?
      If you still love each other and the conditions are right then there is no reason not to be togther. Right?

  • RD July 28, 2014, 7:49 am

    Hello everyone,
    first i want to say how amazing this site is, i hope some of you may be able to help me understand better my situation and see other people point of view. So…grab some popcorn :P let’s get staarted!
    I am 16 years old right now and my ex is 19.We met on high school,i was in my first year (14 years old) and he was a senior (17 years old).We’ve been together for 1,5.Until the first year,everything was AMAZING,of course we had our fights and ups and downs but never broke up,always worked our problems out.I love him with all my heart and i know so does he. On March 31 this year,it was his birthday,we got into a huge fight because he was really jealous of my friends and he was yelling at me for no reason etc,we haven’t spoken for about 4 days and then he left the country to go visit his brother in another country.While he was there i contacted him and he told me we were basically broken up,he was really mad.I didn’t beg,or plead,or run after him.I just let things like that,i didn’t contact him.After he returned from his trip,he went out with a common friend and he told him that he isn’t sure if he wants to get back with me,so i called him and he told me that he likes beeing single and not worrying or stressing about anyone and he wants to stay like that.I just said ok,and later that evening he unfriended me from facebook,so i called him and basically he did that to forget me because he was seeing my images with other guy friends and got jealous.There was No contact for about 2 months and a half. There was a celebration in our city and i knew he would work in a cafe there in the street.So i dressed up,looked sexy,all cute and sweet,and i stood next to him without him seeing me.He was soo surprised and didn’t know what to say (i also changed my hair from black to red) He smiled instantly,kissed me on the chick asked how i was etc,he even shaken hands with my dad and said hello to my mum.Later that night,i went to his facebook profile and i saw that he changed his cover with a quote saying” keep your head up,god gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers”.The next day,i walked next to that cafe with my best guy friend (my ex bf is soo jealous of him),he saw us but i acted like i didn’t see him,and i did the same the next day with my girlfriends.After 3 days,he added me on fb,and he even went out with a friend who he doesn’t know he is friends with me too,and told him that he wants me back.So,he posted on fb “our song” and i liked it,and he liked 5 of my photos to get my attention etc,and then he chatted me.I waited 3-4 minutes to respond,and that i did through the whole chat,he would chat me instantly but i would take some time.He told our friend that he isn’t sure if i want him back. Then he chatted me after 3 days,and we started talking on fb,and then he asked me if i would be interested to go out for a coffee.I said i didn’t have a problem.(btw during no contact,i really missed him and prayed fo him to come back cuz i really love him).We took a walk together and he complimented me,i tried not to show much of an emmotion,i was sweet,and fun to talk to and he told me that he saw an amazing change in me that he liked.He asked if he could hug me in the end and i said yes.He told me he tried to forget me but he couldn’t and when he saw me face to face,emotions who he thought have slept,woke up again.So we met again after a week,and i asked him what changed fromt he time he said he wanted to broke up,and he said he had a lot going on and he thought i was the one stressing him out but turns out i wasn’t.He really missed him,made a lof of promises,we had a 3 hours talk but i told him i don’t want to rush things,and i want some time to think because i don’t trust him at all,and he said he would do his best to earn my trust again,and he said i’m sorry for everything i put you through.I told him it wasn’t easy getting over the break up but i did it thanks to my friends and family and that i’m not sure if it is worth putting my self to maybe go through this again in the futureAfter that night,we would talk on fb a lot,but i saw that he was adding and liking a lot of girls hot photos on fb etc,and it really made me jealous but i didn’t say anything cuz i didn’t want him to know he has that power over me cuz i know he would use it against me if we fought later.So i went on a trip,and he didn’t make an effort chatting me or texting me see how i am etc.I didn’t feel like he was trying as much as he promised he would to get me back,but because i really wanted him back,i called him immediately when i returned from my trip and asked if we could meet.We met and he told me that he wants the same thing,to get back with me.So i said YES!We got back together on july 17 2014 and everything was great.He would talk to me about anything,i would always be there to listen to him,we made plans for next year when we would study in different countries (me in strasbourg,him in southampton england),that we would both visit,he would be the sweetest guy to me saying me he is so glad we are back together.The only thing was that he told me he isn’t sure what love is yet and he doesn’t want to tell me i love you when he isn’t sure if he is really feeling love.And i told him this is totally ok and that i appreciate him saying that to me straight forward,and that is really mature that he thought about it and i prefer him to tell me he loves me when is is really sure he feels that way.We went out on Sunday 19 again and had the time of our lives.We went to a restaurant and had a really great time,then walked by the beach and he was really happy,i felt like we were finally okay.When i arrived home,he called me and told me that he already misses me.I was so freaking happy!(i forgot to mention that he was some economic issues,he doesn’t have a job now and he is very stressed.he told me i fight a lot with my mother and i’m always stressed and i’m not sure if it was the right thing to do to get back in a relationship with you because i don’t want you to see me like that,it’s not your fault,but i told him i’m not here for his good moments,i told him i would stick by him in his bad moments too,and he was really happy to hear that).The next day,he sent me a fb message saying that he wants to tell me something.Instantly i thought he was going to break up with me,and he did.He told me that he doesn’t feel the same as he did in our previous relationship,and that he rushed into this relationship without thinking clearly and he was immature he said.I just answered with a simple ok.It really hurt my feelings him breaking up with me for no reason basically.I found out that he sent me this text while he was in a cafe with his older brother (21) and his brother’s friends.I have to mention,his brother was in a relationship for 4 years and he left his gf saying that he wants to sleep with other girls too.He really hurt his ex gf who is my friend.He is studying in another country but he came back for the summer.I think him,and his friends influence my ex a lot,they are out partying,drinking,making out with other girls but never commmit,and i think my ex thinks that what they are doing is okay.I think maybe they convinced him that he should break up with me,have the time of his life now that it’s summer and if he gets bored,to come back to me.I know that he loves me,i saw in his eyes everytime we would meet.He would want to hug me all the time and make me feel happy.Also,3 days after we got back together,his friends told him to go clubbing together,and i told him that he should go and have fun.He told me that he prefers to come and see me,and that he doesn’t want to go clubbing basically because i wouldn’t be there.He wouldn’t do all that if he didn’t feel love about me.As soon as we broke up,i changed my profile photo and he liked it,and the next day i changed it again and he liked it too.Before 2 days he uploaded a song on fb saying “i miss you”.But there is no contact.I REALLY LOVE HIM AND WANT HIM BACK,BUT THIS TIME TO STAY!I decided to do no contact for a month and then send him a text.I hope that he reaches back to me as he did before.Please tell me your thoughts,what should i do? Do you think he will come back? I know i should probably let him go and move on but i feel like everything was amazing,until that Monday……tell me what to do and your opinions..ALL COMMENTS APPRECIATED!

  • maree July 28, 2014, 12:30 am

    Hi everyone i’m kind of feeling lost at the moment i tried no contact except he kept constantly contacting me i’m really confused on what he actually wants he says he doesn’t want a girlfriend he wanted to be with this other girl but she only wants him as a friend he knows another guy is interested in me so he acts likes he doesn’t care but he tells his friend that i’ve been cheating on him does even sound like i have a chance at all in him taking me back?

    • Austin July 28, 2014, 1:04 am

      Periods might have helped XD.
      But it seems to me like he’s trying too hard to push you away with rumors and all. He’s probably jealous for some reason since the girl he wants to be with doesn’t want him. :/ And someone else is interested in you he’s probably acting like he doesn’t care because he still likes you.

      • maree July 28, 2014, 2:53 am

        I had someone else tell me that also that he still has likes me.
        If you tell someone you don’t have feelings for them and don’t want to be with them why do they insist on contacting you?
        Do you think he may regret his decision but feels like he can’t go back on what he has already decided?

  • RD July 27, 2014, 5:12 pm

    Does it make a difference if you run on purpose into your ex? The last time we broke up,it’s been 3 months and i run into him on purpose because i knew he would be there,and after 3 days he added me again on fb and started talking to me. This time,i don’t know if i will have this chance.Does it limit my chances of him missing me and realising he made a mistake breaking up with me? Or it doesn’t matter really? please let me know your thoughts on this.The previous time i think he saw my black hair gone red,and i was really sweet etc,now that he won’t see me face to face i don’t know how i’m going to achieve that…..

