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Ex Back Permanently

How to Get Your Ex Back Permanently – 5 Step Plan

Winning your ex boyfriend or girlfriend back isn’t really the hard part. The hard part is keeping them. After all, they left you once, what is to stop them from leaving you again? What is the point of getting your ex back if you can’t keep them PERMANENTLY?

My name is Kevin, and I am here to get through this painful breakup and hopefully get your ex back. I say hopefully because I can’t guarantee you that you will get your ex back. I can, however, guarantee that if you follow this plan, your chances of getting your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back will increase significantly.

What This Article Is About?

This article is divided into 5 Steps. I have done so because this way you have a step by step plan that you can follow to get your ex back. It’s important to have a plan to follow, because after a breakup you are hurt, emotionally drained and most of all, confused. And during this state of confusion, you are bound to make a lot of mistakes that will actually hurt your chances of getting back together.

I have seen people make these mistakes over and over again (in my two years of experience helping people with breakups). Having a plan gives you a sense of direction and removes all the confusion. A plan will give you something to look forward to when you are feeling down and unsure about yourself. A plan will give you hope. This article is that plan.

But What Are These Mistakes You Talk About?

I am glad you asked because the first part of this guide is precisely about these mistakes.

STEP #1. The Instincts aka The Deadly Mistakes

I call this part “The Instincts” because all these mistakes are a direct result of people following their instincts. Most of the advice in this 5 Step Plan is counter-intuitive, but it works. When you read it, you will understand why and it will all start to make sense. So let’s start by going over the deadly mistakes that you should avoid at any cost.

Deadly Mistake #1: Calling And Texting Them All The Time

Kevin, we broke up 8 days ago. Since then, I have messaged him everyday constantly and he barely replies. I have to text him a hundred times before he replies just once. I really love him and want to be with him, but I don’t understand why he is acting like this. He said he loved me and then suddenly this.

That’s the story of around 80% of the people who are desperate to get their ex back. It’s a huge mistake to text and call your ex all the time. In fact, it’s a huge mistake to call them even once. Your instincts tell you that if you stay in contact with your ex, they will not forget about you and hopefully come back.

ex calling

Even the calls that might seem casual to you, look needy and desperate to your ex.

But it doesn’t really work that way. In fact,  every time you call or text your ex, you are showing them you are a needy person and you are miserable without them. This neediness is unattractive and pushes your ex further away.

You should be extremely careful whenever you go out drinking. You might end up calling your ex and making a fool of yourself. So whenever you go out drinking, have a friend with you who can stop you from making this mistake.

But if I don’t call or text my ex, how can I get them back?

You should contact them in certain way that will make them feel attracted to you again. I explain exactly how to do this in Step 4.

Deadly Mistake #2: Begging And Trying To Use Pity

If begging worked after a breakup, no one will ever break up with anybody. They decided to leave you and they are prepared to go through your begging and pleading. Whatever the reason for breakup was, it’s not going to change with your begging. The only thing that begging will do is make you look like a weak and insecure person.

cat_begging

Unfortunately, humans don’t look as cute as cats while begging.

Similarly, your instincts will also make you believe that if you just show your ex that you can’t live without them, they will take you back.  Your thought pattern becomes something like

If he knows how miserable I am without him, he will come back.

If only she knows that I can’t continue my life without her, she’ll take me back.

Again, your instincts are screwing with you. Trust me, no one takes their ex back out of pity. No one is attracted to someone who is miserable. And even if your ex came back because of this, do you really want them to be with you just because of pity? Or do you want them to respect you and love you?

Deadly Mistake #3: Let Them Walk All Over You

Your instincts will tell you that if you just agree to everything your ex wants, they will come back. Your instincts will tell you that your needs, your values, your desires, your goals don’t matter. Your instincts will tell you that the only thing that matters is to get your ex back. And for that, you can sacrifice everything.doormat_in_relationships

You let your ex walk all over you. You become a doormat. You agree to the most ridiculous demands your ex has. But your instincts tell you, it’s OK. Because having your ex in your life is the only thing that matters.

Well, guess what?

Agreeing to everything your ex says is not going to bring them back. In fact, it’s only going to make your ex respect you less. Nobody wants to be with someone they don’t respect. And even if they do come back, they will leave shortly realizing they have no respect for you as a person.

Deadly Mistake #4: Showering Them with Affection

Your instincts tell you that if your ex just realizes how much you love them and how much you care about them, they will come back. You just need to make them believe that no one in the world will ever love them the way you do. How can they reject you once they realize how much you love them, Right?

smothering your ex

The truth is, they already know that you love them, how much you adore them and how much you care about them. But they still decided to breakup. Showering them with affection is not going to help you. In fact, the more you smother them, the more trapped they’ll feel. And that will just make them want to get away from you as soon as possible.

Deadly Mistake #5: Freaking Out When Your Ex Starts Dating

The thought of your ex being with someone else is a gut wrenching one. But in reality, it’s not that bad as we make it out to be. We will get into that but before that that let’s take a look at how your instincts react when you find out your ex is dating someone else.

If I don’t do anything right now, they’ll fall in love with this new person and forget about me forever. I better go over there and do everything that this article has told me not to do. Including begging, using pity, telling them how much I love them, agreeing to all their conditions (be a doormat). And if they don’t open the door, I’ll just stand outside and call and text them all day. It will be even better to tell my ex how this new person is totally wrong for them and what a big mistake they are making by being in a relationship with this _______(INSERT DEROGATORY REMARK).

If you didn’t realize it by now, your instincts and your mind go into panic mode when you find out your ex is dating someone new. In most cases, you freak out and make all the mistakes mentioned above.

The truth is, your ex is most probably in a rebound relationship (Read: Is Your Ex In a Rebound Relationship? Find Out With These Telltale Signs). And almost all of the rebound relationships end sooner rather than later. It sucks, but rebound relationships are a way for many people to deal with breakups. Fortunately for you, it’s one of the most ineffective way to move on. So, just because they are in a rebound relationship doesn’t mean they will forget about you and move on. In fact, it just means the opposite. It means that they are having a hard time moving on and as long as they are in this rebound relationship, they can’t work on moving on with their life.

rebound relationship

A rebound relationship is like a cigarette. It’s unhealthy. It provides a false sense of calmness. And it ends when the flame is over. (the faster you smoke the faster it ends)

The most important thing for you to do while your ex is in a rebound relationship is be cool about it. Whatever happens, do not tell your ex to break up with their rebound partners. Let it be their idea. They have a huge hole in their life after breaking up with you which they are trying to fill with someone new. They will soon realize that a rebound relationship can not fill the emptiness and they will end the relationship. (Do you think his relationship is not just a rebound? Read How To Get Your Ex Back When He Has Moved On To a New Girlfriend.)

What If You’ve Already Made These Mistakes?

Chances are, you’ve already made at least one of these mistakes after the breakup. Don’t worry, even the wisest monks in the Himalayas and masters of psychology from Harvard usually end up making these mistakes after a breakup. It’s just in the nature of human beings to try and hold on to something that is precious to them. So don’t beat yourself over it. The most important thing for you to do right now is to realize that these mistakes will not help you get him or her back and stop doing them right away. Move on to the next step of the plan which is going to repair all the damage you’ve caused till now.

 

STEP #2. No Contact aka Give Yourself Time And Space

If you’ve been searching about breakups and getting your ex back online, you’d know that there is a thing called no contact rule. It’s simple and a very effective. All you have to do is stop all the communication with your ex for a short period of time. This includes

  • No Calling
  • No Texting
  • No Facebook Messaging
  • No Online Contact Of Any Kind (IM, Twitter)
  • No “accidentally” bumping into them (you know what that means)
  • No hanging out with common friends in hopes of meeting your ex

Why are we doing this?

For three reasons

1. Your ex needs some space and time to remove all the negative associations from the breakup and start missing you. People have a common misconception that if you don’t contact your ex, they will forget about you. But in reality, if you don’t contact your ex, you will give them time to miss you more and they will be wondering all the time why you are not contacting them. Remember all the mistakes in Part #1 of this guide. Every one of them made your ex think of you as a needy person. By not contacting them, you immediately become not needy in their mind.

2. You also need some space and time. You need to get a hold of yourself and gain some perspective. The fact is, you are a mess after the breakup. And you need to calm down and analyze your relationship thoroughly to realize whether or not being with your ex is in your best interest. It could be that you are just missing your ex. You need to learn to enjoy your life without your ex. You need to prove to yourself that you can be happy without your ex. You will eventually realize that you DON’T NEED YOUR EX to be happy. Maybe you’ll still WANT them, but there is a big difference between needing something and wanting something.

happiness comes from inside

3. You must become an attractive happy person during this time. You need to take a step back and reevaluate your life. You should make a lot of positive changes in your life. When you meet your ex after the no contact period, you want them to be attracted to you. And the best way to do it is to start enjoying life and being an overall happy person. Don’t take this point lightly. This could be the difference between getting your ex back or losing them forever. (If you’d like to read more about why you should do this, read this article.)

How long is the no contact period?

stay no contact for 30 daysBasically, the no contact period should be as long as it takes you to get yourself together and feel great about your life without your ex. In my experience, it can take up to 30 days. However, in extreme cases, it could range from anywhere from 2 months to 6 months.

Should I tell my ex that I am doing no contact?

Ideally no. You want them to wonder what happened to you and why you are not contacting them. You want to be on your ex’s mind as much as you can. And telling them you are not contacting for some time will defeat this purpose.

However, if your ex is currently calling you everyday or texting you everyday, then yes you should let them know that you don’t want them to contact you for a short period of time. Don’t give them any specifics. Just tell them to not contact you until you decide to contact them. Let them know you need some space and time right now.

Wouldn’t it be rude if I don’t contact my ex?

Wasn’t it rude of your ex to break your heart and leave you begging them to take you back? And yet, you’ll still do anything to be with them. Sometimes, rudeness is not as bad as you think it is.

Besides, you are doing no contact for your own mental peace and well-being. There is nothing rude about taking care of yourself.

Should I answer my ex’s text during no contact?

NO. Absolutely not. Whatever happens, don’t answer their text.

Should I answer my ex’s call during no contact?

No. You shouldn’t answer your ex’s call. The only exception to this is if you are close to ending your no contact and you are already feeling great about your life. If you think that talking to your ex will have you obsessing about them again, don’t answer their call.

What if my ex moves on during the no-contact? What if my ex meets someone and get married during no contact? What if my ex forgets about me during no contact?

Good questions. And the answer to all of them is NO, THEY WON’T.

If you and your ex were in any type of serious relationship, then they will not be able to move on so quickly. In fact, no contact is only going to make them miss you more and remember the good things about you. You have to take a leap of faith over there. The alternative to no contact is being a creep and texting and stalking your ex all the time, which will probably lead to a restraining order against you. You really don’t have much of an option.

Can’t I make the no contact shorter? Like a week or a few days?

So, you want to give your ex a couple days break from your avalanche of texts and then bombard them again after a couple of days? No.

It takes time for people to remove negative association after a breakup and start missing their ex. You have to give it to them. Besides, you have to prove to yourself that you can live without your ex for at least 30 days. And more importantly, you have to work on yourself and become a more confident and happy person.  Unless you make a positive change in yourself, your ex will not be able to convince themselves to get back together with you.(Read more about the no contact rule here.)

STEP #3. Taking Care of Yourself aka What to do in No Contact

This is the part where most people screw up. No contact will be of no use unless you try to make a positive change in your life during this time. If you just want to stay at home and just be miserable for the next one month, things are not going to change even after no contact period. Yes, you need to grieve after a breakup and yes, there’s some benefit in spending some time alone, grieving and analyzing your relationship. But, at one point you have to go out there and do something with your life.

are you happy?

Positive Changes In Your Appearance

Making a positive change in your physical appearance is going to give you a fresh look. You are going to feel new and you are going to feel better. And when your ex sees you after the no contact period, they are going to see a new you. Here are a few things you can do.

  • Get a haircut. Just go to a hairstylists and find out what is in fashion these days.
  • Get your teeth cleaned. A beautiful smile is very attractive.
  • Get in the best shape of your life. Go to the gym and sweat it out. This is also great for your mental health as working out releases endorphins which make you happy.
  • Get new clothes. They will definitely make you feel better about yourself.

Whatever you do, don’t do anything drastic right now. You don’t want to make any physical changes right now that you might regret for the rest of your life (like getting a tattoo of a broken heart).

Positive changes in your mentality

Being a happy and confident person is probably the most important thing when it comes to getting your ex back. You need to realize that happiness and confidence is something that you can get by working on yourself.  Here are a few ideas that will help you gain more confidence and become a happier person.

learn to be happy without your ex

Instead of sitting at home eating ice cream and watching TV, go out and do something to make yourself feel better.

1. Give yourself some time to grieve. I know how hard it is to be happy after a breakup. I remember I was a complete mess for at least two weeks. I didn’t sleep properly, didn’t eat properly, and I was just thinking about my ex girlfriend all day. In a way, this period is necessary for you. You give yourself some time to grieve everyday. If you want to feel sad and sorry for yourself, go ahead and do it. But make sure you also do something everyday to make yourself feel good about yourself.

2. Write in a journal. Write your thoughts and your feelings down. Writing is therapeutic and it’s probably going to help you release all those emotions from inside.

3. Go out with friends. Spend time with your loved ones. Your friends and family are the people who are always there for you and who always love to spend time with you. Go out and have a good time with them.

4. Do some meditation. Be aware of yourself. Know your weaknesses and strengths. Be proud of yourself. Accept yourself for who you are. That’s what confidence is all about. Neediness (which is very attractive) comes from doubts within yourself. Whereas confidence comes from awareness and accepting yourself.

5. Go out on a date. This is absolutely essential and if you are reading this, then I will recommend that you definitely go out on a few dates before ending no contact with your ex. It’s absolutely imperative for you to get some perspective right now and meeting new people is the best way to do it.

Analyzing Your Relationship

You have to ask yourself this question, why do you want to get back with your ex? If you answered something like

I love him/her.

I can’t live without him/her.

I am miserable without my ex.

He/She was the only one for me.

I can’t imagine a life without my ex.

Then you are still suffering from post-breakup denial and bargaining. Denial and bargaining are two of the many stages of grief after breakup. And it’s extremely common for everyone to want to get their ex back after a breakup. However, it’s not always the right choice.

For example, even if your relationship with your ex was abusive, you might want to rekindle it just because you are missing. Our mind often confuses the act of missing someone with “love”. It’s normal to miss someone after you’ve been with them for a long time. But it doesn’t necessarily mean you still love them.

Look at it like this, every relationship has problems, fights, and disagreements. But if you two broke up, then there was something very wrong with your relationship. You need to analyze what went wrong and realize whether or not it’s a good idea to get back together.

pros and cos of your relationship

Are you sure your ex didn’t have any cons?

If you think with your heart, you will just hear that you love your ex and you want them back. Instead, try to think with your mind. Be logical. Analyze the pros and cons of your relationship. Analyze the pros and cons of your ex. Analyze what your goals in life are and whether or not the relationship with your ex aligns with those goals.(Read: Should You Get Your Ex Back?)

Remember, your ex will not make you happy, only you can make yourself happy. And the only way you can do it is by realizing your purpose and your goals in life and pursuing them.

Do you really think you can have a happy and long lasting relationship with your ex?

Do you really think that the reason you broke up is no big deal?

You are making a huge decision right now. So you better make sure that it is the right one. You have 30 days to do it, so don’t rush into it. Take your time. Relax and do things that make you feel better. When you start being happy in life without your ex, you will realize whether or not getting your ex back is the right decision. And that is extremely important before you move on to the next step, which is contacting your ex.

 

STEP #4. Contacting Your Ex aka Re-attraction

Remember when your ex left you? They thought of you as a needy, clingy and desperate person with little to no self-respect. After not being in contact with you for a while, they must be wondering what the heck happened to you. They will slowly start to forget that image of yours (the needy desperate one) and start remembering the things they liked about you. They will start remembering the things that they found attractive in you.

And that’s when you contact them, you talk to them and then meet them. Just as they lay eyes on you, BOOM. That’s the new and improved you. YOU version 2.0. They can’t help but wonder what brought so much positive change in you.

re-attracting your ex

“You look amazing. You smell amazing. You look like you are doing great in your life. You look like you’ve been working out. You look happy. You look confident, sexy, fun and attractive. You look like a catch. Why did I break up with you again?” – Your Ex

For that to happen, you need two things.

  1. You should actually bring a positive change in your life and become a confident, happy and attractive person.
  2. You should contact your ex and meet them somewhere.

If you have been following this guide till now, then you know how to go about the first point. So, let’s get straight to the second point.

Contacting Your Ex

Before you contact your ex, here is a checklist of things you need to make sure you’ve done.

  • You followed the no contact rule for at least one month. (Read about The No Contact Rule here.)
  • You are no longer a mess as you were after the breakup.
  • You have made a few positive changes in your life.
  • You are absolutely sure that getting back with your ex is a good decision. (Find Out here.)
  • You have gone on at least one date during no contact.
  • You have accepted the breakup and you are OK with the fact that you may never get your ex back and this might never work for you.
  • You have accepted the fact that even if you don’t get your ex back, you will be fine since there are endless opportunities in the world to find love and happiness.

Now, there are two ways that you can contact your ex. One is through a letter or email, and the other one is through text messages. You can also call your ex but I recommend you first build up some attraction using text messages and letter  before calling them.

The Letter

hand written letter

Wouldn’t it be nice to receive a hand written letter in the mail?

A hand written letter is a great way to contact your ex right after you’ve finished no contact. A hand written letter stands out in this age of digital technology. Of course, you can use an email as well.

This letter has three purposes.

  1. To let your ex know that you have accepted the breakup. And you think that it’s for the best. (You are letting them know that you are no longer the needy desperate person who was refusing to accept the breakup.)
  2. To apologize for any of your inappropriate behavior after the breakup. (You want to make sure that everything from the past is forgiven and forgotten.)
  3. To let them know of something exciting that is happening in your life. Don’t reveal too much here. Just tell them something good is happening in your life. You’d love to talk about it, but not now. Because you both need some space and time. (You want to give them something to chew on. They will be thinking about what’s happening in your life and will want to call or text you to talk about it. You are using curiosity to get your ex contact you. Of course, something must be happening in your life. That’s why creating a positive change in your life is absolutely important before contacting your ex.)

If you want a sample letter written for you, you can find in Step 5.

The Text Messages

Text messages should ideally be used after sending the hand written letter to build up attraction. You can even skip the hand written letter and move on directly to text messages. You know your situation and your ex better than anyone, so it’s your decision whether or not you want to use just text messages, just the letter, or both. But I highly recommend you use either one or both of these before actually calling your ex.

Text messages are great for building attraction with your ex. They are short, they are personal and you can be sure they will read your texts. If used correctly, you can condition your ex to light up in excitement whenever they see a message from you.

texting your ex

It doesn’t matter where they are, your text will reach them and they will be excited to get a text from you.

The key to using text messages is to be very subtle. Never ever directly talk about your feelings or about your relationships. You want them to associate text messages to something positive and fun. Here are the rules for texting your ex.

Never send them an empty message. An empty message is something that doesn’t say anything and doesn’t give your ex anything to talk about. For example

“Hey”
“Hey, How are you?”
“I miss you”
“:)”

Never ever talk about your feelings and about getting back together.

“I love you”
“I miss you”
“I want you back in my life”
“I am miserable without you”

Never argue or say something negative over text.

“If you had just shown a little more effort, we could have been great together.”
“Your child misses you. You are terrible father to leave him like that.”

Now here are a few things that you should do while using text messages.

Something happened in your life that reminded you of them.

“Hey, I just watched the new season of Arrested Development. It reminded me of you. I actually had a smile on my face. :)”
“Hey, I just read the new Harry Potter book. I am so glad you never told me the ending. Thanks :)”

Remind them of good moments you had together.

“Hey, I was just thinking about the time we went skydiving together. Man, that was exciting. I am glad we did that. “
“Hey, remember the little restaurant where we had our first anniversary date? I just crossed it and it looks like they are closing down. It’s a shame because we had such a great time that day.”

Let them know you are having fun with your life and meeting new people.

“Hey, I just saw a romantic movie with a friend. The ending reminded me of you.“
“Hey, I am going to Hawaii for the weekend with a friend. Do you remember the name of the hotel we stayed in when we went last year?”

Now there are tons of other things you can do with texts. But the key point remains the same. Be subtle. Be positive. Be fun.

Right now, you just want to go from the creepy ex to a fun text buddy. Of course, you will be moving things forward slowly. When you think it’s the right time, go ahead and ask them out.

Asking Your Ex Out

Do not call it a date. I repeat. Do not call it a date. If you do, your ex will put their defenses up faster than Garfield finds Lasagna. You don’t want them thinking that you are looking to get back together. At least not now. You want them to go out with you as a friend. And then you can build up attraction while you are with them.

If you’ve done your homework correctly, you will be oozing confidence and attractiveness out of every inch of your body. And this works doubly as effective on your ex than any other person. Why? Because they were already attractive to you at one point in time. And you are not a stranger to them. You are someone familiar who looks very attractive.

The best way to ask them out is to give them a call. It’s possible they might require a slight push. A simple “come on, it’ll be fun.” Or “Hey, it’s just coffee. What’s the harm?” should be sufficient.

However, don’t go overboard in pushing them. Like”Come on. Just go out with me once. Please. Pretty please.” Or “You broke up with me and broke my heart. The least you can do is go out with me one time.”

Remember, your ex doesn’t owe you anything. You have to treat them like an acquaintance you want to get close with.

On the Date

Ideally, you want it to be your ex’s idea to get back together. You just want to be yourself (attractive, fun, happy, and awesome). Do not talk about your past relationship or your breakup. It will lead to no good. That relationships is over and if you two do get back together, it will be a new relationship. There is no point digging old graves when you want to start a new life.

STEP #5. The Grind aka The Ninja Techniques

OK, even though this guide is quite long and covers most of what you need to know on this subject, there are a lot of topics that are not covered here.

Since trying to get your ex back takes time and going through the no contact period is an everyday struggle, I’ve designed Part 5 of this guide to be an email series.

What do you get?

One inspiring, helpful , insightful and motivating email everyday. I have helped thousands of people (somewhere around 50,000) with these emails. The reason why these everyday emails are so effective is because you get a small dose of inspiration, motivation and useful information every day.The no contact period is the most important part of the plan and with Part 5, you will get support during the no contact period.

More importantly, I reveal a lot of secret tactics and tricks that are not mentioned in this guide. Like

  • Using Pattern Breaking
  • Understanding the reason why your ex broke up and what to do about it.
  • What to do if your ex is dating someone else
  • How to write that hand written letter
  • And a lot more.

So, go ahead and click on the appropriate link below and get Part #5 for absolutely free.

Men Click Here (To Get Ex Girlfriend Back)

Women Click Here (To Get Ex Boyfriend Back)

 

If you want to ask a question about your relationship or breakup, head over to the boards.

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6532 comments… add one

  • Lovisa August 30, 2014, 5:00 am

    Hey guys! i’ve just started a conversation with my ex, we haven’t talked for like 3 months. I still feel kind of insecure of writing to him, but he is in my town so i couldn’t resist starting a conversation.. What should i do now after the conversation? should i let him be for a few days or snapchat him later? I asked him if it’s good between us, he said yes. Down below is my recent updates from everything between me and my ex!
    i would love some help..

    I’m 18 and my exboyfriend is 18, we broke up because of many misunderstandings and fights, insecurity and shit.. we had a distancerelationship, we broke up because i was so insecure when we didn’t see eachother in like 2 weeks, i was so immature.
    So we broke up for a month ago, but i broke the NC 2 weeks after the NC because he liked a pic i uploaded on instagram.. :( i told him i wanted a new chance, he said that he wanted to think about it. Even if it was too early for a new relationship with him, i almost got him back again.
    In the relationship, he always told me that he’d never felt this way before in a relationship, that he thought that we were meant to be, he would love me forever and so on.
    He has always been honest with me, since the first time we met he told me directly that he’s not that guy who lies, is with many girls and stuff, he said that he wanted to find the perfect girl and just be with her. During our relationship he truly loved me, told me everyday that he had never felt this to a girl before and we were gonna last forever.. but i was a immature and insecure bitch towards him, always started fights, and at first i took him for granted just because i knew he really loved me. Now i really realize what i lost and i couldn’t be more sad! even after a month i’m so hung up on him! i know i have to let go and be friends with him, but i know he’s the one! i have never ever ever been this sad because a break up, it was my fault we broke up and i just want to go back to him, from scratch.
    I’m not gonna write to him until 9th July, but i’m soooo worried that he’s gonna find a girl or something before i’m taking contact with him again.. He’s that boy who never play games, always honest and straight up. But when he’s done, he’s really done.. doesn’t write to me or nothing. I’m worried that i’ve really lost my chance, because he gave me so much chances and took me back all the time, but he reached his breakingpoint after the last fight with him. But even after the breakup, he told me that he actually wanted to be with me.. but he thought this was the best.
    He lives 2h away from me, and there’s no chance that i’m meeting him again if we’re not in a relationship, we lasted 6 month before the breakup
    Do you guys think i have a chance to win him back? We broke up because i didn’t stop fighting with him and i know that’s the only reason why.. :( but i’m afraid that i fucked everything up when i wrote to him 2 weeks after NC that i wanted another chance :(
    What do you guys think?

    One thing more, we broke up in May, but last we spoke were in Juni. And.. yesterday on a night out, i kinda liked a picture he loaded up on instagram.. what should i do now? let it be, or write to him? and i’m kind of worried right now, he loaded up something on twitter that had to do with loyalty and trust.. but i know i can’t worry about that, i have to move on and before something else happends between us, i have to be his friend at first, which i don’t really want :(

    Help wanted!
    Lovisa :)

  • Rihanna August 30, 2014, 3:20 am

    Dear Kevin,

    My ex has texted me on few days since 23 August and I was cold in my reply. Then couple of days ago I texted him “I wish to share something with you but not sure if I should?” and he was trying to call me or text me but I’ve ignored him and said ‘Sorry missed your call I’ve been very busy”… Yesterday, he texted and then spoke on the phone for two hours. He said he will always love me and be there for me as a ‘friend’ but I should look after my future, use my brain not my heart and marry someone rich but he’ll always love me. I was bit standoffish on the phone with him cos I was tired. but then, something weird happened and after the two hour phone call he texted again and somehow (I don’t know what happened) we ended up sexting! OOPS! That’s something I haven’t done before and felt bit awkward after although I wasn’t doing anything just chatting but afterwards, I did tell him that it was wrong and we will NEVER sleep with each other cos it’ll create confusion. He agreed and said this wasn’t sex it was just chatting and sharing memories about us. He kept telling me I’m beautiful, young and strong (he always says those things to me) and that he knows I will do great in life etc… then he asked me to accompany him to Bali for a holiday and I said that’s wrong! NO. I don’t know if the texting about sex was a very bad thing to do or it’s ok, we’re only human or NO I shouldn’t have at all given him that false hope… He’s not asking me to get back together and he reassured me that he’s not interested in anyone else and he’s concentrating on his future (basically what I’m doing also). He’s very comforting to me but it’s bit confusing cos it’s like he still loves me but he’s wishing me a lifetime of happiness with someone who can offer me stability in life, it’s contradictory – He wants to keep me in his life and be my ‘best friend’ but you Kevin said it’s not possible to be friends with an ex and the texting proves it… What’s going on? What does he want?

    • Zahra August 30, 2014, 9:57 am

      Hi Rihanna (we meet again..),

      I think this guy keeps telling himself that he wants to be friends with you.. But he really wants something else, that’s what I think. But keep in mind that you shouldn’t be that ‘plan B’ woman who he chooses when everything else fails with other women. Maybe you should stay a bit cold until he says what he wants?

      And about the sexting.. yea that’s awkward lol. Even I try to evade those convo’s for now. But you handled it well afterward with saying that it wasn’t okay and you refused his invitation for the Bali-trip.

      Don’t let your hopes down because I heard the same things :) “I wish you the best/don’t get your hopes up/we should stay friends/they don’t understand that I talk to you as a friend” blah.. After those words he sent me a text with “If two past lovers can remain friends, either they never were in love or they still are”. I think that’s kinda true.. Staying friends when you two love each other will cause more awkwardness. And it will be hard IF he starts dating another woman..

      • Rihanna August 31, 2014, 7:20 am

        Thank you Zahra my dear :)

        Your advice is great! I know for a fact he’s not after dating other women and he’s really sick of the dating scene and wants to settle but he’s not in the right place in life to do so now, cos he’s been sick and has little money. Anyway, I know it’s awkward what we did but he keeps reassuring me that he isn’t dating anyone but can’t make me wait for him until he’s ready so he’s asking me to move on but he’s afraid that I actually will… I’m concentrating on myself and he’s doing his part too but he keeps talking to me about the future and giving me advice and telling me he’ll always be there for me no matter what… I think you’re right it will be very hard if he starts dating and very hard for him if I start dating, but we’re still very much attached to each other… Thank you so much for sharing that quote it’s beautiful… Good luck and I wish you all the best for a bright future, wish you all the happiness too xxx

  • Alice August 29, 2014, 3:25 pm

    Hey Kevin,
    I posted my story yesterday and It didnt appear on the comments, what did i do wrong?

    • Kevin August 30, 2014, 3:24 am

      Hey Alice,

      I don’t usually accept questions in the comment section, please post your question on the message boards.

  • Bre August 29, 2014, 12:04 pm

    Really looking for some good advice here. Me and my ex work together in a business of 4 employees we are 2. I just Don’t know how to go about the 30 days no contact. I went through an episode of mania — I have bipolar. He wants to get back together but there is a lot of pain and no trust because I took off for a month. We want to get back together, we love eachother, have 2 beautiful boys, good communication, and a great plan for the future we both were looking forward too. I won’t do any of the Deadly Mistakes but I really need some advice on the 30 day no contact… he has a girlfriend and I have been with another person since we split 3 months ago… and we have continually been intimate since then….

    • Kevin August 30, 2014, 3:15 am

      Hey Bre,

      If you both want to get back together, then I don’t think you need 30 days of no contact. What you need is an open honest communication with him and the willingness to work on the trust issues. If you want some time off, tell him that you need some time and space and do limited contact for one week. Also, you both should try couples therapy. If trust issues is your only problem, then couples therapy can definitely help.

  • kalin, August 29, 2014, 7:13 am

    thx for the advice we haven’t broken up but were on the verge of it so I wanted to get advice before it happened so I didn’t make a single mistake thankyou so much

  • fll_777 August 28, 2014, 7:11 pm

    Hello Kevin;
    I really need your advice on this one. I posted before on August 6. After I requested NC from my ex officially, he sent an email (see below) couple of days ago which I have not responded yet. This was after 16 days of NC. If I read in between the lines I can sense he is saying although I love you and I will love you for so long but do not respond because I am scared of the future for us. I think that I won’t respond as he requested and wait for couple of more weeks and send a text message like what was suggested (I remembered you when I learned that our favorite restaurant is closing). You think this is good? Does he mean by his email what I mentioned above that is why he asked for me not to respond? Thank you for your great help.
    “I am writing, violating your restriction against me for which i apologize, to tell you that I have not stopped thinking about you. Not since that last moment. I knew as soon as i made the decision to not see you again that I would regret it because I felt that I was making a huge mistake and I knew it. But I was scared for you, for us and the future that we would have.
    I want you to know that I still love you as much as I did and it will be that way for a very very long time. I do ask you not to respond please. I really just wanted for you to know you are not in this alone. I love you and hope you have happiness and love around you at all times. You were the highlight of my year.”

  • Jeremy August 28, 2014, 4:05 pm

    Hey Kevin,

    My girlfriend broke up with me August 8th. I haven’t spoken to her since August 11th. We were together for just over a year and a half, and we’re both 27 years old. She broke up with me one week after living together. It was a very difficult break up for me. She stated that the reason she wanted to break up was that there was something fundamentally missing in our relationship and she didn’t think either one of us would be able to fix it. I thought we really had a great relationship and didn’t have many problems. I really feel my chances are very slim in getting back with her. I will be following your plan and I’m really hoping it works. But my question is how many people come on here for help with little hope in getting back together, and actually get back together?

    I’m really looking forward to your response,

    Jeremy

    • Kevin August 29, 2014, 9:24 am

      Hey Jeremy,

      I don’t have the exact figures but a lot of people do actually get back together. Here’s a testimonials page where you can find some of the success stories. There are a lot more in my email inbox. Also, you can head over to the message boards if you have any further questions.

  • Demuso August 28, 2014, 3:09 pm

    Hello, thank you for the useful advice and tips presented here. I’m just at the point of giving up. I’ll try and keep this story short – my ex and I meet about 6 years ago where we worked together, then became friends,then got together for about 2-3 years. During that time his parents split up, causing him to not want to get married ever. I also developed RTS/PTSD and became dissociative. He moved out but we hooked up a couple of times, the last being my birthday. After that I got into counselling and eventually told him what was going on 7 months later – by which time he was seeing someone else (in another country). He got together with her about 8 weeks after my birthday. He was angry, hot and cold when we met with mutual friends, the last I heard was at Christmas when he rang asking if i’d ever want to be with someone who didn’t want to get married. Then he completely avoided & ignored me till a friends leaving do – he initated contact, then we had a bit of a chat over email. Another mutual friend decided to have a talk with him about us (without my knowledge or permission) – then he stopped communicating again. I’ve returned his things and gone to NC. His gf is now here I think, but he’s asked mutual friends how I am. I’ve put myself back together and am getting back out there. Is he just a jerk?

  • Sam August 28, 2014, 12:24 pm

    Hello Kevin,
    I know you must get dozens of these a day, but I would really love some ‘professional’ help.
    I broke up with my boyfriend about a week and a half ago, because I got upset and I said something and he took it as breaking up. Well admittedly I fucked up and I texted him. He said that I broke up with him, that I really hurt him, with the possibility of me moving away he doesn’t want to go through this again, and I’m just emotionally distant. But he also said you’re a wonderful person and an amazing girl, I just feel really hurt inside more than I ever have with anything’
    Well I have started the no contact. I’m not just wanting him back due to the recent break up. I didn’t think my words through, and we had a very good relationship, I don’t want me moving to be the reason this is cemented,
    I took the little quiz and it said that I had 65% chance of getting back with him. Do you think I actually have a chance?

    Thank you for your time! Have a great day ^.^

    • Kevin August 28, 2014, 3:03 pm

      You do have a chance. Follow the plan.

  • Niels August 28, 2014, 12:12 pm

    Hey all, haven’t been here for a while. I have been focussing on my life trying to improve on every part I could and I tried to have a good connection with my friends. They supported me through my whole ‘depression’. And guess what, it was all well worth it. I accomplished what everyone here on the forum is looking to accomplish. Yes I got my girlfriend back but thats not the thing we are here to accomplish it was to be ourselves again, and the person you lost will see that old you again, the one who they felt for. Its been 12 weeks since our breakup and here we are again. Finally back together. You will have ups and downs but the thing is you shouldn’t focus on the getting part back. Hell no, one week ago I couldn’t even think i would have contact with her, but the spark was there when we met and the inferno is unleashed. She was also in a rebound relationship for probably 8 – 9 weeks. And it is true what kevin has told us. It is a rebound, she dumped him because she missed me and it just wasn’t the same, it was not me who contacted her, hell no, she did and when she did, I played hard to get, don’t let her look in your cards. Put that pokerface of you on and play it cool, not unattracted cool but an awesome person who just enjoys his life. And if they want they can join that awesome roller coaster and be part of your awesome life. So what I wanna say, its not about your ex, its about you.

    • Jack August 28, 2014, 12:39 pm

      Hey Niels,

      So how did you enjoy yourself?..taking back your confidence through those short 12 weeks?…did you show a lot improvements via Social Network Facebook page?

      • Niels August 29, 2014, 3:02 am

        Hey Jack, First of all I went for a complete look makeover, put those glasses down and put those contact lenses back in. I bought new clothes, new parfum, new shoes, just the whole package. I was active on Facebook but not more than usual, I would post some things I do, showing I am enjoying myself with a lot of other people who enjoy being with me. Its not only about posting photos with the opposite sex, but also with people from the same sex. Just show the world you can handle it without your ex. How did I do it in 12 weeks? I gotta give credit to my mates, they were litterly there for me everyday, I met my best mates everyday for the past twelve weeks and they listened to all the bullshit I had to let go, and they listened, even if I already told them, they would listen. And your mates is a good way to see if you are doing your improvements well, when I did my clothing make over, they were enthusiastic. They would tell me when they saw me, man you look good, keep it up.