  • Robin July 27, 2014, 5:05 am

    Hey guys! yesterday i had a bad time, and i broke the NC to soon :/ went to her house to have a chat. i feel like such an idiot right now, just waisting my chances and feeling even worse afterwards. also my ex invited me with some other of my friends and her new boyfriend to go bowling togheter. stil not quiete sure if i should go or not?

    • Rihanna July 27, 2014, 7:22 am

      Hey Robin,

      Well it’s really hard to do NC especially if she has someone else, so don’t feel bad about it it’s not the end of the world. I think you should start NC again and bit longer this time. During NC improve yourself physically, mentally etc… so that when you two meet up AFTER NC she’ll realise that you’ve changed for the better, and she’ll start thinking about you again in an attractive way. No I don’t think going bowling with her and her boyfriend is a good idea instead plan something fun with friends that night (don’t go to the same bowling alley hahaha)… Start making changes for your own sake first and to increase your chances with her second. Your NC starts now. Good luck :)

    • Edward July 27, 2014, 9:00 am

      Hey Robin,

      I agree with Rihanna, don’t thinkyou should go bowling with her and her new bf. Let things play out with them. It will give her time to miss you and you don’t want to display yourself as a person she can easily get back if she fails her new relationship.

    • Austin July 28, 2014, 1:10 am

      Dear Robin

      I agree with Rihanna and Edward you should not go bowling with her and her boyfriend (I would know) That’s not gonna end up nicely (again,I would know)
      Show her that you have your own life and no longer have to be everywhere she is
      Best of luck :)

    • RAED July 28, 2014, 2:04 am

      Hey, Robin.

      I agree with the oldies here: Rihanna and Edward. Lol

      What I’ve learned after the breakup is to value myself more. It may sound cliché but how will you know if you do? Learn to say no to things and situations that will make you feel uncomfortable. Just like being invited by her with the new boyfriend. Obviously she will just want to make you jealous. And of course you will, what you have to do is to avoid the situation. Don’t allow her to have the upper hand.

      And I think it is just a rebound so just let her. Do NC and don’t mind her even if she has someone new. If she sees you are doing well without her and isn’t affected with her new relationship, she will check out on you to see why you no longer care. And it might made her furious because things won’t go as what she had planned – to make you jealous. Just do NC and later on she will have a taste of her own medicine – instead of you being jealous she might turn out confused because you don’t care.

      It will be hard to do NC from start but if you feel empty at times you can just post here for someone to talk to. Don’t give her the upper hand. Be in control.

      When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying NO to yourself :-)

  • RAED July 26, 2014, 10:58 pm

    Hi guys! It has been a long time. It always feels good to pay a visit.

    UPDATE:
    I am feeling good. Enjoying my singleness. I m not yet fully moved on and at times there are depression and missing her attacks but I managed to overcome those. She haven’t contacted me for 2weeks now and I don’t know if there will be any contact in the future. If not, then fine. If yes, then okay. I am somehow happy on my own. But it is not perfect there are mood swings and sometimes I am unstable but I am on my way to fully move on. Though at times I feel like what AZ is feeling because we never talked after and it is like we never settled the issue but sometimes having no closure is still closure. :-)

    A. Z.
    Hey, I backread and saw your post. I think it wouldn’t hurt that you confessed to him your feelings. It’s just okay. Because it is really hard to move on if you are still clinging to past feelings. And suppressing your feelings and acting like you don’t care wouldn’t help. For awhile maybe, but not in the long run. Shying away from the truth won’t set you free. And as they say, suppressed feelings don’t really die. They just sleep deep within you and when awaken will later come out in much uglier ways. And you don’t want that to happen. So opening your feelings to the one involved is a good deal since you’ve done NC and improved a lot. If you are waiting for him to initiate about getting back, I think it wouldn’t hurt too if you will be the one to open it. It really sucks that even after the relationship the ego is still there. However, if your confessing turns out to be in his advantage and use it against you, that will be the deal breaker. And from there you need to decide and stick to that decision.

    DANIEL
    Hey buddy! I have read that you are willing to move on now! I can sense you have changed a lot compared to your past posts. I am happy for you. And I feel for you because at times I want her back but we are not growing together. And like you. i thought she motivates me to do better but I do things better because I want to please her. I am glad it dawned upon you and finally we were able to draw the line between doing things better for ourselves and not just to please the ex. We are in this together because that is what I am doing too! Let us improve ourselves first buddy. We can never be happy in a relationship if we cannot be happy being alone. Let us learn how to embrace solitude and be self sufficient. And I promise you buddy, everything will fall into its proper place :-)

    EDWARD
    Hi. You are the most mature person I can see here based on your posts. I admire you alot for your perspective. And I don’t know how your ex wasn’t able to see that. You really sound so mature ha ha. And we, here, are the living proof of how much you’ve changed a lot for the better. Read you will be/had seeing/seen your ex. How did it went? :-)

    DARA
    Hey you my most attractive buddy. Ha ha! Lots of girls huh? How was it?

    RIHANNA
    Hey. Haven’t heard from you. Still confused?

    FESTIVAL DAVID
    Hey, how’s the trip? And how’s the ex?

    KEVIN
    Hi. I m glad your back. Your site hs improved a lot. Thanks for all the help, kind soul.

    • Rihanna July 27, 2014, 3:33 am

      Hey Raed,

      Remember to embrace your every moment of grief because what you’re feeling now will turn into bliss and that happiness will feel a million times more intense because of what you’re going through now. Your future gf is very lucky already, you’re a very intelligent guy and deserve someone who matches your personality, someone who will make you happy and drive you to better heights in life. Your upside is that there’s magic waiting for you and only time will prove it. Hang in there, live each day as it comes and when that magical moment strikes remember to share it with us :) … Remember this: ‘Your sorrows are the seeds embedded in the garden of your happiness. Your joys are not but the seeds of your sorrows past’ … and you my friend, your bloom is waiting to happen :)

      • Rihanna July 27, 2014, 4:45 am

        And Raed, this one’s for you: AAAAAARGH! lol, as if! Thanks for making me stronger and less confused ;) xx

        • Edward July 27, 2014, 8:56 am

          Hey RAED,

          Finals week soon so I’ve been studying, I’m excited to see her this Saturday when I’m done with school. Everything is going great, she always initiates contact with me and mentioning missing me. It’s great to feel loved by someone else again, but even better when I love myself too. Been working out and staying healthy, love it. Thanks for updating us, I hope you will feel better soon. If you have any feelings for her left, it is better to left it all go and let her know before moving on.

          • a.z July 27, 2014, 9:24 am

            HEY RAED,
            yeah you are right,actually i feel really good these days.i’m meeting him by the next 3 weeks and during this time,i’m working on myself more than ever.i have accepted the fact that i may never get him back and i guess i’m ok with it.i told him about my feelings for him and i have really changed.that day is gonna be the last try.i will try to have a really good time and alot of fun then at the end of the day i will talk about us.i don’t think if i’ll tell him to get back directly but first i should see how he will act.
            if he is still acting weird and he seems like he doesn’t want to get back, i will say its the best for both of us to move on and i will really move on.
            you know what? deep down ,when i think about these last months i feel really bad and its like i don’t want him back.as i said i’m really scared.i can’t let him bother me again.
            and also i’m really glad that you are ok these days.keep us updated

          • RAED July 28, 2014, 2:15 am

            Edward,

            Oh you are still in school. No wonder you became so very much attractive again to your ex because you sound so mature too. That it radiates so much she can see how much you’ve changed.

            Good luck on the ‘new relationship’ and I hope if ever you get back together you won’t lose yourself again in the process of loving her. It feels good to be sufficient within you than to depend on someone. I trust that you can do so much better now whether alone or in a relationship.

            Congrats and best wishes, bud! Lpl

      • RAED July 28, 2014, 2:12 am

        Rihanna,

        I know I’ve said this before but for the nth time, wow. You sound so brand new and so mature! I can now see that you really are a writer ha ha!

        I will believe in you that these pains will later on bloom into something happier in the long run. These pains are just temporary and I am everyday looking forward to that bliss to come.

        Thank you, Rihanna. You sound better, stronger and more mature. It is like you are someone new! Your ex might be intimidated. Ha ha!

        The only thing I can really tell myself that you really are Rihanna is your AAAARGH. I still love it. Music to my ears. Lol

        Have a good day! :-*

        • RAED July 28, 2014, 2:28 am

          A. Z.

          Yes, don’t deny yourself the chance to try again for the last time. It won’t do any harm if you will still want to try.