    • julia August 29, 2014, 2:53 am

      Niels,

      Congrats! That’s great news! I am almost facing the same situation. But don’t know if I have the same results though. My ex is in a rebound relationship almost 2 months after we’ve broken up. And yes I agree with you on the fact that they should contact us first.
      How long you guys have been together? Did you apply NC?

      • Niels August 29, 2014, 3:11 am

        Hey Julia, every situation is unique, but the way to approach it might be the same. Me and my girlfriend were together for one year and five months before we broke up. But we lived together for one year and five months. We had a strong relationship, really strong but the latest months things didn’t go so well. She met a boyfriend and thats when I applied no contact. It started with a month of no contact where I tried to contact her and she was not ready for it yet, being really cold to me showing me no emotions. When I found out she was in a relationship I didn’t text her, didn’t call her, let her find out herself. She did contact me after 3 weeks when she was in that rebound, acting really depressive so I went to talk to her and tried to put her life on rails again, even though she was with someone else, I was the only one who knows her and could talk to her, so I did, felt it was my job to do it, I did care 1,5 year for her, why shouldn’t I now. Then we didn’t contact for another week, again her contacting me first, and we did some talking, random talking, nothing about the past. Didn’t hear from her for a couple of weeks, untill her rebound posted that they were in a relationship on Facebook, I could see she was not ready for this yet, normally people would post something like ‘I love you too baby’. She didn’t post shit, nothing , didn’t like nothing. Just one post she did like from a friend of me saying : “LOL, this guy doesn’t look better, even worse”. and then you know the story.

        • julia August 29, 2014, 3:40 am

          Niels,

          Yeah you’re right, every relationship is unique.
          We were together for 2 and half years and aside from minor issues, we did have a very special bond. He broke up with me and I didn’t handle the situation that well for almost 2 months. So now I have started a strict NC for at least 2 months. Especially when I found out there is someone else. He knows that I found out and he got furious to the person who revealed it to me. What I am trying to say is that no way now I am contacting him first.
          Your story is truly an inspiration…

  • Allotherthings August 28, 2014, 10:37 am

    Hello Kevin

    My ex and I have broken up several times. And just recently we broke up again. We have broken up at least 3 times and we back together with the hopes of making things work, but because we have been on and off for so long, we always get back to this point… of breaking up. We have very similar interests and goals in life, and we both always hope that one day things will work out. But we always find ourselves in the same spot, with poor communication, insecurities, which leads to arguments, and separation.

    My questions are… does this plan work if we have gone back and forth already? (this has worked in the past few times that we have split up, but could it work again?) And my next question is, if we do decide to get back together, how do we leave our past behind us and actually change the pattern that leads us to breaking up?

    • Allotherthings August 29, 2014, 8:18 am

      Hi Kevin

      Is this the best place to you ask you this question? I would love some advice.

  • Musa Ahmed August 28, 2014, 7:37 am

    Hi all how are you guys? I have been in no contact for a while now last time I was told I was at deaths door part of the stage. Now I think about her here and there still do miss her wish she was around but the pain isn’t as much as it was before . I’m wondering what do I do? I’m still working on myself trying to be a better person day by day. its probably been a good 5 or 6 months of no contact. Is there any sort of point? If you read my old posts you guys would know what the situation is. Thank You

  • Alex August 27, 2014, 11:32 pm

    Hey Everyone,

    So my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me last week. I made the mistake of texting her and asking if we could talk just so that I could receive some clarification on why we broke up. Her reasoning was very vague. We have always been happy together for the entire duration however the last few weeks she felt the need to be alone and didn’t want to talk to anyone (not just me). When we broke up she told me that her reasoning was that she wanted to feel more independent and make choices without feeling any external pressure. ( we are about to begin 2nd year university and were in a long distance relationship). However during the break-up she told me that she wishes/wants for us to still be together. she doesn’t want to cut off all ties. and she believes that if we are meant to be together, that we will get backtogether. Now I don’t know that she was being completely truthful in her reasons for the break-up. I feel like there was a bit more to it and she refused to speak with me afterward. I am planning to follow the no contact rule until I feel better about myself and then perhaps I will talk to her. Our relationship was great and we were always so happy and comfortable together. We have a really amazing connection. Should I wait an extra amount of time before contacting her? And do we have a decent chance of gettting back together?

    • Zahra August 30, 2014, 9:36 am

      Dear Alex,

      I think NC will do it. My ex (now my sort of boyfriend again, it’s not official yet because we’re taking it slow this time) wanted also to stay friends and in contact first. It didn’t helped at all, because we both felt awkward with it. That’s why we chose for NC. After almost 2 months I contacted him. And now, after 2-3 weeks of contact, he said he wanted me back and stuff. You can also read my whole story somewhere below.

      There are chances that NC will cause some emotions by your ex like that she will miss you. But that shouldn’t be the reason for NC. NC is the time you need for yourself. To become a better and not so needy person anymore etc. But I don’t know if you should talk to her first about the exact reason why she broke up with you.. maybe it will make things worse (and you asked it already) but I’m not an expert. Maybe it’s better to talk about it when she’s cooled down a bit.

      I also have a long distance relationship, and I think.. when you really love each other it shouldn’t be a big problem. But that’s my opinion of course.

      Hope it helps !

      P.S.: Sorry for my bad English, it’s not my native language.

  • Deb August 27, 2014, 8:25 pm

    Hi,
    my boyfriend and I were together for about 3 and a half months, not long I know, but it was truly something special. We loved being around each other and loved each other more than anything. He wanted to be with me for the rest of his life. We had a lot of great times together.
    We used to fight about the most stupid things, but at the end of the day we still loved each other.
    He also cheated on me, but he begged and pleaded for me to take him back and I did because I could not live without him.
    One night he just decided to end it and it completely shattered my heart and I did everything this article said not to do and I feel completely stupid.
    I still can’t stop thinking about him and the thought of him being with another woman just breaks my heart even more than it already is broken.
    I don’t know what to do. I blocked him on facebook and deleted his number.
    Every day is hard.
    I am falling into depression because I truly thought I would be with him for the rest of my life.
    Will the no contact method actually work? Today is going to be my first day with no contact.

    Thank you.

  • David August 27, 2014, 1:25 pm

    Hey Kevin:

    I have not posted here in a long while. I said I was going to go on my own and just face the consequences. This is fine, but I have something in particular I want help with.

    Quick background/refresher: We were dating 3 years. She said she just didn’t love me anymore and didn’t know why. I’ve thought a lot, and due to your emails I think I know exactly why. I’ve seen her a few times since due to mutual friends and she was rather standoff-ish. Tries to avoid looking at me or involving me in a conversation. Doesn’t laugh when I tell a joke/story that not only is everyone else laughing at, but something that I know she would have laughed at when we were still dating.

    So recently I’ve looked into how to get over an ex after a long relationship, rather than get her back. I saw the things on the website, and it really looks like she is doing everything that was suggested on the website. So the point is, I think she’s trying to get over me, whether she’s looking up the websites or doing this on her own is unknown to me.

    Basically, I want her back, but I don’t really feel that I have a good chance of that. So my question is, is there anything different to do? Is this any indication of anything if she appears to be doing everything suggested for getting over an ex? Is there anything else I can do, or do I have to wait for her to talk to me still?

    • Rihanna August 28, 2014, 4:57 am

      David :)

      Good to hear from you I’ve missed you. I’m sorry you’re going through that but I have met a couple who broke up four years ago, bumped into each other after four years and now planning their wedding, I’m a guest and my sister is the bridesmaid (poor thing haha!) … Don’t try too hard and just live! I don’t want to give you advice cos you’ve asked us not to so I hope Kevin will. Please Kevin help, Please Keviiiiin!

      Love you David :)

    • Kevin August 28, 2014, 2:58 pm

      If he doesn’t want to talk to you, I don’t think you can do anything about that. If she is looking into how to get over you, she is probably applying no contact. The best thing you can do is let her do it. At least for a 3-4 months (maybe even more). You can try contacting her after that and see if she is open for friendship. If she isn’t, then you can assume she is dead set on moving on and you should do the same.

      • David August 28, 2014, 8:17 pm

        Thanks Kevin. But should I see if she’s open for friendship, even if I’m really not? I honestly don’t see a good reason we should be “just friends”. We have a lot in common, we are physically attracted to each other, and we were really a great couple! Everyone said so. Even she was saying we were a cute couple until the day she broke up with me. So I don’t think there’s any reason for us to be friends but not dating.

  • fll_777 August 27, 2014, 7:13 am

    Hello all;
    I really need your advice on what to do. I posted a short synopsis about my relationship 3 weeks ago in this forum and here is the link http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/boards/topic/what-to-do/
    I started no contact AGAIN after that post as my ex kept trying to contact me 10 days after I started my first UNANNOUNCED NC and I responded and my ex appeared nice for couple of days then distant so I said this second time “please do not contact me as I need sometime to heal and I promise you to contact you when I feel 100% good” this was 16 days ago. I did not hear from my ex until now. Below is what I received. I feel a lot better about myself and accepting the breakup, I’m “almost” over the breakup but still think sometimes about us. I really don’t want to blow it this time by saying something not right that’s why I’m asking for your advice. Should I respond to the email or wait for the whole 30 days? What should I say if I respond? Here is the email and I really appreciate your help. We live in different cities but used to see each other weekly. Our relationship was for a little over 2 months but was intense. We broke up 2 months ago.
    “I am writing, violating your restriction against me for which i apologize, to tell you that I have not stopped thinking about you. Not since that last moment. I knew as soon as i made the decision to not see you again that I would regret it because I felt that I was making a huge mistake and I knew it. But I was scared for you, for us and the future that we would have.

    I want you to know that I still love you as much as I did and it will be that way for a very very long time. I do ask you not to respond please. I really just wanted for you to know you are not in this alone. I love you and hope you have happiness and love around you at all times. You were the highlight of my year.”

  • kelly August 27, 2014, 3:42 am

    Iam lost.i did everything in what Kevin said about the plan. Its been 5 months since we split. I for once found the love of my life and now he’s never coming back. He’s been texting another girl from pof.and I no its not a relationship rebound. Because when he gets to know someone he falls in love very quickly. We have a son together. And see him every fortnight. He said his heart breaks every time he brings him home. I really don’t want to move on. I did enjoy few months without my ex. But I can’t bring myself to say it but I actually love this man and iam heart broken. Help :-(

  • A August 27, 2014, 3:01 am

    I also forgot to mention that after we met up and I told her how truly sorry I was for taking her love for granted we talked and she invited me in to watch movies and eat fruit. It was too late for me to leave so I asked if I can crash at her place and she agreed. I took the initiative not to sleep in the same bed with her and slept on the couch instead. We have to stay in contact because we work on music together. I am her producer. So now that I have gotten passed that stage I want her back but only when she is ready since she knows how I feel. Do I continue to not contact her and do all the other things you stated?

    • Rihanna August 28, 2014, 4:59 am

      Dear A,

      Yes yes yes, follow the plan :) … I’m glad I read that you slept on the couch, I think you have a bigger chance in getting back with her now … Good luck :)

  • M August 27, 2014, 2:53 am

    Ok so let me start off by saying that I didn’t follow the no contact for 30 days rule. Me and my current ex were in a great relationship. The reasoning behind our breakup was my attitude and sensitivity in the relationship. After we broke up I contacted her(we had another mini argument). Today I wrote a song and sent it to her via video text msg. We met up and I told her I was weak without her. She mentioned that she loves and misses me but right now she doesn’t think we will get back together. I accepted her answer and we are on good terms a little. Now I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I didn’t beg her to come back. I just told her that I’m weak without her(big mistake judging by the site). Keep in mind we also handle business together. Even though we aren’t together I still want us to be able to work together. Now that I know her answer I am going to move on and not bring us up again. I wish I would’ve found this site before I made the moves I did. Can I still follow the same rules you have posted on what not to do being that I am comfortable with the answer she has given me?

    • Kevin August 27, 2014, 12:42 pm

      Yes, you should.

  • A August 27, 2014, 12:13 am

    So I am currently going through the no contact period with my ex but we work in the same building. I have to go to his unit once a week for work, so I will sometimes run into him. How should I go about this? Should I try to go at times when I know he isn’t there or should I just be casual when I do inevitably see him?

    • Kevin August 27, 2014, 12:41 pm

      Be casual. Keep the conversation short. Don’t talk about your personal life.

  • Ben August 26, 2014, 5:25 pm

    My girlfriend and fiance of 6 years left me last Friday. I think a lot of her leaving is my entire lack of motivation to improve my life. Which is fine, the only problem is we have a 7 month old son together, and I am just wondering how you go about the No Contact, when you have to talk to each other every other day, or everyday. Also how does No Contact work when I have to see her when I drop off my Son, and when she drops off my Son. I know what I need to improve on over the month, but its seems impossible to look different when she still see me everyday. Any thoughts?

  • Zahra August 26, 2014, 11:06 am

    Dear people,

    I went through the same stage as you are going right now. I read many “how to get your ex back” pages and in my opinion, this one was one of the best sites.

    I basically got my ex back since a few days. We’re talking and FaceTiming a lot (it’s a sort of distance relationship, but not ‘that’ far, we broke up because of the difference between our religions and family were making an issue about it).

    I will tell you guys how I handled my business.
    After the break up we first talked for a week. After that week I realized it wasn’t helping me at all and we both agreed with NC. I went through NC over a month and worked on myself. I did new things, like Inline Skating and going to the gym more often. I spent more times with my friends and I still do and I made more time for my hobbies. I also achieved some goals I had, and I really was proud of myself that I accomplished that.
    Because my ex (now my boyfriend) is a stubborn one, I contacted him when I no longer were a miserable and needy woman. We talked normal and laughed. But he said that I shouldn’t get my hopes up. I said that I won’t fight for a guy who doesn’t want me. After that day he actually started to call me very often. Almost every day. He said things like “I miss you” and that he misses the old times. Keep in mind that I tried to not text him first, I wanted him to text and call me first most of the time. It worked. I also didn’t replied always right after I got his message, even if I wanted.
    This week I heard of him that he was unsure that I liked him or if I was friendly and social towards him. This is good, I finally got that guy with the big ego :) I’m in control. He said that he likes me more than he ever did, he also talked with his cousin about the relationship and me. That cousin gave him advice how to handle this situation and my boyfriends started to look at those things on a different point of view. He said he first thought that he did everything to fix the relationship, but now he sees that he didn’t. So, yea, I asked him what’s different now and why I should jump in a relationship with him again.

    We talked a lot and I really think that he regrets how he handled the stuff in the past. But now we are working on our future and taking the things that happened in the past as a lesson. Also, take it slow.. don’t go too fast ~

    With love,

    Zahra

    • Sinead August 26, 2014, 1:56 pm

      Thanks for letting us know Zahra, I’m really pleased for you. X

    • Rihanna August 27, 2014, 1:41 am

      Dear Zahra,

      Thank you very much for sharing your story. I’m in the exact same dilemma that my ex and I come from different religions. He was hot and cold at first with me after NC but we broke up because of life circumstances only. I took Kevin’s advice and Raed’s advice NOT to contact him unless he does and that’s what he’s been doing lately. He wants to have a new relationship with me, a better one and take things slow just like you. But I’m not giving him too much hope cos he needs to work on himself first (financially especially). I can see where my situation is going from reading yours and I hope to find happiness just like you, with or without him… I’m happy for you … all my love xxx

      • Rihanna August 27, 2014, 2:17 am

        Sinead,

        I miss you :)

      • Zahra August 27, 2014, 9:10 am

        Thank you very much guys! I think that patience is one of the important keys to let this thing work.

        Rihanna, that´s some good news that he wants to start over again. What did he say when you told him that he has to work on himself first? I hope you two can finally be happy when he fixed his things. My boyfriend told me when we had no contact he realized I was the ‘one’ for him, even though he never believed in ‘the one’. He said that he feels himself complete when I’m around him (it was about damn time to realize that, lol). Also, we don’t care what family says now. If our parents accept us who we are and what we want together, nothing can harm us.

        And yea, I wanted to share my story with you guys, maybe it will help you and give you all some hope, even in those sad moments in life.

        Love for all of you x

        • Rihanna August 28, 2014, 5:05 am

          Hello Zahra (a flower),

          I didn’t tell him he needs to work on himself, luckily he discovered that one all on his own hahaha… He also said I was the ‘one’ for him and he’s afraid of ‘losing me’ which shows strong emotion. But relationships don’t work on love alone so that’s where we both need to work on ourselves (and I’m doing that part, my part is financial and his too lol). I think if, IF he proves to me like he’s responsible enough to keep his word and be a man who takes responsibilites etc… I too will stop caring what family says lol :)

          I’m so happy for you and your beau :) … All the best for the future.

          All my love xx

          • Zahra August 29, 2014, 11:49 am

            Dear Rihanna,

            Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate that. Well, what I can conclude from your story I can say that the situation is going well. I mean, he discovered it by his own and that’s good. I wish you all the best and I hope everything will be alright soon, that you two can build on a happy future.
            My guy talks very often about the future, lol.. Family, proposal, marriage, living together, children.. O.o something serious happened in his mind I guess when we didn’t talked to each other.

            x

  • Elvis August 25, 2014, 5:41 pm

    It’s been almost 7 months. I’ve made all the mistakes more than once. Do i have a chance?

    • Rihanna August 26, 2014, 2:56 am

      Hi Elvis,

      Yes, you do have a good chance if you follow Kevin’s plans. Don’t worry about the mistakes done most of us have made them. Follow Kevin’s plan and subscribe to his emails. Good luck :)

      • elvis August 26, 2014, 8:50 pm

        Since it’s been almost 7 months. How long should i do NC? I’ve tried 45 days, 1 month, etc.. but she’s told her friends she wants nothing to do with me. I’m fked up. I know there are fish in the sea etc.. but no one is her. I made mistakes, i just want to have a chance for her to see i fixed them.

        • Rihanna August 27, 2014, 2:21 am

          Hi Elvis,

          Do NC for 2 months until all her anger subsides. During NC you should work on improving yourself and fixing whatever mistakes you did with her so when you get in contact she can SEE that you’re a different person and you’ve improved. AFter NC, send her the letter (I recommmend the letter in your case). Read about the letter and how to write it in Kevin’s plan. After doing the letter wait for few weeks and if she doesn’t reply still, send her the ‘something reminds me of you’ text. Hopefully, things will work out for you, take it easy, take it slow… good luck :)

  • Flora August 25, 2014, 6:58 am

    Hi Kevin,
    I really hoped to get a reply from you regarding my situation this time.
    Basically, It’s been the 4 th month since I broke up with my ex of 6 years.
    I initiated contact 2 months ago, asking how he’ve been lately, then he replied, apologizing for breaking up with be right before I write my exam, which I end up failing as I am too emotional during those days, and he ask how me and our dog is doing.

    Basically he never initiate contact, everytime I have to think of something to talk about, and he do ignore me sometimes / just replied very politely.

    I send him approximately 1 text per week, but he has been ignoring my last 2 texts, when I try to tell him something about our dog. And I text him again today, telling him that I just got an interview with a role that I have been telling him about when we’re still together. Then he replied “that’s nice, good luck!” …… Then when I go on asking what he’s been up to, he ignored.

    What do you think about my situation? Previously you said you don’t think he friend zoned me, but then I really dun think he have any feelings for me anymore.
    What do you think I should do next? Should I still continue texting him every week? Or should I just back off? He agreed to meet in November, but I am not sure if he’s just comforting me as I am writing my exam again in Oct. should I not contact him until we met?

    Kevin…….Please help:)

    • Flora August 27, 2014, 6:13 am

      Kevin, please help…. I don’t know what I should do anymore… should I just wait until he initiate contact? I am just getting really frustrated…:(

    • Kevin August 27, 2014, 12:35 pm

      I think you should back off. He is being cold and there’s a chance that he is saying that just to comfort you. You were together for 6 years and he definitely cares about you. I think you should do NC at least till the end of November. If he contacts you in November, you can reply, but you shouldn’t contact him till then. Give him a chance to live up to he said. Don’t force him. This way, you will know if he’s interested or he was just comforting you. This will also show him that your life is not revolving around him and meeting him is not a big deal for you.

  • June August 25, 2014, 12:11 am

    Hi Kevin,

    I followed your 5 step plan, however, I’m stuck. I did NC for 30 days, and we met up afterwards to catch up. He confessed that he still has feelings for me and that he missed me and thought about me every day during NC.

    But first, here’s some background on us. We were together for a year, then we broke up. He wanted to be single. But then confessed to his coworker that he has feelings for her about 2-3 weeks later. They’ve been seeing each other, however, both agreed to remain single. It’s almost as if he replaced me with her. He constantly tells me that he does want to talk to me though. So he’s not invested in her enough to completely cut me out.

    Now he’s not sure what he wants. He doesn’t know who he wants to be with. He doesn’t want to hurt either of us. He wants a fresh start, but at the same time doesn’t. He doesn’t want to lose either of us. As of right now, we’ve been broken up for about 2 months. Just today, he asked…”What if I’m just scared of what people will think? I can’t just leave her and come back to you. I can’t just keep jumping girl to girl.” What am I supposed to do? As of right now, it’s almost like we’re friends with benefits, but they’re sort of dating. He says we’re just talking as friends, but it feels like it’s more than that. Should I try NC again?

    Thanks Kevin.

    • Rihanna August 25, 2014, 6:37 am

      Hi June,

      “Friends with Benefits?” tstststs… First of all, cut the Benefits completely. Secondly, cut the benefits completely. Just cut the Benefits out of ‘Friends with Benefits’ and become Friends with …. well, nothing. Just friends. Ok, why would he commit if he’s getting benefits without the commitment? you need to show him that you’re worth is way more that to be his friend with benefits. I think he’s confused because he has two girls in his life and he’s getting what he wants without having to commit to any one of you. Take control and show him, no commitment= NO BENEFITS!

      • June August 25, 2014, 11:39 am

        Do you think I should try NC again or be “just friends” with him?

      • June August 25, 2014, 12:15 pm

        And I forgot to mention…Turns out he’s sleeping with the both of us. Should I just cut him out and let him have his fun with her, and just be his friend? Maybe they’ll actually get together and become girlfriend / boyfriend. They started seeing each other so quickly, I’m starting to think that she might just be a rebound. I just don’t know what else to do. After NC ended, all he did was tell me how much he missed me and how much he thought about me, and that he really wanted to talk to me.

        • Rihanna August 25, 2014, 9:56 pm

          Hi June,

          I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this. I guess sleeping with him was a big mistake but it’s done and we all make mistakes. You need to lay down the law with him. You need to sit down and write down your thoughts about what you really want and from what I gather you want a real relationship with him not just to be his friend with benefits. So, do NC for a couple of weeks then text him requesting to see him somewhere at a cafe (Public place). Look really HOT! Sit with him and tell him straight up that what happened between you two is a huge mistake, that you’re not the type of girl to sleep with a guy without commitment and that you’ve been feeling really wrong about the whole situation and sad for the other girl. Give him the ultimatum, “It’s either me or her” and “I want COMMITMENT”! Do NOT settle for any less than that! if he says he’s confused, then give him as much time as he needs until he’s no longer confused and by that I mean do cut him loose, Do NOT contact him unless he does with accepting the offer to commit and be your boyfriend. Otherwise, it’s best for you to move on.

          I can tell that this guy is just fooling around. He’s having his cake and eating it too. IMO, it’s probably best for you to kick him out of your life because he lacks respect for women in general in the way he’s behaving, he doesn’t respect you at all by two timing you and the other girl and he lacks respect for himself above all. It’s up to you. You may want to try and get him back and you may succeed in getting him back but I sense he’s not the type that stays. However, if you’re still willing to try, BE FIRM WITH HIM in what you want and don’t let the meeting exceed 30 mins. 30 minutes MAXIMUM! Good luck…

          • June August 26, 2014, 10:24 pm

            Thank Rihanna. I really appreciate all of your insight, advice and help!

          • Rihanna August 27, 2014, 2:23 am

            Hi June,

            I hope things work out for you but you need to be strong to get the results you want. Do yourself a favour and don’t settle for anything less than what you want and deserve. If he’s not willing, you will find love again and be happier than ever with this guy. Good luck xx

  • Rihanna August 24, 2014, 12:13 am

    Dear Kevin,

    Thank you for the email which I received today entitled: “Defining what you want”. I found it most inspirational and I look forward to doing so when I’m ready to put myself back in the dating scene.

    Btw, my ex called me yesterday missing me and still he said he’ll always be there for me when I move back to the city. I’m not relying on him though, I have to learn to stand on my own two feet and gain self confidence until then, I’ll be single for a while. He professed his love and that makes me happy but ‘love’ and ‘relationships’ are two different things and I want to discover what it is I want out of life. Thank you for being an inspiring soul.

    • Kevin August 27, 2014, 12:29 pm

      Thank you for your comment Rihanna. You have a come a long way and you are an inspiration to others who come to this website. :)

      • Venna Akello August 30, 2014, 3:25 am

        Deb dear, that makes the two of us. i will follow the no contact rule and see what comes out of this. Thank you

  • Melanie August 23, 2014, 12:07 pm

    I felt as if I was hyperventilating this morning after thinking about my ex. It has been four nights since he broke up with me. We dated for two years and now he tells me he doesn’t feel as if he is as emotionally invested in me and that it isn’t fair to me. Although I told him I was still happy with him and couldn’t ask for anything better, he now has a set mindset that he cannot change. Since he broke up with me, I have not contacted him at all. He has contacted my best friend to see how I was doing, but he has not contacted me directly because he doesn’t want to give me any hope of getting back together. I feel completely heart broken, my heart is heavy, and I wish I hadn’t had so many things planned together with him in the future. As you all probably know, you feel like no pain could be worse.

    After i found this article, I actually felt a better after reading it through and then reading all of the comments and realizing other people go through the same exact thing. While I am certain my ex will not come back because he is sure in his decision (and it kills me to think this), I am happy I have been following the rules of NC. Although I don’t think it is going to work, it helps me knowing that there is an unspoken rule that you really should give them at least 30 days. I hope I figure out how to get over this because right now it just really sucks. I almost gave in and was going to text him today, but I’m glad I found this article first.

  • Jared August 21, 2014, 11:42 am

    I’ve spoke with u while ago and since then me and my ex have been more friends then anything .. It was brought to my attention that after we broke up she started talkin to a guy and havi sex with him but would never become exclusive as in to tell everybody he was her boyfriend what does that mean? Also my mom told me my ex misses me but i didn’t think anything of it and then I was talkin to my ex one day and she told me she was thinkin of getting back together with me and told my mom this .. What do I do now to keep the momentum going

    • Rihanna August 23, 2014, 6:13 am

      She doesn’t want to tell about her current ‘boyfriend’ because it’s not serious, it’s just rebound. I think you should still follow the plan and during NC ask yourself if you want someone who dumped you, got intimate with someone else and then wants you back… what if this becomes a habit of hers and it may become if you avail yourself too easily for her and get back with her quickly. I think she should do some chasing before you get back with her cos she needs to realise what she’s lost and needs to feel like she wants to keep you forever so make her realise that first and then get back with her. There’s good chance for you so good luck :)

      • Rihanna August 23, 2014, 6:13 am

        Also, head to the Boards there are others who will advise you there too…

  • Rihanna August 19, 2014, 9:52 pm

    Dear Kevin and everyone,

    Yes peeps you’re in the right place this is where I whine :(

    Well, I’m not doing well at all today :( … what happened? Only two weeks ago my ex was hot on me and friendly and everything was going good and then GONE! I know he checks whatsapp lots to check my time cos he quickly disappears when we’re both online haha… But I would like to know what happened? I know he’s going through life changes and he needs time out but I only want to keep in touch with him as friends. I feel very sad and low today because i want to reach out to him and I can’t. I can’t wait to go back to Syd to start my own life and for the first time be independent before I start a relationship but I’m afraid that the next 4.5 months would make him cold towards me.

    KEVIN, PLEASE help me. You said it doesn’t have to be over if I don’t want it to. Then you said not to contact him until he does. Well, I sent him a brief text two days ago saying ‘I’m watching (a movie we love) haha so funny’ that was all I said. Maybe I shouldn’t have sent it I don’t know. But if I don’t want it to be over what do you suggest I should do? I can’t tell him I’m coming to visit him cos he’s not in the right place and mind to see me and I would rather keep my savings for the big move anyway. What would be a good way to get his attention again and make him want to call me? What sort of advice could I ask of him to make him feel needed without me sounding needy? What can I do to make him a close friend again? Even not as a boyfriend he’s a great friend to have and I want to keep him in my life even as a friend. Please help :( … (I feel quite pathetic feeling this way today) … Thank you Kevin and everyone

    • Rihanna August 20, 2014, 8:35 am

      Kevin, Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase help :(

    • Kevin August 20, 2014, 12:57 pm

      Hey Rihanna,

      I think you are fooling yourself into thinking that you want him just as just a friend. Exes rarely make good friends. If anything, they are horrible friends because there is always that tension between you two and you can never freely discuss your romantic life with them. Not to mention, after a breakup a lot of people try to convince themselves that they just want to be their ex’s friend while in reality they have strong feelings for them. I think it’s the same for you.

      Being independent for the first time in your life? I think that’s a big move. And a scary one too. Thinking of your ex being there to support you must be comforting. Realizing he is not must be scary. Realizing that he will move on in the next 4.5 months even scarier. But think about it again if you want him for the right reasons. You are fooling yourself into thinking you want him just as a friend. Your mind is trying to find a way to keep him in your life without making you feel like you are compromising. But in reality, you are compromising. Because it’ll never be real friendship.

      Anyways, to your main question. What should you do if you don’t want to give up. Well, first of all, stop messaging him. If I remember correctly, he asked for 6 months in the starting. And that is not over. I don’t think he will forget you (or grow cold towards you) in 4.5 months. I think you are simply freaking out because you expected him to reply to your text and he didn’t. And that’s making you feel like he will forget about you. There could millions of reasons for him to not reply to you. You know there’s a lot going on in his life. There’s no point going over that.

      Even if he grows cold, you both can start a brand new relationship after 4.5 months of no contact and after you both have a little more stability in your life. Trust me, him forgetting about you (which will not happen) is a lot better than you trying desperately to stay in touch with him in hopes that he won’t forget you. Think about it, isn’t it better to hear from someone you haven’t thought about in a few months and then you talk to them and have a great conversation with them.

      If you desperately want him to contact you, you can ask him for advice (related to moving or career). But IMO, it will look desperate and contrived and I’ll not recommend it. Even if you want to do that, you should wait at least 1-2 weeks before sending another text.

      I think you just need to endure this pathetic feeling for a few days (’cause you know it’ll pass). Keep reminding yourself that whatever happens, you are going to be OK. You are going to be happy and you are going to find love again. If it’s not him, it’ll be someone else. But you will find love again and you will have the relationship you truly deserve.

      • a.z August 20, 2014, 3:40 pm

        Dear Rihanna,
        I feel sad when i think you are having a bad time but i totally agree with kevin.
        There are times that i miss my ex so much especially now because of my situation but kevin’s words are what exactly i keep reminding myself.No matter what,we’re gonna be fine.And i’m sure he won’t forget you during this time.

    • Dara August 20, 2014, 8:20 pm

      Rihanna,

      I agree with what Kevin (the mentor) said because I already have an example. I once fell in love at the age of 16, then 23, then 28 and now 31. I also had a lot of breakups. I know that as soon as I fall into another relationship, this drama will end. My problem is that because of emotional rejection, I don’t play it cool with these new girls and they run away after a date or some text exchanges. I hope that my this last ex go away from this town ASAP that so that I play it cool. I understand it that Kevin says my mind tricks me! I do my best to not be my mind’s slave!

    • RAED August 21, 2014, 12:16 am

      Rihanna,

      Kevin and the Oldies pieces of advice are gold! And I agree with Kevin that “Your mind is trying to find a way to keep him in your life without making you feel like you are compromising. But in reality, you are compromising.”

      Honestly, you can never be ‘just friends’ with an ex. Maybe you can, but it takes after sometime. You can be friends when you meet somewhere down the road years after the breakup or when you have really moved on. But you can never be just friends especially it has been only months after the breakup.

      If you are saying that you just want to talk to him as friend, do you think you will whine here and be pathetic (as you said yourself) for him not replying to you if you just want him as friend? Of course, not!

      Rihanna, we are all a little broken hearted here so you cannot fool us into thinking that you really just want to be friends :P i mean, you are justifying your reasons so that you can still keep him around. And if he really is just a friend you wouldn’t have the fear that he might forget you.

      Rihanna, it has been months but your situation is still like that. If you are having a hard time taking a step forward whether to still try harder than your hardest or simply walk away, do the initiative.

      If he really doesn’t want to talk about the relationship then tell him how you feel. You are both doing some subtle kind of mind games. You cannot wait around forever on when he will be ready to discuss about this. Tell him that you love him but this mind game of false friendship is a waste of time. He might really still be in love with you or he might just want to keep you around to help him move on. I am telling you, Rihanna. He might be grinning because he knows he has the upper hand seeing you most of the time, if not always, doing the initiative to keep in touch.

      Don’t allow yourself to be a doormat and submit to what he wants to keep you around too. He is not directly telling you to stay but he knows his words of telling you he loves you is so powerful to make you stay even if he doesn’t directly say so. Take a stand, Rihanna. Know what you want and go after it. If this situation you have with him is hard, maybe it is about time to let go. Ask yourself, if someone really loves you then what is holding him back to be with you? He loves you maybe, but not enough to keep ties with you.

      If he really wants to focus on himself maybe he just cannot bluntly tell you to just quit it. But reading between the lines, what do you think this means? For how long will you allow yourself to stick around to something/someone that drains the energy out of you? For how long must you suffer and wait in agony for him? If he wants to do his thing alone, let him. Cut ties and contact. You cannot fully focus having him around. If after a year, the feeling is still there then it won’t hurt to reconnect.

      If ever you will confront him and he counter attacks again with him telling you he loves you, ask yourself if this is what you want. No matter how much he tells you that he loves you don’t get fooled. Because at the end of the day it all boils down to one reason why you are no longer together – he is no longer as madly inlove with you to keep you. So no matter how endless reasons he gives you to stay, make a decision for yourself. Don’t settle for something like this. It will be hard but it will benefit you in the long run.
      You are no longer in a relationship but it still gives you headache, is it worth it?

      If you keep asking yourself where you stand on someone’s life then maybe it is time to start walking away instead. Don’t lose yourself in the process of loving someone too much and forgetting you are special too, sweetheart. :)

      • Rihanna August 21, 2014, 9:14 pm

        Kevin and Everyone (especially Raed),

        Thank you very much for your gold advice! I am on NC indefinitely.

        Kevin, if you remember only couple of weeks ago he was warm and professing his love to me so I think you’re right, the best thing to do is leave him alone I might text him nearing Xmas close to moving back, I still believe him when he says he loves me and I know it’s circumstances that made us apart. I can tell he’s gone back to gym and in the process of improving his life just like I am now so like he said once: “concentrate on your studies, time will pass and when you come here (to city) both our situations might be better”. I don’t understand why he would not respond to my texts though, but not my problem anymore so I’m back doing NC until he gets in touch or I do but not before Xmas time. Being independent for the first time, I’m extremely PERTRIFIED! Thank you for your advice.

        Raed, Wow! your message had me in tears especially the sentence: “he might not be as madly in love with you anymore”, my brain can not digest that. But the ‘if he loves you he’ll be with you’ isn’t entirely accurate. Whilst love may exist between two people circumstances and logic can ruin the chances in love if the situation isn’t strong. He’s financially insecure, that alone is immasculating if not also embarrassing to a man, his ego would get hurt cos he’s failed as being the ‘hunter’ the provider like men (particularly ethnic men) pride themselves at. So, the last time we spoke which was two weeks ago + though his message was that he’ll never feel like this with anyone again and he’s not dating anyone and hoping I won’t date (probably), at the end of the day you are right! Whilst he’s wishing when his life is healed I’d be there still it’s not fair on me to just wait forever and hope he won’t move on. But i still have 4 months before I take the steps to move to city and that’s scary enough for me, I will do fine even if he won’t be there for me… I have to learn to be independent first and love myself first then get in a relationship whether with him or not. Thank you for your wise advice.