          I am afraid as well, if ever my ex will ask me back. Because know what? I might be in pain but because of the breakup I feel more in touch with the reality and with the moment. I might be in pain in this moment but I can see that this will benefit me more in the long run. I am somehow enjoying it up until the point that I just want to stay single not because I no longer have any love to give but because it is only now that I feel deeply connected with myself and it feels good. If ever my ex will want me back, I am afraid I will turn her down.

          I hope the date turns out well. If not get back together but to turn out the way which you will be happy for long term. Laugh and enjoy as if that is the last time because you will never know how your ‘talk’ about the two of you will turn out.

          If you can still patch it up, both do your best and talk things over even the smallest ones. You have been through so much and you wouldn’t want to have another heartbreak.

          If ever it will be a no, then be courageous enough to pick yourself up. Turn your back and say that this is a point of no return.

          Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is that little voice saying, “I’ll try again tomorrow.” Or sometimes it is when you give up because you know you’ve had enough.

          Goodluck and keep us updated! :-)

    • David July 28, 2014, 4:06 am

      Hey Raed,

      Great to hear from you and everything sounds so good and happy with you :)

      My trip was amazing thank you, had such a good time.

      As for the ex…well..I last spoke to her a few days ago and she is giving me really mixed signals, im going to cut it off all together if she contacts me again.

      She said she wants to be friends and wants me “Close”….but said we are both open to see other people, but she doesnt want to know about who im dating and she isnt going to tell me about hers etc.She is still giving me massive compliments etc saying how hot I am, How beautiful I am, How I will meet a nice girl etc

      The way she said it, really sounded like she wants me there incase anything goes wrong etc.
      So if she contacts me, Im just going to tell her straight I dont want to speak to her for a while as I want more than friends and to act differently is just prolonging the pain for both of us.

      x

  • Rihanna July 26, 2014, 5:44 am

    Kevin,

    How do I add a new topic on the Boards? Perhaps “add a new topic” should be placed next to the forum and reply buttons? Thanks

    • Kevin July 26, 2014, 8:13 am

      There’s a link on top of the forum pages which says “Create a new thread”. I think people are getting confused with it. Perhaps I should change it to “add a new topic”.

      • Kevin July 26, 2014, 8:13 am

        Also, you can scroll to the bottom of the page and find the new topic form and reply form.

        • Rihanna July 26, 2014, 8:45 am

          Thank you :)

  • Vasily R. July 26, 2014, 3:19 am

    Why does my comment keep getting deleted, Please i need help… and a answer…

    Hello

    I am in a major rut and just having such a hard time holding it all together, So basically my story is of me and my EX-Girlfriend of 3 1/2 – 4 Years, Not sure the exact date but i love this girl and i want to marry her, that is what i found out being 2 years apart, and within those two years she has been trying to get back with me and do everything in her power to be with me, but i was blind and did not see this, i was just trying to get my stuff together, because the break up was on me , I started and just said lets take time apart , and said i do want to be with you in the future. So taking time apart it lasted for two long years… for me to get my head screwed back on , because i was just trying to see if she was who i wanted to be with, maybe make her jealous and just say mean things like oh that girl is hot and i would love to sleep with her and etc and few other things but i never physically hurt her or dated or slept with other women, and instead we would always hang out and do stuff together, she would stay over or i would stay over, but never really have sex even as break up took place, but i truly never felt we broke up instead i enjoyed every moment with her, so now to find out a year and a half or two years later, i was going to ask her back out again and when i unfolded and bombarded her with this information, i found out she is dating a guy for 1 – 2 months now, and i kept trying to get her back in every way possible, she said her life has been uprooted so many times , that now she found her peace, shes at peace and is happy where she is, Now 3 going 4 months now later They had the boyfriend girlfriend relationship talk and are now that and not just dating, My heart is sinking every day over her , and i want her back so bad and to grow old with her and have kids, I just turned 23 and she will turn 22 in October. It took me 2 years to realize this woman is the one i love, because after a certain point i cannot look at other women the same as i did back then with dog eyes, now i just don’t see anyone as special as she is, as a precious jewel, And it scares me now shes going on 4 months maybe 5 soon, as boyfriend girlfriend title, and she says , she is happy where she is, and doesn’t want her peace/balance to be uprooted again. I apologized said many things and still even hang out with her she said shes sorry right now that she cant give me what i want than just friendship and wouldn’t want too loose that, And when we both went through the emotional stage we both did say we would love to be on that path in the future again to be together, but she doesn’t know if that will or will not happen because it’s the future and nobody knows what it holds, Now i am not asking for you to predict the future and tell me everything will be alright, But i want to know … Do i really still have a chance with my love that one day i want to crown a ring upon her hand, what else can i do to make this right and have her come back into my arms, Because how i see it through my eyes, shes happy and is enjoying her life and everything… and i cannot show her how much i have changed and show her the love as a boyfriend girlfriend etc.. They already had sex plenty of times within the first two months.. and continue so a bunch, more than we had in our time together … and it just kills me. Because i want to show her i have changed and can do more and better of everything… But it’s hard because all she shows is the same response and same barriers every single time. I am so lost on what else i can do and what should i do…

    Please Help.

    • Kevin July 26, 2014, 8:15 am

      Hey Vasily,

      I was deleting your comment because it doesn’t follow the comment guidelines. Also, since the forums are released, I have been asking everyone to post all breakup related questions over there.

  • Sierra July 25, 2014, 11:09 pm

    I broke up with my Ex about two days ago, she basically told me three days ago that she has feelings for someone else and she needed time to figure things out. This made me mad and instead of just giving her the space she asked for, I instead broke up with her threw via text and said some pretty harsh words out of anger. I regret everything I sent after she told me that she doesn’t even like the guy she just had a weird feeling for him, but now she is totally done with me. She told be previously that we should always talk about our problems instead of breaking up. But now this was it I pulled on the last string holding us together. Do you think if I follow these rules she’ll get back with me….. I mean with my situation.

    • Kevin July 26, 2014, 8:16 am

      There’s a chance. It’s worth a try.

  • NB July 25, 2014, 8:33 pm

    So yesterday I broke NC with my ex after about 6 weeks. I sent her a friendly text saying something reminded me about her and telling her I hope she’s doing great. A couple of weeks ago she posted a picture of her giving her camera the evil eye on Instagram with this caption: “Take a minute to~ 1. See the hate for you in my eyes. 2. Text your replacement. 3. Ignore this because you’re an asshole. 4. Just know you suck.” (obviously it’s about me). Despite this, I don’t have any negative feelings towards her and I’m still trying to be friendly with her. I’m trying to start a false friendship. I should probably add that she’s in a rebound relationship… They’ve probably been together less than a month. And she’s known him for maybe 2 or 3.

    Anyway, I didn’t get a response so I’m pretty sure she’s still in that mood where she wants me dead. I was thinking of sending her this: “Ok. You hate me. Two things: I don’t hate you back and I didn’t replace you (don’t know where you came up with that). I know I owe you an apology and I hope that one day you can forgive me and we can be friends or something. But if not, I’m glad you were a part of my life. Thanks for all the good times.” Would sending this be a good idea or a mistake? Any suggestions? I have no idea what my next move should be…

    Here’s my original post: http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/comment-page-9/#comment-31454

    It’s a pretty long read and I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary to helping me, but if anyone has questions or wants to know more, go for it…

    • Anon July 26, 2014, 6:13 am

      If she is in the mood of killing you or something then why ask her directly for friendship ?
      I would suggest you to simply apologize to her for anything you did that made her feel so and just keep it short.
      Do not show that you wanna be friends with her, simply apologize, say something like, hi i know that you hate me but i would like to take the time out to say a few things, i am sorry for what wrong i have done and i guess i was someone else back then for doing those things, anyways just wanted to share something good with you but i guess later , (not sure if you should include this, works good if you actually have something to tell her). Say that you have accepted what happened and ya you can thank her too if you like. Listen to yourself.

  • RD July 25, 2014, 4:50 pm

    Yesterday we talked with my ex and he said that he doesn’t feel the same for me anymore. Then he posted today a song in facebook which is saying i miss you.I don’t get him.We broke up,and i didn’t beg him or anything,and after two months of no contact,he bumped into me on the street,then he started contacting me and he told me he wants me back and he would try to win me etc.When i finally said yes,everything was great,and after 2 days he asked me to break up again.SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT’S GOING ON! I REALLY WANT HIM BACK BUT I WANT HIM TO STAY,I DON’T WANT SOMEONE WHO WILL BE GOING BACK AND FORTH.PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Dara July 25, 2014, 5:34 pm

      He’s probably got some kind of (maybe mild) personality problems. Anyway, probably he is confused about what he wants in his life but you should not be a victim! Do NC again. Let him be clear with what he wants. I would like to say that, “I miss you” does not mean, “I want you back in my life”. If you find him still confused after NC, move on. You will be wasting a lot of time then.

      • RD July 25, 2014, 5:41 pm

        I want him to come back and stay for good so bad :/ I think i’m so stuck with him because he is my first love.Do you really find better people later in your life?

        • Dara July 26, 2014, 7:18 am

          Yes, there are a lot of better people around. every time you fall in love you think this one is the one! This is how this love thing tricks the mind. I have been here on this site for a while. I have seen people 10-20 years older than me coming here! This means, I will also fall in love again in 10-20 years from now. Probably some of them are better. Time will make things easier to digest.

  • Robin July 25, 2014, 2:40 pm

    Hey guys, i need some quick advice right now, i just seen my ex because we had a meeting togheter. i was already avoiding her for around 2 weeks, we had some business conversation, but not on the most friendly way. at the end she just left without saying something and me to. would this have broken the no contact rule? or harmed my chances?

    Thank you!

    • RD July 25, 2014, 4:52 pm

      I don’t think it ruined any chances since you didn’t say anything about your relationship or anything that has to do with the break up!

  • Mike July 25, 2014, 1:33 pm

    Kevin,
    Ill just say it here but i would still like to share my story via email if possible? The day we broke up i wrote some changes I would like to make in the future for our relationship should that ever happen and asked her if she would like to keep it and she said she would like to. I said I would make her a copy and email it to her. Well, I was going to send that in with the letter i will eventually be writing after NC but Im not sure if that sounds needy and like I am miserable without which is what im not supposed to say. We already have had 1.5 days NC and now im not sure if I should email it now and restart the process or what do you think? Thanks for your help.

    Mike

    • Mike July 25, 2014, 6:15 pm

      Anyone?? Please help…

      • a.z July 27, 2014, 9:34 am

        hey,
        i’m sorry i didn’t understand your story very well. but how long have you been in a relationship? how long have you been on NC? and why did you guys breakup?
        if 1.5 days means 6 weeks,then wait another 2 weeks and then send her the letter.i think the letter shouldn’t be about the changes you would like to make in the relationship.there is a form of the letter in kevin’s article.i think that is a better idea.and you don’t have to say anything about getting back together right after you contact her.get close to her then you can attract her again , show her the positive changes in yourself and be cool and confident.she doesn’t have to feel any pressure.

  • Mike July 25, 2014, 1:04 pm

    Kevin,

    I am in desperate need of some advice and would like to share my story with you via email. Is there anyway I could email it to you and you can let me know how to proceed with my dilemma? My email is [email-removed by moderator].

    Thanks,

    Mike

  • Aaron Gunn July 25, 2014, 12:13 pm

    this is my first post on here I just read the article and that is exactly what me best friend told me to cause I was making all the mistakes list and this is the third day we have been split up so im goin to start no contact rite now.

    • Aaron July 25, 2014, 1:12 pm

      I would like to add how it had ended with my ex it was totally out of the blue I went to work on the farm and came back an couple hours and all her stuff was gone all what was left was a tiny note the read thanks of everything you have given me but no thanks to the drama and B.S. Love u P.S. it is just hidden and I will let you know where in a few days and I have figured out what is hidden. The thing that would have given it away that she was not happen was couple days before she had said she wish we were more physical in the bedroom not angry or anything just casual talking I would like someone opionion on what I should do and maybe shed a light on what that note real means.

  • peanutbutterjelly July 25, 2014, 11:46 am

    I’m confused as to why my posts aren’t being posted!!!

    • Kevin July 25, 2014, 11:52 am

      Hi,

      Please post any questions related to your breakup or your ex on the message boards.

      • peanutbutterjelly July 25, 2014, 12:02 pm

        But you didn’t reply to it

        • Kevin July 26, 2014, 8:19 am

          Well, that’s because I agree with what Dara replied.

  • DF July 25, 2014, 8:58 am

    So update since the weekend.

    So I told her it was a good time for me to move on and that we can be friends in time. She instead sent me a picture of her dog and we joked about it. Next day at work talked In the Morning and it went silent until 330pm. She them sent me a song and we began talking again. We talked throughout most of the night, it got alittle emotional and I just told her to enjoy the weekend becuase of big plans she had. Come Saturday night, we talked while both of us were out, around 1130 she texts me to meet for a cigarette. Met at her place hung out and around 145 am I decided it was a good time to leave. We went out for another cigarette and as I was walking her back nj she asked if I wanted to watch more tv.

    Long story short I spent the night with her and it was very passionate.

    We’ve been talking all week. Hung out yesterday and had another emotional convo and she said the only thing she ever wanted from us when together was to be one another’s best friend.

    She the. Told me she “loves him” and that she is going away with him next weekend. I played it cool and it truly doesn’t bother me. Been over a month and still have hope.

    Any thoughts?

    Thanks

    DF

  • RD July 25, 2014, 7:52 am

    So my ex who broke up with me posted a song on facebook with a title saying missing you.What does it mean?

    • Anon July 25, 2014, 8:02 am

      That’s really a good sign for you.

      • RD July 25, 2014, 1:48 pm

        Iss it? Yesterday we talked and he said that he doesn’t feel the same for me anymore. Then why does he post this stuff ..?

  • Rihanna July 25, 2014, 3:06 am

    Hi everyone!

    Yes, it’s me again. My ex (I will no longer call him ex, I’ll use my friend). My friend and I have been talking on the phone, he misses me and thinks about me a lot he said. He said that he never lied when he confessed that he’s never felt like this about a woman before despite having loads of relationship before me and that made me feel confident that what we had was real. He is my first love and first experience despite my age. So on the phone I told him I wanted to move back to the city and he said he’s willing to help me if I need anything but that to ‘live with each other and be room mates it’s hardly possible because of our history and high level of attraction’ lol… Then he said, he’s not ready to be in a relationship because for the next year he wants to fully concentrate on his future by studying and getting a secured job before entering a relationship. I completely respect that in him that though he’s still bit ill he’s thinking differently for the first time in his life, his mother would be very happy too lol. I’m the same as well I want to concentrate on my future and studies this year. He said we could live together for a year and see where things go from there but I don’t want to lie to you I find you extremely attractive and won’t be able to be just a room mate. Question: Should I go to the big city live in a shared accommodation (not with him)? OR Should I go and stay with him because at least he’s someone I trust fully and will share cost of everything? OR Should I stay where I am complete this course I’m doing, not go to the big city where I want to study my masters with him and then after I get a job and financial security, quit and then go there for good? Which is the most ‘Right’ option? Which is the most respectable option? Would I lose his respect (despite him saying he’ll never disrespect me) if I lived with him and “tried” to be ‘friends’? What should I do? I want to go live in the city but I want to do it right. Thanks heaps you guys are the best for helping me out, this isn’t relationship issue it’s more ‘me’ issue :( Love you all xx

    • Anon July 25, 2014, 8:05 am

      Are you planning to drop your current course for him ?
      How long is the current course you are doing ?
      If it is of short duration try to complete it, if you can study better by moving in the other city then do it and not live with him as he said, but keep on meeting him, i guess he will only ask you to move in if you do so.

    • Kevin July 25, 2014, 12:03 pm

      Hey Rihanna,

      I think you should do whatever is best for your career. IF you decide to go to his city, it’ll be better if you don’t stay with him unless he is willing to commit. Being his roommate will just make things more complicated for you and you might fall into the trap of being needy and longing for his affection.

      Oh, and head over to the message boards and register there if you haven’t already. It’s much easier to have a discussion over there and follow it.