  • nairobi August 19, 2014, 5:36 pm

    We are both 25 years old and we were in a relationship for 1 year and a 7 months. I was a virgin when we met and he is the first guy for me. When we get along well we have very beautiful momemts together and these moments never lost their intensity but when we fight it’s very bad because i do a lot of drama and we are both immature. He can’t stand my drama which i never stopped doing even if i promised so many times. The thing is that we started fighting from very small and unimportant reasons and tries to do all sort of things to make things better like breaks etc. The thing is that i wasnt serious about these breaks ans nevee respectes them so there came the momoment when we fought again and i started saying i will commit suicide ans so on and he called my parents and broke up. I suffered a lot for a week and i was feeling very bad, but i realised we had misunderstandings and that we need time alone to grow up and we can have casual sex which i wrote him. He didn’t answer me for 8 days and after, i received a message asking me to never write ro his aunt again (we were friends) after what i did. I called him and asked what happened and he said that i made him suffer very much after adding boysat friends on facebook and he was very nervous and we met and he said he loves me a lot and he missed me. He decided no contact is a good idea for the future in order to see if he misses me because he said he should have waited more than 8 days. I told him that i am very hurt because of this but i accept to try. I also believe that if he messaged me after 8 days he did it because he felt and he knows that. I think he is afraid not to lose me. I am really scared because i don t know what to do. His idea is good in order to check our feelings for a longer period of time but i am afraid i’ll be dissapointed and suffer more than now. I dont know what to do. We love each other, we miss each other (though he said after 2 days from the moment we met after the breakup that he doesnt need to see me), and i don’t know what to do. I am really scared what if he will leave me for good? I dont want to wait that much but he said there s no other choice than try. He said he shouldnt have given me hopes. How should we do? What should i propose him to do? Is he fooling me? He said we should wait more than a week to check our feelings. And when we will rarely meet we will have just sex. But we also cuddle kiss hug. Whats the point in waiting so much i am afraid he is trying to forget me.

    • Rihanna August 20, 2014, 1:29 am

      Hey, I think he’s confused… Do NC and follow the plan. Good luck :)

      • nairobi August 20, 2014, 4:34 am

        I am afraid to follow the plan because despite of saying that we should be apart in order to improve ourselves and make it work for the future and added that is too early to get together again he said smth that scared me: i shouldnt have given you hopes by calling you which was followed by the meeting by making love and by saying that hr loves me and we should follow this plan. He said he is sorry for calling too early (after 1 week) not for calling. But the thing with “i dont want to give you hopes” was weird. Why did he say it? Only confusion or in fact he wants to leave me forever but it’s hard for both and chose to do it step by step. I want this plan to have a positive result, not a negative one. What do u think??

        • Rihanna August 20, 2014, 4:55 am

          He seems confused and he called you after only one week which isn’t enough time for him to decipher what it is that he wants. I think giving him time and space which is also a good thing for you too would make you both see a different perspective of the relationship and hence the 30 day NC. Give that a go and see if he really misses you and it would show him that you’re not clingy and your happiness depends on him. Instead, do something positive in NC and come across as the positive confident happy girl that every guy desires when you talk to him, after NC of course… Good luck

  • Roberto August 19, 2014, 4:23 pm

    Hey there, Kevin. I recently joined your email series, and it’s been helping me cheering me up a bit, so thank you for your help.

    I’m on my NC period, about a week now, but I’ve got a doubt in my mind. You see, next monday is my birthday, and my ex nows that, so she might send me a message to wish me a happy birthday. Should I reply at all? I mean, our break-up was catastrophic, and she ended up hating me for a horrible mistake I made, and she’s on a rebound relationship now (I know this because she started dating her best friend 3 days after we broke up). If even after all of that she reaches out to me to wish me a happy birthday, should I keep ignoring her?

    Thanks in advance.

    • Kevin August 20, 2014, 12:40 pm

      You can reply. A simple thank you. But don’t turn it into a conversation and keep things short.

  • Celeste August 19, 2014, 3:24 pm

    Hey Kevin!
    I signed up for your email advice but there is that question that is always popping up in my mind. My ex boyfriend broke up with because he’s not ready for commitment. But every time we see each other he misses me.. how can I get him to commit?

    • Kevin August 20, 2014, 12:40 pm

      There’s a chance that seeing the new you and improved you (given that you follow the plan) he will change his mind about commitment. But I’ll be honest with you, if he’s not ready for it, chances are less that he will be once you get him back. My advice is to make it clear with him before getting back together that you want commitment and if he doesn’t agree, you should let him go and move on.

  • Flora August 19, 2014, 8:36 am

    Hi Kevin and everyone,

    I have been posting here several times.
    Basically it’s been nearly 4 months since I broke up with my ex which I have been dating for 6 years. He ignored me completely for the first 2 months and finally replied my text after 2 month NC.

    But every time I will be the one initiating contacts. Talking about random stuff…. Then he will replied with a sentence or two, never raising questions.

    I thought things went well then I send the ” …remind me of sth you said and I actually smiled”. And he ask about me for the first time.
    But when I remind him of some memories we spend together , like ” remember last time when we blahblahblah” …… He will ignore my text.

    Then I back off a bit and waited for another week, and send a short text again, ( my tone is always positive and happy ), but he ignored again. And I am just really confuse, and don’t know what I should do next. You mentioned before that you don’t think he friend-zoned me, but what is going on now? I am just really confused with the situation.

    • Rihanna August 20, 2014, 1:28 am

      Hey Flora,

      I think you and I are going through the same thing now. After NC things were going really well chatting on the phone etc… though we’re now living in different states (after break up). Then one morning he sent me a text that he’s going through hard time and doesn’t want to burden me so he said ‘I want you to be strong and move on’ but we spoke on the phone after that and it was fine. Now it’s been about 17 days that he just went cold. I sent him a text ‘I’m watching blabla it’s really funny’ (a movie we both love) and no answer… Today I thought I’d send one very positive text and I know he’s read it but no answer again. I know he still thinks about me lots and I told him that I’m moving back to his state (for my sake though really). He said he’ll always be there for me as a friend, and I’m happy with that for now but he’s gone quiet on me in the last few weeks… Kevin told me not to contact him until he sets his life straight but I do miss him lots especially today :( … and like you I don’t know what to do next :(

  • Jaici August 18, 2014, 9:48 pm

    helloooo Kevin/and friends,
    I just wanted to let everyone know that things are look really freaking fantastic for me and my ex right now. He is in Europe for the month of August so I thought I wouldn’t be able to talk to him much if at all. This is NOT the case. He has messaged me every single day since he left and we talk all day everyday (except for time difference issues, he is six hours ahead). He sits on the phone with me until 2 and 3 in the morning (his time) sometimes. He has told me before he left he thinks he wants to get back with me after he gets back and then again while on vacation(drunkenly). He has also told me that he loves me a few times. He also said he wanted to bring me back something with “something unique to our relationship” engraved on it. Things are really looking up for me. I will be sure to post on here if we seal the deal when he comes home. My point is, I have been trying for this for almost six months. It is not something that happens over night like I so impatiently wanted. Although we shouldn’t hold onto these things forever, sometimes with a little determination and Kevin’s awesome plan, things can work out exactly the way we want. Don’t give up hope too quickly. You never know how things will work out for you :)

    • Rihanna August 20, 2014, 1:30 am

      So happy for you :D … Great that things worked out between you two, all the best :)

    • sunshinegirl August 20, 2014, 11:32 am

      Congratulations!! I hope everything keep going well for you! And I am excited for your story :)

  • kanchana karunaratne August 18, 2014, 8:46 pm

    hi,
    This is very useful.i did mistakes from the beginning..became the door mat .pleaded.begged.yesterday i got this read and immediately moved in to no contact period.now 24 hours.
    thanks for you r tips very much.
    KK

    • Rihanna August 20, 2014, 1:31 am

      Hey KK,

      I’m really glad you’re doing NC, you’ll see how good it is for you after the period is over. Good luck with it and if you need support or feeling low during NC you have our support here, be strong and keep going :)

  • Patrick August 18, 2014, 1:32 am

    Hey guys, just wondering if there is any among you who absolutely waited for your ex to get out of a seemingly rebound relationship and how did you cope with all of that? thanks

    • Sinead August 18, 2014, 12:36 pm

      Hi Patrick you should sign up to Kevin’s email’s if you haven’t already you’ll get one everyday and they really help.

  • jay August 17, 2014, 9:47 am

    Hey kevin, hope all is well.

    I’m just wanting to ask a question, my ex and I split up in may and he got in to anothwr relationship straight after, they recently split up and I sent him a text saying I’m there if he needs to talk, we talked a few times and things were okay. But I still think he has feelings for the girl he’s just split up with, anyway she doesn’t want to get back with him, and I seen him yesterday and he didn’t speak, I sent a message saying thanks for speaking (sarcastically) anyway I got a text back today off him saying sorry for not speaking he is finding it easier at the minute to not talk to anybody until his head is sorted out, what should I do from here give him time and space or could he move on in that time, any advice would be appreciated.

    Thanks.

    • Rihanna August 20, 2014, 1:34 am

      Hey Jay,

      Give him his space but make sure he knows that you’re there for him if he needs to talk or anything. He won’t move on that quickly so don’t worry. Perhaps in the next few weeks you could do something fun together if he’s willing (don’t push), like bowling or something ‘friends’ would do so that it doesn’t come across as a date… Good luck :)

      • jay August 22, 2014, 12:32 pm

        I replied back to the text he sent me what I mentioned previously, I replied and said I didn’t think he wanted to be friends and stuff and he never replied, really not sure were to go from here having a low day today

        • Rihanna August 28, 2014, 6:26 am

          Hi Jay,

          I think it’s best if you just give him his space, he’s not in the right mind frame to discuss the relationship and whether it’s friendship or not etc… so saying to him “I didn’t think you wanted to be friends” perhaps didn’t help. Give it some time and when you talk to him make sure you’re in a happy mood cos that shows in your text (believe me!)… Let the text be fun, anything fun and nothing more than that especially in his situation. Instead of saying ‘I don’t think you wanted to be friends’ you could say stuff that will cheer him up, send him a picture of you having great time somewhere he loves to go or an old picture of you both and say ‘remember that day?’ make him laugh, make him happy to hear from you… When I’m feeling silly I draw crappy pictures of smiling flower or Mr Happy holding a balloon or something stupid that makes my ex laugh for a second to remind him that even though things may get tough there’s always a time for silliness and fun, and I’M THAT FUN GIRL! You could do something similar to make him laugh :D … Don’t mention serious stuff just be light, fun and silly friendly he’ll realise that he enjoys himself the most when he talks to you and that’s attractive! Good luck xx

  • julia August 17, 2014, 9:16 am

    Hi Kevin,

    I was wondering where is best for me to ask you a specific question about an incident I had with my ex. Through the comments section or the boards?
    Many thanks,
    Julia

    • Rihanna August 20, 2014, 1:36 am

      Hey Julia,

      The Board is great, though I like coming here in the wide open to sook lol… But you have all our support there. I usually post something new here to get Kevin’s attention first and move to the board hahaha… not sure it’s necessary to do that though, head over to the board it’s good there :)

      • julia August 20, 2014, 4:48 pm

        Ok, thanks Rihanna. Hope I hear from you too. :)

  • Jimmy August 16, 2014, 11:03 pm

    Hi Kevin,
    I Recently just got back with my Ex (Thanks for the tips). I was wondering if you had any more tips on staying with her. It’s a little bit awkward but it’s getting there.
    Thanks

    • Rihanna August 20, 2014, 1:37 am

      Hey Jimmy,

      I’m so happy for you :) Perhaps if you haven’t done so already you should subscribe to Kevin’s emails it’s really good. Today I received a letter on ‘how not to argue with your ex’ it’s filled info on good communication. Congrats! :)

  • Rihanna August 16, 2014, 6:44 am

    Dear Kevin,

    It’s been a week since that message I sent and ten days since we spoke on the phone. It’s like everything was going fine and then he went complete silent, and perhaps he’s waiting for me to initiate contact but why doesn’t he? Anyway, what now? Is it over?

    • Sinead August 16, 2014, 8:27 am

      Hi Rihanna,

      I don’t think a week is that long… I know it seems like it is for you two but maybe hold off for just another week or so, if you can, and then initiate contact with him and let him know of something great you’ve been involved in, whether it be work or a new hobby, just something that may have kept YOU busy, you know??

    • Kevin August 16, 2014, 10:06 am

      To be honest, it’s up to you. If you don’t want it to be over, it doesn’t have to be. It doesn’t matter that much that you were the one to send the last message. You already know he is going through a lot of changes in his life. And even if he was contacting you during this week, it wouldn’t necessarily mean he would’ve wanted to get back together. I think you should continue not contacting him. When he gets his life on track, perhaps he will contact you. Right now, he is probably confused about what he wants. And I think it’s better to not be in touch with him while he is confused. ‘Cause it’ll only make you confused.

      • trying hard August 18, 2014, 1:28 am

        hello Mr. Kevin, how are you?

        thanks for this i have been looking up for this things for awhile till i found it.
        i read through the steps and i started acting on them right after i read.

        i just want to ask you 2 questions please for now.
        1- what do you think when a girl tell her ex – i cant be with you anymore or my love to you faded and i cant love you anymore?

        -so should i try to get her back, or its not going to work out after what she said?

        2- she told me she wants me as a friend and cant get my girlfriend anymore…same thing i would ask you…can i still get her back? and what should i responds on that after i finish the one period no contact or i shouldnt even talk about it anymore unless she tell me this again? what should i respond if she said that again

        thank you so much

        • Kevin August 19, 2014, 10:51 am

          There’s a chance. A lot of people say that after a breakup. But later on they realize that they still have feelings for you. I think it’s worth trying.

  • sunshinegirl August 15, 2014, 10:13 am

    Kevin,
    I subscribed your email series and today I was lead to a video about “neediness and insecurity”. It appears to be an old website that you managed before. I saw an article about “long distance relationship and break-ups” and you mentioned in that situation, the chance of getting back together is very slim. That made me sad… From your experience, is there anyone having the experience getting back with ex in LDR? Thanks.

    • Rihanna August 16, 2014, 2:22 am

      Hi Sunshine :)
      I wasn’t in a LDR but when we broke up I moved town… the process worked to an extent and then it stopped. But even then, there’s still a chance IF he forgoes his ego and calls or texts me… Until then, I’m not willing to anymore :(

      You still have a chance and do skype with him (something I didn’t do) … Good luck :)

    • Kevin August 16, 2014, 10:17 am

      Hey,

      Yes, it’s harder when you are in a LDR. I remember a few cases where my readers were getting good results with LDR but I don’t have any detailed stories about them getting back together (or not getting back together). It’s probably because a lot of people don’t follow up after they get back together. So even if they did, I wouldn’t know.

      It’s hard to stop evaluating your situation and what chances you have. But the truth is, it doesn’t really matter. You could’ve a 99% chance of getting back together and you might fall under the rest 1%. Or it might be vice versa. There’s a 100% chance that you will be happy if you work on yourself and do what it says to do in Step 2 and 3 of the guide. And that’s what really matters in the end. You being happy with your life even if you don’t get him back.

  • Lii August 14, 2014, 11:20 pm

    I’ve been dating a great guy for the last 5 months. He initiated the relationship and for the first 4 months things were great. Each year he goes on a 3 month holiday to visit his family overseas. The last 6 weeks before he left he started giving me what he called tough love. The night before he left he told me he loved me and without a word he flew to Chicago the next day. its been 7 weeks and I have not heard from him. His whatsapp seems to work but he blocked me on it. What do I do now? Is there still a chance for us? He will be back in 7 weeks.

  • Rihanna August 14, 2014, 8:13 pm

    Dear Kevin,

    Somebody suggested a private message section for the Board, thought I might pass that on. Also, perhaps in the profile section there could me more info like age/sex/ country/job sort of like facebook but because we keep forgetting the basics when talking to each other. Thanks Kevin :)

    • a.z August 15, 2014, 6:12 pm

      Hey kevin,
      If you read oldies,hope you are not mad at us :D
      And thank you Rihanna i was wondering how to ask him to do this ;)
      Thank you kevin,i love this website .and the news is that i have moved on.i feel nothing for him and my life is amazing.
      I can never thank you enough!!!

      • Rihanna August 15, 2014, 11:55 pm

        No problem a.z :) … and I’m very happy for you :D

      • Kevin August 16, 2014, 10:10 am

        How can I be mad at you guys? You all are keeping this website alive. And the purpose of the website is to help people find happiness after a breakup.

        Also, I’ve moved oldies to the “not your ex” forum, in case you guys can’t find it.

        As I said earlier, private messages might be an issue because it might invite a lot of spammers. I’ll look into adding more detailed profile.

  • Patrick August 13, 2014, 6:21 am

    Hey it’s me again.. after our meet-up she hasn’t been contacting me (that was last wednesday).. until we went home together from work (that’s just it.. I just fetched her from her home… which was last monday)… and then we still haven’t talked since then… then until just now I saw that she updated her status in fb with the words: “Loving someone isn’t about just saying it everyday.. It’s about showing it everyday in everyway..”
    what does this mean? I have my own interpretation for this (that she may be just playing my mind), but what do you guys think? Thanks again! :)

    • Khine August 13, 2014, 6:35 am

      Dear Kevin,
      I’m 21 and my ex bf is 18. We had been together for over 3 years but broke up now. I am in my No Contact period for 1 month now. In my NC period, he calls me like once a week and sometimes twice a week. But i don’t pick it up. Sometimes, I let my ph to off power. He has new gf now. I think I’m still not strong enough to talk to him as I begged him too much when we broke up and showed him a lot of desperation and neediness. He have even told me like ” I know that you love me alot, you won’t never move on or cheat on me ” … :(
      May i get your advice, Kevin ?
      I admit I can stay in NC period well now is because of you and your advice from ebook. Thank you so much Kevin ..

    • Sinead August 13, 2014, 6:11 pm

      Hi Patrick,
      I think you should forget about the fb post if you can it probably doesn’t mean anything… If you haven’t contacted each in another week or so send a text like the one above. Btw did you complete the 30 days NC?

      • Patrick Hernandez August 14, 2014, 5:25 am

        Yes I did. But now we had a serious talk and learned she has found another guy (almost so immediately). We had a long serious talk today (almost the whole day)… I was reluctant at first and tried to do a double-take on everything she said (especially when she said that there is no more hope for us and that she doesn’t love me anymore–I guess I really ruined our relationship before our breakup that much), but eventually, at the end of the day, I kind of wanted to let her go now… at least I knew in my heart I tried my best. You’re thoughts and inspiring words and tips have helped me move on a little easier than before, thank you.

        Thank you so much to you guys here.. for helping people get back to the ones they know they deserve. I tried my best to do so– following everything to the letter even though it hurts at times, but after that long serious talk.. I have finally decided to just let it be and let go. Thank you for helping me through all of this, I have become a better person because of you guys.

        Of course my feelings for her are still there, since you guys helped me get over her ‘sort of…’ but now it’s time to truly get over her. If she is really for me, then only the universe and time will tell. Again, many thanks to you guys.. I have recommended some friends who has the same predicament as mine and I know you will help them tons.

        Live long and prosper!

  • Aaron Thomas August 13, 2014, 12:32 am

    Hi Kevin,

    This is something that’s been bothering me for a while and its about my girlfriend and what she said recently. Let me tell the whole story first and then tell you what she told. She dated 2 guys before me. One in high school and the other in college. She was intimate with both of them but she told she did not have any penetration sex. She told me that i was her first in bed and i was so happy to hear that coz my trust for her was build on that. She is still in college and I work. She was close with her ex from college but she is over him. But he is not. He still tries to talk to her about their past and tries being friends with her. He once tried to make a move on her even while we were dating. I told her that im not cool with the idea of her ex who has not moved on tryna being friends with her. But she shut him out of her life. But the other day i caught her whatsapping him and she hesistated to tell me or show me what the conversation was about. The next day she told me that “She had sex with him in her previous relationship” and that was the conversation all about which she felt shitty about. I know i cant do anything to undo her past or my past, but my trust has a big hole in it. How do i convince her to stop all means of contacts with her ex?

  • Marie88 August 12, 2014, 8:53 am

    Me and my ex have been together since April 2010 but we broke up briefly in 2012 and he asked for another chance. We got back together in August 2012 but then he broke up with me last May after he had moved away to work. I kept trying to work things out and thought we were both wanting to be together up until October 2013 when he broke up with me by text again saying he doesn’t think we can be happy together. I have made all the mistakes that you have warned us not to do like begging etc but just felt so hurt. He has now been in a relationship with a girl since February but we were recently talking and were out with a friend at the end of June. I invited him up to see my new flat in which we sat and talked for about 2 hrs in which he said he was drinking a bottle of vodka nearly every night because he was missing his friends. I also asked if he was looking forward to going home (back to Fort William were he works) and he said ‘not one little bit’. Since then we have had an argument and he said he loves his new girlfriend and is happy and wants me to move on. I do not understand why he would take time to talk to me if he was happy with his new girlfriend and I do not know what to do? I do really love him and don’t understand how I could have meant so much to him before an for him to hurt me soo much. His new girlfriend is only 19 (he is 25) and is the complete opposite of me. Please advise if you think he has truly moved on and I no longer have a chance?

    • Rihanna August 16, 2014, 3:24 am

      Hi Marie,

      You ‘might’ have a chance still if you follow Kevin’s steps but go back and re-read what you wrote and think about whether you would want to revive this relationship because you’re compatible or because you could be jealous that he’s with someone new and happy? “He doesn’t think we can be happy together”, ”
      “he’s been in a relationship since February and he said he loves his new gf and is happy and wants me to move on” … “he’s drinking vodka because he misses his friends (and not you)” … Marie, You deserve happiness also and I don’t see it happening with a guy already in love with someone else… Sorry, but you’ll do great and meet someone who will love you forever… If you’re still unconvinced do the steps good luck

  • mg August 12, 2014, 2:05 am

    Hello to you all,

    My situation is a little different, and here’s why…It’s been more than 10 years since I walked out on my ex-fiance! For some reason, the last 6 months have been filled with thoughts of him, and I have no idea what to do about it.

    Here is the history:
    Met and began dating in 1990, which was my last year of high school (childhood sweethearts) and broke-up in my 2nd year of University – 1993 (he cheated). For the next 7 years, he always seemed to find which radio station I worked at, and would call me randomly. I was moving alot, due to the nature of my profession, but there would always be contact from him out of the blue. He proposed in 2002, and in 2003 I left my family, friends, job to live with him in another state. I ended-up cheating on him, I was not myself and I walked-out on him later that year and never explained why. At the time I thought it would be better to try and make him hate me, so that he would feel anger, etc and would be happy about me leaving (and thus NOT feel pain). Unfortunately it was only years later that I discovered I had been having a nervous breakdown (hence my behaviour, lies, train of thought, etc). The situation was nothing short of horrid and heartbreaking. I know he is in a long-term relationship.
    Any advice, help, comments are welcome and much appreciated. Thank you

    • Rihanna August 16, 2014, 3:19 am

      Hi mg,

      I’m sorry to say this but your chances are slim. You could follow Kevin’s steps but I suggest you move on especially that he’s in a long term relationship. Perhaps you could seek therapy to help you move on…

    • Sinead August 16, 2014, 8:22 am

      Hi mg,

      You could send the ‘something reminded me of you text’ and initiate a false friendship, then see what happens (if anything) and take it from there… good luck :-)

  • Sam August 12, 2014, 1:56 am

    Hi kevin,

    My fiancé and I broke up in June this year we were together for 3 years and have a 2 years old daughter now. Her excuse for leaving me was that she still too young (24 years same as me) and have not experienced single life and want to take her own decisions. I was devastated and started doing the things I should not have like going to her place and trying and convince her to come back. Then I put my foot down and did not contact her for a week and then she text me asking why I’m not replying to her and she just wants to chat and be friends, to which I said I need some space for some time, then I thought she might be changing her mind so went back to her house and did the same tried to convince her to come back, that’s when she said there was a lot of dishonesty (I lied to her twice or max three times about money) and financial problems in our relation and she doesn’t trust me as her partner anymore.

    Now I’m back on NC for the past 3 days in all that time she is initiating the conversation either via text messages or Facebook asking how my game was or should we close the joint bank account and all that, but im stuck to NC and only replied to thongs I thought worth replying for in a friendly way, to which she got upset that I’m not holding conversation with her over facebook. But what should I do when I have my daughter with me and she calls and texts me asking about her? And do you think of this entire situation like her feelings and all.

  • Sinead August 11, 2014, 7:09 pm

    Hi Rihanna,
    Just wondering how you’re doing since you sent him that text – any updates?

    • Rihanna August 12, 2014, 8:41 am

      Hello my beauty Sinead,

      I’ve been wondering where you’ve been. Why don’t you head over the Boards section and go under ‘Oldies’ all of your friends are there too :) … LOL, I haven’t heard from him after that text but he’s been quiet and withdrawn even on whatsapp and facebook so maybe he’d dealing with life in order to move forth. Truth is, I don’t care hahaha… But I have a feeling it’s made him smile at least :) … How are you?

      • Kevin August 13, 2014, 10:51 am

        Hey Rihanna,

        I was a bit late in replying to this message. It seems you are OK about the message. The guys over at the message boards (the oldies) are pretty good at analyzing things and giving advice. And I think you have the right attitude about it.

        PS: It seems you are getting used to the boards as well. Let me know if you have any suggestions for the boards.

        • Rihanna August 14, 2014, 1:02 am

          Hi Kevin,

          Yes, I finally got the hang of using the Board, though at times I can’t see the new thread unless I click on the link in my email inbox, why’s that?

          Hmm, you’re asking the wrong person on how to improve the site, only yesterday I learnt a new word and I’m still learning how to spell it hahaha… I don’t know who or when they invented something called “screenshot” but didn’t know it existed til my bestie mentioned it yesterday and I was like ‘what’s that?’ … so yes, you’re asking a very old soul who still prefers to search through encyclopedia books as a way of research lol :P

          Thanks Kevin :)

          • Kevin August 17, 2014, 1:16 pm

            haha. I am glad you are getting used to it. I am not sure why you don’t see the new posts sometimes. I will look into it. It might have to do something with cache (I included the “cache” part just to mess with you haha).

  • Patrick August 11, 2014, 6:05 pm

    Hey guys thanks so much for all of this.. you guys are heaven sent!

    anyways, I broke the NC after a month or so.. we have just been texting (she initiated almost everyday) after that for almost 2 weeks.. then we met-up.

    I think the mindset that you want me to produce after the NC was there in me, but looking back at the meet-up I think I screwed up. See, the meet-up went well, we were talking and sharing and laughing as if nothing happened (of course we treated each other as just friends then).. but then we have to visit a close friend of ours who died. She wanted to go there badly but her parents didn’t allow her cause she was sick. They eventually allowed her since the parents knew me. And when we were there, I sensed she was really feeling badly ’bout the death of our friend, so I comforted her by patting her on the shoulder and holding her hand a bit.

    But I was surprised she gripped hard and fondled with my hand. We let go eventually and just let it pass. But later on she held my hand again just as we were about to leave. I didn’t want to untangle my hand from hers because she was gripping it; I might send a wrong message or she might think I’m rude or something. Or the holding from the beginning was already sending a wrong message?

    I’m kind of lost with this. Because after the meet-up, which besides the holding of hands went well and I didn’t appear needy, she didn’t text at all compared to the last week after I broke the NC.

    I think she is still thinking about all of this and I am thinking I should give her more time. Should I put back the NC? What would you suggest I should do? Thank you!

    • Sinead August 11, 2014, 7:14 pm

      Hi Patrick,

      How long ago was the funeral? If it was a week or less I’d hold off if I was you, but if it was 10 days or so ago you could just send a quick text asking her how she is doing or the something reminded me of you text…

      • patrick August 11, 2014, 11:34 pm

        It was almost a week ago… yeah, guess you’re right… thank you so much Sinead!

      • Patrick August 11, 2014, 11:55 pm

        But I should’ve just let go of her hand shouldn’t I?

        • Sinead August 13, 2014, 6:05 pm

          I don’t think there’s anything wrong with holding her hand at a funeral, it was just kindness / compassionate so don’t over think it…

  • disha August 11, 2014, 2:33 pm

    Hi,
    Me and my boyfriend broke up very badly because of constant nagging, constant calling him up and not giving him space. he had trust issues and i had insecurity issues. I want him back but he is very scared of me. that day i went to talk to him and we just got little physical and he banged me against wall, as i was stopping him to leave his house seeing me. and neighbour called the police and now he is worried that his neighbours will think that he is doing domestic abuse. he said he has moved on and doesnt care or love me anymore. i am not sure how anyone can move in 2 weeks but he gets very irritated seeing my messages and calls. i badly want him back. what should i do

    • Sinead August 13, 2014, 6:06 pm

      Start with 30 days NC and Follow the plan…

  • Sarahb August 10, 2014, 10:55 pm

    Hi,
    Right now not sure what is going on. I’ve had an on off relationship with my youngest child’s father for getting on 30+ years. I know he is the one true love of my life. Something keeps bringing us back together.
    He’s told me he loves me and wants us to be a family again, although he has just bought another woman into his mothers home where he is staying. Even whilst this woman has been there he has been telling me he loves me and wants us to be a family.
    How can this be when he has this other woman with him. He’s ignoring our daughter since the other woman has come. Tonight things came to a head and I know I did something really stupid. I yelled and lashed out at him. I feel so emotionally drained and hurt right now.
    I would like to try the NC but right now don’t see how this is going to be possible with our daughter.

  • Gia August 10, 2014, 5:42 pm

    After reading this i just realized we wont ever get back toghether. I wonder how is it even possible to phisically feel a heartbroken. I’ve been having dark thoghts and I am scared for my life. I gave up on everything. friends, family and myself. it is all just a waste of time.

    • Kevin August 13, 2014, 10:55 am

      Why do you feel like this after reading this Gia? If anything, this article is meant to give you hope. I’ll recommend you should at least give it a try. Follow the plan at least once. Who knows, maybe it will work for you.

  • Isaac Weber August 10, 2014, 3:51 pm

    Hey Kevin/readers.

    My Ex and I broke up in the last couple of days and i truly am heartbroken. We are both 18 and have been together for 2 years, I know it’s a young age and we have our whole lives ahead of us but we really do love each other. We broke up because I was too argumentative and always wanted to be a part of her life, so i know i was in the wrong and i’m the sole blame for the break up. I have read you 5 steps and it’s really beginning to dawn on me that i am on the list of DO NOTS. Its hard to accept that the girl i love will be dating but i hope she still thinks of me everyday.
    i just want everything to be okay again, she’s going to University in september so i really want to prove to her that she wont regret getting back together again (if, thats a big if she does).
    any advice from anyone would be greatly appreciated.
    Thanks, Isaac

    • Kevin August 13, 2014, 10:52 am

      You should follow the plan and let it be her idea to get back together.

  • Lovisa August 10, 2014, 3:55 am

    Hey everyone! it’s been 2 months since me and my ex spoke to eachother. I’m 18 and he’s 18, we had a distancerelationship, and we broke up because of me being immature and insecure.
    I’ve kinda gotten over him, and i feel good in myself. I want to write to him, become his friend atfirst.. but there’s something holding me back, like i want to message him, but something’s telling me that i shouldn’t..

    Here comes an message i posted in here:

    Hey Everyone!
    i would love some help..
    I’m 18 and my exboyfriend is 18, we broke up because of many misunderstandings and fights, insecurity and shit.. we had a distancerelationship, we broke up because i was so insecure when we didn’t see eachother in like 2 weeks, i was so immature.
    So we broke up for a month ago, but i broke the NC 2 weeks after the NC because he liked a pic i uploaded on instagram.. :( i told him i wanted a new chance, he said that he wanted to think about it. Even if it was too early for a new relationship with him, i almost got him back again.
    In the relationship, he always told me that he’d never felt this way before in a relationship, that he thought that we were meant to be, he would love me forever and so on.
    He has always been honest with me, since the first time we met he told me directly that he’s not that guy who lies, is with many girls and stuff, he said that he wanted to find the perfect girl and just be with her. During our relationship he truly loved me, told me everyday that he had never felt this to a girl before and we were gonna last forever.. but i was a immature and insecure bitch towards him, always started fights, and at first i took him for granted just because i knew he really loved me. Now i really realize what i lost and i couldn’t be more sad! even after a month i’m so hung up on him! i know i have to let go and be friends with him, but i know he’s the one! i have never ever ever been this sad because a break up, it was my fault we broke up and i just want to go back to him, from scratch.
    I’m not gonna write to him until 9th July, but i’m soooo worried that he’s gonna find a girl or something before i’m taking contact with him again.. He’s that boy who never play games, always honest and straight up. But when he’s done, he’s really done.. doesn’t write to me or nothing. I’m worried that i’ve really lost my chance, because he gave me so much chances and took me back all the time, but he reached his breakingpoint after the last fight with him. But even after the breakup, he told me that he actually wanted to be with me.. but he thought this was the best.
    He lives 2h away from me, and there’s no chance that i’m meeting him again if we’re not in a relationship, we lasted 6 month before the breakup
    Do you guys think i have a chance to win him back? We broke up because i didn’t stop fighting with him and i know that’s the only reason why.. :( but i’m afraid that i fucked everything up when i wrote to him 2 weeks after NC that i wanted another chance :(
    What do you guys think?

    One thing more, we broke up in May, but last we spoke were in Juni. And.. yesterday on a night out, i kinda liked a picture he loaded up on instagram.. what should i do now? let it be, or write to him? and i’m kind of worried right now, he loaded up something on twitter that had to do with loyalty and trust.. but i know i can’t worry about that, i have to move on and before something else happends between us, i have to be his friend at first, which i don’t really want :(

    What do you guys think? I’m totally numb right now :(

    / Lovisa :)

    • a.z August 10, 2014, 2:59 pm

      Hey lovisa,
      Here’s a checklist for ending no contact.

      -You followed the no contact rule for at least one month.
      -You are no longer a mess as you were after the breakup.
      -You have made a few positive changes in your life.
      -You are absolutely sure that getting back with your ex is a good decision.
      -You have gone on at least one date during no contact.
      -You have accepted the breakup and you are OK with the fact that you may never get your ex back and this might never work for you.
      -You have accepted the fact that even if you don’t get your ex back, you will be fine since there are endless opportunities in the world to find love and happiness.

      If you believe you have been following it,go for it ,follow the rest of the plan and don’t worry about anything.

      • Lovisa August 11, 2014, 10:27 am

        Hey a.z! thanks for helping me out.
        But i don’t know.. maybe it’s too late to be something more than friends? i’m worrying about that and that he finds someone better than me. I’ve come to this point, that i jut want him to be happy. But i don’t know.. i’m thinking of taking one month of NC again.. should i do that, or is it gonna be too late after that?
        Thanks again!

  • elejxx August 9, 2014, 6:03 pm

    hey guys….i need your opinion please. it was this guy, he is 23 years old and i am 21. we were liking each other for a long time and we were talking every night for 6 months. we finally got together!! our relationship was great, we had an amazing time together and we were both happy. He showed how much he cared about me, he expressed his feelings towards me and we were happy! but our relationship lasted for only one month because he suddenly stopped talking to me and i don’t know why…he wasn’t replying to my msgs…i asked him if something’s wrong and why he is avoiding me and he still didn’t reply…i waited 3 days to see if he texts me but he didn’t..so i got angry and sent a msg to him and said: ”if you don’t want to be with me just grow some guts and say it to me!” but he still didn’t reply!!! so i didn’t sent him again… from that moment i showed that i am strong and not a needy person and miserable without him, i didn’t text and i put pics on Facebook with friends going out and having fun. it’s been a month since we broke up but he still doesn’t text or talks to me :/ i don’t know what to do because i fell in love with him and i want to be with him again! and i also want to know why he stopped talking to me and broke up with me..i still don’t know the reason we broke up, because i asked him and he didn’t tell me. So guys please help me..give me some advice… 1) how do i get him back, and 2)how do i find out why we broke up!!