    • Sinead July 25, 2014, 12:21 pm

      Hi Rihanna, I think you should go to the city and live in shared accommodation – not with him – because that way you’ll still get to see him and be friends. I’d be worried about moving into his place because what happens if either one of you decides to date? It’s all well and good saying you’re not going to date for a year to concentrate on study but what if one of you met someone or changed your mind about that in 6mths? Plus if you relocate your life and course for him, and then move into his place also, I’d be afraid that he has all the power, if you know what I mean…

      But listen, I understand your predicament, I’d probably be on the first bus to the city if I was you, because I’d take the risk and hope we fall madly back in love again – and maybe you will – but for your own sanity you can have the best of both worlds if you live in shared accommodation (if you can afford it), close to his place (so you retain some independence) and that way you’ll get to spend time with him but also put on the brakes if need be.

      • Rihanna July 25, 2014, 9:03 pm

        Thank you so much everyone! We texted for hours last night and he said that it’s not a good idea to move in together because of feelings and attraction and he doesn’t want to disrespect me by treating me like ‘friend with benefits’ and the fact we both might date and all the things you guys mentioned. He said that IF I move to the city he’ll always be there for me but you’re right Sinead I don’t want to give him the power.
        Anon, my course will end next July so in a year but if I want to change my course to go study my Masters there I might move early next year, IF I’m able to get a job in the field I’m doing without having to complete the entire course.
        But thank you all for your advice I’ve taken it on board, I will NOT move in with him and as Kevin suggested ‘not without commitment first’.
        Kevin, I will register in the forum thank you :)

        • Rihanna July 25, 2014, 9:05 pm

          BTW, I was confused with our conversation last night. He was talking and reminiscing over intimate moments and I said to him ‘sorry I don’t talk to my friends that way,what do you want?’ He said ‘for now it’s best to just communicate and in a year see where it goes. I don’t want to promise anything in case we follow different paths’ … I’m confused with what he wants from me, he talks to me like a boyfriend but he doesn’t want a relationship. What does it all mean?

          • Sinead July 28, 2014, 9:09 am

            Hi Rihanna,
            Have you read relationship rewind? I think there’s a section in it which advises how to move out of the friend zone (I think its in relationship rewind step 2). From what I can remember its basically telling you to drop ‘bliss bombs’ on your ex when your chatting, but from the sounds of it I think that’s what your ex is doing to you rather than you doing it to him…

  • Jordy July 25, 2014, 12:20 am

    Hey Guys,

    my story can be found here: http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/comment-page-9/#comments

    Any feedback you have could really help me a lot, and I would really appreciate it!

  • Jose July 24, 2014, 11:12 pm

    Hey Kevin or anyone that can help :(

    What if they don’t contact you at all during the NC period? What should I do then?? I know she is dating another guy right now, so should I consider this relationship over??
    Please help,
    Jose

    • Rihanna July 25, 2014, 12:48 am

      Hello Jose,

      During NC period you’re supposed to concentrate on yourself to be your best self possible eg: join the gym, get a better job, or buy new clothes and hair cut (just examples) and you should not worry about what she’s doing during this period. My ex didn’t contact me at ALL and went completely silent but after 30 days of NC I wrote him a letter and now we’re talking again. In your case, I think the letter is necessary and in the letter make sure you write that you accept and respect the decision to break up but it would be a shame to lose each other as friends/ or that you’re open for friendship something like that. Also, include something funny and something poignant,it will move her and awaken certain feelings within. Also, write ‘I have something special to tell you and I can’t wait to see you to share it cos I know you’ll be happy for me’ … During NC take a new hobby that’s not really you or do something that she likes and you haven’t done but now you see her point of view..etc… this way 1- you’ll have that something special to share 2- you’ll show her that you’re a changed person and for the better 3- you’ll show her that you’re open to new things hence a new relationship. But for now during NC concentrate on yourself and how to approach her in the letter. Good Luck! I hope it works for you as it did for me :)

    • Kevin July 25, 2014, 12:55 am

      It doesn’t really matter if they contact you or not during no contact. You should contact them once no contact is over. No contact is mainly about you and not your ex.

      • Jose July 25, 2014, 11:13 pm

        Thank you Kevin and thank you also Rihanna. I really appreciate it

    • Robin July 25, 2014, 6:33 am

      Hey jose, i’m in the same situation as you. my ex is dating my best friend now, happend only 1,5 weeks after our relationship ended. like kevin and rihanna our saying, just focus on yourself. i’m doing whatever i like, there is no one to stop you :) i’m improving myself and have an open attitude towards other girls now. offcourse i still hard times, but i wrote myself a little note with all the great changes i made. when i have trouble i just read it and think “it’s her loss, not yours”

      Goodluck jose keep up!

      • Jose July 25, 2014, 11:11 pm

        Thank you very much

  • Tyler T July 24, 2014, 3:51 pm

    Hi there! I’ve been reading some of the comments on here and I feel comfortable enough to post mine. Well here it goes:
    My ex and I broke up about a month ago because of something stupid, we’ve talked a few times since then but she stopped all contact with me. So I texted her asking if we could hangout and talk, no response. So a few days later I come to find out that she’s been posting on IG, Facebook and ect.. So I got a little pissed off and sent her a text expressing that, and deleted my social media apps. Now take in mind that I sent that text before reading you guide and now I feel pretty stupid for doing so now… It’s been about a week since that text and I was hoping you could help me possible to come up with a solution to whether or not to write or letter or something or should I just keep no contact? Thanks if you read this!
    -Ty

    • Kevin July 25, 2014, 12:01 pm

      Keep no contact for 3 more weeks. Then get back in touch as mentioned in the article.

  • Priya July 24, 2014, 3:34 pm

    I have done months of nc and am not sure what to send in initial text, wouldn’t it be strange to just say I remembered you….

    • Kevin July 25, 2014, 12:00 pm

      No it won’t. Use the template in the above article.

  • Anon July 24, 2014, 11:58 am

    Anyone online ? I need some immediate help.
    Here it goes in very short -
    She texted me after my no contacted.
    We talked for 4-5 days a lot.
    She started talking less and to another guy so i got clingy. I asked that guy few things.
    She said we can not even be friends.
    I deleted my whatsapp. After 4-5 when i resumed whatsapp days she texted me saying that i should have not asked that guy things about her this is heights. I apologized for everything. She did not reply then. I deleted whatsapp again. She deleted for few hours and resumed.

    Now she texted me saying sorry what she said.
    I am thinking to ask what she is sorry for.
    Should i do it immediately ? Its been 1 hour.
    Help me not get anxious and clingy this time.

    • Anon July 24, 2014, 1:09 pm

      I texted her asking what is the sorry for but it went from a number she doesn’t know, should i text from mine too or wait for reply ?

      • Anon July 24, 2014, 1:42 pm

        She didn’t reply to my sms (sent from other number) so i installed whatsapp, she was online. Here is how the conversation went -
        Me : Sorry for ?
        She : Anything. Everything.
        Me : I didn’t mind anything.
        She : Still!
        Me : Hm don’t b
        She : OK :)
        Me : :)
        That is the convo we had.
        What should be my next steps ?
        Please respond. Darra, az, rihanna .

        • Rihanna July 25, 2014, 12:53 am

          Hey Anon,

          I’m glad you ended up talking and ending with a smiley face on both your sides, that’s great news and positive :) . I think you should wait 2 days and send her a ‘something remind me of you’ text, make it fun and memorable and she’ll respond again. Take things slowly and don’t rush by being clingy cos you’ll ruin everything. in 2 days send her a message. Good luck! :)

          • Anon July 25, 2014, 8:07 am

            Thanks Rihanna,
            The last time i was telling her about things she did not show much interest. But we were passing on funny pics. Should i start with it ? But she had denied being friends should i start the convo ?

  • jessica July 24, 2014, 11:49 am

    Hi Edward,

    My bf of 1 and a half year broke up with me just a week back. The reason he gave was that he wanted some space and time to think. But came to know that he was chatting with this girl already before a week. Later he told me that he likes this girl since they have same personality. She also just broke up with her bf 3 days back.
    I am heart broken. I pleaded , begged amd tried everything but he was adamant.
    I wanted to go for the nc rule but he keeps calling to ask about my well being. Please do let me know if this is a rebound relationship and also what do i need to tell him.

  • RD July 24, 2014, 7:21 am

    Hello everyone! So,i’ve written here many times since me and my ex boyfriend broke up.Long story short,he told me to break up,i did three months of no contact and since we bumped each other accidentally,he started talking to me and he said he wanted me back.I really loved him and wanted to give him another chance,so after many days of just “talking” and going “out” he asked for a second chance and i gave it to him.Of course,he promised me many things,and that he wouldn’t hurt me again,and that he wanted to be with me so much.So we got together on 7/17/14 and before 3 days me messaged me on fb telling me he doesn’t feel the same like he did before and basically he wanted to break up.I just answered him with a simple ok.I didn’t react as nomal,i didn’t call him or ask reasons etc. This is the second time he breaks up with me through fb.I think he got influenced by his older brother,they were together in a cafe with some other guys when he sent me that on fb,i think they have something to do with that too.He said i know you asked me many times if i was sure for what i wanted and i told you yes,but i was wrong and immature.Those days when we were together i did everything for both of us to be happy.The previous day before he told me to break up,we met and had an amazing time! I don’t know what happened.And i’m thinking i should write him a goodbye love letter,thanking him for beeing in my life but it’s time to move on. (i really wanted for us two to be happy together but he chose another path).Last night he liked my fb profile picture,and the day he asked me to break up,after some minutes when we broke up,he liked my previous profile picture.I don’t know what’s going on,we haven’t talked in 3 days since we broke up.I want him to try badly to win me back but i don’t think this is what he wants right now.PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR OPINIONS AND GUIDE OF WHAT I SHOULD DO! what do you think his reaction will be in a goodbye love letter? I already wrote it,it’s full of love,there’s no begging or telling him to come back,it’s just a letter of pure love.Btw i’m 17 and he is 19.We’ve been together for a year and a half.

    • Daniel July 24, 2014, 8:33 am

      RD,
      Im sorry to say but i guess this time it’s really over. He tried but the feeling isnt the same. Everything has changed. I always think that ex lovers can get back together but at the right time. No 30 days or 6mos can really tell you that. It may be too early for you guys. I say focus on moving on. You got your second chance and there it goes. Goodluck!

    • Dara July 24, 2014, 11:37 am

      RD,

      I believe he is still confused and you still have chances but I would like to mention that when the number of breakups increase in a relationship, it shows that this relationship has some basic problem. I also admire you doing your best to keep both of you happy!

      My suggestion is to wait for a week or two and then give him the “goodbye letter”. I believe you reacted good by not begging him or calling him or things alike.

      Best of luck!

  • Anson July 24, 2014, 5:38 am

    My story: http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/comment-page-9/#comment-32855

    So, I just found out that someone else (would be long distance as well) also likes her…But they also argued about little things and he threatened to delete her and not talk to her anymore over it although a little bit after that, he said something along the lines of “But I can still think about you” and something about “You know the way I think about you.”

    She shut him down when he said this and told him he’ll just get hurt, but still…Also found out that her and the new guy don’t skype as much as I thought they did. In fact, they hardly seem to skype at all and during the week, they don’t seem to play any games much together either which only leaves them able to text each other which, unless she talks to me about it which I don’t think she will anytime soon, I have no idea how much that goes on, but he basically sleeps while she is out of school and awake, and she goes to sleep shortly after he wakes up or maybe around the same time. Then, she gets up kind of early to play the game with him for a few hours before she goes to school and she’s there basically all day for him. They basically only have the weekends. ^^

    I’m really hopeful that these are good signs. Also, I just got another job which actually pays higher than my last one and is going even higher in a few months. I’m hoping to slowly work my way back into her life somehow after I work on myself some more and complete the NC period. Any advice on that? I really do love this girl and want her back. And even if I can’t get her back immediately, I’ve decided that I’d really like to go there, see her in person somehow, and take her out for a fun night with just the two of us. Nothing even romantic if she doesn’t want to. I want to show her that I’m not always just boring and that I’m not always serious and that I love her and that I love to have fun and putting her and fun together is basically my favorite thing in the whole entire world. It’s not cheap to get there, and I have to find a way to get time off somehow, but I always find a way and she’s worth it. I won’t go until after her rebound relationship breaks apart, but I’d really like to go and spend some time with her afterwards. Any advice? Thanks guys.

    • Anson July 24, 2014, 5:43 am

      I won’t just go immediately after they break up. Just wanted to clarify that. I’d try to rebuild the attraction first obviously and go when we can both be free to spend time together.

  • RD July 24, 2014, 5:19 am

    Would a goodbye love letter make my ex miss me and want to get back with me?

    • Anson July 24, 2014, 6:20 am

      Depends on the girl, how long you were together, and how long its been. It would also depend on what you put into the letter. If you write one that sounds really clingy, it’ll probably just push her away whereas if you write one like Kevin gave an example of, it would work much better. Then again, thats not exactly a “goodbye letter”. You’d have to leave more information for us to be able to give you better advice I think.

  • Lovisa July 24, 2014, 3:09 am

    Hey everyone!
    i would love some help..
    I’m 18 and my exboyfriend is 18, we broke up because of many misunderstandings and fights, insecurity and shit.. we had a distancerelationship, we broke up because i was so insecure when we didn’t see eachother in like 2 weeks, i was so immature.
    So we broke up for a month ago, but i broke the NC 2 weeks after the NC because he liked a pic i uploaded on instagram.. :( i told him i wanted a new chance, he said that he wanted to think about it. Even if it was too early for a new relationship with him, i almost got him back again.
    In the relationship, he always told me that he’d never felt this way before in a relationship, that he thought that we were meant to be, he would love me forever and so on.
    He has always been honest with me, since the first time we met he told me directly that he’s not that guy who lies, is with many girls and stuff, he said that he wanted to find the perfect girl and just be with her. During our relationship he truly loved me, told me everyday that he had never felt this to a girl before and we were gonna last forever.. but i was a immature and insecure bitch towards him, always started fights, and at first i took him for granted just because i knew he really loved me. Now i really realize what i lost and i couldn’t be more sad! even after a month i’m so hung up on him! i know i have to let go and be friends with him, but i know he’s the one! i have never ever ever been this sad because a break up, it was my fault we broke up and i just want to go back to him, from scratch.
    I’m not gonna write to him until 9th July, but i’m soooo worried that he’s gonna find a girl or something before i’m taking contact with him again.. He’s that boy who never play games, always honest and straight up. But when he’s done, he’s really done.. doesn’t write to me or nothing. I’m worried that i’ve really lost my chance, because he gave me so much chances and took me back all the time, but he reached his breakingpoint after the last fight with him. But even after the breakup, he told me that he actually wanted to be with me.. but he thought this was the best.
    He lives 2h away from me, and there’s no chance that i’m meeting him again if we’re not in a relationship, we lasted 6 month before the breakup
    Do you guys think i have a chance to win him back? We broke up because i didn’t stop fighting with him and i know that’s the only reason why.. :( but i’m afraid that i fucked everything up when i wrote to him 2 weeks after NC that i wanted another chance :(
    What do you guys think?

    One thing more, we broke up in May, but last we spoke were in Juni. And.. yesterday on a night out, i kinda liked a picture he loaded up on instagram.. what should i do now? let it be, or write to him? and i’m kind of worried right now, he loaded up something on twitter that had to do with loyalty and trust.. but i know i can’t worry about that, i have to move on and before something else happends between us, i have to be his friend at first, which i don’t really want :(

    Help wanted!
    Lovisa :)

    • Lovisa July 24, 2014, 3:10 am

      i just copied a old text i wrote last month, sorry if you misunderstand things, but we broke up for 2 months ago..