  • Harnisha August 9, 2014, 2:58 pm

    Hey,I read the whole guide.It found very helpful. Actually I am damn sad and full of sorrow after my breakup. My guy broke up with me 4 months before . The reason was his possessiveness. Actually he saw me hanging out with one of my male friend and he was hurt . He said that he’s too much hurt and he do not trust me anymore and he broke up . After that I started irritating him with my texts and calls. He do cares for me I know but doesn’t show. He doesn’t. Feel comfortable with me now. I convinced him, begged him but its useless. I love him very much. He’s s very good guy. I want to be with him but he’s not listening. What should I do now?

  • Kieran August 9, 2014, 1:20 pm

    Hey guys, please help me…me and my ex broke up about week and half because of some compacted stuff! She said give her till Monday and we’re end of Saturday…yes might say that’s easy no because she’s gone clubbing with her ex but she promised me she wouldn’t do nothing which to be far shes not like that! Anyways she said she still loves me! All I can think is about them to! What do I do? Do you think she wants me back or not

    • 2507jm August 15, 2014, 7:49 pm

      Listen if ur girl goes clubbing w her x she not being honest w u !! She is keeping u as her safety net don’t let her use u .

    • Rihanna August 16, 2014, 3:28 am

      Hey Kieran,

      You have a good chance in getting your ex back and don’t worry about her going out with other guys especially an ex it’s just for her to vent out. You should complete NC for 30 days and follow the plan. Good luck

  • Rihanna August 9, 2014, 5:38 am

    Dear Kevin,

    A question that’s been on my mind for a while. Why does my ex not respond to my texts until the next day, and if that! He initiates contact rarely but I do most of it, I always congratulate him when something good happens in his life. I have to admit that he calls me more than I call him but most of the time after ‘I’ initiate a text. He sounds in pain on the phone and genuine with me. But what does it mean when he ignores a simple text? or if he answers a text he does so but not for a while, after hours or the next day or not at all. When I text him ‘I need advice’ or something similar he calls me straight away and makes me feel good and hopeful about life after, though the advice I ask of him is never too serious cos I want to come across strong and happy but I use that as an excuse to see if he still cares. Also, I know he’s hardly working cos of his injury but he keeps promising me things but doesn’t keep his promises. Small things but nevertheless, they are still promises, eg: he promised to send me an art work he did for me by mail but he hasn’t sent it, he wanted to make a children book with me where he’ll illustrate and I write around his pictures but he hasn’t and stuff like that, I know and he knows he’s in pain so why does he promise things like that? He says he’s going to enrol at uni no matter what for next year and he spoke to some lecturers and that he’s quitting smoking which is great, but if he doesn’t do that I’m going to completely move on from him. However, for now, I’d like to know what does he ignore my texts or replies ages after (although he’s warm with him messages unless he’s in pain) and 2) why does he make promises he can’t do at the moment, and he knows I know he’s still in pain? Thanks heaps Kevin

    • Rihanna August 10, 2014, 2:10 am

      Also, I just read the ‘The Art of Letting Go’ letter and I don’t think I did well with it cos it scared me of letting him go and because of other factors in my life I did the STUPIDEST thing in the world by sending him a text which says: ‘I miss your lips on my lips hahaha… it’s wrong! but an innocent kiss lol” and now I know he’s read it and ignored it! Why is this happening to me, I’m so edgy these days and now I did this I want to die! Please kevin tell me what I should do to fix this … I hate myself atm :(

  • Adri August 8, 2014, 1:43 pm

    Hey guys, thanks for this helpful website, I will try to use it now and I hope it will work out.
    We were only together for a month but I’ve been in love with him for a while. Now he went as an exchange student to another country and he’s acting all weird. He just started ignoring me out of nothing and wrote to my friend last week “I think she doesn’t love me and I’m not sure I can trust her” and now he just deleted his account, his old phone number doesn’t work anymore, etc.
    I don’t know what to do. I guess this is it? But I just want him back…

    • Kevin August 9, 2014, 3:11 am

      To be honest, your chances are less. You were together only for a month and he is far way. You can still try once and follow the plan. But if it doesn’t work, you should move on.

  • sunshinegirl August 8, 2014, 1:37 pm

    Hi Kevin, is there anything for long distance relationship? We’re 400 miles from each other, if I’m going to see him after NC it would be too much (Hey that’s a lot of driving, I must be up to something!)
    :)

    • Kevin August 9, 2014, 3:12 am

      Everything else remains same. But instead of meeting up, you can ask him to come on skype. If things are going well between you two, you can plan a trip to his city and meet up.

  • jake August 8, 2014, 12:18 pm

    Hey guys ,

    I’ve been seeing this girl for the past 4 months now .
    Everything was going well , or so I thought , she called me about 2 weeks ago saying she’s not ready for a relationship en she has to end it .

    I was devastated because things were going so well , ofcourse in hinesight there were signs like : slowly distancing herself , not so enthustiastic when we talked on the phone ..

    But the next day she told me she missed me and loved me , she called me and said that everything she said the previous day was a lie and she still feels the same .

    Since then the situation has been awkward , we text but it’s more smalltalk than actual conversation and she’s responding less and less .

    She did say that’s because of her personal issues and has nothing to do with me .

    She says she wants to take things slowly until she feels better .

    I just think she’ll forget about me and will realize she’s better off alone , that’s way she is , she said she didn’t want to drag me into her drama .

    What do I do ?

    I feel as if my situation is different because we weren’t together as long as some of the other people on here …

    • Kevin August 9, 2014, 3:14 am

      Hey Jake,

      If you are just having small talk with her, then it’ll be a good idea to do NC. Tell her you think you both need some space and time. Don’t worry, she won’t forget about you so soon.

  • Patrick August 7, 2014, 6:24 pm

    Hi. So my ex and I finally met again after the NC period and after almost two weeks of just reaching out through text from time to time. Yeah the ‘meet-up’ went well. So well. Actually it was low-key and took only 3-4 hours max since I got things to do and she wasn’t feeling all well the whole week (according to her, I decided I should still go since our planned meet-ups have always been postponed because something came up for her or for me and it looked like a perfect time that time since she wasn’t really doing anything the whole day and it might be a chance to take care of her too or something hehe).

    So we were at first in her house talking and talking and having a few laughs just like old friends. Of course there is still that level of discomfort but that didn’t really hold as back into talking with each other as if it was only yesterday (at least to my perspective). It wasn’t too cheesy or too sweet either.

    She shared how bad this week was for her (our friend’s death, her two-weeks cough, etc), and that she badly wants to go and pay her respects to our very young friend who just passed away but her mother wouldn’t let her because she was just truly recovering from her cough. So I insisted that we should go since I was on my way to pay my respects too. Eventually she was allowed to go out but then we went first to eat out somewhere and to talk some more. And then we went to the funeral for a very brief visit.
    When we were there, after I prayed, I waited for her to pray but I sensed she felt really bad about our friend’s death. I didn’t know why I did it, but it just felt right that time. I groped her hand with mine as if comforting her–trying to touch her lightly. My expectation was that her defenses would be put up and she would loosen her hand from mine. But I was surprised she was holding my hand too and she was moving her fingers playfully as she was holding my hand. Deep down I was like Oh God. But we didn’t need to say anything.
    Of course, we didn’t held out for too long. She wanted to go already. And so we did. We talked to the brother of the departed and then we walked a long aisle going outside. Another unexpected thing happened. She reached out for my hand. I didn’t hesitate–I just looked at her and smiled sheepishly. And we held out lightly each other’s hand outside and as I accompanied her run some errands before taking her back to her home.
    It was heaven I tell you. On our way home riding a jeep she rested her head on my shoulders for awhile. And when she was almost home, we hugged each other and kissed each other’s cheek saying we had a great time and see you.
    We texted a little bit that night.

    But now I am confused since she doesn’t text me for almost two days already. Usually, since having talked again after NC, she would always greet me a good morning and a good night (and I would respond coolly). I didn’t reach out yet since all this time she reaches out first and then I just respond coolly, but now, she wouldn’t even send me a single text. Of course, I sent her one short message last night asking how she is but she didn’t even respond. Then i just saw in my fb wall last night that she was commenting on a few posts (not stalking, just appeared on my fb wall). Now she is still not talking to me. What could this mean? Could this have something to do with our ‘meet-up?’

  • alan August 7, 2014, 9:39 am

    hey guys,
    Just needed some help here.
    Ok, so my girlfriend broke up with me coz we constantly kept fighting over me not giving her enough time, thanks to my weird work schedule. So she broke up, and now she’s still in touch but not much. She says that its over for now, but im not moving on and looking for someone new, I don’t want the kind of relationship that we had, I want more and I don’t know what’s going to happen in future. So im totally confused and not sure what to do..so if anyone could suggest something please??

    • Rihanna August 9, 2014, 7:39 am

      Hi alan,

      Your situation isn’t really that difficult cos you’re the one confused and with the weird work schedule etc… So your girlfriend left you because she wanted you to miss her presence and re-evaluate your lifestyle. I think you should do NC for a while and during this time really focus on yourself. Ask yourself: what do you want to achieve out of life? How do you want to spend the next few years? Can you imagine your life in a different career path or can you cut your hours in the job you’re in and how will that affect you financially? If you change certain things in yourself will you hold some resentments towards your girlfriend if you did those changes only for her sake? And during NC also take up a new hobby, be physically active (I’m such a hypocrite on this one lol)… After NC and you’re no longer confused about yourself and you still want your girlfriend in your life after making changes, “show” her how much you’ve changed then voila! I personally think you have good chance in getting her back but you need to find yourself first. Good luck :)

  • Sinead August 7, 2014, 9:34 am

    Hi everyone,
    I’m really angry today. I spoke to my friend, who knows my ex (but doesn’t know him very well), and she said that he’s only ever been around because he needed me and this is the first time I really needed him, and he disappeared! It’s true, he’s been through a lot the past few years and I’ve always been there for him either as a girlfriend or a friend.

    I’m so angry at him now, I know it’s only been a few days since I sent the letter but I’m so angry with him for not replying… I hate myself for all the angst and I know if I hadn’t been so needy and bombarded him with texts and calls last year, we’d probably be back together now.

    I’m just so annoyed he’s not even acknowledging me… And I’m also terrified of moving on because I’ve only been in love twice so I’m fearful it won’t happen again for me and even if it did – I’m 39 now – it would probably be too late for me to have children etc, so I’m giving up a lot by giving up on this relationship. I really thought the RR letter would work I’m so disappointed it didn’t…

    • a.z August 7, 2014, 10:42 am

      I’m really sorry that you are feeling like this.and i’m sorry that he didn’t reply to your letter.but he may answer it by the next few days.
      I don’t really know your story .if you don’t mind,could you please tell us more about it?

      • Sinead August 7, 2014, 11:38 am

        Hi a.z,

        (Just to let you know I also responded to your comment below ok?) Here is my original post http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/comment-page-9/#comment-30754

        Though I really don’t think it does our relationship justice… We have been the best friends since we were 13 years old – apart from an 8 year gap during our 20′s when I lived in Australia – and when I returned home 10 years ago we became extremely close again. He has always been uncomfortable with conflict and avoid’s arguments at all costs, but until now it was never really a problem for us because we have never really argued. He has never had a serious relationship with anyone else and he hasn’t dated anyone since we broke up.

        I know from fb that he is on holiday at the moment and I think he has seen my letter because he was active on fb Tuesday. I think he marked it unread though because its not marked ‘seen’ yet…

        • Rihanna August 8, 2014, 8:12 am

          Sinead, I’m really sorry but don’t lose hope I think he marked it unread because he’s not ready yet to face it and he cars enough for you to think he hasn’t seen it yet to spare your feelings, same thing happened to MD and he

          • Rihanna August 8, 2014, 8:15 am

            To me and he ended up calling me when hr was ready. I’ll answer to more post when I get my laptop its hard on phone but hope my comment helped

          • Sinead August 8, 2014, 2:37 pm

            thanks Rihanna, I’m calmer now – with just a few words from you. your words are grace :-) thank you XOXO

  • jocelyn August 7, 2014, 7:56 am

    Hi, I had a complicated case here. I am a mother of 2 young kids n I had a relationship with a Japanese guy. I am a Chinese. At first, I wasn’t too serious but after just few months of relationship, I fell deeply in love with him. But that’s the moment he decided to end the relationship. He told me ‘if u dont trust me now, u wun trust me in the future’ and of cos other bad reasons about me and also about him. I was really very upset and did whatever that annoyed him like: Drunk texts, texting his frens asking abt his new life without me and posted something abt him on facebook n his frens screenshot my post n showed him. He had been ignoring me very long. Sometimes he replied when I chk with him something abt traveling but sometime he did not. He told me if I still treat him as a man, we will never meet.
    At times he finally willing to meet me up, but my bad bad habit like Drunk texts him alot n also those very long messages that freaked him out. It can b also very emotional texts too.
    I’ve decided to divore for him once I can get him back. But I cannot control n texted him every few days. If he dont reply, I will use some ways to threaten him or I will get very angry n said nasty things to him.

    I knw this isn’t right but I have no confidence in myself as im alrdy a mother of 2young kids. N now I tink of him every single minute. I get to see him often as we r colleagues. Due to our secret relationship, due to something that I’ve posted on facebook, most of his Japanese colleagues knew and discouraged him to be with me. Especially of my status. I am trying hard to change myself to a more cheerful person but always when our mutual frens told me that he always like to flirt around with gals n he may not the guy that u want. It is not healthy as well and u should go back to your husband. But the prob is, I do not love my husband anymore.
    What r the ways I can do to get back that japanese guy? I am alrdy 28yrs old n I knw that chinese and japanese cultures are really different. Alot of japanese men r particular on the female appearance, its not that im ugly, I am fashionable n I look pretty good when I put on make up, but I had bad stretchmarks on my tummy and I am tanned. So how do I look good to the max? All Japanese gals r so kawaii, fair skin, sweet n gentle, gd skin n figure, young n pretty. It was easy to get any jp gals out there in no time. So I loses my confidence and Im worried that if I don’t contact him, he migh forget abt me n dating a new gf.
    In my world I only sees him.
    My friends gave up hope on me as they can foresee that we are impossible. N they hate to see me suffe like this every single day!
    Teach me a way that I can prove them wrong that Me n that Jap guy r still possible? Strong advice needed! Thanks!

    • Sinead August 9, 2014, 7:58 am

      Hi Jocelyn,

      I think you need to follow the plan which means doing NC for 30 days. You should use that time to make positive changes in yourself to make yourself a happy confident person.

      I know the NC is really difficult but you need to break those bad habits of texting / calling all the time. If you subscribe to Kevin’s email’s you will get a motivational email everyday and this should help you during the NC period. Good luck Jocelyn!

  • fll_777 August 6, 2014, 6:41 pm

    Hi:
    I read many of the comments and I share a lot. I am 40 and my ex is 25. I went NC for 10 days and Bam, my ex contacted me saying that “I’ve been wanting to contact you for a while, I miss talking to you and I would love to hear about you and see you”. I felt positive and I played cool and I was nice but not too friendly so I responded by saying that “I would like to know and hear about you as well”. so we emailed back and forth for 2 days and then my ex said “I want to see you” so I responded “sure, It would be nice. It’s been a while since we met”. My ex said “Yay”. I responded with a smiley face :-). Following day my ex is kind of changed again. We live in different states but my ex used to come once a week to see me. what should I do now? ignore my ex? wait few days then contact? go NC again? It is very confusing LoL.

    • Sinead August 9, 2014, 7:41 am

      Hi FII,

      You should follow the plan and do NC for 30 days. Tell her you think you both need some time and space (don’t worry she won’t move on) and don’t initiate contact at all during that month just and work on making yourself happy. If you subscribe to Kevin’s emails you will get an email everyday which will help you get through the NC period. Good luck!

    • Rihanna August 9, 2014, 7:44 am

      Hi there,

      You didn’t really do NC properly cos you broke it after 10 days. I think you’ll have a good chance in getting her back if you follow Kevin’s plan. Do NC again, good luck

  • Rick Litke August 6, 2014, 2:46 pm

    I loved it the article makes perfect sense, I will do my best to fallow this to the tee.

  • Nick August 6, 2014, 10:49 am

    Hey,

    So I am at a bit of a loss about what to do. My ex and I broke up almost 3 months ago by mutual consent, she had been talking/flirting with her best friend a lot and I later found out that they had feelings for each other. I was very hurt and felt betrayed, but I loved her and was willing to help her through this. She was committed to staying with me and said she still loved me, but every week for about 3 weeks she said she couldn’t do it until we decided we should split.

    For 3 months I was an idiot. I didn’t want to lose her from my life. We loved each other, lived together, travelled the world together. I was constantly in contact. id agree to giving her space and then fail 3 days later, I would blame her for things, every time we met I was in tears, I drank a lot, I was very depressed and had absolutely no control over my emotions or thoughts. I regret every day of those 3 months and wish I could go back to the start and apply the no contact rule straight away. But I have to live with those mistakes.

    Basically, I asked her about 2 months ago what was happening with the guy that she had feelings for, I said I wanted the truth and deserve the truth and she told me that they are sleeping together. As far as I know, they are in a relationship now, although she said they aren’t. I struggle with this, it breaks me every time the bought crosses my mind, and am not sure if it is a rebound relationship or the real deal.

    I haven’t spoken to her now for 2 weeks, I have had several days where I almost have, but have stopped myself. I have been doing a lot better, the entire time since we split up I have been hitting the gym hard, it has been my saviour and the only thing that has kept my head in an ok place. I have lost 13kg and am feeling healthy. I don’t know if she still has feelings for me. She loved me so much, would tell me weekly that I can never leave her, and that we would always be together etc. She told me that Id changed her life, that she wouldn’t get through uni without me. Prior to the past 2 weeks, she would get angry at me sometimes, and then the next day be apologetic and nice, and she didn’t know why. I have read that this can be a sign that they still have feelings for you.

    Basically, I want to get to the 30 day point and see where I am at. Im sure everyone is the same, but she was my best friend and that is what I struggle with the most. I want my best friend back, I truly feel like we make each other better people and will now do whatever I can to give myself the best chance. I may have already ruined my chance by being an out of control mess, but Im hoping there is still a slim chance. What I really wonder is if she thinks about me at all, if she misses me at all. If she will only remember the guy who went crazy after we broke up, or if she will remember the guy she spent the best 2 years of her life with. I also don’t know how serious this new relationship is. Everything points to rebound, but it worries me that its not. I should also point out that she is 21 and I am 27.

    • Sinead August 7, 2014, 10:18 am

      Hi Nick,
      Continue doing NC for the 30 days and follow the plan and she will remember the ‘sane’ you she spent 2 years with. Time will tell with the new guy too. You’re doing everything right so far, staying cool on the outside and going to the gym etc. Maybe put some pictures of the new you up on facebook (if you both use it).. And if your still struggling with the NC subscribe to Kevin’s emails, you’ll get an email every day and they really help to keep up your morale.

      • Nick August 7, 2014, 5:45 pm

        Hi Sinead,

        Thank you for your response. I think the most comforting thing for me lately is knowing that I am not alone in this pain. It terrible to say, but so many people must be going through a similar situation right now. I actually did what you suggested, I posted a before and after shot of my gym progress on facebook. Received over 30 comments and 120+ likes which made me feel really good. Nothing from my ex, but I think if she saw the photo it would make her think about things a little more. It makes me really proud to see the positive changes in my appearance, originally I decided to lose weight to make myself more desirable to my ex, but now it is all for me. Not sure what will happen with this other guy, he is the complete opposite of me, and if I know her, which I feel I do, then she will get bored eventually. Just need to keep my head together, not break this good run of NC and see what happens. I am hoping that she may contact me first as I can then regain some power, but I dont think that will happen.

  • RAED August 6, 2014, 4:49 am

    Hi, friends!

    I went to the boards. And I was lost. Lol. How can I find you there? I am having a hard time looking for where all of you are :’(

    • Rihanna August 6, 2014, 4:54 am

      Hi Raed,

      I was just on the Boards gave few advices to people there but I wanted to create a thread exclusive to us friends eg: Dara, David, Festival David, Edward, Daniel, a.z, Sinead, and us but don’t know how LOL… I’m not doing well at all with my situation but it’ll be good to just catch up

      • a.z August 6, 2014, 5:20 am

        Rihanna,i feel sad when you say you are not doing well,i’m sure everything will be alright.btw i missed talking to our old group like before :(

        • Rihanna August 6, 2014, 7:18 am

          Thank you so much Raed and a.z, your advice is gold! I know I’ll learn the hard way and I agree with you Raed he is playing mind games or he sees no point until I move there… because after he said ‘move on…’ he said ‘when you move to the city and I’m still here I’ll always be here for you as a friend’. Anyway, I think I’m on a painful path and my heart is paving the way :(

          a.z, how did you open up a new topic called ‘a.z’s final episode’ on the board, I can’t figure out how to create a new forum completely detatched from other topics… perhaps you could open one just for our group? I feel much better after speaking to you guys :)

          Raed, you can judge me anytime. If you feel i’m about to do something stupid or act needy or get hurt feel free to slap me lol… I’d do the same if you weren’t so much more mature than me despite me being so much older lol… I hope you’re doing much better today than the other day, sadness doesn’t suit you one bit, so please stay happy and cheer us up with you ;)

          • a.z August 6, 2014, 10:42 am

            hey,
            I opened the reconciliation page ,create a new thread and that was it.i will open one for our group,i feel a little embarrassed i don’t know what to name it LOL.

          • a.z August 6, 2014, 10:52 am

            I did,i named it Oldies :D lol

          • Kevin August 7, 2014, 12:43 am

            Hey Rihanna,

            When you are logged in, there’s a link at the top which says “Create a new thread”. Alternatively, you can scroll down and there’s a form to create a new thread there.

    • FestivalDavid August 6, 2014, 6:15 am

      Hi All,

      Nice to hear from you,

      Im not sure how to find specific people, but once you find the thread you can subscibe or add it to your favourites.

      I have my own thread called “What does she want?” and a.z also has her own thread,

      I have favourited both of these, also if you happen to come across my name on there “FestivalDavid” you can click my name and see the topics I have favourited!

      I would like to hear from you all, so if you do have a thread let me know and I will follow it :) x

      • Rihanna August 7, 2014, 1:11 am

        Hey Festival David, I miss you soooooooo much and I still think of the comment which made me laugh and kept me awake laughing hehehehe, “I won’t be hungry at 5″ lol… you’re the best!

        I know I love the old group and even if we make new thread cos I joined a.z ‘s and will find you and add you to favourites it’s still bit of a challenge finding ‘our group’ without having interference from others hahahahaha… But I’m so glad to find you and hear from you as well… See you on the Board :) … I think Kevin prefers it too lol

        • Rihanna August 7, 2014, 1:33 am

          how do I add you to ‘favorites’ I can’t find the favorite button either! Aaaargh, I feel stupid… How do I add you Festival David and A.z since you both have new threads? thanks heaps

          • RAED August 7, 2014, 6:54 am

            AAAAARGH!

          • David August 7, 2014, 8:33 am

            Hey Rihanna and Raed,

            If you find mine and a.z threads, as long as you are logged in, if you click to open the thread, somewhere at the top of the first post top right corner, you should see something called “Favourite” and “Subscribe”

            Click that, it should add it to your favourites. Then What you can do is when you come abck to the boads, just click on your own profile and click “Favourites” and it will show you the threads you have favourited! :)

            Also if you see my name in the posts, you can click on my name and click “Favourites” you can see the threads that Ive actually favourited (Ive favourited a.z and my thread) so you can find our 2 threads that way if its easier then searching :)

            Let me know if you start a thread and I will favourite it x

          • Khine August 13, 2014, 7:11 am

            Can i add you guys too ? but i don’t about new threads . . how can i do ??

  • raessa August 6, 2014, 4:39 am

    hello…my bf and I broke up 2 wks ago. we were together for 2 years and 9 mos. It was a tough one . i did all txt..call..beg absolutely lost my self esteem just to have him back should have i read this site would have not done it. I was devastated as i really fall for him badly we had to a lot of trials that we won together. I hold on to his words that we will grow old together so it really surprised me and shattered me when he broke up with me, I wasn’t able to go to work and just cry and be miserable. This wk i started the NC and it did help me change the daily routine with him that drives me crazy..the usual calls..text . My concern though we are working on the same company so during the NC it will be possible i will bump with him…what shall i do in this case?

  • Rihanna August 6, 2014, 1:43 am

    Thank you so much, Dara, a.z and Sinead for your help… Today I feel so sad I can hardly breathe :( … what happened? I was doing fine and now all I do is wonder what went wrong? I know he’s going through personal issues but come on, does he know how his reaction is affecting the ppl around him? And no I never replied to his texts straight away but I did answer his phone calls every time and only because he’d tell me beforehand when he’s going to call… Last phone call he loved that I was opening up to him and sharing my plans and he was sharing too, then all of a sudden one morning he sends me that text saying ‘he’s having panic attacks at night and I should move on’ … I think he really meant it and I might be back to square one, maybe deaths’ door… We don’t have skype though that’s easy fix but what’s the point now? I don’t think he’s keen on skype (though he mentioned it once during his good mood)… I’m really at a loss for words and have no idea whether he’ll talk to me again, it’s been since saturday morning when he sent me the ‘move on’ text and since the end of NC this has been the longest we haven’t spoken… I can’t bring myself to text him again the ball is in his court now and I can’t do anything… really really sad :(

    • Rihanna August 6, 2014, 2:19 am

      by the way, I’m really sorry that I have been winging lots here … I don’t know what I would do without you guys, you’re all great friends to have and as bad as breakups are I’m glad I met you here, friends :)

      • Khine August 13, 2014, 7:14 am

        Rihanna , i’m sorry to hear from you .. fighting my fri !!

    • RAED August 6, 2014, 4:26 am

      Rihanna,

      Hi! I think it is just normal to feel what you are feeling right now. I am like that too at times. I think what would matter most is that you keep improving everytime. When we say we will move on, we don’t expect it to happen overnight. Moving on is a process. But in your case I know you are not totally moving on.

      Rihanna, at times I would like you to do some self-inspection and self-actualization. Ask yourself is that what you really want? Is staying more worth it than moving on? Is it still worth all the pain, doubts and confusion?

      During times like that I had some self-realization. I love her that time but it hurts me more. So I asked myself what do I really want. And I wanted to be happy. From then on, I tried moving on. It is hard, really. But it is worth it. Because I have saved myself from more pains to come.

      During those tough times, ask yourself how long would you want to be affected. When he’s happy, everythings fine with the both of you. But when he is sad, you become confused and doubt yourself.

      Sometimes, you have to make a stand. At times you have to tell him what you would tolerate and what you wouldn’t.

      If yoy think it is going nowhere, don’t prolong the agony. Your supposedly happy days might be wasted just because you cling on to something that the Universe wants you to let go.

      But if you think it is still worth it, then try.

      If ever you feel sad, we are always here :-)

      • Rihanna August 6, 2014, 5:16 am

        Thank you Raed, you’re a wonderful friend and I agree with you. Should I send him a message in a few days time if he doesn’t or should i just ignore him or send him all the pics via whatsapp and say: “I’m cleaning my phone so I’m sending you these in case you would want to keep them”. The purpose of this message would be to tell him “I’m moving on and deleting you from my life”. What do you think?

        • a.z August 6, 2014, 5:54 am

          You don’t have to move on unless you feel like you want to and everything you feel is really normal.don’t focus on his words like move on…,i’m sure he is gonna change that soon.i don’t think if you have to do NC.you can show him that you don’t care anymore when you are in touch.

          • RAED August 6, 2014, 6:14 am

            Rihanna,

            Yes, A. Z. is right. You don’t need to move on if you don’t feel like it. Because it will be harder to resist. But if you still want him but thinks that you are better off without him in the long run, then you will be needing a lot of self control to really cut it all out.

            About the pictures, it will be fine if you send them to him. But he might be confused if you wouldn’t directly tell him that you want to move on. And will you really send him the pictures because you want to tell him that you are moving on? Or you are doing that because somehow when he sees the pictures, it may spark something back?

            I may not see you in person, Rihanna. But I know that somewhere deep within you is the hope to have him back. To how it was before it gets this messy and confusing. I know somehow you are waiting for that miracle. I can sense you are still clinging to even a small thread to hold on to, to not totally keep you apart. And I wouldn’t hate you for that.

            As they said, forget all the reasons why it won’t work and believe one reason why it will. So as long as you still want to try no matter how much it hurts, go ahead. If the flame is still burning with desire to make it work out, then let it.

            I cannot tell you to stop because I am not you. And sometime we have to learn the hard way. Sometimes, we wouldn’t believe others unless we see/experience it ourselves. So if you still want to try no matter how much you will be whining after, then don’t deny yourself with the chance.

            If it will not really work, then I believe someday you will be the one to call it quits and tell yourself when you’ve had more than enough. But if it works, then I will be happy for you.

            I just want to say that whatever you feel like doing – whether to move on or keep trying, I will support you. I am your friend. And I won’t judge ;-)

  • Dylano August 5, 2014, 11:47 am

    What if my ex and i are living in the same house?

  • cindy August 5, 2014, 11:03 am

    Hello,
    I appreciate for the wonderful job you are doing. During the no contact period in this one month i did not take any initiative of calling my boyfriend. One fine day he called me up from another number and i recieved his call he insisted to meet up he was showing that he was caring for me and wanted to stay one night at my place. I then met him and he stayed with me one night. We both came close to each other it was like that we love each other lots and there is no misunderstanding between us but when i say the three words he does not say it or turns the statement. After that day he did not message or call up. During friendship day i waited for his message or call but he did not neither I called or texted. Nearly two weeks he did not called or texted to know how I am. It happens that after every three weeks he calls up. I am confused with this kind of behaviour dont understand whats in his mind if he not loves me then why he comes close to me and then he part his ways far from me. After one month i had met him i thought he will say the words what my ears wanted to hear.Tell me please what shall i do now?

    Cindy

    • a.z August 5, 2014, 6:57 pm

      hey,
      Don’t contact him and wait for him to contact you.then act like friends.
      I think he doesn’t want to lose you,and he doesn’t want you to move on.but he is still confused and he is not sure whether to get back with you or not.
      I don’t know your story like how long you have been dating and what happened,when you broke up … .but i think he knows you want him back and i think you should act the opposite way.he doesn’t have to be sure about it.

      Make positive changes in your life and show that you are having a great time and you have been doing great in your life.
      Find the issue in your relationship and try to resolve it.if he is confused he needs to find a good reason to convince himself to get back with you.
      Good Luck

  • Rihanna August 5, 2014, 3:48 am

    Hi everyone!

    It’s funny how with time we no longer obsess about how to get our exes back and start seeing things differently, for what they really are! For once, I think my ex is selfish, one day he adoooores me but isn’t ready the next he ignoooores me but isn’t ready and I’m sick sick sick of being considerate towards him when all he’s been doing lately is being rude. Well, we talked and he was lovely all last week then on Sat he wakes up sends a text that he’s had lots of panic attacks and needs to see a doc and that I should move on… ok, I didn’t say anything much apart from I’m here if you need me, as a friend! Well I gave it few days (three to be exact) and today I sent him ‘something remind me of you text’ it’s been hours and he just ignores it. The only time he calls me is when I text him feeling down and need some sort of support, then he’s wonderful… but he’s hot and cold and though I’ve read kevin’s email on hot and cold it scares me cos I don’t like ppl who are not stable with their decisions. I do love him but I don’t know what should I do? It’s been 4 months and we can’t even catch up cos we live in different states for another 5 months til I move back there for MY FUTURE (fingers crossed)One day he’s talking about the future with me and next he’s ignoring my messages depending on his personal circumstances.

    Also, I’ve posted great stuff on FB, I’ve had guys comment on my work as well and I don’t know how he’ll react to that (if at all)… Do you guys think I should apply NC again? I have no problem with that lol… I know he’ll contact me some day but I feel like he’s in control of the situation atm and not me :( … What do you guys think I should do? Thanks heaps peeps xx

    • Dara August 5, 2014, 7:04 am

      Hi Rihanna,

      I am glad that you see more detail in his flaws. That’s really a great sign!

      I don’t think if you should do NC again! I don’t like the fact that you guys live apart! That’s really annoying! Like I said long ago, with only one experience of long distance, I don’t like the idea of long distance relationship anymore! Unfortunately, your situation is somewhat like that. You already did NC and you don’t seem to be needy. Moreover, you have control over your emotions. That’s great!!

      My personal suggestion is that you should continue the way you are do now and set a deadline for yourself to evaluate him. For example, if after two months you find some positive changes in him (like initiating contacts, calling you more often, etc.) then continue what you have been doing. However, if you don’t see the changes you expected consider moving on. Life is short and more precious to spend on one person to see if he/she changes or not.

      I’m glad to hear from you Rihanna!! Keep updating us!

      • a.z August 5, 2014, 8:56 am

        Rihanna,
        I suggest you to tell him that you have been having a great time lately and you made new friends and it feels great.play it cool for a week and then say you have been thinking and its weird but you think two should be just friends.
        Avoid being emotional and don’t get too personal and ignore him when he talks about the relationship you had or anything like that.be cool ,happy,confident and positive all the times.
        Use video calls and look happy sexy and attractive.
        After some time let him think that your presence in his life as a friend might be over cuz you are not attracted to him like you were and he might be losing you forever.let him think that you may be interested in someone else.but he doesn’t have to be sure if you are dating someone serious or anything.
        Try to meet him in person after after you created the scarcity and it has to be like a perfect date. have a really good time with him and it should end up in a place that you can be intimate and talk about the relationship.again don’t say anything about getting back.he doesn’t have to feel any pressure.let it be his idea to get back.

        Best of luck

        • Dara August 5, 2014, 11:41 am

          a.z. aslo has a good suggestion. I think its better than mine!

    • Sinead August 5, 2014, 10:26 am

      Hi Rihanna,
      I replied to you on the thread below (the one about the forum) so I don’t know if you saw that or not but have you tried skype? Is that an option for you two? I don’t think you should go NC again but maybe you should not reply to texts straight away, wait an hour or two and maybe think about not answering the phone the first time he tries to call, just say you were out and about or busy or something??? Would that work for you? It might help you regain some control over when ye talk etc…

      • a.z August 5, 2014, 7:37 pm

        Hey sinead,
        I don’t know you but i read your comments below Rihanna’s posts and i don’t know why but your comments make me feel relaxed.
        Its really nice to meet you and i would like to know your story,i actually scrolled down but i couldn’t find your original post.
        Hope you are doing great!!

        • RAED August 6, 2014, 4:36 am

          Hi, ladies! Plus Dara. Hihi.

          Rihanna,
          I think what they are suggesting are good. Set a limit or a deadline as to when you will tolerate such. Yes it is wrong to put a deadline on someone but if it is with your case it will be an exception. You cannot wait forever until when he will feel stable about the two of you.

          It is hard when you depend your mood based on how he treates you. He has got the upperhand, Rihanna. You cannot tolerate such behavior forever.

          If he doesn’t like you, then he doesn’t like you. No matter what reasons he says and excuses it all boils down to one thing that he is not that into you to be with you.

          I think he is playing safe and doing some mind games. Show him that you can play better. I don’t mean that you should play mind games too. But be in control. Accept the things you can’t change and change what you can. You cannot control him nor his feelings but you can control yours. If tired, direct your sails somewhere.

          If you have to ask yourself whether he loves you or not, then maybe he doesn’t. Because if he does, he would stand firm on what he says.

        • Sinead August 7, 2014, 9:49 am

          Hi a.z, Nice to meet you. My story was published at the start of July when Kevin came back from his leave, I’m not sure the exact date so you probably have to search through the first week of July… But its there somewhere ;-)

  • Evan August 4, 2014, 2:12 pm

    So it’s almost been a month since me and my ex broke up. We were together for a year and a half and I thought were truly in love. We were always together and never left each other’s side. This was the woman I wanted to marry and even though we had our ups and downs. We were always able to work things out. So about a month ago I flipped out for no apparent reason and kicked her out of the apartment we shared because of something that she had said. At the time, I thought that was the best decision I could make. So then when reality finally set in, and she was actually leaving I tried everything to make her stay, but she wasn’t having it. So then, she left to go to her dad in California and now I’m left here in Arizona feeling so empty. I’ve tried everything. I’ve sent her flowers, told her how I felt, to the point of desperation, but nothing has worked. Just recently, my health has took a turn and so I decided to tell her about it. She was clearly upset to hear it and so I told her to worry about herself. Just recently, she called me and told me that she couldn’t handle worrying about herself and myself at the same time, so she said it’s probably best that we have no contact whatsoever. So then, she proceeded to block me from Facebook, Instagram, and even as far as blocking my number. I know that she still has feelings for me and I want to be someone who will be there for her at her time of need. But now, I’m just as lost as I ever was before.