    • Austin July 24, 2014, 11:27 pm

      That’s a tough one. You kinda “burned that bridge.” You should change the way you act and show him that you’ve changed. I think though that since you guys live far apart, the best way to show him that you’re changing is through instagram. You also have to show him that you can be happy with or without him (and you have to actually believe that you can, there’s no faking.) You also might wanna do the NC fully, maybe give or take a few days if HE wants to talk to you and if you’re ready to show him Lovisa v2.0.
      He’ll most likely be curious about why you’re not contacting him, being that he said he did want to be with you, and because you usually did. Him being curious is good, and I know he might wonder now and then “Lovisa hasn’t texted in a while, I wonder why.” As for wanting to get straight into the relationship again, that’s a BAD idea. Since you guys had problems in the first relationship, chances are that you’re ex will be on high alert. You HAVE to be his friend first. That way you guys can probably escalate from a good friendship to a great relationship! Also, for the photo liking on instagram; I say let it be. It might leave him thinking a litttle. And you’ll come off looking needy or desperate if you contact him.
      So first change yourself and be happy by yourself.
      Second, play the NC fully or 98% fully.
      Third, show him how you’re doing by posting pictures on instagram of you having fun (this might also make him miss you and think of the good times you guys had.)
      Fourth, after the NC is over; try striking up a conversation in TEXT. (No calling just yet, unfortunately.) Ask him how he’s been doing or if he’s been anywhere fun, stuff like that. WARNING: Yes, you will be tempted, you’ll bang your head in fustration but DO NOT! I repeat DO NOT ask him for a second chance. (Your time will come. “Good things come to those who wait.”) Instead, act casual and act like you guys didn’t go out in the first place, just treat him like an old friend that you haven’t seen in awhile.
      ^^^^^^^^^ You will want to space out your conversations a bit in the beginning and slowly make your conversations regular — remember to be patient —
      By this stage you guys will be close again and this is the time to ask him out. (DON’T ASK FOR A SECOND CHANCE!) Just ask him out casually if he wants to hang out sometime or watch a movie, something like that (your preference)
      ^^^^ Ok so that happens and he probably said yes to the date (being that he sees you’re a changed person and all) Now you’re gonna wanna bring down your sales pitch on him, and, like I said, don’t ask for a second chance (just act like the first never happened) I’m sure he won’t resist at this point =)
      I am actually going through the same thing you’re going through, and so far I’ve been doing what I’m telling you to do and me and my ex gf are already friends again, and we’re getting closer little by little (patience *sigh* -_- )and it’s been almost 3 months since we broke up (patience I tell you! *sigh* killmenow lol :D) but yes, it’ll take some time. All you need is just patience.
      Sorry this was long, but hey, youaskedforit =)
      Tell me how it goes! =))))

      • Lovisa July 28, 2014, 7:21 am

        Hey Austin! thaaanks alot for the advices! it really got me thinking, that i have to get over him, the relationship and just be happy. Weeell.. I’m kinda happy, but still thinking about him and everything he told me in the past. It’s something special with him, even after the first day we met, he told me that he felt it was something special with me, and he told me, ‘ i just want to find the perfect one and just be with her, i think you are the one for me, because my feelings about you is so strong even if this is the first time i meet you’ and like i wrote in the past texts, he is a really honest and calm guy..

        I’m so sorry that we’re going through something similar! It’s not fun, but as you said, patienceee.. haha :)

        I want to contact him, but i’m afraid it’s too early.. and i know i have to feel 100% sure about contacting him before i do that! and my friends is telling me to talk to him if i want him back, they mean be friends with him.. they’re telling me that he maybe gets into another relationship if i wait to long, but the fact is, he means sooo much to me.. so i would be happy if he’s happy. I don’t know what to do about it, i’m not over him, therefore not contacting him, but still, my friends tell me to write to him, they know us together, we were like meant for eachother.. :(

        He never gave up on me until he reached his breakingpoint, and i don’t know if i’ve screwed all my chances of getting back with him, even if he told me like the first day, that he wanted this to last forever :(

        But i’m gonna be calm about this, have patience, and then write to him, when i feel secure about it.

        Thanks alot Austin! you helped me big time! :)

  • Craig July 24, 2014, 1:46 am

    I have been making alot of progress with my life but I have been smothering my ex and going back and forth from being mean and just straight up breaking down in front of her for almost three weeks. We were together for three years and talking about marriage a lot so I don’t know if it is too late but I really like this article. Since I have been basically a pussy about the whole thing do you think I should wait longer to contact her? Because I like myself but I’m also miserable its a weird combo.

    • Kevin July 25, 2014, 11:55 am

      There’s a checklist at the beginning of Step 4.

  • Andrew July 23, 2014, 11:10 pm

    Hey Kevin, the mother of my daughter and I were off and on throughout our 2 and a half year relationship. She broke up with me one night and I had enough, so I went out and slept with another woman. That was the advice that was given to me, to go out and stop playing my exes break up games over and over again. I lost my ex about 5 months ago, and am in shambles because I truly love her a lot. She is dating some other guy now and I just want her back. I am so confused, because I have tried no contact but it is hard for me. After all that has happened throughout our 2 and a half years I am so confused because I want us to work so bad, can you give me some insight please, and thank you!

    • Kevin July 25, 2014, 11:59 am

      Follow the plan Andrew.

  • Rachel July 23, 2014, 6:14 pm

    Hey everyone,

    I thought I would give a little update on how I’m doing personally. My ex and I haven’t spoke to each other in almost a month since he last said some hurtful things to me and threatened to block me if I ever texted him again. I’ve been doing a lot better. I’ve completely stopped looking at the Facebook/twitter/Instagram pages of the girl he left me for, and I’ve been going out a lot more and having fun.

    I met with my ex’s parents at the beginning of July and we talked about everything. His mom told me that after his weekend at the cottage he came back and told his mom that he had a “friend” he wanted her to meet. Of course his mom was shocked because my ex told her the reason he broke up with me was because he wanted to focus on hockey (a lie), so his mom asked him what he was doing and said that she didn’t want to meet her because I had been part of their family for 8 years (we were close friends before we started dating for the 6 years) and said I always will be part of the family. She also mentioned that she’s hurting from everything as well, so of course my ex got mad. But it secretly made me happy his mom said she didn’t want to meet her haha! I found out from his mom that my ex has lied to me about money he borrowed from me, and how his parents always told him that he should take me on vacation and they would pay but he would always say no, knowing how badly I wanted to. His mom said to me, that after everything I did for him throughout the six and a half years, and how supportive I was with his hockey going to every game every weekend, she asked what did he ever do for me. I sat there and couldn’t think of anything. It was always me giving and him taking. His own mother said to me “this is my son I’m talking about, but you deserve so much better. To be treated like a princess.” So that opened up my eyes a LOT! We both agreed that he’s going through something weird. He’s not the same person he was a few months ago. Although it still hurts because we were together for so long and I had such strong feelings for him and 100 percent saw my future with him, I’m starting to realize that maybe getting back together isn’t the best thing for me. Once things with this girl and my ex fall apart (which it will), I honestly don’t know what I will do if my ex comes running back to me. I may just say it’s too late.

  • RD July 23, 2014, 4:26 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me before 2 days,but he liked my facebook profile picture tonight and some hours after we broke up,he liked my previous profile(last time we broke up he deleted me from fb). Did he do it over guilt or what?

    • Rihanna July 24, 2014, 1:05 am

      Hi RD,

      I doubt that he’ll like your picture out of guilt. He might be missing you or wants to be friends or he just likes your pic. Whatever the reason he’s still in your life and attracted to you. So play your cards right and you’ll find him in your arms again :) Good luck!

  • Chloe July 23, 2014, 1:52 pm

    Hi Kevin, I registered for the forums two hours ago, but I’ve not received the confirmation email yet. Please can you help? Or am I just being impatient? :)
    Thanks, C

    • Kevin July 23, 2014, 2:19 pm

      Hey Chloe,

      Sorry about that. Please check in your spam folder.

      • Kevin July 23, 2014, 2:29 pm

        Also, if you don’t find it there, you can register again using a different email address. This time, you won’t have to wait for an email. You can choose your password while registering.

        • Chloe1 July 23, 2014, 6:12 pm

          Thanks Kevin, it’s worked!

  • Kevin July 23, 2014, 10:30 am

    The message boards are live. If you have any questions, please post them in the forums instead of the comment section here. :)

  • Esther July 23, 2014, 3:47 am

    I posted here under the names Esther and Philippa. I was the 21 year old girl with a 26 year old ex. Our relationship was very yo-yo. Still, Kevin advised me to wait 2-3 months. Even when I spoke to him, he continued threatening to call the police. Plus I got blocked everywhere.

    Here’s an update:

    After some months, I woke up and I was okay. I made it to 40 days of NC. My thinking is the clearest it has been for years.

    I decided to write him a five page long letter. In it, I discussed everything he did which bothered me. There was literally a laundry list of shortcomings. And seeing all that made me realize nothing about 26 had been good enough for me to stay.

    Relationships are unhealthy. I grew so stressed out I ended up in an Urgent Care four times in three months. I took antidepressants until they gave me an allergic reaction. If he’s mad, IDC. I gave him plenty of chances to talk to me. I even tried to talk to 26. You don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone.

    I told him I was travelling. I’m trying to teach abroad. One of his lifelong dreams was to get married and have children. His mother is also pushing for that. So yeah, I don’t see us getting back together. It didn’t hurt as much as I thought. I feel free, relieved and learned quite a bit. Thanks for the help.

    • Edward July 23, 2014, 4:50 am

      Hi Esther,

      It’s good to see that you’re okay. If he’s threatened to call the police that time, he porbably couldn’t handle the way you were after break up. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, but perhaps you and him weren’t compatible. I’m sure that one day you will find someone, just treat and love yourself better. Be happy, I’m glad to see that you are headin towards your goals.

      • Esther July 23, 2014, 1:15 pm

        Actually people warned me he was done, just too nice to say it. Usually you don’t talk that way unless you want to dump someone permanently. He had mentioned all the same things.

        And yeah, it’s freeing. I don’t miss the confinement of being in relationships.

  • Khine July 22, 2014, 11:42 pm

    Hey guys, i’m 21.
    During my no contact rule, my ex ( boy who is 18 , was in relationship with me for over 3 years) contact me with cabled ph. I don’t hold his ph on my hand ph. That’s why he call my cabled ph. My cabled ph doesn’t support for incoming number. So, I accidently talked with him . But I talked with limit . Don’t let him ask about my personal . He told me that he miss me alot and he haven’t never ever felt like this before for a woman. I acted lite i don’t care. But he still doesn’t seem like he want to break up with his current gf. What should i do now ? Guys, i really need your advice. Don’t ignore me plz.

    • Edward July 23, 2014, 1:24 am

      Hi Khine,

      You were with him for 3 years, he is probably in a rebound relationship. Start NC and he will miss you. If he contacts you, keep doing NC until 30 days then ask him to hangout. Dont worry about the other girl, if he loves you he will come back.

  • Daniel July 22, 2014, 5:09 pm

    GUYS!
    because of az i texted my ex and guess what she responded it goes like this.

    Me: are you up?
    X: yes why?
    M: how are you?
    X: im fine thankyou, haha. let me guess you have nothing to do?
    M: hmm, im waiting for th shuttle. Hows dentistry proper? Are you managing it properly?
    X: my god. Next question please.
    M: hahaha! It haant even been a month yet! Btw i passes by your family house yesterday and its under renovation. What happened?
    X: like they said, it already feels like 2yrs of predent. Its nothing theyre just doing something on the house.
    M: then i think you need to be a bit more studious haha. I thought that the storm destroyed your house. Anyway the shuttle is here i have to go. Its good that we can be just friends. Goodluck!

    Thats how it went. What do you guys think? Lol. I was hapyy she responded haha.

    • Dara July 22, 2014, 5:39 pm

      Daniel,

      I am happy that she responded! That’s the biggest thing! Its also good that she thinks you contact her when you have nothing else to do! ha ha ha… Yet, it’s not good for relationship but its good for someone whose passed the Death Door! I also like the way you cut off the texting! Goog job! Let not think about it anymore! ;)

  • M July 22, 2014, 2:33 pm

    Dara,

    Idk why but it didn’t give me a reply button for your last comment.

    I understand that liking her pictures may be bad because of what you said but what if she’s liking mine as well? Does that mean she’s feeling the same way I’m feeling? Or maybe I’m reading too much into it.

    Also, I honestly think that, based on what you said before, I will not try to get in contact with her but rather just wait until later on during the semester to potentially reach out to her. I just really don’t want to mess up and get myself friend-zoned or get taken for granted. Thank you for the advice so far I really appreciate it.

    • Dara July 22, 2014, 2:56 pm

      Don’t like her pictures! The trick is that you are showing that you are strong enough to drift. Losing a stronger partner is more annoying than losing a weaker one. Take it as a challenge (just like when you did by saying you prefer breakup over open relationship). She won’t forget you so soon! It will take her at least 3 months. However, keep posting pictures! It will make her miss you even if she stop liking them.

      I personally don’t like the idea of waiting for at least a semester. There is no guarantee for her coming back even if you spend that time. That’s too much dude!

      • M July 22, 2014, 3:08 pm

        Dara,

        I will take your advice about the pictures! I won’t like any of hers but I’ll keep posting my own.

        And no that’s not what I meant! That’s just what she said. I’m actually thinking of waiting 60 days instead of the regular 30 day NC period because I believe (and if I’m wrong in thinking this please tell me) that that should give her enough time to have already settled into her new college life and perhaps even be tired of it already. If I am wrong for thinking this, please tell me. Is that a good amount of time? Or maybe a little less? I want to take the best course of action as we will both be going to school around the same time however we won’t be going to the same school.

        • Dara July 22, 2014, 3:18 pm

          M,

          How far will be your schools? If its going be really far, it will become hard to re-establish the relationship that you had (though never impossible).

          I think 60 days is okay.

          • M July 22, 2014, 3:23 pm

            Dara,

            Our school’s are about 2.5 hours away from each other. It’s actually the same distance that it takes me to get home and closer to me than her house even. Before, I was already going back home to see her almost every weekend. The distance didn’t affect me much. I just couldn’t see her every day.

            And good, I’m glad you think 60 days is fine.

    • Edward July 22, 2014, 3:45 pm

      Hey M,

      It seems like you two broke up because you didn’t want to be with her because she’s going to college. If you love her and want to be with her eventually, then what is the reason not to be in a relationship with her? It’s not fair that you dont wanta relationship with her and expect her to wait for you. She still likes you so if you did contact her, I’m sure it wont be hard to get back. Figure out your reason why you believe it wouldn’t work when you broke up. Talk to her about it and figure it out, communication is important.

      • M July 22, 2014, 3:58 pm

        Edward,

        No that is not the reason why I broke up with her at all! I love her more than anything and it broke my heart when she wanted to try an open relationship. Like I completely understood why. I’ve been her first everything so she has nothing to compare me to. Yeah I get that but at the same time shouldn’t she love me enough to just want to be with me and only me? I told her maybe if this had been towards the beginning of our relationship I would’ve been okay with the idea, but we were so far down the road that there’s no way I could even bare the thought of possibly sharing her with other guys. Yes I would have that same freedom with other girls but I didn’t want that. I only want her. That is why I decided it best to break up with her. I know those types of relationships never really work out.

        I want her to see for herself and realize (and I really don’t mean to be cocky in any way) that I am the best guy for her. I honestly wish it never came down to what it is right now..I never wanted to break up.

        • Edward July 23, 2014, 1:31 am

          I see, M, I think you have to give her some space to figure it out. I know this sucks and is unfair to you, but sometimes the way youlove her isnt the same as the way she loves you. Give her time and space to explore and she will realize what she has lost. You don’t have to wait for her to make up her mind either, I know you want her right now but it’s hard because she wants to see other guys. If you two have been together for 2 yrs, your bonds are much stronger than those other guys, she will come back very soon. Keep being friendly and cool.

          • M July 23, 2014, 7:53 am

            Edward,

            Well we had been together a little over 10 months, but we were way past the honeymoon stage as well as the “I love you”s (she said it first).

            Thank you for your input. Like I said, I will continue on living my life, bettering myself for me. And perhaps when the time is right I will reach out to her, or she’ll reach out to me. But I know she has things she needs to go through and experience. “A life having felt no pain is not a life worth living.”

            I already started following Dara’s advice. She posted a selfie yesterday and I didn’t like it and will continue not doing so. I do want her to think that she’s lost me completely and hopefully that triggers something in her mind that helps her realize what she’s lost.

    • Dara July 22, 2014, 5:07 pm

      M,

      There might be some hidden reasons for the breakup. I am worried that this distance has made her think about the breakup. For example, when we were in good terms, my ex would call me and ask me to go to her house right at the moment! If I didn’t for any reason it would upset her! Maybe some of your ex’s friends have told her that when she goes to college she can find boyfriends right next to her dorm/apartment doorsteps.

      I also believe that she already wanted to breakup with you but since she never had any breakup experience she took it slow by saying that she wants open relationship. Some girls take this approach.

      Though I admire your confidence but be ready for the worst case scenario too! I believe now you are in right track in increasing the chance of getting your ex back!

      Best of luck!

      • M July 22, 2014, 6:06 pm

        Dara,
        Thank you so much for all your advice and your optimism. I will carry on and hopefully I can post back with some better news.
        As for now I will continue with NC for those 60 days and will stop liking her pictures while posting my own. I am willing to do whatever it takes to move on, be ready for the worst, and eventually win her back.

        • Dara July 22, 2014, 9:52 pm

          M,

          You’re welcome! I think I will come on this site less often from now but feel free to share your thoughts if they annoy you!

          Best of luck!

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