  • RICHARD August 4, 2014, 5:14 am

    I and my girl have been dated for 8 months now.She at times refuses to answer my calls and my texts.She resently denied me off seeing her on her birthday and hang up on me when i tried to tell her how i feel about that.Though she claims she loves me.Should i remain silence and practice this guide?I need your help.

    • Kevin August 7, 2014, 12:54 am

      Yes you should.

  • RAED August 4, 2014, 3:53 am

    Kevin,

    Would it be fine if I will subscribe to both hit to get ex-girlfriend and ex-boyfriend back? He he

    Guys,
    I commented on my previous sad post last time ha ha.

    • a.z August 4, 2014, 7:51 am

      Hey,
      I read your post below,i think you are doing the right thing.you are more important than her so keep what you are doing and focus on yourself.you can try the falsefriendship later if you want.
      I also posted an update in the forums,i don’t want him as friends or boyfriend or anything anymore.i’m moving on and it feels good :D
      Best of luck

      • RAED August 6, 2014, 4:05 am

        A. Z.,

        Hey, thanks! Moving on will feel better no matter how hard than being stuck on the same page. I’ll be checking your post at the forum! ;)

  • Clo August 4, 2014, 2:02 am

    Me and my bf have broke up a few times before and got back together, but this time, it was a mutual agreement breakup , I’m a dancer he’s a musician, and in both industry’s it’s hard to have a partner were 19 been together 2 years, it was literally crazy stupid love. We ended it on mutuals, but now I’m really starting to regret it! I know he will get over me straight away, because he has distractions gigging and busking and I’m on my summer holidays from dancing. I’m going to try this 30 day thing and see how it goes because at the minute I look clingy and obsessed. Eugh any comments?

    • a.z August 4, 2014, 7:55 am

      Hey,
      You should follow the plan.it’ll increase your chances.
      During this time,work on you life and try to improve it.make positive changes in your life and try to be happy,confident ,cool and positive.show that you are having a good time without him .don’t stalk him at all and concentrate on yourself.

      • Sinead August 4, 2014, 12:28 pm

        Also subscribe to Kevin’s emails. You’ll get an email everyday and that will help with the no contact – that will make it a bit easier for you I hope…

    • Rihanna August 5, 2014, 4:38 am

      Hi Clo,

      Yes do try the 30 days NC. My ex and I are both artists, we fell maaadly in love, then life sucked due to the industry mainly… But you’re both still young so keep it up and live your dreams. I think Kevin’s method will work for you both so keep your hopes up, NC is bit tricky but you can do it and will be a different person after (in a really good way) so good luck :)

  • Daniel August 3, 2014, 10:42 pm

    RAED,
    man! of all people youre the least i expect t be sad. you encouraged me most of the time and its like youre moving on quite well. your also hooking up with girls already.cheer up man! i dont wamt you to be like that because when i hear form you that you are doing great i also get motivated in my moving on. its wierd that were moving on but we still visit a getyourexback site. this community gave a lot that only us can understand. someimes its better to part ways and you will only realize it on the long run.

    Rihanna,
    you still active giving help around here. how are you? i honestly think that you guys have a chance but with the right circumstances. i also admire you handling the breakup very maturedly. i cant even see my ex’s photos up to now. im somewhat afraid i dont know.

    BEST OF LUCK TO EVERYONE HERE! ENJOY THE COMMUNITY! THERE ARE GOOD PEOPLE AROUND! EVERY BROKENHEARTED PERSON HAS A FAMILY HERE. THATS ALL I CAN SAY. THANKS TO KEVIN FOR MAKING THIS SITE. :)

    • Rihanna August 4, 2014, 1:27 am

      Hey Daniel,

      I miss you and glad to hear from you. Truth is, I think the message board has made us drift apart. I used to love coming here and hanging out with you and Dara and Festival David, Raed, David, Edward, a.z and many others, and now I’ve met Sinead here and it’s so much easier to talk on this wall because we don’t have to search for each other through topics. I’m in the same situation with my ex, we’re friends some days closer than others but I’m happy and working towards my goal. But like you I still come on this site because I feel like I have a second family and even better than my real friends cos I’m able to open up here a lot better. I feel sad at times when I come here and don’t find ‘my group’ but glad to hear from you and Raed (from the oldies) and happy to meet Sinead, she’s a lovely girl (lol I thought she was a boy until she told me hehehe)… Big Love xx

      • RAED August 4, 2014, 3:10 am

        Daniel,

        Hey man! I was nust having some kind of hormonal imbalance. It has been my problem eversince. Sometimes mood spikes up then suddenly I will feel unknowingly depressed. Ha ha. It feels crazy man. We are no longer on talking terms. There are times I consecutively dreamt of her and it ruined my whole mood when I woke up. Like, wtf don’t even mess up with my sleeping life aren’t you happy messing up with my waking life? Lol. So I prayed really hard for her to get away and stay out of my dreams because I feel violated. And somehow it works. I sometimes check her fb and I don’t like seeing her face. I am wishing someday she will have someone else so I can measure if I will still be affected. But anyways, I am no longer in love with her or admire her. I go back to this site because it feels home. Thank you, man. I am glad you are moving on. We can do this! Keep us updated! :-)

        Rihanna,
        Lol. I was thinking who Sinead is. I thought you met a new love online.

        • David August 4, 2014, 4:05 am

          Hi Guya and Gals,

          Good to see you all again, I have been on the baords though so tbh This is first time in about 2 weeks Ive checked the comments section as I didnt think people were still posting here :)

          I know a.z is on the baords too and I also my own update, It would be good to see you all in there too :)

          Great to hear how well your doing rihanna :D
          x

      • Steve August 4, 2014, 5:21 am

        Hi Rihanna
        Fist time I’ve checked the comments section for a while and didn’t realise people were still using this. I have started a thread in the No Contact section of the forums called “the NC anonymous thread”. Its for those who are active users (Both new and old) to share regular updates on how they are going. Both the struggles and good things happening in your life. I know both a.z. and Dara have contributed along with some new faces. You, Daniel and Raed should check it out. Its a good group thread for us all :)

        • a.z August 4, 2014, 8:13 am

          Hey guys,
          Its really good to see you all again and i missed us talking like this.
          You guys should check out the board sometimes :D
          And FYI i’m also moving on :D and i posted an update there.
          I really love this site and it really feels like we are all family,we should talk to each other more often.
          Best of luck old friends.

          • Dara August 4, 2014, 6:17 pm

            Dear friends,

            I like the board because I get emails there. TBH, I have not been here on the main site for a week at least! Maybe we old members could create a thread only for us, just like Steve did.

            It has always been fun talking to you! I like this site more than Facebook! I can’t post on Facebook my problems! Everyone should be happy over there!! ha ha ha ha…

            I’m glad that you guys have been around me!

            Love you all!!!

        • Rihanna August 5, 2014, 2:27 am

          Hey Steve, omg I miss you too lol…

          Well, I have responded to a few posts on the board but I was searching through the topics, I miss the sense of community here like we are talking now… So I do go on the board but I prefer here that’s all… I’m sure that’ll change once I get used to it. Lol, looks like i’ll be here for a while haha :P

          • Rihanna August 5, 2014, 4:42 am

            awww love you Dara, I’m on the boards too and I do comment on others posts but I miss my group, like all of us here, now I feel much better hearing from you (Dara, David, Festival David, a.z, Edward, Steve, Raed, Daniel) and now Sinead…etc.. maybe we should have a forum just for us LOL :P

          • Dara August 5, 2014, 7:24 am

            Hi Rihanna!

            I am too busy lately and skip most of the stories. Moreover, my psychological phase is changing and I can’t empathize with everyone so easily. Plus, I don’t stories to see what went wrong in my own. I don’t care much about it anymore! However, since I still how one feels during/after the breakup, I randomly comment on a few posts on Kevin’s forum.

            I had a suggestion which would be compliant to Kevin’s policy on his site and forum. My suggestion was that we could create one single thread only for our own group so that we could update each other with what is happening. I liked Steve’s because it did not say something like “Steve’s stoty”. I am sure that we (you, a.z., Steve, Festival David,even Daniel, Edward and RAED) still read each others updates!

            Yeah! The “culture” is a bit different in that forum. I also agree with you. Since its the forum but not the wall, more people write over there and things get lost! But I liked the idea that I would get notifications on my email so that I did not need to refresh this wall.

            By the way, who is Sinead? Maybe I should search for this person’s story! LOL

            Sinead,

            Nice meeting you! Rihanna’s friends on this site are my friends too! Best of luck!

          • Sinead August 5, 2014, 10:30 am

            Thanks Dara! You’re very sweet ;-)

          • Rihanna August 6, 2014, 4:05 am

            Hey Dara,

            thank you for your advice, it’s always good to hear from you :) … I feel the same it’s hard to show empathy especially when one is feeling low… I hate that we live in different states but I am moving back to the big city at the start of the year (for my own sake not for him, never move for just a guy). Anyway, I know he has feelings for me but he makes his own decisions without taking my advice cos he thinks it’s best for me… that’s crap! Anyway, I’m not going to text him anymore since I’m the one who texted him last and I shouldn’t have texted him the ‘something reminds me of you text’ yesterday I feel crap about that also… I would love to take a.z’s advice as well but how can I now? I’d have to be in contact with him in order to do the video chat and all the things she recommended (thank you a.z :) ) So I come to this wall to vent out and talk instead of obsessing to him cos i’m just confused about what happened not really obsessing over his love, that phase has passed with time (sadly)

            Anyway, Sinead is a great girl. When I spoke with her first I thought she was a guy cos her name rhymes with Sindibad lol… she’s also helped me and given me straight advice from RR.

            I really wish we could all be FB friends but I guess everyone here is hiding their true identity as a shield to be able to open up like we do … would be sad to lose this friendship though … All my love to everyone :)

  • Zahra August 3, 2014, 8:23 pm

    Hi Kevin,

    First of all, your guide and e-mails really helped me, thank you.

    After 45-50 days of NC I contacted my ex a week ago (he’s a stubborn one). He replied with that he was speechless that I contacted him and he wanted to contact me but he was a bit scared of how I would react if he would. He wanted to send me flowers some day (if I didn’t contacted him). But yea, that’s what he says now :)..

    He said a multiple times that he tought about me almost every day and how I was doing and that, if I didn’t noticed it the last day we met, I had him ‘super in love’ and that the break-up was one of this ‘toughest decisions’ in life. He said that he can’t turn all his emotions off and that he thinks more with his brains now than with his heart. He doesn’t want to have such a hard time (break-up) again if we ever get back together.

    Today I asked what his point was with that message (what I wrote above). Well.. he said something what I actually didn’t expected:
    “Basically, don’t get your hopes up, that’s what I meant. I’m happy that we can talk with eachother and laugh and such, but nothing more, I’ve not been in a ‘emotional rollercoaster’ like “let’s try it again” since we are talking again.”
    Why would he say something like this when he said 2 days ago something like “I think about you almost every day (multiple times), you had me so in love, if we ever get back together.”

    I don’t know what I should think now.. I’m really confused and the little hope I had.. is actually shattered now. I didn’t respond to his text yet. I hope you or the other visiters on this page can help me out.

    Oh, and sorry for my bad english, it’s not my native language.

    Love,

    Zahra

    • Sinead August 4, 2014, 12:14 pm

      Hi Zahra,

      I think you should subscribe to Kevin’s emails because there’s one that addresses your ex going hot / cold. I posted the email below for Rihanna, if you want to take scroll down and take a look?

      • Zahra August 4, 2014, 2:06 pm

        Hi Sinead,

        Thanks for replying! I subscribed to Kevin’s email series a month ago and it helped and motivated me :). I readed your posts to Rihanna and I also found the hot-cold email you posted from the series.

        I actually don’t know how to react to him.. I reacted to his message with “Okay, I got your point” and then he said “Can you find yourself in what I said? I mean, you know my personality, I’m social and nice to people, I don’t want you to think that I’m acting with a ‘he wants me back’ behaviour or something. I don’t want to give you false hope and that’s why I’m this open with you”.

        I said “a bit”, then he asked “no hard feelings?”. I replied with “why?”. Then he said “just asking”.

        Lol, I don’t know what I should think now, this guy is weird and gives me headache. I didn’t replied yet. But he wouldn’t ask that question out of nowhere, would he?

        • Sinead August 5, 2014, 3:47 pm

          I think you’re doing really well Zahra. Just try to stay strong, let him contact you and continue to be cool and breezy. Initiate a false friendship by being happy and positive when he texts you and tell him about new and exciting things that are happening in your life. This should make him start wanting you back…

          • Zahra August 6, 2014, 10:31 am

            Thank you Sinead. Those words encourage me to not give up. After the last conversation (August 4) I didn’t spoke to him. I’m waiting until he texts me first now. But I doubt it will happen.. Or should I take the first step a few times?

            After he said “just asking” I told him that I’m not angry or upset with what he said, because he told me the same 2 months ago, and it was clear to me. He told me that he wanted to be sure of it, because exes expect more than a random check-up when they contact. He said that he’s really happy that we talk to each other again, because he was always thinking how I was and it made his head hurt (lol, good). He didn’t wanted to contact because he thought that I would go on the ‘emotional rollercoaster’-ride. Then I said:
            “Lol, yes, maybe. But you know, are you thinking that I’ll still fight for someone that doesn’t want me? It costs too much pain and energy, that’s why I stopped myself. Oh, and when I spoke to you, you could think “why is she talking to me..” ”
            He answered with that he wasn’t thinking like that, but that my last words (1,5 month ago) were so emotional and that it would be selfish of him if he talked to me if I still were in such a pain.
            The last thing I said (that’s related to this serious convo..) was that I’m not as cold as ice right now. But I’m not doing anything with it and, what I already said, I won’t fight for someone who doesn’t want to fight/wouldn’t do the same for me. And where there isn’t any hope, there isn’t any pain. I let it go. He replied with: “Hmmm. I agree with you.”

            So… yea, that’s the last convo I had with him. And I actually meant what I said, I don’t want to fight so hard for someone who doesn’t want to fight for me.. Even if I still love him. Should I become closer with him, sort of ‘friends’ and see how it will end or just end it right here? Or should I do NC out of nowhere again (because he said he was worried and thinking of me every day how I was doing)?

            Sorry for the long post and all my questions. I hope you can give me some advice. Any help is good! Thanks in advance.

            – And Sinead, how’s your situation right now?

          • Sinead August 7, 2014, 10:04 am

            Hi Zahra,

            I think only you can decide wheather to move on or try to make it work… If you really want to move on I would suggest NC indefinitely but if you still think you want him back you could leave it for a few days – even a week – and then text him the ‘something reminded me of you’ text from above.

            To engage him in a false friendship you should not talk about the breakup at all, but be cheerful and happy when talking with him and tell him about something new and exciting in your life, a new hobby or new friends for example. Then wait and see if he initiates contact with you after that…

          • Zahra August 7, 2014, 1:34 pm

            Thanks for your advice Sinead. Yes, I still want him back.. and today, out of nowhere, he said something about my display picture (which I changed today) from Whats App (I guess the ‘not-talking-method-and-waiting-until-he-replies’ works for me). He said “That’s a very cute smile miss”. I won’t expect much from this text, but it is something, right? At least he took the effort to click on my picture and comment on it.

          • Sinead August 9, 2014, 7:46 am

            Hi Zahra,
            Yes him commenting on your picture is good. Stay cool and develop a false friendship with him, don’t talk about the break-up or anything intimate, just act like an acquaintance and let him come to you…

        • Zahra August 10, 2014, 7:39 pm

          Well, something happened yesterday.

          He said today (after replying to something I said yesterday and 1h after that reply):
          “I was just wondering, like when I’m in your hometown, would you like to meet up, hang out….. like idk.”
          I said I’m okay with it because we don’t hate each other or something. He said he’s wondering how I am now.. (for the 100 x he’s saying this like.. okay?).
          And he said “I can’t lie, since the day you contacted me I was only thinking how you have been and the time we were together, I started reminiscing”.

          I asked him if the reminders were good or just things that he didn’t wanted to think about. He responded with “both”. He said that we had fun and good times together, but it’s the break up that he doesn’t understand and he doesn’t know why we had to.. That it wasn’t something like “they lived happily ever after”. After some texts he called me.. he was in the car and was going to somewhere. It was super random. But we talked normal and we laughed. He asked me twice and specifically (again..) how my life is and what I am doing now, what I did all the time and if my parents ever asked about him after the break up.

          Today he texted me a lot. Later he asked me if he could give me a call, but I responded with that I was in the car and that he could call me later if he would. When I was home (I told him when I was driving back at home) he called again but I was in the shower. After 5-10 minutes he called me again and we talked over 1 hour (it was.. 1:30 am or something?). He was in the car, driving back at home.

          Well, it’s possible that he called me because it was ‘ easier’ because he was driving, but.. he could just wait 5-10 minutes until he was home and text me again.. Did he wanted to hear my voice/talking with me in a more personal way? I don’t want to get ‘ all my hopes up’ like he said, but it looks like he’s after me.. or he’s just being nice, and likes to talk with me and wanted being friends really bad.

          Greets!

  • rayan August 3, 2014, 5:10 pm

    Hey Kevin,
    dude ur steps are to difficult to follow. I had a four years relationship with my cousin girlfriend.now when she started going to university she started changing. She use to give me less time selfies with a male friend. She like completely ignored my love.however due to some reason we broke up 2 months ago. I was totally broken yet my sister convinced her to talk to me because I was in complete depression.she talks to me but it’s like she don’t want to. What should I do Kevin please help me out and reply asap. I love her and want her back

    • Sinead August 4, 2014, 12:07 pm

      Hi Rayan,

      I’m sorry you feel so bad… I know what its like. You need to follow the steps and start with no contact for a month. Use the month to find yourself, meet / make friends and do things you enjoy. You’ll become a stronger person for yourself and a more attractive person to her.

    • Zahra August 4, 2014, 2:29 pm

      Hi Rayan,

      I’m sorry for your sadness.. I was there too, when my ex broke up with me I was a totally miserable girl. I didn’t want to do anything and all I wanted was sleeping and, actually, when I woke up I was sad that I woke up that day. I was so in love with him, he really had me and I knew that I really had him, that’s what I can understand from his messages, even now.. and even he says that he doesn’t want a relationship with me..

      I think the No Contact rule (NC) would give you both some rest and time to think about everything, what you want. You can both work on yourselves and, what Sinead said, you’ll become a stronger and a more attractive person.

      Because of NC I found some rest and peace in myself. I meditated and went to the gym more often. I started to do new things and tried to meet my friends and new people as much I could. I tried to make fun and find the happiness in life again. I tried to see myself as the #1 priority again, and it helped me a lot. I also thought about what went wrong in my relationship and what I should change if we ever get back together.

      Now, I have my emotions under control. Well, yea, sometimes I’m sad about how it all went, but I’m not that miserable person anymore. Because of NC I saw which people are there for me, no matter what.. After 45-50 days I contacted him and it went okay (read my story @boards or somewhere below).

      I wish you the best. Let us know how it went! Oh, and stick to the NC if you’re in it. Don’t break it or you have to start all over again.

  • kelly August 3, 2014, 12:18 pm

    Hello guys. Quick update I reckon my partner wants me back. We broke up 4 months ago. And he was cold at first. Not texting me. Telling me to find Mr right. Anyway I’ve done the no contact and few thank god that’s over with lol. Well my ex text me last week saying he never wanted this us being apart. And he hates being away from his children. We been texting each other for a bit and it’s all good. Nothing personal. Hes been putting kisses on the ending of every text and calling me luv. He never once called me that when we split up. So I think he’s missing us all. He goes on holiday tomorrow with his mum for 2 weeks. He said he doesn’t want to go as it’s not a good time for him???. He said he will bring me back something very special and he promised. So iam not going to bug him while he’s away. Want him to have time to himself. So fingers crossed :-D xx

  • Rihanna August 3, 2014, 8:21 am

    Hi Kevin and everyone, (this is about the forum)
    I just want to share my opinion about this site. When I first came here I felt like I was part of a community and made good friends who comforted me and that we could all share and comment on stories because everything appeared on this wall. Although at times it became confusing with having to find past comments by dragging the page up and down but the sense of togetherness on this wall (to me) feels a lot closer than to the forums after some of us agreed that the forum would be a better option. But with the forum everything seems secluded and often we have to click on the subject purposely to read other people’s stories and point of view. I liked coming here and chatting to friends who just seemed to be passing by this site at times and that’s what I found likeable about this site to other forums. Since the forum was made I’ve lost touch with those whom I spoke with often here because unless I search for them through the forum I won’t find them and even then… Is anyone feeling the same way or do you guys like having the forum?

    • Rihanna August 3, 2014, 9:01 am

      by forum I mean the message board

      • Sinead August 3, 2014, 10:19 am

        I agree Rihanna, I also find the boards cumbersome. Maybe a button to ‘show’ and ‘hide’ the message’s thread here, on this part of the site, would be beneficial as you could scroll down / up quicker?

        • Rihanna August 3, 2014, 10:34 pm

          Hello Sinead,

          Yes I agree that’s a great idea with the button to show the thread on here :)

          Also I want to thank you soooooooooo much for the reply on ‘switch’ and what to do with drift I found the information which you pasted below to be helpful so thank you so much for taking your time to help me out. I really appreciate it. We don’t live in the same city though I’m saving as much as I can to go back to the big city by the new year (fingers crossed) and hopefully I can reside there when I find work (I pray to god my plan goes accordingly) and i’m not doing that for him but for myself which is good. However, it’s great that he’s there too and he said he’ll keep an eye on me so at least I have someone’s support, even as a friend. But for now I can’t do much face-to-face communication with switch cos we’re long distance now.
          What about you? How did you go in writing that letter to him? Did you follow the points and keep it short and sweet? Let me know of your progress and stay positive, it’s all good and things will happen slowly :)

          • Sinead August 4, 2014, 8:16 am

            Hi Rihanna,

            I’m glad it helped. I didn’t realize pasting the RR was copyright and it’s been removed now, so sorry about that…

            Yes, I forgot you were in a different city. What about a skype meeting instead of face to face? Or do you do that already? I know it’s not ideal but it may help keep things moving along somewhat?

            Thanks for your help on the letter :-) I kept the it to 1 page and I used the RR letter as a template, then infused your points into it to personalize it. I’m very happy with how it came out. I feel like I’ve brought back some civility to our situation and clawed back some self respect too (not needy and clingy anymore :-) ).

            I sent the letter by fb pm yesterday morning and it isn’t marked as ‘seen’ yet but I think he can mark it as unread so the ‘seen’ notification won’t show anyway. It’s his birthday tomorrow so he will check fb at some stage this week to see his birthday messages so I know he’ll see it then anyway!

        • Kevin August 4, 2014, 2:20 am

          That’s a good idea. I’ll see if it’s possible.

          About the forums, I understand that it might be a little harder to find topics. But once you get used to it, it’ll be even better. Other users are finding it more useful and more organized than these comments section. Is there anything I can do to make it more appealing?

          Did you guys know that you can mark topics as “favorites” or “subscribe” to them? Perhaps, this can help you keep track of things.

          Perhaps I can add a function which will enable you to distinguish between topics that you have already read vs. the ones you haven’t read yet?

          The reason I am so keen on making the forums work is because it makes the moderation of this website much easier to handle. And it’s much easier for people to find their questions and the answers to them.

          • RAED August 4, 2014, 3:20 am

            Rihanna,

            I agree with you. The first time I encountered the forum I got excited so I took a visit. But I got confused because I can see some posts are left unnoticed unlike here. I find it easier here.

            I agree with Sinead’s suggestion on the ‘show/hide’ on this wall. And search button to find the latest from friends. It might make this wall less cluttered. But I hope if that happens the newbies won’t be ignored just because they haven’t establish friends yet.

            Kevin,
            Thank you for making this site better. We appreciate the effort.

          • RAED August 4, 2014, 3:42 am

            Or would it be a lot of hard work if we can just have an account on this site? Since we provide our name and email add to be able to post here.

            I was just thinking if we can log in and if someone’s commented on our post we can have notifications so it’ll be easier to track. Then the news feed is what appears on this wall ha ha.

            But I guess that will be so much hardwork :( so maybe, whatever we have now is fine. It’s better than having nothing at all :P

  • Sinead August 3, 2014, 3:28 am

    Hi Everyone, No question this time just an update… I’ve sent the letter buy private message on FB… God I’m a bag of nerves now, what’s he going to think when he read’s it? Will he even respond? I’m so nervous!

    • Rihanna August 3, 2014, 8:06 am

      Hey Sinead :)
      First, Congratulations on completing the hardest part which is NC and writing the letter. He won’t respond immediately cos he knows better not to, he too doesn’t want to appear desperate to hear from you lol … So, just give him a couple of weeks to respond and if he doesn’t by then, then you can send him ‘something remind of you text’. But for now there’s really nothing for you to do, the ball is in his court. Good luck

  • Elana August 2, 2014, 1:40 pm

    Hey Kevin,

    I read your article a little after my ex and I started talking again. I broke things off with him and asked him to move out. We shared a condo and two dogs and a lot of memories so it was really hard not to contact him. I was doing really well but he kept texting me and calling me when he was drunk and sober, and he would tell me that he missed me even though he had been seeing someone else.

    He kept asking to come see the dogs even though he’d seen them for days in a row. We finally talked things out and he asked me to be his girlfriend again and even said he wanted me to be his wife. Everything was fine and going back to normal until I found out he hadn’t told that girl which upset me, and he started to doubt things, perhaps seeing my insecurity.

    I assured him that I was not insecure but in a valid relationship he should respect the woman that he is with enough to only be talking to her or have pictures of her on his phone. He went from calling me babe and telling me he loved me over the weekend to asking to “take it slow” on Wednesday.

    He was insistent that he isn’t talking to other girls, and that he just wants to take time for himself and wants to hangout and take me on dates but he has been super distant, barely texting and if so hours later and no real communication at all.

    I’m wondering if I should start the NC now, or wait this out and see if he comes back around. I just don’t want to get my heart broken all over again.

  • SweetDreams August 2, 2014, 9:13 am

    Kevin, please don’t approve my comments if my photo shows up. I’m trying another email. I’ll be devastated if anyone reads it and recognizes me. Thank you!,

    • Kevin August 4, 2014, 2:31 am

      I didn’t. If you want to ask a question, please post it in the forums.

  • RAED August 2, 2014, 7:01 am

    Hi everyone.

    I have been busy lately. I am trying to be productive but still having unsatisfactory results so i’m somehow depressed. The broken heart adds more to the burden.

    It’s been 3months since the breakup and we havent talk for a month. She stopped initiating contact maybe because she feels that she is the one initiating. I think of her at times but she was the one who broke up with me so i hope she isn’t expecting me to run after her.

    It feels good that we aren’t in contact because at least I wouldn’t be guilty if I igbore her. But at times it feels sad. Is this a real sign of moving on on both parties?

    I don’t know if she will never contact me anymore or she’s just waiting for me. But I no longer want her. At times when I just feel sad, I feel sadder because of what happened. I don’t know, I hope this is just temporary but it has been weeks since I miss her.

    • Rihanna August 3, 2014, 8:13 am

      Hey Raed,
      I miss you and glad to hear from you though I hoped your message was bit happier. I think there’s an ‘ego’ game going between you two. Perhaps, you two should agree on being good friends so that when one party misses the other it’s ok to pick up the phone and call for a casual chat without any expectations because there’s no relationship. Perhaps do pick up the phone and call her since she’s the one always initiating contact (until she stopped). I’m like her, as of yesterday I’ve decided to abate my contacts because I feel he only calls me when I contact first. Sometimes he did contact. But if you no longer want her as a girlfriend you can still be friends if you miss her, and if you’re just friends you shouldn’t care about who contacts who first just treat the situation with ease and it will become less complicated. There’s no rule to say it’s not ok to call or text a friend whom you miss…

      • RAED August 4, 2014, 3:29 am

        Rihanna,

        Hi. I miss you too! It’s been a long time. Ha ha. I’m sorry the weather affects me much especially it is cuddle season. Oh I am so gay! Ha ha

        I am still bitter from the breakup so I don’t want to be friends with her yet. And I don’t know if I am still looking forward to being just friends again. Yes, you are right that it is ego. But somehow it is a big help because it reminds me of the kind of love I deserve. I am an all-or-nothing guy. If I can’t have it all then I don’t want any of it. Applies to if she doesn’t want me as a partner then I wouldn’t settle for anything less.

        And I am not cool with us being friends again because I don’t want to do false friendship because I haven’t fully moved on. The breakup had taught me to learn to say NO to things/situations/setup that makes me feel uncomfortable.

        But thank you. Having you as friends is more than enough than trying to befriending her :-D

        • Rihanna August 5, 2014, 3:26 am

          Hey Raed,

          I’m glad you’re moving on and I’m like you, I’ve been in a down mood lately and I think it’s because of the weather, too cold where I’m at lol… I hope it’s the weather!

          You’ll do great and yes, the world IS your oyster, you’re young, smart, healthy go conquer! I’m sick sick sick of our exes treating us like this so I don’t care anymore :( Your help and advice to me were and still are much appreciated, you’ve been a great friend to everyone so if your ex is too blind to see what a wonderful guy you are then it’s her loss! Go live and be happy :D

    • Daniel August 3, 2014, 10:30 pm

      Raed,
      Long time! been also busy lately and not much time to visit here. It.s been 5mos since we broke up and i still feel sad at times. It’s part of moving on. i still think of her alot but the difference is the hurt is no longer there. Just keep on living and i mean being very alive. In time it will all pass. especially if you found a new girl but hey dont rush. its okay to be single for now. youre doing good id say. your on hte right track. best of luck buddy! i hope you be happy soon!

      • RAED August 4, 2014, 3:36 am

        Daniel,

        Hey buddy! Remember the first time we went here acting so desperately dying for Kevin’s advice? I never thought we could make it this far! Ha ha. It is not that far but still this is progress. I guess it is normal for us to think of them at times and get a bit sad but the icebreaker here is that we are no longer in pain. Or maybe sometimes we are but not the kind of pain that makes us wanna die right away.

        I am happy for us buddy. As Rihanna said, the world is our oyster. Never have I been so passionate about having my ‘me’ time when we are still together. But now, I value it the most and it feels good that I don’t have someone to keep pleasing. Ha ha! Cheers, bud!

  • Gigi August 1, 2014, 10:04 pm

    months ago. He chased me the fist two weeks, asked me back and then on the 5th week I contacted him. We had a sad date in which he showed me photos of our good times and personal touch (holding my hand, hugging, stroked my back, etc) he was emotional and continued to contact me that same night and the next morning. He said: He loves me deeply, loves me so much,etc. Two days latr we had an IM fight over the whole relationship, this happened because an ex fling started saing things about how “unhealthy” our relationship was. He defended me but I let go of all my anger. He still reassured me and even sent me a message of a so g at 3am while on a trip. He asked me to reach out because “I just want to talk to you”, I started doing it and suddenly he takes anywhere from 6-24 hours to answer. I know he’s dating several women, and our convos are usually about our relationship, like he’s trying to say “I love you” and “I miss you” but stops there. I think all hope is lost, he was so eager for me to reach out, and I think rehashing the relationship on text was terrible, even though he seemed sweet at the end. How can he stop after the I love you and I miss you? “I’m growing at the moment”, “I’m trying to figure out our relationship” how should I approach this? I’m desperate, and I might be messing things up. Did i turn into a text gnat, even though it seemed mutual?

    • Gigi August 1, 2014, 10:08 pm

      Oops! Sorry everyone, the first couple of lines didn’t show: I said “Hello everyone- I think I might have lost my best opportunity to get my ex back. We dated a couple of years ago for a couple months, and reunited a year later last Sep. We had a great relationship, e en though I was flighty due to his continued flirting with other women -issue he resolved. …

  • Rihanna August 1, 2014, 8:38 pm

    Hi Kevin and everyone,

    I received a weird message from my ex this morning. I opened up to him yesterday and he was wonderful being supportive and positive about the future. He’s been warm and loving and sends me hints he wants me in his life etc… and then this morning I get a text saying: ‘I had lots of panic attacks yesterday I’m going to see a doctor. I want you to be stronger and move on with your life. If you decide to come to the city I’ll always keep an eye on you you’ll always have me as a friend”. Is this message a break up within the breakup? He dedicated a love song for me a week ago and was acting more than a friend so I’m really upset now. I sent him back a text saying if he needs anything I’m here for him, we’re friends for life :) … But i’m confused can anyone help me here? What do I do with a guy that keeps changing? I have a feeling on his good day again he’ll be warm and loving again but how do I move on from this to being together again? I’m giving it til the end of the year and that’s plenty of time. Did he say move on because of his panic attacks?

    • Sinead August 2, 2014, 4:04 pm

      Hi Rihanna,
      I think when he said ‘‘I had lots of panic attacks yesterday I’m going to see a doctor. I want you to be stronger and move on with your life’ because he really does care about you. It sounds to me like he is in a bad place and he doesn’t want to drag you down too…
      In RR it says when in drift ‘you want to appear to be constantly moving forward without them in the picture’ so maybe you could pretend you are stronger and moving on with your life as he suggests?

      • Rihanna August 3, 2014, 8:03 am

        Thank you Sinead, that’s good advice there and I will follow it. He’s constantly asking me if I have someone lol and I keep saying ‘I’m not interested in a relationship I want to concentrate on myself ‘ something he says to me all the time, do you think I should tell him I met someone even if I haven’t? What would RR suggest as a good example to “moving on”…? Thank you Sinead :)

        • Sinead August 3, 2014, 10:09 am

          Hi Rihanna,
          I don’t think you should say you have met someone when you haven’t, maybe you could mention a new group of friends you are hanging out with or something? A mixture of men and women… That way you would have ‘new’ fun experiences with your ‘new friends’ to tell him about?
          I think you’re in Switch now, so you’re moving through the stages! Go you! There’s quite a bit in RR about switch so I’ll copy and paste it for you below this post ok?

          • Sinead August 3, 2014, 10:12 am

            Hi Rihanna,
            This is some of what RR said about Switch:-

            [Removed since RR is not my product and it's against their copyright policy to copy their content and post on a public forum. Sorry -Kevin]

    • Sinead August 3, 2014, 1:46 pm

      Hi Rihanna,
      Sorry about all the posts today but I just opened Kevin’s email for today and it deals with your ex acting hot and cold. Here it is, I hope its of help:-

      It’s common. More common that you and I may think.

      Sometimes, your ex is all sweet to you and the next
      minute, as it seems without any reasons, they are
      cold and harsh to you. Trying to pick a fight with
      you, even though you didn’t do anything.

      It’s like a switch in their mind which gets turned
      on and off without their control.

      Why does it happen? When my ex did this, I thought
      that was just how she was. CRAZY. I thought maybe
      it was just a personality defect she had.

      But I was wrong.

      I realized it’s a common thing. Especially after a
      breakup.

      He is confused. He likes you, he wants to be with
      you, he also wants to stick to his decision of breakup.
      It could also be that he has feelings for someone else.
      And he is just too confused in his mind to figure it
      out himself.

      What can you do about it?

      Well, trying to ask him if something is bothering
      him while he is angry with you, is just going to
      lead to a fight.

      So first of all, if he is cold, being harsh, and/or
      trying to pick a fight with you, don’t bring up any topic.
      All you can do is just don’t fight back. Even though,
      every nerve cell in your body wants to scream back at
      him, control yourself.

      Why?

      Because something is bothering him. He wants to solve it.
      And if he can’t, he would want to share it with someone.
      In all probability, he would want to share it with you.
      A good relationship is where you can share everything
      with your partner. But remember, you are not in a relationship
      with him right now. And even if you are, the relationship is
      not strong enough yet because he is acting this way.
      So, to be fair, you have no right to know what’s bothering him,
      Or why he is confused.

      If you fight back, or act crazy when he is cold, you
      will only confirm his belief that you are not the
      right person to share himself with.

      But if you stay calm about the whole thing, he will
      start thinking differently.

      Let it be his decision to share his feelings with
      you and not yours.

      The more questions you ask, the less he will want
      to answer them.

      Just concentrate on having a good time with him.
      Give him some time and he will either figure it
      out himself, or he will share everything with
      you. Whatever happens, always be cool. And remember,
      if he can’t figure it out, and doesn’t want you
      to help him, there are always endless opportunities
      out there to find love and happiness.

      -Kevin “Not so cold” Thompson

      • Rihanna August 3, 2014, 10:37 pm

        Thank you so much Sinead, you’re a great friend :)

  • Eddie August 1, 2014, 10:30 am

    Just read this and I’m willing start this. My ex broke off with me when I got drunk one day and became insecure and had looked through her phone and approached her in a negative way about a guy that was messaging her. She was upset but did admit that it was a guy that used to like her and she just responds but doesn’t initiate. Still, she felt like her privacy was violated and couldn’t be in a relationship. I never did anything like that before but it makes no difference whether I was drunk it not, I still made a mistake.

    We were also in the middle of working things out because our relationship was slowing down due to our slight distance and busy schedules. Ideally she wished I was more affectionate and spent more time and was starting to lose feelings as she fell out of love.

    She still tells me she cares about me deeply and wishes that I still consider a best friend to contact in any reason, but I can’t see myself so that unless I’m with her.

    The first 2-3 days after break up I was still texting (yes being desperate) and apologizing for my actions while semi-acknowledging her stance and decision and at the very least things became civil but remained broken up. It was only a few days after but Shes happy that I told her I’ve accepted things and wanted to be positive and move forward as she did herself. Still, I think about her and the the last thing I did on the 3rd day after breakup was call her and have a happy conversation. She wasn’t upset anymore and also understood she may have done things that made me insecure but still felt right about not moving forward in the relationship.

    At one point in our relationship we both felt this would become something real and long term, possibly marriage. But it started to erode as we got busier and her great amount of affection for me wasn’t being returned in her eyes. I felt bad but I always loved her and it’s just that I’m not as spunky/outgoing as her, I’ve ways been more the introverted type and her, the extrovert.

    She did breakup/consider it twice before but only because she felt I wasn’t there enough and maybe a few arguments jaded her ( but they weren’t as bad ones I had with past ex’s, she’s just a bit more sensitive and affected by really bad past relationships). The third time was due to me snooping while I was drunk and upset the relationship because the second time she was proposing a breakup was only a week prior. The first time was a total breakup but we got together few days after it when I met with her and explained to her we can make things work.

    Based on this I’m not sure how long my no contact period should be.

    Some things I’m doing now is work, waiting to hear from new job, boxing, running morning and after work or sometimes both, and side projects and reaching out to close family and friends. But still, there are moments in the day where I’m still shackled by the situation and immensely stressed/depressed.

    I’ve also accepted the fact that in this period of NC that i realize that maybe I’m better off not with her romantically and could be okay with that too if my mind ends up taking that turn since there were a few things I always thought we thought differently about that would be a factor in a long term relationship.

    If you can provide a little more detail on how to fine tune the steps to my situation that would be awesome and I would appreciate it a whole lot!

  • sam July 31, 2014, 8:02 pm

    hi everyone

    although my comments never approved i want to share my story.
    first thanks to Kevin for all the helps. but i think if my comments were approved and i could get guidance or even i could read all emails at the first i could be more successful in wining back my ex.
    i am 29 and my ex is 26. we are from middle east. we met each other 5 years ago. she was from another city going to university in mine. tough i was going to capital to studying my MS degree she accepted to be my gf. it made our relationship long-distance from the start. but i kept coming back a lot to see her. she completely fell in love with me and i ignored her feelings several times. after one year she started to ask me to marry her and i kept ignoring her love. time passed and we kept our relationship with a daily fight but when we saw each other we never fought it was just because of the distant i think.

    she and her family came to usa and she came back for me 2 times and i kept declining her for marriage. but the last time i promised her next time she come i am ready to share my life with her. she was unhappy and i could see in her eyes when she left but she changed after that. when i proposed her she acted like she was waiting just to hear it and then she started to take revenge on me. she ignored me and i just found out what i did to her for a long time. i started to study to get a chance to be admitted in an american university to just come to visit her and i succeeded. she was very distant before but we promised to be each other’s. after i took a ticket to her city in usa she started to acting weird, she said the damage is already done and she didn’t want to see me but she got hot and cold. one minute she said she likes another guy and then she said she was lying. one month before seeing her in usa i took the flight i read this site and five step plan. suddenly i stopped texting her and she unblocked me on facebook after a few days. after 14 days i gave her the magic letter.

    she didn’t respond and i kept my NC. after 18 days she started to put annoying pictures of her in FB showing she is happy and having fun. i didn’t respond still. then she unfriended my brother and sister and i couldn’t keep my NC anymore then i asked her to be friend with me and i noticed her that i am coming to visit her and she said she could come to pick me up from the airport. i asked her out the night i arrive and she agreed. when i saw her she was smiling and we hugged. i did some dirty touch on her and she was somehow willing but when we got at hotel she declined to sleep with me. she kept visiting me for 5 days and then she said she likes another guy. she said she is in a relationship and its been over a month. i did really broke. it was devastating to hear that. i begged her again and broke the rules like i was not in this world. she said the problem is me and my past not the other guy. even she said she doesn’t love her even but she likes her. she said she loves me but not the way she did before. i acted clingy and needy and pushed her even further until she said she was lying that she doesn’t like the other guy. she said she couldn’t say that in my face and because of that she lied. i asked her to be friends and said she can unblocked me when she is ready. i took my expensive present back and asked for my money back that i lend her before and she said she cannot pay that now. then i left to my university which is in another city and just texted her my bank account so she could give back my money not even a “hey”. she unblocked me on Facebook but i didn’t request her to be friend although when i was leaving i texted that i like her as friend and we can be that way.

    i am not sure that her relationship is a rebound because although i am a nice an handsome guy and have a high education (phd student) and have enough money for a good life she said the guy was a fashion model once and he is a doctor now that he is done with PhD. i think she just wanted to revenge my prior actions and declining her request to be with her she kept to tell me i was doing a big mistake to not marry her before. last time no remorse was in her face when she said she slept with the guy, she was happy to see me broke and lost. she left me in that disgusting hotel for 5 days to rot. at first she lend me her car but after 5 days she just turned. she said she doesn’t want to see me again and forced me to leave her city. i know there is no hope for me. i am just trying to get over her … she is not even that perfect but she got somehow sweet in my mind because of the long time we spend with each other. now i am totally lost. i do not know what to do… i ignored kevin’s rules. it was wrong to go to visit her i should stayed away from her until she come back to me she was acting immature and i knew she still loved me but now .. i just made her decision even firmer than before…
    i am trying to move on and it is sad.

    • Kevin August 1, 2014, 4:31 am

      Hey Sam,

      I am sorry your comments were not approved. I think it was because you didn’t follow the guidelines. You can always post in the forums. I am sorry it didn’t work out. But if you are trying to move on, I’ll recommend you implement complete no contact indefinitely.

      • Sam August 1, 2014, 7:42 am

        Thank you Kevin for the reply. Sorry i am asking questions here. Do you think i still have chance? She unblocked me on facebook 2 day after I left her. Do you think it means something? She was once madly fond our love, she even commited a suicide because I said I am not sure she is the one for me. I think she is still not over me. Do you think her new guy is a Rebound considering jumping from our relationship to a new one and not giving herself time to regain confidence?

        Sam

        • sam August 5, 2014, 3:45 pm

          hi Kevin and everyone

          I am thinking more clearly now after one week of my second NC. I am going to move on and as a matter of fact I do not love her anymore. My decision is firm so i don’t think I will be in this website anymore. Thanks to Kevin for the website and everything. I am still reading your emails to be better in my next relationship.

          Sam

  • Patrick July 31, 2014, 7:47 pm

    Hi.. may I just ask… how long will it take for her to move on? I mean she has missed me for the past 2 weeks already and I have been contacting her again almost everyday for the past week (after finishing the NC period) … how long in time will she just forget about me and move on after that?

    • a.z July 31, 2014, 9:53 pm

      hey,
      You can never say how long it’ll take to move on for sure.
      It really depends on so many things like how long you have been together,the reason you broke up,the person’s personality,the person’s environment….
      I think you shouldn’t be too available for her.keep the conversations cool and short.
      don’t be the one who always initiates contact.let her chase you sometimes.

      And i personally couldn’t move on as long as we were in touch.and he never contacted me everyday for a long time.and i was always wondering what he was doing cuz he wasn’t always too available.and i believe that was the best way.

      • Rihanna August 1, 2014, 12:39 am

        Hey a.z,

        You’re so right about not being able to move on as long as you stay in touch. We stay in touch all the time and I just texted him about something bit personal and he was happy that I opened up to him and he called me immediately after receiving my message. He’s warm and sweet but tells me he’s not interested in any relationship, he wants to concentrate on himself and his future but he’ll always be there for me no matter what. What does that mean? He asked me if I have moved on or will move on and I didn’t answer because I don’t know. I know he loves me and misses me but he hurt me by saying forget everything that’s happened in the past, he advised me to concentrate on myself and take him out of the picture. Does that mean it’s over for good between us? I was doing great until these last couple of days I’ve been missing him lots :(

        • a.z August 1, 2014, 6:10 am

          hey Rihanna,
          I’m really sorry .i’m dealing with the same situation,my ex also said that he loves me and he doesn’t want me out of his life he also said he is not interested in any relationship and when i said we both needed to move on,he asked for a chance to meet me.and again i’m sure he is not asking me to get back together.

          I really don’t know what will happen in the future,I do believe your ex loves you.but i think we can’t wait for them like forever.i personally can’t handle not being in a relationship with him and have him as a friend or whatever in my life.it really hurts me.so i decided to meet him for the last time and if he says nothing about getting back,i’ll tell him that we should move on for good.

          I don’t think if thats over between you.but you need some time.and i guess he also needs that time.maybe he will change his mind once he finds out that you are moving on.
          If you can handle being friends with him during this time,then continue it.i’m sure you do have a chance to get him back when he is in a better life situation .

    • Kevin August 1, 2014, 4:32 am

      That depends from person to person and relationship to relationship. But if you are talking to her and you are moving forward with her, then chances are she will not move on.

  • Jose July 31, 2014, 10:47 am

    Hello Kevin and everyone else,

    I am at a complete lost kinda!?! I broke the NC rule yesterday after two weeks and I was doing SOOOOOOO GOOD! but it’s because I was out having a good time last night and then I see that my ex posted a kissing picture with the new guy she is dating.
    Ugh! I wish I could have controlled my emotions and not cared but I went and immediately texted her (of course she didn’t respond) but now I’m at a point of “do I really want this person back?” It is so unlike her to do that. I don’t know I feel in a weird mood about it, I just am thinking maybe this is gonna be one of those cases where you just can’t get your ex back. It’s sad

    Can you give me any advice?
    Thank you,
    Jose

    • Joe July 31, 2014, 4:18 pm

      Jose,

      One thing I’m learning to do is not react…. Don’t do the things they would expect you to do…. She posts a kissing pic with some dude, in her head shes expecting you to call after a move like that. YOU surprise her by not doing so… It’ll make her start wondering why the hell didn’t you call.

      • a.z July 31, 2014, 4:47 pm

        I agree with what joe said.

        • Jose July 31, 2014, 7:10 pm

          I agree with you dude, I felt stupid after texting. I know better now

          Thank you

  • John July 31, 2014, 9:51 am

    Kevin,
    I want to say THANK YOU sincerely for the email series. I broke up with my ex back in February. Regretted my decision and tried to get her back in April and that was a disaster. I made so many mistakes you counsel against and all I accomplished was hurting myself by subjecting myself to her mood swings and confusion. I stopped contacting her over a month ago when I discovered your site and the emails helped me so much. At first I did not contact her because I was SO worried that I would just push her away. Now I dont contact her because I realize that I broke up with her for good reasons and I know that I will only cause myself more pain if I do contact her. She told me enough hateful things that I know she will never contact me again….and now I realize that tells me everything I need to know about the wisdom of trying to be with her.
    So I did not succeed in getting my ex back but I feel better than I did before and I am starting to realize that my life will be better again and that I can attract another woman and find love in the future….I no longer feel hopeless.
    Your advice is excellent. I wish I had found your advice and followed it sooner. Instead, all I did was extend the time I need to recover from the lost love. Sometimes I wish it could have worked out with my ex but I realize that no matter what….my focus has to be on my happiness and emotional health.
    Obsessing over her made me miserable and I became someone I was not proud of and could not recognize when I was chasing her….I was never like that before and dont ever want to be like that again.
    I appreciate the effort you put in here….having your emails and site was like having another best friend for me to lean on during this difficult life experience.
    THANK YOU KEVIN.
    Regards,
    John

  • Rihanna July 31, 2014, 3:47 am

    Oh no, I miss him heaps today, I haven’t felt like this for a while… what happened? I thought I was fine and moving on… I’ve been quite assertive with him and confident and all but It’s like a roller coaster, is this happening to anyone here?

    • a.z July 31, 2014, 4:45 pm

      I understand you.it’s happening to me.but i keep telling my self that this is a process that i should pass sooner or later and this feeling is not gonna last forever and it makes me feel better.

      • Rihanna August 1, 2014, 12:44 am

        Thanks a.z, I posted a reply to your above comment oops. could you pls comment on my post above thanks :)

  • tabitha July 31, 2014, 1:18 am

    I know you said this almost always works for long term relationships, but what about a relationship that wasn’t as long? I know we both got close to each other and I ended up breaking up with him due to being disrespected in the relationship. I’d like to work on things, but just like the examples in this article he’s been ignoring me. I’m going to start the no contact thing, but I was just curious if this is limited to only long term relationships. I guess we’ll see if he misses me and if not, I’ll work on the tips that focus solely on myself.

    • Kevin August 1, 2014, 4:40 am

      Hey Tabitha,

      I never said it almost always works for long term relationship. I just said it will increase your chances of getting back together. And it will help you get through the breakup and become a happier person. For a short term relationship, the results are same. It will increase your chances of getting back together. All the best.

  • haylee July 30, 2014, 7:47 pm

    Hi,
    Me and the guy I was dating we recently broke up.

    He said that he needed his space and time to think.
    I’ve took the break up pretty hard. All I do is cry and cry
    I did make the mistake and txt him a few times.

    I got online and read this how you could get a ex back.
    It sounds real convinsing.
    I’m going to try this and see if it’ll get anywhere.. I hope it does! I really enjoyed being with him n to see him perfect smile!

    Our main probably is our smart mouths.
    Were always getting mad over little uncessary things.-literally

    We both get mad easliy an have bad tempers.

    I guess he got tired of the arguements.
    Which tbh we do need some space apart.

    And I’m going to give him space.
    Its just hard not to think about him without gettin upset or wantin to talk to him..

  • jasmine July 30, 2014, 6:23 pm

    OMG I REALLY NEEDED THIS!!! THANK U SOOOOOO MUCH!! BY THE WAY I WISH THEIR WAS AN SELECTION FOR LESBIANS TO CLICK ON! :)

    • Kevin August 1, 2014, 4:41 am

      You should click on the one that says “To get your ex girlfriend back”. :)

  • Chris July 30, 2014, 5:41 pm

    Hey everyone,

    I haven’t posted in about 2 months, but I have some updates but no questions this time =)

    To recap briefly,we broke up in March and she wanted me back for the first two weeks and was confused. I was too and needed time and even ignored her I love you pleas.

    After a few meetings in late march she finally got off her feet and was happy. I was lonely and broke the rules Kevin mentioned in the article. I did NC for about a month and in May we talked a little via text. I asked to hang out and she said sure but canceled. I got upset and wrote “The Magic Letter” from Relationship Rewind because I thought she was indifferent, She took it the wrong way and it pushed her and a friend of mine away.

    A week ago, I wrote an apology email to her that you find in RR in the Death’s Door section. She got it and said everything is good and we could hangout one day. We chatted a little and everything was good, no problems. I asked what’s a good day for her and she would let me know Monday, but she never did. So here I am now.

    I’m not going to worry about her anymore. I’m going to continue working on myself and let her be happy. I’ve been doing these new programs for self improvement and I’ve failed them a few times already but I’m committed to doing those. I plan on continuing to lose even more weight and even grow some muscle. I already lost 20 Lbs from the breakup to now. I plan on working on my plan for self improvement and rebooting myself so I don’t make the same mistakes again with her or anyone else.

    I’m going to cherish the good memories I have with her and learn from my mistakes. I’m going to stop contacting her and let her be how she wants to be. If she contacts me in a day, a week, a month, or a year, that’s fine, I’ll talk. But I’m going to take care of myself first and not let myself be unattached to people anymore. I’m not against second changes or reconciliation but I’m not going to try to force it on her anymore. I’m just going to let things flow naturally and improve myself and let her enjoy her life, if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.

    I want to thank Kevin for this site and the many helpful members that have stepped up and helped me and others. I know what it feels like to lose everything and feel like there isn’t a way out. It’s painful but it isn’t forever and you’ll find meaning one day. I may not be over her but I’m not going to let her bother me and I’ll continue to work on myself and my life.

    Thanks again!

    • Rihanna July 31, 2014, 5:03 am

      Good to hear Chris :) … I hope you find the happiness you deserve in life with or without her, good luck

    • Kevin August 1, 2014, 4:43 am

      Thank you for your comment Chris. I am glad this site helped you. The members here are keeping this site alive and I am grateful for them as well. :)

  • A July 29, 2014, 11:54 pm

    I posted twice on here, why is my help getting ignored?

    • Kevin July 30, 2014, 10:26 am

      Hey A,

      Please post your questions on the forums.

  • RD July 29, 2014, 3:49 pm

    Does this five step plan and the NO CONTACT rule work for second time??

    • a.z July 30, 2014, 8:43 am

      It depend on the situation but i think it makes the situation better every time in most of the cases.

  • Brett July 29, 2014, 3:26 pm

    Thanks Kevin for this.

    I done all the work and my ex still chose someone . I don’t care anymore.

    He’s long gone baby and plenty of time , energy and others who want to spend time with u .
    Fight for your ex if u wish too , I did … I didn’t fail , I gained confidence , strength and dignity more than I had with them .

    Wahoooo

    Bye getyourexback

    • Kevin July 30, 2014, 10:22 am

      I am happy for you Brett. All the best with your life. :)

  • Monique July 29, 2014, 9:23 am

    Hi Kevin,

    As I commented here before, my ex contacted me after a month of no contact and told me that he didn’t wanna give up on us yet. After a few talks, he said we still have a chance but he’s still not sure about us, so we decided to spend time once a week and see how it goes. It’s been about 2 months we see each other again, and we both are having fun seeing each other now.

    The thing is I am the one who always ask out. He replies to me promptly but doesn’t send me texts for arranging a ‘meeting’ even though he always says he will send me a text about his next day off.

    I feel like he’s not putting his priority on me at the moment. I know he’s deciding and I should keep him happy to make him think his life is happier with me. But I’m kind of tired of asking him out every week and worrying about him changing his mind again.

    Do you think I should keep asking him out? Or sometimes better waiting for him to ask me out? Also I’m kind of lost what to do to make him think he’s sure about us…

    • a.z July 29, 2014, 11:56 am

      hey wait for him to ask you out.and let him chase you sometimes.
      after he some time you can ask him out again.make plans to go out then cancel it and say sorry,something came up and we can’t do it tonight.
      meet him a few times from now and always be positive,cool and attractive.create a slight scarcity so he’ll think he might be losing you forever and maybe you are interested in someone else the go out with him once more and get more physical,have a heart to heart talk. again you don’t have to push anything.tell him how you feel and see his reaction.

  • RD July 29, 2014, 8:54 am

    Does this five step plan and the NO CONTACT rule work for second time?

    • Kevin July 30, 2014, 10:23 am

      Yes. But if your relationship failed twice, then you should do at least 3 months no contact and think real hard before trying again.

  • Flora July 29, 2014, 3:20 am

    Hi Kevin,

    didn’t got a reply on my earlier comments. here’s the link:
    http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/comment-page-7/#comment-22176

    Anyways, I text-ed my ex yesterday asking him how things were doing… he replied! finally, after 3 months no contact. his tone was kinda energetic… he asked how am i doing.. and also ask about our dog. Then i told him I went out with our mutual friends the other day but didn’t want to disturb him too much as he mentioned he want his space. I say just let me do my exam in Oct, then lets have a talk face to face. He said OK and wish me luck.

    I am not sure why all of a sudden he’s willing to reply my text. Is he just trying to be nice? I am not sure what I should do next, so I dunno if he’s done with that girl yet. Do you think I am just giving myself false hopes here?
    Thanks!

    • Rihanna July 29, 2014, 4:57 am

      Hi Flora,

      Your post put a smile on my face. In fact your next message to him should be a reminder of something you two shared and you should include ‘That put a smile on my face’ at the end of your message. I think the space you gave him (and yourself) worked to your advantage, by doing NC you showed him that you don’t need him and you’re happy without him but prefer his friendship. In his books, you’re the ‘cool’ girl now so high five! I think if you keep following Kevin’s steps you could reach the outcome you want. Don’t worry about that other girl he’s happy to get in touch with you and that’s a good sign :D … So your next message should be the ‘something remind me of you’ with the ending ‘that put a big smile on my face’… Good luck

      • Flora July 30, 2014, 3:32 am

        Thanks Rihanna!

        I don’t know…. coz I am really hurt from this break up… I don’t wanna hope for something and end up with nothing…. but I admit I am quite happy that he finally replied.

        But my concern is he’s only replying my text as he’s guilty… as he knew he sort of choose the wrong timing for the breakup, which kinda affect my exam, which is crucial to my job. And he’s just being nice now as he don’t want to ruin my other exam as well.

        And so far he had not initiate any conversation. Sometimes I am just not sure how often I should be texting him, I just don’t want to send him texts which annoys him, if you know what I meant.

        • Rihanna July 30, 2014, 4:45 am

          Hey Flora,

          I don’t think someone who really wants to break up with a girl would care about her timetable. If he didn’t miss you he wouldn’t be texting you, guilty or not! I think you have a good chance in winning him back if that’s what you want but don’t suffocate him with texts. Wait few days and send him ‘something remind me of you’ text. Dont’ rush things. follow the steps and for now concentrate on your exams cos that’ll show him your maturity and that you take things in life seriously, that’s attractive. Good luck :)

    • Joe July 29, 2014, 5:58 pm

      Flora,

      did you do 3 months straight of NC, or did you try after 1 month and then try again and again?

      Besides my question, I think your doing well…. keep being cool and not so neeedy

      • Flora July 30, 2014, 5:26 pm

        Hey Joe,
        I sent him a text within a week from the breakup, then he told me he had already moved on to being “single and alone” ( though i know he is seeing sb else ) then i texted 2 weeks after that and no response. Then tried again a week after that, and he ignored still…. Then its 2 months’ NC straight.

        In between i know our guy friends have spoke to him last month, and he ask them to tell me not to wait coz he cant come back as he cant face my parents.

        So….. U think he just feel bad for not replying my earlier texts?

  • Austin July 28, 2014, 11:01 pm

    Hi guys I’m new here and I wanted to know if anyone can help me.
    Me and my ex broke up about 3 months ago.
    Before me and her started going out, we were the “inseparable best friends” and after a few months of non-stop texting, she admitted that she really liked me. At that time, I found her attractive but I didn’t want to go out with her and I sort of declined her :/ Fortunately,I wasn’t the type of person tht shut out people for that reason, so we still constantly texted.
    After a few weeks, I started liking her,but she told me she didn’t like me anymore. We still chatted, but the conversations seemed distant. Then, one night she told me she actually still liked me. By that time I had already completely fallen for her and since there was a dance coming up in school, I decided to ask her out. She said yes, but we both agreed on one thing: We went there as friends. During the dance we talked and danced and at one point, even cuddled in a spot were no one was hanging out, playing flappy bird. We knew we liked each other, but we agreed not to be in a relationship.
    We got closer and closer after that, that even one of my friends started calling us “friends with benefits”
    Finally, I asked her out, for real. I knew she wanted the relationship and so did I and of course she said yes. We were the couple everyone wanted. They always tried to hint us and, after we started going out, a lot of people went wild. People were even paying other people because of bets they made about us. It was perfect, me and her were happy and I guess so was everyone else. :)

    Unfortunately, it didn’t stay perfect like I wanted it to.
    A few of her friends threatened in the beginning to punch me in the face if I ever broke up with her. I laughed, telling them I wasn’t “I promise.”
    We started hanging out more, laughing and cuddling.
    But I guess I liked her more than I thought. I kept seeing her on purpose, whenever I could. Then one day, she gave me a note at the end of class, I was a bit nervous, since that morning she barely looked at me.
    I opened the note the next class and of course, it was a break-up note. In the note she told me she didn’t like me anymore, and that she needed her space, and that I was annoying (the last one confused me since we never had an argument.)

    I was mad and of course, sad. I didn’t know how to reply, and since I was mad, I gave the note back to her later that day…………with the grammar corrected XD
    At the bottom I said ok and that’s it. She unfollowed me on Instagram that night. I acted like whatever, but I was really hurt :( ( for the break-up I mean)
    I applied NC for three weeks but kinda broke it because we’re both in band and I was put in snare drum while she played bass drum next to me. School was already over by this time but we had to play for this ceremony. We said hi and stuff, acted friendly, and laughed a little. I knew I broke the NC a little early so I did it again for another month. I texted her one day and she replied, but she was acting cold towards me and we got into the biggest argument I didn’t have pleasure to behold. We both said some mean things during the argument, and I didn’t talk to her for a day. Then I texted her and apologized for what I said. She replied 5 mins later. We started talking, trying to avoid the break-up, and then I told her I still liked her a lot. (she thought I didn’t like her anymore) She was quiet for a few mins and then said “oh.” and I said “…yeah…” After that it seemed like we were going back to before we started dating. We talked, the conversation flowed smoothly. Then she went back to the me still liking her subject and told me she met someone new and that she liked him. The rest wasn’t actually as awkward as I thought. But by the end of the convo,we had the friendliness back. Again she went back to the other subject and asked why I still liked her. I told her I just did. I liked her smile, her personality, the way she looks and acts. She didn’t believe me and denied that she looks good, but I insisted. She didn’t answer back and it’s been a week already. What should I do? ANY COMMENTS WELCOME :)

    PS. We have the same birthday, but I’m a year older than her but we’re in the same grade. (started school late) IDK I felt like adding that. Does that maybe mean anything? Just wondering if anyone is like into superstitious stuff.
    Thanks :)

    • Rihanna July 29, 2014, 5:01 am

      Hi Austin,

      You have a chance with her she wants her space and I think you should give her that. Do NC for 30 days and follow Kevin’s plan. Same day birthday huh? It may not mean anything but you could use that to your advantage. Perhaps, after NC and you start talking again make a pact that you should ‘no matter what’ celebrate every birthday together as “friends” of course… You do have a chance but follow the plan. Good luck!

      • Austin July 29, 2014, 10:49 am

        Dear Rihanna,

        Thanks I’m doing NC again for another month. And yeah I think I should do the pact. So far though Kevin’s plan has been working.
        Thanks. :)

  • Daniel July 28, 2014, 9:17 pm

    Kevin,

    Are there any sites or articles or any opinion that you can recommend for moving on? Im trying to find meaning and purpose in life right now. Basically my life somehow restarted. When you break up you dont only lose a lover. You lose everything. You lose a bestfriend. You lose your world and dreams. But its okay, i have come to accept that its part of life. Im just 22 im still young, i might not find another girl better than her but i know i will find someone more compatible for me. Not all relationships are salvagable. Most of the time its just not meant to be. I dont want to destroy my life sulking on the past. I must carry on. So basically you will really start from scratch. Overall im okay now i have completely accepted everything. But sometimes i feel like nothing is happening in my life or there is something wrong. Im trying my best to do what i can with what i have right now. Im a bit lost although im rebuilding slowly. I just need a few guidance. Thanks.

    • Rihanna July 29, 2014, 5:11 am

      Hi Daniel,

      You’re so young and full of life and the ‘I won’t find someone better than her’ is just your current self talking but when you bump into the perfect woman for you you’re gonna wonder where she’s been all your life, I promise! Anyway, there’s this program with Eddie Corbano on how to detox your ex, so he sends emails just like Kevin does but his advice is fully on how to move on and stories of others how they reached moving on from their failed relationships. Personally, I find the emails from Kevin to work more effectively cos although his emails are about ‘how to get your ex back’ the hidden message in Kevin’s emails is always helping us move on and forward in life. I especially like reading over and over again the ‘abundance’ vs ‘scarcity’ mentality. Anyway, try Eddie Corbano his emails are helpful too and you can unsubscribe anytime (I did lol). But only because I didn’t think I needed his emails not because they weren’t good. I know you’ll move on and be happier than ever again. Good luck :)

      • Daniel July 29, 2014, 10:30 am

        Rihanna,

        I’ve subscribes to eddie corbano a few days ago. So far kevin’s series is the best and i agree about the scarcity and abundance mail. Its so great it is my favorite email.

        Thanks for everything rihanna. I definitely learned a lot in this heart breaking experience of mine. I will carry it forver in this life. I wis you all the best and may you find happiness.

        • Rihanna July 30, 2014, 1:20 am

          Thank you Daniel, and best of luck to you xx

  • Rihanna July 28, 2014, 9:01 am

    My ex said: “Think about it, if I come to visit you for few days what do you think will happen? Be honest, we’re going to sleep with each other because we find each other highly attractive and I get turned on just by hearing your voice then on the last day we won’t sleep together but you’ll regret it, right?”.
    Me: “So what are you saying, we’re not going to see each other? you said you wanted to come see me we could just hang out. We’ll just have fun like we used to before we entered into a full on relationship” – I agree with you all I think I’m fooling myself too, oops!
    He: “You have two options. 1- I fly to yours and spend one day I don’t have any problem doing that at all! We can discuss plans for next year but I want to tell you, I’m not promising you ANYTHING if you come to the city you come for your future not me, I can’t keep you waiting for me (he said his full name) that’s not right for me to do. You’re beautiful and young and have a great ass hahaha… So I can come and spend the day having fun and talking and fly back home late hour. Option 2- I fly to see you stay for 3 days but you know what will happen. I don’t want to lie to you I know we’ll end up sleeping together and no judgment, I will never judge you or you me ok? I know you’ll probably slap me if I said this to your face but we would’ve been great like ‘friends with benefits’ hahaha… cos neither one of us is accomplished but for the next year all I want to do is concentrate on myself. If anything we can video chat. Be honest don’t you still think about me sexually, do I turn you on still?”
    Me: Well, it’s been a while and I don’t really know to be honest. I think I can be just friends with you not sure if that’ll change when I see you so I take option 1. I know I won’t do anything to disrespect myself.
    He: Just take your time and tell me which option in few days think about it.
    Me: I don’t need to I know what I want, just come for the day and I’ll pay for your tix.
    He: Ok. I just don’t want to say yeah I’ll come for few days and we’ll just have coffee cos I’ll be lying to you. Of course I have feelings for you and I want to be honest with you all the time. I’ve never lied to you or mislead you.
    Me: I know and I respect that you’re looking after yourself and have solid future plans. I’m doing exactly the same. For the first time I’m gonna be selfish and take time out for myself only. I need a solid future too. Once I’m accomplished then I can think of relationships.
    He: Exactly! So no promises with you. You wanna come to the city if you want we get a place in both our names so that I’m not living with you or you with me, it’s 50/50 and be room mates. But we can sleep next to each other right? Or you rent a separate place and I’ll always be there for you as a friend.
    Me: I prefer to share with someone I know though. But I want to concentrate fully on my life so no sleeping with each other. I’m not interested in relationships.
    He: Anyway, think about the options I gave you. I’m really tired I’ve worked 18 hours today and I’m in so much pain again. It’s getting late so good night, my love.
    Me: “my love?”
    He: My love, my life and the future of my life. Good night.

    Hey guys, how do you think that conversation went? I thought at times he was being bit disrespectful? Any advice? He keeps changing his tone with me, I thought he was bit cold tonight lol

    • RD July 28, 2014, 9:10 am

      I don’t find him disrespectful, i think that he is very comfortable talking to you,open and honest since you’ve already been together and shared some moments..

    • Sinead July 28, 2014, 12:58 pm

      Hi Rihanna,
      I replied to your last post (scroll down) this am but you may not have gotten it. It was just about moving out of the friend zone(I hope it can help). But anyway Rihanna – and this is just my opinion – this conversation you had with him bothers me… whether consciously or unconsciously, he is saying he want’s to be f*ck buddy’s with you (pardon the term). He is saying he dosen’t want a relationship with you but drops the ‘friends with benefits’ hahaha… line. And that, to me sounds a bit disrespectful. But that’s just my opinion, I’m sure some of the guy’s here may have more insight into the male mind.

    • Sinead July 28, 2014, 1:08 pm

      I just re-read this Rihanna, and it really seems to me like he’s keeping you on the hook until he’s ready… He has the best of both worlds with you at the moment because you won’t move on while your still in contact with him. But this website is about getting your ex back any not analysing their maybe? motivation? So maybe email Kevin for advice on how to get out of the friend zone when your ex is dropping ‘bliss bombs’ on you, but still dosen’t want to get back together.

    • Daniel July 28, 2014, 7:24 pm

      Are your reasons for breaking up really that strong?
      If you still love each other and the conditions are right then there is no reason not to be togther. Right?

      • Rihanna July 28, 2014, 9:14 pm

        Thank you so much you guys I really appreciate your input because although some may say ‘oh you’re doing great’ I agree with you both. He doesn’t want a relationship AT ALL for the next year because he wants to concentrate on his finances which is currently Terrible! (lol), hence why he’s going back to uni for a year. Anyway, I’m the same though, I don’t want a relationship with anyone either because I have to look after my future which I’ve neglected, so we’re both on the same page. I know that he’s keeping me hooked until he’s ready and unfortunately my feelings for him is sort of allowing him to. However, I’ll never admit that to him or admit that I’m still hooked (though it’s not hard to guess). He also said, he can’t sleep with me unless we involve god somehow (he means a sort of commitment/tie/blessing etc…) and I really like that he said that because it gives me security and I can use that against him HAHA!

        Daniel,
        We had no reason for the breakup except for financial reasons which made him feel embarrassed that we had to split and this is why he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone until he’s on his feet and earning a proper income. I can understand where he’s coming from. I also understand that he said it’s not right for him to come for few nights cos we’ll end up sleeping together and that’s wrong, he’s right about that and I respect that he said that to me. There is a reason not to be together, we’re both incomplete in our own ways and we both have work to do to be able to enter a relationship and be responsible for love. Love is a responsibility. Feelings are there but without financial security we fell apart once and we both don’t want to rush back together because we’ll fall apart again. But I’m not waiting for him and he’s not expecting me to, though I know he’d want to be with me once he has security. Anyway, tell me about you I haven’t heard from you cos I don’t check here as often anymore. What’s going on with you and your ex?

        Sinead,
        I hope that you’re going strong. Thank you for your advice and I’ve taken it on board buddy :) … Keep us updated with your progress xx

        • Rihanna July 28, 2014, 9:16 pm

          RD,

          Thank you kindly for your comment. I can tell you have so much heart and you’re very young, don’t sweat on the little things yet in your life. You’ll meet a million guy yet and fall in love hopefully to last a lifetime. Good luck with your ex :)

        • Daniel July 28, 2014, 9:22 pm

          Rihanna,
          Its been 4+ mos. we have nk contact anymore. Im not trying to win her back either. Im trying to win myself back and move on. I realized that i just have to accept what happened. Not all broken relationships can be saved. Its called a break up coz its broken. Something is wrong with us and maybe were not good for each other anymore. So thats it. Thats why im not checking here often too. :)

          • Rihanna July 29, 2014, 5:15 am

            Hey Daniel,

            I replied to your recent post above. But you’re right, it’s probably better to find someone new with new memories than to revive an old broken relationship. I know it’s hard to do but once you feel comfortable with yourself again as a single guy you’ll start to have bigger hopes for yourself with everything, women, work etc… So chin up, you’ll meet someone fantastic you’ll wonder how you lived without her before you two met and hopefully you would’ve learnt more about life to make this relationship last a lifetime. You can do it! All my love xx

        • Sinead July 29, 2014, 1:28 pm

          Rihanna,
          I haven’t made any progress at all  I’m heading into my 5th month NC. Kevin advised me to try to move on or maybe send one of the texts above. I’m at what relationship rewind call’s deaths door and they recommend sending the magic letter so I don’t really know which one to do, the text or the letter?

          I’m afraid to contact him by text in case he doesn’t reply and then sending the letter after the text might be too much you know?

          And I’m also afraid to send the RR magic letter because last year I bombarded him with contact: text, FB, etc – including a letter – which I think freaked him out. I can now see how my letter was a mistake because it was very needy – “I’m sorry and I miss you etc” And the letter from RR would have been better because it’s more assertive and much less needy. If only I could go back in time eh? 

          It’s his birthday in a week I was going to wait until after that to make a decision on what to do – what do you think I should do?

          • Rihanna July 29, 2014, 9:45 pm

            Hi Sinead, so you’re a girl Ha!
            Ok, I think I was at deaths door and didn’t want to write a letter but someone here said I should I took that advice and I did do a letter only it wasn’t handwritten and I sent it via FB. Why? because I’ll know for sure that he’s ‘seen’ it and when he has so I don’t assume and lie to myself by saying “maybe he didn’t receive it or maybe he didn’t read it” so that if he did ignore the letter I’ll know to move on for sure. I think the letter is a good way to reach out to him. I also think it would’ve been great to make first date on your birthdays but unfortunately it’s too soon, so just a ‘happy birthday’ text will do, make it heart warming but in a friendly way not in a needy way.
            Ok, the letter that you sent the first time may have been done in the wrong way. This letter should address: 1- that you respect his decision to break up. 2- that you accept the break up. 3- that you’re moving forward in life. 4- that something great is happening in your life and you can’t wait to share it with him (don’t say further). 5- That it would be a shame to lose contact as a friend IF he wants your friendship (this way you don’t sound needy and pushy). This letter is a way to reach out to him by saying a ‘sort of’ goodbye but not really. I think point 4 should instigate his interest and make contact with you. Do the letter after NC via FB or through a different medium to the one you used in that letter that he found ‘creepy’. Then, give him a few weeks to contact you. If he contacts you by calling make sure you sound positive and happy with life and do NOT mention the breakup at all. Also, make sure you have something new and exciting to tell him eg: new hobby, or new job etc… If he doesn’t contact you after few weeks then send him the ‘something remind me of you’ text. But concentrate on your NC atm and plan to write a good letter to him. Good luck :)

        • Sinead July 31, 2014, 9:28 am

          Rihanna, (I’m posting this here because there’s no reply button below).

          Ha, ha, ha, ur gas! Of course I’m a girl lol. Sinead is a very common girl’s name where I’m from – we even have a famous(ish) singer called Sinead (Sinead O’Connor lol).

          Thanks sooooo much for your tips below, your idea for sending the letter through a different medium than I used the last time is genius and the 5 things to cover in the letter are really on point. I’m going to get started now and I’ll let you know how I go ok?

          • Rihanna August 1, 2014, 7:47 am

            Hey Sinead, (love that name :) )

            Yes, I’m looking forward to see how he’ll react to your letter… if you can and without making the letter too long (keep it to a page maximum), you might include some of the best times together in it example: It would be a shame to lose that ‘rare’ connection we had even as friends, don’t you think? I’d love to kick your butt in a bowling game like I did that time bla bla bla… and make it really fun. Remember to hit the soft spots in him, bit of nostalgia in the letter is good too. Good luck :)

  • RD July 28, 2014, 7:49 am

    Hello everyone,
    first i want to say how amazing this site is, i hope some of you may be able to help me understand better my situation and see other people point of view. So…grab some popcorn :P let’s get staarted!
    I am 16 years old right now and my ex is 19.We met on high school,i was in my first year (14 years old) and he was a senior (17 years old).We’ve been together for 1,5.Until the first year,everything was AMAZING,of course we had our fights and ups and downs but never broke up,always worked our problems out.I love him with all my heart and i know so does he. On March 31 this year,it was his birthday,we got into a huge fight because he was really jealous of my friends and he was yelling at me for no reason etc,we haven’t spoken for about 4 days and then he left the country to go visit his brother in another country.While he was there i contacted him and he told me we were basically broken up,he was really mad.I didn’t beg,or plead,or run after him.I just let things like that,i didn’t contact him.After he returned from his trip,he went out with a common friend and he told him that he isn’t sure if he wants to get back with me,so i called him and he told me that he likes beeing single and not worrying or stressing about anyone and he wants to stay like that.I just said ok,and later that evening he unfriended me from facebook,so i called him and basically he did that to forget me because he was seeing my images with other guy friends and got jealous.There was No contact for about 2 months and a half. There was a celebration in our city and i knew he would work in a cafe there in the street.So i dressed up,looked sexy,all cute and sweet,and i stood next to him without him seeing me.He was soo surprised and didn’t know what to say (i also changed my hair from black to red) He smiled instantly,kissed me on the chick asked how i was etc,he even shaken hands with my dad and said hello to my mum.Later that night,i went to his facebook profile and i saw that he changed his cover with a quote saying” keep your head up,god gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers”.The next day,i walked next to that cafe with my best guy friend (my ex bf is soo jealous of him),he saw us but i acted like i didn’t see him,and i did the same the next day with my girlfriends.After 3 days,he added me on fb,and he even went out with a friend who he doesn’t know he is friends with me too,and told him that he wants me back.So,he posted on fb “our song” and i liked it,and he liked 5 of my photos to get my attention etc,and then he chatted me.I waited 3-4 minutes to respond,and that i did through the whole chat,he would chat me instantly but i would take some time.He told our friend that he isn’t sure if i want him back. Then he chatted me after 3 days,and we started talking on fb,and then he asked me if i would be interested to go out for a coffee.I said i didn’t have a problem.(btw during no contact,i really missed him and prayed fo him to come back cuz i really love him).We took a walk together and he complimented me,i tried not to show much of an emmotion,i was sweet,and fun to talk to and he told me that he saw an amazing change in me that he liked.He asked if he could hug me in the end and i said yes.He told me he tried to forget me but he couldn’t and when he saw me face to face,emotions who he thought have slept,woke up again.So we met again after a week,and i asked him what changed fromt he time he said he wanted to broke up,and he said he had a lot going on and he thought i was the one stressing him out but turns out i wasn’t.He really missed him,made a lof of promises,we had a 3 hours talk but i told him i don’t want to rush things,and i want some time to think because i don’t trust him at all,and he said he would do his best to earn my trust again,and he said i’m sorry for everything i put you through.I told him it wasn’t easy getting over the break up but i did it thanks to my friends and family and that i’m not sure if it is worth putting my self to maybe go through this again in the futureAfter that night,we would talk on fb a lot,but i saw that he was adding and liking a lot of girls hot photos on fb etc,and it really made me jealous but i didn’t say anything cuz i didn’t want him to know he has that power over me cuz i know he would use it against me if we fought later.So i went on a trip,and he didn’t make an effort chatting me or texting me see how i am etc.I didn’t feel like he was trying as much as he promised he would to get me back,but because i really wanted him back,i called him immediately when i returned from my trip and asked if we could meet.We met and he told me that he wants the same thing,to get back with me.So i said YES!We got back together on july 17 2014 and everything was great.He would talk to me about anything,i would always be there to listen to him,we made plans for next year when we would study in different countries (me in strasbourg,him in southampton england),that we would both visit,he would be the sweetest guy to me saying me he is so glad we are back together.The only thing was that he told me he isn’t sure what love is yet and he doesn’t want to tell me i love you when he isn’t sure if he is really feeling love.And i told him this is totally ok and that i appreciate him saying that to me straight forward,and that is really mature that he thought about it and i prefer him to tell me he loves me when is is really sure he feels that way.We went out on Sunday 19 again and had the time of our lives.We went to a restaurant and had a really great time,then walked by the beach and he was really happy,i felt like we were finally okay.When i arrived home,he called me and told me that he already misses me.I was so freaking happy!(i forgot to mention that he was some economic issues,he doesn’t have a job now and he is very stressed.he told me i fight a lot with my mother and i’m always stressed and i’m not sure if it was the right thing to do to get back in a relationship with you because i don’t want you to see me like that,it’s not your fault,but i told him i’m not here for his good moments,i told him i would stick by him in his bad moments too,and he was really happy to hear that).The next day,he sent me a fb message saying that he wants to tell me something.Instantly i thought he was going to break up with me,and he did.He told me that he doesn’t feel the same as he did in our previous relationship,and that he rushed into this relationship without thinking clearly and he was immature he said.I just answered with a simple ok.It really hurt my feelings him breaking up with me for no reason basically.I found out that he sent me this text while he was in a cafe with his older brother (21) and his brother’s friends.I have to mention,his brother was in a relationship for 4 years and he left his gf saying that he wants to sleep with other girls too.He really hurt his ex gf who is my friend.He is studying in another country but he came back for the summer.I think him,and his friends influence my ex a lot,they are out partying,drinking,making out with other girls but never commmit,and i think my ex thinks that what they are doing is okay.I think maybe they convinced him that he should break up with me,have the time of his life now that it’s summer and if he gets bored,to come back to me.I know that he loves me,i saw in his eyes everytime we would meet.He would want to hug me all the time and make me feel happy.Also,3 days after we got back together,his friends told him to go clubbing together,and i told him that he should go and have fun.He told me that he prefers to come and see me,and that he doesn’t want to go clubbing basically because i wouldn’t be there.He wouldn’t do all that if he didn’t feel love about me.As soon as we broke up,i changed my profile photo and he liked it,and the next day i changed it again and he liked it too.Before 2 days he uploaded a song on fb saying “i miss you”.But there is no contact.I REALLY LOVE HIM AND WANT HIM BACK,BUT THIS TIME TO STAY!I decided to do no contact for a month and then send him a text.I hope that he reaches back to me as he did before.Please tell me your thoughts,what should i do? Do you think he will come back? I know i should probably let him go and move on but i feel like everything was amazing,until that Monday……tell me what to do and your opinions..ALL COMMENTS APPRECIATED!

    • a.z July 28, 2014, 8:00 pm

      hey RD,
      i’m sorry but could you please send a shorter version of your story?so everyone can read it and say their advises?

    • sunshine July 29, 2014, 7:19 pm

      OMG the story you told is so similar to mine…the part where u think his friends influence him in a negative way, is exactly how i feel too. He also said he likes being single. But at first when we broke up it was like nothing changed. You and me have very similar stories and I wish u the best! We can’t fail if we dont give up!

      • RD July 30, 2014, 2:39 pm

        Hey sunshine !! we can chat on fb if you want about it :)

  • Angel July 28, 2014, 12:56 am

    Hello, thank you for the article, definitely great advice. I have been following the no contact rule for 4 months now. I broke the No Contact rule the other day by getting in touch with my ex boyfriends brother by sending a general text message (how is the family and my ex boyfriend). I also called his brother but he was busy. My ex boyfriend is currently incarcerated. He told me to leave him alone 4 months ago and I did. I’m just wondering how he is doing. As far as the post break up progress I’ve worked on 4 out of the 7 (as far as the Contacting Your Ex checklist section of the article) and just as I’m writing this I’m realizing it’s not a good idea to contact my ex.
    For one I’m not sure if getting back with him would be a good idea, he treated me pretty crappy at times mostly because of his situation and he was very demanding.
    Two: I’m still in the process of accepting the breakup and am slowly coming to grips that I would be okay with the fact that I may never get my ex back and really slowly beginning to realize this might never work for me (Seeing through the illusions).
    I haven’t really accepted the fact that even if I don’t get my ex back, I will be fine since there are endless opportunities in the world to find love and happiness.
    Guess I still have a ways to go. My feelings for him have been fading more and more each day. I’m feeling less and less as the days go on that he is the only one for me. Some days he’s on my mind heavily. Other days I barely think of him. So I’m a work in progress. Who knows by the time I get through the 3 steps I need to progress on, I may not want him back anymore. :) I really appreciate your article. Thank you so much.

  • maree July 28, 2014, 12:30 am

    Hi everyone i’m kind of feeling lost at the moment i tried no contact except he kept constantly contacting me i’m really confused on what he actually wants he says he doesn’t want a girlfriend he wanted to be with this other girl but she only wants him as a friend he knows another guy is interested in me so he acts likes he doesn’t care but he tells his friend that i’ve been cheating on him does even sound like i have a chance at all in him taking me back?

    • Austin July 28, 2014, 1:04 am

      Periods might have helped XD.
      But it seems to me like he’s trying too hard to push you away with rumors and all. He’s probably jealous for some reason since the girl he wants to be with doesn’t want him. :/ And someone else is interested in you he’s probably acting like he doesn’t care because he still likes you.

      • maree July 28, 2014, 2:53 am

        I had someone else tell me that also that he still has likes me.
        If you tell someone you don’t have feelings for them and don’t want to be with them why do they insist on contacting you?
        Do you think he may regret his decision but feels like he can’t go back on what he has already decided?

        • Austin July 28, 2014, 9:27 pm

          Hmm, probably.
          And him insisting on contacting you might mean he likes you. If he’s insisting on contacting you it’s probably because he still likes you.

  • RD July 27, 2014, 5:12 pm

    Does it make a difference if you run on purpose into your ex? The last time we broke up,it’s been 3 months and i run into him on purpose because i knew he would be there,and after 3 days he added me again on fb and started talking to me. This time,i don’t know if i will have this chance.Does it limit my chances of him missing me and realising he made a mistake breaking up with me? Or it doesn’t matter really? please let me know your thoughts on this.The previous time i think he saw my black hair gone red,and i was really sweet etc,now that he won’t see me face to face i don’t know how i’m going to achieve that…..

    • a.z July 27, 2014, 7:22 pm

      hey,
      i don’t know your story,but i think if you have opened the lines of communication so you can use video calls.i think its more effective than photos.

      • RD July 28, 2014, 4:09 am
        • a.z July 28, 2014, 7:57 pm

          well,i totally agree with what Dara said.and one more thing,don’t try to impress him only using your appearance you may attract her for a little while but the main problem is something else and you should try to resolve that.try to understand what went wrong in your relationship.start NC and work on yourself .
          Good Luck

  • Robin July 27, 2014, 5:05 am

    Hey guys! yesterday i had a bad time, and i broke the NC to soon :/ went to her house to have a chat. i feel like such an idiot right now, just waisting my chances and feeling even worse afterwards. also my ex invited me with some other of my friends and her new boyfriend to go bowling togheter. stil not quiete sure if i should go or not?

    • Rihanna July 27, 2014, 7:22 am

      Hey Robin,

      Well it’s really hard to do NC especially if she has someone else, so don’t feel bad about it it’s not the end of the world. I think you should start NC again and bit longer this time. During NC improve yourself physically, mentally etc… so that when you two meet up AFTER NC she’ll realise that you’ve changed for the better, and she’ll start thinking about you again in an attractive way. No I don’t think going bowling with her and her boyfriend is a good idea instead plan something fun with friends that night (don’t go to the same bowling alley hahaha)… Start making changes for your own sake first and to increase your chances with her second. Your NC starts now. Good luck :)

    • Edward July 27, 2014, 9:00 am

      Hey Robin,

      I agree with Rihanna, don’t thinkyou should go bowling with her and her new bf. Let things play out with them. It will give her time to miss you and you don’t want to display yourself as a person she can easily get back if she fails her new relationship.

    • Austin July 28, 2014, 1:10 am

      Dear Robin

      I agree with Rihanna and Edward you should not go bowling with her and her boyfriend (I would know) That’s not gonna end up nicely (again,I would know)
      Show her that you have your own life and no longer have to be everywhere she is
      Best of luck :)

    • RAED July 28, 2014, 2:04 am

      Hey, Robin.

      I agree with the oldies here: Rihanna and Edward. Lol

      What I’ve learned after the breakup is to value myself more. It may sound cliché but how will you know if you do? Learn to say no to things and situations that will make you feel uncomfortable. Just like being invited by her with the new boyfriend. Obviously she will just want to make you jealous. And of course you will, what you have to do is to avoid the situation. Don’t allow her to have the upper hand.

      And I think it is just a rebound so just let her. Do NC and don’t mind her even if she has someone new. If she sees you are doing well without her and isn’t affected with her new relationship, she will check out on you to see why you no longer care. And it might made her furious because things won’t go as what she had planned – to make you jealous. Just do NC and later on she will have a taste of her own medicine – instead of you being jealous she might turn out confused because you don’t care.

      It will be hard to do NC from start but if you feel empty at times you can just post here for someone to talk to. Don’t give her the upper hand. Be in control.

      When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying NO to yourself :-)

  • RAED July 26, 2014, 10:58 pm

    Hi guys! It has been a long time. It always feels good to pay a visit.

    UPDATE:
    I am feeling good. Enjoying my singleness. I m not yet fully moved on and at times there are depression and missing her attacks but I managed to overcome those. She haven’t contacted me for 2weeks now and I don’t know if there will be any contact in the future. If not, then fine. If yes, then okay. I am somehow happy on my own. But it is not perfect there are mood swings and sometimes I am unstable but I am on my way to fully move on. Though at times I feel like what AZ is feeling because we never talked after and it is like we never settled the issue but sometimes having no closure is still closure. :-)

    A. Z.
    Hey, I backread and saw your post. I think it wouldn’t hurt that you confessed to him your feelings. It’s just okay. Because it is really hard to move on if you are still clinging to past feelings. And suppressing your feelings and acting like you don’t care wouldn’t help. For awhile maybe, but not in the long run. Shying away from the truth won’t set you free. And as they say, suppressed feelings don’t really die. They just sleep deep within you and when awaken will later come out in much uglier ways. And you don’t want that to happen. So opening your feelings to the one involved is a good deal since you’ve done NC and improved a lot. If you are waiting for him to initiate about getting back, I think it wouldn’t hurt too if you will be the one to open it. It really sucks that even after the relationship the ego is still there. However, if your confessing turns out to be in his advantage and use it against you, that will be the deal breaker. And from there you need to decide and stick to that decision.

    DANIEL
    Hey buddy! I have read that you are willing to move on now! I can sense you have changed a lot compared to your past posts. I am happy for you. And I feel for you because at times I want her back but we are not growing together. And like you. i thought she motivates me to do better but I do things better because I want to please her. I am glad it dawned upon you and finally we were able to draw the line between doing things better for ourselves and not just to please the ex. We are in this together because that is what I am doing too! Let us improve ourselves first buddy. We can never be happy in a relationship if we cannot be happy being alone. Let us learn how to embrace solitude and be self sufficient. And I promise you buddy, everything will fall into its proper place :-)

    EDWARD
    Hi. You are the most mature person I can see here based on your posts. I admire you alot for your perspective. And I don’t know how your ex wasn’t able to see that. You really sound so mature ha ha. And we, here, are the living proof of how much you’ve changed a lot for the better. Read you will be/had seeing/seen your ex. How did it went? :-)

    DARA
    Hey you my most attractive buddy. Ha ha! Lots of girls huh? How was it?

    RIHANNA
    Hey. Haven’t heard from you. Still confused?

    FESTIVAL DAVID
    Hey, how’s the trip? And how’s the ex?

    KEVIN
    Hi. I m glad your back. Your site hs improved a lot. Thanks for all the help, kind soul.

    • Rihanna July 27, 2014, 3:33 am

      Hey Raed,

      Remember to embrace your every moment of grief because what you’re feeling now will turn into bliss and that happiness will feel a million times more intense because of what you’re going through now. Your future gf is very lucky already, you’re a very intelligent guy and deserve someone who matches your personality, someone who will make you happy and drive you to better heights in life. Your upside is that there’s magic waiting for you and only time will prove it. Hang in there, live each day as it comes and when that magical moment strikes remember to share it with us :) … Remember this: ‘Your sorrows are the seeds embedded in the garden of your happiness. Your joys are not but the seeds of your sorrows past’ … and you my friend, your bloom is waiting to happen :)

      • Rihanna July 27, 2014, 4:45 am

        And Raed, this one’s for you: AAAAAARGH! lol, as if! Thanks for making me stronger and less confused ;) xx

        • Edward July 27, 2014, 8:56 am

          Hey RAED,

          Finals week soon so I’ve been studying, I’m excited to see her this Saturday when I’m done with school. Everything is going great, she always initiates contact with me and mentioning missing me. It’s great to feel loved by someone else again, but even better when I love myself too. Been working out and staying healthy, love it. Thanks for updating us, I hope you will feel better soon. If you have any feelings for her left, it is better to left it all go and let her know before moving on.

          • a.z July 27, 2014, 9:24 am

            HEY RAED,
            yeah you are right,actually i feel really good these days.i’m meeting him by the next 3 weeks and during this time,i’m working on myself more than ever.i have accepted the fact that i may never get him back and i guess i’m ok with it.i told him about my feelings for him and i have really changed.that day is gonna be the last try.i will try to have a really good time and alot of fun then at the end of the day i will talk about us.i don’t think if i’ll tell him to get back directly but first i should see how he will act.
            if he is still acting weird and he seems like he doesn’t want to get back, i will say its the best for both of us to move on and i will really move on.
            you know what? deep down ,when i think about these last months i feel really bad and its like i don’t want him back.as i said i’m really scared.i can’t let him bother me again.
            and also i’m really glad that you are ok these days.keep us updated

          • RAED July 28, 2014, 2:15 am

            Edward,

            Oh you are still in school. No wonder you became so very much attractive again to your ex because you sound so mature too. That it radiates so much she can see how much you’ve changed.

            Good luck on the ‘new relationship’ and I hope if ever you get back together you won’t lose yourself again in the process of loving her. It feels good to be sufficient within you than to depend on someone. I trust that you can do so much better now whether alone or in a relationship.

            Congrats and best wishes, bud! Lpl

      • RAED July 28, 2014, 2:12 am

        Rihanna,

        I know I’ve said this before but for the nth time, wow. You sound so brand new and so mature! I can now see that you really are a writer ha ha!

        I will believe in you that these pains will later on bloom into something happier in the long run. These pains are just temporary and I am everyday looking forward to that bliss to come.

        Thank you, Rihanna. You sound better, stronger and more mature. It is like you are someone new! Your ex might be intimidated. Ha ha!

        The only thing I can really tell myself that you really are Rihanna is your AAAARGH. I still love it. Music to my ears. Lol

        Have a good day! :-*

        • RAED July 28, 2014, 2:28 am

          A. Z.

          Yes, don’t deny yourself the chance to try again for the last time. It won’t do any harm if you will still want to try.

          I am afraid as well, if ever my ex will ask me back. Because know what? I might be in pain but because of the breakup I feel more in touch with the reality and with the moment. I might be in pain in this moment but I can see that this will benefit me more in the long run. I am somehow enjoying it up until the point that I just want to stay single not because I no longer have any love to give but because it is only now that I feel deeply connected with myself and it feels good. If ever my ex will want me back, I am afraid I will turn her down.

          I hope the date turns out well. If not get back together but to turn out the way which you will be happy for long term. Laugh and enjoy as if that is the last time because you will never know how your ‘talk’ about the two of you will turn out.

          If you can still patch it up, both do your best and talk things over even the smallest ones. You have been through so much and you wouldn’t want to have another heartbreak.

          If ever it will be a no, then be courageous enough to pick yourself up. Turn your back and say that this is a point of no return.

          Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is that little voice saying, “I’ll try again tomorrow.” Or sometimes it is when you give up because you know you’ve had enough.

          Goodluck and keep us updated! :-)

    • David July 28, 2014, 4:06 am

      Hey Raed,

      Great to hear from you and everything sounds so good and happy with you :)

      My trip was amazing thank you, had such a good time.

      As for the ex…well..I last spoke to her a few days ago and she is giving me really mixed signals, im going to cut it off all together if she contacts me again.

      She said she wants to be friends and wants me “Close”….but said we are both open to see other people, but she doesnt want to know about who im dating and she isnt going to tell me about hers etc.She is still giving me massive compliments etc saying how hot I am, How beautiful I am, How I will meet a nice girl etc

      The way she said it, really sounded like she wants me there incase anything goes wrong etc.
      So if she contacts me, Im just going to tell her straight I dont want to speak to her for a while as I want more than friends and to act differently is just prolonging the pain for both of us.

      x

      • a.z July 29, 2014, 7:18 am

        thank you raed, i’m doing what exactly you said.

      • RAED July 30, 2014, 3:39 am

        David,

        Hey. I guess you are right. Tell her directly that you want more than friends and this false friendship is like just a waste of time because there is so much pretentions.

        Tell her you want to take it to the next level and get back again. If she declines, respect what she wants but tell her too to stop flirting you and giving you mixed signals.

        It’s hard to stay with someone who gave you a place in her life but you don’t exactly know where.

        Good luck, buddy! :-)

  • Rihanna July 26, 2014, 5:44 am

    Kevin,

    How do I add a new topic on the Boards? Perhaps “add a new topic” should be placed next to the forum and reply buttons? Thanks

    • Kevin July 26, 2014, 8:13 am

      There’s a link on top of the forum pages which says “Create a new thread”. I think people are getting confused with it. Perhaps I should change it to “add a new topic”.

      • Kevin July 26, 2014, 8:13 am

        Also, you can scroll to the bottom of the page and find the new topic form and reply form.

        • Rihanna July 26, 2014, 8:45 am

          Thank you :)

  • Vasily R. July 26, 2014, 3:19 am

    Why does my comment keep getting deleted, Please i need help… and a answer…

    Hello

    I am in a major rut and just having such a hard time holding it all together, So basically my story is of me and my EX-Girlfriend of 3 1/2 – 4 Years, Not sure the exact date but i love this girl and i want to marry her, that is what i found out being 2 years apart, and within those two years she has been trying to get back with me and do everything in her power to be with me, but i was blind and did not see this, i was just trying to get my stuff together, because the break up was on me , I started and just said lets take time apart , and said i do want to be with you in the future. So taking time apart it lasted for two long years… for me to get my head screwed back on , because i was just trying to see if she was who i wanted to be with, maybe make her jealous and just say mean things like oh that girl is hot and i would love to sleep with her and etc and few other things but i never physically hurt her or dated or slept with other women, and instead we would always hang out and do stuff together, she would stay over or i would stay over, but never really have sex even as break up took place, but i truly never felt we broke up instead i enjoyed every moment with her, so now to find out a year and a half or two years later, i was going to ask her back out again and when i unfolded and bombarded her with this information, i found out she is dating a guy for 1 – 2 months now, and i kept trying to get her back in every way possible, she said her life has been uprooted so many times , that now she found her peace, shes at peace and is happy where she is, Now 3 going 4 months now later They had the boyfriend girlfriend relationship talk and are now that and not just dating, My heart is sinking every day over her , and i want her back so bad and to grow old with her and have kids, I just turned 23 and she will turn 22 in October. It took me 2 years to realize this woman is the one i love, because after a certain point i cannot look at other women the same as i did back then with dog eyes, now i just don’t see anyone as special as she is, as a precious jewel, And it scares me now shes going on 4 months maybe 5 soon, as boyfriend girlfriend title, and she says , she is happy where she is, and doesn’t want her peace/balance to be uprooted again. I apologized said many things and still even hang out with her she said shes sorry right now that she cant give me what i want than just friendship and wouldn’t want too loose that, And when we both went through the emotional stage we both did say we would love to be on that path in the future again to be together, but she doesn’t know if that will or will not happen because it’s the future and nobody knows what it holds, Now i am not asking for you to predict the future and tell me everything will be alright, But i want to know … Do i really still have a chance with my love that one day i want to crown a ring upon her hand, what else can i do to make this right and have her come back into my arms, Because how i see it through my eyes, shes happy and is enjoying her life and everything… and i cannot show her how much i have changed and show her the love as a boyfriend girlfriend etc.. They already had sex plenty of times within the first two months.. and continue so a bunch, more than we had in our time together … and it just kills me. Because i want to show her i have changed and can do more and better of everything… But it’s hard because all she shows is the same response and same barriers every single time. I am so lost on what else i can do and what should i do…

    Please Help.

    • Kevin July 26, 2014, 8:15 am

      Hey Vasily,

      I was deleting your comment because it doesn’t follow the comment guidelines. Also, since the forums are released, I have been asking everyone to post all breakup related questions over there.

      • Vlad1991 August 7, 2014, 4:51 am

        Hello Kevin, I have posted and been getting help from A.Z can you check in also, to make sure it is what is needed for my situation problem, Because i do love and care for my ex, but as far advise A.Z said to do NC for a month and check back in.

        • Kevin August 9, 2014, 3:09 am

          I agree with her.

  • Sierra July 25, 2014, 11:09 pm

    I broke up with my Ex about two days ago, she basically told me three days ago that she has feelings for someone else and she needed time to figure things out. This made me mad and instead of just giving her the space she asked for, I instead broke up with her threw via text and said some pretty harsh words out of anger. I regret everything I sent after she told me that she doesn’t even like the guy she just had a weird feeling for him, but now she is totally done with me. She told be previously that we should always talk about our problems instead of breaking up. But now this was it I pulled on the last string holding us together. Do you think if I follow these rules she’ll get back with me….. I mean with my situation.

    • Kevin July 26, 2014, 8:16 am

      There’s a chance. It’s worth a try.

  • NB July 25, 2014, 8:33 pm

    So yesterday I broke NC with my ex after about 6 weeks. I sent her a friendly text saying something reminded me about her and telling her I hope she’s doing great. A couple of weeks ago she posted a picture of her giving her camera the evil eye on Instagram with this caption: “Take a minute to~ 1. See the hate for you in my eyes. 2. Text your replacement. 3. Ignore this because you’re an asshole. 4. Just know you suck.” (obviously it’s about me). Despite this, I don’t have any negative feelings towards her and I’m still trying to be friendly with her. I’m trying to start a false friendship. I should probably add that she’s in a rebound relationship… They’ve probably been together less than a month. And she’s known him for maybe 2 or 3.

    Anyway, I didn’t get a response so I’m pretty sure she’s still in that mood where she wants me dead. I was thinking of sending her this: “Ok. You hate me. Two things: I don’t hate you back and I didn’t replace you (don’t know where you came up with that). I know I owe you an apology and I hope that one day you can forgive me and we can be friends or something. But if not, I’m glad you were a part of my life. Thanks for all the good times.” Would sending this be a good idea or a mistake? Any suggestions? I have no idea what my next move should be…

    Here’s my original post: http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/comment-page-9/#comment-31454

    It’s a pretty long read and I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary to helping me, but if anyone has questions or wants to know more, go for it…

    • Anon July 26, 2014, 6:13 am

      If she is in the mood of killing you or something then why ask her directly for friendship ?
      I would suggest you to simply apologize to her for anything you did that made her feel so and just keep it short.
      Do not show that you wanna be friends with her, simply apologize, say something like, hi i know that you hate me but i would like to take the time out to say a few things, i am sorry for what wrong i have done and i guess i was someone else back then for doing those things, anyways just wanted to share something good with you but i guess later , (not sure if you should include this, works good if you actually have something to tell her). Say that you have accepted what happened and ya you can thank her too if you like. Listen to yourself.

  • RD July 25, 2014, 4:50 pm

    Yesterday we talked with my ex and he said that he doesn’t feel the same for me anymore. Then he posted today a song in facebook which is saying i miss you.I don’t get him.We broke up,and i didn’t beg him or anything,and after two months of no contact,he bumped into me on the street,then he started contacting me and he told me he wants me back and he would try to win me etc.When i finally said yes,everything was great,and after 2 days he asked me to break up again.SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT’S GOING ON! I REALLY WANT HIM BACK BUT I WANT HIM TO STAY,I DON’T WANT SOMEONE WHO WILL BE GOING BACK AND FORTH.PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Dara July 25, 2014, 5:34 pm

      He’s probably got some kind of (maybe mild) personality problems. Anyway, probably he is confused about what he wants in his life but you should not be a victim! Do NC again. Let him be clear with what he wants. I would like to say that, “I miss you” does not mean, “I want you back in my life”. If you find him still confused after NC, move on. You will be wasting a lot of time then.

      • RD July 25, 2014, 5:41 pm

        I want him to come back and stay for good so bad :/ I think i’m so stuck with him because he is my first love.Do you really find better people later in your life?

        • Dara July 26, 2014, 7:18 am

          Yes, there are a lot of better people around. every time you fall in love you think this one is the one! This is how this love thing tricks the mind. I have been here on this site for a while. I have seen people 10-20 years older than me coming here! This means, I will also fall in love again in 10-20 years from now. Probably some of them are better. Time will make things easier to digest.

  • Robin July 25, 2014, 2:40 pm

    Hey guys, i need some quick advice right now, i just seen my ex because we had a meeting togheter. i was already avoiding her for around 2 weeks, we had some business conversation, but not on the most friendly way. at the end she just left without saying something and me to. would this have broken the no contact rule? or harmed my chances?

    Thank you!

    • RD July 25, 2014, 4:52 pm

      I don’t think it ruined any chances since you didn’t say anything about your relationship or anything that has to do with the break up!

  • Mike July 25, 2014, 1:33 pm

    Kevin,
    Ill just say it here but i would still like to share my story via email if possible? The day we broke up i wrote some changes I would like to make in the future for our relationship should that ever happen and asked her if she would like to keep it and she said she would like to. I said I would make her a copy and email it to her. Well, I was going to send that in with the letter i will eventually be writing after NC but Im not sure if that sounds needy and like I am miserable without which is what im not supposed to say. We already have had 1.5 days NC and now im not sure if I should email it now and restart the process or what do you think? Thanks for your help.

    Mike

    • Mike July 25, 2014, 6:15 pm

      Anyone?? Please help…

      • a.z July 27, 2014, 9:34 am

        hey,
        i’m sorry i didn’t understand your story very well. but how long have you been in a relationship? how long have you been on NC? and why did you guys breakup?
        if 1.5 days means 6 weeks,then wait another 2 weeks and then send her the letter.i think the letter shouldn’t be about the changes you would like to make in the relationship.there is a form of the letter in kevin’s article.i think that is a better idea.and you don’t have to say anything about getting back together right after you contact her.get close to her then you can attract her again , show her the positive changes in yourself and be cool and confident.she doesn’t have to feel any pressure.

  • Mike July 25, 2014, 1:04 pm

    Kevin,

    I am in desperate need of some advice and would like to share my story with you via email. Is there anyway I could email it to you and you can let me know how to proceed with my dilemma? My email is [email-removed by moderator].

    Thanks,

    Mike

  • Aaron Gunn July 25, 2014, 12:13 pm

    this is my first post on here I just read the article and that is exactly what me best friend told me to cause I was making all the mistakes list and this is the third day we have been split up so im goin to start no contact rite now.

    • Aaron July 25, 2014, 1:12 pm

      I would like to add how it had ended with my ex it was totally out of the blue I went to work on the farm and came back an couple hours and all her stuff was gone all what was left was a tiny note the read thanks of everything you have given me but no thanks to the drama and B.S. Love u P.S. it is just hidden and I will let you know where in a few days and I have figured out what is hidden. The thing that would have given it away that she was not happen was couple days before she had said she wish we were more physical in the bedroom not angry or anything just casual talking I would like someone opionion on what I should do and maybe shed a light on what that note real means.

  • peanutbutterjelly July 25, 2014, 11:46 am

    I’m confused as to why my posts aren’t being posted!!!

    • Kevin July 25, 2014, 11:52 am

      Hi,

      Please post any questions related to your breakup or your ex on the message boards.

      • peanutbutterjelly July 25, 2014, 12:02 pm

        But you didn’t reply to it

        • Kevin July 26, 2014, 8:19 am

          Well, that’s because I agree with what Dara replied.

  • DF July 25, 2014, 8:58 am

    So update since the weekend.

    So I told her it was a good time for me to move on and that we can be friends in time. She instead sent me a picture of her dog and we joked about it. Next day at work talked In the Morning and it went silent until 330pm. She them sent me a song and we began talking again. We talked throughout most of the night, it got alittle emotional and I just told her to enjoy the weekend becuase of big plans she had. Come Saturday night, we talked while both of us were out, around 1130 she texts me to meet for a cigarette. Met at her place hung out and around 145 am I decided it was a good time to leave. We went out for another cigarette and as I was walking her back nj she asked if I wanted to watch more tv.

    Long story short I spent the night with her and it was very passionate.

    We’ve been talking all week. Hung out yesterday and had another emotional convo and she said the only thing she ever wanted from us when together was to be one another’s best friend.

    She the. Told me she “loves him” and that she is going away with him next weekend. I played it cool and it truly doesn’t bother me. Been over a month and still have hope.

    Any thoughts?

    Thanks

    DF

  • RD July 25, 2014, 7:52 am

    So my ex who broke up with me posted a song on facebook with a title saying missing you.What does it mean?

    • Anon July 25, 2014, 8:02 am

      That’s really a good sign for you.

      • RD July 25, 2014, 1:48 pm

        Iss it? Yesterday we talked and he said that he doesn’t feel the same for me anymore. Then why does he post this stuff ..?

  • Rihanna July 25, 2014, 3:06 am

    Hi everyone!

    Yes, it’s me again. My ex (I will no longer call him ex, I’ll use my friend). My friend and I have been talking on the phone, he misses me and thinks about me a lot he said. He said that he never lied when he confessed that he’s never felt like this about a woman before despite having loads of relationship before me and that made me feel confident that what we had was real. He is my first love and first experience despite my age. So on the phone I told him I wanted to move back to the city and he said he’s willing to help me if I need anything but that to ‘live with each other and be room mates it’s hardly possible because of our history and high level of attraction’ lol… Then he said, he’s not ready to be in a relationship because for the next year he wants to fully concentrate on his future by studying and getting a secured job before entering a relationship. I completely respect that in him that though he’s still bit ill he’s thinking differently for the first time in his life, his mother would be very happy too lol. I’m the same as well I want to concentrate on my future and studies this year. He said we could live together for a year and see where things go from there but I don’t want to lie to you I find you extremely attractive and won’t be able to be just a room mate. Question: Should I go to the big city live in a shared accommodation (not with him)? OR Should I go and stay with him because at least he’s someone I trust fully and will share cost of everything? OR Should I stay where I am complete this course I’m doing, not go to the big city where I want to study my masters with him and then after I get a job and financial security, quit and then go there for good? Which is the most ‘Right’ option? Which is the most respectable option? Would I lose his respect (despite him saying he’ll never disrespect me) if I lived with him and “tried” to be ‘friends’? What should I do? I want to go live in the city but I want to do it right. Thanks heaps you guys are the best for helping me out, this isn’t relationship issue it’s more ‘me’ issue :( Love you all xx

    • Anon July 25, 2014, 8:05 am

      Are you planning to drop your current course for him ?
      How long is the current course you are doing ?
      If it is of short duration try to complete it, if you can study better by moving in the other city then do it and not live with him as he said, but keep on meeting him, i guess he will only ask you to move in if you do so.

    • Kevin July 25, 2014, 12:03 pm

      Hey Rihanna,

      I think you should do whatever is best for your career. IF you decide to go to his city, it’ll be better if you don’t stay with him unless he is willing to commit. Being his roommate will just make things more complicated for you and you might fall into the trap of being needy and longing for his affection.

      Oh, and head over to the message boards and register there if you haven’t already. It’s much easier to have a discussion over there and follow it.

    • Sinead July 25, 2014, 12:21 pm

      Hi Rihanna, I think you should go to the city and live in shared accommodation – not with him – because that way you’ll still get to see him and be friends. I’d be worried about moving into his place because what happens if either one of you decides to date? It’s all well and good saying you’re not going to date for a year to concentrate on study but what if one of you met someone or changed your mind about that in 6mths? Plus if you relocate your life and course for him, and then move into his place also, I’d be afraid that he has all the power, if you know what I mean…

      But listen, I understand your predicament, I’d probably be on the first bus to the city if I was you, because I’d take the risk and hope we fall madly back in love again – and maybe you will – but for your own sanity you can have the best of both worlds if you live in shared accommodation (if you can afford it), close to his place (so you retain some independence) and that way you’ll get to spend time with him but also put on the brakes if need be.

      • Rihanna July 25, 2014, 9:03 pm

        Thank you so much everyone! We texted for hours last night and he said that it’s not a good idea to move in together because of feelings and attraction and he doesn’t want to disrespect me by treating me like ‘friend with benefits’ and the fact we both might date and all the things you guys mentioned. He said that IF I move to the city he’ll always be there for me but you’re right Sinead I don’t want to give him the power.
        Anon, my course will end next July so in a year but if I want to change my course to go study my Masters there I might move early next year, IF I’m able to get a job in the field I’m doing without having to complete the entire course.
        But thank you all for your advice I’ve taken it on board, I will NOT move in with him and as Kevin suggested ‘not without commitment first’.
        Kevin, I will register in the forum thank you :)

        • Rihanna July 25, 2014, 9:05 pm

          BTW, I was confused with our conversation last night. He was talking and reminiscing over intimate moments and I said to him ‘sorry I don’t talk to my friends that way,what do you want?’ He said ‘for now it’s best to just communicate and in a year see where it goes. I don’t want to promise anything in case we follow different paths’ … I’m confused with what he wants from me, he talks to me like a boyfriend but he doesn’t want a relationship. What does it all mean?

          • Sinead July 28, 2014, 9:09 am

            Hi Rihanna,
            Have you read relationship rewind? I think there’s a section in it which advises how to move out of the friend zone (I think its in relationship rewind step 2). From what I can remember its basically telling you to drop ‘bliss bombs’ on your ex when your chatting, but from the sounds of it I think that’s what your ex is doing to you rather than you doing it to him…

  • Jordy July 25, 2014, 12:20 am

    Hey Guys,

    my story can be found here: http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/comment-page-9/#comments

    Any feedback you have could really help me a lot, and I would really appreciate it!

  • Jose July 24, 2014, 11:12 pm

    Hey Kevin or anyone that can help :(

    What if they don’t contact you at all during the NC period? What should I do then?? I know she is dating another guy right now, so should I consider this relationship over??
    Please help,
    Jose

    • Rihanna July 25, 2014, 12:48 am

      Hello Jose,

      During NC period you’re supposed to concentrate on yourself to be your best self possible eg: join the gym, get a better job, or buy new clothes and hair cut (just examples) and you should not worry about what she’s doing during this period. My ex didn’t contact me at ALL and went completely silent but after 30 days of NC I wrote him a letter and now we’re talking again. In your case, I think the letter is necessary and in the letter make sure you write that you accept and respect the decision to break up but it would be a shame to lose each other as friends/ or that you’re open for friendship something like that. Also, include something funny and something poignant,it will move her and awaken certain feelings within. Also, write ‘I have something special to tell you and I can’t wait to see you to share it cos I know you’ll be happy for me’ … During NC take a new hobby that’s not really you or do something that she likes and you haven’t done but now you see her point of view..etc… this way 1- you’ll have that something special to share 2- you’ll show her that you’re a changed person and for the better 3- you’ll show her that you’re open to new things hence a new relationship. But for now during NC concentrate on yourself and how to approach her in the letter. Good Luck! I hope it works for you as it did for me :)

    • Kevin July 25, 2014, 12:55 am

      It doesn’t really matter if they contact you or not during no contact. You should contact them once no contact is over. No contact is mainly about you and not your ex.

      • Jose July 25, 2014, 11:13 pm

        Thank you Kevin and thank you also Rihanna. I really appreciate it

    • Robin July 25, 2014, 6:33 am

      Hey jose, i’m in the same situation as you. my ex is dating my best friend now, happend only 1,5 weeks after our relationship ended. like kevin and rihanna our saying, just focus on yourself. i’m doing whatever i like, there is no one to stop you :) i’m improving myself and have an open attitude towards other girls now. offcourse i still hard times, but i wrote myself a little note with all the great changes i made. when i have trouble i just read it and think “it’s her loss, not yours”

      Goodluck jose keep up!

      • Jose July 25, 2014, 11:11 pm

        Thank you very much

  • Tyler T July 24, 2014, 3:51 pm

    Hi there! I’ve been reading some of the comments on here and I feel comfortable enough to post mine. Well here it goes:
    My ex and I broke up about a month ago because of something stupid, we’ve talked a few times since then but she stopped all contact with me. So I texted her asking if we could hangout and talk, no response. So a few days later I come to find out that she’s been posting on IG, Facebook and ect.. So I got a little pissed off and sent her a text expressing that, and deleted my social media apps. Now take in mind that I sent that text before reading you guide and now I feel pretty stupid for doing so now… It’s been about a week since that text and I was hoping you could help me possible to come up with a solution to whether or not to write or letter or something or should I just keep no contact? Thanks if you read this!
    -Ty

    • Kevin July 25, 2014, 12:01 pm

      Keep no contact for 3 more weeks. Then get back in touch as mentioned in the article.

  • Priya July 24, 2014, 3:34 pm

    I have done months of nc and am not sure what to send in initial text, wouldn’t it be strange to just say I remembered you….

    • Kevin July 25, 2014, 12:00 pm

      No it won’t. Use the template in the above article.

  • Anon July 24, 2014, 11:58 am

    Anyone online ? I need some immediate help.
    Here it goes in very short -
    She texted me after my no contacted.
    We talked for 4-5 days a lot.
    She started talking less and to another guy so i got clingy. I asked that guy few things.
    She said we can not even be friends.
    I deleted my whatsapp. After 4-5 when i resumed whatsapp days she texted me saying that i should have not asked that guy things about her this is heights. I apologized for everything. She did not reply then. I deleted whatsapp again. She deleted for few hours and resumed.

    Now she texted me saying sorry what she said.
    I am thinking to ask what she is sorry for.
    Should i do it immediately ? Its been 1 hour.
    Help me not get anxious and clingy this time.

    • Anon July 24, 2014, 1:09 pm

      I texted her asking what is the sorry for but it went from a number she doesn’t know, should i text from mine too or wait for reply ?

      • Anon July 24, 2014, 1:42 pm

        She didn’t reply to my sms (sent from other number) so i installed whatsapp, she was online. Here is how the conversation went -
        Me : Sorry for ?
        She : Anything. Everything.
        Me : I didn’t mind anything.
        She : Still!
        Me : Hm don’t b
        She : OK :)
        Me : :)
        That is the convo we had.
        What should be my next steps ?
        Please respond. Darra, az, rihanna .

        • Rihanna July 25, 2014, 12:53 am

          Hey Anon,

          I’m glad you ended up talking and ending with a smiley face on both your sides, that’s great news and positive :) . I think you should wait 2 days and send her a ‘something remind me of you’ text, make it fun and memorable and she’ll respond again. Take things slowly and don’t rush by being clingy cos you’ll ruin everything. in 2 days send her a message. Good luck! :)

          • Anon July 25, 2014, 8:07 am

            Thanks Rihanna,
            The last time i was telling her about things she did not show much interest. But we were passing on funny pics. Should i start with it ? But she had denied being friends should i start the convo ?

  • jessica July 24, 2014, 11:49 am

    Hi Edward,

    My bf of 1 and a half year broke up with me just a week back. The reason he gave was that he wanted some space and time to think. But came to know that he was chatting with this girl already before a week. Later he told me that he likes this girl since they have same personality. She also just broke up with her bf 3 days back.
    I am heart broken. I pleaded , begged amd tried everything but he was adamant.
    I wanted to go for the nc rule but he keeps calling to ask about my well being. Please do let me know if this is a rebound relationship and also what do i need to tell him.

  • RD July 24, 2014, 7:21 am

    Hello everyone! So,i’ve written here many times since me and my ex boyfriend broke up.Long story short,he told me to break up,i did three months of no contact and since we bumped each other accidentally,he started talking to me and he said he wanted me back.I really loved him and wanted to give him another chance,so after many days of just “talking” and going “out” he asked for a second chance and i gave it to him.Of course,he promised me many things,and that he wouldn’t hurt me again,and that he wanted to be with me so much.So we got together on 7/17/14 and before 3 days me messaged me on fb telling me he doesn’t feel the same like he did before and basically he wanted to break up.I just answered him with a simple ok.I didn’t react as nomal,i didn’t call him or ask reasons etc. This is the second time he breaks up with me through fb.I think he got influenced by his older brother,they were together in a cafe with some other guys when he sent me that on fb,i think they have something to do with that too.He said i know you asked me many times if i was sure for what i wanted and i told you yes,but i was wrong and immature.Those days when we were together i did everything for both of us to be happy.The previous day before he told me to break up,we met and had an amazing time! I don’t know what happened.And i’m thinking i should write him a goodbye love letter,thanking him for beeing in my life but it’s time to move on. (i really wanted for us two to be happy together but he chose another path).Last night he liked my fb profile picture,and the day he asked me to break up,after some minutes when we broke up,he liked my previous profile picture.I don’t know what’s going on,we haven’t talked in 3 days since we broke up.I want him to try badly to win me back but i don’t think this is what he wants right now.PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR OPINIONS AND GUIDE OF WHAT I SHOULD DO! what do you think his reaction will be in a goodbye love letter? I already wrote it,it’s full of love,there’s no begging or telling him to come back,it’s just a letter of pure love.Btw i’m 17 and he is 19.We’ve been together for a year and a half.

    • Daniel July 24, 2014, 8:33 am

      RD,
      Im sorry to say but i guess this time it’s really over. He tried but the feeling isnt the same. Everything has changed. I always think that ex lovers can get back together but at the right time. No 30 days or 6mos can really tell you that. It may be too early for you guys. I say focus on moving on. You got your second chance and there it goes. Goodluck!

    • Dara July 24, 2014, 11:37 am

      RD,

      I believe he is still confused and you still have chances but I would like to mention that when the number of breakups increase in a relationship, it shows that this relationship has some basic problem. I also admire you doing your best to keep both of you happy!

      My suggestion is to wait for a week or two and then give him the “goodbye letter”. I believe you reacted good by not begging him or calling him or things alike.

      Best of luck!

  • Anson July 24, 2014, 5:38 am

    My story: http://getyourexbackpermanently.com/comment-page-9/#comment-32855

    So, I just found out that someone else (would be long distance as well) also likes her…But they also argued about little things and he threatened to delete her and not talk to her anymore over it although a little bit after that, he said something along the lines of “But I can still think about you” and something about “You know the way I think about you.”

    She shut him down when he said this and told him he’ll just get hurt, but still…Also found out that her and the new guy don’t skype as much as I thought they did. In fact, they hardly seem to skype at all and during the week, they don’t seem to play any games much together either which only leaves them able to text each other which, unless she talks to me about it which I don’t think she will anytime soon, I have no idea how much that goes on, but he basically sleeps while she is out of school and awake, and she goes to sleep shortly after he wakes up or maybe around the same time. Then, she gets up kind of early to play the game with him for a few hours before she goes to school and she’s there basically all day for him. They basically only have the weekends. ^^

    I’m really hopeful that these are good signs. Also, I just got another job which actually pays higher than my last one and is going even higher in a few months. I’m hoping to slowly work my way back into her life somehow after I work on myself some more and complete the NC period. Any advice on that? I really do love this girl and want her back. And even if I can’t get her back immediately, I’ve decided that I’d really like to go there, see her in person somehow, and take her out for a fun night with just the two of us. Nothing even romantic if she doesn’t want to. I want to show her that I’m not always just boring and that I’m not always serious and that I love her and that I love to have fun and putting her and fun together is basically my favorite thing in the whole entire world. It’s not cheap to get there, and I have to find a way to get time off somehow, but I always find a way and she’s worth it. I won’t go until after her rebound relationship breaks apart, but I’d really like to go and spend some time with her afterwards. Any advice? Thanks guys.

    • Anson July 24, 2014, 5:43 am

      I won’t just go immediately after they break up. Just wanted to clarify that. I’d try to rebuild the attraction first obviously and go when we can both be free to spend time together.

  • RD July 24, 2014, 5:19 am

    Would a goodbye love letter make my ex miss me and want to get back with me?

    • Anson July 24, 2014, 6:20 am

      Depends on the girl, how long you were together, and how long its been. It would also depend on what you put into the letter. If you write one that sounds really clingy, it’ll probably just push her away whereas if you write one like Kevin gave an example of, it would work much better. Then again, thats not exactly a “goodbye letter”. You’d have to leave more information for us to be able to give you better advice I think.

  • Lovisa July 24, 2014, 3:09 am

    Hey everyone!
    i would love some help..
    I’m 18 and my exboyfriend is 18, we broke up because of many misunderstandings and fights, insecurity and shit.. we had a distancerelationship, we broke up because i was so insecure when we didn’t see eachother in like 2 weeks, i was so immature.
    So we broke up for a month ago, but i broke the NC 2 weeks after the NC because he liked a pic i uploaded on instagram.. :( i told him i wanted a new chance, he said that he wanted to think about it. Even if it was too early for a new relationship with him, i almost got him back again.
    In the relationship, he always told me that he’d never felt this way before in a relationship, that he thought that we were meant to be, he would love me forever and so on.
    He has always been honest with me, since the first time we met he told me directly that he’s not that guy who lies, is with many girls and stuff, he said that he wanted to find the perfect girl and just be with her. During our relationship he truly loved me, told me everyday that he had never felt this to a girl before and we were gonna last forever.. but i was a immature and insecure bitch towards him, always started fights, and at first i took him for granted just because i knew he really loved me. Now i really realize what i lost and i couldn’t be more sad! even after a month i’m so hung up on him! i know i have to let go and be friends with him, but i know he’s the one! i have never ever ever been this sad because a break up, it was my fault we broke up and i just want to go back to him, from scratch.
    I’m not gonna write to him until 9th July, but i’m soooo worried that he’s gonna find a girl or something before i’m taking contact with him again.. He’s that boy who never play games, always honest and straight up. But when he’s done, he’s really done.. doesn’t write to me or nothing. I’m worried that i’ve really lost my chance, because he gave me so much chances and took me back all the time, but he reached his breakingpoint after the last fight with him. But even after the breakup, he told me that he actually wanted to be with me.. but he thought this was the best.
    He lives 2h away from me, and there’s no chance that i’m meeting him again if we’re not in a relationship, we lasted 6 month before the breakup
    Do you guys think i have a chance to win him back? We broke up because i didn’t stop fighting with him and i know that’s the only reason why.. :( but i’m afraid that i fucked everything up when i wrote to him 2 weeks after NC that i wanted another chance :(
    What do you guys think?

    One thing more, we broke up in May, but last we spoke were in Juni. And.. yesterday on a night out, i kinda liked a picture he loaded up on instagram.. what should i do now? let it be, or write to him? and i’m kind of worried right now, he loaded up something on twitter that had to do with loyalty and trust.. but i know i can’t worry about that, i have to move on and before something else happends between us, i have to be his friend at first, which i don’t really want :(

    Help wanted!
    Lovisa :)

    • Lovisa July 24, 2014, 3:10 am

      i just copied a old text i wrote last month, sorry if you misunderstand things, but we broke up for 2 months ago..

    • Austin July 24, 2014, 11:27 pm

      That’s a tough one. You kinda “burned that bridge.” You should change the way you act and show him that you’ve changed. I think though that since you guys live far apart, the best way to show him that you’re changing is through instagram. You also have to show him that you can be happy with or without him (and you have to actually believe that you can, there’s no faking.) You also might wanna do the NC fully, maybe give or take a few days if HE wants to talk to you and if you’re ready to show him Lovisa v2.0.
      He’ll most likely be curious about why you’re not contacting him, being that he said he did want to be with you, and because you usually did. Him being curious is good, and I know he might wonder now and then “Lovisa hasn’t texted in a while, I wonder why.” As for wanting to get straight into the relationship again, that’s a BAD idea. Since you guys had problems in the first relationship, chances are that you’re ex will be on high alert. You HAVE to be his friend first. That way you guys can probably escalate from a good friendship to a great relationship! Also, for the photo liking on instagram; I say let it be. It might leave him thinking a litttle. And you’ll come off looking needy or desperate if you contact him.
      So first change yourself and be happy by yourself.
      Second, play the NC fully or 98% fully.
      Third, show him how you’re doing by posting pictures on instagram of you having fun (this might also make him miss you and think of the good times you guys had.)
      Fourth, after the NC is over; try striking up a conversation in TEXT. (No calling just yet, unfortunately.) Ask him how he’s been doing or if he’s been anywhere fun, stuff like that. WARNING: Yes, you will be tempted, you’ll bang your head in fustration but DO NOT! I repeat DO NOT ask him for a second chance. (Your time will come. “Good things come to those who wait.”) Instead, act casual and act like you guys didn’t go out in the first place, just treat him like an old friend that you haven’t seen in awhile.
      ^^^^^^^^^ You will want to space out your conversations a bit in the beginning and slowly make your conversations regular — remember to be patient —
      By this stage you guys will be close again and this is the time to ask him out. (DON’T ASK FOR A SECOND CHANCE!) Just ask him out casually if he wants to hang out sometime or watch a movie, something like that (your preference)
      ^^^^ Ok so that happens and he probably said yes to the date (being that he sees you’re a changed person and all) Now you’re gonna wanna bring down your sales pitch on him, and, like I said, don’t ask for a second chance (just act like the first never happened) I’m sure he won’t resist at this point =)
      I am actually going through the same thing you’re going through, and so far I’ve been doing what I’m telling you to do and me and my ex gf are already friends again, and we’re getting closer little by little (patience *sigh* -_- )and it’s been almost 3 months since we broke up (patience I tell you! *sigh* killmenow lol :D) but yes, it’ll take some time. All you need is just patience.
      Sorry this was long, but hey, youaskedforit =)
      Tell me how it goes! =))))

      • Lovisa July 28, 2014, 7:21 am

        Hey Austin! thaaanks alot for the advices! it really got me thinking, that i have to get over him, the relationship and just be happy. Weeell.. I’m kinda happy, but still thinking about him and everything he told me in the past. It’s something special with him, even after the first day we met, he told me that he felt it was something special with me, and he told me, ‘ i just want to find the perfect one and just be with her, i think you are the one for me, because my feelings about you is so strong even if this is the first time i meet you’ and like i wrote in the past texts, he is a really honest and calm guy..

        I’m so sorry that we’re going through something similar! It’s not fun, but as you said, patienceee.. haha :)

        I want to contact him, but i’m afraid it’s too early.. and i know i have to feel 100% sure about contacting him before i do that! and my friends is telling me to talk to him if i want him back, they mean be friends with him.. they’re telling me that he maybe gets into another relationship if i wait to long, but the fact is, he means sooo much to me.. so i would be happy if he’s happy. I don’t know what to do about it, i’m not over him, therefore not contacting him, but still, my friends tell me to write to him, they know us together, we were like meant for eachother.. :(

        He never gave up on me until he reached his breakingpoint, and i don’t know if i’ve screwed all my chances of getting back with him, even if he told me like the first day, that he wanted this to last forever :(

        But i’m gonna be calm about this, have patience, and then write to him, when i feel secure about it.

        Thanks alot Austin! you helped me big time! :)

  • Craig July 24, 2014, 1:46 am

    I have been making alot of progress with my life but I have been smothering my ex and going back and forth from being mean and just straight up breaking down in front of her for almost three weeks. We were together for three years and talking about marriage a lot so I don’t know if it is too late but I really like this article. Since I have been basically a pussy about the whole thing do you think I should wait longer to contact her? Because I like myself but I’m also miserable its a weird combo.

    • Kevin July 25, 2014, 11:55 am

      There’s a checklist at the beginning of Step 4.

  • Andrew July 23, 2014, 11:10 pm

    Hey Kevin, the mother of my daughter and I were off and on throughout our 2 and a half year relationship. She broke up with me one night and I had enough, so I went out and slept with another woman. That was the advice that was given to me, to go out and stop playing my exes break up games over and over again. I lost my ex about 5 months ago, and am in shambles because I truly love her a lot. She is dating some other guy now and I just want her back. I am so confused, because I have tried no contact but it is hard for me. After all that has happened throughout our 2 and a half years I am so confused because I want us to work so bad, can you give me some insight please, and thank you!

    • Kevin July 25, 2014, 11:59 am

      Follow the plan Andrew.

  • Rachel July 23, 2014, 6:14 pm

    Hey everyone,

    I thought I would give a little update on how I’m doing personally. My ex and I haven’t spoke to each other in almost a month since he last said some hurtful things to me and threatened to block me if I ever texted him again. I’ve been doing a lot better. I’ve completely stopped looking at the Facebook/twitter/Instagram pages of the girl he left me for, and I’ve been going out a lot more and having fun.

    I met with my ex’s parents at the beginning of July and we talked about everything. His mom told me that after his weekend at the cottage he came back and told his mom that he had a “friend” he wanted her to meet. Of course his mom was shocked because my ex told her the reason he broke up with me was because he wanted to focus on hockey (a lie), so his mom asked him what he was doing and said that she didn’t want to meet her because I had been part of their family for 8 years (we were close friends before we started dating for the 6 years) and said I always will be part of the family. She also mentioned that she’s hurting from everything as well, so of course my ex got mad. But it secretly made me happy his mom said she didn’t want to meet her haha! I found out from his mom that my ex has lied to me about money he borrowed from me, and how his parents always told him that he should take me on vacation and they would pay but he would always say no, knowing how badly I wanted to. His mom said to me, that after everything I did for him throughout the six and a half years, and how supportive I was with his hockey going to every game every weekend, she asked what did he ever do for me. I sat there and couldn’t think of anything. It was always me giving and him taking. His own mother said to me “this is my son I’m talking about, but you deserve so much better. To be treated like a princess.” So that opened up my eyes a LOT! We both agreed that he’s going through something weird. He’s not the same person he was a few months ago. Although it still hurts because we were together for so long and I had such strong feelings for him and 100 percent saw my future with him, I’m starting to realize that maybe getting back together isn’t the best thing for me. Once things with this girl and my ex fall apart (which it will), I honestly don’t know what I will do if my ex comes running back to me. I may just say it’s too late.

  • RD July 23, 2014, 4:26 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me before 2 days,but he liked my facebook profile picture tonight and some hours after we broke up,he liked my previous profile(last time we broke up he deleted me from fb). Did he do it over guilt or what?

    • Rihanna July 24, 2014, 1:05 am

      Hi RD,

      I doubt that he’ll like your picture out of guilt. He might be missing you or wants to be friends or he just likes your pic. Whatever the reason he’s still in your life and attracted to you. So play your cards right and you’ll find him in your arms again :) Good luck!

  • Chloe July 23, 2014, 1:52 pm

    Hi Kevin, I registered for the forums two hours ago, but I’ve not received the confirmation email yet. Please can you help? Or am I just being impatient? :)
    Thanks, C

    • Kevin July 23, 2014, 2:19 pm

      Hey Chloe,

      Sorry about that. Please check in your spam folder.

      • Kevin July 23, 2014, 2:29 pm

        Also, if you don’t find it there, you can register again using a different email address. This time, you won’t have to wait for an email. You can choose your password while registering.

        • Chloe1 July 23, 2014, 6:12 pm

          Thanks Kevin, it’s worked!

  • Kevin July 23, 2014, 10:30 am

    The message boards are live. If you have any questions, please post them in the forums instead of the comment section here. :)

  • Esther July 23, 2014, 3:47 am

    I posted here under the names Esther and Philippa. I was the 21 year old girl with a 26 year old ex. Our relationship was very yo-yo. Still, Kevin advised me to wait 2-3 months. Even when I spoke to him, he continued threatening to call the police. Plus I got blocked everywhere.

    Here’s an update:

    After some months, I woke up and I was okay. I made it to 40 days of NC. My thinking is the clearest it has been for years.

    I decided to write him a five page long letter. In it, I discussed everything he did which bothered me. There was literally a laundry list of shortcomings. And seeing all that made me realize nothing about 26 had been good enough for me to stay.

    Relationships are unhealthy. I grew so stressed out I ended up in an Urgent Care four times in three months. I took antidepressants until they gave me an allergic reaction. If he’s mad, IDC. I gave him plenty of chances to talk to me. I even tried to talk to 26. You don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone.

    I told him I was travelling. I’m trying to teach abroad. One of his lifelong dreams was to get married and have children. His mother is also pushing for that. So yeah, I don’t see us getting back together. It didn’t hurt as much as I thought. I feel free, relieved and learned quite a bit. Thanks for the help.

    • Edward July 23, 2014, 4:50 am

      Hi Esther,

      It’s good to see that you’re okay. If he’s threatened to call the police that time, he porbably couldn’t handle the way you were after break up. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, but perhaps you and him weren’t compatible. I’m sure that one day you will find someone, just treat and love yourself better. Be happy, I’m glad to see that you are headin towards your goals.

      • Esther July 23, 2014, 1:15 pm

        Actually people warned me he was done, just too nice to say it. Usually you don’t talk that way unless you want to dump someone permanently. He had mentioned all the same things.

        And yeah, it’s freeing. I don’t miss the confinement of being in relationships.

  • Khine July 22, 2014, 11:42 pm

    Hey guys, i’m 21.
    During my no contact rule, my ex ( boy who is 18 , was in relationship with me for over 3 years) contact me with cabled ph. I don’t hold his ph on my hand ph. That’s why he call my cabled ph. My cabled ph doesn’t support for incoming number. So, I accidently talked with him . But I talked with limit . Don’t let him ask about my personal . He told me that he miss me alot and he haven’t never ever felt like this before for a woman. I acted lite i don’t care. But he still doesn’t seem like he want to break up with his current gf. What should i do now ? Guys, i really need your advice. Don’t ignore me plz.

    • Edward July 23, 2014, 1:24 am

      Hi Khine,

      You were with him for 3 years, he is probably in a rebound relationship. Start NC and he will miss you. If he contacts you, keep doing NC until 30 days then ask him to hangout. Dont worry about the other girl, if he loves you he will come back.

  • Daniel July 22, 2014, 5:09 pm

    GUYS!
    because of az i texted my ex and guess what she responded it goes like this.

    Me: are you up?
    X: yes why?
    M: how are you?
    X: im fine thankyou, haha. let me guess you have nothing to do?
    M: hmm, im waiting for th shuttle. Hows dentistry proper? Are you managing it properly?
    X: my god. Next question please.
    M: hahaha! It haant even been a month yet! Btw i passes by your family house yesterday and its under renovation. What happened?
    X: like they said, it already feels like 2yrs of predent. Its nothing theyre just doing something on the house.
    M: then i think you need to be a bit more studious haha. I thought that the storm destroyed your house. Anyway the shuttle is here i have to go. Its good that we can be just friends. Goodluck!

    Thats how it went. What do you guys think? Lol. I was hapyy she responded haha.

    • Dara July 22, 2014, 5:39 pm

      Daniel,

      I am happy that she responded! That’s the biggest thing! Its also good that she thinks you contact her when you have nothing else to do! ha ha ha… Yet, it’s not good for relationship but its good for someone whose passed the Death Door! I also like the way you cut off the texting! Goog job! Let not think about it anymore! ;)

  • M July 22, 2014, 2:33 pm

    Dara,

    Idk why but it didn’t give me a reply button for your last comment.

    I understand that liking her pictures may be bad because of what you said but what if she’s liking mine as well? Does that mean she’s feeling the same way I’m feeling? Or maybe I’m reading too much into it.

    Also, I honestly think that, based on what you said before, I will not try to get in contact with her but rather just wait until later on during the semester to potentially reach out to her. I just really don’t want to mess up and get myself friend-zoned or get taken for granted. Thank you for the advice so far I really appreciate it.

    • Dara July 22, 2014, 2:56 pm

      Don’t like her pictures! The trick is that you are showing that you are strong enough to drift. Losing a stronger partner is more annoying than losing a weaker one. Take it as a challenge (just like when you did by saying you prefer breakup over open relationship). She won’t forget you so soon! It will take her at least 3 months. However, keep posting pictures! It will make her miss you even if she stop liking them.

      I personally don’t like the idea of waiting for at least a semester. There is no guarantee for her coming back even if you spend that time. That’s too much dude!

      • M July 22, 2014, 3:08 pm

        Dara,

        I will take your advice about the pictures! I won’t like any of hers but I’ll keep posting my own.

        And no that’s not what I meant! That’s just what she said. I’m actually thinking of waiting 60 days instead of the regular 30 day NC period because I believe (and if I’m wrong in thinking this please tell me) that that should give her enough time to have already settled into her new college life and perhaps even be tired of it already. If I am wrong for thinking this, please tell me. Is that a good amount of time? Or maybe a little less? I want to take the best course of action as we will both be going to school around the same time however we won’t be going to the same school.

        • Dara July 22, 2014, 3:18 pm

          M,

          How far will be your schools? If its going be really far, it will become hard to re-establish the relationship that you had (though never impossible).

          I think 60 days is okay.

          • M July 22, 2014, 3:23 pm

            Dara,

            Our school’s are about 2.5 hours away from each other. It’s actually the same distance that it takes me to get home and closer to me than her house even. Before, I was already going back home to see her almost every weekend. The distance didn’t affect me much. I just couldn’t see her every day.

            And good, I’m glad you think 60 days is fine.

    • Edward July 22, 2014, 3:45 pm

      Hey M,

      It seems like you two broke up because you didn’t want to be with her because she’s going to college. If you love her and want to be with her eventually, then what is the reason not to be in a relationship with her? It’s not fair that you dont wanta relationship with her and expect her to wait for you. She still likes you so if you did contact her, I’m sure it wont be hard to get back. Figure out your reason why you believe it wouldn’t work when you broke up. Talk to her about it and figure it out, communication is important.

      • M July 22, 2014, 3:58 pm

        Edward,

        No that is not the reason why I broke up with her at all! I love her more than anything and it broke my heart when she wanted to try an open relationship. Like I completely understood why. I’ve been her first everything so she has nothing to compare me to. Yeah I get that but at the same time shouldn’t she love me enough to just want to be with me and only me? I told her maybe if this had been towards the beginning of our relationship I would’ve been okay with the idea, but we were so far down the road that there’s no way I could even bare the thought of possibly sharing her with other guys. Yes I would have that same freedom with other girls but I didn’t want that. I only want her. That is why I decided it best to break up with her. I know those types of relationships never really work out.

        I want her to see for herself and realize (and I really don’t mean to be cocky in any way) that I am the best guy for her. I honestly wish it never came down to what it is right now..I never wanted to break up.

        • Edward July 23, 2014, 1:31 am

          I see, M, I think you have to give her some space to figure it out. I know this sucks and is unfair to you, but sometimes the way youlove her isnt the same as the way she loves you. Give her time and space to explore and she will realize what she has lost. You don’t have to wait for her to make up her mind either, I know you want her right now but it’s hard because she wants to see other guys. If you two have been together for 2 yrs, your bonds are much stronger than those other guys, she will come back very soon. Keep being friendly and cool.

          • M July 23, 2014, 7:53 am

            Edward,

            Well we had been together a little over 10 months, but we were way past the honeymoon stage as well as the “I love you”s (she said it first).

            Thank you for your input. Like I said, I will continue on living my life, bettering myself for me. And perhaps when the time is right I will reach out to her, or she’ll reach out to me. But I know she has things she needs to go through and experience. “A life having felt no pain is not a life worth living.”

            I already started following Dara’s advice. She posted a selfie yesterday and I didn’t like it and will continue not doing so. I do want her to think that she’s lost me completely and hopefully that triggers something in her mind that helps her realize what she’s lost.

    • Dara July 22, 2014, 5:07 pm

      M,

      There might be some hidden reasons for the breakup. I am worried that this distance has made her think about the breakup. For example, when we were in good terms, my ex would call me and ask me to go to her house right at the moment! If I didn’t for any reason it would upset her! Maybe some of your ex’s friends have told her that when she goes to college she can find boyfriends right next to her dorm/apartment doorsteps.

      I also believe that she already wanted to breakup with you but since she never had any breakup experience she took it slow by saying that she wants open relationship. Some girls take this approach.

      Though I admire your confidence but be ready for the worst case scenario too! I believe now you are in right track in increasing the chance of getting your ex back!

      Best of luck!

      • M July 22, 2014, 6:06 pm

        Dara,
        Thank you so much for all your advice and your optimism. I will carry on and hopefully I can post back with some better news.
        As for now I will continue with NC for those 60 days and will stop liking her pictures while posting my own. I am willing to do whatever it takes to move on, be ready for the worst, and eventually win her back.

        • Dara July 22, 2014, 9:52 pm

          M,

          You’re welcome! I think I will come on this site less often from now but feel free to share your thoughts if they annoy you!

          Best of luck!

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